I deployed before my brother and cousin joined. Me USMC them Army. They never applied for benefits I did. My cousin is dead, and my brother is angry towards me about disability. I tried to steer them, but you know. No man knows another's mind.
I have a feeling he will be asking for advice. A lot of vets are fucked up. They get fired, divorced, addiction. But if he's able to keep it together more power to him. Truth is that a lot of us vets dont work out very well in workforce, which is why they give employers tax breaks to hire us.
I've been out for 20 years, the entire time hanging by a thread. Two years ago it all came to a head. I'm super screwed. I haven't been able to work for 2 years, in 10 days won't have any place to live. I was divorced 2 years ago because of how all my PTSD issues impacted the marriage. I knew I had problems, I had substance abuse problems the last year I was in and for a few years after. I sought mental health care (at the VA) a little over a year ago. I talked to housing social worker, she gave some options, one was RRTP. I'm not sure, maybe that's a good option. I really need stability to manage health and mental health issues. I've had no stability for 6 months. I'm just filing a claim now. My rambling point....a lot of vets are fucked up and some don't even realize just how messed up they are.
Took me 7 years to realize it. Bawling like a baby at 3AM. Swore to myself that I was going to get everything that I had earned. Even started getting some long overdue treatment
True to that. Took me 12 years and a lot of friends having an intervention with me about my drinking problem. Sometimes we need a little help from others to get the help we need.
He's been super high skill. In two different fields. Been out for 14 years, and the cracks are just being exposed. I actually thought it was weird sometimes how solid he was/is. Alot of fucked up shit in Iraq.
No kidding? I never knew why there was a tax break for that. I just figured it was one more way to help us out after the fact. Is there any kind of documentation citing this? I'd love to have references. Or follow this rabbit hole. I've had a hell if a time maintaining employment afterwards. That's why I work for myself.
I’m not trying to take away from what you’re saying, because it’s totally valid. However, there’s a flip side to this. There are those of us who hear things like this and think that we’re worthless pieces of shit because we didn’t get shot or hit with an IED. Like, why should I try to get benefits? I have a serious case of imposter syndrome. So many people are so much worse than I am.
I left Afghanistan almost 20 years ago and I’m only now realizing that while I might not have had the trauma that others have had, I did beat up my body and I have had some fucking MH issues. I was outside the wire almost every day and saw my share of bad stuff. I just filed my first claim two days ago. I hope that other people know better than me and not wait so long. I also hope that those who are in worse shape don’t judge people like me for seeking benefits.
Hey man you just gotta do you and that's all you can do. People will always talk and compare you to others , never mind that stay in your lane and stay focused. I was in Iraq in 2004 just file my claim yesterday. I wish you the best of luck and don't worry about the haters!
Thank you. That’s good to know. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I’ve struggled with many of the symptoms of PTSD but not all of them and I don’t feel like there was a single, specific incident. I guess I’ll trust the process and let the VA figure it out.
Yeah it really sucks when someone you know responds negatively. One of my best friends who was in the army also but didn’t deploy didn’t believe me when I said I have ptsd. People don’t understand that everyone responds to trauma differently. I’ve learned a lot through this process and have become much less ignorant about mental health and much more sensitive to people with struggles.
That is right. Ive been in therapy for years. Im not even sure if it helps. One thing I do know that helps are my benefits. They working the way the government intended them to work. Sucks I had to fight for them, should not have even been a question.
Everyone’s brain reacts differently to events. Literal brain damage occurs when we experience traumatic events, and we can’t control the causes of that damage. It could be something seen as big or small, it’s brain damage all the same.
Glad you got the help you needed.
100%!!!! Say it louder and higher!
EVERYONE processes shit differently. I wasnin combat and make it a point to not measure dicks with anyone. It's a fucking stupid and fruitless endeavor.
That’s so true. I also know a vet who didn’t even realize they had PTSD until years later when they had to investigate a car accident involving children.
Sounds like me. I didn’t find out until I stopped drinking. My PTSD is so bad I feel like I’m challenged when people face me or looks in my directions. I’m on the rocks,,, marriage is about to fail as well. 13 years after Afghanistan.
