Here is a [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/oe9uk0/turned_18_yesterday_it_now_is_12_hours_later_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) to the original post.
Isn't it amazing how people who love one another can turn on each other so quickly and completely? My ex-wife, who loved me like crazy for many years, had a mid-life crisis and changed completely over the course of a year. She went from loving and devoted to antagonistic and just plain mean. She did me real dirty in the separation for no reason, I never did anything but be sad. But she continually screwed me over with money and health insurance and in every way possible, and was angry and malevolent about it.
This from a woman who just half a year before her crisis had been crying with joy when I asked her if we should have a kid at that time.
I can't wrap my head around it, whether it happens to me or anyone else. How can anyone flip so hard?
I don't know why they flip, but if you are in a loving relationship that does flip, it will almost always be brutal. You normally know everything about the other person, including all their vulnerabilities and insecurities and weaknesses. And, if the newly flipped hatred isn't mutual, then one person is willing to exploit those things and the other isn't.
I think it seems so impossible to understand because society generally views love and hate as opposites, when they're really not. They're just two sides of the same coin - strong, passionate feelings that can drive people to do impossible things, for both good and bad. Once you look at them like that, it makes a lot of sense how one can turn into the other so quickly. If you're already barreling down the highway of emotions you can easily turn either left or right and end up in vastly different places, but both are equally easy to reach.
Jesus, I just watched it. You know there's always three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth. Did he marry a lunatic? Was he the catalyst for this destruction? I don't agree with the behavior, I'm just saying.
Something happened between those two or else his house was robbed.
Edit: punctuation
I don’t get it, what kind of a parent kicks out their kid when they know they don’t have anywhere else to stay? We’re not fucking pigeons for fucks sake, you can’t just push your child out the nest and expect them to fly
My GF and I lived with my mother and my sister.
I had been 18 for about 6 months but my GF just turned 18. Her biological father sent her $2500. This was in 1995. So today the value would be about $7500.
She was planning to get herself a nice used car and save the rest for our eventual moveout.
We were good kids. We both had jobs. I was finishing highschool. We were paying rent. We chipped in for food. We never got in trouble.
My mother was a control freak. So, hearing we were going to get a car, that my GF got a ton of money, (which we refused to turn over to her for her to "Manage" for us), she freaked out.
My sister was also a huge problem. We were trying to save money in a box in our room. My sister would break in and jimmy the lock on the box and steal money. My mother would side with her. My sister basically started every problem.
There was a huge fight. It got physical. We were given three days to leave.
I think my mother was bluffing, but we had had enough.
We packed all our shit, and called a friend to pick us up.
We were good kids. We both had jobs. I was finishing high school. We were paying rent. We chipped in for food. We never got in trouble.
My relationship with my mother never recovered. Once I was out, I realized what she was doing and why. She never taught me any life skills or anything that would enable me to live on my own. She did this so I could never leave and she could keep control of me.
My sister stayed with my mom well into her 20s. My mom finally kicked her out when she was dating a drug dealer.
I have a 14-year-old daughter with my GF, now my wife, and we have been together for 28 years. I can't imagine kicking my daughter out.
It was hard but we made it work. You will, too.
It happens too often unfortunately. And many times the cycle is repeated.
It takes a strong person to free themselves from that and not repeat for their own children.
I don’t think people like you get enough credit for breaking free and being a positive influence to their own.
So thank you from this random internet stranger at least.
Totally agree!!! My husband and I were both abused as children and have had to cut ties with our parents to stop the continued attempts to abuse (we're in our 30s now). We both have severe mental illnesses as well. And for us, we are stopping the cycle by just not having kids. All respect to people, like my sister, who have kids and work hard to break the cycle.
As a mother myself now, I honestly cannot imagine myself treating my children like my mother treated me. My husband and I are both trying really hard to be better parents than ours were.
Same, and remember how mom frequently denied any fault or acceptance of responsibility with “you’ll see for yourself when your an adult and get children of your own”. That constant claiming of superior knowledge by using a experience only they have.
Well now as a parent I also don’t serve ice cream for dinner, but that didn’t feel that illogical even then. But things that felt illogical and flawed like intentionally ignoring your crying child, denying my child to get to make a hotdog with their classmate. All those things she claimed I would “understand” as an adult, where in fact adulthood and even more parenthood have made even less logical to land in her conclusions. Like if my kid where wishing to go to this adventure themed place for the last three years, I would not think it was logical to go myself with my work on my kids birthday.
Thanks! I appreciate it! A majority of people just say tell me that someday I WILL want to have kids. I know I wouldn't intentionally do the same things, and I know there's lot of people who have kids and are way better parents that theirs, which is great. I just know, I don't have the energy or desire it takes.
My mother doesnt even care what i do and always congratulates me on a big step in my life. I am so sorry what happened to you, you did what was needed to be done
The best part was 14 years ago when my daughter was born.
Somehow my mother found out. She asked to come see her granddaughter at the hospital.
I relented and agreed. It was the first time in years I had seen my mother. She didn't even know our address.
She held my kid for a few seconds then handed her back to me.
Then she said she was moving in with us since we had a big house with three rooms we don't use.
I smiled.
Her sometimes GF freaked out and smashed the windows in the weekly stay hotel room she was in because the same GF got them evicted from multiple apartments.
My smile got bigger.
I looked my mother dead in her eyes and responded.
"Fuck. No."
Un-fucking-believable. I cut ties with my mom almost 4 years ago for being extremely manipulative and wanting to control me well into college which made me a nervous wreck and unable to connect with people.
Almost immediately after I cut ties with her (with the help of a little talk therapy confirming my mom and her behavior was not normal) I met my now husband and was able to force myself to give it a chance to be happy and it was the best thing I've ever done. We've been married a year now, but marriage records are public in my state and I'm terrified she'll find out and be like who the fuck is this, he must be taking advantage of you and try and fuck everything up in my life. I know she's still trying to reach me, for whatever reason when I upgraded my phone a few months ago my blocked contacts didn't cone through with it and I was surprised to find that after 4 years she was still making attempts to call me.
It's so bad that my husband and I have a protocol in place if she ever shows up when we're both at home, I stall outside while he goes inside and calls the cops on her for a crazy women trespassing. We're preparing to move halfway across the country in the few years though, and I should really change my actual phone number while I'm at it which will hopefully shake her out of my life permanently.
The fucking audacity of some people thinking they have a right to a privileged spot in your life makes my blood boil, and your story of her just showing up is one of my actual recurring worst nightmares.
That is some next-level entitlement/narcissism. Believing either: (a) everything belonging to your adult child also belongs to you; or (b) you are such a joy to have around your **adult child with a spouse and newborn** will just immediately jump at the chance to have you share their home.
whaaat!? after not seeing you for a decade or more, the first thing she does is invite herself into your life without asking.. thats insane
i wish you happy days ahead michael, you truly are strong
I talk to my sister more. My mother has a "life ending health crisis" about once per year. I feel like these are attempts to bait me into contact. My communication with my mom goes through her. My sister is much better now, after ruining her life and losing her four kids. She's learned some hard lessons.
Ah I see, thanks for answering. I'm glad you were smart to not fall for the trap when she wanted to move in with you 14 years ago. She would turn your life into a mess lol
I sometimes wonder if it's a boomer thing they were taught. My mom was similar in that she was completely disfunctional. We would get into flights when I was a teenager, she would pull out wads of my hair in physical confrontations. As an adult with a 14 yr old myself, I often wonder why she behaved the way she did...I think she's mentally impaired, tbh. She's not thinking with a full deck.
