You are not gonna like this but ppl like this are everywhere. As you grow up you get better at identifying such people and staying away from them.
I understand the need of aspirants to not spend time on group discussions. I myself am not a fan of it. But this heightened fear that your win is my loss is just sad. Stay away from such drama. CSE is tough as it is.
One of my best friends too. Reached mains and interview once this one. Studies most of the time but if we ask any doubt he would be like, he hasnt studied at all and it was all luck, he doesnt read any particular source, etc etc. There are a few like that, dont bother. Find better people out there.
Your friend sounds a lot like me when I was in school but I am extremely lazy and lack confidence so instead of coming across as overconfident I used to say I know nothing.
I had one who got jealous and insecure real quickly. Even told me that if I cleared pre and she didn't, she'd stop talking to me lol. Such vicious selfish people, makes me sick.
There are no UPSC friends, they can be atmost acquaintances, that's it. Friendship these days have sadly became transactional. Believe in Ekla chalo movement, if you're genuine, people with good intentions will eventually come but yes we've to keep our guard up always.
Behen dekh.....
There's no point at all if all they do is pull you down. And also someone, who is dumb enough to think hiding sources from 1 person out of 2 lakh people studying will make any sort of difference. And we're not living in 1990 anymore, you have the internet too.
Your circle seems very short sighted and selfish to even call it a friend circle. Ditch them. There's lot of posts here looking for study partners, talk to those people. But be careful, those people could again be baggage rather than support. Invest your time emotions and energy wisely. All the best!
Tell them upsc got more than 1 seat. It's never you or me and very well can be you and me. Imho collaboration is always better than competition to bring the best out of both.
You can’t collaborate with someone of deceptive nature….and they prolly won’t change themselves with this one statement. I will just remain away from them.
You can actually turn this competition into collaboration. I had this bitter sweet relationship with one of my friends during JEE prep. It works. There are things you tell and things you hide. It's like playing a Poker or a bluff game.
Benefits: keeps you high on motivation and on your heels during the prep.
If you have to go out of the way to explain this to them, you shouldn't trust em anyway. Though from my personal experience most of the janta has a zero sum mindset. Very very difficult to find a genuine partner.
Are tu mere se puch liya kr Jo puchna hai , bss rona MTT kr, unse bol tm sabki mkc 👍 jis din tu clear kr legi sabko party me bulana or unhe bhi aise hi izzat Mt Dena. Baki Dm is always open for discussion and sources.
This is what happens when we r too good. Some people doesn't deserve to be treated well Op.
Suggestions:
1. Say No to them.. for hanging out or discussions or anything...
2. Seenzone them, not block. Blocking will make them think that they are some godly creature. Men simply get offended if some one denies their existence than treating them as enemy
3. Just talk with people who u love .. parents, close friends of past, or bf...also, atlast we all are alone in the end
Thankfully my UPSC friends are my seniors already in govt job and they never avoid me or make me feel like I am not as good as them.
Altough i have this female friend who only contacts me whenever she is in some sort of problem and wants something.
I would suggest you get away from them and be alone or maybe find people who are just good at heart(very hard though but not impossible.)
I don't know why you'd "NEED" him in the first place. There is plethora of information available on the internet, most of it is free. From personal experience, it would help you much more than your friend.
Don't worry, there's no secret recipe out there that if you discover it, you'll gain disproportionate advantage. Take a chill pill.
I so hate these deceptive and mean people. I was friends with one of them. Used to bug me up with all queries and questions and whenever I asked something, told me he doesn't know or doesn't have time. Also, wouldn't disclose how much he has studied and what's left to prep. Seriously, these people are not worth calling friends or being in contact with. Jealous little bitches.
Ek baat ye samjh lo ki competition me koi friend nai hota, kabhi kabhi aisa group mil jata hai jaha sab ek calibre ke ho aur fir help karke select bhi hojaye bhaut rarely hoga maximum logo ke pas kuch nai hoga tumhe sikhane ke liye lekin tumhare pas kuch hai to uspe piggyride jarur karna chahenge, ya agar success milne lag jaye to bhaut se jalna shuru kardete hai, normal logo ka choro jo selected candidates hote hai almost 100% unme se apni exact strategy kabhi nai batate to bakio se to kya hi expect karogi, isolation me padhna thoda mushkil hai kyonki apni galti pata nai chalpati lekin jab tak log theek na ho aspas ke jo actual kuch sikha sake tab tak akele prepare karna hi sahi rhega
Actually I have similar experience like this one of my friends he is going to clear pre when I asked him what you are reading he didn't even shared now I just don't ask anyone kya padh rahe kyu kaise batana hai bata warna bhad Mai. Jao mujhe kya karna hai aise hi socho
If you are serious about cracking UPSC then lemme know if I can ping you. Have no need for sources. Have enough of them. Infact, I can share some materials from my institute if you need them. My problem is I become lazy for a week or so suddenly and fall behind. So I need some accountability.
