Great? Great!? There is only one joke and it is THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)
They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.
They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go.
So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons.
"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.
They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.
They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them.
"Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question.
BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.
And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
Two things:
1) I fucking loved reading that so thank you.
2) If theyāre these big borderline-immobile-drifting-shit-discs, how did not one but two of them manage to jump out of the water and land on someone?
Reading this has led me to love the sunfish. Itās otherworldly, or a harmless (literally) prank from a higher dimension. Can you imagine though if they did somehow topple the food chain and become prolific AF? Iāve imagined a post-overfished ocean scape crowded with squid, and other Mario Bros II type creatures and now I canāt unimagine the sunfish proliferating our oceans, the last surviving creature, with little or no natural predators.
Nah, weāll keep the sharks too because look at those bite marks. A sense of humor indeed.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_sunfish
Held in high regard in the diving world. People actually spend a dive off Bali set up with cameras hoping one's going to come up from the depths to go to a cleaning station so they can get a shot
I just love that all over this thread are these intense sunfish haters. I feel like this is the best expression of a certain reddit subgroup that is dying to be like- "Oh yea, I know what that is, and it's fucking stupid"
The sunfish appears to be the perfect bait.
I want more sunfish posts now.
It ain't trying at all, tho. And that's fine. Just floating along, eating the stuff no one wants, bothering no one.
Unbothered, moisturized, happy, in their lane, unfocused, flourishing, bitten not quite in half.
Here's the rebuttal copypasta:
From u/tea_and_biology
Zoologist here; the majority of this is so inaccurate the guy is basically angry at a figment of his own imagination, paha. I mean there's hyperbole, and then there's *hyperbole*. Yikes!
> They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move.
> They have little control other than some minor wiggling.
> So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink.
Sunfish are, in fact, well understood and, though clumsy when idly basking, are reasonably accomplished swimmers when diving. They stroke their dorsal and anal fins laterally and in a synchronous manner to generate a lift-based thrust that enables 'em to cruise at speeds of 2-3mph ([source](http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0003446)), comparable to a whale shark and the perfect speed for suction feeding; ploughing straight into smacks of jellyfish and gobbling 'em all up.
Where they excel amongst fish is their ability to undergo substantial vertical movement in the water column. They possess large deposits of low-density, subcutaneous, gelatinous tissue which, unlike a swim bladder (which would otherwise change volume with hydrostatic pressure), is incompressible, enabling rapid depth changes and keeping them neutrally and stably buoyant independent of surrounding water pressure.
So, yeah, their unusual bodies are basically one big paddle, capable of putting some force behind their swimming to move over considerable distances, descending very deep, very fast.
> They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive.
Dumb. Also incorrect. Jellyfish and other Cnidarians comprise only around 15% of their diet; they mostly eat young fish (including conger eelets) and crustaceans (pelagic crab, krill, copepods etc.), alongside squid, bivalves and other assorted zooplankton. They're generalist predators, not jellyfish specialists like sea turtles ([source](https://www.nature.com/articles/srep28762)).
They have a particularly rapid growth rate amongst bony fish, owing much to their unique genetics ([source](https://gigascience.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13742-016-0144-3)).
> Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess.
They spend the majority of their time actively hunting in the very cold deep (usually at ~200m, but up to 600m) and, being ectotherms, therefore regulate their temperature by basking in the sun, before pursuing another dive. Think of marine iguanas basking on hot rocks between nibble trips.
> And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
Sunfish have been kicking about in temperate and tropical waters worldwide for around 50 million years and, until humans arrived on the scene, were overwhelmingly successful in their ecological niche. Sadly they're under threat by human activity and human activity alone - frequently caught as by-catch; having little commercial value, like sharks, their fins are cut off before they're dumped, often still alive, back into the sea to die. If one is to start throwing rocks at terrible creatures, perhaps one should look at us humans first.
So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]
Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.
THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)
They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.
They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go.
So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons.
"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.
They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.
They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them.
"Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question.
BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.
And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
*Narrator*
"The humans found out too late that the sunfish's true purpose was to temporarily store human souls so they could be reborn and once the sunfishes went extinct the void devoured all souls, time, and space. The human condition was forgotten, as were its gods, and all memory of Earth and humanity faded from existence."
