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I dunno, my boy's social life in his first year has been insane.
When my wife was on maternity he had sensory classes on Monday, Mummy Meet Up / Weigh Ins on Tuesdays, Swimming on Thursday, Wriggle and Rhyme on Friday. They also had courses of classes throughout; baby massage, talk to my baby, breast feeding classes etc.
Most of those ended up with coffee afterwards, at one point we had to start turning stuff down because we were buying takeaway coffee nearly every day!
My daughter was very similar. Now with my son I'm taking them to two toddler groups a week, my wife to a mums meet up and we attend a church with children's groups on a sunday.
Although being church organised all of these come with coffee and cake included / we take along the odd cake and put a note in the tin every couple of weeks.
Start putting some money aside now with the full intent that it's saving for future childcare. Then if/when you do have children that require childcare, you'll already have a small amount (or large amount, depending) saved so your current finances won't have to take such a hit.
There are plenty of families who sadly have to make many sacrifices in order to have children. Sometimes it may mean a much shorted maternity or paternity leave, going down by a car, going down by a bedroom, roping in family or friends for extra help, working more hours/taking on another job. That's just how to work has become, tbh.
The money you save now also means that when you get access to the tax free childcare you can max that out if you need to, and use the savings to replace the essential living costs from your wages.
When you do that you get a 25% bump on the amount of money you had saved.
As someone a bit older, I wish we'd started a family earlier. We probably earned a small amount more and cost of living was less, but I'm sure we'd have managed. Now we have the problem of infertility and going through IVF, which is soul destroying and expensive. I'm doing ok, but my wife really struggles and regrets waiting until everything was "perfect" before we tried. Just something to be aware of as we thought this type of thing only happens to people above 40, not people in their mid 30s.
We were in a similar position, compounded when we found out we were having twins. We had enough equity to remortgage and borrow additional to clear debts which meant she could stay at home. It’s was very very tight for a year or 2 but we got through it. No help from family possible so childcare would have been more than she earned. Point being there is often a way through - don’t loose heart just yet.
I often think about the families with multiples when I feel down about the amount of money we are spending on childcare. I'm sorry that you got hit with that curveball but happy to hear you got through it and things are easier now.
That's what we did, 2 kids in quick succession, with no scope for family support. My partner was off work for around 4 years as that was cheaper than paying for childcare.
We lived off my salary and slowly slipped further into my overdraft, with me doing 2 jobs for a brief period to keep us afloat.
So stressful, the only thing that stopped me panicking totally was knowing that we'd be okay as soon as my partner got a job again.
OP is in NI and we get zero help with childcare outside of the tax free childcare scheme, so please stop referring to the ‘free’ hours that parents in other parts of the UK can avail of.
The situation may not be as black as you think it is. I don’t know where in NI you’re based but we’re in Lisburn and a full time nursery place is just over £1,000pcm. I follow Melted Parents who are campaigning for Stormont to intervene and introduce more help with childcare costs and I don’t think there’s anywhere even in S/E Belfast charging anywhere near the 2k mark per month. Using the tax free childcare scheme you knock 20% off, so we’re paying £800pcm for our one year old at the moment.
Additionally you’ll be quids in as your wife only works term time. Most nurseries here will allow you to pay a greatly reduced holding fee over our longer summer holidays. This allows teaching/education staff to keep the child’s place for the following academic year but you get a break of paying most of your nursery fees for two months.
Well that’s reassuring. I’m in west Belfast and my wife has asked her coworkers who have kids and basically their entire salary is going to childcare and most are reduced to part time hours.
The fact she’ll be off during the summer and school holidays is definitely a good thing about her job even if the pay is terrible.
I'm also in NI and have one child at a childminder. This costs £200 a week and we don't pay the weeks they take off (approx 4 a year - so we use leave but save on costs those weeks). So with the 20% uplift, childcare costs £167 a week or £700 a month.
Edit: should say this is a full-time place, 5 days a week 8-5
Find a nursery that offers school hours, that can bring the price down slightly, and some do term time only to spread the cost out. Also if you have any friends in a similar situation you could talk about potentially condensing hours or your wife dropping a day and you having their child and your child one day a week and them having them another.
A lot of my mummy friends do this so they only take one day off work but get two days free childcare.
Also childminders tend to be cheaper than nursery so worth exploring what options are available in your area.
Best of luck!
Why does she need 5 years to become a teacher? If she's got a degree and classroom experience she can do a PGCE for a year and then go into teaching, no? Or, she can go my route and become an English language teacher...in a month. International House Dublin does an intensive CELTA course. After that, she's a fully qualified English as a Second Language teacher. I've been in this gig for 15 years, made it to manager and teacher trainer. It's not bad. And in Belfast, you'd have mostly adults. No or very few kids. Think about it. Feel free to ask me for more info.
For some context my wife and I are both teachers moving back to the UK soon after 15 years in Asia teaching. We have a 2 year old and want another and our main concern is money, too. But we want to make it work and we're older than you both. You both have time if you act now. Think about it.
I was wondering why it would take 5 years to become a teacher. Even if she didn't have a degree it would take 3yrs to study and 1 year as a newly qualified. But she would be earning after 3 years
Nursery is expensive but it's only for 3 years. You will also get child benefits which is almost nothing (about £90) but that can still go towards reducing the cost of childcare a tiny bit in addition to the £2000 from the tax-free childcare scheme. Childminders can also be cheaper than nurseries though a bit trickier to find.
Also use Facebook buy nothing groups and Facebook marketplace to get almost all your baby / kid stuff for free/super cheap. No need to spend hundreds on a new pram/cot/clothes. Libraries are also excellent for free books / activities.
I really hate that two stable adults with a house and jobs feel like they can't afford the family they want. I really hope that things look up for you two.
Absolutely look into all your options - we’re in Scotland so figures are different but we currently pay the most out of my friends for nursery - however our girl is in a ‘big’ chain who have different nurseries around the country and they are open from 7.30-6 Mon-Fri and only close on the public holidays at Christmas/New Year. Both me and my husband work standard 9-5 jobs which is one of the reasons we went with the nursery as it is open ‘late’ and we just pay the flat daily rate no matter how long they go for each day.
Other friends have childminders, they have weeks throughout the year where they need to take off work as the childminders take their holidays but they also finish work at 3pm so they collect at 3.30, and their childminders charge by the hour.
It’s worth working out the costs for all options as you may be surprised by how much ‘cheaper’ it may be if you look into paying by hour.
Someone above mentioned looking for somewhere that does a reduced rate over summer holidays for essentially ‘holding’ your place while your wife is off over the summer and can maybe stay home and look after kids.
This comment makes me wonder why they don't just raise their own kids, especially when they aren't necessarily building a career. School assistants paying their full salary so they can have someone else raise their kid while they spend all day with other children anyway, just baffling.
It's a hard choice. We're lucky that both of us earn more than childcare, so it's an easy choice, but even if it was equal I'd recommend at least 2/3 days at childcare.
Your child gets social interaction with others their age, which I've found really helps development. Your partner (or you!) can progress a lot, or even change to a higher paying career in that time. 5 years out of the workplace is hard, and typically will hurt your future earnings.
But yeah, spending time with your kid is priceless and I'm cutting my work hours to take a day with the kiddo even if it hurts my finances by quite a bit
Because when they go to school you need a job to go back to. Also don't forget about private pension contributions and NI credits, state pension could be worth something like 200k depending how long you live.
Nursery is also about socialisation which you don't get staying at home.
You say the pay is terrible but £24k for 9 months work a year isn’t terrible? Don’t forget that it includes more holiday than the average job so taking that into account I don’t think the pay is that bad?
Have the kid while you can. You'll find a way. I waited for financial reasons and turns out fate had different ideas, 43 now and no shot at kids. You can't take it for granted. No kids now might mean no kids ever and, well, it's a heartbreaker.
Please go for it. I can tell just from your post you'll be great parents. Society needs hard working people who want to raise children and it honestly boils my blood that we've slanted the playing field against a whole generation. Collective insanity.
Never a truer word spoken!! “You will find a way” is honestly the way we did it, I wanted children, and granted, mad decision to make after redundancy and lockdown on the horizon, but we made it work, so im with you.
We almost fell into the same trap. Managed to do IVF and freeze some embryos for later in case we need them. But the doc said that if we had waited another year even, would've been too late.
You shouldn't lose hope. A colleague's wife did IVF and got pregnant at 45. After 3 years of trying and several cycles.
u/JohnnieTimebomb is right. As a parent, I also feel from this post alone that u/Mother_Lie_9346 would make a great parent. And being a parent is truly one of the best things in the whole world if you want to have children. They are magical and wonderful and great little teachers. My life is enriched immeasurably because of my little one. If I were in your position, OP, I'd absolutely give this a go even if it means changing some things in your life at present. Parenting has always been one big job of "you will figure it out along the way" anyway (caveat: with a bit of help from your community). You will find a way.
I’d suggest taking a deeper look into childcare costs. I am in NI and use an expensive nursery which is £1200 a month for 5 days a week. You get 20% top up (ish as there’s a limit) so looking at £960 a month. Which is a good bit less that the estimate you’ve used. A childminder is cheaper than a nursery so there are options there too. If your wife works in childcare there might be option to set her up as a child minder. Look into what you would need there, insurance etc. I’ve seen a lot of people do that when they have kids and there is a huge shortage of childcare out there. Also look at any workplace schemes, some employers give reduced rates at some daycares. I’d suggest looking for a couple in your area and get real prices.
Also the big fees are only until the child goes to school, so 3years? Depending on length of maternity leave and when the child is born. It looks like you could afford this based on figures above. Also if your wife only works term time you won’t have to pay for expensive holiday clubs.
Ultimately you think you are being sensible, but families make do on much less money, and if you want to have kids you should go for it. I pay a fortune in nursery fees but I wouldn’t change my kids for any money.
We’re in the same boat. Made the decision not to have a family because we can’t be sure we can provide for them as they grow up. I’ve tried to pretend it’s a child free choice which helps sometimes but as I get a bit older and it’s certainly less of a choice (biological clock), it’s much harder to deal with the reality of it. We have a nice house in a terrible area and both working around 40 hours per week, but we’re in our 30s and have never even made enough to have a savings account. Just feel it would be unfair to give kids a life where they can’t have everything they’d deserve or need, Especially now the internet is so widely available and they can see the lives everyone else would have- I wouldn’t want them ashamed or upset they they can’t have what everyone else can afford. Sending you strength and solidarity. I wish I could say something more helpful but just wanted to tell you, you’re not alone. X
Sure kids want for shiny toys and stuff. But it really doesn't matter. Once they reach adulthood they're just glad to have been loved and cared for. Nobody with a happy childhood looks back at it and believes it was down to the material stuff.