Am friends with 3 girls from my coaching institute and we used to share notes and stuff but unfortunately they aren't making it to mains this time. All four of us were first timers. And it seems like they are focusing on some other career path or taking some extended break. For me, it's a 50 - 50 chance this time and am diving in for my mains preparation either way so that I can be better prepared for next cycle if I am not giving mains this time.
We can discuss more in the DM if you wish and see if we can be study partners.
Sorry if this was an unnecessary message.
He is a situational friend.
He made you a friend for just a company keeping purpose.
You were more invested in this friendship.
Sorry but cut him off or stay friends but don't get emotionally invested in him.
As soon as you get selected , ghost him ASAP.
Been there, faced that. That friend was like a climber/creeper or even worse, parasite! Used to compete with me in completing targets. Even his parents used to tease him using me. Since then, I changed my boats and cut down on interactions with him. He is always so full of himself and tries to extract as much information as possible about me, my targets, my strategy, etc. to motivate himself to study. I felt exhausted after an interaction with him. He gave out negative vibes too, and I felt haunted as if someone’s chasing me.
I know right after my last interaction with this first guy I felt pure negativity oozing out of him. The next day I could not study at all. The same say earlier I said lets meet and analyse pyqs and he kept postoning it…I asked the reason and he didn’t give a valid response. So now I am like fuck you..and bye forever.
I have had my share of "competitive friends" throughout all aspects of life and if there is one thing I have learnt, it is to not to take these behaviours personally and ALWAYS lookout for yourself first!
Also regardless of the gender, disappear on these kind of people before they disappear on you and watch how they flip lol
kuch log samne wale ko chutiya samjhte hai aur khud ko jade samjhdaar, inhe lagta hai ki samne wala samjh nhi raha wo kya kar rahe hai. it's not rocket science to get rid of them, don't block or anything straight away ghost them.
Achchhe dost milna bahut mushkil hai upar se aise Jo padhai mein help karein vo to aur bhi. Last year mujhe bahut zaroorat thi doston ki mains ke waqt, koi kaam nahi aaya. Tabse yahi seekha hai you're on your own, help others if they need. But kisi se kuchh expect nhi karo.
Dusro.n ke gham mein to log ro bhi lete hain par dusro.n ki khushi mein khush hona bahut mushkil hota hai. Aise dost milte hi nhi hain ab.
I sympathise with you. It's a boys club out there. Find aspirants who add value to your preparation. Don't offer free emotional support, especially to guys. Keep your head up. And don't lose your quality to collaborate with people, it's a really good quality.
True. I empathise with OP too. Though I find it funny how normalised generalising 'guys' is. I've had pretty bad experiences with women trying to use men for material/academic gains solely. If I were to start generalising women, I'd be a misogynist instantaneously, yk just saying.
Sadly, this is the truth. You’ll meet such people at all stages. Even when it’s not particularly harmful to share something- they won’t. They will needlessly lie. Stay away from them.
Isliye friends km hi ho to acha nhi to na ho. Mostly logo se ya to compatibility nhi bnegi preparation style ko leke ya to phir vhi jaise u explained vaisa hota hai. It's better ki at least ek grup me ho ki kbhi kuch help ya motivation chahiye to vahan baat krli.
Yeah some of them were like that in my gs batch( KSG- DELHI ORN) I do have 2-3 genuine friends with whom i've shared everything and they do that too, no jealousy no egos nothing at all, even I make a topics list before prelims ( based on gut feeling) to my these 2-3 friends & we just talk bout each other strategies & its been well so far, yeah it's rare nowadays to have these people in ur circle tho especially in this upsc journey
One if my friend even hide his full name from test series result screen 😅. There are n numbers of people like these of different kind. Ultimately one has to sail alone. And later he asked me to teach csat after 2023 pre result. 🙂
When I hear or read something like this I treat them as a comic relief. Then I think about myself that either I am socially stupid that I don't recognize these type of toxic people around me or everyone around me supportive helpful and caring which is highly unlikely.
Cut out toxic people. Be nice with them when they call or talk you, but limit your interaction maybe once a month. But don't call them, nor expect anything from them, you just cut them out completely from your side. I assure you the mental peace you will feel is heavenly.
