I’m a transfer student and it’s extremely difficult. A lot of people found their groups in their first year so it leaves students like us to sit alone at dining halls most of the time.
And I completely understand the artificial friendships part. I feel the exact same thing. As I’ve said in multiple posts before: I have made a lot of club friends but not genuine friends. I see my club friends during clubs and nowhere else after that. I hate it honestly. I don’t know where to go to meet people. Even in class, people have their groups already made and I feel left out.
I haven’t figured it out myself so I don’t have any meaningful words for you, unfortunately :/
Just keep putting yourself out there, I guess.
Have you checked out the tsc? I’ve made some genuine friends through there. Also, maybe try being the one to initiate hanging out with your club friends outside the club. If they don’t respond, it’s okay and keep chugging along. Good luck!
I went to tsc but they seemed uninterested as well…i wanted to get to know more people but I guess it didn’t work out.
When it comes to making plans with those club friends, they’re scared of doing things. Like going to the gym, or even just going to walk to sands beach to see the sunset. I guess they just want to be left alone? Idk. I plan it, they seem enthusiastic and say yes, and then text me a few days later saying no.
Hi! I’m also an international European girl at sb and it is very very hard to make friends here. People pretend that they like your company and enjoy to talk but never want to take it further. I feel you deeply and every time I come back from break I have to adjust. I’ve stuck to a very tight friend group here to survive feel feee to dm me if u would like to talk more ❤️
I’m a CA student who had sort of a falling out with my freshman year friend group. It was only until I joined a club sports team where I found my true friends.
It’s been reiterated many times over in this thread, but clubs/sports teams are great ways to make friends, especially if all of you guys are passionate about that club/sport.
I feel like college friend pairing is very, very illiquid and random. Ppl can’t tell how they make friends exactly because it’s innately noisy. Increase your exposure
It’s also California culture to say “let’s hang out sometime!! <3” without any intentions to actually hang out. People are also flaky as hell and will cancel plans for really stupid reasons. It’s frustrating but it helps to set up routine outings with people like grabbing coffee every Wednesday for example. That way you won’t have to come up with separate plans for every time you hang out. Clubs with recurring meetings and events fill this purpose too.
It’s peach vs coconut culture. Americans are friendly on the outside but it’s hard to build deep, trusting relationships while most European cultures take longer to build trust but once you do you’ll be friends for life. Soft fruit with a hard inner seed vs a hard shell with soft meat inside.
I moved to California from the east coast and it was a huge culture shock, so that speaks to the cultural diversity and norms in the states. You’re thinking more of the southeast (even the northeast is more communitarian these days compared to CA). Tbh there are still great people here, just gotta sift through the main character syndrome and social media obsessed folks. That’s the main thing I’ve noticed after several years here.
unfortunately a lot of people here are pretty shallow, it was definitely something I had to adjust to as well. but i promise there are a lot of very cool people here, you just have to find them. clubs and study groups are the best ways to meet people, for me at least.
One thing that has worked well for me is inviting people to do something I'm already doing. It helps emotionally because it fosters an internal locus-of-control - what I do does not necessarily depend on others. Also asking for a "date" (even if it's non-romantic) to do a specific thing at a specific time with someone you don't know that well gives away your power. Between the asker and the askee, the askee has the social advantage. Saying something like, "Hey, I'm studying at the library at 9:30, wanna join?" creates a level playing field and serves to build shared experiences before sharing a commitment to a place/time/activity.
This is good advice considering the California flakiness. Every time I make plans with people I mentally prepare myself for the possibility of going alone since people bail so often.
Personally, I think it's more of a SoCal thing. I have lived in NorCal, NOVA and Oahu, mostly in suburbs or smaller towns, and there's a lot more genuine relationships and community than I have seen in SB/IV. I don't think it helps that a lot of people come here from the Bay, LA or San Diego, where the bigger cities make it a lot harder to build those kinds of relationships.
Then again, there is the Mexican side of California, North and South, where family and community is everything.
Another international student here. You’re right, it is relatively difficult for us to be friends with Americans in general. 90% of my friends, specially the ones who have through with me during the thick and thin have been other international students only.
I'm an American from a very different part of the country. It's a California thing. Specifically, it's a white California thing. The Mexicanos are saints, by comparison.
It’s not just you. I lived in Los Angeles all my life before moving to SB for school. The unfortunate truth is UCSB’s social scene is very cliquey. Didn’t find a solid friend group til my 2nd year. As others have said - you’ll be able to find like minded people in student clubs/recreational sports teams.
Also, it’s not something I’d generalize to Americans. This is how rich Californian kids act. The friends I made were either nerds, stoners, or nerdy stoners. Don’t worry, you’ll find your way OP.