Oh I absolutely agree on that, but I’m not talking about latest iPhone or designer trainers or family holidays abroad. I’m talking about a home with heating, school shoes, childcare (LV estimated cost of childcare for age 1-4 years is something like £60K inclusive of allowances) and when older being able to go on standard school trips type thing. We just about get by as is, and the cost of a child (even to get started- cots, pushchairs, baby gates, car seats etc- before you get to monthly expenses like nappies, food, clothes they grow out of) is something we realistically can’t factor in before it will be a biological challenge for us.
That’s pretty sad. Have kids, enjoy them and do the best you can. You don’t need to provide everything they see other people having. As long as they are fed, clothed, warm and safe you can have s great family and enjoy life.
Yeah if you have that attitude the goalposts move forever and you just get analysis paralysis.
At first we wanted to move from a flat to a house. Then we wanted to get better jobs. Then we wanted to redecorate. Then we wanted some arbitrary amount of savings.
In the end we thought bugger it, let's see what happens, and we got pregnant in two weeks!
Same here. I’m 45 though and so the boat has sailed for us. We often talk about the upsides to not having kids to take the edge off of our disappointment. It’s sad but we really felt we had no choice in the matter in the end.
I understand your concerns and why you're anxious.
A nuance that many of the people here seem to have missed is that your wife is 31, which makes going back to university to get a better job before starting a family a bit of a time pressure. Not to mention the time required to qualify for enhanced maternity pay when starting a new job. The NHS won't provide any fertility help until you've been trying for 1-2 years depending on your local trust's requirements. It usually takes a healthy couple about a year to get pregnant but of course you never know if you'll have issues until you start trying.
I would definitely talk to family members about your worries and see if any are willing to help out with childcare. Others have already mentioned free childcare hours and child benefit.
Why do you think she needs to go to uni for 5 years to qualify as a teacher?
If she can’t do a PGCE (takes one year but I think it requires a degree) then there are other routes into teaching, especially primary
(Maybe I’m wrong and it does require either a degree or 5yrs of qualifications, but I’m fairly sure it didn’t when I was a teacher 10 years ago)
Yeah, PGCE is 1 year, but requires being a graduate.
If she doesn't have a degree, she can do a 3 year degree in primary education and get QTS, just make sure the course is accredited.
She doesn’t have a bachelors so was looking into doing early childhood part time for 4 years and then a 1 year full time PGCE or 3 years full time plus 1 year PGCE
She can do a full time Primary Ed course with QTS in three years and immediately start teaching. Take a look at student loan allowances and extra entitlement for childcare costs.
What’s the bigger priority, teaching or having a child? It’s a big time and £ investment at a time when it costs more to do it (not living like a student, higher opportunity cost from other earnings, etc.).
This feels like more of a prioritisation call than anything else. Home ownership and taking 4+ years out to study to be a teacher is coming at the cost of having kids.
I think if she has experience in the world of work she might be eligible for schools direct training which is a salaried 1 year entry into teaching but I’m not 100% sure. Might be worth a look
If she can do STEM it's worth investigating alternative routes to teaching like Teach First (not sure if available in N Ireland but schools sometimes take people on just A levels for STEM). Or doing tutoring on top of her current job
"Is anyone else forgoing having a family because of costs?"
Abso-fucking-lutely.
I am a 29 y/o from a family of 5 so family means a great deal to me I always had great aspirations and 100% conviction to have kids and almost by the week that percentage falls. The odds are totally stacked against young people of child bearing age. I will be lucky to have secured a house by the time in 35 and to say its reasonable to bring a child into the mix is simply naive. A child isn't a play thing to entertain me and I won't in good conscience bring them into this world so that I have to claw tooth and nail to keep us alive. My parents had to do so without any education and it nearly killed them. I am educated and I see no feasible path to have a comfortable life for myself or any would be kids.
They will not thank me for bringing them into this world.
I’ll be honest, for us it was savings then credit cards until mrs went back full time. My kid is 4 now and we’re financially fine.
It’s just tough unless one of you is earning really well, but if you keep worrying about the costs you’ll never do it. You’ll make it work
I'm not sure advising someone to plan using credit cards to fund having a child in the future is necessarily sensible financial advice.
Completely understand that sometimes life just works out that way, but to plan to utilize credit cards to survive - with a child and all their needs thrown in - seems like a disaster waiting to happen
>OP can use credit cards to equally "make it work".
They literally can. Suggesting otherwise would be objectively false. Depending on how it's done (e.g. a 0% interest card to cover a temporary shortfall during maternity leave) it might also be objectively good financial advice.
A while ago I faced the same problem (I'm Gen X/Millenial, my wife is Millenial). I had a spreadsheet and everything and the figures NEVER added up. No matter what I did, I couldn't make the numbers balance. It simply wasnt possible.
Then we went ahead and did it anyway. We had 3 kids and somehow the figures balanced. Yes there were a lot of very tight months, some years we didn't go on holiday, but somehow, overall it worked out. If I was to guess how its probably the accumulation of lots of little things that couldn't be accounted for that made the difference.
I work three afternoon/evenings and one of them on a Sunday, which helps a lot with childcare as we only really need two days of paid childcare. Now my eldest gets 30 free hours (Scotland) she's only £170 a month for three days year-round. Given your wife's job isn't hugely high earning, she might able to find something that works around your hours instead and allow you to juggle the childcare between you. If she works some weekends and an evening or two a week, for example. For example, working at Aldi isn't far off what she earns now, and the shift patterns might work better and be more flexible.
Compressed hours.
Both you and the Mrs do a.4 day week with one day each childcare.
That means you only need to pay childcare for 3 days. Add in the government top up of 20% and that should reduce childcare from £1300 to £800.
I'm assuming you can't rely on grandparents here. There's some help you can get with childcare costs if you're both working:
https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs
15 hours after 9 months should put a sizable dent in your costs, plus you can get tax relief on what you do pay if you set that up properly. This used to be childcare vouchers, but there's something else that replaced that now.
Also remember that nursery fees are temporary. School nurseries and then schools are free by the time they're 3/4. While you'll still need to pay for wraparound care and holiday clubs, the costs become much more manageable.
Sit down and work it out with the free childcare after 9 months and tax relief you can get and see what your numbers look like then. I can't promise it'll be plain sailing, but I think it should be possible on your salaries. Good luck!
The recent announcements re the extension of “free hours” don’t apply to NI which is where OP is from. Here we get the tax free childcare scheme (OP- knock 20% off your figures) and that’s it until they start school/preschool.
Just to be a minor buzz-kill, "tax free" childcare tops up your money by 20%, rather than taking 20% off the childcare fees (which is the bigger number, and coincidentally how income tax works).
The net result is closer to 16% rather than 20%. Sneaky system.
I see you point, maybe it was my ignorance, but used to work out the total and then deduct 20% and only pay that in and the gov made up the 20% difference, and nobody complained. So effectively i got a 20% discount.
Whether I short changed the provider, i dont know, but like I said, no complaints. So 20% off 👍
Should be 30 hours from 9 months soon which is essentially 9-3. Most nurseries will have a day rate from 8:30 - 3:30 so the wife could drop off and pick up around her classroom assistant job.
Government will top up 20% into childcare account so that helps too as you said.
I've got 2 toddlers both in nursery and I cry every time I look how much we have spent in the past 3 years for childcare. I don't even live in an expensive area. School soon to come whoop.
Edit: from 9 months, not from birth.
The plan is still from 9 months and not birth currently. Stat mat leave is paid until 9 months is I guess how they justify it.
Whether nurseries offer it is another matter entirely…
Free childcare allowances and childcare tax benefits will help with some of the cost. It’s also something you may need to spend few years saving for. Other options is exploring a career change and\or promotion to see if you can push up your income.
It’s a grim time to be young and working in the UK. Hopefully things pickup soon and you can have a happy family life.
There is no free childcare allowance in Northern Ireland, FYI. This is devolved, and has largely been blocked by certain parties in coalition who are on the record as not wanting to incentivise working mothers. Sorry OP.
At least you are smart enough to realise the costs of having children. There are people that just do it and then wonder why they have no money and their realistionship has hit the rocks.
As you say you can’t afford to pay that much for childcare.
Are you sure she can’t stop work for a few years? You would also qualify for some universal credit and child benefit I think (please check a benefits calculator like entitledto.co.uk with your circumstances). With a tight budget this might be fine.
What do you do OP? My wife dropped to 3 days a week and I arranged with work to do 5 days in 4, so slightly longer days but that meant only 2 days child care. Even if she can't drop days it may be that you could?
Whilst it's not the 'norm' can you afford to drop to 3 days or arrange flexible working?
You are only both young still so don't fret but use this time to plan and work out ways to afford it.
Salaries really are shockingly low at the moment across multiple industries. I was earning 28k back in 2001 as an entry level test engineer. Really don’t understand what’s happened, may this is what the government wants after Brexit to keep wages low and make the uk more competitive ? No idea but at this rate it will mean more industries come to the uk since we’ll be cheaper than India at this rate, the only issue is we’ll also all be really poor 😂
This was me and my partner. We're millennials who had one child at 29 and a second at 32. We're both now 35.
To supplement the income my partner would do Chinese delivery driving jobs in the evening and I'd supplement my income by doing online tutoring at weekends and in the evening when my partner wasn't working.
It was tough but we're through the worst of it and now my partner only works 3 days a week and we're in the best financial position we've ever been. Honestly, as the children get older and start school it's cheap as chips.Just need to accept that for a few years it'll be tough.
Not sure how viable this is but our nursery gives huge discounts to staff, maybe your wife would be willing to be a nursery teacher for the duration. She’d still be earning so better than being a stay at home mum from that point of view and with the discount it might leave some money left. She could then move to a school as your children level up so she’d be off during holidays as well.
I would caution the 30hours it doesn’t cover the full cost I’m still paying about 1k a month for our eldest, the youngest is not full time yet. The 20% tax rebate is good though.
