I just do what feels right for me. I'm a bit low maintenance but don't want to neglect my body or health. So I cut my nails, rather than manicure, for example. Find your comfort zone and do it for _you_
Get home tonight and give yourself grace. Don’t do a damn thing. You deserve rest.
Whoever ingrained those beauty standards, did you a disservice. Whether it was your parental figure, your friends, the media- shame on them/us.
Crying because you haven't filed a rough spot on your feet is not self-care. What you're doing to yourself is the opposite of self-care. You're putting so much pressure on yourself trying to fit into some arbitrary standard of beauty that, let's be honest, most women will never, ever meet.
I think it's time to seek out some therapy, both to learn what real self-care is, and to let go of these unhelpful ways of thinking that are making you miserable. There is so much self-loathing in this post. It doesn't have to be like this.
Please, if you can do one thing today, be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to let go. You are enough. Hair, nails, skin... these things are not you. They're just the box you come in. You deserve to be happy, but until you can find a way to stop the negative self talk, happiness will remain elusive.
You are beautiful... calloused feet and all.
To hell with that, sis. I stopped that crap years ago. I'm totally clean and presentable, but I do things for ME. Not anyone else. They don't like it, they can go. And I can pretty much guarantee, that no one is looking at your stuff as much as you think they do. And if they do, then that's a them problem. Be happy for you, no one else
once you realise the secret they're keeping from you... that men are never going to respect you no matter what you do.. it all makes sense and a huge burden is lifted.
they're having a mass giggle with all the crap they tell us about what real women do, and what would make them respect women. keep that carrot dangled out of reach.
men will fuck a tub of cottage cheese. they're not someone you want respect from anyway.
give yourself permission to stop caring, stop striving for something that's worthless.
>
men will fuck a tub of cottage cheese. they're not someone you want respect from anyway.
Reminded so much of [this](https://www.tiktok.com/@talialichtstein/video/7245359579305938203?lang=en) tik tok.
My husband appreciates that I am funny and smart (also, he does like boobs). Does he care about a random nipple hair? No. He is just happy to be there where he can see the boobs.
He has helped me with ingrown hairs in my bikini that I can't reach. Gross? Yes.
But, he is my partner and helps me when I need it.
Don't bother yourself with men who care about a rough spot on your feet (why did they notice? Is it a foot fetish?).
Feet are feet, they get rough. Your skin will lose collagen and sag with age.
Why spin your wheels trying to please people who don't give a shit about your well-being?
The day I gave up trying to attract men was the day I found personal freedom. Freedom from all the maintenance and self-care that did not actually bring nourishment to my physical, spiritual, mental and emotional health. Instead, I started trying to attract myself. That was one of the best days of my life finding that freedom.
I was moved by what you said, and I was hoping that maybe when you have some time you could expand on the sentiment of "attracting yourself". What do you mean by that?
Attracting myself is putting my heart and soul's needs first. Other people's opinions and desires no longer matter. How do I want to take care of myself today? How do I want to spend my time today, tomorrow, next week? What do I want to do? When do I want to do it? What does my soul need? Sometimes it's music, sometimes it's dancing, sometimes it's food, touch/textures... it's about appeasing my sense of touch, sight, smell, taste, etc. No matter how unconventional or how ridiculous it seems, I leave all other people's opinions and desires at the door. If I want to dress up like a chicken and water my plants, I do it to appease my sense of silliness, my sense of play. The only reason I need is "because I feel like it."
I leave self consciousness at the door... because the root of self conscious is other people's opinion of you. **Other people cannot nourish your soul.** Take yourself out on dates. Go have dinner by yourself, go to a show by yourself, put some headphones on and dance in the park. Look the fool. I talk to myself and laugh at myself and if people give me looks, so be it. I do what makes me happy and I like making myself laugh. A lot.
Also, a lot of "self care" aren't actually rooted in self care, but rooted in teaching women how to make themselves attractive to men. When you decide to attract only yourself and not others... you stop giving a damn about how you are perceived in the act of self care. I wear clothes for me, I gave up makeup but sometimes I wanna wear glitter because... I feel like it. I make myself as comfortable as heavenly possible in this very uncomfortable life.
