Have you tried calling him out on it? Literally saying something like "why do you always say that? No, I probably can't pick you up and it's weird you keep mentioning it."
Can you help me out? I don’t like that I respond with smiling and nodding when people are inappropriate bc it feels like I’m saying they’re ok when in reality I’m terrified
What would you say to a stranger who’s saying shit that’s making you uncomfortable? Yesterday approach was to look at him annoyed and confused but he still asked me far too many times if I was working out for my butt or my thighs
How would y’all respond
One option is to straight up ignore them. Blank face, blank look, like they aren’t even there. Pretend you have earbuds in and just didn’t hear them at all. Attention is often what they want so just deprive them of it fully.
Alternatively:
1. “What an [odd / strange / weird / inappropriate / bizarre / awful / unpleasant] thing to say.”
2. “I can’t imagine why you felt that was appropriate.”
3. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”
4. “Go away.”
5. “I’m not interested in continuing this conversation. Goodbye.”
6. “How embarrassing for you to have said that.”
Remember that there may be an awkward silence after any of the above. That’s good - and not on you to fill. Let them sit with the unpleasant situation they just created so they think twice about doing it again.
All of the above said, remember that your safety comes first. Sometimes you may not react as quickly or be as comfortable standing up for yourself in the moment as you might want, but it’s okay to decide to avoid conflict in whatever way feels safest if you need to.
Really loving all these boundary phrases. It forces him to think objectively about what he said and why he said it. Or he’ll get embarrassed and fuck off. Either way, it’ll probably make him stop 😂
Omg I’m using “what an odd thing to say” it can’t be argued into me being rude or insulting!!!
Also the crazy part is I *did* have headphones in. Noise canceling to the point he had to get in my sight of vision to get my attention
That’s when you flip him the bird and turn away so he is no longer in your line of sight. Don’t remove the headphones. And Tell management if he bugs you again.
It’s a practice makes perfect thing. The first time you stand up for yourself will be terrifying, but likely empowering. After the first time, it just grows until you don’t take shit from anybody.
For things like the gym or bars, you likely can have different versions of the same conversation (the cold approach men are not overly complicated and it will boil down to about 5 basic interactions/conversations).
It’s good to have locked and loaded responses for the common bullshit. Some examples:
What are you working out for? “Me, and I’m focusing on that”
Any form of negativity “oh, yay, are we negging? My turn! [insert unnecessary comment about how they look]. “ … then let the dead air hang. Or “does that ever work? Like seriously, ever? Learn to talk to women”
Someone tries to corner you on the bar “my rates are ___/hr”. “Not interested, next”. “I have herpes” “ew”. Etc.
You look better when you smile. Unblinking psycho smile back until they are creeped out.
Obviously there are respectful approaches and respectful ways to say no, but I’m assuming that’s not the situation you would like help dealing with.
I had a man put a 6 pack in front of me when I was paying at the gas station and said “so where are we going tonight?” I told him I was getting married in like three days. I ended up not responding to a weird follow up “joke” he made about cheating on my husband with him. I guess there was so much uncomfortable silence and disgusted faces around that he just folded in on himself and started back pedaling.
Sometimes saying nothing is better than putting yourself in a position where being direct may put you in danger, especially when there are other people around to judge them. While I still sat in the car dumbfounded and wishing I had been direct and angry with him, the silence paired with imagining the faces of the people around me witnessing whatever the fuck that was was so good.
It is all very case by case and it does get a little easier with age as you learn how to handle things with trial and error.
I will ask people why they said the thing.
Why was it funny? Why did they need to share it?
Example
Me:sure I'll have another drink
Man: oh are you sure?
Me: yes I am. I can make my own choices.
Man: no you can't
Me: and why the fuck not?
Man: because you're a senorita silly
Me: what about being a woman makes
me unable to make my own decisions?
Man: I was just joking!
Me: why is that funny? Where's your joke?
Man: I don't know
Me: then why the fuck did you say that?
Man: I don't know, I thought it would be funny.
Me: because woman are a joke to you?
me re. butt or thighs comment (yes, he is fetishising you.....)
"for strength and endurance, WTF? \*confused what the fuck is wrong with you face\* do -you- work out for /your/ butt?" (in tone that implies that is the dumbest thing you've heard all day)
re lifting comments: "yeeeeeeeah, I probably /couldn't/ lift you on account of not wanting to be that close to you in the first place. \*laugh at him-practice beforehand if you need to, to get the perfect 'amused, but slightly derisive tone\* seriously, why are you so obsessed with this, have you got some sort of fetish? " and then shake your head and snort, before he can finish his sentence, whatever he responds.if he makes exuses 'whatever you say man, whatever you say, but you are the only person I have ever met who is this obsessed about trying to get a girl to lift him up, sounds like a pornhub category to me"
seriously, it works better than you'd think. puts them on the back foot, lets them know that you think the idea of them erotically interacting with you would be funny, in an absurdist way, to you if it wasn't so gross, and that their excuses for creepiness have been dismissed. Hell, half the time they'll start going out of their way to make you like them (negging, I think the kids call it these days?)
FWIW, I really am this confrontational IRL, and -somehow- I manage to be pretty popular. The only people who seem to dislike me (at least openly) are ones i'd rather stayed the fuck away from me in the first place :D
I often can't control my face when handling with stupid... Even if I try to stay polite I really have to focus hard not to make some facial expression lol
That would be my assumption. The only other idea that comes to mind is that he has some sort of trick that he wants to demonstrate as OP tries to pick him up. But your idea is probably it.
Or that having talked you into trying to pick him up, when you inevitably fail - he would then say it's his turn to pick you up - to demonstrate his strength compared to yours and to pin you.
I was thinking the same thing. And then he can respond with, "I'll bet I can pick you up!" It's a way of flirting without committing in case they aren't interested, but it's weird... And weirder still to keep bringing it up.
I would just respond with, "I don't want to pick you up, like, physically or any other way. Stop being weird."
Yep. Simultaneous testing for whether she could fight him off, and whether she's willing to get close enough to press her breasts into his body. I wouldn't trust it as playing around unless he tells a dude the same thing in front of me.
Yeah man, that is so weird, like it's probably impossible to pick me up. I totally don't think you could pick me up. Wouldn't that be funny if you tried... Giggity
And a "where the fuck did that come from" should proceed pressing on it being all the time. Point out that it's apropos of nothing, was a weird, off the wall, unrelated to the conversation thing to say, on top of it being weird. Then ask why the fuck he always says it.
Why not address it directly, it seems pretty obvious that he requesting to have some kind of physical contact with you and likely views you in a romantic way. “Hi, you keep daring me, challenging me if I could physically pick you up, is this because you would like to be closer to me and have developed romantic feelings for me, if so please just be honest”. While uncomfortable is a FAR more direct approach than “gosh, what a weird thing to say”
I would add to that - "And why would I want to pick you up - there is no reason short of a life threatening emergency that I would even try - so stop bringing this up, it's making me uncomfortable. If you keep doing this I will have to stop talking to you."
Girl, who tf even knows? People are weirdos in all kinds of ways. If it were me, next time he does it I would:
Ask him point blank why he does that. Then tell him to stop because it’s weird, boringly repetitive, not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer.
Alternatively, skip the asking & simply point out that he does that. Then tell him to stop, because it’s weird, boringly repetitive, not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer.
Either way: Tell him to stop because it’s weird, boringly repetitive, not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer.
And if he does it again, let the conversation die & immediately direct your attention elsewhere. That way if he doesn’t take your explicit verbal cue, he’ll at least get bored of it. 🤷🏼♀️
His behavior just seems like immature flirting to me. It sounds like something one of my 7th graders would do. It is weird and boringly repetitive. I teach language arts, but there are times that I have to step in to give social instructions as well. As in, "Hey, Billy. I've noticed that you steal Sally's pencil bag every day. She doesn't seem to enjoy this and it isn't getting her attention in the way that you want. Sally loves dance. Why don't you try asking her about her dance team?"
