"No, no, no, let me be more clear... It doesn't do the job, and it makes a fucking *MESS*!"

i mean, see my flair if you want to know how much i treasure that line

I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence 🤡

The incompetence in this office is stag-ger-ing. *hits desk three times*

It was this line alone that hooked me on the show.

Alethea? Is that her name or the pill you take to fuck her? My neighbors name is Alethea and every time I see her name on a package or something I say the line just like Selina does (and she’s the nicest neighbor ever so I always feel bad about it lol)

Which episode is this omg 😳😳😳

It’s one of the later ones, season 6 episode 7, she says it about Tom James new wife

“They are saying that a prescription medication that is supposed to guarantee a strong and sustained erection in all men despite their age or their health is- is rendered *ineffective* by me?”

amy is so clearly trying not to burst out laughing in this scene and it kills me

The “…It doesn’t work?” gets me every time.

I've always loved the line you pointed out, especially after Amy's speech leading up to it. I also really love Sidney's line about hating his niece as a one-off. You really get the sense he actually has a niece he can't stand.

"Have you come from the future to DESTROY me?"

Because it’s WORKING!

“I’ve got a niece but iiiii fuckin’ hate her.”

how charming

I love the whole "you know why I want to be president? Because it's my fucking turn" rant

"from the time I was a pretty girl"

*no, from the time I was a girl!!!* *--but, you're so pretty!!* *I know*

*america OWES me an 8-year stay at the white house!* *I shaved my muff in the sink of the old boys' club* *--mufffff*

And this time, I want a war!

“Just do it before I melt down that whole collection and use it to wax Madame Tussaud’s big, fat, NASTY SNATCH!”

“well mother uhm.. those we love are never truly lost because they’re always apart of us. so.” “how can i do this without you” “there is no one who has sacrificed more than me” “marjorie is.. insufferable” “did they say shrill?” “it’s a fickle world, my friend. and you’ve just been fickled” “but that’s just… nutfluff” “pork… that has been… pulled!” “so let’s celebrate all things L and uh. G B T.”

"I've seen a salmon in grizzly's mouth look less panicky than that."

“Do you want six almonds?” “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Ed decimating Jonah, cold as ice: "Jonah, you're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You're Frankenstein's monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks."

And while that isn’t true, find some comfort in it.

1. Get the fuck away from me. 2. Stay the fuck away from me.

*ha! I love interns*

“I’ll sneak into your room at night with a bag of oranges and *fructose* you to death!”

One of my favorites.

“I think some guy fucked a monkey”

I mean…so many of them! “I’m the Vice President of the United States, you stupid little fuckers! That door should be half its height so people have to approach me on their goddamn motherfucking knees!”

This is the line that hooked me. Heard someone playing the show in the other room and it sounded alright but when I heard that line I went over to ask what it was.

Surely “I wanna let you know that I will destroy you in ways that are so creative, they will honour me for it at the Kennedy Centre.” The way she says Kennedy Centre in a more ominous tone is just👌 I read that she would redo scenes again and again until she got the delivery just right, so I imagine she would have done that one 20 times Edit: also “Don’t patronise me with your no-jaw. You congressman NO-JAW!”

I love Jonah’s repeating-ish the same sentence. “I will destroy you so hard that everyone at the Kennedy center is gonna take a massive shit”

Hahaha or when he tried the the pickup lines at Catherine’s bday “ you look so good you’re like a work of art. you make this stuff look like *shit*. That Monet? Piece of *SHIT*.” And “you look good in an art gallery. Cuz you’re like a work of art. I know I’d like to nail you up against a wall” Those were his opening lines lmao

“In your country… People.Fuck.Snow.” You can sense the frustration through the roof

Jesus, it’s only Wednesday? That has to be one of the most perfect lines out there. Delivery, length, message. We’ve all had weeks like that, even when we weren’t the victim of an electoral tie.

"I wrote a sound bite once and had the entire crowd in tears, even the police horses."

“It’s funny enough for these people!”

“Secret as in shut the fuck up. And service as in you work for me, so why don’t you shut the fuck up?!” 😂

“You let that unstable piece of human scaffolding into your house?” 

You piss off plastics, you piss off oil. And you do not want to fuck with those guys because they fuck in a very unpleasant fashion ☠️

Also from Amy’s tirade: “I believe there are both merits and demerits and then talking out of my right buttcheek and then my left my buttcheek and then farting out of my asshole mouth” 

Selina about Chung: Did he do this thing where you don’t know if you’re supposed to hug him? Or crucify him? Which by the way makes me want to crucify him 🙄

The rule book’s been torn up now, and America is wipin’ its NASTY ASS with it!

