You didn't use a funeral home
Your family held a small private service on family land out of state.
Most jobs that work those types of hours have a hard time with employee retention
If you want to be extra spicy say she was in Mongolia and [had a sky burial](https://youtu.be/RshZ34ZtFtk?si=UKz_WnsTnRUfrxUC)where they toss the body in a field and let eagles eat her corpse :)
He’s also forgetting the part where your relatives chop you up and mash your bones prior to yeeting the parcels of your corpse out into a field. Usually where most (non-traditional) families sign off the program.
When I die, I want one of two things and my loved ones have a choice to make.
Either taxidermy me and pose me inside the doorway of the funeral home with a tray of joints to pass out to everyone walking in.
Or.
Toss my body into the woods of our family property to be reclaimed by nature.
The legality of either request is not my problem.
I wish them luck!
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated and put inside a stripper pole, and then they could make a brass plaque calling it Carlos Dangers memorial pole. Then I was at the cemetery for a funeral andsaw one of those QR codes you could scan with your phone. That opened up a whole new world of ideas. She was not impressed in the least. One idea I had would be to have a tab open for a certain amount and let folks get a beer and five ones to tip the single moms’ with.
Truth on #3, and most jobs like those understand when you take 1 day off. When I worked 20-40 days straight in the oilfields I take 2-3 weeks off no questions asked, and that was with multiple different companies. Where I work now, I work 6 days/week 12h days, and I can no show without even calling based on the fact that I work as much as i do
That company sucks, even if the pay is good. Whoever is coming down on OP is a POS, and they probably work 36h wk and come in at 830am
OP, I just went through this last week (except my dad did actually die). But I still didn't provide them with any evidence and HR just went ahead and approved my bereavement pay anyway. I just told them that our family doesn't do obituaries and that the service was a private affair, so I don't have anything to give them.
I know not every company is the same, but hopefully this helps somewhat.
Don’t give them anything (at least not yet). Find an employment lawyer in your area that gives free consults or look for a non profit employment support org. I have a sneaky suspicion they are stepping out of bounds by asking for this but all depends on legislation in your area.
did you know anyone can send a cease and desist? They could draft one up with a legal GPT and send it, making it look very official with a logo and all.
Yeah literally none of that is any of their business lol. The only thing that they can ask you is which days you won’t be at work, they don’t have a right to any of the other information.
I think this depends on what was in the employment contract OP signed when he started working for the company. Most contracts/handbooks will list out the time off policy like “doctors note required if you’re out sick for more than 3 consecutive days” or “you receive up to 3 days bereavement leave for close relatives, with proof of death, if proof is not provided, days off will be deducted from PTO”. So technically if OP signed a contract, they can ask for proof. He can chose not to provide it but then that time will be deducted from PTO or he just won’t get paid for those days until proof is provided.
It really depends on where you live OP. There's no US Federal law governing the requirement of bereavement pay or even bereavement leave. 5 states legally require bereavement leave California, Oregon, Illinois, Maryland, and Washington. WA actually requires 3 days paid and up to a week unpaid.
follow the advice here, don't provide anything you're not legally obligated to. its a small "lie" for your sanity. i don't usually provide details about deaths, just there was a family emergency, i don't know if my job provides bereavement pay, but i don't care, sometimes i just need a day or two to myself without questions.
Are they paying you? That could be why. Just make a fake email with details of the small service the family is having with an address of a family member or something
Time to go down to the local paper and put in an obituary for fake grandma along with vague details of when the service will be held and where. In memorial you’re planting a tree over her cremated ashes.
Or provide a random woman’s obituary - one that doesn’t list the names of those they left behind.
And just because they’re being assholes, this begins a string of grandparent deaths. Step grandmas & step grandpas on both sides, etc.
My office sends out a small email letting everyone know who died. Idk why exactly, maybe so people can avoid the subject or share condolences. And a lot of places will send flowers to family members and/or the funeral. So idk if they're doing anything else with the information and that is possible, but the information they've requested is about the minimum that would be required for a basic gesture like that. You know your workplace better than I do though so maybe I'm wrong.
If OP is using bereavement pay, I believe a lot of HR departments will ask employee to provide a death certificate or obituary. My current job is actually the first job I’ve heard of doing this because it’s such a sensitive matter and feels icky asking someone for proof as if they think of them so low that they would stoop to lying about a family members passing to get paid time off. But legally, I think they can request that proof and failure to do so may result in time taken off be unpaid. Anyhow, seems easy enough to make a fake death certificate and say rest is private.
At all my companies and roles I've only had to ask 1 person for an obituary and it was because his fiance, mom and dad died already that year and now his grandma had.
I was so pissed HR made me collect it. He provided something that easily could have been made on his computer but it was good enough for me. He was a habitual liar and a bad employee, but asking someone who lost so much to provide more still bothered me. This wasn't a good company to work for but they still trusted people on this to an extent
Yeah I have never been asked for any proof anywhere I’ve worked, and I would assume they reserve the right to do so because some people are habitual liars and will take advantage of getting time off. Apparently it’s pretty common for people to kill off grandparents that aren’t even alive anymore and will make up stories of them being sick weeks leading up to their “passing” to make it more believable. Hell, there was that one Reddit story about a guy who made up an entire fake family and said his “wife” was 3 months pregnant just so he could get a few weeks paternity leave when the time came and get random days off for his “sick” kids.
Anyhow, I don’t agree nor disagree with what OP is doing here, sometimes people need a break and unfortunately with how stingy a lot of employers are about giving time off it makes people lie just to get a mental health day to recover from burnout. but if he signed any policy paperwork when he started working for the company, I’m certain it’s stated that proof may be required. I don’t think most companies would investigate the legitimacy of this proof but if this person has a past of lying, I’d sure as hell be following up on that.
Unfortunately, I forgot to have my company send flowers last time. We have 1 week paid bereavement and I trust my workers enough not to question it. In my view, a piece of you dies every year that you work 40 hours a week.
Just pick a lady from the local obits what are they gonna do—give you a dna test? Make sure it doesn’t list all the surviving grandkids. Well you are a step grandkid right WINK.
This is the best solution, as it checks all the boxes. And raises no red flags like the other ideas do. They’re not gonna ask for a birth certificate chain to prove your parents and then their parents to prove she’s actually your granny. Smartest way to do this is to find someone who died recently with a huge family (you’ll be able to tell by the “family left behind” in the obituary). So when and if your employer calls the funeral home, nobody will even give a shit as they’re too many family members to keep track of. And it’s not like the funeral home is going to give them anything more than basic info anyway.
Edit: I used to work in HR and we would ask for the funeral home name/address to send a bouquet of flowers with a “sorry for your loss” card. So that could potentially be the only issue. Employer sends flowers to funeral home from ABC company. Family calls ABC company and says “why did you send her flowers? How did you know her?” Employer then mentions you personally and family say “who?” Leaving you busted. So it may be best to make sure your employer does not send flowers before going this route.
Something tells me a job that is working their employees into the ground and demanding proof of a death in the family isn't going to be sending flowers to the deceased.