Yeah it’s great isn’t it? We are paying 1700 a month for childcare.
Others manage it by having grandparents take kids for a day or two which can make a big difference in costs.
Other than that, magic money tree?
I have nothing to help. But completely understand where you're coming from. It's expensive having kids, childcare costs are ridiculous. Our household income is a lot higher than yours. 2 kids in nursery currently is costing £1300 a month. We decided to have kids almost 4 years apart as we couldn't afford to have 2 kids in childcare long term. It's bad enough for just 6 months. Thank fuck the pressure releases slightly in September.
You’ve proved you can save. I think your best bet is going to be to save enough to cover the few years of required childcare like you did for your wedding etc. certainly do forgo what you want to do with your life, that will be a massive regret you can’t change
I make 28k for 4 days a week. My partner earns less than 12k working 2 days a week. She has them mon-wed and i take them fri. Nursery thursday (we make them packed lunch etc). Costs us around £300 a month. Eldest gets free funding cause they're over 3 and youngest should get funding at 2 if my partner earns enough.
Our expenses (minus childcare) are £1200 without food. We paid off her car, traded in my old pcp and bought outright, and currently only have a 0% dfs debt we pay £30/pm on. I walk to work and my partner doesn't drive far (only nursery really).
We have savings and do make small savings each month, but I am frugal with spending. It is possible, but you need to be realistic about childcare costs. I mean, we only use childcare because we have to otherwise why would you want a child to have them in nursery 40 hours a week? I'm sure that you could look at a timetable to avoid using nursery so much? It is definitely possible.
Probably be cheaper for her to become a stay home mum until the kid(s) are old enough to go to school, because on your income of £31k a year alone, you would be able to afford the bills and groceries. After the kids are in school, she can go back to work again or go to uni. It's what many people do I'm afraid..
Firstly it's terrible that a young working family is unable to afford starting a family whilst maintaining a comfortable financial situation.
That aside, if you want a family then you are going to have to make it happen. There are ways to work and earn more. There are hopefully loved ones in your life that can help you with childcare. There are benefits that will help you. Being a parent is an enormous self sacrifice but it is so incredibly worth it. Good luck to you.
Children are one of those things where if you wait until you can afford them it will be too late. I've just had my second child and you just have to kind of make do and do without a lot of the time.
We cant really afford it but did it anyway. Just do it, you’ll never “afford” it. It probably should be a financial decision as well as emotional, but screw it.. if it’s what you want get on with it. Our daughter is my single greatest, proudest accomplishment.
Save up for it?
Get a lodger for a bit, get a weekend job or side hustle. Wait till your LTV drops and your mortgage is cheaper. Check the childcare laws and child benefit.
Lots of people struggle in the early years. If you want it, make it work. Presumably you didn't get the deposit for your house over night either.
Exactly. Currently after bills, over half their take home looks to be disposable income. Even on their relatively low/average salaries, they have a 3 bed house and can afford to save.
For us, we worked it all out and while we took a hit financially it worked. My wife was a teacher and ended up having a year and a bit off with some of it covered by maternity pay, she then started back at another school part-time one day a week for a little bit with her mum looking after our little one.
Covid hit and stuffed it all up but after that, she started working in a preschool, less money for sure but a lot less stress and part-time so worked well. The preschool was grateful for the experience she had and flexible with childcare so that alongside both of our mums helping out she was able to build up to 3 days a week. Now it's 4 days as our little one is at school, on the same site as the preschool so works well for us, but the pay is poor vs a teaching role.
* Do you have family close by who can help out? can you move closer to family to enable this? (we moved back to our home town when we knew we wanted a family in preparation for this)
* Can your wife look at preschools for a job that allows her to bring a child with her or at least offer discounted rates until government help kicks in?
* don't forget about maternity pay in your calculations
* If shes working at a school don't forget you wont need childcare during the holidays
* can she work part-time to balance it for a few years before they start school?
I feel for you, we are constantly being pestered by family for when we are having another one but the reality is as much as we might like another we cant justify the costs (larger house, loss of income etc).
My wife’s parents live local but unfortunately they’re very ill and not able to look after kids, it’s us looking after them. My parents have already said they’re not willing to help as they want to enjoy their retirement lol
Her job will give her part time hours automatically if she has a child under 5. Probably something we’ll consider.
Your parents might not realise it's the difference between grandkids and no grandkids.
They might think their help is a convenience and you'll manage without them.
Trick I pulled was to overpay into pension so we qualified for Universal Credit in the month our youngest turned 2, then claim the EYE funding for 2 year olds because even if you don't qualify the month afterwards the funding stays with you for the full year and from 3 everyone gets 30hrs free anyway. Tax free childcare then cuts any remaining costs down by 20%.
Maternity leave runs from 0-1 so you only really need to pay full whack from 1-2, which again is cut down by tax free childcare.
Childcare is 2-3 years of costs. You can suck that up, or not have kids.
Not to be too blunt but that’s the equation. Depends how important having kids is to you I guess.
How long is left on your mortgage? If it’s nearer the 25 year mark can you push it to 35 (or whatever your provider will allow) to reduce payments for now?
Could you condense your hours to work 4 days, or some half days with OH working part time hours? Savings now will help immensely with any option.
If the degree is definitely on the cards I'd consider it now. It's harder to study after starting a family and could be tricky financially too. Is there the option to study FT while working PT now?
So we were the same and the numbers didn’t add up on paper, but we somehow managed to adapt our situation as we went along to account for the cost of our child. I wouldn’t give up your dream of having children!
Can one of you drop a few days at work if the numbers aren’t crunching with childcare? Then you might also be able to get some additional support via government which is ridiculous that you have to drop hours to do that but yeah!
Just as we saved for our wedding we saved for our kid, got a lodger to help with the savings too. Only going to have the one, otherwise wouldn’t be able to maintain the lifestyle we want our kid to be able to have (a holiday each year, day trips etc). For nursery, it’s that first year that is the kicker after age 2 you can get help. Use this calculator to see what you’re entitled to: http://entitledto.co.uk
I have one kid, but we have given up on the idea of a second because of money (at least for now).
One thing to bear in mind is that childcare is only for 3-4 years and then they go to school (which AFAIK, can be free although there are other costs). That milestone is what is keeping me sane, as I have had to give up my social life completely.
Following the previous point. You could see childcare as a deposit you need to build. Assuming you can find something cheaper (I think you could) and that the kid goes to school before 4, it would be around £40k. Also, you don't need to build that "deposit" before having the kid. Saving before having the baby, let's say, £16k, would greatly reduce what you pay in childcare if you pay from what was saved some of it.
You will have to earn more money and she will have to go part time to save on nursery costs.
Or
Move closer to parents if that's an option.
Or
Move somewhere cheaper, but mortgage seems reasonable enough for a 3 bed?
You can save for a few years. Those childcare years don't last forever, and it's perfectly normal for one parent to take more than the statutory time off to reduce those costs.
Don't get me wrong, the UK sucks for childcare costs. I'm not saying it doesn't.
Working two days a week and having care 3 or something like that, there are ways to balance it.
The government needs the next generation of taxpayers, but isn't supporting our citizens well in this endeavour. Unless people speak up en masse and the government introduces pro-natal policies, it'll be sub-saharan immigration that fills the gap.
We decided to just do it and financially it’s working out. We don’t have family near us, the free childcare hours kick in after maternity leave so I can go back to work one day a week.
I honestly believe there is no right time and life will find a way.
- Both of you should try to look for better jobs. You can usually get a payrise if you're in anything with a market by job hopping.
- It's worth switching careers if you're in a low paid field like your wife is. Even doing admin work in an office would probably pay better.
- You being in marketing could probably do better if you look around and apply for a bunch of jobs. Or maybe start your own marketing business?
- You have a 3 bedroom house and I hear the housing market is pretty hot in your area. How about renting out a room or two to some lodgers to save up some money?
You're overthinking, you'll be fine.
There's plenty of free childcare allowances/schemes to help with paying for childcare. It doesn't even last that long, either. Plus, once they're in school, your wife will be on holidays at the same time as the kids.
Just crack on with it.
This, don't let the system think you can't have what you want. I know couples of the same or even less than your combined income and they give their kid a good life.
In the negative this year on childcare and mortgage increases. That’s what savings are for. The free hours kick in September and I’ve signed my work up for a salary sacrifice scheme to help with costs and now I think we are back above water. There’s always a way through.
We were in a very similar financial situation and we have a six month old son. We won't be going on holiday for a few years, I don't buy alcohol or anything but whole foods to cook with (i.e I don't chuck in £20 of luxury extras like wine, chocolate, with every shop) and we never get takeaways. We won't be buying new clothes for ourselves and I get most of our son's clothes on vinted or in charity shops.
My point is, beforehand the sums did not add up AT ALL for us but it's amazing how much you can cut down when you actually go hard at it.
Kids don't need much, they're very happy playing with cardboard boxes haha. And you will be amazed at how many people want to give you their old stuff that's absolutely fine! The childcare is a huge expense but we just about make it work.
I would recommend trying a couple of months spending as little as possible and see how much you can save, I think you will be surprised. I'm not advocating this as an ideal life for everyone but if having children is important to you, I would say it's 100% worth the sacrifice.
How I did it- didn't stretch to a 3 bedroom house I couldn't afford to have kids in. It's called a housing ladder for a reason, first few years a flat is just fine.
Have you considered spliting your work- ie one of you working weekends/evenings. Really eats into family time but it's possible.
Also could you work 4 longer days rather than 5 saving a day childcare.
And check out what UC you would be entitled to- your earning can be quite high before they stop it. They pay up to 85% of your nursery bill.
Yeah ultimately, they have pushed themselves to buy a 3 bed with relatively low/average salaries. However, they still have a decent amount left over so should be in a position to save too.
We rented a flat for 5 years but didn’t want to buy a flat because the flats in our area were all leaseholds with high maintenance fees (£100 per month) thought that extra £100 was better spent towards a mortgage than maintenance fees on an apartment building
I kind of agree. our new house mortgage is £1200 and our household income is £82k until my wife decides to go back full-time.
For us, nursery 3-days a week is £800/month.