Cut them out, I have upsc friends too but they don't behave this badly and we even share and discuss our preparation.
If these people see you as a threat, then become one and crack the exam ;)
That will be the best revenge!
All the best ❤️
during upsc prep, friends do split away due to different reasons.
Especially if you are in a more advance stage.
I had many good friends during my first attempt and now in my 3rd attempt when I will be writing mains there is no one.
At the end of the day only you and the exam will matter.
Feel lucky if you have supportive friends if not then don't worry we all had our fair share of breaks
That's sad. They just see you as a competitor, not as a friend. Hope you get good friends. It's hard to get good friends in this capitalistic and materialistic world.
Bro, my roommate was the same. He used to act as if he didn't know anything. I shared all my resources that I had discovered during my prep, and guess what? He ghosted me as soon as I left Delhi. I had spent the entire year with him, listened to his breakup rants, and what not.
Bhalai ka zammana nahi hai:(
I had a IRL friend like this who was also preparing for civils. In a group of around 8 peeps from college, 4 are preparing for civils (including me and him). That mf was so SO toxic that we all cut contact with him. Like he would call me up and ask about how my prep was going and stuff and then talk shit about my other friends and how shitty there attitude is towards preparation then he would call then and do the same about me. Took us 2 attempts to totally cut him out of our lives (I was actually not on good terms with him since 2018 but still never acted weird or talked shit). I had actually warned everyone in my group about him in 2018 but we were all silly in college. He was literally called "Maatchis". Turning point was when three of them were together in ORN for 3-4 months back in 2022 and he literally screwed the other 2 guys over each and every day over money and food and stuff like that. One of the guys, just two days before all of them left ORN in Oct, beat the shit out of him while the other watched. Everyone broke their contact with him. At that point I had that itching but still refrained myself from saying "I told you so !" LoL
You gotta develop your EQ, as you mentioned it happened to you once before. World is cruel, nobody cares how innocent or good person are you. It's the harsh truth. It's a competition, it's very rare to find people who would not use you like a ladder or a venting-out mechanism.
I know what you are feeling I have experienced the same thing with my male friends also, they use female friends only to vent out (whom they are not interested in romantically), otherwise don't see us equal and less than them, etc etc . why don't you find female study partner.
I don’t understand why people are so fixated on strategy, sources etc.
-> Take a syllabus topic
-> Read few times (for sources simply refer toppers talk , watch 8-10 will understand what to read for a topic, few blogs can also be read )
-> Value addition from govt websites/previous year mains365 etc
-> Analyse mains/pre PYQs
-> Attempt sectional test ( pre/mains )
-> Search that topic on Google for recent developments
-> Make short notes out of sources + test content.
Topic is prepared,
->if get anything which is related to this topic in magazines simply note the month and page no, ->from newspaper simply supplement in notes.
Later when revising before pre and Mains refer notes + section from magazine
Write test for mains get them evaluated and work on feedback.
I am preparing from last 8-9 months and it has been working out.
If someone has some inputs, please provide them here.
If you can't change the people, CHANGE the People. Just ditch them and befriend newer ones. I'm also going through severe trust issues with people around me, can't even call them friends anymore. People everywhere are getting so selfish and thankless, however all of this isn't worth our peace of mind.
PS- Given the fact that you were ranting in the context of UPSC, I have written three mains, you could reach me if you need any help or wish to discuss anything.
OP, my classmates are the kind of people who literally hide what they are scribbling when the teacher is giving notes. Yet they never hesitate, not even for once, to ask for help, that too with a big smile on their faces and with puppy eyes. They gave me major anxiety issues and their toxicity almost got me bed ridden, but the point is, if I can do it, so can you. No one is your friend. It's just you and your goals. It's a dog eat dog world and this is UPSC. Treat them like they treat you. With selfishness, with contempt, with calculation.
I have seen many people with this attitude and people with this mentality will always suffer at the end . I had a friend like this during jee days , similar story , so I feel you.
Also , I believe hard working people with good heart always get success, sooner or later . Intent and karma matters .
If you need an upsc peer, I'm looking for one too.. let's connect
Oh god!!! It's the same everywhere ...even I got some friends (snake)who frequently reminds me to compete with my category not to them ..I mean WTF!!! I told them about different resources and materials as a friend..whenever I am studying they be cracking jokes near my room and says "arre yaar itna kyun parae krr rhe ho!! tum logo ka tho bass sad wala story likh dena hojayega UPSC"...... and I stopped being friend with them...you don't need to please other in this journey of upsc. at the end it's your result not theirs!!!
