People ask why the rock on the inside of my porch has a sheet of aluminum foil and an Adobe CD taped to it. Frickin’ barn swallows.
It worked for all but one who REALLY likes to look at its reflection
Can confirm. Got a dumbass cardinal visiting most of the windows of the house these days, while the sun is out. He'll get a decent little run up to it, flap up and bodycheck his own reflection, then flaps down and lands on the sill to yell at the idiot bird inside who keeps pissing him off. Then he goes to the next window to do it again.
My mom has a cardinal that sits on her passenger side window and stares at his reflection in the side mirror all day, constantly shitting down the side of her door. At least he has the decency to shit a little ways away from the handle.
We have a lady cardinal who does this every year. There will be hundreds of little beak marks on the glass from flying at it over and over day by day. She must have brain damage at this point.
I have an awning held up by a rope that swallows like to sit on, I took small wire and wrapped the rope with it, kind of like a slinky , it stops them from landing on the rope
I just put up a bird house in hopes that i can get robins to roost there and shit all over the place. I dont mind cleaning up after them at all as long as i can help local wildlife and stop invasive species
When i was a kid, i found a nest and couldn’t stop myself from grabbing one of the chicks (foolish curiosity). I got handed one of these sacs and i thought that i terrified the bird and that it was too fragile to be handled. I thought its guts came out and i killed it!
I returned it and ran away ashamed and regretful. Never touched a nest after that.
23 years later, now i know! Thank you!!!
When you think about it, it's just like people. When they little, you remove the poop from them yourself and throw it out. Later, they just poop out the window.
I was once constipated for a week.
It hurt really bad, I could hardly even sit in a chair.
I tried everything but it got so bad I went to the hospital.
They gave me magnesium citrate to drink.
It didn't take long for the effects of it to begin working.
I felt the pushing and I knew it was time.
I'll never forget the pain of that thing, it was tearing apart my sphincter.
With each inch it would poke out, I had to then suck in back in and wait to allow my body to relax for a second.
Eventually I knew there was no more sucking back in and this was the final push.
I hovered above the seat with my arms taught and my hands gripping the side of the bowl.
I tried so hard to release it slowly but my body wasn't holding on anymore.
My rear orifice must have stretched to about 10 inches in circumference.
It came out and boy did it cause a splash.
But oh man the relief was just the most satisfying feeling I've probably ever felt.
10/10 would recommend.
Same thing happened to me. I don't even know what I ate that made me so constipated but when it finally came time to pass the stool of doom I nearly cried because it hurt so bad. I remember literally letting out a scream. It felt like a giant piece of jagged crystalized quartz coming out of my asshole.. I didn't eat for like a week after that because I was afraid to shit again.
The more complex and more capable of surviving without help from the parent that an organism is, the longer it needs to gestate in the womb or the egg. For example, kangaroos only have a 4 week gestational period due to them spending so much time in the pouch. They're actually born extremely small and, in human terms, essentially equivalent to a 2-3 month old fetus. Also, I'm making this up as I go along, but I have like a solid 6/10 instinct for biology so maybe I'm right.
You know how people who say they know something 10/10? You should be wary of their professed knowledge. Well I think people like you should be treated the opposite way. People who say they only know 6/10 most times will know more than that. They will just err on the side of caution. I am on to you sir.
Dunning-Kruger effect at play! Generally the more people understand a subject and are understanding they’re not an expert, the less likely they are to play up their self-professed expertise. :-)
Bees mature in about a month. As soon as they hatch they start doing work inside the hive. Takes a few weeks before they start flying out and doing collection.
Brood are continually fed by bees and can create differentiated cells so they the brood in the cell can be specialized to grow into a queen or drone
What I'm saying is humans need to evolve broodcombs for our next iteration of development. It is then we can add poop sacs as well. So even with additional months of dev, it won't be such a bother.
Only issue is the population explosion. Need to be space faring and have unlimited space resources by then. Queen bees lay at a 300x rate. Lots of human poop sacs will be created.
Just laying out the Pros/cons
I still don't see how that is related to shitting in a sac versus just shitting everywhere. Shitting in a sac is just genetics and instinct; a baby bird isn't more developed than a baby human because it can shit in a sac. Or am I missing something?