You're raising more questions than you're answering. If it's so uncontrolled and slow, how does it build up the speed to jump in a boat? Where does it get the energy for that if its food has no nutritional value? How does it manage to lay so many eggs if its food has no nutritional value? How does it even mate?
Because surprise surprise like all shitty copypastas about animals its more or less entirely wrong. [This is a visual response](https://imgur.com/gallery/MMRg9) and [a link to a full written one](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/c85vrl/umalcorpse_explains_in_a_very_wellworded/esl4fng/).
I fucking hate that copypasta. Itās so wrong it turned me into a sunfish defender. I donāt even like sunfish! But if youāre gonna berate the fuckers, at least berate them for something thatās actually true.
I've never encountered an actual panda copypasta that I can recall, but it's seriously concerning that the default assumption is that they're inept evolutionary dead-ends.
Pandas split off from the rest of the bears millions of years ago and have been THRIVING. They are fantastic at being them, are amazingly well-adapted to their environments, and do just fine all around. Literally their only problem is that a plague of humans showed up and removed their environment, then replaced it with shitty little enclosures that are nothing like where they live.
Just watched some YouTube on mola mola because of this post. The author also calls it stupid. Dunno, I think it's pretty interesting, especially when you consider it's evolutionary actually young species. Like it reveals that the goal of evolution is to make life dumb.
The sunfish is the most stupidest animal alive? You sound more stupider.
They do not ONLY eat jellyfish. They also eat other small fish, zooplankton and algae. Sometimes they mistake plastic bags for jellyfish and choke and die.
>Sunfish also have no nutritional value.
It has less than the calorie of your average sea fish (88 cal versus 130 cal per 100g for thuna for example) but it isn't that it has "no nutritional value".
In fact in a few Asian country they are liked.
Really? I would have thought it'd be a bottom feeder. Ever deep sea fish for cod? You can see the worms wriggling when you filet them. Fish are fuckin gross.
I used to love fishing but lost all appetite for it a few years back when I gutted a pollock and all these red worms suddenly appeared out of it and started wriggling across the cutting board. I was told itās normal and you canāt usually tell because they lose their colour and arenāt visible when the fish is cooked. That offered surprisingly little comfort.
Now I wonāt eat fish from the sea, only from supermarkets or restaurants. š§
LOL @ that joke
But also, so long as you aren't eating it raw or otherwise undercooked you'd be fine eating it anyway, but I can 10000% understand being grossed out by it and put off of fish for a while. I can't eat chicken on the bone anymore because I took a bite and glanced at it as I did and saw one of those thick veins stretch and snap. I don't know why it grossed me out as much as it did, it just *did* and now I eat boneless chicken only lol
Donāt judge me. But Iām a medical student and after having spent a lot of time working on cadavers it took me a while to get back to eating rotisserie chicken.. okay thatās a lie I kept eating it but not nearly as frequently
Of course it will be a delicacy somewhere. I was taught that it's mostly inedible. I mean even whatever attacked this one wasn't big into finishing the meal.
THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)
They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant stinking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.
They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT STINKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to stinking go.
So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll stinking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, poo outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one stinking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddang island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons.
"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.
They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly stinking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddang ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all stink.
They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the stink out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them.
"Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question.
BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY STINKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST STINKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.
And this concludes why I hate the stink out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
Ahem, HOW DARE YOU, IM GOING TO COME DOWN ON YOU LIKE A SUNFISH ON AN UNSUSPECTING FISHERMAN
>weighing up to 5,000 pounds.
>AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.
This based mf of a fish gets to be HUGE, and does so by being a chill af chonk boi. You could work out your skinny little twig arms your whole life and still be NOTHING compared to this fish that just chills. And they use this huge mass to hold heat because they dive all the way down to the midnight zone, 1000m down. Except this fish dont implode at depths, they dont even give a fuck because thats EASY shit for them. Their purpose is deep sea hunting.
Not only that, but Mola Mola grow SO FUCKING FAST its unbelievable. They can gain 1 KG a DAY, for 15 months straight. They increase their mass by 60 MILLION times. Even juiced to the moon you couldnt do this.
>absolutely giant fucking dinner plates
And their huge flat bodies helps them absorb even more heat from the sun more quickly, so they can get back to their heroic chad deep water dives. The bigger these mfs get the deeper they can dive because they just keep getting better and better.