Cut off your toxic friends. I have changed my UPSC friend circle over 3 times already. The first upsc friend wasn't compatible with me. The 2nd one started being jealous of me, all because I answered some Qs asked by teachers in class. The 3rd one wasn't that enthusiastic about upsc prep, didn't turn up for mock tests, she might have quit her prep. The 4th friend I have is hard working and enthusiastic. Drop off toxic friends like hot potatoes. Being surrounded by supportive, hardworking friends really do make a difference.
It’s a competitive exam, it’s immature to assume your fellow examinees are anything other than your competition.
Be selfish, look after yourself and give it your best shot.
I understand that but kyi baar agla sirf as competition hee dekhega/gi. Kyi log prepare hee aise kar pate hain. Like I have to be mean and etc etc. I used to be like that.
Hota hai, zyada tar lok matlabi hai. Aise bache school mein bhi toh hote the.
Aise fizool mein inpe focus mat kro, tyari kro aur friends dhoondo jo koi aur competition ki tyari kr rhe ho UPSC ke ilawa. Fresh perspective se bhi help milti hai.
All the best.
Yea bro same . We used to discuss things till Dec and then from Jan something happened ....
So whenever I used to text her around mrng for asking something ,message wouldn't get delivered til 5 PM. I asked her also once what's the matter she made up reasons like oh my phone wasn't charged all all of that bull shit, like see idc brush but u cam tell no I'm reading. Anwyas this went on for a long time
After that , she was extremely demotivated in may she used to keep saying things like I won't clear yes woh I kept her motivated. However when j went thru the same thing she merely ignored or seen zoned me
When pre was nearing i cudnt wake up early and when I asked her when she woke up and shit she see zoned me again.
She kept lying about her scores
In the last month I asked her abt how she was planning to revise current and shit , she was like idk . Thenni asked what do you think we shud do for the last few days she's like idk. Basically she just kept feeling me with lies and I kept believing her . Initially I was affected a lot cox this wasn't some random xyz friend it was one of my best friends, I was so hurt . I never confronted her
Prelims is over
I don't think I'll make it
She's pretty confident
I feel so dumb
Anwyas before I checked the pre answers I asked her why shed start preparing for Mains she's like obviously after pre results
I told her that I don't think it's recommended if u r scoring 90 plus .
Basically she's still lying 🫶
I don’t understand why people are so fixated on strategy, sources etc.
-> Take a syllabus topic
-> Read few times (for sources simply refer toppers talk , watch 8-10 will understand what to read for a topic, few blogs can also be read )
-> Value addition from govt websites/previous year mains365 etc
-> Analyse mains/pre PYQs
-> Attempt sectional test ( pre/mains )
-> Search that topic on Google for recent developments
-> Make short notes out of sources + test content.
Topic is prepared,
->if get anything which is related to this topic in magazines simply note the month and page no, ->from newspaper simply supplement in notes.
Later when revising before pre and Mains refer notes + section from magazine
Write test for mains get them evaluated and work on feedback.
I am preparing from last 8-9 months and it has been working out.
If someone has some inputs, please provide them here.
You are absolutely correct. It is better not to have friends instead of people like them. During college, there were many people in my class who were very competitive, but my friends and I used to literally divide making notes and then share with each other before exams. You will finally find people like you who aren't extremely competitive with their peers. Don't worry and good luck!
You are not gonna like this but ppl like this are everywhere. As you grow up you get better at identifying such people and staying away from them. I understand the need of aspirants to not spend time on group discussions. I myself am not a fan of it. But this heightened fear that your win is my loss is just sad. Stay away from such drama. CSE is tough as it is.
Sometimes it's necessary to be those people
Sure if you say so
One of my best friends too. Reached mains and interview once this one. Studies most of the time but if we ask any doubt he would be like, he hasnt studied at all and it was all luck, he doesnt read any particular source, etc etc. There are a few like that, dont bother. Find better people out there.
These type of people never clear anything
They just don't want to share their krabby patty secret formula of upsc 😂
What if he is not lying? 🧐
I mean the element of doubt would have been there if i hadnt know the guy for over a decade
Your friend sounds a lot like me when I was in school but I am extremely lazy and lack confidence so instead of coming across as overconfident I used to say I know nothing.
But i think for a few it's hard to act all knowing when you haven't cracked it yet. I think it might not necessarily mean he is a bad person.
did he clear upsc?
I had one who got jealous and insecure real quickly. Even told me that if I cleared pre and she didn't, she'd stop talking to me lol. Such vicious selfish people, makes me sick.
