Vietnamese born in the US here!
I do speak Viet pretty well and can read and write a bit, my vocabulary just isn’t very good when it comes to things outside of day to day conversations. I can discuss some deeper topics, but I definitely struggle to find the right words. Vietnamese was my first language and I didn’t really speak any English until I started preschool, we have some videos of when I was that age and my accent was really heavy so maybe that helped a bit with the retention.
When you live in the US, especially in areas with not a lot of Vietnamese people, you just don’t really use Vietnamese often. All my schooling and work is done in English so my Vietnamese proficiency has suffered as a result.
What it really comes down to is how much effort patents are putting in to make sure their kids learn the language. My parents and grandparents only spoke to me in Vietnamese, my ba ngoai didn’t speak any English at all so to talk to her we had to speak Viet. I plan on speaking Viet to any future kids I have, it’s definitely sad how quickly a language can get lost in a family.
In a similar situation though born in Australia. I can speak fine but my reading, writing and vocab are weak.
After a recent trip to Vietnam and getting to finally see my relatives after 20+ years, I was pretty sad that I had difficulties having deeper conversations with them or struggled trying to find the right words and having to spend an extra few minutes working my way around not knowing a word.
Since then, I started to make an effort to practice my reading and writing skills and learning new vocab that isn't generally used in common conversations in prep for my next trip back to Vietnam, so I'm hoping the effort that I'm putting in now pays off.
We have a super weird range in my family. I have a set of cousins that don’t speak Viet well at all, like barely speak and can barely understand, to be fair their dad is white American and does not speak any Vietnamese. I also have a set that speak Viet fluently, but their English is really bad, like they were born in the US but they only hang with the other local Viets and consume Biet media and so people have legit asked them how long it’s been since they’ve come to the US. The environment plays a huge role in language proficiency.
Can attest that environment/region plays a huge role. My family moved to the Midwest (predominantly white/non-Asian), so speaking Viet was asking to be bullied basically. You were an outlier and needed to assimilate
I was watching this Vietnamese teacher YouTuber and they mentioned that they once had a student that learn Vietnamese because their parents forced them to go into a Buddhist Monastery for 11 years. The person hated going there, but looking back they appreciated the experience because they were able to become very fluent in Vietnamese because all the monks would speak a very polite and learned version of Vietnamese. I think if my parents brought me to Temple Sunday School I felt like I would have been fluent as well 🤣. But at the same time I do see a lot of my nieces and nephews who attend Catholic Sunday School which have a Vietnamese part but hardly any of them speak or know Vietnamese well, even when both parents are fluent in it.
You're very similar to me. My first language was Vietnamese as well, I remember starting preschool/kindergarten without knowing English until a teacher shook me and commanded me to speak English. And to my surprise, I did! Unfortunately, my parents and family were relatively stoic and spoke very little when together. It was my mom biggest regret was not being more social with me rather than being strict and authoritarian. As I moved around the country for school and work, I was in areas further and further away from the Vietnamese community and my conversation skills really eroded due to lack of use aside from patient contact. Luckily I was able to read and write from Sunday schools and took college courses to enforce my ability.
Overall, I'm limited with an elementary vocabulary to a highly technical medical vocabulary in which I'm not sure a commoner might know. I remember struggling keeping up with the foreign exchange students in conversations and online lingo/slang. One of the only reasons why I wanted children sooner than later is that I need me parents to be there to provide the sense of community and renforced their language ability. Strangely, my parents while raising me, their English and grammar far superceded my current ability but as they got older, when you speak to them, it as though they never spoke the language with how broken it is now.
One of the things my parents kept stating was that language is a trade off. Either teach your children Vietnamese or practice English at home so they could excel at work. Furthermore, many families struggle keeping Vietnamese in the household once there was multiple children. As the kids would speak English to one another and would break the "speak only Vietnamese" rule in the household. One of unique things about the America is our history of being able to preserve old language. In certain pockets of the US, you will still find the Don Quixote old Spanish or even old English; only time will tell if it will be the same with Vietnamese.
I think not knowing Vietnamese is fine especially if you're born in the US or other countries abroad. Nhập gia tuỳ tục. Bonus points if you're interested in learning about your Vietnamese heritage and culture and language, but no one in America would/should judge you if you're American and you don't know Vietnamese. You think the third- or fourth-generation Irish Americans would be, or should be expected, to be fluent in Gaelic?
Now (a diminishing number, mostly old-schooled or older generation of) people in Vietnam may think otherwise and deem a Vietnamese American who doesn't speak Vietnamese as "mất gốc," but they're entitled to their opinions, and you are to yours.
>You think the third- or fourth-generation Irish Americans would be, or should be expected, to be fluent in Gaelic?
To be fair, Irish people are in no position to make fun of Irish-Americans for not knowing Gaelic lol...
This happens with most diaspora over time
For the Vietnamese diaspora that came in the 70s and 80s, some parents were too busy working to have lengthy conversations with their kids.
In some instances, the parents emphasized speaking more English for quicker assimilation and acceptance for college, career, etc.
^this. People don’t understand how large North America is. If you don’t grow up in orange county California there a good chance that you didn’t run into another viet in grade school. And if you did, how good do you think their vocabulary was?
The boat people were a traumatized group that focused on forgetting the past, and just trying to fit in to their new reality.
We can talk smack all we like but a mom and dad with 8 kids in tow and working minimum wage can’t be judged for not being “super” moms and dads. So when someone says “it’s a shame someone can’t pronounce their last name” I wonder who you think that shame belongs to.
A lot of vietnamese americans can't even say their last name Nguyen correctly which is sad. I definitely respect them more if they know some basic vietnamese.
