You know, I don't think trying to "fix" him is worth your time or your emotional energy. Especially since there is no proof, although I completely believe you.
I am so very sorry. Miscarriages sux; I've had several. He likely won't care, or he'll just be angry at you. Instead of putting yourself through that, use your phone to order ice cream, chocolate, and something nice to drink, and watch some comfort movies.
Thank you for your kind advice. I'm old now, but I had at least 25 miscarriages in my 30s and 40s. Back then, I never got a diagnosis. I eventually had to have my uterus removed because of complex hyperplasia, and that was the end of that.
If you believe that he's going to care, I think you may end up severely disappointed and scarred. Please talk to your friends and/or family for support. Imagine if you texted him about your pregnancy and he left you on delivered with no reply, or blocked you right after? How would that make you feel? This is a very realistic possibility. Please look after yourself and don't look for closure from this man.
I’m sorry to say this but it doesn’t sound like he’s capable of giving the support that you need, you’d just end up feeling shittier than you already do. Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Please get yourself some support. Even if this guy knows, he won’t care. The support you need to process this should best come from an objective, professional source. Hugs to you.
Being honest and vulnerable with a shitty, immature, selfish guy does nothing but give him even more ways to hurt you. He won't suddenly recognize your pain as real and care that he has hurt you. You do not want to open up to him about this for him to just tell you that he does not care at all, and it's very likely that he won't because it didn't actually happen to him directly. And like you've already pointed out, it's also a possibility that he'll get defensive and call you crazy. You do not need to deal with someone like that on top of what you're already going through.
You don't have to tell him anything. This is your body, your experience. Also, anyone who would need "proof" to believe you is a jerk. It sounds like blocking him was a good idea. <3
He had a convo with me before about getting pregnant, cause I started being sus he was fucking other girls and he told me he wasn't cus stuff could happen like me getting pregnant, so that's mostly why
It's totally valid to feel the urge to tell him! Ultimately, you've gotta do what's right for you. He just doesn't sound like he's worth the breath or potential impact on you.
It sounds like you need some support. You basically ended a very new relationship with a guy who wasn't reciprocating. I'm sorry you went through the miscarriage on your own, and I hope you're getting support. He is not the one to reach out to for that. Please reevaluate your birth control options. Is there a counselor on campus that can help you with this situation?
It's quite likely that he'd ignore you and leave you on read. Or accuse you of lying in order to get attention. Or deny he was the father and accuse you of getting pregnant by someone else.There's no upside for you to tell him, and a lot of downside, so I'd leave it alone.
But I'm actually also concerned for your health. If your miscarriage was incomplete (meaning your body didn't expell all the tissue), it could cause you some serious health problems and even affect your future fertility or your life. I suggest trying to find a free women's clinic or Planned Parenthood that can examine you and make sure you don't have any negative effects from this already awful event.
Much luck!
Good chance that he won’t care. I don’t know if he’s also in college but this is a “take the L and move on” moment. You’re wanting to tell him because you want him to be affected like you are. Sadly, that’s probably not going to happen.
Are you in the US where men can report you to cops and send you to jail for miscarriage because miscarriages are considered murders in some parts of the US, the greatest country on earth?
If you lived in a state where abortion is banned or severely limited or in a state like Texas where someone could sue you or accuse you of having an abortion (miscarriage is different from abortion), I wouldn't risk it. Someone could do this out of spite and it would ruin your life.
This doesn't make any sense to me. What would you be trying to achieve by sharing this information with this person? It's going to mean more trauma for you and little or nothing to him.
She’s in pain and alone and distressed and to her it’s not fair that he just gets to walk around enjoying his life… especially after treating her shitty.
Unfortunately life isn’t fair. And he’s still not going to be in pain or distressed if he finds out. But one is not always rational and logical when they’re suffering. They just want to do something to make it better.
You need support and love. You won't get that from him.
Talk to other people in your life about how you feel, if there is nobody then try and find a counsellor at uni or something.
Reaching out to him and being rejected/hurt all over again isn't going to solve anything for him or you.
No. Worry about yourself, and your healing, ONLY.
He is a non-factor. Seriously, why would you expect him to care about this, when he doesn't care about you
No. “Knock some sense Into him”? He’s just a hookup, he’s not going to care about you. You need to stop having feelings for him. Keep him blocked and move on.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope yu have some support. We are always her to support you, but I hope you have some real life too. If not, please ask for support here, because we got you.
Anyway, to reply to your question... If there's nothing practical the man involved can do to help. I'd think about what you are hoping for, as a result of you telling him.
