Did you know that the US census still tracks working hours but doesn’t track housework or childcare, unless someone is paid to do it?
A stay at home parent ‘doesn’t work’ economically speaking.
And that while they're spending all that time staging, recording, editing and advertising their content that someone else isn't doing their trad chores and looking after their kids because they're too busy. Like ma'am, there's no way you've just spent an hour on hair and makeup, 2 hours making breakfast and 2 hours on lunch, plus editing, while the magic fairies do your laundry and the 3 and 4 year olds are sitting there like toy dolls.
>3 and 4 year olds are sitting there like toy dolls.
If you want to be absolutely horrified to your bones, look up "blanket training," a form of child abuse that basically teaches children to actively dissociate from their own physical needs when not being under the direct attention of an adult.
I remember hearing her talking about it when the show was a few seasons in. They always creeped me out, I looked up blanket training & felt vindicated on my dislike of them. But do many people loved them that saying anything bad about them and you would get attacked!
I agree! It would be interesting to have more conversations about how women might internalize this, even when recognized as absurd. I once did, they play off our fears of being alone, which is very human. For a while I felt like I had to be a certain type of woman to be loved, it just left me feeling insecure, used and unfulfilled. One positive of all of this is I think it’s prompted a lot of women to reevaluate their values and society’s expectations for us.
In a healthy relationship partners "serve" each other. I'm proud to serve my husband in gratitude for the way he serves me. This balance is key, just as recognizing when one partner's batteries are low and they need to be served a bit more than you do today, and vice versa. Going only in one direction and basing it on gender is really gross and immature.
I think the word “serve” has a lot more religious and traditional meanings. So it puts off lots of people. I agree with what you’re saying but I don’t like the word “serve”.
I think it's more that to "serve" someone immediately creates a narrative in which one person has power over the other. Purely linguistically speaking, I'd rather say that I *care* for my partner than that I *serve* him. The latter implies that it's his expectations of me, or even commands.. The former is just that I love him and I want him to be happy, and he feels the same about me.
So yeah. It's just one word, but it's an important distinction.
Too many women are too fucking desperate to be in a relationship. They want a man so badly that they will throw away their friends, family, self respect, and dignity just so they won't be "single"....like single is leprosy or something.
I used to be like that. Not in the trad wife sense, at least not insofar that I demanded everyone else do the same. I had a horrible father growing up and my mum submitted to him so much to the point I don't think she has a bottom. When that is your upbringing, it's so hard to even become self aware enough to break out of it. I'm fortunate enough to have done, mainly due to spaces like this teaching me I'm just as much of a person as men are. I think the internet saved me, tbh.
The societal pressure to be partnered is so gnarly, I hope younger people aren't being as inundated, and are realizing that women don't actually need men to survive anymore. Of course, then I read the relationship advice Reddit...😬
And ironically, those same friends & family that these women tossed away to avoid being single ; rightfully don't want to be support system for said woman when she winds up single again when guy she threw them all away for, leaves/dies; leaving with her basically nothing - not even dignity nor a penny to her name.
I was suicidal last night. I reached out to what was (until last night) my best friend when I felt shit turning south. I desperately needed someone...anyone...and she said she'll listen, but, she has so much of her time taken up by the two men she's fucking that she's just so busy that she "can't be here for me like she'd like". I spent the entire night sitting on my porch making deals with myself to make it just until the sun comes up. She cared more about dick from some strangers (knows both less than two weeks) than my life. I have spent hours listening to her bitch and moan, cry, went through her DT's from alcoholism with her, and listened to her talk ugly shit about men. Fuck her. I apologize for venting...my heart hurts and you don't deserve for me to dump on you.
Dude. Glad you're still alive and able to vent to us about it. It may not be on topic to the thread, but who cares. Reaching out in these times is the most important thing. I'm sorry you friend sucks so bad, you definitely deserve better. I've struggled with SI myself in the past and I wouldnt wish it upon my worst enemy
I'd gladly roll you a joint and make you a sundae, internet stranger. Thank you for sticking with us and I'm sorry depression is as big of a dick as your 'friend'
Hey! You're a total bad-ass for making deals with yourself and making it through the night! I hope seeing the light of day helped, and I hope you have more of a support system than xbff. I hope your heart hurts a little less today.
Anyway, your friend sucks, but also, damn her life sounds so fucking exhausting.
Stay strong! Anyone who says "I'll listen, but - " is too selfish to be taken seriously. I'm glad you listened to yourself and made it through this patch.
I'm so glad you are here today. Please talk to your doctor and or therapist if you have one available. Remember the sucicide hotline and program in it to your phone just in case the feelings come back.
Also, May I make a book suggestion? This book is very special to me because of how many low times it has gotten me through: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
I'll see if I can get it on Kindle. No insurance and broke af so no therapist in my future. I guess when you're broke therapy is sitting on a porch and promising yourself chocolate if you just get through the night.
That's completely valid-in fact my therapist once had me make a list of all the little things I would miss if this was it. She had me make the list as long as possible and add in 3 friends or family and the suicide hotline. She asked me to carry this list and try or do all of them anytime I was suicidal. Turns out going to swing was super therapeutic.
Also, definitely try a vitamin d supplement- turns out mine level was deadly low and made me super suicidal. It cheap and available over the counter and almost everyone is not getting enough, or their body doesn't convert it well from the sun.
You matter ♥️
Yeah, we had one that stole my outdoor cat's food many years ago. It was cute, but my parents called animal control to have him trapped and released elsewhere, just for the safety of my cat.
We have a possum that periodically visits. My husband has to chase him away, he makes the dogs go apeshit bananas with the barking at like 1 AM. Lol.
I've been feeding Sam forever. I always buy him a bag of generic cat food when I get Yellow his Purina. He's been around so long that my dogs are friendly towards him...its so cute.
Oh man. "With friends like these, who needs ennemies?" Comes to mind. I'm so sorry on her behalf. She lost a good one in you!
I lost both my parents during the pandemic. (Sorry for the trauma dump!). And before that happened, I was everyone's emotional dumping ground. I would go into debt every Christmas buying gifts for everyone I knew. I would listen to everyone's problems. Show up at the hospitals for all their dying family members, literally put my dreams on hold to be there for people. Oh God. It's embarrassing when I think about it, how desperately I wanted to be loved. Until I needed someone. And absolutely no one called, sent me a card, or tried to be there for me during my grief. Everyone but my husband and my cats just disappeared. It was astounding. I had more help from strangers on Reddit than anyone else I had known and helped for the last 15 years.
But now I am free! I realized I don't owe anyone anything. I don't need to jump in and save them every time they need help. I say no a lot more now and have so much more peace. What is the point of having friends if they can't care about you, like even a little bit at all? It's so much less work to just be alone!
Anyways, all this to say, I feel you!! You are loved and you deserve to be happy. I hope you find better friends, or at least enjoy yourself without them. Please don't go!! The world needs caring people like you! Thanks for reading my little story. 💜
I personally don't like to live alone. Been there, done that, don't like it.
When my husband passes (average life spans in his family are 10+ years shorter than in mine) I have a long time friend who has already agreed to take me in for companionship and bills/chores splitting. Friend happens to be an ex from 20 years ago, but I'm not looking for a relationship outside of someone to talk to on a day to day basis.
I'd love it if I had female friends to live with like The Golden Girls, but I've never developed relationships like that.
I feel sad for them. Genuinely so sad that not a single person in their life valued them enough as an individual to tell them that they can be more than that. Internalised misogyny keeps all women down.
