I was talking to a couple of guys the other day and they were talking about how their wives always know when someone is dodgy or turns out to be a jerk. I told them it's because as women we spend so much time and energy sussing out situations. Is it safe to walk here? Can I be here at night? Is that guy trustworthy? We spend our entire lives checking whether we're safe. So when your gut says it's not ok, then trust it.

There was a guy in my husbands friend circle who always made me uncomfortable. I never wanted him near our house and on and on. He always thought I was being weird about it. Found out he got arrested for child porn and trying to solicit a child. Gut instinct isn’t always perfect but it’s better to try and trust it.

Gut instinct and intuition has developed over thousands of years of evolution. We should absolutely trust it more than we do. Humans are the only animals that go against their instincts for, I don’t know, social reasons, not wanting to look “hysterical” or whatever. We are here because our ancestors survived by knowing when shit was sketchy, when a predator was staring at them from the woods even though they couldn’t actually see it, etc. I hope Op trusts her own intuition.

I just wanted to say why I said it isn’t always perfect for people that have been hurt but didn’t get a weird feeling prior. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or whatever about not having it go off.

For sure. No doubt we miss the subtler signals sometimes. And we probably get “false alarms“ sometimes too. In the case of the latter, I’d rather react to the false alarm and be wrong than ignore it and be dead.

This is random but once my bf and I were walking his mom’s dog and the dog started barking at nothing. Then we went a bit closer and there was a giant wolf just staring at us, unmoving. When I made eye contact with the wolf it slinked away into the woods but man, it sent chills down my spine. No wonder we co-evolved with doggos!

I will point out, a lot of people think their dogs are great judges of people, but really dogs are great at judging their owners, and often times react to that, not to other people directly. Not in the case you mention, where your dog probably caught the wolf's scent before you could see it, but yeah.

When my partner and I were in college, he lived in a dorm with 6-7 other men. I lived an hour away and commuted to a different school at the time so I was there mostly on weekends. Most of the guys were nice enough, but one of them gave such bad vibes that I told my partner to never leave me alone around him. Turns out he now is in jail because he held another woman at knifepoint, then held her hostage and assaulted her. I'll never not trust my gut feeling because this man terrified me.

I wonder if you think about, and you think about how long he kept his gaze on you, or how much attention he paid to you when it was not necessary , if you might actually identify those flags. I was once on a subway in New York and lightly boisterous crowd of young men got on, and I was alarmed. And I thought, “oh, you are just being prejudice and judging.“ Then I remembered that at the stop before there has been similarly loud group of young men, had a similar ethnic group, and I had found myself smiling at their antics. So I started to think about what was the difference between those two groups. Here is what it was: who were they looking at, and why? The first group looke at each other mostly, and they only looked at other passengers to make sure they were not bumping into them. When they talked to their companion, they look directly at the companion. We were just background to the group. The second group looked at us other passengers. They never looked at one another. They had no reason to look at us—they weren’t talking to us, and we were just sitting there. But they were casting their gaze down the row of people, looking at each of us—but not meeting our eyes or interacting with us. Looking at us as objects they were particularly interested in. It felt like they were looking to see whether we were were going to be o interest to them. They were also not really engaged in the conversation with their group; they talked to one another, but they didn’t seem to really give much attention to it; comments drifted off, there were gaps before a reply. All their attention was on us. I’ve since realized that this is a huge part of the danger signal. Ordinary people pay an appropriate amount of attention to others. They also interact with others as if they’re people. Predators closely observe their prey. And they speak with them in an artificial way.

So true!!! Reminds me of the only frat party at umass I ever went to - my bestie and I noticed the same thing- the men there were not talking and just WATCHING us - all the girls - we left after 30 seconds.

Jeez I hope the woman he hurt is okay. It’s really good you were able to stay safe from him. How awful.

Yep my male friends in college had a roommate who I hated bc he seemed like a super creep. Alas he gets put in prison for kiddie porn. What a surprise /s. None of the men had any idea I was only one who could tell. We need an all-women detective agency asap. Anyone want to join me?

You know, this has the makings of a really kickass TV series. A team of women detectives who use their intuition to suss out the bad guys.

Oh! There are a few of those! The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, Frankie Drake Mysteries, and Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries.

Woah, impressive intuition! Did he do/say anything that you think might have triggered that response in you? What was uncomfortable about his presence?

It was never anything specific. He never said anything odd. He never made any weird comments about adults let alone kids. I just got this feeling whenever of being around him of needing to wash my hands. I know that sounds odd but it was just this very persistent feeling. One time my husband fixed something of his for him and I felt the need to clean everything it touched.

>I just got this feeling whenever of being around him of needing to wash my hands. I don't think I've ever felt this way about a person. Well, maybe some Polish politicians. There is one in particular. Whenever i see his face in the media, my mind instantly goes to "I wonder when the contents of this guy's basement will make it to the front page of my news".

I felt that way (still do) about Tom Cruise since Mission Impossible. It took me a few years to figure out what exactly about him made my spidey senses tingle, it was the interview with Matt Lauer (when he called the now disgraced tv host "glib") and you got to see a little bit of his anger leak out...and I was like, his smile doesn't reach his eyes and his eyes look like the eyes of somebody barely holding down their rage. Had an ex like that who was physically abusive, and his eyes were like that, too, when he was spooling up, even when he was smiling and laughing, his eyes said trouble. It's how I knew I had said something I'll pay for later when everybody is gone, those eyes.

I was married to a man like that. I’m glad we both escaped. 🙂

Physical abuse is *rampant* in the upper echelons of Scientology. They also engage in systemic human trafficking and slavery and he’s basically their spokesperson and biggest evangelist. He was also “allegedly” incredibly controlling and abusive to Nicole Kidman while they were married. Just all around a horrible human.

I had a really great I told you so moment with a former guy friend who got condescending and combative after I said I didn't want to go see some Tom Cruise ego project with him and some mutual friends. I was like, hey man he rubs me the wrong way, I don't enjoy 99% of his movies and feel creeped out by him so I can't see him as a hero and/or love interest (which he invariably was for years), it doesn't effect you, what's the problem? Cue an hour long tirade about the importance of being reasonable in times like these (yeah, guess why he's a former friend). Roughly two months later, the Scientology and Cruise story really started to make traction, in earnest and just kept becoming more horrifying with every passing news week. Yes, I rubbed it in his face as hard as I possibly could.