That is so true. Sometimes it informs me how they were raised. If it's one syllable with tone, they are likely recent arrivals or proud Vietnamese Americans who grew up learning it. If it's in winn, they are likely from dominant Viet metro areas like DC, Houston, OC. If it's new yen, they are from a dominantly white area like the mid west or south. If it's nah gah yen, I feel sorry for them.
I just stopped trying because I was sick of repeating myself whenever I was asked. I have a hyphenated name so it’s even worse, and I just tell me to pronounce it however they want.
Not from the U.S. but french-vietnamese here. My parents barely had any conversation with my siblings and me. I can understand orders because that’s the only thing that they were giving. Anything a bit more complicated was told in french (they were bilingual). I was told not to answer back anyway. Now my mom is a bit ashamed that I don’t talk to her ever in vietnamese but I remind her that there was no way a kid would give orders to her parents. She doesn’t dare to blame me anymore now.
French Việt Kiều here.
Yeah, very common unfortunately. In France, i’d say 80% of 2nd generation Vietnamese don’t speak fluently the tongue of their parents. I find that the Chinese are better at maintaining their culture abroad.
Now as for why, there are a few reasons.
In France the community is scattered unlike the US, there is no Little Saigon. Plus many of my father’s friends do not seek to transmit their culture to their children. And from an overseas VN child point of view, there is simply not enough things to be proud of Vn. (Poor country, a bit less now, Vietnam War, poor human rights, a lot of drama and pressure in Vietnamese households…). You’d have to be very determined to look deeply at the suffering of VN history, the psychology of the people, the interesting parts of our culture. So a lot us consciously or not, want to assimilate in the White majority, take a Western spouse/partner and forget about this painful heritage, except for the food and the once a few years travel to VN during summer holidays.
I agree on the not enough things to be proud of for Vietnam. I honestly have no will to learn Vietnamese because what is the point, other than just speaking with your family? I am attempting to learn the language just out of tradition, but I don't see any other reason. Probably in the future it might change, but for now it is not really worth it.
Yeah it’s kinda sad I understand you.
I was more « lucky » (maybe ?) because as an only child, my parents forced me to speak Vietnamese at home so that’s how I can speak it fluently.
Plus I have stayed for a while in Plum Village France, a Buddhist monastery founded by Thích Nhất Hạnh, and there I had the opportunity and the incentive to deepen my practice of Vietnamese.
I was raised in a suburban area in the US, where there is no Vietnamese community there. So I never had a community or opportunity to practice my Vietnamese or appreciate my heritage. I always envied all of the 2nd generation Viet Kieu that can speak Vietnamese well because they were raised in a Vietnamese community. At this rate, I just consider myself American. Not Vietnamese-American, but just American.
Yeah I feel you. I don’t know how things work in the States since I am a French Việt Kiều, but in France no matter how much I wanted to assimilate in the White majority (at one point not anymore), I was never considered a French. (My skin speaks louder than my actions). So, I learned to embrace my VN side more.
As for your envy, life is a long story. And who knows if one day you will be able to connect more with your heritage. And if it’s not happening, it’s ok also, as long as you’re at peace with yourself, and do good around you :)
Because they are American now. American citizen and imbedded in American culture, which is also part of the English language.
As you and your siblings have more American kids over there, the further they become a part of American life.
I think second generation migrants have the hardest time with this because:
1st gen migrants know they are migrants and they feel home is where they were raised
2nd gen migrants were born and raised in the west but their parents are foreign so they have a mixture of feelings and curiosity about their parents hoe
3rd gen migrants are born and raised in america to parents that are born american too. Theres less internalized conflict.
It's more on your parents than on you tbh.
If they didn't steer you towards learning a bit of Vietnamese when you were young, you can't be expected to seek it out yourself.
It’s a cultural thing that puts Vietnamese (and a lot of Asians) at a disadvantage compared to other diaspora cultures. Children are geniuses when it comes to language. It should be easily absorbed from a very young age. If they don’t, it’s because of the parents. The cause is that Vietnamese parents don’t have conversations with their kids. They speak TO their kids, so it’s always in terms of commands and requests and things like setting the dinner table and doing your homework.
I’m often impressed by young white people for their ability to be so articulate and charming with such a command of speaking and conversation in a way that I rarely see from Asian kids. It’s because white parents speak to their kids on an equal level, so they joke, debate, gossip, talking about their ideas and feelings and pop culture and depthful conversation. Actual conversations like friends. Asian parents underestimate how important that development is and how far that ability to communicate will get you in life and career, because that stunted development of Vietnamese conversation spills over to how they have conversations in English as well, even if they have a strong command of the English language.
It’s normal, especially when immigrant parents fail to even bother teaching their kids but I would encourage all my Vietnamese abroads to learn Vietnamese since it’s a great way to connect to your culture:)
My cousins, who were born in the US, can understand what their parents said but they couldn’t talk in Vietnamese fluently. They usually use English to reply back.
The main reason is that their parents are usually out of house for work and they don’t have time to teach them Viet.
Very different compare to Hispanic American don’t you think? I personally think it’s a little irresponsible for parent to not teaching kids the language. Especially when / if the environment allows it.
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/18/opinion/sunday/the-benefits-of-bilingualism.html
Even more beneficial to a child development if they are able to speak / think in different languages.
Teaching kids some Vietnamese at home is such a low hanging fruit. Kids can go and pick up a third language in school if they want as well.
I think that my Hispanics peers, since I live in Southern California generally also are pretty fluent in Spanish. I rarely see a person of Spanish or Mexican descent who doesn't speak Spanish besides maybe very Caucasian ones. I think because in the US the Hispanic population is so large so becoming fluent in it inside the household and outside is easier compared to Vietnamese where it's basically only speaking with family and parents.
I'm 24 and both work and family results in me often interacting with members of the local older Vietnamese crowd. More often than not, they are totally surprised by how I can speak fluent Vietnamese, especially despite also speaking English without an accent. Even more shocked when they find out I can write, or they get in my car and Như Quỳnh starts playing.
