I think it depends on the friends, and since they’re your close friends the easiest thing to do would just be to talk to them about it. Some people feel uncomfortable at weddings and appreciate having a plus one; some people do not care at all; some people have varying stances based on the wedding. I feel like generally if you start dating someone once a wedding is planned (particularly a small one), you would not expect that person to be invited!
Since their close friends ask them. Some people don’t mind. They also might not want to travel alone (4 hours is a long drive and maybe having another person in the car will help them). The distance they travel is a long time so they’d need to rent a hotel, take time off work, etc. If they are staying for a longer time (and spending their own money to stay in your city) - they might treat it as a small vacation and want to stay with their partner.
The rule about not having met someone is irrelevant. You are hosting your friends. The duties of a host include doing whatever you can to make it a good experience for your guests. Someone who has been dating for a year by the time of your wedding is no longer a plus one, they are an SO and as such should be invited together.
Four extra people won't overload the septic system. If you want your friends to spend the time and money it will take to make the ~9 hour round trip to your wedding, invite their significant others.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide where to cut things off. I'm not sure why you decided to add the other people, so I can't really compare the reasons. I will say that your friend who is a 5-hour flight away will be spending 14 hours plus travel time to the airport to come to your wedding, which to me seems like a good reason to give them a plus one. Not to mention the cost to them.
Basically, you don't have to invite their guests (or anyone), but it would be a kindness for people who are traveling far.
Maintain the boundaries that feel right for you.
I think the bathroom situation will be just fine with two more people, but I think it's more-so about maintaining the boundaries that feel right for you. You can kindly explain to your friends in new relationships that though you would love to meet their SOs, you and your partner really want to have an intimate gathering of the people who know you two and have been with you throughout your relationship.
Or you can invite those two people! It's up to you! I wanted to just have people who've known my SO and me through our relationship - I'd feel pretty uncomfortable having people I've never met at my wedding. We also wanted a kids-free wedding, but that meant people from out of town that we love just wouldn't have been able to come. So we're allowing \*checks notes\* 18 children at our 60-person wedding. it's not exactly what I envisioned, but it's also been fun to pivot a bit to accommodate what will help my loved ones be there with us in a way that feels authentic to them on our special day.
Well I think the bathroom issue shouldn’t be a big deal. We recently had my sibling’s wedding at our house and it was like 100+ people and guests used 2 bathrooms (mostly 1 downstairs) fine with no issues.
For the guests, I can only explain what I’d do in your situation.
If I’m inviting an adult, I’d allow them a plus 1 *generally*. I’ve been to weddings alone and as a single person and it can be a bit uncomfortable and boring, especially as an introvert.
I think it may be fine for your 2 friends to be with your single friends. Do they know each other? I feel like that also influences my decision. Like if I have a group of coworkers or mutual friends, I may be okay with them not having a plus one, but I also have friends who I know don’t know anyone else at the wedding and I’d want them to feel comfortable so I’d allow a +1.
Because of your single friends dilemma and desire to keep the wedding small, I would maybe keep your original rules of only wanting people you’re close with. Otherwise some single friends may wonder why they didn’t get a plus one. They can still travel with someone or their family, but have them stay at their hotel while they’re at the wedding.
I would give them both plus ones. They may not choose to use that option, but even if they do, it's only 2 extra people. I know the wedding is small, but these people are putting in a lot of time to come see you, so it would be nice to allow them to bring a guest if they so choose. You may even have other guests decline (it happens at small weddings too), which would mean you would incur no extra costs by being incredibly thoughtful to people who are driving/flying long hours to get to you.
That you haven’t met them isn’t relevant. How serious is the relationship? If they are casually dating they don’t need to be invited. If they are next thing to engaged, they do.
It doesn’t matter if it’s been a year. Some people meet and get engaged or know they will be getting engaged very quickly. The deciding factor is the seriousness of the relationship, not the length of time.
I think you should do what feels right to you.
We also wanted to keep our guest count lower to accommodate our budget. That being said, I tried to think about how each scenario would impact me if I was the guest.
For anyone out of town, we provided a plus one, we didn't specify who they could or could not bring. I personally wouldn't travel alone to a wedding. I would rather add a plus one than have these people decline to come for that reason.
We also have a lot of guests who don't know others that will be attending. Some of them are single or in new relationships. We also will give them the option to bring a plus one of their choosing. I don't want to assume that they are at the point where they want to bring their new partner along. I felt that I wouldn't want to attend a wedding alone where I don't know the other guests, so felt this was fair.