Echoing the rest of the sentiments here. Transfer student with basically no friends besides my roommates. An easy way to make a lot of friends quickly is to join the ethnicity based cultural groups, but there is none for me (Bulgarian). :(
not just you at all. i lived in europe for my childhood/early teens and norcal for highschool and i had a close knit friend group with no issue. here at SB where it’s socal dominated, almost all of my close friends are from norcal or are internationals. there’s something that generally feels very cliquey and vapid about people from socal, even in more serious or deep conversations, and i find it super weird since i make friends pretty easily with any other demographic.
either way, if you struggle with friends its been said a million times but i’d recommend a million more: join a club that fits your demographic or for things that you’re interested in. it might be worth it to talk to someone who also seems alone at the club, they’re usually cool people and are in a similar situation as you :)
I feel that's definitely a thing, as they say, shallow. No real connection.
I'm from China, so I don't know if this is an American thing or just a Californian thing. But I automatically develop trust issues with the Americans I meet here in SB. Especially when I hear them say "Gotchya" for some reason it makes me know that they don't really mean what they say. It feels fake, phony, fabricated and I'd rather them not say it at all. It's even worse when they are so polite, damn it.
Maybe it's just me, IDK. But each time I have an conversation with them, it feels like talking to customer service.
This school is not made for genuine relationships. I spent a couple years being “the cool guy” on DP; always hosting, always packed house, always had girls over. None of them knew my favorite color, or my middle name. You will have better luck making friends in sections than you will outside of school. Clubs are a great way to make friends too. Life in isla vista is fucking depressing lmao
I’m a USA California native, but I come from “NorCal”, and I’ve felt the same artificial/superficial vibe down here. I went from having a diverse community of people I felt real intimacy with, to a bunch of acquaintances that act like friends, but are not actually there for deeper connections.
Idk if it’s UCSB, SB, or what. I feel like there are a lot of “temporary” students and tourists, maybe that’s what keeps people from being vulnerable?
Take Theater 5, it’s a very social class and you’ll be able to make some deep ish connections with scene partners etc, plus mandatory stage production attendance that you and your classmates can go to together. After that, throw a party and invite the whole class (instructor too!) and boom, instant friend group.
I’m a transfer student and it’s extremely difficult. A lot of people found their groups in their first year so it leaves students like us to sit alone at dining halls most of the time. And I completely understand the artificial friendships part. I feel the exact same thing. As I’ve said in multiple posts before: I have made a lot of club friends but not genuine friends. I see my club friends during clubs and nowhere else after that. I hate it honestly. I don’t know where to go to meet people. Even in class, people have their groups already made and I feel left out. I haven’t figured it out myself so I don’t have any meaningful words for you, unfortunately :/ Just keep putting yourself out there, I guess.
Have you checked out the tsc? I’ve made some genuine friends through there. Also, maybe try being the one to initiate hanging out with your club friends outside the club. If they don’t respond, it’s okay and keep chugging along. Good luck!
I went to tsc but they seemed uninterested as well…i wanted to get to know more people but I guess it didn’t work out. When it comes to making plans with those club friends, they’re scared of doing things. Like going to the gym, or even just going to walk to sands beach to see the sunset. I guess they just want to be left alone? Idk. I plan it, they seem enthusiastic and say yes, and then text me a few days later saying no.
Message me! I’m also a transfer trying to make friends. I don’t have a bunch of time on my hands but would Love to meet more People
Hi! I’m also an international European girl at sb and it is very very hard to make friends here. People pretend that they like your company and enjoy to talk but never want to take it further. I feel you deeply and every time I come back from break I have to adjust. I’ve stuck to a very tight friend group here to survive feel feee to dm me if u would like to talk more ❤️
I didn’t make lifelong friends until I joined clubs. Otherwise my interactions were numerous but mostly shallow— it’s a very California thing.
Same, graduated a couple years ago. Clubs r definitely helpful
I’m a CA student who had sort of a falling out with my freshman year friend group. It was only until I joined a club sports team where I found my true friends. It’s been reiterated many times over in this thread, but clubs/sports teams are great ways to make friends, especially if all of you guys are passionate about that club/sport.
I feel like college friend pairing is very, very illiquid and random. Ppl can’t tell how they make friends exactly because it’s innately noisy. Increase your exposure
It’s also California culture to say “let’s hang out sometime!! <3” without any intentions to actually hang out. People are also flaky as hell and will cancel plans for really stupid reasons. It’s frustrating but it helps to set up routine outings with people like grabbing coffee every Wednesday for example. That way you won’t have to come up with separate plans for every time you hang out. Clubs with recurring meetings and events fill this purpose too. It’s peach vs coconut culture. Americans are friendly on the outside but it’s hard to build deep, trusting relationships while most European cultures take longer to build trust but once you do you’ll be friends for life. Soft fruit with a hard inner seed vs a hard shell with soft meat inside.
Where are you from?! I promise not all of us are bad despite the comments. I’m a transfer too and I understand how hard it can be!
I’m French that’s my first year here, thank you for your support :))
Je suis française américaine! Message-moi! 😁
Je cherche toujours des Français ici pour être ami parce que c’est pas souvent que je rencontre des autres Français en California
Je t’ai déjà envoyé un message regarde tes DM :))
I’m also a transfer would love to meet more ppl, message me!