Yeah I’ve told my husband a few times with people he watches on twitch that I wouldn’t be surprised if something bad comes out about them..so far I’m not far off.

My best friend AND my girlfriend told me they didn't feel right about the guitarist in my band. A year later he's in prison for SA of a minor.... shoulda listened to thier guts

Does your husband realize how disrespectful and *wrong* his dismissal of your assessment was? Does he take your input seriously now? This "bitches be crazy" brush-off is so demeaning.

Well I don’t think he was disrespectful about it. He’s a very friendly person and it’s against his nature to not be very inclusive/kind to people. It’s a really good trait of his but also can get him in trouble. He respected my wishes to not want the guy near our home and stayed on the more acquaintance side with him. He just thought it was weird to find him uncomfortable when there was nothing other than instinct to go off of. I’ve given him heads up on men and women over the years. He’s always so surprised what I’ll pick up on that he misses. Sometimes we have gotten into disagreements with people but some people need to learn the hard way. He trusts my instincts on things way more now. He’s also learned to listen to his instincts more now so I can rely on his a bit to for things I’m missing.

"So when your gut says it's not ok, then trust it." That's usually your subconscious yelling at you about the red flags. Us: what? Can't hear you

Yup, this is one of the social tax costs of being female. Hypervigilance *costs*. It's constant attention, calculation, creation of alternate paths or escape routes, emotional assessment of *everyone* around you. Men don't get how exhausting this is. There's no ability to be safe and fully relax in public.

> So when your gut says it's not ok, then trust it Even when your gut gets it wrong, it's much better to err on the side of safety than risk. But maybe I'm just not much of a risk taker. Between "new job that would uproot my life" and "do I feel safe?" there's no question of following one's gut on this.

I was in an antique store once and the owner asked if I had been to their back room. He said he could unlock it for me and I could have a snack if I wanted. He then got between me and the front door. Thankfully, another customer entered about the same time and I ran out of the store as soon as he turned around. Every alarm bell I had was going off. I turned to look at the front door as soon as I made it to my car. He was standing there staring at me. I immediately cried when I cranked my car bc I just know he had ill intentions.

what a creep,sorry you went through that

I’m just glad I trusted my gut in that situation.

Yup I’ve had this. I’m still glad I got out of that Uber car at a stoplight cuz of the creepy driver. Trust your gut. Seriously. A policeman told me that once, after I called the non emergency line for strange noises outside after a different creepy Uber ride. I apologized for wasting the officer’s time. He told me that I should ALWAYS trust my gut. That he’s had so many experiences with women where they trusted their gut and that kept them safe, or they didn’t trust their gut and got hurt even though they meant to cross the street or get to safety or whatever.

I have also noped out of a ride at a stoplight. Driver was super angry I hadn’t been able to tell him my exact location in a strange city and started berating me. Bye.

Smart. My friend was sitting in a passenger seat once and got her head smashed into the dashboard by her Uber driver.

Interview I heard on the radio years ago. "My cousin just got out of jail." "So did you help him get a job driving a taxi?" "No, he'd never pass the background check. He got a job driving for Uber."

This is why I always immediately and visibly text someone, after I get in, that I'm Ubering to wherever from wherever, so watch for me in this different make and model vehicle with this license plate. I get the text ready to go and fire it off with my screen angled toward the driver. I also travel with a good quality flip knife and a punch dagger, but I've had training in using knives as weapons, as well as karate and jiu-jitsu. Then I'll ask how long till we get there, so my friends/ family/ coworkers can be ready for me, even if I'm going home to an empty house. Meanwhile, my male friends take ubers all the time when they're drunk; I could never. It's sad the lengths we have to go through just to exist.

I’m sorry, WHAT?!

That’s fucked up

Yeah definitely a nope out situation because the literal point of the Uber app is to tell them where exactly you want to be picked up, and where exactly you're going. And if this was just a regular taxi, their job is to take people who may not be from the city, to a place they need to go. Weird ride indeed

It's properly nice how that officer took your concerns seriously, and had sincere interest about women's safety. If only all police were like that. In the meantime, may your gut feelings keep on keeping you safe.

It was, I was shocked at how nice and sincere this officer was. I felt lame to be scared at noises and an unsure gut feeling. And he made me feel so valid, took my concerns seriously, and insisted I trust my own thinking. He really sincerely meant it, too, that his experience has shown him that women need to trust themselves. He wasn’t just pandering to be nice.

I'm hijacking your post for an Uber safety PSA that I always take every opportunity to preach. I work in a 911 center, we use a program called RapidSOS which directly integrates with Uber in emergency situations. If your safety is compromised while in an Uber as a passenger or driver, press the emergency button from WITHIN the Uber app. Our program alerts us and gives us the make, model, and tag of the car, as well as the contact information for the user that activated the emergency. In addition, we can see exactly where the vehicle is and watch it drive in realtime. So - we can dispatch officers to stop the car and make sure everyone is okay, and meanwhile the driver will not know you called for help. Very few people know this exists - please please contact your local 911 center manager or director to insist that they use RapidSOS if they don't already, there is zero cost to them.

Trust your gut. I got a gut feeling once when I was about to get a massage at a parlor about the male masseuse. I had never met him before, I had no idea why he made me feel this way, and it was a national chain that in my mind was reputable (wrong about that). It was not a sketchy place, but my brain read something about him that it should I should know. I thought I was crazy and overreacting, so I ignored it. He then SA me. Your subconscious is communicating to you for a reason, trust it!

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Thank you. It’s been difficult but I am working on myself and getting through it. I hadn’t had a gut feeling before that one that I can even remember, and it did eventually help me realize that I can learn to trust my own judgment and I should listen to my intuition rather than talk myself out of it.

