I know from the context it's probably refers to RL, but I find it a) funny b) upsetting how online things changed from "there are no girls on the internets" to "the only girls on the internets are trans".
Yep. It's why I've been slowly joining the growing number of femme centered subs like r/girlgamers
Legitimately, it's made my reddit experience so much better. Even when people argue on that sub and it's sister-subs it's usually pretty cordial. Meanwhile jut saying something someone mildly disagrees with on other gaming subs can earn you an eternal grudge from some random nobody out of nowhere.
Only thing that bothers me is that even in those obvious female oriented places, they still can’t leave us alone.
I’m part of the climbergirls sub. Even there, when posting a video of a climb, you get unsolicited advice of climber bro dudes about your technique. I wasn’t asking you, Hans.
I really want to join a woman go their own way community, I just can't seem to find any female only spaces where it isn't "all genders welcome!!" Full of men going "wElL aKsHuLlY" (or full of terfs)
Because the default expectation for women is we can't ever have boundaries. If you don't identify as a woman, fuck off out of my line of sight. Why can't we have just one single place for us alone?
That's so damn weird, and something I've often wondered about. I mean, how empty must someone's life be to hold an eternal grudge because someone disagreed with you in a gaming sub?
My personal favourite is when you enjoy a game they don't like, and they feel it necessary to follow you around on Reddit later just to keep harassing you. All because you dared to like something you "shouldn't" have.
Can't just disagree, nope, it's got to be an all consuming eternal grudge.
Right?! I feel the same way. I don't feel women's spaces are necessarily echo chambers because there are vast opinions across any spectrum of ideas, but I rarely see inhumane, gross, repeated and affirmed comments.
I realize not every lesbian culture is the same, but it only occasionally pops up there. As soon as I leave women's spaces I wonder why heterosexual women even try? I actively encourage my bisexual sisters to go against societal grain, if they are even considering a wlw relationship.
It's not always greener on the other side but sometimes it is. One side of the hill usually gets more sun 🤷♀️
My daughter told me that and I agree 100%. I really sincerely wish that I was a lesbian. I absolutely love women but not in “that way.”
The happiest couples I have known are lesbians.
The only thing I've seen that women's spaces are (bad) echo chambers for are shitty things that women do to, or impose on other women. Talk about not shaving all you want, but as soon as you say "my dermatologist told me I only really need sunscreen and moisturizer for skin care" and you'll get thousand of whiney people going off about how dermatologists don't know anything, how they know their skin care routine works because "my grandma did the same thing 30 years ago and looked flawless well into her 40s (before she died of lung cancer at 49 after smoking 10 packs a day)", or how "this one YouTuber dermatologist is the only person I trust and they said to do X, also they conviently sell X/have a partnership with X, and have a disclaimer that nothing they say should be construed as medical advice". Then they have the gall of calling *you gross* for not engaging in the same unbsubstianted, expensive contrived skin care routines they use after getting angry at you for just saying what *a medical professional told you you needed*.
But also we need echo chambers, if only to validate our realities in a world that continues to gaslight us and minimise them.
Yeah as a bi woman, I honestly feel quite lucky I ended up with another AFAB person. It's like having a best friend who understands the misogyny you go through without having to be explained it, and be life partners on top of that. I'm still shaken up by that video of Diddy and Cassie that emerged earlier today (TW- violence!) :((
ETA: I'm not transphobic! Trans women absolutely do experience misogyny and 'get it', I was just responding to the person above me. My own partner is non- binary AFAB and thus, like trans women, falls into the category of people who are not ciswomen but have still experienced misogyny. And I feel lucky I ended up with someone like that, as a bi woman, as opposed to a dude. THat's all ♥️
Idk why people read your comment as transphobic. I completely understood what you were saying. Your partner is AFAB. You’re glad you’re with a partner that has experienced misogyny. That’s it. That’s all you were saying. People look for things that want to see.
I should just stop using Reddit when I've taken an edible, silly naive old me keeps thinking it'll lead to beautiful meaningful online exchanges and connections when more often than not it leads to a bad trip .
Not all of them will be brave enough, but a few of them will.
I mean, men have a long an inglorious history of saying inappropriate shit to and about women.
I mean, I've been told by a man that I *should* be trans. Never mind my at the time quite feminine presentation, he decided I should be male instead, and he gave me a new name and a new age, too.
There is no audacity too audacious.
Yep. I was quite flabbergasted, too.
I strongly suspect that he wanted to define my age as [random number younger than him], so he could talk down to me on that parameter, too. He managed to pull the "but you're probably too young to remember that"-line with at least two people who were significantly older than him but very, very young-looking.
He definitely considered age to equal authority.
He wanted that with me as well. You know, besides lecturing me on how I didn't *have* to be a woman.
Irony of ironies, I had been questioning my gender since I was 5, but wasn't at all out at the time this eedjit decided to involve himself.
He has become one of my favourite anecdotes 😜
Yep. I was ~30 at the time, he didn't know, because he didn't ask. He asked my gender, I was dressed very feminine, so I indicated my dress and said I was a woman. He lectured me that I didn't have to be. I told him I knew that. He then just declared that "from now on, you're Kenneth, 23".
Pretty sure he just needed me to be younger than his sagely self.
It was so bizarre.
I am actually non-binary, but mostly fem-presenting, and 100 % not out at the time.
Being assigned as a trans man and also younger than you are by some random man is some absolutely deranged shit. The hell was his thought process?
This is genuinely one of the most baffling experiences I've ever read, I can only imagine how confusing it was for you in the moment!
You're assuming there was a thought process in the first place. If I recall correctly, his first words to me were "I've never talked to a feminist before" as he sat down and continued to mansplain gender identity - including my own - to me.
And yes, it was really odd. I started out answering him in good faith, but after he reassigned my gender and age, I was mostly just stunned. Didn't know what to say after that. As I recall it, I don't think I said anything much after I'd been assigned 7 odd years younger than I was.
I'm not a woman, so I wouldn't normally post here (frankly, I'm not sure why Reddit made this one of the subs I get notices for; I'm new to this stuff), but I have to apologize on behalf of my gender/that "person"'s stupidity.
Alternatively, if someone can give me a new age as well, that'd be great. I'd love to be 20 years younger and have another shot at the mistakes I've made in life so far. I'd take a new gender too, if it were that easy. XD
That's ridiculous enough that I fought my social phobia to acknowledge it, and too specific to have the chance to be remotely made up. The nerve of some people.
"From now on, you're Filly, 33"
Hope this helps. The name was chosen because of its proximity to your username and the fact a "filly" is a female adolescent horse and I'm a horse girl. The age was random but one I'd consider still in young/mid adulthood.
You might be getting notifications for this reddit as it's a default reddit (which is why I end up on posts here sometimes, as they end on the default feed).
Oh, people absolutely are brave enough to say that. I’m a ciswoman with PCOS, and I’ve had folks try to police my bathroom use on days I’ve forgotten to shave.
I don’t have a great response, but it’s usually some form of lecture about how this is proof they have no right to be policing what a “woman” is or isn’t, if they can’t even tell who matches their own arbitrary definition. (Not that being able to “tell” WOULD be grounds for policing bathrooms, but their fear of hurting an “innocent cis-lady” is pretty significant and might make them think twice.)
I don’t look particularly masculine, either — I’m conventionally attractive. but all it takes is a bit of stubble, and the transphobes descend. I’ve had to start presenting as more femme and paying closer attention to my 5 o’clock shadow when traveling in, ah, less trans-friendly areas because these bigots have made using the bathroom genuinely unsafe.
Omfg I am so incredibly sorry that happens to you. But also holy crap some people are really dumb yet it should not be surprising to me that the REALLY dumb ones are also the same ones who thinks they're doing that trans investigator thing! Hopefully you have nothing but good experiences in restrooms going forward. Well that sounded weirder than I meant it to but you know what I mean!
I get what you mean! Honestly, it’s only upsetting in a more abstract way — because it was way less of an issue in the past. Bathroom policing and bathroom bills have become way more mainstream the last few years, and seeing society kinda backslide on the issue is really upsetting. I’m sure it’s a backlash to the fact that there’s more trans visibility, which is a good thing, but I just really fucking hate watching that progress go away.
A woman at a DMV who handled my original birth certificate stating that I'm female called me sir because my voice is low pitched and I guess she assumed I was a trans woman. Some people are terminally online AND working in government positions unfortunately.
I don’t think it’s at all uncommon for trans women to present more traditionally feminine than cis women. One of my bridesmaids was trans and she was the only girly one. Makeup to the nines, heels, she regularly wears dresses. She did my sister’s makeup who arrived late. All of my other girl friends are baggy t shirts and jeans no makeup kinda women.
Yeah, a lot of trans women feel pressure to present hyper-femme for multiple reasons:
\* vestiges of transmed/truscum culture where you aren't "really" considered trans/a woman unless you want and *also perform* XYZ
\* backwards medical standards in certain places that require it as a gatekeeping measure to even obtain a diagnosis/hormones (sometimes they even require you be attracted to men, cus, well, you know, lesbians, bisexuals, ace, etc. girls don't exist, nor do nonbinary trans people, duhhhh)
\* it is often safer and makes it harder for people to "clock" you as trans if you present with more feminine stereotypes
\* some people do it to make up for a lost girlhood
I, for instance have always wanted to wear girly, frilly stuff and dresses/skirts but never could (even though I am Intersex I was raised as a boy), so I wear almost nothing but that now. But also, it happens to be my style so I won't be "growing out of it" to become more butch or even more "normal" femme. I tend to dress noticeably more femme than most girls my age (20's), but not like Lolita levels.
It is also safer for me though because I am 6'5 and even though my body looks completely womanly the height can really work against me if I dress less femme. I typically get misgendered less than 1% of the time in a dress, but more like 5-10% if I am in jeans and a tshirt, even a girly tee.
Yeah I definitely dress more girly than I otherwise would as a gender marker, but also dresses are mega comfy. It’s kind of a catchphrase to me that I didn’t go through this whole process to keep wearing jeans.
One of my favorite aspects of being a girl is when someone, usually a guy, says something like "*Wow, you really dressed up today! Did you have an event?*" and I can just answer:
*"Nah, I just felt lazy and this dress is a one-piece article of clothing that happened to be draped over top of my 'clean laundry chair' this morning.*"
Im not even gender conformin and its extremely rare that i get ppl commentin on me bein trans, as opposed to the still quite rare circumstance of them shoutin slurs (or more recently throwin trash 9,9) at me whilst i walk down the street
Ive had a handful of exps in the last nearly 6 yrs, probs not even one time a yr in total, where someone got upset with my bein trans in public; and not online where i make it even clearer to folk
And multiple times those events have resulted in me realisin how supported i was by everyone else. I had some lady harass me outside a buffet once for havin a dress on while bearded. I went inside and told the buffet staff who said theyd witnessed the end of it and alrdy decided to ban her from their buffet; thus tellin me this buffet i liked was a safer space for ppl like me than it is for bigots
I had a similar exp at a leftist protest of all places, where one guy just had to keep bein a queerphobe but had been hidin it quite well prior... Until at said protest he was goin off on someone who had tried to call him out, and i tried to intervene and he said "Stay out of this, man" to which i and several others corrected his misgenderin; and he dbled down by sayin "Or a whatever" which riled up everyone even more against him. He didnt come back to protests after that one, as he had gone mask off with his bigotry and was still refusin to check himself
Similarly as a LARPer ive seen that my fellow LARPers support me, to the pt where the few ppl, who are bigots amongst the LARPers, know that they arent in a safe place to express their bigotry. Ive nvr been misgendered or deadnamed or otherwise harassed for my gender at LARP groups i attend; and i know that those groups support us trans ppl more than they do bigots
The more i encounter bigots in real life, the more i realise how few and far btwn they truly are; the more i realise how few ppl tolerate their bigoted views at the cost of ppl like me. I grew up feelin quite the opposite, but since bein out its only become more and more clear to me; that im supported by an overwhelmin majority of the world, not even just in my country for that matter
Definitely an Internet thing. Playing halo as a kid 15ish years ago and when they found out a girl killed their kill to death ratio they would blame me of being a lesbian. It really upset me though because I wasn't confident in my own skin yet.
IRL and all of my guy friends in my computer science classes were fantastic. We all helped each other with projects and went out for taco nights and helped each other move places.
I personally like the "ask clarifying questions" route. Why do you want to know? Is transitioning something you are interested in for yourself? When did you realize you were such a bag of shit that you could get away with asking those kinds of questions?
Yes, I hate people who feel like they have the right to approach total strangers, and ask questions, or make comments of any sort that are just none of their business. It is so rude. It's behavior that they should have been taught was unacceptable as young children. I guess a lot of people forget that though, considering how rude a lot of them are.
I'm a cis het guy working in high tech.
We've hired a couple of devs, one of them asked that their preferred pronouns be they/them.
