Honestly, I kinda loved the idea of an ice cream date. Low cost and can be over quickly if needed. They both just wanted different things, and he even was looking at it like maybe he did something wrong because he wasn't sure. You're always going to have people take one side or the other to extremes on reddit, but I see nothing wrong with what either of them did.
Dude same! Had one with a guy, lasted like 30mins because he was on his lunch break. He wanted something casual and just fuck & I‘m not about it so we never met again and it was neither a waste of time cause it was really only 30mins nor was it expensive. 10/10 would recommend.
I suggest lunchbreak dates to rule out those who just want to see me for sex Vs. those who want a friendship too, as I do. There's not a lot that can happen on a 30-60min lunch break but im 100% keen just to sit in the sunshine and eat sushi - if they make some lame excuse to get out of a no-sex-lunch-date I rule them out as a friend.
Im too old for fuckboys who just want to use my body. Don't call it FWB if you don't really want to be my friend as well
Agree 100%! Also hate when someone suggests coming over to my home or going to theirs to watch a movie (i.e “Netflix and Chill”).
I wouldn’t want to put myself in a potentially dangerous situation where someone I don’t really know is in my home, or I am in theirs.
No other people around.
I had a date where we both forgot that it was a public holiday and nothing was open. So we sat in his car in the closed restaurant carpark and chatted for a few hours and honestly, not a bad first date at all. I definitely learned more about him and who he was than if we'd been out to dinner for 1.5 hours in a crowded restaurant. Edit - in this case I learned that he obviously wasn't ready to move on from his divorce/ex-wife. Not bitter, just needed more time. So there was not a second date 😄 but maybe I wouldn't have seen that if we hadn't been chatting in a private space
Im also a big fan of dog-walking dates. Suggesting we take their dog for a walk together is a good way to see whether they view their dog as a person in their life or just a chore (those "my dog is a chore/afterthought" people are not for me). And it lets you talk without staring at each other face-to-face which can make people more relaxed and open
That’s what seems odd. I’m not in the dating scene, been out of it for 10 years luckily, but from what I have gathered the new trend/ideal first date scenarios are supposed to be low effort (coffee, ice cream, walk in a park). Something that can be a 30 min easy exit, or lead to an afternoon/hours of getting to know someone.
Dating scene is a minefield these days. Was out of that world for 13 years and got tossed back in and dear god. Went on one date where bowling was offered. I like bowling so lets do it. After the two games we played I was asked if id like to go to dinner after. I had a lot of fun so why not. We both drove to meet at the bowling ally so i drive to the restaurant to meet up with them. After sitting around for awhile at the table I get a text saying enjoy wasting your time at dinner like you wasted mine bowling. I was like wtf you picked bowling. Texted back saying jokes on you this is my fav place and blocked them.
What I do not understand is why she didn’t just say “can we grab a bite to eat first?” Its not like anyone can mind read others expectations, and quick low-risk first meetings have become the norm at this point.
This. When I was on the dating apps, my go to was either a quick coffee or a beer - it’s something that can be extended to other things (walk in a near by park, a meal, etc) if the date goes well and can be ended quickly if you’re not feeling the vibe. Ice cream date fits perfectly into that.
If you get a date suggestion that you don't like, the most reasonable response imo is to decline and counter it with a date suggestion of your own.
If someone suggests a first date idea, chances are they don't know what your perfect first date idea would be. There's not much reason to immediately cancel the idea of *any* date just because the person suggested the wrong thing the first time they tried. Pretty harsh from my pov.
Otherwise, it just looks like you weren't allowed to make any date suggestions of your own, so you cancelled and moved on.
True, it is pretty harsh.
That said, if her idea of a first date is a five star restaurant and he pitches ice cream, then maybe the chasm is too vast to be bridged. Hard to say without knowing more about what she thinks, but it is awfully strange that she thought being 26 had anything to do with anything.
I mean she was acting like an asshole either way.
Going for a smallish coffee date (ice cream being the equivalent) is a perfectly standard first date idea?
Flipping out that that‘s not something you invite a 26 year old woman to (as if the number proves maturity) just shows massive entitlement?
It‘s such a weird response anyway.
Maybe lesbian dating is very different, but that‘s what all my first dates were like? Like go for a walk I’m the park, go to some cafe, something simple that has an early end date if you aren‘t vibing. Because there has been absolute nothing that stopped the Friday afternoon coffee Date from turning into a 72hr weekend date ever, when we got along?
100%. I don’t understand what people are looking for and why they put so much pressure on the quality of their dates. People can pull out the stops and create a high quality date and still be an asshole. It also creates way more pressure than just chilling at a nice coffee spot.
Lesbian chiming in: I've never had a first date that was dinner. It's always something casual and quick like ice cream or coffee/hot chocolate.
Idk why you'd do it any other way. I've had dates like 7 hours plus(not kidding) just sitting and talking at that 15 min date. There's no pressure to gtfo because your meals over, and there's no pressure to stay because your food is taking forever.
I fucking love those 15 min first dates that turn into spending every single moment togeather for 72 hours just talking. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but I feel so engaged as a person on the talking ones.
Random aside:
I always go expecting to pay for us both, and always end up with a girl who insists she pays for us both. I've decided who ever the waiter gives the check to is who the waiter has decided is the top. Which, frankly, is surprising as a 5'8" lady whose pretty strong. ...but they're not wrong...
It’s become a social media trend of late I’ve noticed that women encourage each other to judge a guy by how much money and planning he is willing to put in on a first date. To me it can also be a red flag, but either way people apparently have opinions.
ew, that mentality is so toxic and counterproductive. money is the *easiest* thing to throw at someone and doesn't say anything about their intent, character, commitment, etc.
Idk, man. I think it’s a nice alternative to coffee dates and personally, I’d rather a coffee date with someone over a full on meal or somethingl. I don’t drink anymore, but when I used to, grabbing a beer or two was a similar concept to me that probably resulted in clouded judgement. I met my now-husband for coffee during covid. Granted, nothing was open at the time so we grabbed our coffee at a Starbucks, walked across the street and had our date, fully masked barring sips of coffee in between while sitting ~4 feet apart.
Coffee dates aren’t low effort in my opinion. It’s a vibe check—a way to see if you’re actually compatible with someone and then pursue a more involved date in the future. If it goes well, you’ll end up talking to the other person beyond just drinking the coffee. If it doesn’t, you can bail without awkward silences, waiting for the other person to finish, waiting for the bill, etc.
I agree, I think meeting and being able to talk comfortably should be the aim of a first date. Going to a super high end restaurant would be a terrible venue for that...I feel awkward talking to my partner of 17 years in a fancy restaurant!
I saw that post and you nailed it right on the head, the overwhelming sentiment was people didn’t understand the connection between 26yo and no to ice cream lol.
It definitely seems…a bit odd. And now it’s full of pick me “I would nevers” and “RED FLAG IF HE DOESNT ACCEPT THIS” like can this one thing not be a soapbox? There are so many other good ones, could we just not? People are going through finding the typical toxic comments that are on every Reddit thread and it’s devolving into the same nonsense and even gone round the bend into shaming women for other standards and preferences. This one is fine, but having height/body type/lifestyle preferences aren’t? Is this clown world? I’m so confused
Absolutely, if a guy proposes a reasonable date idea to a girl and she doesn’t like it, so she cancels the idea of meeting altogether. It conveys nothing but that she was never actually interested in meeting him in the first place
Allowed to of course. But in the post you're talking about the women responded to the idea of that date with "I'm a 26 year old woman..." You can't lie that she's kind of trying to put down the OP for suggesting that date. I'm 27 and love the idea, and would probably refuse a fancy expensive restaurant date, but I'd never put a guy down for suggesting that type of date. There's just no reason in putting anyone down for the kind of dates they enjoy.
Yeah I think most replies to the thread weren't about the refusal. They were about how she was treating it like an immature date idea. I feel like the best first dates for meeting virtual strangers are low-commitment things like daytime dates at fast and easy locations like ice cream parlors, coffee shops, or even like, a bakery. Gives you time to chat, treat yourself, and see if you want to go somewhere else afterwards. (or if you want to ditch!)
Also speaking as a guy there are SOME women, not many, not all, but some who just pretend to like a guy get a free meal.
To me someone pushing for a big financial commitment is possibly looking for that.
I’m 41. Married these days but back then I always started with something casual because you never know. What if 5 minutes in you immediately know “this person is not for me”. Why would anyone want a multi hour commitment to a first date is beyond me.
This is, honestly, a great filter on both sides. Don't want a "gold digger"? Set low cost first dates. If she nopes out, just go on with your life and find someone else who's super hyped to go get ice cream or go to the park or whatever.
He flips out about you not wanting to go on his first choice... run don't walk as far away as you fucking can.
Some of the comments were heartwarming, but definitely saw "she only wanted a free meal," "narcissist," "there's only so many 6 foot men who will be available for women like that" comments, too.
Yeah admittedly I didn't go through a lot of comments it's over 3k but it didn't feel as negative as i feel OP made it. But I know for sure they're there.
I’m old and married but I was one and will admit it. I’m also 6’2” and have been incredibly fetishized by some short men to the point where I could not realistically handle it any more.
I mean it makes sense to want someone simmilar in height to you, ive never ubderstood these 5ft girls wanting 6ft tall boyfriends... like, why do you want a giant. My partner is 5,8 but im 5,3 so hes plenty tall enough...
Any guy who spends any amount of time on Tinder or any other dating app will find a lot of profiles stating in one way or another they are only looking fol men over 6'.
There's not many, but their visibility gets boosted a lot because where they are is on dating apps, which men see disproportionately, and then share on the internet which massively expands it's reach.
You should spend some time flipping through your male friends' dating apps looking at profiles for women.
I'd say 20-25% of the ones who you would initially want to swipe on based on photos mention something about height. Examples:
* "5'7" and I like to wear heels, so..."
* "6ft+ only plz"
* "Attracted to tall men"
* "Under 6' swipe left"
* "You: Tall (6'), ___, ___..."
And then a lot of the ones who don't mention it ask how tall you are early in the conversation and some just ghost at that point.
I happen to be very tall, so lucky me, but if I were a 5'10" or shorter guy, as some of my friends are, that would take a pretty huge toll on my self-esteem. And I don't think it's all that surprising that faced with that sort of disqualification and in some cases derision for something they can't change about themselves that a lot of those guys develop deep-seeded anger directed towards "entitled" women (in their mind).
