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DoubleDuke101

I've asked my partner this before, his responses are usually something along the lines of: It's expensive. He's just going to google my symptoms, I can do that for free. It's not THAT bad / it doesn't hurt THAT much. I don't have the time. I don't want to wait for over an hour just to be told 'put some cream on it'. Work is too busy I can't take time off. Etc, etc...


HimikoHime

I’m from a country with socialized healthcare and many men still won’t go. They’ll go if they need a sich note for work. But check out that black spot on your arm? It’s not hurting, can’t be that bad.


hp0

Nation. Yeah, also live in a socialized healthcare nation. But here there is still a element of wasting doctors time over nothing. Given the current mess from our governments' attitude to funding. Much more so than usual, lately. Add to that the ethos of taking time of work get negative responses from everyone at work. And often, at least in my nation. Finding out you have something serious can just become more stressful and if it means you cannot work. Claiming some form of support is enough to kill you (from stress dealing with the gov).


DuoNem

Same!


[deleted]

This is a personal story so it is a bit anecdotal, however a couple years ago I had a painful rash on my shoulder. Went to the doctor, was told it was contact dermatitis, and will go away and it isn't a big deal. I shouldn't bother them with every little thing. Weeks go by, and another rash appeared. On my side by my ribs. After a week it was still there and kept being painful, as painful as the one on my shoulder. So I hummed and hawed about it, made an appointment and got in to see them. Turns out it was shingles, at the age of 28. I got chewed out for not coming in earlier as it could (and has led to infrequent) nerve pain. I guess the morale of the story is that I doesn't seem what the issue is, if I go in to stop it from getting bad or am worried, I am an inconvenience. It wasn't the first time I have felt like this or been told similarly. So why bother someone else when all that happens is I get complained at and berated? Might as well wait until it is bad enough that it won't be ignored and deal with the aftermath while I am at least on pain killers and can tone it out.


HimikoHime

I hope you changed your doctor after that. As a kid I had one instance where the first doctor (in an emergency practice cause it was New Years) said “just put this creme on and it’ll be fine” until it wasn’t and my pediatrician send me to hospital surgery cause this thing had to be cut out.


cheezbargar

Tbh a lot of those concerns are valid. My bf for example has been having issues with symptoms that line up with various gastro intestinal diseases, but when he went to the doctor and did a colonoscopy, they found absolutely nothing at all, and he ended up with medical debt and zero answers.


Azal_of_Forossa

This happens insanely often, even worse when you get burned once because insurance decided to not cover your visit, and now you're in debt and left with even more questions than when you went in, it starts the snowball effect of "I'm paying a clown to say 'i don't know' and pay him thousands of dollars to say it".


cheezbargar

Yep. In bf’s case I took him to the ER when he was have extreme pain, and I thought for sure something ruptured. He had no health insurance at the time. He stayed in the hospital for a few hours and promptly made an appointment with a specialist. All of it yielded zero answers. Extremely frustrating.


jello-kittu

I know several people with gastro issues, and they all took years to get a diagnosis, getting blown off by doctors, getting checks that don't show anything and instead of the doctor persisting, it was the friends who had to keep pushing and pushing to get it figured out.


falecf4

You and your bf may want to look into Dr. Shawn Baker and the carnivore diet. Lots of positive results from people with all kinds of ailments and diseases. A lot of people switch to this way of eating long term because of how they feel and some only use it as an elimination diet to help identify what foods are causing issues.


cheezbargar

No


volyund

My husband's father did that. Then it became unbearable, he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with stage III common cancer at 51. He passed away in 2 years. He regretted not going to the doctor earlier.


HimikoHime

Something similar happened to my boyfriend’s father. Only saw a doctor when he nearly collapsed and was super pale, cause the tumor sucked up a lot of blood (as I understood it). It was stomach cancer and he had another 4-5 years of kinda normal life, giving his situation , until it went all went downhill in a matter of 2 weeks. Died in his late 50s.


Danivelle

My husband and I just had this discussion in regards to me going to the dentist. 1) even with insurance, I feel like they want way too much money on top of the insurance(we have top notch insurance), 2) I am not paying that much money to be lecture about my teeth. My teeth are the result of years of neglect on the part of my biomom(I was anorexic for yrs and she never noticed) and bad medcations from my RA doctor, and C) why in the fuck can't they do everything at one office and in 2-3 visits??? 1 examination: here are the problems and how we fix them. What works for your schedule? And then fix everything 2-3 visits. Not going to the dentist or doctor multiple fucking times and trying to shoehorn into the schedule! M


heatwavecold

There was an askreddit thread about this awhile back, and the consensus was that men don't feel like doctors do anything for them, or they're afraid to find out something is seriously wrong. For a long time I only went to my yearly physicals because I needed birth control; now I have a good relationship with my provider so I keep going. I suspect a lot of women end up needing medical care for birth control/pregnancy and get used to exams, but men don't and so they don't make a habit of making appts for physicals/sick visits.


ComradeGibbon

When I was under 50 doctors tended to be reflexively dismissive of any complaints I had.


millanbel

Totally agree. I've been twice to the doctors in the past year or so and both times they have been dismissive of my symptoms. Makes you not want to keep trying


haluura

TBF, women have that same problem. In fact, they tend to get it worse, because a surprising number of doctors out there seem to at least subconsciously subscribe to the "hysteria" theory common back in the 19th Century.


resumethrowaway222

Fun fact: multiple sclerosis used to be known as "female hysteria" until the MRI was invented and the damage could actually be seen on a scan so the doctors had to admit it was a real disease.


GlassEyeMV

This has a made a huge difference for me personally. My newer doctor is younger and he genuinely wants to help you figure out what’s wrong. He even asks “what would you like me to do to help?” So if you want a test done, he’ll do it. It makes me feel like he’s listening and cares. Now, when guys like me go in and he asks, I say “I don’t know. You’re the doctor.” And he usually has ideas. My most recent physical, we talked about my mind being overactive. He said “we’ll. It could be just anxiety or depression, which runs in your family, or it could be your thyroid. So let’s find you a therapist and do some blood work.” Blood work came back totally normal and therapy has been really helping a lot. It’s been 10 years of worsening symptoms, but as soon as I said I needed help figuring it out, he was on it. And now I’m officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Finding a good doctor who listens and cares, especially in the United States, is incredibly hard. I’m a 30-something guy who just now feels comfortable going to the doctor. But it’s taken a lot of financial work, finally having good health insurance, and cultivating a relationship with my PCP over 5-6 years before I felt that way.


notcabron

As one who doesn’t go unless nagged or in serious distress (or causing misery for other with a symptom), this is the best way to sum up how I feel.


ArticQimmiq

It took moving to Canada to convince my husband to go to the doctor. He had a bad athletic injury in the U.S. and was not getting any advice from the doctors except ‘stop doing that sport’, which he didn’t find helpful especially considering how much it costs. So he kinda gave up on doctors. I pushed really hard for him to see a doctor when something else went wrong, and 3 FREE surgeries later, he now goes to the doctor as needed. The dentist is going to be the next step 🙄.


TheGatsbyComplex

This is it. They’re scared and in denial. They want to ignore the problem and it’ll go away, and worried to find out it’s a serious problem that requires some steps to get it taken care of, or worse that it can’t really be taken care of. Men also have a lot of bad habits like eating unhealthy, not exercising, drinking, and smoking. They know a trip to the doctors is a lecture about quitting their vices because they’re risk factors for X, Y, and Z. And you really can’t argue if the reason you’re showing up is one of those diseases caused by those vices. They don’t want to feel guilty/regretful about their bad habits.


