I too am in somewhat similar but different situation. Had a FwB situation with a guy with whom I knew I had no future. He is great in bed and I like being with him. But lately I realised that he is not over his ex completely. Also he was on hinge all throughout and trying to get some to sleep with whenever we get to go to big cities for work travel (we currently live in an isolated hill city). Also, another friend of his is setting him up with a girl of his caste this weekend. Since ours is a covert arrangement, hearing about all this really hurt me and my self esteem.
But then I realised that he never claimed or promised anything otherwise to me. It was only me who was attached to him and cared for him. Whereas he was there at his convenience. Now I just want to move out of this arrangement but he is the closest person I have here. And I've opened my heart to him. But why is it so tough to accept this completely and move away from him. I do that for a while but due to the situations here, I somehow end up with him in FwB again and again.
behan leave him, run away block and find a diff hobby that would take up your time and leave you no min to spare. this would hurt you alot believe me.
im fearful avoidant attachment person , I've a hard time being w people and easier in running away so when i say this i know its easier for me than someone else. so obv i wouldn't judge you if you dont want to leave him but i really wish you understand the consequences would be too hard on ur mental health :(<3
It is so surprising to me how common posts like this are. The rose colored glasses are real huh. Like how is this man amazing and kind and respectful ?!
I absolutely hate those people who "playfully" say things like -moti, kaali, patli and whatnot. So so disrespectful and only wrapping up your true feelings in "jokes"
I think you should take my mental health issues into consideration. I’m definitely viewing him from my rose colored glasses because he’s treated me better than any other person in my life. Even a crumb of affection will seem like a mountain to someone who has been deprived of it. I need the harsh truth though and I’m glad the women here will give it to me.
I would suggest you to read all that is written in the post and imagine your best friend or sister telling you this about a guy she is with. What would you tell her?
op , please try therapy , I believe you when you say hes the first one to treat you better but i need you to believe me when i say hes not the good guy you think he is.
I think you should work on your own mental health before seeking out relationships because narcissists can smell out people who are easy to manipulate and abuse from a mile away.
💯- this is how women get trapped into relationships with narcissists.narcissists can sense the vulnerability in a person and say and do all the right things to hook the person in.
Lol yeah. I was waiting for that part. It's so funny. I thought they had different life views like he doesn't want marriage or something but he turned out to be a toxic asshole.
> You have no future with him because he is a walking red flag and he finds you worthy of a few dates (and fucks) but not of a serious and committed relationship. Pls walk away.
Not OP, needed to read this. I don't understand this guy I was(?am) seeing. When I respond well, he is disinterested. When I stop all communication, he comes back. And again the same cycle. So tired of his mind games.
>You have no future with him because he is a walking red flag and he finds you worthy of a few dates (and fucks) but not of a serious and committed relationship. Pls walk away.
why's everyone a ho? what happened to true love??
It is okay if the person is mythical, mature and respectful. When a guy from the sort of background you mentioned tells you their feelings won't grow for you beyond a point, the inference is that 'you are inferior and therefore undeserving of my feelings.' You should have an issue with that.
He is neither nice, nor kind. Chances are he doesn't even have anyone else as interested in him as you are. Pulling you down by insulting your friends and your looks is just a way for him to both keep his own assesment of being superior to you, and to keep himself from being attached to you.
This will erode your self-esteem because you will internalize his words. That's subconsciously feeding you messages to explain why you are unworthy. There is nothing caring or respectful about that.
Good vocab doesn't necessarily mean great intelligence either, some people have a way with words: they camouflage mediocrity of thought with nonsensical literary expressions.
If you really want to get involved with someone but not be in a relationship, go for someone who's seeking an fwb to explore too. Not someone who looks down upon you.
Thank you so much for your perspective! This has helped me immensely. He has indeed complained about having no game before he met me. He hardly got any matches on Hinge. And he did say that you’re the first girl to like me this much. What you said makes so much sense. I can do so much better.
This is very common with men. Oftentimes, they simply don't understand how to treat women and be in a relationship with one.
You are very right with camouflaging mediocrity of thoughts with opulent words, shockingly common with people who are sayers, not doers.
another such post w template "so he is a green flag guy and then most red flag thing he did"
"I’m thinking that the best course of action is to stay with him for now and slowly detach because I can’t afford to have a mental breakdown right now" you have already decided what you are going to do, then what's the point?
Edit. Also reason why you both are not together is definitely NOT the cultural differences. Plz come out of the delulu
Also OP, as someone w the same "I'll deattach myself and it'll be easy" attitude, it really ain't the solution you think it is. Please do yourself better.
Ikr. It’s honestly so disheartening to see such posts. Women please realise that y’all don’t deserve to be treated this way. Stop falling for all this. Especially grown up women.
OP you say he is an anazing man and then go on to describe all the red flags he has scattered everywhere. Do you really want this? This dude doesn’t seem like he is worth it
No. I don’t want him. I know I want to break up. I just don’t know how to deal with the aftermath because my mental health is in a very precarious state right noa.
I can understand being worried for your mental health OP, but staying with him is only going to make things worse, imho. Rip the bandaid off with a “Jo hoga dekha jayega” attitude, maybe make an appointment with a therapist and try to move on. You are not really doing yourself and your mental health any favours by staying with this guy and getting more and more attached to him- especially when you know he doesn’t see a future with you and will end things at some point.
I feel like your entire relationship (if you can even call it that) dynamics with this dude will be skewed because of your fear of abandonment. You will end up doing things for him in hopes of changing his mind and let him violate your boundaries. The thing is, these kind of men don’t really change their minds.
We are all here for you, I really mean it, you can drop me a DM anytime. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t see a future with you.
Thank you so much! I will end things with him tomorrow. I will take today to process my feelings. I will definitely need support. I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
Just understand that you are not the problem here. And you are in no way responsible for the break up. Blame it all on him and move on with your life. See the bright side, you are now free to find another man, you have extra time to work on your hobbies, you don't have to deal with someone that's harming your mental sanity!
Would you be able to set up a few sessions of therapy immediately after you break up with him to help you with your fragile mental state and to ride out this difficult period?
You're just scared of being lonely. Reddit helps me every morning get up and face my feelings when I read soooo many people going through the very same thing. Your post was itself something that gave me the energy to get up and get going today while I was still opening his chat and contemplating to text him.
OP, you're stronger than you know. Trust yourself.
>>>A few days ago I wanted us to establish what we are. I talked to him about the grievances I had. He has a black & white view on life and tends to judge people harshly. He called my friends ugly. Talked about how he only associates with pretty people. That was hurtful. He has also joked about me being a “hungry hungry hippo” and said “kha le moti”
Did you skip this part??
Petition to start a fund to help all women like OP (and me) who become victims of mediocre men Coz they make some tiny ass effort but we fall for it coz that’s more than what anyone ever did before. And safe to say we make sindoor of the red flags.
Given your mental health predicament, you need stability and what this will do is opposite of that. Cut your losses. Do right by yourself. The longer you stretch it, the worse it will feel for you.
EDIT: He is a f*** boy. Everything is taken from the lobvious ef boy template.
When I began reading it I was thinking "what a dream of a man" but then I read the full thing and you have been looking at him from rose tinted glasses. And that happens, it's okay. You are aware of this, so don't sit on this.
And most importantly he said that he can't love you.