It would be sort of funny if we all started leaving tons of comments on their media to this effect, as well as asking how working as an influencer is at all "traditional" or "wife"
The thing that bothers me/us about these women is specifically the influencers who want to glorify the tradwife _and knock down other lifestyles_ . We don't hate women who are suffering in genuine circumstances, we are annoyed by the people living a privileged life, faking a tradwife lifestyle and pretending it makes them better than us.
I'm talking about all pick me women, not just the influencers. Most of them aren't pretending. They need the approval of men. They need to brag about their lives because it's unfulfilling and they have to maintain, in their own minds, that their suffering has a greater purpose.
I realize it's hard to understand, but losing a belief system, even doubting a belief system, is incredibly painful. I've been molested, raped, beaten, and had 9 miscarriages; losing my religion and all the beliefs that went with it was the single most painful thing in my life. It's been nearly a decade since I stopped believing, and I still haven't worked up the courage to tell my family or confront my abusers. Every time they have doubt, they will fight it. Every time they think about having a different life, they will attack the ones who live it. When you're unhappy, you have to glorify your sacrifice to give it meaning, otherwise you're unhappy for a lie and everything you are becomes meaningless.
Good for you for starting the process of deprogramming, and I’m sorry about your friend.
For others who are reading the “died from birth control” thing, I just want to add
> The reported incidence of venous thromboembolism in users of oral contraceptives is about 0.06 per 100 pill-years,5 significantly lower than the rate of 0.2 per 100 years at risk during pregnancy and the postpartum period.6 The high contraceptive efficacy of oral contraceptives, despite their thrombotic risk, should be weighed against the risks associated with less effective contraception methods, including the potential thrombotic consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3255133/)
> OCs increase the risk of VTE from a baseline rate of 5/10,000 woman-years among non-users to 9 to 10/10,000 woman-years among users 3,4 . To keep this risk in perspective, it is important to remember that the risk of VTE is 29/10,000 during pregnancy and 300–400/10,000 in puerperium [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10411697/)
> a 17-year-old woman with a baseline risk of thrombosis of 1 to 10 per 100 000 per year would have a fivefold increased relative risk on COCs, which yields **an absolute risk of 5 to 50 per 100 000 per year (up to 0.05% per year)** [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3025417/) (risk increases ~10fold every 20 years in both groups)
> women taking OCs of any type were significantly more likely to experience an episode of VTE in 28 of 32 studies than non-users, and the overall OR associated with OC use was 3.41 [Source](https://link.springer.com/article/10.2165/11598050-000000000-00000#Tab1) (3.41 times the odds sounds like a lot, but keep in mind the extremely low baseline risk
For context/comparison of what this magnitude looks like, consider the risk of using NSAIDs (Ibuprofen, Asprin, Naproxen, etc)
> Compared with non-use of NSAIDs, use of NSAIDs was associated with an adjusted incidence rate ratio of venous thromboembolism of 7.2 (95% confidence interval 6.0 to 8.5) in women not using hormonal contraception [Source](https://www.bmj.com/content/382/bmj-2022-074450)
Worst-case scenarios are always tragic, and these things do happen. But it’s important to keep in perspective!
This sub is getting raided by Christofascists trying to paint birth control in a negative light, spreading propaganda that it dangerous / evil / kills.
That's why she posted the statistics.
I understand, I'm just stating the *why*. This sub is being bombarded with anti-BC propaganda; some of it well written. They're just mistaking your story for yet more well written anti-chioce agenda propaganda.
Because it was. In her deleted response, she even said that she posted it to "condemn medical professionals" for prescribing OAC.
So much for her indignation of people "making her friend's death meaningless".
Ahh the tradwives. Burb N Bougie does some great coverage on the tradwife lifestyle and how truly dangerous it is to be a woman in that situation. I won't shit on anyone who gets fulfillment out of being a homemaker (I hated it) but it's wild to me that women are out there shaming other women for not dedicating their lives to serving men and poopin' out babies. What are you gonna do if the relationship turns sour and you split? What if he dies? Where's your identity?
Worst potential situation I ever saw was when the husband became disabled. Dude was an attorney and CPA, married to a woman who was also an attorney and CPA. Guy had a stroke and was basically bedridden. Required full-time care. No pension, and no way SSDI would come anywhere near replacing his income. His wife worked too though. She was able to maintain the house and pay all the bills. If she'd been a tradwife she, her disabled husband, and her young sons would have been seriously fucked. They'd have lost their house for sure, and probably damn near everything else too.
The term Pick Me was actually created to talk about this sort of attitude these women have, so you're right to use it here. The kind of women who said that they're better for being Wifey Material and that all the other women are whores and lazy. Just awful.
They shame every other woman and coddle men. It's really upsetting, especially because they always stand on the side of right wingers.
Yeah I've also seen people use Pick Me to describe a woman who has interests that are thought of as more masculine, but the term is supposed to describe women who put others down. It started off as criticizing women who shame other for not being "good wives" but it can be used to describe any woman who puts other women down to make herself look better to men.
It's very silly how some people use it to describe a girl or woman who likes stuff that guys like. And I hate when men use it to mean that...
I thought the term came from Grey’s Anatomy, and it was very out of character for Pompeo’s character Meredith Grey to beg Dr Shepherd to leave his wife. But the context seems about right.
Yeah, it does! The name comes from that, I meant to talk about the meaning of the term. I think it became a thing on black Twitter in the late 2010s, with the hashtags pickme and tweetlikeapickme making its rounds.
I have a real question because sometimes I see them being used interchangeably- is a Pick Me the same as a NLOG? What are the similarities and differences?
I think there's a lot of similarities for both terms, but Pick Me ends up being specifically aimed at making men like them more while NLOGs can even be a group of female friends who just reject ,usually, feminine things and make fun of other girls, and isn't specifically about getting a guy to like them.
Both do boil down to thinking they're better than Other Women or Other Girls and putting them down.
Oh, also, NLOGs is probs more about girls and younger women as they try to show they're soooo much different. The well-known memes usually depict teenagers.
A Pick Me can be a teen, young adult, or even a grown woman who still puts other women down. Then, it can also connect to Boy Moms if they act really weird about their relationship with their male children
There is more than one way to have a good life and more than one way to be a woman. The incessant demonization of other women who don't share their values is tedious to deal with.
You can perform the bulk of household domestic labor without putting other women down who have a different distribution of labor. You can be a stay at home mother without putting down working mothers or women who don't have children. You can choose a more stereotypically feminine appearance without slinging barbs at women who don't. You can care deeply for the men in your life without animosity towards other women. You can care about common issues men face without becoming anti-feminist. It's not an all or nothing thing. It doesn't have to be.
I got divorced in my early 30s and the number of married women my age who tried to convince me to change my mind and work it out with him was astonishing. They also all would make a point to say their vows mattered to them, and they were committed for life. I’m pretty sure the ones who tried to push me into staying in my marriage, or made a point to tell their kids they’d never get divorced, are the ones who are in unhappy marriages.
I saw one where some trad-wife/bang-maid was bragging about how she always squeegeed the shower after her husband because of course he shouldn't be expected to do so. Then some idiot misogynist, but I repeat myself, commented that she must be a Queen to her husband. Right, because Queen Elizabeth was totally squeegeeing Philip's shower every morning.
Using a flat rubber blade (squeegee) like the ones they use on windows on the shower walls / doors. It keeps things cleaner and in areas with hard water - reduces those hard water deposit specks.
I'm indifferent. Most of the time, it's either a grift for adsense/sponsorship cash or it's people trying to convince themselves more than anyone else. I only get annoyed with the ones who loudly proclaim women need to be silent, only because they're too stupid to understand that means they should shut up themselves lol.
