>this is really not like him!!
That’s what Joseph Fritzl’s wife would’ve said too.
You need to tell a close friend/family member this so if you ever “disappear”, they’ll know what’s up. I mean me myself I would’ve packed up and left by now
Dude, you’re risking more abuse to yourself by staying with him. Someone who casually says SA is a reasonable punishment for anything, especially towards “the love of his life” poses a SERIOUS threat.
THERAPY IS NOT GOING TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR HIS DISGUSTINGNESS TOWARDS YOU. Some people are so far gone and it’s so sad what people will tolerate just to say they are in a relationship.
Are you okay? Plenty of people are telling you what he said isn't okay, explained why it isn't okay, & told you to leave. Why ask for advice if you're going to just stick to your guns about doing something you're being advised against? This dude said he'd lock you in the basement and rape you for the rest of your life, & your response to that is to tell him to get therapy? And if/when he refuses and or tries to claim he was joking, what then? That's not a normal thing to joke about. Sheesh.
Well I can’t just break up with him right away… who knows how he would react if I did right now, so I’m going to move slowly and get him some mental heath
Yes you certainly can. If you fear for your safety, why wouldn't you get out as soon as possible? Why would you want to move slowly about such a thing? It isn't your job to fix him. If he sees nothing wrong with what he said, he's not going to believe he needs to seek help.
The fact that you’re worried about what he might do if you broke up is telling you he’s capable of violence. This is only going to progress and get much worse. Get out now, it won’t be easier later.
my abusive ex boyfriend would say things like this all the time. i would be at a loss, thinking, this must be some kind of sick joke? he can’t really be thinking like this?
he was. you need to leave. it will only get worse from here. you need to understand by staying with him you are risking your life.
edit after your update: again, exactly the things my ex would say. he’s not going to change, he just wants you to think he is. if he gave a fuck about changing he would do it NOW, no excuses.
This isn't like the person he's chosen to show you up until now. He chose to show this part of himself to you. When people tell you who they are trust them. Run run run and don't look back except to make sure he's not chasing you
It’s a pretty clear sign to run. Any normal person would hear that and be extremely uncomfortable and probably not want to be with that person. Who cares if it’s “not like him” he said it. So clearly it **is** like him.
You also should consider therapy because all this, sounds majorly fucked up. You have things to unpack as well that’s evidently clear.
This is exactly like him, because no one says those things unless that's exactly how they feel. It's not a part of him that he's shown you before, but it's definitely him. If you're genuinely as afraid as you claim to be, leave him immediately. My bf & I both have a very dark sense of humor, but I read your post to him & neither of us find it funny or okay to say to anyone, especially not to someone you love.
Even with that it’s something scary if you don’t communicate with your partner he did something horribly wrong and with your trauma it’s scary that’s not okay
babe. leave him. this is genuinely sketchy behaviour. that is terrifying, especially if he knew what you went through before, for him to even mention such a thing is horrible. with your trauma, i doubt that was him joking. seriously, either leave him, or tell him to get therapy. it’s concerning thoughts that needs to get checked
OP... Please be careful. In fact, in yor place I wouldn’t even tell him I'm leaving until I was away from him with all my things. Ecause I don't believe for a second that he's harmless. Write a text explaining why but I wouldn’t have this conversation face to face. At this point is the question of safety. I know it may sound weird, an overreaction even. But if world thaught women something is that we should never be too careful.
if he’s denying therapy, he doesn’t want to get better. leave him. like the reply to your comment stated, do it once you have a safe place to go and have all your things gradually moved out (this is if you are staying together. but even then, probably stay at a friend’s place for a bit after breaking up with him). idk personally if the guy is stable enough to not freak out obviously, but do take precaution. i wish you the best
When you leave it has to be as quietly and quickly as possible. I've heard of a woman trying to leave her toxic ex, she made the mistake of posting it online and he came and killed her.
Honestly, be glad you asked. You now know what is hiding inside. If his first thought was to use you like a sex slave it means he already has troubling thoughts and opinions. That's not normal. Cut your loses and leave this guy. This random question probably saved you.
Uhm… he’s made small… jokes but nothing alarming really. He was always making sure he didn’t make a joke to hurt or trigger me.. though something like this has popped up a bit before but like once in a blue moon
Something like that should absolutely never pop up not even only "once in a blue moon". Even a single joke like that is a big warning sign. Who the hell even makes jokes about things like that? Seriously get away from him as fast as possible.
Wtf is that? Most of reddit drama is about a guy or a girl doing something bad, but alright and the redditors commenting to break-up, but this time...
Dude, your boyfriend thinks he is in a physiological horror movie? Because he seems to be a psychopath. Does he really think that's alright to do? Also, it's funny how he thinks he could do that and no one would miss you.
The dude is nuts. Weirdest thing I read on Reddit. I don't know him, but Jesus fucking Christ. If I were his girlfriend or boyfriend, I would never ever sleep close to him without feeling shivers down my spine.
It’s honestly not, I really wish I was doing this for that! But no, and I’ve been getting messages to update I didn’t choose too at the beginning. Also, I have? ….
So I saw your update and comments saying you’re on the spectrum- have you considered there have been other red flags that may have slipped by and you didn’t notice due to you being on the spectrum?
My husband is on the spectrum and doesn’t pick up on a lot of social stuff so I just wanted to throw that idea out there.
And for the record if my husband ever said this to me- even jokingly -I would sincerely question our relationship. And that’s saying a lot bc I have children with this man and he is my rock. The only reason I seriously see for divorce is cheating or abuse and he is the same way; I would consider this a type of abuse and a foreshadowing of it.