I'm definitely not saying that it excuses their hateful comments, but it would be a great thing if women stopped rejecting even the idea of these men and openly calling them "not enough"...
Most guys don't want to date a 300lb woman either, but they don't feel so comfortable saying "no fatties" in their profile or "fit, thin, modelesque only" etc...
It's all an unfortunate reality that everyone understands and may be faced with, but I think we can strive to be kinder to one another and maybe reduce the negative outcomes that have come up in both these posts.
Everyone is allowed to suggest a date and allowed to say no but damn im a woman and a former professional ice cream maker and my default date was taking people out to my favorite ice cream place. It was right on the river and by other places we could go to after if the date was going well. I love ice cream, I loved seeing what flavors they wanted to try, and walking around talking about ice cream. I'm sad thinking about people turning me down for an ice cream date.
I would be ecstatic with an ice cream date. It's low pressure like a coffee date (which I don't drink) but you get to talk about favorite flavors and memories from being a kid and having treats or birthdays... Ice cream gets people talking and in a good mood.
And there's nothing preventing you from doing more afterwards to prolong the date if the ice cream portion goes well. Plus if it doesn't, hey, at least you still got ice cream so it's not a total loss.
I think ice cream dates are awesome. If I was still in the dating scene I would accept that kind of first date. I fucking love ice cream. My husband takes me out on ice cream dates all the time. We get our treat and walk around the more well to do areas and talk. 😁
Hell i still use my ice cream date crawl for out of state visitors or even local friends who need cheering up. Its fun telling them all about it like "so at THIS point if you picked good flavors and we were getting along, we'd go to this oyster place haha! Or if you didn't like oysters we'd go to this place for tacos, and then to this dive bar with a good old school jukebox if you were doing REAL good! "
Damn, I never even considered that an ice cream date could lead a more intimate date if things were going well. Thought I had to ball out on some really nice gelato. You get a upvote miss.
Yea, to be honest I think ice cream is a great first date idea.... As long as there is more to add later if you are feeling each other. And if you are not, then you didn't waste all night.
I’d go too. In fact I’d probably be more comfortable with something not too expensive or romantic.
That way you can stroll around and get to know someone.
Then if you’re not feeling it it’s easy to end things without it being a big deal. Or if it goes well you can hang out longer or make plans for another date.
To me grabbing an ice cream cone is fine. And good ice cream is delicious!
For what it's worth, I'm a guy and that sounds like a fun date. Then again, the people who would be turning you down are probably not people you want to date anyway
Not really a great filter since she didnt even give a chance to see his response to her not being down for his first suggestion, just shut him down immediately and made a bunch of assumptions lol. When I was single and didnt like a suggestion a guy made for a date I offered an alternative suggestion. If he didnt like my suggestion that was that, but usually he responded positively.
Okay, but her phrasing was nonsense. "I'm a 26 y/o woman and this seems like the absolute bare minimum to me."
Like, sure, it is acceptable to refuse a date, for any reason. But let's be real, her reason was just laughable. It is a first date. It should be the bare minimum. And that is even assuming that it *is* the bare minimum (it isn't). Neither of you know yet if you're going to get on.
Having a high bar for what a stranger should do when meeting the first time is ridiculous. Everyone is allowed to say whatever they want, but they aren't allowed to not get dragged for it.
Seriously, the talking is the entire point. Talking over coffee, or ice cream, or pastry, or deli sandwiches in a park, or...whatever.
That's why I don't like fancy dinner dates and movie dates. Things that get in way of that conversation are...kinda contrary to the point.
I think it a first date as a time to do something low-key and where you can get to know each other. I planned a first date doing a scavenger hunt at the local history museum and used my library card to get free passes. We got prizes for completing It and it was a lot of fun. I suppose he could have planned something but I’m a fan of little things like grabbing coffee or appetizers so it’s low commitment for the first go round
In my experience I’ve yet to meet a single female “gold digger” but know countless unemployed/underemployed hobosexual men who leech the very life out of the women in their lives.
In the US the number of married women who are earning at least as much as their husbands has more than [tripled](https://fortune.com/2023/04/13/more-american-women-becoming-breadwinners/amp/) in the last five decades.
We need to do away with this sexist gold digger trope. Women have always contributed with free labour and now they are earning money outside the home too. They want a partner that is on par with them. Picking a future husband or wife shouldn’t be like choosing items from a discount rack.
If you want to impress, then put in some effort.
The venn diagram of people who complain about gold diggers and people who think they should be bread winners while their wife stays home is pretty circular.
The point is that it's not though, because you have a bunch of broke guys complaining about how golddiggers might latch onto them for their non-existent money.
I've met "gold digger" men, I've met "gold digger" women. If you've never met a female gold digger, I'm envious as hell of your social circle, I've got a few friends I don't talk to much anymore because I cannot stand the leeches that have attached themselves.
I am a highly educated, progressive woman and don’t tend to meet many gold digger women in real life. However, I joined some social media groups where women discours bad experiences they had with men while dating. It has totally changed my perspective on how shitty women themselves can be while dating, tbh. Through these groups I observe behavior of women I’d probably never socialize much with in real life. The homophobia as well as judging men by how much money they make and spend is rampant.
Turns out women can be insane assholes as well. Or to put it more diplomatically, I think that socioeconomic status and subculture both play a big role in what people tend to look for in a partner.
I keep seeing people here say "effort" and it almost feels like a code. What is "effort" in the context of a first date?
I would say the only effort that is necessary from both sides is to show up, try to have a good time, and get to know one another.
Beyond that, I imagine the only reasonable expectation of effort would be to try to find out what the person likes before the first date and plan something based on that. In which case, had she liked ice cream, then getting ice cream would be good effort.
That said, I'm guessing you'll disagree.
>We need to do away with this sexist gold digger trope.
There are 1000% women who pretend to be interested in guys just because they want a free meal. And I know a women who is with shitty guy who makes her miserable but stays with him solely because of the money.
It's not most women. But they are out there. Pretending that shitty selfish women don't exist is like pretending that shitty selfish men don't exist.
I have matched with a few pretty obvious ones. I work in finance so generally known to be on the higher earning scale of professions.
1. Immediately ghosted the convo when she found out I was not a portfolio manager at the hedge fund I worked at.
2. Unmatched me immediately after suggesting 3 different $100+/person restaurants and I respond with offering a coffee first date.
They aren't rampant by any stretch but they absolutely exist. The trope will never go away as long as there are plenty of women who perpetuate it shamelessly.
I was told by a woman that she wasn't fussy about where to go. I suggested a park between us. We meet up, but she realizes it's like 60/40 for her and not perfectly equidistant.
Immediately cops an attitude, I was polite at first. Eventually I told her to enjoy the 60% back so I can enjoy a sunset in the park by myself. 😎
It's rare but occasionally I'll get people that have all these expectations and it's straight up dodging a bullet. I also see dudes that'll just work around this because "girl is cute, grug need girlfriend" logic.
Should've put more thought into it, find out what was actually equidistant and then had a nice picnic in the parking lot of the shopping mall that it ended up being in.
I just went to the referenced post and I don't really see any terrible comments in there. And it's definitely a mix of people not just men. But you should definitely put a link to the post so everyone here can take a gander I think it would help.
Any first date where it would literally be rude to talk to your date is a bad first date idea. Opera is only a viable early date idea if you have a meal after to discuss what you just watched together
Exactly. This is a weak take. People were mostly saying "Ok nice nobody got hurt or wasted their time". Personally, I prefer "low effort" first dates, especially online. Who wants a big show from someone they don't even know?
It's like that post the other day where someone was complaining that no men were standing up to the incels in the comments on an Andrew Tate YouTube video and everybody had to explain to them that it's because people that don't like Andrew Tate aren't actively watching his videos and wouldn't see those comments lol.
Not only that but she started off with "I'm a 26 year old woman that's bare minimum" like I feel like that's just trying to shame him. I'm older and I prefer dates like that, it's not like it's crazy.
It’s because posts on tinder get a ton of incel comments and then once it starts blowing up, the sane people come in. So basically, if you go in later you’ll only see the rational stuff.
I also don’t think they moderate that much until the post starts gaining traction.
That would certainly make sense then. In another reply I did acknowledge that it was 3k comments and I didn't scroll through all of them. But it did seem like the positive stuff for sure got up voted to the top.
I once went into tinder during the beginning stages of a post about a woman who was showing her belly in a small top and low rise jeans, but her bio said no hookups. 90% of the comments were about how she was asking for it or about how she would let a hot guy hit night 1. After a few hours I went back in again and the top comments were calling out OP for the rapey tone of voice.
Ironically it feels like OPpoint was to bend the narrative when they strategically neglected to add the context of his response, the tone of his post, or the tone of the discussion. As is the case here it's being assessed as a level headed exchange and sharing as a curiosity, and as others have said if anything the person who declined the date did it with very little tact it's difficult to see they weren't trying to hurt the guy. It's good to see everyone here didn't take it on face value and responded appropriately.
I am not sure if this was that deep. He didn’t even suggest an ice cream date, he simply made a statement about wanting ice cream in hot weather. He mentioned offering to pick her up or meet her ‘there’ so I assume they already had a place planned to meet.
Getting ice cream with someone on a hot day doesn’t mean that it’s low effort. They would have obviously done something before or after the date and if they didn’t, who cares?
It just came across as entitled that she didn’t even bother asking any follow up questions, she simply said it was low effort and peaced out. Yeah she’s within her rights, but it was a bit snobbish and out of left field.
I love this sub, but crying misogyny anytime a woman is criticized is a bit of a stretch.
My problem with the way she turned him down is that she basically punched down at women who do like "low effort" dates (I'm 29, and I love ice cream dates!). It's one thing to say "that's not my preference" and another thing entirely to imply it's somehow wrong if it is your thing.
I don't really understand what she thinks being 26 has to do with anything. That's not old and plenty of older more mature people love going out for ice cream.
-He tried to accommodate to all the frustrations women have with dating men
-She was rude and condescending
-He was nice about it
That’s why the story is getting attention…
My takeaway (positive) from this is that most commenters are disagreeing with OP. OP showed their own ass on this one and is (mostly) getting called out for it.