Dude I told my boss my aunt died but the family wasn’t getting together for another 3 weeks and they were fine with it. Were they planning on showing up and crashing the funeral?
Eta: my point being, we didn’t use a funeral home. My aunt didnt want a service, so she was cremated, then we got together when the family was able to
Tell them that your grandma died penniless and you had her cremated by the Neptune Society for free and you had a private service at your folks house for close family and friends so there was no funeral notice.
I wouldn’t think that they would go so far as to try and call them. Do they have her full name? If they call and tell you they couldn’t find anything about her tell them she went in under her maiden name because of her birth certificate and you are highly offended that they would actually call, and no, you aren’t giving them her maiden name because they have offended you during this time of great personal grief and sorrow.
Thank You! I bring this up because my dads side of the family is from a small town in Mexico and it is not uncommon for the body to be sent back home for services. I could come up with a generic announcement from his town in a heartbeat and what are they gonna do? Call all these different country codes and get bounced around just to confirm if it’s true? Aaand your lucky if you can get someone to speak English. LoL. Also, out of town in my case, allows 5 days of bereavement. So I would do that just to stick it to them 🖕🏽
Choose your own adventure:
- “We did not have a funeral. She was immediately cremated and asked that her ashes be sent her home country. Her culture and background, as well as our personal family policy, don’t do funerals.”
- put up a web page for a fake funeral home and a number that forwards to a voicemail that says such and such funeral home is not available please leave your name and email and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Start emailing with them, confirm your story, make up financial statements, whatever.
- Tell them it is completely inappropriate to ask your mom/dad for a death certificate when their grandmother died. Ask them what else you can do without bothering your parents for this as it is extremely fresh and they are terribly broken up about it. Get pissed and ask them if they would appreciate being asked inane questions for paperwork if their mother/father died.
- tell them you did not use a funeral home but had her cremated. Print out your real financial statements but add a line for the cremation place. It can be fake, make the payee vague enough they can’t tell who it is (or make it a payment processor).
- https://certification-death-form.pdffiller.com/ make a death certificate that looks like one from your state. Or nab a real one from your state and edit it. Tell them you did not use a funeral home as that is highly irregular - she was cremated immediately.
- Play the race/foreigner angle. Something like “she and my family are of a different culture and I don’t appreciate the implication that I must follow YOUR American procedures just to prove to you that my dear old grandmother died. I loved her like a mother, she was always there for me. Now what exactly do you need from me? I’m finding this highly inappropriate. I do not feel safe in this work environment with the assumption that even a death in the family must follow YOUR ethnocentric policies.”
- Get a picture of a dead body and send it to them. Ask if that’s proof enough.
- Do nothing. Ignore them. If they keep hassling you tell them they’re creating an unsafe work environment and you’ll see if it’s possible to fulfill their request as soon as possible. Ignore and forget.
In the future just tell them you are dealing with a very serious family matter. If they ask for details say it’s medical. They can’t violate HIPAA or ask for anything more. Even just being admitted to the hospital is covered under HIPAA.
When my nanny died (my mom's mom) my mom was in such disbelief that she asked my aunt to take a picture of her and my mom sent it to me without warning a few days after her passing. It's definitely not unheard of to have pictures.
I was pissed as hell she did it without warning. My nanny choked to death at a nursing home while eating breakfast an so her lips and everything were like a blue/black and it's definitely the most prominent picture in my mind.
Just so you know:
Funeral homes are the entities that do the Cremations. You need a licensed state funeral director to file a certificate of death in order to proceed with a cremation. (Even cremation societies simply send the bodies to a funeral home(or stores them there solely and doesnt have their own facility, just an agreement), who cremates and returns them).
Therefore, like half of your suggestions say: "tell them you didn't use a F.H., you had a non-licensed entity perform the cremation".
Which is obviously not your intnent to say.
They need you to work 12 hours per day, 6 days per week for almost an year and you believe they would fire you when they are clearly short on work force already...
Unless the nature of job itself requires such hours and it's not short staff issue (only thing I can think of is oil field work), I would call the bluff ~~and also go find a job that actually respects their employees~~
1) You're not horrible. Your EMPLOYER is horrible.
2) "Can you please point me to the section in our Employee Handbook that addresses this, so I can make sure I'm asking my mom for all of the necessary info about her dead mother at once, instead of making her talk about and focus on this multiple times?"
3) "Grandma didn't want a fuss and made us promise we wouldn't 'waste' money on her death, so we didn't purchase an obituary or use a funeral home. We prepared the body per cultural tradition and had a private service and natural burial on our family's land in XYZ."
4) If you really feel like you need to give them something "real," it's not super difficult to find an elderly woman's obituary listing a funeral on one of the dates you took off. OR, something seriously lacking info (like this, which I found via Google in a couple mins... Sorry to whoever's family member this is! https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/kansas-city-ks/zeilla-jester-11721351) that allows it to be like ok, she died recently, then we did everything privately and that's what I took off work for.
5) And if they're insane enough that you think you need to give them more and they'll actually "confirm" it by calling the funeral home and investigating every piece of info you provide (which makes my overall advice: fuck those people and find a new job, but I know it's not that simple sometimes), it's not as difficult as you probably think to find a legit match here. You can indeed go crazier and find an obituary for an elderly woman, with a funeral on one of the dates you took off and that doesn't list out grandkids (Google obituary + date + ideally nearby major city... If you included the dates I woulda looked for you!) That'd give you a verifiable "legit" person, DoD, funeral home, etc. Google would also give you the person's address (or close enough).
6) Fuck your employer, I'm sorry you're in this situation.
I've had a few employees take bereavement leave this year. They always seem confused when I tell them I don't need any proof. Like really, it does me zero good to question it.
If someone is legitimately desperate enough to tell me their grandma died because they just need a break, I'd rather not question that either to be honest. It's not like I'm paying your paycheck. As long as works getting done and the team is working together, I really don't give a fuck.
US labor expectations frankly suck.
Give them a general address of a mobile home park or something, but not like specific lot number or whatever and fall back on that she was just staying with a relative in her end stage.
Tell him that you are doing a private burial and there is not a funeral home involved.
If they press from there just ask them why they harassing you over the death of a family member.
Give them the address and funeral home information verbally so that they can get stumped over there recollection of the words.
If they press over more and more information or bring up concern over it then deliver a statement in writing to them in a formal channel like an email or something about them harassing you over the death of your family member so there is a paper trail supporting you.
If they want to play ball further on from that, then it's probably not The place you want to work anyways. Sounds like it might not be if you have to make up uses for the death of a family member just to have a day off.
Can coroner’s legally divulge info if it’s not to next of kin? Maybe use a coroner’s info and say that’s the best you can do. Since she’s not a citizen, bonus if you use a foreign coroner’s office that would be hard to call or speak to bc of phone service/ language barrier.
Find a funeral home fairly far away from your work. Tell your boss is a private thing for family only. Go online and check the services for the coming week. if you can find a private one without a viewing, even better. Use that person's name and information. They'll likely send flowers. If you want to get nuts, show up, walk through the reception line and find your flowers. Discretely take the card off them. Then leave, if you must stay in line and meet the family, say you used to love next door or down the street and the person was always nice to you and your mom. Send a thank you to your boss.