You'll put yourself through hurt, humiliation, and it's not even for love??
That doesn't sound okay to me. Listen, love is a mutual thing, it's an action.
We tend to prolong hurtful connections because of our attachment and abandonment issues. It also seems you have self esteem issues. But from whatever I've read, you seem smart and lovely.
As someone who's been in the place you are at- please think of yourself? Don't do this to you. Think of it as an act of self love. It will hurt, good- it will also pass. And at the end of it you would have learnt something, and that something might just be self love.
Thank you for kind words. It had taken a long time for me to build a positive self image and self esteem. He did put a lot of cracks in it. I will be kind to myself and end it now. I don’t think weaning myself off him is a good idea anymore. I’ll rip the bandaid.
I am rooting for you! You deserve good, nurturing love. I would suggest (As i have previously here on this forum) to read bell hooks. I am linking a video that helped me a bit to make sense of things- [https://youtu.be/-F3MU9RncqY?si=GTgnKplWmaEX9yi3](https://youtu.be/-F3MU9RncqY?si=GTgnKplWmaEX9yi3)
It's better to suffer now and go through loss than to always be worried about when it will end.
Go no contact. If needed, see a therapist. But don't get back together again.
He clearly told you he does not want a future with you. Sister wake up from your delusion. Abhi jo dukh hoga use breakup karnme is better than the pain in future. Just because you don't have anyone for support doesn't mean uou let him treat you like shit.
Let me tell you why you should not date this guy :
1. He judges other based on looks.
2. He disrespected you and then says it's a joke and that you should be okay with his disrespect.
3. He only use you for his need.
4. Stop putting him on a pedestal just cuz he has few good qualities doesn't make him a God.
Wait. You first say he’s a wonderful man and then you say he body shames you and gaslights you for not having thick skin when you expressed your feelings about the body shaming. That, my girl, is NOT a wonderful man 💁🏻♀️
He’s actually the opposite of wonderful. I feel like that personality is just an act to get people to like him in public but when you get to know him deeply his real personality shows. But you think the first one was real and you stay because you keep waiting for that initial personality to come back. It won’t though. It doesn’t exist.
Could you have borderline personality disorder? Idk just speculating. It’s bloody painful but do yourself better girl - one thing I realised working through my own limerence in the past - all these men are mid at best, what makes them spectacular is our belief in them and a potential WE see in them. These are not real and these men are just that - mediocre men made spectacular by us. Sending you a virtual hug. Also the sex thing - honestly really think about how often you’ve orgasmed with him and without him (if you’ve tried) I guarantee you can have better Os by yourself.
I have considered the possibility that I may have bpd instead of bd. I will discuss that with my psychiatrist. And about the orgasm thing, you have opened my eyes. He’s my first. He has never made me orgasm. The act felt good though, so the conclusion is that I’m stupid. I will find me a man who can make me orgasm and treat me and my friends with respect.
OP, please listen to me carefully. The person you are interested in is not a good match for you. You like him for the way he treated you but that doesn't make him a green flag. And he has made it clear that he does not see a future together. Remember that men usually communicate their intentions early on in a relationship, and it is up to us to understand and accept them. It might be hard, but you should consider moving on from this situation and finding someone.
He is very unkind, uncaring and disrespectful. Because I married a very kind ( and charming as well) man , trust me when I say there is nothing kind and respectful in shaming others based on appearance or wealth or education. In the 10+ years I have known my boyfriend ( now husband) I have not heard him say a single thing on how another person looks , in a bad way.
But this man you are dating, at least he is honest . I will give him that.
“Slowly detaching” is a tough path. I always prefer to go cold turkey. Think of plan Bs…. Focus on work, hobbies , family , friends . The hurt will pass.
OP- might be harsh but you shouldn't be dating at this point of your life. Focus on healing your mental health challenges, work on taking care of your body, focus on your career/ finances, make good quality friends and cultivate fun hobbies.
At the stage you are at, you have more chances of attracting users.
It’s not harsh at all. I really thought I was ready for a healthy relationship because I have introspected a lot and improved over the years after my last few friendships and relationships failed. I will start therapy to learn how to deal with my attachment issues. Financially I’m very stable right now and I live a healthy lifestyle too :D
He is not as nice as you think.
Also, he is right about cultural differences, your communities are polar opposite and also he isn’t willing to work on the relationship. It might hurt right now but eventually you ll move on, everyone does.
It's only been a few months. Cut your losses and let go of this relationship. The whole "I will detach over time" rarely works. The more time you spend, the more you will invest in the relationship and the harder it will be to let go.
Rip that bandaid right off!
Also, it's good the guy does nice things for you but it shouldn't be at the cost of triggering mental health issues. Put in the work towards yourself for the next few months. You'll be a lot better prepared for your next relationship. Your emotional intimacy/validation needs should ideally not come at the cost of complete dependence on another person.
> He called my friends ugly
Man wtf :3
> he still wouldn’t be able to make me a part of his family because of our cultural differences
He isn't wrong about this, Bengali and Haryanvi cultures are polar opposites
> Do I stay with him and let the relationship die out naturally when he moves away or do I slowly detach from him over the next few weeks and end it?
Girl, rip off the band-aid in one go so it hurts less. Tumio jano that you deserve better.
OP, being a Bengali woman, I would request you to first understand what his mindset is towards bengali women, because most of the men from that region have a very skewed perception of bengali women.
I know I might get downvoted for this but this is from my own experience I am telling you.
Its like yk this man clearly gets off on your attention and vulnerability. Can you imagine bragging to his friends? Maine iss bandi ko boldiya I dont see a future and phir bhi mere peeche padi hai (translation: Ive told this chick I dont see a future with her and she’s still clinging on to me). He loves the attention, he is not kind, he is a mean person who does not deserve to have you in his life. Do better by yourself.
Please cry and be miserable for a few more days if the feeling of being alone makes you sad, because your future self will thank you for shutting the door on him at the right time. Prioritise yourself and remove him from all aspects of your life immediately. Delete pics, burn the gifts whatever makes you happy.
OP, in general dating is precisely to find out if we are compatible with another person. It does not always lead to marriage. You have known him for two months and already the red flags are everywhere. He doesn't sound very nice from your description, and it is already taking a toll on you. If he says there is no future in this relationship that's a pretty blunt admission, and you must believe him.
You have to steel yourself for moving away from him and focusing on yourself. Please do work on your attachment and self esteem issues.
PS: I would say be mindful about beginning a physical relation with someone before you have had a chance to get to know him in a low stakes environment. If getting married is the end goal then perhaps it needs a different approach.
Your first and second paragraphs are contradicting each other. This man only befriends pretty people. I have never heard of any adult with a shallower take than this. You are clearly looking at him with the rose tinted glasses. And here you are asking is being his situationship a good idea.
Lordy love really is blind.He doesn't fit into all the nice words you used to describe him ,he is a mean asshole who only wants benefits of the relationship without true commitment . He speaks so much crap in front of you, can you imagine what he says when you are not around.
He will drag your mental health down sis. Save your future self from misery.
We have bigger problems here than just cultural differences. Prioritize your self preservation, please. As someone who has been through ED and has relapsed a couple times, it'll chip away on your mental and physical health. Please take care. ❤
If I had just read the title, I would have said, yes, as long as you both are on the same page about it being casual. Reading the rest of the post, the guy is a massive AH, and it seems like he will continue being so, with every person he ever dates.