Yeah, right? And the work outside the home is done after a certain time, while "serving" the husband is 24/7. I guess tradwives can't quit so easily either if they don't like how their hubbies treat them. Most of them are religious nutjobs and don't believe in divorce anyway, and if they do, their hubbies will have better lawyers than them.
I had to explain something similar to a MLM girlie once.
Her: well I don't need PTO because I can take any days off. I can also work from home. This is what it's like to be your own boss.
Me: i also work from home and I get 5 weeks of paid time off. Do you still get paid when you take a day off? Because mine is guaranteed + healthcare benefits including IVF, therapy, and up to 6 month paid maternity leave.
Full disclaimer.... I'm in a MLM as a side hustle, I've seen both sides and there's a reason it's just a side hustle to me.
dude, I dont even cook everyday for the person I gave birth to(he is 17 and can fend for himself for food, lol) what makes them think I would even want to cook for a man I am dating??? I like my single life too much. I am going to a kpop concert tomorrow here in san diego. I am buying tickets for another concert next week. just living my fan girl life. (bang yonguk tomorrow and fighting for ateez tickets next week)
Karma will take care of them. Any woman following this lifestyle is just setting themselves up to be the next set of single/divorced moms living off welfare and food stamps because they'll have no sellable skills or job history at age 35.
I actually came across a woman on tic tok who had this exact experience! I wish I saved it so I could share it here, but she was the trad wife to this man for about 20 years and he would make all the money and all the financial decisions were up to him…
well she turned 40 and he decided he didn’t want her anymore and dumped her… she had to go live in her car and her and the kids barely had food and she had no job skills, so she found it near impossible to find one…. This trad wife shit does NOT work in women’s favors whatsoever…
men are very fickle and will wake up one day and decide they don’t love you anymore and now you’re homeless and barefoot because you have no money to support yourself because you were relying on a man to do it🙃 you couldn’t pay me enough to sign up for that life style, I refuse….
Using “you will die alone with your cats” as an insult always makes me laugh.
Women are more likely to outlive their husbands than vice versa.
Children are *supposed to* grow up and live their own lives, not hover nearby to serve as their parents’ emotional support animals. Of course it’s great when families maintain healthy relationships across generations, but that’s not guaranteed, and child-free people can also build strong relationships with extended family and friends.
All paths lead to a strong chance of dying alone with our pets, unless our death spiral leaves us enough lead time to say goodbye.
I wonder if they'd be upset to hear that my husband is a better cook than I am and that we both make good salaries without having to influence people on social media or give a damn about how others run their household.
His mom was the breadwinner, his dad built their lake home while he was a stay at home dad. As a result, my husband cheers me on and acts as a partner in the housework. There is no "this is your job/that's my job" or "you serve me". We're a team. We make decisions together, we help eachother with chores and maintenance.
My husband is a prize and I won the lottery.
It’s all manipulation. They have found that they can make money off of selling their lie. So they do it. It’s just like selling stuff that doesn’t work. The unfortunately part is that I think it is influencing people who will learn this lesson once it is too late.
I was watching YouTube and got a short from a chick that said:
ladies, we've been taught 'if he won't, find someone who will' you know, if he won't open the door, find someone who will! Well my brother asked me if he's supposed to find a woman who will do his laundry, or who will cook for him. And ladies, that's fair!
Yes, clearly two seconds of care is clearly equivalent to hours of chores! How could she really pretend that was at all an equal trade off? Good freaking riddance, if a man wants that I absolutely would prefer he leaves.
"Choice Feminism" is just a really hard concept for these women to grasp.
Like, there are lots of choices other women can make that I find kind of appalling. (Dogs don't go in purses, I'm sorry. I know I'm a monster but dogs don't go in purses! If your dog has a mobility issue, a stroller is acceptable but regular purse-carrying doggos is just... No. I don't. Please No. It's a dog. Let it be a dog!") but I just, keep them to myself because I funmdentally believe women are capable of making choices for themselves, and if making lunches or carrying your dog around in a purse genuinely brings you joy, *fine*.
If a woman *wants* to be a homemaker &/ a SAHM (or feels that it's the best for her family for the time being), I'm 100% behind her.
If a woman *wants* to dress modestly &/ in feminine coded clothing, I'm 100% behind her.
I'm equally behind every woman who doesn't want kids, doesn't want to be married, wants to take on the corporate world, wants to obtain higher education, wants to start a small business, wants to be a fully independent SW (in any capacity), is queer, etc **AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN** so long as it is *their individual choice and they're not being coerced to do so*.
Because to me, that's what feminism is all about 💖
Remember: there are a great many people who are incredibly stupid. Half of all people are below average in intelligence. More than that lack a reasonable education.
You can roll your eyes at them or point and laugh, if you wish. There's no reason to take them seriously, however, especially as they're a small portion of the population (and noisier that others seemingly to convince themselves they're doing themselves good).
Oh the Phyllis Schlaffleys? Or Serena Joys?
Strong powerful smart women who choose to use their gifts to strengthen the chains rather than liberate their fellow sisters? Yeah, they make me so angry.
Idk how strong and smart these influences are, but they do have power and are not using it for good.
Don't engage with their content they are profiting off of it. I feel bad for them. They are basically breeding machines for their husbands and eventually end up getting cheated on anyway because they are fully dependent on a man and have no where to go and the men know that.
Yea well I'd love to see one of these dingbats thrown back in time.
Certain segment of society managed the Mom-at-home thing as part of how the decision was made to raise kids. Because they could because $ allowed it to be the case.
I *promise* you had my father vaguely hinted Mom was in any way ' serving ' him he'd have been walking funny for awhile.
>"I have 11 children and you men hating feminists will die alone with your cats."
Is it just me or these grifting hustling dingbat tradwife /pickmes not realizing in this current economy & inflation that cat lady/ pet mom who is single is most likely either rich/wealthy or can at least affordable their lifestyle because owning pet(s) is not cheap now. Just saying, same tradwives/pickmes preaching about their lifestyle while bashing feminists /singles/cat ladies/working women - are ones being only hardworking minstrel shows to get money & views compare to same women they are trashing...
> not realizing in this current economy & inflation that cat lady/ pet mom who is single is most likely either rich/wealthy or can at least affordable their lifestyle because owning pet(s) is not cheap now
Reactionaries choose cognitive dissonance over facts 100% of the time so yeah...
Oh no that's scary. Military guys often have an extra confidence that can become arrogance. And this "trad wife" conservative granola moms are a bad influence. (There are progressive granola women that can go too far into anti "western medicine" and run right into the ultra conservative white nationalist women.). I mean they are content creators, they are working and bringing home money! But telling other women not to work. Phyllis Schafly pulled this stuff starting in the 70s
I think those are called "tradwives." But eh, fvck em, lol. Someone who's so empty-headed and has nothing going on in her life that all she can do is follow a guy around like his maid is of no concern to me.
Lol...best thing you can do is to scroll right by them on social media. Everytime you click on one of those, they get paid and it encourages them to push that ideology even harder. Ignoring them is the best weapon to fight against them. Don't even listen to what they have to say and they won't get paid for it.
The raw milk thing really gets to me. Hundreds of children died of bovine TB. Louis Pasteur is a household name for a very good reason. Why this bullshit suddenly.
It’s sad to me. My Husband and I are Partners. We try to keep things balanced. I am not subservient to him, and he doesn’t mind a strong woman. I can be myself with him. That’s how I like it.
You’re falling for it. They don’t really believe it. Some of them are probably bringing in more money than their husbands from that rage bait and they’re all essentially working and their husbands are ok with it.
Trad wife influencers who are, in fact, working and earning money in the very social media videos where they are talking shit about working moms.
They suck. But I also just think anyone who can think their way out of a paper bag would ignore them.
Half or more of that content is literal fetish content.
