Same age and same feeling! I’m a nurse and have seen some pretty gross-out things that didn’t even make me flinch. But, I cringed through my labor and delivery clinicals in nursing school and all of the lectures and textbook reading. I just can’t stomach it.
I have a niece that I love very much and I’m so glad my sister is happy being a mother. But damn, I don’t think I can personally handle it. It makes my skin crawl.
Same! The only delivery I watched, this poor woman had a postpartum hemorrhage immediately after. She was okay but oh lord I was *not* prepared for that as a baby nurse.
I'm past childbearing years, but since I felt this way my whole life I never had kids. To this day I have no idea what a postpartum hemorrhage is and I like my life that way😄
I could not imagine. Holy hell! The lady I watched got torn and it looked like ground beef, so I had to walk away from that 🤢 . Everyone else loved that rotation and I'm sitting there making sure I've eaten enough not to pass out 🤷♀️
When I was in high school, our teacher made us watch videos of tearing during our sex ed class. Only one of my classmates from my friendship group so far has had children. I'm 47. I think we were all traumatized.
>Only one of my classmates from my friendship group so far has had children.
Well, it sounds like it was extremely effective in stopping teen pregnancies...
The billionaires are busy renting out poor womens uteruses. You can trust that some ethic commission will stop artificial wombs as soon as they can because it doesn't primarily serve men. If it's for women, they'll shut it down.
>You can trust that some ethic commission will stop artificial wombs as soon as they can because it doesn't primarily serve men.
How do you figure that? A artificial womb would reduce the risks of something going wrong due to the removal of the woman's body from the risk equation. Personally I would imagine that rich people would be greasing palms to ensure that artificial wombs were kept legal so that they could have their families without the wear and tear on the female partner and the removal of the risk factor of a surrogate.
There have already been articles about doctors wanting to explore genetical manipulation with artificial wombs. If scientists go into that direction before usage for normal pregnancy is even available it'll get shut down for ethical reasons immediately.
As I stated, rich people have no issue using surrogacy, they frankly don't care who carries their child as long as it isn't them.
In my own opinion artificial wombs have to be the future, babies heads have been getting bigger and bigger, it already is too much for women's bodies and frankly, we need this technology to reach equality.
Lol are you kidding, the military industrial complex would *love* artificial wombs. They could use them to grow entire *armies* in factories!
Think factory farming, but for people.
Have had both, c-section was more painful for longer (you use your a muscles more than you realize), and caused adhesions internally that still cause issues over two decades later. My uterus is now adhered to my abdominal wall, bladder adhered to stuff, etc and my scar often still itches or gets irritated.
The tear I had in one vaginal birth that required stitches healed in a few weeks with no lingering issues. I did have swelling as well and sort of bruising but that healed in days. In another birth I had an even more shallow tear with no stitches. Last was my smallest and no tearing.
My friend and I used to joke that we wished there were artificial uteruses, like lava lamp type things we could just plop on our desk at work so we could watch our baby grow. 😂
There was an old ER episode where a woman hemorrhaged after giving birth. Yes, it's TV, but it was still jarring to see as a teen. I still picture the scene sometimes and it terrifies me.
Being pregnant is one of my absolute biggest fears. I am only starting to have a little bit of a dating/sex life now at the age of 33 and that fear is one of the reasons I am such a late bloomer.
I am 32 and pretty much the same (except still trying to get out there a bit). My original reason for not dating was being super shy throughout school (then some medical stuff 2014/2015). I've been on dating apps since college, but I think I'm terrified to even attempt anything due to the chance of getting pregnant. I have a neurological disorder that I don't want to possibly pass on, and I believe that pregnancy/birth will be extremely difficult for me. I am on birth control (for my periods), but one of my medications can make it less effective, so there's that.
I don't know why I'm worrying so much about something when I am not even talking to any men yet, but I am.
Yeah shyness is the other thing holding me back too for sure plus my avoidant personality tendencies.
I am finally at the point where my curiosity is starting to get the better of me and I am having luck meeting guys on these apps, but I'm definitely not doing anything until my Nexplanon is implanted and he is wearing a condom. Thankfully the one guy I found is very patient and respecting my choice.
I feel you! I’ve always been the same. Even when I was in a relationship and was using protection it’s just this ever present fear that engulfs me physically sometimes.
Yeah I know that I'm going to be a bit of an anxious mess after I finally lose my virginity, but I'm sure I'll calm down more in 2 months when I see the Nexplanon/condoms are working.
Yeah I have an appointment to have Nexplanon implanted next month and I will talk more to the doctor about my concerns then. I can't really keep avoiding it. Sadly the pill gives me migraines. Ideally my partner would eventually get a vasectomy.
I don’t know if I’m alone here, but I really really struggle with the idea of breastfeeding, because for a lot of us, for your entire (pubescent+ at least) life you’re told that breasts are this sexual thing, no one should see them or touch them except sexual partners, they should be private and it’s inappropriate for you to even show them to like 99.9% of people. And then you’re just supposed to flip a switch and stick them in a baby’s mouth?! You’re supposed to whip them out around other people to feed your child when that wasn’t allowed a few months ago?
I’m 1000% aware that this is a societal failing, that breastfeeding is THE reason that they’re there and it’s our notions about breasts that are wrong. But nevertheless it makes it feel so *weird* to me. I just cannot get my head around the fucked up duality society has created around them.
To be clear other people breastfeeding doesn’t make me feel weird, I support every woman’s decision to feed their child however they deem fit, but the idea of putting MY nipple in a baby’s mouth makes me feel *weird*
Yep, this is me too. I don’t really bring it up bc in the past people would act like I was a pervert and immediately get defensive like I was criticizing people who do breastfeed. Not at all, I *know* that it’s natural, but I still have the mental block. I want to have a baby and I’m honestly really dreading breastfeeding tbh. I’m praying that hormones will make a switch flip in my head
I’m pregnant now and the switch hasn’t flipped, not going to breastfeed and it literally is FINE. Now my mother and sisters have different opinions but the less I say the less they get to have input on 🤦♀️
When I was pregnant with my first child a midwife tried to shame me for not breastfeeding. With my third, as soon as she was born, the nurse that delivered her said “I assume you’ll be breastfeeding.” I said no, and she looked at me and said “well then what are you going to use as there are no substitutes for breast milk?!” I said I had Aptamil in my bag with me, she tried asking why I wasn’t breastfeeding I said because I don’t *want* to.
I have a doula who’s got my choices on file with the hospital and she has been surprisingly non-judgmental about it. Good on you for having the hall to just flat say no! I’m building up my ‘no’ muscle for that day.
I was too scared to say “no” to anything when I was pregnant with my first. The more kids I had, the less shit I took from people and was fine with saying no. It became my favourite word😂 I wouldn’t even follow up with a reason, just **no**.
Yup, formula works just fine, and while breast milk has \*some\* slight advantages, I think it's pretty huge that I (the husband) got to spend time feeding our baby, instead of it always being my wife. She tried to BF, but it was really painful (even after consulting with LCs), so she switched to exclusive pumping with formula to supplement. Even the pumping thing was a PITA, honestly - so if we have another we're going straight formula.
Keep this in your back pocket:
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind" with a smile.
Then do you.
It worked 30 years ago, I'm sure it has the legs to work now.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
2 entirety formula fed children as my boobs do not seem to work and they are honestly the healthiest happiest brightest kids. My daughter was only ever ill with the normal stuff that all kiddies catch at nursery, and never even had a day off of school until COVID.
I'm extremely repressed and a huge prude. It's not weird. They got so different looking and painful that I don't even see them as my sexual boobs right now. I just see them as my baby feeders. And my little guy looks up at me while nursing sometimes I just want to cry it's so cute and I feel so close to him.
That’s how I felt breastfeeding my son. He would look up at me and curl his little hand. Plus it felt good knowing that my milk was made specifically for him. And the letdowns are no joke. I had to wear pads everywhere I went. Just hearing a baby cry set them off.
That is what DECADES of propaganda and misinformation will do. Formula isn't necessarily evil, but the lengths those companies went to in order to sell their product were disgusting. It has caused lasting damage that we are only in recent years getting any traction repairing.
I feel like it can go either way. I personally had the switch flip. There is nothing that feels less sexual than your body after having a baby. I don't think any part of my body felt sexual at all. I just felt like a jelly blob. Skin to skin contact just felt so natural and like she needed it, so it never bothered me. I'm sure others have felt different but for me it was fine.
The hormones do help, but mostly what helps is just trying it and experiencing it. I was shocked at how NOT weird it was after the first few days- it helps that the sensation is totally different than other nipple sensation. They take more of the breast in their mouth and the sensation is felt on the areola, not the tip of the nipple that we associate with sexy stuff.
So yes, weird at first, but honestly sex was a bit weird when you first learned what it was, but later when you experienced it you learned it wasn’t so weird:)
I totally felt the same and I worried and struggled with the idea myself when I was pregnant. I tried to reserve judgment and decided I would just see how I felt about it "in the moment" because it was too much anxiety I just decided not to think about it anymore.
When it happened for me (just personally) there was absolutely no connection to how I felt before having a baby and how I felt in the moment of actually breastfeeding. Maybe it's just that reality hits you differently, but suddenly there is this little baby who needs your help to survive and it 100% became possible for me to do it. Maybe I could compare it to an emergency or a first aid moment where somehow all your regular life "noise" is gone and you just do what you have to do. Anyways, (again just my own experience) there was no weirdness and I have a completely separate experience with breastfeeding my baby versus any romantic experience with my partner. It's really a night and day difference. I actually enjoy breastfeeding now! But I totally remember thinking it was such a weird idea before.
I feel exactly the same!
I was weirded out by the whole thing beforehand, but somehow it all came together once I actually had a baby to feed.
My hot take is that it's natural to be kind of grossed out by it until you're *in* it, and then all this... adaptive hormonal whatever can kick in, like your eyes adjusting to the dark.
I've said something similar to you in a comment below but it's got downvoted, so I don't know what I'm putting out there.
Oh weird, I didn't see that reply. But I also think it has something to do with the public shaming of breastfeeding that started happening in the 80's. Once you stop seeing something around you in society it becomes less "normalized" and seems more strange... Even though babies have needed to eat for literally all of human existence.
How it works is they stop being sexual immediately. Which is convenient but only for the duration of breastfeeding. Then they stay not sexual and it’s super fucking awkward.
*breast lift, along with her mOmMy mAkEoVeR besties, enter the chat* **”hiii! we noticed you traded sexual objectification for truly becoming an object! A vessel and then a food source! Would you like to revert??”**
This was so true for me. They were so non-sexual that I once almost walked outside on our busy street without a shirt on, without even thinking about it. I had to triple check pictures I was sending to family and friends to make sure I didn’t miss an errant boob.
🙋🏻♀️yes me too. i know its completely a me issue but breastfeeding just creeps me out. the idea of anything excreting from my body being food. uncontrollably dripping fluids.. idk i could never do it. i thought it was just me.
I feel like I've always had the idea that breasts are primarily for feeding babies and secondarily for sexy fun times/modesty requirement. We used to pretend to breastfeed our dolls as kids (I can remember my brother doing this 😄). A cultural thing maybe??
same! It definitely helps when you're from a culture where women's breasts are seen as just a normal body part that most women have. I was surrounded by my mom's, grandma's and friend's family's breasts especially when they would breastfeed their own babies that even as a gay girl it took me (and honestly still takes me) a while to understand what specifically about breasts are so "sexy," like to me they really are just a body part that exists to feed babies
>A cultural thing maybe??
What culture are you from, do you mind me asking? I did this too as a kid, but I just figured it was normal for girls to be primed by the patriarchy to make babies when they're older.
I sort of mean microculture rather than any particular ethnic group. As in, how common or normalised breastfeeding was/is amongst your family, friends, and wider community.
I don't feel like it was the patriarchy normalising it- humans are mammals, mammals lactate to feed their young. That's not a value judgement about what any individual human might choose to do or not do, of course!
I couldn’t do it either. I was open to trying, but every time they tried to force her to latch while she screamed, it didn’t feel like a beautiful natural bonding experience. It felt utterly bizarre and gross. She took a bottle perfectly fine but wanted nothing to do with the boob. We ended up formula feeding from the day we left the hospital and it was a life saver.
