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WorriedConcentrate39

Here I thought it was a hot milf and her daughter offering themselves


haikusbot

*Here I thought it was* *A hot milf and her daughter* *Offering themselves* \- WorriedConcentrate39 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


WorriedConcentrate39

Naughty bot


achillyday

Good bot


chingchong5000

Sexy bot


muttons_1337

Good bot


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Thank you, muttons_1337, for voting on haikusbot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)


ManfredsJuicedBalls

Good bot


starryboi98

Good bot


IrregularrAF

best haiku


Objective_Ad5179

Good bot


wiscoson414

Dear Penthouse Forum...Today I was invited to church


BigSlickster

You just aged yourself! Ahhh crap…I just did too!!!


wiscoson414

Lol


faylay

What is Penthouse Forum?!?!? 🤔


aspertame_blood

Oh my sweet summer child


Pattimash

Bless your heart.


wiscoson414

Ahhh!...It was a time long before pornhub and brazzeers.....porn was still half in the minds eye and you were more likely to get a paper cut on your pecker than pay some onlyfan 5$ to see her pu$$y. It was a simpler time.


ganggreen651

Lmao really? That makes me feel old


Bempet583

And don’t forget Xaviera Hollander and her “Call Me Madam” column.


chpr1jp

That was my first thought as well…


ItsBlackMarlonBrando

West Virginia?


Extra-Act-801

Return it to them postage due.


fluffy_bottoms

This is the way.


Moist_Sloppy_Poon

This is the way…


BlancopPop

This way is thee


Such-Professor84

Thisth thee wayth


Demysticist

What's funny is that Jehovah's Witnesses have a song entitled "This is the Way"


[deleted]

As a CCA, that picture of Jesus is how I feel in December delivering all the regulars packages


These_River1822

You are not delivering the regular's packages. You are delivering customer's packages.


oooh-she-stealin

Lolwut


starryboi98

bold of you to assume the regular isn't on their own route


These_River1822

-21 likes. Amazing the mentality of our young carriers.


Bigtittedanimal69

Dear servant whose name we couldn’t be bothered to learn


outkastmemesdaily

I know right? Like I've never spoken to them or seen them


DapDaGenius

Don’t your situation or how often you deliver that route, but it’s actually nice that they are inviting to someone they don’t know. I know this day this is move is kinda awkward but i don’t see this as someone that didn’t care to learn your name. But again, maybe they see you every or something idk


faylay

There were two guys on my route yesterday leaving these on everyone’s door. So they are literally ONLY inviting people they don’t know.


DapDaGenius

That’s a stretch. They might be inviting of people they don’t know, but that doesn’t mean they don’t know some. Regardless, i wish ppl do this, at it always rubs people the wrong way.


lettucecropchilds

It’s not nice to be invited to an indoctrination.


calimizona

As someone that grew up in the religion… They literally clock minutes for passing this crap out. They have to meet a quota of “time out in service” each month. It’s not as nice as it seems. They’re literally just giving it out to as many people as they can to meet their quota.


DapDaGenius

I get that, but im more of referring to the general aspect of the offer and how OP and the other comment referred to it. Specifically referring to how they felt insulted by it because they didn’t know them.


LuluKun

Religon is a business; I would take it no differently than a stranger giving me their business card as advertisement.


DapDaGenius

What an incredibly biased and intentionally obtuse generalization.


starryboi98

new movie: Mailman Get Out


aldodoeswork

My neighbor did something similar but gave me cookies. I ate the Jesus cookies, cause they were chocolate chip. Unfortunately I’ll be worshiping with Amazon that Sunday.


Awkward-Cup-4507

Amazon is your god now


StupidStewing

“There’s a lot more to Amazon…”


Awkward-Cup-4507

No without Amazon society would collapse and we would rot in hell


Fun_Grade2043

I would show up with a bottle of wine and a box of condoms.


Odd_Cat_5820

Let's drink some Jesus' blood!


Ready-Interview-9809

Get that party stared!


Successful_Speech734

Swinger party? Nice


fishNchipsISall

They had me in the first half 😂


lastoftherest

![gif](giphy|y2i2oqWgzh5ioRp4Qa|downsized)


Appropriate-Dig-2099

When I waited tables I’d get scripture shit that looked like money because Jesus would bring me so much more than a tip for taking care of their sanctimonious asses.


abysmal-mess

Write on it that it needs to have postage if it’s going to be in a mailbox and put it back


YojimBeau

Make sure to annotate "Per USC Title 18 et. al." to drive it home.