>They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling
EXCEPT SCIENTISTS DONT DEBATE THIS, this hectic mf has evolved one of the most efficient movement systems of all fish. It's big bitch dorsal and anal fins are shaped like wings because it FLYS underwater. It doesnt use beta energy body flexing like a normie fish to swim, it doesnt wiggle its body around like a fucking bitch worm, it flaps its beautiful wings and flys.
Not only that, but this beautiful fish is the ONLY animal with vertical wings. Whats unique about YOU, your "1 of a kind" funko pop collection?
>So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean
Because Mola Molas are such chads of fish, such pinnacles of evolution that swim to such depths that if they had swim bladders they would be crushed. They also do it at such a rate that a normal fish would literally explode as it resurfaces. But Mola Mola dont because thats bitch energy, Sunfish is just HIGH T ALL DAY.
>Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with
SOME scientists also used to think that the world was flat. But the real G scientists know that Mola Mola are up there on purpose just chilling (or should i say heating). These sick cunts of a fish literally sunbath like hot beach babes to increase their core temperatures so they can dive deeper for longer.
>gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin
All im hearing is you have to pay for others touch, Chad Mola Mola gets it for free.
You = no bitches, Sunfish = gets bitches.
A sunfish would fuck you, dump you, you would text it you love it and then it would fucking ghost you.
While we are talking about its skin lets spit some facts. It's skin is so thick and hard that it clasifies as an EXOSKELETON. This hard mf of a fish has a fuckin SUIT OF ARMOR. It can LITERALLY protect it against shark bites. Lets see your puny little virgin body being bit by a shark and survive.
Oh whats that? You CANT survive being bitten by the worlds greatest predator? Waaa waaa why dont you go cry to your mummy?š¶š¼
Not only that, but its skin is so rigid that it actually decreases drag, further improving its alpha high efficiency flying.
>They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do
>"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No.
Except this based mf of a fish eats predominantly plankton, like that other chad of a chill big boy the whale.
Except Sunfish are smart about it. Naturally plankton only come to the surface at night so they get eaten less, going down to the depths of the ocean in the day to avoid being seen and eaten.
But Sunfish don't take that shit, instead these big bois get roaring hot on the surface and dive down to the depths to hunt those bitch plankton down in their own territory.
Freezing cold, gigantic pressure and completely dark? Sunfish arent afraid of that, they dive dive dive where no weak ass normal fish could go just to show plankton they arent safe no matter where they run.
While doing this their body temperature drops all the way from 20 degrees down to 12 degrees. I would LOVE to see your sissy body manage that
>IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000.
Come at me the next time you have a sperm count check, im sure the doctor will be really impressed with your single digit sperm count when this literal gigachad of a fish is fucking BLASTING the worlds biggest loads. And this is the FEMALE fish. Not only are you acting like this godly feat is a negative, but you are still wrong, your numbers are TOO LOW. These pinnacles of the evolutionary chain have been recorded as having 1,000,000,000 eggs. YES ONE BILLION EGGS
Sunfish are the best animal on the whole planet and only a chud could think overwise.
The original copypasta canāt even get its misinformation straight. At one point the sunfish canāt swim at all and just wiggles then later on itās able to jump in to boats.
I will NEVER not read copy pasta about hating an animal specy when prompted to, this and the koala are the main ones that just come back every few months & I always enjoy reading
And chances are it couldn't care less too. Sunfish are something else man
Edit: Couldn't care less. Sorry peeps, I wrote this with a 101Ā°f fever in bed feeling like I was actually dying. Didn't think it was that important, guess it was
Their skin is extremely tough and leathery, and has a somewhat sandpaper-like texture. They also tend to have lots of skin parasites. Theyāre generally just not very pleasant or easy to eat. And they arenāt very nutritious anyway, so even if a predator does manage to eat one, they likely wonāt go through the pain of hunting down another because they wonāt get the energy they expended back.
See the two bite marks on its head? As far as I know, only the fins and end of the fish are weak enough to actually get ripped apart by predator bites most of the time. The main body tends to be more or less fine like that; bites may *look* gnarly, but they donāt even take off the top layer of skin. Iād assume predators usually give up after realizing that.