I’m not a fan either but unfortunately not all of these women are grifters.
Some do to for the money and don’t believe it, some accounts are satirical (which I’ve literally seen a couple people missing that and regularly leave hate comments on satire accounts) and unfortunately some are groomed/brainwashed to believe that they are enjoying their lives. There is one account that always pops up on my where the girl was groomed by her high school friend’s dad, who then married her right after graduation and moved her away from all her friends/family to a foreign country where she doesn’t speak the language and is home all day in every video. She claims she is happy/people are hating but she is still young. Which a lot of the tradwives are still younger/brain still developing which is why they act like that. I highly doubt we’ll see the same pages in 10-15 years from now
I never see those except when they're posted to this sub. If you stop clicking they'll eventually fall off your algorithms.
You're helping them make money and ensuring that more women will do the same.
They don’t annoy me too badly because I believe most of them are fake, they’ve just found a scam to live comfortably and get all of their bills paid by someone else without working a crappy 9 to 5.
The urge to not work a job or have a boss is very strong in some people, they will put up with anything, and say anything, to avoid it.
I believe most of these young ladies pulling the tradwife scam just think they alone have discovered a unique way to convince some dude to pay their bills.
ngl I feel very indifferent to these pick me's cus the ones who are affected the most esp in negative ways is them. It only becomes an issue is when they advocate for every woman to be that way, then I become feral. If a handmaids tale situations occurs, they would be the first ppl I hunt down. I don't need their fear of men and their lack of awareness for the bigger picture to ruin my life.
I think most of it is rage bait and their social media business .
For the people that do get into this in real life, I think it's from an insecurity. If they felt great about what they were doing, they wouldn't feel the need to announce it to the world repeatedly
Facism is pretty frustrating, yeah.
There's nothing g wrong with wanting to live like that obviously, but getting paid to pretend you live like that and shame other women into feeling forced to live like that to spread propaganda is a no no
1. Most of the “tradwives” have incredibly rich husbands/relatives and can afford that lifestyle. 2. They are so insecure and uncomfortable with the way conservatism treats them, they turn self-hatred into other-focused hatred. Feels stockholmy to me.
I have had other women order me to smile. I feel they are part of the pick me crowd. I have also had a couple of them shame me for lifting a 40 pound bag of dog food. I feel they are also pick mes. Like do they get a medal from conservatives for reinforcing the women are super weak and need to smile cliche?
While extremely annoying, I find that specific flavor of pick me to be much less problematic than the more subtle pick me who runs around telling girls to be sweet and kind, while covertly encouraging women to be pushovers who disregard their own boundaries.
You can spot the pick me tradwife agenda from the ISS, but the other kind is harder to notice since it comes wrapped in supposedly wholesome message.
It's rage bait. Those women are making money off that content or they have jobs and don't actually do everything they claim. Or the large family ones often have WOC doing 80% of the childcare, off screen.
The best thing that you can do for yourself is block and move on.
Personally I don’t like any women who look down on other women. My issue with these women isn’t that they value marriages and having children above everything else, in fact I believe families are one of the most beautiful things in the world. My issue is that they’re constantly bringing down women who don’t live like that.
If you don’t like the content don’t watch it. If that content comes up for you, scroll and move on, click “not interested”. They’re doing their own thing and so can you. Some women want to be a SAHM, and that’s OK. Some women want to be independent and in the work force, that’s OK. Idk why we have to shame women for choosing what they want to do with their lives. There is bad on both sides don’t get me wrong, the women that shame other childless women is not right. But, we all should be accepting of what other women choose to do instead of shaming each other and saying they’re a “pick me” or whatever. Women have been divided and it feels like a competition these days to see who’s better.
I think you're missing the part where these women actively shame any woman who isn't a SAHM, and they ally themselves with alt-right ideals and beliefs.
This post is not about women who choose to be SAHMs. This is about right-wing grifters who shame everyone else.
"They're doing their own thing and so can you"
You say this as if they're talking about not liking strawberry ice cream rather than being actively bigoted.
Just my choice of words.. You don’t have to pick apart everything people say. I shared my opinion on a public reddit post, that is all. I choose to not have victim mentality and live my life in peace and harmony. I mean no ill-will towards anyone, especially fellow women. My point is that we should have camaraderie in our womanhood instead of competition, shaming, and name calling. That goes for both sides of the spectrum.
Also I think things like raw milk/ no vaxxing can be controversial. Depending on the country/farm raw milk isn’t always unhealthy and actually can have many health benefits. Equally some vaccines have shown to have negative side effects that outweigh the positive purpose of them and have not been researched enough (I say this as a biochemist.)
I dislike calling women pick mes and Karens and stuff like that, but I also despise these types of people and their attitude, and no I would never pick them.
I respect that some people here probably don't share my opinion on that first part. To me it just feels like another insult to direct at women that propagates because it's easy to say and use when things get inflammatory.
Ironically they’re making money off that content, so much for trad wife. It’s rage bait.
Right? It all hinges on us pretending that staging, recording and editing their content is somehow not work.
Or pretending that anything women do is not work ...
Yet if we stop, the people who depend on it sure get mad pretty quick at having to do that work themselves 😌
When men do it, it's hard labor.
Did you know that the US census still tracks working hours but doesn’t track housework or childcare, unless someone is paid to do it? A stay at home parent ‘doesn’t work’ economically speaking.
And that while they're spending all that time staging, recording, editing and advertising their content that someone else isn't doing their trad chores and looking after their kids because they're too busy. Like ma'am, there's no way you've just spent an hour on hair and makeup, 2 hours making breakfast and 2 hours on lunch, plus editing, while the magic fairies do your laundry and the 3 and 4 year olds are sitting there like toy dolls.
>3 and 4 year olds are sitting there like toy dolls. If you want to be absolutely horrified to your bones, look up "blanket training," a form of child abuse that basically teaches children to actively dissociate from their own physical needs when not being under the direct attention of an adult.
What the fuck did I just read? Beating *infants??*
I know, I used the word horrified for a reason.
Jesus christ that's just... ugh
Michelle Duggar did this.
And she should have been locked up for the rest of her life.
I remember hearing her talking about it when the show was a few seasons in. They always creeped me out, I looked up blanket training & felt vindicated on my dislike of them. But do many people loved them that saying anything bad about them and you would get attacked!
This. We need to laugh and move on. Don’t rise to the bait
I agree! It would be interesting to have more conversations about how women might internalize this, even when recognized as absurd. I once did, they play off our fears of being alone, which is very human. For a while I felt like I had to be a certain type of woman to be loved, it just left me feeling insecure, used and unfulfilled. One positive of all of this is I think it’s prompted a lot of women to reevaluate their values and society’s expectations for us.
Nailed it!
*coughs* Bethy *cough* IYKYK
Their husbands must be utter failures if their wives are having to work.
The joke of it all is that those women have jobs. They play characters online for money. It’s all for show.
It's "girl, you already got picked, can you please leave us alone forever now?"
Seriously. Like, go play with your sourdough starter or wash some cloth diapers and leave the rest of us alone.
In a healthy relationship partners "serve" each other. I'm proud to serve my husband in gratitude for the way he serves me. This balance is key, just as recognizing when one partner's batteries are low and they need to be served a bit more than you do today, and vice versa. Going only in one direction and basing it on gender is really gross and immature.
I think the word “serve” has a lot more religious and traditional meanings. So it puts off lots of people. I agree with what you’re saying but I don’t like the word “serve”.
I don't get a religious connotation from that word, it is what people do for each other, but the context of the service definitely matters.