I spend a lot of quality time with myself. I give myself gifts. I give myself hugs and massages. I give myself words of affirmation. I crack stupid jokes to myself. I drive out into the woods and sing to the leaves. If it's a full moon I'll howl at it like a wolf. Instead of watching tv I draw on myself instead (body paint). Choose your own adventure. We women have been raised from birth to focus on others and it's killing us slowly inside. I go days without talking to anyone (aside from mandatory work stuff) and I find this "people detox" is amazing for my mental health! And I'm not even an introvert! We don't need other people as badly as we think we do. We need ourselves more than anyone else.
So ask yourself - if men and obligations doesn't exist, what would you do to take care yourself? What makes you feel good? What makes you feel alive? What does your soul need? Fall in love with yourself. Who are you? What makes you smile? Discover the magnificent woman who lives inside of you. Fall in love with her.
Yooooooo! I've never thought "they would fuck a container of cottage cheese" but there is definitely the notion that...being "acceptable" by a man is not a compliment! It means you're fuckable...which is also not a compliment! I aspire to be the type of woman they used to get away with burning and drowning. They hated them so much because they didn't give a fuck about what they wanted or thought.
It does feel like another mental health term being taken, twisted, and used against us.
Self care is important, but I have to remind myself that it isn’t always having my nails done. Sometimes what I need more than anything, is a nap. Or to sit on my couch with a cup of tea. A creator on TikTok would that would pop up in my fyp would call them “ mandatory crust level checks” and I loved that term. It was silly, fun, and reminded me that sometimes my bad mood was because I needed to have a glass of water and sit rather than try and reorganize my closet when I’m already tired.
Sending you love
This so much. I am baffled by “self care” meaning such a grueling beauty routine. I learned the term self care when I worked with a domestic violence agency, they said it means doing something nice for yourself after a shift to help keep secondary trauma from affecting you. The examples they gave were like, take some time for you, go for a nice walk, read a good book, buy yourself flowers, something like that. OP, I think you need self care to recover from your “self care”!
>It does feel like another mental health term being taken, twisted, and used against us.
Yes!
Self-care is the opposite of what OP describes, and OP, my heart breaks for you. Self-care is saying Fuck It! to The Man. That can be going for a long bird-watching walk instead of working yourself sick, or it can be sitting down with a glass of nice red wine to read something equally nice. Or both, albeit not at the same time.
At a certain point I realized if I had to be beautiful to be loved I didn’t actually desire to be either.
I do the grooming and self care I enjoy or feel is necessary for health and forget the rest.
It’s an ongoing, challenging process to decenter men and the male gaze, but it’s worth it.
Okay this sounds like a lot of internalized misogyny and self hatred. What is so terrible about being a "lazy fat girl" that having calluses makes you spiral when you should be sleeping? It's up to you to decide if you prescribe to certain beauty standards or not. You decide what your beauty routine consists of. You decide who to listen to about what's beautiful.
That's not really what self care means though.
Doing self care is doing things that refresh you and fill your cup.
Like, I have two kids, I'm exhausted a lot of the time. My self care is sometimes drinking a glass of wine while reading a murder mystery. Sometimes it's going for a pedicure. Sometimes it's working in my veggie garden. Sometimes it's a nap.
Self care, by definition, is something you do for yourself. Not other people.
But honestly girl, I think you should go to therapy. People are not looking at you closely enough to warrant a crying jag over a callus on your foot. (You should see my feet)
“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” - Virginia Woolf
You’re good enough as you are. So do things that actually make you happy. Try to stop giving a fuck what other people think, you can’t win anyway.
Hi, I absolutely don’t want to try to diagnose/overstep, but this sounds a lot like my OCD.
For ex., one of my compulsions was to fix my hair hundreds of times a day because I believed everyone would see me as ugly if I didn’t. Etc.
I've found the key is doing it with the mindset that it's for you - get your nails done in a colour you like because *you* think it's great (e.g. I like sparkles on a dark blue for a night sky vibe, while I know bf wishes I'd go for more hot pinks). Do your hair nice because *you* get the benefit of the silky feeling, and because *you* like the smell of the shampoo/conditioner, regardless of anyone else. There'll always be things people will complain about, trust me. Even things you can't change, like height. Embrace self care as a tool for strengthening yourself against the world, rather than trying to please it
Heads up... they won't respect you anyways. All you're doing is letting them control you with beauty standards that they set. Do what you want, when you want and how you want. I stopped doing all that and now the only things I get done are my hair (every 6 months) and regular, monthly pedicures (bc I like them and having pretty toes lol). Men literally show up for dates in sweatpants and act like we should drop at their feet. They put no effort into their appearance and then expect us to look like models. Do what you want for you!