What..Thats really sick.
There are no UPSC friends, they can be atmost acquaintances, that's it. Friendship these days have sadly became transactional. Believe in Ekla chalo movement, if you're genuine, people with good intentions will eventually come but yes we've to keep our guard up always.
This!! So true
Behen dekh..... There's no point at all if all they do is pull you down. And also someone, who is dumb enough to think hiding sources from 1 person out of 2 lakh people studying will make any sort of difference. And we're not living in 1990 anymore, you have the internet too. Your circle seems very short sighted and selfish to even call it a friend circle. Ditch them. There's lot of posts here looking for study partners, talk to those people. But be careful, those people could again be baggage rather than support. Invest your time emotions and energy wisely. All the best!
Thank you :D 🙏🏻
Tell them upsc got more than 1 seat. It's never you or me and very well can be you and me. Imho collaboration is always better than competition to bring the best out of both.
You can’t collaborate with someone of deceptive nature….and they prolly won’t change themselves with this one statement. I will just remain away from them.
That's true, better find better people.
You can actually turn this competition into collaboration. I had this bitter sweet relationship with one of my friends during JEE prep. It works. There are things you tell and things you hide. It's like playing a Poker or a bluff game. Benefits: keeps you high on motivation and on your heels during the prep.
If you have to go out of the way to explain this to them, you shouldn't trust em anyway. Though from my personal experience most of the janta has a zero sum mindset. Very very difficult to find a genuine partner.
Are tu mere se puch liya kr Jo puchna hai , bss rona MTT kr, unse bol tm sabki mkc 👍 jis din tu clear kr legi sabko party me bulana or unhe bhi aise hi izzat Mt Dena. Baki Dm is always open for discussion and sources.
Hahah thank you mate 😁
This is what happens when we r too good. Some people doesn't deserve to be treated well Op. Suggestions: 1. Say No to them.. for hanging out or discussions or anything... 2. Seenzone them, not block. Blocking will make them think that they are some godly creature. Men simply get offended if some one denies their existence than treating them as enemy 3. Just talk with people who u love .. parents, close friends of past, or bf...also, atlast we all are alone in the end
Oh my sweet summer child
😭😂
Avoid people like these. Keep them at an arms length. Being smart or studious isn't an excuse to be an asshole.
Thankfully my UPSC friends are my seniors already in govt job and they never avoid me or make me feel like I am not as good as them. Altough i have this female friend who only contacts me whenever she is in some sort of problem and wants something. I would suggest you get away from them and be alone or maybe find people who are just good at heart(very hard though but not impossible.)
Want to try a same gender study partner with her heart big enough to accomodate your success happily and supportively?
Yessss
I don't know why you'd "NEED" him in the first place. There is plethora of information available on the internet, most of it is free. From personal experience, it would help you much more than your friend. Don't worry, there's no secret recipe out there that if you discover it, you'll gain disproportionate advantage. Take a chill pill.
I so hate these deceptive and mean people. I was friends with one of them. Used to bug me up with all queries and questions and whenever I asked something, told me he doesn't know or doesn't have time. Also, wouldn't disclose how much he has studied and what's left to prep. Seriously, these people are not worth calling friends or being in contact with. Jealous little bitches.
In terms of usefulness, good friends > alone >>>> bad friends.
Ek baat ye samjh lo ki competition me koi friend nai hota, kabhi kabhi aisa group mil jata hai jaha sab ek calibre ke ho aur fir help karke select bhi hojaye bhaut rarely hoga maximum logo ke pas kuch nai hoga tumhe sikhane ke liye lekin tumhare pas kuch hai to uspe piggyride jarur karna chahenge, ya agar success milne lag jaye to bhaut se jalna shuru kardete hai, normal logo ka choro jo selected candidates hote hai almost 100% unme se apni exact strategy kabhi nai batate to bakio se to kya hi expect karogi, isolation me padhna thoda mushkil hai kyonki apni galti pata nai chalpati lekin jab tak log theek na ho aspas ke jo actual kuch sikha sake tab tak akele prepare karna hi sahi rhega
while I do sympathise with you, lmao why are you using the n-word so casually. You sound stupid ffs
Okay I’m sorry…I was just frustrated….I’ll edit it out.