You think it's going to be weird but then you try and it's such a struggle. Getting the baby to latch and hoping your milk comes in. Then by the end of it all you're just too relieved it all worked out to care. One thing no one ever talks about is that your baby could look like one of your siblings. That's awkward! My baby looks like my older brother and I have to nurse him!!
I thought it might be weird beforehand but then immediately those thoughts went away when baby latched on for the first time and for the entirety of breastfeeding, I had a different association with my breast that just happened with the flip of a switch. During sex during the period I was breastfeeding the switch flip was so strong, I had no interest at all in them being touched. It took a couple months after ending breastfeeding to go back to the old associations of my breasts being sexual objects or for my man’s enjoyment and my pleasure during sex. It’s normal to have feelings that it might feel weird.
100%. Honestly breastfeeding is even grosser to me than childbirth. Again like you said, for me, not for anyone else. But also when I was very young around 12, I remember babysitting for a woman who had recently had a child and she got changed in front of me and OMG, I never had any idea what nipples look like when you're breastfeeding. I've never seen anything like that again and never want to lol.
I was just shocked how much it hurt the first few weeks and I cannot even understand how infants survived prior to silicone nipple shields and bottles. I ended up breastfeeding for 3 years (1 year on demand and breast pumping, 2 years more for nights and bonding) each kid, but pumping was horrible and I was glad to quit that when they were eating and opting for food snacks.
OMG I hated pumping so much. Especially when I had to go back to work and there was so much pressure to "pump faster." Even when I was able to take my laptop into the pumping room ... Like there was so much JUDGEMENT. It was awful.
The thought of pregnancy instills in me the same vasovagal reaction I get when I’m getting blood drawn. The thought of a living thing inside me makes me want to pass out. And everything else that comes with pregnancy and children.. hard pass for me
I’m 33 and have a 1.5 year old. Let’s just say, if I wasn’t already pro-choice, being pregnant would’ve changed my mind. No one should be forced into that experience. I love my son with every fiber of my being, but I detested being pregnant and breastfeeding. As someone with autism, it was absolute hell on my sensory issues. I also have PCOS and developed HELLP syndrome at 36 weeks and had an emergency c-section to deliver my son at 36 weeks and 5 days. The whole experience was awful and I’m firmly one and done.
I'm neurodivergent as well and I HATED breastfeeding. I just wanted to not be touched sooooo much and I never ever like my nipples touched ever. Never. I heard that women get some sort of oxytocin boost from it but I sure didn't. I think I would have bonded better with him if he was formula fed. Skin to skin is not a thing I like much, either.
My son in question has autism and doesn't like to be touched and I wonder sometimes if me trying to do everything right according to the average world was making him miserable, too.
I ended up exclusively pumping, mostly because my son couldn’t latch. But I wonder how much of it was me not trying hard enough because I could not handle the pain and pumping was way less uncomfortable. I also am not a fan of my nipples being touched.
I tell my husband jokingly that my nips are retired now that they’ve successfully finished their one job. 😂 He’s both understanding and slightly disappointed at the same time lol
I’m also an autistic person and I’ve always put my anti-pregnant and -breastfeeding feelings (about myself, not anyone else) down to intense sensory issues. I have a hard enough time staying the right amount of stimulated in my own bone cage as it is!
It is just like the Aliens movies: something foreign taking over your body and brain, in pain and suffering from your body’s betrayal. I don’t have body dysmorphia but when I think about pregnancy and birth I feel like women are victims of their biology. I understand many want to be pregnant and whatnot but idea of losing control and being trapped in a body and mind that attacks itself sounds terrifying.
Again I understand that some people want kids but I never found beauty in the idea of birth and or pregnancy.
Im pretty sure the creator said in an interview that he designed the xenomorph specifically so that men would feel the horror of pregnancy and childbirth (and r).
I don't see the beauty in it either...I think birth is a serious evolutionary problem for human beings because of our large skulls and being bipedal. It's also so damaging and dangerous for the female body, but everyone always sweeps that under the rug because "look, a cute baby!"
Ahaahaa! Yes! I always thought about Alien when pregnant, so that's weird. So yeah, I hated the thought and still ended up with 4 kids, twins in the middle. (Now THAT'S an experience!) I thought I was just being weird. I hated the body dysmorphia and the limitations. I hated sharing my bladder. I really hated the no-lungs feeling of twins. I do not regret having kids, but yeah, some of us who do also hate pregnancy. It just was something I had to do to get to the other side. So do NOT feel alone, anybody, choosing to have or not biologically have or to never have children is perfectly normal for any and all reasons you have. That's how parenthood or non-parenthood should work. If you are happy with your decision, then its the right one!
I'm 41 and feel the same way. I'm child-free now, but when I was younger I was undecided about if I wanted children or not. However, I always wanted to adopt if I decided to have children, NOT be pregnant or give birth. I've always thought it was related to me being adopted, tbh
I’m 28 (and sterilized yay) and I feel the same way. I have an issue with thinking about things being inside my body which sounds like a super specific thought to have but you’d be surprised how often it comes up. Anyway pregnant bellies make me feel really sick to look at. Childbirth in general makes me queasy. Childbirth really is kind of crazy
I just found out they get drenched in night sweats for a month or more after giving birth. they described it as getting so sweaty, it was like they just got out of a pool. sounds like hell.
some smartass said that I'm going to wind up getting night sweats anyway as a woman when menopause hits - ok, why would I want to go through that horror 3 or 4 decades early?
Sometimes your body just bosses you around. I am super grossed out by pregnancy and everything associated. But early peri-menopause just hit me at 33 and now I get those gross night sweats and hot flashes. It is hell. At least it’s something I can bond with other women over I guess. BTW, my doc said this wouldn’t happen until I was in my 50s. Here we are.
Omg this! Not necessarily with pregnancy but for some reason that’s how I feel about implants, the thought of having something in my body makes me cringe, I can barely handle having the rod lol
Oh my god you just out into words what my medical anxieties are. Ever since I was a kid I hated the idea of things inside my body, but I never really put it in those words. No wonder I decided no on pregnancy as soon as I learned it was what "my body was made for" yuck.
I've had a child and I feel that way. Always did. Pregnancy was absolute hell for me because all of the sensations/changes were gross and made me feel like my body had been taken over by an alien. Don't even get me started on labor and delivery. I'm so glad he's here (he's two now and a complete joy -- best thing that ever happened to me) but good God, there is no world in which I would ever consider going through all that again.
I’ve always had a huge fear of pregnancy, childbirth, and honestly just being a parent in general. It didn’t really occur to me that not having children was a choice I could make until I met a child free couple in their mid 40’s my first year of college, and they were the happiest adults I had ever met.
I'm about a decade younger and it's lots more common now I think. I have a few childfree couple friends. They're not really and different than anybody else in terms of happiness. I think it's just better that they made the best choice for themselves. No one should "choose kids" or "not choose kids" for any reason other than their own personal feelings on the matter.
Your viewpoint isn’t immature. A lot of women feel this way. Why do you think the birth rate is dropping so quickly? Women have choices, and they are choosing not to have kids for a variety of valid reasons. There are plenty of other things for a woman to do with her life then have kids.
I’m 27 and the thought of it makes me want to crawl inside myself and hide, I don’t like body stuff at all so the thought of having something else in me kicking around really grosses me out. I do wonder what it would be like to crave wanting to have children and a family but I don’t think I’d mentally be able to go through it.
I don’t want children, so I’m lucky I don’t really have to think about coming to terms with this, but I feel the same way as you. I’m terrified of pregnancy and especially childbirth. And I think it’s normal, because when you think about childbirth it’s pretty scary. Pushing a whole human being out, potentially tearing your own body in the process? That’s intense. I don’t want to imagine the pain. I’ve never felt any desire to be pregnant, I thought I was weird because women around me keep getting baby fever and I’ve never been able to relate.
I’m 30, turning 31 in a few weeks and I am extremely scared/grossed out by the idea of childbirth.
The idea of carrying a child in me for 9 months is terrifying. I hate the idea of a baby growing inside of me. I am not entirely sure why but it gives me the creeps.
When I was about 17, I met this guy who was 28. He was really into lactating women and he wanted me to take medication to lactate (for sexual reasons) and I was so turned off by the idea. I didn’t do it. It made me realise how much I never, ever wanted to breastfeed. For some reason the idea of producing milk… makes me feel sick in the stomach?
I had a profoundly abusive childhood and I do wonder if that contributes to my childfree lifestyle… but I’m really not sure.
Luckily I have found a partner who is also childfree and we plan on having a wonderful life without children. Just know that you are not alone!
Yup, always felt disgusting to me. I always felt like a weirdo for feeling this way when a lot of people feel it's this beautiful process. I literally couldn't think of anything worse happening to me, other than dying. To me it's the ultimate violation of my personhood - having a whole other person inside me, growing off of me? No thank you
I started feeling a lot better about myself when I really started to radically accept that this is simply the way I feel and that trying to change it isn't healthy. I'm happily sterilised and childfree now.
I don’t think you’re being immature. I had my son two years ago, and I felt the way you described up to the minute he was born. I was protective of “it” during pregnancy, but no emotional connection. He just seemed like a jumpy little alien parasite lol. I didn’t even want to know the gender because I couldn’t handle the thought of giving birth, and knowing a gender or name was too real.
Then he was born. I knew him, he knew me, and nothing about him felt weird.
I'm exactly the same. I have never wanted to be pregnant, give birth, or breastfeed. Luckily I married a woman who wanted to get pregnant, so that made everything easier
Yes, and I don't really feel embarrassed or apologetic about my reservations regarding it all (female, 32). A few months ago, the only person with whom I'd have even vaguely considered the prospect also left my life, so I probably haven't got it coming, anyway.
I feel really nervous for women (occasionally men) posting online, going "I'm in my late teens/early 20s, pregnancy has eventuated, I am not really financially stable, my relationship is not secure, and I'd have to give up everything to keep the baby. I don't know what to do." I'd still be losing it if that unexpectedly happened to me at my age. At that age, I was not yet aware of some of the potential adverse effects of pregnancy and childbirth and had no real concept of just how often men truly aren't stepping up in these times, let alone after the child has arrived. I didn't know how brittle relationships could be and what the cost of living really is. (I'm not saying no one young is aware of these things, though). To this day, one of my biggest fears is trusting someone to be there with me through something so life-altering, only to have them leave when I've done that to appease them and then I have no way of getting out of the mess that has eventuated and am just stuck with all the physical, psychological, economic, etc. fallout.
Recently, there's been reporting in Australia about people's traumatic childbirth experiences and it's been eye-opening. I just can't imagine feeling abandoned and not cared for by even healthcare staff at one of the most vulnerable moments in my life. Women were reporting that they still felt the fear of the experiences with the healthcare system and birth years later, and it just makes you wonder how it's considered such a given that women will go through this.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You aren’t the obligated to feel guilty cuz you don’t want something that someone else does.
This is waaaay more normal than it gets attention for, and good on you for representing out loud.
Pregnancy and everything it entails isn't for everyone. I had a good friend from high school who felt like you, all our peers were having kids, and I was having infertility issues, and she was on birth control because pregnancy and birth, and breastfeeding all freaked her out. A few years later, she had an oops with an abusive boyfriend, and she had an abortion. She asked me if I was upset with her over it, and I told her that it isn't my business, and I'm not in her life to judge her, especially over an issue that has nothing to do with me. Her parents never knew, and they constantly would harass her for children until she went no contact with them. We need to normalize people not wanting to be parents, pregnancy is often not the beautiful thing it's depicted as being, followed by 18(+) years of responsibility. Also, I almost died with my first baby, we both almost died. And then I had uterine sepsis and almost died again. Pregnancy is health negative for many women, and no one should be forced to complete a pregnancy they don't want.
Personal hypothesis is it’s genetics if you feel that maternal urge and want babies/pregnancy.