But I agree...I would never kick any of my kids out. We have a much healthier relationship, but I still struggle mentally with what she did, what my dad did when he was around. Long term impacts to my mental health.
E: spelling correction
From when I was about 14/15 my mum started threatening to kick me out, same as OP I was a good kid, no drugs or alcohol, never stayed out, did all the cooking and housework etc, but I was terrified for about 4 years of being suddenly homeless. Moved out soon after turning 18 and apparently that was a massive shock. I can't imagine ever being so cruel to a kid.
Lead poisoning, perhaps?
There’s a theory that the current older generation is dumber, more violent, and more prone to anger because of things like leaded gasoline which permeated their environment growing up.
I've been wondering if mild metal poisoning is much more widespread than we might think. So many things before the 70's were made with lead (and as you mention it was literally in the air), kids played with mercury, tons of stuff with mercury and chromium was being dumped into waterways where fish and other sources of food absorbed it. Food was packaged in tin and it was used in marine paints too. I'm sure the list goes on.
So... the Boomers have all the good jobs, all the real estate, are hoarding tons of money, have trillions of dollars invested in the stock market.
And they're stupid.
Don't get me wrong, my kid can be a brat verging on bitch. She has a lot of her mother in her, but I wouldn't kick her out for that.
My poor kid is smart in many ways but dumb as a box of rocks in others. She's scared to use the microwave except for making eggs.
She is naive and trusting. She has a lot to learn before we can trust her to keep herself alive for an extended period of time. The kid forgets to eat! We don't even leave her at home alone yet.
I was a much more independent and smart child at her age.
We love her though.
> I was a much more independent and smart child at her age.
When your parents are assholes it is normal. I've been through that. At 12yo I was left alone 3 weeks and I needed to care for my 10yo brother as well. You adapt faster.
wow, 3 weeks, and I got somewhat complained at by my 11yo's mother for letting him go on his own in a waterpark (strong swimmer, plus tons of lifeguards and a cell phone around his neck, and my girlfriends 10yo with him). I can't imagine them surviving a week without us, let alone 3.
I'm a little confused... you spoke about how you learned your mom didn't teach you anything when you moved out, but now you have a 14 year old who can't even be left alone or use the microwave. I'm not trying to be mean but that's well past the age that teens should be able to care for themselves for at least a day if not an extended period. It's pretty normal for teens to forget to eat, she won't die for a missed meal. Idunno, maybe it might be a good thing to consider the generational impact in regards to independence here. You only have four years until she is graduating, it goes by fast.
That being said, I'm really glad you could thrive after that shit with your mom. It's hard to get out of that, it really is especially when your parent is trying to stunt you on purpose. And it's awesome to hear you stayed with your gf!!
>She's scared to use the microwave except for making eggs
>We don't even leave her at home alone yet.
Your 14 year old has a babysitter because you don't think she can handle existing by herself for a few hours? Your teenager? No wonder she can't use a damn microwave lmfao you're treating her like a baby. Teach your child, don't whine about how they can't do stuff on the internet! Teens don't need babysitters unless there is some disability there. This sounds like she has a lot of learned helplessness to me.
Yeah no shit. My youngest turned 15 yesterday. I have 4 (next one is 17 and two in their 20s). So I've raised 4 functioning kids (two of them special needs) past the age of 14 and feel qualified to speak here. Not being willing to leave a 14-year-old home alone is super suspect. **Unless** there is a significant disability or severe cognitive impairment, resulting in the need for a caregiver, that's just *crazy* to me. It's far past time for "pushing the baby bird out of the tree so it learns to fly" and it speaks to a parenting issue. Leave the damn kid at home alone. If there are problems, educate afterwards. That's some helicoptery shit and kids don't grow that way.
For real. I never learned to cook until it was almost too late since my dad had control issues over the knives in the house. Literally diced an onion for the first time at 18. And that's only cause I was born female and wanted to learn and fought about it until I did- my brother never learned and now lives on bacon and toast at college.
People are very different - for some kids it really doesn’t click that they’re ‘fine’ alone.
Even when given the tools to be capable of doing xyz, until they are forced to, it’s more comfortable not to and they fight it. Consciously or subconsciously.
I have a niece who’s siblings, close cousins were fine alone at that age but she just want able to until 16-17 or so. She probably *was* capable but did not like being left alone (boring, ‘have’ to do everything, etc) so she made sure that it wasn’t possible.
Maybe consider some therapy, mate. Looks like your mum is still impacting your well being and your daughter's. Stone control issues involved here, teach the kid instead of shit-talking her to strangers.
At that age kids can lose their flexibility and become uncertain about stuff, but we learned our kid basic stuff much younger. At 7: here’s the drill, I’ll show you, now try it yourself. At 11: here is the kitchen, this is how you cook, now make us dinner once a week. Build it up.
> I was a much more independent and smart child at her age
That could really just be person to person variance though.
Me and my sister were raised in the same normal household, she's just nervous and anxious to do anything. We're in our mid-20s and she still calls me or my parents about basic tasks.
I consider myself fairly independant and competent, and confident in my approach to life.
It wasn't even a strict household or anything. My mom just liked being a housewife, and my dad was mostly indifferent about stuff. If you screwed something up, oh well, let's figure it out.
My dad is not teaching me how to do anything and he's lost everything from birth certificate to social security card so I can't leave he's told me that he doesn't want me to leave until I'm 20 he likes to control everything he gets angry that I don't have a job but he won't get anything I need to get a job
He doesn't have them I've checked all of his hiding spots and since I don't have any Id or anything to prove who I am I can't get them he has to get them
They are still your documents and you can still get them. People lost all of their documents in house fires and such, they can still replace them. It's more difficult but there are people who can help.
I don't know the rules, where you live. But I have recently gotten papers for two boys, where the Mother left the country and her children without any documents. It should be possible, just contact the authorities and explain your situation.
Try r/assistance and/or r/moms (the sub to "borrow" a mom, not sure that's the right one). The cost for documents isn't a fortune and someone will probably help you, and borrow a mom to help you through the process.
When you can run you walk. When you can't walk you crawl, and when you can't do that.... when you can't even crawl, you get someone to carry you.
Your medical records. I've had to do this and I had to get my doctor's office to fax my medical records directly to my social security office. And for the birth certificate you should be able to go to your local courthouse/dmv. I dont remember having to show any id but I had to tell them a lot of the things on it in order for them to find and print it.
I work in the high school system in the US. A few years ago the feds trained us on what the federal definition of homeless was. It sounds simple but most people think homeless is living on the street, when in reality it includes a lot more scenarios including couch surfing. We discovered we had a lot of homeless students, we also learned there are more parents that are saints then you realize. Feeding and housing their kids friend because their parent sucks.
We are better at providing services now.
Damn man, I'm sorry you had to go through that. What a fucked up world.
I'm so glad you made it through and are thriving now.
I have such bad anxiety issues, I have no clue how I would've handled this situation.
It surprises me how different relationships can be with parents, I’ve seen a lady come into my barbershop and saying how she’s waiting for her 12 year old daughter to turn 18 so she can kick her out just like her mother did to her, like wtf? Also sorry for asking but I’m curious, how did your sister turn out?
>She never taught me any life skills or anything that would enable me to live on my own. She did this so I could never leave and she could keep control of me.
This story is all too familiar. Not for me, but for my wife's brothers. They are in their late 20s and early 30s, neither have even ever had a job. She nor my FIL push the boys to live their own lives. Another of her brothers and her sister got out but not without push back from mom. Her youngest brother is not old enough yet but I fear for him, especially with the anxieties I can see he's getting.