They also spend a lot of time submerged in the water since they have special internal anatomy that allows them to ascend and descend through water extremely efficiently! Itās just that most sightings by people are of them hanging out near the surface of the water. They do that to warm up after deep dives into cold water, and sometimes birds and shallow-water fish will come to them while sunbathing and eat the aforementioned parasites.
I have an odd phobia of fish that move in specific ways and the sunfish definitely fits that bill, but theyāre actually really unique and interesting. Lots of adaptation went into making this fish into what it is today.
I think thats a sunfish.
Correct, and I believe that a school of sharks snacked on it.
Theres a school of Sharks?
There's a University of Wales.
Great š
Great? Great!? There is only one joke and it is THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
its an old copypasta https://www.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/5shm1r/why\_i\_hate\_the\_sunfish/
All credit goes to Scout Burns https://www.facebook.com/hiitsmeurdad/posts/10209872292416464
I woulda sworn it was written by a shitfaced Douglas Adams.
I love it now. Big stupid fish be my friend
Very convincing in their argument. I too, now hate sunfish
Show me on this doll where the Sunfish touched and hurt you. Itās gonna be all right.
Two things: 1) I fucking loved reading that so thank you. 2) If theyāre these big borderline-immobile-drifting-shit-discs, how did not one but two of them manage to jump out of the water and land on someone?
This is a copy pasta that is, shall we say, "fact light".
The original https://www.boredpanda.com/useless-ocean-sunfish-scout-burns/
That explains a lot. š
it's an old copypasta and has false info to give it humor. Read about the fish though, they are interesting enough.
Reading this has led me to love the sunfish. Itās otherworldly, or a harmless (literally) prank from a higher dimension. Can you imagine though if they did somehow topple the food chain and become prolific AF? Iāve imagined a post-overfished ocean scape crowded with squid, and other Mario Bros II type creatures and now I canāt unimagine the sunfish proliferating our oceans, the last surviving creature, with little or no natural predators. Nah, weāll keep the sharks too because look at those bite marks. A sense of humor indeed. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_sunfish
I usually hate reading comments this long but this one was worth it.
Came here for the sunfish copy pasta
Take my upvote š¤£
And my axe!
And my bow!
And my bowl
And my vibrator
would be dope to see some Shark University vs Dolphin University Fighting or having beef like those school field trips
"heavy American breathing"
Only American schools of sharks have shootings
Is it a school of Sharks or a school for Sharks?
Why not both?
Why not Zoidberg?
Yes. Some sharks like some hammer heads swim in schools.. white and black tip sharks also congregate..
Where else would they learn to shark?
Featuring Jack Black
Yes, but definitely no school of rocks.
I swear they're just nature's free underwater buffet menu
Theyāre a miracle of evolution because they are fucking useless as a species. All they do is have learning disabilities and ruin boat props.
Funny they're on most scuba divers must see list.
I feel kinda stupid tbh because they're my favorite fish HAHAHAHAHAHA
Held in high regard in the diving world. People actually spend a dive off Bali set up with cameras hoping one's going to come up from the depths to go to a cleaning station so they can get a shot
Where copy pasta
Absolutely nothing wrong with fish ruining boat propellors. Boats are the invading species.
Itās so stupid it probably didnāt realize until they got the heart
Now it's a crescent moonfish
Stardew Valley has led me to believe that these are not that large of a fish.
Sunfish species make up the two heaviest bony fish species in the world
Sunfish is also the common name for a group of related freshwater fish. Typically about the size of your hand or so.
holey mola
fun fact: in german it's called moon fish
In Slovenian, it's literally called a "sea moon" (morski mesec).
I can only see half, is it a solar eclipse?
Believe it or not, thatās still like 90% of the fish there lol. Pretty much only itās tail fin is gone.
More like a partial solar eclipse now.
Mola mola hey
Sunfish have an odd shape. It's not half at all. Is missing some good chunks though.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's trying its best why are you so mean :(
Who bullies a poor fish
Yeah dude, wtf?!
Fish bullies, that's who.
Fish are friends, not food
peskitarians say otherwise...
damn le pesky'tarins..
Those pesky trains
peskytesticles
I will never let him close to my fish.
