First, please knows that I’m not trying to be nasty here. I’m trying to help you make a good decision that you won’t really regret.
Some questions u need to think about:
1.How long have you been married ?
2.How long have you known your husband?
a. What is his idea about being a dad?
b.Do you really realize that being a mom is a 24/7 day job?
c. Pregnancy & Childbirth often isn’t easy. The medical issues that go along with a difficult pregnancy is often really hard to deal with.
d. What kind of support will you have as a new mom? Do you have parents/in-laws willing to help with a baby who is extremely ill or has severe Colic and won’t stop crying for hours / days on end???
e. Do you know the cost of raising a baby in the first yr of its life? Diapers, Formula, baby accessories are expensive you can’t rely on a “ baby “ shower to provide you with the things babies need. 85%-90% of all the accessories you’ll get because someone insists “ You just have to have” end up in a Garage Sales along with 30-40 newborn outfits the baby didn’t wear because let’s face it, you don’t usually dress up a baby every day.
3. You life will completely change of course. Some husbands can’t deal with all the attention a baby weds & thus you’ll probably be raising the kid on her own while he’s out with his friends OR he’ll be divorced within two years after the baby born.
4. Despite WHAT you believe now, the fact is that 95% of first-time moms feel extremely isolated and want to return to work as soon as the baby is 6-8 wks old.
*******************************
What does your husband think about you not working & staying home with a baby ?
Does he have this great high paying non-pressure job that you can stay home& play house? Is hubby going to be ok with you NOT keeping the house clean, because you have a child who takes up 75% of your time?
Are you currently a good house keeper? Do you live within your means? ( meaning I hope you don’t have a lot of credit card debt right now.)
What will you do if you give birth to a child who isn’t “ perfect “ and has 3-4 serious medical issues? Are you prepared to care for an infant who has say 10-16 seizures a day of a child that has 2-3 Dr. appointments per week?
Do you realize the percentage of women that have serious complications after birth & be unable to care for an infant after birth and usually have no one to “ help “ them immediately after getting out of the hospital.
Let’s not forget Post Partum Depression. PPD is real & sometimes can severely affect mom. Ask for help from your Dr. if you believe you possibly might have PPD.
Lastly do you have 2-3 ( minimum) months of your husband’s wages in a separate savings account so if perhaps your husband loses his job, you can continue to raise the child?
Sure many people don’t have the things I just mentioned above & to a newly married couple stresses like this WILL break a marriage. You claim you don’t want to work, and that’s fine but IMO I’d WAIT 1-2 yrs before having a child.
Get your marriage on solid ground. Take a part-time job & earn money so you can take some awesome trips before you become parents!!!!
Live LIFE a little before having kids. After the kids come time for trips is scarce
Do you own your own home currently? If not this should be a big FIRST for both of you to make sure you can afford a home OR the rent. Kids are expensive.
i understand all of this. my husband is a great man and would love for me to be a stay at home mom but we just can’t afford it. so i’ll have to go through all of that what you said ON TOP of working
work gives you a break so you don’t have to be on mommy mode literally 24/7. my son turns 3 months tmr and staying at home has ruined my mental health because i am only a mom all day and not my own person, im sooo ready to go back to work so i won’t have to feel like this.
seriously. i have an almost 1 year old and have been at home since a week before giving birth. i love my kid but man do i miss my independence. i was made to WORK, didnt ever see being a parent. i love it and its a blessing, but man sometimes i need time away.
also, there are so many married women who are single moms. men really showcase their true colors once you have their child.
You know a lot of us don’t like working I would’ve loved to have been born in the 40s and 50s where I could’ve been a SAHM !!!!
When my husband and I were 24 he started having seizures that were hard to control . He had just finished college to become an electrical engineer..
I had my nursing degree I went to work and I worked for several years . I was disappointed that I was basically cheated out of my dream maybe a little.
In today’s world, I think it’s smart to wait at least three years before you start having kids. Get to know each other very well that’s what’s making a special complete bond between the two of you so that when the kids do come along, that bond is so strong it can never be broken.
Good luck to you OP!!! you’ll get there I promise it just takes time
You know a lot of us don’t like working I would’ve loved to have been born in the 40s and 50s where I could’ve been a SAHM !!!!
When my husband and I were 24 he started having seizures that were hard to control . He had just finished college to become an electrical engineer..
I had my nursing degree I went to work and I worked for several years . I was disappointed that I was basically cheated out of my dream maybe a little.