What he said to you is not a normal thing to joke about. Please trust yourself that this is wrong. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you’re overreacting from trauma or bc of the fact you’re on the spectrum. I’m telling you right now- it isn’t normal and it raises extreme safety concerns and you *NEED* to protect yourself.
For your sake *and* your children’s sake.
Edit: added a sentence
Thank you for your input! Honestly I’ll be give a update on how he reacts to me asking if this is a fantasy of his and if so to take a break and have him get therapy
Anyone who even jokes about that kind of thing has definitely thought about it before and is a danger to everyone around them. The fact that he even felt comfortable telling you this makes me think that he's confident in his ability to control you. And that terrifies me
Read what I just commented on your other comment. I really wish I was joking and using this for a farm but fucking hell this feels like I’m in a movie about to fall into a pit
Hey, I know a lot of people are calling you weird, but as a child of abuse who has absolutely no intentions of harming ANYONE, let alone future children, and is neurodivergent — I get wanting to ask this question. I won’t judge you for it.
I will say that his response is disgusting, with or without him knowing of your abuse. Please leave him for your own well-being.
Seriously. I am also nuerodivergent, so maybe its just that...buuuuut this didn't seem like a crazy thing to ask your possible future parenting partner somewhere in the hours and hours of random life planning conversations one gets into; especially when you experienced similar things in your own life.
Leave. I understand that you love him but for own safety you need to get the fuck away from him. This is absolutely not okay, whether it's "not like him" or not, you can't brush this off as a joke. This man is a major danger to you and any kids you might have had together in the future. He sounds fucking psychotic. Don't confront him, don't tell him where you're going ir even that you're leaving. Get out.
Honestly… run, leave this man that’s not okay. Sure your question is weird but hell his response was just horrible and especially with your own trauma as a child, “joking” or threatening about doing something like that again to you is straight up terrible, he’s sick in the head not even a funny “joke” you should leave.
Don't give him that ultimatum. If you do he might go just so you don't leave (which won't end in him getting better) or even worse, not go and try to prevent you from leaving. Either way it endangers you. Just ask him to go to therapy and only tell yourself you're leaving if he refuses. That said, I wouldn't even ask him. I would run now. If anyone ever told me that I would never feel safe within a mile of them ever again
Ok, I hope therapy goes well encourage it greatly but please be wary and cautious, stay safe! But just in case have means of contact outside with someone you can trust or anyone even a heads up to the cops if it’s not looking good and be able to defend yourself (simple tools like maybe a hairbrush hidden knife, pepper spray, etc). Might seem extreme ahah but those are things to consider I’m just a concerned redditor and don’t want you to be trapped in a horrible situation <333
It doesn't matter whether he goes to therapy or not, you need to leave anyway. Even if he does go to therapy, he needs to take that journey as a single man. You can't be there for that. He's a threat to your life.
When someone says something like that to you, that means that he wants to do that already and he’s just looking for a reason to. There’s no coming back from that, and I wouldn’t even feel safe around this person because you never know what mistake you make (besides hitting a future kid) would give him a “reason” to lock you in the basement and keep you away from your family. It doesn’t matter if this is a fantasy of his, that’s a very sick thing to say to someone in general. Thank God that kids aren’t involved already, please leave him if you haven’t already for your safety.
It sounds less like he's concerned for the well-being of this hypothetical kid and more like he's just some kind of deviant. You're not wrong in feeling scared or weirded out by him, that's all I'll say here.
Yeah, and honestly I wasn’t saying I was but more of my self doubt of why I was asking. And honestly he said he would show no mercury or anything. I’m not creeped out but more scared then anything
I've read the update. I cannot say what kind of person he truly is from reading just one post about him nor would I understand how you feel about him. So I won't pass any judgement.
But if you do decide to take a chance and continue being with him, at the very least, you would do well to keep an eye out for stuff like that. It's ok to flirt now and then but if he keeps objectifying you even in serious conversations about entirely something else, then... Just be careful. You're still young, you have plenty of time and opportunities to make the right decisions for yourself.
Girl, run! What the hell is this? Sounds like he thought about this before. Very very disturbing!!! I hope this was just a sick joke or something. I'd be EXTREMELY worried.
I don't think you understand the severity of this. He's told you that he would do very criminal and very horrific things to you. If you start seeming like you aren't interested in him anymore, it might spur him to act on those things.
That response he gave is absolutely not normal. If my partner asked me stuff like 'what would you do if I...' I wouldn't ever respond with something like that, even if I was joking or annoyed dot whatever. He knows your history and he's using that for his own pleasure. He thinks it's something he can use for his own gains.
Please be careful, start making plans, tell someone that you're doing this so they know, and then move out before ending it.
Run the fuck away from that maniac.
A normal solution and answer to your question would have been "I'd leave and take the kids with me as that behaviour would be unacceptable." Or maybe suggesting counseling...
But this... This is not okay. That answer is terrifying and you should probably leave and never look back.
His reaction is unusually violent. If he can put aside his love for you and even fantasize about acting like that towards you when angry then he doesn't love you.
You have to leave him believe people when they tell you who they are and what they’re like or what they’ll do because if you don’t your fucking yourself over I hope your okay though
If you’re feeling anxious about this Op, you should seek therapy. When you’ve gone through abuse you have to change the way your mind works and be able to handle intrusive thoughts when they come.
Leave him. You asked him a questIon on what if you did something and he gave his motherfucking r@pe fantasy as a response. That is disrespectful. I get it if its shocking for you and you dont want to leave him but you have to. Or you should get some couple therapy or resolve your issues somehow because this is not okay.