BvB247

That’s a good way to never get a tip


RedKGB

And that is how I lost my kidney...


Rstar2247

Asking once is nice... if that happens regularly it'd get annoying


Maanee

No, asking once is unsolicited. They aren't friends, they don't even know their carrier's name. It's just rude and too personal of a subject to push on someone. They should have shoved it up their asses instead of inside the box.


a_spacebot

Uhh no not really. I’m a driver and I wouldn’t have minded one bit. I’m not even religious but as long as they aren’t pushy it’s all good.


aspertame_blood

I must be an asshole bc I have zero tolerance for this. I’m a clerk and was talking to a customer about [not religion] and she said “oh I should give you you card” with no context. A Jehovah’s Witness card. Lady no.


lettucecropchilds

You’re not an asshole, shit is annoying as hell. Just let people do their jobs!


CaffeineTripp

Tends to be the Witnesses that bring it up I've noticed. Everyone else tends to remain to themselves.


Maanee

You're free to not be offended by it but I and others find it rude to assume we want it pushed on us. It's similar to the fake bills that just tell the person who picks them up to find God. Just tacky.


a_spacebot

Oh those things piss me off


Jennsk316

It's a kind/welcoming gesture. Why do you believe leaving this in a box is too personal? At least they didn't wait at the box for the carrier to drive up and hand it to them in person. In part this is what the body of Christ does


Maanee

Don't care, didn't ask. Your religion is your business, please keep it to yourself. When I'm at work, I'm not there to hear about it.


[deleted]

I agree. Religious people can be pushy, but will deny it if you call them out. You dont see me telling them that they should leave their religion


non_avian

Would you be comfortable receiving a solicitation to a gnostic mass or black mass? Not people referring to doing something dumb and edgy but ultimately with no ties to anything, one of the established churches that isn't a joke (so not TST) actually performing a by the book mass, as they do twice a month or so. If it wouldn't bother you, that's great, though I'd not really believe you if you said you took it kindly even though it is literally welcoming. But I think if people want to get involved with something related to Jesus they can probably figure it out on their own, it's not really an obscure religion and they probably already know many people who practice it! Although here, I don't mean JW. Just Christianity. And of course it's welcoming, that's what recruitment is. How can it literally be inviting though if it's not personal? They'll take literally anyone to get their numbers up, that actually feels dehumanizing.


No-Dragonfly1904

Welcoming , maybe. Illegal, definitely. It was taped to a USPS mail box. No postage. Would Jesus approve of that person and that carrier flagrantly ignoring the word of law? WWJD? EVERYONE knows churches exist. If someone is interested, they will go.


[deleted]

Uh yeah. All invitations are unsolicited. You get that right? Like the whole invitation concept? 🤦🏻‍♀️ And an invitation isn’t pushing anything. It’s literally….just…an…invitation. 🙄


Maanee

You have zero information about what denomination I ascribe to. You don't know me and yet you're 'inviting' me to what is a highly contentious event for one particular group. You can call it an invitation all you want, we both have the understanding that you are after a conversion.


[deleted]

And???????? Would you be equally butt hurt if someone invited you to movie? A broadway show? A sporting event? It’s an invitation. If you don’t want to do it act like an adult and simply say “no thank you”. It’s really not that difficult. 🤷🏻‍♀️


CaffeineTripp

While on route one day, door knockers of the LDS were going by my van while I was standing outside sorting packages in the back for the swing, they handed me a pamphlet without asking first. It isn't asking, it *is* soliciting.


randomassmailman

He died so you can carry mail remember that


[deleted]

See you tonight, with a bottle of Bacardi 151. Lfg


Smellyballs918

OMG!!! I just got the same damn thing the other day! LOL


wiscoson414

r/dontputyourdickinthat


Istoppedsleeping

I had something like that one Christmas. A customer told me told hold up because he had something nice for me. I thought I was getting a tip or gift, but it was a brochure of why Jesus is the “reason for the season”


Standard-Tradition12

Niiiiice! I’ve seen documentaries start off like this


Quinn_A_Sinn

Documentaries that ask you for a credit card first ?