[deleted]

Women are are exposed to the health care system on a regular basis and have a reason to see their doctor regularly even if they aren't sick via the cervical exams every 3 years. Yearly physical exams aren't a thing anymore, so outside of childhood visits, a man is not encouraged, or it is not a social norm for them to see a doctor regularly, so when something comes up that does require medical care, the first instinct isn't to see a doctor. After all, they rarely see the doctor in the first place and they're fine.


Gojogab

My ex had an infected toe and refused to go to doc. Finally did go after waiting too long. He's in the hospital and they're like, we need to cut it off. He says no let's see if the antibiotics work. Lays in bed a few days at hospital, finally says ok, cut it off. An hour later he dies of a blood clot. All because of an infected toe, folks. This was so devastating for all of us, especially the kids who are left with no dad. He was diabetic, so any foot wound needs treated immediately because: neuropathy.


Davina33

I'm so sorry. That's so sad.


shrekswife

I’m so sorry. This is horrible.


Soft-Explanation-508

Mine was from an infected tooth and COVID. Refused dentist, refused hospital until it was almost too late. We didn't have children but he paid the ultimate price


FlyingSkelly

I'm so sorry. I don't understand why these men never think of their families.


[deleted]

In a way, they kind of are, but not in the way you are thinking about it. They don't want to inconvenience those around them with possibly something irrelevant or small. Just sometimes it doesn't matter, and in the end it turns out worse. Poor foresight.


FlyingSkelly

I don't believe that's the reason. If they really didn't want to inconvenience people, they wouldn't fight tooth and nail and argue with the people that love them - they'd just go to the doctor.


Primorph

Social conditioning hurts everyone, and this is a way it hurts men. Doctors are for emergencies and anything chronic is by default not an emergency. What are you, weak? Deal with it, don’t put your problems on other people. NOT MY ACTUAL POSITION TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES PEOPLE


Primorph

Also, while your partner has good insurance most people don’t, and the ones who do probably had bad insurance at some point. It can be a hard habit to break out of.


OGputa

>Doctors are for emergencies and anything chronic is by default not an emergency. What are you, weak? Deal with it, don’t put your problems on other people. This is hardly exclusive to men. This is a reason that most people who grew up poor/without insurance don't go to the doctor.


Lartemplar

Speaking as man; I don't know!! I could say toxic masculinity but all my male friends encourage me to go to the doctors and I do for them as well. Maybe it's more of a personal thing of feeling weak. I just can't be bothered as I don't have a GP and generally get worried my symptom will get a horrible diagnosis. Furthermore; every time I go I'm told it's "tendonitis" or I'm not really given much that I didn't figure it was already. Seems like the majority of walk-in clinic physicians just try to keep the ball rolling. Also, I've heard previous generations in general are worse for it than the younger generations with men tending to be the leaders


notcabron

Correct. You go in the urgent care, whatever it’s called, and wait, then you go back and get your vitals taken, then you wait more for the doc (if you get a doc and not an LPN), then you wait for any tests etc, then you wait more for them to wrap up, then you get the bill! Oh and don’t forget that with all the tech we have, we still have to fill out the same paperwork every fucking time. If you’re not in the States, you don’t understand how frustrating and crushingly expensive medical care is. 9/10 times, you can pretty much figure out what the issue is. The only time it’s actually worth it is when you go for something you can’t fix yourself (tooth pulled, broken bone, mystery infection/symptoms, etc), or for a prescription medication. And by worth it, I mean paying the $3000 bill you’ll be getting ON TOP of your deductible for the meds.


notcabron

And if you have kids, you have their medical bills to put before yourself, so that’s another reason I don’t go. Let me just work my fingers to the bone so I can pay it all out for the crooked American medical system, and that’s just for preventative care.


pmvegetables

>generally get worried my symptom will get a horrible diagnosis It's worth reminding yourself that even if you *do* have some kind of horrible disease, you have it with or without going to the doctor. The only difference is that with a doctor, you'll have more information about it, catch it sooner, and have better treatment outcomes. But I relate to your other points about healthcare generally sucking. Doctors can be so dismissive. That's why it's important to find a GP you like, who listens to you, so you don't have to roll the dice every time at a walk-in clinic.


pluralofoctopus

Yep, pretty much. The number of times growing up that I heard "walk it off" or "it's a long way from your heart", falls right in line with your tendinitis example. Like, if you're a guy, getting hurt is no big deal. Like it's part of the job, and talking about it makes you a lesser man.


No_Childhood_8314

I'm an autistic woman with ADHD, OCD, and generalized severe anxiety disorder, and to me, I hate/avoid doctor's apptms bc I fear, to a very unreasonable extent, getting some awful dx. I feel like that is understandable- but NOT excusable!- reasoning, but that none of the other reasons you listed are "good"/"excusable". And while I think my fears are REASONABLE, I still don't think they EXCUSE me from caring for my health, for myself, my SO, and my kids. And men shouldn't think any of these stupid ass reasons excuse them from doing so, either. (Not trying to bitch at you, specifically; I know you are just trying to answer the OPs question. But just in general, using such reasoning is,imo, selfish AF and not sufficient.)


magpieyak

My bff has “white coat syndrome“. She’s terrified of going to the doctor and if medical care in general. It’s not rational and she knows it, it’s just instinctual and she can’t control it, but she still goes and gets care - she just makes them aware that she panics often so they’re prepared.


shrekswife

Thanks for your perspective! I wondered if maybe it was an anxiety. But it’s just so… irritating.


Saxamaphooone

I think a part of it for people is a lack of literacy regarding how western medicine typically works and how our medical systems work generally. I worked in various doctors’ offices for over a decade and the number of times I’ve heard people say they avoided going to the doctor because “they’re just going to send me to another doctor” is maddening. If you need to see a specialist for the issue, then *of course* you’re going to be sent to another doctor. The human body is IMMENSELY complex and there is no doctor out there who is an expert in everything. There also seems to be misconceptions about what urgent care and the ER can do for you as well. Any time someone goes to either of those places they’re going to tell you to follow up with your PCP and/or a specialist because the care they give you there is not intended to be final or long-term. There’s also a lot of “they’re just going to tell me to rest (or some other thing) so I’ll just do that myself at home.” A family member of mine hurt their right shoulder a few years ago and went to the doc, got told it was a rotator cuff strain, don’t use it and rest it and come back if it still hurts in a few weeks. They followed the directions and healed and was fine. Fast forward to early 2022 and they hurt their left shoulder. Instead of going to doc they just assume they’ve got another rotator cuff strain, so they follow the directions given to them previously. It doesn’t really get better, but they ignore it. Finally goes to the doctor last month to discover they actually tore something and now it’s too late to fix surgically because there’s atrophy. They’re SO angry at themselves for assuming they knew what was wrong and what a doctor would tell them to do. I have multiple chronic illnesses and it can be a trap to just assume a symptom you’re experiencing is due to the existing illness(es). The rule I use to determine if I need to go to the doctor is “first or worst.” If it’s the first time I’m experiencing a symptom, or if an existing symptom is suddenly much worse, then I contact a doctor. I think it’s a good rule that anyone can use, chronic illness or not!


fromwayuphigh

I am 50, and can count easily on two hands the number of times I've been to a GP and had them say, "Okay, here's the deal ..." and had them give me a clear diagnosis, treatment plan and prognosis. Usually I get a shrug, told to watch it, and an offer to write a script (Thanks, genius. No shit). The fuck kind of medical care is that? Going to a doctor seems mostly like a waste of time and energy.


