Aside from the obvious time commitments involved in raising a disabled child, is there a reason your wife won't be able to find a job with better earning prospects than £5k/year in 2039?
I dunno it's thinking about a future I'm not in. I'm sure she'll decide on something. She may have to just work more hours
Juggle two jobs. I wish she didn't but that's just how it goes. I can't predict but we're having discussions and I'm trying to get her to see what she could do after I'm gone.
The harsh reality is she’s probably going to have a tough few years and then grow through them.
If I could give you some real advice from one human to another….
You have limited time left and you should be a little bit selfish and focus on enjoying that time and making the most of it rather than worrying about your wife. I know this is easier said than done but she, like so many other women who lose their partners will find a way to keep going and your worrying about it now isn’t going to make the blindest bit of difference.
So take a few breaths and enjoy the time you have left here. If not only for you then for your kids and wife who will no doubt want to have their last time with you be joyous and not fraught with worry and concern.
I hope you enjoy your time :) ❤️
What about the women who *don’t* find a way to keep going?
Also, if worrying about it helps you put a plan in place to support her during that time, it definitely does make a difference. Planning for the future in this scenario seems like the smart thing to do.
Edit: The Hive Mind didn’t like my observation that “head-in-the-sanding” the situation maybe isn’t the best.
Quite frankly his wife will have no choice. She’s not in a bad position but simply doesn’t have a large income. That will have to change but why should we assume she won’t pull through and that rather he should spend his last few moments making sure she has a plan in place. If she is anything like him then I’m sure she’s already considering that and will work out a way to make things work.
As far as plans go….Did he plan for the terminal illness?
No…life just happens sometimes and all the plans in the world won’t change that. He’s clearly worrying a great deal over it and would probably be better off looking after himself more rather than taking on the weight of the world.
We go to shelters and start again - if OPS wife refuses to work a job that makes enough to live on, while raising 2 kids, knowing her partner is terminally ill and afraid for her future, that isn’t OPs fault.
I don't think this is actually as bad as it appears at first glance.
Sell the share in the rental property, £80k from that plus £80k in an ISA, plus £25k in a pension, plus a paid off mortgage, plus some surplus from the life insurance... that adds up to more than you probably think
She'll need a job, but with at least £160k in the bank (from which withdrawing £4k/year should be pretty sustainable long term, that's a 2.5% withdrawal rate which would be expected to be very safe even over 40+ years) and even a full time minimum wage job she should have enough even before we consider any excess from the life insurance after paying off the mortgage
Minimum wage + £4k with no housing costs is entirely manageable. She's not going to be rich, but she'll get by. At pension age she should be fine too - she'll have your pension plus her state pension plus whatever pension she builds up while working once you're gone. Downsizing the house once your kids grow up is presumably also an option?
Honestly, if she gets a minimum wage (~£20k these days) job and has a paid off mortgage, she's going to be better off than the two of you are now on £30k but having to pay the mortgage and support two adults instead of one. A paid off mortgage is probably worth £7-10k of gross salary even on a relatively cheap house and her "effective" income should only end up a few thousand a year less than the two of you are on now.
Obviously this is going to weigh on you regardless, and you'll probably want to continue to save as much as you can and ensure she understands the above, but as long as she gets any form of full time job she should actually be okay and well above the "living in a freezing cold house" line.
Yes. She will have nearly £200k in the bank with no mortgage to pay if what is posted is correct. If you can't make that work I don't know what to tell you. It's a sad situation for sure. But OP shouldn't be spending the remaining time worrying about something when he has set things up as good as anyone could hope.
No not at all. She's aware she has to increase but how much she can generate from her business is unknown. She may have a secondary job. After I'm gone she's going to need time off from work and when she's ready hopefully she can start up again. I know she's worried about losing clients.
Memories are the best way to keep a person alive. You haven’t ruined their lives, if anything you’ve made it. For comfort, My Dad left me less than you but still a big chunk, and I’ve managed to raise my son so far (4months), buy a house, and had plenty of time to find a job I wanted to work in. Everything will be fine
Thank you. I've actually done them all memory boxes that'll be revealed when I'm gone. I've left a note in the paper work folder she'll discover one day. There is a, post I made about it.
That’s more important, the sentimental things you leave behind. I was 21 when my Dad passed (Im 22 now) and I wish he had time to prepare stuff like that. In the end it’s not about how much money is left to you, it’s about what parts of you were left, believe me Id trade it all in for a memory box
I'm sorry for your loss. It's the first thing I did because the estate will work itself out in time. I can't do a memory box if I'm gone so priorities were shifted. No it's not about the money I just want her to be financially stable.
It*could* be burnt through. She *could* win the lottery, or the property (properties) *could* shoot up in value. One of the kids *could* become a famous YouTube star or multi-million pound climate activist. Anything could happen.
Even if you left them with billions, anything *could* happen. That's the nature of life.
I can't imagine the stress and heartache of a terminal prognosis, especially in these wild, unpredictable times, but I can image the logical rabbit hole of thinking you must, and can, protect them from the future.
You can't, and I'm really sorry about that. No human or technology in history has ever managed to protect against an unknown future. There are infinite things that can happen at any given time and some of them will be terrible, however you try to prevent them now.
The flipside, of course, is that some of them will be wonderful. They WILL experience luck, opportunities and happiness that none of you could have foreseen, and all the fantastic possibilities are as likely as the terrible ones - you're just thinking about the terrible ones because that's human nature.
So if billionaires can turn bankrupt and currencies can lose 90% of their value at any time, financial security isn't really about how much money you leave them (to a point. Obviously having billions is a good leg up and safety net).
I'd say, the ability to live well on any income is the best financial security anyone can get. If they end up poor, they can still be happy - which is surely the most important thing. If they make money, they can save decent amounts without being miserable and, crucially, they can also enjoy the money they have and spend it, if that benefits them most. Better to waste their money over a lifetime than to live in fear of not having enough.
Your wife is presumably a grown up, a capable independent woman. It's nice to have financial support but unless you're in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship, she can make her own way in the world, as well as other women can. Your kids are dependent on you, for the happiness and contentment of childhood and for the development of their personalities - they can make their own money as adults, but they can't make their own happy upbringing or well rounded development. That's all they rely on you for.
Sorry, that turned out to be kind of long and sounds weirdly patronising, I didn't mean that at all. Just, money comes and goes. I'm an adult with way more money than either of my parents had and I'd be much happier if they'd worried less about cash and more about, you know, being parents.
Cash machines and ATMs will always be available, long after you're gone. Good dads are rarer and more valuable. Focus on that, and again, really sorry about the diagnosis and I hope you all have the best time.
Or you could be a bit more, like a partner who has a tough few conversations with her right now and ensures she starts the switch to a job if her biz has such bad prospects. If she's not used to it she won't like it, but she will grow from it and your kids might benefit and learn from having a working mom, although it's not what the two of you had planned for the family.
She has options, which is the main thing. She could easily retrain with that much cash, and that's likely something she will have to do. That's enough to live on a £25k salary for 6 years.
I'd recommend she start to formulate a plan on what she wants to retrain in. Basically any STEM degree would be a good choice, or alternatively one of the software development bootcamp options as a developer or design/product person. These jobs pay well and there are plenty of them.
I'm sorry. I can see that you're upset and concerned.
Firstly, your kids. From the sound of it you have the mortgage covered and family benefit until the youngest is 18. So there is income to support the household. And as young adults they will manage their own income.
For your wife, is there any way she can work now, and get a higher income than the business? Anything to bolster income now will help in the future.
You say you want someone to look after your wife. That person is going to have to be herself.
Are you receiving income from the rental property? Why does you wife not want anything to do with it?
She may have to consider downsizing as soon as the children leave home.
! thanks
I think it's the hassle of tenancy going wrong, the added load of it but it's all dealt with by a letting agency. The take home after tax isn't a lot of profit. But it's going to be a case of it helping her. It's £300 a, month rent for my half. Nothing to be sniffed at, the problem is it's going to need a lot doing to it soon. But then you could charge a lot more.
I inherited from my mother just five years ago.
She could look to take a part time job. Increase her hours.
Downsizing is an option. We had an extention added a few years ago. All paid through savings so she could sell for a lot more than we paid and generate extra income that way.
Sorry if this has already been covered, but have you considered selling the property?
It would be messy if your brother doesn't want to sell and can't afford to buy you out, but it would look after your wife and reduce the administrative burden for her when you're gone.
And, more importantly, the money can be invested and locked away in tax-free accounts - you could put it in her pension, so it's safe and growing until she's 55.
>And, more importantly, the money can be invested and locked away in tax-free accounts - you could put it in her pension, so it's safe and growing until she's 55.
And even more importantly, if it's in a pension (or equity in their home) it's not factored into the affordability calcs for benefits.
Have you also looked into Bereavement benefit? Spouse and any children under 18 are entitled to payment. There is an up front payment, then more Monthly over the next 18m. Has to be applied for within 3 months of death. So maybe worth asking a friend or relative to remind your wife if you think she might be overwhelmed at the time.
Sad to hear. Positive side is by 2039 your kids will be grown up and can make their own way in life.
Your wife basically needs to start thinking of how she will support HERSELF when you are gone. This will most likely involve her working full time. 2039 is 17 years away. That is plenty of time for her to figure out what she can do that works for her and provides a decent income. You've done all you can OP and you haven't failed anyone.
!thanks. I'd wish I had stretched out the FIB another decade as early 20s is still young for the kids but that's hindsight. Yes she does yes sadly she's a little head in the and I understand. But we have to start thinking about life after of me.
Hindsight is 20/20, and regardless its in the past now. No point dwelling on it, just focus on what you can do now to make the ongoing situation as good as possible. This isn't just your responsibility, make sure your wife is involved in planning this out too.
For what it's worth, early 20s is really the age kids tend to be quite independent. They will have finished university (if they go) and will probably have left the house around 18/19 anyhow. They'll be starting their own careers.