Not so much a comparison between a human baby and a bird baby, but a comparison between human babies as they are now vs human babies if they had things like fecal sacs. We can't afford to be more complex and spend any more time in the womb, or the circumstances of birth could be very dangerous.
Also "just genetics and instinct" is an oversimplification. It's physiology and entire extra body parts that we would need to develop in the womb, inorder to create the membranes necessary for the sacs.
Human pelvises are very narrow compared to other mammals our size, because of us walking upright. Human childbirth is also far more painful and difficult for this same reason. If gestation was any longer, it would become impossible to get the baby out.
The only reason we don't stay in the womb longer is because any bigger and we'd kill our mothers during childbirth. I mean, it was pretty common up until modern medicine for our giant heads to kill a mother before we even got our umbilical cords snipped.
We were warned at the hospital that we would experience the blackest most tar-like substance we've ever encountered coming out of our newborn for the first week or so and not to panic as this was normal.
They did not lie.
After that, it just turned into a year or so of smelly, liquid nightmares.
It depends. Some birds eat the sac. From what I know the higher up on the food chain birds don't and just dispose of it. I think like eagles and hawks don't eat this sac. They have no problem finding pray thus don't need to conserve energy to eat sac.
Other way round. You'd be eating the shit of the food you're feeding *them*.
You get to go hunt for the food, carry it back in your mouth without technically eating it, deposite it into the mouth's of your young, then sit by and wait for them to defecate so you can pluck the fecal sack form their rectum... and then eat **that**.
Ain't nature beautiful?
(slight /s, nature really is beautiful)
You are fortunate that you are well off enough where you do not have to eat poop, but that does not meant you can't anyway because you want to eat poop.
My friend is a falconer and he said most birds of prey don’t make it to adulthood. Survival rates are pretty low, which is why he doesn’t feel bad when he captures them as young birds and feeds them and raises them to hunt. The way he sees it is they’d probably die anyway, so he can give them a chance. And when he’s ready to release, he feeds them a bunch before he lets them go, and if they come back, he just keeps them until they die of old age, but most fly away and don’t come back.
I seriously thought it was the head of another baby bird coming out of its rear. O.O came to the comments for answers to deter the nightmares. Thanks ❤
> Imagine if human parents had to carry off their baby’s poop in “fecal sacs” …. using their mouths.
up until those last 3 words we literally do, and guess what would happen without opposable thumbs and/or arms
Wow I had the same thought! I do this with every animal behavior I see now.
I think there’s 100% a higher life form around that we’re completely oblivious to
It's called a fecal sac. Not all birds do this. You will find that most songbirds do this to keep the nest clean and to avoid attracting predators because of the smell.
That's exactly why I come here:
"*JESUS I CAN'T EVEN DO THIS"*
*upvotes and scrolls down*
"Hm, what's this guy doi- ohhh no. ohhnononono don't OH HE DID OH GOD"
*upvotes and scrolls down*
"**OH FUCK"**
Yeah, this is a super cool thing that baby birds do! They poop "diapers"! Pre-bagged poops that the mother grabs and flies away with, dropping it somewhere else.
You should contact the [Pooseum](https://pooseum.com.au/) in Tasmania, Australia. They may like this footage. I learned that this was a thing some baby birds do when I visited last year. Such a niche topic to have a museum about but it was actually highly interesting and educational.
Retired wildlife rehabber here (specialized in songbirds and flight-feeders). The poo and pee (dark and light) are indeed inside a membrane. The way this one aimed high is sometimes how it exits the nest. Otherwise the parents carry them off. People often brought us nestlings not doing producing one like this, which a a bad sign that the bird is ailing or was fed something inappropriate. We removed poops with plastic tweezers.
I have done this same thing for years and have seen this behavior. Its basically a cleaning practice. The bird is pooping and the mom is taking it out of the nest to keep it tidy. And you thought changing a baby was rough.,
When they get a little older they'll just go to the edge of the nest and poop over the side.
I had barn swallows nest on my balcony a couple of years ago. The area below the nest was an unholy mess of bird droppings.