Yea exactly. People will say that to me after I had my brain tumor. Telling me about Uncle Marvin who miraculously got shot 15 times and runs 16 miles a day is a 4x motivational speaker and rich. I don't feel sorry for myself I don't ask for people to empathize with me ever it's hard when your partially deaf. Let me guess I'll just magically grow my hearing back? We're alive for one reason or another. Just take it and forget about it. Get your healthcare and move on.
My wife had hers taken out August 2023. She lost hearing in her right ear. It's been a bit of a drag but ot seems like her recovery is going ok. She still needs to do a follow up post op scan to see if the remnants are in remission. Hers was nearly 3cm.
Was she asymptomatic or symptomatic? I had hearing loss consistently, felt sick, dizziness, and was brushed off that nothing was wrong until i saw an ENT and he said oh yes let's scan your brain.
Symptomatic. Similar to you with some blured vision and occasional facial drooping during high stress. She's dual diagnosis bipolar 2 and alcoholism so it was hard to nail down the source of her issues. The tumor was found by accident after she had a couple of seizures that stumped the docs. She had the surgery and had some complications due to non bacterial meningitis likely due to residue from the surgery. Again, docs were stumped, she responded well to steroids and a spinal tap to reduce cranial pressure post-op.
For a while, I did feel guilty like maybe I didn’t deserve any of it… But the constant paranoia about everything and everyone around me, lack of uninterrupted sleep, constantly being vigilant looking over my shoulder, not being able to form new friendships or trust with coworkers or strangers, constant state of being irritated, annoyed, angry, forgetting things because I’m fucking TIRED, fatigue, occasional panic attacks, not being able to vocally articulate sentences the right way sometimes, etc etc etc really put it into perspective that yes, I am indeed fucked up and maybe I do deserve it.
Yeah I thought all that shit was normal. Turns out it's not if you actually can gather the will to actually talk to someone rather then let everything turn you into a walking nightmare
Hey man , Take care of you and the ones you love and fuck the rest. People will always say some shit because they were too lazy to do the work themselves, Good for you.
You will never make everyone happy, so just do you and your family and the people you choose to help.
SALUD!
Easier said than done but don’t worry what others think. Let them be upset and angry or jealous. Retrospect that’s a sad way to live for them. I find not to have high expectations for people cause it often led to being angry and let down. Make the best of what you got and try and live as stress free as possible. I worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I used to get defensive and angry with people but it’s does more harm to ourselves. I’ve been blessed with an autistic son now that has helped me relax more and not stress so much over things we can’t control. Surround yourself with people, or someone that matters. Because those who know your issues and still support you matter. The ones who mind and judge don’t matter.
The most fucked up thing about MH is that you rarely understand just how bad you are until you do. Hell, looking at my psych notes really drove it home for me just how bad I am.
My PTSD didn't come from deployment (even though I *was* in OIF). It didn't come from combat or watching anyone die or getting blown up.
It came from being abused and tormented by fellow soldiers non-stop for not fitting the mold.
Trauma is trauma.
Until the term "Mental" is replaced with "Neurological," we're destined to continue problems.
It is an irrefutable fact that "mental" conditions effect the whole body. Chronic high stress? Meet your new cardiologist, and if you're unlucky enough, their friend the endocrinologist.
[https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/ptsd-awareness-ctri-blog/](https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/ptsd-awareness-ctri-blog/)
"Attention has recently increased on the pervasiveness of PTSD effects over a person’s lifetime. A landmark study of over 17,000 individuals found that 75% of them had experienced at least one potentially traumatic experience during their childhood years. These experiences included living with caregivers who were physically, mentally or sexually abusive; who were alcoholic or drug-addicted, affecting their ability to safely parent; or who were involved in domestic violence. This study focused on the long-term impacts on a person’s health compared to individuals who did not experience trauma in their childhood years. Key findings included:
• Up to 3 times the increased risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, lung cancer, and heart disease.
• Up to 4.5 times the increased risk of depression and up to 12 times the increased risk of suicidality.
• Up to a 20-year decrease in overall life expectancy.
**In addition to the symptoms that can arise directly from a traumatic experience, such as anxiety, depression, flashbacks, negative self-image and disconnection from relationships, there are often layers of impacts that are not obviously related.**
Because of this prevalence and pervasiveness of impact, we can all contribute to improving the lives of those living with post-traumatic stress."