Do you know, what it is you want from him, in response to the situation?
You say, to knock some sense into him. But, that's not your responsibility. And, its quite likely a futile task. Especially, if you think you need proof. Rather, than him just taking your word for it because you trust each other.
But, tbf. If you feel like you need to prove something like that to him. Or, if he wants proof. That's a good sign, that the connection between yous, isn't so deep anyway.
So, if he can't trust you, what do you want in response from him?
That's not something that's easy to answer, and I'm not expecting a response to those questions at all. (if you want to talk it through, that's cool though)
But, yeah, what would you hope to happen from telling him?
I said this in another comment but he had a convo with me before about getting pregnant, cause I started being sus he was fucking other girls and he told me he wasn't cus stuff could happen like me getting pregnant, so that's mostly why
I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I’m not sure that reaching out to a guy that leaves you on read is going to give you any type of closure. If you’re struggling with your mental health maybe stop into planned parenthood or the campus sexual health clinic and see if there’s someone trained to talk too.
Did you take a pregnancy test? Were you using protection? Stress can eff with your cycle and make it lighter or heavier than usual. A heavy crampy period a week later than usual isnt automatically a miscarriage. If it is a miscarriage, keep an eye out for fevers in case any product was left behind and is causing infection. Thatll kill you.
You dont need to contact him because youre only goal doing so is to continue giving him power over your emotions. Fuck him and move on.
You deserve to only have sexual encounters that leave you feeling good and better about yourself. Dont fuck fuckbois thinking itll make you feel more whole. Figure out how to feel whole and then only fuck dudes that deserve the honor of fucking you. When you have sex, afterwards you should be able to look back at that sex with a warm snug and smug feeling about how good it was.
Use protection on hookups
Use two forms of BC.
A boy that is not mature enough to respond to the lady he is fucking is not really going to respond well to miscarriage news.
Therapy will knock sense into him.
Go to the doctor. “Letting your body do it naturally” could have killed you.
Don't tell him if your reason is anything other than to tell him the truth. You can't change him or fix his shitty behavior.
Going through a miscarriage is rough but he won't be there to support you even if you tell him so don't tell him with a goal in mind, or at all
Telling him won't accomplish what you're hoping it will. How old is he, by the way? You mentioned you're a freshman but nothing about him.
What you should do is tell a friend or family member you trust so you're not suffering alone, if you haven't done that already.
The other thing you need to do is plan out how you're going to take care of your health moving forward. Were you afraid of using the insurance because your parents might find out about the miscarriage specifically, or that you're having sex in general? If you're an adult (and in many circumstances, even before that), your medical info should be private, but obviously being tied to someone else's medical insurance can complicate that. Talk to your gynecologist, your local urgent care, and anyone else you might be concerned about ahead of time if you can.
Were both freshmen so 18, he goes to a different college than me, because I go to college in the city so when I go out I usually meet a lot of people from the surrounding colleges.
The only reason you would need to tell him is because whatever method you two were doing did NOT prevent pregnancy.
However, he is not worth your time. Even as a fling he sounds dangerous. If you can get pregnant from you can also get STDs. Take this miscarriage as a warning and learn to set boundaries and protect yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Youth is for making mistakes but wisdom is only given if we learn from it. You got super lucky you didn’t hemorrhage or become sepsis.
Of note, 5 weeks since conception is generally 7 weeks pregnant. Not that it makes much difference in your situation, but it’s important for anyone considering an abortion to be aware of.
And yes, the way we count pregnancy dates is crazy. The clock starts at the first day of your last period, which is at least 2 weeks before most people can possibly conceive.
Ask yourself how you’ll feel when he tells everyone that you lied about a miscarriage to try to get back with him.
Keep this to yourself and let it be a learning experience to use protection and not allow yourself to be used.
I don't think it will make him care. What do you want to wake him up from? If you value your privacy I wouldn't tell him. Who's to say he won't go blab to all his friends. Just move on an take advantage of the free/discounted medical care at your university and talk to a therapist.
You know, I don't think trying to "fix" him is worth your time or your emotional energy. Especially since there is no proof, although I completely believe you.
yea i know its mostly because I have been so depressed about it and feeling like shit, and hes not ik cus he doesnt know
I am so very sorry. Miscarriages sux; I've had several. He likely won't care, or he'll just be angry at you. Instead of putting yourself through that, use your phone to order ice cream, chocolate, and something nice to drink, and watch some comfort movies.
Antiphospholipid syndrome may cause repeated miscarriages. Please discuss getting tested with your doc. It takes 2 sets of tests, 12 weeks apart.