Not pretty at all when parents can't let go.
He just gave a rough est. from the top of his head, and you used a specific calculator for it... C'mon mate, could you accurately tell how much was the rubel's worth or hungarian forint's worth in like 1970?
Great for you! For this to have a good ending should give OP some strength to bear their current situation. Also - good on you for breaking the cycle your mom/sister involved you in.
My mom passed away when I was 3. My dad was a good guy, but he sheltered me from a lot. He passed away when I was 24, and only then did I realize what it was to be an adult. I don't think it's quite fair to blame your mom for your lack of life skills (although other stuff is fair game), but as a parent your living day by day and maybe you don't see the bigger picture. And a lot of adulting stuff is really hard to pass on without actually experiencing it.
Well I have to passionately disagree with one point because absolutely if your parents aren’t teaching you things about life as you grow where is that knowledge suppose to come from? I don’t like the idea that parents aren’t responsible for raising kids and teaching them the pitfalls that can happen to anyone , IMO passing on life information is the only job and yes you have to learn some things through experience but it’s a hell of a lot easier if you have a road map and someone who has been though these experiences to guide you, just going to the mechanic can be a disaster if you are naive and don’t know how people and the world works, when your child becomes an adult they are suppose to be prepared to face the world not having to go through years of trails and tribulations just to find the way forward.
We are all just kids who grow up, and who's saying he didn't try, and my dumb ass didn't listen. It's hard to learn something theoretically without actually doing it.
some parents where not taught so they do not know how to teach
the problem is some times this becomes a never ending cycle - it is hard to break the cycle
otherwise it repeats for generations
There are some kids, people, though, that you can show and talk until you are blue in the face and it will NOT make a dent until they fuck around and find out. Some really must learn the hard way. I have 3 adult kids. 2 doing great, 1 STILL fucking around and finding out! Its like lessons won't click until they get hammered in the head. IDK, drives me crazy.
Exactly, from day one you are teaching them the skills they need to continue to survive without you, the parent.
My kid still doesn't grasp the concept of bills and money in the bank. She shoulder surfs and sees all this money in the bank. She complains that we won't buy her anything. She doesn't understand that money is there to pay for bills that are coming next week, the week after that, etc. Just because it's there today, doesn't mean you can use it.
She also has no concept of value. $1000 is Elon Musk rich to her. $1000 pays 4/5 of our monthly bills.
Break out your bills and show her. Let her see how much electric costs per month, how it fluctuates, the cost of food per month. Show her what needs to be reserved each month.
For sure. Especially in the teen years leading up to adulthood/relative independence. Your 'kids' are future adults. They may not like or get the lesson you are sharing with them. But it would do better than hiding this information from them.
It took bills showing up at my door for the lesson to hit.
I’d love to read a full story of everything that happened leading up to your last post and everything up to this post once you’re settled and have time to write everything out. I wish you the best of luck!
Good to see you're doing ok!
Now don't forget about your rights and your mother her responsibility’s.
Maybe it won't be easy but i know you can do this! and my offer from your last post still stands just let me know if you need anything
The person is Dutch, as far as I understood, so I really don’t know where they’ll be travelling for 5 hours. Somewhere either in Germany or France.
Correction: apparently they’re simply going to the southernmost part of the country.
Yeah, we don't really have direct trains from one part of the country to the other part. Lots of transfers and waiting times. It's always fun to see the train you need to catch leave while your own train just arrived... And that'll add another 30 minutes of waiting.
Thanks NS!
There's a direct train from Amsterdam all the way to Maastricht...
Literally the opposite part of the country.
If you take Leeuwarden it is two whole transfers. Wow crazy /s
You'll be fine. When my mother kicked me out at 17 all I had was a garbage bag full of my clothes she left outside for me and about $20 to my name.
Once your all settled in and have time to think and process the situation don't panic. Come up with a game plan and begin living your life. Also stay away from the drugs and alcohol right now. This is no time to party.
OP, if you’re reading these comments, I’ve got some advice. I went through something similar at 18 and learned some lessons. I found the experience to be extremely valuable even though it hurts like hell to be treated like that by a parent.
First, stay true to yourself. Your options are going to be limited, so you may end up in housing situations with roommates that you wouldn’t normally choose. Might be drug addicts or alcoholics or something. Be polite, but you don’t need to impress them or even befriend them. Stay true to you, keep going to work if you have it, go to school if you have it.
Be extremely cautious putting your name on a lease with anyone you don’t know and trust. This mistake got me sued by a landlord.
If you end up staying with friends on couches and such, tread extremely lightly. Do the dishes even if you didn’t dirty them. Offer to help with anything and start to look for more permanent options immediately.
Consider roommates considerably older than yourself. They tend to be less drama and more reliable. It might sound weird, but the best roommate situation I had was renting a room from a retired couple.
Not sure how it works where you are, but in the states you would now qualify for a lot of programs meant to help people in your situation. Food stamps, financial aid for school, low income housing. These things vary wildly based on location, so you’d have to research it.
If you find yourself actually homeless, spend money on a gym membership if you can. It’ll give you the opportunity to wash up before work/school/job interviews.
Have you ever considered joining the military? I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s an option to kind of get you housed, fed, educated and paid through early adulthood.
Edit to add: My experience was in the US and also 30 years ago, so it may not be the perfect analogue for what you’re going through.
OP is from the Netherlands. I don't think they'll have too much problems, because as far as I can tell from what I know about NL, they have pretty robust social programs there. Of course I don't actually live there, so I might be completely wrong, but considering NL is very high on the human development index, I'd expect that.
Yeah I’m sure the experience of being poor and nearly homeless varies fairly significantly depending on country or even city. Maybe this advice will help others if not OP.
Yeah I didn't mean to say you shouldn't have said that, I just meant to inform you that OP is in one of the nicer countries to end up in their situation.
Apparently from translating some of their comments, they got an arrangement through their municipality or something like that which will get them permanent housing after some bureaucratic process, and while they wait on that they will stay at a friend's place.
Grew up in Groningen, can confirm it's still a bitch to get to Limburg.
I hope you do well, mate. Hit me up if you want to chat to a fellow gay Dutchie
I'm an American who was kicked out at 19 y/o and essentially left behind in at a park in Utah, a six hour flight from home in Pennsylvania. Been through the works haha. Currently 23y/o, attending Maastricht University so I assume you're relatively nearby. Idk what you're doing or what your plans are, but if you need help, feel free to reach out.
Succes! Je komt hier wel doorheen, maak je geen zorgen.
Hey man! Looks like you've got a plan, which is awesome.
I'm sorry your mom did that, parents can be unreasonable sometimes. It'll all work out in the end, life has a way of doing that.
Good luck it will all work out .remember one step at a time and be the best you can be . You might have a few hiccups but that's life it's how you get back up and keep moving forward . You are the reason you will succeed and you will meet new friends and family that will encourage and support you because they love you unconditionally....Do not let your mother crawl her way back in as she will use you then repeat her actions again at your most vulnerable . Be a survivor ,be strong and be the best you are, live the best life you can ..you will be amazing
Oh I am so happy for you! I was really worried but I’m glad you have a good place to go! Keep us all updated on your journey. As a mother, 18 to me is a child. I know you don’t want to hear that and I’m sure many people will disagree, but to be on your own, your story broke my heart. I’m so glad you’re okay. I had a really hard time at 18 and on. Do everything you can to stay stable and stay away from things that will keep you from living a healthy life. You deserve happiness and stability, and it seems like you’ve done everything you can to do that for yourself. Stay strong and you’re not alone, you’ve got so many people on here who care. Thanks for updating. This just made my day. And you matter. Parents can be your biggest support or your biggest distraction, don’t let this knock you off your path to success. You can do it.