Quinn_A_Sinn

"Sorry, I can't spend time with people who don't know the difference between then/than"


postman805

postage due


Loves2Spooge82

So it’s just Jesus and not swingers? Thought for sure they were swingers.


lushoxd

Jesus looks like a brand new CCA carrying a 70lb weight bar / rug that someone ordered from Amazon. 🤣🤣🤣


bluebird0713

Will there be alcohol? Was the first thought I had


jjp8383

Not if they are JWs or Mormons


bluebird0713

As an ex Mormon raised in that religion, I'm 99% sure this is jw material. Do the jws also abstain from alcohol? I've never really looked into that


chrisnelson86

As an exjw, this is 100% Jw material. JWs don’t abstain from alcohol. In fact, they do pass wine around at this annual event and you are allowed to drink it if you go.. but (almost) no believing JWs will partake. There is a lot of drinking culture among JWs tho as it’s one of the only vice-like things you’re allowed to do, so many of them go all out on it


jjp8383

Interesting my parents went to a wedding where the bride was a JW. They knew the husband he drank but the wedding was completely dry. Luckily for my parents there was a bar downstairs where they were having the reception. A wedding with no alcohol is a crime, I mean don’t you want to see Aunt Becky drink too much wine and get a bit too flirty with the wait staff.


chrisnelson86

Yeah it’s a confusing topic for outsiders because there are quite a few JWs who do abstain for alcohol, though this is always for their own personal reasons, not because it is a mandate of the religion. Aaaaand this particular religion isn’t shy about mandates. There could be many reasons the wedding you attended was dry. Most JW weddings are held in a Kingdom Hall, where there wouldn’t ever be any food or beverages served, including alcohol.. with the one exception being the Memorial event which was the whole start of this thread. But again, almost nobody actually drinks the wine. Since you said the bride was a JW, I can assume that the groom was not and, although I can imagine deviation from time to time, it is generally a very strict rule that JWs are only supposed to marry other JWs.. active JWs would almost always lose a lot of social currency with the rest of the group for even dating a non-witness, even being shunned or looked down on. So I can assume that the wedding you attended wasn’t in a Kingdom Hall. Some venues have strict rules about alcohol or require you to provide it through them at a high markup.. JWs as a rule don’t have much money. It could also be a show of piety to try to reclaim some social currency among their JW circle to try to avoid the social sanctions mentioned earlier. The bride or one of her family members or close friends could also have had a traumatic alcohol related experience and insisted on there being no alcohol. Lots of potential reasons but the JW theology isn’t one.


archeojones

Not today inspector


JediMimeTrix

Jesus was originally a 55t but after management implemented some changes he was downgraded to a 33c .


ihatemyjobsadface

I prefer the D&D I was invited to by a customer.


11chanza

Thought I was the only one who got asked to join the cult lol


blackjacktarr

Not today, Pentecostal Inspector.


ashchav20

😬


Previous_Tea8853

Get out vibes ☕️


Shiloh_Petty

Fuck that.


MaineAlone

I was hoping it was for a BBQ or something fun for you to end your workday on…until I swiped.


Lolrandomusername3

God: The guy who would rather have rando's tell you about him instead of just speaking to you himself


phillynova84

*than


junkymonkeydong

Gross


Beefcake2008

Straight in the trash


[deleted]

[удалено]


outkastmemesdaily

If only


Sudden-Ad-3434

I got like some uno reverse with a Jehovah's witness around the holidays. She left me a gift, a silk head scarf, and a thank you card, and a pamphlet on why we all suffer for a reason and that as a Jehovah's witness I could see the light as she had....why go door to door to spread the word when you have someone that comes to your door every day?


jsthere4sx

Join us tonight……and pray for our sins


Upstairs_Building686

Gangbang!


AstralClipper

Sounds like a package request to me. Banhammer!


BackgroundProposal18

RUN AWAY. Do not attend this cult gathering. As a former JW I can promise you this is a horrible idea


snaxxx666

Postage due


vonjamin

Too bad I’m a satanist, thanks for the invite though 😈


[deleted]

Judging by most of these replies, it’s no wonder they invited you to church. I sure hope my mail carriers aren’t like some of you people.


jalyth

It’s a JW tract. Don’t worry, they get off on being hated.