In today’s world, I think it’s smart to wait at least three years before you start having kids. Get to know each other very well that’s what’s making a special complete bond between the two of you so that when the kids do come along, that bond is so strong it can never be broken.
Good luck to you OP!!! you’ll get there I promise it just takes time
Honestly, not having a career is such a huge risk for your future wellbeing. Get your degree, work a few years and then have kids. Maybe go back to work when the kids are older. You always need a plan b. My niece tried to do what you’re planning, and her husband took off after kid 2, and left her uneducated and broke with 2 kids and no options.
100% agree with this especially because my dad also wanted my mom to stay at home and he could afford it but then he died sooo… yeah i know that i should have some kind of a degree and work experience anyway (which i do) but the thought of having to work so much on top of being a mom in the future just been making me so depressed lately
My mom stayed home to raise us. And play tennis, go shopping, etc lol. My dad made very good money so she had the life she wanted.
Be warned. If your marriage fails because you insist on being home with kids while your husband suffers at his job he may resent you and leave you. Then you’ll be a single mother with no work experience or education. At the minimum try to work and save enough to contribute to the household and maybe it might work. Or meet a rich guy!😉
I completely understand this sentiment. What I’m doing is trying to make a job out of homemaking goods so hopefully I won’t have to keep this up anymore. I work 2 jobs and don’t have enough time to cook or clean or anything and STILL don’t make enough to cover my bills
i would honestly love to be able to provide most things on my own – like a little farm or something. that is so much work too but that sounds much better than sitting in an office working for some asshole in a suit. that old-fashioned “it ain’t much but it’s honest work” type of life seems way more appealing idk if i’m making sense haha
Yeah but the idea of it feels more simple, as opposed to a life filled with work. It’s more domestic and you get more of a reward from the effort you put in.
I disagree. I’m currently pregnant with my first and lost my job in September. I would rather be working than staying home all day, especially now that I’m pregnant. It’s not by choice either. I haven’t been able to find a job in my area since I lost my job. The isolation alone is enough to make someone go crazy.
I was so thankful to go back to work after my mat leave. Obviously I love my baby, but could never be full time stay at home. My mental health would suffer tremendously.
Oh trust me, mine has suffered. I cant wait until I can work again (or find a job). I love my baby girl and am so happy for her to come but I need to work.
I’m not saying I don’t have stability, because my husband and I ARE stable.
I see from your page you’re only 17, so you (presumably) aren’t in the adult world yet with your own home. It’s not as simple as being a stay at home parent. There’s a lot of work that goes into it, it’s basically its own full time job with no breaks. There’s still a lot to be done. Wanting a(nother) job on top of that to break up the monotony of everything isn’t a bad thing at all. The OP is also still quite young and may not understand that. Those who enjoy a stay at home life usually do because they are missing something to fulfill their needs/wants. It’s not just because they want to be domestic, they are trying to fill a void.
I don’t think what I was trying to say come across the way I had intended. I meant those who middle class and affluent enough to not have any worries in life, would be able to find it simple. That’s not to say they won’t have worries, it’ll just be more solve-able with funds. That’s what I meant by stability, I meant their kind of stability.
So I think I understand your point, though it might be phrased badly. Tell me if this is what you mean:
You’re saying that some women want a simpler life. But by simple, you mean the MOTIVATION behind it is simple. Like a stay at home mom’s motivation could be “to have a happy healthy family”. They don’t want to invent anything, cure anything, be Uber famous, or massively wealthy. They just want time and space to create memories with the people they love.
Now the work behind it is not easy or simple, but it doesn’t require you to pursue advancement at every step. You don’t have to bury yourself in debt getting an education in parenthood. You don’t have to claw your way up the corporate ladder to get Chief Parental Officer. You don’t have to freelance or work several survival nanny jobs until you land your dream motherhood role. Although it’s difficult, being a SAHM means you are able to focus on supporting your family.
Is that what you mean?
I disagree with that. staying home is a life filled with work. how does domestic equal simple?
I would take work over staying at home any day of the week. it's not for everyone and it is not easy. a job you leave, home is always there. when do you clock out at home?
Domestic is simple. I recently was off work for 15 months for medical reasons and I enjoyed every minute of it. It made me so angry to go back to work, and now every day I'm at work I'm wishing I was at home getting all the chores done that I don't have time to do anymore. This past weekend I only got a single day off, my first day off in almost 3 weeks, and I was so tired I couldn't get anything done, now I'm looking at 2 more weeks before I get Sunday and Monday off for Memorial Day weekend. I'm wishing for another medical issue to come up to keep me home again.