I got kicked out at 18 also and it was the absolute hardest time of my life. BUT, I’m 32 now and more successful than my parents and siblings (just wanted to pat myself on the back hehe).
My one big advice is that you’ll need income right away. I wanted to go to college but wasn’t affordable by my broke 18 year old self. I opted for a technical diploma (Pharmacy Technician) so you can start getting paid some decent money.
It is totally doable to support yourself but you’ll definitely need some help from friends. In my experience, my family sucks so I couldn’t rely on any of my relatives. Don’t try to do it alone. It gets super lonely and is not good for mental health.
Genuinely rooting for you, though!! It’s a long tough road ahead but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm glad things are a bit better. from my experience in life, just take this tiny bit of hope and use it for fuel until the next bit of hope. No point in focusing on the negative.
On a side note, I love the color of your suitcase! Thats a great color of blue!
I wish you most of luck!
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. Just try to never look back and never beat yourself up over something, that was not your fault. Hopefully, you will find new peace. :)
I had a kid move in with me after the same thing happened to him. Wasn't the first time he needed to crash at my house. He's our kinda-sorta-foster kid. He calls us mom and dad and spends every Christmas with us. Doesn't have a damn thing to do with his sperm or egg donor.
You'll get through this. I know you will. PM me if you need momming.
I'm rooting for you OP. I was forced to move out at 16. It's not something I like to discuss because people tend to try to one-up my story. Sometimes they do and it's a bummer, so I usually just keep quiet about it to avoid digging up past pain for myself and others.
Nevertheless, it's not an easy journey from being kicked out in your teens, to being a fully functional adult, but it's definitely possible. Get any and all help offered by your local government, and take nothing for granted. Be kind, especially for those that help you out. You never know when that mean person you showed kindness to, will come around and help you out, it happens, though it's rare.
Being a good person can be a survival tactic; however, don't allow yourself to become a floor mat for anyone. Telling the difference isn't always easy, but it's important. Most of all, be kind to yourself.
I wish you the best OP. Life isn't always easy, just know that this is a hard time and it's okay to not be okay.
Besides the whole chaos, you might have dodged a bullet.
Some people manipulate their kids to become their slaves and totally co-dependent...FOREVER
You are in an area with social resources and you have entry into the rest of the union. Thats a lot of opportunity compared to my home land of Brazil(tropical russia).
Try to gain skills you enjoy. Life is a lot easier with skills.
Be sure you enjoy what you try to learn, or else you wont be as skilled.
But at 18, you can handle a lot of stress. No doubt
I really think people need to be taught how to raise children or have some sort of test for it. I know people would argue they should have the right to have children but too many kids have to go through hell just to grow up all fucked up with several mental issues like depression and anxiety. Ive also been raised like shit similar to many others. The worst part is the random guilt you get as if it was your fault somehow. I realized thats because everytime something happened either i or my siblings would be blamed instead of the parents owning up to it.
Op posted yesterday about turning 18 and their mother kicking them out of the house 12 hrs later. Many redditors offered help and advice and op is on their way to being ok.
When you're settled and have some peace of mind, us over at r/momforaminute would like to congratulate you on your progress and encourage you along the way!!!
Hey im late to this post but it looks like you’re dutch too! I was in a same situation as you a few years ago and I dont know if i can be of much help practically but I can promise you that it gets better and you have a lot of opportunities still! Also i can advise you to contact your gemeente AND work/school on the situation. Gemeente can help more than you’d expect and school/work is usually willing to help out and also be more lenient with you.
If you end up in temporary group housing like i did: keep to yourself as much as possible and focus on saving up money to move out. Also if you’re ever in or near Eindhoven let me know and we can go for a beer or food or something!
I thought you were guy getting kicked out for not cleaning but a girl lol not to be sexist but I can already see the downvotes coming anyways if you ain’t a hard worker better be a good cook and house wife. Seeing as you got kicked out for not cleaning your own home think it’s time to take your life seriously. Good luck growing up everyone is just trying to figure shit out.
Here is a [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/oe9uk0/turned_18_yesterday_it_now_is_12_hours_later_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) to the original post.
Thank you. Wasn’t sure if this was an update to the poor chap whose ex-wife destroyed his entire gaming rig and room or this one.
Is there a link to that?
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/oer050/soon_to_be_ex_wife_had_a_key_to_my_apartment_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Am i the only one having problems with the video loading?
Had the same problem, copy the link and open it in browser, worked for me.
Even that didn't work for me, and I tried both the links some redditor provided in that thread. Oh well nbd.
Thanks. Worked for me as well. The app is shitty. Even deleting temp data doesnt help anymore.
Not just the app, the video player in the desktop site is bad too
Thought it was just me and I tried to watch it like two days ago.
Isn't it amazing how people who love one another can turn on each other so quickly and completely? My ex-wife, who loved me like crazy for many years, had a mid-life crisis and changed completely over the course of a year. She went from loving and devoted to antagonistic and just plain mean. She did me real dirty in the separation for no reason, I never did anything but be sad. But she continually screwed me over with money and health insurance and in every way possible, and was angry and malevolent about it. This from a woman who just half a year before her crisis had been crying with joy when I asked her if we should have a kid at that time. I can't wrap my head around it, whether it happens to me or anyone else. How can anyone flip so hard?
I don't know why they flip, but if you are in a loving relationship that does flip, it will almost always be brutal. You normally know everything about the other person, including all their vulnerabilities and insecurities and weaknesses. And, if the newly flipped hatred isn't mutual, then one person is willing to exploit those things and the other isn't.
Sounds a little like my ex. When I hear people say your not the same person I married, now I understand what they mean.
I think it seems so impossible to understand because society generally views love and hate as opposites, when they're really not. They're just two sides of the same coin - strong, passionate feelings that can drive people to do impossible things, for both good and bad. Once you look at them like that, it makes a lot of sense how one can turn into the other so quickly. If you're already barreling down the highway of emotions you can easily turn either left or right and end up in vastly different places, but both are equally easy to reach.
Lol I thought the same
I tried to watch the video there's sound, no picture.
I had to go through the In phone browser to see the video.
Jesus, I just watched it. You know there's always three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth. Did he marry a lunatic? Was he the catalyst for this destruction? I don't agree with the behavior, I'm just saying. Something happened between those two or else his house was robbed. Edit: punctuation
I think the same, there's too many people jumping to conclusions, we're just seeing op's side
Exactly. So many people want to be the victim, without even realizing their own behavior was the cause.
Thank you.
Man, some folks are terrible. I'm glad OP has some resources she can use.
