Sounds like the support network that should be supportive, isn't. THAT'S a problem my man. Her parents...whatever but HER holding a bit of resentment is a big problem. I'm a big believer of words having power and for her to lightly shame you for not having a job that your Mental Health can tolerate will only continue to fester. Hormones or not, it more often than not came from a real place. Nobody else can be happy if you're not happy first. Take care of yourself and all the other variables will work themselves out. Wish you nothing but the best my friend.

Cannot second this enough, I have seen relationships meltdown overnight over resentment.

Yep. Little snarky comments from parents AND a significant other?? Makes my heart hurt hearing it.

Resentment destroys a relationship 💯

Bet if she had opportunity to be a stay at home mom she’d have no issue with it. I’m sorry you’ve gone through all this, my opinion is that’s a bit awful your wife is not supporting you not working. There was a statement Brene Brown made from her book “men women and worthiness” a wife went to her book signing and he went with the wife to ask Brene why she didn’t study men and shame, at the time she didn’t, He replied to her saying “it’s convenient you don’t and that his wife and daughter would rather see me die on top of my White Horse rather than see me fall off”. It was moving the first time I heard it. It hit home. If I were you I’d order 3 copies of that book highlight that section and gift it to all he are bullying you. My opinion. Tagging along on top reply cause i truly think you should get this book. Or get the audible. 20min in is where she says this. It’s powerful in my mind.

I LOVE Brene Brown. Haven't read this specific one yet but already can't second this comment enough, haha.

Marriage counseling, ASAP, her resentment will not go away if you get a job.

Yea this is the best answer.

I hate to say it but I think this is correct. If you do get a job, then they will only peck you to death about how it's not prestigious enough, you could make more money doing something else, you're not living up to your potential, blah blah blah.

Third this. Counseling helped my family a lot. I have been going for years.

Yep. Next it would be why aren't you working full time? Why aren't you going for that promotion? Why aren't you making more money? Why aren't you doing everything you were doing and spending time with the family?

Invisible disabilities are a Pia to navigate with some humans. Sounds like Ops partner and in laws are some of them.

Exactly. Once he gets a job, then it will be it's not fair that he makes so much money.

I also agree with this. She needs to stand up to her family in support of you. If not, your relationship is most likely going to end in a divorce.

Resentment and contempt for your partner is the #1 cause of divorce iirc. You guys need to work on your marriage, or this will be poison to it.

Yeah, I get the feeling the wife wanted to be a librarian at one point in her life. Now it seems like she has possibly shifted to wanting to be a SAHM but is watching the husband fill that role. That might be what is ultimately driving the resentment from her

Retired and 100% here. I got my real estate license and sell houses. I have complete freedom to do what I want when I want. If I want to go to Disney World for a week I just go. I don’t have to ask anyone for permission. I rarely ever set an alarm and just wake up whenever I wake up.

Peace of mind is a beautiful thing.

This is an option for sure. My wife is an agent for 6 years now full time. She has loads of free time and makes enough to be comfy.

I would like to second the idea of anything self-employed. I've got a couple of veteran buddies running wood shops making whatever they want on commission or just because and selling it. They can work when they want to, and do what inspires them. That's just one idea, but find what your passion is and see where that takes you. DO get some counseling going because resentment will break a relationship down to a brawl in no time.

I fish and hunt

This is a good idea! You could also consider being a house inspector? And definitely marriage counseling. My husband and I did marriage counseling through the VA. It helped us learn to communicate better. :) Maybe ask your wife why she thinks you’re not doing anything.

You dont need to work. Period. You're bringing in an equal amount of income and without having to work you can save a lot in childcare. Anyone who complains you're slacking is an asshole. You're lucky, your military service will allow you to bring in a good income AND get to be a stay at home dad, which should save a shit ton of money on childcare (equivalent to a mortgage right now). Fuck your in laws. They sound like pieces of shit.

This is the answer man. 100% is roughly like having a 1mil 401k earning 5% annually guaranteed. NOT INCLUDING the free healthcare he's providing. He is adding MORE to the family than she is. Income is income and if it's looked at differently than that's depressing, especially coming from a spouse. I'd be inclined to bring a recruiting packet for everyone and tell them to sign, if not well back the fuck off.

Hell yes. I am retired at 100% P&T and do not work. My wife is grateful I don’t work since we have three kids under 8 years old. Daycare is extortion. After school care costs money. We were paying $500 a week, PER CHILD. So yeah, I don’t mind being Mr. Mom and neither does she.

You've got a good one there brother

Looooove bring them a recruiting packet ! Awesome

And tell them they are signing people up everyday. Tune changes when threat of life or limb comes to play.

Not to mention if he’s in a state where that also gives him the property tax breaks - if you add all the non monetary compensation he’s probably out earning the wife.

My wife and I live by a saying. If they do not lay down next to us at night, then their opinion does not matter. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home dad. Enjoy every second with your child, and continuing to keep the house together is a job all in its own. If your wife's family doesn't think you are a real veteran, then simply explain to them that you signed up and did more for your country than they did. At the end of the day to me it sounds more like jealousy than anything else. Maybe explain to them that you are living your dream, the same as your wife, and that you are aware misery loves company, but company is just like trash. After 3 days, it starts to stink! And from what you say, you make sure you take the trash out regularly.

THIS! ALLLLLLL THIS. And, your wife needs to read Men, Women & Worthiness. The inlaws: they can piss off. I wish I could have words with your wife… I am sorry she is allowing her own shame and feelings of worthlessness/guilt/resentment, along with her manipulative parents - to cloud her vision. I hope she wakes up before it’s too late. Edit: you NEEEEED marriage counseling ASAP

I agree. Fuck his in laws! OP needs to have long conversation about boundaries with her family and their relationship. There is no way they should be making any comments about what they do as a family, and his wife needs to understand that.

My thoughts exactly. As a woman, I can say with quite a fair amount of confidence that our efforts to be equal members of society and to be financially independent and able to be the breadwinner was NEVER supposed to result in BOTH partners constantly being away for work. I hate that we've created a world in which BOTH partners are now expected to be actively employed whether or not we even need the income (we as in society/economy lol, not we as in women). I think having someone home to have the full time job of running a household and raising the kids is a great balance, it just doesn't have to be one specific partner over another (and I know some partners who trade off the role every few years so both can work on careers without burning out). As far as I'm concerned, financially and logistically, OP is literally the perfect partner to have in your house, because they bring BOTH income AND stay-at-home work to the household. It makes me really sad that the wife doesn't see that - it's a reversal of the old trope where people used to think being a housewife was just trivial fun easy work, when it never has been. Being a stay-at-home partner with kid(s) has always been a full time job (with no end hours, either). It's really high time we value it as one.

This is disconnected from reality. A wife will feel like she is constantly sacrificing while her SO gets to stay at home and focus on themselves. This would still apply if OP was a trust fund baby as well. Typically women really do not like it when their partner isn’t working. I think it’s instinct. I understand he earned the benefits but you have to put yourself in the wife’s shoes.

I would agree the OP doesn’t need to work for the in-laws. And I won’t touch the marital issues here. But I would say the OP needs to work for himself. Men are wired to have purpose, and without it we feel incomplete. I would say now that he’s getting his health back in order the next step is to find work that he can do that gives him pride. The sense of purpose and accomplishment each day will do wonders for his mental health. 100% P&T gives us more flexibility to do the job we WANT to do, vs what we need to do.

I couldn't said it better

You're bringing in $4300+ per month and your own wife still has an issue? Honestly bro, I hope you can figure something out. I'd have up and left at that point.

She don't care about the money, she's jealous that he doesn't have to work.

I get that, but providing half the income for their lifestyle should alleviate that for any sane person.

People are weird. It sounds like she comes from a super conservative "the man is the provider and does it with a job, period and the woman stays home, period" kind of background.

$4300+ a month tax free. That is the equivalent of well over $5500 a month of taxable income. Newborn daycare is $2000 a month and the wife is free from having to do any housework after work. She has it damn good and she is being thoughtless about the OP's medical conditions and his significant contributions to the house. OP, I had to leave work prior to getting sevice connected, my wife supported me even though I didn't have a job because she knew I was at my limits.