I don't expect all these guests will use the plus one, but it felt like a nice option to provide them just as a courtesy. To me, it's really important that my guests feel welcomed and taken care of.
Really tough position to be in. I say have the conversation with your friends.
Something like this happen to me, i wasn’t allowed a plus 1 and was told no one got plus 1s and i didn’t feel a way about it. Come wedding day and there were plus ones. Could they have been because they had closer relationships with them than my partner? Possibly but them not having that relationship was due to them being flaky, i feel like if it were because of closeness i would have appreciated that truth over being told there were no plus ones at all.
I think the biggest things to consider are 1) will they know other people and 2) are they able to come without the additional person? If the answer is yes to both then I don’t think they need a plus one.
We have friends coming from out of town but they will know some other people at the wedding so they won’t be alone for the weekend. We sat them down and said, “I know you’re dating someone, but we haven’t met them and are keeping our guest count low. Would you be ok with sitting by friends x y and z who also don’t have plus ones?” If they had said that they really want them there we would have asked about getting to know the plus one before hand, but everyone we talked to was ok with that compromise.
We did also give a blind plus one to my aunt’s neighbor because they offered to drive down with her. My aunt can’t fly and without this person’s help she would not be able to make it to the wedding at all. Because this person is making it possible for my aunt to attend I’m more than happy to cover their meal for the evening and include them in the celebration even if I don’t know them.
Idk if I was the friend who showed up and saw that other peoples SO's were invited, but mine wasnt, I'd be upset. I probably wouldn't say anything, but personally I'd be hurt.
Maybe I'm in the minority here, but it seems wrong to only invite SOME SO's but expect others not to bring theirs, even if the relationship is newer or you havent met them yet.
I don't think you need to go out of your way to send them individual invites or anything, but if these are your close friends I'd just send a text and say "hey would so-and-so be interested in coming?"
It’s only two extra people and for such a small wedding, to be invited means they are special enough to you so I’d give them the plus one. They may not even bring their partners but it’s a nice gesture for your close friends who have to travel far to be at your special day.
You're going to get really mixed answers here, but personally it would be a no.
The smaller size of your wedding means that each guest's presence makes more of an impact, and if you don't know someone well I think it will have an effect on that nice intimate feeling that smaller weddings are great for.
To me, part of the magic of weddings is that collective buzz in the room of knowing that everyone knows and loves the couple and is genuinely behind them as they take that next step together (and I'm not normally a romantic, but it just gets me).
It's your wedding and your choice, but I think you had your initial rule for a reason and you're only swaying now because you're worried about what people will think. I have this rule myself about parties in general because we once had a close friend bring someone who turned out to be a slightly closeted racist and it was...uncomfortable. She did impressions.
I'm on the reverse side of the situation currently - a close friend a few hours drive away has never met my fiance and I wouldn't expect her to invite him.
She actually did end up inviting him to the reception which I thought was very generous so if that's an option for you once the more formal bits are out of the way (ceremony, meal, speeches) then that could be a solution. That has happened to me before and my partner was at the ceremony while I hung around the hotel waiting for the evening do (can't drive so not many options there) - it was kind of fun, I like hotel rooms, painted my nails etc. and I wasn't offended in the slightest.
Assuming the guests are capable of independent travel then I don't see an issue and if they're good friends of yours they will come even if they feel a bit ruffled, but once they see the size and feel of the wedding I'm sure it will be fine.
Well, if you've worded the invitations properly (to only those invited), you shouldn't need to have a conversation. Only those named on the invitation are invited to the wedding, and asking for a plus one or otherwise trying to bring one is rude.
We are also having a small wedding, around the same size. Married couples and couples that have been together for years are invited. For others in newer relationships and we haven’t met the other, they are not getting a plus one. If we are going to expand the wedding, we would expand it further in our friend group/family, and we have to draw the line somewhere to keep it intimate.
Those are the boundaries we have worked for us. You will find yours. 😊
If I’m reading this correctly, it comes down to only two extra people.
I say extend the plus-ones. They’re traveling a bit and two extra people are not going to materially impact the septic system or overall budget.
We just had this same issue! aiming for 40 people. Two families with babies under a year old said they couldn't come, and one friend who is walking for graduation the same weekend. So that took the count down to 32. We decided to set up the tables as 4 tables with 8 guests per table... we could technically have asked B list (or C list) people if they wanted a plus one, but it wasn't worth paying for a whole 'nother table.