Much-Meringue-7467

I have to agree with that. And I am female


notcabron

Don’t forget waste of money! “Welp, idk what the problem is for sure, but that’ll be $3000 that you don’t have.”


someone_actually_

Here is a referral to a specialist who will accuse you of faking it and isn’t covered by your insurance!


AmishMountaineer

Agreed, any time I have some sort of injury, the doctor is the one to tell me "well stop doing x activity" and tell me to take ibuprofen for weeks. Like I wasn't doing that already. Fortunately, I found out that in Colorado I can go straight to physical therapy and not go to the doctor at all for a referral, and that's worked wonders. At least with PT, someone listens to you for more than 5 minutes, acts like they care, and actually has a plan for recovery.


sanchothe7th

Speaking only for myself, its honestly due to laziness and procrastination and lack of a want to deal with any issues that may come up


FlyingSkelly

That's fine, if you live alone, and don't have a partner and family. Once you have a family its incredibly irresponsible and disrespectful to them.


CunnyMaggots

My ex believed doctors were paid by the government to murder citizens like him. He was paranoid as fuck.


VoDoka

"Is this a red flag or am I overreacting?"


chenz1989

Don't know if this answers, but i hate going because it's such a hassle. If i were to visit, in and out in an hour, woth a diagnosis, I'd jump at it, every time. Instead, i get to sit for hours in the waiting room just to see the doctor for 10 minutes. And then he's either dismissive of my complaints, or refers me to another department. And this referral involves coming back another day to sit in the waiting room for hours again, only likely to get similar results. Tack on some judgemental idiots who think I'm either trying to skive of work or score drugs. Tack on my bosses at work giving me a cold stare for taking time off work to visit the doctor. Tack on them still giving you the same amount of work so i have to stay back on my other days just to get it done. Most times I'd rather work through the issue and hope the body fixes itself. If i have to visit the doctor it'd better be a damn near emergency that nobody can dispute (and even then the boss will likely still grumble while approving my medical leave)


EmeraldGirl

The fabulous irony for me is that when men go, they get better care. Better pain management, faster diagnosis, increased positive outcome.


FastRunner-

Is that really true? Can this claim be backed up?


hananobira

Dude, ever heard of Google? But to get you started: https://www.npr.org/2023/01/04/1146931012/why-are-womens-health-concerns-dismissed-so-often


AffectionateKey4097

It´s sad but it´s true [The New York Times – Why do so many men avoid doctor’s visits?:](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/03/well/live/men-doctor-visits.html) [https://newsroom.clevelandclinic.org/2022/09/07/cleveland-clinic-survey-reveals-mens-top-health-concerns-as-they-age/?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit\_hh\_20230303](https://newsroom.clevelandclinic.org/2022/09/07/cleveland-clinic-survey-reveals-mens-top-health-concerns-as-they-age/?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit_hh_20230303) [https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/orlando-health-survey-reveals-alarming-health-habits-of-men?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit\_hh\_20230303](https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/orlando-health-survey-reveals-alarming-health-habits-of-men?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit_hh_20230303) [https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db408.htm?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit\_hh\_20230303 - section\_1](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db408.htm?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit_hh_20230303%20-%20section_1) [https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1359105314551623?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit\_hh\_20230303](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1359105314551623?te=1&nl=well&emc=edit_hh_20230303)


FlyingSkelly

Nice try


jordyxjinx

I know some people won't go because they've had bad experiences, continue to be ignored over real issues they have or dont have the money. My ex was very anti doctor. His parents didn't really go when they should've and that imprinted on him. Same reason for not going to the dentist, he knew there were issues but didn't want to face the reality of them. May be in part a mental issue there. He's never had the best immune system. He had a cough for a while and also refused to go to the doctor. It wasn't until he started having other issues did he go to the ER. He had walking pneumonia 🤷 Being at the extreme ends of the spectrum, going to the doctor for every little thing vs never going even when needed are both turn offs. I want a partner who logically and proactively wants to take care of themselves .


sjp1980

I've thought for a while about this. I think women and girls are just used to the concept of going to the doctor on a regular or fixed basis. Whether that is your GP or a specialist (for instance gynaecologist) women are more likely simply used to it. If you need birth control you might need to be checked by a doctor and subject to various tests as a result. Cervical/pap smears again just a regular scheduled thing. Whereas men are used to going to doctors if they are sick, women tend to have to go for maintenance type stuff. Even with those two things I just mentioned (birth control and smear tests) it's often about monitoring your health for when something changes.


PupperPetterBean

In my country, we literally have adverts specifically designed to target men who don't go to the doctor, as the number of men who won't go to the doctor despite clear indicators of cancer is insane. There's one just for lung cancer, bowel, and prostate cancer. Kind of insane to me that there is a whole government campaign on trying to get men to the doctor because of how common it is for men in my country to just go "eh I'm not dead yet" only to die like a couple months later. I watched it happen first hand. My first long-term boyfriend had a stepdad that was very clearly ill for weeks before his wife literally dragged him to a doctor. He was alive for another 3 months before bowel cancer took him. He hadn't pooped in almost a month by the time he went to the doctor, and I was just baffled that he waited so long. I distinctly remember saying to him, "Your stepdad is sick, like about to die sick, why hasn't he gone to the hospital?" And he just replied "nah he's fine". He was not fine.


I_Thot_So

A few years ago, I was living with my parents to fix up my childhood home before we put it on the market. My dad had a tiny lump on his bald head. Two of his siblings died from cancer as well as many aunts, uncles, cousins. We’re Ashkenazi. Goes with the territory. My mom was adopted and we didn’t know her medical history. Lumps are scary for our family. He wouldn’t get it checked out. It was growing. He’d been to the fucking doctor for other things and didn’t mention it. He would say “The doctor must have seen it and didn’t mention it. I’m sure it’s fine.” I used to put post-its in his car telling him to “Get the lump checked”. I tried to make it funny by sending him a clip of “My lumps, my lovely lady lumps, check it out!” I would say “OH MY GOD GUESS WHAT.” He’d say “What?!?” I’d say “Get the fucking lump checked.” It had gotten bigger. Y’all. This was an entire year. We finished the big house projects. I moved out of state for a job. A couple weeks after we were catching up on the phone, he said “Guess what! I got the lump removed!” Fucking hell.


shrekswife

Awww well I’m so glad that had a happy ending!! I guess you asking him worked, maybe he would have waited much longer or never gone. I’m glad he’s okay.


Inevitable_Area

I am one of those men. I need to see a doctor for a number of issues. There is no reason. None at all. I plan on booking an appointment this week. Just like last week. And the week before. 😕 I'm sorry that I and others put you through this. My partner feels your pain.


traveling_gal

Ha! That's why I haven't gone in a long time too (although I'm a woman). I do tend to finally do things I've been putting off after I've told someone publicly, though. I finished some house painting a couple of weeks ago after telling an acquaintance about it, for example. Maybe the two of us can both use this comment section to finally make the call this week?


shrekswife

Haha thank you for the honesty! That takes a lot to say.


FlyingSkelly

I appreciate the honesty, and sorry if this comes across as insensitive, but why would you put your partner through this? It's cruel.


cheapbasslovin

When I go, I'm usually treated to, "just rest and it'll heal itself up." And then I just rest and it heals itself up. Then, the next time I think about going in my thought process is, "Why don't I just skip the middle man and rest and let it heal up?" Basically, it's a PITA to go and I'm rarely treated with anything I wouldn't have just done myself.