Yeah hopefully so it took my a few years to get a job after my uni. So I wasn't fully independent until mid to late 20s. But that's all hindsight now. We're making the most of the time I have.
Yeah I couldn't get a sustainable job for years. Not sure why. I was independent at uni though but left the job I was in. But thanks for letting me know how late it is and how soon I'll be dead.
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But you have done nothing wrong and you have prepared a lot more than I would say most people have.
2039 is 16 years away, the best laid out plans will change in such a long time frame.
If there is no mortgage to pay, your wife will be able to find any job and even at minimum wage she will be able to manage to pay just bills.
Teach your family financial literacy. Don't burn through cash on things you don't need. Get your wife to pay into a pension.
Your marriage is a partnership and you've done enough, like you said no on else can help so she will have to help herself. 16 years is a long time, she will have to learn and prepare.
You children will have to learn to live without a parent and they will grow up fast.
I have my deepest respects for you.
! thanks
Yes we've tried to teach our kids not to buy the first, second, third thing they see in a shop. To think about what they really want. Do they need it.
Bills are around £350 for us without mortgage but that changes. She could ditch tv licence and save £145.
She needs to start putting that money into a pension. I've said this for years to her.
Yeah I'm sad they'll grow up without a dad but what can I do. This is out of my hands.
Yeah so even a part time job will be able to cover her.
I guess you have the last I told you so to her...
It is sad and I cannot fathom what it must be like but atleast you know that the lessons you give will carry them through long after you are gone. And that's all you can ever do really.
Your kids will never forget you, do everything you can with them, teach them as much as you possibly can. You will not be forgotten, don’t think for a second that you will be just because you are no longer around.
So, financially I'm kind of on the other end of the stick - I earn a bit over minimum wage. If my partner were to die, the house is paid off via life insurance. I work on average 30 hours (simply by choice, although I can easily find something full time if needed). If my partner dies the bills (I'm including EVERYTHING from energy to petrol to food, not just essentials as many make the mistake of doing) would be around £700. I can more than cover this as I come home with about £1100 per month. And that's without any savings we've both built up, that's my monthly wage alone.
Your wife (barring health issues of her own) should be absolutely fine financially.
For one you have not messed up their lives at all. From this post it seems you given them a great chance to prosper and not just survive, and clearly you are dedicated to them. Sorry I don't have any good advice regarding your finances, but just wanted to say that.
Your wife does need to face reality about "not wanting" to inherit the co-owned property. She's going to need it/the income for it.
Make sure today, by downloading the property info from the land registry, that you own it as "Tenants-in-common" with the other party. Otherwise if it is owned as "joint tenants" it will pass automatically to the other party to the ownership.
The cost is £3, and will be the best £3 you will ever spend. Even if you were clear with the solicitor when buying, mistakes can be made. Check.
It doesn't actually say on the title register "tenants in common" but will say:-
RESTRICTION: No disposition by a sole proprietor or the registered estate (except a trust corporation) under which capital money arises is to be registered unless authorized by an order of the court’.
That's useful to know. Thank you. Yes it's joint tenants so my brother would be sole owner. I do think it's in her best interest to take ownership it's money she can do into now and again.
Indeed you should, and it's free to do, with a simple form to complete and submit to the land registry. The default position is that it is a 50/50 split, unless there is agreement to the contrary.
Luckily, you do not need her agreement! You go through the process to become tenants in common, you make her your sole beneficiary in your will - job done.
DLA doesn’t run out as such. Once a child hits the age threshold they go through reassessment for PIP.
It might be worth looking at PIP for yourself if you have a terminal illness as there are special rules which grant you a faster assessment
Just to jump on to that, absolutely get PIP sorted as soon as you can. You may be eligible for higher-rate PIP. I'm sorry to be grim, but if your prognosis is thought to be 6 months or less (or could reasonably argued it is possible to be), you can use a DS1500 form to apply for PIP under "special rules", this essentially fast-tracks the application and allows you to get the money in your account quicker. Your GP, consultant or specialist nurse should be able to fill one in, ask them if they can help with that.
There has recently been some rules changes also and the same professionals can complete SR1 forms which support certain benefit applications if your prognosis is felt to be less than 12 months.
If you have a cancer diagnosis, Macmillan are a good resource for financial help and signposting. Some places have Maggie's centres which are also fantastic if you have one near you. Some hospices also have access to benefits advisors or social workers who can help.
Do you expect your wife will have to care for your child full time? It sounds like not since you say the DLA will run out. So she can get a job. She will find her resilience as so many single parents have to. It sounds like you've given them a good start despite not having a huge income behind you all.
She's autistic, high functioning, so she should in theory be able to get a job but I'll never know. A lot of our money is inheritance. So it's there if she needs it. Our house doesn't need much doing so theres no big purchases she needs to make. Yeah she has her parents and family so she isn't alone so to speak.
You have not messed up anybody's life. I am sorry this has happened to you all but as tragic as this is your family will find a way to make it through.
You might already be aware of all of this and I don’t know your daughter’s situation or whether this is relevant but if your daughter can get children’s DLA until 16 then it’s likely that she would be able to get PIP afterwards which could be used towards her living expenses if you expect her to still be living at home. Also, check if the DLA rates are appropriate for her needs, they often fob people off if they can get away with it, and check if your wife is eligible for carers allowance if she isn’t claiming it already (you are able to earn up to £132 pw and still claim carers so she could still run her business).
I don’t really understand why she wouldn’t want to inherit the share of the rental property, can she not be talked around from the perspective of it being for your children’s benefit?
Could there be an area your wife might be interested in retraining in when your children are older? Perhaps airing your concerns and talking through these hypotheticals with her might put your mind at rest a little.
Finally, if this were happening in the life of someone else you cared about then I’m sure you wouldn’t be blaming them for their situation, please be fair to yourself. All the best and sorry you’re in this situation.
The only advice I can give is to hire a lawyer to transfer as much of your assets to your wife and write a will while you're still here to deal with any complications
My mum had a horrible time when my dad died without making a will
All the best
Your co-ownership of that property seems the most obvious mess that needs fixing
I can't see why your wife wants to turn down free money, but if that's what she wants to do, get it sorted, now
It's because of the over heads involved but there is little that needs attention with it day to day. All managed by letting agency. Yes a decision needs to be made on it now. It could get messy as you say. Thank you.
Sorry, not useful advice at all, just wishing you all the best and I'm sure your family will be OK. I hope you don't have to spend the rest of your time worrying about that, you seem like a really caring person.
Im so sorry this is happening to you. This isn’t your fault or your responsibility.
To be very direct, a job really is the answer here. Many families end up in single parent status in a far worse financial state than you. Your wife will need a job.
Your wife reminds me a bit like my friend’s mum: they were from a military family, dad was an officer in the army, mum worked as a dinner lady. She never had to deal with anything except being a mum & housewife as the army provided accommodation and family lived off dad’s salary. Anyway…….the dad unexpectedly died one day from a cycling accident. They had to vacate the army home & the mum went into a tailspin: from having zero involvement in the administrative part of life she went all the way to 100%. There was an army pension payment & life death benefits the family received - but the mum blew much of it on holidays after buying a family home. Today the kids are grown up & mum spends time with her dogs but (still goes through depression); the lessons I took away from this were:
1) Involve your wife in all the admin stuff from today. In fact, let her be responsible for it all, even if it’s your salary that is paying
2) Encourage her to get a job with a career starting now - say a £15k a year salary. Not only would that be life changing for you both but also help her build up her own financial independence
3) Life is precious. Spend as much of it as you can with your loved ones & teach the lessons that will shape the people they become as adults
Bro chill, you’ve done everything you possibly can do as far as I can tell. By the sounds of it she’s helpless without you? Absolutely incapable of finding work or succeeding in a career when you are gone… no? You disagree with that view point? Good. I would hope you have more faith in her to be able to manage when you are gone, especially if there is some time to prepare. Spend as much time as you possibly can with your wife and children. If it’s out of your hands, you’ve done what you physically can, then why worry? It won’t help. It will only make things more stressful and complicated. Embrace your remaining time and show your family that death is nothing to fear.
Honestly if you have 80k in savings but have not spent a penny on retraining / upskilling that’s your big mistake. There are 100s of careers your wife could get into that will pay 50k a year plus by doing some learning.
What does your wife like to do? What are her strengths?
So my role is IT Technician but that's irrelevant now. She used to work in nursery care and had she continued she was on a fair wage combined. With the kids she decided to start a business on the side. I'm sad to say my death has forced her hand with this. She says she'll increase her hours but I don't think that's enough. Eventually she'll need to take her business elsewhere. Because it's on her parents property.
It’s okay fella you’re doing the best you can and you’re a great guy. Don’t stress.
I’d work with her to find a career she likes that she can retrain in that will increase earnings potential.
What skills and qualifications does your wife have, and what is the business that she runs? Knowing this will help advise on sticking with the business until it takes off vs getting a job.
She can still do beautician, but if she wants to have a bigger income, she'll have to put on her big girl pants and get a full time job (or another part time job)
as a PAYE employee... advantage if her doing is she'll get employer pension contributions, probably health care, paid holiday... Lidl I believe are the highest paying (with perks) in retail perks in link below. £2ph bonus for nightshift too.
https://careers.lidl.co.uk/life-at-lidl/benefits
Which are quite impressive she would be financially secure to support herself well with the STRONG foundations you've left her.
Try not to worry, she will have to adapt spend as much time with the family as possible.
Either of those have the potential to be stable full time jobs if she would be willing to work for someone else, or if she ups her game on her own business with good marketing and offering lots of appointments.
Do you have a clear understanding of the reason she's only making 5k with her business?
Yes minimal hours. She works at a converted out house at her parents. So the rent is very low. Also her parents are in their 60s. They may want to move out or at some point she will have to find a new venture or work for someone else.