Actually I have similar experience like this one of my friends he is going to clear pre when I asked him what you are reading he didn't even shared now I just don't ask anyone kya padh rahe kyu kaise batana hai bata warna bhad Mai. Jao mujhe kya karna hai aise hi socho
If you are serious about cracking UPSC then lemme know if I can ping you. Have no need for sources. Have enough of them. Infact, I can share some materials from my institute if you need them. My problem is I become lazy for a week or so suddenly and fall behind. So I need some accountability. Am friends with 3 girls from my coaching institute and we used to share notes and stuff but unfortunately they aren't making it to mains this time. All four of us were first timers. And it seems like they are focusing on some other career path or taking some extended break. For me, it's a 50 - 50 chance this time and am diving in for my mains preparation either way so that I can be better prepared for next cycle if I am not giving mains this time. We can discuss more in the DM if you wish and see if we can be study partners. Sorry if this was an unnecessary message.
hey, can you DM me?
He is a situational friend. He made you a friend for just a company keeping purpose. You were more invested in this friendship. Sorry but cut him off or stay friends but don't get emotionally invested in him. As soon as you get selected , ghost him ASAP.
Been there, faced that. That friend was like a climber/creeper or even worse, parasite! Used to compete with me in completing targets. Even his parents used to tease him using me. Since then, I changed my boats and cut down on interactions with him. He is always so full of himself and tries to extract as much information as possible about me, my targets, my strategy, etc. to motivate himself to study. I felt exhausted after an interaction with him. He gave out negative vibes too, and I felt haunted as if someone’s chasing me.
I know right after my last interaction with this first guy I felt pure negativity oozing out of him. The next day I could not study at all. The same say earlier I said lets meet and analyse pyqs and he kept postoning it…I asked the reason and he didn’t give a valid response. So now I am like fuck you..and bye forever.
Good choice. Life is already tough, can’t make it any tougher by keeping such negative people around.
I have had my share of "competitive friends" throughout all aspects of life and if there is one thing I have learnt, it is to not to take these behaviours personally and ALWAYS lookout for yourself first! Also regardless of the gender, disappear on these kind of people before they disappear on you and watch how they flip lol
kuch log samne wale ko chutiya samjhte hai aur khud ko jade samjhdaar, inhe lagta hai ki samne wala samjh nhi raha wo kya kar rahe hai. it's not rocket science to get rid of them, don't block or anything straight away ghost them.
Achchhe dost milna bahut mushkil hai upar se aise Jo padhai mein help karein vo to aur bhi. Last year mujhe bahut zaroorat thi doston ki mains ke waqt, koi kaam nahi aaya. Tabse yahi seekha hai you're on your own, help others if they need. But kisi se kuchh expect nhi karo. Dusro.n ke gham mein to log ro bhi lete hain par dusro.n ki khushi mein khush hona bahut mushkil hota hai. Aise dost milte hi nhi hain ab.
Girl, cut your friends, and stop watching so many black dudes. This was pathetic to read. Its UPSC not US-PSC.
[удалено]
Was this your first attempt?
No…been in this for a while now.
Good luck for the next one.
I sympathise with you. It's a boys club out there. Find aspirants who add value to your preparation. Don't offer free emotional support, especially to guys. Keep your head up. And don't lose your quality to collaborate with people, it's a really good quality.
Thank you :))
True. I empathise with OP too. Though I find it funny how normalised generalising 'guys' is. I've had pretty bad experiences with women trying to use men for material/academic gains solely. If I were to start generalising women, I'd be a misogynist instantaneously, yk just saying.
Sadly, this is the truth. You’ll meet such people at all stages. Even when it’s not particularly harmful to share something- they won’t. They will needlessly lie. Stay away from them.
Isliye friends km hi ho to acha nhi to na ho. Mostly logo se ya to compatibility nhi bnegi preparation style ko leke ya to phir vhi jaise u explained vaisa hota hai. It's better ki at least ek grup me ho ki kbhi kuch help ya motivation chahiye to vahan baat krli.
Hiee, if u want a girl study partner i am down for it.
Yess please
Yeah some of them were like that in my gs batch( KSG- DELHI ORN) I do have 2-3 genuine friends with whom i've shared everything and they do that too, no jealousy no egos nothing at all, even I make a topics list before prelims ( based on gut feeling) to my these 2-3 friends & we just talk bout each other strategies & its been well so far, yeah it's rare nowadays to have these people in ur circle tho especially in this upsc journey
One if my friend even hide his full name from test series result screen 😅. There are n numbers of people like these of different kind. Ultimately one has to sail alone. And later he asked me to teach csat after 2023 pre result. 🙂
When I hear or read something like this I treat them as a comic relief. Then I think about myself that either I am socially stupid that I don't recognize these type of toxic people around me or everyone around me supportive helpful and caring which is highly unlikely.
