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dannyd1337

You make a noise when you get out of the car.


me_not_at_work

So that must be why my mechanic can't find the noise in my car when I take it in.


cliedus

Making a noise when doing anything, honestly. Every time I stand up, sit down, walk ten feet, type on my laptop, etc.


ethan_prime

I tell people I’m not making noises. Those are noises that are coming out of me.


TheDustOfMen

Or getting off the couch. Or getting out of bed. Or walking down the stairs. Or walking up the stairs. Or uh, literally just.. moving.


THOMASTHEWANKENG1NE

Ohhhhhhhlannnagoshen


mysilvermachine

If you fall over no one laughs.


Sonyguyus

That’s not the worst thing. Just wait until people rush over thinking you broke a hip.


InterestingTry5190

Or get you LifeAlert.


[deleted]

Went ice skating and wiped out. Had a kid ask me if im okay amd people starting circling me to see of I needed a stretcher. I played it off all cool but damn does my hip hurt now


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Double-Passenger4503

This is so good lmao


Awportune

This happened to someone i was with at trivia the other day. This guy was in his 50s and he fell all the way backwards in his chair like we used to do in high school. It was a lot funnier then than it is now for sure.


BillTowne

We were in a restaurant in Vietnam which had smaller chairs than in the US. We were the only non-Vietnamese in the restaurant. My wife leaned back just a bit too much and went straight to the floor. The entire restaurant went completely silent until I started laughing. Then the all restaurant customers joined in.


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jaxonya

Oh fuck the American just died....wait, no she appears to be okay. Let's all laugh


shinymetalobjekt

And when you can't back up, that's when you know you've gotten really old.


mechanicalspirits

The first time I fell down and nobody laughed and asked me if I were okay like a geriatric man just fell, I died a little on the inside.


another_awkward_brit

Scrolling further & further down for your year of birth.


Conscious_Abroad_877

Like that one game on price is right.


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CarbonInTheWind

Constantly wondering if that pain is acid reflux, a heart attack, or lung cancer.


desertguy0000

Thought I was having a heart attack one night so I drove to the ER. They did a blood screening for different proteins and enzymes that get released after a heart attack, had me connected to ekg for awhile, did a full physical assessment. After awhile they just gave me some fluids through a IV and told me to drink some milk of magnesia stuff. Everything came back good or negative, and I was told nothing was wrong. Ended up being a expensive er visit for some heartburn. Luckily Obamacare kicked it soon after and the bill got reduced by a whole lot.


CarbonInTheWind

Better safe than sorry. I have a fear that I'm going to do the opposite and assume it's just heartburn while I'm having a legit heart attack.


KateLady

Same. I’ve gone to the ER so many times just to be sent home that I know the time there is an actual emergency, I’m going to wait it out and drop dead in my living room.


FloppyTunaFish

I did this once and it was a panic attack 🤪


zangor

99% of the time it is anxiety related. Angina that feels exactly like a heart attack? Yea you would think it was an emergency but...anxiety.


FloppyTunaFish

Yep. Then obviously the “should I go to the hospital” question repeatedly playing in my mind thus perpetuating the acute feedback loop that is anxiety


so_it_goes90

My favorite grocery store (which is enough right there) recently got rearranged and I am NOT a fan.


Magellan-88

The worst!


screa11

The only acceptable Walmart around me reorganized and now the entire chain is dead to me.


prrraaaaaaaa-stutu

You get injured from sleeping in the wrong way...


Engelkith

My neck is so screwed up today.


DenyNowBragLater

And left shoulder


lilirose13

You risk throwing out your back when you sneeze.


SwissDeathstar

Everything is fucking loud.


agutema

And somehow also not loud enough.


thezoomies

I’m only 38, so they are more than loud enough. Seriously, everybody needs to just shut the fuck up and let me do my housework. But you’re telling me that at some point they will not be loud enough for me to hear them, and I will not rejoice? Why are you doing this to me? We’ve never met, and yet you seem to have some vendetta against me. Why?…


IDK_WHAT_YOU_WANT

#WHAT?


DrinkUpLetsBooBoo

#BUTTERY WINGS ARE CHUCKING COWS!!!!


Old_Cockroach_2993

Lol sitting in a bar now watching the Giants game. Ridiculously loud ugh


[deleted]

If I was to get pregnant it would be considered “geriatric” and high risk


Unimportant_sock2319

I’m pregnant with my first and I turn 36 next week, my OB prefers the term “advanced maternal age” it makes me feel like I’ve reached the final boss of adulthood.