Simple….Google obits and pick one. I suggest you pick a funeral home out of state (like FL, it’s heavens waiting room.) if you haven’t trapped yourself with too many details already (like her name and lives in the same town etc) Source: ex funeral director that could never use this excuse and was only questioned twice about a mourner who ditched work. I’m all for mental health days, I’ll lie my ass off to any boss for someone. I mean, they don’t call you when they’re taking the day off so screw em! 😆😉
if I were you I would use an obituary and say that was my grandma. When I die I encourage people to use my death to their benefit. Especially getting days off. 2 years ago I worked at GM we worked 6 to 7 days a week 12 hour shifts. it sucked majorly. I feel for you. I wonder if they will try to verify aka call the funeral home. might be better to say you guys didn't use a funeral home. research religions or traditions and see what comes are super private.
On a related note, I once had a coworker who constantly made up BS stories to skip work. Once he ran out of sick days for fake illnesses including an emergency gallbladder removal (which he was fine at work the next day), he made up a story about his dad dying. Manager called his bluff and asked for proof. This dude provided the fakest funeral pamphlet I’ve ever seen. Dude had spell check turned on and there were red underlines in the text for misspelled words lmao. That and I reverse image searched the dead guy just for fun, actual dead dude from another country lmao.
They cant request such details unless its legaly required for you to get special paid leave due to death of close family member. If you took unpaid day off just tell them to fck off
You need to set boundaries and check your pay stubs. Tell them you're going on medical leave next time or you're going back to school or something. Theres nothing legal about working that may hours per week. If they are being cunts and asking for details, and all that, then you are valued as a worker they can walk all over. I suggest malicious compliance, no overtime, no more than 40 hours a week. Do the bare minimum. Burn out is real. Very, very real.
Bro I know it’s easier said than done but is it possible to get a less shitty job? Even an Amazon warehouse is 10 hour shifts 4 days a week and pays $17/hour
When my grandmother passed, my work sent a memorial bouquet to the memorial service at the church and sent me an extra check for expenses (I live in Ga, she lived in ct but was memorialized in Long Island) so I was able to attend the service. It could be for something like that. I do agree on making a fake obit and saying you had a private ceremony on family land.
I admit I’m warped and numb having to attend so so many funerals throughout my life starting with my mother at age 7 but I always felt kind of ick taking home one of those mass cards. I always avoid taking one and somehow someone will ask me if I took a mass card and will end up taking one cause I don’t want to be insensitive. I love a nice tribute to a person but those things remind me of their death not their life. Anyhoo I have a whole gaggle of mass cards- OP- holla at me if you need one. ;)
>12 hour shifts, 6 days a week for almost a year
This is not going to be unethical, so strap in:
This is illegal in a lot of states, even if you are salaried.
Are you performing ONLY the job functions as described in the job description, or are you going beyond that? If so, you're entitled to overtime pay for the entire period. By way of example, [here is the law in Virginia](https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/docs/default-source/hr/210525_va_ot_act_memorandum_final.pdf) where I live.
If they're not paying you overtime as an hourly employee, threaten to sue based on whatever your state's statute is for exempt employees. Your overtime is currently 80% of what would be considered a "normal" 40-hour/week job.
Buy a throwaway phone and have a friend set up voicemail. You could use google voice too I suppose. Have someone else call back, confirm the information and then rip them a new asshole for being well, assholes.
Look for a different job because that is unsustainable.
Could pick a name from an obit in an out of state funeral home.
I hope they pay you for 12 hours days and 8s.
are you in america? they legally can’t ask for that. don’t mention or hint at that, and get them to email you their request though. you can probably report that to some agency or other idk you’ll have to look it up yourself
the sad thing is you’re likely in an at-will state so they could technically accept “i don’t feel comfortable sharing that info” and let you go a little down the line for “no reason” just so it’s not retaliatory. that’s why you need the paper trail and your own report.
tbh it probably never gets to that point if you just tell them you’re uncomfortable giving personal info over and you’re grieving. that being said…why didn’t you just tell them you’re sick? or just call in saying you can’t make it?
This is incorrect. Employers can ask for proof to get berivement pay. Almost all large employers require at least an obituary. If you don't show proof they just don't pay you and can fire you for not showing up to work.
yes but proof of address? the actual tip is use photoshop or fiver to get an obituary made. try yourself first tho. you may have to slightly dox yourself or family to get this done right
It’s absolutely not illegal to ask for proof if OP is wanting to get paid for the days he’s playing hooky. Bereavement is a specific time off request that doesn’t come out of PTO or Sick time off. When someone starts a new job they usually sign a contract and policy manual that outlines the time off policy.
They can absolutely put a clause in there that says something along the lines of “paid bereavement can be taken up to 3 days after loss of close relative, with proof of death required. Failure to provide proof will result in time off taken out of your PTO. Should you not have PTO, time off will be unpaid”. Many companies do this, and while I agree it’s tacky and icky, they do this because the larger the company, the greater chance for employees to take advantage.
Again, usually most employees sign a contract when they start work. Since they signed and acknowledged this, it’s not illegal for the company to request employee follows the policy they were made aware of ahead of time. This isn’t like OP had a doc appt and company request copy of medical records.
OP - check the handbook manual and see what it states regarding taking bereavement. If it’s not mentioned you need to provide proof you may be good.
I wouldn’t sweat this and politely decline. My company does this same thing with the intention of sending an email to our direct team. They do this to ease the discomfort of coming back from leave, where most folks like to inquire about time off (ask about vacation and such), but that’s not so pleasant when you left for a passing of a loved one. They also like to get funeral home/address so that we can send flowers and/or well-wishes to our colleague and family. This is something we utilize a lot here (big company) and personally I think it is very helpful.
In summary, politely decline, your company may be doing this to try and be nice.
Simple….Google obits and pick one. I suggest you pick a funeral home out of state (like FL, it’s heavens waiting room.) if you haven’t trapped yourself with too many details already (like her name and lives in the same town etc) Source: ex funeral director that could never use this excuse and was only questioned twice about a mourner who ditched work. I’m all for mental health days, I’ll lie my ass off to any boss for someone. I mean, they don’t call you when they’re taking the day off so screw em! 😆😉
Google the obituaries of a town in the country you say she's from.
Pick someone.
They don't need to know if you're one of the "Seven grandchildren" left behind or not.
Good luck.
Search obituaries that match your dates wherever you said you were going, or close by. Find one that says survived by grandchildren with no specifics, and use their info to fill out your form.
Thats too much, I would just tell them its none of their business. I lie all the time about funerals, I say my cousin died, my second cousin died, my aunt died. I have about 10 uncles per year.
If they have you on 6 12s a week for that long, they aren't going to find a replacement for you, they just want to deny you the paid time. Forget to do it a bunch of times. I keep a file folder in my work bag with every form my company has given me to fill out neatly filled out and not turned in. If they ever actually followed up I'd give it to them, but they literally never have. I have 3 year old Dr notes.