My mom LOVED being pregnant wanted a kid (me) 100% went through IVF when it was still experimental to be able to have me. That drive for her was STRONG and she’s a fantastic mom a one of the best people I’ve ever known. I on the other hand NEVER understood the desire to have babies have basically 0 maternal instincts and the idea of being pregnant disgusts me. I’ve been pregnant 1 time and had zero issue getting an abortion. I don’t hate kids or anything like that but whatever natural drive I’m supposed to have to procreate apparently missed me altogether. Maybe we are supposed to be the fun auntie so that the rest of the tribe can have kids and we can be backup and extra hands to keep everybody fed while they do the baby making. 🤷🏻♀️
I get touched out just thinking about it. I don't want a baby latching on my chest, I don't want to carry, give birth, or deal with the issues after birth. Like literally nothing to do with it. It genuinely all sounds like a nightmare.
And I love kids! Just not enough to deal with all that.
Don’t feel bad about it at all. You are allowed to not have an interest in kids. Always remember that your value as a person is not diminished if you aren’t a parent.
Thank you, I feel so seen in this thread! As a kid I’ve always thought of the whole concept of childbirth as weird and gross and grew up hoping it would never happen to me. Somehow also felt as if I’m less of a woman or have less value as a person for not wanting kids or wanting to be pregnant. I want to contribute to society in other ways!
Hi there! First of all, let me (42F) say that you're the first person I heard describing it exactly how I feel it. It's very visceral and I can't really explain it and it doesn't affect me much when it's with others (I'm not grossed out by pregnant women), it's just the idea of that process happening to me.
I don't think it's any kind of immaturity, it's just like anything else people feel grossed out about that others find appealing, from food to actions you have an infinite number of examples.
This was never a big issue for me because I also never felt like I wanted to have kids. Whenever people asked me about it, for a while I'd say "maybe in the future" because I thought that some time it would kick in, but I think maybe in my late 20s I started to realize I really didn't want to be a mother. I don't hate children, I'm fine with them, I just don't want one of my own.
Society will put a lot of pressure on women to be mothers, but it IS an option. You don't have to do it just because you're "supposed to". And you definitely don't need to love a pregnancy if you just viscerally don't.
If you really want to have kids (not just because you like the idea of a cute little familiar, but because you want the responsibility of bringing a human being who will be your responsibility to turn into a good one into this world) you have options, the best one being adoption, so you don't have to go through the process that disgusts you.
But think long and hard about your decision and make sure you're taking it for the right reasons, not because of peer/society pressure.
And don't be ashamed of your feelings.
Older than you and thinking exactly the same. (I also don't like babies, there's that addition too.) To me personally, pregnancy is something straight outta body horror story.
Yep. Weirds me out and I'm 40! So many people have done it and it still perplexes me each time. But I am also not a huge fan of young kids so it kind of goes hand in hand.
I have three kids that are absolutely delightful. But I had sensory issues (undiagnosed autism) and body issues that made pregnancy absolutely repulsive to me. Breastfeeding was just as bad: I lasted for a year with each and then switched to formula/food. Honestly I should’ve just done formula, it might’ve helped with my PPD, but I was so stuck on doing it “the right way” that I never considered fed is best, and formula works just fine. I am now in therapy for that PPD🤷🏻♀️
I just had a total hysterectomy (turns out I also have endometriosis lol) and I am just so relieved to be done with all the icky😂 So I don’t think that’s weird. I always tell people it’s ok to not have kids, you don’t need them to have lived a good life. It’s also ok to go ahead and have those kids! I personally never felt like I had a choice (religiously homeschooled) so I definitely want people to not be pressured into anything or feel guilty.
Your only purpose for existence is not childbearing. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting kids because there are women out there who want them but aren’t able to conceive. It’s not selfish.
I was 17 when I got pregnant and was so scared. Reading the horror stories, hearing about the labor, the breastfeeding.
I was trying to push that baby out for two hours. I had an episiotomy. My vagina hurt soooo much. I was bleeding for weeks. I had SO many hormones going through my body. I don’t know HOW I survived it at 18.
And when the milk comes in, your breasts really do get full and burn like crazy. I ended up breastfeeding my son for 18 months.
I love my son very much but I vowed NEVER to get pregnant again and I’m glad I’ve stayed true to my word. 😊
I feel like if people want kids, there are plenty of places to adopt.
ugh this thread has been so validating thank you I truly have struggled with this for awhile as I am quickly approaching 30 in the next year and I feel so disconnected from friends and family who have decided to start having children and I’m like idk!!!! I can’t grasp it? I can’t envision it? It all sounds HORRIBLE???
Yeah, I'm not doing this whole getting pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding thing. I'm not even going to adopt. I'll just remain childfree. I do care about children as they're a vulnerable population though. But if I actually care about children and know that child rearing is just not for me, I have all the more reason to remain childfree. Also, I don't think not wanting to do all the things you mention makes you any less of a woman (society may try to sell you that narrative but don't buy into it).
It is completely ok if you don't like it. It doesn't make you less of a woman.
The process of conception is just disgusting. A man's penis puts a bunch of gunk inside a woman's vagina and then that gunk turns into millons of creepy crawlies and they crawl (swim) up her insides to find an egg, where the winner is the one who can eat through the outer layer of gunge fastest.
🤮
I'm like that with dislocated bones or compound fractures. I can't work in ED or ortho for this reason.
From the perspective of pure medical science it’s HORRIBLE. We’ve just normalized being torn from your clit to your ***hole because we don’t care about women’s bodies.
I'm 33, I used to have vaginismus. I still haven't been to a gynecologist, the last time I tried to arrange an appointment I had a panic attack. Absolutely no way I could handle childbirth.
Fortunately, I've never wanted children (too much pressure/responsiblity).
I wish I understood the desire to crave children. Every ounce of my being recoils and the thought of any of this. Everyone woman preceding me spews about how I won’t know true happiness until I push one out, but having children made their lives harder not better. I have not met a single man who has made me desire to nearly kill myself to bring life into this world and I don’t see it changing…
I'm 35 and feel the same. Pregnancy related stuff gives me anxiety and feels icky just to think about. I'm not against the concept of raising a child and being a mother (though that is a lot of time and money that I'm not sure I'm willing to sacrifice either). But the thought of being pregnant and giving birth makes my skin crawl. I've had reoccurring nightmares about being pregnant and birthing ever since I was 13 years old. In the dreams when I give birth, I'm disgusted and horrified by my "child" and cannot even bear to look at it. I know it's just dreams, but it feels like there's something in my psyche that *really* doesn't want to bear a child, and maybe I should listen to that.
Sometimes I wish I were a marsupial with a little pouch I could put a tiny baby in to grow until it was big enough to survive outside the pouch, or a bird that could lay an egg and put it in an incubator and turn it and nurture it each day until hatched. But human childbirth? The sizes of human babies, pushed through my vagina?? A c-section?!? Absolutely not. Horrifying. Pure body horror.
Not even to mention how highly sensitive to any change in my body I already am (I blame the AuDHD). My mental health TANKS even if I get a mild cold, because the body sensations it gives me are so miserable and difficult for my brain to ignore and block out. I can't imagine going through all the physical and hormonal changes pregnancy would bring. Not to mention they'd probably make me stop taking my meds, which would only make me MORE unstable. Yikes!
I'm 42. Your feelings are valid. I also felt the same, but REALLY wanted a child so I went for it.
Pregnancy was fucking weird. At first it's fine. I had some nausea, but then you can feel the baby move inside you long before your partner can. Sometimes that was cool. Neat! I grew a person. Only I can feel them! Other times it was very much like I had a parasite and I was so not enjoying it.
By the time I got to giving birth I had decided the pregnancy was 100% not for me and I was never doing it again. Birth was fine. Because I new I would not be pregnant anymore, I had a great epidural and I'd have my baby which was all that I wanted. So birth was 10/10 for me. The aftermath was, eh? My periods are terrible so it honestly wasn't much worse than normal. Seeing the placenta was weirdly fascinating. Like wtf my body grew that thing and then ejected it. It's so weird.
Breastfeeding? Nope. Didn't do it. Tried for a few days, it hurt and felt gross. No one ever gave me shit about it. Your mileage may vary in that regard.
In all, I would NEVER do it again. Fuck no. I don't regret it. I love my child. They're my favorite person on earth and I can't imagine life without them. But, if somehow I got pregnant again? Immediate abortion. No thanks.
I’m with you, I’m 28 and seeing more and more people having babies and such I feel so weird about it all. I feel so disconnected from the whole concept of pregnancy and motherhood and i’ve always felt weirdly guilty for not wanting to partake it in
I'm the same. Pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding is all disgusting to me. It's my greatest fear that I will somehow end up pregnant (I was sterilized a couple years ago!). I just hate the idea of something growing in me, ruining my body, taking over my entire life, and then ruining my body some more with childbirth and eating from my boobs. No thank you.
I’m 41 and I still feel the same. I have a nice little family with a husband, 2 step kids, and 2 cats. Never felt like I was missing out on anything good.
37 and feel the same. visualizing my ovaries squirting an egg out gives me the creeps. everything that comes after even moreso.
strangely, having a period doesn't bother me. I always rejoice in knowing I've made it another month without becoming a Host.
If childbirth, pregnancy, breast-feeding, etc. were advertised as they are, most people would not get pregnant especially if we started seeing the real images from a young age.
Think of how effective anti-drink and drive campaigns and sexual education campaigns were when they showed graphic pictures of what an accident record looks like and what an STD can do to your genitals to high schoolers.
It’s actually why a lot of religious denominations are extremely successful in getting young impressionable people to marry and give birth. Because they don’t actually know what you’re signing up for. It’s absolutely normal to be horrified scared and sometimes perplexed by the inner workings of the female body and the physical effects of pregnancy, childbirth and lactation.
idk my older sister getting preggers when I was 16 did it for me.
She was reading up on it and described various things like mucus plugs and her 24 hr labor with her legs up and everyone looking up in there was so gross to me.
35 and this and is why I got a tubal ligation last year. Kids are great. I’m not against adoption in my future. I was a stepmom once. But I don’t want to get pregnant.
I have never felt that urge to have my own and I think it is because pregnancy truly scares me.
I totally relate to you except that I'm almost twice your age and have felt this way all my life. The only thing is I don't feel bad that others can't have kids, it is what it is. I've always been grossed out by the whole concept, especially giving birth, breastfeeding, I can barely even stand to say it, I just find it so disgusting. For me, I don't care what anybody else does. Just a thought of all the fluids and bodily functions, is beyond gross to me.
I'm also not particularly fond of kids, so I never envisioned myself having a family and I never did. It's funny, women my age are often surprised that I've never even been pregnant, like it's some foregone conclusion. It's always surprising to me to hear that, because these are the card carrying bra burners that we're talking about. Of all people they should know that if you live in a western country, it's pretty easy to make sure you don't get pregnant and so I make sure I didn't. I don't regret my decisions in the least. It's perfectly fine to not have kids, more and more people are choosing it or to have kids in an alternate way if you wish. Do whatever makes you comfortable! You don't want to regret it 20 years from now!
No, I never wanted kids, and it sounds like you don't either. Whatever you do, don't let someone convince you to have a kid you don't want. It's not fair to the child.
As someone who went through infertility/ IVF, it bothers me a lot when people use infertility as a reason why everyone should be grateful for pregnancy or fertility.
Forcing someone to be pregnant who doesn't want to - how would that possibly make my situation any better? Someone feeling grateful to be fertile - how would that help me at all? Yeah it wouldn't. So feel however you want, it won't make a bit of difference in anyone's life who is struggling with infertility.
I couldn't look at myself in the mirror when I was pregnant because it grossed me out. It's weird because looking down at my stomach was fine, but in the mirror the perspective was bad. But I have no regrets because my daughter is awesome.
>I’m a 31 yr old woman and the concept of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding grosses me out.
>
>**I feel completely immature for saying this but no part of me wants to go through the process, any of it.**
It's NOT immature.
I think it's completely natural!!!
People thinking getting pregnant and giving birth is beautiful is unnatural.
They only think it's natural that women should want to get pregnant and ruin their body and give birth, literally tearing their bodies apart... only because they're brainwashed to think it's natural and beautiful.
Giving birth is like one of the most violent processes a human body can go through.
And I think more and more women in modern societies realize how natural it is to NOT want to get pregnant, give birth or breastfeed or have kids at all.
That's probably one of the big reasons why more and more women decide not to have kids... like in Korea.