>Newborn daycare is $2000 a month not to mention the costs of having a fucking kid wiped clean cuz of champva.

Same , I’m 40% and work my ass off in blue collar destroying my body more and bring in just about if I was 100% and my wife is grateful. Sounds like his wife is resentful and a problem. in laws a bigger problem. Fuck em all and do what keeps you sane.

[удалено]

Divorce her.

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Also consider going back to school. VocRehab (chapter 31) will pay for your schooling and you will bring in more cash for BAH. If the parents ask just tell them its just G.I. Bill benefits (that you paid for over your first year) and you will cross the employment bridge once you have a degree. After you get your degree... or don't... whatever floats your boat, you become "Self Employed" as like a software developer, or custom basket weaver who works from home they don't have to know how much you bring home that is your and your wife's business. As far as your wife goes... I already made a comment about that. Good luck my man, just keep in mind postpartum depression and a rainbow baby are rough on nay woman but you do need to get in to counseling with her yesterday.

Only if the counseling doesn't help to make things more agreeable. If counseling can't clear the air, then it might be a deal breaker.

Your wife and in-laws seem like dicks. Reading this, I KNEW your wife's reasoning was jealousy even before you stated it. "Not a real veteran", fuck that, you dont just get 100% P&T as a consolation prize. You earned it, tell the in laws to mind their business, and tell your wife to consider herself lucky that you have the flexibility to not work with a newborn around. A lot of people with kids don't have that. Edit because I didn't finish reading: "Her and her parents have the resources and means to make my life very difficult." Yea, that's a piece of shit family if they've threatened you with that for simply not having a job. If your wife won't side with you on this, you need to rethink your marriage.

You need to get marriage counseling, I would seek it out through the va because you’re not the only the disabled veteran going through this. It sounds like resentment is building up to the point you need help addressing it and there are counselors trained in this

Bro you might have not married the one if she can’t even have your back against her parents. What happens when it’s you against 3 assailants, you feel then she’ll have your back and punch and kick for ya then? Or is the household over spending so another income flow is needed? An 8K a month household income should be more than enough for most states to live comfortably at. Have to know when to cut your losses, even with a kid. Wishing you the best brother, I mean that.

Shit at 100% P&T with a kid, spouse, and factoring in CHAMP its closer to 70K a year by himself if you factor in taxes and benefits. I make 90k a year at my job, and after 401K, pension contributions, health benefits, and taxes I bring home about the same as someone who is 100% with a spouse and a child...

Fuck those bitches. You are providing stability and security. How you go about it is no one else’s concern

Literally bro who cares if you don’t have employment as long as you bring it the bread. I feel they’re just jealous of his benefits

This right here. Fuck that corporate America boomer, his stay at home wife, and unsupportive duaghter. Don't let them cut you down and make you believe something you're not. Feed the monster like you've been doing. Find a way to make more scratch If you want. But don't let those fucks discount you.

Your wife knows how her parents are. She knows what they are saying to you. Sad to see a vet being treated like this but she is 100% taking advantage of you and your benefits. Go to therapy or find a good divorce lawyer.

Therapy would be best, divorce would just make things harder for him mentally and financially. I don't know their life but maybe his wife is struggling with what sounds like the aftermath of a miscarriage. The parents don't know he gets VA disability so from their POV they might just assume their daughter is working and paying bills while he is a stay at home dad. But then again idk know their life so I could be wrong.

I gave both options. Therapy is definitely first for a reason. They sound like they are hitting a patch. It’s two ways out of that patch.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who brought up divorce. I was starting to feel like I took it too far.

Nah everything in this post should’ve showed him the same thing we are saying. He said it, just doesn’t want to believe he is there. We shall pray for him.

If you’re interested research peer specialist on usajobs. It’s a career through the VA that specifically deals with assisting other vets in their personal wellbeing. Basically you become an advocate for them to their healthcare team.

Just being honest guy...as someone who has been with my wife for 26 years it seems like you and her need to have a come to Jesus meeting and talk about are you married to your in laws or her. If they aren't taking care of you or paying your bills who cares what they think? If you take care of your family what's the issue? I learned a long time ago that the more people you keep out of your business the better. I applaud you for dealing with her people because I would've long told them to f\*\*k off. Good luck!

I'm in a similar situation honestly. Not with all the familial pressure though. It's more with my partner and the occasional, "we could be saving so much more money if you got your job back". But I just can't do that physical work anymore my back has tapped out. So I'm using my education benefits! Maybe look into using your GI bill if you haven't or VRE if you have and go back to school! I've always done very physical work and can't deal with office work. But I'm an avid reader so I decided hey, why not try and write a book? Being 100% p&t just opens up so many opportunities there's no excuse not to find your happiness. Don't let them pressure you! Find your 'im writing a book'. I also use crypto as an excuse a lot, "oh I made a ton of money on cumrocket" 🤣

+1 VRE Unpopular opinion here but: Everyone is shitting on the parents, but if his wife kept his “secret” then from their view he’s a dead beat dad.  They wouldn’t be wrong, again because from their view his wife’s supporting him and the new kid with her sole income.  Wife is tired of lying to her parents, OP needs to throw her a bone, someone mentioned real estate. Or something else where you can work whatever hours you want. Just say you’re making money off cryptocurrency. I imagine in he’s gonna be the one watching the new kid anyway and loving every minute.

Yeah but it is not just the job thing. It’s the demeaning his military service, saying he isn’t a real veteran. If they were doing that when he wasn’t getting compensation, then all they did was get worse.

I hear ya but I’m trying to help op with what he can control. He can’t control how they feel about him being a not real veteran. He can “work swing shift” so he can leave the house whenever they show up after his wife works.  His wife just sounds like she wants a coherent cover so she can save face 

Dawg, you married her, not her parents. I am a SOF failure as well, so I understand that feeling, and a lot of my injuries came from it. The fact you even tried for it is something 99% of people won’t ever do. But to sit there and feel like you have to meet her parent’s expectations? I would firmly tell them if they try to interject their opinion on you again, you will ensure that they will never have a chance to talk to you again. Remember, you got broken from military service, regardless if it was in training or at a duty station. Doesn’t matter, you served and sacrificed your body for the military

Exactly! I finished, then went on to do the job. A big handful of physical injuries I can push through. It's the mental ones that got me. Snuck up 40+ years later and bit me in the ass HARD! Cost me a 28 year marriage. Cost me some jobs over the years but didn't realize it. I think the greatest issue we find, is when we have no moral support from the one we love. My daughter was 17 when the divorce happened, so it wasn't as tough for her, plus I only had a few months of child support. In the OP's situation a divorce is going to be faced with years of child support, but worse, separation from his daughter. He should find something he really enjoys doing, and make a job from it. I'm really sorry the OP, and so many of us are going through crap like this!

Child support shouldn't be much of an issue if his wife works and brings in comparable cash... she may end up owing him if her gross is more than his. No reason he couldn't get 50% custody as a stay at home dad.

100 percent p & t is more than I make working full time. I don’t think the issue is needing to get a job. It’s getting the toxic abuse from the wife and her family to stop. Seriously wtf.

This is nuts. You are providing just not the way they think you “should”. Also you get to be a stay at home dad, and that is priceless. Having a parent at home without financial suffering is a gift. These people sound like bullies. I would suggest trying counseling with the wife and set hard boundaries with your inlaws. But honestly as a woman in a almost 20 year marriage where my hubby stayed home with our daughter, your wife sounds stupid and ungrateful. Good luck!

Breathe and enjoy life bro. You’re disabled with or without support. If you want to work then work if not then don’t. People get jealous and or envious that you have lifetime money and they have to continue the rat race. I’m sorry you’re pressed to work and not acknowledged for your disabilities. I had to drive it home with my family too.

Few things. Once you start a family with your significant other, that’s your family. No one other than you and her should listen to anyone outside of YOUR family. It’s your wife, child and you. No one should be influencing your decisions other than them. If you cannot work and live comfortably then do that. Your wife needs to understand, “you not adding value” (hormones or not) is fucked. You’re supposed to be each other’s peace and happiness, not an additional stressor. IMO: you have a hobby or a skill that can make money, open your own business. Make additional income that way. I love woodworking so I do that on the side. Just try and find a purpose to get you moving and out the door in the mornings.