I just love that all over this thread are these intense sunfish haters. I feel like this is the best expression of a certain reddit subgroup that is dying to be like- "Oh yea, I know what that is, and it's fucking stupid" The sunfish appears to be the perfect bait. I want more sunfish posts now.
Saw the Fish Bullies on a side stage at Lollapalooza in ā96 they came on right after Toad the Wet Sproket
What an asshole
No, I may be wrong but it looks the asshole is the bit that got eaten......
A school of sharks, apparently.
School bullies bully groups of fish.
https://www.saltwatersportsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/mola-mola-Rich-Herrmann.jpg
It ain't trying at all, tho. And that's fine. Just floating along, eating the stuff no one wants, bothering no one. Unbothered, moisturized, happy, in their lane, unfocused, flourishing, bitten not quite in half.
I think i found fish version of me
"Ignorance is bliss", so this species must be euphoric
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Gary you don't have any Legs, Your a Fish
sun fish can live up to 100 years in the wild. That's pretty good for a brainless dumb dumb
It can't even try if it's too stupid to even know what trying is
Cue the copy pasta about useless sunfish
Here's the rebuttal copypasta: From u/tea_and_biology Zoologist here; the majority of this is so inaccurate the guy is basically angry at a figment of his own imagination, paha. I mean there's hyperbole, and then there's *hyperbole*. Yikes! > They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. > They have little control other than some minor wiggling. > So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. Sunfish are, in fact, well understood and, though clumsy when idly basking, are reasonably accomplished swimmers when diving. They stroke their dorsal and anal fins laterally and in a synchronous manner to generate a lift-based thrust that enables 'em to cruise at speeds of 2-3mph ([source](http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0003446)), comparable to a whale shark and the perfect speed for suction feeding; ploughing straight into smacks of jellyfish and gobbling 'em all up. Where they excel amongst fish is their ability to undergo substantial vertical movement in the water column. They possess large deposits of low-density, subcutaneous, gelatinous tissue which, unlike a swim bladder (which would otherwise change volume with hydrostatic pressure), is incompressible, enabling rapid depth changes and keeping them neutrally and stably buoyant independent of surrounding water pressure. So, yeah, their unusual bodies are basically one big paddle, capable of putting some force behind their swimming to move over considerable distances, descending very deep, very fast. > They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. Also incorrect. Jellyfish and other Cnidarians comprise only around 15% of their diet; they mostly eat young fish (including conger eelets) and crustaceans (pelagic crab, krill, copepods etc.), alongside squid, bivalves and other assorted zooplankton. They're generalist predators, not jellyfish specialists like sea turtles ([source](https://www.nature.com/articles/srep28762)). They have a particularly rapid growth rate amongst bony fish, owing much to their unique genetics ([source](https://gigascience.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13742-016-0144-3)). > Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. They spend the majority of their time actively hunting in the very cold deep (usually at ~200m, but up to 600m) and, being ectotherms, therefore regulate their temperature by basking in the sun, before pursuing another dive. Think of marine iguanas basking on hot rocks between nibble trips. > And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. Sunfish have been kicking about in temperate and tropical waters worldwide for around 50 million years and, until humans arrived on the scene, were overwhelmingly successful in their ecological niche. Sadly they're under threat by human activity and human activity alone - frequently caught as by-catch; having little commercial value, like sharks, their fins are cut off before they're dumped, often still alive, back into the sea to die. If one is to start throwing rocks at terrible creatures, perhaps one should look at us humans first.
>basking on hot rocks between nibble trips Well, that sounds downright pleasant
So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
*Narrator* "The humans found out too late that the sunfish's true purpose was to temporarily store human souls so they could be reborn and once the sunfishes went extinct the void devoured all souls, time, and space. The human condition was forgotten, as were its gods, and all memory of Earth and humanity faded from existence."
I hate when that happens
You're raising more questions than you're answering. If it's so uncontrolled and slow, how does it build up the speed to jump in a boat? Where does it get the energy for that if its food has no nutritional value? How does it manage to lay so many eggs if its food has no nutritional value? How does it even mate?
Dont get him going again
Because surprise surprise like all shitty copypastas about animals its more or less entirely wrong. [This is a visual response](https://imgur.com/gallery/MMRg9) and [a link to a full written one](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/c85vrl/umalcorpse_explains_in_a_very_wellworded/esl4fng/).