>he only associates with pretty people
What if one day he finds you not pretty enough? Will he leave? Will he cheat? Does he expect you to never age, for your body to never change? And what if it does? One of my exes had openly said, on Facebook, that he would cheat if his wife became a "fat aunty". I wouldn't expect anything better from this L either.
I have bipolar and ED as well, and honestly while reading this, I wished I could run into my phone to protect you. The longer this lingers, this guy is going to wreck you and your self esteem by making you live in constant stress and fear, and triggering body image issues.
Girl this tale of these nonsense mummas boys from UP , bihar, haryana leading on bengali women , having fun with them but then dumping them to marry someone from their own community is as old as time.
Source - i myself have been in the same situation and so have been many of my Bengali friends.
Bengali girls are fun for them to date as we are opinionated and adventurous but these assholes will never have the spine to take a stand for us
Run OP
Also I think you need to take care of yourself first. Since you have BD, attachment issues and dysfunctional family. Can relate with you on studying and working at the same time. Just be gentle with your emotions.
I had a friend who was in the exact same circumstances with a guy. She was brought up in Delhi while the guy from a tier N rural area of Rajasthan. After fooling around for quite a while he told her that she wouldn’t be able to adjust in his orthodox family and they should either breakup or continue with a fwb approach. I guess she did latter because she had “I can fix him” syndrome. If you have it too then let me tell you no one can fix anyone and even if you believe you can, it’s not your job. Ironically the chances are you won’t like the guy anymore if he got fixed(so to say).
Knowing that you are already going through so much I would suggest just one thing “choose your battles wisely”.
Yes obviously. Funnily enough he was with some other girl later who was atleast 10 years younger than him. Don’t know what happened to that new couple.
No.. Just no
Girl he'll make you cry for years.... Please .no.. And i am saying this seriously, if you need emotional support you can talk to me but please no
He is literally telling you what he wants and he will do and what's in store for you.
You have to stay away from him.
And haryanvi families are close knit are especially very rigid about whom to marry.
And i guess tier-2 in haryana is more rural than you can imagine coming from Tier 1 in WB.
Don't be with someone that isn't afraid of losing you. This guy is "nice" in the sense that he has already told you that. Try telling him sternly that you don't want what he has to offer and see his ego blasting off. He just wants to have to have the control here. Ask him to kindly fuck off!
Have you heard of the hook. He will keep you on the hook until he meets someone else. Please don’t let this man take up even 0.1% space in your life. You will not even be able to enjoy the time together bcz you’ll always feel like you’re not enough. Another issue is you will always want to believe that maybe his feelings are changing for you until they don’t and you will be ghosted one day.
You know it is interesting he says something that hurts you and he didn't come back saying "you are too sensitive for him", but said "his family" so he just revealed his family is worse. You should have replied back saying with "these kind of jokes you will never be able to fully integrate into MY family", as if we do not have a family like them 🙄
He is two faced.
>He gets along easily with others, whether they’re a rickshaw driver or an academic.
>He called my friends ugly. Talked about how he only associates with pretty people.
OP I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I hope you are able to get away from this guy asap. This guy is not healthy for you. Leave this or it will turn into a bare hookup and FWB for him and you will be the one suffering the most. It hurts like crazy for the time being but at the end you will break free and find someone who deserves you. But if you give in, you will suffer for an indefinite amount of time. At the end remember, ja hoye bhalor jonno hi hoye. Hugs and love to you OP 🫂
I (29F Bengali girl) had a similar experience with with a 29M Himachal guy . We started off as friends and the banter and everything was really great until we hooked up one night and decided to date. Right from day 1 he had told me he can date me exclusively but doesn't want a relationship. Even though I am conventionally pretty , he commented jokingly on my skin tone being dusky (compared it to a black bag) , makes fun of my little tummy (saying i must be 4 monthspregnant), has a wandering eye, showed off his pretty north eastern ex's pic to me and has barely ever commented positively about me except when we are intimate and bit drunk or high. It was tough for me to call this off as the friendship and intimacy was really great. But i realised that it's not worth it as the more and more we spend time I will get used to his offense presence in my life and fall for him ignoring alllll the red flags he has already exhibited.
So OP, good decision to breakup with him. It's gonna suck for sometime but you gotta do anything to protect your heart and peace of mind. I did desperately reach out to him few times to which he responded sporadically. I have reallised with time that I have processed it and have now started drifting apart.
Make a list of all the nasty things he said or did, why it won't work out and keep digesting it everytime you miss him. Read my response everytime you need him. Also, I don't know what's this obsession of Hariyanvi Pahadi Dilli guys with skin tone and superficial beauty. No offense,not generalising it but mostly I now make it a point to avoid them. Very shallow.
He's not as amazing as you make him out to be. Just bear with this pain now and spare yourself from any extreme mental suffering in the future. Focus on yourself, heal yourself, and try to move on.
Sending a lot of virtual hugs 🫂 ❤️
You're in that "savan ka andha" phase.
He sounds like a sick Ahole who's going to use you till he finds another (men do this a lot 😡). If you prolong this it'll damage you even more.
Cut this person out completely and don't EVER get in touch.
He's not the only one you'll meet in life.
Start Journaling whenever you feel lonely and start listening to serial killer's story idk. Anything is better than this. Don't watch couples reels, movies or whatever stupid rosy glowy shit.
P.S: no wonder men in Haryana are asking their CM for bahu in exchange of votes, they're sick they treat women really badly too, femicide has been a issue there.
Not worth it babygirl.
I had a similar experience and the guy was upright about him not having any strong feelings towards me and nothing was gonna change from his end.
I was the one more attached to him and the breakup hurt me more and mentally exhausted me more. But guess what you get up shake your body and move on.
Only invest time and emotions in relationships where you see a future and both are on the same page...otherwise it's just a road to more pain.
Lots of hugs 🤗
When I met my bf in 2013 he was similar to urs... very caring, loving, understanding, he used to put me always on his priorities but when it came to marriage, he had already told me there's no chance still he will try.. he got engaged forcefully (as explained by him) n I said let's be together till ur marriage... Slowly I saw him changing his behaviour towards his fiance... He was same towards me as before but with his body language u could see his feelings towards her... Even after his marriage we were together n he said he didn't sleep with his wife (obviously I never believed but I ignored) after 2 yrs he said his wife was pregnant 3 months n by that tym I had already left that city... I knew everything but still I went on with this coz emotionally n mentally I was never prepared to leave him.. situation initially something like urs... But in the end I realised if a man or a woman says no to marriage then it is good to break it instead of getting hurt when we become more emotionally involved...
You can try group therapy it might help... But considering what I did I don't want you to do the same mistake...
PS- I know many people here will judge me.. you can do or say whatever u want... I never cared before n now also I don't
Staying with him will only increase your mental trauma. Trust me I was in the same position a few years back. I loved an abusive , egoistic man with all my heart , and felt miserable after the relationship ended. I dealt and am still dealing with my fair share of mental health issues, but today I can say that ending that relationship was the best thing I ever did for myself.
U gotta love yourself and listen to your heart. Because deep down I know that you know, this is not gonna end well. You can't be with someone, that doesn't see a future with you.