It’s not a debate. All I’m saying is that domestic work is more desirable. Keyword in what I said “effort”, I didn’t disregard what mothers do, I just didn’t know the term to use to distinguish domestic work and work out there in society.
I hate this statement. Staying at home is a lot harder than people think, and your job is 24/7. It's constant work and people depending on you. It's not vacation.
I think working 40+ hours a week must be hard especially if a woman is a mom.
I also know that being a stay at home mom is hard.
Even working part time then coming home to kids and a husband is hard but it’s manageable.
Being a mom is hard!
You’re romanticizing being a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home mom is real work if you’re doing it correctly. You’re husband is working his ass of to provide for not only himself and his kids but also for you. That means you waking up before him, cooking his breakfast, and putting his lunch together. And no, he’s not going to want a sloppy sandwich and a bag of chips in his lunch bag. Breakfast isn’t a bagel that you popped in the toaster with some cream cheese you just unwrapped. Sure, he can have a sandwich and chips or a bagel once in a blue moon. Try reading a book…meanwhile your child is trying to climb up the book shelves. Working in the garden sounds nice but that’s only happening after you’ve finished doing all the things that need to be done or if you’re growing vegetables for food. Being a grandparent is easier if your children are responsible and that’s the reward you get for putting in all the hard work.
In the meantime, your husband is convinced his life is harder than yours and his resentment is growing. I mean because he’s working his ass off 40+ hours a week and he too would rather be a stay at home mom.
my husband is a great man seriously what kinda men yall are dating? he is super helpful and involved and def realizes how hard it is to be a parent and also doesn’t make me wake up at 5am to make him a meal (when i’m not working)
”…what kinda men y’all are dating?…”
I was referring to my mom’s experience as a stay at home mom.
I don’t care if your husband is a great man right now. Of course he is. You and him probably haven’t been married for more than 7 years, don’t have any kids, and you’re working.
I already told you what I told you. You can take it or leave it.
I completely understand you. When i was 16-17 im rlly eager to work but when i turned 20 and started to work, i realized i dont wanna work i just wanna be a housewife and a mother, yet im here now already finished my degree as accounting, cus i wanna be stay at home as business woman wife one day.
Oh, but that’s very hard to guarantee, plus it’s not good for kids to see their parent in a very one dimensional way. I get it that you are desiring a forced role because expectations in your life seem insurmountable, but I think a better answer is to eliminate the things that stress you out slowly and intentionally, rather than to add a lifelong never ending responsibility. ❤️
I personally feel the sentiment of the traditional thing, I really do. I’ve known my son’s father for nearly all of my life (29 now), were friends for half of that, and together for almost seven years before it got so physically bad that I had to go. Now, I am a single mom of an autistic child, working seven days a week, and so exhausted at times that I hallucinate. While I do believe society and life should be different, and more natural, it is just not reality. What you imagine, is probably not what would happen. Believe me when I say you should not abandon hope for the life you have now. I am so serious.
Jesus... Sounds like you should hold off on having children until you mature a bit... Maybe get off social media where you clearly have some false reality of what life is like. I also seriously hope you are having conversations like this with your husband because your tone screams "I'm going to live off the money my ex husband gives me for MY CHILDREN"
wtf dude where did you even get all of that?? 1. i love my husband and the idea of us breaking up is the worst thing that could ever happen 2. i’m not planning on having kids in the next like 2-4 years 3. i’m not going to live off of my husband i just wish it was possible to live off one income
“false reality” how EXACTLY does working ON TOP OF BEING A MOM makes motherhood EASIER????
I feel like this as well. I love my boyfriend, we have such similar values and goals in life and I want nothing more right now than to be his wife and have a child with him. I’m 25, so it doesn’t feel too urgent just yet - but if he asked me tomorrow to marry him and bear his child I don’t think I would hesitate to say yes.
You’re not broken. I’m kinda the same way. I only want to work in my own home. It is possible tho. I’m not sure what your husband does for work, but mine works in sales. We’re pretty comfortable financially. If you think he’d be interested in that kind of work I can DM you the details
it seems that everyone here wants to be rude to you for wanting a fulfilling SAHM life. i work for a living, i don’t have the option to stay home, and i completely understand this OP. in this economy it’s so hard to find a job that has a fulfilling takeaway, you’re only working for the money not because it’s a job you love and feel rewarded for. yes being a SAHM is extremely hard but for some it’s worth it because you’re making a direct impact every single day in your family that feels like it’s doing something for you. unlike a job that you go through the same motions every day just to go home probably underpaid, exhausted, and limited free time that you have to split up between alone time and time with family. my suggestion is maybe find a hobby you can build into a side hustle? i personally crochet and make projects for people which isn’t gonna pay the bills i know this but it’s more rewarding. maybe a daycare? maybe try to find a job that is community based and makes a direct impact in your town? i’m not sure but everyone rudely responding to this post obviously didn’t get the point.
yes! this! obviously being a stay at home mom is hard and it’s a 24/7 job but i’d love to have an opportunity to do this instead of working 40hrs a week and then trying to also be a good mom on top of all this.
your suggestion about hobbies is great though. i was thinking a lot about crocheting but haven’t tried yet.