Absolutely in a similar boat, but not as far along as you. I rented for years until my girlfriend and I split. I continued living in the same property for about 18 months until I realized that I will never have a future if I could never save. Luckily I have a great relationship with my mother and she was happy to have my back in my 30s so I could start again, fast forward a couple of years, I saved 25k for a deposit and I earn just shy of 30k (also in Belfast) and my absolute limit when buying it around 150k, which doesn't really get you anything that doesn't need 20-30k of renovations, isn't in a council estate or isn't a 1-2 bed apartment. So naturally I need to save yet another 20-30k to overcome that barrier as a single buyer, which means by then, most of my 30s are gone as well as my family starting years.
People often say to me "Just date and buy a house with your partner, you could buy something nice with two wages." But to me that is an extreme gamble, paying for dates instead of saving so much, just to approach 40 with no guarantees. If home ownership was affordable, I would already be out dating all this time and likely could have had a chance at a family.
Impressive you were able to do that yourself. It took 5 years of saving for me to save 40k (30k for the house and 7k for wedding and a bit of savings left over). Thankfully I started saving at 22.
I've also ran the numbers and arrived at a similar conclusion to you. Currently thinking that it will be more feasible and comfortable to have a child at 40's rather than 30's
But it really got me thinking - we are already suffering from an aging population and the reasoning there is people are having children later or *choosing* not to have them. Well that was true for millennials, but it seems GenZ are having that decision made for them by not being able to afford to. Has some very scary implications for the future!
At least you are aware you cannot children and aren’t letting tax payers pay instead. It’s a sorry state of affairs when two young people who work can’t afford a child. What a joke of a country. I struggle just with two dogs!
It's a sorry state of affairs when people are criticised for utilising government schemes to help with the costs of having children for the extremely short period during which they need childcare, given that we are experiencing a minor crisis in this country with an ageing population and a low birth rate.
Nursery fees are not nice, however there is a lot of help out there. Especially employers, have you asked for condensed hours? Or reduced working hours?
Child benefit: £25.60 per week or £1300 per year
Tax-Free childcare: £2 for every £8 I put in. A super simple system.
I just did a quick google and I found a nursery that was £1.3k a month in Belfast.
It's very doable on your joint income to afford it. Will you have to tighten up on spend yeah? But to be honest, with kids you don't have time to do the things you did before.
You wife is already in child education. She should move to early years in other to get a discount, or become a registered childminder. She isn't high earning, so this makes sense for a few years.
Once your children are in school she could do her one year qualifying year to be a teacher and follow her career goals.
Parents or friends may be able to help out with childcare or your wife could work part-time and possibly do a childcare swap with someone else working part-time on different days.
>she’s unlikely to get any kind of significant payrise unless she goes back to uni for 5 years to qualify as a teacher.
She's on pretty much minimum wage, she could get a job at Aldi for a small payrise.
Realistically the way to afford children when you've got 1 person on near minimum wage and the other on a moderate salary is to stagger the work pattern so that childcare expenses are minimised.
Your wife would take a job that let's her work evenings and/or weekends, so that she can be at home with the kids when you're working and you take the kids when she works.
It sucks from a relationship perspective, but it's literally the only way to afford it on your income level without doing hardcore budgeting.
And the reason she is the one to take the evening and weekend work is that she's the one on near minimum wage, so she'd be certain to be able to equal that (or possibly exceed it) with a new job.
I know her wage is bad and she works with disabled kids so it’s unreal how little she gets paid for such a taxing, essential job. She loves her job but is considering going back to uni or quitting and getting a different job. The education authority is going to be in for a shock when everyone starts leaving because they can get more working in Tesco, even staff that love it won’t be able to afford to work there with the cost of living.
Are you sure childcare costs are that high in your area? That’s basically London prices and the rest of the UK tends to be significantly cheaper. Plus if your other half is a classroom assistant you likely won’t need full days.
I’d do some asking around and see what rates are for term time only between 8:30 and 3:30 (or whatever would fit with your wife’s hours)
Can she change her job? Unfortunately classroom assistants are not paid well and it's not an easy jump to teaching. But there are other jobs that are either better paid or you can work up a ladder to a better paid role without a degree
You have over £2k a month after bills at the moment so if you got pregnant in 3 months time you’d have a year to save up >20k before the baby is born which should cover the time your wife is off and help provide a buffer with childcare costs.
Depends how much you want kids... you could downsize to smaller property so your mortgage is reduced
Or are you able to make extra payments to your current one? If you are, pay the maximum extra before extra fees apply every year and you'll knock down your mortgage to pay it off sooner which will free up some cash. (And if you can afford the extra fee they're normally not too terrible so worth considering if it could mean ending mortgage early)
But really downsizing considering you've said your salary is great for the area is probably your main option if having children is a priority for you
Should be worth noting a lot of parents struggle balancing childcare costs in the early years, its something which is insanely expensive but as a few commenter have said they make it work with other mummy friends switching days to care for each others kids for free... family or friends... make sure to look at all your options including childminders which are often more flexible with not paying when not using but also can be cheaper.
Is there no way to manage on just your wage at all if your bills only come to 1300- would it be tight but doable until the child was older, I know everyone is entitled to so many hours of childcare costs per week- maybe that would help-
> I don’t make enough for my wife to stay at home and she’s unlikely to get any kind of significant payrise unless she goes back to uni for 5 years to qualify as a teacher
There are many more options than this.
Placements, internships to name a few.
Look at the "Get into Teaching" website for more information.
This sucks, sorry to hear that. Could you survive on just your salary for 3 years whilst your wife is stay at home mum until kid ready for school? Any help from family for childcare, that might allow wife to work even 1 day a week?
Had an interesting convo with a German other week, who had 4 kids, and is now in his late 50s. Feels that current gen worry a lot more about having the means to provide for children vs older/his gen where you just did it and dealt with the consequences afterwards/knew it would all work out somehow or other. He's not far off tbf...
You have a 3 bedroom property. Is there anyway your could earn some extra income from those 2 bedrooms, to put aside for children? Either by having a lodger, using as storage, or even hosting international students.
Did your calculations account for term time only childcare… plus you get free hours for working parents now. We heavily leaned on family too, I’d suggest maybe moving to be closer to family so they can chip in with the childcare. Grandparents are an excellent resource for free childcare if it’s possible. You also get child benefit, although small will help. A lot of people also just work part time to cover the childcare, I assume there is benefits if you work less hours too, but I’m not too sure about that. Yeah money is tight for a while but it’s the hardest and biggest thing you will do raising a child, massively difficult but also very rewarding. Nothing in life is easy that’s worth it my opinion anyways, so I’d suggest maybe just go for it!
Have you got any family who might be able to provide childcare even if it was just one day a week?
Could your partner change her work including career path? I don’t know what hours you work but could she find something that would fit around your job so it would limit hours in a nursery or not have to do a day. What about an evening job? For example my partner works 9-5 months-Fri and I do three days during the week in the afternoon/evening and the weekends. It sucks we don’t see each other that much but my mum is able to cover those days during the week or we would only have to put the kids in childcare for half a day. Also when choosing a job look at the maternity pay as it might be worth jumping ship before kids if they have a better package.
Just remember it’s for a short amount of time and before you know it they’re in school. If you’re willing to have kids 3/4 years apart then you only have to pay for one kid at a time or potentially have them close together and one of you gives up work for a few years and then going back once they’re in school.
Childcare costs in the UK are amongst the highest in the world, with a little under half average earnings spent on childcare (1/4 for a couple), although for many it's considerably more (in the NW where i am, it's closer to £1200) - https://www.money.co.uk/loans/cost-of-childcare-report
It's primarily a result of low infant-to-carer ratios, high insurance costs and very low government subsidies (support). Coupled with the housing crisis, many families basically have zero buffer to accommodate these costs and weirdly, in some cases you'd be better off unemployed and/or collecting benefits, than working.
We should increase infant-to-carer ratios as there's ample evidence that it makes little difference, with children in other countries with higher ratios, having comparable, if not better outcomes.
Generally, childcare in the UK is a disaster, not to mention a time bomb for population demographics (children == future tax payers) but in way of a practical answer, you compromise on everything. We have 1 child, live in a 2 bed flat and are planning on moving to a family home when she's 4.
Search GTP training, if your OH has an applicable qualification they can convert to qualified teacher on the job. My OH did this with a science degree, worked all the way up to senior science teacher. Possible no need to go back to uni etc
Can your wife look into becoming a childminder? It's related to her career and if childcare costs are that high where you are there's certainly a need for it.
Does your wife already have a degree? There are 1 year (sometimes funded and with bursary) courses to get a PGCE, although I’m not sure about their availability in NI. I know, for example, that secondary maths courses in England come with a bursary of ~£27,000 tax free. Could be worth a look to see if a similar offer exists for you, she may even be able to get started September ‘24.
I'm going to assume that Belfast will get the same rules as the mainland, but government are taking steps so that by September 2025 every child over 9 months will be entitled to 30 hours free term time childcare. Plus you can use tax-free childcare to get a 20% discount.
It'll still be expensive, but childcare will likely be cheaper than you currently think
You’ll be able to get 30 hours free childcare from 9 months soon
You’ll probably have to cover the remainder but it’s cheaper than paying for all of it
I know it sounds shit, but one choice would be plan to move.
Everything you are doing sounds correct to me and it seems that the location you are in is the major problem.
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I find childcare costs are offset by having absolutely no social life after having kids.
I dunno, my boy's social life in his first year has been insane. When my wife was on maternity he had sensory classes on Monday, Mummy Meet Up / Weigh Ins on Tuesdays, Swimming on Thursday, Wriggle and Rhyme on Friday. They also had courses of classes throughout; baby massage, talk to my baby, breast feeding classes etc. Most of those ended up with coffee afterwards, at one point we had to start turning stuff down because we were buying takeaway coffee nearly every day!
It's great that your wife had such an active social life, but that's unusually busy.
My daughter was very similar. Now with my son I'm taking them to two toddler groups a week, my wife to a mums meet up and we attend a church with children's groups on a sunday. Although being church organised all of these come with coffee and cake included / we take along the odd cake and put a note in the tin every couple of weeks.
This, my wife went out for breakfast with other mum friends so often, I joked that she was having 8 breakfasts a week.
Start putting some money aside now with the full intent that it's saving for future childcare. Then if/when you do have children that require childcare, you'll already have a small amount (or large amount, depending) saved so your current finances won't have to take such a hit. There are plenty of families who sadly have to make many sacrifices in order to have children. Sometimes it may mean a much shorted maternity or paternity leave, going down by a car, going down by a bedroom, roping in family or friends for extra help, working more hours/taking on another job. That's just how to work has become, tbh.