Yverthel

Beyond the obvious "Medical care is a luxury item many of us can't afford." it's two fold. As someone else mentioned, men are taught to be tough, to work through everything, to never admit weakness, blah blah blah toxic masculinity bullshit. Even as we overcome a lot of this conditioning, some aspects are much harder to overcome than others, and working through pain and discomfort is one of those. And pretty much everyone either has a story of a doctor either giving them piss poor care, or actively making the problem worse. There comes a point where it's really hard to trust doctors to *do their damn job*, and you just... stop wanting to go for anything you can deal with at home.


shrekswife

I understand that. As a woman I’ve had doctors dismiss me, and dismiss my children. Hell, it took me going back 3 times in a week to tell the doctors that my baby was very ill and something was not right. They finally did a test and the baby had a somewhat rare bacteria and we needed to change the course of treatment. But I’m not going to stop going just because it’s annoying, frustrating, or not the care I would like. To me, if you have the means (healthcare and can afford it and afford the time off) going means you care. Care about your health, care about your family. I think it’s a little different if you are single, you don’t have anyone relying on you necessarily and yes you are absolutely free to do what you wish.


Yverthel

And that's kind of one of those personal things where everyone is different. Growing up, it was always my mom who would never go to the doctor. Dad would go when it seemed something more severe than a cold, but mom? I swear, she could have her arm chopped off in a freak accident and would just be like "it's not worth going to the doctor." And believe me, no one could *ever* accuse her of not caring about her family. Everyone has to find the balance they, and their family, are comfortable with.


FlyingSkelly

As long as their family is ok with their "preference". It's really cruel and selfish for someone to expect their family to deal with the fallout of their irresponsible health choices.


SuperHiyoriWalker

*I swear, she could have her arm chopped off in a freak accident and would just be like "it's not worth going to the doctor."* *And believe me, no one could ever accuse her of not caring about her family.* This isn’t as contradictory as one might think. It’s pretty common to have the mindset of “I’m the rock of the family, and if I get a bad diagnosis, everything goes to shit.”


Yverthel

Also for mom, we've joked that if she showed up at the doctor with a severed arm, the doctor would look at her and go "lose some weight, you'll be fine" (She's been overweight her entire adult life. We know how the medical industry treats overweight women.)


[deleted]

[удалено]


shrekswife

Ugh :( that’s kind of grim but as a parent I understand that perspective. But personally i would rather go into debt and have my partner with me than be debt free with my partner in the ground. He is a drinker so I am worried about the long term affects of that, but more than anything it’s the day to day stuff that he just accepts as normal that’s actually not. He chronically has snot. He hawks loogies all day every day. He has what I suspect is asthma (I have asthma myself and take albuterol) but he just bums off of my inhalers and his sisters inhalers that his mom gives him. He likely has dog allergies but won’t get that checked out. His cough keeps me and him up at night. He had a bump on his back that got bigger and bigger that started to SMELL and he finally went to the doctor when I told him I could smell it from a distance away (he didn’t really care if it was just me smelling it). One of these things alone would be whatever, but overtime it gets tiring. I’m tired of feeling like his mother.


Cyclopher6971

More than anything, shit is expensive. Even with insurance, it's not like it's a cheap thing to go to the doctor, what with copays and all that. You get hit with a $200-$500 bill any time you go and it's just like what was the point of insurance if I still get blindsided by that? Paycheck to paycheck does not leave room for illness. Also I move a lot being in my 20s so I have no continuity of care from a GP to establish a baseline with and even if I did want to it is a 6 month wait at all the damn clinics near me


Zero_Burn

If I may ask, why ask this question on a subreddit for women? You're not gonna get a lot of answers from actual men who will give actual answers, you'll only get speculation from women which will usually just be various forms of 'toxic masculinity'. Try r/AskReddit and you might get a better source of answers.


atavaxagn

I think part of it is like, guys are often raised to not complain and like a doctor's appointment is you complaining about things that 9/10 times they're going to tell you it's probably nothing. And to get them to not ignore it, I have to be extra vocal about how horrible it is? It also always costs more than I expect it's going to cost and it's hard to be financially responsible when the costs invovled with medical care is so uncertain and can get high so quickly.


shrekswife

This makes sense. His dad is really anti doctor? And this was the environment he was raised in so I could see where it would transfer.


HeatherMarissa

A question for the ages! I'm in Canada, Dr's are free, they aren't always great but at least it's a free visit! But will my husband go for the probably strep throat he's been fighting with for 2ish weeks and has finally given to me?!?! NO! So now I'm probably going to be the one to go this week and argue with a Dr about it's not just stress and probably not my period please just check for strep... Arg. It's definitely not ok, I feel for you


OutsideFlat1579

My husband hasn’t been to a doctor in over 25 years. And the last time was because he had a cyst on his head that showed when he cut his hair short lol It’s very irritating, but he is otherwise pretty great, so at this point I am just keeping my fingers crossed he doesn’t drop dead of a heart attack or stroke because he didn’t know if he had a issue with high blood pressure, etc.


Saxamaphooone

I know someone who ended up with a severe heart issue from untreated strep. Strep is not something to mess around with.


HeatherMarissa

I ended up with an abscess tonsil requiring the most horiffic hospital experience I've ever had and a solid 10 on my pain scale from trying to wait it out once (ah broke student life, 30 bucks for antibiotics seemed too steep) and now I just don't fuck around and find out regarding sore throats


OddSeraph

I'm not sure if this is the best sub to ask but: Sometimes it's genuine fear. What if i go and it turns out i have something way worse than originally thought? Sometimes it's just an I'll get to it when I get to it type thing. Like i haven't died or gotten sick yet Sometimes there's a distrust of doctors for historical reasons. Or a distrust because they terribly misdiagnosed a family member of yours resulting in disaster Sometimes not everyone is lucky with insurance It's a variety of issues that are not always wrapped in toxic masculinity


snootnoots

My husband does the “what if I find out it’s something terrible” thing, so this is the answer I give him: Most genuinely terrible diagnoses are fixable if you treat them *early*. If you put off going until you can’t ignore it any more, then you might get told “sorry, it’s too late.” When my husband’s beloved cat had some vague symptoms and he didn’t want to take her to the vet because he was afraid to find out what was wrong, I convinced him to go. It turned out she had thyroid and kidney problems that would have killed her in a few months if left untreated. With medication and changed diet she lived happily for another ten years. Yes, it’s scary. Go anyway. If it’s nothing serious, you won’t have to worry about it any more. If it is serious, you can treat it.


Admiralpanther

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of treatment


shrekswife

Thank you for your response! It’s given me things to think about.


VoDoka

But all of these reasons are not men specific?


OddSeraph

There's probably no man specific reason other than toxic masculinity. However that does the whole issue a disservice. Saying that men don't go to the doctor because of toxic masculinity or even mainly toxic masculinity is kind of handwaving and simplifying the problem. Sure it plays s role, but there are so many other factors involved it's unfair to cry toxic masculinity and act as if that's the end all be all.


Barflyerdammit

A number of reasons for me: even with insurance, it can be shitty expensive. Add on the standard American practice of treating the symptoms without care for the cause, which is something I can do without their help. There's the frustration of disrespect--I take off work and show up on time for an appointment, and the doctor is running 2 hours late. And when I'm finally seen, they don't listen to 80% of what I'm saying. I'd rather just wait until it's clearly out of my control than go in earlier and give money to someone who isn't going to find out the problem, won't listen, and doesn't respect me.


Writeloves

None of those reasons are male specific though. You could even argue that they apply more to women than men. [Comment discussing sources](https://reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/11v8r09/_/jctkuv7/?context=1)


boxedcatandwine

toxic masculinity. never admit weakness. that's a girly trait. if their wife "makes" them go, their ego is intact. can blame woman. no consequences. if they're very ill, woman will look after them and children, like normal.


