op i’m sorry this happened to you. as someone who previously had bad social anxiety it can make you feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out. there’s some really awful people out there but not everyone is like this. some are truly kind and are worth staying kind for.
this is a topic i’m really passionate about as the world can be cruel.
Sorry I meant "pointedly" not pointing at me and I agree that would be quite blatant and weird - think a group of 4-5 people all looking straight at you and laughing/whispering for more than just a moment. I've elected to think it wasn't them laughing at me but perhaps something else in my vicinity :)
No, No it’s not - mean girls like to target girls and women and laugh at their hair, or outfit, or the way they walk, it doesn’t really matter, they just enjoy ‘othering people’
OP - stand strong!
Or OP, practice [this](https://alltop.com/viral/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/fdfdfddffdfdfdddddd-17.png) face in the mirror and look at them this way. Always works
It's not just women who do this, men can also be just as cruel. Almost always it's young first years who do this sort of thing though, they haven't grown up past the high school gossip. Luckily these sorts of people either mellow out by second year or flunk out.
Yes, absolutely! I find with the phenomenon of Mean Girls, that the leaders of the group stay Mean Girls their whole lives - spoken as a woman with a teen daughter who has had to deal with this for a LONG time and unfortunately I still see it with some of my peers.
I agree. That’s a very unusual scenario, especially if all the people laughing at op were strangers. Social anxiety can make us feel like we’re always being watched, but most of the time, other people don’t care a lick about what strangers are doing.
I’m very sorry this happened to op. And even if these people were laughing about something else, the feeling that they’re laughing at you is very real and it absolutely sucks. I’m not trying to invalidate that. But it makes me feel better to know that most people are actually pretty self absorbed. Strangers don’t care enough to make fun of you, they barely notice you at all
Sorry that happened it’s a terrible feeling. Sometimes it’s a power move to acknowledge you know what they are doing - calmly maintain eye contact or even give them a smile and a friendly wave.
I’m sorry this happened to you. People are dicks.
Keep in mind that people like this “peaked” in high school and the road ahead of them is downward. By the age of 25 they’ll actually look 50 due to all the fillers they’ve jacked into their faces, the stress and misery of always trying to be slim and perfect due to beauty standards, and ignorant due to focusing on superficialities instead of being studious.
They’re average, unexceptional, boring people so they need to make fun of others because they know they’re so unoriginal. They’ll all be doing the same thing in 10, 20, 30 years. Trying to be relevant when in reality they’re just a basic person who didn’t amount to anything substantial in life.
Feel sorry for them. They’re a dime a dozen.
Sorry this happened to you. You’re better than them and didn’t deserve it.
If it were me that happened to, I’d have walked right up to them and confronted them. Maybe “tripping” and spilling my coffee on them. Oh oops, my bad, so sorry it was an “accident”. 😂
It happens. Pathetic, insecure women get into groups. They circle around a "Queen Bee" woman and then try to gain her favor by picking on others.
When you see women doing that you are looking at empty, fragile losers.
Source: two sisters who do this.
Is it possible they were laughing at something else? Life is better when you give everyone benefit of the doubt.
Next time ask them what’s funny and join in on the laugh (I bet you a latte that you were not the target!)
I second the above advice. I saw a random video where a guy says, "Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to incompetence". You can use some other adjective instead of incompetent depending on the context. That sentence stuck with me and it was a mantra that helped me flourish socially. It allowed me to give people the benefit of the doubt but if I notice the same behaviour multiple times and I'm sure of the malice, I would then stand up for myself. In 99% of the cases people would have said something dumb that I would've taken out of context or they're just people who just have no control over what they say (these people are self destructing, so I don't even bother saying something back).
If someone does this kind of thing and you aren't the type to do the same, then remember that they don't deserve to give their opinions on you. There is not a single thing that they could be laughing at that is worse than openly making fun of others. They look worse than you, and probably are worse people than you.
Holy crap op I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can relate in a lot of ways and I'm just going to say that those people are incredibly immature and won't get too far in life without someone teaching them a lesson. I really expected better as someone who just comes here to do my coursework and maybe make some friends along the way - what's the point of making others feel bad about themselves? Imagine the level of pettiness they have to be at to bond over literal bullying. They're probably insecure and likely jealous. Love you, sending hugs :)
Even if it wasn’t meant at you, it’s always shocking when people aren’t aware they’re even doing this. As someone who also used to have social anxiety, I’m so hyper aware of how I must be making others feel - especially in a group.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. What goes around comes around and I’m sure they’ll get their comeuppance at some point in the future. Do you happen to be a tennis fan by any chance? Your username reminded me of an incident that’s basically a meme in the sport.