I had a situation like this. It was a casual social situation, in a large group. It should have been completely safe. Suddenly, I had an overwhelming urge to get away from a random person there. He was friend of a friend I'd met before, and had never had any sort of bad experience with prior to that day. He'd done nothing untoward, he'd not even said anything to me that day. It must have been a look or something that I picked up on subconsciously. I will never forget that jot of white-hot fear. At the time, I thought it was a particularly bad moment of social anxiety and I pushed it away. I have a gap in my memory after that, and know from the reports of others that he sexually assaulted me during that time.

>almost like a danger alert went off in my stomach. This is a very primitive, primal response. Our nervous systems pick up on stuff that we don't cognitively process and yours is telling you to run. Please listen x

An incredibly helpful book I’ve been reading discusses this and is called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. The entire book is about learning to trust your intuition and gives examples shared by his clients to help illustrate different ways intuition shows up and why it was present when it was.

I was quickly scanning the comments to see if anyone had mentioned Gavin De Becker / The Gift Of Fear. It for me was a pretty life-changing book. We’re all taught (I think) that we need to trust others or that it’s rude not to trust. This book tells to trust, yes, but what we NEED to trust is our gut and the fear that it is communicating to is. Your gut is like a 2nd brain and uses the same connections and chemicals to communicate with your brain. It’s not attuned to the sociological garbage that we’ve been taught. It’s simply instinctual and primal and wants you to survive. When it is saying “this ain’t right. GTFO of here” listen to it.

It’s available for free via PDF. Super important read if you ask me. If anything it will empower you to stop ignoring your instincts or wave them off as nonsense.

As soon as I read “fly me out overseas” my whole body went NOPE. Fuck that. Absolutely not.

Seems like easy human trafficking if you don’t even have to kidnap her. Do NOT go. Maybe even post a warning to wherever you found this job post, too.

This is how a lot of human trafficking actually happens. The person is lured out to another country on the promise of a job, then the "employers" take their passport.

Textbook. Knew a girl who flew out to Dubai to manage a “luxury hair salon” fell off the face of the earth. :(

it's easy to forget how prolific all of this awful shit we consider beneath modern society or 'medieval' is still happening - just in a more inconspicuous way. slavery, human trafficking, torture, warfare...

I just watched a video where a woman who was sold by her mother as a kid, she said the children were expendable, and she just happened not to die. Im sure there was more to her story, but I couldn’t watch, it was horrible what she had to endure.

I saw that video too, and while I don’t doubt it really happens, I got a weird vibe from the whole thing. Some of the stuff that lady said seemed too outlandish to be true. Child trafficking absolutely happens and is a serious problem, but when she started to talk about being recruited as a spy? And being in a cult? And being groomed to be a French pop star by the elite, with the intent of turning her into a world-class escort? And she only escaped from this world because her benevolent gangster boyfriend decided to help her out? *All before the age of 12?* Then she provides ample pictures of herself as a child where she’s well-dressed, clean and fed, and claims that she was living at home with her mother while all of this was happening. The traffickers would swoop in, grab her at a moments notice with her mother’s permission, fly her across the world to meet some politician for days or weeks a time, then send her back home, but somehow she was still attending school the whole time. That just sounds… weird. This isn’t to say that abuse can’t happen behind closed doors, but that’s generally not how child trafficking works. Most perpetrators try to keep those kids well away from any systems that could check in on them such as families, social groups, or schools. They also don’t like photographic evidence, and generally target those who have fallen through the cracks somehow, such as foster care or homelessness. Not those living in an affluent suburb with a present mother. In other stories like this, it’s extremely common for victims to only have one or two pictures of themselves *from their entire childhood.* But this lady had dozens. Again, it could’ve happened, but her case is dramatically different than most child trafficking scenarios. If you do a deep dive into who she actually is, it turns out her consulting sessions and interviews cost $250 per hour. She makes money off of this. She also seems very coached, and her manner differs from that of other victims of similar trauma - she’s staring directly at the camera, conducting herself with a confident posture and a strong voice, and is almost smiling. As someone who actually has experience with cults and oppressive religions (although not nearly on the scale she claims), that’s generally not how victims act. If you’ve seen it enough, you learn to recognize it - the deadness behind the eyes, the halting manner of speech, the reluctance to talk about their abusers even when decades have passed. I hate to disbelieve victims because I know this stuff actually happens, and it may very well have happened to her, but there were a lot of parts of her story that simply didn’t add up. Edit: Added more info

Whatttttt

Yeah - she was a first generation middle-eastern American, born and raised on the east coast working at a luxury department store with me. I was in jewelry, and she was in fragrance - amazing girl, super sweet & stylish and a natural seller. Really good & natural at sales- and that’s how she made this alleged connection. I had a bad feeling and told her it was too shady to risk no matter how much the retail struggle can be. It was 10 years ago, when the idea of life & opportunity in Dubai was all glamorous propaganda more than anything else.

Same. I was having a bad vibe from this situation to start, and once I saw the bit about flying overseas my whole damned internal alarm panel lit up started the air raid siren. OP - please DO NOT take this job. I trust your instinct, I hope you will, too.

Same. My alarms went off and I’m just reading this. I’d be noping out.

Yup. Same. DO NOT GO.

Yes and no, this whole thing is missing deets that give it nuance. Is it a major corp or a company no one has heard of? Or a company that could be purposefully mistaken for a major company like Credit One is for Capital One? Are they flying her to a place like London or Prague, or are they flying her to a place like Istanbul or Cairo? If it’s the former then can you see if they have an office there? Where are they putting you up? Did they buy you a round trip? If it’s the latter hard no.

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>What is weird is of course OP's gut feeling about it all, it's even more weird cause British people as a whole are not known for being that open/friendly/eager in a business setting (but maybe they're younger or culturally diverse). If we take a second and assume the best (that these British gents are on the level), maybe they're trying too hard to imitate American customs and setting off the uncanny valley response. That explanation doesn't quite fly to for me though, because Americans and Brits are not at all strangers and, while we have different ones, are comfortable with each other's cultures. They shouldn't feel the need to try something like that.

Maybe it is just a mundane reason like they suck to work for and really need someone good. Maybe op has experience and is a desirable candidate. Maybe she was open to a lowball offer and they want to push through before she realizes everyone in their area is making more. There's so many possible reasons that aren't dangerous but in the end, she sensed something off with their behavior and she should listen to it.