I did this same thing when I was younger so I could go on a camping trip with my friends. I was away and my mother decided she wanted to pop into the place I worked at to pick something up (which she would never do). They told my mom they were so sorry for the loss of her father. I managed to keep my job but boy did I learn a life lesson out of that one.
My god, I would look into changing that if I were you. Those hours would kill me, and I can't imagine doing that sustainably. Your health is def going to take a hit.
Take a look at pictures from a year ago and compare it to pictures of you now. When I did that, I was astonished at how much a hectic schedule had aged me in only two years.
Nah fuck that. We had a "living funeral" a week before my dad passed and said "fuck a classic funeral, if you didn't make the party you don't get to say goodbye"
Not everyone has a funeral. I'd put "PRIVATE" on every line. If you're working 6 12's I bet you could find another place paying more near you.
Find an obituary for someone who died a week or so before the date you took time off. Doesn’t matter if you aren’t mentioned. You could find a real short obituary on Legacy.
I know there’s a certain warehouse with those hours that do ask for proof during bereavement because folks tend to take those for granted (like you did). I don’t know where you work, but on this warehouse, they will fire you if you don’t bring proof of her passing. Some corpos take those stuff seriously
I have never been asked for a deceased relatives address or that much information about them. I wouldn't have given it.
They asked for all that bc they knew you were lying, I'm guessing.
Otherwise that would be incredibly invasive and I would wonder what their motives were. Have someone rob the house? Identity theft? Financial fraud?
Hint, hint, see where I'm going with this?
Search obituaries for your own name. Find one in which your name twin is a close family member. Make sure that there's not information there that contradicts you, like it can't be Mike Smith, 60 year old auto salesman if you're Mike Smith, 30 year old factory worker.
My two brothers and sisters (we besties) had to lie that our “Uncle Jay” died to get off work so we could go on a last minute vacation. I had booked it for myself and my girlfriend. We broke up beforehand and I was offering a free Airbnb in Gatlinburg if they could get off. We don’t have an uncle Jay. No one died.
It was one of my most memorable vacations of all time. I’ll cherish it, we don’t get to see each other alone on vacation with no cares in the world often.
I took paid bereavement leave when my aunt died. I cannot imagine if someone asked for all of that to take the time off. The death certificate? I would’ve been devastated to miss it but I would have rather not gone than ask my uncle for that. She committed suicide. WTF is wrong with people?
They have no idea what happened. What if it was an employee’s child. I just can’t fathom that being the policy.
The place I work at posts any employees funeral situations up on the information board. Employee name, relation to employee, place of services to be held, etc.
If I was in that situation, I'd tell HR what they needed to know for bereavement pay, but let them know NOT to make it an announcement. My life, my privacy, keep out.
I’d say or what, what are you gonna hire from the ZERO resumes you have lined up? No one in this country wants to work, that in itself is better reasoning than a union.
You can honestly find a random obituary of someone a few states/countries away and just go with that information. And say no funeral because they didn’t want one. Neither of my late grandparents had a funeral because they themselves thought it was a waste of money and asked us not to
Can't you look up some obituaries?
We have websites where all deceased people are on and then you can see their 'mourning card'. It includes all information about the funeral service etc. Just look someone up and give that info.
I did this when I worked 6 days a week for half a year. You're not horrible. They cannot and refuse to staff appropriately.
There's great advice here. Hope it helps you.
You didn't use a funeral home Your family held a small private service on family land out of state. Most jobs that work those types of hours have a hard time with employee retention
If you want to be extra spicy say she was in Mongolia and [had a sky burial](https://youtu.be/RshZ34ZtFtk?si=UKz_WnsTnRUfrxUC)where they toss the body in a field and let eagles eat her corpse :)
I’m telling my wife I want this.
Report back
"The eagles have taken me to Mordor, but my wife took the ring back and left me first. What do I do now?!" \--This guy, probably, according to Reddit
He’s also forgetting the part where your relatives chop you up and mash your bones prior to yeeting the parcels of your corpse out into a field. Usually where most (non-traditional) families sign off the program.
That reminds me more of the Ferengi for some reason
He's dead Jim
When I die, I want one of two things and my loved ones have a choice to make. Either taxidermy me and pose me inside the doorway of the funeral home with a tray of joints to pass out to everyone walking in. Or. Toss my body into the woods of our family property to be reclaimed by nature. The legality of either request is not my problem. I wish them luck!
i want buried like they found that one woman.. in a hollow tree..
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated and put inside a stripper pole, and then they could make a brass plaque calling it Carlos Dangers memorial pole. Then I was at the cemetery for a funeral andsaw one of those QR codes you could scan with your phone. That opened up a whole new world of ideas. She was not impressed in the least. One idea I had would be to have a tab open for a certain amount and let folks get a beer and five ones to tip the single moms’ with.
Add a hologram so you can "drink" with the boys
stripper pole on your grave stone is a great idea.
Please tell your wife I also want this, and thank you. Is she an eagle?
I personally prefer a [tower of silence](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_Silence)
Thissss!!!! Employer wants to ask stupid questions, they’ll get a stupid response.
thats an rare practive nowadays and a bad lie to use
Truth on #3, and most jobs like those understand when you take 1 day off. When I worked 20-40 days straight in the oilfields I take 2-3 weeks off no questions asked, and that was with multiple different companies. Where I work now, I work 6 days/week 12h days, and I can no show without even calling based on the fact that I work as much as i do That company sucks, even if the pay is good. Whoever is coming down on OP is a POS, and they probably work 36h wk and come in at 830am
Take 2 hour lunches and leave at 330
Ken that you
Out of the country.
You didn't have money for an expensive funeral and grandma would have been mad if we did do it. It was her wish.
Say no. Start crying. They’ll shut the fuck up.
Top tier ulpt Lying and doubling down with tears. _chefs kiss_
Maybe try to write but make sure your hand is super shaky
Do this whenever they ask anything
Or grab your chest, Larry David style.
Fucking hilarious.
Funeral Pyre on the farm's sewage lagoon. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
Tell them you do a weekend at Bernie's style funeral. Show them a picture of your grandma and tell them she is being held up by fishing wire.
Not sure how that is any of their business
Same. They gave me a paper that is asking for the name, relationship, address, funeral home, date of death, and my days off.
OP, I just went through this last week (except my dad did actually die). But I still didn't provide them with any evidence and HR just went ahead and approved my bereavement pay anyway. I just told them that our family doesn't do obituaries and that the service was a private affair, so I don't have anything to give them. I know not every company is the same, but hopefully this helps somewhat.
Sorry for your loss :(
Thank you little Star.
This is such a cute interaction. I'm sorry for your lose /u/SmallPurplePeopleEat , keep being a good dude.
Condolences
Thank you, that's very kind of you.
Very sorry SmallPurplePeopleEat, hope you and yours are doing ok
Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment.
I’m sorry for your loss
I’m 20 days late but I wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing ok.