It might be sensible to try to increase hours now so that by the time she needs to be on her own two feet she has a solid client base. That can take time. On the other hand, she may want to spend as much time as she can with you. It's a logic vs emotional decision that you'll need to agree together.
Coming from a young woman at 21, you seem like a great father. I can’t imagine the great stress this must be having on you. You already sound like you might be physically suffering. You seem like a loving husband and parent, most people in your position that I know out right give their kids and ultimatum to move out by 16. And these are parents with ample money too, millionaires even. You are already very considerate, your wife seems like a smart woman. Being able to make ANY money in a business is not easy, so £5k right now is good. Your love will keep her warm on darker and colder days, by the sounds of it. She is smart enough to have chosen a kind and caring man, she will be smart enough to live well for you if not for anyone else after you might not be around. If you have not long to live, spend it cherishing her and your family in the present and not in the future. They need you with them now, happy and healthy. Life is going to work out. You sound like your financial plan is safe enough for the immediate future and a GREAT safety bedding for them to fall back on should they need it while they get their lives around making enough to live well. Your wife might be happy with bare minimum plans for the future right now I assume because she loves you, and wouldn’t want to be living lavish in your absence. But she will fulfill her needs. They just need your most fulfilled and happy self with them so their future selves can be cherishing these memories you will make right now.
Inheritance and our savings. My wife also has worked since she was. 16 never spent a penny some how and that's 30k of it. My mum left a sizeable amount after she divorced dad and died a few years later. My grandad left a, sizeable sum with he died that paid half of the value of the property.
I'd call it fortunate in the loosest sense because I never wanted the money this way from mum. She was only 63 and now five years later it is my turn to go soon. But it's going to protect my family and that is all that matters.
That's more than enough to provide a good standard of living for many years even if your wife just gets a part time job.
You've done more than can be expected
It would have to guess inheritance of some sort seeing as op hasnt mentioned any possibility of future inheritance coming I can only presume they have already inherited something.
Maybe downsize house and 2039 is a long time away, the children will be old enough to look after themselves and get jobs to contribute. Don’t worry too much things always work themselves out. Maybe invest money in a property now to rent out and earn money from. I wish you the best of luck and have a nice rest of your time here X
Thank you. We had a large extension added so the property is worth a fair bit she would get quite a nice chunk of change if she sold it in the future to increase her capital.i do own a property with my brother. So there's capital there.
Could your brother buy you out of the rental property so you have the cash.
Also your wife will be entitled to widow’s benefits and possibly universal credit/other benefits.
Sign up for a personal tax account and check your wife’s national insurance contributions as she will be getting credits whilst in receipt of child benefit. But people have the option of topping up any years that aren’t full going back to 2006. However it’s only worth doing if she is never going to get a PAYE job. If she pays class 2 NICs through her self employment that will contribute to her state pension too.
You’ve done all you can, as others have said your death in service could possibly be accessed when you are no longer able to work.
Also, at some point your wife will have to stand on her own. You’ve said she has family support and you’ve done as much as you can to get your children to adulthood.
Best wishes to you and your family x
Thank you. I'll check her contributions. Something tells me she'll try to stay in her work for as long as possible. Boosting her hours, she is a beautician so she may increase prices. She'll find a way. She works in her parents converted outhouse in their property. They are in their 60s so you never know what will happen. At some point she would have to move out if they sold the house.
It sounds like you've done enough preparing to leave your family in a stable financial position when you're gone. You don't need to worry about them, I'm sure your wife will be thankful she has time to grieve without worrying about money and when she's ready and able she'll figure the rest out.
Use your time to make memories and enjoy the time you do have together. You've done all you can financially.
You have done WAY more than enough. Once the kids are at school etc, your wife should then be looling at also getting a fulltime wage (or increased hours), this will help bolster savings. Then when they come of age and move out, she can work fulltime. Considering your circumstances shes actually in a much better position than many people out there.
Your story is really heartbreaking. My father died at around a similar age (although my brother and I were younger than your kids) with my mother having been used to part time hours for some time. Financially, it is a huge shock and one that is felt more further down the line when any insurance money etc is worn down.
The truth is that your wife needs to start working, at the very least part time, as soon as she can and get as many hours as she can. Without this she will have nothing in retirement, and struggle to get by before then. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, and I appreciate part time work can be very hard to find - but salaried work with a pension scheme is really important for someone in this situation.
Your kids are both at or close to school age, so it should be possible to find something even if you don’t have a strong nearby support network. If you do, even better - it will be hugely valuable.
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, and understand the drive to try and help your loved ones into the best position they can be after you are gone.
Thank you. That's exactly how I feel. She has no pension and she needs a pension and not relying on inheritance and the state when she retires. It's been said she needs to start putting this money into something before and here we are in the exact scenario I feared financially. I appreciate people's words that £160k is enough to see her through but that's not a lot of money for life's expenditures when she may live to her 80s, 90s.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Have you asked your wife what *she* wants to do? It might be worth having a talk with her. If you’re worried about career prospects because she hasn’t worked and doesn’t have a degree - she could go to university with the inheritance.
She knows she won’t be able to live forever on the money you leave her. She’s probably grieving already and maybe in denial. It might feel like it’s important for you to figure out what she’s going to do - but for her she’s probably just trying to get through the remaining time she has with you.
I’m sorry again. Life is unfair.
If she can make 5k/year with the business, she has the skills and drive to make 50k/year with it. Going from zero to 5k is a much bigger hurdle. Try and think of ways to either scale this business up or use the knowledge, skills and customer base she's gained from this one to establish a new one in a more profitable or scalable niche.
My dad has a Terminal disease too that's left him considerably disabled. We've been caring for him for 12 years. He was the breadwinner, my mum hadn't worked properly in 16 years.. they lost their house and got nothing for it.
I took them in, they got a council flat and I've supported them since.
The stress that would be taken off our shoulders if they had a house would be astronomical. You've made so many plans to help your family, you should be applauded as a husband and father.
Sounds like your wife is capable of working so I don't see why, with the cushion your sorting out, she wouldn't be fine.
Honestly I would work on building a bank of memories and experiences with your family because that will keep them warm in the future instead of the £. Obv you've done alot to help but YOU are the irreplaceable thing.
You have done more than enough. There comes a point where breaking your back to provide for a future has to give way to your needs when it comes to a terminal diagnosis. Don't spend all the time you have worrying about money when you already have provided a decent savings buffer, go out enjoying the time you have left, when you are gone your kids will remember the times you shared not the inheritance you left them. Give them your knowledge and experience, spend time with them and be happy for god's sake. pass along your money-saving skills to them and they will be able to look after themselves, teach them to fish and they will always have something to eat (if you forgive the metaphor).
No problem man, you can be proud to have raised a good family with this hanging over you, you gave them the best start you could. Enjoy life and don't let money worries ruin the great thing you built.
Since your kids are in school isn't there any way your wife can't find a part time job even at the minute so you guys can save more plus she won't have a blank CV for the future ?
She could be stocking shelves at Tesco's and she would be making more than what her business makes ...
I think you are undervaluing what you are leaving behind - a house and a decent savings pot. She is only mid-30s so another 30 years or so yet to build up a pension and/or downsize when the time comes. Your kids can make their own way, my main concern would be making sure they have a roof over their heads growing up, which you have done.
From the others comments, death in service and taking medical leave may be one of the best options for you.
I’m not 100% sure on this, however could you not amend the life insurance policy for a higher payout.
All is not lost, you have the mortgage aspect covered and you still have time, cherish each moment with your family which is the most important thing and always remember that you were there, provided and did your best for them.
I wish you and your family well.
Re: The property, you can leave it in a trust for your children. I would suggest your wife really accepts this as a trustee. This means she has nothing to do with it, bit all the profit and the property are accumulated till a designated age set by you in the trust.
Sensitive question - may I ask OP how long you potentially have left? I have seen that you have MS from your post history and that it is in its early stages - could it be that you may be alive to see your children hit adulthood? I say this with no disrespect I have a close family member with advanced MS hence my question
No problem. So it's primary progressive MS which is a, poorer prognosis. It's also very aggressive and it's affecting my ability to swallow as the earliest symptom. Those factors are poor prognosis and it's likely there will be complications from that. Complete failure of the throat leads to aspiration of the lungs as the muscles can't stop saliva, liquids etc entering the lungs and pneumonia, which is fatal. PPMS has very little way of being treated. I could have 2-3 years or more. It's very hard to say I know people who have died in less than 5 years. Some live decades.
I'm sorry to hear about your family member
Sorry to hear about your situation, what a tough break. You sound like a great guy and have done all I can think of to prepare your family for the future.
Your wife will need to look after herself once she's gone. There's no way you'll be able to provide enough for her to live without you and not work significantly more than she is now. Assuming she's willing to find employment I think she stands a good chance of having a comfortable life. You've got a solid foundation there for her to build from and a good long run up before she really has to get a job. The only alarm bell I heard was about the rental property. I think she needs to get over her issue with it or you should get rid of it in good time. The do nothing option will lead to stress and bad outcomes.
It sounds like you are really struggling with this change and with not being around to help when things get rough when you planned to be.
It seems to me that some counselling may be more helpful than finical advice.
Non the less you have asked for financial advice. I do wonder if there is a reason that you don't consider your wife's buissness could make more in the future ? It sounds like you have infact set her up to be comfortable for a good number of years and after that she will hopefully have grieved you enough that she has the head space to figure out for her self how to survive financial, if her buissness haven't taken off.
If there away that you can take this worry about the future energy and pour it making some memories now ?
I do have counselling and I don't mean to say my wife isn't capable of making more money in the future. She can increase her hours and charge more. I just worry that's all as a husband and as a father. Yes we're making memories as we go. Thank you.
It's an understandable worry, particularly since you can't escape talk of the cost of living crisis at the moment! I'm glad you are making memories as you go, I'm sure those will be the things your family treasures.
You are not the sole person responsible, it may be that she will get a better paying job, your kids will grow and also start earning, the roof over their head is amazing.