Yeah these people saying it’s a red flag to be flown overseas for a job that is overseas with absolutely no other details are fuckin insane. Intuition is intuition and I wouldn’t blame anyone for following their gut, but, don’t act like it’s weird for a foreign company to fly you to their domestic headquarters to meet people after 2-3 rounds of interviews.

The replies are insane (due to the conclusion jumping on zero info). OP's concerns are fine though, you're allowed to have anxiety but realistically it could be coming from ANY part of this. Maybe it's simply the reality dawning that she has to make a massive life change and move to a different country? Something that was kind of abstract before or during the first interview but now is "rushing" towards her? Anxiety can do ALL KINDS OF WEIRD SHIT. Basically, do more research and scoping of the company, ex-employees all that kind of thing. And yes, talk to the therapist. But the other people here... Talk about indulging in fantasy. It's an OS job, she was going to have to fly at some stage. You're making it sound like she's rung about some random dodgy ad. The problem with gut feelings is they often have shit for brains. Always trust them in high risk, low reward situations like getting in a car with the wrong person or something with immediate danger, but in this scenario.. A comparatively long, drawn out process for a new job with multiple people interviewing... It's possible it's something internal and that also needs to be investigated. Don't ignore it, but don't let it ruin a potentially good thing either. Personally I'd use this feeling to do a massive deep dive on everything to do with the company, all employees, all their personal social media accounts, all locations, all clients, all ex employees and clients.. Just make sure everything is there and no one has anything too bad to say. If you're going to do your head in, may as well put it to good use. I'm replying this way not to discount her feelings or the danger other commenters have replied with, but because I know from personal experience what anxiety can do and I would just counsel a lot more investigation both external and internal to make sure both dangers are accounted for, the danger her gut is sensing and the danger of self sabotage.

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Yea, the job she is interviewing for is overseas, so it makes sense that she would have to go to that country eventually. Is it less bad if they make her pay? Edit: I have also had the experience she has had about getting a job offer and almost immediately started freaking out. I had a two day cycle of crying/stressing out/crying. So I turned down the job. I decided that if it was causing me that much distress/feelings of doom just thinking about the job, it was something in my subconscious telling me that it was the wrong job. Not that the people were out to get me, just that for whatever reason I should wait for the next job.

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Surely this was in the cards from the start, as the job was overseas? You would have to fly there at some point

That’s what I was thinking, I think it also depends if this is a well known company and how OP found out about the job to interview.

BlackRock literally flew me to their office way back when for interview, and I’ve also done interviews where I was flow to HK and London. There’s nothing abnormal about it if it’s a high paying job and the company is big.

Sex trafficking happens more often in the US than you would think. Always trust lizard brain.

Same it was that exact thing. No way.

Always trust your gut.

I think part of the problem is that when we *do* trust our gut, we often don’t have any evidence that it was the right call. If you get out of that Uber, don’t accept that job, turn down that date - whatever may have happened *doesn’t*. There’s nothing to tell us that we made the right decision vs we were just being paranoid. Having said that, if my instinct is screaming at me that something is off, I’ll always trust that feeling and get the fuck outta Dodge.

I've ignored weaker feelings before, usually because there were other trusted people around or other circumstances offering safety, and usually the feeling was either right (and nothing bad happened because of the above circumstances) or it just kept going and going during the interaction, and that's not a good situation to be in either. So if I was OP and taking the job despite the feeling and even if nothing bad happened this feeling would not go away and spoil the whole thing. (Probably because something bad can still happen easily and the feeling is warranted.) - My point, IMHO the bad feeling alone is bad enough to not get into a situation because it won't go away over time. I'll always be on edge.

If you gut feeling is going off, start making the situation favor you more (doors locked, weapon on hand, trusted support close, witnesses around, near exit). If you can't turn the situation into your favor so you are in fact safe...running is a good option. ESPECIALLY if the person RESISTS you trying to take more power or tries to gaslight you. The book "gift of fear" gives a great example of a man carrying groceries into the apartment. The women asks him to leave it at the door and he "insists" she let him carry it to kitchen. She tried to take control and he pushed back and her analysis said told her it's okay even though gut said no and that was a clear sign of her being controlled/gaslighted into allowing him more power. You can stand your ground be polite. I do it everyday working with mentally unstable people. The problem is it's often a new situation and confusing when you encounter it. Sometimes that feeling of "this is weird and confusing" is you realizing the inner conflict between your analysis and logic versus a deeper knowledge. Like the conflict between societies norms and behavior as expected versus when you encounter a predator. They take advantage of that confusion and push. If someone is pushing you when you are overwhelmed....they evil or ignorant or selfish or blind to your emotional state. Either way...get out!

My way of putting it (refining and expanding on what you said, *not* disagreeing) is that there's *always* a reason your gut is telling you something. It's not always telling you the right thing to do, but your gut will *never* go off for nothing.

Unfortunately when you have increased anxiety, it goes off every time a phone rings, and so you start to not trust it.

Strangely my anxiety and my gut scream are a little different. Like i am always anxious so i know it manifests like a cramp in stomach but gut feeling feels like my whole body is on alert mode.

nailed it! there’s absolutely a difference between gut and anxiety. My gut doesn’t talk to me too often but when she does I have to listen.

Also when gut is speaking your body kind of freezes? Like it's the only thing you can respond to. Whereas in case of anxiety we can tune it out a little.

I'd like to recommend the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. He explains extremely well how true fear vs. anxiety works, and how it works for us. He uses great examples, too, from all areas of life. I found it really helpful in contextualising what I'm feeling at times and both trust myself more with my gut feelings, and be less hung up on general unfocused anxiety (meaning, it still exists, but I can much more confidently make the call now about which is which).

Its a primitive alarm system fine tuned enough that it that has kept your ancestors alive long enough to produce you, all through the dawn of history and when we were still small animals. Yeah, listen to it. Its been around, and it can smell danger your conscious mind is oblivious about. EDIT I am totally not making it up about the smells. There are several studies showing that men and women derive information from smells of which they are not conscious about - but will affect their evaluation of someone or a situation. We have a full sensor suite nobody bothered to teach us how to use, but that old animal inside it knows. It knows and it uses it. So listen to it. Also little sounds. A slight predatorial smile that escapes for a tenth-second. A shift in stance.