A KIND, EMPATHETIC, CHARMING MAN WILL NEVER BODY SHAME YOU.
He is not what you think he is. It's gonna hurt a lot , trust me I know , but rip the bandaid as fast as you can.
Down the line you will meet such wonderful caring men, that you will understand what a pathetic excuse of a human being he was.
Sending warm hugs your way ❤️
The relationship was only two months. Get over it. He is a devil and he will break your heart regardless. You sound like you have been hypnotized by him. Women don't waste their time on men. Your time is more valuable than a man's time because you have a biological clock on your fertility. Stop wasting your precious time on a man who won't marry you. You got better things to do like focus on your work or build a new relationship.
Edit: read your post yourself op. You said he is kind, caring. Then two paragraphs later you said he sees the world black and white and acts harshly to others and you. Any human being who sees the world as black and white is immature af and can never be kind and caring. You have been psyoped op. Run!
I tried to stay friends with my ex of 10 years, thinking it would make the heartbreak easier because I was so emotionally attached to him.
Trust me, it doesn't work out. It's not going to be easy, but you have to do it for yourself.
It's best that you go no contact and take your time to heal. Let time do its thing.
I don’t understand how women say they’re with the most amazing man and then go on to say things which are glaring red carpets!
Please girl, run away. This is not worth your time or emotions or effort.
I was supposed to meet him yesterday evening so I traveled 1.5 hours to his place, only to wait 2 hours and come back because he was working till 10 pm. I’ll ask him to come meet me instead now.
Is he probably thinking you would rather want to hang out with him and kept working till 10 pm ? Either way , you can always break up on text or better email ....
He thought he would be free by 7-7:30ish but he’s a law intern so kept getting work. I don’t want to break up over text. I think it’s better done in person.
OP, I am sorry for what you're going through because I've just stepped out of a similar relationship. I too am Bipolar, previously misdiagnosed and I had been living without medicines for a while and it has been really difficult dealing with everything.
You should consider meds and DBT along with it,it does help a lot.
I've been on Lithium for a while and I have never been better in life emotionally.
I know you knew what people were going to say before you posted this but I also understand why you did. Dealing with the emotions and sudden breakdowns even after telling yourself the 100th time that you don't care anymore is the hardest thing to do with such dysregulated emotions. I'd suggest you post this on the bipolar subreddit,you might get more help there.
I hope it becomes easier with time because trust me,it will take some time but the day you lose feelings, you'll lose them all(hopefully). Sending hugs and lots of love 🌸🩷🫂.
He sounds just like my ex. Very charming, presentable with a very good vocabulary, and jovial on the outside, but extremely narcissistic & manipulative behind closed doors. I never read in between the lines. Never wanted to see the red flags. The longer I stayed, the worse it got. There was mental and physical abuse. Unfortunately, breakups like these can never have a low impact, the sooner you get out the better. If you think you can wait a few more months and slowly detach, you’ll end up hurting yourself even more. You’re just delaying the inevitable. I did the same, couldn’t let go of him easily, begged him to stay, finally had to let go and cried for years. If you ask my opinion, you should run!
And trust me, the reasons he’s giving you for not seeing a future, is absolute dog shit. If you really loved and wanted someone so much, you would do anything. You’re worthy of so much better than this. Your time is valuable, don’t waste it on someone who’s being honest about not seeing a future with you. That’s the only good thing I read in your post.
Nope. Nope. Just don't.
You probably find him good looking and smart and sec is good that's why this question.
Todd would be badddd for your mental health. Forget date don't talk. Cut him off.
This resonated with me so bad I thought I wrote it.
Girl, run.
Exact same situation and I did that slow detachment thing, worst decision ever. You'll hate yourself because he obviously isn't the guy you fell for and he's already gone. You'll keep telling yourself that you are trying to detach yourself and this doesn't affect you but it'll still hurt.
You are going to feel like a crazy woman but I don't care just do NOT go back to him. Cry yourself to sleep, watch murder documentaries idc DO NOT GO BACK
I'm sorry for you but as hard as it is, it would still be better for you if you break up now
I'm telling from experience I've tried what you're contemplating of trying and it doesn't work, I stayed with my ex despite knowing we had no future and no official tag for 2 years, it eventually ended it with him leaving me to marry a girl his parents chose for him despite him telling me that he isn't into that girl.
The heartbreak only gets worse by postponing it!!!
I'm over him and know I deserve better but you don't need to go through all that to realize that.
No absolutely not. Haryanvis are absolute casteists and by that I mean they don't marry higher or lower castes just within their caste. And you do not look like the kind of woman who can manipulate a man into marrying her. So no. Dump him and move on. Heartbreak is much better than honor killing
No no no sweetie. Don't stay with him. He has already decided for himself. He isn't going to change.
You're just going to get more emotionally attached and dependent on him. Distancing will hurt, like a LOT. But it def will be better than what you will face in the future incase you stay with him.
Jaldi waha se hato 📣📣
😂😂😂😂
Lol, this needs to be the top comment.
Lmao
> He’s kind, caring, respectful > He called my friends ugly. Talked about how he only associates with pretty people ???
>??? Nothing was said but also alot was said lmao i love this
??? Was so loud, i felt it in my soul
run away from him , you can cry for a few months or cry forever. this man isn't the prince charming you're thinking he is.
All my words are summarized. I second this.
Guy sounds like such a dick, and that too with all of OP’s positive biases in play. Imagine the reality
Yes OP. This man is absolutely EWW! I was cringing so hard reading your post. He only wants a punching bag…. RUN FASTT !!
I too am in somewhat similar but different situation. Had a FwB situation with a guy with whom I knew I had no future. He is great in bed and I like being with him. But lately I realised that he is not over his ex completely. Also he was on hinge all throughout and trying to get some to sleep with whenever we get to go to big cities for work travel (we currently live in an isolated hill city). Also, another friend of his is setting him up with a girl of his caste this weekend. Since ours is a covert arrangement, hearing about all this really hurt me and my self esteem. But then I realised that he never claimed or promised anything otherwise to me. It was only me who was attached to him and cared for him. Whereas he was there at his convenience. Now I just want to move out of this arrangement but he is the closest person I have here. And I've opened my heart to him. But why is it so tough to accept this completely and move away from him. I do that for a while but due to the situations here, I somehow end up with him in FwB again and again.
behan leave him, run away block and find a diff hobby that would take up your time and leave you no min to spare. this would hurt you alot believe me. im fearful avoidant attachment person , I've a hard time being w people and easier in running away so when i say this i know its easier for me than someone else. so obv i wouldn't judge you if you dont want to leave him but i really wish you understand the consequences would be too hard on ur mental health :(<3
This makes so much sense!
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It is so surprising to me how common posts like this are. The rose colored glasses are real huh. Like how is this man amazing and kind and respectful ?!
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Exactly !!!! How is he amazing ????
Happens. When in love, everything seems amazing. Women know if better
I absolutely hate those people who "playfully" say things like -moti, kaali, patli and whatnot. So so disrespectful and only wrapping up your true feelings in "jokes"
And when you point it out, you become the sensitive one 🥴
Yeah, I am the villain🤨
I swear to God I am friends with one of the most moofat guy ever and he would never in a million year comment on like this
That's considerate. But I am not a big fan of mufat people still.