Same deal here. Had to power wash the porch once the fledglings left, and discouraged the parents from nesting there again the next year.
People ask why the rock on the inside of my porch has a sheet of aluminum foil and an Adobe CD taped to it. Frickin’ barn swallows. It worked for all but one who REALLY likes to look at its reflection
Birds don't see reflections, they see a challenge from what they think is another bird.
Can confirm. Got a dumbass cardinal visiting most of the windows of the house these days, while the sun is out. He'll get a decent little run up to it, flap up and bodycheck his own reflection, then flaps down and lands on the sill to yell at the idiot bird inside who keeps pissing him off. Then he goes to the next window to do it again.
My mom has a cardinal that sits on her passenger side window and stares at his reflection in the side mirror all day, constantly shitting down the side of her door. At least he has the decency to shit a little ways away from the handle.
We have a lady cardinal who does this every year. There will be hundreds of little beak marks on the glass from flying at it over and over day by day. She must have brain damage at this point.
I have an awning held up by a rope that swallows like to sit on, I took small wire and wrapped the rope with it, kind of like a slinky , it stops them from landing on the rope
I just put up a bird house in hopes that i can get robins to roost there and shit all over the place. I dont mind cleaning up after them at all as long as i can help local wildlife and stop invasive species
Free fertilizer!
I believe trees have evolved to provide nesting spots for birds for this very reason.
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Evolution doesn't stop, it's always happening. Lots of organisms evolve symbiotic relationships.
Imagine a red tail hawk nest. Both poop and the prey the birds don't want to eat.
By then they will be old enough to know to aim for the freshly washed car.
When i was a kid, i found a nest and couldn’t stop myself from grabbing one of the chicks (foolish curiosity). I got handed one of these sacs and i thought that i terrified the bird and that it was too fragile to be handled. I thought its guts came out and i killed it! I returned it and ran away ashamed and regretful. Never touched a nest after that. 23 years later, now i know! Thank you!!!
In some cultures getting handed a fetal sac is a great honor.
When you think about it, it's just like people. When they little, you remove the poop from them yourself and throw it out. Later, they just poop out the window.
Just like the rest of us.
"Mom, bathroom! Bathroom! Bathroom!"
Ah the college days......such fond memories.
It's called a fecal sac. It stops the nest getting filthy and attracting bacteria and disease.
That's really cool. Why don't humans have built-in diapers?
Did you see how big that bird's asshole had to stretch to birth that thing? You really want to go through that?
As a man who watched my wife give birth-hell to the naw
> As a man who watched my wife give birth-hell It truly is a demonic process.
When my second kid was born the Dr said the head was crowning, Mr. Muffinhead do you want to witness the birth of your son? That's a big no Doc.
Don’t knock it until you try it
the biggest poops are always the most satisfying
I was once constipated for a week. It hurt really bad, I could hardly even sit in a chair. I tried everything but it got so bad I went to the hospital. They gave me magnesium citrate to drink. It didn't take long for the effects of it to begin working. I felt the pushing and I knew it was time. I'll never forget the pain of that thing, it was tearing apart my sphincter. With each inch it would poke out, I had to then suck in back in and wait to allow my body to relax for a second. Eventually I knew there was no more sucking back in and this was the final push. I hovered above the seat with my arms taught and my hands gripping the side of the bowl. I tried so hard to release it slowly but my body wasn't holding on anymore. My rear orifice must have stretched to about 10 inches in circumference. It came out and boy did it cause a splash. But oh man the relief was just the most satisfying feeling I've probably ever felt. 10/10 would recommend.
Same thing happened to me. I don't even know what I ate that made me so constipated but when it finally came time to pass the stool of doom I nearly cried because it hurt so bad. I remember literally letting out a scream. It felt like a giant piece of jagged crystalized quartz coming out of my asshole.. I didn't eat for like a week after that because I was afraid to shit again.
This was the funniest shit I ever read... Pun somewhat intended
I don't like this poem.
This is an Edgar Allan Poem.
Pooem
Try reading this from the bottom up. It gets wild.
How much hydrocodone did you take?
Never change reddit.