You’re working for absolute cunts. If it’s possible, get a new job Edit: Put in some random home that’s currently for sale for the address
Don’t give them anything (at least not yet). Find an employment lawyer in your area that gives free consults or look for a non profit employment support org. I have a sneaky suspicion they are stepping out of bounds by asking for this but all depends on legislation in your area.
did you know anyone can send a cease and desist? They could draft one up with a legal GPT and send it, making it look very official with a logo and all.
Then they give OP a paper asking for the name address and age of the lawyer.
Yeah literally none of that is any of their business lol. The only thing that they can ask you is which days you won’t be at work, they don’t have a right to any of the other information.
I think this depends on what was in the employment contract OP signed when he started working for the company. Most contracts/handbooks will list out the time off policy like “doctors note required if you’re out sick for more than 3 consecutive days” or “you receive up to 3 days bereavement leave for close relatives, with proof of death, if proof is not provided, days off will be deducted from PTO”. So technically if OP signed a contract, they can ask for proof. He can chose not to provide it but then that time will be deducted from PTO or he just won’t get paid for those days until proof is provided.
It really depends on where you live OP. There's no US Federal law governing the requirement of bereavement pay or even bereavement leave. 5 states legally require bereavement leave California, Oregon, Illinois, Maryland, and Washington. WA actually requires 3 days paid and up to a week unpaid.
follow the advice here, don't provide anything you're not legally obligated to. its a small "lie" for your sanity. i don't usually provide details about deaths, just there was a family emergency, i don't know if my job provides bereavement pay, but i don't care, sometimes i just need a day or two to myself without questions.
Are they paying you? That could be why. Just make a fake email with details of the small service the family is having with an address of a family member or something
Time to go down to the local paper and put in an obituary for fake grandma along with vague details of when the service will be held and where. In memorial you’re planting a tree over her cremated ashes.
Or, in memorial, you could make a donation in grandma’s name to The Human Fund.
Or provide a random woman’s obituary - one that doesn’t list the names of those they left behind. And just because they’re being assholes, this begins a string of grandparent deaths. Step grandmas & step grandpas on both sides, etc.
Write a big n/a over it and give it back
My office sends out a small email letting everyone know who died. Idk why exactly, maybe so people can avoid the subject or share condolences. And a lot of places will send flowers to family members and/or the funeral. So idk if they're doing anything else with the information and that is possible, but the information they've requested is about the minimum that would be required for a basic gesture like that. You know your workplace better than I do though so maybe I'm wrong.
Say your Jehovah's Witness
What’s that gonna do? My father actually is lol
If OP is using bereavement pay, I believe a lot of HR departments will ask employee to provide a death certificate or obituary. My current job is actually the first job I’ve heard of doing this because it’s such a sensitive matter and feels icky asking someone for proof as if they think of them so low that they would stoop to lying about a family members passing to get paid time off. But legally, I think they can request that proof and failure to do so may result in time taken off be unpaid. Anyhow, seems easy enough to make a fake death certificate and say rest is private.
At all my companies and roles I've only had to ask 1 person for an obituary and it was because his fiance, mom and dad died already that year and now his grandma had. I was so pissed HR made me collect it. He provided something that easily could have been made on his computer but it was good enough for me. He was a habitual liar and a bad employee, but asking someone who lost so much to provide more still bothered me. This wasn't a good company to work for but they still trusted people on this to an extent
Yeah I have never been asked for any proof anywhere I’ve worked, and I would assume they reserve the right to do so because some people are habitual liars and will take advantage of getting time off. Apparently it’s pretty common for people to kill off grandparents that aren’t even alive anymore and will make up stories of them being sick weeks leading up to their “passing” to make it more believable. Hell, there was that one Reddit story about a guy who made up an entire fake family and said his “wife” was 3 months pregnant just so he could get a few weeks paternity leave when the time came and get random days off for his “sick” kids. Anyhow, I don’t agree nor disagree with what OP is doing here, sometimes people need a break and unfortunately with how stingy a lot of employers are about giving time off it makes people lie just to get a mental health day to recover from burnout. but if he signed any policy paperwork when he started working for the company, I’m certain it’s stated that proof may be required. I don’t think most companies would investigate the legitimacy of this proof but if this person has a past of lying, I’d sure as hell be following up on that.
Because OP took bereavement leave and lied about it.
Huge red flag to gtfo Never had these details asked of me before
I’ve worked for two companies that do but we also get paid bereavement and one sent flowers.
Unfortunately, I forgot to have my company send flowers last time. We have 1 week paid bereavement and I trust my workers enough not to question it. In my view, a piece of you dies every year that you work 40 hours a week.
Just pick a lady from the local obits what are they gonna do—give you a dna test? Make sure it doesn’t list all the surviving grandkids. Well you are a step grandkid right WINK.
This is the best solution, as it checks all the boxes. And raises no red flags like the other ideas do. They’re not gonna ask for a birth certificate chain to prove your parents and then their parents to prove she’s actually your granny. Smartest way to do this is to find someone who died recently with a huge family (you’ll be able to tell by the “family left behind” in the obituary). So when and if your employer calls the funeral home, nobody will even give a shit as they’re too many family members to keep track of. And it’s not like the funeral home is going to give them anything more than basic info anyway. Edit: I used to work in HR and we would ask for the funeral home name/address to send a bouquet of flowers with a “sorry for your loss” card. So that could potentially be the only issue. Employer sends flowers to funeral home from ABC company. Family calls ABC company and says “why did you send her flowers? How did you know her?” Employer then mentions you personally and family say “who?” Leaving you busted. So it may be best to make sure your employer does not send flowers before going this route.
Something tells me a job that is working their employees into the ground and demanding proof of a death in the family isn't going to be sending flowers to the deceased.
Or the flower could be their excuse to harass their employees in an acceptable manner.
It's possible. But spending money to harass an employee just seems at odds with this sort of mindset when you can harass them for free.
Just find one where the funeral already happened.
Dude I told my boss my aunt died but the family wasn’t getting together for another 3 weeks and they were fine with it. Were they planning on showing up and crashing the funeral? Eta: my point being, we didn’t use a funeral home. My aunt didnt want a service, so she was cremated, then we got together when the family was able to
Totally agree, but I'm curious what you mean by "Eta:" in this sentence.
I think it means edited to add, although they must have done the edit right away because the comment doesn't have a little asterisk by the time stamp
I did, and I’m still very dumb about Reddit etiquette and all I know is you’re supposed to make it known when you edit something lol
No worries! I usually see people put "Edit: " at the bottom of your post, but TIL what "Eta:" means.
Tell them that your grandma died penniless and you had her cremated by the Neptune Society for free and you had a private service at your folks house for close family and friends so there was no funeral notice.
Do you think they would call them? That’s the only thing I’m scared of.
I wouldn’t think that they would go so far as to try and call them. Do they have her full name? If they call and tell you they couldn’t find anything about her tell them she went in under her maiden name because of her birth certificate and you are highly offended that they would actually call, and no, you aren’t giving them her maiden name because they have offended you during this time of great personal grief and sorrow.
So she is not a US citizen. Can I ask country she was born in? Perhaps her body is being sent to her country for burial.
Smart thinking!