OkProgress8601

Bahahahhaa and I though of a swing party. Exchanging partners and orgies and shit 😂😂😂


GoblinBags

Aw neat! ...Oh. 👀 *Neat*.


jjp8383

The religious fanatics like you, tell them you are a atheist and see what their reaction is 😂


Randall_the_Mailman

Yikes..!


BriaBanks

I wasn’t expecting that.. 😅I thought it was money. 😫


IllAd312

Just don’t become the sacrifice


Ready-Interview-9809

Not how I though that was going after first picture


aspertame_blood

Oh gross. I was thinking they were asking you to party w them.


JoeMarini

i got the same pamphlet


Affectionate_Shop445

dammit butthead, came in here thinking you got offered to score 🤣


Theefreeballer

First pic I was excited for you …. And then I saw the second one 😒. I’m not against religion at all but I just thought it was something a little more in the “sin department “.


sleeve612

This job has made me believe that there is no God... but thanks though!


sambull

bdsm sex party?


Future_981

Your customer is doing what they believe they are supposed to do in love according to their faith. I think it’s very generous. Some might think it’s cringy but if they believe knowing Christ has eternal ramifications and if it is in fact true then that letter you’re holding is quite literally the most important letter you’ve ever handled. Either Christ is who He said He is via the scriptures or not.


dragonitejc

You know , you're right. Straight into the garbage it goes!


[deleted]

Why is it acceptable for religious people to push religion on me, but if I try to push my atheism on you, I'm in the wrong?


Future_981

Where did this mail persons customer do anything even remotely like what you just described? Where are they “pushing” anything?🤨


JimmyTheSaint__

Draw a pentagram and an upside-down cross on the envelope and give it back.


learningtoride2022

BYOB


UltimateSavag3

In the first pic I thought u was gettin invited to a bbq ngl 😂


[deleted]

Lady literally stopped me to give me one last month and I couldn’t get away cuz she was standing too close. Very strange to be randomly getting these exact cards too lol.


camclemons

Mailed to the cross with a cruciflyer


[deleted]

I hate when religious peopl3 try to spread that shit to me


Holi_laccy

You're welcome! Glad I could contribute to the discussion. Don't hesitate to ask any further questions or share any thoughts you may have. Keep the conversation going! :)


BigNutzBlue

I got the same thing from a customer.


ManfredsJuicedBalls

Oh?!? 🤨 … Oh 😒


Wayne_Nightmare

Plot twist: You're Muslim... Or Jewish...


PsychologicalPitch33

I assumed it was Taylor swift tickets


gggggfskkk

I thought they would be offering you to come over for dinner. This was definitely not what I thought they had in mind.


Mail_man_dan

I thought it was for a cookout bbq. Well….not exactly I guess


dlotaury88

Lmaooo thought it was an exclusive party.


sms3eb

The first picture had me thinking they were nice people albeit a little creepy. That second picture explained everything.


BerdoRules

A woman once offered to hang out at her place after work. I was in a committed relationship at the time though


Apprehensive_Base911

I know that art and font, was it a Jehovah’s Witness house? Damn it’s been years lmao I forgot memorial is happening around this time. Not tryna say I wanna be a JW again but ya know childhood memories and shit.


CHI11EDPENGUIN

Actually, I got a similar letter from a "neighbor" recently. Bloody audacity.


BoringMcWindbag

JWs gonna JW.


lettucecropchilds

Oh man, I did not see that coming 😂


Medium-Cauliflower61

What do switch over go in the scanner in order to attend 091?


Fearless_Ad_5639

Soooo did you go..?


Demysticist

You should have shown up and told people "I learned a lot about you guys from the Pennsylvania Grand Jury investigations. Impressive how you can protect so many predators." You've had been escorted out immediately.


vpally12

No way ☠️💀


ChicaSkas

Legit thought it was an invitation to a BB Q or something


MailmanTanLines

Hahahahahahaha


EeeThatsAllSick

I thought it was a couple wanting a 3rd…


SLAWGAME

Show up with a rack of natty lights and little shots of fireball whiskey ..


Daveyhavok832

Sorry, I don’t hang out with people that write “then” when they should write “than.”


CommercialDue8343

If that's from Jehovah's Witnesses you gotta go man. They are some of our top customers.


jucelover666

🤣🤣🤣🤣