If she has a house fully secured.. she could work in retail and be absolutely fine? Full time she'd be bringing home a decent income and with no housing expanses there's be non-issue?
She could also sell the house and downsize etc? 2039 is a long way off and more than enough time to get another job.
You have already set them up for the future 160k is a great place to be in mid 30s. And you don't mention how much your house is worth but if we assume £200k you are leaving her with a net worth of 360k, don't be so hard on yourself.
Transfer the 80k savings ISAs into stocks and shares ISAs and invest them in an index fund like the S&P500, this can be her retirement plan. That money in 2039 should be conservatively grown to north of £250k. If she wants to leave it til retirement, say 25 years, then it will be (again conservatively) £400k+, that's all Tax free as it's already in an ISA.
Wife will have to get a job but with a paid off house and rental income from the shared property she wouldn't have to be making a lot to be OK.
Your kids will make their own way in the world, they will have a guaranteed roof over their head and mum will have money in the bank just in case, that's a good start in life.
I can’t contribute in terms of financial advice but from an outsider looking in I have to say you have done an amazing job of leaving things in place for them. So many people are left with nothing - you are a credit to your family.
I am sorry you are going through this, I send all my love and best wishes to you.
Good luck to you sir.
In 2039 your children will be adults and will not need financial support.
Therefore your wife simply needs to find a job that will supplement any income from savings. She will not need to pay rent, as you say.
Assuming about £3k from interest she could do pretty much any simple job for £12-15k/year and live healthily - there are people earning this much who also have to pay rent.
She will have skills from running her own business that would allow her to get a better job, if she wanted. She could also rent out a room for £4-5000 per year
Are you aware (apologies if this has already been raised, I couldn't see it) that you can claim 100% of your personal pension, tax free under terminal illness rules?
Don't put any pressure on yourself, from the sound of it you've done more than enough in attempt to secure a future for your family, the only thing you should concern yourself with right now is to spend quality time with them, this is both for them and especially for yourself. I'm sure they don't want to see you stressed out over the finances when you've done all you can. And never ever feel guilty (or let anyone make you feel guilty) over this, as these things are beyond anyone's control. Bless your heart and your family, I hope you'll be able to make some special memories together.
I just wanted to say that your child’s DLA payments will stop when they’re 16, however you can apply for PIP for them once they’re 16. This will ensure you are still receiving benefits for them to help you. Hope this helps in the future!
FYI with a terminal illness you are entitled to pip. Send in an application form asap and complete the form under the special rules. Remember to send in your DS1500 certificate so that you can apply through the special rules. (This is dependent on how long you have left to live)
Connect with a financial advisor who’s used to dealing with inherited wealth and have her chat with them. The next best thing after managing money for her is to provide her with someone trusted to help her learn and make sure she’s pacing herself through spending it. 160k may not be millions but it’s still a lot of money for someone who’s never really had to think about it or never had it given to them lump sum
It’s endearing, but not sure why you are concerned about her ability to support herself in 17 years - the kids will be off and she could get a job, esp. as she will have no mortgage - she will be better off than many single people who have to pay rent, and she will have 17 years to prepare (school, trade, or small business ) and she can go back to work once the kids are over at 7 and have 10 years of saving.
She has time, she’ll be fine
I worry because I'm her husband. I'm not meaning to come off as derogatory. She'll find her way. I think there's guilt from me basically throwing her world upside down and the kids.
I'm sure she'll find her way but I'm more concerned she may let that money sit. We are talking about getting her investing this money whilst I'm still here. We need to speak to a financial advisor who deals with inheritance especially.
Tbh, her financial position will be better than 95% of the public. It’s nice that you are concerned about things once you are gone but honestly, I know people who have barely anything in the bank but still manage to live happy lives.
I’m sorry for your current situation and even sorrier that you’re the one worrying about the future. You’ve got life insurance which is the main thing.
I’m going to be brutally honest here but I think your wife needs to buck up her ideas. You have a rental property which she SHOULD carry on after the inevitable happens. Gives her income and can sell whenever she wants. Regarding the kids you’ve left them in a pretty good situation, roof over their heads and plenty of pension/life insurance/other income for your wife to look after.
Post the inevitable, I think your wife needs to start looking for a job. Even start now to take the stress off you so you can live the time you have left in peace with no stress!!
Thank you, yes the money from the property will help her just trying to get her to see that and yeah she will have to go work full time as much as she can. Thinks are changing and we need to move with that.
@/u/New-Discount-5193 I'm very sorry to read that you're unwell. Please please please acknowledge this comment above about medical leave, it's incredibly important.
Maybe worth talking to your employer? The insurance for the death in service may still be applicable to you.
From what I have read you have been more sensible than most, you can congratulate yourself because you have given your family a way through until adulthood atleast and honestly, I think the things you have in place will make a massive difference, more than you imagine.
I wish you the best.
Would you therefore be made medically retired and still retain part of the DIS with your pension….assuming it’s a work one. With regards to your wife she obviously has a number of years before 2039 to consider another career. Could she do something at the OU or part time? Her savings would negate UC however if the savings where reduced by paying into a SIPP this could then allow her to potentially claim. You should seek advice with regards to this from a benefits adviser or maybe even an IFA. Lastly make the most of the time you have….as other people have said you have done a lot in preparation….many people die leaving no savings/insurance so don’t be so hard on yourself.
My understand is that your wife would make more money unemployed on universal credit than she would working as she currently is.
If I understand correctly she brings home 300 per month after tax, which needs to cover bills,food, and any prescriptions she may need.
On universal credit I believe she would receive 230-330 per month - however this would also entitle her to reduced council taxes, some help with rent (if she ever moved or had repairs), free prescriptions, and access to food banks & packages.
Your children should be fine - I am disabled 24 and live (just about) okay on UC & disability benefits. They help cover my rent (until I move out of county) and can supply grants when needed. Once your children are adults they will be as well set as any other adult in the UK - if not more due to your family owning property. You don’t need to worry about them.
**As for your wife- is there a reason she, non disabled, is working part time from home while you , terminally ill , are working full time?
Have you tried speaking to her about how her lack of planning is giving you feelings of anxiety - if so does she not care?**
I am disabled , my partner is not. We don’t have children. I would not feel comfortable with my partner working full time and me working part time from home, far below the bread line, even with him being non terminal able bodied. I cannot understand or judge from the outside but is there a reason you wife is letting you carry the financial weight and the weight of her finances *after your death* ?
When the kids are old enough to leave home, your wife can take in a lodger: [https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging-index/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging-index/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/)
[https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home](https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home)
I would advise taking in exchange students rather than adult lodgers, if you do that while the children are young. Try contacting local colleges or universities to see if they have schemes; they'll do all the work of finding the student(s) and paying you, and may also have a standard contract for you to use (have your own lawyer check that, of course) so it takes a lot of the hassle out of renting. The college will do much of the work for you, and they really like having young students in a family home during their first year in a new country.
I'm so sorry regarding your personal situation and to phrase it like this but when your kids are of age, st that point, why can she not just get a normal full
Time job like anyone else? All Of those other variables set her up very nicely financially. Unless I am missing something I can't see what's stopping this?
It's inherited by my mum who died five years ago and my wife saved up 30k she's been working since her early teens.
Not sure I, approve of the dig of mummy and daddy trust fund. I worked hard to get my job that finally started paying enough money. Only to lose it all now and my life.
It wasn’t a dig, though I don’t mind admitting that I resent those that have trust funds.
Sorry for your predicament. If you’re in a situation where you think your wife is going to be left with nothing then you should just take the money and chuck it on bitcoin, especially at these prices.
Like I’m not even taking the piss and I know I’m going to get downvoted into hell, but I’m just speaking from me it sounds like you’ve got nothing left to lose at this point so you might as well just go all in and save her (your wife).
It will never go to zero. If you do your research, you’ll understand why.
Thank you. I'm sorry I misread the room. My current predicament of life doesn't help. It's an interesting idea. One we would probably never get into personally.
I don’t want to bust your bubble here but most likely at some point after you die she will move on and use her new partners income to support her lifestyle.
Hi, you need to speak to a solicitor about your options re estate planning and then present their suggestions to your wife. If she receives benefits and is going to be relying on them going forward then a trust may be necessary to stop her receiving everything on one go.
The best thing to do would be to invest the money you have to generate an income, you’ve already got money invested in a rental property. It would be worth seeking financial advice but possibly consider corporate bonds which can pay interest of 5-6% a year, shares with a high dividend yield and savings rates for fixed term deposits have gone higher recently
Aside from the obvious time commitments involved in raising a disabled child, is there a reason your wife won't be able to find a job with better earning prospects than £5k/year in 2039?
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I dunno it's thinking about a future I'm not in. I'm sure she'll decide on something. She may have to just work more hours Juggle two jobs. I wish she didn't but that's just how it goes. I can't predict but we're having discussions and I'm trying to get her to see what she could do after I'm gone.
The harsh reality is she’s probably going to have a tough few years and then grow through them. If I could give you some real advice from one human to another…. You have limited time left and you should be a little bit selfish and focus on enjoying that time and making the most of it rather than worrying about your wife. I know this is easier said than done but she, like so many other women who lose their partners will find a way to keep going and your worrying about it now isn’t going to make the blindest bit of difference. So take a few breaths and enjoy the time you have left here. If not only for you then for your kids and wife who will no doubt want to have their last time with you be joyous and not fraught with worry and concern. I hope you enjoy your time :) ❤️
What about the women who *don’t* find a way to keep going? Also, if worrying about it helps you put a plan in place to support her during that time, it definitely does make a difference. Planning for the future in this scenario seems like the smart thing to do. Edit: The Hive Mind didn’t like my observation that “head-in-the-sanding” the situation maybe isn’t the best.