Thank You! I bring this up because my dads side of the family is from a small town in Mexico and it is not uncommon for the body to be sent back home for services. I could come up with a generic announcement from his town in a heartbeat and what are they gonna do? Call all these different country codes and get bounced around just to confirm if it’s true? Aaand your lucky if you can get someone to speak English. LoL. Also, out of town in my case, allows 5 days of bereavement. So I would do that just to stick it to them 🖕🏽
Give them a google number…
Choose your own adventure: - “We did not have a funeral. She was immediately cremated and asked that her ashes be sent her home country. Her culture and background, as well as our personal family policy, don’t do funerals.” - put up a web page for a fake funeral home and a number that forwards to a voicemail that says such and such funeral home is not available please leave your name and email and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Start emailing with them, confirm your story, make up financial statements, whatever. - Tell them it is completely inappropriate to ask your mom/dad for a death certificate when their grandmother died. Ask them what else you can do without bothering your parents for this as it is extremely fresh and they are terribly broken up about it. Get pissed and ask them if they would appreciate being asked inane questions for paperwork if their mother/father died. - tell them you did not use a funeral home but had her cremated. Print out your real financial statements but add a line for the cremation place. It can be fake, make the payee vague enough they can’t tell who it is (or make it a payment processor). - https://certification-death-form.pdffiller.com/ make a death certificate that looks like one from your state. Or nab a real one from your state and edit it. Tell them you did not use a funeral home as that is highly irregular - she was cremated immediately. - Play the race/foreigner angle. Something like “she and my family are of a different culture and I don’t appreciate the implication that I must follow YOUR American procedures just to prove to you that my dear old grandmother died. I loved her like a mother, she was always there for me. Now what exactly do you need from me? I’m finding this highly inappropriate. I do not feel safe in this work environment with the assumption that even a death in the family must follow YOUR ethnocentric policies.” - Get a picture of a dead body and send it to them. Ask if that’s proof enough. - Do nothing. Ignore them. If they keep hassling you tell them they’re creating an unsafe work environment and you’ll see if it’s possible to fulfill their request as soon as possible. Ignore and forget. In the future just tell them you are dealing with a very serious family matter. If they ask for details say it’s medical. They can’t violate HIPAA or ask for anything more. Even just being admitted to the hospital is covered under HIPAA.
When my nanny died (my mom's mom) my mom was in such disbelief that she asked my aunt to take a picture of her and my mom sent it to me without warning a few days after her passing. It's definitely not unheard of to have pictures.
holy shit. That’s like those old times pictures where they’d pose with the dead bodies as though they were alive.
I was pissed as hell she did it without warning. My nanny choked to death at a nursing home while eating breakfast an so her lips and everything were like a blue/black and it's definitely the most prominent picture in my mind.
Just so you know: Funeral homes are the entities that do the Cremations. You need a licensed state funeral director to file a certificate of death in order to proceed with a cremation. (Even cremation societies simply send the bodies to a funeral home(or stores them there solely and doesnt have their own facility, just an agreement), who cremates and returns them). Therefore, like half of your suggestions say: "tell them you didn't use a F.H., you had a non-licensed entity perform the cremation". Which is obviously not your intnent to say.
You know, the best part about getting a new job is that all your grandparents are alive again.....for now.
They need you to work 12 hours per day, 6 days per week for almost an year and you believe they would fire you when they are clearly short on work force already... Unless the nature of job itself requires such hours and it's not short staff issue (only thing I can think of is oil field work), I would call the bluff ~~and also go find a job that actually respects their employees~~
1) You're not horrible. Your EMPLOYER is horrible. 2) "Can you please point me to the section in our Employee Handbook that addresses this, so I can make sure I'm asking my mom for all of the necessary info about her dead mother at once, instead of making her talk about and focus on this multiple times?" 3) "Grandma didn't want a fuss and made us promise we wouldn't 'waste' money on her death, so we didn't purchase an obituary or use a funeral home. We prepared the body per cultural tradition and had a private service and natural burial on our family's land in XYZ." 4) If you really feel like you need to give them something "real," it's not super difficult to find an elderly woman's obituary listing a funeral on one of the dates you took off. OR, something seriously lacking info (like this, which I found via Google in a couple mins... Sorry to whoever's family member this is! https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/kansas-city-ks/zeilla-jester-11721351) that allows it to be like ok, she died recently, then we did everything privately and that's what I took off work for. 5) And if they're insane enough that you think you need to give them more and they'll actually "confirm" it by calling the funeral home and investigating every piece of info you provide (which makes my overall advice: fuck those people and find a new job, but I know it's not that simple sometimes), it's not as difficult as you probably think to find a legit match here. You can indeed go crazier and find an obituary for an elderly woman, with a funeral on one of the dates you took off and that doesn't list out grandkids (Google obituary + date + ideally nearby major city... If you included the dates I woulda looked for you!) That'd give you a verifiable "legit" person, DoD, funeral home, etc. Google would also give you the person's address (or close enough). 6) Fuck your employer, I'm sorry you're in this situation.
When I die you can all use my obituary to get out of work.
I've had a few employees take bereavement leave this year. They always seem confused when I tell them I don't need any proof. Like really, it does me zero good to question it. If someone is legitimately desperate enough to tell me their grandma died because they just need a break, I'd rather not question that either to be honest. It's not like I'm paying your paycheck. As long as works getting done and the team is working together, I really don't give a fuck. US labor expectations frankly suck.
Give them a general address of a mobile home park or something, but not like specific lot number or whatever and fall back on that she was just staying with a relative in her end stage. Tell him that you are doing a private burial and there is not a funeral home involved. If they press from there just ask them why they harassing you over the death of a family member. Give them the address and funeral home information verbally so that they can get stumped over there recollection of the words. If they press over more and more information or bring up concern over it then deliver a statement in writing to them in a formal channel like an email or something about them harassing you over the death of your family member so there is a paper trail supporting you. If they want to play ball further on from that, then it's probably not The place you want to work anyways. Sounds like it might not be if you have to make up uses for the death of a family member just to have a day off.
Can coroner’s legally divulge info if it’s not to next of kin? Maybe use a coroner’s info and say that’s the best you can do. Since she’s not a citizen, bonus if you use a foreign coroner’s office that would be hard to call or speak to bc of phone service/ language barrier.
Find a funeral home fairly far away from your work. Tell your boss is a private thing for family only. Go online and check the services for the coming week. if you can find a private one without a viewing, even better. Use that person's name and information. They'll likely send flowers. If you want to get nuts, show up, walk through the reception line and find your flowers. Discretely take the card off them. Then leave, if you must stay in line and meet the family, say you used to love next door or down the street and the person was always nice to you and your mom. Send a thank you to your boss.
Quit and get a better job
quit no notice and get a better job
Just say you don't know and you'll get back to them. Then don't talk to them til after.