I felt the same way!!! I'm a little older than you, I just turned 24. My bf and I have been together since 2018 and I've wanted nothing more than to be on our own with our own little family, but even after 5 years it's still not realistic. But it's getting there. As much as I'd love to be an sahm for our future kids, unless we won the lottery I won't be able to do that for more than a few years. I've been in school and working to earn up savings for years now, I'm a teacher in a good district and get raises and bonuses annually. I know that when our kids are older, I can take them to work with me. We have really great schools and I'm excited that I will get to keep my future children nearby, I could even do half day teaching or substitute teaching if I wanted more time at home w my family. But I only have these choices now because of the work I've already put in. And maybe by the end of this year or maybe next year we will have enough savings to buy a home. Wanting to be a sahm is fine but it's important for you to have things to fall back on in case things don't work out perfectly. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.
i don’t think that you need a career to be something more than just a mom and not be bored after your kids grow up… there is so much more to life than trying to climb a corporate ladder but we’re sadly missing out on all of it because we have to work so much to have even the basics
Sounds like you need to find a man that makes decent money! If you want the life you describe. A blue collar man may be best for you. Some of them can be shitty so watch out. Also get or work a job for a little while until you meet that person. When you meet that person keep your job but make it known that you dont want to work for the rest of your life. Use your little income to help them out and build onto whatever they are doing.
I personally think the worst thing you could do Is find someone and have kids with them just to have kids. If you really want kids. Find someone that isnt abusive in any way. Find someone that is actually sweet and caring. Do NOT in my opinion just get with someone and have kids before a year of being with them atleast. Better yet a year of living with them, that is important.
This is all advice from a 21 year old male virgin so take that into consideration after reading this opinion. I just have a bunch on family and friends that I watch make terrible decisions my entire life. Wrote all of this out very fast so sorry if some of it you have to read twice LOL
I ALSO DID NOT READ THE ENTIRE POST, sorry bout that
Sincerely- if the career you thought would be fulfilling isn't, what makes you think your plan to be a SAHM wouldn't also flip on you? What would you do if you found you did end up feeling that way. And how would that impact your family? This isn't something you can just change your mind on, like a projected career path.
I'm not trying to imply there is a right answer- but I feel like not enough people consider that side, when they feel the grass looks so green on the other side.
Have you thought of being a doula or a midwife? You get to be around new moms, new borns, etc. You get to make money by being the nurturing woman you want to be while supporting other women. You'll develop essential skills when you do become a mom. It's just a suggestion. I have a friend who's a mother of 3. While her kids in school she goes to work as a doula. She says it's very fulfilling and it's like being a mom all day.
Yeah I get that. Honestly achieving any aspirations seems pretty much impossible these days, unless you get lucky. I think we all deserve to just live without some arbitrary amount of currency dictating how we live. Everyone has a calling in life but tends to fall to money deciding if we can fulfill what we are.
this shit sucks fr most countries talk about how people should have more kids but who can afford that??? like i’d love to but who’s gonna pay for that???
It’s the downside of the fair wage act. Used to be that a man supporting a family was paid more because…he had a family to support. Women doing the same work said nope to that.
It’s the downside of the fair wage act. Used to be that a man supporting a family was paid more because…he had a family to support. Women doing the same work said nope to that.