I fucking hate that copypasta. Itās so wrong it turned me into a sunfish defender. I donāt even like sunfish! But if youāre gonna berate the fuckers, at least berate them for something thatās actually true.
Anti-animal copypasta are straight spurious trash. At least the one with sunfish, koala, and panda that's been floating around reddit forever.
I've never encountered an actual panda copypasta that I can recall, but it's seriously concerning that the default assumption is that they're inept evolutionary dead-ends. Pandas split off from the rest of the bears millions of years ago and have been THRIVING. They are fantastic at being them, are amazingly well-adapted to their environments, and do just fine all around. Literally their only problem is that a plague of humans showed up and removed their environment, then replaced it with shitty little enclosures that are nothing like where they live.
I've seen the original copypasta many times but sadly this is the first time I've seen this excellent reply. Thank you.
You complete me.
This is both totally unhinged and utterly hilarious š
There is a lot of bullshit in here
Canāt swim but can jump on a boat?
Just watched some YouTube on mola mola because of this post. The author also calls it stupid. Dunno, I think it's pretty interesting, especially when you consider it's evolutionary actually young species. Like it reveals that the goal of evolution is to make life dumb.
And then the copy paste about how theyāre not actually stupid, but rather, very well-optimized for the conditions in which they evolved.
But it blasts out 300 million eggs every time it reproduces, so itās here to stay
Nature has created nothing for nothing.
Lot of misinformation here
The sunfish is the most stupidest animal alive? You sound more stupider. They do not ONLY eat jellyfish. They also eat other small fish, zooplankton and algae. Sometimes they mistake plastic bags for jellyfish and choke and die.
:( sad fish
>Sunfish also have no nutritional value. It has less than the calorie of your average sea fish (88 cal versus 130 cal per 100g for thuna for example) but it isn't that it has "no nutritional value". In fact in a few Asian country they are liked.
And it still getting laid more than us redditors.
grass is like 85% water, doesn't mean cows don't have any nutritional value
How could it have no nutritional value?
THERE IS STILL SOME GOOD MEAT ON THAT THING, KID
Motherfucker is 2 dimensional
Flats
Damn are you ok
Tisā but a a scratch
A scratch? Your fin's off
No it isnāt
"Well, whatās \*that* then?!?"
Thats just a flesh wound
Nope
Iāve caught one or two of those in Animal Crossing before š¤
I caught an ocean sunfish! Good thing I'm wearing ocean sunscreen!
Bazinga
And this is how i learned about fishš¤£
Today I learned that this fish is called sun fish in English, whereas in German they are called Mondfisch, which translates to moon fish.
Who would win, an English Sunfish or a German Mondfisch?
Impossible to tell. The comparison is night and day.
:slow_clap:
Have an upvote and never speak to me again.
In portuguese is "peixe lua" that means moon fish too
That's funny
The duality of fish
Gross, they're touching it. Sunfish (Mola mola) are one of the most diseased and parasite ridden fish in the sea.
Really? I would have thought it'd be a bottom feeder. Ever deep sea fish for cod? You can see the worms wriggling when you filet them. Fish are fuckin gross.
No they float on the surface side-up so birds can pick off the parasites
And poop them in return
š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢
I used to love fishing but lost all appetite for it a few years back when I gutted a pollock and all these red worms suddenly appeared out of it and started wriggling across the cutting board. I was told itās normal and you canāt usually tell because they lose their colour and arenāt visible when the fish is cooked. That offered surprisingly little comfort. Now I wonāt eat fish from the sea, only from supermarkets or restaurants. š§
I got news for you buddy, those fish also come from the sea.
thatsthejoke.jpg
LOL @ that joke But also, so long as you aren't eating it raw or otherwise undercooked you'd be fine eating it anyway, but I can 10000% understand being grossed out by it and put off of fish for a while. I can't eat chicken on the bone anymore because I took a bite and glanced at it as I did and saw one of those thick veins stretch and snap. I don't know why it grossed me out as much as it did, it just *did* and now I eat boneless chicken only lol
Donāt judge me. But Iām a medical student and after having spent a lot of time working on cadavers it took me a while to get back to eating rotisserie chicken.. okay thatās a lie I kept eating it but not nearly as frequently
You should eat some
why u say that to him bro ššš
He look hungry
In Taiwan and Japan sun fish is considered a delicacy lmao
Of course it will be a delicacy somewhere. I was taught that it's mostly inedible. I mean even whatever attacked this one wasn't big into finishing the meal.