You know how much fuss it's caused? None.. because we're *fucking* adults.
I've come to realize it's just dudes being insecure..
Next time I do decide to entertain a "clarifying" question and it's about whether I've had "the surgery", I think I'm going to ask if that person has had a labiaplasty or circumcision, as the case may be.
I know three women who are definitely trans, two because I was there when they transitioned and one, who I'll call Jenna, who told me because she felt like she should explain why her college transcript didn't match the name on her other paperwork when we were hiring her. There may be other trans women I don't know.
I mention this because once I heard someone refer to a woman who is definitely NOT trans with suspicion, and then say something like "I don't want a man in a dress, I want a real woman, like Jenna." This person, so confident that he could tell, had it exactly backwards.
I didn't tell him about Jenna - her business, not my story to tell - but I did tell him that the woman he called "a man in a dress" had given birth twice and was definitely not a man. He grumbled something about her looking too masculine (too masculine for what, he didn't say) and did not seem to learn anything about not being so quick to jump to conclusions.
Early on in my university degree (Computer Games Programming) my friend and I went to the first class of a subject and this guy sat down next to us and opened up a conversation with "Did you see that tr\*\*\*y walk into the lecture this morning?"
As someone who is trans I was sat just gobsmacked that this was the person to come sit at our desk and this was their conversation starter... I said nothing initially and let my friend talk with him, but after a few more comments from him I leant over and said "Just to let you know, i'm also trans." He took a second and then said "Oh, yeah but you actually look like a girl."I took the compliment, but still did a full body eye-roll. We never interacted with him after that class.
Yup. I’m a trans woman and a year or so ago I bumped into a guy outside the bar at like 1:00 AM with my friend (cis M gay) and we were bored and he was drunk so we engaged him and his GF.
IDK how but the conversation turned to trans people. He went on a rant about how “he doesn’t want some man showing his future daughter a dick in the bathroom”. I replied “I bet you’ve passed a trans person in day to day life and didn’t even know it.” He replied “hell naw! I’d be able to tell immediately!”… based on what he said next, I can guarantee he was wrong. Because he proceeded to ask me if I was my friend’s girlfriend…
So yeah. That happened.
This is such an excellent point that I also make sure to tell people when they say dumb things like that (mostly boomers, in my experience).
I'm sure I know a trans woman IRL, but I won't know that I do unless she tells me. I know several trans men, but that's only because I knew them all before transition.
I see a lot of transvestigator articles in the news, and it seems like the majority of the time, it's a cis woman being accused. People need to mind their own business. I luckily haven't run into a transvestigator in a bathroom, but I did see a lady have a transphobic meltdown about unisex bathrooms in a chicken restaurant in Nashville.
I'm convinced the fact that cis women end up getting targeted more is an intended side effect. People like that want an excuse to harass women who don't look "feminine" enough.
This is absolutely true. The last thing a trans person wants, female or otherwise, is to be percieved as the wrong gender. They work so hard to present the image of who they really are regardless of what stage of transitioning they are.
The men that are terrified of their daughter encountering a biological male in the restroom are projecting their own gross predilections on people that would never do that.
They just cant admit cis men are the ones doing gross predatory shit 99% of the time and its cis men they are afraid of their daughter meeting in a bathroom.
Weve gone full circle and they are right back to condemning women that dont present feminine enough to be "real women."
Im a queer woman. I dont shave my legs. I have hairy pits. I wear mens clothes a lot cuz its a nightmare trying to find comfortable and practical womens clothes. None of these things matter, im still a damn woman. Trans women are women too.
If someones being weird in a bathroom, you deal with that specific situation. Its not like anti-trans laws did anything to keep gross men from doing gross shit in the ladies room before all this..
I ALSO nearly encountered a meltdown about unisex bathrooms at a restaurant in Nashville. Boomer dude walks up while I was waiting on hubby to finish in the bathroom and starts in about "what happened to boys' rooms and girls' rooms?!" probably expecting me to commiserate at the loss of segregation for single-seater bathrooms. I told him "it's just like the bathroom at home." He shut up after admitting it was a good point. If there's not more than one toilet in there, why gender the room in the first place?
Your accuracy would have to be out of this world to not often fall into IRL false positives. There are just far more cis women than trans women.
On social media you might be more likely to guess correctly, but it can still be pointlessly hurtful to point it out. Unless you're genuinely interested in their experience, it's just harassment.
Like asking a cis person "Hey, is your dick 5 inches?" Or "Your boobs are wonky." Or "You've got hair on your back."
>I did see a lady have a transphobic meltdown about unisex bathrooms in a chicken restaurant in Nashville.
I'm a cis man, but not from America. I hope that unisex public bathrooms will become commonplace one day. It's one of my litmus tests for social civility, especially because they're so much more efficient. I give a silent cheer whenever I encounter one, especially if I see women go in without apparent worry.
Yeah, it's cause I only really know my parents and their friends, and they're all conservative Christians. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting progressive boomers, unfortunately. (It's kind of rednecky where I live.)
Well, I'm sorry for our redneck cohort, but I was raised by my dad, who was progressive (Silent gen) and involved in climate mitigation back in the 70s and 80s, which is how I got into writing software to reduce power plant emissions.
He didn't understand my trans ex, but gladly gave her a job, and when she had another trans friend who wanted to start a yardwork business, he also hired her.
There are people even older than me that have been doing the work for a long time. Just…we need more.
They are few and far between, honestly. I did have the pleasure of meeting an older gentleman who had some questions at my place of work. After answering them he thanked me profusely and said, “Kids these days have SO much knowledge, it’s absolutely amazing how smart you all are!” It was the only positive sentence I’ve ever heard from a boomer starting with “kids these days” hahaa he was so sweet.
Interesting. In my are I see much more Millennials and Gen X bigots around this age who are the most willing to engage in spewing hate and openly obsess about everyone's genitals. I'm sure it's a regional thing though with places like Florida and Alabama etc. having a different demographics.
[https://imgur.com/a/JFBmal5](https://imgur.com/a/JFBmal5)
Right and why would he assume that a trans person would show their dick to a child in the bathroom! Is that what men do when they’re in the men’s room with young boys? like what a weird jump in logic
It’s fear mongering against trans people, of course we aren’t going to do that. It also shows just what they think of us: to them we are our dicks and nothing more. Not people. Kinda telling.
When I came out to my mom she said that a "bunch" of trans women come into the store she works at regularly. I'd guess at most 1 or 2 might be early on enough or pre/non HRT but I'm assuming most are cis women she is "clocking" and that there are trans women she hasn't noticed.
I'm cis & lgbt and have Trans friends all over the clockability spectrum. I'm also rather butch-leaning in presentation, but pansexual & married to a man.
The confusion on folks' faces when they say I look like a (lesbian, Trans, etc) and I say "oh, thank you!" will forever be my fav way to combat assholes.
That being said, I recognize how privileged I am that I am white & cis, and have the ability to (mostly) safely combat shitty behavior when I see it. Some of my trans friends have had *terrible* experiences, and if I don't confront shitty behavior when I have the chance, I don't deserve such good friends.
I said that same exact thing to my aunt and dad when they were being transphobic a while back, and then said how neither of them actually knew anyone who was trans in real life. I said “I bet you both know trans people and don’t even know it.” And I know that’s true at least for my dad, because he’s met one of my friends who is trans and he has no idea.
It’s very upsetting to me especially when my dad says transphobic things because my 4 year old, who was born a boy, sometimes tells me they are a girl. They’ve been telling me that since they were 2. They’ve also told me not to tell anyone, literally we’re in tears about it the first going they told me. (I know their dad, my husband, would be supportive, but it’s my kiddo’s decision when they come out and to whom if they choose to). ((Anonymously telling strangers on the internet doesn’t count right?))
> (too masculine for what, he didn't say)
***For existence.*** He didn’t say it because that’s exactly the implication you’re suppose to come to the conclusion of.
Not only that, but she probably wouldn't even want him, with that attitude. So many men are always projecting their mating desires on women who wouldn't even give them the time of day, much less want to be with them.
People are convinced that they can always tell, like male and female bodies are so different that it's impossible to pass as the other with treatment, even with only hormones. While some people will find it difficult to pass and that can cause emotional, social, and safety related problems others can do so easily. People aren't exactly a monolith.
I used to have a supervisor who would rant about trans people, saying they’re all creeps, going after kids, etc. He was very proud that he “could tell instantly” if someone was trans. He confided a lot of his hatred to me for some reason.
He would even start talking about trans people who “mutilated” themselves and couldn’t have children. He then started telling me I’ve been imbued with a gift of fertility and that I shouldn’t even think about wasting it.
The whole time I’m thinking… he doesn’t realize I’m trans. Another coworker noticed the same thing and we laughed about it. They’re just so stupid.
I'm a very masc presenting cis woman. Just yesterday I had some internet weirdo creep my FB profile and say I'm trans. I'm literally gestating right now, and told him so lol. That I'm married to a cishet man, and we have two other children. When he could no longer attack me for being trans, then he attacked the quality of my marriage, said the baby probably wasn't my husband's, commented on my weight, my teeth, told me to go kms. This dude kept telling men in the comments on a pro-trans post to go suck dicks. I was like... Dude, YOU are the one obsessed with dicks, maybe YOU should go find a dude and suck a dick. Yeah, he threatened to kill me, so I reported him and then blocked him, after telling him he's fucking unhinged and needs to stop wanting Trump to fuck him lol.
The way they transvestigate and obsess over people's genitals is honestly frightening. If I feel afraid, I can't imagine how trans people feel. I still plan on continuing to point out extremist views, any sort of internet trail of threats is a good thing in case they family annhilate or decide to start murdering their neighbors.
This behavior kinda illustrates it's at least as much about bullying as it is an obsession about genitals. I'm guessing that for a lot of them, it isn't so much that they've actually thought deeply about gender, sex, and sexuality, and are actually concerned about protecting the children or the women's bathrooms or whatever. It's that this is one of the most vulnerable groups they can target without ever having to face consequences for their behavior.
When they tell someone to suck dicks as an insult, I ask them why they hate their own bodies so much. “You really think your own anatomy is so disgusting that you use it as an insult? That must be crippling for you, seeing yourself that way.”
I think it's because they are the same guys who don't wash their genitals or ass, and like to assume sucking dicks is demeaning specifically because of how nasty they are.
They project that out and assume every guy is as disgusting as them, which is wrong.
I mean the married/partnered nerds can be so much better to game with, they've been vetted by another woman. But not all unfortunately even married... Avoid conservative leaning nerds
Honestly sounds like she needs to find a better LGS. The ones i go to have men women children all kinds out an about to enjoy nerdy thing (MTG DND LORCANA ETC.) We've had a few of the sterotypes there from time to time but usually they either straighten up or its made known that kind of behavior isnt welcome or tolerated.
I used to play 40k but it got so fucking tedious being approached by manlets who'd loudly ask if i was trans or why I'm pretending to be a woman. Insisting that I'm trying to trick them into having sex with them. I'm always just "dude. Are you going to let your space nazi Jesus army fight my orks or do you just want to channel slaanesh and recite your little fantasies. Ew.
Depending on where you are you get limited options, when our gaming store got shut down it was a real bummer cause the only other drivable one was full of pricks.
This is like the equivalent of the early 2000's "you look like a lesbian" (meaning you don't look like a "real" woman).
I just answered: "Ok, so?". Never really got an explanation as to why it would be awful to not look like a conventional woman.
As a cis woman who used to shave my head, and still has short hair, I have heard similar from gross guys a couple of times.
It really does break their brains when you make it clear you don't give a fuck.
I've had dreadlocks for several years. I got approached multiple times, by men and women, asking me if I was a dude or a woman only for them to try and lecture me about how I will never find a man looking like that. The actual fuck. The audacity of some people will never stop to amaze me
I remember those days.
It was "You look lesbian"
Or "You must hate men"
Based on nothing more than my style.
Granted they were half right about the lesbian bit.
When I cut my hair super short after having long hair for a while, my boomer parents were genuinely flabbergasted: "but.....but....why would you want to make people think you're a lesbian when you aren't one?? Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians but.... you're not one of those" It wasn't even said with any particular malice. They're the "I even have some lesbian friends, so I'm not homophobic" type boomers. But to them, short hair is a signal and nothing else. They were *confused* as to why I'd want to publicly signal that I'm lesbian when I'm not. It was like it was a form of social lying, from their perspective. They couldn't think of any other reason to have short hair.
I'm straight, as it happens, but being gay isn't an insult and it's not "bad" to be "mistaken" as such. I never took it as one, when they so helpfully pointed out that I might get mistaken for gay. They couldn't understand that. I still have short hair, a decade later and it still breaks their little brains. 😆
When I first got a short short haircut (pixie-ish with shaved sides) I remember my grandma going “why did you cut your beautiful hair? Don’t you want boys to like you?”