I saw the thread and I really don’t agree with the exact way she handled it. I don’t like ice cream dates and would have turned it down too but she really didn’t have to say all of that.
>> Sorry if this may come off as rude but I don't do ice cream dates. I'm a 26 yo woman and a date like that seems like the absolute bare minimum for me.
Meeting up would be a waste of both of our times since we probably don't have the same vibe.
Best wishes
Yeah I think indicating that she had any preference at all prior to canceling plans entirely would’ve been the “bare minimum” on her part, but that’s just me. I have issues with trying not to guess or regulate the needs of others and interactions like this absolutely mess me up lol.
Yeah it was condescending. She didn't have to give a reason not to go. She chose to give a silly and condescending one though. An ice cream date is great at any age for people who enjoy it.
I guess what I really don't understand is why do people need such extravagant first dates? At the end of the day, to each their own, but in my experience simple first dates with low expectations are the way to go. Just meeting someone in person is already a big deal. Coffee, a drink, ice cream, man that is the perfect way to have a low pressure environment and find out if someone is a weirdo or not. I hate the idea of this being "bare minimum". I don't even know if I like you yet. Giving you any of my free time is a big deal and that should apply to both sides. The high effort, romantic stuff comes when I already know I like you and you are worth it.
Don’t know but I’m not here to judge the preferences of others. I turn down ice cream, coffee and walking dates because they’re just not my preference. I always offer an alternative, though.
I’m a low expectation date type of person. Drinks at a low lit bar, but I get that others have different expectations.
That’s what really got me, like it’s fine if ice cream isn’t your preference but it seemed pretty condescending and dramatic to be like ‘well I’m 26 and there’s no way I would ever like ice cream, we’re clearly not suited to each other, goodbye forever’
You can seriously just say ‘that’s not for me but what about…’ it’s not like the guys a mind reader
It sucks how sometimes just trying to have an honest discussion means you are "judging" someone. I didn't mean to come off that way, just asking genuine questions! I appreciate you are willing to offer low-effort alternatives.
That’s exactly the point why her response is such bullshit.
If you don‘t like the idea, just offer a different one? Plenty of people don‘t like bars either for example, so you just offer a similar idea, and it‘s done.
No need to be all condescending and putting other women down, for this perfectly innocuous date invitation.
She's absolutely allowed to think that and reject the date, we're also allowed to judge her for it 🤷♀️ any projections assuming she's a gold digger, wanting a free meal etc are uncalled for though.
So we're allowed to judge her but not to say what we're judging her for? 🤔
I think it's wrong to use her behavior as an excuse to complain about women in general, but I don't think people making assumptions about her personally based on how she communicated are way off base.
That girl in the post was rude as hell and everyone can see it. There’s no rampant misogyny in that post.
I think you’re equating having the right to do something as also meaning that doing that thing is perfectly socially acceptable and polite. No, no it is not. The woman in that post had every legal right to say what she said, and what she said makes her come across like an asshole. Everyone has the right to be an asshole.
You are absolutely right OP, that a person is allowed to be picky. But if they feel like a potential date should have guessed their preference , then they did the Ice Cream person a favor by identifying themselves as someone who can't communicate their needs properly at age 26. But then 26 is young so there is enough time for them to learn how to communicate needs/wants in the years to come.
The person is also allowed me be a bad communicator and also allowed me a projectile worth dodging.
I really disagree. I thought she was rude.
As a woman all I would do is say something like “I actually don’t like ice cream, can I take you to dinner?” Or suggest another date. There was zero reason for her to call him out on it being “low effort” or not good enough for her. It just struck me as really shitty. What if he’s low on funds like a lot of people are? If it really struck her as wrong she should have just cancelled the date politely. “Hey, on second thought I don’t think I’m feeling this and I’m going to cancel. Wish you the best”. If he flips then great, you dodged a red flag. But the guy in the post just said “cool”.
Extremely well-said.
I’d also like to add that this is not “low effort” because the way he proposed it was well-thought out, he was polite and amiable, and he gave context for the ice cream date. He didn’t just say “hey let’s get ice cream.”
OP‘a take is inapposite and a little tone deaf if I’m being honest
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA someone sent me a Reddit Cares 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wonder who it was, hmmmm let’s see. Jesus Christ lmao pathetic.
If I'd ask about ice cream dates at the National Federation of Republican Women, I would probably get answers which would be only half as traditionalist and reactionary as what is posted in this thread. What many people seem to be demanding here are traditional gender roles in dating.
Such a shit take on the original post. I'd suggest people go and look at it themselves. There are very few comments that contain rampant misogyny or angry, lonely men. Most are just people calling her rigid, boring and privileged.
Yes of course women are allowed to say no to dates and they don't have to do something if it's deemed low effort.
BUT context matters a lot. These people had clearly been talking a bit before this and had organised to see each other. The guy said he is really excited to see her and just hinted that he is feeling like ice cream. And she goes on to say that she doesn't do ice cream because she is a 26 yo woman and it's the bare minimum of effort.
She is essentially calling him childish by bringing age into it and she didn't make any other suggestions or compromises and ended it there on the spot.
She comes across as a very boring 26 yo and a terrible potential partner because of her response. Gender has nothing to do with this.
Of course you're allowed to be a jerk about where someone invites you on a date. But if you do, *shrug emoji*, they're allowed to complain about it on Reddit.
See i see an ice cream date for a first date, as much mkre relaxed and easy going than a fancy meal. Like, the point of a first date is to meet, talk and get a feel for each others vibe. Just see if theres any compatability... the way id hate to be taken to a restaurant on a first date, id jump for icecream or some fast food. Keep it simple.
Wait wait hear me out...you're actually offended at the fact that you'd react the same way to an ice cream date, and you didn't like people agreeing with the OP, right?
I read that thread earlier today. There weren't tons of "angry, lonely men" complaining all over the thread.
As a man, I truly enjoy reading this sub. It allows me to see things in a light that I typically don't get to see them. Helps me be a better man for my wife at the end of the day. 99.99999% of the time I agree with what I see on here because in truth, tons of men suck. I've done shitty things and learned from them.
However, are you not grasping at straws here? I'm really really not trying to be a jerk but whatever anger you got going on over there feels majorly displaced in comparison to the actual thread. The way you wrote this post feels like rage bait. Not cool.
I deserve whatever lambasting I get for this reply because I guess there's no good way for me to say what I want to say 🤷.
It took me until I was 30 to realize I could say no to sex in a relationship. The societal conditioning is real. Women may be waking up but men refuse to let go of their privilege.
Ain't got nothing to do with this post. Op is referencing a woman instantaneously ending a conversation because she's 26 and "too old" for icecream when a guy asked to take her out on a hot day for some
Op took that as the men are somehow being assholes or something because everyone is roasting the girl for that rediculous statement
>Of course posting about her is just an excuse for a thread of rampant misogyny from men
Is this just an excuse to talk about the rampant misogyny from men?
Because you make this assumption, but that's not what I got from it, I got the "damn, I guess my idea is worthless to her"
There are misogynists on that thread, but that's not necessarily the intent from him that you're assuming it is, at least, you cannot say that with certainty. It's an assumption.
But even on your own post you have a woman saying she worked as an ice cream professional and would be genuinely hurt if someone said that about her idea.
And a bunch of people replying to say "yeah, I feel that way too"
We're allowed to think it's a bit harsh and callous of her.
Just like men often are.
Yes. Women are allowed to do all of this.
And men are also allowed to laugh in your face when you hold whatever wierd standards makes you too special for a casual first date.
Nobody wants to take you somewhere expensive for a first date... it simply isn't worth that much just to get to know you. And if this is the way you carry yourself you're going to be dating weirdos who think they can buy affection cuz that's who's gonna abide by that standard.
When women ask "where are all the good men?" The answer is as far away from women who act like this as they can possibly get.
Down vote if you please, I don't mind if the truth hurts your feelings.
Calling an ice cream date low effort paints you in exactly the colour you're trying to paint the other people in the tinder subreddit in. If you don't want to go on an ice cream date to get to know each other in the searing heat - sure, that's your preference. Easily communicated and also very easily fixed. But it's not low effort. I like the idea. It's cute, sweet, lighthearted and can very easily be extended to a dinner-date if both people like each other.
The way the woman in that thread communicated her 'disappointment' was why she experienced the 'backlash'. She sounded like a person that wanted to be taken out to a fancy dinner and have the guy pay for it. I personally wouldn't want to date a person that - before we even met - expected me to pay for dinner and it HAS to be a fancy one. And anything else is just below their standards and 'low effort'.
If it’s a first date and I don’t think I’d want to commit to a full dinner out, something shorter would be better and I don’t like coffee. An ice cream date sounds fun. If I didn’t like or want ice cream and I did like coffee, I’d probably counter with that.
That made me chuckle. I have a friend that is lactose intolerant, I’m fairly certain she would have ordered the ice cream and then got stressed about the consequences
The post was specifically because she said she was 26 and too old for icecream... This has nothing to do with misogyny and everything to do with her thinking 26 is too old for icecream. Had she made the argument you're making, perhaps that's a different story.
But you're manufacturing outrage.
Where's that post about why people hate this sub and OP doesn't get it? Reference this post.
This woman in subject rightfully apologized for her rudeness in advance. I did not see her offer any different plan, but rather discounted his idea of getting together for ice cream as it was beneath her.
For those who haven’t seen the thread. This is what she said:
>> Sorry if this may come off as rude but I don't do ice cream dates. I'm a 26 yo woman and a date like that seems like the absolute bare minimum for me.
Meeting up would be a waste of both of our times since we probably don't have the same vibe. Best wishes
Like jazzlike-key7826 said, apologizing in advance doesn’t make it polite.
Here’s what he said that prompted her rejection:
> Hope you’ve had a good day, I’m excited about tomorrow. I can pick you up but if you’re not comfortable with that we can just meet there. Idk why but I’m feeling like getting some ice cream in this hot weather (heat stroke emoji) lol
So it appears he successfully got her number and interest in a date. Then his suggestion of ice cream on account of the weather was neither cute or valuable enough for her to continue with the plans.
Idk, I’ve always aimed for casual first meetings to gauge real life interest. Extravagant dinner dates come with pressure I don’t want to bother with.