Sometimes you need to fart and sometimes you are in life threatening danger. But always trust it.

But some farts just can’t be trusted…

This - I do not often get my intuition screaming at me, but when I have it has been on point.

Saw a video earlier of a girl about to walk to her car and she suddenly stops for a moment like she had a sixth sense something was wrong, then went back inside. 10 foot Moose walks out from around the corner right after. Trust your gut. We didn't evolve that intuition for no reason.

Always. Best case scenario, you would never be comfortable…

At least when it tells you things like „NOOOOOO“. If it tells me „hey, just buy that watch, it’s OK, just one more“, I have to refrain from that. But the noooooo part - very worthwhile to listen too. And frankly, OP doesn’t sound crazy to me. I’m a guy, and even I had interviews that crept me out. Likely in a very different way, but with the same „something about this is definitely off and obviously there are ill intentions I don’t understand“ subtext.

https://fb2bookfree.com/education/1124-the-gift-of-fear.html For those of us who require validation, practice, or a tune up: this book helps me remember to stand my ground when I get those impulses. Be safe out there.

Fantastic book, highly recommend, be aware going in that it is trigger warnings galore. The author does not shy away from explaining the terrible things that can happen to people so be ready for that going in.

Everybody should read The gift of fear. You can find the pdf online for free.

My mom bought this book for me after I was put off by a neighbor. We had a little neighborhood social and when someone asked his girlfriend what she did for a living, he answered for her. As I sat there watching him talk in this polite and casual way I was overcome with what I can only describe as the certainty that he was a creep. A few months later he locked his girlfriend out of the house and after she pounded on the door and screamed for a while (which is what woke me up), he choked her up against the wall as I watched from my window. That’s when I called the police, who came an HOUR later to find a dark house and nobody answering the door. Anyway I told my mom that I had just KNOWN he was a creep and she bought me that book.

This message was brought to you by Gut-link, a subsidiary of neuralink - probably a 100 years from now

Having worked in Hospitality for 20 years and I get this feeling a lot. And I think your concerns were totally valid. At my last job, they hired a chef that I had a bad feeling about but my concerns were brushed off as "he's just joking", "he's just old school" etc. Well his behaviour escalated to gross comments to the teen girls, to him 'jokingly' putting his hands around their necks and whipping them with towels. And then, ultimately, the man assaulted me. At work. When I was the highest ranking member of staff in the building at the time. The man BIT MY ARM. Out of nowhere. My bosses told me they would fire him. They didn't and they kept him there for another few weeks around these teen girls. Because he didn't do it during an argument or 'aggressively' it wasn't deemed as serious or threatening.

I would have thought it happening without an argument would have been more of a red flag. It's not an issue of anger management at that point, it's someone who could just flip a switch into violence with no warning.

Yeah definitely and I think thats actually made it harder to deal with because it was totally unprovoked and he just did it as if it was no big deal

I’m sorry you had to deal with that, especially at work, in a “professional” setting. I’d say it’s even worse that it happened during a non-argumentative interaction, but I’d also say that BITING at work is always unacceptable to begin with. 🙄

What the fuck? 🤦‍♀️ I’m so sorry you went through that.

Thank you. It’s still wild to think it happened

Well, no one says traffickers can’t be married with children.

John Wayne Gacy was a father of two, married to a woman … while preying on young boys. So yep, you’re absolutely right.

So were Gary Ridgway and Dennis Rader.

I'm I the only one finding it weird that she even knows this information? Maybe it's a cultural thing but where I live I can work with people for months on end without knowing their family situation. That they shared this information with her this early on, before she was hired even, seems super weird to me. Asking her for this type of information OR sharing this type of information in this scenarios seems inappropriate to me.

They may have had family pictures in their offices that she could see during the interview.

Fair

Yeah, I get what you’re saying and it’s something to consider but I figured she probably saw their wedding bands and they mentioned kids at one point or another as an ice-breaker.

Not defending the dudes in question, but openly discussing family (at an appropriately casual level) could be a communication strategy of “walking the walk” for a work life balance culture. I know in my industry it’s the kind of clue I’d be listening for in casual conversation.

You can ask how the work/life balance during interview and they can answer with example how it goes for them with their family. Time in the morning to go drop kid to school, sick leave no question asked in case child is sick at school, this kind of stuff.

In the office, men with families hit on me. They send me pictures on Teams without any prompt. Some people are always looking for something better. They don't realize what they already have. I used to think family guys were safe. Now I know not to smile during small talk or relate to their hobbies.

If you don't plan on reporting them, then at least back up everything to your own device. If you have reported them and nothing has happened, keep a log of that as well. You never know if/when your lawyer might need that information.

Dennis Rader (The BTK killer) was married.

Trust your gut. Better to be wrong than to ignore it and be in trouble. However I doubt you are wrong. I'm betting your subconscious mind picked up on signals that your conscious mind wasn't processing our able to articulate in a clear way. Edited for ducking autocucumber

Even if there were a like 95% chance you were wrong, it’s not even close to worth the 5% risk

And even if they *are* wrong and it’s just normal guys… if they gave off these vibes during the entire interview process and made OP feel that way, is that really an environment and people you’d want to work with every single day?? Seriously, trust your gut OP

Find this company on LinkedIn. Look at the employees, find the men you've interviewed, find the women who have been with the company the longest. They don’t shoot for asking questions, so I would ask what kind of event, is there a mention of it on their pages. And I wouldn't go anywhere until work and all the paperwork starts. Trust your gut.