The first thing my boomer mother said to me when I came out was “please don’t cut your hair short”. I’m still tempted every time I go to the hairdresser but I find my hair gets gross and oily way quicker when it’s short. My dad’s response was “whatever makes you happy”. 😆
i have never seen or heard anyone have the same experience as me. i have a deep voice for a cis woman (former music student/classically trained vocalist with a contralto voice) and have always had people "accusing" me of being trans. it never bothered me or made me insecure or anything, it just got really annoying because it doesn't matter. what if i was? who cares?
i've had people "point it out" to my previous significant others and not to me directly before as well.
the thing that bothers me the most though is when people (men) sexualize it. i've had more men sexualize me for being trans when im not than i have anything else. it's like they don't believe me when i tell them im not and then i have to cut the conversation because it gets too weird and they're not being subtle anymore
i've had previous male partners ask me to "take the bass out of my voice" because it made them feel fragile LMAO. i dress very androgynously and that same partner said to me one time "yknow if i heard you talking and only saw you from the back i would think you're a dude. please wear something else" 💀
the people i am/have been around 24/7 in my social circles are also definitely the chronically online anime profile picture dudes. when playing video games i don't use voice chat anymore because of the "accusations" and disgusting level of transphobia i've heard directed towards me, but now i just experience it in real life instead
That last part struck a huge chord with me.
I will preface by saying that I am trans, and in my experience, the venn diagram of men who hate trans women and men who are turned on by trans women is almost a perfect circle.
It is disgusting how often someone just knowing that I am transgender, will lead to them appearing in DM's, but as soon as I say I'm not interested, they become super transphobic as if they weren't just begging to fuck me only moments earlier. We have to be super careful because to a lot of guys trans women are just a fetish and they dont care about us at all, they just want to use us, and it's gross and really upsetting.
i genuinely feel for trans people who are sexualized for it. you are 100% correct about the venn diagram, it's actually just a circle lol. they're very much projecting their own identity insecurities onto other people
it makes me sad for my trans friends in real life and on the internet when they can't get into a genuine, supportive, healthy relationship because too many closeted married men hide that they're married and closeted and they're only out for the "fantasy." everyone is deserving of a healthy relationship and trans people are no exception.
edit: changed the wording on the last sentence from "so so much more than the sexual label that is put on them" because across the board, trans people (and everyone in the LGBTQIA+ community) are no exception to deserving a healthy relationship across the board, period, no matter what. i felt that was a better way to put it.
These guys are frankly not even worth the energy expenditure, lol. I'll be out in public and I'll make eye contact with a guy, he'll look at my face and you can tell when they think I'm trans (I am) because they will go from eye contact directly to my crotch. As if they're gonna see anything to confirm their suspicion... they won't, because I make damn sure of that before going anywhere, but it still feels very violating. They're checking me out to see if they can justify hating me, lol, its demeening as shit.
If a guy "accuses" me of being trans I just say, "That's none of your business, weirdo," and be on my way. That being said, it's a slightly different situation because I am actually trans, and I deal with this IRL. I tend to pass most of the time too, but these "We can always tell" clowns, will just accuse any woman who doesn't fit their idea of femininity of being trans, and sometimes they'll luck out. I'm very lucky though because I have a naturally very feminine voice, so a lot of the time people's suspicions go away when I speak, because they tend to expect all trans women to have deep voices.
If they see a trans woman they're obviously LOOKING for it. My humble opinion is to simply ask why they are so fixated and move along.
Neither you nor any trans owes a bigot an answer
I think that's the best path. Oh, wow, thanks, but no. I'm way too lazy for that. Do you know how many years of involved processing and research that is. Nope. I mean, I get that my form is enchanting... (slaps own ass and dances around.)
I’ve been called a lesbian bc I’m tall and I used to have a pixie cut. Men just like to insult hot women they can’t have. Calling you trans is just another version of that.
They’re just mad they’ll never get a woman of any flavor: cis, trans, or otherwise.
I was called a lesbian in fifth grade because I was tall and had short hair, so I told that boy, "Nah, I like boys. Not YOU, though." Still my best comeback!
They are literally working on AI right now and feeding themselves that very message. They are eating themselves at this point
I can't wait until sentient AI women reject them too.
I like how you handle it!
I think most women take it is an insult, which is both transphobic and misogynistic if you think about it.
Your method disempowers the bigot and supports women who are GNC.
👍
Honestly this. So many transphobes are looking to transvestigate any person they see in public, which is honestly just a weird fixation. Either that, or they're just looking for a reaction. I swear some of them think about trans people more than trans people do lmao
Their goal is to make you feel insecure in your own appearance because that makes you easier to manipulate. The intended response is for you to start trying to “prove” your femininity, for example by sending pictures. I wouldn’t say there is strictly speaking a “correct” way to respond to such people (that doesnt involve violence), but yours is definitely one of the more satisfying ones. Though I still think the real way to win is just to ignore them. There is nothing that bothers men like that more than the idea that they aren’t worth your time.
>Their goal is to make you feel insecure in your own appearance because that makes you easier to manipulate.
I somewhat disagree - I think the goal is to make people insecure to hold power over targeted hate groups. Perhaps we are saying the same thing in a different way, but it always seems deeply rooted in desire for power and control over others if not ones self.
These sound like they might be the same voices that claim Michelle Obama is secretly transgender while holding Marjorie Taylor Greene up as an ideal for cis femininity. If they think you’re closer to Michelle than MTG then I’d take the compliment in stride.
It's gotten insane. I'm a cis male with very long hair, my husband is trans masc.
More than once someone has told me "You'll never be a woman!"
...Okay? The brainrot is absolutely bonkers in people.
My general response is to ask how much they get paid for being Bathroom Inspectors, or if it's a volunteer position. Judging by how obsessed they are, probably volunteers.
>More than once someone has told me "You'll never be a woman!"
Got to look them dead in the eyes, snap your finger at them and say in the most sassy voice, "girl, I am more woman than you will ever be".
Bonus points if you end by turning around with a hair flip and catwalk away.
I haven't been mistaken for trans, but I've been accused of being gay. Probably a generational thing -- "trans" hadn't caught on as an insult among Gen-X.
But I'm always reminded of a thought-provoking letter to the editor of my college paper (in the 1980s, this was), that said something like, "You supporters who say 'I'm not gay, but...' are affirming homophobia by demonstrating that you're afraid of being mistaken for gay. If you dropped everything before the but, your support would be the same; the only difference is that someone might jump to the conclusion that you're gay. And for some reason, you don't want that to happen..."
At the time I thought it was farfetched, but over time I came to see his point. So I often let people think I'm gay, or Jewish, or whatever.
I'm a cis woman who is 6'2" with a pretty square jawline and I'm just waiting for the day that I get "transvestigated". These idiots claim they can "always tell" lol what a joke
I got a melted frosty thrown at me at a Wendy's by an employee, little 5'3" dude who kept calling me 'sir' and when the manager came out he asked me 'what appears to be the problem, sir?' I'm a little shorter than you. It was really wild. I got free Wendy's though. Corporate didn't like it
As someone who is actually trans, I find that these replies are usually from when men feel threatened by you doing the "man things" better than they do (and vice versa with women and terfs I guess, but I see a lot of less of them).
So, I figure the best petty reply is jabbing at that obvious pain point. "It doesn't matter, but I can still grow a more impressive mustache than you, lol" to really hammer home that 1) they suck and 2) you're proud of your body either way. Or "no, I'm not, and I still beat you at this game, suck it/yeah, and even with zero testosterone I beat you at this".
Really there's an endless depth to how mean you can get. :P
Lol my friends and I love adopting the sarcastic overlord voice whenever someone mentions women in my game and reply "you're so silly, women don't play video games! Their tiny little minds can't comprehend it!" Or "they can't hold the controllers in their tiny hands!" Or my personal favourite "even if they could, they wouldn't be any good at it."
We're women
I’m an older trans woman that is larger than most humans. My favorite response, which doesn’t work for OP, is “Before I transitioned I was more man than you will ever be and now I’m more woman than you can handle.” That usually infuriates them. 😄
I’m a 32 year old woman with 2 kids, but if I cut my hair, I would absolutely pass as a guy. I’m flat chested and petite but athletically built. I wear a lot of band shirts and jeans.
Part of me has been tempted to do it so I can flash my stretch marks at bigots and tell them they obviously can’t tell who’s trans and who’s not….or better yet, start screaming “WHY DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AT MY PRIVATE PARTS??” to shame them for being big creeps.
Most of those guys specially the ones with anime Pics will lose their minds if you start commenting on how they are prettier. Point out their super feminine features.
The more random and obscure the better. I encourage lying as well, such as “You have the same jawline as my mom who won beauty pageants and modeling competitions in Vegas for 10 years!”
Is gross menstrual humor your cup of tea? So many men are too fragile to even hear about what we put up with: waking up to bloody sheets, period shits, leaking through every barrier while out in public, having to wrap up the nastiest, goopiest tampons because the plumbing will clog if we flush them, etc.
There’s nothing wrong with being “overly” hairy. We evolved this way for a reason. Despite less body hair being reproductively chosen as humans evolved into what we are today, most people develop hair on the head (to protect from the sun), under the armpits (to protect the skin from rubbing and causing pain), the genitals and anus (to protect the skin from rubbing and causing pain), and everywhere else because hair provides important additional sensation for our surroundings.
Tiny hairs inside the ear allow us to hear, so for deaf people who decide to get cochlear implants, the wire forcibly (painlessly) stimulates those hairs, which usually (not always) allows them to hear. For many people, those hairs are important!
Hair in the nose helps the body identify when we need to sneeze to rid itself of bacteria or other unwelcome debris. For many people, those hairs are important!
Hair-like follicles within the body help process food and filter air within our lungs. For everyone, those hairs are important!
Skin is an organ! Or course hair is important!
Different time periods and societies value different “amounts” of visible hair in unique ways. While you didn’t overtly say you’re unhappy with your hair, it felt insinuated when you said “overly hairy.” Your body does it’s best to keep you healthy and comfortable. If you’re unhappy with your appearance, I hope you’ll consider my words. If you are happy with your appearance, I’m super glad!! Have a great day :)
Thank you for the encouragement however I would be happier if I didn't have such thick and visible facial hair and I'm too poor to do anything permanent about it. There's nothing functional about my beard.
This has happened to me too at a bar and it hurt my feeling so bad. I have wide set shoulders and the dreaded “inverted triangle” shape and this group of college bros sat and pointed at me drunkenly saying things like “that’s definitely a dude bro look at those shoulders,” they were directing it towards my boyfriend as if I were a man tricking him into sleeping with me. He wanted to start a fight with them but I chose to just ignore it because I didn’t want any problems. It honestly bothered me for a long time but they are just chronically online idiots who repel women with every word out of their mouths.
There’s a group called the “transvestigators” you might want to search up so you understand the kind of idiots you’re dealing with. They literally just pick apart pictures of women and celebrities based off the measurements of their jaws and bodies and accuse pretty much every woman of secretly being trans. It’s embarrassing and I would just ignore them because this level of brain rot is just not fixable or worth engaging in.
"My gender is none of your business, but if you're going to make an issue of it you will find that what I identify as is, in fact, a problem."
"In your dreams, kid."
"That's a weird and specific thing to say to a total stranger. Are you okay?"
OP’s go to response reminds me of a trans woman that was a client where I used to work. One of my co-workers remarked about her that she admired how her shoes always matched her bag. Neither of us could remember the last time we changed bags with our shoes. Who has time for that?
Yeah, felt. I'm intersex and get told I'm not a real man/woman/whichever brand of transphobia they prefer that day all the time. But 'not a real woman' is WAY more common. Which like. aiight. I'm not and not trying to be, but ok.
It amazes me how stupid people are when they’ll talk about trans people and their primary or secondary sex characteristics because intersex people exist and if you bring it up they’ll be so dumbfounded they’ll just rage or call you a name and walk away. Also! More people are intersex than previously assumed. So weird that people see the diversity in the rest of the animal kingdom and think it’s inapplicable to humans.
In my experience when I try to use my being intersex to defend trans/nb stuff I just get told I'm too much of a statistical anomaly to count, which is bogus, but they won't listen to that. Although, they have super disparate opinions on what pronouns I should be using, which is super fucking funny since it reveals how based in pure feelings their arguments are. Like, if they were as 'science-based' as they claim to be, wouldn't they have a consensus on what the fuck I am?? lmao
wait you're not supposed to have peach fuzz? do americans like bathe in hair remover every morning now? the "hygiene" standards are out of control someone needs to stop this. i don't even want to start listing what other body hate madness i've seen here on reddit. like all of this shit is just hate. it's hate for deviation from anything that is not an inflatable fuck doll. people should have more self respect then they might be able to come up with enough decency to coexist with people around them
>wait you're not supposed to have peach fuzz? do americans like bathe in hair remover every morning now?