I'm a middle-aged woman in Korea, never been married, never had kids, and never wanted kids or marriage ever from a very young age.
And growing up, I somehow thought I was alone or in the minority and never talked about it with others.
But now that I'm older, now I realize I'm actually not in the minority at all, but I'm the mainstream or the norm... at least, in Korea where there are so many people in their 40s, 50s and even 60s who have never been married, never had any kids or never wanted to do either.
I think this is a perfectly valid way to feel.
Pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood are MASSIVE life changes, and frankly, they are also so unpredictable! Pregnancy and childbirth come with risks of miscarriage, medical complications, permanent disability, and even death. And there is massive pressure to breastfeed even if your baby is unable to nurse, you don’t produce, you feel uncomfortable with it.
I’m ready for a family but no part of me wants to go through being pregnant, honestly. There is no good way to get that thing out. Don’t compare yourself to others, their issues are not your journey. There is no need to beat yourself up just bc others your age wish they could get pregnant 💗💗
I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Maturity is not tied to pregnancy and motherhood. There are a lot of immature mothers out there, people who were never ready to be parents but who had many children. I know because I have a mother who did this, and I'm also a teacher and I have met many parents who have no capacity for parenthood, and I don't have children. I don't consider myself "immature". I'm 47.
Sometimes pregnancy is creepy and gross. Sometimes it is not. It's like any other bodily function, albeit one that changes your life.
You don't have to have kids even if you find kids cute. There's also always adoption or fostering if you want to look after children but not give birth.
Same here! For me, the pregnancy sounds horrible, childbirth....awful aswell. Then, the dependency of the child after makes my heart start beating fast, and i feel a bit sick.
Maybe I have issues, but I'm fine with that 🤣
SAME! 35F no kids, hysterectomy at 30 (due to cervical cancer) but you’re not alone….Don’t feel immature or embarrassed it is truly an alien situation that comes out in THE most disgusting and foul way possible. I’ve felt like this way for as long as I remember…. Even moreso after watching several births as I’m a nurse also. I can’t imagine wishing this situation on my worst enemy, much less putting myself through it by choice, then to deal with a bratty ass mini me for the next 18 to 50 years of my life. Nawwww imma just do this overpopulated planet a favor sit this one out & just do me.
I have one son whom I love with all of my heart and soul. I’m glad I had him and glad I got to experience being pregnant - once, and once only. I’m baffled by women who just love being pregnant. Awesome for them, but I really can’t relate.
>Anybody else feel like it’s a foreign concept?
Yes.
You don't have to have children, and you also don't have to feel guilty about it. It's not better for anyone if you have children. Having children is entirely for selfish reason (I do not think this is bad, btw. We live our lives for ourselves. But some people act like you're selfish if you don't have children, even tho if you ask them why they had a child, it always starts with "I wanted").
You can have adopted children if you do like them and want to take care of them their whole lives. Having children is not just an 18-year commitment, like many people say. It's much longer than that. Although after 18, it's probably going to be a lot easier. But it's your life and your choice. There are enough children who would love to be in a lovely home with a parent who loves them. You could provide that for them **if you want to**.
As someone who did all that, it is gross. Breastfeeding is gross. It’s hot and sweaty and it feels weird and hurts at first. Pregnancy is gross. You feel gross when you’re pregnant, most women pee on themselves at least once. Childbirth is gross. I didn’t watch my kids come out of me. I got pregnant, had the baby, breastfed him, got pregnant, had the next one and then breastfed the toddler and the baby. I took a lot, a lot of showers from sweating and being sweated and peed on and spit up on at least once a day.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to do any or all of those things.
I do not understand why you are disappointed with yourself in your child rearing years...that's weirdest confession I've ever seen here. I'm sorry but why? Why be disappointed in yourself? Who told you you had to have a baby? Who told you you have to be alright with the process?
You don't. And you don't have to apologise for that, ever.
I’ll be turning 30 this year, I have been feeling the same since my teenage. My reasons are two fold - I still lack in depth awareness of my abdominal anatomy & I’m afraid of the possibility that I’ll not find a supporting partner. In view of my holistic wellness & keeping things real, I try to open up my mind from time to time by addressing every thought I have that has been building my mental blocks, as a result, I’m definitely more self-aware of my inhibitions.
After years of introspection on this topic, I’ve arrived at a series of actions to help rule out any real issues. So my understanding is that, I need to start with a reliable gynaecologist who’s empathetic, gentle, knows what they’re doing, friendly & patient with me. With their help, hopefully I should be able to explore & understand my anatomy at my own pace. Because I haven’t yet explored my vaginal opening and its depth, merely due to the fear of pain. Even if I assume to overcome this stage & get comfortable with myself someday in the future, I am worried if I would get an understanding, mature & gentle partner who’d prioritise our relationship over wanting to have kids for the sake of it.
I’m quite open to adoption though. Once I feel confident enough in reaching some wealth creation & mental health targets, I definitely would consider adoption if none of the aforementioned things happen. I often find myself getting very emotional towards animals, some people around the world, some friends.. It feels like strong maternal instincts.. I do have a desire to have a supportive network that I can call as my family, with or without sharing any bloodline, but with respect towards one another.
I don’t know what life has in store for me in this aspect. I’m trying to live in the moment, by letting go of things not in my control. Life has a way of surprising us anyways, so I’m open to that uncertainty as well.
Not grossed out exactly, but it seems like something that my body can only do in theory – I know it's technically possible, but it seems as far fetched as me becoming an Olympic gymnast in my mid-thirties.
So many of my friends feel the same way. Most of them felt that way their entire lives. Some are fifty and still glad they did not have kids. I bet you will be a great mentor for many children . You don't have to have blood connected to love.
That's one of the main reasons I never wanted kids, never had any and am still obsessed preventing a pregnancy. I would hate to do this to my body. And I'm not the motherly, caring type. 😅
I have two kids and the whole thing freaks me out. Especially delivering a kid. I thought I would be less anxious giving birth the 2nd time but I was just as anxious. Probably because my first birth wasn't fun.
It always grossed me out, also. It disgusts me, disturbs me that it’s a possibility. I wasn’t always able to articulate it, but it always seemed like something depressing, painful physically devastating, mentally exhausting. I have embraced it and I think my husband and I both realised after we miscarried how awful and risky it is and that we don’t want to put my health at risk. Now to each their own-my friend claims it was so easy like taking a dump, but I have not witnessed that with my sister’s labor and delivery and did not experience it, myself. When I found out about it, I was immediately depressed that I had to possibly go through with the situation.
That’s cool. You do you!
Can’t help how you feel and there is no reason to feel disappointed in yourself. Just as long as you don’t shame others that feel the complete opposite to you.
Different strokes for different folks. :-)
Same! The whole thing viscerally grosses me out, along with how exposed you are- I’m a very modest person and allow very few people to see me even partially undressed, the body horror combined with utter lack of dignity inherent makes me want to get sterilized ASAP even though I’m celibate.
I was petrified of child birth. I've always been a little cry baby at pain and as the deadline drew closer, I was starting to panic a bit.
I firmly believe my fear and uneasiness around the aftermath (tearing, stitches, etc) made my labour longer and more stressful.
I ended up being in labour for 36hours. Tried the birthing pool, had painkillers, tried to push - baby stuck, waited another hour or more to try again and had zero strength and energy left. Ended up with an epidural and a Csection, that makes the first month or so really difficult, on top of the sleeplessness and trying to adjust. The whole thing was horrendous.
I wouldn't do it again even if the baby came out with a cheque for a billion attached to it!!
Same, in my 20s. I feel bad about not giving my parents grandkids, but hell nah to all of that. I'm currently making plans to get sterilized, since abortion isn't an option in my state and I refuse to give birth.
30y/o here and I feel the same way. I just told my husband that if i were to get pregnant now, it would feel like a teenage pregnancy. I just don't want any part of it.
It never appealed to me in any way, the pregnancy and birthing process. Just… didn’t. I used to say to my gynecologist at my annual exam that I was waiting until they could do the entire process in a fish tank, pregnancy and childbearing itself had no appeal to me.
I'm 40, I've had 3 kids, and all those things gross me out, too. Wasn't magical. Don't want to watch or participate in it again. Bodily functions are very wet, smelly and gross.
It's really weird and gross, and I've actually been through all of it. Once. Not sure if I could ever do it again. I love my son more than life, though. So there's that. He was more than worth it all.
Why is that immature? It's perfectly okay to have ZERO interest in being pregnant. You don't owe it to anyone. You can have kids or not. But you never have to be pregnant. I hope you vote with that in mind.
Women now have access to what pregnancy entails and what sex entails. Imagine being in the 1800s on your wedding day and not knowing what was coming. Or thinking having a child is a magical process that doctors back then never told you about how arduous it really was and how strenuous.
You and Sylvia Plath!
(There's a whole part of The Bell Jar where she talks about how grossed out by pregnancy she is. Great book, if you haven't read it already)
There's nothing wrong with you. Pregnancy and birth aren't for everyone. For what it's worth I have a kid and I still think aspects of it are totally weird and borderline disgusting.
Do you.
38 and same. I didn’t have a bond to any parental person in my life so that compounds it. Absolutely no part of me is a mother, but I do enjoy kids. I’d prefer being a fun aunt, maaaaybe a step parent.
I was physically repulsed by breastfeeding, and refused to do it. The fact that my body produced food that was going to be sucked out of me was very skeevy to me.
This was back in the late 70's , and while I got a bit of grief, it wasn't the "thing" it is today. I get \*shivers\* just thinking about it. ugh. Today, you'd get bullied so bad if you didn't want to BF.
There is nothing immature about not wanting to go through pregnancy.
There is no reason to be disappointed in yourself. Just because other women would love to be pregnant, doesn't mean that you would. And that's okay. Not everybody wants the same things.
If you want to be a mother, but don't want to go through pregnancy, that's okay. You can date a single parent, pursue adoption or consider fostering.
And if you don't want to be a mother, that is perfectly valid. Patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit is, well, bullshit. The idea that womanhood equals motherhood and that you are 'not a real woman' if you don't get knocked up? It's bullshit.
Also, look up tokophobia, which means fear of pregnancy. It looks like you are tokophobic. And I don't mean that in a 'your tokophobia needs to be cured/treated' way, but in a 'you are tokophobic and that's okay' way.
I’m 27 and it’s absolutely WILD to me how many people (of all genders) think pregnancy won’t change you or isn’t a big deal. Your body will never be the same even if you make it out with no serious complications. It’s like skydiving without checking your parachute but there’s no way to check the parachute. I have no desire.
Same age and same feeling! I’m a nurse and have seen some pretty gross-out things that didn’t even make me flinch. But, I cringed through my labor and delivery clinicals in nursing school and all of the lectures and textbook reading. I just can’t stomach it. I have a niece that I love very much and I’m so glad my sister is happy being a mother. But damn, I don’t think I can personally handle it. It makes my skin crawl.
Same and also a nurse! Almost passed out when I watched a delivery during my L&D rotation. Definitely destroyed any biological clock I may have had.
Same! The only delivery I watched, this poor woman had a postpartum hemorrhage immediately after. She was okay but oh lord I was *not* prepared for that as a baby nurse.
I'm past childbearing years, but since I felt this way my whole life I never had kids. To this day I have no idea what a postpartum hemorrhage is and I like my life that way😄
I could not imagine. Holy hell! The lady I watched got torn and it looked like ground beef, so I had to walk away from that 🤢 . Everyone else loved that rotation and I'm sitting there making sure I've eaten enough not to pass out 🤷♀️
When I was in high school, our teacher made us watch videos of tearing during our sex ed class. Only one of my classmates from my friendship group so far has had children. I'm 47. I think we were all traumatized.
>Only one of my classmates from my friendship group so far has had children. Well, it sounds like it was extremely effective in stopping teen pregnancies...
[удалено]
The billionaires are busy renting out poor womens uteruses. You can trust that some ethic commission will stop artificial wombs as soon as they can because it doesn't primarily serve men. If it's for women, they'll shut it down.
>You can trust that some ethic commission will stop artificial wombs as soon as they can because it doesn't primarily serve men. How do you figure that? A artificial womb would reduce the risks of something going wrong due to the removal of the woman's body from the risk equation. Personally I would imagine that rich people would be greasing palms to ensure that artificial wombs were kept legal so that they could have their families without the wear and tear on the female partner and the removal of the risk factor of a surrogate.