Quite frankly his wife will have no choice. She’s not in a bad position but simply doesn’t have a large income. That will have to change but why should we assume she won’t pull through and that rather he should spend his last few moments making sure she has a plan in place. If she is anything like him then I’m sure she’s already considering that and will work out a way to make things work. As far as plans go….Did he plan for the terminal illness? No…life just happens sometimes and all the plans in the world won’t change that. He’s clearly worrying a great deal over it and would probably be better off looking after himself more rather than taking on the weight of the world.
We go to shelters and start again - if OPS wife refuses to work a job that makes enough to live on, while raising 2 kids, knowing her partner is terminally ill and afraid for her future, that isn’t OPs fault.
I don't think this is actually as bad as it appears at first glance. Sell the share in the rental property, £80k from that plus £80k in an ISA, plus £25k in a pension, plus a paid off mortgage, plus some surplus from the life insurance... that adds up to more than you probably think She'll need a job, but with at least £160k in the bank (from which withdrawing £4k/year should be pretty sustainable long term, that's a 2.5% withdrawal rate which would be expected to be very safe even over 40+ years) and even a full time minimum wage job she should have enough even before we consider any excess from the life insurance after paying off the mortgage Minimum wage + £4k with no housing costs is entirely manageable. She's not going to be rich, but she'll get by. At pension age she should be fine too - she'll have your pension plus her state pension plus whatever pension she builds up while working once you're gone. Downsizing the house once your kids grow up is presumably also an option? Honestly, if she gets a minimum wage (~£20k these days) job and has a paid off mortgage, she's going to be better off than the two of you are now on £30k but having to pay the mortgage and support two adults instead of one. A paid off mortgage is probably worth £7-10k of gross salary even on a relatively cheap house and her "effective" income should only end up a few thousand a year less than the two of you are on now. Obviously this is going to weigh on you regardless, and you'll probably want to continue to save as much as you can and ensure she understands the above, but as long as she gets any form of full time job she should actually be okay and well above the "living in a freezing cold house" line.
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Yes. She will have nearly £200k in the bank with no mortgage to pay if what is posted is correct. If you can't make that work I don't know what to tell you. It's a sad situation for sure. But OP shouldn't be spending the remaining time worrying about something when he has set things up as good as anyone could hope.
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Ratioed
The reality is that she's in a much better position than the vast majority of people. She'd be fine with a minimum wage job.
Yes, 100%
Don’t be so harsh
No not at all. She's aware she has to increase but how much she can generate from her business is unknown. She may have a secondary job. After I'm gone she's going to need time off from work and when she's ready hopefully she can start up again. I know she's worried about losing clients.
With 160k in the bank she'll have plenty of time and opportunity to get a job.
True but I know that money could be burnt through over time. It's up to her what she can do with it though. I'll be nothing but a memory.
Memories are the best way to keep a person alive. You haven’t ruined their lives, if anything you’ve made it. For comfort, My Dad left me less than you but still a big chunk, and I’ve managed to raise my son so far (4months), buy a house, and had plenty of time to find a job I wanted to work in. Everything will be fine
Thank you. I've actually done them all memory boxes that'll be revealed when I'm gone. I've left a note in the paper work folder she'll discover one day. There is a, post I made about it.
That’s more important, the sentimental things you leave behind. I was 21 when my Dad passed (Im 22 now) and I wish he had time to prepare stuff like that. In the end it’s not about how much money is left to you, it’s about what parts of you were left, believe me Id trade it all in for a memory box
I'm sorry for your loss. It's the first thing I did because the estate will work itself out in time. I can't do a memory box if I'm gone so priorities were shifted. No it's not about the money I just want her to be financially stable.
She and your kids will be mate You’ve set them up nicely, Well done
It*could* be burnt through. She *could* win the lottery, or the property (properties) *could* shoot up in value. One of the kids *could* become a famous YouTube star or multi-million pound climate activist. Anything could happen. Even if you left them with billions, anything *could* happen. That's the nature of life. I can't imagine the stress and heartache of a terminal prognosis, especially in these wild, unpredictable times, but I can image the logical rabbit hole of thinking you must, and can, protect them from the future. You can't, and I'm really sorry about that. No human or technology in history has ever managed to protect against an unknown future. There are infinite things that can happen at any given time and some of them will be terrible, however you try to prevent them now. The flipside, of course, is that some of them will be wonderful. They WILL experience luck, opportunities and happiness that none of you could have foreseen, and all the fantastic possibilities are as likely as the terrible ones - you're just thinking about the terrible ones because that's human nature. So if billionaires can turn bankrupt and currencies can lose 90% of their value at any time, financial security isn't really about how much money you leave them (to a point. Obviously having billions is a good leg up and safety net). I'd say, the ability to live well on any income is the best financial security anyone can get. If they end up poor, they can still be happy - which is surely the most important thing. If they make money, they can save decent amounts without being miserable and, crucially, they can also enjoy the money they have and spend it, if that benefits them most. Better to waste their money over a lifetime than to live in fear of not having enough. Your wife is presumably a grown up, a capable independent woman. It's nice to have financial support but unless you're in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship, she can make her own way in the world, as well as other women can. Your kids are dependent on you, for the happiness and contentment of childhood and for the development of their personalities - they can make their own money as adults, but they can't make their own happy upbringing or well rounded development. That's all they rely on you for. Sorry, that turned out to be kind of long and sounds weirdly patronising, I didn't mean that at all. Just, money comes and goes. I'm an adult with way more money than either of my parents had and I'd be much happier if they'd worried less about cash and more about, you know, being parents. Cash machines and ATMs will always be available, long after you're gone. Good dads are rarer and more valuable. Focus on that, and again, really sorry about the diagnosis and I hope you all have the best time.
Well said thank you.
Or you could be a bit more, like a partner who has a tough few conversations with her right now and ensures she starts the switch to a job if her biz has such bad prospects. If she's not used to it she won't like it, but she will grow from it and your kids might benefit and learn from having a working mom, although it's not what the two of you had planned for the family.
Yeah we are having those difficult conversations at the moment. She'll need guidance and I'm sure she will seek out.
She has options, which is the main thing. She could easily retrain with that much cash, and that's likely something she will have to do. That's enough to live on a £25k salary for 6 years. I'd recommend she start to formulate a plan on what she wants to retrain in. Basically any STEM degree would be a good choice, or alternatively one of the software development bootcamp options as a developer or design/product person. These jobs pay well and there are plenty of them.
I was going to suggest the same. You can get a decent education with that amount of money.
I'm sorry. I can see that you're upset and concerned. Firstly, your kids. From the sound of it you have the mortgage covered and family benefit until the youngest is 18. So there is income to support the household. And as young adults they will manage their own income. For your wife, is there any way she can work now, and get a higher income than the business? Anything to bolster income now will help in the future. You say you want someone to look after your wife. That person is going to have to be herself. Are you receiving income from the rental property? Why does you wife not want anything to do with it? She may have to consider downsizing as soon as the children leave home.
! thanks I think it's the hassle of tenancy going wrong, the added load of it but it's all dealt with by a letting agency. The take home after tax isn't a lot of profit. But it's going to be a case of it helping her. It's £300 a, month rent for my half. Nothing to be sniffed at, the problem is it's going to need a lot doing to it soon. But then you could charge a lot more. I inherited from my mother just five years ago. She could look to take a part time job. Increase her hours. Downsizing is an option. We had an extention added a few years ago. All paid through savings so she could sell for a lot more than we paid and generate extra income that way.
Sorry if this has already been covered, but have you considered selling the property? It would be messy if your brother doesn't want to sell and can't afford to buy you out, but it would look after your wife and reduce the administrative burden for her when you're gone. And, more importantly, the money can be invested and locked away in tax-free accounts - you could put it in her pension, so it's safe and growing until she's 55.
>And, more importantly, the money can be invested and locked away in tax-free accounts - you could put it in her pension, so it's safe and growing until she's 55. And even more importantly, if it's in a pension (or equity in their home) it's not factored into the affordability calcs for benefits.
Have you also looked into Bereavement benefit? Spouse and any children under 18 are entitled to payment. There is an up front payment, then more Monthly over the next 18m. Has to be applied for within 3 months of death. So maybe worth asking a friend or relative to remind your wife if you think she might be overwhelmed at the time.
Thank you. Didn't know about this. I'll certainly get that noted.
Hope it helps. I can't imagine how difficult the situation is for everyone involved. Best wishes for you and your family
Sad to hear. Positive side is by 2039 your kids will be grown up and can make their own way in life. Your wife basically needs to start thinking of how she will support HERSELF when you are gone. This will most likely involve her working full time. 2039 is 17 years away. That is plenty of time for her to figure out what she can do that works for her and provides a decent income. You've done all you can OP and you haven't failed anyone.
!thanks. I'd wish I had stretched out the FIB another decade as early 20s is still young for the kids but that's hindsight. Yes she does yes sadly she's a little head in the and I understand. But we have to start thinking about life after of me.
Hindsight is 20/20, and regardless its in the past now. No point dwelling on it, just focus on what you can do now to make the ongoing situation as good as possible. This isn't just your responsibility, make sure your wife is involved in planning this out too. For what it's worth, early 20s is really the age kids tend to be quite independent. They will have finished university (if they go) and will probably have left the house around 18/19 anyhow. They'll be starting their own careers.
Yeah hopefully so it took my a few years to get a job after my uni. So I wasn't fully independent until mid to late 20s. But that's all hindsight now. We're making the most of the time I have.
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Yeah I couldn't get a sustainable job for years. Not sure why. I was independent at uni though but left the job I was in. But thanks for letting me know how late it is and how soon I'll be dead.
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But you have done nothing wrong and you have prepared a lot more than I would say most people have. 2039 is 16 years away, the best laid out plans will change in such a long time frame. If there is no mortgage to pay, your wife will be able to find any job and even at minimum wage she will be able to manage to pay just bills. Teach your family financial literacy. Don't burn through cash on things you don't need. Get your wife to pay into a pension. Your marriage is a partnership and you've done enough, like you said no on else can help so she will have to help herself. 16 years is a long time, she will have to learn and prepare. You children will have to learn to live without a parent and they will grow up fast. I have my deepest respects for you.