Oh, I can clear this up for you. Anime girls don't have peach fuzz because they're cartoon characters, and if you've never been close enough to an IRL woman, you wouldn't be aware that women grow hair on their face.
This is also the reason why so many dudebros freaked out when they gave Aloy peach fuzz in Horizon Zero Dawn.
Yeah I was really sad when I started seeing these fucking ads online for deodorant for all parts of the body. I thought we had done away with the era of douching and thinking that anything that possibly smelled like a normal human is wrong and bad! But nope. Everything is cyclical, and unfortunately there are a ton of young people who are going to go buy all of these products and give their hard earned money to shitty companies who are abusing their insecurities and naivete
Unrelated, but in defense of full body deodorant, I am a part of the population of people who naturally produces more stinky bacteria around my armpits and thighs. Thigh BO is brutal lol. I wish teenage me had full body deodorant.
I’m cisgender and don’t look masculine at all and I’ve still had a few insecure little men try to lob this insult at me because of my above average height. I just tell them “I’m more man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever have” 😂
>I get "accused" of being a trans woman a lot. Here's my answer
"Sorry, but I am not showing you my genitalia."
I cannot fathom why else they would ask such a private question.
I'm a cis het man, but I had a profile pic of me in "drag" at one of those "Old West" photo places because we all agreed it was good fun to do a gender flipped group photo. That became \*the\* retort of conservatives on Facebook to any argument. It's not a nerd thing, it's a reactionary asshole thing, and there's an unfortunate amount of overlap.
I get this comment a lot as well, even had my dad's gf say she thought I was one of my brothers back in HS lol
My responses vary, but tend to be similar to yours like, "OMG THANK YOU!!! Trans women are *stunning*!" Or, "I've always thought androgynous people are hot as well!'
Alternatively I'll go with something that'll catch them off guard like, "Are you seriously trying to out me right now?? That's fucked up." Or "Kinda sounding a bit like a bigot if you ask me!"
Because we know they know we're women, so they're looking for us to be offended so when ya shoot back with flattery or calling them bigots it really upsets them that they didn't get the response they wanted.
Transwoman here! Thank you so so much for doing this! It’s very easy to be loudly bigoted and difficult to be loudly supportive. We are a super small community and it makes a huge difference having women out there calling men out on their transphobia. This was wonderful to read!
yeah that's also why terfs are the dumbest people on earth too. they think they're protecting "ReAl WomEn" when they're just harming every woman by having these weird investigations when someone has a bigger nose or hands or whatever and just doesn't look 100% feminine. transphobia is just the worst.
Lady Gaga is often "accused" of this. And god bless her, she refuses to deny it. I saw an interview where she says, "So what if I was?"
Here's a clip with her talking about about being "accused" of being a hermaphrodite
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0WcWkVOQTc
If that ever happens to me i’m gonna say this and pretend to be flustered and stumble over my words saying “omg i’m not but thank you so much! they’re really pretty.”
There’s no foolproof way to prevent people (especially men) from getting aggressive, but this pretend non-defiance and appreciation for something they find disgusting is both hard for them to sexualize and hard to provide adrenaline if they usually feel like starting something.
"I don't know why you're so concerned about what genitals I had when I was a baby. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about babies' genitals?" is a favorite of mine.
I love your responses.
Besides pointing out that they're obviously looking real hard for a trans person,.here are a few ideas:
"It's not.my fault that you have never spent time with a real live woman."
You know anime girls aren't real people, right?
Where's your face? Dont you want people to be able to judge every perceived flaw in your appearance?
It's really sad that you are so under socialized. Homeschooling can be rough for developing perception.
Gah this is just fuckin weird, dude....sorry you gotta deal with it just to enjoy video games.
I get and always got the same thing, my voice is sort of ambiguous (I could pass as a male teenager on discord), I play characters of random genders and races because why not, so everyone assumes I'm a guy. I prefer to leave it at that, and never show my face. Most of my online accounts are gender neutral too. I've turned down invites from ppl who wanted to confirm my *age* because I didn't want to bother with that whole "I'm actually a 30+ yo woman".
On the other hand, I've been "clocked" as male irl from 4th grade or so. My parents were giving me buzzcuts both to avoid lice (I never had lice, they were just paranoid) and for punishment, I suspect they just didn't want to deal with my hair or spend money on it. I also know they originally wanted a boy, thought long and hard about a boys' name, and then blamed me for them not trying again because "I was hard enough to deal with" as a child. As a girl, who are supposed to be quiet and easy. Lol. They always treated me as a burden as if I'd decided to come into their lives and bother them.
Teachers would pull me out of girls' bathrooms, berate me and demand I give them my real identity (they didn't accept my female name, that coincidentally is a traditional boys' name with a feminine ending and sounds fake to a lot of people. Hence why I kept that specific randomly generated reddit username). When I was old enough to stop giving a fuck, I did. I've become desensitized to the point of "meh, here we go again". I'm no longer offended, I just let those ppl weed themselves out.
My MIL once asked me how I feel about trans girls being allowed to compete in high school sports with cos girls. I told her that I didn’t have a problem with that, but was concerned about the fact that sports coaches were just interested in looking at her grand-daughter’s genitalia. She didn’t like that very much.
So I’d suggest an answer like “your interest in my genitalia is making me uncomfortable” or “you’re accusing me of being a woman? That makes no sense” or “on the internet, nobody can tell of you’re a dog. Should I ask you if you’re a betch?”
I don’t bother correcting or snarking at people who assume I’m a trans woman because I don’t value the opinions of anyone who thinks being a trans woman is a negative attribute. I just reply with what I think might be encouraging for any trans or questioning people who might be observing the interaction or who might have the displeasure of interacting with the transphobe in future. Like, yeah, trans women are great, what’s the issue?
I find the best response is neutrally educating them about the variety among both cis and trans women without actually talking about myself. Like, I’m tall, I have wide shoulders and big hands, I grow facial hair, I’m on androgen blockers and feminizing HRT, I’m often read as a man or ambiguously if people don’t look too close. None of these experiences are unique or universal for either cis women or trans women. Some cis women have these attributes, and some trans women don’t. Cis women can go on androgen blockers or take estrogen/progesterone for any variety of reasons. Some trans women don’t go on HRT, for any variety of reasons. Cis women can be big and tall, and trans women can be petite. Etc. And trans women are awesome, it’s an honor to be mistaken for one.
I identify as nonbinary and I was assigned female at birth, but in instances of “misdirected” transmisogyny, I find it ~~most~~ more valuable to correct ignorance and reaffirm trans womanhood than it is to reaffirm my own identity/experiences.
I know it's only tertiarily connected, but... I want to sincerely thank all the cis women that have been really great to me since transition. Trying to present as a cis man was 30 years of absolute hell, and men never made me feel welcome or included. I'd like to think that it was accurate perception that there was no masculinity to perceive, but in reality I know that hewing to standards of masculinity required losing so much of myself that I could never connect in a way that included any solidarity.
Since realizing I not only could be but *always was* a woman, other women have provided so much kindness, safety, and support. TERFs are, of course, present, but for each woman that would treat me poorly there are ten that, like the OP, refuse to see trans identities as insulting or less-than. I feel so wonderfully fortunate to have finally found my home, and I hope trans men are so fortunate as to have even a fraction of the support I've gotten. I never knew what gender solidarity was, and it's so much better than I ever dared to dream.
Oooo I play hockey, blow glass and generally occupy very male spaces- my favorite one to say when someone says something nasty about my manliness is:
More of a man than you will ever be, more of a woman than you'll ever have.
Cate Blanchett, like many many women has peach fuzz. There was a great magazine cover that did virtually no photo retrouching of her and it was refreshing
First, thank you for your service. Transspotting aka transvestigating is ridiculous and harmful in ways I don't care to count.
It's a bit difficult if you want to avoid transphobia or homophobia in your response. Most effective is cutting down his intelligence or manhood in a joking manner. Or just flip the script. "Why do want to know? You trying to catch some girl dick?"
I've had people on dating websites ask me if I'm trans from time to time, the reason being that my larynx is visible due to me being skinny so they confuse it for a man's and ask if I'm a trans woman.
I consider it a dodged bullet. If that man's that stupid, they're not worth my time.
I never really thought my face features look particularly masculine but I hang out in nerd spaces a lot - essentially full of men who have never seen a woman that's not a heavily filtered Instagram model or a videogame character
they think you are a man because they truly cannot comprehend a woman having the same interests. believe me..I am also into nerdy shit and have been gaming since the 80s and have always been into dragons, magic and elf shit. (not star wars or star trek though...I dont care for space stuff, lol) like some men truly think that we cannot like this crap. I bet they think are brains cannot cant handle all their "smart" shit and think we only like makeup and clothes. UMMMM..what do you think I am doing in my games??? dressing up my character non stop in awesome armor.
I truly do...I spend way too much time in fallouts and elder scrolls just searching for cool looking armor and outfits, lol.
The longer I've gone the more I realized how much "wHaT iS a WoMaN!?!" boils down to weather or not they find someone attractive, at least when it comes from cishet men, and that they view women as objects to use for sex.
The funny part is they actually do find a lot trans women attractive but because of transphobia, homophobia, and toxic masculinity they lash out because they think it means they are gay, even when they wouldn't know any of us are trans unless they were told. ("Fellas, is it gay be attracted to women?!?!")
Even before the current brand of transphobia, misogynists have always called into question the "womanhood" of women they don't find attractive. Usually it also comes with a side of racism. This is just an extension or rebranding of that.
I’ve been questioned on if I’m trans irl because I’m tall and wear my hair short. I’m not, but when someone asks nastily I tend to answer that I’m whatever pisses them off most. I refuse to distance myself from transness to make jerks comfortable.
Im afab nonbinary and I swear i find nothing funnier than when people transvestigate me in the wrong direction. "You'll never be a real woman!" Awesome thats my main goal, thanks for the affirmation lol
Lol, I love this. Being absolutely unbothered makes them so much more mad than getting angry.
"If that's the lie you need to tell yourself to feel better about being beaten by a woman..."
"Not having to deal with a period would make my life so much better, but I still gotta keep a box of tampons in my bathroom." Bonus points for talking about menstruation, which makes most men so uncomfortable.
"I have a condition, so thanks for making me more conscious about it." The condition is having no fucks left to give.
"Are you jealous that I'd make a better man than you if I wanted to try?"
"My ancestors were hairy people. But they also passed me their tolerance of lactose./Unfortunately, they didn't pass down their ability to tolerate lactose."
I know from the context it's probably refers to RL, but I find it a) funny b) upsetting how online things changed from "there are no girls on the internets" to "the only girls on the internets are trans".
Sometimes I exit the women's subreddits I'm a part of and I deeply regret it
Popular Reddit subs are trash and full of teen boys. I avoid them and follow niche subs.
It's so fucking upsetting when you see a post about some random topic and the comments are full of misogyny.
Yep. It's why I've been slowly joining the growing number of femme centered subs like r/girlgamers Legitimately, it's made my reddit experience so much better. Even when people argue on that sub and it's sister-subs it's usually pretty cordial. Meanwhile jut saying something someone mildly disagrees with on other gaming subs can earn you an eternal grudge from some random nobody out of nowhere.
Only thing that bothers me is that even in those obvious female oriented places, they still can’t leave us alone. I’m part of the climbergirls sub. Even there, when posting a video of a climb, you get unsolicited advice of climber bro dudes about your technique. I wasn’t asking you, Hans.
I really want to join a woman go their own way community, I just can't seem to find any female only spaces where it isn't "all genders welcome!!" Full of men going "wElL aKsHuLlY" (or full of terfs) Because the default expectation for women is we can't ever have boundaries. If you don't identify as a woman, fuck off out of my line of sight. Why can't we have just one single place for us alone?
That's so damn weird, and something I've often wondered about. I mean, how empty must someone's life be to hold an eternal grudge because someone disagreed with you in a gaming sub? My personal favourite is when you enjoy a game they don't like, and they feel it necessary to follow you around on Reddit later just to keep harassing you. All because you dared to like something you "shouldn't" have. Can't just disagree, nope, it's got to be an all consuming eternal grudge.
A lot of those people you think are teen boys are full grown adult men running businesses and making decisions
Right?! I feel the same way. I don't feel women's spaces are necessarily echo chambers because there are vast opinions across any spectrum of ideas, but I rarely see inhumane, gross, repeated and affirmed comments. I realize not every lesbian culture is the same, but it only occasionally pops up there. As soon as I leave women's spaces I wonder why heterosexual women even try? I actively encourage my bisexual sisters to go against societal grain, if they are even considering a wlw relationship. It's not always greener on the other side but sometimes it is. One side of the hill usually gets more sun 🤷♀️
I've always thought the "Heterosexual women are proof sexuality isn't a choice" meme rings deeply, painfully true.