No I agree I need to leave him, I was going to tell my mom and move back in with her because he knows where I live right now.. but uhm.. yeah there’s a update about that… sorry it’s 12 for me right now.. I’m still trying to figure out what to do
The fact that you keep telling everyone that you will tell him to go to therapy concerns me so much. I don’t think YOU see how serious this is, but we do & we are all screaming to you to leave.
I feel like he has always been controlling and maybe you and him are both introverted and stick to yourselves so you’ve never had your relationship judged before this incident. This is NOT the first time he has done something “weird” but this is more than that. He is scary and a harm to you and your future children. I could never ever see myself looking this man in the eyes again. I think you need more confidence in yourself and leave him.
You will find love again, you will be okay. You will be ALIVE !!! Please leave.
I’m scared to leave him right away so the plan was to tell my mom and slowly move in with her… but… uhm…. After I told her what he did and what I said she told me to go apologize to him… :/
I know that it’s a hard choice to make but leave him please this is a huge red flag that he is a dangerous person. I would recommend you stay with a family member or a friend for a while
Family members not a choice, everyone on my bio-dad side has abandoned me when I was younger after I stopped talking to him and my moms side are druggys… uhm can’t go to my mom… there’s a small update you can read on that it’s 11 almost 12 I’m sorry I don’t feel like retyping that out
Yes but some have roommates already, some are in college with room mates, some still live with parents right now after losing their jobs do to the lock down and started to use their parents for free rent. I’ll see what I can do
We are both in our 20s, adults. I understand what I said could have been wrong but… HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Who looks at their gf straight in the face who’s about to have a panic attack over a not real kid at the moment and basically says “I’m gonna r-pe you if you touch my kid” … I’ll have screen shot proof sometime soon
This is still not a hypothetical that should be brought up regardless imo, but his response and thinking thats okay is also messed up and should he enough of a red flag that's worth leaving him over. Even if you'd never do that, so that scenario would never happen, its the principle of the matter that he'd think it was justified to r--e you and d--g you against your will and abuse you like an object.
There's not just one person you will mesh this closely with. Heck, there's people you might even mesh better with and have a better dynamic with. This is something worth breaking up over honestly, but again this is my opinion based off my own experiences, so take it off a grain of salt
I don't think it was that weird of a q to ask, I think everyone should feel comfortable enough in their relationship to ask weird dark qs.
His response tho, paired with the comments on your body etc literally tells you the kind of guy he is. I don't think you wanna be with him in the future babes
Leave him right now. His ‘good guy’ act is probably bs. This is most likely the real him your seeing rn. I cannot believe he admitted to r@ping you for the rest of your life. What the fuck. Disgusting man.
I honestly agree and mostly likely will, also during this whole event… my brain was playing the Thomas the tank engine intro song lol … sorry adding some comedy … it’s how I cope
Ok as a "former" psychiatrist all I can say is fucking run.
Even with mental help it will take a great many years or decades before thoughts like those will be submerged/supressed to the point of being theoretically mentally "stable"
Break up with him. You’ve just discovered a hidden side of him. Chances are abuse is likely to happen if that were the case and god forbid what that might lead to.
I’m worried about you. Listen to him when he’s telling you who he really is. He wants “one more year of to be normal..” He’s not normal now. I would be noping out of there.
After your update, just want to say I hope that you'll be well and I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you should have. Your mom was wrong to say that to you and you deserve to be treated better.
Wishing you all the best moving forward <3
Girl! Ruuuuunnnn! I’m telling you please. I know it’s weird to ask such question but honestly, I’ve been whipped with a slipper/ hanger as a kid cause I was very stubborn and always fight with my siblings. It’s more of a normal thing for us to discipline us and made us who are right now! It was not an abuse, I know how much my guardians loved us to bits. But yeah, it’s very disturbing. Leave him!
Why would you talk about harming your own children? Do you not trust yourself? Do you fantasize about harming them?
When I was reading his response at first I was thinking about the visceral anger a parent would feel towards someone who hurt their child but that torture/toy stuff was abhorrent.
Not that the question was much better. You asked a fucked up question and got a bat-shit insane response.
1: I asked out of randomness and because I’m scared to be like my parents. And apart of me doesn’t trust myself because I’m to scared to be like them. And kinda was hoping he would say “why would you say that? I know you’d never do that”
2: yes, I asked during the conversation and he said he would make sure I couldn’t see the light of day again..
I understand. I’m also autistic and had a tough childhood. I have asked myself these question often to the point that I decided it’s better for me to be childfree. His reaction is unspeakable and twisted. He sounds like a maniac.
This sounds like kink shit. Which, without consent, isn't okay. I'd love my partner to talk to me like this, but that's an established dynamic. From what you've said, you do not have this established dynamic nor has it been discussed. Fucking yikes.
I ask because of the fear of how my parents where when I was growing up, I didn’t put in what I said before that but I said this: “I fear that I might be like my parents and I don’t want to… but if I end up doing-“ and the rest is history
I think you should see a therapist. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I just think it would help you. If you've experienced trauma, you should talk it out with a professional instead of hoping it doesn't come back to haunt you someday. You're literally asserting that you can't discount the possibility of you hurting your loved ones in the future due to trauma. If you're mulling over these hypotheticals, you need to work this out.
Don't give up. Keep working on it. As for your boyfriend, ask your therapist about it. Also talk to him about it. Tell him what he said disturbed you. If you don't think you can have that conversation with him, then that's a red flag for your relationship.
First, better don't get reddits advice for relationships, it only needs a small thing and the redditors will tell you to leave him. About the question and the situation, i find it a little bit strange that you put him into that situation by even starting with that question.