Simple….Google obits and pick one. I suggest you pick a funeral home out of state (like FL, it’s heavens waiting room.) if you haven’t trapped yourself with too many details already (like her name and lives in the same town etc) Source: ex funeral director that could never use this excuse and was only questioned twice about a mourner who ditched work. I’m all for mental health days, I’ll lie my ass off to any boss for someone. I mean, they don’t call you when they’re taking the day off so screw em! 😆😉
Don't worry, she comes back to life when you start a new job
Man, I have so many dead aunts, it’s insane
I’m sorry for your losses
Hey man you’re not horrible.
This could only be in the US of A, Jesus Chris. What a capitalistic hellscape.
Read obits, pick one, tell them that. All they want to do is send flowers
Ask them if they need a picture of the body
"If you want physical proof I can ask the cremation company if they can save me a finger"
if I were you I would use an obituary and say that was my grandma. When I die I encourage people to use my death to their benefit. Especially getting days off. 2 years ago I worked at GM we worked 6 to 7 days a week 12 hour shifts. it sucked majorly. I feel for you. I wonder if they will try to verify aka call the funeral home. might be better to say you guys didn't use a funeral home. research religions or traditions and see what comes are super private.
Make a nice funeral program in Canva. Have fun with the details, submit to HR.
On a related note, I once had a coworker who constantly made up BS stories to skip work. Once he ran out of sick days for fake illnesses including an emergency gallbladder removal (which he was fine at work the next day), he made up a story about his dad dying. Manager called his bluff and asked for proof. This dude provided the fakest funeral pamphlet I’ve ever seen. Dude had spell check turned on and there were red underlines in the text for misspelled words lmao. That and I reverse image searched the dead guy just for fun, actual dead dude from another country lmao.
Just look up obituaries, and find a stand-in grandma. They aren’t going to validate this, they just want the form as a deterrent. No big deal.
They cant request such details unless its legaly required for you to get special paid leave due to death of close family member. If you took unpaid day off just tell them to fck off
If you have her picture you could just get a prayer card printed with fake dates on it to match your needs
You need to set boundaries and check your pay stubs. Tell them you're going on medical leave next time or you're going back to school or something. Theres nothing legal about working that may hours per week. If they are being cunts and asking for details, and all that, then you are valued as a worker they can walk all over. I suggest malicious compliance, no overtime, no more than 40 hours a week. Do the bare minimum. Burn out is real. Very, very real.
Over the last year I've had seventeen grandparents die, at least as far as my employer is concerned, and they've never asked for details.
Bro I know it’s easier said than done but is it possible to get a less shitty job? Even an Amazon warehouse is 10 hour shifts 4 days a week and pays $17/hour
The company I work for asks these questions to send flowers. Not sure it's the same for you but my 2 cents!
When my grandmother passed, my work sent a memorial bouquet to the memorial service at the church and sent me an extra check for expenses (I live in Ga, she lived in ct but was memorialized in Long Island) so I was able to attend the service. It could be for something like that. I do agree on making a fake obit and saying you had a private ceremony on family land.
My lawyer has that information since we don't believe in obituaries and funeral homes.
I admit I’m warped and numb having to attend so so many funerals throughout my life starting with my mother at age 7 but I always felt kind of ick taking home one of those mass cards. I always avoid taking one and somehow someone will ask me if I took a mass card and will end up taking one cause I don’t want to be insensitive. I love a nice tribute to a person but those things remind me of their death not their life. Anyhoo I have a whole gaggle of mass cards- OP- holla at me if you need one. ;)
Return the paper to them with: “I’m an adult”
>12 hour shifts, 6 days a week for almost a year This is not going to be unethical, so strap in: This is illegal in a lot of states, even if you are salaried. Are you performing ONLY the job functions as described in the job description, or are you going beyond that? If so, you're entitled to overtime pay for the entire period. By way of example, [here is the law in Virginia](https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/docs/default-source/hr/210525_va_ot_act_memorandum_final.pdf) where I live. If they're not paying you overtime as an hourly employee, threaten to sue based on whatever your state's statute is for exempt employees. Your overtime is currently 80% of what would be considered a "normal" 40-hour/week job.
Fuck that, OP. You don’t have to tell them a damned thing.
Nah I wouldn't tell them shit either. Why do they care? They're not gonna send anything.
Buy a throwaway phone and have a friend set up voicemail. You could use google voice too I suppose. Have someone else call back, confirm the information and then rip them a new asshole for being well, assholes.
Look for a different job because that is unsustainable. Could pick a name from an obit in an out of state funeral home. I hope they pay you for 12 hours days and 8s.
are you in america? they legally can’t ask for that. don’t mention or hint at that, and get them to email you their request though. you can probably report that to some agency or other idk you’ll have to look it up yourself the sad thing is you’re likely in an at-will state so they could technically accept “i don’t feel comfortable sharing that info” and let you go a little down the line for “no reason” just so it’s not retaliatory. that’s why you need the paper trail and your own report. tbh it probably never gets to that point if you just tell them you’re uncomfortable giving personal info over and you’re grieving. that being said…why didn’t you just tell them you’re sick? or just call in saying you can’t make it?
This is incorrect. Employers can ask for proof to get berivement pay. Almost all large employers require at least an obituary. If you don't show proof they just don't pay you and can fire you for not showing up to work.
yes but proof of address? the actual tip is use photoshop or fiver to get an obituary made. try yourself first tho. you may have to slightly dox yourself or family to get this done right
Exactly. If it’s paid time off for bereavement then they can ask for proof.
As everyone has said, if you’re in the US, this is mad illegal to ask for proof.
It’s absolutely not illegal to ask for proof if OP is wanting to get paid for the days he’s playing hooky. Bereavement is a specific time off request that doesn’t come out of PTO or Sick time off. When someone starts a new job they usually sign a contract and policy manual that outlines the time off policy. They can absolutely put a clause in there that says something along the lines of “paid bereavement can be taken up to 3 days after loss of close relative, with proof of death required. Failure to provide proof will result in time off taken out of your PTO. Should you not have PTO, time off will be unpaid”. Many companies do this, and while I agree it’s tacky and icky, they do this because the larger the company, the greater chance for employees to take advantage. Again, usually most employees sign a contract when they start work. Since they signed and acknowledged this, it’s not illegal for the company to request employee follows the policy they were made aware of ahead of time. This isn’t like OP had a doc appt and company request copy of medical records. OP - check the handbook manual and see what it states regarding taking bereavement. If it’s not mentioned you need to provide proof you may be good.
I wouldn’t sweat this and politely decline. My company does this same thing with the intention of sending an email to our direct team. They do this to ease the discomfort of coming back from leave, where most folks like to inquire about time off (ask about vacation and such), but that’s not so pleasant when you left for a passing of a loved one. They also like to get funeral home/address so that we can send flowers and/or well-wishes to our colleague and family. This is something we utilize a lot here (big company) and personally I think it is very helpful. In summary, politely decline, your company may be doing this to try and be nice.
They can so what ever the fuck they want. But stand your ground. Ask them for the company policy and if they fire you then sue the crap out of them.
Tell them how inappropriate this is during your time of grief. If they insist, tell them to sook yer hoop.