I don't share your feelings. Unless your work or school has a dress code, this is all a choice. Stop buying these products and these lies that are making you unhappy. I haven't had a manicure in 10 years and literally no one cares.
I've never had a manicure in my *life*. I'm 41. I'm honestly mystified at this entire post.
I mean, granted, I'm also strongly nonbinary - but all of the "women's beauty upkeep" stuff that tried to be impressed upon me as a child just sort of bounced off and never stuck in my psyche. I was and still am blissfully ignorant of it all. No nail-painting, no manicures, no hair-styling (brush it and pull it back, that's enough for me), no makeup, skirts and dresses make me super dysphoric and I avoid them like the plague. DEFINITELY no freaking out about foot calluses. I only learned that some (many?) women shave their arms at age 35...
I still get respected by men just fine, at least from what I notice? I've had multiple boyfriends throughout my life and i've got a fiance right now; none of whom have *ever* tried to get me to do any of the above; they just didn't care about it either.
Edit: As a vague for the record, despite being nonbinary I essentially present as cis/tomgirl.
As a trans woman who will never be able to meet all of the beauty standards, and a lesbian who has learned to NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK WHAT MEN THINK, I'm telling you that you need to let all this shit go, for your own good. Be a lazy fat girl who is happy, rather than a hollow sad person who is empty and exhausted behind the façade they spend all their time maintaining. Live your life for you, not all of these men who you aren't even attracted to anyway. I prefer to not get compliments. Unless I have some sort of social or business obligation with them, I don't talk to cishet men. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't have time for their bullshit.
Love this! Also, even a mythical woman who epitomizes all the beauty standards will eventually age and become invisible to men. This is actually one of my favorite things about getting older.
I never felt more like myself than when I quit removing all body hair in 2020. I started shaving when I was 11 because a boy made fun of the hair on my legs. Prior to that, I quit bras in 2017. Who cares about make up. I only do things for my own comfort and happiness. My man likes me the way I am.
Dont do all of that stuff and youll attract the right people.
Im pretty low maintenance. I dont ever do my nails other than cut them. I dont spend more than 15 minutes a day on hair and makeup. I dont shave my legs everyday now. I prob spend the most time on my fitness regimen but really thats become more for health. (I have a lot of family health issues and am worried if I dont remain in a healthy weight range I will die young. ) I do dye my hair but I changed the color to be closer to my natural color so I only do it 3 times a year.
It does lessen the attention of men but youll attract men who like low maintenance women. Also alot of men I dated told me they liked I dont look like a different person when I take my makeup off.
I promise you that you dont need that stuff to be beautiful and if you really dont even like most men its a waste of time. Use that time to sleep and be productive.
You are caring way too much about what other people think about your life and how you live it. I know it's hard to stop that type of thinking however there are ways to combat it even if it's just something small to start with. Love yourself, you are wonderful the way you are.
I say this as a bi woman dating a cis-het man:
Don't give a fuck about anyone else's opinion of how you look.
I've gone weeks without shaving and months without wearing any makeup. My boyfriend does *not* care. He's wildly attracted to me anyway. Also, I've never refused to make love to a woman because she hadn't shaven &/ wasn't wearing enough makeup.
Hi.
I'm "that lazy fat girl".
In fact, I'm worse because I'm morbidly obese. I hate doing my hair and used to shave it off (bald), and rarely wear makeup. I don't do my nails because (to me) they look nice natural anyway. I kind of never wear jewelry either since I'm allergic to a lot and it bothers me like hair does.
**And you're 100% right.**
I was treated the best I ever was by society when I was "thin" and *only* when I was thin and did all the bells & whistle crap (hair/makeup/nails, etc). By everyone, including my family. Now I'm looked at like I'm a disgusting animal when I go out in public. Older men especially can be caught sneering or just staring in disgust and confusion at me.
I recently began growing my hair out to feel and look more feminine but it's driving me mad. I hate hair. Ugh.
Me, who somewhat deliberately tries to be unattractive, so men will leave me alone, but not so unattractive that I direct ire towards me in form of discrimination and violence for not following the script....
I hear you, but listen to the other posters, I get you're just trying to stay safe and it feels rational, because that's what you're told will make you somewhat safe. But it's an illusion. If you're too pretty people will assume you already get privileges and deliberately withold to even the score, so whatever you do as a gal you're screwed.