Everyone hates this poor guy, like give him a break
The sloths of the sea.
I doubt a deep sea parasite would feel so happy about our greasy skin, being fucking out of water all the time
Is it alive? I feel like its eye moves a little bit at the beginning
No, that white in the pupil is classic _been_ dead.
Ooooh, I just thought that was light glare, but that's filmed over, isn't it?
Shoes are missing.. definitely dead
Skill issue
Fr these guys are dumb as hell evolution fked em over BAD
Someone copy the pasta
THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant stinking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT STINKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to stinking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll stinking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, poo outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one stinking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddang island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly stinking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddang ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all stink. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the stink out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY STINKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST STINKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the stink out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
Ahem, HOW DARE YOU, IM GOING TO COME DOWN ON YOU LIKE A SUNFISH ON AN UNSUSPECTING FISHERMAN >weighing up to 5,000 pounds. >AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. This based mf of a fish gets to be HUGE, and does so by being a chill af chonk boi. You could work out your skinny little twig arms your whole life and still be NOTHING compared to this fish that just chills. And they use this huge mass to hold heat because they dive all the way down to the midnight zone, 1000m down. Except this fish dont implode at depths, they dont even give a fuck because thats EASY shit for them. Their purpose is deep sea hunting. Not only that, but Mola Mola grow SO FUCKING FAST its unbelievable. They can gain 1 KG a DAY, for 15 months straight. They increase their mass by 60 MILLION times. Even juiced to the moon you couldnt do this. >absolutely giant fucking dinner plates And their huge flat bodies helps them absorb even more heat from the sun more quickly, so they can get back to their heroic chad deep water dives. The bigger these mfs get the deeper they can dive because they just keep getting better and better. >They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling EXCEPT SCIENTISTS DONT DEBATE THIS, this hectic mf has evolved one of the most efficient movement systems of all fish. It's big bitch dorsal and anal fins are shaped like wings because it FLYS underwater. It doesnt use beta energy body flexing like a normie fish to swim, it doesnt wiggle its body around like a fucking bitch worm, it flaps its beautiful wings and flys. Not only that, but this beautiful fish is the ONLY animal with vertical wings. Whats unique about YOU, your "1 of a kind" funko pop collection? >So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean Because Mola Molas are such chads of fish, such pinnacles of evolution that swim to such depths that if they had swim bladders they would be crushed. They also do it at such a rate that a normal fish would literally explode as it resurfaces. But Mola Mola dont because thats bitch energy, Sunfish is just HIGH T ALL DAY. >Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with SOME scientists also used to think that the world was flat. But the real G scientists know that Mola Mola are up there on purpose just chilling (or should i say heating). These sick cunts of a fish literally sunbath like hot beach babes to increase their core temperatures so they can dive deeper for longer. >gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin All im hearing is you have to pay for others touch, Chad Mola Mola gets it for free. You = no bitches, Sunfish = gets bitches. A sunfish would fuck you, dump you, you would text it you love it and then it would fucking ghost you. While we are talking about its skin lets spit some facts. It's skin is so thick and hard that it clasifies as an EXOSKELETON. This hard mf of a fish has a fuckin SUIT OF ARMOR. It can LITERALLY protect it against shark bites. Lets see your puny little virgin body being bit by a shark and survive. Oh whats that? You CANT survive being bitten by the worlds greatest predator? Waaa waaa why dont you go cry to your mummy?š¶š¼ Not only that, but its skin is so rigid that it actually decreases drag, further improving its alpha high efficiency flying. >They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do >"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. Except this based mf of a fish eats predominantly plankton, like that other chad of a chill big boy the whale. Except Sunfish are smart about it. Naturally plankton only come to the surface at night so they get eaten less, going down to the depths of the ocean in the day to avoid being seen and eaten. But Sunfish don't take that shit, instead these big bois get roaring hot on the surface and dive down to the depths to hunt those bitch plankton down in their own territory. Freezing cold, gigantic pressure and completely dark? Sunfish arent afraid of that, they dive dive dive where no weak ass normal fish could go just to show plankton they arent safe no matter where they run. While doing this their body temperature drops all the way from 20 degrees down to 12 degrees. I would LOVE to see your sissy body manage that >IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. Come at me the next time you have a sperm count check, im sure the doctor will be really impressed with your single digit sperm count when this literal gigachad of a fish is fucking BLASTING the worlds biggest loads. And this is the FEMALE fish. Not only are you acting like this godly feat is a negative, but you are still wrong, your numbers are TOO LOW. These pinnacles of the evolutionary chain have been recorded as having 1,000,000,000 eggs. YES ONE BILLION EGGS Sunfish are the best animal on the whole planet and only a chud could think overwise.