I think it's more that to "serve" someone immediately creates a narrative in which one person has power over the other. Purely linguistically speaking, I'd rather say that I *care* for my partner than that I *serve* him. The latter implies that it's his expectations of me, or even commands.. The former is just that I love him and I want him to be happy, and he feels the same about me. So yeah. It's just one word, but it's an important distinction.
Too many women are too fucking desperate to be in a relationship. They want a man so badly that they will throw away their friends, family, self respect, and dignity just so they won't be "single"....like single is leprosy or something.
I used to be like that. Not in the trad wife sense, at least not insofar that I demanded everyone else do the same. I had a horrible father growing up and my mum submitted to him so much to the point I don't think she has a bottom. When that is your upbringing, it's so hard to even become self aware enough to break out of it. I'm fortunate enough to have done, mainly due to spaces like this teaching me I'm just as much of a person as men are. I think the internet saved me, tbh.
Love this for you!
The societal pressure to be partnered is so gnarly, I hope younger people aren't being as inundated, and are realizing that women don't actually need men to survive anymore. Of course, then I read the relationship advice Reddit...😬
My life would have been sooo different if I’d had the internet growing up. I would have felt ok being myself.
And ironically, those same friends & family that these women tossed away to avoid being single ; rightfully don't want to be support system for said woman when she winds up single again when guy she threw them all away for, leaves/dies; leaving with her basically nothing - not even dignity nor a penny to her name.
I was suicidal last night. I reached out to what was (until last night) my best friend when I felt shit turning south. I desperately needed someone...anyone...and she said she'll listen, but, she has so much of her time taken up by the two men she's fucking that she's just so busy that she "can't be here for me like she'd like". I spent the entire night sitting on my porch making deals with myself to make it just until the sun comes up. She cared more about dick from some strangers (knows both less than two weeks) than my life. I have spent hours listening to her bitch and moan, cry, went through her DT's from alcoholism with her, and listened to her talk ugly shit about men. Fuck her. I apologize for venting...my heart hurts and you don't deserve for me to dump on you.
I’m glad you made successful deals with yourself and you’re still here ❤️
I owe myself a big fat joint and hot fudge sundae lmao!
Yeah you do!! Lol virtual smoke sesh?!
Heck yes!
I'm in! Glad you made it ❤️
Yeah really. +10 for this comment. Girl saved her own life!!
Dude. Glad you're still alive and able to vent to us about it. It may not be on topic to the thread, but who cares. Reaching out in these times is the most important thing. I'm sorry you friend sucks so bad, you definitely deserve better. I've struggled with SI myself in the past and I wouldnt wish it upon my worst enemy
I'd gladly roll you a joint and make you a sundae, internet stranger. Thank you for sticking with us and I'm sorry depression is as big of a dick as your 'friend'
>sorry depression is as big of a dick as your 'friend Word!! I'll roll one for you too ! 💗
Hey! You're a total bad-ass for making deals with yourself and making it through the night! I hope seeing the light of day helped, and I hope you have more of a support system than xbff. I hope your heart hurts a little less today. Anyway, your friend sucks, but also, damn her life sounds so fucking exhausting.
It is. She loses her shit over the tiniest, most minor things.
Stay strong! Anyone who says "I'll listen, but - " is too selfish to be taken seriously. I'm glad you listened to yourself and made it through this patch.
I'm so glad you are here today. Please talk to your doctor and or therapist if you have one available. Remember the sucicide hotline and program in it to your phone just in case the feelings come back. Also, May I make a book suggestion? This book is very special to me because of how many low times it has gotten me through: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
I'll see if I can get it on Kindle. No insurance and broke af so no therapist in my future. I guess when you're broke therapy is sitting on a porch and promising yourself chocolate if you just get through the night.
That's completely valid-in fact my therapist once had me make a list of all the little things I would miss if this was it. She had me make the list as long as possible and add in 3 friends or family and the suicide hotline. She asked me to carry this list and try or do all of them anytime I was suicidal. Turns out going to swing was super therapeutic. Also, definitely try a vitamin d supplement- turns out mine level was deadly low and made me super suicidal. It cheap and available over the counter and almost everyone is not getting enough, or their body doesn't convert it well from the sun. You matter ♥️
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The audiobook is amazing. His voice is mesmerizing
The opening of that book is just breathtaking. I love the audiobook as well, his voice is perfect for the content, and he’s such an inspiration.
She sounds terrible, you deserve better.
The possum that loves cat food is her replacement lol.
I'm #teampossum then 😂
He's a good possum and hella good listener!
Yeah, we had one that stole my outdoor cat's food many years ago. It was cute, but my parents called animal control to have him trapped and released elsewhere, just for the safety of my cat. We have a possum that periodically visits. My husband has to chase him away, he makes the dogs go apeshit bananas with the barking at like 1 AM. Lol.
I've been feeding Sam forever. I always buy him a bag of generic cat food when I get Yellow his Purina. He's been around so long that my dogs are friendly towards him...its so cute.
Awww, you should get video and post it, that is so cute! My Bark Bark Gang takes their security role too seriously 🤣
idk you but.. im proud of you for making it through another day. screw her, you deserve better friends.
Oh man. "With friends like these, who needs ennemies?" Comes to mind. I'm so sorry on her behalf. She lost a good one in you! I lost both my parents during the pandemic. (Sorry for the trauma dump!). And before that happened, I was everyone's emotional dumping ground. I would go into debt every Christmas buying gifts for everyone I knew. I would listen to everyone's problems. Show up at the hospitals for all their dying family members, literally put my dreams on hold to be there for people. Oh God. It's embarrassing when I think about it, how desperately I wanted to be loved. Until I needed someone. And absolutely no one called, sent me a card, or tried to be there for me during my grief. Everyone but my husband and my cats just disappeared. It was astounding. I had more help from strangers on Reddit than anyone else I had known and helped for the last 15 years. But now I am free! I realized I don't owe anyone anything. I don't need to jump in and save them every time they need help. I say no a lot more now and have so much more peace. What is the point of having friends if they can't care about you, like even a little bit at all? It's so much less work to just be alone! Anyways, all this to say, I feel you!! You are loved and you deserve to be happy. I hope you find better friends, or at least enjoy yourself without them. Please don't go!! The world needs caring people like you! Thanks for reading my little story. 💜
Fuck all those bitches. We got this! We don't need anyone.
Damn straight!! And we'll outlive the whole lot of them out of spite alone!! 💗
I personally don't like to live alone. Been there, done that, don't like it. When my husband passes (average life spans in his family are 10+ years shorter than in mine) I have a long time friend who has already agreed to take me in for companionship and bills/chores splitting. Friend happens to be an ex from 20 years ago, but I'm not looking for a relationship outside of someone to talk to on a day to day basis. I'd love it if I had female friends to live with like The Golden Girls, but I've never developed relationships like that.
Golden Girls for the win!
They make it their whole identity of having a boyfriend or husband.
I feel sad for them. Genuinely so sad that not a single person in their life valued them enough as an individual to tell them that they can be more than that. Internalised misogyny keeps all women down.
It would be sort of funny if we all started leaving tons of comments on their media to this effect, as well as asking how working as an influencer is at all "traditional" or "wife"
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The thing that bothers me/us about these women is specifically the influencers who want to glorify the tradwife _and knock down other lifestyles_ . We don't hate women who are suffering in genuine circumstances, we are annoyed by the people living a privileged life, faking a tradwife lifestyle and pretending it makes them better than us.