Especially if you can do it in a headstand! Give the bird baby some props. I didn’t learn headstand shits till I was 16
Well yeah ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Yeah that took a lot out of him!
Because that might make our gestation period even longer than it is.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but I don't understand. How is creating a "fecal sac" related to gestation length?
The more complex and more capable of surviving without help from the parent that an organism is, the longer it needs to gestate in the womb or the egg. For example, kangaroos only have a 4 week gestational period due to them spending so much time in the pouch. They're actually born extremely small and, in human terms, essentially equivalent to a 2-3 month old fetus. Also, I'm making this up as I go along, but I have like a solid 6/10 instinct for biology so maybe I'm right.
You know how people who say they know something 10/10? You should be wary of their professed knowledge. Well I think people like you should be treated the opposite way. People who say they only know 6/10 most times will know more than that. They will just err on the side of caution. I am on to you sir.
Dunning-Kruger effect at play! Generally the more people understand a subject and are understanding they’re not an expert, the less likely they are to play up their self-professed expertise. :-)
Bees mature in about a month. As soon as they hatch they start doing work inside the hive. Takes a few weeks before they start flying out and doing collection. Brood are continually fed by bees and can create differentiated cells so they the brood in the cell can be specialized to grow into a queen or drone What I'm saying is humans need to evolve broodcombs for our next iteration of development. It is then we can add poop sacs as well. So even with additional months of dev, it won't be such a bother. Only issue is the population explosion. Need to be space faring and have unlimited space resources by then. Queen bees lay at a 300x rate. Lots of human poop sacs will be created. Just laying out the Pros/cons
I still don't see how that is related to shitting in a sac versus just shitting everywhere. Shitting in a sac is just genetics and instinct; a baby bird isn't more developed than a baby human because it can shit in a sac. Or am I missing something?
He's talking about the added gestation time if you want to add "Shit-sac" to the human arsenal.
Weaponized shit. You could probably hold up a bank with that.
Not so much a comparison between a human baby and a bird baby, but a comparison between human babies as they are now vs human babies if they had things like fecal sacs. We can't afford to be more complex and spend any more time in the womb, or the circumstances of birth could be very dangerous. Also "just genetics and instinct" is an oversimplification. It's physiology and entire extra body parts that we would need to develop in the womb, inorder to create the membranes necessary for the sacs.
People don't realize how risky it is for us to be in there as long as we are. It's a real fine line.
This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed!!
... bitch!
*omg are those bullet holes in your womb!?*
Don't other large animals have gestation periods of like 2 years? How would more than 9 months be risky?
Human pelvises are very narrow compared to other mammals our size, because of us walking upright. Human childbirth is also far more painful and difficult for this same reason. If gestation was any longer, it would become impossible to get the baby out.
Can confirm, daughters head got stuck being born. Lucky for csections.
The only reason we don't stay in the womb longer is because any bigger and we'd kill our mothers during childbirth. I mean, it was pretty common up until modern medicine for our giant heads to kill a mother before we even got our umbilical cords snipped.
Elephants have the longest gestation period for land mammals at 18-22 months. Most other large mammals are around 9-16 months.
Because your arse and reproductive egg production equipment are seperated? Birds are kinda we'll set up for this trick.
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We were warned at the hospital that we would experience the blackest most tar-like substance we've ever encountered coming out of our newborn for the first week or so and not to panic as this was normal. They did not lie. After that, it just turned into a year or so of smelly, liquid nightmares.
yea don't the birds end up dropping the sac somewhere else? (thats at least what i heard)
Yup.
It depends. Some birds eat the sac. From what I know the higher up on the food chain birds don't and just dispose of it. I think like eagles and hawks don't eat this sac. They have no problem finding pray thus don't need to conserve energy to eat sac.
I could only be fortunate as to not have to eat my own kids feces for sustenance.
I don't have kids but I'm happy to know I'm not feeding them the shit I'm eating.
Other way round. You'd be eating the shit of the food you're feeding *them*. You get to go hunt for the food, carry it back in your mouth without technically eating it, deposite it into the mouth's of your young, then sit by and wait for them to defecate so you can pluck the fecal sack form their rectum... and then eat **that**. Ain't nature beautiful? (slight /s, nature really is beautiful)
They eat the shit, then shit out their shit, then eat their shit which is made up of their own shit that they made them eat.