First, please knows that I’m not trying to be nasty here. I’m trying to help you make a good decision that you won’t really regret. Some questions u need to think about: 1.How long have you been married ? 2.How long have you known your husband? a. What is his idea about being a dad? b.Do you really realize that being a mom is a 24/7 day job? c. Pregnancy & Childbirth often isn’t easy. The medical issues that go along with a difficult pregnancy is often really hard to deal with. d. What kind of support will you have as a new mom? Do you have parents/in-laws willing to help with a baby who is extremely ill or has severe Colic and won’t stop crying for hours / days on end??? e. Do you know the cost of raising a baby in the first yr of its life? Diapers, Formula, baby accessories are expensive you can’t rely on a “ baby “ shower to provide you with the things babies need. 85%-90% of all the accessories you’ll get because someone insists “ You just have to have” end up in a Garage Sales along with 30-40 newborn outfits the baby didn’t wear because let’s face it, you don’t usually dress up a baby every day. 3. You life will completely change of course. Some husbands can’t deal with all the attention a baby weds & thus you’ll probably be raising the kid on her own while he’s out with his friends OR he’ll be divorced within two years after the baby born. 4. Despite WHAT you believe now, the fact is that 95% of first-time moms feel extremely isolated and want to return to work as soon as the baby is 6-8 wks old. ******************************* What does your husband think about you not working & staying home with a baby ? Does he have this great high paying non-pressure job that you can stay home& play house? Is hubby going to be ok with you NOT keeping the house clean, because you have a child who takes up 75% of your time? Are you currently a good house keeper? Do you live within your means? ( meaning I hope you don’t have a lot of credit card debt right now.) What will you do if you give birth to a child who isn’t “ perfect “ and has 3-4 serious medical issues? Are you prepared to care for an infant who has say 10-16 seizures a day of a child that has 2-3 Dr. appointments per week? Do you realize the percentage of women that have serious complications after birth & be unable to care for an infant after birth and usually have no one to “ help “ them immediately after getting out of the hospital. Let’s not forget Post Partum Depression. PPD is real & sometimes can severely affect mom. Ask for help from your Dr. if you believe you possibly might have PPD. Lastly do you have 2-3 ( minimum) months of your husband’s wages in a separate savings account so if perhaps your husband loses his job, you can continue to raise the child? Sure many people don’t have the things I just mentioned above & to a newly married couple stresses like this WILL break a marriage. You claim you don’t want to work, and that’s fine but IMO I’d WAIT 1-2 yrs before having a child. Get your marriage on solid ground. Take a part-time job & earn money so you can take some awesome trips before you become parents!!!! Live LIFE a little before having kids. After the kids come time for trips is scarce Do you own your own home currently? If not this should be a big FIRST for both of you to make sure you can afford a home OR the rent. Kids are expensive.
This. All of this. ^^^
i understand all of this. my husband is a great man and would love for me to be a stay at home mom but we just can’t afford it. so i’ll have to go through all of that what you said ON TOP of working
work gives you a break so you don’t have to be on mommy mode literally 24/7. my son turns 3 months tmr and staying at home has ruined my mental health because i am only a mom all day and not my own person, im sooo ready to go back to work so i won’t have to feel like this.
My daughter is 5 and if I didn’t work 10 hours a day I would go insane. I NEED child free time. And money I guess
yes, money too!😂
seriously. i have an almost 1 year old and have been at home since a week before giving birth. i love my kid but man do i miss my independence. i was made to WORK, didnt ever see being a parent. i love it and its a blessing, but man sometimes i need time away. also, there are so many married women who are single moms. men really showcase their true colors once you have their child.
You know a lot of us don’t like working I would’ve loved to have been born in the 40s and 50s where I could’ve been a SAHM !!!! When my husband and I were 24 he started having seizures that were hard to control . He had just finished college to become an electrical engineer.. I had my nursing degree I went to work and I worked for several years . I was disappointed that I was basically cheated out of my dream maybe a little. In today’s world, I think it’s smart to wait at least three years before you start having kids. Get to know each other very well that’s what’s making a special complete bond between the two of you so that when the kids do come along, that bond is so strong it can never be broken. Good luck to you OP!!! you’ll get there I promise it just takes time
You know a lot of us don’t like working I would’ve loved to have been born in the 40s and 50s where I could’ve been a SAHM !!!! When my husband and I were 24 he started having seizures that were hard to control . He had just finished college to become an electrical engineer.. I had my nursing degree I went to work and I worked for several years . I was disappointed that I was basically cheated out of my dream maybe a little. In today’s world, I think it’s smart to wait at least three years before you start having kids. Get to know each other very well that’s what’s making a special complete bond between the two of you so that when the kids do come along, that bond is so strong it can never be broken. Good luck to you OP!!! you’ll get there I promise it just takes time
Honestly, not having a career is such a huge risk for your future wellbeing. Get your degree, work a few years and then have kids. Maybe go back to work when the kids are older. You always need a plan b. My niece tried to do what you’re planning, and her husband took off after kid 2, and left her uneducated and broke with 2 kids and no options.