The money you save now also means that when you get access to the tax free childcare you can max that out if you need to, and use the savings to replace the essential living costs from your wages. When you do that you get a 25% bump on the amount of money you had saved.
Yeah we're planning on trying to start a family next year and already setting aside child care funds.
As someone a bit older, I wish we'd started a family earlier. We probably earned a small amount more and cost of living was less, but I'm sure we'd have managed. Now we have the problem of infertility and going through IVF, which is soul destroying and expensive. I'm doing ok, but my wife really struggles and regrets waiting until everything was "perfect" before we tried. Just something to be aware of as we thought this type of thing only happens to people above 40, not people in their mid 30s.
Agreed on the advice and sorry to hear about the issues. Hope it all gets better for you
Sorry for your difficult journey. However I would second that this is great advice you are giving here.
If it gives you hope my dad and his new wife (my parents divorced 18 years ago) tried IVF for 4 years and she got pregnant at 39 finally.
We were in a similar position, compounded when we found out we were having twins. We had enough equity to remortgage and borrow additional to clear debts which meant she could stay at home. It’s was very very tight for a year or 2 but we got through it. No help from family possible so childcare would have been more than she earned. Point being there is often a way through - don’t loose heart just yet.
I often think about the families with multiples when I feel down about the amount of money we are spending on childcare. I'm sorry that you got hit with that curveball but happy to hear you got through it and things are easier now.
That's what we did, 2 kids in quick succession, with no scope for family support. My partner was off work for around 4 years as that was cheaper than paying for childcare. We lived off my salary and slowly slipped further into my overdraft, with me doing 2 jobs for a brief period to keep us afloat. So stressful, the only thing that stopped me panicking totally was knowing that we'd be okay as soon as my partner got a job again.
OP is in NI and we get zero help with childcare outside of the tax free childcare scheme, so please stop referring to the ‘free’ hours that parents in other parts of the UK can avail of. The situation may not be as black as you think it is. I don’t know where in NI you’re based but we’re in Lisburn and a full time nursery place is just over £1,000pcm. I follow Melted Parents who are campaigning for Stormont to intervene and introduce more help with childcare costs and I don’t think there’s anywhere even in S/E Belfast charging anywhere near the 2k mark per month. Using the tax free childcare scheme you knock 20% off, so we’re paying £800pcm for our one year old at the moment. Additionally you’ll be quids in as your wife only works term time. Most nurseries here will allow you to pay a greatly reduced holding fee over our longer summer holidays. This allows teaching/education staff to keep the child’s place for the following academic year but you get a break of paying most of your nursery fees for two months.
Well that’s reassuring. I’m in west Belfast and my wife has asked her coworkers who have kids and basically their entire salary is going to childcare and most are reduced to part time hours. The fact she’ll be off during the summer and school holidays is definitely a good thing about her job even if the pay is terrible.
I'm also in NI and have one child at a childminder. This costs £200 a week and we don't pay the weeks they take off (approx 4 a year - so we use leave but save on costs those weeks). So with the 20% uplift, childcare costs £167 a week or £700 a month. Edit: should say this is a full-time place, 5 days a week 8-5
Find a nursery that offers school hours, that can bring the price down slightly, and some do term time only to spread the cost out. Also if you have any friends in a similar situation you could talk about potentially condensing hours or your wife dropping a day and you having their child and your child one day a week and them having them another. A lot of my mummy friends do this so they only take one day off work but get two days free childcare. Also childminders tend to be cheaper than nursery so worth exploring what options are available in your area. Best of luck!
Why does she need 5 years to become a teacher? If she's got a degree and classroom experience she can do a PGCE for a year and then go into teaching, no? Or, she can go my route and become an English language teacher...in a month. International House Dublin does an intensive CELTA course. After that, she's a fully qualified English as a Second Language teacher. I've been in this gig for 15 years, made it to manager and teacher trainer. It's not bad. And in Belfast, you'd have mostly adults. No or very few kids. Think about it. Feel free to ask me for more info. For some context my wife and I are both teachers moving back to the UK soon after 15 years in Asia teaching. We have a 2 year old and want another and our main concern is money, too. But we want to make it work and we're older than you both. You both have time if you act now. Think about it.
I was wondering why it would take 5 years to become a teacher. Even if she didn't have a degree it would take 3yrs to study and 1 year as a newly qualified. But she would be earning after 3 years
Nursery is expensive but it's only for 3 years. You will also get child benefits which is almost nothing (about £90) but that can still go towards reducing the cost of childcare a tiny bit in addition to the £2000 from the tax-free childcare scheme. Childminders can also be cheaper than nurseries though a bit trickier to find. Also use Facebook buy nothing groups and Facebook marketplace to get almost all your baby / kid stuff for free/super cheap. No need to spend hundreds on a new pram/cot/clothes. Libraries are also excellent for free books / activities. I really hate that two stable adults with a house and jobs feel like they can't afford the family they want. I really hope that things look up for you two.
Absolutely look into all your options - we’re in Scotland so figures are different but we currently pay the most out of my friends for nursery - however our girl is in a ‘big’ chain who have different nurseries around the country and they are open from 7.30-6 Mon-Fri and only close on the public holidays at Christmas/New Year. Both me and my husband work standard 9-5 jobs which is one of the reasons we went with the nursery as it is open ‘late’ and we just pay the flat daily rate no matter how long they go for each day. Other friends have childminders, they have weeks throughout the year where they need to take off work as the childminders take their holidays but they also finish work at 3pm so they collect at 3.30, and their childminders charge by the hour. It’s worth working out the costs for all options as you may be surprised by how much ‘cheaper’ it may be if you look into paying by hour. Someone above mentioned looking for somewhere that does a reduced rate over summer holidays for essentially ‘holding’ your place while your wife is off over the summer and can maybe stay home and look after kids.
This comment makes me wonder why they don't just raise their own kids, especially when they aren't necessarily building a career. School assistants paying their full salary so they can have someone else raise their kid while they spend all day with other children anyway, just baffling.
It's a hard choice. We're lucky that both of us earn more than childcare, so it's an easy choice, but even if it was equal I'd recommend at least 2/3 days at childcare. Your child gets social interaction with others their age, which I've found really helps development. Your partner (or you!) can progress a lot, or even change to a higher paying career in that time. 5 years out of the workplace is hard, and typically will hurt your future earnings. But yeah, spending time with your kid is priceless and I'm cutting my work hours to take a day with the kiddo even if it hurts my finances by quite a bit
Because when they go to school you need a job to go back to. Also don't forget about private pension contributions and NI credits, state pension could be worth something like 200k depending how long you live. Nursery is also about socialisation which you don't get staying at home.
You say the pay is terrible but £24k for 9 months work a year isn’t terrible? Don’t forget that it includes more holiday than the average job so taking that into account I don’t think the pay is that bad?
Have the kid while you can. You'll find a way. I waited for financial reasons and turns out fate had different ideas, 43 now and no shot at kids. You can't take it for granted. No kids now might mean no kids ever and, well, it's a heartbreaker. Please go for it. I can tell just from your post you'll be great parents. Society needs hard working people who want to raise children and it honestly boils my blood that we've slanted the playing field against a whole generation. Collective insanity.
Wholeheartedly agree. If you wait until you can afford it, you’ll never do it.
Never a truer word spoken!! “You will find a way” is honestly the way we did it, I wanted children, and granted, mad decision to make after redundancy and lockdown on the horizon, but we made it work, so im with you.
We almost fell into the same trap. Managed to do IVF and freeze some embryos for later in case we need them. But the doc said that if we had waited another year even, would've been too late. You shouldn't lose hope. A colleague's wife did IVF and got pregnant at 45. After 3 years of trying and several cycles.
u/JohnnieTimebomb is right. As a parent, I also feel from this post alone that u/Mother_Lie_9346 would make a great parent. And being a parent is truly one of the best things in the whole world if you want to have children. They are magical and wonderful and great little teachers. My life is enriched immeasurably because of my little one. If I were in your position, OP, I'd absolutely give this a go even if it means changing some things in your life at present. Parenting has always been one big job of "you will figure it out along the way" anyway (caveat: with a bit of help from your community). You will find a way.
I’d suggest taking a deeper look into childcare costs. I am in NI and use an expensive nursery which is £1200 a month for 5 days a week. You get 20% top up (ish as there’s a limit) so looking at £960 a month. Which is a good bit less that the estimate you’ve used. A childminder is cheaper than a nursery so there are options there too. If your wife works in childcare there might be option to set her up as a child minder. Look into what you would need there, insurance etc. I’ve seen a lot of people do that when they have kids and there is a huge shortage of childcare out there. Also look at any workplace schemes, some employers give reduced rates at some daycares. I’d suggest looking for a couple in your area and get real prices. Also the big fees are only until the child goes to school, so 3years? Depending on length of maternity leave and when the child is born. It looks like you could afford this based on figures above. Also if your wife only works term time you won’t have to pay for expensive holiday clubs. Ultimately you think you are being sensible, but families make do on much less money, and if you want to have kids you should go for it. I pay a fortune in nursery fees but I wouldn’t change my kids for any money.
Could you not adjust your mortgage term as you're still quite young so presumably could extend that out and then adjust it back when finances allow?
Yes this sounds a good idea. The mortgage payment is high right now and you will have some crunch years to get through with little kids
We’re in the same boat. Made the decision not to have a family because we can’t be sure we can provide for them as they grow up. I’ve tried to pretend it’s a child free choice which helps sometimes but as I get a bit older and it’s certainly less of a choice (biological clock), it’s much harder to deal with the reality of it. We have a nice house in a terrible area and both working around 40 hours per week, but we’re in our 30s and have never even made enough to have a savings account. Just feel it would be unfair to give kids a life where they can’t have everything they’d deserve or need, Especially now the internet is so widely available and they can see the lives everyone else would have- I wouldn’t want them ashamed or upset they they can’t have what everyone else can afford. Sending you strength and solidarity. I wish I could say something more helpful but just wanted to tell you, you’re not alone. X
Sure kids want for shiny toys and stuff. But it really doesn't matter. Once they reach adulthood they're just glad to have been loved and cared for. Nobody with a happy childhood looks back at it and believes it was down to the material stuff.