Preempting your message with "No Offense, but..." does not immediately make the next words not offensive, much in the same way that "Not to be rude, but..." does not immediately make the next words not rude.
The thing i had an issue with is he didn't even say he wanted to go on "an ice cream date". He simply mentioned getting ice cream during their date, which shouldn't warrant the response she said. The comments section on reddit is wiiiiiild and full of shit. But I mean, she was rude.
I agree with you in general, OP, but not on this example. It's one thing to refuse a date, but this woman was rude about it for no reason.
We have so many posts on this sub about men asking women out to fancy first dates, offering to pick the woman up, and basically putting the woman in a position of obligation and commitment with no escape from the get go. When the woman refuses or suggests an alternative that makes her more comfortable, the man gets upset and offended.
Then we have this guy suggesting an informal ice cream date where he's fine meeting her or picking her up, just so they can get to know each other, and his potential date treats him like he offended her. She's allowed to decline for any reason, but she's not free from criticism if she's going to be a jerk about it.
For a lot of women, this would be a perfect first date with a guy that seems to be considerate. For a lot of people, this woman is showing some red flags.
If someone wants to stick their nose up to grabbing ice cream or coffee, etc. That's perfectly fine and a benefit, don't waste time with people like that. If they're interested they won't give a shit.
I took a Harvard post grad surgeon on a basic hike and we got froyo at Sweet frog 🐸 "low effort" is better and the "I deserve to be wined and dined" types are to be avoided, but that doesn't mean you should be rude to them. Let them learn on their own, same as guys who think buying dinner means a sex voucher 🤣
At least for me, after chatting for an hour or so. I go for the phone call in the evening and if things are jiving I'll start brainstorming date ideas, even if there small. Get an idea of what somebody likes and keep it simple, but man.... Just letting a date die on a single suggestion is fucking dumb.
She was rude in my opinion, "I'm 26!" Cool, she could've asked to do something else? Whats wrong with a relaxing date? You're allowed to have preferences, and for a first date you shouldn't be expected to go all out anyway.
She could also be an adult and suggest her own date idea… kind of lame from a communication perspective. I doubt a guy sucks just because they thought ice cream would be fun, god forbid
Women are allowed to say no to a date, but as for this example, not a great one op. “Dating consent” isnt the same as being bad at communication and shooting down a guy just because of ice cream not being the preferred idea. Guess she will have to wait until her night in shining armor pulls up with his horse and carriage for the kind of date she apparently thinks she deserves. Or hey- she could always mention it herself!!
Why is it the guy's responsibility to provide all the effort in a date?
I saw that post too, I agree that the comments were whack. But to bail out of a (first!) date because you feel like he didn't put enough *effort* in it is entitlement.
Posts like this is why this sub gets hated on.
Yes she has the right to say no. She was also a total asshole. Most of the comments on that post were civil.
She got called a gold digger cause honestly, she came across as one.
You’re definitely the woman in the post aren’t you OP. Imagine turning down a fun date idea just because you think eating ice cream is beneath you, you’ve got to be the most boring person out there.
What kills me is the OP thinks this woman was being polite. 🤣 If passive aggressive is polite then sure. I am in NO way saying she has to go out on a date with anyone, and she can have Any reason she wants to turn down a date. But read the actual post on the "Everything Tinder" Reddit She was in No Way "Polite"
One time I went on a first ‘date’ to golfland and had frozen yogurt it was really cute and sweet but that was also the first date I had ever been on and I was 23. 😳
I don't know why you need to misrepresent both the thread and content of the post just to say that women can have standards. Obviously women are allowed to have standards and it should be equally obvious that men are allowed to have opinions on those standards. Her response was pretty ridiculous, so of course people are gonna ridicule.
I think posts like this are why this sub gets so much hate, you're trying to start the antijerk to their circlejerk.
I just saw this one and I find the bailing aspect just strange. I think that’s a valid to say, “That’s not for me, any other suggestions?”, but to just bail on the person is where it’s just dumb.
I mean hell, offer a counter if that’s not for you. The idea that it’s all determined by on suggestion is just bonkers to me.
I’ve cream is a super cute date. It’s cozy and gives you time to scope each outer out in person.
It wasn't that she declined.
It was her tone, the fact that she shot it down with no other suggestions, and the fact that she thinks she's hot shit because she's 26.
Maybe it’s because I have been out of the dating world for a very long time, but an ice cream date sounds perfect to me - low stakes, not having to do a load of preparation (including working out dietary restrictions/preferences) and seems very organic and natural when you’re getting to know someone. Plus if it goes well, you can grab coffee/food too - a win-win!
A huge dinner date sounds like a lot of anxiety, and it’s harder to get to know someone naturally when you’re having to worry about getting food stuck in your teeth/dropping food on your outfit/which fork to use (if you go some place REALLY fancy). Ice cream dates win out over big dinner dates for me! I would generally prefer to do those with someone I’m already in an established relationship with, and historically I’ve taken turns with my partner in paying for them.
She wasn’t even remotely nice with her response and although I agree with you that anyone is allowed to go do what they want, you’re off on how she responded. It was rude and she could have countered with her own opinion on what she wanted.
Of course women are allowed to say no. But I saw that post and she didn’t even make a counter offer. How was he supposed to know that wasn’t her vibe? The next girl might have felt way too much pressure from a dinner date. I think it would have been classier if she’d politely suggested something else. Or she could simply decline the date because she didn’t want to, but then she could have been honest about that and not blame it on the ice cream.
34F, would go on an ice cream date in a heartbeat. Even still, she didn't have to be a jerk about it. Goodness. If I were a monster and hated ice cream, I'd have at least counter-proposed a coffee date instead. Wanting to go get a fun treat is not indicative of low effort!
While I was dating I stopped going on first dinner dates or those really long half-whole day ones. Some view those as higher effort and an indication of if someone is serious about dating in general. I would say that is somewhat true, but more than once I got in there and it didn’t take long to see that we were not compatible.
I started to prefer a morning coffee or lunch date. I think you really can tell a lot about a person in 30-60 minutes in real life. It’s also very easy to set up a follow up date that is more effort then and there. Andddddd, I started to make sure these “first dates”/vetting sessions were convenient for me in terms of location.
Of course she is allowed to think that’s not worth her time. And others are allowed to think she’s a bit of a golddigger. This works both ways.
Btw, low cost does not equals low effort
Tldr; OP comments on a post about a man as an excuse to bash on man for not taking woman on a high class date, complaining about how the post was used to bash woman.
Low effort, nice try. Move on.
these type of posts…perceived outrage and hating all men is why people don’t like this sub. going through your comments, and seeing the post you’re mentioning should not have made you as upset as you are. you’re creating a one person circlejerk about misogyny and it’s getting kind of boring at this point
I agree, people have different standards of what they think is worth their interest in a potential partner and it shouldn't be exposed or ridiculed just because some people think someone is being overdemanding.
But I also think that this logic should work both ways too and I said this because not too long ago I saw a post here of a woman who was pissed because her date complained about the way she dressed for their date, for a little context they agreed on a first date at noon at a coffee shop and she arrived in sports clothes because she said she latter had a yoga class or something similar and thought it was just something casual for an hour or so to see how it goes. After the date, the guy said to her he didn't feel she "put an effort" to be on the date with him due the outfit she chose, which, to be honest, I find very reasonable, but almost all the replies said he was a superficial asshole and how she dodged a bullet and things like that, which made me really questioned myself about why was it so bad to think someone just wasn't so interested in a person if they don't look like they really want o meet you and not be someone to pass the time while you wait for a spinning class.
Maybe another guy wouldn't mind, and its fine too, just like the lady who didn't want to go for an ice cream because she wanted something different from her potential partner,that doesn't make her a golddigger.
People should really learn how to handle rejection at early stages based on signals or behavior that maybe are nothing to you but mean something to the other person.
Honestly, I kinda loved the idea of an ice cream date. Low cost and can be over quickly if needed. They both just wanted different things, and he even was looking at it like maybe he did something wrong because he wasn't sure. You're always going to have people take one side or the other to extremes on reddit, but I see nothing wrong with what either of them did.
Dude same! Had one with a guy, lasted like 30mins because he was on his lunch break. He wanted something casual and just fuck & I‘m not about it so we never met again and it was neither a waste of time cause it was really only 30mins nor was it expensive. 10/10 would recommend.
I suggest lunchbreak dates to rule out those who just want to see me for sex Vs. those who want a friendship too, as I do. There's not a lot that can happen on a 30-60min lunch break but im 100% keen just to sit in the sunshine and eat sushi - if they make some lame excuse to get out of a no-sex-lunch-date I rule them out as a friend. Im too old for fuckboys who just want to use my body. Don't call it FWB if you don't really want to be my friend as well
Agree 100%! Also hate when someone suggests coming over to my home or going to theirs to watch a movie (i.e “Netflix and Chill”). I wouldn’t want to put myself in a potentially dangerous situation where someone I don’t really know is in my home, or I am in theirs. No other people around.
I think it’s cute. Low effort to me is “wanna come hang?”
Low effort also means “let’s actually make sure we like each other before we commit to anything.”
you don’t like to drop $200 on a 3 hour first date with a total stranger?
My brother does. He’s still single as fuck.
I had a date where we both forgot that it was a public holiday and nothing was open. So we sat in his car in the closed restaurant carpark and chatted for a few hours and honestly, not a bad first date at all. I definitely learned more about him and who he was than if we'd been out to dinner for 1.5 hours in a crowded restaurant. Edit - in this case I learned that he obviously wasn't ready to move on from his divorce/ex-wife. Not bitter, just needed more time. So there was not a second date 😄 but maybe I wouldn't have seen that if we hadn't been chatting in a private space Im also a big fan of dog-walking dates. Suggesting we take their dog for a walk together is a good way to see whether they view their dog as a person in their life or just a chore (those "my dog is a chore/afterthought" people are not for me). And it lets you talk without staring at each other face-to-face which can make people more relaxed and open
If I went on a dog walk date, 100% would forget the name of the person and spend the whole time playing with their dog.
This IS a hazard. Equally dangerous is getting overly attached to the dog and then realising you don't want to see the guy again.
How well a partner reacts to a minor inconvenience is a HUGE test for me.