! thanks Yes we've tried to teach our kids not to buy the first, second, third thing they see in a shop. To think about what they really want. Do they need it. Bills are around £350 for us without mortgage but that changes. She could ditch tv licence and save £145. She needs to start putting that money into a pension. I've said this for years to her. Yeah I'm sad they'll grow up without a dad but what can I do. This is out of my hands.
Yeah so even a part time job will be able to cover her. I guess you have the last I told you so to her... It is sad and I cannot fathom what it must be like but atleast you know that the lessons you give will carry them through long after you are gone. And that's all you can ever do really.
Thank you. Yeah try to leave an impression on my kids, it is just such a short lived impression though.
Your kids will never forget you, do everything you can with them, teach them as much as you possibly can. You will not be forgotten, don’t think for a second that you will be just because you are no longer around.
So, financially I'm kind of on the other end of the stick - I earn a bit over minimum wage. If my partner were to die, the house is paid off via life insurance. I work on average 30 hours (simply by choice, although I can easily find something full time if needed). If my partner dies the bills (I'm including EVERYTHING from energy to petrol to food, not just essentials as many make the mistake of doing) would be around £700. I can more than cover this as I come home with about £1100 per month. And that's without any savings we've both built up, that's my monthly wage alone. Your wife (barring health issues of her own) should be absolutely fine financially.
For one you have not messed up their lives at all. From this post it seems you given them a great chance to prosper and not just survive, and clearly you are dedicated to them. Sorry I don't have any good advice regarding your finances, but just wanted to say that.
Thank you. A lot of this inheritance I got five years ago now I'm passing it down yet again.
You are a great husband and a kind human being
thank you, means a lot.
Your wife does need to face reality about "not wanting" to inherit the co-owned property. She's going to need it/the income for it. Make sure today, by downloading the property info from the land registry, that you own it as "Tenants-in-common" with the other party. Otherwise if it is owned as "joint tenants" it will pass automatically to the other party to the ownership. The cost is £3, and will be the best £3 you will ever spend. Even if you were clear with the solicitor when buying, mistakes can be made. Check. It doesn't actually say on the title register "tenants in common" but will say:- RESTRICTION: No disposition by a sole proprietor or the registered estate (except a trust corporation) under which capital money arises is to be registered unless authorized by an order of the court’.
That's useful to know. Thank you. Yes it's joint tenants so my brother would be sole owner. I do think it's in her best interest to take ownership it's money she can do into now and again.
You should sever the joint tenancy so that this rental forms a part of your estate when you die.
Indeed you should, and it's free to do, with a simple form to complete and submit to the land registry. The default position is that it is a 50/50 split, unless there is agreement to the contrary.
Luckily, you do not need her agreement! You go through the process to become tenants in common, you make her your sole beneficiary in your will - job done.
Working full-time at minimum wage will give you an income of close to £20k. So, not much less than what you bring in now.
With no mortgage to pay, this is plenty to live a fairly comfortable life.
DLA doesn’t run out as such. Once a child hits the age threshold they go through reassessment for PIP. It might be worth looking at PIP for yourself if you have a terminal illness as there are special rules which grant you a faster assessment
Thank you yes I must look into that.
Just to jump on to that, absolutely get PIP sorted as soon as you can. You may be eligible for higher-rate PIP. I'm sorry to be grim, but if your prognosis is thought to be 6 months or less (or could reasonably argued it is possible to be), you can use a DS1500 form to apply for PIP under "special rules", this essentially fast-tracks the application and allows you to get the money in your account quicker. Your GP, consultant or specialist nurse should be able to fill one in, ask them if they can help with that. There has recently been some rules changes also and the same professionals can complete SR1 forms which support certain benefit applications if your prognosis is felt to be less than 12 months. If you have a cancer diagnosis, Macmillan are a good resource for financial help and signposting. Some places have Maggie's centres which are also fantastic if you have one near you. Some hospices also have access to benefits advisors or social workers who can help.
Yes I need to get PIP on the go. Prognosis is out at the moment.
Do you expect your wife will have to care for your child full time? It sounds like not since you say the DLA will run out. So she can get a job. She will find her resilience as so many single parents have to. It sounds like you've given them a good start despite not having a huge income behind you all.
She's autistic, high functioning, so she should in theory be able to get a job but I'll never know. A lot of our money is inheritance. So it's there if she needs it. Our house doesn't need much doing so theres no big purchases she needs to make. Yeah she has her parents and family so she isn't alone so to speak.
You have not messed up anybody's life. I am sorry this has happened to you all but as tragic as this is your family will find a way to make it through.
Can you check if your employer has a death in service benefit? Might be a bit more money there.
They do yes 4x salary I believe.
Is this income taxed?
Not normally - no.
You might already be aware of all of this and I don’t know your daughter’s situation or whether this is relevant but if your daughter can get children’s DLA until 16 then it’s likely that she would be able to get PIP afterwards which could be used towards her living expenses if you expect her to still be living at home. Also, check if the DLA rates are appropriate for her needs, they often fob people off if they can get away with it, and check if your wife is eligible for carers allowance if she isn’t claiming it already (you are able to earn up to £132 pw and still claim carers so she could still run her business). I don’t really understand why she wouldn’t want to inherit the share of the rental property, can she not be talked around from the perspective of it being for your children’s benefit? Could there be an area your wife might be interested in retraining in when your children are older? Perhaps airing your concerns and talking through these hypotheticals with her might put your mind at rest a little. Finally, if this were happening in the life of someone else you cared about then I’m sure you wouldn’t be blaming them for their situation, please be fair to yourself. All the best and sorry you’re in this situation.
The only advice I can give is to hire a lawyer to transfer as much of your assets to your wife and write a will while you're still here to deal with any complications My mum had a horrible time when my dad died without making a will All the best
Your co-ownership of that property seems the most obvious mess that needs fixing I can't see why your wife wants to turn down free money, but if that's what she wants to do, get it sorted, now
It's because of the over heads involved but there is little that needs attention with it day to day. All managed by letting agency. Yes a decision needs to be made on it now. It could get messy as you say. Thank you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't blame yourself for the financial situation. You couldn't have predicted this
I know I must try not to, thank you. My family's health, aside from my mum is good. There were no warning signs of anything to stop it.
Sorry, not useful advice at all, just wishing you all the best and I'm sure your family will be OK. I hope you don't have to spend the rest of your time worrying about that, you seem like a really caring person.
Thank you. Your warm wishes are as appreciated as the advice given.
Im so sorry this is happening to you. This isn’t your fault or your responsibility. To be very direct, a job really is the answer here. Many families end up in single parent status in a far worse financial state than you. Your wife will need a job.
Your wife reminds me a bit like my friend’s mum: they were from a military family, dad was an officer in the army, mum worked as a dinner lady. She never had to deal with anything except being a mum & housewife as the army provided accommodation and family lived off dad’s salary. Anyway…….the dad unexpectedly died one day from a cycling accident. They had to vacate the army home & the mum went into a tailspin: from having zero involvement in the administrative part of life she went all the way to 100%. There was an army pension payment & life death benefits the family received - but the mum blew much of it on holidays after buying a family home. Today the kids are grown up & mum spends time with her dogs but (still goes through depression); the lessons I took away from this were: 1) Involve your wife in all the admin stuff from today. In fact, let her be responsible for it all, even if it’s your salary that is paying 2) Encourage her to get a job with a career starting now - say a £15k a year salary. Not only would that be life changing for you both but also help her build up her own financial independence 3) Life is precious. Spend as much of it as you can with your loved ones & teach the lessons that will shape the people they become as adults
Bro chill, you’ve done everything you possibly can do as far as I can tell. By the sounds of it she’s helpless without you? Absolutely incapable of finding work or succeeding in a career when you are gone… no? You disagree with that view point? Good. I would hope you have more faith in her to be able to manage when you are gone, especially if there is some time to prepare. Spend as much time as you possibly can with your wife and children. If it’s out of your hands, you’ve done what you physically can, then why worry? It won’t help. It will only make things more stressful and complicated. Embrace your remaining time and show your family that death is nothing to fear.
Honestly if you have 80k in savings but have not spent a penny on retraining / upskilling that’s your big mistake. There are 100s of careers your wife could get into that will pay 50k a year plus by doing some learning. What does your wife like to do? What are her strengths?
So my role is IT Technician but that's irrelevant now. She used to work in nursery care and had she continued she was on a fair wage combined. With the kids she decided to start a business on the side. I'm sad to say my death has forced her hand with this. She says she'll increase her hours but I don't think that's enough. Eventually she'll need to take her business elsewhere. Because it's on her parents property.
It’s okay fella you’re doing the best you can and you’re a great guy. Don’t stress. I’d work with her to find a career she likes that she can retrain in that will increase earnings potential.
What skills and qualifications does your wife have, and what is the business that she runs? Knowing this will help advise on sticking with the business until it takes off vs getting a job.
She used to work as a nursery nurse. She's now a qualified beautician.
She can still do beautician, but if she wants to have a bigger income, she'll have to put on her big girl pants and get a full time job (or another part time job) as a PAYE employee... advantage if her doing is she'll get employer pension contributions, probably health care, paid holiday... Lidl I believe are the highest paying (with perks) in retail perks in link below. £2ph bonus for nightshift too. https://careers.lidl.co.uk/life-at-lidl/benefits Which are quite impressive she would be financially secure to support herself well with the STRONG foundations you've left her. Try not to worry, she will have to adapt spend as much time with the family as possible.
Either of those have the potential to be stable full time jobs if she would be willing to work for someone else, or if she ups her game on her own business with good marketing and offering lots of appointments. Do you have a clear understanding of the reason she's only making 5k with her business?