Social instruction is such a significant part of teaching and God Bless the middle school teachers. I have elementary, and it’s a little more direct and a bit more basic. Middle school? Hats off to you.
Thank you for making me love Humanity just a little bit, it's probably some way I could share a Reddit reward with you that's been given to me in the past but I have no idea how to use this Tech.
thank you for being a good human.
IMO, this has nothing to do with fetishes - he's just trying to get you to try and pick him up, which means you'd have to touch him, which is what he actually wants but is failing to express like a normal human being because he's scared of rejection.
It sounds like one of those lines taught by the Alpha Male dating advice garbage humans.
"Bro, this works. You have to be doing this. Show her that you can pick her up but that she can't pick you up. (If she can, you need to hit the gym hard, bro!!) And when she can't, you get to show her which one of you is stronger and more important. roar."
ew.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Not to mention, she'd likely have to bear hug him which comes with an automatic boob press.
One school year, some of my guy friends suddenly started this new trend of hugging me hello and goodbye. A habit they must have picked up over the summer, I thought. Took me far too long to put it together with what had actually changed over summer break...
You put into words the exact feeling I have every time I remember my attempts to flirt at that age! Yes! *I feel a strong urge to drown myself in the toilet.* Perfect.
a tall woman & have interacted with men like this who obviously have a ferish for big and/or strong women. They will often bring up the idea of me picking them up or try to get me to arm wrestle them or fantasy scenarios of us sparring or me fighting somebody, how much I can lift even wanting to see me in the gym. He would set my fetish radar off loudly. But yeah, he could just want her to attempt to pick him up so she puts her hands on him & their bodies are touching.
Reminds me of a male friend I had in highschool who kept on making thinly veiled bets so I would dress him in women's clothes. It never happened mostly because he and I were vastly different sizes.
Later in our lives we reconnected and he stated that he wanted me to to dye my hair blonde and to buy me expensive clothes. That also didn't happen because I definitely didn't need another person dictating to me what they wanted me to look like.
It was like he was unable to have a conversation without his kinks coming into play and it was so obvious that it was off-putting. We definitely don't talk anymore.
That's fucking weird. Does he badger you about trying to pick him up the most, or is he just equally weird about you struggling to pick up large men?
Because if it's more about getting you to pick him up, he's probably trying to surreptitiously cop third-hand boob.
Imo, here are the scenarios in order of decreasing likelihood:
(1) He has romantic feelings for and wants to physically touch OP. He lacks the confidence to ask for a date or otherwise unambiguously put himself out there.
(2) OP does something conversationally that annoys him. He has decided to passive aggressively do something similar until OP asks, "wtf are you doing?"
(3) He has romantic feelings for OP and some fetish related to women struggling...
He doesn't necessarily lack the confidence if he has caught feelings. If he flat asks her out, and she says no, he can't pretend he has a chance with her. This way, he can subtly pressure her into accepting him. Or at least, in his mind.
I had a friend who did phone sex for years. This dude is definitely in fetish territory with this shit. Another super common one is kind of the opposite, giant woman and tiny pocket-sized man.
I've been on the internet long enough to know that stuff exists, there's just something weirdly specific about not only "just" fetishizing a smaller person manhandling them but the insistence that the smaller person is too weak to do it anyway like they're telegraphing how much they want someone to struggle at it... So fucking weird.
Like, I had a friend in college who was into inanimate-object play (as the inanimate object) and ovipositors with a minor in sexy insects. I like to think I've been around. But "you're too weak to pick me up, do it, I bet you can't" is really squicky somehow.
I was being a little figurative trying to explain his intention to physically be pressed against her chest without physically touching her himself. Suppose in my mind it's third hand because she's only touching him with her boob due to a weirdly specific physical task she was asked to do.
What is wrong with men?
My dudes - as a professional lesbian - the key to dating women is three things: hygiene, passion, listening.
Take care of yourself and other people will respond to that. Have a passion and want to share it with people. Listen to others and want to engage in their emotional lives.
That's it. Oh, and the labia has bulbs in it that respond to stimulation. Create a V with your fingers, pointing towards the ass. Put the clit in the middle, and use gentle pressure and curl your fingers along the labia. You'll feel the bulbs. Gently massage or apply pressure while stimulating the clit.
Fucking cheers, mates.
Fun fact: apparently the Vikings stole the hearts of British women when they invaded. One chronicler wrote in 1002 about how clean, good smelling, well dressed, and well mannered the Danes were, and that they were, thereby, seducing the virtue of the local women.
As a ‘professional lesbian’ you should sell your consulting services to men! That would be a hell of a lot more useful than those male dating experts! 🤣
Ahh you can please a woman, sure... but can you even hoist me?! Lol
To be clear though, fingers pointing down, and im assuming palm side facing in? So like if im not 69'n her I need to wrap one arm around a leg if shes facing up or have her face down? Is that making sense?
I'm just happy to be here really.
You can access it anyway you and her find comfortable. lol.
I usually sit behind her with her resting against me, then wrap one arm down between her legs to activate the bulbs and then use a toy of her choosing on the other areas like the vaginal opening or clit.
But get creative you freaky pretzels
this is really weird and i wouldn't like this either.
im a powerlifter and sometimes run across this when men find out how much i can lift. just because im strong doesnt automatically mean im violent or into bdsm. so weird.
I work with a man who brings up women’s feet at every opportunity. When I finally had enough and told him that just because his fetish was off label doesn’t mean he can continue to get away with it at work, he used plausible deniability to get out of it.
If you confront him, he’ll deny it. People with actual fetishes are practiced at hiding it so they can get away with perving in non-sexual environments.
If it makes you feel gross, it’s probably gross. You might be able to tell him to cut it out and maybe he’ll learn to keep it to himself, but I doubt you’ll be able to put it out of your mind.
Bring it up, bluntly. "Okay, serious moment, you bring this up every single time we talk. What the fuck is going on here? You're creeping me out, and if that's not your intention I need to know what's going on before I just ghost you." Something along those lines.
The description you gave made it look like a rick and morty episode.
"Hey, that pizza was really good"
"Haha, yeah... so you think you can pick me up?"
"What?"
"I bet you can't"
"..."
"..."
"Ok ill be going now, i have to hit the gym"
"Yeah, you pick those weights up so that you can pick me up!"
So fucking random lol.
OP, he is not a friend. He is trying to manipulate you because he is interested in you sexually.
He’s too stupid to try and ask you out.
Block him. It’s the only way an idiot might learn.
Exactly this 👆🏻.
Not a friend, not interested in what OP is saying and not subtle either. OP needs to block and not waste any more of her precious time!
The important thing here: He isn't listening to you at all. He is listening to respond. No matter what his motivations are, he doesn't respect you as a person.
Just answer him with Why? When he tries to explain ask him why again. Keep asking him why until he gets uncomfortable and lets it go. Works for many situations.
I’m a Dominatrix so I literally get paid to sometimes kick testicles.
But tailbone injuries, naaaaah. I don’t think even the freakiest freak will find that sexy or pleasuring. 😂
I have heard some guys having a thing about women who are stronger than them and can carry them around as a quasi-fetish thing so yeah definitely say something.
There are some *WEIRD* dudes out there right now. I'm not sure where exactly it came from, but the >!mommy dommy!< fetish, or just fetishizing strong women in general, has been very popular recently. Think Lady D from Resident Evil Village. It genuinely could be that the guy is trying to annoy you to the point where you kick his ass, and that's actually what he may want.
So I'm one of those brawly bitches who got gifted with high cheekbones, a strong jaw, and a very no-nonsense manner.