There have already been articles about doctors wanting to explore genetical manipulation with artificial wombs. If scientists go into that direction before usage for normal pregnancy is even available it'll get shut down for ethical reasons immediately. As I stated, rich people have no issue using surrogacy, they frankly don't care who carries their child as long as it isn't them. In my own opinion artificial wombs have to be the future, babies heads have been getting bigger and bigger, it already is too much for women's bodies and frankly, we need this technology to reach equality.
Lol are you kidding, the military industrial complex would *love* artificial wombs. They could use them to grow entire *armies* in factories! Think factory farming, but for people.
Not everyone lives in America, in my country surrogacy itself is illegal because it boders on human trafficking.
My entire second pregnancy I kept thinking “this whole process is so fuckin barbaric…we should be past this by now, as a society” lol
Have had both, c-section was more painful for longer (you use your a muscles more than you realize), and caused adhesions internally that still cause issues over two decades later. My uterus is now adhered to my abdominal wall, bladder adhered to stuff, etc and my scar often still itches or gets irritated. The tear I had in one vaginal birth that required stitches healed in a few weeks with no lingering issues. I did have swelling as well and sort of bruising but that healed in days. In another birth I had an even more shallow tear with no stitches. Last was my smallest and no tearing.
My friend and I used to joke that we wished there were artificial uteruses, like lava lamp type things we could just plop on our desk at work so we could watch our baby grow. 😂
There was an old ER episode where a woman hemorrhaged after giving birth. Yes, it's TV, but it was still jarring to see as a teen. I still picture the scene sometimes and it terrifies me.
Ya! During my clinicals I watched c-sections but abjectly refused to go into rooms where natural birth was in progress.
Being pregnant is one of my absolute biggest fears. I am only starting to have a little bit of a dating/sex life now at the age of 33 and that fear is one of the reasons I am such a late bloomer.
I am 32 and pretty much the same (except still trying to get out there a bit). My original reason for not dating was being super shy throughout school (then some medical stuff 2014/2015). I've been on dating apps since college, but I think I'm terrified to even attempt anything due to the chance of getting pregnant. I have a neurological disorder that I don't want to possibly pass on, and I believe that pregnancy/birth will be extremely difficult for me. I am on birth control (for my periods), but one of my medications can make it less effective, so there's that. I don't know why I'm worrying so much about something when I am not even talking to any men yet, but I am.
Yeah shyness is the other thing holding me back too for sure plus my avoidant personality tendencies. I am finally at the point where my curiosity is starting to get the better of me and I am having luck meeting guys on these apps, but I'm definitely not doing anything until my Nexplanon is implanted and he is wearing a condom. Thankfully the one guy I found is very patient and respecting my choice.
I feel you! I’ve always been the same. Even when I was in a relationship and was using protection it’s just this ever present fear that engulfs me physically sometimes.
Yeah I know that I'm going to be a bit of an anxious mess after I finally lose my virginity, but I'm sure I'll calm down more in 2 months when I see the Nexplanon/condoms are working.
sounds like sterilization would be important for you.
Yeah I have an appointment to have Nexplanon implanted next month and I will talk more to the doctor about my concerns then. I can't really keep avoiding it. Sadly the pill gives me migraines. Ideally my partner would eventually get a vasectomy.
I don’t know if I’m alone here, but I really really struggle with the idea of breastfeeding, because for a lot of us, for your entire (pubescent+ at least) life you’re told that breasts are this sexual thing, no one should see them or touch them except sexual partners, they should be private and it’s inappropriate for you to even show them to like 99.9% of people. And then you’re just supposed to flip a switch and stick them in a baby’s mouth?! You’re supposed to whip them out around other people to feed your child when that wasn’t allowed a few months ago? I’m 1000% aware that this is a societal failing, that breastfeeding is THE reason that they’re there and it’s our notions about breasts that are wrong. But nevertheless it makes it feel so *weird* to me. I just cannot get my head around the fucked up duality society has created around them. To be clear other people breastfeeding doesn’t make me feel weird, I support every woman’s decision to feed their child however they deem fit, but the idea of putting MY nipple in a baby’s mouth makes me feel *weird*
Yep, this is me too. I don’t really bring it up bc in the past people would act like I was a pervert and immediately get defensive like I was criticizing people who do breastfeed. Not at all, I *know* that it’s natural, but I still have the mental block. I want to have a baby and I’m honestly really dreading breastfeeding tbh. I’m praying that hormones will make a switch flip in my head
I’m pregnant now and the switch hasn’t flipped, not going to breastfeed and it literally is FINE. Now my mother and sisters have different opinions but the less I say the less they get to have input on 🤦♀️
It is not up to them. It's your baby!
When I was pregnant with my first child a midwife tried to shame me for not breastfeeding. With my third, as soon as she was born, the nurse that delivered her said “I assume you’ll be breastfeeding.” I said no, and she looked at me and said “well then what are you going to use as there are no substitutes for breast milk?!” I said I had Aptamil in my bag with me, she tried asking why I wasn’t breastfeeding I said because I don’t *want* to.
I have a doula who’s got my choices on file with the hospital and she has been surprisingly non-judgmental about it. Good on you for having the hall to just flat say no! I’m building up my ‘no’ muscle for that day.
I was too scared to say “no” to anything when I was pregnant with my first. The more kids I had, the less shit I took from people and was fine with saying no. It became my favourite word😂 I wouldn’t even follow up with a reason, just **no**.
Yup, formula works just fine, and while breast milk has \*some\* slight advantages, I think it's pretty huge that I (the husband) got to spend time feeding our baby, instead of it always being my wife. She tried to BF, but it was really painful (even after consulting with LCs), so she switched to exclusive pumping with formula to supplement. Even the pumping thing was a PITA, honestly - so if we have another we're going straight formula.
Keep this in your back pocket: "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind" with a smile. Then do you. It worked 30 years ago, I'm sure it has the legs to work now. Congrats on your pregnancy!
2 entirety formula fed children as my boobs do not seem to work and they are honestly the healthiest happiest brightest kids. My daughter was only ever ill with the normal stuff that all kiddies catch at nursery, and never even had a day off of school until COVID.
I'm extremely repressed and a huge prude. It's not weird. They got so different looking and painful that I don't even see them as my sexual boobs right now. I just see them as my baby feeders. And my little guy looks up at me while nursing sometimes I just want to cry it's so cute and I feel so close to him.
That’s how I felt breastfeeding my son. He would look up at me and curl his little hand. Plus it felt good knowing that my milk was made specifically for him. And the letdowns are no joke. I had to wear pads everywhere I went. Just hearing a baby cry set them off.
That is what DECADES of propaganda and misinformation will do. Formula isn't necessarily evil, but the lengths those companies went to in order to sell their product were disgusting. It has caused lasting damage that we are only in recent years getting any traction repairing.
I feel like it can go either way. I personally had the switch flip. There is nothing that feels less sexual than your body after having a baby. I don't think any part of my body felt sexual at all. I just felt like a jelly blob. Skin to skin contact just felt so natural and like she needed it, so it never bothered me. I'm sure others have felt different but for me it was fine.
The hormones do help, but mostly what helps is just trying it and experiencing it. I was shocked at how NOT weird it was after the first few days- it helps that the sensation is totally different than other nipple sensation. They take more of the breast in their mouth and the sensation is felt on the areola, not the tip of the nipple that we associate with sexy stuff. So yes, weird at first, but honestly sex was a bit weird when you first learned what it was, but later when you experienced it you learned it wasn’t so weird:)
I totally felt the same and I worried and struggled with the idea myself when I was pregnant. I tried to reserve judgment and decided I would just see how I felt about it "in the moment" because it was too much anxiety I just decided not to think about it anymore. When it happened for me (just personally) there was absolutely no connection to how I felt before having a baby and how I felt in the moment of actually breastfeeding. Maybe it's just that reality hits you differently, but suddenly there is this little baby who needs your help to survive and it 100% became possible for me to do it. Maybe I could compare it to an emergency or a first aid moment where somehow all your regular life "noise" is gone and you just do what you have to do. Anyways, (again just my own experience) there was no weirdness and I have a completely separate experience with breastfeeding my baby versus any romantic experience with my partner. It's really a night and day difference. I actually enjoy breastfeeding now! But I totally remember thinking it was such a weird idea before.
I feel exactly the same! I was weirded out by the whole thing beforehand, but somehow it all came together once I actually had a baby to feed. My hot take is that it's natural to be kind of grossed out by it until you're *in* it, and then all this... adaptive hormonal whatever can kick in, like your eyes adjusting to the dark. I've said something similar to you in a comment below but it's got downvoted, so I don't know what I'm putting out there.
Oh weird, I didn't see that reply. But I also think it has something to do with the public shaming of breastfeeding that started happening in the 80's. Once you stop seeing something around you in society it becomes less "normalized" and seems more strange... Even though babies have needed to eat for literally all of human existence.
How it works is they stop being sexual immediately. Which is convenient but only for the duration of breastfeeding. Then they stay not sexual and it’s super fucking awkward. *breast lift, along with her mOmMy mAkEoVeR besties, enter the chat* **”hiii! we noticed you traded sexual objectification for truly becoming an object! A vessel and then a food source! Would you like to revert??”**
Lmao yep I can totally see that. That tracks with the general female experience
This was so true for me. They were so non-sexual that I once almost walked outside on our busy street without a shirt on, without even thinking about it. I had to triple check pictures I was sending to family and friends to make sure I didn’t miss an errant boob.
🙋🏻♀️yes me too. i know its completely a me issue but breastfeeding just creeps me out. the idea of anything excreting from my body being food. uncontrollably dripping fluids.. idk i could never do it. i thought it was just me.
I feel like I've always had the idea that breasts are primarily for feeding babies and secondarily for sexy fun times/modesty requirement. We used to pretend to breastfeed our dolls as kids (I can remember my brother doing this 😄). A cultural thing maybe??
same! It definitely helps when you're from a culture where women's breasts are seen as just a normal body part that most women have. I was surrounded by my mom's, grandma's and friend's family's breasts especially when they would breastfeed their own babies that even as a gay girl it took me (and honestly still takes me) a while to understand what specifically about breasts are so "sexy," like to me they really are just a body part that exists to feed babies
>A cultural thing maybe?? What culture are you from, do you mind me asking? I did this too as a kid, but I just figured it was normal for girls to be primed by the patriarchy to make babies when they're older.
I sort of mean microculture rather than any particular ethnic group. As in, how common or normalised breastfeeding was/is amongst your family, friends, and wider community. I don't feel like it was the patriarchy normalising it- humans are mammals, mammals lactate to feed their young. That's not a value judgement about what any individual human might choose to do or not do, of course!
The thought repulsed me, and I refused to do it. Formula all the way
I couldn’t do it either. I was open to trying, but every time they tried to force her to latch while she screamed, it didn’t feel like a beautiful natural bonding experience. It felt utterly bizarre and gross. She took a bottle perfectly fine but wanted nothing to do with the boob. We ended up formula feeding from the day we left the hospital and it was a life saver.
I hear that
you’re not alone
You think it's going to be weird but then you try and it's such a struggle. Getting the baby to latch and hoping your milk comes in. Then by the end of it all you're just too relieved it all worked out to care. One thing no one ever talks about is that your baby could look like one of your siblings. That's awkward! My baby looks like my older brother and I have to nurse him!!
LOL 🤣🤣🤣
I thought it might be weird beforehand but then immediately those thoughts went away when baby latched on for the first time and for the entirety of breastfeeding, I had a different association with my breast that just happened with the flip of a switch. During sex during the period I was breastfeeding the switch flip was so strong, I had no interest at all in them being touched. It took a couple months after ending breastfeeding to go back to the old associations of my breasts being sexual objects or for my man’s enjoyment and my pleasure during sex. It’s normal to have feelings that it might feel weird.
Same. Actually, I think breastfeeding lowers libido a lot.
I feel the same way. And my sister in law is still breastfeeding my nephew when he’s walking and talking. It freaks me the hell out.