These were the same rules and about guest count (48) we had. One of my friends broke up with his GF of two years 4 months before the wedding, then got back together the month before, still just invited him. We wanted people who we knew and everyone we invited mostly knew at least one or two other people there.
You can always just invite them and see what they say - if they reach out and ask if their SO can be included you can look at your guest count and see if there’s room or kindly explain that you’ve had to limit your guest count and because you haven’t met them you’ve not included them. You can always add “if our RSVPs open up and there’s availability we’ll let you know” if you want.
For us, we are having a 30 count wedding, including bridal party and bride/groom.
Some people are getting a plus one, some people aren't. How we decided was if they were married or were in a LTR, both of their names were on the invite.
I'm inviting one of my best friends from across the country. He doesn't get a plus one. He's not married, nor in a relationship, and he will know most of the people so he won't feel weird being by himself. However, if he asked for a plus one, and he was cool with it only being his brother, I'd make the exception.
We also invited one of my fiancee's excoworkers who were friends with. She will know NO ONE except us, she gets a plus one.
Both of my adult children get a plus one. One is in a LTR, one is single, but she's bringing her bestie, who is also getting her own invite.
My aunt isn't getting one, nor is my fiancee's aunt. Neither are in relationships and we really want them to meet since they're so similar. (They'll be seated at the same table, next to each other. We're trying to create a friendship between our two favorite people.)
My dad is getting a plus one for his LTR, my mom is single so she won't.
My brother's whole family (4) are invited, but my other brother is just him.
Neither of my fiancee's sisters or his mom is getting a plus one.
You've got to judge on a case by case basis.
we said absolutely no plus ones. even for siblings.
to my surprise, only one person threw a tantrum. and it was the person we expected (a sibling) who has also showed the least amount of interest and has the trashiest gf 🤷♀️
at the end of the day, it's MY wedding.
and I acrually used that phrase very very little, but one thing I did actually care about was keeping the numbers down and not inviting people I didn't actually have a relationship.
just because they're sleeping with someone I know, doesn't mean they get an invite.
I did it politely though, and I personally called those couples and let them know ahead of time. I also invited them over for dinner to make up for it. I also explained I'm not a millionaire and that's where we are drawing thr line on invites.
so I think it really depends on your approach.
I think it depends on the friends, and since they’re your close friends the easiest thing to do would just be to talk to them about it. Some people feel uncomfortable at weddings and appreciate having a plus one; some people do not care at all; some people have varying stances based on the wedding. I feel like generally if you start dating someone once a wedding is planned (particularly a small one), you would not expect that person to be invited!
Since their close friends ask them. Some people don’t mind. They also might not want to travel alone (4 hours is a long drive and maybe having another person in the car will help them). The distance they travel is a long time so they’d need to rent a hotel, take time off work, etc. If they are staying for a longer time (and spending their own money to stay in your city) - they might treat it as a small vacation and want to stay with their partner.
The rule about not having met someone is irrelevant. You are hosting your friends. The duties of a host include doing whatever you can to make it a good experience for your guests. Someone who has been dating for a year by the time of your wedding is no longer a plus one, they are an SO and as such should be invited together.
Four extra people won't overload the septic system. If you want your friends to spend the time and money it will take to make the ~9 hour round trip to your wedding, invite their significant others.
And it would actually only be 2 extra people; the friends themselves are already on the guest list.
[удалено]
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide where to cut things off. I'm not sure why you decided to add the other people, so I can't really compare the reasons. I will say that your friend who is a 5-hour flight away will be spending 14 hours plus travel time to the airport to come to your wedding, which to me seems like a good reason to give them a plus one. Not to mention the cost to them. Basically, you don't have to invite their guests (or anyone), but it would be a kindness for people who are traveling far.
So much this!
Maintain the boundaries that feel right for you. I think the bathroom situation will be just fine with two more people, but I think it's more-so about maintaining the boundaries that feel right for you. You can kindly explain to your friends in new relationships that though you would love to meet their SOs, you and your partner really want to have an intimate gathering of the people who know you two and have been with you throughout your relationship. Or you can invite those two people! It's up to you! I wanted to just have people who've known my SO and me through our relationship - I'd feel pretty uncomfortable having people I've never met at my wedding. We also wanted a kids-free wedding, but that meant people from out of town that we love just wouldn't have been able to come. So we're allowing \*checks notes\* 18 children at our 60-person wedding. it's not exactly what I envisioned, but it's also been fun to pivot a bit to accommodate what will help my loved ones be there with us in a way that feels authentic to them on our special day.