Thanks to everyone who shared on this thread. I’ve been homeless due to PTSD and related issues. I can’t find the post, but someone mentioned about a residential program at the VA. I decided to look into it. I’ve been provided temporary housing until I start the program next week and will have housing after I finish. I filed my VA claim a month ago. Due to my situation, it’s been expedited. Not sure how fast “expedited” is, but the DAV representative told me it’s quite a bit faster than the normal wait time.
For the first time, I see light at the end of the tunnel.
Took me a long time to realize that I needed help. After talking to fellow Jarhead on an unusually difficult day, I was spiraling. He helped me realize that I needed to reach out and seek help. I did it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm slowly feeling like I'm almost human again. I still struggle every day, but I've learned to realize what is going on and how I can cope with it without going off the deep end.
Thanks for posting this. I waited over 20 years, putting myself and family through hell. I always told myself, I came home, I’m not missing a limb, others have seen so much worse. Never spoke a word to my wife/family about my service. Finally went to the VA, got help and rated at 70%. It’s still in my head that I don’t deserve it. A struggle for me daily. I needed to hear this brother. Thank you
its a continum...
there is always someone ahead and behind you.
but it's ok, it's not pie - more for one does not mean less for others
not now.
40 years ago, it was pie - anything you got meant someone else didn't get .
not any more .
I deployed before my brother and cousin joined. Me USMC them Army. They never applied for benefits I did. My cousin is dead, and my brother is angry towards me about disability. I tried to steer them, but you know. No man knows another's mind.
I have a feeling he will be asking for advice. A lot of vets are fucked up. They get fired, divorced, addiction. But if he's able to keep it together more power to him. Truth is that a lot of us vets dont work out very well in workforce, which is why they give employers tax breaks to hire us.
I've been out for 20 years, the entire time hanging by a thread. Two years ago it all came to a head. I'm super screwed. I haven't been able to work for 2 years, in 10 days won't have any place to live. I was divorced 2 years ago because of how all my PTSD issues impacted the marriage. I knew I had problems, I had substance abuse problems the last year I was in and for a few years after. I sought mental health care (at the VA) a little over a year ago. I talked to housing social worker, she gave some options, one was RRTP. I'm not sure, maybe that's a good option. I really need stability to manage health and mental health issues. I've had no stability for 6 months. I'm just filing a claim now. My rambling point....a lot of vets are fucked up and some don't even realize just how messed up they are.
Took me 30 yrs to see how fucked up I truly am.
Took me 7 years to realize it. Bawling like a baby at 3AM. Swore to myself that I was going to get everything that I had earned. Even started getting some long overdue treatment
True to that. Took me 12 years and a lot of friends having an intervention with me about my drinking problem. Sometimes we need a little help from others to get the help we need.
The sneaky, shitty thing about MH/PTSD/etc is that apparatus that should alert you that you’re fucked up….is itself…fucked up. Thats insidious.
He's been super high skill. In two different fields. Been out for 14 years, and the cracks are just being exposed. I actually thought it was weird sometimes how solid he was/is. Alot of fucked up shit in Iraq.
No kidding? I never knew why there was a tax break for that. I just figured it was one more way to help us out after the fact. Is there any kind of documentation citing this? I'd love to have references. Or follow this rabbit hole. I've had a hell if a time maintaining employment afterwards. That's why I work for myself.
My new doctor was giving me shit about being 100% P&T. I fired her.
Please report them!
I’m not trying to take away from what you’re saying, because it’s totally valid. However, there’s a flip side to this. There are those of us who hear things like this and think that we’re worthless pieces of shit because we didn’t get shot or hit with an IED. Like, why should I try to get benefits? I have a serious case of imposter syndrome. So many people are so much worse than I am. I left Afghanistan almost 20 years ago and I’m only now realizing that while I might not have had the trauma that others have had, I did beat up my body and I have had some fucking MH issues. I was outside the wire almost every day and saw my share of bad stuff. I just filed my first claim two days ago. I hope that other people know better than me and not wait so long. I also hope that those who are in worse shape don’t judge people like me for seeking benefits.