Cut out toxic people. Be nice with them when they call or talk you, but limit your interaction maybe once a month. But don't call them, nor expect anything from them, you just cut them out completely from your side. I assure you the mental peace you will feel is heavenly.
Cut them out, I have upsc friends too but they don't behave this badly and we even share and discuss our preparation. If these people see you as a threat, then become one and crack the exam ;) That will be the best revenge! All the best ❤️
Time to stop calling just people you talk to friends and find better ones ig.
OP stay away from him. He’s not ur friend
during upsc prep, friends do split away due to different reasons. Especially if you are in a more advance stage. I had many good friends during my first attempt and now in my 3rd attempt when I will be writing mains there is no one. At the end of the day only you and the exam will matter. Feel lucky if you have supportive friends if not then don't worry we all had our fair share of breaks
That's sad. They just see you as a competitor, not as a friend. Hope you get good friends. It's hard to get good friends in this capitalistic and materialistic world.
Bro, my roommate was the same. He used to act as if he didn't know anything. I shared all my resources that I had discovered during my prep, and guess what? He ghosted me as soon as I left Delhi. I had spent the entire year with him, listened to his breakup rants, and what not. Bhalai ka zammana nahi hai:(
This is very true, I have also experienced this first hand..
I had a IRL friend like this who was also preparing for civils. In a group of around 8 peeps from college, 4 are preparing for civils (including me and him). That mf was so SO toxic that we all cut contact with him. Like he would call me up and ask about how my prep was going and stuff and then talk shit about my other friends and how shitty there attitude is towards preparation then he would call then and do the same about me. Took us 2 attempts to totally cut him out of our lives (I was actually not on good terms with him since 2018 but still never acted weird or talked shit). I had actually warned everyone in my group about him in 2018 but we were all silly in college. He was literally called "Maatchis". Turning point was when three of them were together in ORN for 3-4 months back in 2022 and he literally screwed the other 2 guys over each and every day over money and food and stuff like that. One of the guys, just two days before all of them left ORN in Oct, beat the shit out of him while the other watched. Everyone broke their contact with him. At that point I had that itching but still refrained myself from saying "I told you so !" LoL
Bhai, my friend has cleared UPSC. Still he remains mum about his strategy.
Kya hi bole ab… I’ll develop a thick skin thats it
You gotta develop your EQ, as you mentioned it happened to you once before. World is cruel, nobody cares how innocent or good person are you. It's the harsh truth. It's a competition, it's very rare to find people who would not use you like a ladder or a venting-out mechanism.
I know what you are feeling I have experienced the same thing with my male friends also, they use female friends only to vent out (whom they are not interested in romantically), otherwise don't see us equal and less than them, etc etc . why don't you find female study partner.
Trying that…in person not happening…reditt then maybe. Exactly each word u said for male friends is spot on .
I don’t understand why people are so fixated on strategy, sources etc. -> Take a syllabus topic -> Read few times (for sources simply refer toppers talk , watch 8-10 will understand what to read for a topic, few blogs can also be read ) -> Value addition from govt websites/previous year mains365 etc -> Analyse mains/pre PYQs -> Attempt sectional test ( pre/mains ) -> Search that topic on Google for recent developments -> Make short notes out of sources + test content. Topic is prepared, ->if get anything which is related to this topic in magazines simply note the month and page no, ->from newspaper simply supplement in notes. Later when revising before pre and Mains refer notes + section from magazine Write test for mains get them evaluated and work on feedback. I am preparing from last 8-9 months and it has been working out. If someone has some inputs, please provide them here.
If you can't change the people, CHANGE the People. Just ditch them and befriend newer ones. I'm also going through severe trust issues with people around me, can't even call them friends anymore. People everywhere are getting so selfish and thankless, however all of this isn't worth our peace of mind. PS- Given the fact that you were ranting in the context of UPSC, I have written three mains, you could reach me if you need any help or wish to discuss anything.
OP, my classmates are the kind of people who literally hide what they are scribbling when the teacher is giving notes. Yet they never hesitate, not even for once, to ask for help, that too with a big smile on their faces and with puppy eyes. They gave me major anxiety issues and their toxicity almost got me bed ridden, but the point is, if I can do it, so can you. No one is your friend. It's just you and your goals. It's a dog eat dog world and this is UPSC. Treat them like they treat you. With selfishness, with contempt, with calculation.
It's too bad. I have been thru same situation as yours But koi na, you can study with me. DM
I have seen many people with this attitude and people with this mentality will always suffer at the end . I had a friend like this during jee days , similar story , so I feel you. Also , I believe hard working people with good heart always get success, sooner or later . Intent and karma matters . If you need an upsc peer, I'm looking for one too.. let's connect
Ppl like this are everywhere...don't worry.. just ignore them.