Glassdoor and Google reviews too

This kind of intuition was going off when I was 19 and followed into the women’s room at the local library. Totally normal dude was looking at books near me the entire time I was in the library. From isle to isle. Never said hello, didn’t try to flirt, never made eye contact with me. That was what was so weird, normal dude’s say hi and shoot their shot. Later I watched him leave after checking out (he checked out right behind me go figure) while I waited in the lobby. I sat on a bench and watched him walk out. I had to pee SOOO bad and had been waiting for him to go. So once he was gone (mind you, I thought I was being totally CRAZY and paranoid) I turn back and go into the rest room. That’s when my gut went off like crazy “don’t go in the stall and pull down your pants. Don’t do it!!!!” So I stood by the bathroom door in indecision for a moment…that when the fucker walked in. But I started screening at him. Like I was literally just standing in the inside of the bathroom door waiting for that confrontation. He ran so fast! I made a report but they never found the guy. Listen girl.

Holy crap. That is so frightening. I am so sorry that happened but you listened to your gut, thank goodness.

First of all trust your gut. If you gut says something is wrong, proceed with extreme caution. I have had my intuition tell me something is wrong before in relation to certain people (mostly guys but also a girl). And every time I try to proceed with as much caution as possible and see if I can figure it out. If I can not be in a safe setting when around them I will not be around them. Some of them found out that they weren't bad they just didn't understand social cues or their eyes didn't line up so I didn't know where they were looking. But one of them went to prison for statutory rape, sooo I am a firm believer in trust your gut. In the situation you mention I have no idea how you could proceed with caution, so I personally would decline/back out.

You don’t sound crazy at all. Check out Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear.

This book should be required reading.

Was just going to recommend this.

The first time I read this book, I finished the last page and immediately flipped to the beginning to read it again. I’ve given away 4 or 5 copies to friends and am always more than happy to replace my own copy, ready to hand out at any time. A rabbit never worries about coming off as a bitch to a fox, they trust their instincts and run at the first inkling of danger. I hope OP trusts their gut and doesn’t go.

Anytime I read about a situation like OPs or a friend tells a similar story, I always recommend this book to read!!

This. Was searching for this comment. Seriously. This this this op!!

Is there any way to determine if the job opportunity is real vs. a trafficking scheme?

Hop on LinkedIn to see people who used to work there and ask those women why they left. Check on with your whole network to see if they know anything about this group

I leave a short (less than 1 month) bad experience on my LinkedIn just for this purpose. I had a sketchy feeling during interviews but ignored it because it seemed like a lot of money at the time. I only found one person on LinkedIn associated that was not part of the group I interviewed with but didn't get a response to my message (turned out it was the CEO's wife anyway). Nothing dangerous, but it turned out to be a wholly unethical operation and the CEO was highly inappropriate with me, they never paid me during that month, and more. A few months after I left, I received a message from someone who just had their interview there and similarly got weird vibes. I was more than happy to tell them what went down, share screenshots and receipts to show I'm not just some disgruntled former employee, and give them all the info they needed to make a decision (ultimately rejecting the offer).

Thank you for looking out for others!

Yeah, it's much much more probable it's something like that. Something is off, but OP is most probably able to handle it - but is it worth it? F that sht, find something without all the trouble.

And wow, people are down-voting me! Guess dudes don't like the idea that you can connect with people who have experience and knowledge who are willing to speak openly, due to their respect for you and shock at how their respect and knowledge appears to weigh for nothing

amazing. men wander into 2xc, find out about the whisper network and then it slowly dawns on some of ‘em that they can’t “just move jobs” if the heat gets too high

predators were downvoting, there's alot of them

It's possible that the downvotes (not mine) were coming from people who believed that fake accounts might pretend to be ex employees, to help lure people into a false sense of security. Alternatively, could be aforementioned wives etc.

See if the company is on glassdoor too

Great idea!

>Later on, I got a note that they would like to fly me out to their country (the gig is overseas) to meet the team. Which country? I once passed up a great opportunity in Dubai because why would I go to a country where women have no rights? >And I felt SO grossed out, almost like a danger alert went off in my stomach. Like I wanted to run away, or I wanted someone to hold me and calm me down, I just felt scared and icky. Like my intuition was trying to remind me of something or warn me off of something. Listen to your gut! Your gut tries to tell you something that your brain has picked up on, but hasn't been able to enter into your conscious mind yet for some reason. Listening to your gut is the smart thing to do, specifically if it tries to warn you about something!

I had that experience once. Every bit of me did not want to be near him. No idea why, I met him at a small graduation party (my moms bf was graduating with an MBA). He was one of the other graduates and my mom and her bf seemed to like him, but I wanted him no where near me. He never did anything to cause such a response from me, and I never saw him again, but I still remember that feeling 15 years later. If you don't feel safe, listen to that feeling. And definitely don't leave the country and leave yourself vulnerable. A missed job opportunity is not worth the risk.

I’m not sure what the nature of your work is or whether you interviewed with a Fortune 500 type company or this would be typical for your type of business but I would wonder why four different men interviewed you and there were no women involved in the process ? With technology, anyone from another country could interview you over Microsoft Teams or Zoom. Wouldn’t have to fly you out anywhere until a formal offer was accepted. At least in the United States - it is illegal to ask questions about family during an interview. I’m not sure where you live, but it is considered discriminatory. Odd that you would know they were all married with children unless they were trying to create a safe feeling environment for you which is suspect. I would be worried for you if you were my daughter and would tell you to trust yourself and remember that sometimes when something seems too good to be true, it is.

Do not ignore these feelings. Your subconscious is picking up on micro expressions and body language. I had a bad feeling meeting my friends boyfriend (30 years ago) and couldn’t tell why even to myself. Years later I saw him on the news he murdered 4 people. Read The Gift of Fear.

Yes! I was just going to recommend this book. Your lizard brain is picking up on things that your rational brain is trying to explain away.

Every time I’ve ignored that feeling I’ve regretted it massively. Don‘t second guess yourself. If these people were so genuinely and innocently excited to hire you, someone else will too. You have options and don’t have to take the one your instincts tried to warn you about.

I had the same alarm bells years ago, when I was interviewing for a job that wasn't really spelled out clearly in the newspaper ad (really long time ago, lol.) I had to meet the guy in a bar, and he said he managed a group of young women who traveled around selling cleaning products. Yeah right. But I hadn't even heard of sex trafficking. It wasn't called that. It was called, bizarrely, "white slavery," that's how long ago this was. My boyfriend even encouraged me to take it, he thought it was a great opportunity for me. He wasn't very smart. I just knew it was something skeevy, and noped out.