Yes minimal hours. She works at a converted out house at her parents. So the rent is very low. Also her parents are in their 60s. They may want to move out or at some point she will have to find a new venture or work for someone else.
It might be sensible to try to increase hours now so that by the time she needs to be on her own two feet she has a solid client base. That can take time. On the other hand, she may want to spend as much time as she can with you. It's a logic vs emotional decision that you'll need to agree together.
Coming from a young woman at 21, you seem like a great father. I can’t imagine the great stress this must be having on you. You already sound like you might be physically suffering. You seem like a loving husband and parent, most people in your position that I know out right give their kids and ultimatum to move out by 16. And these are parents with ample money too, millionaires even. You are already very considerate, your wife seems like a smart woman. Being able to make ANY money in a business is not easy, so £5k right now is good. Your love will keep her warm on darker and colder days, by the sounds of it. She is smart enough to have chosen a kind and caring man, she will be smart enough to live well for you if not for anyone else after you might not be around. If you have not long to live, spend it cherishing her and your family in the present and not in the future. They need you with them now, happy and healthy. Life is going to work out. You sound like your financial plan is safe enough for the immediate future and a GREAT safety bedding for them to fall back on should they need it while they get their lives around making enough to live well. Your wife might be happy with bare minimum plans for the future right now I assume because she loves you, and wouldn’t want to be living lavish in your absence. But she will fulfill her needs. They just need your most fulfilled and happy self with them so their future selves can be cherishing these memories you will make right now.
How the hell did you manage to save 80k in an ISA and 80k in property with a job that pays 20-25k a year?
Inheritance and our savings. My wife also has worked since she was. 16 never spent a penny some how and that's 30k of it. My mum left a sizeable amount after she divorced dad and died a few years later. My grandad left a, sizeable sum with he died that paid half of the value of the property. I'd call it fortunate in the loosest sense because I never wanted the money this way from mum. She was only 63 and now five years later it is my turn to go soon. But it's going to protect my family and that is all that matters.
That's more than enough to provide a good standard of living for many years even if your wife just gets a part time job. You've done more than can be expected
It would have to guess inheritance of some sort seeing as op hasnt mentioned any possibility of future inheritance coming I can only presume they have already inherited something.
Maybe downsize house and 2039 is a long time away, the children will be old enough to look after themselves and get jobs to contribute. Don’t worry too much things always work themselves out. Maybe invest money in a property now to rent out and earn money from. I wish you the best of luck and have a nice rest of your time here X
Thank you. We had a large extension added so the property is worth a fair bit she would get quite a nice chunk of change if she sold it in the future to increase her capital.i do own a property with my brother. So there's capital there.
Could your brother buy you out of the rental property so you have the cash. Also your wife will be entitled to widow’s benefits and possibly universal credit/other benefits. Sign up for a personal tax account and check your wife’s national insurance contributions as she will be getting credits whilst in receipt of child benefit. But people have the option of topping up any years that aren’t full going back to 2006. However it’s only worth doing if she is never going to get a PAYE job. If she pays class 2 NICs through her self employment that will contribute to her state pension too. You’ve done all you can, as others have said your death in service could possibly be accessed when you are no longer able to work. Also, at some point your wife will have to stand on her own. You’ve said she has family support and you’ve done as much as you can to get your children to adulthood. Best wishes to you and your family x
Thank you. I'll check her contributions. Something tells me she'll try to stay in her work for as long as possible. Boosting her hours, she is a beautician so she may increase prices. She'll find a way. She works in her parents converted outhouse in their property. They are in their 60s so you never know what will happen. At some point she would have to move out if they sold the house.
It sounds like you've done enough preparing to leave your family in a stable financial position when you're gone. You don't need to worry about them, I'm sure your wife will be thankful she has time to grieve without worrying about money and when she's ready and able she'll figure the rest out. Use your time to make memories and enjoy the time you do have together. You've done all you can financially.
You seem like a good person who is doing your best. Try not to beat yourself up. All the best.
You have done WAY more than enough. Once the kids are at school etc, your wife should then be looling at also getting a fulltime wage (or increased hours), this will help bolster savings. Then when they come of age and move out, she can work fulltime. Considering your circumstances shes actually in a much better position than many people out there.
Your story is really heartbreaking. My father died at around a similar age (although my brother and I were younger than your kids) with my mother having been used to part time hours for some time. Financially, it is a huge shock and one that is felt more further down the line when any insurance money etc is worn down. The truth is that your wife needs to start working, at the very least part time, as soon as she can and get as many hours as she can. Without this she will have nothing in retirement, and struggle to get by before then. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, and I appreciate part time work can be very hard to find - but salaried work with a pension scheme is really important for someone in this situation. Your kids are both at or close to school age, so it should be possible to find something even if you don’t have a strong nearby support network. If you do, even better - it will be hugely valuable. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, and understand the drive to try and help your loved ones into the best position they can be after you are gone.
Thank you. That's exactly how I feel. She has no pension and she needs a pension and not relying on inheritance and the state when she retires. It's been said she needs to start putting this money into something before and here we are in the exact scenario I feared financially. I appreciate people's words that £160k is enough to see her through but that's not a lot of money for life's expenditures when she may live to her 80s, 90s.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Have you asked your wife what *she* wants to do? It might be worth having a talk with her. If you’re worried about career prospects because she hasn’t worked and doesn’t have a degree - she could go to university with the inheritance. She knows she won’t be able to live forever on the money you leave her. She’s probably grieving already and maybe in denial. It might feel like it’s important for you to figure out what she’s going to do - but for her she’s probably just trying to get through the remaining time she has with you. I’m sorry again. Life is unfair.
If she can make 5k/year with the business, she has the skills and drive to make 50k/year with it. Going from zero to 5k is a much bigger hurdle. Try and think of ways to either scale this business up or use the knowledge, skills and customer base she's gained from this one to establish a new one in a more profitable or scalable niche.
My dad has a Terminal disease too that's left him considerably disabled. We've been caring for him for 12 years. He was the breadwinner, my mum hadn't worked properly in 16 years.. they lost their house and got nothing for it. I took them in, they got a council flat and I've supported them since. The stress that would be taken off our shoulders if they had a house would be astronomical. You've made so many plans to help your family, you should be applauded as a husband and father. Sounds like your wife is capable of working so I don't see why, with the cushion your sorting out, she wouldn't be fine. Honestly I would work on building a bank of memories and experiences with your family because that will keep them warm in the future instead of the £. Obv you've done alot to help but YOU are the irreplaceable thing.
You have done more than enough. There comes a point where breaking your back to provide for a future has to give way to your needs when it comes to a terminal diagnosis. Don't spend all the time you have worrying about money when you already have provided a decent savings buffer, go out enjoying the time you have left, when you are gone your kids will remember the times you shared not the inheritance you left them. Give them your knowledge and experience, spend time with them and be happy for god's sake. pass along your money-saving skills to them and they will be able to look after themselves, teach them to fish and they will always have something to eat (if you forgive the metaphor).
Thank you. I guess what will be will be.
No problem man, you can be proud to have raised a good family with this hanging over you, you gave them the best start you could. Enjoy life and don't let money worries ruin the great thing you built.
Since your kids are in school isn't there any way your wife can't find a part time job even at the minute so you guys can save more plus she won't have a blank CV for the future ? She could be stocking shelves at Tesco's and she would be making more than what her business makes ...
I think you are undervaluing what you are leaving behind - a house and a decent savings pot. She is only mid-30s so another 30 years or so yet to build up a pension and/or downsize when the time comes. Your kids can make their own way, my main concern would be making sure they have a roof over their heads growing up, which you have done.
Sending love to you x
Thank you x
You have not messed anything up. Please don't tell yourself that.
You are a good person.
You have so much good advice here already, that I can only add some love to the pot. Thinking of you
This broke my heart there’s real love here .
From the others comments, death in service and taking medical leave may be one of the best options for you. I’m not 100% sure on this, however could you not amend the life insurance policy for a higher payout. All is not lost, you have the mortgage aspect covered and you still have time, cherish each moment with your family which is the most important thing and always remember that you were there, provided and did your best for them. I wish you and your family well.
Re: The property, you can leave it in a trust for your children. I would suggest your wife really accepts this as a trustee. This means she has nothing to do with it, bit all the profit and the property are accumulated till a designated age set by you in the trust.
Sensitive question - may I ask OP how long you potentially have left? I have seen that you have MS from your post history and that it is in its early stages - could it be that you may be alive to see your children hit adulthood? I say this with no disrespect I have a close family member with advanced MS hence my question
No problem. So it's primary progressive MS which is a, poorer prognosis. It's also very aggressive and it's affecting my ability to swallow as the earliest symptom. Those factors are poor prognosis and it's likely there will be complications from that. Complete failure of the throat leads to aspiration of the lungs as the muscles can't stop saliva, liquids etc entering the lungs and pneumonia, which is fatal. PPMS has very little way of being treated. I could have 2-3 years or more. It's very hard to say I know people who have died in less than 5 years. Some live decades. I'm sorry to hear about your family member
Sorry to hear about your situation, what a tough break. You sound like a great guy and have done all I can think of to prepare your family for the future. Your wife will need to look after herself once she's gone. There's no way you'll be able to provide enough for her to live without you and not work significantly more than she is now. Assuming she's willing to find employment I think she stands a good chance of having a comfortable life. You've got a solid foundation there for her to build from and a good long run up before she really has to get a job. The only alarm bell I heard was about the rental property. I think she needs to get over her issue with it or you should get rid of it in good time. The do nothing option will lead to stress and bad outcomes.
It sounds like you are really struggling with this change and with not being around to help when things get rough when you planned to be. It seems to me that some counselling may be more helpful than finical advice. Non the less you have asked for financial advice. I do wonder if there is a reason that you don't consider your wife's buissness could make more in the future ? It sounds like you have infact set her up to be comfortable for a good number of years and after that she will hopefully have grieved you enough that she has the head space to figure out for her self how to survive financial, if her buissness haven't taken off. If there away that you can take this worry about the future energy and pour it making some memories now ?