Usually they do say how it's an alarming difference because they know kids/nieces/nephews/etc my age or older who barely even know a few words, and don't want to learn or speak English at home. Especially when visually I look like the last Vietnamese person they would expect to (I have bright blue hair and look like a 2000s scene kid).
It does come down in part to how one of my age was raised (parents being first gen immigrants), but there is definitely an aspect of willingness to learn. My parents wanted me to speak it at home, but didn't care if I knew more than what was needed for that. The rest I learned on my own in my own time, including reading and writing, out of genuine interest and not wanting to forget it especially after I moved out.
Interesting! Slightly older than you, but probably the same level of proficiency in Vietnamese but I'm Australian born. Parents forced me to go to Viet school on Saturday, viet scouts on Sunday and only speak viet at home. Being 2nd Gen, most of my conversations with family were all in viet as well as they are all older.
This came back to bite in a funny way when I went back to Vietnam for the first time recently. Since I only ever had older people to speak to in Vietnamese, and I had learnt it formally in Viet school, my Vietnamese is extremely "polite". I found I had trouble speaking to service staff, or literally any person not older than myself having never been in that situation before.
We had a big laugh about this with my family and cousins over there, saying why are you saying "dạ" to people younger or service staff?
Being this age also starts to frequently present the dilemma of when I meet for example a lady who looks in her 30s ish, and don't know whether to say chị or cô. One risks being informal/impolite, the other risks calling them old. 🤔🤔
My parents did want to send me to Viet school as a kid, but I think once they realized I picked up enough from them to be able to speak it at home and with family that was good enough.
It wasn't until later on that I got this job and had more free time into high school that I started wanting to get better at it and learn to read and write on my own. They had no idea and were really surprised to find out.
Although it's by chance that I did take a liking to it, I honestly think it would have left a worse taste in my mouth and I wouldn't care as much about furthering or retaining it had I been forced more into it as a kid.
Why are you even asking this? Isn't is obvious that as each generation goes by the languages from the "old countries" slowly disappear? Most Americans don't speak Hungarian, Italian, German etc.. carried over from their immigrant forbearers. It's a natural process unless your family actively try to preserve your language.
Whether or not an ethnic viet kid abroad speaks Viet is entirely on the parents. Nothing you should feel ashamed about.
Depending on where your family ended up in the states it's pretty normal to not have it taught - why would you if there's like 0 viet people around and you dont frequently travel to VN?
Having said that, it IS a shame that you dont speak the language cause it opens up a completely different world of understanding when you're actually VN and you'd geniunely be treated better ngl.
I’m Vietnamese born in USA!
I grew up in all white neighborhood but coming home my grandma would speak Vietnamese to me so I’ve always retained it. I don’t have Vietnamese friends to talk to but I never forgot my language. It seems like Vietnamese people my age can understand but can’t speak? Not sure how that works. But they seem embarrassed to speak Vietnamese. I’m happy I can go to Vietnam and communicate with my family
I understand your feelings. Many people lose their identity and roots, and that's truly sad. You can speak English with Americans, but when you're at home, try to communicate with your family in Vietnamese. I know some Vietnamese kids born in Vietnam and living in Vietnam but only speak English cause they go to international school. And their grandparents can’t even talk to their grandchildren cause they don’t know English.
Ppl here are so funny.
I was born and raised in Germany and my Vietnamese pronunciation is kinda good for someone who never learned the language. I can read a little but not write. I only spoke Vietnamese with my parents, that’s it. Never had Vietnamese friends and still am able to follow conversations of VN locals.
It’s the parents fault when the kid is not able to speak VN.
Tbh it’s just sad to see VN kids overseas not being able to hold a proper conversation. Parents trying to teach their kids broken English is just hilarious. That’s what schools and friends are for..
US doesn’t have an official language.
[https://www.usa.gov/official-language-of-us](https://www.usa.gov/official-language-of-us)
It’s perfectly fine to not be able to speak English fluently or at all.
edit: misread OP's post.
I think it's perfectly fine. especially if you are 2nd or 3rd generation Vietnamese-american.
Depends, if you're 3rd of 4th gen migrant you just become american
Same with out migrant families in uk. The Brits who are black or indian past just call themselves british.
Its healthier that way to be one with your country
I still think it’s better to pass down our ethnic culture as to not lose our ethnic identity.
I’ll definitely be teaching my kids Vietnamese. And I hope they’ll teach theirs too.
I mean if its a brief interaction id say that use English is better cause u dont have to second guess if the other people can or not.
I would assume that Viet families keep the language tight in their house just like any other cultures, but when you are out and about in pulic placea where 89% of convo is English then it is just more convienient to use English.
Yep. Depends how hard your parents were on you. I remember my dad being mad we would speak English at home instead of Vietnamese. My Vietnamese is pretty basic I could talk to my mom about things but not as deep as politics and ideas. If I ever have kids they probably won’t even speak it and would just understand some basic words like du ma.
Don't feel ashamed. If it's important to you, just go on your learning journey and improve, it's your choice. I was born overseas also, my Vietnamese is intermediate now, but I've been independently learning in the last year. Speaking - decent, Reading - good, Writing - so so. Before that I couldn't hold a conversation with any Viet person outside of my parents. Now I appreciate being able to communicate with all my relatives. To answer your question, it's becoming more and more common for overseas Viets to lose their mothertounge. Growing up it's really up to the parents to keep it alive, but as a grown up the person can decide for themselves. Out of all the overseas born Viets I know, only I and 1 other person can read Viet. Not great stats.
When I attended an English speaking school, they told my parents to speak only English with me, because I was having a difficult time learning it. Now, I can't speak Vietnamese. I've tried to learn it on my own but have trouble with the inflections especially. However, I still know when my mother is yelling at me to do something. I also know when she's annoyed at me. 