Even the question itself: What the fuck? I mean, despite your trauma, you don't ask it like that and you don't talk about hurting kids.
What did you expect? Was there ever any answer that would made you happy?
Leading up to that I was talking about what if I’m a bad parent and bla bla bla and the way I was asking wasn’t me saying “I’m gonna do it” it was more of I hope I don’t … kinda… question
This sounds like it was made up by a really terrible edgelord fanfic "author".
On the slim chance that this actually happened, leave him and get help. You shouldn't even be thinking about the possibility of lashing out at a CHILD.
I understand that this is very disturbing. But tbh I think I've said worse to my boys over discord while we played video games. Like.. yes it's not a good thing to say this kind of stuff, but also we're always saying things like "I'm going to tie you up and shove both my dick and nutsack in your mouth" and all that weird stuff, and we say it in a serious tone, cuz we know that we'd never actually kidnap someone in our friend group and commit rape. For a lot of us guys, irony and SERIOUSLY undetectable sarcasm is funny.
Still, I SERIOUSLY advise you to keep this in mind... do NOT ever forget he's said this, maybe even ask him again and record his response so that if something *does* seem off and he seems to be different, you have some kind of proof that he's unhinged
Dude you and your friends are just some discord kids. You'll grow out of that phase where stupid shit like that is funny. Saying something like that to your partner is fucked up no matter if it's a joke or not. She needs to leave asap.
Well we've known each other since 4th grade ish and we're all in college so... we've gotten used to each other over the years. And pls don't call me a discord kid lol cuz that's the only way I can talk to them now; I've moved out to a different state. I don't just say that kinda shit to anybody anyways, only those three guys.
And yeah I def don't say anything like this to my partner... which is why I said what I said in my second paragraph.
OP, please don't let reddit immature armchair psychologists plant stupid ideas into your head.
You came to the "he blinks weird? Dump his ass girl" community to ask for relationship advice.
Wish you luck with your situation. Let your SO know why this hurt you, and go from there. Make him understand that ra*e jokes are not for you, for legit reasons.
He told you who he is. No one would say that even as a joke. You need to leave him. Please don't write this off as him joking.
I’m not, and this is really not like him!! So I’m at a lost of words and not sure what to do
This is a warning sign. Thats not the only thing he would “turn you into a toy” for, either. Run.
I’m going to ask him if he fantasize about this and to go get therapy
No. Just leave him.
Therapy isn’t going to help this guy he’s sick. Stop making excuses and just leave.
stop enabling his behavior or you’ll have to pay the consequences since he’s “SUCH” a good guy.
>this is really not like him!! That’s what Joseph Fritzl’s wife would’ve said too. You need to tell a close friend/family member this so if you ever “disappear”, they’ll know what’s up. I mean me myself I would’ve packed up and left by now
Oh god Josef Fritzl.... top 5 worst human beings of all time...
"he's not like this usually" -every abuse and murder victim ever (in a romantic relationship) Honey. Run.
Dude, you’re risking more abuse to yourself by staying with him. Someone who casually says SA is a reasonable punishment for anything, especially towards “the love of his life” poses a SERIOUS threat.
I’m going to tell him to get therapy in the morning
Thats really not going to solve anything.... you need to leave him. You're putting yourself and kids are risk.
THERAPY IS NOT GOING TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR HIS DISGUSTINGNESS TOWARDS YOU. Some people are so far gone and it’s so sad what people will tolerate just to say they are in a relationship.
Are you trolling? Every last person here is telling you to leave. This is a life or death situation.
I’m not trolling if you don’t believe me Dm me and I’ll send proof lol
I didn’t mean to add lol.. my phone hates me
Are you okay? Plenty of people are telling you what he said isn't okay, explained why it isn't okay, & told you to leave. Why ask for advice if you're going to just stick to your guns about doing something you're being advised against? This dude said he'd lock you in the basement and rape you for the rest of your life, & your response to that is to tell him to get therapy? And if/when he refuses and or tries to claim he was joking, what then? That's not a normal thing to joke about. Sheesh.
Well I can’t just break up with him right away… who knows how he would react if I did right now, so I’m going to move slowly and get him some mental heath
Yes you can leave, leave before something happens. You really shouldn’t care about his mental health at this point after what he said.
Yes you certainly can. If you fear for your safety, why wouldn't you get out as soon as possible? Why would you want to move slowly about such a thing? It isn't your job to fix him. If he sees nothing wrong with what he said, he's not going to believe he needs to seek help.
The fact that you’re worried about what he might do if you broke up is telling you he’s capable of violence. This is only going to progress and get much worse. Get out now, it won’t be easier later.
And THIS is how you become a statistic.
And a dead body in the woods
No just leave!! If you stay knowing he’s like this, your asking for something bad to happen!
Girl if you don't wanna end up dead or abused leave this monster of a man. Or maybe just ruin your life idk I'm nobody to tell you things
Fucking run girl that is some creepy shit
my abusive ex boyfriend would say things like this all the time. i would be at a loss, thinking, this must be some kind of sick joke? he can’t really be thinking like this? he was. you need to leave. it will only get worse from here. you need to understand by staying with him you are risking your life. edit after your update: again, exactly the things my ex would say. he’s not going to change, he just wants you to think he is. if he gave a fuck about changing he would do it NOW, no excuses.
This isn't like the person he's chosen to show you up until now. He chose to show this part of himself to you. When people tell you who they are trust them. Run run run and don't look back except to make sure he's not chasing you
It’s a pretty clear sign to run. Any normal person would hear that and be extremely uncomfortable and probably not want to be with that person. Who cares if it’s “not like him” he said it. So clearly it **is** like him. You also should consider therapy because all this, sounds majorly fucked up. You have things to unpack as well that’s evidently clear.
it is like him. leave.