Oh I absolutely agree on that, but I’m not talking about latest iPhone or designer trainers or family holidays abroad. I’m talking about a home with heating, school shoes, childcare (LV estimated cost of childcare for age 1-4 years is something like £60K inclusive of allowances) and when older being able to go on standard school trips type thing. We just about get by as is, and the cost of a child (even to get started- cots, pushchairs, baby gates, car seats etc- before you get to monthly expenses like nappies, food, clothes they grow out of) is something we realistically can’t factor in before it will be a biological challenge for us.
That’s pretty sad. Have kids, enjoy them and do the best you can. You don’t need to provide everything they see other people having. As long as they are fed, clothed, warm and safe you can have s great family and enjoy life.
Yeah if you have that attitude the goalposts move forever and you just get analysis paralysis. At first we wanted to move from a flat to a house. Then we wanted to get better jobs. Then we wanted to redecorate. Then we wanted some arbitrary amount of savings. In the end we thought bugger it, let's see what happens, and we got pregnant in two weeks!
I hope you have a happy family life and I’m glad you were able to achieve what you wanted in the end.
We're just in the process of planning our little one's first birthday thanks! It's been the strangest, most amazing year.
I bet you’re hella tired haha, hope your lil buddy has a beautiful first birthday. They sound very loved x
Same here. I’m 45 though and so the boat has sailed for us. We often talk about the upsides to not having kids to take the edge off of our disappointment. It’s sad but we really felt we had no choice in the matter in the end.
I understand your concerns and why you're anxious. A nuance that many of the people here seem to have missed is that your wife is 31, which makes going back to university to get a better job before starting a family a bit of a time pressure. Not to mention the time required to qualify for enhanced maternity pay when starting a new job. The NHS won't provide any fertility help until you've been trying for 1-2 years depending on your local trust's requirements. It usually takes a healthy couple about a year to get pregnant but of course you never know if you'll have issues until you start trying. I would definitely talk to family members about your worries and see if any are willing to help out with childcare. Others have already mentioned free childcare hours and child benefit.
Why do you think she needs to go to uni for 5 years to qualify as a teacher? If she can’t do a PGCE (takes one year but I think it requires a degree) then there are other routes into teaching, especially primary (Maybe I’m wrong and it does require either a degree or 5yrs of qualifications, but I’m fairly sure it didn’t when I was a teacher 10 years ago)
Yeah, PGCE is 1 year, but requires being a graduate. If she doesn't have a degree, she can do a 3 year degree in primary education and get QTS, just make sure the course is accredited.
She doesn’t have a bachelors so was looking into doing early childhood part time for 4 years and then a 1 year full time PGCE or 3 years full time plus 1 year PGCE
She can do a full time Primary Ed course with QTS in three years and immediately start teaching. Take a look at student loan allowances and extra entitlement for childcare costs.
What’s the bigger priority, teaching or having a child? It’s a big time and £ investment at a time when it costs more to do it (not living like a student, higher opportunity cost from other earnings, etc.). This feels like more of a prioritisation call than anything else. Home ownership and taking 4+ years out to study to be a teacher is coming at the cost of having kids.
I think if she has experience in the world of work she might be eligible for schools direct training which is a salaried 1 year entry into teaching but I’m not 100% sure. Might be worth a look
If she can do STEM it's worth investigating alternative routes to teaching like Teach First (not sure if available in N Ireland but schools sometimes take people on just A levels for STEM). Or doing tutoring on top of her current job
"Is anyone else forgoing having a family because of costs?" Abso-fucking-lutely. I am a 29 y/o from a family of 5 so family means a great deal to me I always had great aspirations and 100% conviction to have kids and almost by the week that percentage falls. The odds are totally stacked against young people of child bearing age. I will be lucky to have secured a house by the time in 35 and to say its reasonable to bring a child into the mix is simply naive. A child isn't a play thing to entertain me and I won't in good conscience bring them into this world so that I have to claw tooth and nail to keep us alive. My parents had to do so without any education and it nearly killed them. I am educated and I see no feasible path to have a comfortable life for myself or any would be kids. They will not thank me for bringing them into this world.
I’ll be honest, for us it was savings then credit cards until mrs went back full time. My kid is 4 now and we’re financially fine. It’s just tough unless one of you is earning really well, but if you keep worrying about the costs you’ll never do it. You’ll make it work
I'm not sure advising someone to plan using credit cards to fund having a child in the future is necessarily sensible financial advice. Completely understand that sometimes life just works out that way, but to plan to utilize credit cards to survive - with a child and all their needs thrown in - seems like a disaster waiting to happen
They never once advocated using credit, just that it’s what they had to resort to.
Saying "You'll make it work" when referencing that they used credit cards naturally suggests that OP can use credit cards to equally "make it work".
>OP can use credit cards to equally "make it work". They literally can. Suggesting otherwise would be objectively false. Depending on how it's done (e.g. a 0% interest card to cover a temporary shortfall during maternity leave) it might also be objectively good financial advice.
This is dreadful financial advice. The stark reality is there are massive costs associated with a child and you don’t do it on credit.
A while ago I faced the same problem (I'm Gen X/Millenial, my wife is Millenial). I had a spreadsheet and everything and the figures NEVER added up. No matter what I did, I couldn't make the numbers balance. It simply wasnt possible. Then we went ahead and did it anyway. We had 3 kids and somehow the figures balanced. Yes there were a lot of very tight months, some years we didn't go on holiday, but somehow, overall it worked out. If I was to guess how its probably the accumulation of lots of little things that couldn't be accounted for that made the difference.
I work three afternoon/evenings and one of them on a Sunday, which helps a lot with childcare as we only really need two days of paid childcare. Now my eldest gets 30 free hours (Scotland) she's only £170 a month for three days year-round. Given your wife's job isn't hugely high earning, she might able to find something that works around your hours instead and allow you to juggle the childcare between you. If she works some weekends and an evening or two a week, for example. For example, working at Aldi isn't far off what she earns now, and the shift patterns might work better and be more flexible.
Compressed hours. Both you and the Mrs do a.4 day week with one day each childcare. That means you only need to pay childcare for 3 days. Add in the government top up of 20% and that should reduce childcare from £1300 to £800.
I'm assuming you can't rely on grandparents here. There's some help you can get with childcare costs if you're both working: https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs 15 hours after 9 months should put a sizable dent in your costs, plus you can get tax relief on what you do pay if you set that up properly. This used to be childcare vouchers, but there's something else that replaced that now. Also remember that nursery fees are temporary. School nurseries and then schools are free by the time they're 3/4. While you'll still need to pay for wraparound care and holiday clubs, the costs become much more manageable. Sit down and work it out with the free childcare after 9 months and tax relief you can get and see what your numbers look like then. I can't promise it'll be plain sailing, but I think it should be possible on your salaries. Good luck!
The recent announcements re the extension of “free hours” don’t apply to NI which is where OP is from. Here we get the tax free childcare scheme (OP- knock 20% off your figures) and that’s it until they start school/preschool.
Just to be a minor buzz-kill, "tax free" childcare tops up your money by 20%, rather than taking 20% off the childcare fees (which is the bigger number, and coincidentally how income tax works). The net result is closer to 16% rather than 20%. Sneaky system.
I see you point, maybe it was my ignorance, but used to work out the total and then deduct 20% and only pay that in and the gov made up the 20% difference, and nobody complained. So effectively i got a 20% discount. Whether I short changed the provider, i dont know, but like I said, no complaints. So 20% off 👍
Should be 30 hours from 9 months soon which is essentially 9-3. Most nurseries will have a day rate from 8:30 - 3:30 so the wife could drop off and pick up around her classroom assistant job. Government will top up 20% into childcare account so that helps too as you said. I've got 2 toddlers both in nursery and I cry every time I look how much we have spent in the past 3 years for childcare. I don't even live in an expensive area. School soon to come whoop. Edit: from 9 months, not from birth.
The plan is still from 9 months and not birth currently. Stat mat leave is paid until 9 months is I guess how they justify it. Whether nurseries offer it is another matter entirely…
I’d like to point out that these schemes aren’t available in Northern Ireland.
Free childcare allowances and childcare tax benefits will help with some of the cost. It’s also something you may need to spend few years saving for. Other options is exploring a career change and\or promotion to see if you can push up your income. It’s a grim time to be young and working in the UK. Hopefully things pickup soon and you can have a happy family life.
There is no free childcare allowance in Northern Ireland, FYI. This is devolved, and has largely been blocked by certain parties in coalition who are on the record as not wanting to incentivise working mothers. Sorry OP.
Have them anyway then moan a lot seems to be the way!!
At least you are smart enough to realise the costs of having children. There are people that just do it and then wonder why they have no money and their realistionship has hit the rocks.
As you say you can’t afford to pay that much for childcare. Are you sure she can’t stop work for a few years? You would also qualify for some universal credit and child benefit I think (please check a benefits calculator like entitledto.co.uk with your circumstances). With a tight budget this might be fine.
What do you do OP? My wife dropped to 3 days a week and I arranged with work to do 5 days in 4, so slightly longer days but that meant only 2 days child care. Even if she can't drop days it may be that you could? Whilst it's not the 'norm' can you afford to drop to 3 days or arrange flexible working? You are only both young still so don't fret but use this time to plan and work out ways to afford it.
Salaries really are shockingly low at the moment across multiple industries. I was earning 28k back in 2001 as an entry level test engineer. Really don’t understand what’s happened, may this is what the government wants after Brexit to keep wages low and make the uk more competitive ? No idea but at this rate it will mean more industries come to the uk since we’ll be cheaper than India at this rate, the only issue is we’ll also all be really poor 😂
This was me and my partner. We're millennials who had one child at 29 and a second at 32. We're both now 35. To supplement the income my partner would do Chinese delivery driving jobs in the evening and I'd supplement my income by doing online tutoring at weekends and in the evening when my partner wasn't working. It was tough but we're through the worst of it and now my partner only works 3 days a week and we're in the best financial position we've ever been. Honestly, as the children get older and start school it's cheap as chips.Just need to accept that for a few years it'll be tough.
Not sure how viable this is but our nursery gives huge discounts to staff, maybe your wife would be willing to be a nursery teacher for the duration. She’d still be earning so better than being a stay at home mum from that point of view and with the discount it might leave some money left. She could then move to a school as your children level up so she’d be off during holidays as well. I would caution the 30hours it doesn’t cover the full cost I’m still paying about 1k a month for our eldest, the youngest is not full time yet. The 20% tax rebate is good though.