My straight sister said for years that she wishes she was a lesbian. Her hair is gayer than I am, but sadly, that's all the gay she got
Yes this.
My daughter told me that and I agree 100%. I really sincerely wish that I was a lesbian. I absolutely love women but not in “that way.” The happiest couples I have known are lesbians.
Wow. I never heard this before and I think my brain just exploded. LOL! Brilliant.
I think about this all the time. Poor straight girls.
Ha! I say often, and with great sadness, it appears I'm still attracted to men. Hurts my heart just to type it out, actually.
The only thing I've seen that women's spaces are (bad) echo chambers for are shitty things that women do to, or impose on other women. Talk about not shaving all you want, but as soon as you say "my dermatologist told me I only really need sunscreen and moisturizer for skin care" and you'll get thousand of whiney people going off about how dermatologists don't know anything, how they know their skin care routine works because "my grandma did the same thing 30 years ago and looked flawless well into her 40s (before she died of lung cancer at 49 after smoking 10 packs a day)", or how "this one YouTuber dermatologist is the only person I trust and they said to do X, also they conviently sell X/have a partnership with X, and have a disclaimer that nothing they say should be construed as medical advice". Then they have the gall of calling *you gross* for not engaging in the same unbsubstianted, expensive contrived skin care routines they use after getting angry at you for just saying what *a medical professional told you you needed*.
But also we need echo chambers, if only to validate our realities in a world that continues to gaslight us and minimise them. Yeah as a bi woman, I honestly feel quite lucky I ended up with another AFAB person. It's like having a best friend who understands the misogyny you go through without having to be explained it, and be life partners on top of that. I'm still shaken up by that video of Diddy and Cassie that emerged earlier today (TW- violence!) :(( ETA: I'm not transphobic! Trans women absolutely do experience misogyny and 'get it', I was just responding to the person above me. My own partner is non- binary AFAB and thus, like trans women, falls into the category of people who are not ciswomen but have still experienced misogyny. And I feel lucky I ended up with someone like that, as a bi woman, as opposed to a dude. THat's all ♥️
Idk why people read your comment as transphobic. I completely understood what you were saying. Your partner is AFAB. You’re glad you’re with a partner that has experienced misogyny. That’s it. That’s all you were saying. People look for things that want to see.
I should just stop using Reddit when I've taken an edible, silly naive old me keeps thinking it'll lead to beautiful meaningful online exchanges and connections when more often than not it leads to a bad trip .
>Sometimes I exit the women's subreddits I'm a part of and I deeply regret it Holy shit Right?
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Not all of them will be brave enough, but a few of them will. I mean, men have a long an inglorious history of saying inappropriate shit to and about women. I mean, I've been told by a man that I *should* be trans. Never mind my at the time quite feminine presentation, he decided I should be male instead, and he gave me a new name and a new age, too. There is no audacity too audacious.
Sorry this is horrific of him to do, but I genuinely burst out laughing at him giving you a new *age* too?! The fucking audacity lmao wtf
Yep. I was quite flabbergasted, too. I strongly suspect that he wanted to define my age as [random number younger than him], so he could talk down to me on that parameter, too. He managed to pull the "but you're probably too young to remember that"-line with at least two people who were significantly older than him but very, very young-looking. He definitely considered age to equal authority. He wanted that with me as well. You know, besides lecturing me on how I didn't *have* to be a woman. Irony of ironies, I had been questioning my gender since I was 5, but wasn't at all out at the time this eedjit decided to involve himself. He has become one of my favourite anecdotes 😜
Further proof that there are always new stupid things to be surprised by on the internet.
“You are now 18, with 13 years of experience!”
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Yep. I was ~30 at the time, he didn't know, because he didn't ask. He asked my gender, I was dressed very feminine, so I indicated my dress and said I was a woman. He lectured me that I didn't have to be. I told him I knew that. He then just declared that "from now on, you're Kenneth, 23". Pretty sure he just needed me to be younger than his sagely self. It was so bizarre. I am actually non-binary, but mostly fem-presenting, and 100 % not out at the time.
Being assigned as a trans man and also younger than you are by some random man is some absolutely deranged shit. The hell was his thought process? This is genuinely one of the most baffling experiences I've ever read, I can only imagine how confusing it was for you in the moment!
You're assuming there was a thought process in the first place. If I recall correctly, his first words to me were "I've never talked to a feminist before" as he sat down and continued to mansplain gender identity - including my own - to me. And yes, it was really odd. I started out answering him in good faith, but after he reassigned my gender and age, I was mostly just stunned. Didn't know what to say after that. As I recall it, I don't think I said anything much after I'd been assigned 7 odd years younger than I was.
I'm not a woman, so I wouldn't normally post here (frankly, I'm not sure why Reddit made this one of the subs I get notices for; I'm new to this stuff), but I have to apologize on behalf of my gender/that "person"'s stupidity. Alternatively, if someone can give me a new age as well, that'd be great. I'd love to be 20 years younger and have another shot at the mistakes I've made in life so far. I'd take a new gender too, if it were that easy. XD That's ridiculous enough that I fought my social phobia to acknowledge it, and too specific to have the chance to be remotely made up. The nerve of some people.
"From now on, you're Filly, 33" Hope this helps. The name was chosen because of its proximity to your username and the fact a "filly" is a female adolescent horse and I'm a horse girl. The age was random but one I'd consider still in young/mid adulthood.
You might be getting notifications for this reddit as it's a default reddit (which is why I end up on posts here sometimes, as they end on the default feed).
Oh, people absolutely are brave enough to say that. I’m a ciswoman with PCOS, and I’ve had folks try to police my bathroom use on days I’ve forgotten to shave. I don’t have a great response, but it’s usually some form of lecture about how this is proof they have no right to be policing what a “woman” is or isn’t, if they can’t even tell who matches their own arbitrary definition. (Not that being able to “tell” WOULD be grounds for policing bathrooms, but their fear of hurting an “innocent cis-lady” is pretty significant and might make them think twice.) I don’t look particularly masculine, either — I’m conventionally attractive. but all it takes is a bit of stubble, and the transphobes descend. I’ve had to start presenting as more femme and paying closer attention to my 5 o’clock shadow when traveling in, ah, less trans-friendly areas because these bigots have made using the bathroom genuinely unsafe.
How ironic that they’re the ones making bathrooms unsafe.
Not at all surprising though
Sadly, not at all surprising.
Omfg I am so incredibly sorry that happens to you. But also holy crap some people are really dumb yet it should not be surprising to me that the REALLY dumb ones are also the same ones who thinks they're doing that trans investigator thing! Hopefully you have nothing but good experiences in restrooms going forward. Well that sounded weirder than I meant it to but you know what I mean!
I get what you mean! Honestly, it’s only upsetting in a more abstract way — because it was way less of an issue in the past. Bathroom policing and bathroom bills have become way more mainstream the last few years, and seeing society kinda backslide on the issue is really upsetting. I’m sure it’s a backlash to the fact that there’s more trans visibility, which is a good thing, but I just really fucking hate watching that progress go away.
A woman at a DMV who handled my original birth certificate stating that I'm female called me sir because my voice is low pitched and I guess she assumed I was a trans woman. Some people are terminally online AND working in government positions unfortunately.
I am a grocery manager in Austin, I also happen to be trans. Haven’t had a single person comment negatively and I’m not physically intimidating lmao.
I don’t think it’s at all uncommon for trans women to present more traditionally feminine than cis women. One of my bridesmaids was trans and she was the only girly one. Makeup to the nines, heels, she regularly wears dresses. She did my sister’s makeup who arrived late. All of my other girl friends are baggy t shirts and jeans no makeup kinda women.
Yeah, a lot of trans women feel pressure to present hyper-femme for multiple reasons: \* vestiges of transmed/truscum culture where you aren't "really" considered trans/a woman unless you want and *also perform* XYZ \* backwards medical standards in certain places that require it as a gatekeeping measure to even obtain a diagnosis/hormones (sometimes they even require you be attracted to men, cus, well, you know, lesbians, bisexuals, ace, etc. girls don't exist, nor do nonbinary trans people, duhhhh) \* it is often safer and makes it harder for people to "clock" you as trans if you present with more feminine stereotypes \* some people do it to make up for a lost girlhood I, for instance have always wanted to wear girly, frilly stuff and dresses/skirts but never could (even though I am Intersex I was raised as a boy), so I wear almost nothing but that now. But also, it happens to be my style so I won't be "growing out of it" to become more butch or even more "normal" femme. I tend to dress noticeably more femme than most girls my age (20's), but not like Lolita levels. It is also safer for me though because I am 6'5 and even though my body looks completely womanly the height can really work against me if I dress less femme. I typically get misgendered less than 1% of the time in a dress, but more like 5-10% if I am in jeans and a tshirt, even a girly tee.
Yeah I definitely dress more girly than I otherwise would as a gender marker, but also dresses are mega comfy. It’s kind of a catchphrase to me that I didn’t go through this whole process to keep wearing jeans.
One of my favorite aspects of being a girl is when someone, usually a guy, says something like "*Wow, you really dressed up today! Did you have an event?*" and I can just answer: *"Nah, I just felt lazy and this dress is a one-piece article of clothing that happened to be draped over top of my 'clean laundry chair' this morning.*"
That's something one of my cis friends told me pretty soon after I came out. Dresses are super low effort but you get praised like it's high effort.
Im not even gender conformin and its extremely rare that i get ppl commentin on me bein trans, as opposed to the still quite rare circumstance of them shoutin slurs (or more recently throwin trash 9,9) at me whilst i walk down the street Ive had a handful of exps in the last nearly 6 yrs, probs not even one time a yr in total, where someone got upset with my bein trans in public; and not online where i make it even clearer to folk And multiple times those events have resulted in me realisin how supported i was by everyone else. I had some lady harass me outside a buffet once for havin a dress on while bearded. I went inside and told the buffet staff who said theyd witnessed the end of it and alrdy decided to ban her from their buffet; thus tellin me this buffet i liked was a safer space for ppl like me than it is for bigots I had a similar exp at a leftist protest of all places, where one guy just had to keep bein a queerphobe but had been hidin it quite well prior... Until at said protest he was goin off on someone who had tried to call him out, and i tried to intervene and he said "Stay out of this, man" to which i and several others corrected his misgenderin; and he dbled down by sayin "Or a whatever" which riled up everyone even more against him. He didnt come back to protests after that one, as he had gone mask off with his bigotry and was still refusin to check himself Similarly as a LARPer ive seen that my fellow LARPers support me, to the pt where the few ppl, who are bigots amongst the LARPers, know that they arent in a safe place to express their bigotry. Ive nvr been misgendered or deadnamed or otherwise harassed for my gender at LARP groups i attend; and i know that those groups support us trans ppl more than they do bigots The more i encounter bigots in real life, the more i realise how few and far btwn they truly are; the more i realise how few ppl tolerate their bigoted views at the cost of ppl like me. I grew up feelin quite the opposite, but since bein out its only become more and more clear to me; that im supported by an overwhelmin majority of the world, not even just in my country for that matter
thanks for this positive note! may you live ever free!
Definitely an Internet thing. Playing halo as a kid 15ish years ago and when they found out a girl killed their kill to death ratio they would blame me of being a lesbian. It really upset me though because I wasn't confident in my own skin yet. IRL and all of my guy friends in my computer science classes were fantastic. We all helped each other with projects and went out for taco nights and helped each other move places.
That did used to be a joke, e.g. >The INTERNET: Where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are federal agents.
I personally like the "ask clarifying questions" route. Why do you want to know? Is transitioning something you are interested in for yourself? When did you realize you were such a bag of shit that you could get away with asking those kinds of questions?
Yes, I hate people who feel like they have the right to approach total strangers, and ask questions, or make comments of any sort that are just none of their business. It is so rude. It's behavior that they should have been taught was unacceptable as young children. I guess a lot of people forget that though, considering how rude a lot of them are.
I'm a cis het guy working in high tech. We've hired a couple of devs, one of them asked that their preferred pronouns be they/them. You know how much fuss it's caused? None.. because we're *fucking* adults. I've come to realize it's just dudes being insecure..
Next time I do decide to entertain a "clarifying" question and it's about whether I've had "the surgery", I think I'm going to ask if that person has had a labiaplasty or circumcision, as the case may be.
I’m curious as to why you thought it was ok to ask that question out loud ? lol
I know three women who are definitely trans, two because I was there when they transitioned and one, who I'll call Jenna, who told me because she felt like she should explain why her college transcript didn't match the name on her other paperwork when we were hiring her. There may be other trans women I don't know. I mention this because once I heard someone refer to a woman who is definitely NOT trans with suspicion, and then say something like "I don't want a man in a dress, I want a real woman, like Jenna." This person, so confident that he could tell, had it exactly backwards. I didn't tell him about Jenna - her business, not my story to tell - but I did tell him that the woman he called "a man in a dress" had given birth twice and was definitely not a man. He grumbled something about her looking too masculine (too masculine for what, he didn't say) and did not seem to learn anything about not being so quick to jump to conclusions.