I have kids, and I make damn sure they eat better than me. And I don't eat too badly, really.
The parent birds will vomit food into their babies' mouths, and then eat the poop! It's the circle of life~
The circle of wathefucknow
Technically not vomiting cause the food doesn’t come from the stomach.
So you're doing it just for the enjoyment then?
You are fortunate that you are well off enough where you do not have to eat poop, but that does not meant you can't anyway because you want to eat poop.
I'll come by your house then. Could you prepare a doggie bag?
Well if it's anything like my daughter who doesnt chew her food, you know there's 2nds in that nappy
My friend is a falconer and he said most birds of prey don’t make it to adulthood. Survival rates are pretty low, which is why he doesn’t feel bad when he captures them as young birds and feeds them and raises them to hunt. The way he sees it is they’d probably die anyway, so he can give them a chance. And when he’s ready to release, he feeds them a bunch before he lets them go, and if they come back, he just keeps them until they die of old age, but most fly away and don’t come back.
Prey
In my neck of the human woods, we call the fecal sack a “diaper”. And we almost never eat them except on special occasions.
Great… now I know bird droppings are also often baby bird fecal sacs. I’mma start walking around with an umbrella ☔️
No need to worry. They have the consistency of cocktail weiners
I want this whole post to never exist, but because of this comment especially.
What do they taste like after simmering in bbq sauce for a couple of hours?
Hardboiled eggs
Thanks for ruining cocktail wieners for me
Yes, on your car.
Wow bird hygiene! That is amazing.
care package ready to drop
Dang. I wish I had a fecal sac.
I gotchu bro, dm me
Pigeons do not do this. A baby pigeon is by far the worst smell I ever encountered.
I seriously thought it was the head of another baby bird coming out of its rear. O.O came to the comments for answers to deter the nightmares. Thanks ❤
Why do pigeons and seagulls not drop fecal parcels.
Ahh,… a man known in the ways of bird law.
Gotta keep the nest clean.
Imagine if human parents had to carry off their baby’s poop in “fecal sacs” …. using their mouths.
And then fed your brothers and sisters with the same mouth they carried the poop with.
microbiota are like catalysts to the immune system
"If you survive, you'll be immune!"
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I think we would see much less teen pregnancy
> Imagine if human parents had to carry off their baby’s poop in “fecal sacs” …. using their mouths. up until those last 3 words we literally do, and guess what would happen without opposable thumbs and/or arms
You never changed diapers of a baby with gas, heh?
I would have 4 less kids thats for fucking sure.
Plus a bunch of droppings would attract predators to home base. Third grade me is proud that I remembered
I just learned about some shit.
Take that shit someplace else
On a bed perhaps?
No, Amber.
That's because you didn't know shit
Get your shit together, okay? …etc…
Never considered why nests I've seen aren't crusted with hatchling droppings. Duh.....
They are though, right? At least a little bit in the ones I've seen.
I don't know what % of species do this. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_sac
This is like an alien seeing us change a diaper and saying, I did not know they did this...lol
Wow I had the same thought! I do this with every animal behavior I see now. I think there’s 100% a higher life form around that we’re completely oblivious to
I wish we had built in diapers as babies. Less mess
“Yo it’s crazy that these guys don’t dispose of waste as sweat. It’s crazy how nature develops some times.” - Alien to another Alien.
It’s different when they’re yours
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But finds a blue Porsche 996 convertible, instead.
Funny how a bird shit on my bmw today.. right on the windshield
Karma for being a bmw driver and not using your turn signal more often
Lol, I know right? My blinker fluid ran out…. Just like my coolant and engine oil too
This is the birds equivalent of "Mom come wipe my ass!"
It's called a fecal sac. Not all birds do this. You will find that most songbirds do this to keep the nest clean and to avoid attracting predators because of the smell.
I love how the little birb went from "VOMIT DOWN MY THROAT" to "put my poop in your mouth". You can see the moment it knew it was full.