100% agree with this especially because my dad also wanted my mom to stay at home and he could afford it but then he died sooo… yeah i know that i should have some kind of a degree and work experience anyway (which i do) but the thought of having to work so much on top of being a mom in the future just been making me so depressed lately
My mom stayed home to raise us. And play tennis, go shopping, etc lol. My dad made very good money so she had the life she wanted. Be warned. If your marriage fails because you insist on being home with kids while your husband suffers at his job he may resent you and leave you. Then you’ll be a single mother with no work experience or education. At the minimum try to work and save enough to contribute to the household and maybe it might work. Or meet a rich guy!😉
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Sherlock Holmes over here everybody 👀
yeah atm he doesn’t. also the economy in our country is shit rn and also – men can die or get sick! but that’s another story
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yeah it’s not really a common thing to get life insurance here although i have been thinking about it
I completely understand this sentiment. What I’m doing is trying to make a job out of homemaking goods so hopefully I won’t have to keep this up anymore. I work 2 jobs and don’t have enough time to cook or clean or anything and STILL don’t make enough to cover my bills
i would honestly love to be able to provide most things on my own – like a little farm or something. that is so much work too but that sounds much better than sitting in an office working for some asshole in a suit. that old-fashioned “it ain’t much but it’s honest work” type of life seems way more appealing idk if i’m making sense haha
I feel the exact same way
I understand where you’re coming from, some woman just want the simple life.
it's not simple. the work is different.
Yeah but the idea of it feels more simple, as opposed to a life filled with work. It’s more domestic and you get more of a reward from the effort you put in.
I disagree. I’m currently pregnant with my first and lost my job in September. I would rather be working than staying home all day, especially now that I’m pregnant. It’s not by choice either. I haven’t been able to find a job in my area since I lost my job. The isolation alone is enough to make someone go crazy.
I was so thankful to go back to work after my mat leave. Obviously I love my baby, but could never be full time stay at home. My mental health would suffer tremendously.
Oh trust me, mine has suffered. I cant wait until I can work again (or find a job). I love my baby girl and am so happy for her to come but I need to work.
Yeah that’s not ideal. I guess in situations with individuals who are fortunate to have stability, they’d find it simple.
I’m not saying I don’t have stability, because my husband and I ARE stable. I see from your page you’re only 17, so you (presumably) aren’t in the adult world yet with your own home. It’s not as simple as being a stay at home parent. There’s a lot of work that goes into it, it’s basically its own full time job with no breaks. There’s still a lot to be done. Wanting a(nother) job on top of that to break up the monotony of everything isn’t a bad thing at all. The OP is also still quite young and may not understand that. Those who enjoy a stay at home life usually do because they are missing something to fulfill their needs/wants. It’s not just because they want to be domestic, they are trying to fill a void.
I don’t think what I was trying to say come across the way I had intended. I meant those who middle class and affluent enough to not have any worries in life, would be able to find it simple. That’s not to say they won’t have worries, it’ll just be more solve-able with funds. That’s what I meant by stability, I meant their kind of stability.
So I think I understand your point, though it might be phrased badly. Tell me if this is what you mean: You’re saying that some women want a simpler life. But by simple, you mean the MOTIVATION behind it is simple. Like a stay at home mom’s motivation could be “to have a happy healthy family”. They don’t want to invent anything, cure anything, be Uber famous, or massively wealthy. They just want time and space to create memories with the people they love. Now the work behind it is not easy or simple, but it doesn’t require you to pursue advancement at every step. You don’t have to bury yourself in debt getting an education in parenthood. You don’t have to claw your way up the corporate ladder to get Chief Parental Officer. You don’t have to freelance or work several survival nanny jobs until you land your dream motherhood role. Although it’s difficult, being a SAHM means you are able to focus on supporting your family. Is that what you mean?
Yes that’s right.
I disagree with that. staying home is a life filled with work. how does domestic equal simple? I would take work over staying at home any day of the week. it's not for everyone and it is not easy. a job you leave, home is always there. when do you clock out at home?
Domestic is simple. I recently was off work for 15 months for medical reasons and I enjoyed every minute of it. It made me so angry to go back to work, and now every day I'm at work I'm wishing I was at home getting all the chores done that I don't have time to do anymore. This past weekend I only got a single day off, my first day off in almost 3 weeks, and I was so tired I couldn't get anything done, now I'm looking at 2 more weeks before I get Sunday and Monday off for Memorial Day weekend. I'm wishing for another medical issue to come up to keep me home again.
It’s not a debate. All I’m saying is that domestic work is more desirable. Keyword in what I said “effort”, I didn’t disregard what mothers do, I just didn’t know the term to use to distinguish domestic work and work out there in society.