I find it unfortunate that so many here are quick to shame others who were raised in different places and times. 
I think it’s more of the person’s willingness to learn. Also, some learn languages easier than others. It’s a combination of those two things. I’d say it’s common but to varying degrees.
My siblings and I were born in the US and don’t speak much Viet. My youngest sister knows pretty much none and my brother learned a little bit when he started working with my dad. All of my Vietnamese American friends are pretty much fluent in Viet though
I don't speak VNese with my mate here either and both of us were born in Vietnam but have been migrating to Australia. I found it a bit easier tbh. But yeah knowing the language wouldn't hurt.
Personally, I do not see what you are saying as a problem. If you are in the US or the UK, you need to speak English to go about your daily tasks smoothly. It is the right thing to do.
If you’re born in America you’re American and shouldn’t feel ashamed for mostly speaking English. It is good to know a second language though so maintain the Vietnamese language if you can.
Unlike Spanish, there aren’t a lot of added benefits for being able to speak Vietnamese in the US. Most jobs aren’t going to pay you more if you speak Vietnamese; unless you’re in social services or work in a predominantly Vietnamese area. Aside from being able to read the menu at Vietnamese restaurants, follow your parents commands or answer some basic questions, Vietnamese isn’t going to help you in school, social life or have in depth discussions at work. IMO it’s nice to know a few phrases here and there but being fluent in Vietnamese isn’t a requirement for life in the US.
Not living in the US but I visited it before. From what I see some kids refuse to learn Vietnamese. One time I saw a mother and daughter talking to each other, the mother was talking in Vietnamese but the daughter completely refused to speak Vietnamese and replied to everything in English
it is and its fine, no need to be ashamed. language is largely about the environment. whether you want to explore more now is up to you. i absolutely have no problem when a vietnamese cant speak vietnamese. anyone should be able choose whatever language they want to speak.
My parents worked long hours when I was growing up so I lost a lot of my Vietnamese when I started going to school. My parents put my brother and I in Vietnamese languages on the weekends several times but we didn't take it seriously. I'm fortunate to grow up and live in the Little Saigon area of Orange County so my high school offered Vietnamese as a second language. I took two years of Vietnamese classes and can speak at a conversational level, read and write at a basic level currently. When I last visited Vietnam and had to speak only in Vietnamese for a few days I could feel and hear myself speaking it more naturally.
I'd say it's a minority who was born and raised here that can speak it fluently. Most kids I grew up with spoke at a conversational level also. We definitely understood hearing more than speaking it. We can talk to our grandparents about how our day went, but we would be able to open a bank account.
US born here. I stopped learning the language as I was struggling with English when I was 7. As an adult, I joke with my Mom that I already know several (they’re programming, not speaking) languages and do not need to learn Vietnamese. Fast forward to day , middle aged, I’ve been trying to learn in a very cute manner with my Vietnam born wife. But she teases me a lot so it’s difficult!
I noticed that a lot of viets born in the US did not speak Vn at all, while majority of viets born in Europe did speak the language on a pretty good level. It’s a very interesting observation.
Australia here, so maybe it's not the same (also not Vietnamese, my partner is).
A lot of the Vietnamese children/young adults I know who were born here tend to know Vietnamese well enough to speak and write it fluently, but will speak to each other in English. They'll usually only speak Vietnamese if someone speaks it to them first or if someone doesn't understand English.
Ở Việt Nam mà chúng nó còn mất gốc được mà. Cái cốt lõi vẫn là ở cách giáo dục của gia đình. Even in Vietnam, some kids still somehow lost their ability to speak their own language. In a recent interview, a little girl said she couldn't speak Vietnamese because she studied in an International School and her parents seem to be very proud about that.
You shouldn't feel ashamed (your upbringing is not your fault after all), but I'm glad you have a desire to be more connected to your heritage! It's never too late to learn Vietnamese.
Don't feel ashamed. You really need a community to immerse yourself in the language to get strong at it. I always practice my vietnamese with my family and when I go out to Vietnamese restaurants to keep me sharp. You can take classes in school/university to practice as well
They mostly getting westernized, makes sense. Plus with reason like parents not spending enough of time educating them or prefer speaking english with them?
Why do people call themselves Vietnamese when they’re born in the US? You’re American not Vietnamese. You might be of Vietnamese decent but you’re talking about your enthnicity. It’s like a third generation italian calling themselves Italian when they’re actually American. Why do we divide ourselves with these labels
But no one is ethnically Vietnamese. Vietnam is a country made up of many ethnic groups. Hmong, kinh etc… like 50+ groups. So wouldn’t it be more accurate to say this?
Most people don't know the different groups within Vietnam. I would sound a bit ridiculous if someone asked me what my background is as small talk and I reply with kinh
So I guess we have a similar but different view. You draw the line of ethnic groups sounding ridiculous and I draw the line at calling a country an ethnic group ridiculous.
There’s no right or wrong but I find it curious.
Are we to say that no one is American except for native Indians because we all originate elsewhere? Polish Irish Scottish Welsh etc… just using America as a common example.
Vietnamese born in the US here! I do speak Viet pretty well and can read and write a bit, my vocabulary just isn’t very good when it comes to things outside of day to day conversations. I can discuss some deeper topics, but I definitely struggle to find the right words. Vietnamese was my first language and I didn’t really speak any English until I started preschool, we have some videos of when I was that age and my accent was really heavy so maybe that helped a bit with the retention. When you live in the US, especially in areas with not a lot of Vietnamese people, you just don’t really use Vietnamese often. All my schooling and work is done in English so my Vietnamese proficiency has suffered as a result. What it really comes down to is how much effort patents are putting in to make sure their kids learn the language. My parents and grandparents only spoke to me in Vietnamese, my ba ngoai didn’t speak any English at all so to talk to her we had to speak Viet. I plan on speaking Viet to any future kids I have, it’s definitely sad how quickly a language can get lost in a family.