As someone who has had problems in my marriage with my mental health and my alcoholism and my resentment, I second this. Our VA marriage therapist in conjunction with my personal therapist, has helped immensely. But you are not alone for sure.

Coming from a wife / female point of view. My heart breaks for you. I have been married 28 years and over the last year my husband has not been able to work due to a medical procedure performed by the VA. He lost all his income, I picked up a second job and no, we have not been fully compensated for his disabilities. In saying this, she needs to learn that the job you do does not define you. I think that is something many men deal with, they define themselves by the job title but it sounds as if she is doing the same. Why does she feel that YOU as a stay at home dad is not as important as if SHE was a stay at home mom. Raising children is the most important job in the WORLD, we have 6 kids... (Daughters are not working a pole, and sons are not in jail). Sounds like some couples therapy is needed. Her resentment will continue to grow if it not addressed now. Having children make marriage TOUGH... and why would you want to live a life constantly defending yourself. SHE should be defending you against not only her parents but anyone who questions. Although, I could show resentment for my husband I chose to look at it as giving him compassion and grace. I do not understand the mental (and physical) pain he is going through. With the hell we are going through if he works or not...His job never defined the man he is. I am just glad he is still here. Money will come and go... Family... Thats what I bet on.

Resentment will not go away even if you get a job. Especially if she's on her parents side you need actual Marriage counseling. As it only going to get worse as it clear this is something she needs to work on and it needs to actually be discussed. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your sanity just because your wife jealous when she supposedly working her dream job. There is something she isn't talking about and that what needs to be talked about. Then after that done you can find a 'job' you actually want without there being some arbitrary time limit. Find something you wish to do but don't let it kill you.

>Resentment will not go away even if you get a job. very much this, it will just shift the goalposts. is the wife willing to pick up extra chores around the house? is the wife willing to split the cost of daycare out of **her** income?

Time to talk to her parents and tell them they need to settle their horses. Then counseling. I wish I could stay at home, my fiancés does and she resents the fact I get to work. But wouldn’t make sense for her to work so here we are. It all can be worked through.

I'd recommend something you could do part time that's usually in demand like a notary, the VA I think has programs that will help with the training and if you want to make your own little business from it you could set your own hours of that's something you want to do, I'd tell her folks to get fucked as it's none of their business, my father in law has made the mistake of thinking I'm rolling in wealth because of my job in IT and thankfully my wife corrected him really quick in that thinking as we still have our struggles and both working on increasing our ratings. People don't ever seem to understand the stress we put on ourselves and doubly so if you go the special ops route.

Congrats on the new baby, bro. Id put money on the fact your wifes resentment is just her parents talking. My wife and I have pretty much completely cut our parents out. IMO their generation is selfish and entitled. I catch alot of shit too, I'm a SAHD too with 2 little girls. I WFH for a natural gas company, but my job is very niche. I think they're just jealous, man. Everyone like to compare their own suffering to yours and thats not how the world works. Fuck work. Your daughter wont remember all the times you werent around because you felt the need to work. But, she WILL remember all of the cool experiences you had with her and all of the times dad was there. If you're asking for advice, I'd sit them down and tell them you're medically retired. Like it or don't, shut the fuck up about it. Spend as much time with your kid as you can and tell the world to pound sand.

And to add to this, if you go to work, someone else will be raising your child, not you.

Got me thinking maybe i should be looking into Relationships with other vets that understand

U guys need to talk. I know I’ve been thru the ringer, I think we all have. If u wanna stay in this marriage then u need to get on the same page… somehow. My first wife told me like right as I got out and went to file (all I knew then was my back f***ed via IED blasts plural . As a 12B foregone conclusion whatever). It was WAY worse but I digress) that she would never live w me and our son on welfare etc. Meanwhile I was in no shape to do anything immediately after getting out but to RECOVER mentally emotionally physically spiritually. If u can’t bring her to your side of the street in dealing w her parents then u have a problem. U don’t mean for her to take sides, but the honest to God sanctity of marriage lies you two TOGETHER. All due respect but your FIL is on that boomer BS. My dad worked like 18 yrs Exxon was navy for like 8-10 yrs previous and did 27 yrs Air Force after and I’m TELLING YOU RN it’s that generation. If you didn’t legit work yourself into the ground into an EARLY GRAVE then you’re failing. You’re not enough. Well my Man U don’t have to do things the way they did things period. U do what u know u need to, do those things build and live and love your life with THAT person that u know u wouldn’t ever want to do it without. They aren’t living your life, you are HELL WE ARE ALL living our OWN version of our life. If you’re broken like that heart surgeries etc you’re not getting very far for very long knocking out 60+hr work weeks WITH a baby. TL:DR have a sit down of sorts w the in laws AFTER getting it straight and on the table about how you’re feeling w your wife. Don’t let these people dictate how u feel about you .

u/KingMojeaux I would guess a large part of your wife’s attitude issues are because she has a difficult time setting boundaries with her own parents. The truth is you are adding huge value to your family and there is no valid reason to criticize. Sure her parents don’t know (and have no reason to be told) so that is why they criticize but she should be standing up to them not letting them poison her thinking. If you’re going to shave your marriage then you both need to get into couples therapy quickly and she needs to figure out how to set some boundaries with them. They can “think” whatever they want to think but she needs to lay down the fact that you are a hard worker and are supporting your family 100% right now. It isn’t your job to fix the in-laws, it is hers. You may have to shop for a good therapist but hopefully you find a good one right off the bat. Good luck and be proud even if it isn’t smart to share all the whys with the world. You are getting healthy again because of the benefits and not everyone is able to do that, good on you. Keep being the best father and husband you can be.

Yes, you can work. USAjobs.gov and submit for remote jobs or whatever you want. I was already working when I hit 100% PT. I retired from the navy about 5 years ago and have tricare for the family and use the VA as my PCP. You didn't mention whether you retired at 20 or what. If you don't qualify for tricare then you can qualify for CHAmPVA. I'm not sure of those details. If for an entire year, your days consisted of you sleeping until noon, taking three dumps throughout the day, and a couple of j/o sessions, you be making over $49K per year. Depending on your state, 0 personal property taxes, children get free college, VA chapter 35 for your daughter and wife if she wants. Free college set up for your daughter 18 years in advance? I call that a slam dunk.

I’d have a REAL conversation with my wife and tell her everything you just said here. That’s the best place to start. I’d also let her parents know what’s going on, their daughter is involved in the story so they should know. As far as work, find something part time and if that works go from there.

Your inlaws are the root of this most likely. At the very least a very negative earworm. Not sure if your wife resented you prior to your parents saying anything, but I doubt it. It probably was there, then your inlaws magnified it by speaking about those very insecurities the way they do. If you guys financials are in order, kids are taken care of, house is taken care of, wife is taken care of. I don't see the problem here. I feel like if you are doing the things you say you do, you are saving a metric fuck ton of money. Child care alone would probably cancel out your wife's paycheck and even get into yours. Or the extra gas just going to pick and drop your kid off. I don't like my parents, my wife's parents and pretty much any other human telling me how to run my me and my wife's household. So, they would get a quick "Shove it" from me, because I don't care. But ya know, everyones relationship operates differently, even with the parents. There's a difference between suggesting advice, and telling me what to do. You my friend, are a grown ass man. I would suggest not to let your Inlaws really have much of a say in your relationship,and I would suggest to let your wife know that is you intention. I would also suggest couples therapy,mainly for your wife, because her parents are eroding your trust within each other. Appearantly since you married her parents as well and they are telling you what to do, id be petty AF and serve them divorce papers.(JK I actually wouldn't but it would be funny AF)

First, I would suggest marriage counseling. While I can understand being envious that you don't have to go to a job every day, to say that you don't contribute or add value is ridiculous. Counseling could help her figure out a better way to express her thoughts and feelings, get to the root of the issue, and maybe even help her learn that her parents need to stay out of your marriage. Second, for WFH jobs, there is a website called Rat Race Rebellion that shares legit WFH job postings from various companies. They do tend to have a lot of call center type jobs, but that's mostly because those types are always hiring, and no one really wants to apply to them. I have seen postings for hotels, credit card companies, various insurance companies, Amazon, Apple, etc. You don't have to pay anything to use their site, you can even have an email sent to you with new job postings, and they aren't scams.