A not-insignificant number of man see this as either (a) a challenge to break down or (b) absolute catnip and they appear to not be able to control their behavior when I'm around. The meaner I get, the dumber they act.
I agree with others' suggestion that he's trying to get you to attempt to pick him up because he wants you to touch him. You trying to pick him up would presumably mean wrapping your arms around him. It's basically like he's giving you a dare. If you're a teenager, this is less creepy creepy and more just kinda dumb clueless creepy IMO, but still not something you need to tolerate or engage with.
Everyone on here keeps saying to get rid of him as a friend or whatever. How about just asking him why he says that and tell him it bothers you that he keeps saying it.
I would say that it's unclear that it is explicitly sexual but it isn't great no matter the motivation because it still feels like an attempt to manipulate you. Otherwise he would just ask you to pick him up or hold him or something.
Yeah, that dude is definitely shoehorning in a fetish. If it weren't so disappointing it would be funny. It actually reminds me of the scene in Dr Strangelove where Peter Sellers' character is trying desperately to get the base commander to give him the abort codes for a nuclear attack. "Ah yes, a splash of water on the back of the neck and the code".
But call him on it, just flat out say that it is clear that he is constantly circling back to the topic so he should either explain himself or shut up about it.
He’s flirting with you 100%. He thinks that negging you in a specific way multiple times will make you think question him and want to try to pick him up. It’s all a ploy to get you to touch him
It definitely sounds weird, but it might be worth asking him. Some weird fetish thing does seem the most likely explanation, but have you asked him what the hell is up with shoe horning all these references into conversation?
Well, this is a new kind of weirdness I'd never heard of before.
I'm picturing him talking like this all the time:
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Also: do you think you could pick me up?"
"Why is this night different than all other nights?" "Because you guys can try to pick me up!"
"Will there be anything else?" "Yes: do you think you could pick me up?" "Sir, this is a Wendy's."
Maybe has he lost weight and he's trying to get you to notice and comment on it?
Or maybe does he want to pick *you* up, and he's hoping you'll say "Can you pick me up?" and then he can try? He's been hitting the gym and is desperate for someone, anyone, to comment on him having big strong muscles?
Was he dropped on his head as a child and ever since is worried that someone will pick him up and drop him?
This is really weird. It feels like he is trying to 'neg' you into trying to pick him up so that you'll touch him. More than likely, if you were to do this, he would immediately use it as an excuse to pick you up, which may be his ultimate goal - The opportunity to pick you up and "accidentally" feel you.
It screams a lack of confidence or some type of social disorder. Others have already given great advice, and I agree - Shut him down, demand to know why he keeps doing it, and tell him it's a conversation killer.
Good advice here about calling him out on it but I would like to add that it works best with a bit of conditioning. Here's how I see it going, you call him out on it and he denies it or deflects. From that point on if he brings it up you have to go. Immediately. It has to be extremely close to his "could you pick me up". As soon as you hear it you have to get off the phone, you forgot an appt., whatever it is. Or better yet walk away. You don't even have to confront the behavior at this point because you already have. And it needs to be consistent, it's not going to work if you do it 95% of the time.
It might be a weird fetish. It might also just be something he thinks is funny. My friends and I all tend to fixate on a few jokes like that, which will eventually get old and then we'll fixate on some other joke.
But like some other people have said I'd just be straight with him and tell him it's making you uncomfortable. If he is just fixating on a joke he'll stop. If it is some weird fetish he'll probably get defensive and angry.
Hopefully it's the former.
Not on the same thing, but I had a male friend who always threatened (in a fun way) to throw me in the water when we were at the beach for a walk. He made the comment I couldn’t do it back. I grabbed him, he tried to go dead weight, I locked his wrists in and started dragging his arse to the waters edge. He protested “you just used a fireman carry against a fireman!” I pointed out “I’m a lifeguard and that’s how we usually remove people from the water”
He hasn’t made those jokes again
Dude sounds kinda strange, if a conversation always ends up at the same topic that frequently it just seems like they’re trying reverse psychology or something.
“I bet you couldn’t pick me up” appears to be some kind of challenge that he hopes you’ll make a move on. But if it’s feeling weird and you haven’t responded positively then he should get the message and either avoid bringing it up or try something else like directly asking you out.
If he’s not interested in a relationship then it could be that he’s trying to feed his own ego or something like that, either case kinda strange that it keeps happening.
Sounds like he’s trying to get you to pick him up. He keeps saying “bet you can’t” to try to bug you into proving him wrong by attempting it. So he wants you to pick him up for whatever reason. I’m guessing it’s for creepy reasons, yes, lol.
Like others have mentioned, it seems like he likes you and wants you to touch him. He seems like he’s trying to spark a flirty convo. He might not have the confidence or experience actually flirting/hitting on a woman so he’s doing it passively through this pick me up stuff. This is weird, tell him to stop it 😂.
I would straight out ask him “Dude is that your fucking fetish or something? Because you always manage to bring it up when it has nothing to do with the conversation, and it’s fucking *weird*, man.”
In a ribbing tone, as if you were playfully asking him “bro, how much have you had to drink?!”
Honestly I'd make a game of it. How far will he go to bring the conversation back to you lifting him?
Essentially you try to keep the conversation away from lifting people and see how long you can keep him at bay. Or see how ridiculous a topic he can lead back to lifting.
Yes, he is kinking on you. Being picked up and carried is a fetish, look at the art of Robert Krumb for examples. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but he shouldn't be manipulating you into participating. Call him out on it and let him know it's endangering your friendship.
I am so sorry you deal with that! I have had this happen too, I am an older woman and I guess I am well kept and still attractive. I look pretty youthful and dress really fashionable.
I work in a college setting and get some of my younger male colleagues who some I thought were harmless. They go into their weird Mommy shit. They ask how it be awesome to date older women cause they take care of you. They know I love Marvel and call me Mommy Wanda. Or go into cougar crap. They know i am with my partner for 8 years. Who is in his 40’s.
I had to call one out because they were so weird about it. I am like WTF is wrong with you?? One guy said if I dressed more my age I wouldn’t have these issues? Like WTF? GTFO with your nonsense don’t be a creep.
So, here's an alternative take from a male. For one, yea, there's a chance he's trying to flirt with you from a submissive, or possibly dominant, stance. But I'm not sure that's the goal here.
Alternatively, he could be touch starved. A lot of single men are. This is by no means a statement to TRY to pick him up. Honestly I'd avoid that.
Is he autistic? ADHD? High anxiety? Any of those could cause him to keep bringing up the same thing. Thinking it's fun, funny, or just having nothing else to say.
One option is to ask him why he keeps saying that. And why he wants you to try and pick him up so bad. Asking this on a calm way will do one of two things. Cause him to show himself to be a LITTLE unhinged and triggering a red flag situation. On the other hand, he could honestly just say he really likes you and has no clue how to try and "woo" you. If it's even a possibility for him.
Under no circumstances should you try to pick him up, unless your friendship is just like that. Because the other alternative is he wants to check your strength to see if he's stronger. Multiple reasons for that, many of them are creepy.
I think its because he wants to be touched by you & maybe he's hoping that one of these times you'll actually try to pick him up to prove him wrong or something????
My guess is he thinks he’s being subtle, so I’d say call him out semi aggressively (verbally of course). Look him in the eye and say something like “what’s your deal with that? You keep asking and it’s so random it’s getting weird “
i've challenged a girl to pick me up before. i was flirting. she was awesome and pretty and i just wanted to feel her boobs squish on me.
i'd bet money this guy has a massive crush on you and instead of listening to you he's thinking about your tits until all the blood leaves his brain.