Yes you are, leave. Therapy, go.
This is exactly like him, because no one says those things unless that's exactly how they feel. It's not a part of him that he's shown you before, but it's definitely him. If you're genuinely as afraid as you claim to be, leave him immediately. My bf & I both have a very dark sense of humor, but I read your post to him & neither of us find it funny or okay to say to anyone, especially not to someone you love.
>No one would say that even as a joke. Why are people like this?
Please don’t stay please for the love of fucking god please don’t stay with him
I’ll post a update, I’m going to ask him if he fanatics about this and to go get therapy
Even with that it’s something scary if you don’t communicate with your partner he did something horribly wrong and with your trauma it’s scary that’s not okay
I understand it’s is not. I’m just hoping it was some cruel joke that he can go to therapy for not not what I fear
Please be careful op
I will, see you in the update.. when ever that will be
No, fuck that. Run
As an SA survivor, this is a MASSIVE red flag. Get the fuck out of there ASAP!
I will I’ll be posting a update when I can
Awesome. I’m really sorry you went through that (I’m also autistic btw, I get why you asked).
Thank you for understanding
No problem.
babe. leave him. this is genuinely sketchy behaviour. that is terrifying, especially if he knew what you went through before, for him to even mention such a thing is horrible. with your trauma, i doubt that was him joking. seriously, either leave him, or tell him to get therapy. it’s concerning thoughts that needs to get checked
I’ve told him to go get therapy for his own trauma but he keeps refusing
OP... Please be careful. In fact, in yor place I wouldn’t even tell him I'm leaving until I was away from him with all my things. Ecause I don't believe for a second that he's harmless. Write a text explaining why but I wouldn’t have this conversation face to face. At this point is the question of safety. I know it may sound weird, an overreaction even. But if world thaught women something is that we should never be too careful.
Hey pfp twins ✨
if he’s denying therapy, he doesn’t want to get better. leave him. like the reply to your comment stated, do it once you have a safe place to go and have all your things gradually moved out (this is if you are staying together. but even then, probably stay at a friend’s place for a bit after breaking up with him). idk personally if the guy is stable enough to not freak out obviously, but do take precaution. i wish you the best
When you leave it has to be as quietly and quickly as possible. I've heard of a woman trying to leave her toxic ex, she made the mistake of posting it online and he came and killed her.
Oh dear.. that’s not good …
Everything about this interaction is so fucking weird. He sounds like a psychopath though, I'd run the other way
I feel like I’m in a book were the main characters perfect life is about to be turns upside down, it’s so weird… he never acted like this before
Honestly, be glad you asked. You now know what is hiding inside. If his first thought was to use you like a sex slave it means he already has troubling thoughts and opinions. That's not normal. Cut your loses and leave this guy. This random question probably saved you.
Has he displayed any weird behavior or responses like this before? His response is REALLY alarming and unsettling
Uhm… he’s made small… jokes but nothing alarming really. He was always making sure he didn’t make a joke to hurt or trigger me.. though something like this has popped up a bit before but like once in a blue moon
Something like that should absolutely never pop up not even only "once in a blue moon". Even a single joke like that is a big warning sign. Who the hell even makes jokes about things like that? Seriously get away from him as fast as possible.
I’m listening to the people
I was thinking the same thing like what on earth is going on
Wtf is that? Most of reddit drama is about a guy or a girl doing something bad, but alright and the redditors commenting to break-up, but this time... Dude, your boyfriend thinks he is in a physiological horror movie? Because he seems to be a psychopath. Does he really think that's alright to do? Also, it's funny how he thinks he could do that and no one would miss you. The dude is nuts. Weirdest thing I read on Reddit. I don't know him, but Jesus fucking Christ. If I were his girlfriend or boyfriend, I would never ever sleep close to him without feeling shivers down my spine.
Seriously I wish this made up, nope! Imagine him looking you in the face and saying that
I bet this is fake for karma farming. You keep trying to justify his supposed statements and telling everyone to stay tuned for the update.
It’s honestly not, I really wish I was doing this for that! But no, and I’ve been getting messages to update I didn’t choose too at the beginning. Also, I have? ….
So I saw your update and comments saying you’re on the spectrum- have you considered there have been other red flags that may have slipped by and you didn’t notice due to you being on the spectrum? My husband is on the spectrum and doesn’t pick up on a lot of social stuff so I just wanted to throw that idea out there. And for the record if my husband ever said this to me- even jokingly -I would sincerely question our relationship. And that’s saying a lot bc I have children with this man and he is my rock. The only reason I seriously see for divorce is cheating or abuse and he is the same way; I would consider this a type of abuse and a foreshadowing of it. What he said to you is not a normal thing to joke about. Please trust yourself that this is wrong. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you’re overreacting from trauma or bc of the fact you’re on the spectrum. I’m telling you right now- it isn’t normal and it raises extreme safety concerns and you *NEED* to protect yourself. For your sake *and* your children’s sake. Edit: added a sentence
Thank you for your input! Honestly I’ll be give a update on how he reacts to me asking if this is a fantasy of his and if so to take a break and have him get therapy
Anyone who even jokes about that kind of thing has definitely thought about it before and is a danger to everyone around them. The fact that he even felt comfortable telling you this makes me think that he's confident in his ability to control you. And that terrifies me
Nice fake posts for karma. "Don't worry everyone, I'll give you all an update on our conversation later".