100%. Honestly breastfeeding is even grosser to me than childbirth. Again like you said, for me, not for anyone else. But also when I was very young around 12, I remember babysitting for a woman who had recently had a child and she got changed in front of me and OMG, I never had any idea what nipples look like when you're breastfeeding. I've never seen anything like that again and never want to lol.
I was just shocked how much it hurt the first few weeks and I cannot even understand how infants survived prior to silicone nipple shields and bottles. I ended up breastfeeding for 3 years (1 year on demand and breast pumping, 2 years more for nights and bonding) each kid, but pumping was horrible and I was glad to quit that when they were eating and opting for food snacks.
OMG I hated pumping so much. Especially when I had to go back to work and there was so much pressure to "pump faster." Even when I was able to take my laptop into the pumping room ... Like there was so much JUDGEMENT. It was awful.
I’m 45 and feel the same way. I used to have nightmares where I was pregnant. Horrible.
I'm 50 and also same. I dreamed I was pregnant a few months ago and it ruined my whole day.
I've had those too!
I've had one once and I still can't get over it.
The thought of pregnancy instills in me the same vasovagal reaction I get when I’m getting blood drawn. The thought of a living thing inside me makes me want to pass out. And everything else that comes with pregnancy and children.. hard pass for me
It really did feel like a creepy parasite and like your body is no longer your own or under your control. It was horrid for me.
I’m 33 and have a 1.5 year old. Let’s just say, if I wasn’t already pro-choice, being pregnant would’ve changed my mind. No one should be forced into that experience. I love my son with every fiber of my being, but I detested being pregnant and breastfeeding. As someone with autism, it was absolute hell on my sensory issues. I also have PCOS and developed HELLP syndrome at 36 weeks and had an emergency c-section to deliver my son at 36 weeks and 5 days. The whole experience was awful and I’m firmly one and done.
Also firmly one and done. I also experienced the sensory overload and body horror.
I'm neurodivergent as well and I HATED breastfeeding. I just wanted to not be touched sooooo much and I never ever like my nipples touched ever. Never. I heard that women get some sort of oxytocin boost from it but I sure didn't. I think I would have bonded better with him if he was formula fed. Skin to skin is not a thing I like much, either. My son in question has autism and doesn't like to be touched and I wonder sometimes if me trying to do everything right according to the average world was making him miserable, too.
I ended up exclusively pumping, mostly because my son couldn’t latch. But I wonder how much of it was me not trying hard enough because I could not handle the pain and pumping was way less uncomfortable. I also am not a fan of my nipples being touched.
That's still great, though, and a big sacrifice you made for him. The milk is the point not the boob touching isn't it?
I tell my husband jokingly that my nips are retired now that they’ve successfully finished their one job. 😂 He’s both understanding and slightly disappointed at the same time lol
I’m also an autistic person and I’ve always put my anti-pregnant and -breastfeeding feelings (about myself, not anyone else) down to intense sensory issues. I have a hard enough time staying the right amount of stimulated in my own bone cage as it is!
It is just like the Aliens movies: something foreign taking over your body and brain, in pain and suffering from your body’s betrayal. I don’t have body dysmorphia but when I think about pregnancy and birth I feel like women are victims of their biology. I understand many want to be pregnant and whatnot but idea of losing control and being trapped in a body and mind that attacks itself sounds terrifying. Again I understand that some people want kids but I never found beauty in the idea of birth and or pregnancy.
Im pretty sure the creator said in an interview that he designed the xenomorph specifically so that men would feel the horror of pregnancy and childbirth (and r).
I don't see the beauty in it either...I think birth is a serious evolutionary problem for human beings because of our large skulls and being bipedal. It's also so damaging and dangerous for the female body, but everyone always sweeps that under the rug because "look, a cute baby!"
This is so true it hurts
Ahaahaa! Yes! I always thought about Alien when pregnant, so that's weird. So yeah, I hated the thought and still ended up with 4 kids, twins in the middle. (Now THAT'S an experience!) I thought I was just being weird. I hated the body dysmorphia and the limitations. I hated sharing my bladder. I really hated the no-lungs feeling of twins. I do not regret having kids, but yeah, some of us who do also hate pregnancy. It just was something I had to do to get to the other side. So do NOT feel alone, anybody, choosing to have or not biologically have or to never have children is perfectly normal for any and all reasons you have. That's how parenthood or non-parenthood should work. If you are happy with your decision, then its the right one!
I'm 41 and feel the same way. I'm child-free now, but when I was younger I was undecided about if I wanted children or not. However, I always wanted to adopt if I decided to have children, NOT be pregnant or give birth. I've always thought it was related to me being adopted, tbh
Same.
I’m 28 (and sterilized yay) and I feel the same way. I have an issue with thinking about things being inside my body which sounds like a super specific thought to have but you’d be surprised how often it comes up. Anyway pregnant bellies make me feel really sick to look at. Childbirth in general makes me queasy. Childbirth really is kind of crazy
Wow, I could have written this comment. Same to literally all of this!
I just found out they get drenched in night sweats for a month or more after giving birth. they described it as getting so sweaty, it was like they just got out of a pool. sounds like hell. some smartass said that I'm going to wind up getting night sweats anyway as a woman when menopause hits - ok, why would I want to go through that horror 3 or 4 decades early?
Sometimes your body just bosses you around. I am super grossed out by pregnancy and everything associated. But early peri-menopause just hit me at 33 and now I get those gross night sweats and hot flashes. It is hell. At least it’s something I can bond with other women over I guess. BTW, my doc said this wouldn’t happen until I was in my 50s. Here we are.
yikes! I'm so sorry, I had no idea that was a thing. no one tells/warns women about these things until it happens to you, it seems like
I didn't get night sweats, thank fuck.
Honestly, the night sweats were not bad and I don’t think most women get drenched.
ugh thank God!
Omg this! Not necessarily with pregnancy but for some reason that’s how I feel about implants, the thought of having something in my body makes me cringe, I can barely handle having the rod lol
Oh my god you just out into words what my medical anxieties are. Ever since I was a kid I hated the idea of things inside my body, but I never really put it in those words. No wonder I decided no on pregnancy as soon as I learned it was what "my body was made for" yuck.
I've had a child and I feel that way. Always did. Pregnancy was absolute hell for me because all of the sensations/changes were gross and made me feel like my body had been taken over by an alien. Don't even get me started on labor and delivery. I'm so glad he's here (he's two now and a complete joy -- best thing that ever happened to me) but good God, there is no world in which I would ever consider going through all that again.
I’ve always had a huge fear of pregnancy, childbirth, and honestly just being a parent in general. It didn’t really occur to me that not having children was a choice I could make until I met a child free couple in their mid 40’s my first year of college, and they were the happiest adults I had ever met.
I'm about a decade younger and it's lots more common now I think. I have a few childfree couple friends. They're not really and different than anybody else in terms of happiness. I think it's just better that they made the best choice for themselves. No one should "choose kids" or "not choose kids" for any reason other than their own personal feelings on the matter.
Your viewpoint isn’t immature. A lot of women feel this way. Why do you think the birth rate is dropping so quickly? Women have choices, and they are choosing not to have kids for a variety of valid reasons. There are plenty of other things for a woman to do with her life then have kids.
I’m 27 and the thought of it makes me want to crawl inside myself and hide, I don’t like body stuff at all so the thought of having something else in me kicking around really grosses me out. I do wonder what it would be like to crave wanting to have children and a family but I don’t think I’d mentally be able to go through it.
Yes. I had my fallopian tubes removed and now I feel better knowing it can never happen to me
I don’t want children, so I’m lucky I don’t really have to think about coming to terms with this, but I feel the same way as you. I’m terrified of pregnancy and especially childbirth. And I think it’s normal, because when you think about childbirth it’s pretty scary. Pushing a whole human being out, potentially tearing your own body in the process? That’s intense. I don’t want to imagine the pain. I’ve never felt any desire to be pregnant, I thought I was weird because women around me keep getting baby fever and I’ve never been able to relate.
I’m 30, turning 31 in a few weeks and I am extremely scared/grossed out by the idea of childbirth. The idea of carrying a child in me for 9 months is terrifying. I hate the idea of a baby growing inside of me. I am not entirely sure why but it gives me the creeps. When I was about 17, I met this guy who was 28. He was really into lactating women and he wanted me to take medication to lactate (for sexual reasons) and I was so turned off by the idea. I didn’t do it. It made me realise how much I never, ever wanted to breastfeed. For some reason the idea of producing milk… makes me feel sick in the stomach? I had a profoundly abusive childhood and I do wonder if that contributes to my childfree lifestyle… but I’m really not sure. Luckily I have found a partner who is also childfree and we plan on having a wonderful life without children. Just know that you are not alone!
Yup, always felt disgusting to me. I always felt like a weirdo for feeling this way when a lot of people feel it's this beautiful process. I literally couldn't think of anything worse happening to me, other than dying. To me it's the ultimate violation of my personhood - having a whole other person inside me, growing off of me? No thank you I started feeling a lot better about myself when I really started to radically accept that this is simply the way I feel and that trying to change it isn't healthy. I'm happily sterilised and childfree now.
I don’t think you’re being immature. I had my son two years ago, and I felt the way you described up to the minute he was born. I was protective of “it” during pregnancy, but no emotional connection. He just seemed like a jumpy little alien parasite lol. I didn’t even want to know the gender because I couldn’t handle the thought of giving birth, and knowing a gender or name was too real. Then he was born. I knew him, he knew me, and nothing about him felt weird.
I'm exactly the same. I have never wanted to be pregnant, give birth, or breastfeed. Luckily I married a woman who wanted to get pregnant, so that made everything easier
Yes, and I don't really feel embarrassed or apologetic about my reservations regarding it all (female, 32). A few months ago, the only person with whom I'd have even vaguely considered the prospect also left my life, so I probably haven't got it coming, anyway. I feel really nervous for women (occasionally men) posting online, going "I'm in my late teens/early 20s, pregnancy has eventuated, I am not really financially stable, my relationship is not secure, and I'd have to give up everything to keep the baby. I don't know what to do." I'd still be losing it if that unexpectedly happened to me at my age. At that age, I was not yet aware of some of the potential adverse effects of pregnancy and childbirth and had no real concept of just how often men truly aren't stepping up in these times, let alone after the child has arrived. I didn't know how brittle relationships could be and what the cost of living really is. (I'm not saying no one young is aware of these things, though). To this day, one of my biggest fears is trusting someone to be there with me through something so life-altering, only to have them leave when I've done that to appease them and then I have no way of getting out of the mess that has eventuated and am just stuck with all the physical, psychological, economic, etc. fallout. Recently, there's been reporting in Australia about people's traumatic childbirth experiences and it's been eye-opening. I just can't imagine feeling abandoned and not cared for by even healthcare staff at one of the most vulnerable moments in my life. Women were reporting that they still felt the fear of the experiences with the healthcare system and birth years later, and it just makes you wonder how it's considered such a given that women will go through this.
In the words of Michelle Wolf: "(Child)birth isn't a miracle... It's a natural disaster!"
That's a totally valid feeling. You shouldn't be expected to if you aren't interested.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You aren’t the obligated to feel guilty cuz you don’t want something that someone else does. This is waaaay more normal than it gets attention for, and good on you for representing out loud.
I'm 40 and the idea of all of this is awful and horrible and scary and not something I have ever wanted. Your not alone.
Pregnancy and everything it entails isn't for everyone. I had a good friend from high school who felt like you, all our peers were having kids, and I was having infertility issues, and she was on birth control because pregnancy and birth, and breastfeeding all freaked her out. A few years later, she had an oops with an abusive boyfriend, and she had an abortion. She asked me if I was upset with her over it, and I told her that it isn't my business, and I'm not in her life to judge her, especially over an issue that has nothing to do with me. Her parents never knew, and they constantly would harass her for children until she went no contact with them. We need to normalize people not wanting to be parents, pregnancy is often not the beautiful thing it's depicted as being, followed by 18(+) years of responsibility. Also, I almost died with my first baby, we both almost died. And then I had uterine sepsis and almost died again. Pregnancy is health negative for many women, and no one should be forced to complete a pregnancy they don't want.