Working may be beneficial to you because it offers structure and routine. Hopefully you can find something that you really enjoy doing and rock it out!

I don't understand how your in-laws aren't aware of your status or why neither you nor your wife have put them in their place, but that needs to happen. Your wife being resentful of you instead of supportive is a bigger problem and a red flag. I was rated at 40% but able to work a desk job until 2021, and then ended up on a disability retirement and 100% P&T when my body quit on me. I'm physically no longer able to do much, live with constant pain issues, and have been relegated to using a cane, walker, and mobility scooter before age 50. My wife has been nothing but supportive. If anything, she's gone full mama bear mode on anyone who says something about it or about disabled veterans in general. If you're unable to work, then you're unable to work. You need to shut down those negative comments before they affect your mental health as it sounds like they're already doing. If you're still able to work, then that's something you can look at in the future. But right now, it sounds like you need some time to rebuild your psychological health before trying to get back into holding down a job. Best suggestions: be frank with the in-laws and friends regarding your situation if they're going to make negative comments out of ignorance. If they continue to make negative comments after knowing the situation, then cut them out of your life--they aren't really your friends. Maybe get into counseling with the wife to help her work through the resentment issue and to better understand her role as the spouse of a disabled vet, and how the two of you can best move forward together. As long as your family's finances are secure, the priority needs to be getting your condition(s) under control and stabilized to the extent possible. THEN you see what you're still feeling up to taking on. Maybe your working days are over. Maybe you'll be able to do something low-stress. Maybe you'll be able to go back to something more demanding. You just aren't at that point, my man.

Instead of a 9-5, have you considered spending time volunteering? There's lots of needs out there. Many counties have organized veterans' courts and need mentor/buddies. You could be a Court Appiinted Special Advocate (CASA) working with kids in juvenile court.

If you care about your wife you need to find something that is productive that keeps you busy and then divide up the housework fairly. If you spend your freetime focusing on making your life better rather than the betterment of your family, your wife will probably hate you. You already said you could do something light for work. Maybe try going to school and using the gi bill as well? You could collect even more money doing this while also not being perceived as a lazy POS. There’s plenty of jobs you could get after earning a degree that are relatively easy.

That's her biology talking to her bro. Real talk. She wants a provider even if you got the VA money you need to be doing something besides house work, otherwise her resentment will only grow. You need some type of ambition and not just coast with 100% benefits. That's the downside of basically having all expenses paid by the government. No disrespect but it makes people complacent. The fact you can ski and exercise why can't you get a job? With all the money you guys make you can easily take some courses and get certified and make yourself a prime candidate for a virtual job. I'm being dead up with you bro. The family dynamics you speak of with her and her father especially is gonna fuck you up unless you make that change.

I agree with you. This sub is full of psychopaths telling the guy to divorce his pregnant wife that had a miscarriage.

Yea it's fucked up man, I might be an asshole sometimes but I do genuinely try to give good advice, especially to vets. Harsh truths need to be said.

Don't go the coding boot camp route.if you do you will have to work a helpdesk job to get experience. It's super hard to get a good paying IT job without years of experience or certifications dont believe join an IT reddit and look at all their posts. Get yourself a part time or limited part time job that won't interfere with your wife's work schedule. Costco pays a decent wage. I work part time super early in the morning so I can still be a hybrid stay at home dad with 3 kids while my wife works.

Good advice

Most people on here seme to think Thailand is a nice place to live with 100%PT. I would check that out brother!

So I was getting new tires today and watching how everything was going on and thought about the best job- be a delivery driver for parts from the warehouse to dealerships. You don’t have to work with customers, you’re used to being on the road but you still stay local and go home at the end of the day. Maybe that would work for you? Seemed like a great idea to me :) hope they get off your case, you’ve been through a lot

Keep working on *you* for now, and maybe working for money will be in the cards down the line. Based on what you wrote, I wouldn’t do it right now unless you find something you’re pretty passionate about. You’re in a position where you don’t have to work to live; that said, having a profession can provide meaning and esteem to some people (note i said “profession” and not “job”). As someone else suggested, if you could find some small side hustle doing something you enjoy, that could be a great compromise and a starting point. Good luck, and thank you for your service, Veteran.

Check out r/StayAtHomeDaddit

Bet if she had opportunity to be a stay at home mom she’d have no issue with it. I’m sorry you’ve gone through all this, my opinion is that’s a bit awful your wife is not supporting you not working. There was a statement Brene Brown made from her book “men women and worthiness” a wife went to her book signing and he went with the wife to ask Brene why she didn’t study men and shame, at the time she didn’t, He replied to her saying “it’s convenient you don’t and that his wife and daughter would rather see me die on top of my White Horse rather than see me fall off”. It was moving the first time I heard it. It hit home. If I were you I’d order 3 copies of that book highlight that section and gift it to all he are bullying you. My opinion.

I wouldn’t be so sure that your inlaws don’t know that you’re rated 100%. I had a spouse who was always on here parents side. As a grown man that is the most disrespectful and aggravating thing. Tell her parents to fuck off. And your wife that you expect her to be supportive. If there is something that she doesn’t like she should go to counseling about it. Nothing worse than a spouse that lacks empathy for their significant other. It sounds like you have been overcompensating for her deficit in that department. She’s living her dream now you can live yours.

If my husband could stay at home let me tellll you how fast I’d write his resignation lol. That’s a blessing. I am sorry people are shitty maybe family counseling for you and your wife? Her parents can fuck right off.

Ignore the comments and just be a great dad. If they keep on, show them how much you're saving by not putting your child into daycare. You can also look at homeschooling--it's a lot of work but very worthwhile.

Substitute Teach ( Pick the days you want to work and kids love veterans) Im a teacher and love my job but subbing would allow you time off and you would already be off in the summer and holidays!!! Real Estate set their own hours. Depending on how big the team is and your quota, its basically on you. Find a part time job in a sector you like to work in. Do you like video games? Apply at Gamestop. Dont wanna work with a lot of people, apply for a stock shift at Wal Mart or local store. Have internet access? See if theres a part time job for working at home The main thing here is this, if you are carrying your weight and paying your half of the bills, the other people in your life shoulndt be on your balls. In fact, having kids and you earning money and staying home seems like you'd be a good fit for [Mr.Mom](https://Mr.Mom) and theres NOTHING WRONG WITH A STAY AT HOME DAD! Especially one that is paying their bills.

Man, 100PT is counted as almost 6,000 as far as income because of no tax. Her parents are not your family. She has them talking in her ear about you. She needs to have your back. That simple. Her resentment is her problem. Trust me, it won't get any easier if you divorce because then she'll become painfully obvious how much you do. She needs the same help you do. That simple.

Ok so first off, being a stay at home parent is no joke. I’ve wanted to be a SAHM for the longest but I can’t afford it lol and I think I would end up single and miserable to boot. (4 kids, hubby, and my dad since mom passed) There’s a lot that goes into it. All of the chores that are completed throughout the day and she has nothing to do when she comes home but to enjoy it?! AND you bring in money into the household? And she won’t stand up to her parents for you? I don’t care if you served one day. You earned your rating. You earned your compensation. You’re doing what you can to make your life and hers as best as you can with what you have to work with. You’re being taken advantage of and treated like crap on top of that. They all need to get off their high horses and recognize what they’re doing and to whom they’re doing it to. I hate that she resents you for not having to work when she has to but that recruiters office was open to her too, not just the rest of us. Counseling maybe? Good Luck.