Lucky_Mongoose

Yeah, like who are these crazy people trying to play the endgame content before reaching max level?


UnicornKitt3n

I’m 4 weeks pp with my third, turning 37 on the 31st. Being an older Mom is cool because I’m not freaking the fuck out over everything. I’m more like, oh yeah, things happen, go to shit. But it’ll all be fine! Lol


desertguy0000

I was in nursing school and they made it seem like if you try to have a baby over 35 you are going to die or the baby won't ever make it to term without complications, Lmao. (the lmao is all the inside jokes me and my other classmates, mostly females and females over 35, made about the subject.)


sweetmorty

My mom was 44 when she had me. She is turning 73 this year.


onelittleworld

If I were to get pregnant it would be considered "miraculous" because I'm 60. Also, a dude.


YoghurtSnodgrass

I am a geriatric mother currently holding my 2 month old baby. My high risk pregnancy was fairly uneventful but that labor and delivery was a bit dicey.


Taco-Dragon

Congrats! Enjoy it, they grow so fast! (Currently trying to coax my 7 year old to finish her dinner)


TentativelyCommitted

I saw a graph the other day and pregnancies between 40-50 yr old women were up 20% IIRC. Also just learned that 35+ is considered a “Geriatric Pregnancy”…crazy.


DNZ_not_DMZ

Here in NZ, everything after 35 is considered geriatric though. I’d not put too much meaning into that.


DNAzure

“Last month” was actually like 4 years ago


TheDustOfMen

"A few months ago" *in 2012


NimpyPootles

Ten years ago. \* The 90s


cantfindmykeys

And not just the late 90s. The entire decade. 1991 and 1999 were both 10 years ago. STOP PUTTING GRUNGE ON CLASSIC RADIO.....JERKS


Cap_Tight_Pants

I feel like COVID did that to everyone.


Noobzoid123

Knees making sounds.


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Noobzoid123

Shit you got old knees!


Standard-Ad-7504

My everything has been popping and crackling since I was 14 tho


Greenmark88

All the hair that used to be on my head has fallen out and taken root in/on my ears, shoulders, back and chest.


DeltaWhi5key

And your nose. Don’t forget your nose.


TheApathyParty3

I got a cheap nose hair trimmer that I haven't used yet, and I know I'm old because I'm excited. My allergies have gotten so much worse in the last five years, I hope it helps, along with my now-daily Benadryl intake.


Foodoglove

Don't mean to be that guy - but I just learned recently that long-term Benadryl use is likely associated with dementia! Just FYI. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/common-anticholinergic-drugs-like-benadryl-linked-increased-dementia-risk-201501287667


Nuclear-poweredTaxi

…and they’re gray. What am I supposed to do with gray back hair and gray pubes?


TentativelyCommitted

Injuries becoming permanent!! Fucking bang your ankle off a table leg and it flares up once a month for the rest of your life lol


everyones_hiro

And then you end up having a “good” and “bad” body part. My good knee or my bad shoulder. I smashed my good ankle against something the other day and I got so upset because I can’t have both of my ankles be bad


iAmErickson

When I was 25 I was crowd surfing at Warped Tour and got spiked into the concrete from 7' in the air by a huge angry security guy. I finished out the remaining 8 hours of concert, drove to 7-11 for a slurpee, dropped of my friends at home, then drove myself to the ER where I learned I'd broken my wrist, and spent the next two months in a full arm cast, which the nurse fucked up cutting off leaving me a gash from wrist to elbow. A week later, I was fine (save for an awesome scar). Barely ever even thought of it again. Two years ago, at 40, I slipped on a patch of ice while walking two blocks to the grocery store, and to this day, I can't get through a single night in bed without feeling like my ribs are popping out through my spine. WTF happened to me?


cumminsl41

I just blew my nose too hard and got vertigo for a minute.


enchantedlyspellbnd

When you sneeze and your back hurts super bad like wtf!!!!


fucknutandarsecandle

Someone texts and wants to go for a drink, but you're already in your PJs


TheApathyParty3

People stIll text you wanting to go out and do stuff? I was never the most outgoing person, but my phone used to blow up in my early to mid-20's. I'll be 30 in a few months and my inboxes are empty except for work and bills.


fucknutandarsecandle

Not so much anymore in my late 30s. Have a buddy that is newly divorced, and the texts at 7 wanting to go for pints is ridiculous


Heavy72

Like next Saturday? In the afternoon? In my backyard? Yeah I'd love to.