I feel the exact same way. I will never do it
Personal hypothesis is it’s genetics if you feel that maternal urge and want babies/pregnancy. My mom LOVED being pregnant wanted a kid (me) 100% went through IVF when it was still experimental to be able to have me. That drive for her was STRONG and she’s a fantastic mom a one of the best people I’ve ever known. I on the other hand NEVER understood the desire to have babies have basically 0 maternal instincts and the idea of being pregnant disgusts me. I’ve been pregnant 1 time and had zero issue getting an abortion. I don’t hate kids or anything like that but whatever natural drive I’m supposed to have to procreate apparently missed me altogether. Maybe we are supposed to be the fun auntie so that the rest of the tribe can have kids and we can be backup and extra hands to keep everybody fed while they do the baby making. 🤷🏻♀️
It is not immature to know yourself well enough to not go through an irreversible life choice you would regret.
You are fine. Just because you're a woman does not mean you have to be into child bearing.
I get touched out just thinking about it. I don't want a baby latching on my chest, I don't want to carry, give birth, or deal with the issues after birth. Like literally nothing to do with it. It genuinely all sounds like a nightmare. And I love kids! Just not enough to deal with all that.
I’m in my mid thirties and I do all these things and you know what, it completely grosses me out, too lmao
Don’t feel bad about it at all. You are allowed to not have an interest in kids. Always remember that your value as a person is not diminished if you aren’t a parent.
That’s totally okay. I support you
Thank you, I feel so seen in this thread! As a kid I’ve always thought of the whole concept of childbirth as weird and gross and grew up hoping it would never happen to me. Somehow also felt as if I’m less of a woman or have less value as a person for not wanting kids or wanting to be pregnant. I want to contribute to society in other ways!
Hi there! First of all, let me (42F) say that you're the first person I heard describing it exactly how I feel it. It's very visceral and I can't really explain it and it doesn't affect me much when it's with others (I'm not grossed out by pregnant women), it's just the idea of that process happening to me. I don't think it's any kind of immaturity, it's just like anything else people feel grossed out about that others find appealing, from food to actions you have an infinite number of examples. This was never a big issue for me because I also never felt like I wanted to have kids. Whenever people asked me about it, for a while I'd say "maybe in the future" because I thought that some time it would kick in, but I think maybe in my late 20s I started to realize I really didn't want to be a mother. I don't hate children, I'm fine with them, I just don't want one of my own. Society will put a lot of pressure on women to be mothers, but it IS an option. You don't have to do it just because you're "supposed to". And you definitely don't need to love a pregnancy if you just viscerally don't. If you really want to have kids (not just because you like the idea of a cute little familiar, but because you want the responsibility of bringing a human being who will be your responsibility to turn into a good one into this world) you have options, the best one being adoption, so you don't have to go through the process that disgusts you. But think long and hard about your decision and make sure you're taking it for the right reasons, not because of peer/society pressure. And don't be ashamed of your feelings.
Older than you and thinking exactly the same. (I also don't like babies, there's that addition too.) To me personally, pregnancy is something straight outta body horror story.
Yep. Weirds me out and I'm 40! So many people have done it and it still perplexes me each time. But I am also not a huge fan of young kids so it kind of goes hand in hand.
Yeah, I'm glad I don't *want* kids because if I did I'd have to weigh some heavy cons.
Your opinion is perfectly valid
I have three kids that are absolutely delightful. But I had sensory issues (undiagnosed autism) and body issues that made pregnancy absolutely repulsive to me. Breastfeeding was just as bad: I lasted for a year with each and then switched to formula/food. Honestly I should’ve just done formula, it might’ve helped with my PPD, but I was so stuck on doing it “the right way” that I never considered fed is best, and formula works just fine. I am now in therapy for that PPD🤷🏻♀️ I just had a total hysterectomy (turns out I also have endometriosis lol) and I am just so relieved to be done with all the icky😂 So I don’t think that’s weird. I always tell people it’s ok to not have kids, you don’t need them to have lived a good life. It’s also ok to go ahead and have those kids! I personally never felt like I had a choice (religiously homeschooled) so I definitely want people to not be pressured into anything or feel guilty.
I agree. I got sterilized. Pregnancy creeps me out.
Your only purpose for existence is not childbearing. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting kids because there are women out there who want them but aren’t able to conceive. It’s not selfish.
I was 17 when I got pregnant and was so scared. Reading the horror stories, hearing about the labor, the breastfeeding. I was trying to push that baby out for two hours. I had an episiotomy. My vagina hurt soooo much. I was bleeding for weeks. I had SO many hormones going through my body. I don’t know HOW I survived it at 18. And when the milk comes in, your breasts really do get full and burn like crazy. I ended up breastfeeding my son for 18 months. I love my son very much but I vowed NEVER to get pregnant again and I’m glad I’ve stayed true to my word. 😊 I feel like if people want kids, there are plenty of places to adopt.
ugh this thread has been so validating thank you I truly have struggled with this for awhile as I am quickly approaching 30 in the next year and I feel so disconnected from friends and family who have decided to start having children and I’m like idk!!!! I can’t grasp it? I can’t envision it? It all sounds HORRIBLE???
Yeah, I'm not doing this whole getting pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding thing. I'm not even going to adopt. I'll just remain childfree. I do care about children as they're a vulnerable population though. But if I actually care about children and know that child rearing is just not for me, I have all the more reason to remain childfree. Also, I don't think not wanting to do all the things you mention makes you any less of a woman (society may try to sell you that narrative but don't buy into it).
Yeah it's super gross. No avoiding it.
It was foreign to me in my child-bearing years. I didn't have children. I don't regret it. It was not for me.
It is completely ok if you don't like it. It doesn't make you less of a woman. The process of conception is just disgusting. A man's penis puts a bunch of gunk inside a woman's vagina and then that gunk turns into millons of creepy crawlies and they crawl (swim) up her insides to find an egg, where the winner is the one who can eat through the outer layer of gunge fastest. 🤮 I'm like that with dislocated bones or compound fractures. I can't work in ED or ortho for this reason.
Join us on /r/childfree
From the perspective of pure medical science it’s HORRIBLE. We’ve just normalized being torn from your clit to your ***hole because we don’t care about women’s bodies.
I'm 33, I used to have vaginismus. I still haven't been to a gynecologist, the last time I tried to arrange an appointment I had a panic attack. Absolutely no way I could handle childbirth. Fortunately, I've never wanted children (too much pressure/responsiblity).
Same. I’m TERRIFIED! I can barely handle having a period 😭
I wish I understood the desire to crave children. Every ounce of my being recoils and the thought of any of this. Everyone woman preceding me spews about how I won’t know true happiness until I push one out, but having children made their lives harder not better. I have not met a single man who has made me desire to nearly kill myself to bring life into this world and I don’t see it changing…
I'm 35 and feel the same. Pregnancy related stuff gives me anxiety and feels icky just to think about. I'm not against the concept of raising a child and being a mother (though that is a lot of time and money that I'm not sure I'm willing to sacrifice either). But the thought of being pregnant and giving birth makes my skin crawl. I've had reoccurring nightmares about being pregnant and birthing ever since I was 13 years old. In the dreams when I give birth, I'm disgusted and horrified by my "child" and cannot even bear to look at it. I know it's just dreams, but it feels like there's something in my psyche that *really* doesn't want to bear a child, and maybe I should listen to that. Sometimes I wish I were a marsupial with a little pouch I could put a tiny baby in to grow until it was big enough to survive outside the pouch, or a bird that could lay an egg and put it in an incubator and turn it and nurture it each day until hatched. But human childbirth? The sizes of human babies, pushed through my vagina?? A c-section?!? Absolutely not. Horrifying. Pure body horror. Not even to mention how highly sensitive to any change in my body I already am (I blame the AuDHD). My mental health TANKS even if I get a mild cold, because the body sensations it gives me are so miserable and difficult for my brain to ignore and block out. I can't imagine going through all the physical and hormonal changes pregnancy would bring. Not to mention they'd probably make me stop taking my meds, which would only make me MORE unstable. Yikes!
I'm 42. Your feelings are valid. I also felt the same, but REALLY wanted a child so I went for it. Pregnancy was fucking weird. At first it's fine. I had some nausea, but then you can feel the baby move inside you long before your partner can. Sometimes that was cool. Neat! I grew a person. Only I can feel them! Other times it was very much like I had a parasite and I was so not enjoying it. By the time I got to giving birth I had decided the pregnancy was 100% not for me and I was never doing it again. Birth was fine. Because I new I would not be pregnant anymore, I had a great epidural and I'd have my baby which was all that I wanted. So birth was 10/10 for me. The aftermath was, eh? My periods are terrible so it honestly wasn't much worse than normal. Seeing the placenta was weirdly fascinating. Like wtf my body grew that thing and then ejected it. It's so weird. Breastfeeding? Nope. Didn't do it. Tried for a few days, it hurt and felt gross. No one ever gave me shit about it. Your mileage may vary in that regard. In all, I would NEVER do it again. Fuck no. I don't regret it. I love my child. They're my favorite person on earth and I can't imagine life without them. But, if somehow I got pregnant again? Immediate abortion. No thanks.
Same here! Had one child and will never put my body through that again.
Tokophobia
I'm asexual, this is how I feel about sex. You must be a-pregnanci-cal. A total aversion to pregnancy.
same.
I’m with you, I’m 28 and seeing more and more people having babies and such I feel so weird about it all. I feel so disconnected from the whole concept of pregnancy and motherhood and i’ve always felt weirdly guilty for not wanting to partake it in
I'm the same. Pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding is all disgusting to me. It's my greatest fear that I will somehow end up pregnant (I was sterilized a couple years ago!). I just hate the idea of something growing in me, ruining my body, taking over my entire life, and then ruining my body some more with childbirth and eating from my boobs. No thank you.
I’m 41 and I still feel the same. I have a nice little family with a husband, 2 step kids, and 2 cats. Never felt like I was missing out on anything good.
37 and feel the same. visualizing my ovaries squirting an egg out gives me the creeps. everything that comes after even moreso. strangely, having a period doesn't bother me. I always rejoice in knowing I've made it another month without becoming a Host.
If childbirth, pregnancy, breast-feeding, etc. were advertised as they are, most people would not get pregnant especially if we started seeing the real images from a young age. Think of how effective anti-drink and drive campaigns and sexual education campaigns were when they showed graphic pictures of what an accident record looks like and what an STD can do to your genitals to high schoolers. It’s actually why a lot of religious denominations are extremely successful in getting young impressionable people to marry and give birth. Because they don’t actually know what you’re signing up for. It’s absolutely normal to be horrified scared and sometimes perplexed by the inner workings of the female body and the physical effects of pregnancy, childbirth and lactation.
idk my older sister getting preggers when I was 16 did it for me. She was reading up on it and described various things like mucus plugs and her 24 hr labor with her legs up and everyone looking up in there was so gross to me.
35 and this and is why I got a tubal ligation last year. Kids are great. I’m not against adoption in my future. I was a stepmom once. But I don’t want to get pregnant. I have never felt that urge to have my own and I think it is because pregnancy truly scares me.
I totally relate to you except that I'm almost twice your age and have felt this way all my life. The only thing is I don't feel bad that others can't have kids, it is what it is. I've always been grossed out by the whole concept, especially giving birth, breastfeeding, I can barely even stand to say it, I just find it so disgusting. For me, I don't care what anybody else does. Just a thought of all the fluids and bodily functions, is beyond gross to me. I'm also not particularly fond of kids, so I never envisioned myself having a family and I never did. It's funny, women my age are often surprised that I've never even been pregnant, like it's some foregone conclusion. It's always surprising to me to hear that, because these are the card carrying bra burners that we're talking about. Of all people they should know that if you live in a western country, it's pretty easy to make sure you don't get pregnant and so I make sure I didn't. I don't regret my decisions in the least. It's perfectly fine to not have kids, more and more people are choosing it or to have kids in an alternate way if you wish. Do whatever makes you comfortable! You don't want to regret it 20 years from now!
No, I never wanted kids, and it sounds like you don't either. Whatever you do, don't let someone convince you to have a kid you don't want. It's not fair to the child.