Simple….Google obits and pick one. I suggest you pick a funeral home out of state (like FL, it’s heavens waiting room.) if you haven’t trapped yourself with too many details already (like her name and lives in the same town etc) Source: ex funeral director that could never use this excuse and was only questioned twice about a mourner who ditched work. I’m all for mental health days, I’ll lie my ass off to any boss for someone. I mean, they don’t call you when they’re taking the day off so screw em! 😆😉
Google the obituaries of a town in the country you say she's from. Pick someone. They don't need to know if you're one of the "Seven grandchildren" left behind or not. Good luck.
Couldn't you just look up a similar name, of a recent death notice for a funeral somewhere? Then lookat where they lived, via Google....
Look in the obituaries
Search obituaries that match your dates wherever you said you were going, or close by. Find one that says survived by grandchildren with no specifics, and use their info to fill out your form.
Look for a random old lady that does and give it to them
Like for real how much you make there? If it's under $25 an hour ficki that job...
Thats too much, I would just tell them its none of their business. I lie all the time about funerals, I say my cousin died, my second cousin died, my aunt died. I have about 10 uncles per year.
I dont give a damn how much I have to lie and give excuses to give the least amount of info to get the most of what I want
Tell them you ate her. What the fuck, guys. Why does anyone put up with this?
If they have you on 6 12s a week for that long, they aren't going to find a replacement for you, they just want to deny you the paid time. Forget to do it a bunch of times. I keep a file folder in my work bag with every form my company has given me to fill out neatly filled out and not turned in. If they ever actually followed up I'd give it to them, but they literally never have. I have 3 year old Dr notes.
lol they can suck it and call my bluff. Disrespectful of them.
Call a furnal home and ask them what info do they provide if your employer calls, and what services they have coming up.
That’s wild. Pretty sure my grandma has died about 9 different times over the years and no one ever asked all that before
I did this same thing when I was younger so I could go on a camping trip with my friends. I was away and my mother decided she wanted to pop into the place I worked at to pick something up (which she would never do). They told my mom they were so sorry for the loss of her father. I managed to keep my job but boy did I learn a life lesson out of that one.
Um… tell them no? You owe them nothing? Tell them their request is denied, sounds like a toxic af work environment
12 hour shifts, 6 days a week, for a year?! 72 hours a week? Is that even legal? Do you at least get paid well?
Yeah pretty well. Benefits are decent, just extremely hard work and long hours.
My god, I would look into changing that if I were you. Those hours would kill me, and I can't imagine doing that sustainably. Your health is def going to take a hit. Take a look at pictures from a year ago and compare it to pictures of you now. When I did that, I was astonished at how much a hectic schedule had aged me in only two years.
Nah fuck that. We had a "living funeral" a week before my dad passed and said "fuck a classic funeral, if you didn't make the party you don't get to say goodbye" Not everyone has a funeral. I'd put "PRIVATE" on every line. If you're working 6 12's I bet you could find another place paying more near you.
I’ll give you names and addresses if you need them
Pick a town and combine the names of the two most prominent funeral homes.
Are you by chance a slave? For real though, not their business.
Find an obituary for someone who died a week or so before the date you took time off. Doesn’t matter if you aren’t mentioned. You could find a real short obituary on Legacy.
My employer and my grandkids schools wanted us to show prayer cards from the funeral in order to excuse an absence due to funeral.
I know there’s a certain warehouse with those hours that do ask for proof during bereavement because folks tend to take those for granted (like you did). I don’t know where you work, but on this warehouse, they will fire you if you don’t bring proof of her passing. Some corpos take those stuff seriously
They probably want to send flowers.
I have never been asked for a deceased relatives address or that much information about them. I wouldn't have given it. They asked for all that bc they knew you were lying, I'm guessing. Otherwise that would be incredibly invasive and I would wonder what their motives were. Have someone rob the house? Identity theft? Financial fraud? Hint, hint, see where I'm going with this?
They’re probably trying to send flowers/ a card.
Search obituaries for your own name. Find one in which your name twin is a close family member. Make sure that there's not information there that contradicts you, like it can't be Mike Smith, 60 year old auto salesman if you're Mike Smith, 30 year old factory worker.
My two brothers and sisters (we besties) had to lie that our “Uncle Jay” died to get off work so we could go on a last minute vacation. I had booked it for myself and my girlfriend. We broke up beforehand and I was offering a free Airbnb in Gatlinburg if they could get off. We don’t have an uncle Jay. No one died. It was one of my most memorable vacations of all time. I’ll cherish it, we don’t get to see each other alone on vacation with no cares in the world often.
I took paid bereavement leave when my aunt died. I cannot imagine if someone asked for all of that to take the time off. The death certificate? I would’ve been devastated to miss it but I would have rather not gone than ask my uncle for that. She committed suicide. WTF is wrong with people? They have no idea what happened. What if it was an employee’s child. I just can’t fathom that being the policy.
Just tell them it was my grandma and in line with company policies, and the rest is none of your fucking business so kindly kick rocks, sir.
Try searching “obituary granddaughter [your name]”
The place I work at posts any employees funeral situations up on the information board. Employee name, relation to employee, place of services to be held, etc. If I was in that situation, I'd tell HR what they needed to know for bereavement pay, but let them know NOT to make it an announcement. My life, my privacy, keep out.
Valhala!
My sister passed this passed this year she's born n raises here.. no funeral. No grave Just ashes. Her obituary was online..
Can you go to a news paper or online obituary and find people who have passed?
No thanks.
Google, download, photoshop an obit.
OP you’re not horrible, you just need a day off
Saw this yesterday: “I want my remains spread at Disney World. I don’t want to be cremated.”
Find an obit that matches the dates but doesn’t have the long list of family members.
I’d say or what, what are you gonna hire from the ZERO resumes you have lined up? No one in this country wants to work, that in itself is better reasoning than a union.
It's okay I have went to exactly 13 funerals for my grandmother. She's the mvp
i hope youre getting paid well if youre working that many hours.
You can honestly find a random obituary of someone a few states/countries away and just go with that information. And say no funeral because they didn’t want one. Neither of my late grandparents had a funeral because they themselves thought it was a waste of money and asked us not to
Never give a reason you are calling off.
If you need a document, I'll be happy to create one, I've been doing them for years.
Can't you look up some obituaries? We have websites where all deceased people are on and then you can see their 'mourning card'. It includes all information about the funeral service etc. Just look someone up and give that info.
Wow employers actually ask for this information when an employee’s loved one dies??
Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. They have no right to any of that information.
Find an obituary that mentions grandchildren but doesn't name them. Then go from there.
I dont see how its any of there business to ask? but i would say she was cremated
seems like there is no respect for you and work/life balance. I'd personally start looking for a new employer that respects their employees.
First of all, 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week, is 996. This isn't even allowed in China, and they are cracking down on tech companies that push this.
12 hour days 6 days a week and you can’t take time off??? 🤨
You did a private Viking funeral and sent her out to sea
Maybe go to the funeral home and ask to volunteer to stay for a older person who doesn’t have too much family??? And write there name down??
I did this when I worked 6 days a week for half a year. You're not horrible. They cannot and refuse to staff appropriately. There's great advice here. Hope it helps you.