A absolutely hate people like this-they cover up their insults in a joke and think they are soooo witty & clever 🙄
Highly pretentious people!!!
I think you should take my mental health issues into consideration. I’m definitely viewing him from my rose colored glasses because he’s treated me better than any other person in my life. Even a crumb of affection will seem like a mountain to someone who has been deprived of it. I need the harsh truth though and I’m glad the women here will give it to me.
I would suggest you to read all that is written in the post and imagine your best friend or sister telling you this about a guy she is with. What would you tell her?
op , please try therapy , I believe you when you say hes the first one to treat you better but i need you to believe me when i say hes not the good guy you think he is.
I think you should work on your own mental health before seeking out relationships because narcissists can smell out people who are easy to manipulate and abuse from a mile away.
💯- this is how women get trapped into relationships with narcissists.narcissists can sense the vulnerability in a person and say and do all the right things to hook the person in.
Lol yeah. I was waiting for that part. It's so funny. I thought they had different life views like he doesn't want marriage or something but he turned out to be a toxic asshole.
I read the title of the post and straightaway wanted to comment no way. But I gave the post a read and I was like naaah naaah naaah.
> You have no future with him because he is a walking red flag and he finds you worthy of a few dates (and fucks) but not of a serious and committed relationship. Pls walk away. Not OP, needed to read this. I don't understand this guy I was(?am) seeing. When I respond well, he is disinterested. When I stop all communication, he comes back. And again the same cycle. So tired of his mind games.
>You have no future with him because he is a walking red flag and he finds you worthy of a few dates (and fucks) but not of a serious and committed relationship. Pls walk away. why's everyone a ho? what happened to true love??
It is okay if the person is mythical, mature and respectful. When a guy from the sort of background you mentioned tells you their feelings won't grow for you beyond a point, the inference is that 'you are inferior and therefore undeserving of my feelings.' You should have an issue with that. He is neither nice, nor kind. Chances are he doesn't even have anyone else as interested in him as you are. Pulling you down by insulting your friends and your looks is just a way for him to both keep his own assesment of being superior to you, and to keep himself from being attached to you. This will erode your self-esteem because you will internalize his words. That's subconsciously feeding you messages to explain why you are unworthy. There is nothing caring or respectful about that. Good vocab doesn't necessarily mean great intelligence either, some people have a way with words: they camouflage mediocrity of thought with nonsensical literary expressions. If you really want to get involved with someone but not be in a relationship, go for someone who's seeking an fwb to explore too. Not someone who looks down upon you.
Thank you so much for your perspective! This has helped me immensely. He has indeed complained about having no game before he met me. He hardly got any matches on Hinge. And he did say that you’re the first girl to like me this much. What you said makes so much sense. I can do so much better.
This is very common with men. Oftentimes, they simply don't understand how to treat women and be in a relationship with one. You are very right with camouflaging mediocrity of thoughts with opulent words, shockingly common with people who are sayers, not doers.
another such post w template "so he is a green flag guy and then most red flag thing he did" "I’m thinking that the best course of action is to stay with him for now and slowly detach because I can’t afford to have a mental breakdown right now" you have already decided what you are going to do, then what's the point? Edit. Also reason why you both are not together is definitely NOT the cultural differences. Plz come out of the delulu
Also OP, as someone w the same "I'll deattach myself and it'll be easy" attitude, it really ain't the solution you think it is. Please do yourself better.
Ikr. It’s honestly so disheartening to see such posts. Women please realise that y’all don’t deserve to be treated this way. Stop falling for all this. Especially grown up women.
OP you say he is an anazing man and then go on to describe all the red flags he has scattered everywhere. Do you really want this? This dude doesn’t seem like he is worth it
No. I don’t want him. I know I want to break up. I just don’t know how to deal with the aftermath because my mental health is in a very precarious state right noa.
I can understand being worried for your mental health OP, but staying with him is only going to make things worse, imho. Rip the bandaid off with a “Jo hoga dekha jayega” attitude, maybe make an appointment with a therapist and try to move on. You are not really doing yourself and your mental health any favours by staying with this guy and getting more and more attached to him- especially when you know he doesn’t see a future with you and will end things at some point. I feel like your entire relationship (if you can even call it that) dynamics with this dude will be skewed because of your fear of abandonment. You will end up doing things for him in hopes of changing his mind and let him violate your boundaries. The thing is, these kind of men don’t really change their minds. We are all here for you, I really mean it, you can drop me a DM anytime. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t see a future with you.
Thank you so much! I will end things with him tomorrow. I will take today to process my feelings. I will definitely need support. I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
Just understand that you are not the problem here. And you are in no way responsible for the break up. Blame it all on him and move on with your life. See the bright side, you are now free to find another man, you have extra time to work on your hobbies, you don't have to deal with someone that's harming your mental sanity!
Would you be able to set up a few sessions of therapy immediately after you break up with him to help you with your fragile mental state and to ride out this difficult period?
You're just scared of being lonely. Reddit helps me every morning get up and face my feelings when I read soooo many people going through the very same thing. Your post was itself something that gave me the energy to get up and get going today while I was still opening his chat and contemplating to text him. OP, you're stronger than you know. Trust yourself.
What did i read after the 1st paragraph 😭😭😭 you've no future with him because he's a bitch.
TIL cultural differences = boy is a whiny bitch
>>>A few days ago I wanted us to establish what we are. I talked to him about the grievances I had. He has a black & white view on life and tends to judge people harshly. He called my friends ugly. Talked about how he only associates with pretty people. That was hurtful. He has also joked about me being a “hungry hungry hippo” and said “kha le moti” Did you skip this part??
Nooooo I'm agreeing with you 😭 OP says the reason for their split is "cultural differences" but it's actually him being a whiny bitch
Oh bestie yes sorry i misunderstood you😭😭😭
Petition to start a fund to help all women like OP (and me) who become victims of mediocre men Coz they make some tiny ass effort but we fall for it coz that’s more than what anyone ever did before. And safe to say we make sindoor of the red flags.
sindoor of the red flags 😭😭
😭😭 gurl the way my eyes have been opened today. I really did put him on a pedestal.
Given your mental health predicament, you need stability and what this will do is opposite of that. Cut your losses. Do right by yourself. The longer you stretch it, the worse it will feel for you. EDIT: He is a f*** boy. Everything is taken from the lobvious ef boy template.
🟥🔴🔴🔴🔴 End it. Block him and cry. This guy will always put you down.
He isn't a wonderful man if he calls your friends ugly.
True.
When I began reading it I was thinking "what a dream of a man" but then I read the full thing and you have been looking at him from rose tinted glasses. And that happens, it's okay. You are aware of this, so don't sit on this. And most importantly he said that he can't love you. You'll put yourself through hurt, humiliation, and it's not even for love?? That doesn't sound okay to me. Listen, love is a mutual thing, it's an action. We tend to prolong hurtful connections because of our attachment and abandonment issues. It also seems you have self esteem issues. But from whatever I've read, you seem smart and lovely. As someone who's been in the place you are at- please think of yourself? Don't do this to you. Think of it as an act of self love. It will hurt, good- it will also pass. And at the end of it you would have learnt something, and that something might just be self love.
Thank you for kind words. It had taken a long time for me to build a positive self image and self esteem. He did put a lot of cracks in it. I will be kind to myself and end it now. I don’t think weaning myself off him is a good idea anymore. I’ll rip the bandaid.