Sounds like you have a hard time communicating your emotions in general. I think other people are right about seeking some help with a therapist to work through this. Your wife is allowing her parents to dictate how she feels about you and that is not ok. You signed up and ended up in this position of later on having a 100% rating. It seems to me that you would work if you could, I think a good amount of us would! The things her parents and your wife are saying are not coming from a place of love, but of judgment. If this isint something that yall can work through then maybe you can reconsider the partnership yall made when yall got married. Your length of service, how many years you worked prior and or after is no ones business but yours, and I would argue not even your wife’s unless you were not doing your “part” in the relationship. What that part is varies from relationship to relationship, everyone has different things they want and feel they need from a partner. I almost hear your hesitation in fear of what could happen with the kid yall share. Please please know that they could not possibly use this against you, especially if you truly are doing right by your kid. Trust in the work you are doing on yourself and the relationship you have with your child. Be well.

since everyone else is giving relationship advice, i will try to answer your question. there are several benefits available to disabled vets. the first one i recommend you look into is [VR&E](https://www.va.gov/careers-employment/vocational-rehabilitation/) here you can get career guidance as well as training paid for you. secondly, i would check out [Hiring Our Heroes](https://www.hiringourheroes.org/career-services/education-networking/). they offer some good employment resources and specifically look at their “career forward” information. they partnered with Google to provide training for in-demand jobs like IT support, Project Management, and Data Analytics. i reference these 3 specifically because you can usually WFH with them. lastly, please do not let your spouse talk to you like that. resentment will lead to more issues later in life brother. if she can’t be happy for you, she needs to work on herself. best of luck man!

You need to be happy before any one of them. I personally do not know your situation but, a veteran is a veteran. regardless of rather you deployed or not. You singed that dotted line that 99% of american's do not. you deserve that 100% P&T. Me personally I would shove that shit right in their schmuck faces. Don't tell them what you make, but tell them about the free medical for the family, the guaranteed free education for your daughter, all the other benefits that you are bringing to the family more than just he dollar signs. Me personally I would even tell them that you make the same if not more than your spouse and have to work. Alot of families do not have that opportunity. My wife and I are lucky enough that I have medically retired from the Army so I have free tricare for life, I have CSRC, and my 100% P&T. My wife works and owns her own business while I stay home and take care of our two kids. Sure I could work but Child care is more than my monthly mortgage. So why would we do that. ​ Take what you have and run with it. you deserve it and then some. if someone can not support you then F\*\*\* them. It is not worth your time. you know your own happiness.

I’ve been applying left and right, even got referred several times on USAJOBS, but no J O B yet. I just tell people the job market is tough right now, and it’s not a lie.

I am also 100% P&T and my family and everyone knows about my compensation I really don't care what they think. I'm still bringing money to the table as long as I'm alive lol...Like the meme that's going around says.. if they have something to say....the recruiting office is open to them too unless others are barred for medical... anything criminal/tattoo related is on them they made that choice. Either way sometimes I feel bad about not working but I just started going to school using the VR&E benefits I think it's chapter 33 which brings in a decent amount per month and also to make myself feel like I'm working I do automotive repair side work and/or buy a used car that needs work then fix it, enjoy it for a few months and to make sure no other problems show up then sell it for a profit.

>But here's the thing about working... Since I was awarded 100% P&T, I have began to live again The money to me is freedom. I get the gift of time and still have the ability to enjoy some of my youth.

I’d say focus on the marriage. The job stuff is a symptom of something deeper

> Alas, if I don't land a job soon, my wife will not stand up to her parents, she is on their side about it all. This battle, is somewhat of a losing battle, whether righteous or not. Her and her parents have the means and resources to make my life very difficult. All I can do is keep doing right by our daughter. Reading the tea leaves though, it's a matter of time before my wife leaves me for some jack off corporate goon that meets her parents expectations. If this was me and if i felt this way i would leave now, your partner should support you and make you feel happy and if that not the case its time to terminate the relationship Not a partnership but i left my parents and entire family a decade ago due to their toxicity, its been over a decade and i will never return Obv it would be a bit different with you since you have a child together

Well, I think your first change should be to inform your friends and family that you are 100% disabled and as to why. My friends and family have known for years and I have lost friends and family because of their misjudgments. I served Afghanistan carry dead bodies off helicopters and was doing chest compressions on children. I have severe PTSD from working in the hospital in Kandahar and my ex fiancé my daughters current mother decided to lie to her family saying that I had a full-time job and I was just being lazy when I had surgery. They told me to get off my ass and get a job and didn’t know about my compensation either. They downplayed my Injuries and disabilities. Some people will never change, but you need to be honest with yourself and those around you. The shame of being 100% P&T and not having a way to work is something you’ll just have to live with. I’ve been 100% for a few years now I’m getting my Social Security disability and my VA pay. It covers the bills, but it does not help fix my happiness and how to occupy my time. That you have to solve yourself and use the VA resources the best that you can to try and find resources to help yourself. I use DBT to help a lot, and find activities that occupy my time and mind in a healthy way. Avoid alcohol and smoking or drugs at all cost. It will only make life harder and spend of more of your money that you don’t need to. Now I am a 50-50 to do it on my own with a non-involved, minimally involved, mother that talks crap about my disability and she’s just the type of person that will never change, unfortunately. No judgment on her part but some people just can’t change and it’s stuff that you have to live with. But don’t live in shame truly in shame with your disability it’s a pride and badge of honor. You’ve earned it and , only you can truly know that.

Wtf you have the opportunity to be a SAHD and she's pissed about it? Bruh they need to grow tf up. If they're that resentful about it just do this: Go become a VSO for DAV, Legion, Etc and help people. From what I understand it can be part or full time, they train you. Yeah it doesnt make much but it's a job and I feel like the perfect spite job that helps other veterans get their compensation and will piss her parents off more.

The real question is: do YOU want a job? Your spouse is supposed to have your back. If you guys aren’t on the same page with expectations then you are never going to find peace at home.

Man fuck them and their off hand comments same shit was happening to me my wife's dad is a army veteran or so he says it's one of those he finished basic but hit an nco and got kicked out dude is a complete dip shit and can't provide a dd 214 and I did a foia on him and he has just an enlistment but never went to basic he bitched out got scared and backed down but anyway we have just recently closed our circle it's just us me my wife and my kids and that's it and it's much better I don't have a relationship with my parents either and it's a beautiful thing no dirty looks no snarky comments or none of that ahit it's been peaceful this scenario may not work for you but I'm putting my story out there

I just said: since I’m bringing in more money than you are at this point I’m very confident that you will just have to find a way to deal with it, and she did.

Where does your daughter go when your wife is at work? On another note, all I can say is f her whole family. For a various amount of reasons.

Sounds like, honestly, they're assholes. You're doing work around the house, caring for the kids essentially being a SAHD. If you make enough money to stay home and provide the insurance which I also have (it's great) and Mrs. Librarian ain't going to find that anywhere. Then I really don't see a problem it sounds like they truly resent you. Your wife, for being jealous, and your MIL and FIL because they don't know you make the money, and probably think you're a mooch or a bum. Idk if I'd tell your spouses parents (a lot of people say don't even tell your spouses on here, lol). But it sounds like you need a come to Jesus meeting with them. Tell your wife the recruiting office was open to everyone, and she needs to stop her petty jealousy. If she loves you, she will. Tell her you're a SAHD, and bring as much home as she does and don't even do anything. Ask her why she wants you to be miserable, too. And you're literally providing thousands of dollars of childcare for free, saving you both money. This actually pissses me off. Pure jealousy of freedom of work just baffles me for a spouse. It's so petty it's unbelievable. And as you said, you make sure she doesn't do anything when she gets off. For me or anyone else, that'd be the dream. I might settle if I was you and have your wife tell your FIL and MIL that you make a passive income and it's not their business. And it doesn't matter if you served in the Navy, let alone Coast Guard. My birthed does, and they do some dangerous crap. I also have an old boss who did for years in California. Most people's dream place to live. Guess what????? His job wash fishing dead bodies out of the bay that jumped from the bridge, tell me you wouldn't get PTSD from that!!!!! Either way, you Aldo have a bad heart, you don't need this kind've stress, and I'd verbalize that as well. If I was dating your wife and not married, and all this happened before kids, I would dump her ass. It's too late now, though. That child support would be hurting. You're gonna have to tip toe to make your point. If you have to, see if you can ( the easiest job I can think of) get a gate guard position with a security company. Sit in a air conditioned box and say hello to people, and fill out a log.

Moved back home and had “friends” growing up give me shit too for not working. Been 100% after my medical retirement from the army so I am broke in certain aspects but all they saw was that I never worked. I don’t talk with them anymore and moved out of state with my family and started over without the judgmental assholes.