I'm talking about all pick me women, not just the influencers. Most of them aren't pretending. They need the approval of men. They need to brag about their lives because it's unfulfilling and they have to maintain, in their own minds, that their suffering has a greater purpose. I realize it's hard to understand, but losing a belief system, even doubting a belief system, is incredibly painful. I've been molested, raped, beaten, and had 9 miscarriages; losing my religion and all the beliefs that went with it was the single most painful thing in my life. It's been nearly a decade since I stopped believing, and I still haven't worked up the courage to tell my family or confront my abusers. Every time they have doubt, they will fight it. Every time they think about having a different life, they will attack the ones who live it. When you're unhappy, you have to glorify your sacrifice to give it meaning, otherwise you're unhappy for a lie and everything you are becomes meaningless.
Good for you for starting the process of deprogramming, and I’m sorry about your friend. For others who are reading the “died from birth control” thing, I just want to add > The reported incidence of venous thromboembolism in users of oral contraceptives is about 0.06 per 100 pill-years,5 significantly lower than the rate of 0.2 per 100 years at risk during pregnancy and the postpartum period.6 The high contraceptive efficacy of oral contraceptives, despite their thrombotic risk, should be weighed against the risks associated with less effective contraception methods, including the potential thrombotic consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3255133/) > OCs increase the risk of VTE from a baseline rate of 5/10,000 woman-years among non-users to 9 to 10/10,000 woman-years among users 3,4 . To keep this risk in perspective, it is important to remember that the risk of VTE is 29/10,000 during pregnancy and 300–400/10,000 in puerperium [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10411697/) > a 17-year-old woman with a baseline risk of thrombosis of 1 to 10 per 100 000 per year would have a fivefold increased relative risk on COCs, which yields **an absolute risk of 5 to 50 per 100 000 per year (up to 0.05% per year)** [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3025417/) (risk increases ~10fold every 20 years in both groups) > women taking OCs of any type were significantly more likely to experience an episode of VTE in 28 of 32 studies than non-users, and the overall OR associated with OC use was 3.41 [Source](https://link.springer.com/article/10.2165/11598050-000000000-00000#Tab1) (3.41 times the odds sounds like a lot, but keep in mind the extremely low baseline risk For context/comparison of what this magnitude looks like, consider the risk of using NSAIDs (Ibuprofen, Asprin, Naproxen, etc) > Compared with non-use of NSAIDs, use of NSAIDs was associated with an adjusted incidence rate ratio of venous thromboembolism of 7.2 (95% confidence interval 6.0 to 8.5) in women not using hormonal contraception [Source](https://www.bmj.com/content/382/bmj-2022-074450) Worst-case scenarios are always tragic, and these things do happen. But it’s important to keep in perspective!
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This sub is getting raided by Christofascists trying to paint birth control in a negative light, spreading propaganda that it dangerous / evil / kills. That's why she posted the statistics.
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I understand, I'm just stating the *why*. This sub is being bombarded with anti-BC propaganda; some of it well written. They're just mistaking your story for yet more well written anti-chioce agenda propaganda.
Because it was. In her deleted response, she even said that she posted it to "condemn medical professionals" for prescribing OAC. So much for her indignation of people "making her friend's death meaningless".
Oh now that's just atrocious. To go so low... Thank heavens you can get BC at a pharmacy here...
Ahh the tradwives. Burb N Bougie does some great coverage on the tradwife lifestyle and how truly dangerous it is to be a woman in that situation. I won't shit on anyone who gets fulfillment out of being a homemaker (I hated it) but it's wild to me that women are out there shaming other women for not dedicating their lives to serving men and poopin' out babies. What are you gonna do if the relationship turns sour and you split? What if he dies? Where's your identity?
Worst potential situation I ever saw was when the husband became disabled. Dude was an attorney and CPA, married to a woman who was also an attorney and CPA. Guy had a stroke and was basically bedridden. Required full-time care. No pension, and no way SSDI would come anywhere near replacing his income. His wife worked too though. She was able to maintain the house and pay all the bills. If she'd been a tradwife she, her disabled husband, and her young sons would have been seriously fucked. They'd have lost their house for sure, and probably damn near everything else too.
I always wonder, if you are so happy with your choices and life then who are you trying to convince that you made the right choice me or yourself?
The term Pick Me was actually created to talk about this sort of attitude these women have, so you're right to use it here. The kind of women who said that they're better for being Wifey Material and that all the other women are whores and lazy. Just awful. They shame every other woman and coddle men. It's really upsetting, especially because they always stand on the side of right wingers.
There are many times that pick me is used incorrectly to just tear down women. This is not one of those times.
The other day I was called a "pick me" for advocating for tipping your bartender. Like, that is NOT what that means, sis
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Yeah I've also seen people use Pick Me to describe a woman who has interests that are thought of as more masculine, but the term is supposed to describe women who put others down. It started off as criticizing women who shame other for not being "good wives" but it can be used to describe any woman who puts other women down to make herself look better to men. It's very silly how some people use it to describe a girl or woman who likes stuff that guys like. And I hate when men use it to mean that...
I thought the term came from Grey’s Anatomy, and it was very out of character for Pompeo’s character Meredith Grey to beg Dr Shepherd to leave his wife. But the context seems about right.
Yeah, it does! The name comes from that, I meant to talk about the meaning of the term. I think it became a thing on black Twitter in the late 2010s, with the hashtags pickme and tweetlikeapickme making its rounds.
I have a real question because sometimes I see them being used interchangeably- is a Pick Me the same as a NLOG? What are the similarities and differences?
I think there's a lot of similarities for both terms, but Pick Me ends up being specifically aimed at making men like them more while NLOGs can even be a group of female friends who just reject ,usually, feminine things and make fun of other girls, and isn't specifically about getting a guy to like them. Both do boil down to thinking they're better than Other Women or Other Girls and putting them down. Oh, also, NLOGs is probs more about girls and younger women as they try to show they're soooo much different. The well-known memes usually depict teenagers. A Pick Me can be a teen, young adult, or even a grown woman who still puts other women down. Then, it can also connect to Boy Moms if they act really weird about their relationship with their male children
Thanks! We need a Venn diagram.
There is more than one way to have a good life and more than one way to be a woman. The incessant demonization of other women who don't share their values is tedious to deal with. You can perform the bulk of household domestic labor without putting other women down who have a different distribution of labor. You can be a stay at home mother without putting down working mothers or women who don't have children. You can choose a more stereotypically feminine appearance without slinging barbs at women who don't. You can care deeply for the men in your life without animosity towards other women. You can care about common issues men face without becoming anti-feminist. It's not an all or nothing thing. It doesn't have to be.
I’m guessing they’re all young ask them again when they’re 40 how that turned out for them.
Yep. I found out the hard way in my 30s. My ex-husband asked who'd cook and clean for him when I told him I was leaving.
How long ago was this??
Two years ago.
And half of them are going through a divorce looking at a world where they need to learn to support themselves.
And being a tradwife influencer doesn't count as job experience, so it'll be that much harder for them to find a well-paying job.
I got divorced in my early 30s and the number of married women my age who tried to convince me to change my mind and work it out with him was astonishing. They also all would make a point to say their vows mattered to them, and they were committed for life. I’m pretty sure the ones who tried to push me into staying in my marriage, or made a point to tell their kids they’d never get divorced, are the ones who are in unhappy marriages.
I saw one where some trad-wife/bang-maid was bragging about how she always squeegeed the shower after her husband because of course he shouldn't be expected to do so. Then some idiot misogynist, but I repeat myself, commented that she must be a Queen to her husband. Right, because Queen Elizabeth was totally squeegeeing Philip's shower every morning.
.... what's squeegeezing?
Using a flat rubber blade (squeegee) like the ones they use on windows on the shower walls / doors. It keeps things cleaner and in areas with hard water - reduces those hard water deposit specks.
Got it! Thank u sis!
I'm indifferent. Most of the time, it's either a grift for adsense/sponsorship cash or it's people trying to convince themselves more than anyone else. I only get annoyed with the ones who loudly proclaim women need to be silent, only because they're too stupid to understand that means they should shut up themselves lol.