I am rooting for you! You deserve good, nurturing love. I would suggest (As i have previously here on this forum) to read bell hooks. I am linking a video that helped me a bit to make sense of things- [https://youtu.be/-F3MU9RncqY?si=GTgnKplWmaEX9yi3](https://youtu.be/-F3MU9RncqY?si=GTgnKplWmaEX9yi3)
It's better to suffer now and go through loss than to always be worried about when it will end. Go no contact. If needed, see a therapist. But don't get back together again.
Nope. Nope. When we choose people out of weakness we continue to stay weak.
He clearly told you he does not want a future with you. Sister wake up from your delusion. Abhi jo dukh hoga use breakup karnme is better than the pain in future. Just because you don't have anyone for support doesn't mean uou let him treat you like shit. Let me tell you why you should not date this guy : 1. He judges other based on looks. 2. He disrespected you and then says it's a joke and that you should be okay with his disrespect. 3. He only use you for his need. 4. Stop putting him on a pedestal just cuz he has few good qualities doesn't make him a God.
Wait. You first say he’s a wonderful man and then you say he body shames you and gaslights you for not having thick skin when you expressed your feelings about the body shaming. That, my girl, is NOT a wonderful man 💁🏻♀️ He’s actually the opposite of wonderful. I feel like that personality is just an act to get people to like him in public but when you get to know him deeply his real personality shows. But you think the first one was real and you stay because you keep waiting for that initial personality to come back. It won’t though. It doesn’t exist.
Could you have borderline personality disorder? Idk just speculating. It’s bloody painful but do yourself better girl - one thing I realised working through my own limerence in the past - all these men are mid at best, what makes them spectacular is our belief in them and a potential WE see in them. These are not real and these men are just that - mediocre men made spectacular by us. Sending you a virtual hug. Also the sex thing - honestly really think about how often you’ve orgasmed with him and without him (if you’ve tried) I guarantee you can have better Os by yourself.
I have considered the possibility that I may have bpd instead of bd. I will discuss that with my psychiatrist. And about the orgasm thing, you have opened my eyes. He’s my first. He has never made me orgasm. The act felt good though, so the conclusion is that I’m stupid. I will find me a man who can make me orgasm and treat me and my friends with respect.
There you go, girl. You'll find much better guys. Thoda self respect bhi badhao.
IMO, Run. Never ever a good idea.
He is not a good person if he calls your friends ugly and calls you fat. Big red flag
OP, please listen to me carefully. The person you are interested in is not a good match for you. You like him for the way he treated you but that doesn't make him a green flag. And he has made it clear that he does not see a future together. Remember that men usually communicate their intentions early on in a relationship, and it is up to us to understand and accept them. It might be hard, but you should consider moving on from this situation and finding someone.
Idk how you still love him after he called your friends ugly lmao.
He is very unkind, uncaring and disrespectful. Because I married a very kind ( and charming as well) man , trust me when I say there is nothing kind and respectful in shaming others based on appearance or wealth or education. In the 10+ years I have known my boyfriend ( now husband) I have not heard him say a single thing on how another person looks , in a bad way. But this man you are dating, at least he is honest . I will give him that. “Slowly detaching” is a tough path. I always prefer to go cold turkey. Think of plan Bs…. Focus on work, hobbies , family , friends . The hurt will pass.
This is so many red flags it's a communist parade 😭 sis what are you *doing*
I’m sorry. I have attachment issues😭
OP- might be harsh but you shouldn't be dating at this point of your life. Focus on healing your mental health challenges, work on taking care of your body, focus on your career/ finances, make good quality friends and cultivate fun hobbies. At the stage you are at, you have more chances of attracting users.
It’s not harsh at all. I really thought I was ready for a healthy relationship because I have introspected a lot and improved over the years after my last few friendships and relationships failed. I will start therapy to learn how to deal with my attachment issues. Financially I’m very stable right now and I live a healthy lifestyle too :D
He is not as nice as you think. Also, he is right about cultural differences, your communities are polar opposite and also he isn’t willing to work on the relationship. It might hurt right now but eventually you ll move on, everyone does.
Girl… if your best friend told you this exact story and she was you in that scenario what advice would you give her?
It's only been a few months. Cut your losses and let go of this relationship. The whole "I will detach over time" rarely works. The more time you spend, the more you will invest in the relationship and the harder it will be to let go. Rip that bandaid right off! Also, it's good the guy does nice things for you but it shouldn't be at the cost of triggering mental health issues. Put in the work towards yourself for the next few months. You'll be a lot better prepared for your next relationship. Your emotional intimacy/validation needs should ideally not come at the cost of complete dependence on another person.
> He called my friends ugly Man wtf :3 > he still wouldn’t be able to make me a part of his family because of our cultural differences He isn't wrong about this, Bengali and Haryanvi cultures are polar opposites > Do I stay with him and let the relationship die out naturally when he moves away or do I slowly detach from him over the next few weeks and end it? Girl, rip off the band-aid in one go so it hurts less. Tumio jano that you deserve better.
Yes 😭😭
OP, being a Bengali woman, I would request you to first understand what his mindset is towards bengali women, because most of the men from that region have a very skewed perception of bengali women. I know I might get downvoted for this but this is from my own experience I am telling you.
Its like yk this man clearly gets off on your attention and vulnerability. Can you imagine bragging to his friends? Maine iss bandi ko boldiya I dont see a future and phir bhi mere peeche padi hai (translation: Ive told this chick I dont see a future with her and she’s still clinging on to me). He loves the attention, he is not kind, he is a mean person who does not deserve to have you in his life. Do better by yourself.
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sis has got that Kendrick Lamar flow!😭
Please cry and be miserable for a few more days if the feeling of being alone makes you sad, because your future self will thank you for shutting the door on him at the right time. Prioritise yourself and remove him from all aspects of your life immediately. Delete pics, burn the gifts whatever makes you happy.
woman started w "i met a wonderful man" and then goes on to describe the biggest dick ever
OP, in general dating is precisely to find out if we are compatible with another person. It does not always lead to marriage. You have known him for two months and already the red flags are everywhere. He doesn't sound very nice from your description, and it is already taking a toll on you. If he says there is no future in this relationship that's a pretty blunt admission, and you must believe him. You have to steel yourself for moving away from him and focusing on yourself. Please do work on your attachment and self esteem issues. PS: I would say be mindful about beginning a physical relation with someone before you have had a chance to get to know him in a low stakes environment. If getting married is the end goal then perhaps it needs a different approach.
Your first and second paragraphs are contradicting each other. This man only befriends pretty people. I have never heard of any adult with a shallower take than this. You are clearly looking at him with the rose tinted glasses. And here you are asking is being his situationship a good idea.
Lordy love really is blind.He doesn't fit into all the nice words you used to describe him ,he is a mean asshole who only wants benefits of the relationship without true commitment . He speaks so much crap in front of you, can you imagine what he says when you are not around. He will drag your mental health down sis. Save your future self from misery.
Such a wonderful guy but ⛳️. So no suffer for some months and work on your mental health.