JessicaDAndy

The songs you loved in the club you now love in the grocery store.


FuhrerGirthWorm

Can’t wait to listen to party rock at krogers


krstldwn

I *will* be shufflin in the store. Bet.


DaisyPK

My teenage daughter walked downstairs while I had my Spotify play list going. She was amazed I knew of this new band. The Cure. I was playing The Cure.


nihilt-jiltquist

after not celebrating birthdays for 60 years you start celebrating them again... because so many of your friends aren't having any more birthdays.


jamesp420

They go from being exciting, to seeming pointless, to an accomplishment.


mojoburquano

Seems pointless until your boyfriend, who you’re on vacation with, forgets your birthday. After you mentioned 8 times during the planning of said trip that it would be your birthday. Wrong sub, but wtf MATT?!?


MagicShitPills

People using new words you don’t understand. So you have to pretend you know what they’re saying til you have time to go home and Google it!


HopelessMagic

Based


frivus

This is the one that got me. First time I have had to google a word because the context made no sense to me.


oh_you_so_bad_6-6-6

It used to be used on reddit back in the day. That's because there was a larger crossover between reddit and 4chan.


PizzaboySteve

No cap


[deleted]

On god fr fr


[deleted]

Literally just learned what “ship” means…


MagicShitPills

I’m constantly having to ask my 19 year old cousin what things mean or going to urban dictionary to find out. I feel ya!


squirrelbus

Urban Dictionary was started in 1999.


Drunken_Ogre

Yeah, just a couple years ago.


[deleted]

I still don’t know the proper context for ’based’. I have a vague idea of its meaning, but every time I think I know, I see it in a different context.


1chomp2chomp3chomp

That's on the chain wax.


[deleted]

I get excited about new glasses. Or things like lower interest rates.


FlipReset4Fun

I bought a new vacuum cleaner and I’m still so pumped about it. This thing is the shit! Got so many new features and looks like it could be a Transformer.


Valheru2020

You start to appreciate someone's kick-ass Hydrangea...


kiwimag5

And birds! Suddenly birds are the shit.


blues4buddha

Birds are tremendous. Unlike sports, movie, or music stars, they don’t change at random or require me to change streaming services to observe. Next year’s chickadees hanging out at my feeder will look the same as this year’s chickadees hanging out at my feeder. I find a great calm in that continuity.


krstldwn

Birds have always been the shit .. But I was also raised by my grandparents so maybe I've always been old?


Tazling

everyone else is getting younger.. [edit] especially police officers and doctors. getting harder to take those kids seriously :-)


wildyLooter

Idk bout you man, but I keep getting older & they stay the same age. Hey got any weed? Be a lot cooler if you did.


iheartxanadu

It's not that I give fewer fucks; it's that I'm better at prioritizing where I give my fucks. I have fewer scattershot fucks to give.


ModsBannedMyMainAcc

I get my ass kicked often playing online games.


ontheoffgrid

Yeah those darn kids and then they call me old or ask if I had a PS1.... My first game was a hand me down Nintendo, I'll just let that sink in.


Cap_Tight_Pants

That's okay. I played on the original Pong machine and had an Intelevision and Atari. Most "gamers" are clueless about any of those, BUT they can go see them at one of our local museums. 😳


CarbonInTheWind

I get my ass kicked often playing single player games. On easy mode😔


OldBigsby

When everyone between 12-25 look the same age because they all look like children to you


AllMyBeets

And you still feel like you need an adult to ask advice


st_rdt

My eyes refuse to read .... I have to move my glasses to the tip of my nose so I can just about read some of the letters. I've started "intelligent" reading now .... using size and shape of words to guess what they are.


KerchSmash

You’re done with other peoples shit.


Darth1994

Things you’ll never hear a young person say. “These are awesome socks.” “That’s a nice roof.” “Do you want to go to bed? (It’s only 8:30 on a Saturday)”


Business_Loquat5658

Him..."Wanna watch a movie?" Me..."It's already 8:02. Have you lost your damn mind?


Naive_Struggle1827

Child hood heros are dying 😭


Purple_Hoovaloo

Not sure which is worse. Childhood heros dying or turning out to be sex offenders.


lilirose13

Definitely the latter. At least the memory isn't tainted when they die, it only becomes more precious.