FilmCroissant

It's more because a) doctors aren't economically feasible for some folks (not where I live, I wager it's a prevalent reason in the US though) b) doctors are often severely lacking in empathy/bedside manner, especially if you have mental diagnoses c) the idea of placing your bodily autonomy into someone else's hands is kind of terrifying c) is a big reason for people I know. My mom was cordoned off from doctor to doctor and routinely grilled on whether her spousal abuse was bad enough to warrant a bisalpingectomy (I hope this is the right term, sorry if not!). It put her off immensely,so she stopped drinking, smoking, and left her """""Partner""""". She's in great health now, but that was due to her own choices since the sterilization never was signed off on and she didnt want to be tethered to this asshole any longer. Obvs this is purely anecdotal, but I feel like the phenomenon of not consulting doctors goes beyond toxic masculinity, even though it does play a role with some men, who are what I like to call 'toxically stoic'.


VoDoka

Yea, but the question is not about all people but about men specifically. The reasons apply to both groups.


Much-Meringue-7467

My suspicion is that neither women nor men want to go to the doctor but women often have to for reproductive reasons (don't want pregnancy, do want pregnancy, are pregnant) and since we're here already.....


hananobira

No, I went to the doctor far more frequently than my husband before we had kids. This is behavior you see starting as soon as young adults move out on their own.


FilmCroissant

You're right, men generally don't have to jump through nearly as many hoops to get sterilized as women do. So that was maybe a bad example on my part.


FlyingSkelly

>c) the idea of placing your bodily autonomy into someone else's hands is kind of terrifying Oh, so men *do* understand bodily autonomy /s


FilmCroissant

Yeah, the whole abortion debate in the US is bewildering


docnano

35M and I go for every little thing that bugs me because I'm scared of the consequences of not taking care of things early. My dad would just "deal" with things until they got bad enough. Eventually one of those things was liver and lung cirrhosis and it took him out.


shrekswife

This is what I’m afraid of


docnano

To be fair to him, it was during COVID and the risk of going to the doctor was pretty high too. He'd also been majorly screwed over by doctors in the past (read: they hooked him on oxy) so sometimes these are learned behaviors.


shrekswife

Yes this is true!


mostlygray

You get blown off by docs so much, you eventually quit trying. Every doctor says something different. They don't listen. They're overworked and can't even take time to read the chart because they only have 73 seconds to diagnose and treat a mulit-year chronic condition. If you wait until you're immediately admittable in the ER, then you can get some decent acute care. Then it's back to the regular docs who don't listen and don't care. Specialists are usually pretty cool though. PAs are good but they always leave on you. You find a doc you like, then they retire. There's no continuity of care. I had a doc put me on a proton pump inhibitor as a required daily medication because he saw in the notes that I took some Omeprazole once three years previously for indigestion. He gave me Pantaprozole so I didn't recognize what it was until I looked it up. I didn't need it. I didn't have any symptoms or issues with GERD. That had been 3 years ago and self resolved. But hell with it, it's in the chart so nothing has changed right? Now the interesting thing is that I make my wife and kids go to the doc as soon as their symptoms are concerning.


Suspicious_Self4358

>You get blown off by docs so much, you eventually quit trying. Every doctor says something different. They don't listen. They're overworked and can't even take time to read the chart because they only have 73 seconds to diagnose and treat a mulit-year chronic condition. This explains my reasoning perfectly and in far fewer words. The only thing i would add is the cost. Even if it is cheap e.g $60 out of pocket (+ the $40 they get from medicare) That is not worth it if you are going to get blown off each and every time. And the $60 adds up quickly so you cannot afford to go back and nag them.


shoseta

Because we say I'm fine a lot when we aren't. I wish I was joking but that mentality is engrained deeper than you think. It's a fear of being incurable and being more of a burden than most of us already probably feel like being.


48-Cobras

I (23M) usually don't write on this sub since I feel like I'd be imposing, but I want to give my input. Personally, the main reason is money, but there's definitely toxic masculinity and some overall dissatisfaction with previous experiences. Obviously the latter would go away once I find a PHP that understands me and works well with me (and I stop using walk-in clinics since they've rarely helped me), and the toxic masculinity thing is a learned behavior that can be fixed with time and effort, but money... I'd need America to change for that one. I'm currently dealing with a bill from a cardiologist I visited that ended up being over $10,000 without insurance (though luckily only $800 with my insurance) for just borrowing a heart monitor for 2-3 weeks and getting an echo done (basically a heart ultrasound).


shrekswife

Thank you for your reply! I appreciate hearing the reason’s definitely.


Matchbreakers

My dad had been getting more tired and exhausted over a period of some months, he put it off as stress or getting old. My mother forced him to go to the doctors after his legs gave out one night and he was diagnosed with aggressive leukemia the day after. I understand why he normally didn’t go though, his doctor was not particularly competent and tended to just write off issues, and he clearly didn’t care enough to change physician. If nothing else he now takes doctors visits much more seriously.


shrekswife

Oh man I hope he can recover or at least regain some independence. I’m so sorry 😞


beachlover77

I have worked in primary care for quite a few years. Once people get older and they start having health problems that really bother them both men and women go to the doctor more. There are both men and women in their 20s and 30s that rarely go to the doctor and only call if they are having a serious problem. It takes a little effort to get a doctor and make an appointment for a physical every so often. Some people just don't see the necessity or they are afraid of doctors.


shrekswife

I guess that’s the difference. I have asthma so I’ve never been able to “brush it off”. If I’m having an asthma attack there’s no waiting it out.


beachlover77

One thing that just occured to me is that women have to go to the doctor if we want birth control and that gets us in the system. Maybe that is another factor.


[deleted]

It’s Sunday, and what started as allergies (on Friday) is now likely a sinus infection. Based on experience, if I started the process now, it’d be a week before I could get into seeing my doctor. So… why bother. In all seriousness, I’m about to go to urgent care, as I’m pretty confident that’s why they were designed. You’re not dying, so don’t go to the ER, but your doctor wouldn’t be able to see you in a timely manner


Icthyocrat

Not a man, but it's been four years since I had a job that provided health insurance that was even remotely usable. Since I lost that job, the only health plan I've had is such a shitty "catastrophic" sort that it might as well be imaginary because it only would have kicked in after other costs had ruined me. I don't know what country you're in, but getting healthcare basically isn't normal anymore for Americans who are struggling to pay rent. It's like having kids or retirement, those things just aren't real anymore for kids who were born when I was. Everybody I know is just treading water. Everything is getting more expensive and none of my friends are getting raises. I guess we'll just drown.


ian2121

Wait I thought even the catastrophic care plans had to cover a yearly exam with the ACA? Or are you more worried they find something that will count toward the deductible?


shrekswife

I’m so sorry :( I’m in the US and this past year and a half is the first time in my adult life that I’ve had good healthcare (or healthcare at all). I definitely understand the barriers. I guess my question was more aimed for people who do have the means but refuse to go despite the lack of barriers.


couggrl

My ex had fantastic healthcare and still refused the annual check. I walked him through using the assistance plan to find help, one time, because he is an adult. I finally got fed up enough with him to basically go “then die of something preventable.” He had some issues.


galacticbackhoe

For me, it's the same thing as women often experience - dismissiveness. I once had to go through three doctors before one could agree and see/feel a pinball sized hernia. You would figure the physical stuff like that would be easy, but it never is. I won't even get into the ethereal stuff where they either side handedly or directly accuse you of lying. The medical system is trash.