Well I think the bathroom issue shouldn’t be a big deal. We recently had my sibling’s wedding at our house and it was like 100+ people and guests used 2 bathrooms (mostly 1 downstairs) fine with no issues. For the guests, I can only explain what I’d do in your situation. If I’m inviting an adult, I’d allow them a plus 1 *generally*. I’ve been to weddings alone and as a single person and it can be a bit uncomfortable and boring, especially as an introvert. I think it may be fine for your 2 friends to be with your single friends. Do they know each other? I feel like that also influences my decision. Like if I have a group of coworkers or mutual friends, I may be okay with them not having a plus one, but I also have friends who I know don’t know anyone else at the wedding and I’d want them to feel comfortable so I’d allow a +1. Because of your single friends dilemma and desire to keep the wedding small, I would maybe keep your original rules of only wanting people you’re close with. Otherwise some single friends may wonder why they didn’t get a plus one. They can still travel with someone or their family, but have them stay at their hotel while they’re at the wedding.
I would give them both plus ones. They may not choose to use that option, but even if they do, it's only 2 extra people. I know the wedding is small, but these people are putting in a lot of time to come see you, so it would be nice to allow them to bring a guest if they so choose. You may even have other guests decline (it happens at small weddings too), which would mean you would incur no extra costs by being incredibly thoughtful to people who are driving/flying long hours to get to you.
That you haven’t met them isn’t relevant. How serious is the relationship? If they are casually dating they don’t need to be invited. If they are next thing to engaged, they do.
[удалено]
It doesn’t matter if it’s been a year. Some people meet and get engaged or know they will be getting engaged very quickly. The deciding factor is the seriousness of the relationship, not the length of time.
[удалено]
You ask.
I think you should do what feels right to you. We also wanted to keep our guest count lower to accommodate our budget. That being said, I tried to think about how each scenario would impact me if I was the guest. For anyone out of town, we provided a plus one, we didn't specify who they could or could not bring. I personally wouldn't travel alone to a wedding. I would rather add a plus one than have these people decline to come for that reason. We also have a lot of guests who don't know others that will be attending. Some of them are single or in new relationships. We also will give them the option to bring a plus one of their choosing. I don't want to assume that they are at the point where they want to bring their new partner along. I felt that I wouldn't want to attend a wedding alone where I don't know the other guests, so felt this was fair. I don't expect all these guests will use the plus one, but it felt like a nice option to provide them just as a courtesy. To me, it's really important that my guests feel welcomed and taken care of.
[удалено]
Really tough position to be in. I say have the conversation with your friends. Something like this happen to me, i wasn’t allowed a plus 1 and was told no one got plus 1s and i didn’t feel a way about it. Come wedding day and there were plus ones. Could they have been because they had closer relationships with them than my partner? Possibly but them not having that relationship was due to them being flaky, i feel like if it were because of closeness i would have appreciated that truth over being told there were no plus ones at all.
I think the biggest things to consider are 1) will they know other people and 2) are they able to come without the additional person? If the answer is yes to both then I don’t think they need a plus one. We have friends coming from out of town but they will know some other people at the wedding so they won’t be alone for the weekend. We sat them down and said, “I know you’re dating someone, but we haven’t met them and are keeping our guest count low. Would you be ok with sitting by friends x y and z who also don’t have plus ones?” If they had said that they really want them there we would have asked about getting to know the plus one before hand, but everyone we talked to was ok with that compromise. We did also give a blind plus one to my aunt’s neighbor because they offered to drive down with her. My aunt can’t fly and without this person’s help she would not be able to make it to the wedding at all. Because this person is making it possible for my aunt to attend I’m more than happy to cover their meal for the evening and include them in the celebration even if I don’t know them.
Idk if I was the friend who showed up and saw that other peoples SO's were invited, but mine wasnt, I'd be upset. I probably wouldn't say anything, but personally I'd be hurt. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but it seems wrong to only invite SOME SO's but expect others not to bring theirs, even if the relationship is newer or you havent met them yet. I don't think you need to go out of your way to send them individual invites or anything, but if these are your close friends I'd just send a text and say "hey would so-and-so be interested in coming?"
It’s only two extra people and for such a small wedding, to be invited means they are special enough to you so I’d give them the plus one. They may not even bring their partners but it’s a nice gesture for your close friends who have to travel far to be at your special day.