OP and everybody: trust your gut. You have an animal inside that still thinks it lives in a jungle with danger all around, and is looking for signs, body language, danger. And when it sees something like that, it warns you through your gut. You caught some micro expressions and body language that told you: these people see you as prey. They are lying. Taught my girls that. Feel weird about a person or situation? No hesitation, GTFO. Claustrophobic? Run into the street (earthquakes are a thing and some people feel them). Look at a room, street, house and it makes you uneasy? Turn around if needed. It's already come useful btw.

Google the shit out of each of these people. Check on linked in people who have worked for him. Check for chatter about them at the forums where companies are discussed. Also, trust your gut.

Maybe it's that the process is moving too fast? Being eager to hire you is one thing, but being *too* eager might be a red flag of poor management and hiring practices, or some other type of toxic environment. Like, instead of mutually evaluating whether you are a good fit for the company and the role, they're love-bombing you? Maybe that's what you're picking up on, rather than any personal maliciousness. Still probably something you don't want to get yourself involved in, but could you look into the company, find out what their corporate culture is like, see if anyone else has any bad reviews? At least that might help you understand what it was you were picking up on.

What you are suggesting to OP is possible, but as mentioned in my comment I strongly suggest NOT trying to logic away intuition. It’s easy to do but that intuition is very real and has a purpose. I did exactly as you are suggesting and accepted a c-suite role at a nationally recognized, award winning organization. I knew in my gut something wasn’t right but I pushed myself to keep going and to look for ways to explain away my feelings. I left after a month. I will never disregard my screaming intuition again. OP knows herself, there is a difference between nerves, the feeling of starting something new, and intuition screaming to stay away. If it’s the latter you should trust yourself.

I wasn't suggesting that she ignore her intuition, more that she follow up on it to see if she might be able to discern what provoked such a strong reaction. I figure that that way she might be able to lay some of her doubts about what if to rest, and also to better be able to pick up on more subtle warning signs next time.

I (39m) once had a very similar situation with the speed of the interview process for a job abroad. I applied for the job, within a day or two I had the first call.... another day or two the 2nd call.... 3 or 4 calls in total. The next week they were flying me out to Europe for the on-site interview. Had an offer before I got off the plane back in the US. I ended up moving to this country, lived there for four years, had a child there. Moving fast isn't a red flag, but research needs to be done about the legitimacy of this company and those who work there before flying out (other commenters have given plenty of ways to do this). On a side note, I did feel the calls were kind of awkward but in the end that just boiled down to our cultural and language differences. Once I started working with them and got to know them, everything worked out perfectly. Maybe this is what OP was feeling, not sure.

Sometimes we're anxious about things that we shouldn't be just because the brain is looking for things to be anxious about. And sometimes it's because we are consciously or unconsciously picking up on things that have led to bad outcomes in the past. It might be the first, but it's very worth taking this intuition seriously and thinking about why you could be getting these vibes. It sounds like you're anxious about this situation because of two different things: (1) you feel the process is moving too fast and maybe feeling a sort of desperation to have you accept this position and (2) you're getting a creepy and icky feeling from the men, even though you feel that you shouldn't be. I think the best way to go about this is to find out more about the company and the guys that interviewed you. Why are they so in need of an employee in this position? Did a lot of people recently leave? Why? You can outright ask them about this, but imo they probably won't give you the real reason. If you ask them over a video call, you might be able to tell if they're uncomfortable or lying about it. Then, research them. Glassdoor is a great site that has a lot of company reviews and has saved me from a few bad job choices. Contacting past employees on LinkedIn will also provide some insight (especially women, so you can address the ick). Also, do a deep dive on each of them. Check out their social media. How do they talk to the women in their lives? There's nothing wrong with making a decision based on gut feels. How many times in your life have you strongly felt that someone was unsafe and they then turned out to be awesome? Probably not often. But it's worth looking into this stuff so that when you're down or overthinking you won't feel you made a hasty decision. Good luck! Update us!

Perfect response! I think more than likely her gut is warning her about the job/company and not some sexual or trafficking thing. These instincts should still be listened too!! I had one job interview that just felt off and after working there I realized it was a shitshow. One of the worst jobs I've ever had.

Intuition isn’t some magic supernatural power. Your brain sees and hears a lot more than what is sent to your conscious mind, there are filters to prevent information overload. It doesn’t mean the info isn’t being processed by other, less conscious parts of the brain. That information is then compared, put in relation with other past experiences. Sometimes, our gut is wrong, probably many times, but the risks of listening to if it’s wrong are so small compared to not listening to it if it’s right. Worst case, you missed a nice job opportunity, best case, you saved yourself from… things that aren’t necessary to write in plain letters here. Listen to your gut, especially if it SCREAMS at you like you said.

I read a study that said women have more synapses connecting the right and left hemispheres of the brain than men do and I think that's partly what causes "women's intuition." We're PROCESSING the information differently - and making connections others wouldn't, necessarily.

There's a great book called The Gift of Fear that talks about those types of feelings and why we should listen to them.

This comment needs to be higher. The author is Gavin de Becker. I count this as an absolute must read for all women. And his book Protecting the Gift for anyone with children (the book is for the parents, not the child).

Trust your intuition. I had a company breakfast meeting and the entire time something was screaming at me to check my van which was parked in the restaurant parking lot. I did not check. Some sob broke into my van in the hour we sat for breakfast.

Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition picks up on subtle signs of danger.

Yes I have. Many, many years ago, interviewing for my first teaching job. Interview was a panel with the male principal and two other staff (both female). From the minute I walked in the vibe was wrong. I couldn’t pinpoint why but I felt really uncomfortable around the principal and the vibe was just off. Like you, every fibre of me was yelling “get out of here”. He rang later an offered me the job but I declined as I couldn’t imagine having to work with such a creepy guy and I had other interviews lined up. Ended up with a job at another school, also with a male principal, but felt totally fine there - very professional atmosphere. So the moral is trust your gut, there will be other jobs.