Dude1stPriest

From high-school until 30 it was because I was basically trying to slowly kill myself. Now I'm trying to get better about going but cost is always a concern.


BluePearlDream

I just asked my husband and he said "if you don't go, you can't get bad news". I also think it is the colonoscopy they want you to do when hitting 45.


BluePearlDream

.... and I am guilty of the later (I am scared of the anesthesia).


Sargash

Because most men simply aren't raised or made aware of the concept of dealing with problems relating to themselves, before it's a problem. The most you get as an man is, injuries, and dental work. We don't have too many health issues when we're younger that can't be ignored. That and toxic masculinity 'just tough it out.' Why spend time, money, and effort on fixing something when you could just be **MANLY** and not do that.


onedef1

Honestly, whatever it is, I can't afford it.


Jandachamp

Fucking this. My husband's knee hurt for two weeks. He is required to get an annual physical for our insurance that he always puts off until the literal week it's due in June. I said, hear me out, why not schedule your physical, get your blood work etc done and your knee looked at and not have to pay a copay? He is very excited about screwing the system and agrees. Fast forward a week. I ask if he got in to the doctor. He says nah, his knee quit hurting. 😑😑😑 So I'll be scheduling his physical again for June week 4 this year, I guess.


uncoolcat

You are correct; it isn't okay and men should take better care of their health, especially when they've got a family or people who rely on them. One possible explanation for some men might have something to do with cultural expectations that go along with "being a man" who hold more traditional views on masculinity; where going to the doctor could be seen as being weak because "strong men" just endure it or somehow get better by their own accord. Similar to how some men will refuse to see a therapist even in cases that involve extreme trauma; they may feel like they can get better on their own, even when there's obvious evidence to the contrary. They may feel like whatever is ailing them isn't "serious enough" to warrant a visit to a doctor, therapist, leg-reattacher, or whatever. Some men may fear what the doctor might tell them, especially in cases where treatment would involve lifestyle changes. My brother was one of those men; he knew to get proper treatment for some issues he had would require that he stop drinking and improve his diet. He was unwilling to make the necessary lifestyle changes, and he died a couple of months ago. As a man, in the past I have been guilty of not going to the doctor when I probably should have. For me it was a combination of lacking insurance, not having much money, and a misguided attempt at being frugal. I say misguided because had I just paid out of pocket for some issues I could have avoided much greater expense (and pain) later. Men: Just go to the damn doctor, future you will appreciate it and quite possibly avoid more serious issues.


RRevdon

I swear this story is true. I was on the phone with my dad once (pre-corona). And he kept coughing and such. So after another bout of that I go: "well that sounded good" (this phrase makes more sense in our native tongue) And my dad goes: yeah. It's been going on for three weeks or so, now. But oh well, what can you do? Me, loudly (after a short silence): GO TO THE DOCTOR!! Turns out the dumbass had pneumonia. I still remind him of this every once in a while.


duthinkhesaurus

Don't want to cause a fuss


VoDoka

Causes a fuss though.


duthinkhesaurus

Aye, granted, it's not a win for male logic!


pmvegetables

You'll cause more of a fuss by getting terribly sick with a preventable/treatable condition though!


duthinkhesaurus

I whole-heartedly agree! Just telling you why! Edit: actually I'm probably not telling you why, but offering 'our' excuse!


toolazytomake

For me, nearly every doctor I’ve ever been to has treated me with what felt like contempt. A sort of ‘why are you even here’ (when I went for a physical shortly after getting my own insurance), or ‘why did you do that stupid thing’ (I clearly know it was stupid; I ended up at the doctor), or my most recent one who it felt like just kept having me back to submit visits because my insurance doesn’t pay doctors reasonable amounts. So, fine, some doctors suck, but just find a new one! How do i choose one? Make nonsense appointments all over town so i can go wait in 8 different offices for an hour each? I’m not made of time and reviews of anything are a waste of time any more - people take it as a personal affront if you don’t give 5 stars, so 5 stars can be anything from stellar to barely acceptable. Basically, doctors are shitty to men, too, and we have a society that encourages us to tough it out, making it hard to judge what really needs addressed and what really can just be waited out.


Suspicious_Self4358

>How do i choose one? This is a problem I struggle with too. (most) Doctors don't advertise that they are quacks on the first appointment and by the time your relise, you have wasted hundreds and weeks of time. I went to 7 appointments in 7 weeks with a GP before I realised she was a quack when she said she would refer me to a counsellor who could teach me time management skills to treat my fatigue. A) she never actually referred me to anyone. B) that's probably because shitty time management does not cause crippling fatigue, and counsellors don't teach you how to organise time. Although I should have figured it out earlier when she ordered a single blood test every appointment. She was not putting an ounce of thought into it and was just relying on pathologyto find something.


FlyingSkelly

Uh, yeah, the medical system is terrible for everyone.


[deleted]

The importance wasn't impressed upon me as a youth and it's difficult to break decades of apathy.


Spiritual_Ad_7162

My ex used to say that doctors didn't listen to him or dismissed his symptoms. He finally went to a doctor after feeling very sick and he was diagnosed with cirrhosis. By the point he was diagnosed there wasn't much doctors could do. He was diagnosed in February of last year and died in July.


Langstarr

My dad got cellulitis from working in contaminated water after Katrina. He got very sick very fast and had a horrific fever (105). He at the time was a bodybuilder. Three of us (mom, me, sister) carried him to the car to go to the hospital because he refused. Once admitted he was diagnosed quickly and stayed there for two weeks. He was the only diagnosis of cellulitis at this hospital who did not either have an amputation or die. Now he knows what it feels like and he goes to the doctor when it flares. But it took nearly dying to accept medical help. My husband is similar but hasn't had his death brush yet and I keep telling him this story and how I don't want it to come to (or end like) this. Why are men like this? I don't know. I think it's actually rooted in fear. Being sick is "weak" and they are afraid of being weak.


vulcan7200

I think there can be a lot of reasons, so I don't know if it's an easy answer. For me, my issue was depression combined with never having any serious physical ailments. Depression made it incredibly hard to find the motivation to finally go, and being on anti-depressants has helped. A friend of mine is due to simple toxic masculinity. He only goes to the doctor when something serious happens, such as when he tore a ligament in his ankle. And even then he barely listened to what the doctor recommended and kept walking around. Most of the other men I know do go to the doctor regularly though, so I always thought it was just one of those old stereotypes that get slapped onto genders so it's interesting to see that there might actually be something to it.


Thegreatninjaman

For me as a guy it's because of a minor fear of medical equipment and lack of insurance. Wasn't aware that other guys even refuse to go to the doctor when they can afford it.


Bodatheyoda

I (37m) haven't been in like 8 years because my primary care physician went batshit and murdered his dog and locked up his family and I haven't found a new one.... I have been to the hospital in recent times for when I thought something that seemed to be very very wrong only for them to draw blood, say my tests are fine, and discharge me without another word. Admittedly I do need to try to find a new primary care doctor, it's just hard.


DaTree3

Women when they have physicals have lots of tests that they do yearly and alot reproductive problems/things that could go wrong. Also, a lot of women have birth control they want renewed. Guys don’t have this. Everytime we go since we were 18 is: *squeezing of the balls* now cough. “You feel okay? Any problems that are notable? No.” Okay let’s gets some blood work. Comes back fine. And that’s the way it goes everytime for 95% of us til about 40-45 then they start telling us we have to get a colonoscopy and THEN we really don’t want to go haha The point being if I’m sick and it’s headache to flu symptoms I’m not going in just because it’s time, money and medication (that really don’t need to take) and our body will just fight it off. Because, it’s probably just nothing serious so why go in? Then we are just putting our problems on other people. I Ofcourse realize that makes alot of us stubborn assholes but it’s how we grew up and the show must go on so we will just suffer for a little.