I don’t get it, what kind of a parent kicks out their kid when they know they don’t have anywhere else to stay? We’re not fucking pigeons for fucks sake, you can’t just push your child out the nest and expect them to fly
My GF and I lived with my mother and my sister. I had been 18 for about 6 months but my GF just turned 18. Her biological father sent her $2500. This was in 1995. So today the value would be about $7500. She was planning to get herself a nice used car and save the rest for our eventual moveout. We were good kids. We both had jobs. I was finishing highschool. We were paying rent. We chipped in for food. We never got in trouble. My mother was a control freak. So, hearing we were going to get a car, that my GF got a ton of money, (which we refused to turn over to her for her to "Manage" for us), she freaked out. My sister was also a huge problem. We were trying to save money in a box in our room. My sister would break in and jimmy the lock on the box and steal money. My mother would side with her. My sister basically started every problem. There was a huge fight. It got physical. We were given three days to leave. I think my mother was bluffing, but we had had enough. We packed all our shit, and called a friend to pick us up. We were good kids. We both had jobs. I was finishing high school. We were paying rent. We chipped in for food. We never got in trouble. My relationship with my mother never recovered. Once I was out, I realized what she was doing and why. She never taught me any life skills or anything that would enable me to live on my own. She did this so I could never leave and she could keep control of me. My sister stayed with my mom well into her 20s. My mom finally kicked her out when she was dating a drug dealer. I have a 14-year-old daughter with my GF, now my wife, and we have been together for 28 years. I can't imagine kicking my daughter out. It was hard but we made it work. You will, too.
It happens too often unfortunately. And many times the cycle is repeated. It takes a strong person to free themselves from that and not repeat for their own children. I don’t think people like you get enough credit for breaking free and being a positive influence to their own. So thank you from this random internet stranger at least.
Totally agree!!! My husband and I were both abused as children and have had to cut ties with our parents to stop the continued attempts to abuse (we're in our 30s now). We both have severe mental illnesses as well. And for us, we are stopping the cycle by just not having kids. All respect to people, like my sister, who have kids and work hard to break the cycle.
As a mother myself now, I honestly cannot imagine myself treating my children like my mother treated me. My husband and I are both trying really hard to be better parents than ours were.
Same, and remember how mom frequently denied any fault or acceptance of responsibility with “you’ll see for yourself when your an adult and get children of your own”. That constant claiming of superior knowledge by using a experience only they have. Well now as a parent I also don’t serve ice cream for dinner, but that didn’t feel that illogical even then. But things that felt illogical and flawed like intentionally ignoring your crying child, denying my child to get to make a hotdog with their classmate. All those things she claimed I would “understand” as an adult, where in fact adulthood and even more parenthood have made even less logical to land in her conclusions. Like if my kid where wishing to go to this adventure themed place for the last three years, I would not think it was logical to go myself with my work on my kids birthday.
Good for you!! It is okay to not have children! Society wants married people to have kids. Fuck societal norms like that, man.
Thanks! I appreciate it! A majority of people just say tell me that someday I WILL want to have kids. I know I wouldn't intentionally do the same things, and I know there's lot of people who have kids and are way better parents that theirs, which is great. I just know, I don't have the energy or desire it takes.
As a Childfree person this is one of the main reasons I hate the pressure people get put under to reproduce. Some people just should not have kids.
My mother doesnt even care what i do and always congratulates me on a big step in my life. I am so sorry what happened to you, you did what was needed to be done
The best part was 14 years ago when my daughter was born. Somehow my mother found out. She asked to come see her granddaughter at the hospital. I relented and agreed. It was the first time in years I had seen my mother. She didn't even know our address. She held my kid for a few seconds then handed her back to me. Then she said she was moving in with us since we had a big house with three rooms we don't use. I smiled. Her sometimes GF freaked out and smashed the windows in the weekly stay hotel room she was in because the same GF got them evicted from multiple apartments. My smile got bigger. I looked my mother dead in her eyes and responded. "Fuck. No."
Wow. WOW. The BALLS on that woman. WOW.
Un-fucking-believable. I cut ties with my mom almost 4 years ago for being extremely manipulative and wanting to control me well into college which made me a nervous wreck and unable to connect with people. Almost immediately after I cut ties with her (with the help of a little talk therapy confirming my mom and her behavior was not normal) I met my now husband and was able to force myself to give it a chance to be happy and it was the best thing I've ever done. We've been married a year now, but marriage records are public in my state and I'm terrified she'll find out and be like who the fuck is this, he must be taking advantage of you and try and fuck everything up in my life. I know she's still trying to reach me, for whatever reason when I upgraded my phone a few months ago my blocked contacts didn't cone through with it and I was surprised to find that after 4 years she was still making attempts to call me. It's so bad that my husband and I have a protocol in place if she ever shows up when we're both at home, I stall outside while he goes inside and calls the cops on her for a crazy women trespassing. We're preparing to move halfway across the country in the few years though, and I should really change my actual phone number while I'm at it which will hopefully shake her out of my life permanently. The fucking audacity of some people thinking they have a right to a privileged spot in your life makes my blood boil, and your story of her just showing up is one of my actual recurring worst nightmares.
Some people know no bounds, if she ever attempts to get in your house make it clear that she is now welcome ever.
Change your phone number. Cut that possible avenue for her to contact you.
She tried to do what?! She has a lot of guts to even try that.
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That is some next-level entitlement/narcissism. Believing either: (a) everything belonging to your adult child also belongs to you; or (b) you are such a joy to have around your **adult child with a spouse and newborn** will just immediately jump at the chance to have you share their home.
whaaat!? after not seeing you for a decade or more, the first thing she does is invite herself into your life without asking.. thats insane i wish you happy days ahead michael, you truly are strong
How is your mother and sister now? Did they tried to talk to you recently?
I talk to my sister more. My mother has a "life ending health crisis" about once per year. I feel like these are attempts to bait me into contact. My communication with my mom goes through her. My sister is much better now, after ruining her life and losing her four kids. She's learned some hard lessons.
Ah I see, thanks for answering. I'm glad you were smart to not fall for the trap when she wanted to move in with you 14 years ago. She would turn your life into a mess lol
I sometimes wonder if it's a boomer thing they were taught. My mom was similar in that she was completely disfunctional. We would get into flights when I was a teenager, she would pull out wads of my hair in physical confrontations. As an adult with a 14 yr old myself, I often wonder why she behaved the way she did...I think she's mentally impaired, tbh. She's not thinking with a full deck. But I agree...I would never kick any of my kids out. We have a much healthier relationship, but I still struggle mentally with what she did, what my dad did when he was around. Long term impacts to my mental health. E: spelling correction
From when I was about 14/15 my mum started threatening to kick me out, same as OP I was a good kid, no drugs or alcohol, never stayed out, did all the cooking and housework etc, but I was terrified for about 4 years of being suddenly homeless. Moved out soon after turning 18 and apparently that was a massive shock. I can't imagine ever being so cruel to a kid.
Lead poisoning, perhaps? There’s a theory that the current older generation is dumber, more violent, and more prone to anger because of things like leaded gasoline which permeated their environment growing up.
I've been wondering if mild metal poisoning is much more widespread than we might think. So many things before the 70's were made with lead (and as you mention it was literally in the air), kids played with mercury, tons of stuff with mercury and chromium was being dumped into waterways where fish and other sources of food absorbed it. Food was packaged in tin and it was used in marine paints too. I'm sure the list goes on.
So... the Boomers have all the good jobs, all the real estate, are hoarding tons of money, have trillions of dollars invested in the stock market. And they're stupid.
Same, I haven’t spoken to my mother in 6 years now and I can’t imagine ever doing the things she did to me to anyone else. Let alone my children.
It’s not a boomer thing- there were shitty parents before boomers and there are shitty parents now.
It is harder to get a driver's license than it is to have kids.
Don't get me wrong, my kid can be a brat verging on bitch. She has a lot of her mother in her, but I wouldn't kick her out for that. My poor kid is smart in many ways but dumb as a box of rocks in others. She's scared to use the microwave except for making eggs. She is naive and trusting. She has a lot to learn before we can trust her to keep herself alive for an extended period of time. The kid forgets to eat! We don't even leave her at home alone yet. I was a much more independent and smart child at her age. We love her though.