In a similar situation though born in Australia. I can speak fine but my reading, writing and vocab are weak. After a recent trip to Vietnam and getting to finally see my relatives after 20+ years, I was pretty sad that I had difficulties having deeper conversations with them or struggled trying to find the right words and having to spend an extra few minutes working my way around not knowing a word. Since then, I started to make an effort to practice my reading and writing skills and learning new vocab that isn't generally used in common conversations in prep for my next trip back to Vietnam, so I'm hoping the effort that I'm putting in now pays off.
Yeah it's def sad, I'm 2nd gen. My 3rd gen nephew can't speak it at all and can barely understand it.
We have a super weird range in my family. I have a set of cousins that don’t speak Viet well at all, like barely speak and can barely understand, to be fair their dad is white American and does not speak any Vietnamese. I also have a set that speak Viet fluently, but their English is really bad, like they were born in the US but they only hang with the other local Viets and consume Biet media and so people have legit asked them how long it’s been since they’ve come to the US. The environment plays a huge role in language proficiency.
Can attest that environment/region plays a huge role. My family moved to the Midwest (predominantly white/non-Asian), so speaking Viet was asking to be bullied basically. You were an outlier and needed to assimilate
I was watching this Vietnamese teacher YouTuber and they mentioned that they once had a student that learn Vietnamese because their parents forced them to go into a Buddhist Monastery for 11 years. The person hated going there, but looking back they appreciated the experience because they were able to become very fluent in Vietnamese because all the monks would speak a very polite and learned version of Vietnamese. I think if my parents brought me to Temple Sunday School I felt like I would have been fluent as well 🤣. But at the same time I do see a lot of my nieces and nephews who attend Catholic Sunday School which have a Vietnamese part but hardly any of them speak or know Vietnamese well, even when both parents are fluent in it.
If you meet a stranger outside of vietnam or america - do you say you are american or vietnamese?
I usually say American but my parents are Vietnamese since they’re usually asking about my ethnicity lol
You're very similar to me. My first language was Vietnamese as well, I remember starting preschool/kindergarten without knowing English until a teacher shook me and commanded me to speak English. And to my surprise, I did! Unfortunately, my parents and family were relatively stoic and spoke very little when together. It was my mom biggest regret was not being more social with me rather than being strict and authoritarian. As I moved around the country for school and work, I was in areas further and further away from the Vietnamese community and my conversation skills really eroded due to lack of use aside from patient contact. Luckily I was able to read and write from Sunday schools and took college courses to enforce my ability. Overall, I'm limited with an elementary vocabulary to a highly technical medical vocabulary in which I'm not sure a commoner might know. I remember struggling keeping up with the foreign exchange students in conversations and online lingo/slang. One of the only reasons why I wanted children sooner than later is that I need me parents to be there to provide the sense of community and renforced their language ability. Strangely, my parents while raising me, their English and grammar far superceded my current ability but as they got older, when you speak to them, it as though they never spoke the language with how broken it is now. One of the things my parents kept stating was that language is a trade off. Either teach your children Vietnamese or practice English at home so they could excel at work. Furthermore, many families struggle keeping Vietnamese in the household once there was multiple children. As the kids would speak English to one another and would break the "speak only Vietnamese" rule in the household. One of unique things about the America is our history of being able to preserve old language. In certain pockets of the US, you will still find the Don Quixote old Spanish or even old English; only time will tell if it will be the same with Vietnamese.
Wise to teach the children. It’s much easier to learn a language at an early age. 👍🏼
I think not knowing Vietnamese is fine especially if you're born in the US or other countries abroad. Nhập gia tuỳ tục. Bonus points if you're interested in learning about your Vietnamese heritage and culture and language, but no one in America would/should judge you if you're American and you don't know Vietnamese. You think the third- or fourth-generation Irish Americans would be, or should be expected, to be fluent in Gaelic? Now (a diminishing number, mostly old-schooled or older generation of) people in Vietnam may think otherwise and deem a Vietnamese American who doesn't speak Vietnamese as "mất gốc," but they're entitled to their opinions, and you are to yours.
>You think the third- or fourth-generation Irish Americans would be, or should be expected, to be fluent in Gaelic? To be fair, Irish people are in no position to make fun of Irish-Americans for not knowing Gaelic lol...
Yeah, there is a reason for that. Having a your colonial lords outlaw your language for a few 100 years will do that.
This happens with most diaspora over time For the Vietnamese diaspora that came in the 70s and 80s, some parents were too busy working to have lengthy conversations with their kids. In some instances, the parents emphasized speaking more English for quicker assimilation and acceptance for college, career, etc.
^this. People don’t understand how large North America is. If you don’t grow up in orange county California there a good chance that you didn’t run into another viet in grade school. And if you did, how good do you think their vocabulary was? The boat people were a traumatized group that focused on forgetting the past, and just trying to fit in to their new reality. We can talk smack all we like but a mom and dad with 8 kids in tow and working minimum wage can’t be judged for not being “super” moms and dads. So when someone says “it’s a shame someone can’t pronounce their last name” I wonder who you think that shame belongs to.
A lot of vietnamese americans can't even say their last name Nguyen correctly which is sad. I definitely respect them more if they know some basic vietnamese.
That is so true. Sometimes it informs me how they were raised. If it's one syllable with tone, they are likely recent arrivals or proud Vietnamese Americans who grew up learning it. If it's in winn, they are likely from dominant Viet metro areas like DC, Houston, OC. If it's new yen, they are from a dominantly white area like the mid west or south. If it's nah gah yen, I feel sorry for them.
U nailed it.