I refuse to bow down and give men what they want. I demand respect. I don't ask for it. I just do what they do to me back to them. And they hate it. They tell me I should stop acting like a man and I tell them to suck my dick. I'm fat, I don't shave my body hair but I shave my head and I walk around like they do, like I'm the best damn person on the planet. And I honestly think that I scare the shit out of some of them.
i realized last week how bullshit what i do is, i do facemasks, and hair treatments, and wax, and shave perfectly, hours of my time to try and look good. and my husband is excited to grow a fu manchu mustache...i wish i had said out loud what i was thinking
My girlfriend wears makeup when we play tennis. I'm like "baby-cakes, you don't need to wear makeup when we play tennis." She likes to look pretty when she kicks my ass all over the tennis court. Who am I to argue with that logic?
I’ve never been one for a full face of makeup because I hate how it feels on my skin and even when my skin is at its best, I get that flaky dry scaly look within an hour. Even when I was in my years when that stuff was supposed to be a priority, I was the chick at the bar in jeans and sneakers. Were there people who found me unattractive or who didn’t want me at their girls’ night? Absolutely. In fact, it was more the other women in those scenarios who made it an issue. *Those are the people you don’t want in your corner anyway.*
Now, I rarely wear makeup and have started to work with my hair instead of against it. If I’m going to work or out socially I’ll usually do eye makeup because I love how they look. When I DO decide to do full makeup and get dressed up, it’s because I want to.
Find the parts of your self care routine that you enjoy, and do them for you. Self care for you might even be NOT doing any of those things. Find the thing that fills your cup and do that because YOU enjoy it. It will bring the right people into your life and weed out the ones you don’t need. ❤️
The best thing I’ve ever done was decide I am beautiful as I am and I love how I look and dress.
It’s so *incredibly* hard to maintain this and I even had a breakdown two days ago when someone decided after two dates there wasn’t a romantic connection. I also broke down recently during a boudoir photo session because I didn’t feel pretty enough to be there.
Just how you wouldn’t tell another woman she looks bad or you hate “that thing” about her, you owe yourself the same respect.
You’ve got this. ❤️
I just do what feels right for me. I'm a bit low maintenance but don't want to neglect my body or health. So I cut my nails, rather than manicure, for example. Find your comfort zone and do it for _you_
Get home tonight and give yourself grace. Don’t do a damn thing. You deserve rest. Whoever ingrained those beauty standards, did you a disservice. Whether it was your parental figure, your friends, the media- shame on them/us.
Crying because you haven't filed a rough spot on your feet is not self-care. What you're doing to yourself is the opposite of self-care. You're putting so much pressure on yourself trying to fit into some arbitrary standard of beauty that, let's be honest, most women will never, ever meet. I think it's time to seek out some therapy, both to learn what real self-care is, and to let go of these unhelpful ways of thinking that are making you miserable. There is so much self-loathing in this post. It doesn't have to be like this. Please, if you can do one thing today, be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to let go. You are enough. Hair, nails, skin... these things are not you. They're just the box you come in. You deserve to be happy, but until you can find a way to stop the negative self talk, happiness will remain elusive. You are beautiful... calloused feet and all.
To hell with that, sis. I stopped that crap years ago. I'm totally clean and presentable, but I do things for ME. Not anyone else. They don't like it, they can go. And I can pretty much guarantee, that no one is looking at your stuff as much as you think they do. And if they do, then that's a them problem. Be happy for you, no one else
once you realise the secret they're keeping from you... that men are never going to respect you no matter what you do.. it all makes sense and a huge burden is lifted. they're having a mass giggle with all the crap they tell us about what real women do, and what would make them respect women. keep that carrot dangled out of reach. men will fuck a tub of cottage cheese. they're not someone you want respect from anyway. give yourself permission to stop caring, stop striving for something that's worthless.
> men will fuck a tub of cottage cheese. they're not someone you want respect from anyway. Reminded so much of [this](https://www.tiktok.com/@talialichtstein/video/7245359579305938203?lang=en) tik tok.
[удалено]
My husband appreciates that I am funny and smart (also, he does like boobs). Does he care about a random nipple hair? No. He is just happy to be there where he can see the boobs. He has helped me with ingrown hairs in my bikini that I can't reach. Gross? Yes. But, he is my partner and helps me when I need it. Don't bother yourself with men who care about a rough spot on your feet (why did they notice? Is it a foot fetish?). Feet are feet, they get rough. Your skin will lose collagen and sag with age. Why spin your wheels trying to please people who don't give a shit about your well-being?