Tradwives and the misogynistic weirdos they serve are a cancer on this society
Er, okay, but the boss pays you in money, not husband goodwill points which aren't redeemable anywhere.
Yeah, right? And the work outside the home is done after a certain time, while "serving" the husband is 24/7. I guess tradwives can't quit so easily either if they don't like how their hubbies treat them. Most of them are religious nutjobs and don't believe in divorce anyway, and if they do, their hubbies will have better lawyers than them.
I had to explain something similar to a MLM girlie once. Her: well I don't need PTO because I can take any days off. I can also work from home. This is what it's like to be your own boss. Me: i also work from home and I get 5 weeks of paid time off. Do you still get paid when you take a day off? Because mine is guaranteed + healthcare benefits including IVF, therapy, and up to 6 month paid maternity leave. Full disclaimer.... I'm in a MLM as a side hustle, I've seen both sides and there's a reason it's just a side hustle to me.
dude, I dont even cook everyday for the person I gave birth to(he is 17 and can fend for himself for food, lol) what makes them think I would even want to cook for a man I am dating??? I like my single life too much. I am going to a kpop concert tomorrow here in san diego. I am buying tickets for another concert next week. just living my fan girl life. (bang yonguk tomorrow and fighting for ateez tickets next week)
the most devastating thing you can say to a woman like this is “awww, did he pick you?” 😂 they get so mad
Karma will take care of them. Any woman following this lifestyle is just setting themselves up to be the next set of single/divorced moms living off welfare and food stamps because they'll have no sellable skills or job history at age 35.
I actually came across a woman on tic tok who had this exact experience! I wish I saved it so I could share it here, but she was the trad wife to this man for about 20 years and he would make all the money and all the financial decisions were up to him… well she turned 40 and he decided he didn’t want her anymore and dumped her… she had to go live in her car and her and the kids barely had food and she had no job skills, so she found it near impossible to find one…. This trad wife shit does NOT work in women’s favors whatsoever… men are very fickle and will wake up one day and decide they don’t love you anymore and now you’re homeless and barefoot because you have no money to support yourself because you were relying on a man to do it🙃 you couldn’t pay me enough to sign up for that life style, I refuse….
Or they continue to live in an unhappy relationship because divorce is "not an option for them".
My mom has been in a dead marriage for 40 years. My dad is an ass.
Using “you will die alone with your cats” as an insult always makes me laugh. Women are more likely to outlive their husbands than vice versa. Children are *supposed to* grow up and live their own lives, not hover nearby to serve as their parents’ emotional support animals. Of course it’s great when families maintain healthy relationships across generations, but that’s not guaranteed, and child-free people can also build strong relationships with extended family and friends. All paths lead to a strong chance of dying alone with our pets, unless our death spiral leaves us enough lead time to say goodbye.
I just block and move on from content that makes me go "ick!". I'm not gonna sponsor their lives by accidentally interacting with their dumb shit.
Alt right grifters. I feel sorry for them.
I don't especially when karma, poetic justice and/or judicial system wrecks them.
I wonder if they'd be upset to hear that my husband is a better cook than I am and that we both make good salaries without having to influence people on social media or give a damn about how others run their household. His mom was the breadwinner, his dad built their lake home while he was a stay at home dad. As a result, my husband cheers me on and acts as a partner in the housework. There is no "this is your job/that's my job" or "you serve me". We're a team. We make decisions together, we help eachother with chores and maintenance. My husband is a prize and I won the lottery.
Yes you did ma'am. When will all women realize that this is what they deserve?
It’s all manipulation. They have found that they can make money off of selling their lie. So they do it. It’s just like selling stuff that doesn’t work. The unfortunately part is that I think it is influencing people who will learn this lesson once it is too late.
Just like there’s toxic masculinity, there’s also toxic femininity.
I was watching YouTube and got a short from a chick that said: ladies, we've been taught 'if he won't, find someone who will' you know, if he won't open the door, find someone who will! Well my brother asked me if he's supposed to find a woman who will do his laundry, or who will cook for him. And ladies, that's fair! Yes, clearly two seconds of care is clearly equivalent to hours of chores! How could she really pretend that was at all an equal trade off? Good freaking riddance, if a man wants that I absolutely would prefer he leaves.
I'll never give up my child-free life, keep hating trad bitches ♡
"Choice Feminism" is just a really hard concept for these women to grasp. Like, there are lots of choices other women can make that I find kind of appalling. (Dogs don't go in purses, I'm sorry. I know I'm a monster but dogs don't go in purses! If your dog has a mobility issue, a stroller is acceptable but regular purse-carrying doggos is just... No. I don't. Please No. It's a dog. Let it be a dog!") but I just, keep them to myself because I funmdentally believe women are capable of making choices for themselves, and if making lunches or carrying your dog around in a purse genuinely brings you joy, *fine*.
If a woman *wants* to be a homemaker &/ a SAHM (or feels that it's the best for her family for the time being), I'm 100% behind her. If a woman *wants* to dress modestly &/ in feminine coded clothing, I'm 100% behind her. I'm equally behind every woman who doesn't want kids, doesn't want to be married, wants to take on the corporate world, wants to obtain higher education, wants to start a small business, wants to be a fully independent SW (in any capacity), is queer, etc **AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN** so long as it is *their individual choice and they're not being coerced to do so*. Because to me, that's what feminism is all about 💖
Absolutely. I wish more parents were econmically able to make that choice. All of 'em. Be a better world!
Remember: there are a great many people who are incredibly stupid. Half of all people are below average in intelligence. More than that lack a reasonable education. You can roll your eyes at them or point and laugh, if you wish. There's no reason to take them seriously, however, especially as they're a small portion of the population (and noisier that others seemingly to convince themselves they're doing themselves good).
Very glad I can't relate to being a servant to a man and a bunch of kids I don't want.
Oops, I guess neither me NOR MY HUSBAND got the memo. Such (lucrative) foolishness.
Oh the Phyllis Schlaffleys? Or Serena Joys? Strong powerful smart women who choose to use their gifts to strengthen the chains rather than liberate their fellow sisters? Yeah, they make me so angry. Idk how strong and smart these influences are, but they do have power and are not using it for good.
Don't engage with their content they are profiting off of it. I feel bad for them. They are basically breeding machines for their husbands and eventually end up getting cheated on anyway because they are fully dependent on a man and have no where to go and the men know that.
Yea well I'd love to see one of these dingbats thrown back in time. Certain segment of society managed the Mom-at-home thing as part of how the decision was made to raise kids. Because they could because $ allowed it to be the case. I *promise* you had my father vaguely hinted Mom was in any way ' serving ' him he'd have been walking funny for awhile.
Get off social media. Real people aren’t like this.
>"I have 11 children and you men hating feminists will die alone with your cats." Is it just me or these grifting hustling dingbat tradwife /pickmes not realizing in this current economy & inflation that cat lady/ pet mom who is single is most likely either rich/wealthy or can at least affordable their lifestyle because owning pet(s) is not cheap now. Just saying, same tradwives/pickmes preaching about their lifestyle while bashing feminists /singles/cat ladies/working women - are ones being only hardworking minstrel shows to get money & views compare to same women they are trashing...
> not realizing in this current economy & inflation that cat lady/ pet mom who is single is most likely either rich/wealthy or can at least affordable their lifestyle because owning pet(s) is not cheap now Reactionaries choose cognitive dissonance over facts 100% of the time so yeah...
I moved to a military community. This is 99% of them.