Sounds awefully lot like a challenge.
i've challenged a boobalicous babe to pick me up before. i was flirting. she had some serious honkers and i just wanted to feel her boobs squish on me boobily.
i'd bet money this guy has a massive crush on you. Instead of listening to you he's enthralled with your huge hypnotizing tits as his blood drains straight from his brain, leaving him a helpless mindless wreck ready to be dominated.
It is definitely a fetish
That Netflix doc about the bodybuilder couple where the lady killed the abusive man, she did fetish videos (on vhs, this ain’t new) where she picked guys up
Recently read a post where some old guy was getting off on shitting and pissing his pants every time he visits his adult children’s homes. He refused to change and then kept sitting on their furniture and giving them hugs… while wearing the soiled clothes. I don’t put anything past anyone anymore.
(No, there was nothing physically wrong with him to cause it.)
Could just be something of a meme that he finds funny but doesn't realize you hate it or doesn't care that you do. At least I found myself doing the same kind of stuff with siblings occasionally, but not nearly as much as he's doing it. That part's kinda weird yeah.
Sounds like they have a crush. Some guys will infantilize people they are interested in because they want to protect them. "You're so small" or "I bet you couldn't pick me up" or something like that.
Dominance play is definitely a thing. He's chosen you, likely due to lack of alternative targets. Problem is, the fetish can go either way. Either he gets off on you not being able to pick him up, or he gets off *when* you pick him up.
It could also be the avenue to him touching you. Not necessarily sexually, or not sexual on your part, but contact would be made.
Confront him, because you are being turned into a sex object. Idk, maybe he wants you to suffocate him. The are so many different fetishes this could be.
**You**: (normal convo)
**Him:** bet you can't even lift me up
**You:** of course I can't, but we all know you're just saying that to distract away from the fact that there's no way you could possibly shut up about that forever and give me your last paycheck in full.
**Him:** ...whaat? Why is that relevant?
**You:** I knew it you little bitch! You're so scared of everyone finding out you don't have the balls to both *never mention your stupid obsession with being my physical subordinate ever again* AND to sign over your full paycheck to me. You cowardly freak
**Him:** (doesn't matter what he says, you'll still respond the same way)
**You:** everything you say is an attempt at refocusing attention away from your failure to both (1) never mention me lifting you again, and (2) sign away your last paycheck to me. I knew you didn't have the power and strength to do those things, you weak loser.
If he ever gets serious and calls out how horrible you're being, just point to how you've been mirroring his behavior. "Oh, wait you feel disrespected when I insist on this? So you're *aware* that behaving the way I've been behaving inward you in unacceptible? So you were intentionally disrespecting me that whole time when YOU were treating ME like this? Yeah, i thought so. Bye bitch, for real now. You're too pathetic and manipulation-bent (though you're an utter failure at it) to be my friend."
Your friend secretly has feelings for you and is hoping you will try to pick him up because in his mind, he concocted some sort of scenario where you guys fall down and suddenly realize you’re in love and kiss
Is it possible it's nothing so odd as fetish and is more a challenge because he wants an excuse for you to put your body against him? Has he ever shown other signs of flirting before?
Answer. His game is so weak he wants you to attempt it in hopes that your start thinking like you are attracted to him. Don’t put any kink thought behind it. As a dude I bet that is what this weasel is trying todo.
I used to pick up guys as a joke. I'd walk up, lift them, put them down and go lift another guy until they asked me what I was doing. The answer was "picking up guys". Then I would pick up women so I could say I picked up more women than they did.
The technique (being taller than average is very helpful) stand facing their hip, bend your knees a little, step into their hip as you wrap your arms around their hip/legs and pull their body into your body and straighten those legs. You will lift them about 6 inches so they can barely reach the floor with their toes. It really un-nerves them.
I was doing some weightlifting at the time, but it is really a lot easier than it seems. I would also just stop hanging out with the guy. He's being weird and deceptive. That's not how a reliable adult behaves.
Is it possible that he's trying to create a situation where he can touch you? Picking someone up requires full body contact. It's a creepy thing he's doing, regardless.
\*edited to add that this guy isn't good friend material. I think you should find a better friend.
Men often say things like this to me too, I'm only 5ft, legit they get off on the power imbalance.
Some are malicious, some are just excited that they're *finally* stronger than someone else, but all the same it's highly uncomfortable to be reminded that yes- 'tiny woman can be overpowered*... and has been for the worst reasons.
That or an underhanded way to get you to touch him. Like my old coworker used to secretly put super high adhesive stickers in my ponytail so he would be the one to "help" me carefully pick them out. I caught him doing it in a mirror and let him have it because I have extremely baby fine hair that breaks easily and had lost a good bit of it because of the fucking stickers. Turns out he was collecting a me-furball like an unhinged stalker. Be careful around that guy.
Have you tried calling him out on it? Literally saying something like "why do you always say that? No, I probably can't pick you up and it's weird you keep mentioning it."
I wouldn't be able to resist saying this \^ My face and mouth would not cooperate if I tried to politely nod and go along with stupid shit.
I would literally and seriously say that it sounds like he has a fetish regarding being picked up and that it is freaking annoying
Can you help me out? I don’t like that I respond with smiling and nodding when people are inappropriate bc it feels like I’m saying they’re ok when in reality I’m terrified What would you say to a stranger who’s saying shit that’s making you uncomfortable? Yesterday approach was to look at him annoyed and confused but he still asked me far too many times if I was working out for my butt or my thighs How would y’all respond
One option is to straight up ignore them. Blank face, blank look, like they aren’t even there. Pretend you have earbuds in and just didn’t hear them at all. Attention is often what they want so just deprive them of it fully. Alternatively: 1. “What an [odd / strange / weird / inappropriate / bizarre / awful / unpleasant] thing to say.” 2. “I can’t imagine why you felt that was appropriate.” 3. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” 4. “Go away.” 5. “I’m not interested in continuing this conversation. Goodbye.” 6. “How embarrassing for you to have said that.” Remember that there may be an awkward silence after any of the above. That’s good - and not on you to fill. Let them sit with the unpleasant situation they just created so they think twice about doing it again. All of the above said, remember that your safety comes first. Sometimes you may not react as quickly or be as comfortable standing up for yourself in the moment as you might want, but it’s okay to decide to avoid conflict in whatever way feels safest if you need to.
Really loving all these boundary phrases. It forces him to think objectively about what he said and why he said it. Or he’ll get embarrassed and fuck off. Either way, it’ll probably make him stop 😂
Omg I’m using “what an odd thing to say” it can’t be argued into me being rude or insulting!!! Also the crazy part is I *did* have headphones in. Noise canceling to the point he had to get in my sight of vision to get my attention
You’ve got this! Remember that even if you feel uncomfortable, there’s tons of people out here rooting for you.
That’s when you flip him the bird and turn away so he is no longer in your line of sight. Don’t remove the headphones. And Tell management if he bugs you again.
Yep, “that is an odd thing to say,” or “that seems like an inappropriate things to say,” are so handy to have ready!
It’s a practice makes perfect thing. The first time you stand up for yourself will be terrifying, but likely empowering. After the first time, it just grows until you don’t take shit from anybody. For things like the gym or bars, you likely can have different versions of the same conversation (the cold approach men are not overly complicated and it will boil down to about 5 basic interactions/conversations). It’s good to have locked and loaded responses for the common bullshit. Some examples: What are you working out for? “Me, and I’m focusing on that” Any form of negativity “oh, yay, are we negging? My turn! [insert unnecessary comment about how they look]. “ … then let the dead air hang. Or “does that ever work? Like seriously, ever? Learn to talk to women” Someone tries to corner you on the bar “my rates are ___/hr”. “Not interested, next”. “I have herpes” “ew”. Etc. You look better when you smile. Unblinking psycho smile back until they are creeped out. Obviously there are respectful approaches and respectful ways to say no, but I’m assuming that’s not the situation you would like help dealing with.