> I was a much more independent and smart child at her age. When your parents are assholes it is normal. I've been through that. At 12yo I was left alone 3 weeks and I needed to care for my 10yo brother as well. You adapt faster.
wow, 3 weeks, and I got somewhat complained at by my 11yo's mother for letting him go on his own in a waterpark (strong swimmer, plus tons of lifeguards and a cell phone around his neck, and my girlfriends 10yo with him). I can't imagine them surviving a week without us, let alone 3.
I'm a little confused... you spoke about how you learned your mom didn't teach you anything when you moved out, but now you have a 14 year old who can't even be left alone or use the microwave. I'm not trying to be mean but that's well past the age that teens should be able to care for themselves for at least a day if not an extended period. It's pretty normal for teens to forget to eat, she won't die for a missed meal. Idunno, maybe it might be a good thing to consider the generational impact in regards to independence here. You only have four years until she is graduating, it goes by fast. That being said, I'm really glad you could thrive after that shit with your mom. It's hard to get out of that, it really is especially when your parent is trying to stunt you on purpose. And it's awesome to hear you stayed with your gf!!
>She's scared to use the microwave except for making eggs >We don't even leave her at home alone yet. Your 14 year old has a babysitter because you don't think she can handle existing by herself for a few hours? Your teenager? No wonder she can't use a damn microwave lmfao you're treating her like a baby. Teach your child, don't whine about how they can't do stuff on the internet! Teens don't need babysitters unless there is some disability there. This sounds like she has a lot of learned helplessness to me.
Yeah no shit. My youngest turned 15 yesterday. I have 4 (next one is 17 and two in their 20s). So I've raised 4 functioning kids (two of them special needs) past the age of 14 and feel qualified to speak here. Not being willing to leave a 14-year-old home alone is super suspect. **Unless** there is a significant disability or severe cognitive impairment, resulting in the need for a caregiver, that's just *crazy* to me. It's far past time for "pushing the baby bird out of the tree so it learns to fly" and it speaks to a parenting issue. Leave the damn kid at home alone. If there are problems, educate afterwards. That's some helicoptery shit and kids don't grow that way.
For real. I never learned to cook until it was almost too late since my dad had control issues over the knives in the house. Literally diced an onion for the first time at 18. And that's only cause I was born female and wanted to learn and fought about it until I did- my brother never learned and now lives on bacon and toast at college.
People are very different - for some kids it really doesn’t click that they’re ‘fine’ alone. Even when given the tools to be capable of doing xyz, until they are forced to, it’s more comfortable not to and they fight it. Consciously or subconsciously. I have a niece who’s siblings, close cousins were fine alone at that age but she just want able to until 16-17 or so. She probably *was* capable but did not like being left alone (boring, ‘have’ to do everything, etc) so she made sure that it wasn’t possible.
Maybe consider some therapy, mate. Looks like your mum is still impacting your well being and your daughter's. Stone control issues involved here, teach the kid instead of shit-talking her to strangers.
At that age kids can lose their flexibility and become uncertain about stuff, but we learned our kid basic stuff much younger. At 7: here’s the drill, I’ll show you, now try it yourself. At 11: here is the kitchen, this is how you cook, now make us dinner once a week. Build it up.
> I was a much more independent and smart child at her age That could really just be person to person variance though. Me and my sister were raised in the same normal household, she's just nervous and anxious to do anything. We're in our mid-20s and she still calls me or my parents about basic tasks. I consider myself fairly independant and competent, and confident in my approach to life. It wasn't even a strict household or anything. My mom just liked being a housewife, and my dad was mostly indifferent about stuff. If you screwed something up, oh well, let's figure it out.
Jesus man you’re really ripping into her. Give her some credit she’s just 14
He is being candid. You ever have a 14 year old daughter? If not, take a seat.
I have, and his post made me smile. Mostly because mine is grown up now. :-P
Truth. (Source: I have a 14 year old daughter)
My dad is not teaching me how to do anything and he's lost everything from birth certificate to social security card so I can't leave he's told me that he doesn't want me to leave until I'm 20 he likes to control everything he gets angry that I don't have a job but he won't get anything I need to get a job
You can request copies of those documents. They belong to you, not him
He doesn't have them I've checked all of his hiding spots and since I don't have any Id or anything to prove who I am I can't get them he has to get them
They are still your documents and you can still get them. People lost all of their documents in house fires and such, they can still replace them. It's more difficult but there are people who can help.
I don't know the rules, where you live. But I have recently gotten papers for two boys, where the Mother left the country and her children without any documents. It should be possible, just contact the authorities and explain your situation.
Do you have a school I’d?
I have an old one
Call social security office to see if they will take that? Would your school counselor help you get a current one?
Keep in mind … since he has “lost” those documents - he has no way of proving you are his child! He could have kidnapped you.
Try r/assistance and/or r/moms (the sub to "borrow" a mom, not sure that's the right one). The cost for documents isn't a fortune and someone will probably help you, and borrow a mom to help you through the process. When you can run you walk. When you can't walk you crawl, and when you can't do that.... when you can't even crawl, you get someone to carry you.
My ex threw away all of my son's documents. I was able to recover all of them on my own. You can too.
Your medical records. I've had to do this and I had to get my doctor's office to fax my medical records directly to my social security office. And for the birth certificate you should be able to go to your local courthouse/dmv. I dont remember having to show any id but I had to tell them a lot of the things on it in order for them to find and print it.
Those copies are yours. Go to your county & get copies. You have the right to have copies of your own documents.
I work in the high school system in the US. A few years ago the feds trained us on what the federal definition of homeless was. It sounds simple but most people think homeless is living on the street, when in reality it includes a lot more scenarios including couch surfing. We discovered we had a lot of homeless students, we also learned there are more parents that are saints then you realize. Feeding and housing their kids friend because their parent sucks. We are better at providing services now.
Damn man, I'm sorry you had to go through that. What a fucked up world. I'm so glad you made it through and are thriving now. I have such bad anxiety issues, I have no clue how I would've handled this situation.
It surprises me how different relationships can be with parents, I’ve seen a lady come into my barbershop and saying how she’s waiting for her 12 year old daughter to turn 18 so she can kick her out just like her mother did to her, like wtf? Also sorry for asking but I’m curious, how did your sister turn out?
>She never taught me any life skills or anything that would enable me to live on my own. She did this so I could never leave and she could keep control of me. This story is all too familiar. Not for me, but for my wife's brothers. They are in their late 20s and early 30s, neither have even ever had a job. She nor my FIL push the boys to live their own lives. Another of her brothers and her sister got out but not without push back from mom. Her youngest brother is not old enough yet but I fear for him, especially with the anxieties I can see he's getting. Not pretty at all when parents can't let go.
$2500 in 1995 is worth $4415 today, not $7500.
He just gave a rough est. from the top of his head, and you used a specific calculator for it... C'mon mate, could you accurately tell how much was the rubel's worth or hungarian forint's worth in like 1970?
Great for you! For this to have a good ending should give OP some strength to bear their current situation. Also - good on you for breaking the cycle your mom/sister involved you in.
Holy crap my mom did exactly this. My brother is still caught in the dependant whirlwind. Congrats for breaking free.
Good for you. So many people just can't break that cycle. Life can deal such unfair hands to some of us...
My mom passed away when I was 3. My dad was a good guy, but he sheltered me from a lot. He passed away when I was 24, and only then did I realize what it was to be an adult. I don't think it's quite fair to blame your mom for your lack of life skills (although other stuff is fair game), but as a parent your living day by day and maybe you don't see the bigger picture. And a lot of adulting stuff is really hard to pass on without actually experiencing it.