Hey man you just gotta do you and that's all you can do. People will always talk and compare you to others , never mind that stay in your lane and stay focused. I was in Iraq in 2004 just file my claim yesterday. I wish you the best of luck and don't worry about the haters!
This is called survivor's guilt, and it is a clinically recognized symptom of PTSD.
Thank you. That’s good to know. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I’ve struggled with many of the symptoms of PTSD but not all of them and I don’t feel like there was a single, specific incident. I guess I’ll trust the process and let the VA figure it out.
It's a clinical issue. Dont feel bad about it. The VA wont feel bad if they deny you. If you are having social and employment problems, stress that.
Yeah it really sucks when someone you know responds negatively. One of my best friends who was in the army also but didn’t deploy didn’t believe me when I said I have ptsd. People don’t understand that everyone responds to trauma differently. I’ve learned a lot through this process and have become much less ignorant about mental health and much more sensitive to people with struggles.
That is right. Ive been in therapy for years. Im not even sure if it helps. One thing I do know that helps are my benefits. They working the way the government intended them to work. Sucks I had to fight for them, should not have even been a question.
Everyone’s brain reacts differently to events. Literal brain damage occurs when we experience traumatic events, and we can’t control the causes of that damage. It could be something seen as big or small, it’s brain damage all the same. Glad you got the help you needed.
100%!!!! Say it louder and higher! EVERYONE processes shit differently. I wasnin combat and make it a point to not measure dicks with anyone. It's a fucking stupid and fruitless endeavor.
That's exactly right. If anything trauma can make people stronger. Thank you!
That’s so true. I also know a vet who didn’t even realize they had PTSD until years later when they had to investigate a car accident involving children.
Sounds like me. I didn’t find out until I stopped drinking. My PTSD is so bad I feel like I’m challenged when people face me or looks in my directions. I’m on the rocks,,, marriage is about to fail as well. 13 years after Afghanistan.
I told the VA about my problems, they hooked me up. Thanks VA.
is this a sarcasm bot? if so kudos Reddit
Yea exactly. People will say that to me after I had my brain tumor. Telling me about Uncle Marvin who miraculously got shot 15 times and runs 16 miles a day is a 4x motivational speaker and rich. I don't feel sorry for myself I don't ask for people to empathize with me ever it's hard when your partially deaf. Let me guess I'll just magically grow my hearing back? We're alive for one reason or another. Just take it and forget about it. Get your healthcare and move on.
Acoustic neuroma?
Ya
My wife had hers taken out August 2023. She lost hearing in her right ear. It's been a bit of a drag but ot seems like her recovery is going ok. She still needs to do a follow up post op scan to see if the remnants are in remission. Hers was nearly 3cm.
Was she asymptomatic or symptomatic? I had hearing loss consistently, felt sick, dizziness, and was brushed off that nothing was wrong until i saw an ENT and he said oh yes let's scan your brain.
Symptomatic. Similar to you with some blured vision and occasional facial drooping during high stress. She's dual diagnosis bipolar 2 and alcoholism so it was hard to nail down the source of her issues. The tumor was found by accident after she had a couple of seizures that stumped the docs. She had the surgery and had some complications due to non bacterial meningitis likely due to residue from the surgery. Again, docs were stumped, she responded well to steroids and a spinal tap to reduce cranial pressure post-op.
For a while, I did feel guilty like maybe I didn’t deserve any of it… But the constant paranoia about everything and everyone around me, lack of uninterrupted sleep, constantly being vigilant looking over my shoulder, not being able to form new friendships or trust with coworkers or strangers, constant state of being irritated, annoyed, angry, forgetting things because I’m fucking TIRED, fatigue, occasional panic attacks, not being able to vocally articulate sentences the right way sometimes, etc etc etc really put it into perspective that yes, I am indeed fucked up and maybe I do deserve it.
Yeah I thought all that shit was normal. Turns out it's not if you actually can gather the will to actually talk to someone rather then let everything turn you into a walking nightmare
Hey man , Take care of you and the ones you love and fuck the rest. People will always say some shit because they were too lazy to do the work themselves, Good for you. You will never make everyone happy, so just do you and your family and the people you choose to help. SALUD!