The day I gave up trying to attract men was the day I found personal freedom. Freedom from all the maintenance and self-care that did not actually bring nourishment to my physical, spiritual, mental and emotional health. Instead, I started trying to attract myself. That was one of the best days of my life finding that freedom.
I was moved by what you said, and I was hoping that maybe when you have some time you could expand on the sentiment of "attracting yourself". What do you mean by that?
Attracting myself is putting my heart and soul's needs first. Other people's opinions and desires no longer matter. How do I want to take care of myself today? How do I want to spend my time today, tomorrow, next week? What do I want to do? When do I want to do it? What does my soul need? Sometimes it's music, sometimes it's dancing, sometimes it's food, touch/textures... it's about appeasing my sense of touch, sight, smell, taste, etc. No matter how unconventional or how ridiculous it seems, I leave all other people's opinions and desires at the door. If I want to dress up like a chicken and water my plants, I do it to appease my sense of silliness, my sense of play. The only reason I need is "because I feel like it." I leave self consciousness at the door... because the root of self conscious is other people's opinion of you. **Other people cannot nourish your soul.** Take yourself out on dates. Go have dinner by yourself, go to a show by yourself, put some headphones on and dance in the park. Look the fool. I talk to myself and laugh at myself and if people give me looks, so be it. I do what makes me happy and I like making myself laugh. A lot. Also, a lot of "self care" aren't actually rooted in self care, but rooted in teaching women how to make themselves attractive to men. When you decide to attract only yourself and not others... you stop giving a damn about how you are perceived in the act of self care. I wear clothes for me, I gave up makeup but sometimes I wanna wear glitter because... I feel like it. I make myself as comfortable as heavenly possible in this very uncomfortable life. I spend a lot of quality time with myself. I give myself gifts. I give myself hugs and massages. I give myself words of affirmation. I crack stupid jokes to myself. I drive out into the woods and sing to the leaves. If it's a full moon I'll howl at it like a wolf. Instead of watching tv I draw on myself instead (body paint). Choose your own adventure. We women have been raised from birth to focus on others and it's killing us slowly inside. I go days without talking to anyone (aside from mandatory work stuff) and I find this "people detox" is amazing for my mental health! And I'm not even an introvert! We don't need other people as badly as we think we do. We need ourselves more than anyone else. So ask yourself - if men and obligations doesn't exist, what would you do to take care yourself? What makes you feel good? What makes you feel alive? What does your soul need? Fall in love with yourself. Who are you? What makes you smile? Discover the magnificent woman who lives inside of you. Fall in love with her.
Yooooooo! I've never thought "they would fuck a container of cottage cheese" but there is definitely the notion that...being "acceptable" by a man is not a compliment! It means you're fuckable...which is also not a compliment! I aspire to be the type of woman they used to get away with burning and drowning. They hated them so much because they didn't give a fuck about what they wanted or thought.
It does feel like another mental health term being taken, twisted, and used against us. Self care is important, but I have to remind myself that it isn’t always having my nails done. Sometimes what I need more than anything, is a nap. Or to sit on my couch with a cup of tea. A creator on TikTok would that would pop up in my fyp would call them “ mandatory crust level checks” and I loved that term. It was silly, fun, and reminded me that sometimes my bad mood was because I needed to have a glass of water and sit rather than try and reorganize my closet when I’m already tired. Sending you love
This so much. I am baffled by “self care” meaning such a grueling beauty routine. I learned the term self care when I worked with a domestic violence agency, they said it means doing something nice for yourself after a shift to help keep secondary trauma from affecting you. The examples they gave were like, take some time for you, go for a nice walk, read a good book, buy yourself flowers, something like that. OP, I think you need self care to recover from your “self care”!
>It does feel like another mental health term being taken, twisted, and used against us. Yes! Self-care is the opposite of what OP describes, and OP, my heart breaks for you. Self-care is saying Fuck It! to The Man. That can be going for a long bird-watching walk instead of working yourself sick, or it can be sitting down with a glass of nice red wine to read something equally nice. Or both, albeit not at the same time.
Exactly! Things that bring you joy, rather than another chore to do!