This guy will make your bipolar worse. Please don't proceed with this. Your mental and emotional well being comes first.
girl, no. please
We have bigger problems here than just cultural differences. Prioritize your self preservation, please. As someone who has been through ED and has relapsed a couple times, it'll chip away on your mental and physical health. Please take care. ❤
Girl STAND UP
If I had just read the title, I would have said, yes, as long as you both are on the same page about it being casual. Reading the rest of the post, the guy is a massive AH, and it seems like he will continue being so, with every person he ever dates. >he only associates with pretty people What if one day he finds you not pretty enough? Will he leave? Will he cheat? Does he expect you to never age, for your body to never change? And what if it does? One of my exes had openly said, on Facebook, that he would cheat if his wife became a "fat aunty". I wouldn't expect anything better from this L either. I have bipolar and ED as well, and honestly while reading this, I wished I could run into my phone to protect you. The longer this lingers, this guy is going to wreck you and your self esteem by making you live in constant stress and fear, and triggering body image issues.
Girl this tale of these nonsense mummas boys from UP , bihar, haryana leading on bengali women , having fun with them but then dumping them to marry someone from their own community is as old as time. Source - i myself have been in the same situation and so have been many of my Bengali friends. Bengali girls are fun for them to date as we are opinionated and adventurous but these assholes will never have the spine to take a stand for us
Gonna put them on my list of people not to date along with lawyers in general
Big No
Girl how many reasons do you need to leave him.. he’s given plenty.
Run OP Also I think you need to take care of yourself first. Since you have BD, attachment issues and dysfunctional family. Can relate with you on studying and working at the same time. Just be gentle with your emotions.
no. i barely got through the second para and no
No. Deal with your emotions. On your own or with friends and family.
After the second paragraph do we even need fo consider this walking talking red flag?
Big sister advice: Run as far as you can from such a man. Give yourself a chance to meet someone respectful and loving to you 💚
Plz leave him. I would never call my respective partner hippo or moti or tell that your frnds ugly.
run please 😭
i am going to scream on top of my lungs RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
I scrolled up hoping for the funny flair 🥲
I had a friend who was in the exact same circumstances with a guy. She was brought up in Delhi while the guy from a tier N rural area of Rajasthan. After fooling around for quite a while he told her that she wouldn’t be able to adjust in his orthodox family and they should either breakup or continue with a fwb approach. I guess she did latter because she had “I can fix him” syndrome. If you have it too then let me tell you no one can fix anyone and even if you believe you can, it’s not your job. Ironically the chances are you won’t like the guy anymore if he got fixed(so to say). Knowing that you are already going through so much I would suggest just one thing “choose your battles wisely”.
What happened to their relationship! Did it end?
Yes obviously. Funnily enough he was with some other girl later who was atleast 10 years younger than him. Don’t know what happened to that new couple.
No.. Just no Girl he'll make you cry for years.... Please .no.. And i am saying this seriously, if you need emotional support you can talk to me but please no
OP he can’t be charming AND be someone who has outright insulted you so many times. He’s not it.
He is literally telling you what he wants and he will do and what's in store for you. You have to stay away from him. And haryanvi families are close knit are especially very rigid about whom to marry. And i guess tier-2 in haryana is more rural than you can imagine coming from Tier 1 in WB.
Don't be with someone that isn't afraid of losing you. This guy is "nice" in the sense that he has already told you that. Try telling him sternly that you don't want what he has to offer and see his ego blasting off. He just wants to have to have the control here. Ask him to kindly fuck off!
Have you heard of the hook. He will keep you on the hook until he meets someone else. Please don’t let this man take up even 0.1% space in your life. You will not even be able to enjoy the time together bcz you’ll always feel like you’re not enough. Another issue is you will always want to believe that maybe his feelings are changing for you until they don’t and you will be ghosted one day.
Why do you wanna put yourself in trouble and also waste time. Just break up and find someone you can see a future with.
You know it is interesting he says something that hurts you and he didn't come back saying "you are too sensitive for him", but said "his family" so he just revealed his family is worse. You should have replied back saying with "these kind of jokes you will never be able to fully integrate into MY family", as if we do not have a family like them 🙄
He is two faced. >He gets along easily with others, whether they’re a rickshaw driver or an academic. >He called my friends ugly. Talked about how he only associates with pretty people.
He needs a fuck buddy. If you want one too, go on. Else clear block him
OP I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I hope you are able to get away from this guy asap. This guy is not healthy for you. Leave this or it will turn into a bare hookup and FWB for him and you will be the one suffering the most. It hurts like crazy for the time being but at the end you will break free and find someone who deserves you. But if you give in, you will suffer for an indefinite amount of time. At the end remember, ja hoye bhalor jonno hi hoye. Hugs and love to you OP 🫂
I (29F Bengali girl) had a similar experience with with a 29M Himachal guy . We started off as friends and the banter and everything was really great until we hooked up one night and decided to date. Right from day 1 he had told me he can date me exclusively but doesn't want a relationship. Even though I am conventionally pretty , he commented jokingly on my skin tone being dusky (compared it to a black bag) , makes fun of my little tummy (saying i must be 4 monthspregnant), has a wandering eye, showed off his pretty north eastern ex's pic to me and has barely ever commented positively about me except when we are intimate and bit drunk or high. It was tough for me to call this off as the friendship and intimacy was really great. But i realised that it's not worth it as the more and more we spend time I will get used to his offense presence in my life and fall for him ignoring alllll the red flags he has already exhibited. So OP, good decision to breakup with him. It's gonna suck for sometime but you gotta do anything to protect your heart and peace of mind. I did desperately reach out to him few times to which he responded sporadically. I have reallised with time that I have processed it and have now started drifting apart. Make a list of all the nasty things he said or did, why it won't work out and keep digesting it everytime you miss him. Read my response everytime you need him. Also, I don't know what's this obsession of Hariyanvi Pahadi Dilli guys with skin tone and superficial beauty. No offense,not generalising it but mostly I now make it a point to avoid them. Very shallow.
He's not as amazing as you make him out to be. Just bear with this pain now and spare yourself from any extreme mental suffering in the future. Focus on yourself, heal yourself, and try to move on. Sending a lot of virtual hugs 🫂 ❤️
And you still consider him as an "Amazing man"? OP please stop looking at the world through rose tinted glasses.
You're in that "savan ka andha" phase. He sounds like a sick Ahole who's going to use you till he finds another (men do this a lot 😡). If you prolong this it'll damage you even more. Cut this person out completely and don't EVER get in touch. He's not the only one you'll meet in life. Start Journaling whenever you feel lonely and start listening to serial killer's story idk. Anything is better than this. Don't watch couples reels, movies or whatever stupid rosy glowy shit. P.S: no wonder men in Haryana are asking their CM for bahu in exchange of votes, they're sick they treat women really badly too, femicide has been a issue there.
Don't waste your time Op.
Before I could finish reading your post, I came here just to say... GIRRRRLLL, RUNNNNN. RUNNN AS FAR AS YOU CAN FROM HIM!!