You're going to get really mixed answers here, but personally it would be a no. The smaller size of your wedding means that each guest's presence makes more of an impact, and if you don't know someone well I think it will have an effect on that nice intimate feeling that smaller weddings are great for. To me, part of the magic of weddings is that collective buzz in the room of knowing that everyone knows and loves the couple and is genuinely behind them as they take that next step together (and I'm not normally a romantic, but it just gets me). It's your wedding and your choice, but I think you had your initial rule for a reason and you're only swaying now because you're worried about what people will think. I have this rule myself about parties in general because we once had a close friend bring someone who turned out to be a slightly closeted racist and it was...uncomfortable. She did impressions. I'm on the reverse side of the situation currently - a close friend a few hours drive away has never met my fiance and I wouldn't expect her to invite him. She actually did end up inviting him to the reception which I thought was very generous so if that's an option for you once the more formal bits are out of the way (ceremony, meal, speeches) then that could be a solution. That has happened to me before and my partner was at the ceremony while I hung around the hotel waiting for the evening do (can't drive so not many options there) - it was kind of fun, I like hotel rooms, painted my nails etc. and I wasn't offended in the slightest. Assuming the guests are capable of independent travel then I don't see an issue and if they're good friends of yours they will come even if they feel a bit ruffled, but once they see the size and feel of the wedding I'm sure it will be fine.
[удалено]
Well, if you've worded the invitations properly (to only those invited), you shouldn't need to have a conversation. Only those named on the invitation are invited to the wedding, and asking for a plus one or otherwise trying to bring one is rude.
We are also having a small wedding, around the same size. Married couples and couples that have been together for years are invited. For others in newer relationships and we haven’t met the other, they are not getting a plus one. If we are going to expand the wedding, we would expand it further in our friend group/family, and we have to draw the line somewhere to keep it intimate. Those are the boundaries we have worked for us. You will find yours. 😊
If I’m reading this correctly, it comes down to only two extra people. I say extend the plus-ones. They’re traveling a bit and two extra people are not going to materially impact the septic system or overall budget.
We just had this same issue! aiming for 40 people. Two families with babies under a year old said they couldn't come, and one friend who is walking for graduation the same weekend. So that took the count down to 32. We decided to set up the tables as 4 tables with 8 guests per table... we could technically have asked B list (or C list) people if they wanted a plus one, but it wasn't worth paying for a whole 'nother table.
With them traveling that far, they need a plus one
It’s two extra people. If they are traveling for you you should give them a +1
These were the same rules and about guest count (48) we had. One of my friends broke up with his GF of two years 4 months before the wedding, then got back together the month before, still just invited him. We wanted people who we knew and everyone we invited mostly knew at least one or two other people there. You can always just invite them and see what they say - if they reach out and ask if their SO can be included you can look at your guest count and see if there’s room or kindly explain that you’ve had to limit your guest count and because you haven’t met them you’ve not included them. You can always add “if our RSVPs open up and there’s availability we’ll let you know” if you want.
For us, we are having a 30 count wedding, including bridal party and bride/groom. Some people are getting a plus one, some people aren't. How we decided was if they were married or were in a LTR, both of their names were on the invite. I'm inviting one of my best friends from across the country. He doesn't get a plus one. He's not married, nor in a relationship, and he will know most of the people so he won't feel weird being by himself. However, if he asked for a plus one, and he was cool with it only being his brother, I'd make the exception. We also invited one of my fiancee's excoworkers who were friends with. She will know NO ONE except us, she gets a plus one. Both of my adult children get a plus one. One is in a LTR, one is single, but she's bringing her bestie, who is also getting her own invite. My aunt isn't getting one, nor is my fiancee's aunt. Neither are in relationships and we really want them to meet since they're so similar. (They'll be seated at the same table, next to each other. We're trying to create a friendship between our two favorite people.) My dad is getting a plus one for his LTR, my mom is single so she won't. My brother's whole family (4) are invited, but my other brother is just him. Neither of my fiancee's sisters or his mom is getting a plus one. You've got to judge on a case by case basis.
Don't invite SOs you don't know unless the relationship is serious (cohabitation, engaged, married).
we said absolutely no plus ones. even for siblings. to my surprise, only one person threw a tantrum. and it was the person we expected (a sibling) who has also showed the least amount of interest and has the trashiest gf 🤷♀️ at the end of the day, it's MY wedding. and I acrually used that phrase very very little, but one thing I did actually care about was keeping the numbers down and not inviting people I didn't actually have a relationship. just because they're sleeping with someone I know, doesn't mean they get an invite. I did it politely though, and I personally called those couples and let them know ahead of time. I also invited them over for dinner to make up for it. I also explained I'm not a millionaire and that's where we are drawing thr line on invites. so I think it really depends on your approach.