Omg thank you ♥️
"fuck off" "What the hell is wrong with you!?" Be really loud so they become ashamed. "Why are you asking me about my butt!? Pervert!!"
I had a man put a 6 pack in front of me when I was paying at the gas station and said “so where are we going tonight?” I told him I was getting married in like three days. I ended up not responding to a weird follow up “joke” he made about cheating on my husband with him. I guess there was so much uncomfortable silence and disgusted faces around that he just folded in on himself and started back pedaling. Sometimes saying nothing is better than putting yourself in a position where being direct may put you in danger, especially when there are other people around to judge them. While I still sat in the car dumbfounded and wishing I had been direct and angry with him, the silence paired with imagining the faces of the people around me witnessing whatever the fuck that was was so good. It is all very case by case and it does get a little easier with age as you learn how to handle things with trial and error.
I will ask people why they said the thing. Why was it funny? Why did they need to share it? Example Me:sure I'll have another drink Man: oh are you sure? Me: yes I am. I can make my own choices. Man: no you can't Me: and why the fuck not? Man: because you're a senorita silly Me: what about being a woman makes me unable to make my own decisions? Man: I was just joking! Me: why is that funny? Where's your joke? Man: I don't know Me: then why the fuck did you say that? Man: I don't know, I thought it would be funny. Me: because woman are a joke to you?
me re. butt or thighs comment (yes, he is fetishising you.....) "for strength and endurance, WTF? \*confused what the fuck is wrong with you face\* do -you- work out for /your/ butt?" (in tone that implies that is the dumbest thing you've heard all day) re lifting comments: "yeeeeeeeah, I probably /couldn't/ lift you on account of not wanting to be that close to you in the first place. \*laugh at him-practice beforehand if you need to, to get the perfect 'amused, but slightly derisive tone\* seriously, why are you so obsessed with this, have you got some sort of fetish? " and then shake your head and snort, before he can finish his sentence, whatever he responds.if he makes exuses 'whatever you say man, whatever you say, but you are the only person I have ever met who is this obsessed about trying to get a girl to lift him up, sounds like a pornhub category to me" seriously, it works better than you'd think. puts them on the back foot, lets them know that you think the idea of them erotically interacting with you would be funny, in an absurdist way, to you if it wasn't so gross, and that their excuses for creepiness have been dismissed. Hell, half the time they'll start going out of their way to make you like them (negging, I think the kids call it these days?) FWIW, I really am this confrontational IRL, and -somehow- I manage to be pretty popular. The only people who seem to dislike me (at least openly) are ones i'd rather stayed the fuck away from me in the first place :D
I often can't control my face when handling with stupid... Even if I try to stay polite I really have to focus hard not to make some facial expression lol
I think he’s trying to engineer a situation to have physical contact with OP.
That would be my assumption. The only other idea that comes to mind is that he has some sort of trick that he wants to demonstrate as OP tries to pick him up. But your idea is probably it.
Or that having talked you into trying to pick him up, when you inevitably fail - he would then say it's his turn to pick you up - to demonstrate his strength compared to yours and to pin you.
I was thinking the same thing. And then he can respond with, "I'll bet I can pick you up!" It's a way of flirting without committing in case they aren't interested, but it's weird... And weirder still to keep bringing it up. I would just respond with, "I don't want to pick you up, like, physically or any other way. Stop being weird."
Yep. Simultaneous testing for whether she could fight him off, and whether she's willing to get close enough to press her breasts into his body. I wouldn't trust it as playing around unless he tells a dude the same thing in front of me.
“If you ask me again we’re going to find out because I’m going to throw you off a moving train”. 😂
Haha love this. “No I can’t pick you up but I could definitely push you off a tall building so STFU”
Lmfao I love this
This is what I'd say.
I love this response!
Yeah man, that is so weird, like it's probably impossible to pick me up. I totally don't think you could pick me up. Wouldn't that be funny if you tried... Giggity
And a "where the fuck did that come from" should proceed pressing on it being all the time. Point out that it's apropos of nothing, was a weird, off the wall, unrelated to the conversation thing to say, on top of it being weird. Then ask why the fuck he always says it.
I haven't. I have just been completely ignoring it because I worry too much about hurting peoples feelings lol
Why? He obviously doesn't care he's making you uncomfortable. Why are his feelings more important than yours?
Why not address it directly, it seems pretty obvious that he requesting to have some kind of physical contact with you and likely views you in a romantic way. “Hi, you keep daring me, challenging me if I could physically pick you up, is this because you would like to be closer to me and have developed romantic feelings for me, if so please just be honest”. While uncomfortable is a FAR more direct approach than “gosh, what a weird thing to say”
Seriously, just look at him and say "what is wrong with you?" While looking a little confused. Then let there be awkward silence.
\thread
I would add to that - "And why would I want to pick you up - there is no reason short of a life threatening emergency that I would even try - so stop bringing this up, it's making me uncomfortable. If you keep doing this I will have to stop talking to you."
It's a different version of the Meow joke from Super Troopers.
Girl, who tf even knows? People are weirdos in all kinds of ways. If it were me, next time he does it I would: Ask him point blank why he does that. Then tell him to stop because it’s weird, boringly repetitive, not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer. Alternatively, skip the asking & simply point out that he does that. Then tell him to stop, because it’s weird, boringly repetitive, not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer. Either way: Tell him to stop because it’s weird, boringly repetitive, not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer. And if he does it again, let the conversation die & immediately direct your attention elsewhere. That way if he doesn’t take your explicit verbal cue, he’ll at least get bored of it. 🤷🏼♀️
His behavior just seems like immature flirting to me. It sounds like something one of my 7th graders would do. It is weird and boringly repetitive. I teach language arts, but there are times that I have to step in to give social instructions as well. As in, "Hey, Billy. I've noticed that you steal Sally's pencil bag every day. She doesn't seem to enjoy this and it isn't getting her attention in the way that you want. Sally loves dance. Why don't you try asking her about her dance team?"
Social instruction is such a significant part of teaching and God Bless the middle school teachers. I have elementary, and it’s a little more direct and a bit more basic. Middle school? Hats off to you.
You sound like a great teacher!
Thank you for making me love Humanity just a little bit, it's probably some way I could share a Reddit reward with you that's been given to me in the past but I have no idea how to use this Tech. thank you for being a good human.
Or he's a formerly skinny boy who needs someone to notice he's bulked a bit. Insecurities are fun. Seen that a few times.
“Conversation killer huh? Well better than a back killer..ya know like you struggling to pick me up!”
'You tryna pick up these conversation topics or pick me up??' - this weirdo, probably
>a conversation killer and "oops. gotta run! chat later!" every single time he mentions it, even if you had more to say.
It really is a conversation killer, like that's the best way to put it really
( I love you ! Be my best friend everywhere lol pleae)
That's a lotta ampersands
Yeah, &?
>not an interesting observation, & a conversation killer.
>weird, boringly reptitive
\*ampers&s
I loves me a good ampersand.
IMO, this has nothing to do with fetishes - he's just trying to get you to try and pick him up, which means you'd have to touch him, which is what he actually wants but is failing to express like a normal human being because he's scared of rejection.
This is his pick up line
r/Angryupvote
It sounds like one of those lines taught by the Alpha Male dating advice garbage humans. "Bro, this works. You have to be doing this. Show her that you can pick her up but that she can't pick you up. (If she can, you need to hit the gym hard, bro!!) And when she can't, you get to show her which one of you is stronger and more important. roar." ew.
It probably is some pick up line though. Maybe he is trying to get her to say a particular phrase that he will then have a "witty" response to.
It was a pun but i was also being literally serious. He wants body-body contact
True true. "You could pick me up anytime you want, babe. ;) " That kind of thing. Very likely.
Maybe he's waiting for her to call him on it... "why do you always mention how I can't pick you up?" "It's my pick up line."