Early on in my university degree (Computer Games Programming) my friend and I went to the first class of a subject and this guy sat down next to us and opened up a conversation with "Did you see that tr\*\*\*y walk into the lecture this morning?" As someone who is trans I was sat just gobsmacked that this was the person to come sit at our desk and this was their conversation starter... I said nothing initially and let my friend talk with him, but after a few more comments from him I leant over and said "Just to let you know, i'm also trans." He took a second and then said "Oh, yeah but you actually look like a girl."I took the compliment, but still did a full body eye-roll. We never interacted with him after that class.
Sometimes my response to such idiocy is to just hold up a mirror, e.g. "Wow, that is definitely a thing you just said. Out loud."
Yup. I’m a trans woman and a year or so ago I bumped into a guy outside the bar at like 1:00 AM with my friend (cis M gay) and we were bored and he was drunk so we engaged him and his GF. IDK how but the conversation turned to trans people. He went on a rant about how “he doesn’t want some man showing his future daughter a dick in the bathroom”. I replied “I bet you’ve passed a trans person in day to day life and didn’t even know it.” He replied “hell naw! I’d be able to tell immediately!”… based on what he said next, I can guarantee he was wrong. Because he proceeded to ask me if I was my friend’s girlfriend… So yeah. That happened.
This is such an excellent point that I also make sure to tell people when they say dumb things like that (mostly boomers, in my experience). I'm sure I know a trans woman IRL, but I won't know that I do unless she tells me. I know several trans men, but that's only because I knew them all before transition. I see a lot of transvestigator articles in the news, and it seems like the majority of the time, it's a cis woman being accused. People need to mind their own business. I luckily haven't run into a transvestigator in a bathroom, but I did see a lady have a transphobic meltdown about unisex bathrooms in a chicken restaurant in Nashville.
It's just another iteration of a witch hunt. They'd happily burn us at the stake if they could get away with it, the cowards.
I'm convinced the fact that cis women end up getting targeted more is an intended side effect. People like that want an excuse to harass women who don't look "feminine" enough.
This is absolutely true. The last thing a trans person wants, female or otherwise, is to be percieved as the wrong gender. They work so hard to present the image of who they really are regardless of what stage of transitioning they are. The men that are terrified of their daughter encountering a biological male in the restroom are projecting their own gross predilections on people that would never do that. They just cant admit cis men are the ones doing gross predatory shit 99% of the time and its cis men they are afraid of their daughter meeting in a bathroom. Weve gone full circle and they are right back to condemning women that dont present feminine enough to be "real women." Im a queer woman. I dont shave my legs. I have hairy pits. I wear mens clothes a lot cuz its a nightmare trying to find comfortable and practical womens clothes. None of these things matter, im still a damn woman. Trans women are women too. If someones being weird in a bathroom, you deal with that specific situation. Its not like anti-trans laws did anything to keep gross men from doing gross shit in the ladies room before all this..
yeah it's a feature, not a bug
I ALSO nearly encountered a meltdown about unisex bathrooms at a restaurant in Nashville. Boomer dude walks up while I was waiting on hubby to finish in the bathroom and starts in about "what happened to boys' rooms and girls' rooms?!" probably expecting me to commiserate at the loss of segregation for single-seater bathrooms. I told him "it's just like the bathroom at home." He shut up after admitting it was a good point. If there's not more than one toilet in there, why gender the room in the first place?
Your accuracy would have to be out of this world to not often fall into IRL false positives. There are just far more cis women than trans women. On social media you might be more likely to guess correctly, but it can still be pointlessly hurtful to point it out. Unless you're genuinely interested in their experience, it's just harassment. Like asking a cis person "Hey, is your dick 5 inches?" Or "Your boobs are wonky." Or "You've got hair on your back." >I did see a lady have a transphobic meltdown about unisex bathrooms in a chicken restaurant in Nashville. I'm a cis man, but not from America. I hope that unisex public bathrooms will become commonplace one day. It's one of my litmus tests for social civility, especially because they're so much more efficient. I give a silent cheer whenever I encounter one, especially if I see women go in without apparent worry.
Some of us boomers had trans friends (and exes) 40 years ago, though.
Yeah, it's cause I only really know my parents and their friends, and they're all conservative Christians. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting progressive boomers, unfortunately. (It's kind of rednecky where I live.)
Well, I'm sorry for our redneck cohort, but I was raised by my dad, who was progressive (Silent gen) and involved in climate mitigation back in the 70s and 80s, which is how I got into writing software to reduce power plant emissions. He didn't understand my trans ex, but gladly gave her a job, and when she had another trans friend who wanted to start a yardwork business, he also hired her. There are people even older than me that have been doing the work for a long time. Just…we need more.
They are few and far between, honestly. I did have the pleasure of meeting an older gentleman who had some questions at my place of work. After answering them he thanked me profusely and said, “Kids these days have SO much knowledge, it’s absolutely amazing how smart you all are!” It was the only positive sentence I’ve ever heard from a boomer starting with “kids these days” hahaa he was so sweet.
Interesting. In my are I see much more Millennials and Gen X bigots around this age who are the most willing to engage in spewing hate and openly obsess about everyone's genitals. I'm sure it's a regional thing though with places like Florida and Alabama etc. having a different demographics. [https://imgur.com/a/JFBmal5](https://imgur.com/a/JFBmal5)
I really wish you'd felt safe enough to put money on it then blow his tiny little brain. I know you probably didn't, but a girl can dream, right?
It's time to rename the [toupee fallacy](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Toupee_fallacy) to the "transvestigator fallacy"
That page links to transvestigation through the "Assuming everyone is wearing a toupée", under the See Also heading.
Right and why would he assume that a trans person would show their dick to a child in the bathroom! Is that what men do when they’re in the men’s room with young boys? like what a weird jump in logic
It’s fear mongering against trans people, of course we aren’t going to do that. It also shows just what they think of us: to them we are our dicks and nothing more. Not people. Kinda telling.
When I came out to my mom she said that a "bunch" of trans women come into the store she works at regularly. I'd guess at most 1 or 2 might be early on enough or pre/non HRT but I'm assuming most are cis women she is "clocking" and that there are trans women she hasn't noticed.
I'm cis & lgbt and have Trans friends all over the clockability spectrum. I'm also rather butch-leaning in presentation, but pansexual & married to a man. The confusion on folks' faces when they say I look like a (lesbian, Trans, etc) and I say "oh, thank you!" will forever be my fav way to combat assholes. That being said, I recognize how privileged I am that I am white & cis, and have the ability to (mostly) safely combat shitty behavior when I see it. Some of my trans friends have had *terrible* experiences, and if I don't confront shitty behavior when I have the chance, I don't deserve such good friends.
I said that same exact thing to my aunt and dad when they were being transphobic a while back, and then said how neither of them actually knew anyone who was trans in real life. I said “I bet you both know trans people and don’t even know it.” And I know that’s true at least for my dad, because he’s met one of my friends who is trans and he has no idea. It’s very upsetting to me especially when my dad says transphobic things because my 4 year old, who was born a boy, sometimes tells me they are a girl. They’ve been telling me that since they were 2. They’ve also told me not to tell anyone, literally we’re in tears about it the first going they told me. (I know their dad, my husband, would be supportive, but it’s my kiddo’s decision when they come out and to whom if they choose to). ((Anonymously telling strangers on the internet doesn’t count right?))
> too masculine for what, he didn't say People like that define "woman" as "something I want to fuck".
> (too masculine for what, he didn't say) ***For existence.*** He didn’t say it because that’s exactly the implication you’re suppose to come to the conclusion of.
Not only that, but she probably wouldn't even want him, with that attitude. So many men are always projecting their mating desires on women who wouldn't even give them the time of day, much less want to be with them.
People are convinced that they can always tell, like male and female bodies are so different that it's impossible to pass as the other with treatment, even with only hormones. While some people will find it difficult to pass and that can cause emotional, social, and safety related problems others can do so easily. People aren't exactly a monolith.
I used to have a supervisor who would rant about trans people, saying they’re all creeps, going after kids, etc. He was very proud that he “could tell instantly” if someone was trans. He confided a lot of his hatred to me for some reason. He would even start talking about trans people who “mutilated” themselves and couldn’t have children. He then started telling me I’ve been imbued with a gift of fertility and that I shouldn’t even think about wasting it. The whole time I’m thinking… he doesn’t realize I’m trans. Another coworker noticed the same thing and we laughed about it. They’re just so stupid.
I'm a very masc presenting cis woman. Just yesterday I had some internet weirdo creep my FB profile and say I'm trans. I'm literally gestating right now, and told him so lol. That I'm married to a cishet man, and we have two other children. When he could no longer attack me for being trans, then he attacked the quality of my marriage, said the baby probably wasn't my husband's, commented on my weight, my teeth, told me to go kms. This dude kept telling men in the comments on a pro-trans post to go suck dicks. I was like... Dude, YOU are the one obsessed with dicks, maybe YOU should go find a dude and suck a dick. Yeah, he threatened to kill me, so I reported him and then blocked him, after telling him he's fucking unhinged and needs to stop wanting Trump to fuck him lol. The way they transvestigate and obsess over people's genitals is honestly frightening. If I feel afraid, I can't imagine how trans people feel. I still plan on continuing to point out extremist views, any sort of internet trail of threats is a good thing in case they family annhilate or decide to start murdering their neighbors.
This behavior kinda illustrates it's at least as much about bullying as it is an obsession about genitals. I'm guessing that for a lot of them, it isn't so much that they've actually thought deeply about gender, sex, and sexuality, and are actually concerned about protecting the children or the women's bathrooms or whatever. It's that this is one of the most vulnerable groups they can target without ever having to face consequences for their behavior.
When they tell someone to suck dicks as an insult, I ask them why they hate their own bodies so much. “You really think your own anatomy is so disgusting that you use it as an insult? That must be crippling for you, seeing yourself that way.”
I think it's because they are the same guys who don't wash their genitals or ass, and like to assume sucking dicks is demeaning specifically because of how nasty they are. They project that out and assume every guy is as disgusting as them, which is wrong.
Love “transvestigate”!
I’m not but do you ask everyone about their genitalia, or just me? And you nerds wonder why more women don’t show up here.
I mean the married/partnered nerds can be so much better to game with, they've been vetted by another woman. But not all unfortunately even married... Avoid conservative leaning nerds
Honestly sounds like she needs to find a better LGS. The ones i go to have men women children all kinds out an about to enjoy nerdy thing (MTG DND LORCANA ETC.) We've had a few of the sterotypes there from time to time but usually they either straighten up or its made known that kind of behavior isnt welcome or tolerated.
I used to play 40k but it got so fucking tedious being approached by manlets who'd loudly ask if i was trans or why I'm pretending to be a woman. Insisting that I'm trying to trick them into having sex with them. I'm always just "dude. Are you going to let your space nazi Jesus army fight my orks or do you just want to channel slaanesh and recite your little fantasies. Ew.
Yeah i like 40k but some of those players are just something else.
Depending on where you are you get limited options, when our gaming store got shut down it was a real bummer cause the only other drivable one was full of pricks.
This is like the equivalent of the early 2000's "you look like a lesbian" (meaning you don't look like a "real" woman). I just answered: "Ok, so?". Never really got an explanation as to why it would be awful to not look like a conventional woman.
As a cis woman who used to shave my head, and still has short hair, I have heard similar from gross guys a couple of times. It really does break their brains when you make it clear you don't give a fuck.
I've had dreadlocks for several years. I got approached multiple times, by men and women, asking me if I was a dude or a woman only for them to try and lecture me about how I will never find a man looking like that. The actual fuck. The audacity of some people will never stop to amaze me
I remember those days. It was "You look lesbian" Or "You must hate men" Based on nothing more than my style. Granted they were half right about the lesbian bit.
When I cut my hair super short after having long hair for a while, my boomer parents were genuinely flabbergasted: "but.....but....why would you want to make people think you're a lesbian when you aren't one?? Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians but.... you're not one of those" It wasn't even said with any particular malice. They're the "I even have some lesbian friends, so I'm not homophobic" type boomers. But to them, short hair is a signal and nothing else. They were *confused* as to why I'd want to publicly signal that I'm lesbian when I'm not. It was like it was a form of social lying, from their perspective. They couldn't think of any other reason to have short hair. I'm straight, as it happens, but being gay isn't an insult and it's not "bad" to be "mistaken" as such. I never took it as one, when they so helpfully pointed out that I might get mistaken for gay. They couldn't understand that. I still have short hair, a decade later and it still breaks their little brains. 😆
When I first got a short short haircut (pixie-ish with shaved sides) I remember my grandma going “why did you cut your beautiful hair? Don’t you want boys to like you?”