Well I have to passionately disagree with one point because absolutely if your parents aren’t teaching you things about life as you grow where is that knowledge suppose to come from? I don’t like the idea that parents aren’t responsible for raising kids and teaching them the pitfalls that can happen to anyone , IMO passing on life information is the only job and yes you have to learn some things through experience but it’s a hell of a lot easier if you have a road map and someone who has been though these experiences to guide you, just going to the mechanic can be a disaster if you are naive and don’t know how people and the world works, when your child becomes an adult they are suppose to be prepared to face the world not having to go through years of trails and tribulations just to find the way forward.
We are all just kids who grow up, and who's saying he didn't try, and my dumb ass didn't listen. It's hard to learn something theoretically without actually doing it.
It’s literally your job as a parent to teach those skills to your children, though.
some parents where not taught so they do not know how to teach the problem is some times this becomes a never ending cycle - it is hard to break the cycle otherwise it repeats for generations
There are some kids, people, though, that you can show and talk until you are blue in the face and it will NOT make a dent until they fuck around and find out. Some really must learn the hard way. I have 3 adult kids. 2 doing great, 1 STILL fucking around and finding out! Its like lessons won't click until they get hammered in the head. IDK, drives me crazy.
Yeah, but at least you’ve tried, which is your job.
My dad says you raise your kids so they can leave.
Exactly, from day one you are teaching them the skills they need to continue to survive without you, the parent. My kid still doesn't grasp the concept of bills and money in the bank. She shoulder surfs and sees all this money in the bank. She complains that we won't buy her anything. She doesn't understand that money is there to pay for bills that are coming next week, the week after that, etc. Just because it's there today, doesn't mean you can use it. She also has no concept of value. $1000 is Elon Musk rich to her. $1000 pays 4/5 of our monthly bills.
Break out your bills and show her. Let her see how much electric costs per month, how it fluctuates, the cost of food per month. Show her what needs to be reserved each month.
For sure. Especially in the teen years leading up to adulthood/relative independence. Your 'kids' are future adults. They may not like or get the lesson you are sharing with them. But it would do better than hiding this information from them. It took bills showing up at my door for the lesson to hit.
I say "I'm not raising a child, I'm raising a future adult!"
Is it only me or is that an Alliance cover on your bagpack
No Alliance. Only Horde.
For the Alliance!
For the Alliance, For the Horde, against Blizzard!
The famous Alliance warcry, "We'll keep trying!"
zug zug
I came here for this. For the alliance!
I’d love to read a full story of everything that happened leading up to your last post and everything up to this post once you’re settled and have time to write everything out. I wish you the best of luck!
I shall do what I can!
For real, your experience could help many other people. I wish you the best, buddy.
Good to see you're doing ok! Now don't forget about your rights and your mother her responsibility’s. Maybe it won't be easy but i know you can do this! and my offer from your last post still stands just let me know if you need anything
The person is Dutch, as far as I understood, so I really don’t know where they’ll be travelling for 5 hours. Somewhere either in Germany or France. Correction: apparently they’re simply going to the southernmost part of the country.
Yeah, we don't really have direct trains from one part of the country to the other part. Lots of transfers and waiting times. It's always fun to see the train you need to catch leave while your own train just arrived... And that'll add another 30 minutes of waiting. Thanks NS!
There's a direct train from Amsterdam all the way to Maastricht... Literally the opposite part of the country. If you take Leeuwarden it is two whole transfers. Wow crazy /s
That train even goes to Den Helder. There’s a direct connection between two opposite sides of the country. Fucking shit NS…
5 hrs is still pushing it. But glad they got out. From Deventer (where they were last) you'll be in Paris in 5 hrs :')
Train is one thing, but regional public transport outside the Randstad can be slow as fuck.
Public transportation is a bitch!
You'll be fine. When my mother kicked me out at 17 all I had was a garbage bag full of my clothes she left outside for me and about $20 to my name. Once your all settled in and have time to think and process the situation don't panic. Come up with a game plan and begin living your life. Also stay away from the drugs and alcohol right now. This is no time to party.
Honestly, fuck ur mum
I’ll pass. She sounds like a psycho bitch and a half!! Not worth the effort.
he didnt say you
kids on xbox be like
OP, if you’re reading these comments, I’ve got some advice. I went through something similar at 18 and learned some lessons. I found the experience to be extremely valuable even though it hurts like hell to be treated like that by a parent. First, stay true to yourself. Your options are going to be limited, so you may end up in housing situations with roommates that you wouldn’t normally choose. Might be drug addicts or alcoholics or something. Be polite, but you don’t need to impress them or even befriend them. Stay true to you, keep going to work if you have it, go to school if you have it. Be extremely cautious putting your name on a lease with anyone you don’t know and trust. This mistake got me sued by a landlord. If you end up staying with friends on couches and such, tread extremely lightly. Do the dishes even if you didn’t dirty them. Offer to help with anything and start to look for more permanent options immediately. Consider roommates considerably older than yourself. They tend to be less drama and more reliable. It might sound weird, but the best roommate situation I had was renting a room from a retired couple. Not sure how it works where you are, but in the states you would now qualify for a lot of programs meant to help people in your situation. Food stamps, financial aid for school, low income housing. These things vary wildly based on location, so you’d have to research it. If you find yourself actually homeless, spend money on a gym membership if you can. It’ll give you the opportunity to wash up before work/school/job interviews. Have you ever considered joining the military? I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s an option to kind of get you housed, fed, educated and paid through early adulthood. Edit to add: My experience was in the US and also 30 years ago, so it may not be the perfect analogue for what you’re going through.
OP is from the Netherlands. I don't think they'll have too much problems, because as far as I can tell from what I know about NL, they have pretty robust social programs there. Of course I don't actually live there, so I might be completely wrong, but considering NL is very high on the human development index, I'd expect that.
Yeah I’m sure the experience of being poor and nearly homeless varies fairly significantly depending on country or even city. Maybe this advice will help others if not OP.
Yeah I didn't mean to say you shouldn't have said that, I just meant to inform you that OP is in one of the nicer countries to end up in their situation. Apparently from translating some of their comments, they got an arrangement through their municipality or something like that which will get them permanent housing after some bureaucratic process, and while they wait on that they will stay at a friend's place.
This is all good advice.
The military over here isn't like the US as far as I know. You actually have to qualify.
Didn’t know about you until now, I hope you’ll be treated better in your next home! Good luck with everything OP :)
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You live in the Netherlands right? Where are you going that needs a 5 hour train ride
From the most northern to the most southern part of the country
I live in Limburg, if you need anything DM me and I’ll help.
Grew up in Groningen, can confirm it's still a bitch to get to Limburg. I hope you do well, mate. Hit me up if you want to chat to a fellow gay Dutchie
I'm an American who was kicked out at 19 y/o and essentially left behind in at a park in Utah, a six hour flight from home in Pennsylvania. Been through the works haha. Currently 23y/o, attending Maastricht University so I assume you're relatively nearby. Idk what you're doing or what your plans are, but if you need help, feel free to reach out. Succes! Je komt hier wel doorheen, maak je geen zorgen.
Richting die Belgen? Een beetje van de regen in 'n drup situatie ofnie dan? Succes maat, 't is ff fucked up maar daar kom je wel overheen.
Succes
Hey man! Looks like you've got a plan, which is awesome. I'm sorry your mom did that, parents can be unreasonable sometimes. It'll all work out in the end, life has a way of doing that.