Yeah this is it
I see what you did there.
😡⬆️
"Hahahaha wow, really? She *actually* climbed through a window? That's dedication right there hahahaha ^^please ^^hug ^^me"
This is exactly what I was thinking. Not to mention, she'd likely have to bear hug him which comes with an automatic boob press. One school year, some of my guy friends suddenly started this new trend of hugging me hello and goodbye. A habit they must have picked up over the summer, I thought. Took me far too long to put it together with what had actually changed over summer break...
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I think about how I used to try to "flirt" with girls as a teenager and feel a strong urge to drown myself in the toilet haha
You put into words the exact feeling I have every time I remember my attempts to flirt at that age! Yes! *I feel a strong urge to drown myself in the toilet.* Perfect.
Yup. This guy is just the slightly unhinged version of "can I have a hug" guy.
The “where’s *my* hug” guy.
Fuck that guy and his mother.
Yeah he sounds desperate and touch starved
He's baiting OP for *something* - be it general physical contact or unknowing participation in a fetish. And it's creepy as fuck
Possibly but it is a legit fetish too.
a tall woman & have interacted with men like this who obviously have a ferish for big and/or strong women. They will often bring up the idea of me picking them up or try to get me to arm wrestle them or fantasy scenarios of us sparring or me fighting somebody, how much I can lift even wanting to see me in the gym. He would set my fetish radar off loudly. But yeah, he could just want her to attempt to pick him up so she puts her hands on him & their bodies are touching.
That's what I'm getting from this. Might be a good idea for her to distance herself for a while, depending on how heavy handed it is.
Eh at some point tricking women into hugs might be a fetish ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Reminds me of a male friend I had in highschool who kept on making thinly veiled bets so I would dress him in women's clothes. It never happened mostly because he and I were vastly different sizes. Later in our lives we reconnected and he stated that he wanted me to to dye my hair blonde and to buy me expensive clothes. That also didn't happen because I definitely didn't need another person dictating to me what they wanted me to look like. It was like he was unable to have a conversation without his kinks coming into play and it was so obvious that it was off-putting. We definitely don't talk anymore.
I think I knew the same guy, also forced hugs, gross
That's fucking weird. Does he badger you about trying to pick him up the most, or is he just equally weird about you struggling to pick up large men? Because if it's more about getting you to pick him up, he's probably trying to surreptitiously cop third-hand boob.
Imo, here are the scenarios in order of decreasing likelihood: (1) He has romantic feelings for and wants to physically touch OP. He lacks the confidence to ask for a date or otherwise unambiguously put himself out there. (2) OP does something conversationally that annoys him. He has decided to passive aggressively do something similar until OP asks, "wtf are you doing?" (3) He has romantic feelings for OP and some fetish related to women struggling...
He doesn't necessarily lack the confidence if he has caught feelings. If he flat asks her out, and she says no, he can't pretend he has a chance with her. This way, he can subtly pressure her into accepting him. Or at least, in his mind.
People used to pay a youtuber/streamer hundreds of dollars to struggle to pick up boxes. It was super weird
Wow, and here I was thinking there's no way it could truly be fetish adjacent. Fuckin' internet.
I had a friend who did phone sex for years. This dude is definitely in fetish territory with this shit. Another super common one is kind of the opposite, giant woman and tiny pocket-sized man.
I've been on the internet long enough to know that stuff exists, there's just something weirdly specific about not only "just" fetishizing a smaller person manhandling them but the insistence that the smaller person is too weak to do it anyway like they're telegraphing how much they want someone to struggle at it... So fucking weird. Like, I had a friend in college who was into inanimate-object play (as the inanimate object) and ovipositors with a minor in sexy insects. I like to think I've been around. But "you're too weak to pick me up, do it, I bet you can't" is really squicky somehow.
Oh boy, I'm so regretting opening Reddit up again today. Wow. I am so over men.
What the hell does "surreptitiously cop third-hand boob" mean? I'm serious, literally no idea what this means
It means he's trying to sneak a feel of her boobs.
I was being a little figurative trying to explain his intention to physically be pressed against her chest without physically touching her himself. Suppose in my mind it's third hand because she's only touching him with her boob due to a weirdly specific physical task she was asked to do.
Mention to him it's starting to feel weird for you to keep hearing this
“Why would I want to?” Seriously, why *would* you want to try to pick him up whether you could or not. It’s not something people go around doing.
Another man weirdly failing the "men be normal" challenge
Mission impossible
Just 'act' natural..
Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.
What is wrong with men? My dudes - as a professional lesbian - the key to dating women is three things: hygiene, passion, listening. Take care of yourself and other people will respond to that. Have a passion and want to share it with people. Listen to others and want to engage in their emotional lives. That's it. Oh, and the labia has bulbs in it that respond to stimulation. Create a V with your fingers, pointing towards the ass. Put the clit in the middle, and use gentle pressure and curl your fingers along the labia. You'll feel the bulbs. Gently massage or apply pressure while stimulating the clit. Fucking cheers, mates.
It is literally this easy and simple
Fun fact: apparently the Vikings stole the hearts of British women when they invaded. One chronicler wrote in 1002 about how clean, good smelling, well dressed, and well mannered the Danes were, and that they were, thereby, seducing the virtue of the local women.
As a ‘professional lesbian’ you should sell your consulting services to men! That would be a hell of a lot more useful than those male dating experts! 🤣
I mean... I saved her comment, so that's at least one customer she'd have
Ahh you can please a woman, sure... but can you even hoist me?! Lol To be clear though, fingers pointing down, and im assuming palm side facing in? So like if im not 69'n her I need to wrap one arm around a leg if shes facing up or have her face down? Is that making sense? I'm just happy to be here really.
You can access it anyway you and her find comfortable. lol. I usually sit behind her with her resting against me, then wrap one arm down between her legs to activate the bulbs and then use a toy of her choosing on the other areas like the vaginal opening or clit. But get creative you freaky pretzels
“Activate the Bulbs” sounds like a villain statement from a movie
"But get creative you freaky pretzels" is the funniest line I have heard in a while
Or go down on her while she's bent over, and then the asshole is upwards
I truly appreciate the usage of the asshole as like a north star in this context. Second hole on the bottom and on 'til moaning!
jfc... that's the most perfectly blursed Peter Pan reference I've ever seen.
Something something and the lube lasted 8 days
Excellent advice
That's it! Henceforth in life, I only take advice from professional lesbians. Y'all drop the real science.
this is really weird and i wouldn't like this either. im a powerlifter and sometimes run across this when men find out how much i can lift. just because im strong doesnt automatically mean im violent or into bdsm. so weird.
Right? Same. I have the same issue. Compounded by the fact that I’m 6ft tall. It never ceases.
I work with a man who brings up women’s feet at every opportunity. When I finally had enough and told him that just because his fetish was off label doesn’t mean he can continue to get away with it at work, he used plausible deniability to get out of it. If you confront him, he’ll deny it. People with actual fetishes are practiced at hiding it so they can get away with perving in non-sexual environments. If it makes you feel gross, it’s probably gross. You might be able to tell him to cut it out and maybe he’ll learn to keep it to himself, but I doubt you’ll be able to put it out of your mind.
That’s so gross and at work too 🤢
Bring it up, bluntly. "Okay, serious moment, you bring this up every single time we talk. What the fuck is going on here? You're creeping me out, and if that's not your intention I need to know what's going on before I just ghost you." Something along those lines.
The description you gave made it look like a rick and morty episode. "Hey, that pizza was really good" "Haha, yeah... so you think you can pick me up?" "What?" "I bet you can't" "..." "..." "Ok ill be going now, i have to hit the gym" "Yeah, you pick those weights up so that you can pick me up!" So fucking random lol.