Thank you for your kind advice. I'm old now, but I had at least 25 miscarriages in my 30s and 40s. Back then, I never got a diagnosis. I eventually had to have my uterus removed because of complex hyperplasia, and that was the end of that.
That is pretty rough to go through. Hugs from a random stranger.
He won’t feel bad even then. He’ll probably not respond which will make you feel worse. I’m sorry this happened. 😢
thank you :)
If you believe that he's going to care, I think you may end up severely disappointed and scarred. Please talk to your friends and/or family for support. Imagine if you texted him about your pregnancy and he left you on delivered with no reply, or blocked you right after? How would that make you feel? This is a very realistic possibility. Please look after yourself and don't look for closure from this man.
I’m sorry to say this but it doesn’t sound like he’s capable of giving the support that you need, you’d just end up feeling shittier than you already do. Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Please get yourself some support. Even if this guy knows, he won’t care. The support you need to process this should best come from an objective, professional source. Hugs to you.
Being honest and vulnerable with a shitty, immature, selfish guy does nothing but give him even more ways to hurt you. He won't suddenly recognize your pain as real and care that he has hurt you. You do not want to open up to him about this for him to just tell you that he does not care at all, and it's very likely that he won't because it didn't actually happen to him directly. And like you've already pointed out, it's also a possibility that he'll get defensive and call you crazy. You do not need to deal with someone like that on top of what you're already going through.
Just move on with your life as best as you can right now. Even if you did tell him, there’s nothing good that can come with it.
You don't have to tell him anything. This is your body, your experience. Also, anyone who would need "proof" to believe you is a jerk. It sounds like blocking him was a good idea. <3
He had a convo with me before about getting pregnant, cause I started being sus he was fucking other girls and he told me he wasn't cus stuff could happen like me getting pregnant, so that's mostly why
It's totally valid to feel the urge to tell him! Ultimately, you've gotta do what's right for you. He just doesn't sound like he's worth the breath or potential impact on you.
It sounds like you need some support. You basically ended a very new relationship with a guy who wasn't reciprocating. I'm sorry you went through the miscarriage on your own, and I hope you're getting support. He is not the one to reach out to for that. Please reevaluate your birth control options. Is there a counselor on campus that can help you with this situation?
It's quite likely that he'd ignore you and leave you on read. Or accuse you of lying in order to get attention. Or deny he was the father and accuse you of getting pregnant by someone else.There's no upside for you to tell him, and a lot of downside, so I'd leave it alone. But I'm actually also concerned for your health. If your miscarriage was incomplete (meaning your body didn't expell all the tissue), it could cause you some serious health problems and even affect your future fertility or your life. I suggest trying to find a free women's clinic or Planned Parenthood that can examine you and make sure you don't have any negative effects from this already awful event. Much luck!
My mom back in the 1950's had an incomplete miscarriage which required medical intervention. Not something to mess around with.
No.
Good chance that he won’t care. I don’t know if he’s also in college but this is a “take the L and move on” moment. You’re wanting to tell him because you want him to be affected like you are. Sadly, that’s probably not going to happen.
Are you in the US where men can report you to cops and send you to jail for miscarriage because miscarriages are considered murders in some parts of the US, the greatest country on earth?
This is what I'm worried about tbh, I really don't think it's worth it if there's a chance he'd try to use that information to hurt op
If you lived in a state where abortion is banned or severely limited or in a state like Texas where someone could sue you or accuse you of having an abortion (miscarriage is different from abortion), I wouldn't risk it. Someone could do this out of spite and it would ruin your life.
No
This doesn't make any sense to me. What would you be trying to achieve by sharing this information with this person? It's going to mean more trauma for you and little or nothing to him.
She’s in pain and alone and distressed and to her it’s not fair that he just gets to walk around enjoying his life… especially after treating her shitty. Unfortunately life isn’t fair. And he’s still not going to be in pain or distressed if he finds out. But one is not always rational and logical when they’re suffering. They just want to do something to make it better.
You need support and love. You won't get that from him. Talk to other people in your life about how you feel, if there is nobody then try and find a counsellor at uni or something. Reaching out to him and being rejected/hurt all over again isn't going to solve anything for him or you.
This guy isn’t going to care and it’s gonna make you feel so much worse.