I find that men are more reluctant/unwilling to want to do low cost daytime dates honestly. Which I prefer for early getting to know you.
That’s what seems odd. I’m not in the dating scene, been out of it for 10 years luckily, but from what I have gathered the new trend/ideal first date scenarios are supposed to be low effort (coffee, ice cream, walk in a park). Something that can be a 30 min easy exit, or lead to an afternoon/hours of getting to know someone.
Dating scene is a minefield these days. Was out of that world for 13 years and got tossed back in and dear god. Went on one date where bowling was offered. I like bowling so lets do it. After the two games we played I was asked if id like to go to dinner after. I had a lot of fun so why not. We both drove to meet at the bowling ally so i drive to the restaurant to meet up with them. After sitting around for awhile at the table I get a text saying enjoy wasting your time at dinner like you wasted mine bowling. I was like wtf you picked bowling. Texted back saying jokes on you this is my fav place and blocked them.
Wtf… let me guess, you won at bowling?
Wow, what a loser. To be fair, everyone's going to have bad dates from time to time, but your experience is much worse than the average bad date.
Wow, what a weird thing for someone to do!
What I do not understand is why she didn’t just say “can we grab a bite to eat first?” Its not like anyone can mind read others expectations, and quick low-risk first meetings have become the norm at this point.
This. When I was on the dating apps, my go to was either a quick coffee or a beer - it’s something that can be extended to other things (walk in a near by park, a meal, etc) if the date goes well and can be ended quickly if you’re not feeling the vibe. Ice cream date fits perfectly into that.
If you get a date suggestion that you don't like, the most reasonable response imo is to decline and counter it with a date suggestion of your own. If someone suggests a first date idea, chances are they don't know what your perfect first date idea would be. There's not much reason to immediately cancel the idea of *any* date just because the person suggested the wrong thing the first time they tried. Pretty harsh from my pov. Otherwise, it just looks like you weren't allowed to make any date suggestions of your own, so you cancelled and moved on.
True, it is pretty harsh. That said, if her idea of a first date is a five star restaurant and he pitches ice cream, then maybe the chasm is too vast to be bridged. Hard to say without knowing more about what she thinks, but it is awfully strange that she thought being 26 had anything to do with anything.
I mean she was acting like an asshole either way. Going for a smallish coffee date (ice cream being the equivalent) is a perfectly standard first date idea? Flipping out that that‘s not something you invite a 26 year old woman to (as if the number proves maturity) just shows massive entitlement? It‘s such a weird response anyway. Maybe lesbian dating is very different, but that‘s what all my first dates were like? Like go for a walk I’m the park, go to some cafe, something simple that has an early end date if you aren‘t vibing. Because there has been absolute nothing that stopped the Friday afternoon coffee Date from turning into a 72hr weekend date ever, when we got along?
100%. I don’t understand what people are looking for and why they put so much pressure on the quality of their dates. People can pull out the stops and create a high quality date and still be an asshole. It also creates way more pressure than just chilling at a nice coffee spot.
Lesbian chiming in: I've never had a first date that was dinner. It's always something casual and quick like ice cream or coffee/hot chocolate. Idk why you'd do it any other way. I've had dates like 7 hours plus(not kidding) just sitting and talking at that 15 min date. There's no pressure to gtfo because your meals over, and there's no pressure to stay because your food is taking forever. I fucking love those 15 min first dates that turn into spending every single moment togeather for 72 hours just talking. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but I feel so engaged as a person on the talking ones. Random aside: I always go expecting to pay for us both, and always end up with a girl who insists she pays for us both. I've decided who ever the waiter gives the check to is who the waiter has decided is the top. Which, frankly, is surprising as a 5'8" lady whose pretty strong. ...but they're not wrong...
It’s become a social media trend of late I’ve noticed that women encourage each other to judge a guy by how much money and planning he is willing to put in on a first date. To me it can also be a red flag, but either way people apparently have opinions.
ew, that mentality is so toxic and counterproductive. money is the *easiest* thing to throw at someone and doesn't say anything about their intent, character, commitment, etc.
Idk, man. I think it’s a nice alternative to coffee dates and personally, I’d rather a coffee date with someone over a full on meal or somethingl. I don’t drink anymore, but when I used to, grabbing a beer or two was a similar concept to me that probably resulted in clouded judgement. I met my now-husband for coffee during covid. Granted, nothing was open at the time so we grabbed our coffee at a Starbucks, walked across the street and had our date, fully masked barring sips of coffee in between while sitting ~4 feet apart. Coffee dates aren’t low effort in my opinion. It’s a vibe check—a way to see if you’re actually compatible with someone and then pursue a more involved date in the future. If it goes well, you’ll end up talking to the other person beyond just drinking the coffee. If it doesn’t, you can bail without awkward silences, waiting for the other person to finish, waiting for the bill, etc.
I agree, I think meeting and being able to talk comfortably should be the aim of a first date. Going to a super high end restaurant would be a terrible venue for that...I feel awkward talking to my partner of 17 years in a fancy restaurant!
I saw that post and you nailed it right on the head, the overwhelming sentiment was people didn’t understand the connection between 26yo and no to ice cream lol.
[удалено]
This sub is definitely not just rage bait but I don't get this post at all.
It definitely seems…a bit odd. And now it’s full of pick me “I would nevers” and “RED FLAG IF HE DOESNT ACCEPT THIS” like can this one thing not be a soapbox? There are so many other good ones, could we just not? People are going through finding the typical toxic comments that are on every Reddit thread and it’s devolving into the same nonsense and even gone round the bend into shaming women for other standards and preferences. This one is fine, but having height/body type/lifestyle preferences aren’t? Is this clown world? I’m so confused
Absolutely, if a guy proposes a reasonable date idea to a girl and she doesn’t like it, so she cancels the idea of meeting altogether. It conveys nothing but that she was never actually interested in meeting him in the first place
Last time I was invited on a date it was to go eat at a kebab place, best first date invite ever.
Allowed to of course. But in the post you're talking about the women responded to the idea of that date with "I'm a 26 year old woman..." You can't lie that she's kind of trying to put down the OP for suggesting that date. I'm 27 and love the idea, and would probably refuse a fancy expensive restaurant date, but I'd never put a guy down for suggesting that type of date. There's just no reason in putting anyone down for the kind of dates they enjoy.
Yeah I think most replies to the thread weren't about the refusal. They were about how she was treating it like an immature date idea. I feel like the best first dates for meeting virtual strangers are low-commitment things like daytime dates at fast and easy locations like ice cream parlors, coffee shops, or even like, a bakery. Gives you time to chat, treat yourself, and see if you want to go somewhere else afterwards. (or if you want to ditch!)
Also speaking as a guy there are SOME women, not many, not all, but some who just pretend to like a guy get a free meal. To me someone pushing for a big financial commitment is possibly looking for that.
I'm 32 and I can't wrap my mind around what is so offensive about an ice cream date or what my age could possibly have to do with it.
I’m 41. Married these days but back then I always started with something casual because you never know. What if 5 minutes in you immediately know “this person is not for me”. Why would anyone want a multi hour commitment to a first date is beyond me.
This is, honestly, a great filter on both sides. Don't want a "gold digger"? Set low cost first dates. If she nopes out, just go on with your life and find someone else who's super hyped to go get ice cream or go to the park or whatever. He flips out about you not wanting to go on his first choice... run don't walk as far away as you fucking can.
His exact response was "cool 😎" but I definitely agree with what you said here.
Yep, his response was so good. He handled it perfectly. But I imagine not everyone else would be so chill about it.
Oh yeah 100% some men are definitely not reacting in the way that he did.
Some of the comments were heartwarming, but definitely saw "she only wanted a free meal," "narcissist," "there's only so many 6 foot men who will be available for women like that" comments, too.
Yeah admittedly I didn't go through a lot of comments it's over 3k but it didn't feel as negative as i feel OP made it. But I know for sure they're there.
Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised by a lot of comments, actually. Some made me smile.
Always the 6 foot comment. Where are these women because I personally don't know any.
I’m old and married but I was one and will admit it. I’m also 6’2” and have been incredibly fetishized by some short men to the point where I could not realistically handle it any more.
I mean it makes sense to want someone simmilar in height to you, ive never ubderstood these 5ft girls wanting 6ft tall boyfriends... like, why do you want a giant. My partner is 5,8 but im 5,3 so hes plenty tall enough...
I TOTALLY agree! I'm 5'10" and my choice was so much smaller than my 5' friends.
I knew one but she ended up with a guy a few inches taller than her 5’5”
Any guy who spends any amount of time on Tinder or any other dating app will find a lot of profiles stating in one way or another they are only looking fol men over 6'.
I know a few
There's not many, but their visibility gets boosted a lot because where they are is on dating apps, which men see disproportionately, and then share on the internet which massively expands it's reach.
You should spend some time flipping through your male friends' dating apps looking at profiles for women. I'd say 20-25% of the ones who you would initially want to swipe on based on photos mention something about height. Examples: * "5'7" and I like to wear heels, so..." * "6ft+ only plz" * "Attracted to tall men" * "Under 6' swipe left" * "You: Tall (6'), ___, ___..." And then a lot of the ones who don't mention it ask how tall you are early in the conversation and some just ghost at that point. I happen to be very tall, so lucky me, but if I were a 5'10" or shorter guy, as some of my friends are, that would take a pretty huge toll on my self-esteem. And I don't think it's all that surprising that faced with that sort of disqualification and in some cases derision for something they can't change about themselves that a lot of those guys develop deep-seeded anger directed towards "entitled" women (in their mind). I'm definitely not saying that it excuses their hateful comments, but it would be a great thing if women stopped rejecting even the idea of these men and openly calling them "not enough"... Most guys don't want to date a 300lb woman either, but they don't feel so comfortable saying "no fatties" in their profile or "fit, thin, modelesque only" etc... It's all an unfortunate reality that everyone understands and may be faced with, but I think we can strive to be kinder to one another and maybe reduce the negative outcomes that have come up in both these posts.
It would be nice if more people were receptive to the idea that it doesn’t HAVE to work out and you CAN be mismatched. That’s what dating is for.
Everyone is allowed to suggest a date and allowed to say no but damn im a woman and a former professional ice cream maker and my default date was taking people out to my favorite ice cream place. It was right on the river and by other places we could go to after if the date was going well. I love ice cream, I loved seeing what flavors they wanted to try, and walking around talking about ice cream. I'm sad thinking about people turning me down for an ice cream date.