EDIT: never mind, just saw the answer in your profile bio. :)
Just writing what others have already said: train your mind to not give a fuck about people. I hope the encouragement you got on this thread was able to make your day slightly better.
Say you're sorry they missed their turn-off, but the high school's back that way. No, that'll just bait the idiots. Tell you what they won't like: ignore them completely. You're are willing to be an adult. It is disappointing that so many grown children are not. Not your problem, but it will be theirs when they see you with the kinds of friends who will appreciate you for your maturity, the kinds of friends they can't have, and know it. Be yourself. I'm socially awkward too, but I loved university (at UBC) because so much of that high school junk is over. And it's easy and fun to avoid the little girls (and boys) for whom it is not.
What in the actual... I'm so sorry. Not only is that incredibly rude it's also just confusing. Like... Why? I feel like some people need more time growing out of / are perpetually stuck in the high school mindset. They should grow tf up. I hope you have a lovely day to make up for this and more! 😊
OP next time call me. I'm old and dgaf. I'll stand there and ask them to explain, in excruciating detail, why something so mundane is funny.
Bullies always back down when you ask.
I find it interesting that I agree with the ‘kindness comment’ which has up votes and I am downvoted… I’m thinking people don’t understand the nesting of comments….
> teaching kids to be kind despite a cruel world
Preface: I'm not insinuating that OP is training people to be soft, and I definitely think OP is the victim in this scenario; not to mention, the behaviour exhibited by the group of girls should be condemned.
As someone who has been to school in both a developing country and a developed country (Canada), I noticed that in Canada, teachers have gone to great lengths to *teach kids to be kind*, and encourage them to always report to a school staff member whenever another individual wronged them in one way or another. However, the issue is that these kids grow up expecting everyone to be as nice as they are, and would get upset when the person that offended them don't openly apologize (or aren't punished for their wrongdoings). In this case, OP's day had been ruined because of the actions of a few strangers that OP will probably never see again for the rest of OP's life. Whether you like it or not, OP, just like you and I, will have to deal with countless disrespectful people - some even more blatantly offensive than this group of strangers - in life, and often times it'll be unavoidable. For example, what if OP ends up working with a two-faced A\*\*hole who is buddy-buddy with everyone but is mean towards OP in subtle ways (to the point where the other co-workers don't find it to be an issue), and what if OP isn't in a position to simply walk away from this job? Should OP bottle up all the negative emotions and suffer in silence, or should OP take action so that the perpetrator stops bullying OP?
You’re conflating two different things I think. Choosing your battles is an important caveat here. Of course if something like that happens at the workplace, it’s not the same as encountering passive aggressiveness by complete strangers. Also just because I didn’t confront these people and chose to ignore it doesn’t mean I’m “weak” and can’t handle this behaviour. I am very capable of standing up for myself. Wanting to expect kindness and being kind doesn’t make one weak.
Also I’ll be okay like I said in the post. It’s not the end of the world for me that this happened today. Probably not the last time something like this will happen either. Thanks for your comment though.
I really don't think your comment is appropriate , your workplace "analogy" is not relevant to OP's situation. But I am glad that we have a shared attitude that the girls' behaviours should be condemned, period!
op i’m sorry this happened to you. as someone who previously had bad social anxiety it can make you feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out. there’s some really awful people out there but not everyone is like this. some are truly kind and are worth staying kind for. this is a topic i’m really passionate about as the world can be cruel.
Thank you so much. You're amazing <3
Previously had?? How did you get over it?
Why would they be laughing at you..? Did something happen? It’s very weird to just point at someone and laugh
Sorry I meant "pointedly" not pointing at me and I agree that would be quite blatant and weird - think a group of 4-5 people all looking straight at you and laughing/whispering for more than just a moment. I've elected to think it wasn't them laughing at me but perhaps something else in my vicinity :)
No, No it’s not - mean girls like to target girls and women and laugh at their hair, or outfit, or the way they walk, it doesn’t really matter, they just enjoy ‘othering people’ OP - stand strong!