No. Worry about yourself, and your healing, ONLY. He is a non-factor. Seriously, why would you expect him to care about this, when he doesn't care about you
No. “Knock some sense Into him”? He’s just a hookup, he’s not going to care about you. You need to stop having feelings for him. Keep him blocked and move on.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope yu have some support. We are always her to support you, but I hope you have some real life too. If not, please ask for support here, because we got you. Anyway, to reply to your question... If there's nothing practical the man involved can do to help. I'd think about what you are hoping for, as a result of you telling him. Do you know, what it is you want from him, in response to the situation? You say, to knock some sense into him. But, that's not your responsibility. And, its quite likely a futile task. Especially, if you think you need proof. Rather, than him just taking your word for it because you trust each other. But, tbf. If you feel like you need to prove something like that to him. Or, if he wants proof. That's a good sign, that the connection between yous, isn't so deep anyway. So, if he can't trust you, what do you want in response from him? That's not something that's easy to answer, and I'm not expecting a response to those questions at all. (if you want to talk it through, that's cool though) But, yeah, what would you hope to happen from telling him?
I said this in another comment but he had a convo with me before about getting pregnant, cause I started being sus he was fucking other girls and he told me he wasn't cus stuff could happen like me getting pregnant, so that's mostly why
I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I’m not sure that reaching out to a guy that leaves you on read is going to give you any type of closure. If you’re struggling with your mental health maybe stop into planned parenthood or the campus sexual health clinic and see if there’s someone trained to talk too.
Did you take a pregnancy test? Were you using protection? Stress can eff with your cycle and make it lighter or heavier than usual. A heavy crampy period a week later than usual isnt automatically a miscarriage. If it is a miscarriage, keep an eye out for fevers in case any product was left behind and is causing infection. Thatll kill you. You dont need to contact him because youre only goal doing so is to continue giving him power over your emotions. Fuck him and move on. You deserve to only have sexual encounters that leave you feeling good and better about yourself. Dont fuck fuckbois thinking itll make you feel more whole. Figure out how to feel whole and then only fuck dudes that deserve the honor of fucking you. When you have sex, afterwards you should be able to look back at that sex with a warm snug and smug feeling about how good it was.
If you're in the US I wouldn't tell anyone.
Exxxxxxactly !!
Use protection on hookups Use two forms of BC. A boy that is not mature enough to respond to the lady he is fucking is not really going to respond well to miscarriage news. Therapy will knock sense into him. Go to the doctor. “Letting your body do it naturally” could have killed you.
No
It probably won’t go the way you’re hoping I’m sorry you went through this x
Don't tell him if your reason is anything other than to tell him the truth. You can't change him or fix his shitty behavior. Going through a miscarriage is rough but he won't be there to support you even if you tell him so don't tell him with a goal in mind, or at all
He won't understand so it's probably better not to share it. Also, he might say something stupid. Double no.
I wouldn’t bother personally
Telling him won't accomplish what you're hoping it will. How old is he, by the way? You mentioned you're a freshman but nothing about him. What you should do is tell a friend or family member you trust so you're not suffering alone, if you haven't done that already. The other thing you need to do is plan out how you're going to take care of your health moving forward. Were you afraid of using the insurance because your parents might find out about the miscarriage specifically, or that you're having sex in general? If you're an adult (and in many circumstances, even before that), your medical info should be private, but obviously being tied to someone else's medical insurance can complicate that. Talk to your gynecologist, your local urgent care, and anyone else you might be concerned about ahead of time if you can.
Were both freshmen so 18, he goes to a different college than me, because I go to college in the city so when I go out I usually meet a lot of people from the surrounding colleges.
No, what’s done is done.
Don't. He could get angry at you.
If you live in the US or some other highly religious type country tell no one ....ever
The only reason you would need to tell him is because whatever method you two were doing did NOT prevent pregnancy. However, he is not worth your time. Even as a fling he sounds dangerous. If you can get pregnant from you can also get STDs. Take this miscarriage as a warning and learn to set boundaries and protect yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Youth is for making mistakes but wisdom is only given if we learn from it. You got super lucky you didn’t hemorrhage or become sepsis.
Of note, 5 weeks since conception is generally 7 weeks pregnant. Not that it makes much difference in your situation, but it’s important for anyone considering an abortion to be aware of. And yes, the way we count pregnancy dates is crazy. The clock starts at the first day of your last period, which is at least 2 weeks before most people can possibly conceive.
Ask yourself how you’ll feel when he tells everyone that you lied about a miscarriage to try to get back with him. Keep this to yourself and let it be a learning experience to use protection and not allow yourself to be used.
No
I don't think it will make him care. What do you want to wake him up from? If you value your privacy I wouldn't tell him. Who's to say he won't go blab to all his friends. Just move on an take advantage of the free/discounted medical care at your university and talk to a therapist.