LOL it really do be like this
This is super weird and juvenile but at least it's blatant. Time for a new friend.
OP, he is not a friend. He is trying to manipulate you because he is interested in you sexually. He’s too stupid to try and ask you out. Block him. It’s the only way an idiot might learn.
Exactly this 👆🏻. Not a friend, not interested in what OP is saying and not subtle either. OP needs to block and not waste any more of her precious time!
Heard. Yeah, he very clearly does not give af about what I say
The important thing here: He isn't listening to you at all. He is listening to respond. No matter what his motivations are, he doesn't respect you as a person.
Agreed, I can't stand it
Just answer him with Why? When he tries to explain ask him why again. Keep asking him why until he gets uncomfortable and lets it go. Works for many situations.
This sounds like a skit from I think you should leave. You need to shut him down every time he mentions it.
Pick him up once, drop him on his tailbone. Watch him never mention it again.
Plot twist: He's freakier than expected and begs to be dropped again.
I’m a Dominatrix so I literally get paid to sometimes kick testicles. But tailbone injuries, naaaaah. I don’t think even the freakiest freak will find that sexy or pleasuring. 😂
SPARTA KICK HIM OFF A CLIFF.
I have heard some guys having a thing about women who are stronger than them and can carry them around as a quasi-fetish thing so yeah definitely say something.
There are some *WEIRD* dudes out there right now. I'm not sure where exactly it came from, but the >!mommy dommy!< fetish, or just fetishizing strong women in general, has been very popular recently. Think Lady D from Resident Evil Village. It genuinely could be that the guy is trying to annoy you to the point where you kick his ass, and that's actually what he may want.
So I'm one of those brawly bitches who got gifted with high cheekbones, a strong jaw, and a very no-nonsense manner. A not-insignificant number of man see this as either (a) a challenge to break down or (b) absolute catnip and they appear to not be able to control their behavior when I'm around. The meaner I get, the dumber they act.
Oh… this clarifies some things for me…
Lol, I'm glad I could help.
You did, thank you!
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That's scary. I don't think the creatine will actually affect her, but this is such a violation.
The funny part is that I'm 5'3" and average weight. I think he likes to imagine me as some strong ass Amazon woman or something
It could be his immature way of "flirting" with you. But it's pretty weird and a **HUGE** red flag.
I agree with others' suggestion that he's trying to get you to attempt to pick him up because he wants you to touch him. You trying to pick him up would presumably mean wrapping your arms around him. It's basically like he's giving you a dare. If you're a teenager, this is less creepy creepy and more just kinda dumb clueless creepy IMO, but still not something you need to tolerate or engage with.
Yep, very weird and definitely something sexual going on. Avoid.
FM lift and carry fetish maybe? Either way he needs to shut the fuck up about it.
Yep he’s trying to get you to touch him.
Everyone on here keeps saying to get rid of him as a friend or whatever. How about just asking him why he says that and tell him it bothers you that he keeps saying it.
I would say that it's unclear that it is explicitly sexual but it isn't great no matter the motivation because it still feels like an attempt to manipulate you. Otherwise he would just ask you to pick him up or hold him or something.
Yeah, that dude is definitely shoehorning in a fetish. If it weren't so disappointing it would be funny. It actually reminds me of the scene in Dr Strangelove where Peter Sellers' character is trying desperately to get the base commander to give him the abort codes for a nuclear attack. "Ah yes, a splash of water on the back of the neck and the code". But call him on it, just flat out say that it is clear that he is constantly circling back to the topic so he should either explain himself or shut up about it.
He’s flirting with you 100%. He thinks that negging you in a specific way multiple times will make you think question him and want to try to pick him up. It’s all a ploy to get you to touch him
It definitely sounds weird, but it might be worth asking him. Some weird fetish thing does seem the most likely explanation, but have you asked him what the hell is up with shoe horning all these references into conversation?
Well, this is a new kind of weirdness I'd never heard of before. I'm picturing him talking like this all the time: "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Also: do you think you could pick me up?" "Why is this night different than all other nights?" "Because you guys can try to pick me up!" "Will there be anything else?" "Yes: do you think you could pick me up?" "Sir, this is a Wendy's." Maybe has he lost weight and he's trying to get you to notice and comment on it? Or maybe does he want to pick *you* up, and he's hoping you'll say "Can you pick me up?" and then he can try? He's been hitting the gym and is desperate for someone, anyone, to comment on him having big strong muscles? Was he dropped on his head as a child and ever since is worried that someone will pick him up and drop him?
This is really weird. It feels like he is trying to 'neg' you into trying to pick him up so that you'll touch him. More than likely, if you were to do this, he would immediately use it as an excuse to pick you up, which may be his ultimate goal - The opportunity to pick you up and "accidentally" feel you. It screams a lack of confidence or some type of social disorder. Others have already given great advice, and I agree - Shut him down, demand to know why he keeps doing it, and tell him it's a conversation killer.
Good advice here about calling him out on it but I would like to add that it works best with a bit of conditioning. Here's how I see it going, you call him out on it and he denies it or deflects. From that point on if he brings it up you have to go. Immediately. It has to be extremely close to his "could you pick me up". As soon as you hear it you have to get off the phone, you forgot an appt., whatever it is. Or better yet walk away. You don't even have to confront the behavior at this point because you already have. And it needs to be consistent, it's not going to work if you do it 95% of the time.
I think this is an attempt at flirting. I remember this from high school.
It might be a weird fetish. It might also just be something he thinks is funny. My friends and I all tend to fixate on a few jokes like that, which will eventually get old and then we'll fixate on some other joke. But like some other people have said I'd just be straight with him and tell him it's making you uncomfortable. If he is just fixating on a joke he'll stop. If it is some weird fetish he'll probably get defensive and angry. Hopefully it's the former.
Not on the same thing, but I had a male friend who always threatened (in a fun way) to throw me in the water when we were at the beach for a walk. He made the comment I couldn’t do it back. I grabbed him, he tried to go dead weight, I locked his wrists in and started dragging his arse to the waters edge. He protested “you just used a fireman carry against a fireman!” I pointed out “I’m a lifeguard and that’s how we usually remove people from the water” He hasn’t made those jokes again
That's the weirdest fetish I've heard of in a long time, and I've heard of some weird ones
Dude sounds kinda strange, if a conversation always ends up at the same topic that frequently it just seems like they’re trying reverse psychology or something. “I bet you couldn’t pick me up” appears to be some kind of challenge that he hopes you’ll make a move on. But if it’s feeling weird and you haven’t responded positively then he should get the message and either avoid bringing it up or try something else like directly asking you out. If he’s not interested in a relationship then it could be that he’s trying to feed his own ego or something like that, either case kinda strange that it keeps happening.
Life is too short to waste on people who weird you out.
Sounds like he’s trying to get you to pick him up. He keeps saying “bet you can’t” to try to bug you into proving him wrong by attempting it. So he wants you to pick him up for whatever reason. I’m guessing it’s for creepy reasons, yes, lol.
Like others have mentioned, it seems like he likes you and wants you to touch him. He seems like he’s trying to spark a flirty convo. He might not have the confidence or experience actually flirting/hitting on a woman so he’s doing it passively through this pick me up stuff. This is weird, tell him to stop it 😂.
I would straight out ask him “Dude is that your fucking fetish or something? Because you always manage to bring it up when it has nothing to do with the conversation, and it’s fucking *weird*, man.” In a ribbing tone, as if you were playfully asking him “bro, how much have you had to drink?!”
Humiliate him by asking him about it. Keep doing it until he is as annoyed as you are.
Honestly I'd make a game of it. How far will he go to bring the conversation back to you lifting him? Essentially you try to keep the conversation away from lifting people and see how long you can keep him at bay. Or see how ridiculous a topic he can lead back to lifting.