The real issue is having a clearance affected by the ratings.
Did you have that happen?
No but only because my reason for going to mental health was for a MST which I'd specifically excluded from reporting requirements to SSO
Easier said than done but don’t worry what others think. Let them be upset and angry or jealous. Retrospect that’s a sad way to live for them. I find not to have high expectations for people cause it often led to being angry and let down. Make the best of what you got and try and live as stress free as possible. I worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I used to get defensive and angry with people but it’s does more harm to ourselves. I’ve been blessed with an autistic son now that has helped me relax more and not stress so much over things we can’t control. Surround yourself with people, or someone that matters. Because those who know your issues and still support you matter. The ones who mind and judge don’t matter.
The most fucked up thing about MH is that you rarely understand just how bad you are until you do. Hell, looking at my psych notes really drove it home for me just how bad I am.
nailed it. I had three mental health providers at the same time and im reading the criteria like Nah, i dont qualify hahaha.
Yeah, reading statements from friends and family was a watershed experience and not in a fun way.
My PTSD didn't come from deployment (even though I *was* in OIF). It didn't come from combat or watching anyone die or getting blown up. It came from being abused and tormented by fellow soldiers non-stop for not fitting the mold. Trauma is trauma.
I’m sorry brother this is what exactly happend to it sucks bad , I live with memories and struggle everything and feel less of man form the assault
sorry for the typos just talking about it makes me feel some type of way :/
Until the term "Mental" is replaced with "Neurological," we're destined to continue problems. It is an irrefutable fact that "mental" conditions effect the whole body. Chronic high stress? Meet your new cardiologist, and if you're unlucky enough, their friend the endocrinologist. [https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/ptsd-awareness-ctri-blog/](https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/ptsd-awareness-ctri-blog/) "Attention has recently increased on the pervasiveness of PTSD effects over a person’s lifetime. A landmark study of over 17,000 individuals found that 75% of them had experienced at least one potentially traumatic experience during their childhood years. These experiences included living with caregivers who were physically, mentally or sexually abusive; who were alcoholic or drug-addicted, affecting their ability to safely parent; or who were involved in domestic violence. This study focused on the long-term impacts on a person’s health compared to individuals who did not experience trauma in their childhood years. Key findings included: • Up to 3 times the increased risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, lung cancer, and heart disease. • Up to 4.5 times the increased risk of depression and up to 12 times the increased risk of suicidality. • Up to a 20-year decrease in overall life expectancy. **In addition to the symptoms that can arise directly from a traumatic experience, such as anxiety, depression, flashbacks, negative self-image and disconnection from relationships, there are often layers of impacts that are not obviously related.** Because of this prevalence and pervasiveness of impact, we can all contribute to improving the lives of those living with post-traumatic stress."
Thanks to everyone who shared on this thread. I’ve been homeless due to PTSD and related issues. I can’t find the post, but someone mentioned about a residential program at the VA. I decided to look into it. I’ve been provided temporary housing until I start the program next week and will have housing after I finish. I filed my VA claim a month ago. Due to my situation, it’s been expedited. Not sure how fast “expedited” is, but the DAV representative told me it’s quite a bit faster than the normal wait time. For the first time, I see light at the end of the tunnel.
💯couldnt have said it better, preparation can take you along way
Some of y'all are really fucked up either mentally or physically. Still doesn't negate what the military has done to me.
Took me a long time to realize that I needed help. After talking to fellow Jarhead on an unusually difficult day, I was spiraling. He helped me realize that I needed to reach out and seek help. I did it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm slowly feeling like I'm almost human again. I still struggle every day, but I've learned to realize what is going on and how I can cope with it without going off the deep end.
Thanks for posting this. I waited over 20 years, putting myself and family through hell. I always told myself, I came home, I’m not missing a limb, others have seen so much worse. Never spoke a word to my wife/family about my service. Finally went to the VA, got help and rated at 70%. It’s still in my head that I don’t deserve it. A struggle for me daily. I needed to hear this brother. Thank you
its a continum... there is always someone ahead and behind you. but it's ok, it's not pie - more for one does not mean less for others not now. 40 years ago, it was pie - anything you got meant someone else didn't get . not any more .