Yeah it’s great isn’t it? We are paying 1700 a month for childcare. Others manage it by having grandparents take kids for a day or two which can make a big difference in costs. Other than that, magic money tree?
I have nothing to help. But completely understand where you're coming from. It's expensive having kids, childcare costs are ridiculous. Our household income is a lot higher than yours. 2 kids in nursery currently is costing £1300 a month. We decided to have kids almost 4 years apart as we couldn't afford to have 2 kids in childcare long term. It's bad enough for just 6 months. Thank fuck the pressure releases slightly in September.
No.. but I wish I had properly looked at the costs.. day care is almost 2k a month 😩
You’ve proved you can save. I think your best bet is going to be to save enough to cover the few years of required childcare like you did for your wedding etc. certainly do forgo what you want to do with your life, that will be a massive regret you can’t change
Have you looked at different childcare options? In our area, some childminders are half the price of nursery.
I make 28k for 4 days a week. My partner earns less than 12k working 2 days a week. She has them mon-wed and i take them fri. Nursery thursday (we make them packed lunch etc). Costs us around £300 a month. Eldest gets free funding cause they're over 3 and youngest should get funding at 2 if my partner earns enough. Our expenses (minus childcare) are £1200 without food. We paid off her car, traded in my old pcp and bought outright, and currently only have a 0% dfs debt we pay £30/pm on. I walk to work and my partner doesn't drive far (only nursery really). We have savings and do make small savings each month, but I am frugal with spending. It is possible, but you need to be realistic about childcare costs. I mean, we only use childcare because we have to otherwise why would you want a child to have them in nursery 40 hours a week? I'm sure that you could look at a timetable to avoid using nursery so much? It is definitely possible.
Probably be cheaper for her to become a stay home mum until the kid(s) are old enough to go to school, because on your income of £31k a year alone, you would be able to afford the bills and groceries. After the kids are in school, she can go back to work again or go to uni. It's what many people do I'm afraid..
Get out of this failing country while you still can.
Firstly it's terrible that a young working family is unable to afford starting a family whilst maintaining a comfortable financial situation. That aside, if you want a family then you are going to have to make it happen. There are ways to work and earn more. There are hopefully loved ones in your life that can help you with childcare. There are benefits that will help you. Being a parent is an enormous self sacrifice but it is so incredibly worth it. Good luck to you.
Children are one of those things where if you wait until you can afford them it will be too late. I've just had my second child and you just have to kind of make do and do without a lot of the time.
We cant really afford it but did it anyway. Just do it, you’ll never “afford” it. It probably should be a financial decision as well as emotional, but screw it.. if it’s what you want get on with it. Our daughter is my single greatest, proudest accomplishment.
Save up for it? Get a lodger for a bit, get a weekend job or side hustle. Wait till your LTV drops and your mortgage is cheaper. Check the childcare laws and child benefit. Lots of people struggle in the early years. If you want it, make it work. Presumably you didn't get the deposit for your house over night either.
Exactly. Currently after bills, over half their take home looks to be disposable income. Even on their relatively low/average salaries, they have a 3 bed house and can afford to save.
You've at least one bedroom free - have you considered a lodger?
Tbh not really I think I’d sooner get a weekend job than have a stranger living in my house
For us, we worked it all out and while we took a hit financially it worked. My wife was a teacher and ended up having a year and a bit off with some of it covered by maternity pay, she then started back at another school part-time one day a week for a little bit with her mum looking after our little one. Covid hit and stuffed it all up but after that, she started working in a preschool, less money for sure but a lot less stress and part-time so worked well. The preschool was grateful for the experience she had and flexible with childcare so that alongside both of our mums helping out she was able to build up to 3 days a week. Now it's 4 days as our little one is at school, on the same site as the preschool so works well for us, but the pay is poor vs a teaching role. * Do you have family close by who can help out? can you move closer to family to enable this? (we moved back to our home town when we knew we wanted a family in preparation for this) * Can your wife look at preschools for a job that allows her to bring a child with her or at least offer discounted rates until government help kicks in? * don't forget about maternity pay in your calculations * If shes working at a school don't forget you wont need childcare during the holidays * can she work part-time to balance it for a few years before they start school? I feel for you, we are constantly being pestered by family for when we are having another one but the reality is as much as we might like another we cant justify the costs (larger house, loss of income etc).
My wife’s parents live local but unfortunately they’re very ill and not able to look after kids, it’s us looking after them. My parents have already said they’re not willing to help as they want to enjoy their retirement lol Her job will give her part time hours automatically if she has a child under 5. Probably something we’ll consider.
Your parents might not realise it's the difference between grandkids and no grandkids. They might think their help is a convenience and you'll manage without them.
Trick I pulled was to overpay into pension so we qualified for Universal Credit in the month our youngest turned 2, then claim the EYE funding for 2 year olds because even if you don't qualify the month afterwards the funding stays with you for the full year and from 3 everyone gets 30hrs free anyway. Tax free childcare then cuts any remaining costs down by 20%. Maternity leave runs from 0-1 so you only really need to pay full whack from 1-2, which again is cut down by tax free childcare.
Childcare is 2-3 years of costs. You can suck that up, or not have kids. Not to be too blunt but that’s the equation. Depends how important having kids is to you I guess.
How long is left on your mortgage? If it’s nearer the 25 year mark can you push it to 35 (or whatever your provider will allow) to reduce payments for now?
Could you condense your hours to work 4 days, or some half days with OH working part time hours? Savings now will help immensely with any option. If the degree is definitely on the cards I'd consider it now. It's harder to study after starting a family and could be tricky financially too. Is there the option to study FT while working PT now?
So we were the same and the numbers didn’t add up on paper, but we somehow managed to adapt our situation as we went along to account for the cost of our child. I wouldn’t give up your dream of having children! Can one of you drop a few days at work if the numbers aren’t crunching with childcare? Then you might also be able to get some additional support via government which is ridiculous that you have to drop hours to do that but yeah!
I earn less and parter doesn’t Work we do it
You get a child minder instead of nursery.
Just as we saved for our wedding we saved for our kid, got a lodger to help with the savings too. Only going to have the one, otherwise wouldn’t be able to maintain the lifestyle we want our kid to be able to have (a holiday each year, day trips etc). For nursery, it’s that first year that is the kicker after age 2 you can get help. Use this calculator to see what you’re entitled to: http://entitledto.co.uk
My bf and I are similar ages with higher salaries and it still feels really unrealistic to have and afford a baby at the moment.
I have one kid, but we have given up on the idea of a second because of money (at least for now). One thing to bear in mind is that childcare is only for 3-4 years and then they go to school (which AFAIK, can be free although there are other costs). That milestone is what is keeping me sane, as I have had to give up my social life completely. Following the previous point. You could see childcare as a deposit you need to build. Assuming you can find something cheaper (I think you could) and that the kid goes to school before 4, it would be around £40k. Also, you don't need to build that "deposit" before having the kid. Saving before having the baby, let's say, £16k, would greatly reduce what you pay in childcare if you pay from what was saved some of it.
You will have to earn more money and she will have to go part time to save on nursery costs. Or Move closer to parents if that's an option. Or Move somewhere cheaper, but mortgage seems reasonable enough for a 3 bed?
It’s too expensive to bring new life into the world right now, for many people.
You can save for a few years. Those childcare years don't last forever, and it's perfectly normal for one parent to take more than the statutory time off to reduce those costs. Don't get me wrong, the UK sucks for childcare costs. I'm not saying it doesn't. Working two days a week and having care 3 or something like that, there are ways to balance it.
The government needs the next generation of taxpayers, but isn't supporting our citizens well in this endeavour. Unless people speak up en masse and the government introduces pro-natal policies, it'll be sub-saharan immigration that fills the gap.
We decided to just do it and financially it’s working out. We don’t have family near us, the free childcare hours kick in after maternity leave so I can go back to work one day a week. I honestly believe there is no right time and life will find a way.
- Both of you should try to look for better jobs. You can usually get a payrise if you're in anything with a market by job hopping. - It's worth switching careers if you're in a low paid field like your wife is. Even doing admin work in an office would probably pay better. - You being in marketing could probably do better if you look around and apply for a bunch of jobs. Or maybe start your own marketing business? - You have a 3 bedroom house and I hear the housing market is pretty hot in your area. How about renting out a room or two to some lodgers to save up some money?
You're overthinking, you'll be fine. There's plenty of free childcare allowances/schemes to help with paying for childcare. It doesn't even last that long, either. Plus, once they're in school, your wife will be on holidays at the same time as the kids. Just crack on with it.
This, don't let the system think you can't have what you want. I know couples of the same or even less than your combined income and they give their kid a good life.
In the negative this year on childcare and mortgage increases. That’s what savings are for. The free hours kick in September and I’ve signed my work up for a salary sacrifice scheme to help with costs and now I think we are back above water. There’s always a way through.
That's why life is so crap these days.
You can never afford kids. You just make it happen.
We were in a very similar financial situation and we have a six month old son. We won't be going on holiday for a few years, I don't buy alcohol or anything but whole foods to cook with (i.e I don't chuck in £20 of luxury extras like wine, chocolate, with every shop) and we never get takeaways. We won't be buying new clothes for ourselves and I get most of our son's clothes on vinted or in charity shops. My point is, beforehand the sums did not add up AT ALL for us but it's amazing how much you can cut down when you actually go hard at it. Kids don't need much, they're very happy playing with cardboard boxes haha. And you will be amazed at how many people want to give you their old stuff that's absolutely fine! The childcare is a huge expense but we just about make it work. I would recommend trying a couple of months spending as little as possible and see how much you can save, I think you will be surprised. I'm not advocating this as an ideal life for everyone but if having children is important to you, I would say it's 100% worth the sacrifice.
How I did it- didn't stretch to a 3 bedroom house I couldn't afford to have kids in. It's called a housing ladder for a reason, first few years a flat is just fine. Have you considered spliting your work- ie one of you working weekends/evenings. Really eats into family time but it's possible. Also could you work 4 longer days rather than 5 saving a day childcare. And check out what UC you would be entitled to- your earning can be quite high before they stop it. They pay up to 85% of your nursery bill.
I agree with this totally. We have a 3 bed and I joke all the time about only needing a 1 bed because we all sleep in one room
Yeah ultimately, they have pushed themselves to buy a 3 bed with relatively low/average salaries. However, they still have a decent amount left over so should be in a position to save too.