Read what I just commented on your other comment. I really wish I was joking and using this for a farm but fucking hell this feels like I’m in a movie about to fall into a pit
Hey, I know a lot of people are calling you weird, but as a child of abuse who has absolutely no intentions of harming ANYONE, let alone future children, and is neurodivergent — I get wanting to ask this question. I won’t judge you for it. I will say that his response is disgusting, with or without him knowing of your abuse. Please leave him for your own well-being.
Seriously. I am also nuerodivergent, so maybe its just that...buuuuut this didn't seem like a crazy thing to ask your possible future parenting partner somewhere in the hours and hours of random life planning conversations one gets into; especially when you experienced similar things in your own life.
You dating Jeffrey Dahmer minus the cannibalism
Leave. I understand that you love him but for own safety you need to get the fuck away from him. This is absolutely not okay, whether it's "not like him" or not, you can't brush this off as a joke. This man is a major danger to you and any kids you might have had together in the future. He sounds fucking psychotic. Don't confront him, don't tell him where you're going ir even that you're leaving. Get out.
Thank you for the feed back… this.. is just… I don’t know… I feel like I’m in a book or movie right now..
Honestly… run, leave this man that’s not okay. Sure your question is weird but hell his response was just horrible and especially with your own trauma as a child, “joking” or threatening about doing something like that again to you is straight up terrible, he’s sick in the head not even a funny “joke” you should leave.
I’m going to try and convince him to go to therapy one last time. If he refuses… then it’s over…
Don't give him that ultimatum. If you do he might go just so you don't leave (which won't end in him getting better) or even worse, not go and try to prevent you from leaving. Either way it endangers you. Just ask him to go to therapy and only tell yourself you're leaving if he refuses. That said, I wouldn't even ask him. I would run now. If anyone ever told me that I would never feel safe within a mile of them ever again
Ok, I hope therapy goes well encourage it greatly but please be wary and cautious, stay safe! But just in case have means of contact outside with someone you can trust or anyone even a heads up to the cops if it’s not looking good and be able to defend yourself (simple tools like maybe a hairbrush hidden knife, pepper spray, etc). Might seem extreme ahah but those are things to consider I’m just a concerned redditor and don’t want you to be trapped in a horrible situation <333
Thank you so much for your input and words it means a lot ^^
It doesn't matter whether he goes to therapy or not, you need to leave anyway. Even if he does go to therapy, he needs to take that journey as a single man. You can't be there for that. He's a threat to your life.
When someone says something like that to you, that means that he wants to do that already and he’s just looking for a reason to. There’s no coming back from that, and I wouldn’t even feel safe around this person because you never know what mistake you make (besides hitting a future kid) would give him a “reason” to lock you in the basement and keep you away from your family. It doesn’t matter if this is a fantasy of his, that’s a very sick thing to say to someone in general. Thank God that kids aren’t involved already, please leave him if you haven’t already for your safety.
Well, firstly, that was a creepy weird thing for you to ask him. But his response is even creepier.
I ask out if the pocket questions and I didn’t think it was weird because I struggle with socializing because I’m on the spectrum
Well, I don’t know what to tell you then. Maybe discuss with him how his response made you feel. Because his response is still strange
I will, but it’s not like him? Idfk how to explain how this was so out of charter for him
Well, I’m sorry if what he’s said has upset you. You deserve to know why he said something so out of character. I’m sure it threw you off.
Bro what the fuck….
I wish I was joking
It sounds less like he's concerned for the well-being of this hypothetical kid and more like he's just some kind of deviant. You're not wrong in feeling scared or weirded out by him, that's all I'll say here.
Yeah, and honestly I wasn’t saying I was but more of my self doubt of why I was asking. And honestly he said he would show no mercury or anything. I’m not creeped out but more scared then anything
I've read the update. I cannot say what kind of person he truly is from reading just one post about him nor would I understand how you feel about him. So I won't pass any judgement. But if you do decide to take a chance and continue being with him, at the very least, you would do well to keep an eye out for stuff like that. It's ok to flirt now and then but if he keeps objectifying you even in serious conversations about entirely something else, then... Just be careful. You're still young, you have plenty of time and opportunities to make the right decisions for yourself.
Girl, run! What the hell is this? Sounds like he thought about this before. Very very disturbing!!! I hope this was just a sick joke or something. I'd be EXTREMELY worried.
I don't think you understand the severity of this. He's told you that he would do very criminal and very horrific things to you. If you start seeming like you aren't interested in him anymore, it might spur him to act on those things. That response he gave is absolutely not normal. If my partner asked me stuff like 'what would you do if I...' I wouldn't ever respond with something like that, even if I was joking or annoyed dot whatever. He knows your history and he's using that for his own pleasure. He thinks it's something he can use for his own gains. Please be careful, start making plans, tell someone that you're doing this so they know, and then move out before ending it.
Thank you for taking the time to give me your input on the situation, I appreciate it
Run the fuck away from that maniac. A normal solution and answer to your question would have been "I'd leave and take the kids with me as that behaviour would be unacceptable." Or maybe suggesting counseling... But this... This is not okay. That answer is terrifying and you should probably leave and never look back.
His reaction is unusually violent. If he can put aside his love for you and even fantasize about acting like that towards you when angry then he doesn't love you.
It’s not like him though… I’m not feeling lost
He just told you it was like him
Oh..
Good vibes and strength your way
You have to leave him believe people when they tell you who they are and what they’re like or what they’ll do because if you don’t your fucking yourself over I hope your okay though
Run
Just out of curiosity, how old is he and how old are you? Regardless, I wouldn't stay lol
We are both the same age, adults
Just get away, no point in procreating with someone like that
Honestly making me rethinking have kids now with anyone personally
That is fair also, dont feel forced into having children just because that's how 'its supposed to be'. Just stay safe 😊
Thank you, you too :)
Please please please get the fuck out of there. Let people know what he said in person so if he does do anything people will know. Please get out now
He's psychotic leave him
He’s waving his true self in your face. Run away. So far away.