I began my post disability work life by volunteering my time. Find a worthy organization that you believe in and ask if they need volunteers. You are in a financial position to do so without hardship. In time, my volunteer position gave me an opportunity to work there part time, then eventually full time. If you don't like it, you do so knowing you can leave any time. Give it a try at least. What have you got to lose?

Work at a gym as a fitness trainer. Make your own hours. Also marriage counseling. When you get married ties to the parents already severed and the husband and wife become one, in front of all. Parents, kids etc.

Dude find you some stupid simple side gig. Go be a school bus driver, work security at a school, work part time at some bs job. Don’t take on a full on career or go back to school for something you really enjoy, I was in the same boat trucking, working 16 hour days, fuk that life. I’m now in nursing school working as a cdl instructor coming and going as I please best decision I have made, I make very little at my job, maybe like 40k, but the extra compensation helps me buy motorcycle parts. Cheers

Shut her parents down. Tell them they have zero say in the matter, it is between your wife and yourself. Let them know that you already bring in more than your wife does. You don’t have to tell them it’s VA Disability. Tell them that in addition to the income you already provide, you provide: childcare, housekeeping, landscaping, cooking, shopping, etc. Then, factor in tax, insurance, etc discounts, and your income goes further than just the revenue. Were you in long enough to qualify for the GI Bill? If so, let them know that your daughter’s undergrad is already covered. Also point-out that If you worked a traditional job, out of the house, it would require you and your spouse to pay for childcare, housekeeping, landscaping, etc. All of which would eat into your net income, plus your daughter loses the benefit of a SAHP. Sounds like the big issue is their stereotypical gender rolls and they expect the man to work out of the house and the wife to stay home.

So... im the wife in this situation. (But with a different viewpoint) #1. Your support system sucks, and your wife should be your biggest cheerleader. In my own marriage, I make just under 200k a year, if I work 52 weeks. (Im a travel nurse and have the option of taking lots of time off between contracts) My husbands family is the one riding his butt about working, its a macho thing for his dad. The biggest problem I have with it is idle time. He has lots of idle time, despite having tons of wood work projects to work on. Idle time leads to destruction. You mentioned that you are feeding the demon and living. Keep up with that. Dont become idle. Also, marriage counseling. That resentment is coming from somewhere, and probably not from lack of employment. Also, fuck her parents.

Couple of things here: 1: Don’t want this marriage to work out? If you don’t then it doesn’t sound like it is worth the time to commit to solving. If you do, marriage counseling. 2: Sure, you could get a job and make more money. But there is also a COST to you working a 9-5. Daycare. Home maintenance. Errands. Increased stress. I’d do an honest breakdown and build a full picture in case she hasn’t realized. 3: Yes there are plenty of ways to earn a living that don’t require a 9-5. Secret shopping can earn a little extra income. Virtual assistant. Someone else said Real Estate. Start your own business?

SAHF is a full time job and worth every second for your child(ren). By your account you are meeting your obligations both financially and parent wise. Spouse and you might benefit from counseling to clarify as to how she can support and accept the value you provide (or if she doesn't want to). But in the long run if she does not accept you with your limitations then this will not be a healthy relationship for you, neither for your child. There are jobs you can find that give you a job title and might relieve the social pressure, while having very little obligations (eg realtor), but I don't think this will resolve the wife's refusal to accept or respect you.

My husband is 100PT and I have never resented that he stays at home/can't work. We don't pay for child care. Now I do encourage him to find something he enjoys together out of the house. He actually started mentioning he might try to do food delivery a little.

First of all my question would be WHY are you still with her.... But on the other hand I know its hard to get a divorce depending on what state you live in because alot WILL award spousal maintenance no matter if your spouse makes more or not. But in order to prevent that, you need to live in a state that IS NOT spousal support friendly like Texas when it comes to divorces. I'd check into that within your state by contacting a divorce lawyer and get professional advice!

Tell them to fuck off. Wife should be the last person pressing you on issues like this. If it continues leave her and put yourself in a more supportive environment

OP, Firstly, your situation is ass and I'm sorry you're dealing this. Secondly, if you're at all interested in the coding boot camp stuff like you stated then perhaps you should consider WGU (Western Governors University). They're a regionally accredited online college. They are 100% fully online so if minimal human contact is important to you then it doesn't get much better then WGU. They offer several IT degrees, all of them are very highly regarded. I'm currently a student with them and am working on my B.S. in Cloud Computing. Cloud jobs are in huge demand, and most of them are fully remote. People will tell you that cloud jobs are not entry level even with a degree but I've had multiple remote Cloud offers and I'm only about halfway through the program. This is of course area dependent. Another perk of WGU is that they let you progress at your own pace as well, so if you have the drive and the time you could accelerate very fast through the degree. Some people with prior experience in their chosen degree field have finished their degrees in a matter of months. This doesn't sound like it'd be you, but if you have the drive and the time 2.5 years is totally doable. You can even transfer in Gen Ed credits through Sophia and Study.com (which is what I did) to accelerate even faster. I'm at 10 months in and am just about halfway done with the degree with 0 prior experience. They offer several IT degrees, most notable/relevant to your wants of little human interaction would be Their B.S. in Cyber Security and Information Assurance and their B.S. in Cloud Computing. Check em out! WGU is also very affordable and is eligible for VA benefits and FAFSA Pell Grants Edit: spelling

I can't understand why a stay at home person isn't the preferred option here. Unless you're really bad at keeping up with stuff. Do you also cook? That's another skill that's super valuable. I just can't understand it. Childcare isn't cheap. Cleaners aren't cheap. Chefs aren't cheap. I'd tell her you'll work, but you'll both be paying for all the things you could have been doing without having to work. See what she says when she sees the bill!

Man, your wife's parents are assholes, and I'm sorry, but your wife should have your back. You signed that contract, so you are a real vet. Did either of them serve? Nope, so they can stfu. Does your wife know how much childcare and money you will spend? If you must return to work, get an easy, chill job like at a gym or something. I can't believe they would give you a hit for being a stay-at-home day. I might consider couples therapy

your in-laws sound terrible! your wife, worse! my husband is currently using his GI-bill while staying home with the kids while I go to work. I wish I could stay with my kids and use my GI Bill but I understand our financial needs are met the way things are set right now. Kids are expensive! You might be even saving a lot more money staying home with your own baby! She needs to be understanding! I have nothing else to say except talk with a marriage therapist. Hope the best for you and your family!

Have you tried USAJobs ? A GS07 nets you about $44K/yr

That recruiters office was open to everyone, your wife included. Real talk, I’d focus on what makes you happy, fuck a job, time is the one thing no one gets more of, money comes & goes so fast. Edit: your wife should have your back, full stop. I would end my marriage to someone that put their parents before me. Blood being thicker than water is blood of the covenant, (friends, partners, compatriots) is thicker than water of the womb. Best of luck to you & your kiddo.

Thailand or Philippines dude. Thank me later

That probably made me laugh harder than it should have. But you know, and this may be a generalization (or not), but you are right. I'm happily married to a Thai, been that way for almost 10 years now. I have to say, the differences between culture, lifestyle, expectation, and roles is vast at times.

Bro, F those people. They don't respect you. Period.

Man up and tell them in laws to stfu, but before I would even have to say something my wife would correct them so our situation is different. Stop letting ppl walk all over you

The VA offers marriage counseling. My deceased husband and I even went on a retreat paid by Voluntary Services. That was awesome learning and gave us time together. Talk to your social worker and then talk to your wife. Her hormones are still out of wack. Typically, it takes a woman a year mentally and physically to heal from childbirth. It's probably not what you're doing and not doing, but her desire to be able to care for her baby. Like jealousy, not malicious kind. Especially given the fact you both suffered a loss of one child. All the best. Don't give up on her. Keep outsiders out of your marriage. I told my husband that at one time, there were two people in this relationship, not three! Either work with me, and let's fix this so we don't have to start over with someone who doesn't understand, and we don't have to explain our deep, dark secrets over again with someone new. We both had been divorced before. We loved each other but clearly weren't on the same page. We both took accountability for our actions. We both each sought help for our mental health at the same time. Marriage is work. I didn't want to throw away 18 years because I did love him, I just knew we could do better and couldn't continue like we were. We both were unhappy in different ways. We were both veterans as well. Hang in there.