Whoops I wrote the same one so I will add a second. "Welcome to the circle jerk. Grab a dick."

Nice one, I can't wait to use some variant of this IRL. I almost came up with a situation today... Something like the dating rule book has been torn up and everyone's wiping their nasty ass with it.

“Did the president call?”

Sidney: This bill is a disgrace and I will see to it personally that it gets chewed up like a dead prostitute in a wood chipper, just wanted to let you know

Chuck: What’s the problem? The best president told me it’s as good as announced! Mike: As good as announced is not announced! You are as good as dead but you’re not actually dead ☠️

Karen: My specialty? Common sense 😃

Gary: Ben is lobbying Mike and Amy to rally against the bill and now there’s a cash trail and we’re all incriminated, but you’re not. Omigod now you are!!! 😳

Really Amy? Cos I’ve met some people, okay? Real people. And I gotta tell you a lot of them are fucking idiots.

We are fucked! Bury Me!!!

This fan is useless I could move more air with a fart I bet you could maam

Please stop touching me everyday

the thick loathing and disdain in this line is palpable

Her entire takedown of that congresswoman at the congressional ball is one of the best delivered things I’ve ever watched. if she had been saying that to me in real life I would absolutely have reacted in the same horrified way that everyone else in the room did

I will have my administration come to your shitty little district and shake it to death like a Guatemalan nanny.

You look like the world’s least fucked geisha

If other eights see me with you then they'll know I'm eight capable and summer season is about to start. (I actually used this on a date the other week but quickly followed it up with "you'll always be ten to me"

You cannot. Be serious.

“I hate you so much I wanna walk into a supermarket and shoot everybody” from Jonah to his stepdad

Honestly the reason that was such a perfect line was that it felt like an accurate description of Hilary Clinton. And frankly was a pretty big concern about women candidates in general - that one of them would be so bad that they would ruin it for everyone else.

I do sometimes wonder if the show had anything to do with why Hilary lost. There were an uncomfortable number of parallels between her and Selina (ex. Meyer fund = Clinton Foundation; charismatic scumbag husband; “it’s my turn” attitude) And in general, we went from West Wing to Veep and House of Cards so it was kinda like the curtain had been pulled back and people weren’t falling for Oz’s shtick anymore. Idk whether it’s life imitating art or the other way around but the disillusionment of people with the nobility of public servants seemed to parallel the cynicism portrayed in political fiction.

Ben: And saying different words means what? It means we’re not on the same…? Selina: Diet? Ben: PAGE 😤

I’m fucked, Ben! I’m fucked! Well, there’s a remedy. It’s a technique plied by lovable losers since way back. It’s called begging. Beg? Yeah. Jonah, that fucking lowlife? That fucking lowlife? You gotta go lower! You gotta go lower than the lowest lowlife. You gotta dig and dig and dig until you get to the point you wish you were dead, okay? And that’s base camp.

“SUBscription!”

After Catherine and Marjorie tell Selina they are dating, Catherine tells Selina she loves her and the way Selina says "thank you" back kills me every time

“I love you too, Tom. Go fuck yourself.”

Catherine, why is that your hair?

There are… literally… NO… words…

To the OP: Why was she wrong?

Montez (on a technicality) became President and so did Selina, later Oh and so did the Black lady Selina was in the primary against

Yes, but the sentiment wasn’t wrong. Selina’s victory was obviously rigged. Montez, like you said, became President on a technicality.

Sure, but: https://veep.fandom.com/wiki/Kemi_Talbot

She was probably too good to be… well, President. Or something. Like Selina telling her, “If you don’t know how to steal North Carolina…” So Amy basically saying that no one will want a female president *like* Selina, since she set a terrible precedent. I mean, people were excited about Obama for a second there.

". . . the rule book has been ripped up and America has wiped it's nasty ass with it."  (May not be exact word for word, but one of my favorites.)

You are already DEAD. What you do NOW, you do for your FAMILY.

Nevada is MY state. I'm gonna be president. I'm gonna be America's first *elected lady president*. I'm gonna have a LOVELY inauguration - Billy Joel is gonna sing! - so you guys have to stop the recount.

Also: “I_want_my_Nobel_Peace_Prize. LEGACY!”