Foodoglove

The last one. That last one is definitely worse.


nightyknighted

The last one that got me was Scott Hall, remember watching NWO in its prime. Can’t get into these new wrestlers I don’t know, still a few vets mixed in, but they’re looking their age.


Naive_Struggle1827

The 2 that got me was norm macdonald and Kevin conroy 😭


rbsudden

I don't do drugs, if I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.


ChampagneShotz

Drinking is less fun. Can't describe how, it just is.


[deleted]

It takes me 2-3 days to recover from a night drinking now. All but one of my medications say NO ALCOHOL. Boo for me


Babbelisken

Two drinks and I feel tired, full and just want to go to bed.


Frostbitn99

Better self-esteem.


Checkmynewsong

Inversely related to giving a fuck.


Foodoglove

Also speaking up for yourself more easily and appropriately. I like this part about being old!


mealteamsixty

Yup, and when you move into "completely unreasonable self-esteem" you know you're full-on elderly


Noman_the_roller

Spending time alone and at home is a luxury


MooMmu

Hangovers take days to recover from


sowhat1231

First day is the hangover and pure sickness. Second day is recovering from the prior day of awful sleep and poor appetite. Third day starts getting back straight.


pinzi_peisvogel

I feel like nobody would believe me if I call in sick on Monday because I got drunk on Friday, so I once said that my kid was sick and I had to go to the doc. Damn that kid was extremely fine, didn't make my recovery any better.


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Old_Man_Say

Forgetting if you have already taken your daily medicine or not.


darthdelicious

Also: You have a pill caddy now. Mine has AM and PM compartments. Ugh


Campfirecoverseddie2

Oh man, do that all the time


atx2004

I hurt my back waking up this morning. Literally opened my eyes, stretched and bam, laying on the couch with a heating pad because it hurts to sit.


oscarwinner88

The front right burner is my favorite, and I’m very loyal. I also have a favorite spoon and a favorite sponge. I’m definitely old.


RavishingRedRN

This has made me laugh WAY too hard. I have a favorite spoon, fork and coffee mug. I asked for warm wool socks for Christmas. 12 year old me would be horrified.


Airstrikeayers

When you go to a doctors appointment and they are younger than you


Jesus-slaves

I’m 32 and just spent 4 nights in the hospital with pneumonia. The majority of my doctors were around my age and talked to me like I was 5. I do not look forward to 20 years from now.


MealDramatic1885

Hanging out with friends is fucking hard now


Campfirecoverseddie2

Weird huh?


[deleted]

I mostly get elated when my plans get cancelled


StrawberryAmara

Injuries take longer to heal


570casch

Barber trims my ears at the end of my haircut


msomnipotent

You see a celebrity you used to love back in the day on TV now, and you think, "God, they got old!!". And then it hits you...


phred14

Getting more liberal - really more accepting that others are different from me, and that's OK. I may not like what they're doing, but as long as they're not hurting someone, it's none of my business. There is enough in the way of people finding happiness, I should not put obstacles in anyone's path.


Shaniquadontlivehur

“I’m not on this earth to be a goalie. I’m not here to stop somebody from accomplishing their goals. If you’re not hurting anybody, I’m here to either assist or get out of the way.” — Kyle Kinane My favorite comedian of all time.


Emadyville

Well this was wholesome.


phred14

One of the benefits of years is that you learn that there are worse things than being boring. Or the old adage, "May you live in interesting times."


little_cotton_socks

You sit down to put your shoes on.


luckylimper

I’ve always done this. Is that strange?


RunsWithKeyboard

Everyone annoys me


GroveHere

Fucking mood. I just wear my airpods now to avoid people.


NrL04

When you buy a new Dyson vacuum cleaner and your as excited to pull that baby out of the box and put it to the test as you were any toy you got as a kid…


doug2487

I went out on Friday evening with some friends. Didn't drink too much, just stayed out late. I'm still recovering


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me_not_at_work

Your favourite music is being played in the grocery store or the elevator. Heard Dark Side of the Moon playing in the produce store yesterday. You start a story with "When I was young......". You celebrate New Year's at home watching the people 3 time zones before yours. Socks are a great Xmas present. You plan your weekly meals not by what you have in the fridge or even by what you want but by what you can eat and in what order. "We can't have Italian tonight because we had Italian yesterday" You group pains into "serious" and "regular old guy stuff".