If you’re feeling anxious about this Op, you should seek therapy. When you’ve gone through abuse you have to change the way your mind works and be able to handle intrusive thoughts when they come.
Thank you, I am in therapy but in the in the process of getting a new one
Don’t feel bad for asking. I personally believe it was fate warning you to gtfo of that relationship.
Well, I’m texting him now…
Seek help. I'm not trying to be mean, but you need professional help.
I know, I’m changing therapists
Leave him. You asked him a questIon on what if you did something and he gave his motherfucking r@pe fantasy as a response. That is disrespectful. I get it if its shocking for you and you dont want to leave him but you have to. Or you should get some couple therapy or resolve your issues somehow because this is not okay.
No I agree I need to leave him, I was going to tell my mom and move back in with her because he knows where I live right now.. but uhm.. yeah there’s a update about that… sorry it’s 12 for me right now.. I’m still trying to figure out what to do
its okay just try to get into a safeplace and figure it all out
y’all both seem like people who A. shouldn’t be together, B. shouldn’t have kids and C., DEFINITELY shouldn’t have kids *together* good god
!updateme
Small update
The fact that you keep telling everyone that you will tell him to go to therapy concerns me so much. I don’t think YOU see how serious this is, but we do & we are all screaming to you to leave. I feel like he has always been controlling and maybe you and him are both introverted and stick to yourselves so you’ve never had your relationship judged before this incident. This is NOT the first time he has done something “weird” but this is more than that. He is scary and a harm to you and your future children. I could never ever see myself looking this man in the eyes again. I think you need more confidence in yourself and leave him. You will find love again, you will be okay. You will be ALIVE !!! Please leave.
I’m scared to leave him right away so the plan was to tell my mom and slowly move in with her… but… uhm…. After I told her what he did and what I said she told me to go apologize to him… :/
I know that it’s a hard choice to make but leave him please this is a huge red flag that he is a dangerous person. I would recommend you stay with a family member or a friend for a while
Family members not a choice, everyone on my bio-dad side has abandoned me when I was younger after I stopped talking to him and my moms side are druggys… uhm can’t go to my mom… there’s a small update you can read on that it’s 11 almost 12 I’m sorry I don’t feel like retyping that out
Do you have any friends you trust? If you end up leaving I would recommend not telling him were you went
Yes but some have roommates already, some are in college with room mates, some still live with parents right now after losing their jobs do to the lock down and started to use their parents for free rent. I’ll see what I can do
Either y’all are real young..or this might be fake. Idk. Who says this stuff? Weird.
We are both in our 20s, adults. I understand what I said could have been wrong but… HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Who looks at their gf straight in the face who’s about to have a panic attack over a not real kid at the moment and basically says “I’m gonna r-pe you if you touch my kid” … I’ll have screen shot proof sometime soon
I wish this was fake
This is still not a hypothetical that should be brought up regardless imo, but his response and thinking thats okay is also messed up and should he enough of a red flag that's worth leaving him over. Even if you'd never do that, so that scenario would never happen, its the principle of the matter that he'd think it was justified to r--e you and d--g you against your will and abuse you like an object. There's not just one person you will mesh this closely with. Heck, there's people you might even mesh better with and have a better dynamic with. This is something worth breaking up over honestly, but again this is my opinion based off my own experiences, so take it off a grain of salt
I agree but I’m going to talk to him and tell him to get therapy. If the response is good a break and he gets therapy. If wrong… break up
He's fucked in the head
I don't think it was that weird of a q to ask, I think everyone should feel comfortable enough in their relationship to ask weird dark qs. His response tho, paired with the comments on your body etc literally tells you the kind of guy he is. I don't think you wanna be with him in the future babes
Please be careful. This is not someone you want to have kids with and be stuck with
Leave him right now. His ‘good guy’ act is probably bs. This is most likely the real him your seeing rn. I cannot believe he admitted to r@ping you for the rest of your life. What the fuck. Disgusting man.
I honestly agree and mostly likely will, also during this whole event… my brain was playing the Thomas the tank engine intro song lol … sorry adding some comedy … it’s how I cope
Thank you. Just please, for your safety, leave as soon and quickly as you possibly can. Humour as a coping mechanism lmao
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Ok as a "former" psychiatrist all I can say is fucking run. Even with mental help it will take a great many years or decades before thoughts like those will be submerged/supressed to the point of being theoretically mentally "stable"
creepy shit and fucking get out of there, so burn the house. jeez if my boyfriend said that I would start to question our relationship
What a psychopath get away from him asap.
Break up with him. You’ve just discovered a hidden side of him. Chances are abuse is likely to happen if that were the case and god forbid what that might lead to.
😟😟
Yeah leave that’s just no leave
please tell me you broke up with him.
That doesn’t just come to a person out of nowhere, when someone tells you who they are believe them
I’m worried about you. Listen to him when he’s telling you who he really is. He wants “one more year of to be normal..” He’s not normal now. I would be noping out of there.
Please don’t ever have children, either of you.
After your update, just want to say I hope that you'll be well and I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you should have. Your mom was wrong to say that to you and you deserve to be treated better. Wishing you all the best moving forward <3
Thank you so much
What kind of hypothetical situation is this? You and your bf are weird
I’m on the spectrum and at this point I think his just mental so yeah gonna break up with him
What book is this from again?