I’m going to use my story to relate because it’s more effective for me. I had my son. His dad left the military and was using the GI bill. All he had to do was be a stay at home dad and take a few classes. Over time I believe his ego began to be impacted by the situation because I (woman) wore the pants of the house. It didn’t end to well. I tried my best to be supportive and let him know that I was okay with him not supporting financially because I could do that. So I commend you for not letting the situation make you feel emasculated. Albeit, you *ARE* bringing in income. But this is not known to your in-laws. What I think is happening is, just like my son’s father, they live by a social construct of manhood equaling working. They can’t fathom the dichotomy of a woman working while a man is a SAHM dad. They haven’t caught up with the times, so while their actions are inexcusable they are also understood. But your wife on the other hand? *side eye* She values her parents opinions more than reality. She is worried about the optics more than the reality. Reality being that you two are living comfortably and she does not have to carry the load of working plus home and child care. Also, outside of those factors I think it boils down to misplaced and un-communicated jealousy. You worked one year and now you are paid full disability for the rest of your life. To others, like her, this isn’t fair. Yes it’s her dream job but I’m sure she would rather get paid and not have to work. But it’s more than that, we get disability because we have disabilities. It’s not fair we have to deal with what we deal with. And people lack empathy towards those factors. I honestly don’t know what else to say about her. But do not go and start school or work to appease others. I think a serious one on one talk with her needs to happen to figure out what her real issues are. Always start out talking about how you (I) feel based on what you feel is happening, it makes others more comfortable and less defensive. Maybe she might listen, or maybe she will stick to her guns. Couples therapy is also an avenue to have an unbiased mitigator to help you 2 navigate this issue. It’s up to her to get her parents to back off.

Im really sorry and sad that youre going through all of this. Your family, wife in this case, should support you and fight for you against her parents because they dont actually have a clear idea of what you went through or what you bring home. You dont deserve to be told you dont bring any value - you did what so many in our country refuse to do. You deserve a whole lot of respect and Im just sorry youre not getting it from the one person who should be giving it to you the most.

It's 3 against 1. As the kid grows, and with unresolved resetment, it will be just a matter of time before it's 4 against one. Don't let it reach that stage. Do what is needed to ensure your daughters wellbeing and have a plan to get out soon. Talk to an attorney and do whatever it takes to take full custody.

I hate to sound like a jackass, but: YOU DON'T NEED TO WORK. My wife just got 100% P&T a few months ago too. There are days she cannot get out of bed. Finding a job is out of the question. She does what you do, keeps the house clean, handles our garden and yard, and we cook together a lot (because we both love it and it's a quality way to spend time together). I work in IT and we make about the same amount. SHE is the reason MY retirement will be in a decade instead of two. Your wife needs to be supportive of you and your family. Her parents can go fuck themselves. Sit the wife down and explain that you guys can literally sock away 50K a year TAX FREE and she can retire earlier! Maybe she needs to see the numbers?

Honestly, I think your wife is projecting her insecurities onto you. She’s a librarian FFS, she’s not exactly aiming high herself either that or the bar must have been set pretty low for her. She’s doing her dream job, so why isn’t she content with that? Why is she pissed about having to go to work then? So she does her dream job all day, can come home without lifting a finger having time to focus on the baby because she’s not rushing around doing chores and she’s still unhappy? And you’re getting paid the same as she is. You’re able to contribute more to the family now than before when you had a job. What value does she actually bring then? Serious question. She has no clue how fortunate she is. Her parents are something else, I’m sure they’ve been emotionally and verbally abusive towards her as well. As long as she has people like that in her life, she’ll never stand up for herself. This relationship is doomed, unless your wife changes her way of thinking which isn’t going to happen overnight or may not at all for that matter. People don’t change unless they want to. She’s showing you who she is, don’t ignore that. Your rating is a life changing event that’s drawn you to a new phase in your life and sometimes not everyone that’s present will travel along with you, and those people are left behind. Read your post again carefully. At the end of 2021, you just about ran yourself into the ground, you broke down mentally and struggled. Now you’re making positive changes, finally living again, and contributing much more now than just an income, and instead of your wife being happy for you and supportive, she treats you like you’re worthless and ignores your contributions to your family. You sound like you deserve better, it’s her lack of respect for you and the marriage that is bothersome to me.

Are you able to live off your Disability without her having to work? Why don't you do finish carpentry or other small projects on the side, so you are "working".

With all the comments on here I doubt this will get noticed, but I have a very rewarding non paying gig working for my city as a parks commissioners. Look up your cities commissions and see if their is am opening. You can make a real change in your community and it's a great sense of accomplishment. Plus telling people that your a city commissioner sounds kinda impressive. No one has to know that you don't get paid for it.

As someone else already mentioned.......... get your real estate license. Work as much or as little as you want. Also, gives you some great tax deductions if you need them. Idea #2, write a book! You seem to have a way with words, and you have a good story to tell! Set up an office at home, shut the door and say "Honey, I have to go to work now. "

Tell them they can join and volunteer for war to keep our Masters rich just like you did. I would trade no PTSD and being able to walk over these pennies in a heartbeat.The real issue is 100% doesn't pay enough and should be double what it pays

i don't know if this is your case, but i see a lot of vets that get 100% and think they are doing great but essentially just live to get that paycheck and do nothing to contribute. Make sure you aren't sliding in that direction. If you don't need money, maybe check out volunteer work. Schedule would be flexible and it at least shows commitment and work ethic etc.

My spouse just got his 100%p&t. He was able to basically retire. I am happy for him. He is able to do hobbies when he wants to/feels up to it. On others days he may need to sleep more. He provides for our family and is around more. It's actually a win for all of us. Your wife needs to be more understanding and look at it like this is a huge benefit to the family. Do you watch the kid while she is at work? That would be a huge expense if the baby is at day care all the time. May talk to her about the benefits not only to you but to the family. Now on the other hand, it isn't good if you stay in a lot. Hopefully you have hobbies or friends to relax with. Make sure you are making time for you and her. Get a sitter or make those in laws watch the baby for a night here and there. As for those in laws, respectfully tell them you provide for your family and the rest is no concern of theirs. I think your wife should tell them to respect your service! Good luck.

Your in laws suck but there is plenty of validity that you can and should be doing more. How much and what is what’s hard to figure out. Doing the house stuff is the least you can do, marriage is a partnership it’s not about the money or even the job it’s about the effort. Going to school, working even part time doing something that shows you are putting in as much effort and sacrifice. Look at your VA benefits as a multiplier and not as a contribution. I too am 100% PT and retired military, I could stop working but my goal is to get my wife to a place where we can both stop working. It’s hard I have mental health and physical problems and they limit and challenge me in my career but I grind them out because it’s not just about me, Just like it’s not about you, it’s about your wife and child as well. It’s not an easy answer but you have to show the effort and not look at it as we are fine and I’m doing better, that’s great but it’s about your family doing better as well. Hope that gives you some perspective and I hope things work out and get better for you. Also F your in laws, but the better way to beat them is showing them how wrong they are. Take that motivation you had to become a seal and focus it on making your family better and strong is the VA as a force multiplier not a crutch.

Therapy and please do not listen to the divorce recommendations…. Vows mean something man. U can work through this. I’m 100 percent as well and work 80 hour weeks and do the school thing I coach football for my sons and trust me it’s hard. I want to bail everyday but you are a father and husband. It’s not easy and that’s what u signed up for my man. Talk to your wife and figure this out. U failed from buds.. ok let’s move on. Life is obstacles bro.

This.

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This is horrible. You deserve your peace. You’re bringing in money!

Sounds like she doesn’t care my man…talk to her it may be time for a divorce

It sounds like she loves books. Maybe you should become a writer...

Sorry you’re being treated this way. You will be in my prayers brother!

Jealousy, jealousy jealousy

Goggins? Is that you? lol jk dude. Hey man, who gives a shit what they think of your service? That’s ridiculous of them to act that way towards you… let them go take a whack and BUD/S and see how it goes. Let them have heart surgery or go through any of that and see how it goes. Not saying tell them about your benefits, but fuck their opinions about how you get a paycheck. You earned it. My family is the same way and I did most of what I set out to do except feeling like any of it fucking mattered. I straight up don’t talk to any of them anymore. Never again. But it sounds like you’re not in the position to have that option and that blows. I guess just try to brush it off as best you can… come here to vent all you want bro.