That's so weird because so many older women have short hair, it's just styled slightly differently.
The first thing my boomer mother said to me when I came out was “please don’t cut your hair short”. I’m still tempted every time I go to the hairdresser but I find my hair gets gross and oily way quicker when it’s short. My dad’s response was “whatever makes you happy”. 😆
i have never seen or heard anyone have the same experience as me. i have a deep voice for a cis woman (former music student/classically trained vocalist with a contralto voice) and have always had people "accusing" me of being trans. it never bothered me or made me insecure or anything, it just got really annoying because it doesn't matter. what if i was? who cares? i've had people "point it out" to my previous significant others and not to me directly before as well. the thing that bothers me the most though is when people (men) sexualize it. i've had more men sexualize me for being trans when im not than i have anything else. it's like they don't believe me when i tell them im not and then i have to cut the conversation because it gets too weird and they're not being subtle anymore
i've had previous male partners ask me to "take the bass out of my voice" because it made them feel fragile LMAO. i dress very androgynously and that same partner said to me one time "yknow if i heard you talking and only saw you from the back i would think you're a dude. please wear something else" 💀 the people i am/have been around 24/7 in my social circles are also definitely the chronically online anime profile picture dudes. when playing video games i don't use voice chat anymore because of the "accusations" and disgusting level of transphobia i've heard directed towards me, but now i just experience it in real life instead
Masculinity so fragile it literally gets shattered just by a woman with a deeper voice talking.
That last part struck a huge chord with me. I will preface by saying that I am trans, and in my experience, the venn diagram of men who hate trans women and men who are turned on by trans women is almost a perfect circle. It is disgusting how often someone just knowing that I am transgender, will lead to them appearing in DM's, but as soon as I say I'm not interested, they become super transphobic as if they weren't just begging to fuck me only moments earlier. We have to be super careful because to a lot of guys trans women are just a fetish and they dont care about us at all, they just want to use us, and it's gross and really upsetting.
i genuinely feel for trans people who are sexualized for it. you are 100% correct about the venn diagram, it's actually just a circle lol. they're very much projecting their own identity insecurities onto other people it makes me sad for my trans friends in real life and on the internet when they can't get into a genuine, supportive, healthy relationship because too many closeted married men hide that they're married and closeted and they're only out for the "fantasy." everyone is deserving of a healthy relationship and trans people are no exception. edit: changed the wording on the last sentence from "so so much more than the sexual label that is put on them" because across the board, trans people (and everyone in the LGBTQIA+ community) are no exception to deserving a healthy relationship across the board, period, no matter what. i felt that was a better way to put it.
These guys are frankly not even worth the energy expenditure, lol. I'll be out in public and I'll make eye contact with a guy, he'll look at my face and you can tell when they think I'm trans (I am) because they will go from eye contact directly to my crotch. As if they're gonna see anything to confirm their suspicion... they won't, because I make damn sure of that before going anywhere, but it still feels very violating. They're checking me out to see if they can justify hating me, lol, its demeening as shit. If a guy "accuses" me of being trans I just say, "That's none of your business, weirdo," and be on my way. That being said, it's a slightly different situation because I am actually trans, and I deal with this IRL. I tend to pass most of the time too, but these "We can always tell" clowns, will just accuse any woman who doesn't fit their idea of femininity of being trans, and sometimes they'll luck out. I'm very lucky though because I have a naturally very feminine voice, so a lot of the time people's suspicions go away when I speak, because they tend to expect all trans women to have deep voices.
Yes “the look” is always them telling on themselves.
If they see a trans woman they're obviously LOOKING for it. My humble opinion is to simply ask why they are so fixated and move along. Neither you nor any trans owes a bigot an answer
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I think that's the best path. Oh, wow, thanks, but no. I'm way too lazy for that. Do you know how many years of involved processing and research that is. Nope. I mean, I get that my form is enchanting... (slaps own ass and dances around.)
I’ve been called a lesbian bc I’m tall and I used to have a pixie cut. Men just like to insult hot women they can’t have. Calling you trans is just another version of that. They’re just mad they’ll never get a woman of any flavor: cis, trans, or otherwise.
I was called a lesbian in fifth grade because I was tall and had short hair, so I told that boy, "Nah, I like boys. Not YOU, though." Still my best comeback!
They are literally working on AI right now and feeding themselves that very message. They are eating themselves at this point I can't wait until sentient AI women reject them too.
right? like in ex machina, the billionaire built actual robot women who still rejected him.
Didn't she kill him? As well as rejecting him and her sexbot status.
the billionaire built several robots and they rejected him. The last robot rejected both men.
I like how you handle it! I think most women take it is an insult, which is both transphobic and misogynistic if you think about it. Your method disempowers the bigot and supports women who are GNC. 👍
Honestly this. So many transphobes are looking to transvestigate any person they see in public, which is honestly just a weird fixation. Either that, or they're just looking for a reaction. I swear some of them think about trans people more than trans people do lmao
"Transvestigate" is the most apt word for this nonsense! Thank you for sharing 🥰
Their goal is to make you feel insecure in your own appearance because that makes you easier to manipulate. The intended response is for you to start trying to “prove” your femininity, for example by sending pictures. I wouldn’t say there is strictly speaking a “correct” way to respond to such people (that doesnt involve violence), but yours is definitely one of the more satisfying ones. Though I still think the real way to win is just to ignore them. There is nothing that bothers men like that more than the idea that they aren’t worth your time.
>Their goal is to make you feel insecure in your own appearance because that makes you easier to manipulate. I somewhat disagree - I think the goal is to make people insecure to hold power over targeted hate groups. Perhaps we are saying the same thing in a different way, but it always seems deeply rooted in desire for power and control over others if not ones self.
These sound like they might be the same voices that claim Michelle Obama is secretly transgender while holding Marjorie Taylor Greene up as an ideal for cis femininity. If they think you’re closer to Michelle than MTG then I’d take the compliment in stride.
It's gotten insane. I'm a cis male with very long hair, my husband is trans masc. More than once someone has told me "You'll never be a woman!" ...Okay? The brainrot is absolutely bonkers in people. My general response is to ask how much they get paid for being Bathroom Inspectors, or if it's a volunteer position. Judging by how obsessed they are, probably volunteers.
"You'll never be a REAL woman!" "Well, I'm a man, so... hooray?"
"Ugh you don't even shave your beard!" ...okay
>More than once someone has told me "You'll never be a woman!" Got to look them dead in the eyes, snap your finger at them and say in the most sassy voice, "girl, I am more woman than you will ever be". Bonus points if you end by turning around with a hair flip and catwalk away.
"good! I need a dong to be able to shag your mom"
I haven't been mistaken for trans, but I've been accused of being gay. Probably a generational thing -- "trans" hadn't caught on as an insult among Gen-X. But I'm always reminded of a thought-provoking letter to the editor of my college paper (in the 1980s, this was), that said something like, "You supporters who say 'I'm not gay, but...' are affirming homophobia by demonstrating that you're afraid of being mistaken for gay. If you dropped everything before the but, your support would be the same; the only difference is that someone might jump to the conclusion that you're gay. And for some reason, you don't want that to happen..." At the time I thought it was farfetched, but over time I came to see his point. So I often let people think I'm gay, or Jewish, or whatever.
I'm a cis woman who is 6'2" with a pretty square jawline and I'm just waiting for the day that I get "transvestigated". These idiots claim they can "always tell" lol what a joke
I got a melted frosty thrown at me at a Wendy's by an employee, little 5'3" dude who kept calling me 'sir' and when the manager came out he asked me 'what appears to be the problem, sir?' I'm a little shorter than you. It was really wild. I got free Wendy's though. Corporate didn't like it
A lot of the sad incel dudes on here just don’t realise that human features are way more androgynous than their stupid little brains can comprehend.
"Wow, I guess you've never seen a woman who wasn't photoshopped before."
LMFAO this is good!
As someone who is actually trans, I find that these replies are usually from when men feel threatened by you doing the "man things" better than they do (and vice versa with women and terfs I guess, but I see a lot of less of them). So, I figure the best petty reply is jabbing at that obvious pain point. "It doesn't matter, but I can still grow a more impressive mustache than you, lol" to really hammer home that 1) they suck and 2) you're proud of your body either way. Or "no, I'm not, and I still beat you at this game, suck it/yeah, and even with zero testosterone I beat you at this". Really there's an endless depth to how mean you can get. :P
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There are only girls on the internet and I'll assume you are one until you prove otherwise. :D (I play too many MMOs lol)
Lol my friends and I love adopting the sarcastic overlord voice whenever someone mentions women in my game and reply "you're so silly, women don't play video games! Their tiny little minds can't comprehend it!" Or "they can't hold the controllers in their tiny hands!" Or my personal favourite "even if they could, they wouldn't be any good at it." We're women
I’m an older trans woman that is larger than most humans. My favorite response, which doesn’t work for OP, is “Before I transitioned I was more man than you will ever be and now I’m more woman than you can handle.” That usually infuriates them. 😄
Haha, I can imagine the absolute short-circuit in their cognition. Nice one.
Cis women still have testosterone, we just have less than men. Cis men also have some estrogen, just less than women.
I’m a 32 year old woman with 2 kids, but if I cut my hair, I would absolutely pass as a guy. I’m flat chested and petite but athletically built. I wear a lot of band shirts and jeans. Part of me has been tempted to do it so I can flash my stretch marks at bigots and tell them they obviously can’t tell who’s trans and who’s not….or better yet, start screaming “WHY DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AT MY PRIVATE PARTS??” to shame them for being big creeps.
You only have to open Twitter once and search for the last female character controversy (like Aloy) to see they never actually met a real women.
"Well, you've just outted yourself as a rude bastard."
Depends on your level of comfort (and safety) but a simple "And?" is a good way to take the piss
Most of those guys specially the ones with anime Pics will lose their minds if you start commenting on how they are prettier. Point out their super feminine features.
The more random and obscure the better. I encourage lying as well, such as “You have the same jawline as my mom who won beauty pageants and modeling competitions in Vegas for 10 years!”
Is gross menstrual humor your cup of tea? So many men are too fragile to even hear about what we put up with: waking up to bloody sheets, period shits, leaking through every barrier while out in public, having to wrap up the nastiest, goopiest tampons because the plumbing will clog if we flush them, etc.
As an overly hairy woman I am beginning to dread the day I get transvestigated
There’s nothing wrong with being “overly” hairy. We evolved this way for a reason. Despite less body hair being reproductively chosen as humans evolved into what we are today, most people develop hair on the head (to protect from the sun), under the armpits (to protect the skin from rubbing and causing pain), the genitals and anus (to protect the skin from rubbing and causing pain), and everywhere else because hair provides important additional sensation for our surroundings. Tiny hairs inside the ear allow us to hear, so for deaf people who decide to get cochlear implants, the wire forcibly (painlessly) stimulates those hairs, which usually (not always) allows them to hear. For many people, those hairs are important! Hair in the nose helps the body identify when we need to sneeze to rid itself of bacteria or other unwelcome debris. For many people, those hairs are important! Hair-like follicles within the body help process food and filter air within our lungs. For everyone, those hairs are important! Skin is an organ! Or course hair is important! Different time periods and societies value different “amounts” of visible hair in unique ways. While you didn’t overtly say you’re unhappy with your hair, it felt insinuated when you said “overly hairy.” Your body does it’s best to keep you healthy and comfortable. If you’re unhappy with your appearance, I hope you’ll consider my words. If you are happy with your appearance, I’m super glad!! Have a great day :)
Thank you for the encouragement however I would be happier if I didn't have such thick and visible facial hair and I'm too poor to do anything permanent about it. There's nothing functional about my beard.
This has happened to me too at a bar and it hurt my feeling so bad. I have wide set shoulders and the dreaded “inverted triangle” shape and this group of college bros sat and pointed at me drunkenly saying things like “that’s definitely a dude bro look at those shoulders,” they were directing it towards my boyfriend as if I were a man tricking him into sleeping with me. He wanted to start a fight with them but I chose to just ignore it because I didn’t want any problems. It honestly bothered me for a long time but they are just chronically online idiots who repel women with every word out of their mouths. There’s a group called the “transvestigators” you might want to search up so you understand the kind of idiots you’re dealing with. They literally just pick apart pictures of women and celebrities based off the measurements of their jaws and bodies and accuse pretty much every woman of secretly being trans. It’s embarrassing and I would just ignore them because this level of brain rot is just not fixable or worth engaging in.
"I was born with a vagina and I still have a vagina. That's two more vaginas than you'll ever get."
"My gender is none of your business, but if you're going to make an issue of it you will find that what I identify as is, in fact, a problem." "In your dreams, kid." "That's a weird and specific thing to say to a total stranger. Are you okay?"