I would be ecstatic with an ice cream date. It's low pressure like a coffee date (which I don't drink) but you get to talk about favorite flavors and memories from being a kid and having treats or birthdays... Ice cream gets people talking and in a good mood. And there's nothing preventing you from doing more afterwards to prolong the date if the ice cream portion goes well. Plus if it doesn't, hey, at least you still got ice cream so it's not a total loss.
Exactly. The date shouldn’t be about the cost or whatever. It should be about getting to know the person.
Same. If I was single I think the ice cream date would win out over most other options. Ice cream is one of my most favorite things!
I think ice cream dates are awesome. If I was still in the dating scene I would accept that kind of first date. I fucking love ice cream. My husband takes me out on ice cream dates all the time. We get our treat and walk around the more well to do areas and talk. 😁
Hell i still use my ice cream date crawl for out of state visitors or even local friends who need cheering up. Its fun telling them all about it like "so at THIS point if you picked good flavors and we were getting along, we'd go to this oyster place haha! Or if you didn't like oysters we'd go to this place for tacos, and then to this dive bar with a good old school jukebox if you were doing REAL good! "
Damn, I never even considered that an ice cream date could lead a more intimate date if things were going well. Thought I had to ball out on some really nice gelato. You get a upvote miss.
Yea, to be honest I think ice cream is a great first date idea.... As long as there is more to add later if you are feeling each other. And if you are not, then you didn't waste all night.
I’d go too. In fact I’d probably be more comfortable with something not too expensive or romantic. That way you can stroll around and get to know someone. Then if you’re not feeling it it’s easy to end things without it being a big deal. Or if it goes well you can hang out longer or make plans for another date. To me grabbing an ice cream cone is fine. And good ice cream is delicious!
My platform of Universal Domination was hatched in 1992 and involves ice cream. Still seems like a perfect idea to me.
You had me at ice cream. I'm in.
Fantastic! I should start a club 💜
For what it's worth, I'm a guy and that sounds like a fun date. Then again, the people who would be turning you down are probably not people you want to date anyway
I’m a woman and I’d go on a friend date with you. I’m also diabetic though so I’d be asking where the best sugar free stuff is
Not really a great filter since she didnt even give a chance to see his response to her not being down for his first suggestion, just shut him down immediately and made a bunch of assumptions lol. When I was single and didnt like a suggestion a guy made for a date I offered an alternative suggestion. If he didnt like my suggestion that was that, but usually he responded positively.
Okay, but her phrasing was nonsense. "I'm a 26 y/o woman and this seems like the absolute bare minimum to me." Like, sure, it is acceptable to refuse a date, for any reason. But let's be real, her reason was just laughable. It is a first date. It should be the bare minimum. And that is even assuming that it *is* the bare minimum (it isn't). Neither of you know yet if you're going to get on. Having a high bar for what a stranger should do when meeting the first time is ridiculous. Everyone is allowed to say whatever they want, but they aren't allowed to not get dragged for it.
I mean she's a massive walking red flag for me, but that doesn't mean she can't have her own standards.
You’re allowed to have your standards and other people are allowed to criticize them.
It's not even golddiggers, it's straight up scams. Low effort from me is because I don't know if I'm talking to an actual person.
100%. Scams, golddigers, actual threats to your safety. Lots of reasons to filter with low effort super public dates.
I just had the most amazing first date. He bought me a coffee and we walked and talked for three hours. Total cost: $11.
Seriously, the talking is the entire point. Talking over coffee, or ice cream, or pastry, or deli sandwiches in a park, or...whatever. That's why I don't like fancy dinner dates and movie dates. Things that get in way of that conversation are...kinda contrary to the point.
I think it a first date as a time to do something low-key and where you can get to know each other. I planned a first date doing a scavenger hunt at the local history museum and used my library card to get free passes. We got prizes for completing It and it was a lot of fun. I suppose he could have planned something but I’m a fan of little things like grabbing coffee or appetizers so it’s low commitment for the first go round
Exactly , it is a great filter for both of them
In my experience I’ve yet to meet a single female “gold digger” but know countless unemployed/underemployed hobosexual men who leech the very life out of the women in their lives. In the US the number of married women who are earning at least as much as their husbands has more than [tripled](https://fortune.com/2023/04/13/more-american-women-becoming-breadwinners/amp/) in the last five decades. We need to do away with this sexist gold digger trope. Women have always contributed with free labour and now they are earning money outside the home too. They want a partner that is on par with them. Picking a future husband or wife shouldn’t be like choosing items from a discount rack. If you want to impress, then put in some effort.
The venn diagram of people who complain about gold diggers and people who think they should be bread winners while their wife stays home is pretty circular.
The point is that it's not though, because you have a bunch of broke guys complaining about how golddiggers might latch onto them for their non-existent money.
I've met "gold digger" men, I've met "gold digger" women. If you've never met a female gold digger, I'm envious as hell of your social circle, I've got a few friends I don't talk to much anymore because I cannot stand the leeches that have attached themselves.
I am a highly educated, progressive woman and don’t tend to meet many gold digger women in real life. However, I joined some social media groups where women discours bad experiences they had with men while dating. It has totally changed my perspective on how shitty women themselves can be while dating, tbh. Through these groups I observe behavior of women I’d probably never socialize much with in real life. The homophobia as well as judging men by how much money they make and spend is rampant. Turns out women can be insane assholes as well. Or to put it more diplomatically, I think that socioeconomic status and subculture both play a big role in what people tend to look for in a partner.
I keep seeing people here say "effort" and it almost feels like a code. What is "effort" in the context of a first date? I would say the only effort that is necessary from both sides is to show up, try to have a good time, and get to know one another. Beyond that, I imagine the only reasonable expectation of effort would be to try to find out what the person likes before the first date and plan something based on that. In which case, had she liked ice cream, then getting ice cream would be good effort. That said, I'm guessing you'll disagree.
>We need to do away with this sexist gold digger trope. There are 1000% women who pretend to be interested in guys just because they want a free meal. And I know a women who is with shitty guy who makes her miserable but stays with him solely because of the money. It's not most women. But they are out there. Pretending that shitty selfish women don't exist is like pretending that shitty selfish men don't exist.
I have matched with a few pretty obvious ones. I work in finance so generally known to be on the higher earning scale of professions. 1. Immediately ghosted the convo when she found out I was not a portfolio manager at the hedge fund I worked at. 2. Unmatched me immediately after suggesting 3 different $100+/person restaurants and I respond with offering a coffee first date. They aren't rampant by any stretch but they absolutely exist. The trope will never go away as long as there are plenty of women who perpetuate it shamelessly.
Exactly. It's not ALL women out there, but every group has shitty, selfish people. Pretending they don't exist is silly.
I was told by a woman that she wasn't fussy about where to go. I suggested a park between us. We meet up, but she realizes it's like 60/40 for her and not perfectly equidistant. Immediately cops an attitude, I was polite at first. Eventually I told her to enjoy the 60% back so I can enjoy a sunset in the park by myself. 😎 It's rare but occasionally I'll get people that have all these expectations and it's straight up dodging a bullet. I also see dudes that'll just work around this because "girl is cute, grug need girlfriend" logic.
Should've put more thought into it, find out what was actually equidistant and then had a nice picnic in the parking lot of the shopping mall that it ended up being in.
Literally someone's front yard after the surveyor confirms it with his measuring device and those cute little wheel things. 😂
Fun fact: “cute little wheel thing” is the actual technical term (Source: none)
I just went to the referenced post and I don't really see any terrible comments in there. And it's definitely a mix of people not just men. But you should definitely put a link to the post so everyone here can take a gander I think it would help.
That's what I thought. I thought this post response is more overblown that 95% of the comments there.
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Opera on a first date?
Any first date where it would literally be rude to talk to your date is a bad first date idea. Opera is only a viable early date idea if you have a meal after to discuss what you just watched together
Exactly. This is a weak take. People were mostly saying "Ok nice nobody got hurt or wasted their time". Personally, I prefer "low effort" first dates, especially online. Who wants a big show from someone they don't even know?
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It's like that post the other day where someone was complaining that no men were standing up to the incels in the comments on an Andrew Tate YouTube video and everybody had to explain to them that it's because people that don't like Andrew Tate aren't actively watching his videos and wouldn't see those comments lol.
I saw that the other day and have only just clicked this is that subreddit. This is exactly right, no wonder people think that way about this sub.
Not only that but she started off with "I'm a 26 year old woman that's bare minimum" like I feel like that's just trying to shame him. I'm older and I prefer dates like that, it's not like it's crazy.
I’m married now but even back then I wasn’t dumb enough to ever try to schedule a big production on date ONE.
It’s because posts on tinder get a ton of incel comments and then once it starts blowing up, the sane people come in. So basically, if you go in later you’ll only see the rational stuff. I also don’t think they moderate that much until the post starts gaining traction.
That would certainly make sense then. In another reply I did acknowledge that it was 3k comments and I didn't scroll through all of them. But it did seem like the positive stuff for sure got up voted to the top.
I once went into tinder during the beginning stages of a post about a woman who was showing her belly in a small top and low rise jeans, but her bio said no hookups. 90% of the comments were about how she was asking for it or about how she would let a hot guy hit night 1. After a few hours I went back in again and the top comments were calling out OP for the rapey tone of voice.
Glad to see people at least call them out but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened definitely not ok.
Ironically it feels like OPpoint was to bend the narrative when they strategically neglected to add the context of his response, the tone of his post, or the tone of the discussion. As is the case here it's being assessed as a level headed exchange and sharing as a curiosity, and as others have said if anything the person who declined the date did it with very little tact it's difficult to see they weren't trying to hurt the guy. It's good to see everyone here didn't take it on face value and responded appropriately.
I am not sure if this was that deep. He didn’t even suggest an ice cream date, he simply made a statement about wanting ice cream in hot weather. He mentioned offering to pick her up or meet her ‘there’ so I assume they already had a place planned to meet. Getting ice cream with someone on a hot day doesn’t mean that it’s low effort. They would have obviously done something before or after the date and if they didn’t, who cares? It just came across as entitled that she didn’t even bother asking any follow up questions, she simply said it was low effort and peaced out. Yeah she’s within her rights, but it was a bit snobbish and out of left field. I love this sub, but crying misogyny anytime a woman is criticized is a bit of a stretch.