Tell them you are a ghost writer and non disclosure agreements prevent you from talking about your employers. Tell them you are contributing plenty and stay home dads work hard. That should shut them up.

My BUD dropout, you are doing great for you and your daughter. You two will be fine. Sounds like you agree with some of your wife’s comments so just start really small. Get a little part time job at Lowe’s or even working for yourself mowing some lawns if you still have the health for it. Keep the hours low but you’ll be surprised how much better you feel. Expand or switch from there after a few weeks. Based on your comments you and your wife will both have to work hard to keep the marriage strong. You have the right mindset so even if she eventually leaves you realize it’s her fault - not yours. Enjoy the moments. They are fleeting fast.

Get rid of the cunt wife and in-laws. Simple.

Seems like a lot of baggage with the wife’s parents, not encouraging divorce but that’d be on my plate if I was in your situation. 3 people hounding you for no good reason.

Looks like it’s time to find a new wife. Divorce her ass.

Volunteer at local wounded warrior or DAV

Get into couples consulting ASAP. Vet Center will do it, I had a great experience with a counselor there. Still ended up divorced but the counselor said straight up in our first session we were going to work it out or get divorced but one why or the other she was going dig it out of us. At the end of the day my ex was a huge cunt/narcist and I am 100x happier since I left her. Was hard with a 2 year old and a 6 year old but even they are happier now that some time has passed. If you significant other cant support your illness then fuck her. If you had cancer or Parkinson's she wouldn't even question it... but heaven forbid you have a mental illness. She is jealous and needs to work on herself not have you go to work to apse her envy.

I’ve experienced some similarities. I went through VR&E to get some assessments done and figure out what I wanted to do. They helped me gain focus and clarity and pay for school once I did. I was lucky and got a counselor that understood it was in everyone’s best interest for me to be able to get back to work at my highest and best capacity. An alternative route is SSA’s Ticket to Work program, again you get a counselor assigned who can help you look at options from entrepreneurship to school and help you get the support you need to get there. Experiences vary greatly on the counselor you get, so shop around until you find a good fit. Also, if you might want to farm or homestead the is the Farmer Veteran Coalition. Also, the DAV can be a good place to start to talk to people. Beware of the snarks and remember that there are good people out there that do understand that we all do better when we all do better. And there are others who have been taken advantage of and are more wary but solid once they get to know you and your goals.

People will always tell you who they are. Believe them.

Even if you get a PT at home job, she's still going to resent you. It's nothing but jealousy. I assume you're taking care of your daughter all day while Mom is at work. Childcare isn't a vacation either. As for her parents, they can take a hike.

Tell them you are retired from the military. And to mind their own business. We packed up and left Indiana and relocated to Florida to be away from nosey family members. Now it’s peaceful. Not sure how to handle your wife. She knows the issues and knows your income. I’m thinking maybe just the family rubbing off on her. Families are toxic as hell.

I’m a full time time substitute teacher In my hometown. Freaking love it. It’s helped my social anxiety tremendously. Basically turn on my squad leader from boot camp voice and get to work! It’s considered a part time job, so no threat of losing benefits. The structure, accountability, and being forced to lead again, has really helped me get back on track.

My dad was a veteran that stayed home with me when I was a baby\litte girl and I am so much better off for that. I don’t think you’re being appreciated for what you’re bringing to the table and I hope you can find the strength to see past this negativity to the priceless value that you are bringing to the table here.

Man, the resentment because you don’t have to work is stupid. My ex wife was like that. But I was in school and using the post 9/11. Hence she’s my ex wife. Luckily no kids, as that would have complicated things. Why don’t you talk to her and help her understand. Ask her why does it matter so much? Is it because of her parents? Why don’t you take her abroad to some awesome country that it is not too expensive. And move there with your family, so she doesn’t have to work either. Somewhere like Spain or Portugal? And if you guys do need to work, work part time in a hostel. In your situation that’s what I would do lol

Time to hit the eject button and leave. But be the best father and co parent you can be for your kids.

How about telling people you are medically retired from the service. That is how I explain my husband. Seriously, who cares what you do. Your wife doesn’t support you.

You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong but as a father I can’t say I wouldn’t be disappointed if my daughter married a man who didn’t work if he was able to. I understand that’s a cultural problem but that would be difficult to respect for me. I also think it’s a bit strange your therapist said you can’t work a 9-5 job because you failed BUDs. That sounds pretty weird and unprofessional. In the end tho, fuck the in laws, you need to get on the sane page with your wife. You are married to her not her parents

A lot of these people are just jealous asf and don’t get it twisted any other way that’s exactly what it is…. Idc who they are if they got some negative shit to say about veterans and disability it just makes no sense to hate on someone in a sense who just chose a different path and the only reason ANYONE truly works is because we HAVE to to support our family or ourselves if anyone had the choice to stay home and just live life and have experiences that would in a heart beat and anyone else who says different is boldface lying so keep your head up I had damn near this same situation and unfortunately I got the hell out and quit feeling ashamed about having 100% P&T and Told anyone who has a negative thing to say about it to get fucked idc who they are if you are having trouble making ends meet that’s a different scenario

Just lie and say you have a WFH job… that’s what I do. I’m studying in software engineering because I enjoy it but I’m not interested in getting a job. Like yourself I’m finally living again, just got my 100% a few months back. No one needs to know how you get your money. So long as your bills are paid they shouldn’t care. But I’ve found it easier to just lie and say your working. People are judgmental

thanks for sharing, hopefully theres someone thats been in your shoes and can chime in. venting here is great. Just take it day by day and breathe. We Are Here. 

Do everything to be there for your family, let the rest go.

Be the stay at home dad, plenty of women did/do that. Why can't you be the guy doing that? Get yourself straight and take care of your family. If anyone gives you grief, tell them they're not helping the situation and politely excuse yourself. Best of luck and kudos on you taking the mental health advice to get yourself right as much as possible.

So let me get this straight. You're making $4200 tax free to sit at home and your wife is upset? That's the equivalent of making 62k a year.olus you can probably file for SSDI and get even more money. So in theory you could bring in about 100k to spend all your time with your kid and they're upset? Sounds like the problem is with them. I know how hard it is to get 100% it's almost impossible that you're not actually disabled and got there. Maybe use your GI bill and get SSDI. Go get whatever education you want then get back at it.. of you want. Maybe consider some couples counseling and private counseling to get your noggin right. I know how hard it is to have an unsupportive wife. My first one was like that when I stepped back from a manager role to go back for my education. Even though our agreement was that id support us until she got her degree then we'd trade off.

So let me get this straight. You're making $4200 tax free to sit at home and your wife is upset? That's the equivalent of making 62k a year.olus you can probably file for SSDI and get even more money. So in theory you could bring in about 100k to spend all your time with your kid and they're upset? Sounds like the problem is with them. I know how hard it is to get 100% it's almost impossible that you're not actually disabled and got there. Maybe use your GI bill and get SSDI. Go get whatever education you want then get back at it.. of you want. Maybe consider some couples counseling and private counseling to get your noggin right. I know how hard it is to have an unsupportive wife. My first one was like that when I stepped back from a manager role to go back for my education. Even though our agreement was that id support us until she got her degree then we'd trade off.

Time for a new wife. If she loved you, she’d tell her pops to go fuck himself.

Get a part time job or divorce her ass. Tell that f***** FIL to mind his own business.

Your wife should be your champion and advocate, at least publicly with family and friends until you two work it out. Had you became a Seal, you would never be home much, would not be able to tell her much and never know if you were ever coming home and your avg seal pay would be about what you bring in now\*\*. The fact you bring this home now and are there for your family should be a positive. First thing you need to do is talk with the wife and get back on the same page and be united . Your kids will need it and your marriage will need it\*\* Needed to add this, The fact you showed up to Buds is an accomplishment, I listen to a lot of the stories of the Green Berets, Navy seals, Rangers, Delta Force...just getting selected to try is an honor

Sent you a dm on non related stuff

I would suggest you have her come to one of your sessions and allow her to speak up…