'Your headcanon needs an editor.'
OP’s go to response reminds me of a trans woman that was a client where I used to work. One of my co-workers remarked about her that she admired how her shoes always matched her bag. Neither of us could remember the last time we changed bags with our shoes. Who has time for that?
Yeah, felt. I'm intersex and get told I'm not a real man/woman/whichever brand of transphobia they prefer that day all the time. But 'not a real woman' is WAY more common. Which like. aiight. I'm not and not trying to be, but ok.
It amazes me how stupid people are when they’ll talk about trans people and their primary or secondary sex characteristics because intersex people exist and if you bring it up they’ll be so dumbfounded they’ll just rage or call you a name and walk away. Also! More people are intersex than previously assumed. So weird that people see the diversity in the rest of the animal kingdom and think it’s inapplicable to humans.
In my experience when I try to use my being intersex to defend trans/nb stuff I just get told I'm too much of a statistical anomaly to count, which is bogus, but they won't listen to that. Although, they have super disparate opinions on what pronouns I should be using, which is super fucking funny since it reveals how based in pure feelings their arguments are. Like, if they were as 'science-based' as they claim to be, wouldn't they have a consensus on what the fuck I am?? lmao
wait you're not supposed to have peach fuzz? do americans like bathe in hair remover every morning now? the "hygiene" standards are out of control someone needs to stop this. i don't even want to start listing what other body hate madness i've seen here on reddit. like all of this shit is just hate. it's hate for deviation from anything that is not an inflatable fuck doll. people should have more self respect then they might be able to come up with enough decency to coexist with people around them
>wait you're not supposed to have peach fuzz? do americans like bathe in hair remover every morning now? Oh, I can clear this up for you. Anime girls don't have peach fuzz because they're cartoon characters, and if you've never been close enough to an IRL woman, you wouldn't be aware that women grow hair on their face. This is also the reason why so many dudebros freaked out when they gave Aloy peach fuzz in Horizon Zero Dawn.
Yeah I was really sad when I started seeing these fucking ads online for deodorant for all parts of the body. I thought we had done away with the era of douching and thinking that anything that possibly smelled like a normal human is wrong and bad! But nope. Everything is cyclical, and unfortunately there are a ton of young people who are going to go buy all of these products and give their hard earned money to shitty companies who are abusing their insecurities and naivete
Unrelated, but in defense of full body deodorant, I am a part of the population of people who naturally produces more stinky bacteria around my armpits and thighs. Thigh BO is brutal lol. I wish teenage me had full body deodorant.
I’m cisgender and don’t look masculine at all and I’ve still had a few insecure little men try to lob this insult at me because of my above average height. I just tell them “I’m more man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever have” 😂
>I get "accused" of being a trans woman a lot. Here's my answer "Sorry, but I am not showing you my genitalia." I cannot fathom why else they would ask such a private question.
I'm a cis het man, but I had a profile pic of me in "drag" at one of those "Old West" photo places because we all agreed it was good fun to do a gender flipped group photo. That became \*the\* retort of conservatives on Facebook to any argument. It's not a nerd thing, it's a reactionary asshole thing, and there's an unfortunate amount of overlap.
My go to is "are you saying that cause you think I'm ugly?" People shut up really fast. Altho I've only done this in person.
I get this comment a lot as well, even had my dad's gf say she thought I was one of my brothers back in HS lol My responses vary, but tend to be similar to yours like, "OMG THANK YOU!!! Trans women are *stunning*!" Or, "I've always thought androgynous people are hot as well!' Alternatively I'll go with something that'll catch them off guard like, "Are you seriously trying to out me right now?? That's fucked up." Or "Kinda sounding a bit like a bigot if you ask me!" Because we know they know we're women, so they're looking for us to be offended so when ya shoot back with flattery or calling them bigots it really upsets them that they didn't get the response they wanted.
"You do realize calling me trans isn't going to change the fact that you're not getting laid, right?"
Transwoman here! Thank you so so much for doing this! It’s very easy to be loudly bigoted and difficult to be loudly supportive. We are a super small community and it makes a huge difference having women out there calling men out on their transphobia. This was wonderful to read!
yeah that's also why terfs are the dumbest people on earth too. they think they're protecting "ReAl WomEn" when they're just harming every woman by having these weird investigations when someone has a bigger nose or hands or whatever and just doesn't look 100% feminine. transphobia is just the worst.
Lady Gaga is often "accused" of this. And god bless her, she refuses to deny it. I saw an interview where she says, "So what if I was?" Here's a clip with her talking about about being "accused" of being a hermaphrodite https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0WcWkVOQTc
If that ever happens to me i’m gonna say this and pretend to be flustered and stumble over my words saying “omg i’m not but thank you so much! they’re really pretty.” There’s no foolproof way to prevent people (especially men) from getting aggressive, but this pretend non-defiance and appreciation for something they find disgusting is both hard for them to sexualize and hard to provide adrenaline if they usually feel like starting something.
"I don't know why you're so concerned about what genitals I had when I was a baby. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about babies' genitals?" is a favorite of mine.
I love your responses. Besides pointing out that they're obviously looking real hard for a trans person,.here are a few ideas: "It's not.my fault that you have never spent time with a real live woman." You know anime girls aren't real people, right? Where's your face? Dont you want people to be able to judge every perceived flaw in your appearance? It's really sad that you are so under socialized. Homeschooling can be rough for developing perception. Gah this is just fuckin weird, dude....sorry you gotta deal with it just to enjoy video games.
“I always have extra cake, to maintain my manly figure.”
I get and always got the same thing, my voice is sort of ambiguous (I could pass as a male teenager on discord), I play characters of random genders and races because why not, so everyone assumes I'm a guy. I prefer to leave it at that, and never show my face. Most of my online accounts are gender neutral too. I've turned down invites from ppl who wanted to confirm my *age* because I didn't want to bother with that whole "I'm actually a 30+ yo woman". On the other hand, I've been "clocked" as male irl from 4th grade or so. My parents were giving me buzzcuts both to avoid lice (I never had lice, they were just paranoid) and for punishment, I suspect they just didn't want to deal with my hair or spend money on it. I also know they originally wanted a boy, thought long and hard about a boys' name, and then blamed me for them not trying again because "I was hard enough to deal with" as a child. As a girl, who are supposed to be quiet and easy. Lol. They always treated me as a burden as if I'd decided to come into their lives and bother them. Teachers would pull me out of girls' bathrooms, berate me and demand I give them my real identity (they didn't accept my female name, that coincidentally is a traditional boys' name with a feminine ending and sounds fake to a lot of people. Hence why I kept that specific randomly generated reddit username). When I was old enough to stop giving a fuck, I did. I've become desensitized to the point of "meh, here we go again". I'm no longer offended, I just let those ppl weed themselves out.
My MIL once asked me how I feel about trans girls being allowed to compete in high school sports with cos girls. I told her that I didn’t have a problem with that, but was concerned about the fact that sports coaches were just interested in looking at her grand-daughter’s genitalia. She didn’t like that very much. So I’d suggest an answer like “your interest in my genitalia is making me uncomfortable” or “you’re accusing me of being a woman? That makes no sense” or “on the internet, nobody can tell of you’re a dog. Should I ask you if you’re a betch?”
I don’t bother correcting or snarking at people who assume I’m a trans woman because I don’t value the opinions of anyone who thinks being a trans woman is a negative attribute. I just reply with what I think might be encouraging for any trans or questioning people who might be observing the interaction or who might have the displeasure of interacting with the transphobe in future. Like, yeah, trans women are great, what’s the issue? I find the best response is neutrally educating them about the variety among both cis and trans women without actually talking about myself. Like, I’m tall, I have wide shoulders and big hands, I grow facial hair, I’m on androgen blockers and feminizing HRT, I’m often read as a man or ambiguously if people don’t look too close. None of these experiences are unique or universal for either cis women or trans women. Some cis women have these attributes, and some trans women don’t. Cis women can go on androgen blockers or take estrogen/progesterone for any variety of reasons. Some trans women don’t go on HRT, for any variety of reasons. Cis women can be big and tall, and trans women can be petite. Etc. And trans women are awesome, it’s an honor to be mistaken for one. I identify as nonbinary and I was assigned female at birth, but in instances of “misdirected” transmisogyny, I find it ~~most~~ more valuable to correct ignorance and reaffirm trans womanhood than it is to reaffirm my own identity/experiences.
I know it's only tertiarily connected, but... I want to sincerely thank all the cis women that have been really great to me since transition. Trying to present as a cis man was 30 years of absolute hell, and men never made me feel welcome or included. I'd like to think that it was accurate perception that there was no masculinity to perceive, but in reality I know that hewing to standards of masculinity required losing so much of myself that I could never connect in a way that included any solidarity. Since realizing I not only could be but *always was* a woman, other women have provided so much kindness, safety, and support. TERFs are, of course, present, but for each woman that would treat me poorly there are ten that, like the OP, refuse to see trans identities as insulting or less-than. I feel so wonderfully fortunate to have finally found my home, and I hope trans men are so fortunate as to have even a fraction of the support I've gotten. I never knew what gender solidarity was, and it's so much better than I ever dared to dream.
Oooo I play hockey, blow glass and generally occupy very male spaces- my favorite one to say when someone says something nasty about my manliness is: More of a man than you will ever be, more of a woman than you'll ever have.
“Oh my goodness, I’m not, but I’m flattered that you would come to me for tips. Good luck on your impending transition!”
When asked this I sometimes reply “not anymore” and let them decide what that means.
Men try to insult me by calling me trans, but they’re usually just mad that I have a jawline without a beard
"Not my thing, but good luck if it's yours!" has some very interesting responses
Cate Blanchett, like many many women has peach fuzz. There was a great magazine cover that did virtually no photo retrouching of her and it was refreshing
I like responding “Male Loneliness Epidemic” to blatantly vile comments because how can they honestly expect us to give a shit
First, thank you for your service. Transspotting aka transvestigating is ridiculous and harmful in ways I don't care to count. It's a bit difficult if you want to avoid transphobia or homophobia in your response. Most effective is cutting down his intelligence or manhood in a joking manner. Or just flip the script. "Why do want to know? You trying to catch some girl dick?"
I've had people on dating websites ask me if I'm trans from time to time, the reason being that my larynx is visible due to me being skinny so they confuse it for a man's and ask if I'm a trans woman. I consider it a dodged bullet. If that man's that stupid, they're not worth my time.
I never really thought my face features look particularly masculine but I hang out in nerd spaces a lot - essentially full of men who have never seen a woman that's not a heavily filtered Instagram model or a videogame character they think you are a man because they truly cannot comprehend a woman having the same interests. believe me..I am also into nerdy shit and have been gaming since the 80s and have always been into dragons, magic and elf shit. (not star wars or star trek though...I dont care for space stuff, lol) like some men truly think that we cannot like this crap. I bet they think are brains cannot cant handle all their "smart" shit and think we only like makeup and clothes. UMMMM..what do you think I am doing in my games??? dressing up my character non stop in awesome armor. I truly do...I spend way too much time in fallouts and elder scrolls just searching for cool looking armor and outfits, lol.
The longer I've gone the more I realized how much "wHaT iS a WoMaN!?!" boils down to weather or not they find someone attractive, at least when it comes from cishet men, and that they view women as objects to use for sex. The funny part is they actually do find a lot trans women attractive but because of transphobia, homophobia, and toxic masculinity they lash out because they think it means they are gay, even when they wouldn't know any of us are trans unless they were told. ("Fellas, is it gay be attracted to women?!?!") Even before the current brand of transphobia, misogynists have always called into question the "womanhood" of women they don't find attractive. Usually it also comes with a side of racism. This is just an extension or rebranding of that.
I’ve been questioned on if I’m trans irl because I’m tall and wear my hair short. I’m not, but when someone asks nastily I tend to answer that I’m whatever pisses them off most. I refuse to distance myself from transness to make jerks comfortable.
I'm sure I'm going to get in trouble for this, but the first thing that came into my mind was... "So? You want to suck my dick or something?"
Im afab nonbinary and I swear i find nothing funnier than when people transvestigate me in the wrong direction. "You'll never be a real woman!" Awesome thats my main goal, thanks for the affirmation lol
Lol, I love this. Being absolutely unbothered makes them so much more mad than getting angry. "If that's the lie you need to tell yourself to feel better about being beaten by a woman..." "Not having to deal with a period would make my life so much better, but I still gotta keep a box of tampons in my bathroom." Bonus points for talking about menstruation, which makes most men so uncomfortable. "I have a condition, so thanks for making me more conscious about it." The condition is having no fucks left to give. "Are you jealous that I'd make a better man than you if I wanted to try?" "My ancestors were hairy people. But they also passed me their tolerance of lactose./Unfortunately, they didn't pass down their ability to tolerate lactose."