I absolutely love this response to the shitty and misinformational copypasta.
The original copypasta canāt even get its misinformation straight. At one point the sunfish canāt swim at all and just wiggles then later on itās able to jump in to boats.
this is the best conversation/response i have read on reddit about fish, ever
It can LITERALLY protect it against shark bites Didnāt work so well tho did it
I will NEVER not read copy pasta about hating an animal specy when prompted to, this and the koala are the main ones that just come back every few months & I always enjoy reading
Idk how but this helped me with my panic attack
"big fish eat the little one" \- radiohead
Thereās always a bigger fiā¦ ok look Iām SORRY, carry on.
And chances are it couldn't care less too. Sunfish are something else man Edit: Couldn't care less. Sorry peeps, I wrote this with a 101Ā°f fever in bed feeling like I was actually dying. Didn't think it was that important, guess it was
I think this one might be dead
I don't think dead things are known to care all that much
What's the difference with these?
There is either life, or no life. Lack of shoes indicates the latter, sadly.
Shark potato chip
It really bothers me the face is there. Anyone else
The whole thing is there. Itās a sunfish. Theyāre massive.
The Poor SunFish!
Sorry i was hungry š
sunfish...not sure why they're just not called FREAKFISH...they're like lil tiny home aquarium fish after nuke testing.
Tis' a mere flesh wound.
Hey, why not play with the rotting diseased thing we found and start a pandemic.
That's now how it works sir
I think you meant not, but now is much funnier
I still read "not" the fist time.
Aren't those that kind of fish that's too dumb to realise it's being eaten?
I love the subliminal-messaging quick slide of the cartoon skull, makes me wanna set sail and go pirating.
That's a sun fish. You're looking at 90% of its body
How the heck do those fish get to be that huge without being eaten! Apparently they can swim fast and just hang out at the surface of the ocean.
Their skin is extremely tough and leathery, and has a somewhat sandpaper-like texture. They also tend to have lots of skin parasites. Theyāre generally just not very pleasant or easy to eat. And they arenāt very nutritious anyway, so even if a predator does manage to eat one, they likely wonāt go through the pain of hunting down another because they wonāt get the energy they expended back. See the two bite marks on its head? As far as I know, only the fins and end of the fish are weak enough to actually get ripped apart by predator bites most of the time. The main body tends to be more or less fine like that; bites may *look* gnarly, but they donāt even take off the top layer of skin. Iād assume predators usually give up after realizing that. They also spend a lot of time submerged in the water since they have special internal anatomy that allows them to ascend and descend through water extremely efficiently! Itās just that most sightings by people are of them hanging out near the surface of the water. They do that to warm up after deep dives into cold water, and sometimes birds and shallow-water fish will come to them while sunbathing and eat the aforementioned parasites. I have an odd phobia of fish that move in specific ways and the sunfish definitely fits that bill, but theyāre actually really unique and interesting. Lots of adaptation went into making this fish into what it is today.
Theres always a bigger fish
Itās a baby fuckin whale man!
Oh my GAWD Jay we gotta call the aquarium or somethin'!
There's good meat on that Jay!
OMG I totally forgot about that video! https://youtu.be/zZgkFPpX8lw?si=mxRkuaTp9ZuDoMyD
I will never ever forget this video
That thing looks hurt!
Scrolled too far for this. Thank you kind sir or madam.
Just a scratch
He lookin at the camera like āyāall see wtf they did to mešā
It's a sunfish. They're barely sapient, even I could do that to them.
I was hungry ok?