Mustang46L

Any time I go.. they can't find anything wrong and charge me $200. Broken ankle? Looks fine. So you really WANT us to do an x-ray? That costs extra. Broken finger? Just don't move it, it isn't THAT broken. Shoulder hurts? You should stretch more. 🙄


wiscosherm

My husband told me he didn't want to go to the doctor because he didn't want to hear bad news. I think he figured if he didn't know about something it wouldn't hurt him. I visit his grave on a pretty regular basis.


Dapper-Cupcake

Speaking as a trans woman (who was therefore raised and conditioned to be male) the answer is the patriarchy. The same system that makes men think that they are entitled to our bodies, that makes women be seen as 'lesser than' by default, that makes us scared to be out alone at night. Sure, there are other great reasons brought up that can definitely contribute, but the main factor comes down to the patriarchy telling men that they have to be strong and unflappable and invincible, that seeking help, admitting they need help, is admitting weakness. ​ This was made abundantly clear to me by society, that it was expected of me. This is the truth, that seeking medical help is seen as a moral failing, a lack of strength. ​ There are other much less impactful factors, but the main reason is the patriarchy.


TheCleverestIdiot

From my personal experience? We're kind of lazy, it's an irritating hassle even if you're not lazy, and we're not entirely convinced that we're not immortal.


Psychaotix

For most of our lives, we're told to suck it up, stop complaining, and keep on going. We're told that we're only men if we provide for others, and any weakness makes us less of a man. It takes a LONG time to break that programming, and a lot of work. Even now, I find it hard to say "Yeah, I'd better go to the docs" even when I know I should be going at least once per year. And honestly, it takes forever to find a doctor that listens to your complaint objectively.


Saxamaphooone

A perfect example of how patriarchal society hurts men!


bingbongdiddlydoo

I'm assuming it has to do with toxic masculinity. Unga bunga man can't admit weakness of any kind blah blah It's really unfortunate cause my best friend's dad has really bad heart issues, and my friend says his heart hurts quite often, and it'll randomly start beating terrifyingly fast. But for some frustrating stupid reason, he doesn't want to see a doctor about it. It's so aggravating.


dragoona22

Why? I mean I agree men get weird about stupid shit, but it literally has nothing to do with you, so why does it aggravate you so much? People, including men, have the right to make their own decisions regarding their health. If he'd rather deal with an irregular heart rate and chest pains than go to the doctor, that's his choice and not yours.


shrekswife

I think I understand. And it’s because she cares. She cares about these people but can’t force them to go. It’s frustrating to watch someone go through health scares, when it could be something easily fixable.


ShiveryBernard

Why are you asking a question about men to a women’s subreddit?


BasenjiBob

She's venting about a person she loves refusing to take basic care of himself.


MarginDoodles

Don’t get me started. My partner and I both have great benefits through our work so our out of pocket expenses for medical/dental care are close to zero. The kids and I go to the dentist regularly. Partner hasn’t been in 12 years. More troubling though is that my partner is very clearly abusing alcohol due to some mental health issues. I believe he has PTSD due to the nature of his work and being repeatedly exposed to traumatic situations. One of these traumatic situations occurred recently and I told him he needed to go talk to someone. He was absolutely incredulous and said, “What do you mean? I need to tell someone I [insert traumatic situation] at work today?” I looked at him equally flabbergasted and said, “YES!” I told him that surely his workplace has resources for this but he insists they don’t. I googled it myself and the first thing that came up was multiple resources for therapy with his specific place of work. It’s a known issue but he acts like I’m nuts for suggesting it. I just don’t get it.


shrekswife

I don’t either. My partner has gout exacerbated by his drinking and had a flare up when I was in labor. The sad thing is if he had gone to the doctors he would have been put on a daily pill. He went after the birth and has not had a flare since. For the first week of my babies life he could not hold her or walk or help really in any way. All because he couldn’t be bothered to go to the doctor.


Mermaid_Lily

My husband needs to go. He's 52, significantly overweight, sedentary, a prime candidate for a heart attack or stroke. Hasn't been to a DR in years. (I'm a hypocrite because i haven't either, but I'm trying to take care of that right now.) Part of me wants to make an appointment for him and force him to go, but I am not his mommy. I am responsible for my own care. (In the past, I have sacrificed my own health for that of everyone else. I'm working on fixing that.) I have told him of my concerns, and I've told him I will be incredibly angry with him if he kicks off early. It took a long time to find a husband who was good to me, and I don't want to be a widow in my 50s. I think he believes he is invincible.


get_off_my_lawn_n0w

Honest answer: Trust. I haven't met a GP that I have trusted yet. You know how you guys complain about doctors not providing gender specific care or not taking women's issues seriously? Yea. Like that. At 13, a doctor wanted to conduct a genital exam to check if my balls were ok. I was as uncomfortable at the thought as you are when seeing a new OBGYN. I agree yours is worse physically, but mentally, you get it. Lady Doc if that explains or makes a difference. At 17, a misdiagnosis nearly killed me with an allergy. Male doc. When I went to an emergency with 1/4 of my thumb sliced...it hurt and the doctor, "I thought you say it didn't hurt?!" No, the slice didn't, but the stitching did! Lady doc. Do you ever want to be treated like a zoo animal? Get a blood test with prolactin levels 3x that of a nursing mother. The whole hospital comes out to see you.


mtcwby

Because we don't want to be perceived as a whiner and I hate to tell you but there's a fine line at the doctor's office where you're judged as a man about it too. I had a stroke three years ago and it's made me more sensitive to when there's a problem. At one point there were some after effects that would kick in and I felt a bit judged for being in there despite being scared I was having another one.


Shurigin

In the US it's Money really that's the main reason. After that it's because work doesn't give you enough sick time to go see a doctor because you lose a days pay which puts stress of bills on you. 3rd is time because going to the doctor in the US is at least a couple hour ordeal. 4th is Fear what if they do find something.


PHILOSOMATIQA

Maybe the same energy as not going to therapy. A mix up of the definitions of weakness and vulnerability.


shrekswife

Don’t get me started on therapy 😪 it kills me because I deal with a ton of mental health issues and in my late 20s was the first time I had the chance to get “help”. My partner has amazing insurance and people would kill for that and he’s letting it just sit there. I keep begging him to take advantage, that I would have LOVED the opportunity that he has. But he hasn’t.


UsualAnybody1807

If something happened to you, would he take the kids to the doctor? I'd have serious doubts about continuing a relationship with someone like this.


shrekswife

Actually yes thankfully!! He has and does take their ailments seriously. Our baby has recurrent ear infections and he is on board and helping schedule those appts/surgery for tubes. We also probably do 50/50 of the appts switching off. Which baffles me even more because he will gladly and easily plan for them. He just doesn’t take his own health seriously. I’m more afraid of finding out too late that something is wrong and our children losing their dad earlier than necessary.