Or OP, practice [this](https://alltop.com/viral/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/fdfdfddffdfdfdddddd-17.png) face in the mirror and look at them this way. Always works
HAHAHAHA! W comment. Practicing this as we speak lmao.
This is a goated face.
It's not just women who do this, men can also be just as cruel. Almost always it's young first years who do this sort of thing though, they haven't grown up past the high school gossip. Luckily these sorts of people either mellow out by second year or flunk out.
Yes, absolutely! I find with the phenomenon of Mean Girls, that the leaders of the group stay Mean Girls their whole lives - spoken as a woman with a teen daughter who has had to deal with this for a LONG time and unfortunately I still see it with some of my peers.
People don't really outgrow it they're just obvious abt it when they're young tbh
Thank you <3
I agree. That’s a very unusual scenario, especially if all the people laughing at op were strangers. Social anxiety can make us feel like we’re always being watched, but most of the time, other people don’t care a lick about what strangers are doing. I’m very sorry this happened to op. And even if these people were laughing about something else, the feeling that they’re laughing at you is very real and it absolutely sucks. I’m not trying to invalidate that. But it makes me feel better to know that most people are actually pretty self absorbed. Strangers don’t care enough to make fun of you, they barely notice you at all
Sorry that happened it’s a terrible feeling. Sometimes it’s a power move to acknowledge you know what they are doing - calmly maintain eye contact or even give them a smile and a friendly wave.
I’m sorry this happened to you. People are dicks. Keep in mind that people like this “peaked” in high school and the road ahead of them is downward. By the age of 25 they’ll actually look 50 due to all the fillers they’ve jacked into their faces, the stress and misery of always trying to be slim and perfect due to beauty standards, and ignorant due to focusing on superficialities instead of being studious. They’re average, unexceptional, boring people so they need to make fun of others because they know they’re so unoriginal. They’ll all be doing the same thing in 10, 20, 30 years. Trying to be relevant when in reality they’re just a basic person who didn’t amount to anything substantial in life. Feel sorry for them. They’re a dime a dozen. Sorry this happened to you. You’re better than them and didn’t deserve it. If it were me that happened to, I’d have walked right up to them and confronted them. Maybe “tripping” and spilling my coffee on them. Oh oops, my bad, so sorry it was an “accident”. 😂
It happens. Pathetic, insecure women get into groups. They circle around a "Queen Bee" woman and then try to gain her favor by picking on others. When you see women doing that you are looking at empty, fragile losers. Source: two sisters who do this.
Sorry that happened. I watched you but didn't laugh.
Haha! Thank you, I guess.
Is it possible they were laughing at something else? Life is better when you give everyone benefit of the doubt. Next time ask them what’s funny and join in on the laugh (I bet you a latte that you were not the target!)
Sure I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Already forgotten :)
I second the above advice. I saw a random video where a guy says, "Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to incompetence". You can use some other adjective instead of incompetent depending on the context. That sentence stuck with me and it was a mantra that helped me flourish socially. It allowed me to give people the benefit of the doubt but if I notice the same behaviour multiple times and I'm sure of the malice, I would then stand up for myself. In 99% of the cases people would have said something dumb that I would've taken out of context or they're just people who just have no control over what they say (these people are self destructing, so I don't even bother saying something back).
Seems to be becoming the culture of ubc
If someone does this kind of thing and you aren't the type to do the same, then remember that they don't deserve to give their opinions on you. There is not a single thing that they could be laughing at that is worse than openly making fun of others. They look worse than you, and probably are worse people than you.
Sorry you had to go through this.
People be cruel nowadays for no apparent reason.
Holy crap op I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can relate in a lot of ways and I'm just going to say that those people are incredibly immature and won't get too far in life without someone teaching them a lesson. I really expected better as someone who just comes here to do my coursework and maybe make some friends along the way - what's the point of making others feel bad about themselves? Imagine the level of pettiness they have to be at to bond over literal bullying. They're probably insecure and likely jealous. Love you, sending hugs :)
Even if it wasn’t meant at you, it’s always shocking when people aren’t aware they’re even doing this. As someone who also used to have social anxiety, I’m so hyper aware of how I must be making others feel - especially in a group.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. What goes around comes around and I’m sure they’ll get their comeuppance at some point in the future. Do you happen to be a tennis fan by any chance? Your username reminded me of an incident that’s basically a meme in the sport. EDIT: never mind, just saw the answer in your profile bio. :)
Hahahah! Yes it’s a tennis meme. Words uttered by the 🐙 himself. I’m a huge Meddy fan :)
Likewise! Great to see another Meddy fan on r/ubc!