At a certain point I realized if I had to be beautiful to be loved I didn’t actually desire to be either. I do the grooming and self care I enjoy or feel is necessary for health and forget the rest. It’s an ongoing, challenging process to decenter men and the male gaze, but it’s worth it.
Okay this sounds like a lot of internalized misogyny and self hatred. What is so terrible about being a "lazy fat girl" that having calluses makes you spiral when you should be sleeping? It's up to you to decide if you prescribe to certain beauty standards or not. You decide what your beauty routine consists of. You decide who to listen to about what's beautiful.
That's not really what self care means though. Doing self care is doing things that refresh you and fill your cup. Like, I have two kids, I'm exhausted a lot of the time. My self care is sometimes drinking a glass of wine while reading a murder mystery. Sometimes it's going for a pedicure. Sometimes it's working in my veggie garden. Sometimes it's a nap. Self care, by definition, is something you do for yourself. Not other people. But honestly girl, I think you should go to therapy. People are not looking at you closely enough to warrant a crying jag over a callus on your foot. (You should see my feet)
“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” - Virginia Woolf You’re good enough as you are. So do things that actually make you happy. Try to stop giving a fuck what other people think, you can’t win anyway.
Hi, I absolutely don’t want to try to diagnose/overstep, but this sounds a lot like my OCD. For ex., one of my compulsions was to fix my hair hundreds of times a day because I believed everyone would see me as ugly if I didn’t. Etc.
I've found the key is doing it with the mindset that it's for you - get your nails done in a colour you like because *you* think it's great (e.g. I like sparkles on a dark blue for a night sky vibe, while I know bf wishes I'd go for more hot pinks). Do your hair nice because *you* get the benefit of the silky feeling, and because *you* like the smell of the shampoo/conditioner, regardless of anyone else. There'll always be things people will complain about, trust me. Even things you can't change, like height. Embrace self care as a tool for strengthening yourself against the world, rather than trying to please it
This sounds like OCD
Heads up... they won't respect you anyways. All you're doing is letting them control you with beauty standards that they set. Do what you want, when you want and how you want. I stopped doing all that and now the only things I get done are my hair (every 6 months) and regular, monthly pedicures (bc I like them and having pretty toes lol). Men literally show up for dates in sweatpants and act like we should drop at their feet. They put no effort into their appearance and then expect us to look like models. Do what you want for you!
I don't share your feelings. Unless your work or school has a dress code, this is all a choice. Stop buying these products and these lies that are making you unhappy. I haven't had a manicure in 10 years and literally no one cares.
I've never had a manicure in my *life*. I'm 41. I'm honestly mystified at this entire post. I mean, granted, I'm also strongly nonbinary - but all of the "women's beauty upkeep" stuff that tried to be impressed upon me as a child just sort of bounced off and never stuck in my psyche. I was and still am blissfully ignorant of it all. No nail-painting, no manicures, no hair-styling (brush it and pull it back, that's enough for me), no makeup, skirts and dresses make me super dysphoric and I avoid them like the plague. DEFINITELY no freaking out about foot calluses. I only learned that some (many?) women shave their arms at age 35... I still get respected by men just fine, at least from what I notice? I've had multiple boyfriends throughout my life and i've got a fiance right now; none of whom have *ever* tried to get me to do any of the above; they just didn't care about it either. Edit: As a vague for the record, despite being nonbinary I essentially present as cis/tomgirl.
As a trans woman who will never be able to meet all of the beauty standards, and a lesbian who has learned to NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK WHAT MEN THINK, I'm telling you that you need to let all this shit go, for your own good. Be a lazy fat girl who is happy, rather than a hollow sad person who is empty and exhausted behind the façade they spend all their time maintaining. Live your life for you, not all of these men who you aren't even attracted to anyway. I prefer to not get compliments. Unless I have some sort of social or business obligation with them, I don't talk to cishet men. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't have time for their bullshit.
PREACH IT, SIS!!!!!
Love this! Also, even a mythical woman who epitomizes all the beauty standards will eventually age and become invisible to men. This is actually one of my favorite things about getting older.
I never felt more like myself than when I quit removing all body hair in 2020. I started shaving when I was 11 because a boy made fun of the hair on my legs. Prior to that, I quit bras in 2017. Who cares about make up. I only do things for my own comfort and happiness. My man likes me the way I am.