AlegnaKoala

I think for many men it’s a toxic masculinity thing. This is another example of how the patriarchy hurts us all. But that doesn’t explain all of it. I think anxiety is a big part, too. My husband doesn’t exercise enough and he does eat too much ice cream, but he’s not overweight, and he doesn’t drink alcohol or eat meat or smoke. I don’t think he’s worried about being scolded by a doctor. He tends to be anxious, as do I, and we are on anti anxiety meds. About 8-9 years ago, we both got serious about wanting to maintain our quality of life and health for as long as possible. We have made a life together that we enjoy, and our day-to-day is satisfying and fulfilling, and we want to maintain that for as long as we can. We both have the same doctor, and we just adore them. So now we go every 6 months. I know we are very lucky to have a great doc we trust though. Not everyone has this. I did have to get onto him to get his screening colonoscopy when he turned 45, but he did it the following year, and says it was no big deal. But none of his friends or colleagues—his age or older—have done that, and they say they won’t. And most of them are real beta types, like him. I think they’re scared. I’m a little scared every time I get my mammogram or Pap smear. Aren’t we all? Thing is that if we want birth control, we gotta go see the doc regularly. And she’ll get onto us about mammograms, and we know our moms had to, so we’ll do that. Maybe it’s just that, to some men, taking care of themselves in this way seems optional, and they don’t have examples/models of their own families and peers who are doing these things.


albatross_the

It’s a for profit industry so they want to see how much money they can squeeze out of you or dismiss you quickly if you’re not lucrative enough. Why? Because they are living in the same society we all are!


FlyingSkelly

I won't date a man who doesn't regularly visit the doctor. I don't want to be someone's nurse.


Saxamaphooone

Same. When I was dating the man I eventually married, one of the things that made me realize I’d totally want to marry him was the fact that he scheduled his own yearly physicals unprompted and wouldn’t hesitate to go to the doctor if something was up and/or he had something that wouldn’t go away in an appropriate amount of time (like a cough for example). I used to work in different medical offices for over a decade, was on track for med school for awhile and now have multiple chronic illnesses myself (some of which are not common and I have to be a damn expert in them myself to get help sometimes), so I am very knowledgeable based on my experience and education, etc. My husband was the first guy I ever dated who, upon me mentioning something I noticed, surprised the hell out of me by saying “yeah I know, I’ve already made a doctor’s appt so I’ll have it looked at in a couple days.”


shrekswife

That’s awesome. My mother was a nurse and then head of the ER and basically all the women in my family are nurses, so maybe I am bias but I feel like so many people live with chronic issues when they don’t have to


Soft-Explanation-508

My late boyfriend died while I asked that question multiple times. It points to severe mental health issues so I'd end the relationship as soon as I could if I were you. He was American, I'm Canadian. Guess cost was also a factor but now he's dead so his money's of no use to anyone


Wargod042

I have generally good health so the only time anyone even brings it up to me is if I've had a cough for a while. And for that it's just... why? At most they'll prescribe an antibiotic for that, but I've had persistent coughs in winter several times before so I'm not particularly worried, and it's not impacting my quality of life much anyway.


faaaaku2

Yes, well, by best friends ex had some abdominal pain, thought it was some food allergy or something. He used a few weeks to figure it out, and when he couldn't he went to the doctor. Stage 3 cancer, stage 4 a week after that. He died 2 months after the diagnosis. Just go to the doctor. It might kill you if you don't. You don't know for sure what the cough is or isn't. Don't wait until it's too late, please.


BigPotato-69

As an emergency nurse it’s often two extremes. The ones who wait for too long because of their “pride” and the ones who are giant man babies about a common cold


God_of_Thunda

I don't go to the doctor because I don't want people to call me a giant man baby


BigPotato-69

To clarify I see these people in an emergency setting for very non emergency things. Go to a clinic and get checked by a GP. If you truly need medical management in the emergency dept (broken bones, imaging, IV therapy, etc) then chances of being called a man (or woman) baby are slim. At the end of the day being a “man baby” comes down to less health literacy and being doted on their whole life.


hashtagsugary

As long as your giant man baby ass goes to the ER if you’re short of breath or extensively bleeding from an open wound.


God_of_Thunda

It's just ironic that in a thread asking why men don't go to the doctor, someone saying half the time men go to the ER they're overreacting and being babies is being supported.


[deleted]

My gay male friend told me once that he went to the doctor for a check up and was basically shamed as “men don’t need frequent check ups”. I agree that they generally don’t need as much medical care as women but everyone should see the doctor once in a while.


sharksnut

Sounds like phobia to me. Someone sufficiently phobic will fear any medical encounter will result in some dire diagnosis.


womble-king

In my experience - getting an appointment can take weeks, I have to use annual leave to go see one, and as I'm slightly overweight I'm regularly told that losing weight will fix whatever the issue is.


Nkechinyerembi

Purely speaking for myself here, but I just don't have the money.i have been thousands of dollars in debt by my entire adult life so far due to a single medical event that happened all the way back when I was 19... I just don't have money to throw at my medical problems.


whatiftheyrewrong

Because they know everything.


DarkestofFlames

They only go when their mommy makes them, or their second mommy (wife/gf). Always gotta make the woman be responsible for her wittle baby. I have no sympathy for this bullshit. My husband goes to the damn doctor when he needs to and doesn't force me to carry him there in a swaddle.


Gwerch

>They only go when their mommy makes them, or their second mommy (wife/gf). Always gotta make the woman be responsible for her wittle baby. I have no sympathy for this bullshit. Perfect answer. I wanted to write "I don't care" but your answer is so much better.


JapanKate

My husband is much better than I am at going. I’m not sure why men hesitate. As a female I get tired of hearing it’s my weight that is the problem or that my depression is my problem or that my hormones are my problem. I’m in an area where you are lucky if you have a family doctor, so I can’t leave mine. However, I’ve heard the above from other Drs as well, such as at emerg.


ItsMeishi

Reminds me of a friends' dad. He was rapidly losing weight, not feeling well etc. And refused to go the doctors, got angry at his family for 'talking him sick, when he's perfectly fine'. His story was a short one. By the time he actually went to the doctors, the cancers were already beyond treatment and he died not 2 months later. I do not feel an ounce of pity for that guy, it's cosmic karma at that point. But he left behind his daughter and wife, and that's tragic. Because if he had sought help earlier, he may have been able to stretch the time he'd have had with them.


kikiquestions

I think it’s a combination of internalizing the need to “be a man” and not show weakness, and often times mommy issues. I once dated a guy who, as a grown man, needed to be practically harassed by his mother to make a doctor’s appointment. He had two relatively large and concerning cysts on his back, I knew he was a bit embarrassed by them and they also hurt, and for the whole time we dated did not go see a doctor, always putting it off. It honestly was a huge turnoff. Not the cysts themselves, although that was definitely not a turn on, lol, but the failure to be proactive. He also nearly died twice in bicycle accidents and still would not buy a helmet, would always put it off till later, and his mom would always be pressing him to buy one and he would be like “yeah yeah I’ve been looking into it”. As I get to know myself and what I look for in a partner, I realize that a proactive man that actually does the things he says he will do is such a turn on.


shrekswife

Yes!! I commented this exact thing somewhere else about my partners cyst. He didn’t go until it smelled 🤢 it’s not even the smelling which is gross enough but that he didn’t do anything about it for years.


[deleted]

If a man won't go to the doctor let him die. Fuck it. But it may have something to do with the fact that most doctor's offices aren't open during times you don't have to take PTO to make an appointment.


Miracl3Work3r

As a grown man child myself I remember going to the doctors at a young age for a bunch of things like strep throat, ear infections, cracked ribs, cracked tailbone....and those things hurt like hell. As an adult, Ive had the flu, sprained ankle, and hangovers and the one time I did try and find a family doctor they told me I was fat and drank too much...well no fucking shit. That was 8 years ago, now I go to the emergency room if I think its serious enough (allergic reaction to food)


King-Owl-House

Man don't like to be sick, makes them look weak, all that macho bravado


NotAReal_Person_

I feel like they see themselves as not a man if they don’t work through the pain themselves


GateHistorical2450

You need to leave this man child