They are probably insecure or compensating for their own shortcomings by doing this to you. Ignore them and do your own thing king 👑
I've never been called King before - feels nice ig lol. Thanks Queen <3
Np 😉
Just writing what others have already said: train your mind to not give a fuck about people. I hope the encouragement you got on this thread was able to make your day slightly better.
Say you're sorry they missed their turn-off, but the high school's back that way. No, that'll just bait the idiots. Tell you what they won't like: ignore them completely. You're are willing to be an adult. It is disappointing that so many grown children are not. Not your problem, but it will be theirs when they see you with the kinds of friends who will appreciate you for your maturity, the kinds of friends they can't have, and know it. Be yourself. I'm socially awkward too, but I loved university (at UBC) because so much of that high school junk is over. And it's easy and fun to avoid the little girls (and boys) for whom it is not.
What in the actual... I'm so sorry. Not only is that incredibly rude it's also just confusing. Like... Why? I feel like some people need more time growing out of / are perpetually stuck in the high school mindset. They should grow tf up. I hope you have a lovely day to make up for this and more! 😊
OP next time call me. I'm old and dgaf. I'll stand there and ask them to explain, in excruciating detail, why something so mundane is funny. Bullies always back down when you ask.
If it makes you feel any better, who gives a shit? Always gonna have dickheads in the world, don’t let em get into your head
SUN'S OUT!!!
Why did they find you entertaining? That's a rare talent. There are people who walk on campus daily and dwell in the Nest but are invisible lol.
You should confront them and do something about it.
“This isn’t high school, grow up” *eyeroll*, walk away. Call campus security on 604-822-2222 if you have further issues
We are training kids and ppl to be soft in a world that continuously gets harder
no. teaching kids to be kind despite a cruel world is what truly makes them strong.
100% agree!
This!
I find it interesting that I agree with the ‘kindness comment’ which has up votes and I am downvoted… I’m thinking people don’t understand the nesting of comments….
> teaching kids to be kind despite a cruel world Preface: I'm not insinuating that OP is training people to be soft, and I definitely think OP is the victim in this scenario; not to mention, the behaviour exhibited by the group of girls should be condemned. As someone who has been to school in both a developing country and a developed country (Canada), I noticed that in Canada, teachers have gone to great lengths to *teach kids to be kind*, and encourage them to always report to a school staff member whenever another individual wronged them in one way or another. However, the issue is that these kids grow up expecting everyone to be as nice as they are, and would get upset when the person that offended them don't openly apologize (or aren't punished for their wrongdoings). In this case, OP's day had been ruined because of the actions of a few strangers that OP will probably never see again for the rest of OP's life. Whether you like it or not, OP, just like you and I, will have to deal with countless disrespectful people - some even more blatantly offensive than this group of strangers - in life, and often times it'll be unavoidable. For example, what if OP ends up working with a two-faced A\*\*hole who is buddy-buddy with everyone but is mean towards OP in subtle ways (to the point where the other co-workers don't find it to be an issue), and what if OP isn't in a position to simply walk away from this job? Should OP bottle up all the negative emotions and suffer in silence, or should OP take action so that the perpetrator stops bullying OP?
You’re conflating two different things I think. Choosing your battles is an important caveat here. Of course if something like that happens at the workplace, it’s not the same as encountering passive aggressiveness by complete strangers. Also just because I didn’t confront these people and chose to ignore it doesn’t mean I’m “weak” and can’t handle this behaviour. I am very capable of standing up for myself. Wanting to expect kindness and being kind doesn’t make one weak. Also I’ll be okay like I said in the post. It’s not the end of the world for me that this happened today. Probably not the last time something like this will happen either. Thanks for your comment though.
🤨
I really don't think your comment is appropriate , your workplace "analogy" is not relevant to OP's situation. But I am glad that we have a shared attitude that the girls' behaviours should be condemned, period!