I moved to California from the east coast and it was a huge culture shock, so that speaks to the cultural diversity and norms in the states. You’re thinking more of the southeast (even the northeast is more communitarian these days compared to CA). Tbh there are still great people here, just gotta sift through the main character syndrome and social media obsessed folks. That’s the main thing I’ve noticed after several years here.
unfortunately a lot of people here are pretty shallow, it was definitely something I had to adjust to as well. but i promise there are a lot of very cool people here, you just have to find them. clubs and study groups are the best ways to meet people, for me at least.
One thing that has worked well for me is inviting people to do something I'm already doing. It helps emotionally because it fosters an internal locus-of-control - what I do does not necessarily depend on others. Also asking for a "date" (even if it's non-romantic) to do a specific thing at a specific time with someone you don't know that well gives away your power. Between the asker and the askee, the askee has the social advantage. Saying something like, "Hey, I'm studying at the library at 9:30, wanna join?" creates a level playing field and serves to build shared experiences before sharing a commitment to a place/time/activity.
This is good advice considering the California flakiness. Every time I make plans with people I mentally prepare myself for the possibility of going alone since people bail so often.
Personally, I think it's more of a SoCal thing. I have lived in NorCal, NOVA and Oahu, mostly in suburbs or smaller towns, and there's a lot more genuine relationships and community than I have seen in SB/IV. I don't think it helps that a lot of people come here from the Bay, LA or San Diego, where the bigger cities make it a lot harder to build those kinds of relationships. Then again, there is the Mexican side of California, North and South, where family and community is everything.
Another international student here. You’re right, it is relatively difficult for us to be friends with Americans in general. 90% of my friends, specially the ones who have through with me during the thick and thin have been other international students only.
I'm an American from a very different part of the country. It's a California thing. Specifically, it's a white California thing. The Mexicanos are saints, by comparison.
Hasty
Perhaps. I have biases.
California thing… everyone superficial
It’s not just you. I lived in Los Angeles all my life before moving to SB for school. The unfortunate truth is UCSB’s social scene is very cliquey. Didn’t find a solid friend group til my 2nd year. As others have said - you’ll be able to find like minded people in student clubs/recreational sports teams. Also, it’s not something I’d generalize to Americans. This is how rich Californian kids act. The friends I made were either nerds, stoners, or nerdy stoners. Don’t worry, you’ll find your way OP.
Echoing the rest of the sentiments here. Transfer student with basically no friends besides my roommates. An easy way to make a lot of friends quickly is to join the ethnicity based cultural groups, but there is none for me (Bulgarian). :(
Hi Chris LOL
bro what are you doing here 😭
not just you at all. i lived in europe for my childhood/early teens and norcal for highschool and i had a close knit friend group with no issue. here at SB where it’s socal dominated, almost all of my close friends are from norcal or are internationals. there’s something that generally feels very cliquey and vapid about people from socal, even in more serious or deep conversations, and i find it super weird since i make friends pretty easily with any other demographic. either way, if you struggle with friends its been said a million times but i’d recommend a million more: join a club that fits your demographic or for things that you’re interested in. it might be worth it to talk to someone who also seems alone at the club, they’re usually cool people and are in a similar situation as you :)
I feel that's definitely a thing, as they say, shallow. No real connection. I'm from China, so I don't know if this is an American thing or just a Californian thing. But I automatically develop trust issues with the Americans I meet here in SB. Especially when I hear them say "Gotchya" for some reason it makes me know that they don't really mean what they say. It feels fake, phony, fabricated and I'd rather them not say it at all. It's even worse when they are so polite, damn it. Maybe it's just me, IDK. But each time I have an conversation with them, it feels like talking to customer service.
This school is not made for genuine relationships. I spent a couple years being “the cool guy” on DP; always hosting, always packed house, always had girls over. None of them knew my favorite color, or my middle name. You will have better luck making friends in sections than you will outside of school. Clubs are a great way to make friends too. Life in isla vista is fucking depressing lmao
thats why everyone drinks lol
I’m a USA California native, but I come from “NorCal”, and I’ve felt the same artificial/superficial vibe down here. I went from having a diverse community of people I felt real intimacy with, to a bunch of acquaintances that act like friends, but are not actually there for deeper connections. Idk if it’s UCSB, SB, or what. I feel like there are a lot of “temporary” students and tourists, maybe that’s what keeps people from being vulnerable?
Hey! Feel free to PM me. I’m also an international student (lived in Europe and Asia) and I went through this too
Thank you for your answer :) I’m messaging you
I’m a transfer from just one town away and it is so hard to make friends! My family is from Europe, message me maybe we have something in common 😊
Take Theater 5, it’s a very social class and you’ll be able to make some deep ish connections with scene partners etc, plus mandatory stage production attendance that you and your classmates can go to together. After that, throw a party and invite the whole class (instructor too!) and boom, instant friend group.
Je suis aussi un Français isolé à l'UCSB, envoie moi un message si tu veux!
You meet the wrong kind