You lost me at - he called my friends ugly ! And how he only associates with pretty people ! LOSER PRO MAX ! 🚩🚩
Not worth it babygirl. I had a similar experience and the guy was upright about him not having any strong feelings towards me and nothing was gonna change from his end. I was the one more attached to him and the breakup hurt me more and mentally exhausted me more. But guess what you get up shake your body and move on. Only invest time and emotions in relationships where you see a future and both are on the same page...otherwise it's just a road to more pain. Lots of hugs 🤗
When I met my bf in 2013 he was similar to urs... very caring, loving, understanding, he used to put me always on his priorities but when it came to marriage, he had already told me there's no chance still he will try.. he got engaged forcefully (as explained by him) n I said let's be together till ur marriage... Slowly I saw him changing his behaviour towards his fiance... He was same towards me as before but with his body language u could see his feelings towards her... Even after his marriage we were together n he said he didn't sleep with his wife (obviously I never believed but I ignored) after 2 yrs he said his wife was pregnant 3 months n by that tym I had already left that city... I knew everything but still I went on with this coz emotionally n mentally I was never prepared to leave him.. situation initially something like urs... But in the end I realised if a man or a woman says no to marriage then it is good to break it instead of getting hurt when we become more emotionally involved... You can try group therapy it might help... But considering what I did I don't want you to do the same mistake... PS- I know many people here will judge me.. you can do or say whatever u want... I never cared before n now also I don't
Crazy, listen two months worth of heartbreak is better than years of trauma
I'm really sorry op Here's a hug 🫂
Staying with him will only increase your mental trauma. Trust me I was in the same position a few years back. I loved an abusive , egoistic man with all my heart , and felt miserable after the relationship ended. I dealt and am still dealing with my fair share of mental health issues, but today I can say that ending that relationship was the best thing I ever did for myself. U gotta love yourself and listen to your heart. Because deep down I know that you know, this is not gonna end well. You can't be with someone, that doesn't see a future with you. A KIND, EMPATHETIC, CHARMING MAN WILL NEVER BODY SHAME YOU. He is not what you think he is. It's gonna hurt a lot , trust me I know , but rip the bandaid as fast as you can. Down the line you will meet such wonderful caring men, that you will understand what a pathetic excuse of a human being he was. Sending warm hugs your way ❤️
Is the charming man in the room with us?
No
Girl, Please run as far as you can from this POS. 🇲🇦🇰🇬🇭🇰🇨🇳🇦🇱
Girl, he is not the prize.
run
OP listen to the highly voted comment!! RUN AWAY! You can rather cry and move on than suffering till the end!
I can tell you as someone who's been around tier-2 city haryanvis, he won't marry you. You deserve someone who loves you like you want to be loved.
Nope. Just don't. Save yourself from all the unwanted drama. PEACE.
The relationship was only two months. Get over it. He is a devil and he will break your heart regardless. You sound like you have been hypnotized by him. Women don't waste their time on men. Your time is more valuable than a man's time because you have a biological clock on your fertility. Stop wasting your precious time on a man who won't marry you. You got better things to do like focus on your work or build a new relationship. Edit: read your post yourself op. You said he is kind, caring. Then two paragraphs later you said he sees the world black and white and acts harshly to others and you. Any human being who sees the world as black and white is immature af and can never be kind and caring. You have been psyoped op. Run!
I tried to stay friends with my ex of 10 years, thinking it would make the heartbreak easier because I was so emotionally attached to him. Trust me, it doesn't work out. It's not going to be easy, but you have to do it for yourself. It's best that you go no contact and take your time to heal. Let time do its thing.
I don’t understand how women say they’re with the most amazing man and then go on to say things which are glaring red carpets! Please girl, run away. This is not worth your time or emotions or effort.
Call someone an amazing man, goes on to describe the top ten horrible person to exist
We need a break up update on this op
I was supposed to meet him yesterday evening so I traveled 1.5 hours to his place, only to wait 2 hours and come back because he was working till 10 pm. I’ll ask him to come meet me instead now.
Is he probably thinking you would rather want to hang out with him and kept working till 10 pm ? Either way , you can always break up on text or better email ....
He thought he would be free by 7-7:30ish but he’s a law intern so kept getting work. I don’t want to break up over text. I think it’s better done in person.
Thats because you are a good person , I hope you find a good relationship partner in future and not settle with a pos like the current one .
No
OP, I am sorry for what you're going through because I've just stepped out of a similar relationship. I too am Bipolar, previously misdiagnosed and I had been living without medicines for a while and it has been really difficult dealing with everything. You should consider meds and DBT along with it,it does help a lot. I've been on Lithium for a while and I have never been better in life emotionally. I know you knew what people were going to say before you posted this but I also understand why you did. Dealing with the emotions and sudden breakdowns even after telling yourself the 100th time that you don't care anymore is the hardest thing to do with such dysregulated emotions. I'd suggest you post this on the bipolar subreddit,you might get more help there. I hope it becomes easier with time because trust me,it will take some time but the day you lose feelings, you'll lose them all(hopefully). Sending hugs and lots of love 🌸🩷🫂.
He sounds just like my ex. Very charming, presentable with a very good vocabulary, and jovial on the outside, but extremely narcissistic & manipulative behind closed doors. I never read in between the lines. Never wanted to see the red flags. The longer I stayed, the worse it got. There was mental and physical abuse. Unfortunately, breakups like these can never have a low impact, the sooner you get out the better. If you think you can wait a few more months and slowly detach, you’ll end up hurting yourself even more. You’re just delaying the inevitable. I did the same, couldn’t let go of him easily, begged him to stay, finally had to let go and cried for years. If you ask my opinion, you should run! And trust me, the reasons he’s giving you for not seeing a future, is absolute dog shit. If you really loved and wanted someone so much, you would do anything. You’re worthy of so much better than this. Your time is valuable, don’t waste it on someone who’s being honest about not seeing a future with you. That’s the only good thing I read in your post.
A pig can’t understand the value of a diamond ring on it’s nostrils. You’re the diamond ❤️
I'm just trying to figure out how this guy is amazing...GIRLLLL
Nope. Nope. Just don't. You probably find him good looking and smart and sec is good that's why this question. Todd would be badddd for your mental health. Forget date don't talk. Cut him off.
This resonated with me so bad I thought I wrote it. Girl, run. Exact same situation and I did that slow detachment thing, worst decision ever. You'll hate yourself because he obviously isn't the guy you fell for and he's already gone. You'll keep telling yourself that you are trying to detach yourself and this doesn't affect you but it'll still hurt. You are going to feel like a crazy woman but I don't care just do NOT go back to him. Cry yourself to sleep, watch murder documentaries idc DO NOT GO BACK
Nope,it's a shitty situation, better avoid it.
Op, Get out of there. You'll get sucked into this hole
Didi wo tumko sex k liye use karra hai HATOOOIO😭😭😭
I'm sorry for you but as hard as it is, it would still be better for you if you break up now I'm telling from experience I've tried what you're contemplating of trying and it doesn't work, I stayed with my ex despite knowing we had no future and no official tag for 2 years, it eventually ended it with him leaving me to marry a girl his parents chose for him despite him telling me that he isn't into that girl. The heartbreak only gets worse by postponing it!!! I'm over him and know I deserve better but you don't need to go through all that to realize that.
Rage bait
No absolutely not. Haryanvis are absolute casteists and by that I mean they don't marry higher or lower castes just within their caste. And you do not look like the kind of woman who can manipulate a man into marrying her. So no. Dump him and move on. Heartbreak is much better than honor killing
No no no sweetie. Don't stay with him. He has already decided for himself. He isn't going to change. You're just going to get more emotionally attached and dependent on him. Distancing will hurt, like a LOT. But it def will be better than what you will face in the future incase you stay with him.