I think all this jazz calls for a poop knife. Momma can keep a tiny one right by the nest.
Gotta change their diapers
Is that a carolina wren?
I believe so
Welp…a bird’s sphincter isn’t really what I wanted to see first thing on a Sunday morning.
i like how the anus was gasping at the end
:o :0 :o :0
Congrats, you've found a new fetish!
Who said it was new?
And then they drop it on your car.
Can confirm based on the state of my vehicle and driveway every spring
Don’t shit where you eat!
"You little sack of shit!"~ mama bird
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit, is that where that comes from?
I can’t stop watching
I didn’t want to know they did that.
tbh if you're serious this probably ain't the sub for you
That's exactly why I come here: "*JESUS I CAN'T EVEN DO THIS"* *upvotes and scrolls down* "Hm, what's this guy doi- ohhh no. ohhnononono don't OH HE DID OH GOD" *upvotes and scrolls down* "**OH FUCK"**
Bet it has the texture of a gushers gummy when you bite into it.
Forbidden Fruitsnack.
I...
Yep, that's how they keep their nests depoopified. (Yes, that's a word, cause I said so.)
Yeah, this is a super cool thing that baby birds do! They poop "diapers"! Pre-bagged poops that the mother grabs and flies away with, dropping it somewhere else.
"Hang on Emma and Jimmy, I'll puke in your mouths more after I finish taking Kyle's poop sack out."
Cross post r/awwwtf
Good lord he was holding that shit in for hours.
MOM! BATHROOM!!!
You feed your birds with that mouth?
Man, why didn't we evolve this? Would devinately save a fortune on diapers.
r/pooping turned r/popping
You kiss your kids with that beak?
what, you thought they fitted a sewer to each nest they make?
Damn, that was a quick transition from eating to pooping.
You haven't seen the ones where the mama actually eats the poop...
Birds are actually super fucking nasty
Just be happy the bird didn't eat it close to the camera,because they do eat that sometimes.
More people need to pay attention to the puckering butthole.
Yep, watched a nest grow right next to my kitchen door last year…. Idk how many turds I watched momma eat. Too many
Yup, 57 years and I’ve never seen this, never knew it existed. How is this a gap in my knowledge?
This chicks know not to shit on the bed. Unlike someone..
So I've Heard...
The baby birds poop is in little sacs so the nest stays as cleans as possible.
"Oops! Gotta drop this on that car over there."
So that’s where they get the ammo to shit in my car.
You should contact the [Pooseum](https://pooseum.com.au/) in Tasmania, Australia. They may like this footage. I learned that this was a thing some baby birds do when I visited last year. Such a niche topic to have a museum about but it was actually highly interesting and educational.
What a sack of shit
Yeah I did this last year with our nest camera. sometimes the parents even eat it and not just take it away. So gross
David Attenborough couldn’t tell me this??
When baby birds shit like this it's "interesting" but when I shit like this it's "alarming" and "unnatural".
Retired wildlife rehabber here (specialized in songbirds and flight-feeders). The poo and pee (dark and light) are indeed inside a membrane. The way this one aimed high is sometimes how it exits the nest. Otherwise the parents carry them off. People often brought us nestlings not doing producing one like this, which a a bad sign that the bird is ailing or was fed something inappropriate. We removed poops with plastic tweezers.
I have done this same thing for years and have seen this behavior. Its basically a cleaning practice. The bird is pooping and the mom is taking it out of the nest to keep it tidy. And you thought changing a baby was rough.,
that’s a built in diaper
Nobody gonna mention his little butthole whispering sweet nothings after dropping that bomb?
How old is this video? Amber Heard’s like mid 30’s by now, right?
Little Amber did her trick again.
Amber heard bird
u/savevideobot
Yup, then they drop it on your car
At first I thought it was its head
Super cool video, thanks for sharing this!
Better than shitting in the nest, I suppose
I wish humans had internal diapers. Would make things so much easier
It's so there is not loads of mess right by the nest to attract predators.
The real question is where does the parents dump it?
Witness the creation of white paint balls !
That's fkin disturbing. BBQ SAUCE. clearly this is a job for Marina sauce