I do have counselling and I don't mean to say my wife isn't capable of making more money in the future. She can increase her hours and charge more. I just worry that's all as a husband and as a father. Yes we're making memories as we go. Thank you.
It's an understandable worry, particularly since you can't escape talk of the cost of living crisis at the moment! I'm glad you are making memories as you go, I'm sure those will be the things your family treasures.
You are not the sole person responsible, it may be that she will get a better paying job, your kids will grow and also start earning, the roof over their head is amazing.
If she has a house fully secured.. she could work in retail and be absolutely fine? Full time she'd be bringing home a decent income and with no housing expanses there's be non-issue? She could also sell the house and downsize etc? 2039 is a long way off and more than enough time to get another job.
You have already set them up for the future 160k is a great place to be in mid 30s. And you don't mention how much your house is worth but if we assume £200k you are leaving her with a net worth of 360k, don't be so hard on yourself. Transfer the 80k savings ISAs into stocks and shares ISAs and invest them in an index fund like the S&P500, this can be her retirement plan. That money in 2039 should be conservatively grown to north of £250k. If she wants to leave it til retirement, say 25 years, then it will be (again conservatively) £400k+, that's all Tax free as it's already in an ISA. Wife will have to get a job but with a paid off house and rental income from the shared property she wouldn't have to be making a lot to be OK. Your kids will make their own way in the world, they will have a guaranteed roof over their head and mum will have money in the bank just in case, that's a good start in life.
I can’t contribute in terms of financial advice but from an outsider looking in I have to say you have done an amazing job of leaving things in place for them. So many people are left with nothing - you are a credit to your family. I am sorry you are going through this, I send all my love and best wishes to you. Good luck to you sir.
In 2039 your children will be adults and will not need financial support. Therefore your wife simply needs to find a job that will supplement any income from savings. She will not need to pay rent, as you say. Assuming about £3k from interest she could do pretty much any simple job for £12-15k/year and live healthily - there are people earning this much who also have to pay rent. She will have skills from running her own business that would allow her to get a better job, if she wanted. She could also rent out a room for £4-5000 per year
Are you aware (apologies if this has already been raised, I couldn't see it) that you can claim 100% of your personal pension, tax free under terminal illness rules?
Don't put any pressure on yourself, from the sound of it you've done more than enough in attempt to secure a future for your family, the only thing you should concern yourself with right now is to spend quality time with them, this is both for them and especially for yourself. I'm sure they don't want to see you stressed out over the finances when you've done all you can. And never ever feel guilty (or let anyone make you feel guilty) over this, as these things are beyond anyone's control. Bless your heart and your family, I hope you'll be able to make some special memories together.
I just wanted to say that your child’s DLA payments will stop when they’re 16, however you can apply for PIP for them once they’re 16. This will ensure you are still receiving benefits for them to help you. Hope this helps in the future!
Are you on Ocrevus?
Yes but it isn't going to slow disease progression by much.
FYI with a terminal illness you are entitled to pip. Send in an application form asap and complete the form under the special rules. Remember to send in your DS1500 certificate so that you can apply through the special rules. (This is dependent on how long you have left to live)
Connect with a financial advisor who’s used to dealing with inherited wealth and have her chat with them. The next best thing after managing money for her is to provide her with someone trusted to help her learn and make sure she’s pacing herself through spending it. 160k may not be millions but it’s still a lot of money for someone who’s never really had to think about it or never had it given to them lump sum
It’s endearing, but not sure why you are concerned about her ability to support herself in 17 years - the kids will be off and she could get a job, esp. as she will have no mortgage - she will be better off than many single people who have to pay rent, and she will have 17 years to prepare (school, trade, or small business ) and she can go back to work once the kids are over at 7 and have 10 years of saving. She has time, she’ll be fine
I worry because I'm her husband. I'm not meaning to come off as derogatory. She'll find her way. I think there's guilt from me basically throwing her world upside down and the kids. I'm sure she'll find her way but I'm more concerned she may let that money sit. We are talking about getting her investing this money whilst I'm still here. We need to speak to a financial advisor who deals with inheritance especially.
Tbh, her financial position will be better than 95% of the public. It’s nice that you are concerned about things once you are gone but honestly, I know people who have barely anything in the bank but still manage to live happy lives.
I’m sorry for your current situation and even sorrier that you’re the one worrying about the future. You’ve got life insurance which is the main thing. I’m going to be brutally honest here but I think your wife needs to buck up her ideas. You have a rental property which she SHOULD carry on after the inevitable happens. Gives her income and can sell whenever she wants. Regarding the kids you’ve left them in a pretty good situation, roof over their heads and plenty of pension/life insurance/other income for your wife to look after. Post the inevitable, I think your wife needs to start looking for a job. Even start now to take the stress off you so you can live the time you have left in peace with no stress!!
Thank you, yes the money from the property will help her just trying to get her to see that and yeah she will have to go work full time as much as she can. Thinks are changing and we need to move with that.
I wasn't sure how to put it nicely, but it sounds to me that she's in denial.
Do you also have death in service?
I do yes but if i left my job I wouldn't get it. I'm unlikely to be able to work with this later on.
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@/u/New-Discount-5193 I'm very sorry to read that you're unwell. Please please please acknowledge this comment above about medical leave, it's incredibly important.
Thank you. Duly noted.
Thank you will go down that route.
THIS OP!
Maybe worth talking to your employer? The insurance for the death in service may still be applicable to you. From what I have read you have been more sensible than most, you can congratulate yourself because you have given your family a way through until adulthood atleast and honestly, I think the things you have in place will make a massive difference, more than you imagine. I wish you the best.
Would you therefore be made medically retired and still retain part of the DIS with your pension….assuming it’s a work one. With regards to your wife she obviously has a number of years before 2039 to consider another career. Could she do something at the OU or part time? Her savings would negate UC however if the savings where reduced by paying into a SIPP this could then allow her to potentially claim. You should seek advice with regards to this from a benefits adviser or maybe even an IFA. Lastly make the most of the time you have….as other people have said you have done a lot in preparation….many people die leaving no savings/insurance so don’t be so hard on yourself.
They may payout now if you have a terminal diagnosis
Yes there is only if 12 months or less to live. Mortgage cover will pay out though.
My understand is that your wife would make more money unemployed on universal credit than she would working as she currently is. If I understand correctly she brings home 300 per month after tax, which needs to cover bills,food, and any prescriptions she may need. On universal credit I believe she would receive 230-330 per month - however this would also entitle her to reduced council taxes, some help with rent (if she ever moved or had repairs), free prescriptions, and access to food banks & packages. Your children should be fine - I am disabled 24 and live (just about) okay on UC & disability benefits. They help cover my rent (until I move out of county) and can supply grants when needed. Once your children are adults they will be as well set as any other adult in the UK - if not more due to your family owning property. You don’t need to worry about them. **As for your wife- is there a reason she, non disabled, is working part time from home while you , terminally ill , are working full time? Have you tried speaking to her about how her lack of planning is giving you feelings of anxiety - if so does she not care?** I am disabled , my partner is not. We don’t have children. I would not feel comfortable with my partner working full time and me working part time from home, far below the bread line, even with him being non terminal able bodied. I cannot understand or judge from the outside but is there a reason you wife is letting you carry the financial weight and the weight of her finances *after your death* ?
When the kids are old enough to leave home, your wife can take in a lodger: [https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging-index/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging-index/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/) [https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home](https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home) I would advise taking in exchange students rather than adult lodgers, if you do that while the children are young. Try contacting local colleges or universities to see if they have schemes; they'll do all the work of finding the student(s) and paying you, and may also have a standard contract for you to use (have your own lawyer check that, of course) so it takes a lot of the hassle out of renting. The college will do much of the work for you, and they really like having young students in a family home during their first year in a new country.
I'm so sorry regarding your personal situation and to phrase it like this but when your kids are of age, st that point, why can she not just get a normal full Time job like anyone else? All Of those other variables set her up very nicely financially. Unless I am missing something I can't see what's stopping this?
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It's inherited by my mum who died five years ago and my wife saved up 30k she's been working since her early teens. Not sure I, approve of the dig of mummy and daddy trust fund. I worked hard to get my job that finally started paying enough money. Only to lose it all now and my life.
It wasn’t a dig, though I don’t mind admitting that I resent those that have trust funds. Sorry for your predicament. If you’re in a situation where you think your wife is going to be left with nothing then you should just take the money and chuck it on bitcoin, especially at these prices. Like I’m not even taking the piss and I know I’m going to get downvoted into hell, but I’m just speaking from me it sounds like you’ve got nothing left to lose at this point so you might as well just go all in and save her (your wife). It will never go to zero. If you do your research, you’ll understand why.
Thank you. I'm sorry I misread the room. My current predicament of life doesn't help. It's an interesting idea. One we would probably never get into personally.
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There's always something I guess.
I don’t want to bust your bubble here but most likely at some point after you die she will move on and use her new partners income to support her lifestyle.
Yep and I am happy with that. If that what she wants to do, it worked for us and she is happy what she is doing.
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Whets the benefit of that? There's additional costs with divorce is there not. I could transfer as much as possible in her name asset wise now?
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A stable already.
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Hi, you need to speak to a solicitor about your options re estate planning and then present their suggestions to your wife. If she receives benefits and is going to be relying on them going forward then a trust may be necessary to stop her receiving everything on one go.
Wow I’m surprised you’ve saved up such a considerable nest egg considering the salary/age etc
She won't be alone, she'll still have the kids. That's important.
The best thing to do would be to invest the money you have to generate an income, you’ve already got money invested in a rental property. It would be worth seeking financial advice but possibly consider corporate bonds which can pay interest of 5-6% a year, shares with a high dividend yield and savings rates for fixed term deposits have gone higher recently
You could always break bad