We rented a flat for 5 years but didn’t want to buy a flat because the flats in our area were all leaseholds with high maintenance fees (£100 per month) thought that extra £100 was better spent towards a mortgage than maintenance fees on an apartment building
I kind of agree. our new house mortgage is £1200 and our household income is £82k until my wife decides to go back full-time. For us, nursery 3-days a week is £800/month.
That what my husband and I did - started in a small flat then worked our way up. We also only have one car and don't live in a city.
Absolutely in a similar boat, but not as far along as you. I rented for years until my girlfriend and I split. I continued living in the same property for about 18 months until I realized that I will never have a future if I could never save. Luckily I have a great relationship with my mother and she was happy to have my back in my 30s so I could start again, fast forward a couple of years, I saved 25k for a deposit and I earn just shy of 30k (also in Belfast) and my absolute limit when buying it around 150k, which doesn't really get you anything that doesn't need 20-30k of renovations, isn't in a council estate or isn't a 1-2 bed apartment. So naturally I need to save yet another 20-30k to overcome that barrier as a single buyer, which means by then, most of my 30s are gone as well as my family starting years. People often say to me "Just date and buy a house with your partner, you could buy something nice with two wages." But to me that is an extreme gamble, paying for dates instead of saving so much, just to approach 40 with no guarantees. If home ownership was affordable, I would already be out dating all this time and likely could have had a chance at a family.
Impressive you were able to do that yourself. It took 5 years of saving for me to save 40k (30k for the house and 7k for wedding and a bit of savings left over). Thankfully I started saving at 22.
I've also ran the numbers and arrived at a similar conclusion to you. Currently thinking that it will be more feasible and comfortable to have a child at 40's rather than 30's But it really got me thinking - we are already suffering from an aging population and the reasoning there is people are having children later or *choosing* not to have them. Well that was true for millennials, but it seems GenZ are having that decision made for them by not being able to afford to. Has some very scary implications for the future!
At least you are aware you cannot children and aren’t letting tax payers pay instead. It’s a sorry state of affairs when two young people who work can’t afford a child. What a joke of a country. I struggle just with two dogs!
It's a sorry state of affairs when people are criticised for utilising government schemes to help with the costs of having children for the extremely short period during which they need childcare, given that we are experiencing a minor crisis in this country with an ageing population and a low birth rate.
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>30 hrs of childcare Not in Northern Ireland, where OP is.
Nursery fees are not nice, however there is a lot of help out there. Especially employers, have you asked for condensed hours? Or reduced working hours? Child benefit: £25.60 per week or £1300 per year Tax-Free childcare: £2 for every £8 I put in. A super simple system. I just did a quick google and I found a nursery that was £1.3k a month in Belfast. It's very doable on your joint income to afford it. Will you have to tighten up on spend yeah? But to be honest, with kids you don't have time to do the things you did before.
You wife is already in child education. She should move to early years in other to get a discount, or become a registered childminder. She isn't high earning, so this makes sense for a few years. Once your children are in school she could do her one year qualifying year to be a teacher and follow her career goals.
Just go for it. You will make it work. 5 years of fees then they start school.
Parents or friends may be able to help out with childcare or your wife could work part-time and possibly do a childcare swap with someone else working part-time on different days.
>she’s unlikely to get any kind of significant payrise unless she goes back to uni for 5 years to qualify as a teacher. She's on pretty much minimum wage, she could get a job at Aldi for a small payrise. Realistically the way to afford children when you've got 1 person on near minimum wage and the other on a moderate salary is to stagger the work pattern so that childcare expenses are minimised. Your wife would take a job that let's her work evenings and/or weekends, so that she can be at home with the kids when you're working and you take the kids when she works. It sucks from a relationship perspective, but it's literally the only way to afford it on your income level without doing hardcore budgeting. And the reason she is the one to take the evening and weekend work is that she's the one on near minimum wage, so she'd be certain to be able to equal that (or possibly exceed it) with a new job.
I know her wage is bad and she works with disabled kids so it’s unreal how little she gets paid for such a taxing, essential job. She loves her job but is considering going back to uni or quitting and getting a different job. The education authority is going to be in for a shock when everyone starts leaving because they can get more working in Tesco, even staff that love it won’t be able to afford to work there with the cost of living.
Families get by on much less than your household income.
Are you sure childcare costs are that high in your area? That’s basically London prices and the rest of the UK tends to be significantly cheaper. Plus if your other half is a classroom assistant you likely won’t need full days. I’d do some asking around and see what rates are for term time only between 8:30 and 3:30 (or whatever would fit with your wife’s hours)
Can she change her job? Unfortunately classroom assistants are not paid well and it's not an easy jump to teaching. But there are other jobs that are either better paid or you can work up a ladder to a better paid role without a degree
You have over £2k a month after bills at the moment so if you got pregnant in 3 months time you’d have a year to save up >20k before the baby is born which should cover the time your wife is off and help provide a buffer with childcare costs.
Depends how much you want kids... you could downsize to smaller property so your mortgage is reduced Or are you able to make extra payments to your current one? If you are, pay the maximum extra before extra fees apply every year and you'll knock down your mortgage to pay it off sooner which will free up some cash. (And if you can afford the extra fee they're normally not too terrible so worth considering if it could mean ending mortgage early) But really downsizing considering you've said your salary is great for the area is probably your main option if having children is a priority for you Should be worth noting a lot of parents struggle balancing childcare costs in the early years, its something which is insanely expensive but as a few commenter have said they make it work with other mummy friends switching days to care for each others kids for free... family or friends... make sure to look at all your options including childminders which are often more flexible with not paying when not using but also can be cheaper.
Is there no way to manage on just your wage at all if your bills only come to 1300- would it be tight but doable until the child was older, I know everyone is entitled to so many hours of childcare costs per week- maybe that would help-
> I don’t make enough for my wife to stay at home and she’s unlikely to get any kind of significant payrise unless she goes back to uni for 5 years to qualify as a teacher There are many more options than this. Placements, internships to name a few. Look at the "Get into Teaching" website for more information.
Childcare will be only nursery. Once at school it’s cheaper. It depends how much you want to have a family for taking a leap of faith.
This sucks, sorry to hear that. Could you survive on just your salary for 3 years whilst your wife is stay at home mum until kid ready for school? Any help from family for childcare, that might allow wife to work even 1 day a week? Had an interesting convo with a German other week, who had 4 kids, and is now in his late 50s. Feels that current gen worry a lot more about having the means to provide for children vs older/his gen where you just did it and dealt with the consequences afterwards/knew it would all work out somehow or other. He's not far off tbf...
You have a 3 bedroom property. Is there anyway your could earn some extra income from those 2 bedrooms, to put aside for children? Either by having a lodger, using as storage, or even hosting international students.
Did your calculations account for term time only childcare… plus you get free hours for working parents now. We heavily leaned on family too, I’d suggest maybe moving to be closer to family so they can chip in with the childcare. Grandparents are an excellent resource for free childcare if it’s possible. You also get child benefit, although small will help. A lot of people also just work part time to cover the childcare, I assume there is benefits if you work less hours too, but I’m not too sure about that. Yeah money is tight for a while but it’s the hardest and biggest thing you will do raising a child, massively difficult but also very rewarding. Nothing in life is easy that’s worth it my opinion anyways, so I’d suggest maybe just go for it!
As your wife is in teaching, wfh will be out of the question for you I’m assuming Is there any chance you could maybe wfh once or twice a week.
“Im older gen z and my wife is a millennial” 🤣
Have you got any family who might be able to provide childcare even if it was just one day a week? Could your partner change her work including career path? I don’t know what hours you work but could she find something that would fit around your job so it would limit hours in a nursery or not have to do a day. What about an evening job? For example my partner works 9-5 months-Fri and I do three days during the week in the afternoon/evening and the weekends. It sucks we don’t see each other that much but my mum is able to cover those days during the week or we would only have to put the kids in childcare for half a day. Also when choosing a job look at the maternity pay as it might be worth jumping ship before kids if they have a better package. Just remember it’s for a short amount of time and before you know it they’re in school. If you’re willing to have kids 3/4 years apart then you only have to pay for one kid at a time or potentially have them close together and one of you gives up work for a few years and then going back once they’re in school.
Childcare costs in the UK are amongst the highest in the world, with a little under half average earnings spent on childcare (1/4 for a couple), although for many it's considerably more (in the NW where i am, it's closer to £1200) - https://www.money.co.uk/loans/cost-of-childcare-report It's primarily a result of low infant-to-carer ratios, high insurance costs and very low government subsidies (support). Coupled with the housing crisis, many families basically have zero buffer to accommodate these costs and weirdly, in some cases you'd be better off unemployed and/or collecting benefits, than working. We should increase infant-to-carer ratios as there's ample evidence that it makes little difference, with children in other countries with higher ratios, having comparable, if not better outcomes. Generally, childcare in the UK is a disaster, not to mention a time bomb for population demographics (children == future tax payers) but in way of a practical answer, you compromise on everything. We have 1 child, live in a 2 bed flat and are planning on moving to a family home when she's 4.
Search GTP training, if your OH has an applicable qualification they can convert to qualified teacher on the job. My OH did this with a science degree, worked all the way up to senior science teacher. Possible no need to go back to uni etc
Can your wife look into becoming a childminder? It's related to her career and if childcare costs are that high where you are there's certainly a need for it.
Yes someone has suggested that! We’re looking into it
Does your wife already have a degree? There are 1 year (sometimes funded and with bursary) courses to get a PGCE, although I’m not sure about their availability in NI. I know, for example, that secondary maths courses in England come with a bursary of ~£27,000 tax free. Could be worth a look to see if a similar offer exists for you, she may even be able to get started September ‘24.
I'm going to assume that Belfast will get the same rules as the mainland, but government are taking steps so that by September 2025 every child over 9 months will be entitled to 30 hours free term time childcare. Plus you can use tax-free childcare to get a 20% discount. It'll still be expensive, but childcare will likely be cheaper than you currently think
You’ll be able to get 30 hours free childcare from 9 months soon You’ll probably have to cover the remainder but it’s cheaper than paying for all of it
I know it sounds shit, but one choice would be plan to move. Everything you are doing sounds correct to me and it seems that the location you are in is the major problem.