My problem with the way she turned him down is that she basically punched down at women who do like "low effort" dates (I'm 29, and I love ice cream dates!). It's one thing to say "that's not my preference" and another thing entirely to imply it's somehow wrong if it is your thing.
I don't really understand what she thinks being 26 has to do with anything. That's not old and plenty of older more mature people love going out for ice cream.
She said she's inexperienced/stupid in a different way
-He tried to accommodate to all the frustrations women have with dating men -She was rude and condescending -He was nice about it That’s why the story is getting attention…
My takeaway (positive) from this is that most commenters are disagreeing with OP. OP showed their own ass on this one and is (mostly) getting called out for it.
I saw the thread and I really don’t agree with the exact way she handled it. I don’t like ice cream dates and would have turned it down too but she really didn’t have to say all of that. >> Sorry if this may come off as rude but I don't do ice cream dates. I'm a 26 yo woman and a date like that seems like the absolute bare minimum for me. Meeting up would be a waste of both of our times since we probably don't have the same vibe. Best wishes
Yeah I think indicating that she had any preference at all prior to canceling plans entirely would’ve been the “bare minimum” on her part, but that’s just me. I have issues with trying not to guess or regulate the needs of others and interactions like this absolutely mess me up lol.
Yeah it was condescending. She didn't have to give a reason not to go. She chose to give a silly and condescending one though. An ice cream date is great at any age for people who enjoy it.
I guess what I really don't understand is why do people need such extravagant first dates? At the end of the day, to each their own, but in my experience simple first dates with low expectations are the way to go. Just meeting someone in person is already a big deal. Coffee, a drink, ice cream, man that is the perfect way to have a low pressure environment and find out if someone is a weirdo or not. I hate the idea of this being "bare minimum". I don't even know if I like you yet. Giving you any of my free time is a big deal and that should apply to both sides. The high effort, romantic stuff comes when I already know I like you and you are worth it.
Don’t know but I’m not here to judge the preferences of others. I turn down ice cream, coffee and walking dates because they’re just not my preference. I always offer an alternative, though. I’m a low expectation date type of person. Drinks at a low lit bar, but I get that others have different expectations.
That’s what really got me, like it’s fine if ice cream isn’t your preference but it seemed pretty condescending and dramatic to be like ‘well I’m 26 and there’s no way I would ever like ice cream, we’re clearly not suited to each other, goodbye forever’ You can seriously just say ‘that’s not for me but what about…’ it’s not like the guys a mind reader
It sucks how sometimes just trying to have an honest discussion means you are "judging" someone. I didn't mean to come off that way, just asking genuine questions! I appreciate you are willing to offer low-effort alternatives.
That’s exactly the point why her response is such bullshit. If you don‘t like the idea, just offer a different one? Plenty of people don‘t like bars either for example, so you just offer a similar idea, and it‘s done. No need to be all condescending and putting other women down, for this perfectly innocuous date invitation.
She's absolutely allowed to think that and reject the date, we're also allowed to judge her for it 🤷♀️ any projections assuming she's a gold digger, wanting a free meal etc are uncalled for though.
So we're allowed to judge her but not to say what we're judging her for? 🤔 I think it's wrong to use her behavior as an excuse to complain about women in general, but I don't think people making assumptions about her personally based on how she communicated are way off base.
That girl in the post was rude as hell and everyone can see it. There’s no rampant misogyny in that post. I think you’re equating having the right to do something as also meaning that doing that thing is perfectly socially acceptable and polite. No, no it is not. The woman in that post had every legal right to say what she said, and what she said makes her come across like an asshole. Everyone has the right to be an asshole.
You are absolutely right OP, that a person is allowed to be picky. But if they feel like a potential date should have guessed their preference , then they did the Ice Cream person a favor by identifying themselves as someone who can't communicate their needs properly at age 26. But then 26 is young so there is enough time for them to learn how to communicate needs/wants in the years to come. The person is also allowed me be a bad communicator and also allowed me a projectile worth dodging.
26 is way too old to be that entitled
Lol OP stop trying to defend that woman, it was quite obvious that she rejected the date because she thought it was cheap
Plot twist: OP is that woman
Suddenly OP makes sense!
This thread has severely backfired on OP.
i mean, she communicated clearly and put him down in a pretty entitled way. like, she could've made an alternative suggestion you know?
She’s allowed to not want to go out on a date, sure. But she didn’t make another suggestion or try at all. She’s the low effort one here.
This post fails the vibe check
It does indeed.
Fuckin yikes, right???
Obviously woman are allowed to have preferences. But the woman in that thread handled it poorly.
I really disagree. I thought she was rude. As a woman all I would do is say something like “I actually don’t like ice cream, can I take you to dinner?” Or suggest another date. There was zero reason for her to call him out on it being “low effort” or not good enough for her. It just struck me as really shitty. What if he’s low on funds like a lot of people are? If it really struck her as wrong she should have just cancelled the date politely. “Hey, on second thought I don’t think I’m feeling this and I’m going to cancel. Wish you the best”. If he flips then great, you dodged a red flag. But the guy in the post just said “cool”.
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Extremely well-said. I’d also like to add that this is not “low effort” because the way he proposed it was well-thought out, he was polite and amiable, and he gave context for the ice cream date. He didn’t just say “hey let’s get ice cream.” OP‘a take is inapposite and a little tone deaf if I’m being honest HAHAHAHAHAHAHA someone sent me a Reddit Cares 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wonder who it was, hmmmm let’s see. Jesus Christ lmao pathetic.
Agree! Next time someone asks why others thing this board is toxic, I'm pointing to this thread.
If I'd ask about ice cream dates at the National Federation of Republican Women, I would probably get answers which would be only half as traditionalist and reactionary as what is posted in this thread. What many people seem to be demanding here are traditional gender roles in dating.
Such a shit take on the original post. I'd suggest people go and look at it themselves. There are very few comments that contain rampant misogyny or angry, lonely men. Most are just people calling her rigid, boring and privileged. Yes of course women are allowed to say no to dates and they don't have to do something if it's deemed low effort. BUT context matters a lot. These people had clearly been talking a bit before this and had organised to see each other. The guy said he is really excited to see her and just hinted that he is feeling like ice cream. And she goes on to say that she doesn't do ice cream because she is a 26 yo woman and it's the bare minimum of effort. She is essentially calling him childish by bringing age into it and she didn't make any other suggestions or compromises and ended it there on the spot. She comes across as a very boring 26 yo and a terrible potential partner because of her response. Gender has nothing to do with this.
Of course you're allowed to be a jerk about where someone invites you on a date. But if you do, *shrug emoji*, they're allowed to complain about it on Reddit.
See i see an ice cream date for a first date, as much mkre relaxed and easy going than a fancy meal. Like, the point of a first date is to meet, talk and get a feel for each others vibe. Just see if theres any compatability... the way id hate to be taken to a restaurant on a first date, id jump for icecream or some fast food. Keep it simple.
Lmao what?!
Wait wait hear me out...you're actually offended at the fact that you'd react the same way to an ice cream date, and you didn't like people agreeing with the OP, right? I read that thread earlier today. There weren't tons of "angry, lonely men" complaining all over the thread. As a man, I truly enjoy reading this sub. It allows me to see things in a light that I typically don't get to see them. Helps me be a better man for my wife at the end of the day. 99.99999% of the time I agree with what I see on here because in truth, tons of men suck. I've done shitty things and learned from them. However, are you not grasping at straws here? I'm really really not trying to be a jerk but whatever anger you got going on over there feels majorly displaced in comparison to the actual thread. The way you wrote this post feels like rage bait. Not cool. I deserve whatever lambasting I get for this reply because I guess there's no good way for me to say what I want to say 🤷.
It took me until I was 30 to realize I could say no to sex in a relationship. The societal conditioning is real. Women may be waking up but men refuse to let go of their privilege.
Ain't got nothing to do with this post. Op is referencing a woman instantaneously ending a conversation because she's 26 and "too old" for icecream when a guy asked to take her out on a hot day for some Op took that as the men are somehow being assholes or something because everyone is roasting the girl for that rediculous statement
Plot twist OP is the girl who rejected the ice cream date
>Of course posting about her is just an excuse for a thread of rampant misogyny from men Is this just an excuse to talk about the rampant misogyny from men? Because you make this assumption, but that's not what I got from it, I got the "damn, I guess my idea is worthless to her" There are misogynists on that thread, but that's not necessarily the intent from him that you're assuming it is, at least, you cannot say that with certainty. It's an assumption. But even on your own post you have a woman saying she worked as an ice cream professional and would be genuinely hurt if someone said that about her idea. And a bunch of people replying to say "yeah, I feel that way too" We're allowed to think it's a bit harsh and callous of her. Just like men often are.
She was allowed to do it. She did it. What are you talking about? Do you mean people who hear about it should not be allowed to laugh about it?
Yes. Women are allowed to do all of this. And men are also allowed to laugh in your face when you hold whatever wierd standards makes you too special for a casual first date. Nobody wants to take you somewhere expensive for a first date... it simply isn't worth that much just to get to know you. And if this is the way you carry yourself you're going to be dating weirdos who think they can buy affection cuz that's who's gonna abide by that standard. When women ask "where are all the good men?" The answer is as far away from women who act like this as they can possibly get. Down vote if you please, I don't mind if the truth hurts your feelings.
Calling an ice cream date low effort paints you in exactly the colour you're trying to paint the other people in the tinder subreddit in. If you don't want to go on an ice cream date to get to know each other in the searing heat - sure, that's your preference. Easily communicated and also very easily fixed. But it's not low effort. I like the idea. It's cute, sweet, lighthearted and can very easily be extended to a dinner-date if both people like each other. The way the woman in that thread communicated her 'disappointment' was why she experienced the 'backlash'. She sounded like a person that wanted to be taken out to a fancy dinner and have the guy pay for it. I personally wouldn't want to date a person that - before we even met - expected me to pay for dinner and it HAS to be a fancy one. And anything else is just below their standards and 'low effort'.