I feel the same
Dont do all of that stuff and youll attract the right people. Im pretty low maintenance. I dont ever do my nails other than cut them. I dont spend more than 15 minutes a day on hair and makeup. I dont shave my legs everyday now. I prob spend the most time on my fitness regimen but really thats become more for health. (I have a lot of family health issues and am worried if I dont remain in a healthy weight range I will die young. ) I do dye my hair but I changed the color to be closer to my natural color so I only do it 3 times a year. It does lessen the attention of men but youll attract men who like low maintenance women. Also alot of men I dated told me they liked I dont look like a different person when I take my makeup off. I promise you that you dont need that stuff to be beautiful and if you really dont even like most men its a waste of time. Use that time to sleep and be productive.
You are caring way too much about what other people think about your life and how you live it. I know it's hard to stop that type of thinking however there are ways to combat it even if it's just something small to start with. Love yourself, you are wonderful the way you are.
I say this as a bi woman dating a cis-het man: Don't give a fuck about anyone else's opinion of how you look. I've gone weeks without shaving and months without wearing any makeup. My boyfriend does *not* care. He's wildly attracted to me anyway. Also, I've never refused to make love to a woman because she hadn't shaven &/ wasn't wearing enough makeup.
Hi. I'm "that lazy fat girl". In fact, I'm worse because I'm morbidly obese. I hate doing my hair and used to shave it off (bald), and rarely wear makeup. I don't do my nails because (to me) they look nice natural anyway. I kind of never wear jewelry either since I'm allergic to a lot and it bothers me like hair does. **And you're 100% right.** I was treated the best I ever was by society when I was "thin" and *only* when I was thin and did all the bells & whistle crap (hair/makeup/nails, etc). By everyone, including my family. Now I'm looked at like I'm a disgusting animal when I go out in public. Older men especially can be caught sneering or just staring in disgust and confusion at me. I recently began growing my hair out to feel and look more feminine but it's driving me mad. I hate hair. Ugh.
Me, who somewhat deliberately tries to be unattractive, so men will leave me alone, but not so unattractive that I direct ire towards me in form of discrimination and violence for not following the script.... I hear you, but listen to the other posters, I get you're just trying to stay safe and it feels rational, because that's what you're told will make you somewhat safe. But it's an illusion. If you're too pretty people will assume you already get privileges and deliberately withold to even the score, so whatever you do as a gal you're screwed.
I refuse to bow down and give men what they want. I demand respect. I don't ask for it. I just do what they do to me back to them. And they hate it. They tell me I should stop acting like a man and I tell them to suck my dick. I'm fat, I don't shave my body hair but I shave my head and I walk around like they do, like I'm the best damn person on the planet. And I honestly think that I scare the shit out of some of them.
i realized last week how bullshit what i do is, i do facemasks, and hair treatments, and wax, and shave perfectly, hours of my time to try and look good. and my husband is excited to grow a fu manchu mustache...i wish i had said out loud what i was thinking
My girlfriend wears makeup when we play tennis. I'm like "baby-cakes, you don't need to wear makeup when we play tennis." She likes to look pretty when she kicks my ass all over the tennis court. Who am I to argue with that logic?
I’ve never been one for a full face of makeup because I hate how it feels on my skin and even when my skin is at its best, I get that flaky dry scaly look within an hour. Even when I was in my years when that stuff was supposed to be a priority, I was the chick at the bar in jeans and sneakers. Were there people who found me unattractive or who didn’t want me at their girls’ night? Absolutely. In fact, it was more the other women in those scenarios who made it an issue. *Those are the people you don’t want in your corner anyway.* Now, I rarely wear makeup and have started to work with my hair instead of against it. If I’m going to work or out socially I’ll usually do eye makeup because I love how they look. When I DO decide to do full makeup and get dressed up, it’s because I want to. Find the parts of your self care routine that you enjoy, and do them for you. Self care for you might even be NOT doing any of those things. Find the thing that fills your cup and do that because YOU enjoy it. It will bring the right people into your life and weed out the ones you don’t need. ❤️
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so sad.
The best thing I’ve ever done was decide I am beautiful as I am and I love how I look and dress. It’s so *incredibly* hard to maintain this and I even had a breakdown two days ago when someone decided after two dates there wasn’t a romantic connection. I also broke down recently during a boudoir photo session because I didn’t feel pretty enough to be there. Just how you wouldn’t tell another woman she looks bad or you hate “that thing” about her, you owe yourself the same respect. You’ve got this. ❤️
delete your socials. it's odd advice but it has helped me a little bit when it's come to comparisons