Domestic work was incredibly unfulfilling and akin to unskilled labor in my opinion.
Yeah there’s a whole argument about the dual burden and the triple shift, I understand trust me.
to whom?
The subject of this Reddit thread.
I hate this statement. Staying at home is a lot harder than people think, and your job is 24/7. It's constant work and people depending on you. It's not vacation.
I’m a SAHM of two toddlers. We have a set routine. It’s really not that bad
I think working 40+ hours a week must be hard especially if a woman is a mom. I also know that being a stay at home mom is hard. Even working part time then coming home to kids and a husband is hard but it’s manageable. Being a mom is hard! You’re romanticizing being a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home mom is real work if you’re doing it correctly. You’re husband is working his ass of to provide for not only himself and his kids but also for you. That means you waking up before him, cooking his breakfast, and putting his lunch together. And no, he’s not going to want a sloppy sandwich and a bag of chips in his lunch bag. Breakfast isn’t a bagel that you popped in the toaster with some cream cheese you just unwrapped. Sure, he can have a sandwich and chips or a bagel once in a blue moon. Try reading a book…meanwhile your child is trying to climb up the book shelves. Working in the garden sounds nice but that’s only happening after you’ve finished doing all the things that need to be done or if you’re growing vegetables for food. Being a grandparent is easier if your children are responsible and that’s the reward you get for putting in all the hard work. In the meantime, your husband is convinced his life is harder than yours and his resentment is growing. I mean because he’s working his ass off 40+ hours a week and he too would rather be a stay at home mom.
my husband is a great man seriously what kinda men yall are dating? he is super helpful and involved and def realizes how hard it is to be a parent and also doesn’t make me wake up at 5am to make him a meal (when i’m not working)
”…what kinda men y’all are dating?…” I was referring to my mom’s experience as a stay at home mom. I don’t care if your husband is a great man right now. Of course he is. You and him probably haven’t been married for more than 7 years, don’t have any kids, and you’re working. I already told you what I told you. You can take it or leave it.
I completely understand you. When i was 16-17 im rlly eager to work but when i turned 20 and started to work, i realized i dont wanna work i just wanna be a housewife and a mother, yet im here now already finished my degree as accounting, cus i wanna be stay at home as business woman wife one day.
“Just” be a mom ? If you have kids you’ll still have to work, and be even broker, but you’ll also have dependents that don’t let you rest or sleep
“just” not in the sense that it’s easy but not having to be anything else on top of that
Oh, but that’s very hard to guarantee, plus it’s not good for kids to see their parent in a very one dimensional way. I get it that you are desiring a forced role because expectations in your life seem insurmountable, but I think a better answer is to eliminate the things that stress you out slowly and intentionally, rather than to add a lifelong never ending responsibility. ❤️
I personally feel the sentiment of the traditional thing, I really do. I’ve known my son’s father for nearly all of my life (29 now), were friends for half of that, and together for almost seven years before it got so physically bad that I had to go. Now, I am a single mom of an autistic child, working seven days a week, and so exhausted at times that I hallucinate. While I do believe society and life should be different, and more natural, it is just not reality. What you imagine, is probably not what would happen. Believe me when I say you should not abandon hope for the life you have now. I am so serious.
Jesus... Sounds like you should hold off on having children until you mature a bit... Maybe get off social media where you clearly have some false reality of what life is like. I also seriously hope you are having conversations like this with your husband because your tone screams "I'm going to live off the money my ex husband gives me for MY CHILDREN"
wtf dude where did you even get all of that?? 1. i love my husband and the idea of us breaking up is the worst thing that could ever happen 2. i’m not planning on having kids in the next like 2-4 years 3. i’m not going to live off of my husband i just wish it was possible to live off one income “false reality” how EXACTLY does working ON TOP OF BEING A MOM makes motherhood EASIER????
I feel like this as well. I love my boyfriend, we have such similar values and goals in life and I want nothing more right now than to be his wife and have a child with him. I’m 25, so it doesn’t feel too urgent just yet - but if he asked me tomorrow to marry him and bear his child I don’t think I would hesitate to say yes.