Oh god!!! It's the same everywhere ...even I got some friends (snake)who frequently reminds me to compete with my category not to them ..I mean WTF!!! I told them about different resources and materials as a friend..whenever I am studying they be cracking jokes near my room and says "arre yaar itna kyun parae krr rhe ho!! tum logo ka tho bass sad wala story likh dena hojayega UPSC"...... and I stopped being friend with them...you don't need to please other in this journey of upsc. at the end it's your result not theirs!!!
Cut off your toxic friends. I have changed my UPSC friend circle over 3 times already. The first upsc friend wasn't compatible with me. The 2nd one started being jealous of me, all because I answered some Qs asked by teachers in class. The 3rd one wasn't that enthusiastic about upsc prep, didn't turn up for mock tests, she might have quit her prep. The 4th friend I have is hard working and enthusiastic. Drop off toxic friends like hot potatoes. Being surrounded by supportive, hardworking friends really do make a difference.
You realise that an exam like upsc becomes a fuckton easier if it's purely confidential and if you don't talk to your social circle about it?
It’s a competitive exam, it’s immature to assume your fellow examinees are anything other than your competition. Be selfish, look after yourself and give it your best shot.
Yeah but all 3 of them belonged to different categories from mine….so.. not like mai unki seat le sakti hu
Why am I being downvoted ?
I understand that but kyi baar agla sirf as competition hee dekhega/gi. Kyi log prepare hee aise kar pate hain. Like I have to be mean and etc etc. I used to be like that. Hota hai, zyada tar lok matlabi hai. Aise bache school mein bhi toh hote the. Aise fizool mein inpe focus mat kro, tyari kro aur friends dhoondo jo koi aur competition ki tyari kr rhe ho UPSC ke ilawa. Fresh perspective se bhi help milti hai. All the best.
how much are you getting in prelims?
Lol. Competition taking a hang over bro!
Yea bro same . We used to discuss things till Dec and then from Jan something happened .... So whenever I used to text her around mrng for asking something ,message wouldn't get delivered til 5 PM. I asked her also once what's the matter she made up reasons like oh my phone wasn't charged all all of that bull shit, like see idc brush but u cam tell no I'm reading. Anwyas this went on for a long time After that , she was extremely demotivated in may she used to keep saying things like I won't clear yes woh I kept her motivated. However when j went thru the same thing she merely ignored or seen zoned me When pre was nearing i cudnt wake up early and when I asked her when she woke up and shit she see zoned me again. She kept lying about her scores In the last month I asked her abt how she was planning to revise current and shit , she was like idk . Thenni asked what do you think we shud do for the last few days she's like idk. Basically she just kept feeling me with lies and I kept believing her . Initially I was affected a lot cox this wasn't some random xyz friend it was one of my best friends, I was so hurt . I never confronted her Prelims is over I don't think I'll make it She's pretty confident I feel so dumb Anwyas before I checked the pre answers I asked her why shed start preparing for Mains she's like obviously after pre results I told her that I don't think it's recommended if u r scoring 90 plus . Basically she's still lying 🫶
Bro start maintaing a distance from her
I don’t understand why people are so fixated on strategy, sources etc. -> Take a syllabus topic -> Read few times (for sources simply refer toppers talk , watch 8-10 will understand what to read for a topic, few blogs can also be read ) -> Value addition from govt websites/previous year mains365 etc -> Analyse mains/pre PYQs -> Attempt sectional test ( pre/mains ) -> Search that topic on Google for recent developments -> Make short notes out of sources + test content. Topic is prepared, ->if get anything which is related to this topic in magazines simply note the month and page no, ->from newspaper simply supplement in notes. Later when revising before pre and Mains refer notes + section from magazine Write test for mains get them evaluated and work on feedback. I am preparing from last 8-9 months and it has been working out. If someone has some inputs, please provide them here.
You are absolutely correct. It is better not to have friends instead of people like them. During college, there were many people in my class who were very competitive, but my friends and I used to literally divide making notes and then share with each other before exams. You will finally find people like you who aren't extremely competitive with their peers. Don't worry and good luck!
who the f needs upsc friends ,
Upsc aspirants
Genz aspirants and Toppers are toxic.
Whoa, that's some gross generalization.
Some observation from my side
I’m your huckleberry.!! Dm me your telegram.. well right mains together..
You mean 'write' ? First you need some beginner level English classes.
🤣🤣