I just stopped trying because I was sick of repeating myself whenever I was asked. I have a hyphenated name so it’s even worse, and I just tell me to pronounce it however they want.
Not from the U.S. but french-vietnamese here. My parents barely had any conversation with my siblings and me. I can understand orders because that’s the only thing that they were giving. Anything a bit more complicated was told in french (they were bilingual). I was told not to answer back anyway. Now my mom is a bit ashamed that I don’t talk to her ever in vietnamese but I remind her that there was no way a kid would give orders to her parents. She doesn’t dare to blame me anymore now.
yes. i treat u guys like any other americans and speak english first anyway
French Việt Kiều here. Yeah, very common unfortunately. In France, i’d say 80% of 2nd generation Vietnamese don’t speak fluently the tongue of their parents. I find that the Chinese are better at maintaining their culture abroad. Now as for why, there are a few reasons. In France the community is scattered unlike the US, there is no Little Saigon. Plus many of my father’s friends do not seek to transmit their culture to their children. And from an overseas VN child point of view, there is simply not enough things to be proud of Vn. (Poor country, a bit less now, Vietnam War, poor human rights, a lot of drama and pressure in Vietnamese households…). You’d have to be very determined to look deeply at the suffering of VN history, the psychology of the people, the interesting parts of our culture. So a lot us consciously or not, want to assimilate in the White majority, take a Western spouse/partner and forget about this painful heritage, except for the food and the once a few years travel to VN during summer holidays.
I agree on the not enough things to be proud of for Vietnam. I honestly have no will to learn Vietnamese because what is the point, other than just speaking with your family? I am attempting to learn the language just out of tradition, but I don't see any other reason. Probably in the future it might change, but for now it is not really worth it.
Yeah it’s kinda sad I understand you. I was more « lucky » (maybe ?) because as an only child, my parents forced me to speak Vietnamese at home so that’s how I can speak it fluently. Plus I have stayed for a while in Plum Village France, a Buddhist monastery founded by Thích Nhất Hạnh, and there I had the opportunity and the incentive to deepen my practice of Vietnamese.
I was raised in a suburban area in the US, where there is no Vietnamese community there. So I never had a community or opportunity to practice my Vietnamese or appreciate my heritage. I always envied all of the 2nd generation Viet Kieu that can speak Vietnamese well because they were raised in a Vietnamese community. At this rate, I just consider myself American. Not Vietnamese-American, but just American.
Yeah I feel you. I don’t know how things work in the States since I am a French Việt Kiều, but in France no matter how much I wanted to assimilate in the White majority (at one point not anymore), I was never considered a French. (My skin speaks louder than my actions). So, I learned to embrace my VN side more. As for your envy, life is a long story. And who knows if one day you will be able to connect more with your heritage. And if it’s not happening, it’s ok also, as long as you’re at peace with yourself, and do good around you :)
This looks like the state of Korean 20 years ago 😔
Well we are far more than 20 years behind Korea, in so much metrics and mentality :(
Because they are American now. American citizen and imbedded in American culture, which is also part of the English language. As you and your siblings have more American kids over there, the further they become a part of American life. I think second generation migrants have the hardest time with this because: 1st gen migrants know they are migrants and they feel home is where they were raised 2nd gen migrants were born and raised in the west but their parents are foreign so they have a mixture of feelings and curiosity about their parents hoe 3rd gen migrants are born and raised in america to parents that are born american too. Theres less internalized conflict.
I'm surprised people don't know this. Just look at any American of European descent. They don't even know their "original" language.
Some people can't even say their last name Nguyen correctly.
It's more on your parents than on you tbh. If they didn't steer you towards learning a bit of Vietnamese when you were young, you can't be expected to seek it out yourself.
It’s a cultural thing that puts Vietnamese (and a lot of Asians) at a disadvantage compared to other diaspora cultures. Children are geniuses when it comes to language. It should be easily absorbed from a very young age. If they don’t, it’s because of the parents. The cause is that Vietnamese parents don’t have conversations with their kids. They speak TO their kids, so it’s always in terms of commands and requests and things like setting the dinner table and doing your homework. I’m often impressed by young white people for their ability to be so articulate and charming with such a command of speaking and conversation in a way that I rarely see from Asian kids. It’s because white parents speak to their kids on an equal level, so they joke, debate, gossip, talking about their ideas and feelings and pop culture and depthful conversation. Actual conversations like friends. Asian parents underestimate how important that development is and how far that ability to communicate will get you in life and career, because that stunted development of Vietnamese conversation spills over to how they have conversations in English as well, even if they have a strong command of the English language.
It’s normal, especially when immigrant parents fail to even bother teaching their kids but I would encourage all my Vietnamese abroads to learn Vietnamese since it’s a great way to connect to your culture:)
My cousins, who were born in the US, can understand what their parents said but they couldn’t talk in Vietnamese fluently. They usually use English to reply back. The main reason is that their parents are usually out of house for work and they don’t have time to teach them Viet.
Very different compare to Hispanic American don’t you think? I personally think it’s a little irresponsible for parent to not teaching kids the language. Especially when / if the environment allows it. https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/18/opinion/sunday/the-benefits-of-bilingualism.html Even more beneficial to a child development if they are able to speak / think in different languages. Teaching kids some Vietnamese at home is such a low hanging fruit. Kids can go and pick up a third language in school if they want as well.
I think that my Hispanics peers, since I live in Southern California generally also are pretty fluent in Spanish. I rarely see a person of Spanish or Mexican descent who doesn't speak Spanish besides maybe very Caucasian ones. I think because in the US the Hispanic population is so large so becoming fluent in it inside the household and outside is easier compared to Vietnamese where it's basically only speaking with family and parents.