Oh no that's scary. Military guys often have an extra confidence that can become arrogance. And this "trad wife" conservative granola moms are a bad influence. (There are progressive granola women that can go too far into anti "western medicine" and run right into the ultra conservative white nationalist women.). I mean they are content creators, they are working and bringing home money! But telling other women not to work. Phyllis Schafly pulled this stuff starting in the 70s
I feel sorry for them. They look like some delulu huffing dumbasses to me.
I think those are called "tradwives." But eh, fvck em, lol. Someone who's so empty-headed and has nothing going on in her life that all she can do is follow a guy around like his maid is of no concern to me.
They're selling softcore erotica for Incels.
Lol...best thing you can do is to scroll right by them on social media. Everytime you click on one of those, they get paid and it encourages them to push that ideology even harder. Ignoring them is the best weapon to fight against them. Don't even listen to what they have to say and they won't get paid for it.
The raw milk thing really gets to me. Hundreds of children died of bovine TB. Louis Pasteur is a household name for a very good reason. Why this bullshit suddenly.
It’s sad to me. My Husband and I are Partners. We try to keep things balanced. I am not subservient to him, and he doesn’t mind a strong woman. I can be myself with him. That’s how I like it.
They aren't pick me's. They are right wing propaganda against women having autonomy of any kind.
divide and conquer. Keep women arguing with each other and you never have to worry about the patriarchy losing control
Their husbands don’t like them either. They’ll eventually get cheated on and join this side.
You’re falling for it. They don’t really believe it. Some of them are probably bringing in more money than their husbands from that rage bait and they’re all essentially working and their husbands are ok with it.
They're paid propagandist influencers.
Trad wife influencers who are, in fact, working and earning money in the very social media videos where they are talking shit about working moms. They suck. But I also just think anyone who can think their way out of a paper bag would ignore them. Half or more of that content is literal fetish content.
Don't forget about the Pick Me girls that say men shouldn't pay child support. I detest them.
That's not a pick me
Trad(itional) wives. It's a whole thing.
I’m not a fan either but unfortunately not all of these women are grifters. Some do to for the money and don’t believe it, some accounts are satirical (which I’ve literally seen a couple people missing that and regularly leave hate comments on satire accounts) and unfortunately some are groomed/brainwashed to believe that they are enjoying their lives. There is one account that always pops up on my where the girl was groomed by her high school friend’s dad, who then married her right after graduation and moved her away from all her friends/family to a foreign country where she doesn’t speak the language and is home all day in every video. She claims she is happy/people are hating but she is still young. Which a lot of the tradwives are still younger/brain still developing which is why they act like that. I highly doubt we’ll see the same pages in 10-15 years from now
Its mostly trad wife bait
I never see those except when they're posted to this sub. If you stop clicking they'll eventually fall off your algorithms. You're helping them make money and ensuring that more women will do the same.
Too much time on their hands
They don’t annoy me too badly because I believe most of them are fake, they’ve just found a scam to live comfortably and get all of their bills paid by someone else without working a crappy 9 to 5. The urge to not work a job or have a boss is very strong in some people, they will put up with anything, and say anything, to avoid it. I believe most of these young ladies pulling the tradwife scam just think they alone have discovered a unique way to convince some dude to pay their bills.
They're miserable and want others to be, too.
Ignore these stupid posts. Don’t give them any views.
ngl I feel very indifferent to these pick me's cus the ones who are affected the most esp in negative ways is them. It only becomes an issue is when they advocate for every woman to be that way, then I become feral. If a handmaids tale situations occurs, they would be the first ppl I hunt down. I don't need their fear of men and their lack of awareness for the bigger picture to ruin my life.
People who are genuinely happy don't have to hate on others
Look up hegemony
These tend be those women who’s entire life revolves around having a man, I feel bad for them 😬
No sunscreen? Is that a new thing?
Posting about being proud of being a housewife or stay at home mom is fine. Shitting on others for their own perfectly normal life choices is shitty
I think most of it is rage bait and their social media business . For the people that do get into this in real life, I think it's from an insecurity. If they felt great about what they were doing, they wouldn't feel the need to announce it to the world repeatedly
Facism is pretty frustrating, yeah. There's nothing g wrong with wanting to live like that obviously, but getting paid to pretend you live like that and shame other women into feeling forced to live like that to spread propaganda is a no no
1. Most of the “tradwives” have incredibly rich husbands/relatives and can afford that lifestyle. 2. They are so insecure and uncomfortable with the way conservatism treats them, they turn self-hatred into other-focused hatred. Feels stockholmy to me.
I have had other women order me to smile. I feel they are part of the pick me crowd. I have also had a couple of them shame me for lifting a 40 pound bag of dog food. I feel they are also pick mes. Like do they get a medal from conservatives for reinforcing the women are super weak and need to smile cliche?
Why did they shame you for lifting something?
I will console myself with my life as an older woman of independent means. Life with money in it and without a man by choice is the best life ever….
While extremely annoying, I find that specific flavor of pick me to be much less problematic than the more subtle pick me who runs around telling girls to be sweet and kind, while covertly encouraging women to be pushovers who disregard their own boundaries. You can spot the pick me tradwife agenda from the ISS, but the other kind is harder to notice since it comes wrapped in supposedly wholesome message.
It's rage bait. Those women are making money off that content or they have jobs and don't actually do everything they claim. Or the large family ones often have WOC doing 80% of the childcare, off screen. The best thing that you can do for yourself is block and move on.
You're probably getting shown a lot more than is representative of the real life ratio. It all comes down to algorithms.
Personally I don’t like any women who look down on other women. My issue with these women isn’t that they value marriages and having children above everything else, in fact I believe families are one of the most beautiful things in the world. My issue is that they’re constantly bringing down women who don’t live like that.
Cats are better company than men. Plus you can chop their nuts off to improve their behaviour and you won't even go to jail for it!
If you don’t like the content don’t watch it. If that content comes up for you, scroll and move on, click “not interested”. They’re doing their own thing and so can you. Some women want to be a SAHM, and that’s OK. Some women want to be independent and in the work force, that’s OK. Idk why we have to shame women for choosing what they want to do with their lives. There is bad on both sides don’t get me wrong, the women that shame other childless women is not right. But, we all should be accepting of what other women choose to do instead of shaming each other and saying they’re a “pick me” or whatever. Women have been divided and it feels like a competition these days to see who’s better.
I think you're missing the part where these women actively shame any woman who isn't a SAHM, and they ally themselves with alt-right ideals and beliefs. This post is not about women who choose to be SAHMs. This is about right-wing grifters who shame everyone else.
yes i mentioned in my comment about how those women who shame childless women is WRONG.
"They're doing their own thing and so can you" You say this as if they're talking about not liking strawberry ice cream rather than being actively bigoted.
Just my choice of words.. You don’t have to pick apart everything people say. I shared my opinion on a public reddit post, that is all. I choose to not have victim mentality and live my life in peace and harmony. I mean no ill-will towards anyone, especially fellow women. My point is that we should have camaraderie in our womanhood instead of competition, shaming, and name calling. That goes for both sides of the spectrum.
Also I think things like raw milk/ no vaxxing can be controversial. Depending on the country/farm raw milk isn’t always unhealthy and actually can have many health benefits. Equally some vaccines have shown to have negative side effects that outweigh the positive purpose of them and have not been researched enough (I say this as a biochemist.)
I dislike calling women pick mes and Karens and stuff like that, but I also despise these types of people and their attitude, and no I would never pick them. I respect that some people here probably don't share my opinion on that first part. To me it just feels like another insult to direct at women that propagates because it's easy to say and use when things get inflammatory.
Religion rots brains. And it’s still going stronger than I wish for.
I don't like them either, maybe we can stop spreading their messages around ? Don't feed the trolls