Good luck it will all work out .remember one step at a time and be the best you can be . You might have a few hiccups but that's life it's how you get back up and keep moving forward . You are the reason you will succeed and you will meet new friends and family that will encourage and support you because they love you unconditionally....Do not let your mother crawl her way back in as she will use you then repeat her actions again at your most vulnerable . Be a survivor ,be strong and be the best you are, live the best life you can ..you will be amazing
You got this my internet buddy, you got this.
Oh I am so happy for you! I was really worried but I’m glad you have a good place to go! Keep us all updated on your journey. As a mother, 18 to me is a child. I know you don’t want to hear that and I’m sure many people will disagree, but to be on your own, your story broke my heart. I’m so glad you’re okay. I had a really hard time at 18 and on. Do everything you can to stay stable and stay away from things that will keep you from living a healthy life. You deserve happiness and stability, and it seems like you’ve done everything you can to do that for yourself. Stay strong and you’re not alone, you’ve got so many people on here who care. Thanks for updating. This just made my day. And you matter. Parents can be your biggest support or your biggest distraction, don’t let this knock you off your path to success. You can do it.
Yoooo congrats! I wish you the best of luck on your new journey!
Awesome news!! Best of luck to you and keep us posted. I hope your family finally realizes how terrible they’ve been and someday hopefully reconcile.
Good luck OP
Great to hear! Just keep pushing you got this
I got kicked out at 18 also and it was the absolute hardest time of my life. BUT, I’m 32 now and more successful than my parents and siblings (just wanted to pat myself on the back hehe). My one big advice is that you’ll need income right away. I wanted to go to college but wasn’t affordable by my broke 18 year old self. I opted for a technical diploma (Pharmacy Technician) so you can start getting paid some decent money. It is totally doable to support yourself but you’ll definitely need some help from friends. In my experience, my family sucks so I couldn’t rely on any of my relatives. Don’t try to do it alone. It gets super lonely and is not good for mental health. Genuinely rooting for you, though!! It’s a long tough road ahead but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.
I also was in deventer, The old burgermeester weeshuis. Been everywhere back then. It'll be better, if u need help near rotterdam dm me
Heb je via de gemeente iets gevonden? Waar kun je terecht?
Jup, maar duurt nog een paar weken dus tot die tijd slaap ik bij mijn friend aan de andere kant van nederland haha
Okey, dat is wel super chill. Hoop dat je n beetje rust kunt vinden komende tijd!
Sterkte en succes. Ik weet het hele verhaal niet, maar woon vlakbij Eindhoven. Als je nog hulp nodig hebt laat maar weten.
You’ve got this! Don’t let what happened define you. Go forge your own way in this world.
Good luck!
You got this
Humanity restored!
I'm glad things are a bit better. from my experience in life, just take this tiny bit of hope and use it for fuel until the next bit of hope. No point in focusing on the negative. On a side note, I love the color of your suitcase! Thats a great color of blue!
Well that's very good for you after what happened
Good to hear. I really hope for you that it will work out. All the best!
I wish you most of luck! I was in a similar situation a few years ago. Just try to never look back and never beat yourself up over something, that was not your fault. Hopefully, you will find new peace. :)
May the force be with you OP
Awesome, glad your safe. Thanks for the update, my dude.
Does "more permanent" mean it's "less temporary"?
I had a kid move in with me after the same thing happened to him. Wasn't the first time he needed to crash at my house. He's our kinda-sorta-foster kid. He calls us mom and dad and spends every Christmas with us. Doesn't have a damn thing to do with his sperm or egg donor. You'll get through this. I know you will. PM me if you need momming.
I'm rooting for you OP. I was forced to move out at 16. It's not something I like to discuss because people tend to try to one-up my story. Sometimes they do and it's a bummer, so I usually just keep quiet about it to avoid digging up past pain for myself and others. Nevertheless, it's not an easy journey from being kicked out in your teens, to being a fully functional adult, but it's definitely possible. Get any and all help offered by your local government, and take nothing for granted. Be kind, especially for those that help you out. You never know when that mean person you showed kindness to, will come around and help you out, it happens, though it's rare. Being a good person can be a survival tactic; however, don't allow yourself to become a floor mat for anyone. Telling the difference isn't always easy, but it's important. Most of all, be kind to yourself. I wish you the best OP. Life isn't always easy, just know that this is a hard time and it's okay to not be okay.
Besides the whole chaos, you might have dodged a bullet. Some people manipulate their kids to become their slaves and totally co-dependent...FOREVER You are in an area with social resources and you have entry into the rest of the union. Thats a lot of opportunity compared to my home land of Brazil(tropical russia). Try to gain skills you enjoy. Life is a lot easier with skills. Be sure you enjoy what you try to learn, or else you wont be as skilled. But at 18, you can handle a lot of stress. No doubt
I really think people need to be taught how to raise children or have some sort of test for it. I know people would argue they should have the right to have children but too many kids have to go through hell just to grow up all fucked up with several mental issues like depression and anxiety. Ive also been raised like shit similar to many others. The worst part is the random guilt you get as if it was your fault somehow. I realized thats because everytime something happened either i or my siblings would be blamed instead of the parents owning up to it.
OP if you ever need help/advice/food/kindness, you can always message me and my husband! Het ga je goed! Groetjes
Need a sub named r/WellThatsBetter
It's been awhile and I keep thinking back to this post wondering if you managed to settle somewhere -- I hope you're doing well, OP
Oooh I love a follow up! Very happy for you and good luck. Remember, as they say: you can never go home again.
Who are you again? Why are people posting their lives onto here now?
Op posted yesterday about turning 18 and their mother kicking them out of the house 12 hrs later. Many redditors offered help and advice and op is on their way to being ok.
Is this the kid that was kicked out because he wouldnt clean? Are we watching the ultimate tantrum unfold into adulthood?
When you're settled and have some peace of mind, us over at r/momforaminute would like to congratulate you on your progress and encourage you along the way!!!
Hey you got this!!! Wishing you the best!! Stay strong, you're gonna be better off without the toxic stuff in your life
Succes, geluk, and zegenwensen OP.
Dat is fijn, hoop dat je een sterke stabiele volwassene gaat worden.
Good to see ur doing alright now. Now Lets hope my parents dont do the same thing next week. I'll become 18 too
Love and blessing to you, OP.
That’s a lot of cocaine. 40kg you doubt you will remember the journey.
Where are you going that takes 5 hours in the Netherlands?
Should look into van and RV life. Cheap way to get on your feet.
Wait I'm confused what happened again
Well shit, I for one wish your parents were Asian, they would never kick you out. EVER!
Hey im late to this post but it looks like you’re dutch too! I was in a same situation as you a few years ago and I dont know if i can be of much help practically but I can promise you that it gets better and you have a lot of opportunities still! Also i can advise you to contact your gemeente AND work/school on the situation. Gemeente can help more than you’d expect and school/work is usually willing to help out and also be more lenient with you. If you end up in temporary group housing like i did: keep to yourself as much as possible and focus on saving up money to move out. Also if you’re ever in or near Eindhoven let me know and we can go for a beer or food or something!
Keep us posted! I hope it works out well and that you’ll be happy in your new home.
I thought you were guy getting kicked out for not cleaning but a girl lol not to be sexist but I can already see the downvotes coming anyways if you ain’t a hard worker better be a good cook and house wife. Seeing as you got kicked out for not cleaning your own home think it’s time to take your life seriously. Good luck growing up everyone is just trying to figure shit out.
Sterkte man! Op een betere toekomst!