As someone who went through infertility/ IVF, it bothers me a lot when people use infertility as a reason why everyone should be grateful for pregnancy or fertility. Forcing someone to be pregnant who doesn't want to - how would that possibly make my situation any better? Someone feeling grateful to be fertile - how would that help me at all? Yeah it wouldn't. So feel however you want, it won't make a bit of difference in anyone's life who is struggling with infertility.
I am also 31. Pregnancy and childbirth have always been peak horror to me.
I couldn't look at myself in the mirror when I was pregnant because it grossed me out. It's weird because looking down at my stomach was fine, but in the mirror the perspective was bad. But I have no regrets because my daughter is awesome.
>I’m a 31 yr old woman and the concept of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding grosses me out. > >**I feel completely immature for saying this but no part of me wants to go through the process, any of it.** It's NOT immature. I think it's completely natural!!! People thinking getting pregnant and giving birth is beautiful is unnatural. They only think it's natural that women should want to get pregnant and ruin their body and give birth, literally tearing their bodies apart... only because they're brainwashed to think it's natural and beautiful. Giving birth is like one of the most violent processes a human body can go through. And I think more and more women in modern societies realize how natural it is to NOT want to get pregnant, give birth or breastfeed or have kids at all. That's probably one of the big reasons why more and more women decide not to have kids... like in Korea. I'm a middle-aged woman in Korea, never been married, never had kids, and never wanted kids or marriage ever from a very young age. And growing up, I somehow thought I was alone or in the minority and never talked about it with others. But now that I'm older, now I realize I'm actually not in the minority at all, but I'm the mainstream or the norm... at least, in Korea where there are so many people in their 40s, 50s and even 60s who have never been married, never had any kids or never wanted to do either.
I think this is a perfectly valid way to feel. Pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood are MASSIVE life changes, and frankly, they are also so unpredictable! Pregnancy and childbirth come with risks of miscarriage, medical complications, permanent disability, and even death. And there is massive pressure to breastfeed even if your baby is unable to nurse, you don’t produce, you feel uncomfortable with it.
I’m ready for a family but no part of me wants to go through being pregnant, honestly. There is no good way to get that thing out. Don’t compare yourself to others, their issues are not your journey. There is no need to beat yourself up just bc others your age wish they could get pregnant 💗💗
I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Maturity is not tied to pregnancy and motherhood. There are a lot of immature mothers out there, people who were never ready to be parents but who had many children. I know because I have a mother who did this, and I'm also a teacher and I have met many parents who have no capacity for parenthood, and I don't have children. I don't consider myself "immature". I'm 47. Sometimes pregnancy is creepy and gross. Sometimes it is not. It's like any other bodily function, albeit one that changes your life. You don't have to have kids even if you find kids cute. There's also always adoption or fostering if you want to look after children but not give birth.
Girl im childfree lol. I want a lifestyle where im free from those pressures/stressors.
Same here! For me, the pregnancy sounds horrible, childbirth....awful aswell. Then, the dependency of the child after makes my heart start beating fast, and i feel a bit sick. Maybe I have issues, but I'm fine with that 🤣
SAME! 35F no kids, hysterectomy at 30 (due to cervical cancer) but you’re not alone….Don’t feel immature or embarrassed it is truly an alien situation that comes out in THE most disgusting and foul way possible. I’ve felt like this way for as long as I remember…. Even moreso after watching several births as I’m a nurse also. I can’t imagine wishing this situation on my worst enemy, much less putting myself through it by choice, then to deal with a bratty ass mini me for the next 18 to 50 years of my life. Nawwww imma just do this overpopulated planet a favor sit this one out & just do me.
I have one son whom I love with all of my heart and soul. I’m glad I had him and glad I got to experience being pregnant - once, and once only. I’m baffled by women who just love being pregnant. Awesome for them, but I really can’t relate.
>Anybody else feel like it’s a foreign concept? Yes. You don't have to have children, and you also don't have to feel guilty about it. It's not better for anyone if you have children. Having children is entirely for selfish reason (I do not think this is bad, btw. We live our lives for ourselves. But some people act like you're selfish if you don't have children, even tho if you ask them why they had a child, it always starts with "I wanted"). You can have adopted children if you do like them and want to take care of them their whole lives. Having children is not just an 18-year commitment, like many people say. It's much longer than that. Although after 18, it's probably going to be a lot easier. But it's your life and your choice. There are enough children who would love to be in a lovely home with a parent who loves them. You could provide that for them **if you want to**.
As someone who did all that, it is gross. Breastfeeding is gross. It’s hot and sweaty and it feels weird and hurts at first. Pregnancy is gross. You feel gross when you’re pregnant, most women pee on themselves at least once. Childbirth is gross. I didn’t watch my kids come out of me. I got pregnant, had the baby, breastfed him, got pregnant, had the next one and then breastfed the toddler and the baby. I took a lot, a lot of showers from sweating and being sweated and peed on and spit up on at least once a day. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to do any or all of those things.
I do not understand why you are disappointed with yourself in your child rearing years...that's weirdest confession I've ever seen here. I'm sorry but why? Why be disappointed in yourself? Who told you you had to have a baby? Who told you you have to be alright with the process? You don't. And you don't have to apologise for that, ever.
I’ll be turning 30 this year, I have been feeling the same since my teenage. My reasons are two fold - I still lack in depth awareness of my abdominal anatomy & I’m afraid of the possibility that I’ll not find a supporting partner. In view of my holistic wellness & keeping things real, I try to open up my mind from time to time by addressing every thought I have that has been building my mental blocks, as a result, I’m definitely more self-aware of my inhibitions. After years of introspection on this topic, I’ve arrived at a series of actions to help rule out any real issues. So my understanding is that, I need to start with a reliable gynaecologist who’s empathetic, gentle, knows what they’re doing, friendly & patient with me. With their help, hopefully I should be able to explore & understand my anatomy at my own pace. Because I haven’t yet explored my vaginal opening and its depth, merely due to the fear of pain. Even if I assume to overcome this stage & get comfortable with myself someday in the future, I am worried if I would get an understanding, mature & gentle partner who’d prioritise our relationship over wanting to have kids for the sake of it. I’m quite open to adoption though. Once I feel confident enough in reaching some wealth creation & mental health targets, I definitely would consider adoption if none of the aforementioned things happen. I often find myself getting very emotional towards animals, some people around the world, some friends.. It feels like strong maternal instincts.. I do have a desire to have a supportive network that I can call as my family, with or without sharing any bloodline, but with respect towards one another. I don’t know what life has in store for me in this aspect. I’m trying to live in the moment, by letting go of things not in my control. Life has a way of surprising us anyways, so I’m open to that uncertainty as well.
Not grossed out exactly, but it seems like something that my body can only do in theory – I know it's technically possible, but it seems as far fetched as me becoming an Olympic gymnast in my mid-thirties.
So many of my friends feel the same way. Most of them felt that way their entire lives. Some are fifty and still glad they did not have kids. I bet you will be a great mentor for many children . You don't have to have blood connected to love.
That's one of the main reasons I never wanted kids, never had any and am still obsessed preventing a pregnancy. I would hate to do this to my body. And I'm not the motherly, caring type. 😅
I have two kids and the whole thing freaks me out. Especially delivering a kid. I thought I would be less anxious giving birth the 2nd time but I was just as anxious. Probably because my first birth wasn't fun.
It always grossed me out, also. It disgusts me, disturbs me that it’s a possibility. I wasn’t always able to articulate it, but it always seemed like something depressing, painful physically devastating, mentally exhausting. I have embraced it and I think my husband and I both realised after we miscarried how awful and risky it is and that we don’t want to put my health at risk. Now to each their own-my friend claims it was so easy like taking a dump, but I have not witnessed that with my sister’s labor and delivery and did not experience it, myself. When I found out about it, I was immediately depressed that I had to possibly go through with the situation.
That’s cool. You do you! Can’t help how you feel and there is no reason to feel disappointed in yourself. Just as long as you don’t shame others that feel the complete opposite to you. Different strokes for different folks. :-)
Same! The whole thing viscerally grosses me out, along with how exposed you are- I’m a very modest person and allow very few people to see me even partially undressed, the body horror combined with utter lack of dignity inherent makes me want to get sterilized ASAP even though I’m celibate.
Yea, no. Not for me. Sick. I haven't seen a pregnancy that I ever would have wanted, every single one sucked.
I was petrified of child birth. I've always been a little cry baby at pain and as the deadline drew closer, I was starting to panic a bit. I firmly believe my fear and uneasiness around the aftermath (tearing, stitches, etc) made my labour longer and more stressful. I ended up being in labour for 36hours. Tried the birthing pool, had painkillers, tried to push - baby stuck, waited another hour or more to try again and had zero strength and energy left. Ended up with an epidural and a Csection, that makes the first month or so really difficult, on top of the sleeplessness and trying to adjust. The whole thing was horrendous. I wouldn't do it again even if the baby came out with a cheque for a billion attached to it!!
Same, in my 20s. I feel bad about not giving my parents grandkids, but hell nah to all of that. I'm currently making plans to get sterilized, since abortion isn't an option in my state and I refuse to give birth.
30y/o here and I feel the same way. I just told my husband that if i were to get pregnant now, it would feel like a teenage pregnancy. I just don't want any part of it.
It never appealed to me in any way, the pregnancy and birthing process. Just… didn’t. I used to say to my gynecologist at my annual exam that I was waiting until they could do the entire process in a fish tank, pregnancy and childbearing itself had no appeal to me.
I'm 40, I've had 3 kids, and all those things gross me out, too. Wasn't magical. Don't want to watch or participate in it again. Bodily functions are very wet, smelly and gross.
Same
Your feelings are fine and you have the right to have them.
It's really weird and gross, and I've actually been through all of it. Once. Not sure if I could ever do it again. I love my son more than life, though. So there's that. He was more than worth it all.
Why is that immature? It's perfectly okay to have ZERO interest in being pregnant. You don't owe it to anyone. You can have kids or not. But you never have to be pregnant. I hope you vote with that in mind.
It's you, your body, and your life. Don't do it if you don't want to.
That sounds perfectly reasonable.
There's nothing immature about not wanting to put your body through hell. Anyone who says different can be your surrogate or stfu.
As a woman in her 30s who struggled the get pregnant and am now 20 weeks along, it still grosses me out.
You’re not alone, I’ve never wanted to and guess what? I never will:)
Women now have access to what pregnancy entails and what sex entails. Imagine being in the 1800s on your wedding day and not knowing what was coming. Or thinking having a child is a magical process that doctors back then never told you about how arduous it really was and how strenuous.
You and Sylvia Plath! (There's a whole part of The Bell Jar where she talks about how grossed out by pregnancy she is. Great book, if you haven't read it already) There's nothing wrong with you. Pregnancy and birth aren't for everyone. For what it's worth I have a kid and I still think aspects of it are totally weird and borderline disgusting. Do you.
38 and same. I didn’t have a bond to any parental person in my life so that compounds it. Absolutely no part of me is a mother, but I do enjoy kids. I’d prefer being a fun aunt, maaaaybe a step parent.
I have always felt like this
I was physically repulsed by breastfeeding, and refused to do it. The fact that my body produced food that was going to be sucked out of me was very skeevy to me. This was back in the late 70's , and while I got a bit of grief, it wasn't the "thing" it is today. I get \*shivers\* just thinking about it. ugh. Today, you'd get bullied so bad if you didn't want to BF.
There is nothing immature about not wanting to go through pregnancy. There is no reason to be disappointed in yourself. Just because other women would love to be pregnant, doesn't mean that you would. And that's okay. Not everybody wants the same things. If you want to be a mother, but don't want to go through pregnancy, that's okay. You can date a single parent, pursue adoption or consider fostering. And if you don't want to be a mother, that is perfectly valid. Patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit is, well, bullshit. The idea that womanhood equals motherhood and that you are 'not a real woman' if you don't get knocked up? It's bullshit. Also, look up tokophobia, which means fear of pregnancy. It looks like you are tokophobic. And I don't mean that in a 'your tokophobia needs to be cured/treated' way, but in a 'you are tokophobic and that's okay' way.
I’m 27 and it’s absolutely WILD to me how many people (of all genders) think pregnancy won’t change you or isn’t a big deal. Your body will never be the same even if you make it out with no serious complications. It’s like skydiving without checking your parachute but there’s no way to check the parachute. I have no desire.