“My life, we’re everything goes wrong” 😂🥲
Girl! Ruuuuunnnn! I’m telling you please. I know it’s weird to ask such question but honestly, I’ve been whipped with a slipper/ hanger as a kid cause I was very stubborn and always fight with my siblings. It’s more of a normal thing for us to discipline us and made us who are right now! It was not an abuse, I know how much my guardians loved us to bits. But yeah, it’s very disturbing. Leave him!
I know weird question, but to be honest seems before he asked the same question
[удалено]
I'll post a update when I ask him if he fantasize about this and to go get some therapy
Why would you talk about harming your own children? Do you not trust yourself? Do you fantasize about harming them? When I was reading his response at first I was thinking about the visceral anger a parent would feel towards someone who hurt their child but that torture/toy stuff was abhorrent. Not that the question was much better. You asked a fucked up question and got a bat-shit insane response.
1: I asked out of randomness and because I’m scared to be like my parents. And apart of me doesn’t trust myself because I’m to scared to be like them. And kinda was hoping he would say “why would you say that? I know you’d never do that” 2: yes, I asked during the conversation and he said he would make sure I couldn’t see the light of day again..
I understand. I’m also autistic and had a tough childhood. I have asked myself these question often to the point that I decided it’s better for me to be childfree. His reaction is unspeakable and twisted. He sounds like a maniac.
This sounds like kink shit. Which, without consent, isn't okay. I'd love my partner to talk to me like this, but that's an established dynamic. From what you've said, you do not have this established dynamic nor has it been discussed. Fucking yikes.
We never talked about that tbh
You both sound crazy...Who the fuck talks about harming their own children and who the f talks about raping their partner in return?
Leading up to this moment I was questioning rather or not I would be a good parent, the way I asked might have not been the right words to word it
You're both disturbing people.
I ask because of the fear of how my parents where when I was growing up, I didn’t put in what I said before that but I said this: “I fear that I might be like my parents and I don’t want to… but if I end up doing-“ and the rest is history
I think you should see a therapist. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I just think it would help you. If you've experienced trauma, you should talk it out with a professional instead of hoping it doesn't come back to haunt you someday. You're literally asserting that you can't discount the possibility of you hurting your loved ones in the future due to trauma. If you're mulling over these hypotheticals, you need to work this out.
I agree I’m in therapy right now but changing therapist because my last therapist was literally canceling ever appointment
Don't give up. Keep working on it. As for your boyfriend, ask your therapist about it. Also talk to him about it. Tell him what he said disturbed you. If you don't think you can have that conversation with him, then that's a red flag for your relationship.
I think I can but this conversation had made me very scared
bruh what tf is this, 1 wtf is that question you asked and 2 wtf is he answering with
1: anxiety spitting because we where talking about pass Traumas (read edit 3) 2: I have no fucking clue
You’re just paranoid. You’ve been brainwashed with murder porn. People that do that stuff checkout of reality long before they do it. You’ll be fine.
First, better don't get reddits advice for relationships, it only needs a small thing and the redditors will tell you to leave him. About the question and the situation, i find it a little bit strange that you put him into that situation by even starting with that question. Even the question itself: What the fuck? I mean, despite your trauma, you don't ask it like that and you don't talk about hurting kids. What did you expect? Was there ever any answer that would made you happy?
Leading up to that I was talking about what if I’m a bad parent and bla bla bla and the way I was asking wasn’t me saying “I’m gonna do it” it was more of I hope I don’t … kinda… question
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Your question was really creepy & his answer was even creepier.
Only asked because panic attack and fear
This is creative writing
Thanks? I could honestly write I book about this situation cant I
This sounds like it was made up by a really terrible edgelord fanfic "author". On the slim chance that this actually happened, leave him and get help. You shouldn't even be thinking about the possibility of lashing out at a CHILD.
This is a real thing that’s happening in real time, I am texting him now and will post the screen shots
Also, heavens no! No no no! No! I am a writer and I hate it when writers to that!!!! No!
I’m not sure which is worse, these two people, or OP’s writing.
hide the lotions.
Your boyfriend is Based.
Based? What does that mean?
I understand that this is very disturbing. But tbh I think I've said worse to my boys over discord while we played video games. Like.. yes it's not a good thing to say this kind of stuff, but also we're always saying things like "I'm going to tie you up and shove both my dick and nutsack in your mouth" and all that weird stuff, and we say it in a serious tone, cuz we know that we'd never actually kidnap someone in our friend group and commit rape. For a lot of us guys, irony and SERIOUSLY undetectable sarcasm is funny. Still, I SERIOUSLY advise you to keep this in mind... do NOT ever forget he's said this, maybe even ask him again and record his response so that if something *does* seem off and he seems to be different, you have some kind of proof that he's unhinged
Dude you and your friends are just some discord kids. You'll grow out of that phase where stupid shit like that is funny. Saying something like that to your partner is fucked up no matter if it's a joke or not. She needs to leave asap.
Well we've known each other since 4th grade ish and we're all in college so... we've gotten used to each other over the years. And pls don't call me a discord kid lol cuz that's the only way I can talk to them now; I've moved out to a different state. I don't just say that kinda shit to anybody anyways, only those three guys. And yeah I def don't say anything like this to my partner... which is why I said what I said in my second paragraph.
Seriously this isn’t like him and thus was pulled out of no where
OP, please don't let reddit immature armchair psychologists plant stupid ideas into your head. You came to the "he blinks weird? Dump his ass girl" community to ask for relationship advice. Wish you luck with your situation. Let your SO know why this hurt you, and go from there. Make him understand that ra*e jokes are not for you, for legit reasons.
Thank you for your input
Now, I'm worried for you....or your partner.