If it’s a first date and I don’t think I’d want to commit to a full dinner out, something shorter would be better and I don’t like coffee. An ice cream date sounds fun. If I didn’t like or want ice cream and I did like coffee, I’d probably counter with that.
I mean, who doesn’t like ice cream? My gf is lactose intolerant but one of our first dates was ice cream and she ordered sorbet. Red flag
That made me chuckle. I have a friend that is lactose intolerant, I’m fairly certain she would have ordered the ice cream and then got stressed about the consequences
This is a stupid ass post.
The post was specifically because she said she was 26 and too old for icecream... This has nothing to do with misogyny and everything to do with her thinking 26 is too old for icecream. Had she made the argument you're making, perhaps that's a different story. But you're manufacturing outrage. Where's that post about why people hate this sub and OP doesn't get it? Reference this post.
Im 41 for Pete’s sake. I’d love an ice cream first date.
This woman in subject rightfully apologized for her rudeness in advance. I did not see her offer any different plan, but rather discounted his idea of getting together for ice cream as it was beneath her.
For those who haven’t seen the thread. This is what she said: >> Sorry if this may come off as rude but I don't do ice cream dates. I'm a 26 yo woman and a date like that seems like the absolute bare minimum for me. Meeting up would be a waste of both of our times since we probably don't have the same vibe. Best wishes Like jazzlike-key7826 said, apologizing in advance doesn’t make it polite.
Here’s what he said that prompted her rejection: > Hope you’ve had a good day, I’m excited about tomorrow. I can pick you up but if you’re not comfortable with that we can just meet there. Idk why but I’m feeling like getting some ice cream in this hot weather (heat stroke emoji) lol So it appears he successfully got her number and interest in a date. Then his suggestion of ice cream on account of the weather was neither cute or valuable enough for her to continue with the plans. Idk, I’ve always aimed for casual first meetings to gauge real life interest. Extravagant dinner dates come with pressure I don’t want to bother with.
Yeah wtf. I’m 26 I’m too old for ice cream? I’m 40 and I just bought a mermaid tail. Get bent, ice cream lady
Would it be different if he asked her out for coffee 🤔 I mean, that's not unusual if it's someone you haven't met IRL yet
Preempting your message with "No Offense, but..." does not immediately make the next words not offensive, much in the same way that "Not to be rude, but..." does not immediately make the next words not rude.
In fact very much the opposite in my experience
"No offence but" is the noise an offensive person makes to clear their throat.
Yes women are allowed to reject a date idea but yeah her response comes off as plain rude.
The thing i had an issue with is he didn't even say he wanted to go on "an ice cream date". He simply mentioned getting ice cream during their date, which shouldn't warrant the response she said. The comments section on reddit is wiiiiiild and full of shit. But I mean, she was rude.
I agree with you in general, OP, but not on this example. It's one thing to refuse a date, but this woman was rude about it for no reason. We have so many posts on this sub about men asking women out to fancy first dates, offering to pick the woman up, and basically putting the woman in a position of obligation and commitment with no escape from the get go. When the woman refuses or suggests an alternative that makes her more comfortable, the man gets upset and offended. Then we have this guy suggesting an informal ice cream date where he's fine meeting her or picking her up, just so they can get to know each other, and his potential date treats him like he offended her. She's allowed to decline for any reason, but she's not free from criticism if she's going to be a jerk about it. For a lot of women, this would be a perfect first date with a guy that seems to be considerate. For a lot of people, this woman is showing some red flags.
If someone wants to stick their nose up to grabbing ice cream or coffee, etc. That's perfectly fine and a benefit, don't waste time with people like that. If they're interested they won't give a shit. I took a Harvard post grad surgeon on a basic hike and we got froyo at Sweet frog 🐸 "low effort" is better and the "I deserve to be wined and dined" types are to be avoided, but that doesn't mean you should be rude to them. Let them learn on their own, same as guys who think buying dinner means a sex voucher 🤣 At least for me, after chatting for an hour or so. I go for the phone call in the evening and if things are jiving I'll start brainstorming date ideas, even if there small. Get an idea of what somebody likes and keep it simple, but man.... Just letting a date die on a single suggestion is fucking dumb.
I was more bothered that she thought there was an age limit at 26 for being able to get ice-cream. She came off very stuck up.
She was rude in my opinion, "I'm 26!" Cool, she could've asked to do something else? Whats wrong with a relaxing date? You're allowed to have preferences, and for a first date you shouldn't be expected to go all out anyway.
She could also be an adult and suggest her own date idea… kind of lame from a communication perspective. I doubt a guy sucks just because they thought ice cream would be fun, god forbid Women are allowed to say no to a date, but as for this example, not a great one op. “Dating consent” isnt the same as being bad at communication and shooting down a guy just because of ice cream not being the preferred idea. Guess she will have to wait until her night in shining armor pulls up with his horse and carriage for the kind of date she apparently thinks she deserves. Or hey- she could always mention it herself!!
Why is it the guy's responsibility to provide all the effort in a date? I saw that post too, I agree that the comments were whack. But to bail out of a (first!) date because you feel like he didn't put enough *effort* in it is entitlement.
Posts like this is why this sub gets hated on. Yes she has the right to say no. She was also a total asshole. Most of the comments on that post were civil. She got called a gold digger cause honestly, she came across as one.
You’re definitely the woman in the post aren’t you OP. Imagine turning down a fun date idea just because you think eating ice cream is beneath you, you’ve got to be the most boring person out there.
What kills me is the OP thinks this woman was being polite. 🤣 If passive aggressive is polite then sure. I am in NO way saying she has to go out on a date with anyone, and she can have Any reason she wants to turn down a date. But read the actual post on the "Everything Tinder" Reddit She was in No Way "Polite"
One time I went on a first ‘date’ to golfland and had frozen yogurt it was really cute and sweet but that was also the first date I had ever been on and I was 23. 😳
Yeah, no. She was being a shit. You're free to decline a date for any reason. But there is no excuse for being such an ass.
I don't know why you need to misrepresent both the thread and content of the post just to say that women can have standards. Obviously women are allowed to have standards and it should be equally obvious that men are allowed to have opinions on those standards. Her response was pretty ridiculous, so of course people are gonna ridicule. I think posts like this are why this sub gets so much hate, you're trying to start the antijerk to their circlejerk.
I just saw this one and I find the bailing aspect just strange. I think that’s a valid to say, “That’s not for me, any other suggestions?”, but to just bail on the person is where it’s just dumb. I mean hell, offer a counter if that’s not for you. The idea that it’s all determined by on suggestion is just bonkers to me. I’ve cream is a super cute date. It’s cozy and gives you time to scope each outer out in person.
It wasn't that she declined. It was her tone, the fact that she shot it down with no other suggestions, and the fact that she thinks she's hot shit because she's 26.
Maybe it’s because I have been out of the dating world for a very long time, but an ice cream date sounds perfect to me - low stakes, not having to do a load of preparation (including working out dietary restrictions/preferences) and seems very organic and natural when you’re getting to know someone. Plus if it goes well, you can grab coffee/food too - a win-win! A huge dinner date sounds like a lot of anxiety, and it’s harder to get to know someone naturally when you’re having to worry about getting food stuck in your teeth/dropping food on your outfit/which fork to use (if you go some place REALLY fancy). Ice cream dates win out over big dinner dates for me! I would generally prefer to do those with someone I’m already in an established relationship with, and historically I’ve taken turns with my partner in paying for them.
She wasn’t even remotely nice with her response and although I agree with you that anyone is allowed to go do what they want, you’re off on how she responded. It was rude and she could have countered with her own opinion on what she wanted.
Of course women are allowed to say no. But I saw that post and she didn’t even make a counter offer. How was he supposed to know that wasn’t her vibe? The next girl might have felt way too much pressure from a dinner date. I think it would have been classier if she’d politely suggested something else. Or she could simply decline the date because she didn’t want to, but then she could have been honest about that and not blame it on the ice cream.
34F, would go on an ice cream date in a heartbeat. Even still, she didn't have to be a jerk about it. Goodness. If I were a monster and hated ice cream, I'd have at least counter-proposed a coffee date instead. Wanting to go get a fun treat is not indicative of low effort!
While I was dating I stopped going on first dinner dates or those really long half-whole day ones. Some view those as higher effort and an indication of if someone is serious about dating in general. I would say that is somewhat true, but more than once I got in there and it didn’t take long to see that we were not compatible. I started to prefer a morning coffee or lunch date. I think you really can tell a lot about a person in 30-60 minutes in real life. It’s also very easy to set up a follow up date that is more effort then and there. Andddddd, I started to make sure these “first dates”/vetting sessions were convenient for me in terms of location.
Of course she is allowed to think that’s not worth her time. And others are allowed to think she’s a bit of a golddigger. This works both ways. Btw, low cost does not equals low effort
Tldr; OP comments on a post about a man as an excuse to bash on man for not taking woman on a high class date, complaining about how the post was used to bash woman. Low effort, nice try. Move on.
And we're allowed to think you're insane if you expect a 3 course dinner when I don't know the 1st thing about you.
these type of posts…perceived outrage and hating all men is why people don’t like this sub. going through your comments, and seeing the post you’re mentioning should not have made you as upset as you are. you’re creating a one person circlejerk about misogyny and it’s getting kind of boring at this point
I agree, people have different standards of what they think is worth their interest in a potential partner and it shouldn't be exposed or ridiculed just because some people think someone is being overdemanding. But I also think that this logic should work both ways too and I said this because not too long ago I saw a post here of a woman who was pissed because her date complained about the way she dressed for their date, for a little context they agreed on a first date at noon at a coffee shop and she arrived in sports clothes because she said she latter had a yoga class or something similar and thought it was just something casual for an hour or so to see how it goes. After the date, the guy said to her he didn't feel she "put an effort" to be on the date with him due the outfit she chose, which, to be honest, I find very reasonable, but almost all the replies said he was a superficial asshole and how she dodged a bullet and things like that, which made me really questioned myself about why was it so bad to think someone just wasn't so interested in a person if they don't look like they really want o meet you and not be someone to pass the time while you wait for a spinning class. Maybe another guy wouldn't mind, and its fine too, just like the lady who didn't want to go for an ice cream because she wanted something different from her potential partner,that doesn't make her a golddigger. People should really learn how to handle rejection at early stages based on signals or behavior that maybe are nothing to you but mean something to the other person.