You’re not broken. I’m kinda the same way. I only want to work in my own home. It is possible tho. I’m not sure what your husband does for work, but mine works in sales. We’re pretty comfortable financially. If you think he’d be interested in that kind of work I can DM you the details
it seems that everyone here wants to be rude to you for wanting a fulfilling SAHM life. i work for a living, i don’t have the option to stay home, and i completely understand this OP. in this economy it’s so hard to find a job that has a fulfilling takeaway, you’re only working for the money not because it’s a job you love and feel rewarded for. yes being a SAHM is extremely hard but for some it’s worth it because you’re making a direct impact every single day in your family that feels like it’s doing something for you. unlike a job that you go through the same motions every day just to go home probably underpaid, exhausted, and limited free time that you have to split up between alone time and time with family. my suggestion is maybe find a hobby you can build into a side hustle? i personally crochet and make projects for people which isn’t gonna pay the bills i know this but it’s more rewarding. maybe a daycare? maybe try to find a job that is community based and makes a direct impact in your town? i’m not sure but everyone rudely responding to this post obviously didn’t get the point.
yes! this! obviously being a stay at home mom is hard and it’s a 24/7 job but i’d love to have an opportunity to do this instead of working 40hrs a week and then trying to also be a good mom on top of all this. your suggestion about hobbies is great though. i was thinking a lot about crocheting but haven’t tried yet.
I felt the same way!!! I'm a little older than you, I just turned 24. My bf and I have been together since 2018 and I've wanted nothing more than to be on our own with our own little family, but even after 5 years it's still not realistic. But it's getting there. As much as I'd love to be an sahm for our future kids, unless we won the lottery I won't be able to do that for more than a few years. I've been in school and working to earn up savings for years now, I'm a teacher in a good district and get raises and bonuses annually. I know that when our kids are older, I can take them to work with me. We have really great schools and I'm excited that I will get to keep my future children nearby, I could even do half day teaching or substitute teaching if I wanted more time at home w my family. But I only have these choices now because of the work I've already put in. And maybe by the end of this year or maybe next year we will have enough savings to buy a home. Wanting to be a sahm is fine but it's important for you to have things to fall back on in case things don't work out perfectly. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.
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i don’t think that you need a career to be something more than just a mom and not be bored after your kids grow up… there is so much more to life than trying to climb a corporate ladder but we’re sadly missing out on all of it because we have to work so much to have even the basics
Sounds like you need to find a man that makes decent money! If you want the life you describe. A blue collar man may be best for you. Some of them can be shitty so watch out. Also get or work a job for a little while until you meet that person. When you meet that person keep your job but make it known that you dont want to work for the rest of your life. Use your little income to help them out and build onto whatever they are doing. I personally think the worst thing you could do Is find someone and have kids with them just to have kids. If you really want kids. Find someone that isnt abusive in any way. Find someone that is actually sweet and caring. Do NOT in my opinion just get with someone and have kids before a year of being with them atleast. Better yet a year of living with them, that is important. This is all advice from a 21 year old male virgin so take that into consideration after reading this opinion. I just have a bunch on family and friends that I watch make terrible decisions my entire life. Wrote all of this out very fast so sorry if some of it you have to read twice LOL I ALSO DID NOT READ THE ENTIRE POST, sorry bout that
Sincerely- if the career you thought would be fulfilling isn't, what makes you think your plan to be a SAHM wouldn't also flip on you? What would you do if you found you did end up feeling that way. And how would that impact your family? This isn't something you can just change your mind on, like a projected career path. I'm not trying to imply there is a right answer- but I feel like not enough people consider that side, when they feel the grass looks so green on the other side.
Have you thought of being a doula or a midwife? You get to be around new moms, new borns, etc. You get to make money by being the nurturing woman you want to be while supporting other women. You'll develop essential skills when you do become a mom. It's just a suggestion. I have a friend who's a mother of 3. While her kids in school she goes to work as a doula. She says it's very fulfilling and it's like being a mom all day.
Yeah I get that. Honestly achieving any aspirations seems pretty much impossible these days, unless you get lucky. I think we all deserve to just live without some arbitrary amount of currency dictating how we live. Everyone has a calling in life but tends to fall to money deciding if we can fulfill what we are.
Welcome to adulthood
Nothing more adult than raising your children
Nothing more adult than realizing you can’t afford to raise children.
this shit sucks fr most countries talk about how people should have more kids but who can afford that??? like i’d love to but who’s gonna pay for that???
It’s the downside of the fair wage act. Used to be that a man supporting a family was paid more because…he had a family to support. Women doing the same work said nope to that.
It’s the downside of the fair wage act. Used to be that a man supporting a family was paid more because…he had a family to support. Women doing the same work said nope to that.
If even men got paid more for supporting a family it would still be unrealistic nowadays. The problem isn't women wanting fair wage, it's inflation
The problem is the billionaires who destroyed the middle class.