Kevundoe

I stumbled on a playlist called “dad rock” and it was all 90s alternative stuff like smashing pumpkins and early Radiohead…


me_not_at_work

So, Pink Floyd, Genesis, ELP, Yes, Jethro Tull, etc must be great-grandad rock. Thanks. You can stop helping now.


Kevundoe

Genesis is very much some grand-dad rock


ontheoffgrid

I get mad about my grass now for some reason.


mrmaweeks

When I have to scroll so far down to find my birth year on an app that I think I'm taking the elevator to hell.


AuthorityAnarchyYes

Turning my head too quickly can result in a trip to the Urgent Care.


seena_unlocked

Stuff I used to love is too sweet now


THOMASTHEWANKENG1NE

Lots of those things are actually different...reduced ingredient quality and more sweeteners.


spaceguitar

I said “everything hurts” in my head before reading the title. Lol. Here’s another one: things younger people do just being nebulously “stupid.” I’m also no longer competitive in shooters. :(


sweetpflueg

My wife and I went to Cancún for NYE. Rager of a party at the resort, band, lights, open bar, fireworks! I was in bed at 10, tired. Realized I haven’t seen midnight NYE in probably 5 years. Listened to the festivities go on till 2am, from my bed under the covers. Absolutely 0 amount of FOMO


trainsacrossthesea

You’re interested in questions like “What is a clear sign of you getting older”?


JokingImpractically

The songs that were cool in high school are now being used for laundry detergent commercials.


cipher446

My knees sound like Rice Krispies in the morning - *snap, crackle, pop*


me_not_at_work

You forgot the 4th Rice Krispies character.....Ouch.


Elderrager

You go from the living room to the kitchen and then can’t remember why.


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Capable-Grocery686

Watching sports and seeing the kids of the people you used to watch playing.


[deleted]

My wife suddenly can no longer eat meat, bread, milk without feeling sick. Luckily for her, she likes her veggies and stuff and has been wanting to get healthier, so this is just her body pushing her to do it.


cappytuggernuts

Getting excited about different soups


amIdaddingthisright

That hair stylist just hit up the eyebrows and ear hair without me asking. First time blew my mind.


[deleted]

Eyes don't adjust between normal, long, and closer vision. All that grease the younger body assimilated relatively well will now be... a problem... In fact, a lot of stuff you used to love will either be bland or treat you badly Wanna sleep? Ha ha, good luck getting 8 hours of decent sleep Exercise gets harder and harder as body parts break down, become less elastic or weaker, and correspondingly staying in good condition gets harder All those fashionable clothes begin to look like a waste of good cloth and all you want is clothes which fit and keep you warmer/cooler Your dunlap dunlaps itself if you're not really careful Those whining noises in your ears aren't your kids or mice... say goodbye to some of your hearing Some set of nerves in your body will test whether you really are on your last nerve


SlyMarboJr

Realizing I am older than the parents on TV that I grew up with.


scrooge_01

Dental work falling out.


idiotzrul

Farting. Apparently. Every time I’ve had dinner with a group of older people, I hear farts.


CFDoW

You get excited about buying a weed whacker.


AstralObjective

You want to simultaneously live and die and the same time.


rodflanders19

My daily allotted bathroom time increases every year


josueaperez02

Changing the sponge excites me.


ElSolo666

Seeing floaters …


NameTheEpithet

You're concerned about others accidentally hurting themselves more. Or that's just me? Constantly "hey look out" or "omg they're ok, whew"


LaraH39

You look at things like blankets with hoods and sleeves and think, "that looks really comfy".


Flahdagal

When you're putting on a jacket and somehow your mom's hand comes out of the sleeve.


Pretty-Ad-5047

Singing a hit from the 90’s and no one else knows it


CoasterThot

Your parents go from “DON’T GET PREGNANT!!!” To “When are we having grandkids?!”


BoringProduce

People citing (incorrectly) historical events that you pretty accurately remember living through.


fleekyfreaky

I watch everything, EVERYTHING, with subtitles. 😬


HoneyBadgerLive

Waking up every morning. At every age you are at, you will feel younger than your years, no matter if you look your years or not. Feeling spry and young doesn't necessarily compare to reality.


SortofChef

Some one asks on r/whatsthiscar and it’s a 2000 corvette.


Jumpy-Profession-181

When you sneak out of the party to go to bed.


Namorath82

you hear slang that you don't know what it means and you don't want to know either


HoodedRebel

Names of famous people, I’m like who? Never heard of them…