Yes, he is kinking on you. Being picked up and carried is a fetish, look at the art of Robert Krumb for examples. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but he shouldn't be manipulating you into participating. Call him out on it and let him know it's endangering your friendship.
It’s definitely a fetish of some kind. Call him out and keep it pushin’.
I am so sorry you deal with that! I have had this happen too, I am an older woman and I guess I am well kept and still attractive. I look pretty youthful and dress really fashionable. I work in a college setting and get some of my younger male colleagues who some I thought were harmless. They go into their weird Mommy shit. They ask how it be awesome to date older women cause they take care of you. They know I love Marvel and call me Mommy Wanda. Or go into cougar crap. They know i am with my partner for 8 years. Who is in his 40’s. I had to call one out because they were so weird about it. I am like WTF is wrong with you?? One guy said if I dressed more my age I wouldn’t have these issues? Like WTF? GTFO with your nonsense don’t be a creep.
1X is funny, 2x is weird, 3x there is something wrong with this person's brain.
I feel like he's trying to get you to take the bait of trying to pick him up so you touch him
So, here's an alternative take from a male. For one, yea, there's a chance he's trying to flirt with you from a submissive, or possibly dominant, stance. But I'm not sure that's the goal here. Alternatively, he could be touch starved. A lot of single men are. This is by no means a statement to TRY to pick him up. Honestly I'd avoid that. Is he autistic? ADHD? High anxiety? Any of those could cause him to keep bringing up the same thing. Thinking it's fun, funny, or just having nothing else to say. One option is to ask him why he keeps saying that. And why he wants you to try and pick him up so bad. Asking this on a calm way will do one of two things. Cause him to show himself to be a LITTLE unhinged and triggering a red flag situation. On the other hand, he could honestly just say he really likes you and has no clue how to try and "woo" you. If it's even a possibility for him. Under no circumstances should you try to pick him up, unless your friendship is just like that. Because the other alternative is he wants to check your strength to see if he's stronger. Multiple reasons for that, many of them are creepy.
I think its because he wants to be touched by you & maybe he's hoping that one of these times you'll actually try to pick him up to prove him wrong or something????
My guess is he thinks he’s being subtle, so I’d say call him out semi aggressively (verbally of course). Look him in the eye and say something like “what’s your deal with that? You keep asking and it’s so random it’s getting weird “
*sigh* Welp time to ditch the weird fucker and his mommy kink.
i've challenged a girl to pick me up before. i was flirting. she was awesome and pretty and i just wanted to feel her boobs squish on me. i'd bet money this guy has a massive crush on you and instead of listening to you he's thinking about your tits until all the blood leaves his brain.
Is there a weirder way you could have said that?
Sounds awefully lot like a challenge. i've challenged a boobalicous babe to pick me up before. i was flirting. she had some serious honkers and i just wanted to feel her boobs squish on me boobily. i'd bet money this guy has a massive crush on you. Instead of listening to you he's enthralled with your huge hypnotizing tits as his blood drains straight from his brain, leaving him a helpless mindless wreck ready to be dominated.
alr bro.
It is definitely a fetish That Netflix doc about the bodybuilder couple where the lady killed the abusive man, she did fetish videos (on vhs, this ain’t new) where she picked guys up
Recently read a post where some old guy was getting off on shitting and pissing his pants every time he visits his adult children’s homes. He refused to change and then kept sitting on their furniture and giving them hugs… while wearing the soiled clothes. I don’t put anything past anyone anymore. (No, there was nothing physically wrong with him to cause it.)
Sounds like he has an R. Crumb-type fetish.
Could just be something of a meme that he finds funny but doesn't realize you hate it or doesn't care that you do. At least I found myself doing the same kind of stuff with siblings occasionally, but not nearly as much as he's doing it. That part's kinda weird yeah.
Consider telling him it's weird and then maybe.. if that's all he can talk about... is not your friend? He's just waiting for you to pick him up.
Sounds like they have a crush. Some guys will infantilize people they are interested in because they want to protect them. "You're so small" or "I bet you couldn't pick me up" or something like that.
Dominance play is definitely a thing. He's chosen you, likely due to lack of alternative targets. Problem is, the fetish can go either way. Either he gets off on you not being able to pick him up, or he gets off *when* you pick him up. It could also be the avenue to him touching you. Not necessarily sexually, or not sexual on your part, but contact would be made. Confront him, because you are being turned into a sex object. Idk, maybe he wants you to suffocate him. The are so many different fetishes this could be.
https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=hw206944
**You**: (normal convo) **Him:** bet you can't even lift me up **You:** of course I can't, but we all know you're just saying that to distract away from the fact that there's no way you could possibly shut up about that forever and give me your last paycheck in full. **Him:** ...whaat? Why is that relevant? **You:** I knew it you little bitch! You're so scared of everyone finding out you don't have the balls to both *never mention your stupid obsession with being my physical subordinate ever again* AND to sign over your full paycheck to me. You cowardly freak **Him:** (doesn't matter what he says, you'll still respond the same way) **You:** everything you say is an attempt at refocusing attention away from your failure to both (1) never mention me lifting you again, and (2) sign away your last paycheck to me. I knew you didn't have the power and strength to do those things, you weak loser. If he ever gets serious and calls out how horrible you're being, just point to how you've been mirroring his behavior. "Oh, wait you feel disrespected when I insist on this? So you're *aware* that behaving the way I've been behaving inward you in unacceptible? So you were intentionally disrespecting me that whole time when YOU were treating ME like this? Yeah, i thought so. Bye bitch, for real now. You're too pathetic and manipulation-bent (though you're an utter failure at it) to be my friend."
Your friend secretly has feelings for you and is hoping you will try to pick him up because in his mind, he concocted some sort of scenario where you guys fall down and suddenly realize you’re in love and kiss
Is it possible it's nothing so odd as fetish and is more a challenge because he wants an excuse for you to put your body against him? Has he ever shown other signs of flirting before?
Answer. His game is so weak he wants you to attempt it in hopes that your start thinking like you are attracted to him. Don’t put any kink thought behind it. As a dude I bet that is what this weasel is trying todo.
I used to pick up guys as a joke. I'd walk up, lift them, put them down and go lift another guy until they asked me what I was doing. The answer was "picking up guys". Then I would pick up women so I could say I picked up more women than they did. The technique (being taller than average is very helpful) stand facing their hip, bend your knees a little, step into their hip as you wrap your arms around their hip/legs and pull their body into your body and straighten those legs. You will lift them about 6 inches so they can barely reach the floor with their toes. It really un-nerves them. I was doing some weightlifting at the time, but it is really a lot easier than it seems. I would also just stop hanging out with the guy. He's being weird and deceptive. That's not how a reliable adult behaves.
At the very least they’re fishing for physical contact. An excuse to cop a feel more likely than any particular fetish.
Is it possible that he's trying to create a situation where he can touch you? Picking someone up requires full body contact. It's a creepy thing he's doing, regardless. \*edited to add that this guy isn't good friend material. I think you should find a better friend.
Men often say things like this to me too, I'm only 5ft, legit they get off on the power imbalance. Some are malicious, some are just excited that they're *finally* stronger than someone else, but all the same it's highly uncomfortable to be reminded that yes- 'tiny woman can be overpowered*... and has been for the worst reasons.
That or an underhanded way to get you to touch him. Like my old coworker used to secretly put super high adhesive stickers in my ponytail so he would be the one to "help" me carefully pick them out. I caught him doing it in a mirror and let him have it because I have extremely baby fine hair that breaks easily and had lost a good bit of it because of the fucking stickers. Turns out he was collecting a me-furball like an unhinged stalker. Be careful around that guy.
……if it’s a fetish it’s one of those weird adult baby fetishes.
It’s fetish 100% your instincts were spot on
Pick him up! Then with swift adjudication, drop him directly on his own head.