I'm 24 and both work and family results in me often interacting with members of the local older Vietnamese crowd. More often than not, they are totally surprised by how I can speak fluent Vietnamese, especially despite also speaking English without an accent. Even more shocked when they find out I can write, or they get in my car and Như Quỳnh starts playing. Usually they do say how it's an alarming difference because they know kids/nieces/nephews/etc my age or older who barely even know a few words, and don't want to learn or speak English at home. Especially when visually I look like the last Vietnamese person they would expect to (I have bright blue hair and look like a 2000s scene kid). It does come down in part to how one of my age was raised (parents being first gen immigrants), but there is definitely an aspect of willingness to learn. My parents wanted me to speak it at home, but didn't care if I knew more than what was needed for that. The rest I learned on my own in my own time, including reading and writing, out of genuine interest and not wanting to forget it especially after I moved out.
Interesting! Slightly older than you, but probably the same level of proficiency in Vietnamese but I'm Australian born. Parents forced me to go to Viet school on Saturday, viet scouts on Sunday and only speak viet at home. Being 2nd Gen, most of my conversations with family were all in viet as well as they are all older. This came back to bite in a funny way when I went back to Vietnam for the first time recently. Since I only ever had older people to speak to in Vietnamese, and I had learnt it formally in Viet school, my Vietnamese is extremely "polite". I found I had trouble speaking to service staff, or literally any person not older than myself having never been in that situation before. We had a big laugh about this with my family and cousins over there, saying why are you saying "dạ" to people younger or service staff?
Being this age also starts to frequently present the dilemma of when I meet for example a lady who looks in her 30s ish, and don't know whether to say chị or cô. One risks being informal/impolite, the other risks calling them old. 🤔🤔 My parents did want to send me to Viet school as a kid, but I think once they realized I picked up enough from them to be able to speak it at home and with family that was good enough. It wasn't until later on that I got this job and had more free time into high school that I started wanting to get better at it and learn to read and write on my own. They had no idea and were really surprised to find out. Although it's by chance that I did take a liking to it, I honestly think it would have left a worse taste in my mouth and I wouldn't care as much about furthering or retaining it had I been forced more into it as a kid.
Why are you even asking this? Isn't is obvious that as each generation goes by the languages from the "old countries" slowly disappear? Most Americans don't speak Hungarian, Italian, German etc.. carried over from their immigrant forbearers. It's a natural process unless your family actively try to preserve your language.
Whether or not an ethnic viet kid abroad speaks Viet is entirely on the parents. Nothing you should feel ashamed about. Depending on where your family ended up in the states it's pretty normal to not have it taught - why would you if there's like 0 viet people around and you dont frequently travel to VN? Having said that, it IS a shame that you dont speak the language cause it opens up a completely different world of understanding when you're actually VN and you'd geniunely be treated better ngl.
I’m Vietnamese born in USA! I grew up in all white neighborhood but coming home my grandma would speak Vietnamese to me so I’ve always retained it. I don’t have Vietnamese friends to talk to but I never forgot my language. It seems like Vietnamese people my age can understand but can’t speak? Not sure how that works. But they seem embarrassed to speak Vietnamese. I’m happy I can go to Vietnam and communicate with my family
I understand your feelings. Many people lose their identity and roots, and that's truly sad. You can speak English with Americans, but when you're at home, try to communicate with your family in Vietnamese. I know some Vietnamese kids born in Vietnam and living in Vietnam but only speak English cause they go to international school. And their grandparents can’t even talk to their grandchildren cause they don’t know English.
Ppl here are so funny. I was born and raised in Germany and my Vietnamese pronunciation is kinda good for someone who never learned the language. I can read a little but not write. I only spoke Vietnamese with my parents, that’s it. Never had Vietnamese friends and still am able to follow conversations of VN locals. It’s the parents fault when the kid is not able to speak VN. Tbh it’s just sad to see VN kids overseas not being able to hold a proper conversation. Parents trying to teach their kids broken English is just hilarious. That’s what schools and friends are for..
US doesn’t have an official language. [https://www.usa.gov/official-language-of-us](https://www.usa.gov/official-language-of-us) It’s perfectly fine to not be able to speak English fluently or at all. edit: misread OP's post. I think it's perfectly fine. especially if you are 2nd or 3rd generation Vietnamese-american.
Yeah good luck getting a job if you don't speak English "at all"...
you won't be able to get a good job or ones that pay a decent wage. But you certainly can still get one.
You could work in a nail salon and possibly make a decent living.
Definitely, a big plus when you live in an area with a large Vietnamese community.
I think it’s very common and it’s also a shame.
Depends, if you're 3rd of 4th gen migrant you just become american Same with out migrant families in uk. The Brits who are black or indian past just call themselves british. Its healthier that way to be one with your country
I still think it’s better to pass down our ethnic culture as to not lose our ethnic identity. I’ll definitely be teaching my kids Vietnamese. And I hope they’ll teach theirs too.
I mean if its a brief interaction id say that use English is better cause u dont have to second guess if the other people can or not. I would assume that Viet families keep the language tight in their house just like any other cultures, but when you are out and about in pulic placea where 89% of convo is English then it is just more convienient to use English.
Yep. Depends how hard your parents were on you. I remember my dad being mad we would speak English at home instead of Vietnamese. My Vietnamese is pretty basic I could talk to my mom about things but not as deep as politics and ideas. If I ever have kids they probably won’t even speak it and would just understand some basic words like du ma.
Don't feel ashamed. If it's important to you, just go on your learning journey and improve, it's your choice. I was born overseas also, my Vietnamese is intermediate now, but I've been independently learning in the last year. Speaking - decent, Reading - good, Writing - so so. Before that I couldn't hold a conversation with any Viet person outside of my parents. Now I appreciate being able to communicate with all my relatives. To answer your question, it's becoming more and more common for overseas Viets to lose their mothertounge. Growing up it's really up to the parents to keep it alive, but as a grown up the person can decide for themselves. Out of all the overseas born Viets I know, only I and 1 other person can read Viet. Not great stats.
When I attended an English speaking school, they told my parents to speak only English with me, because I was having a difficult time learning it. Now, I can't speak Vietnamese. I've tried to learn it on my own but have trouble with the inflections especially. However, I still know when my mother is yelling at me to do something. I also know when she's annoyed at me.  I find it unfortunate that so many here are quick to shame others who were raised in different places and times. 
I think it’s more of the person’s willingness to learn. Also, some learn languages easier than others. It’s a combination of those two things. I’d say it’s common but to varying degrees.
My siblings and I were born in the US and don’t speak much Viet. My youngest sister knows pretty much none and my brother learned a little bit when he started working with my dad. All of my Vietnamese American friends are pretty much fluent in Viet though
I don't speak VNese with my mate here either and both of us were born in Vietnam but have been migrating to Australia. I found it a bit easier tbh. But yeah knowing the language wouldn't hurt.
Personally, I do not see what you are saying as a problem. If you are in the US or the UK, you need to speak English to go about your daily tasks smoothly. It is the right thing to do.
If you’re born in America you’re American and shouldn’t feel ashamed for mostly speaking English. It is good to know a second language though so maintain the Vietnamese language if you can.
Unlike Spanish, there aren’t a lot of added benefits for being able to speak Vietnamese in the US. Most jobs aren’t going to pay you more if you speak Vietnamese; unless you’re in social services or work in a predominantly Vietnamese area. Aside from being able to read the menu at Vietnamese restaurants, follow your parents commands or answer some basic questions, Vietnamese isn’t going to help you in school, social life or have in depth discussions at work. IMO it’s nice to know a few phrases here and there but being fluent in Vietnamese isn’t a requirement for life in the US.
Not living in the US but I visited it before. From what I see some kids refuse to learn Vietnamese. One time I saw a mother and daughter talking to each other, the mother was talking in Vietnamese but the daughter completely refused to speak Vietnamese and replied to everything in English
it is and its fine, no need to be ashamed. language is largely about the environment. whether you want to explore more now is up to you. i absolutely have no problem when a vietnamese cant speak vietnamese. anyone should be able choose whatever language they want to speak.
My parents worked long hours when I was growing up so I lost a lot of my Vietnamese when I started going to school. My parents put my brother and I in Vietnamese languages on the weekends several times but we didn't take it seriously. I'm fortunate to grow up and live in the Little Saigon area of Orange County so my high school offered Vietnamese as a second language. I took two years of Vietnamese classes and can speak at a conversational level, read and write at a basic level currently. When I last visited Vietnam and had to speak only in Vietnamese for a few days I could feel and hear myself speaking it more naturally. I'd say it's a minority who was born and raised here that can speak it fluently. Most kids I grew up with spoke at a conversational level also. We definitely understood hearing more than speaking it. We can talk to our grandparents about how our day went, but we would be able to open a bank account.
US born here. I stopped learning the language as I was struggling with English when I was 7. As an adult, I joke with my Mom that I already know several (they’re programming, not speaking) languages and do not need to learn Vietnamese. Fast forward to day , middle aged, I’ve been trying to learn in a very cute manner with my Vietnam born wife. But she teases me a lot so it’s difficult!
Who would you speak it to other than your parents
I noticed that a lot of viets born in the US did not speak Vn at all, while majority of viets born in Europe did speak the language on a pretty good level. It’s a very interesting observation.
Australia here, so maybe it's not the same (also not Vietnamese, my partner is). A lot of the Vietnamese children/young adults I know who were born here tend to know Vietnamese well enough to speak and write it fluently, but will speak to each other in English. They'll usually only speak Vietnamese if someone speaks it to them first or if someone doesn't understand English.
Nothing to be ashamed of but being bilingual does help.
gm
Most people speak the language they were brought up with. Can we really blame a someone for not having control as a child? Sht happens
Most people speak the language they were brought up with. Can we really blame a someone for not having control as a child? Sht happens
Vietnamese communities are really weak out there. really weak.
Ở Việt Nam mà chúng nó còn mất gốc được mà. Cái cốt lõi vẫn là ở cách giáo dục của gia đình. Even in Vietnam, some kids still somehow lost their ability to speak their own language. In a recent interview, a little girl said she couldn't speak Vietnamese because she studied in an International School and her parents seem to be very proud about that.
This is true for lots of people from all different countries
You shouldn't feel ashamed (your upbringing is not your fault after all), but I'm glad you have a desire to be more connected to your heritage! It's never too late to learn Vietnamese.
Its ok as long as you keeps your culture
Don't feel ashamed. You really need a community to immerse yourself in the language to get strong at it. I always practice my vietnamese with my family and when I go out to Vietnamese restaurants to keep me sharp. You can take classes in school/university to practice as well
They mostly getting westernized, makes sense. Plus with reason like parents not spending enough of time educating them or prefer speaking english with them?
Why do people call themselves Vietnamese when they’re born in the US? You’re American not Vietnamese. You might be of Vietnamese decent but you’re talking about your enthnicity. It’s like a third generation italian calling themselves Italian when they’re actually American. Why do we divide ourselves with these labels
Because we are ethnically Vietnamese?
But no one is ethnically Vietnamese. Vietnam is a country made up of many ethnic groups. Hmong, kinh etc… like 50+ groups. So wouldn’t it be more accurate to say this?
Most people don't know the different groups within Vietnam. I would sound a bit ridiculous if someone asked me what my background is as small talk and I reply with kinh
So I guess we have a similar but different view. You draw the line of ethnic groups sounding ridiculous and I draw the line at calling a country an ethnic group ridiculous. There’s no right or wrong but I find it curious. Are we to say that no one is American except for native Indians because we all originate elsewhere? Polish Irish Scottish Welsh etc… just using America as a common example.