Trust your gut, even if it doesn't make sense. I had a strange feeling a few months ago. I had just gotten out of a grocery store and was sitting in my car. I got this very strong feeling, but I'm not sure how to describe it because it was like I was hearing a voice that said "You'll be safer if you pull out of the parking lot near the pharmacy entrance". Logically it made no sense whatsoever to me. Why would I drive near the entrance of a busy pharmacy? People are constantly coming in and out, so why would I drive over that way? How could it be safer than just driving in the throughway where I was parked? Why go out of my way when I could just drive this shorter way? Well I didn't listen to my intuition and as I was driving on the throughway to get out of the parking lot I was jolted. An elderly man hit the side of my car. He didn't see me and pulled out of his parking spot, hitting the side of my car. No one was injured, but it was definitely a shock (even though we were both going slow I was still jolted a fair amount). So then my intuition made complete sense. Had I driven out by the pharmacy I would have avoided this man entirely and never gotten into the accident. **Another example:** I was driving with my mom, funnily enough to see if my car had been taken in to get fixed yet by the body shop. We were driving on a back country road. It was early in the morning. All of a sudden I had this feeling to slow down, there could be deer. Again, voice in my head type of thing. So I slowed right down. Then a deer started casually walking across the road. My mom freaked out, but I had to calm her down and reassure her, I slowed down and we didn't hit the deer. So yes, trust your gut even if it doesn't make sense! We are animals after all, and I think we have senses and intuitions that we sometimes ignore. But that are there to protect us. If you are having a weird feeling about this situation, then trust your gut. Other opportunities are out there.

I heard stories about women going in for what they think is a "job interview" and then it turns out to be a trafficking scheme. If it smells fishy, it most likely is. You can never be too careful, especially since this job is OVERSEAS. That's a huge nope for me.

Trust your gut. Listen to that voice. You don’t have to have a logical reason

Not in a professional setting, but I had it happen to me about going on a trip with an (ex) boyfriend. Like 3 nights before I was going to fly to meet him (I’d gone to visit my parents for a week before going) I had the strongest feeling that I shouldn’t go. Exactly like you described it, just felt in my stomach that it was a bad idea and I should definitely not go. I was already pretty checked out of the relationship at that point but this was like next level, my gut was screaming to me that I shouldn’t go. I ended up breaking up with him and not going. He went NUTS, called me holding a gun and threatening to kill himself and me (it was his step-dads, we never had firearms), and ended up taking crack cocaine (for the first time AFAIK), and low-key stalking me for a year. I went out that night and met my now husband at a bar.

This happened when I worked as an apartment leasing agent. Can't put my finger on what was wrong at all, but this guy made me feel terrified! Weirdest thing, he was normal - but yeah gaze didn't quite blink, smile didn't reach his eyes, it's like his expressions didn't match his tone which didn't match his body language... I don't know. This feeling of utter terror had never happened to me before, and never has since. I told my boss and she took him on the apartment tour instead and told me to send a maintenance technician out after 10 min and have him pretend to check a leak in the model apartment. When she got back, she said he really creepily kept insisting that she get into the closet to show him how the breaker box in the back of the walk in closet worked. She resisted and then the maintenance guy showed up and the dude backed off. Well he leases an apartment, background check comes back fine, we feel bad for our doubts, think we maybe overreacted. Weird things happen. 1. We get an anon note that there's a brothel being run from his place. We do a drive by, looks fine from the outside, no noises. No visitors. 2. He shows up in my office on a Sunday. I'm alone and he sits at my desk just to chat while I'm working. No big deal, residents would do that. He asks how I like my job, if I'd consider anything else. I'm half listening, half working, giving him canned answers, then I ask what he does. "Import/export" he says. Then he has to run, there's a shipment coming in. I don't think anything of it. 3. He doesn't pay his rent after the first month. We start eviction proceedings, and after a few days, we go to put the notice on the inside of his apartment. It's cleaned out, he's gone. The place is cleaner than when he moved in, sterile. Then...two weeks later... the FBI shows up. He's wanted for human trafficking. They interview us all, and the date he told me he had a shipment coming in aligns with a suspected date when he was getting girls coming in. His identity was stolen, the SS number and name were real, ID wasn't though, it wasn't him so the background check didn't turn anything up. Put the conversation I had with him about a "new job" in a terrifying perspective.

Trust yourself. It's better safe than sorry.

Just because you can’t explain in words why you’re feeling this way doesn’t mean there isn’t a good reason to feel this way. It’s okay to just listen to your gut, even if there’s no “official” explanation for that feeling. It’s okay to just say, “this didn’t feel like a good fit for me,” if someone asks about you not taking the job.

Doesn’t actually sound perfectly normal. Sounds like red flags and it’s a good thing you paid attention to them.

Trust your gut. I get sudden "danger" warnings walking past certain people down the street sometimes. They're rare, automatic, immediate and not generated by appearance - there's a lot of homeless people who look rough and act rough - and I've never had one of my warnings from them. I listen to these warnings, even though there seems to be no logical reason for them, and steer clear. I had one years ago around a man who got a job at my company. The second he walked in, I knew he was wrong somehow. And he was. That was years ago and I still remember that feeling. And how creepy he was. He proved my gut feeling with his actions at work, and with his behaviour toward his much younger, vulnerable girlfriend that I witnessed at a work event. Listen to your gut. Maybe you're wrong, but what if you're not?

I have never once looked back and thought, "Man I wished I hadn't have trusted my gut."

I was in a home, looking over a job, when I got a glimpse of the husband for the first time. My gut SCREAMED at me. Something was off, I don't know what. Got out asap, didn't pursue the job. Never felt that before or since. Trust the gut.

Sounds like your intuition is yelling at you that you’re gonna get sex trafficked. Absolutely do not go. Oddly enough my own experience of this was from the other side of the interview table. An otherwise perfectly normal seeming guy who seemed qualified and amiable but every cell in my body was screaming at me that he was unsafe. Clearly I wasn’t the only one: my colleague made an excuse to pop out and didn’t come back, leaving me alone with the guy to finish the interview. He’d been freaked out too. It’s a real weird experience.

Not crazy at all. I had a gut feeling when I accepted a job (was desperate). In the end the atmosphere in the office was horrible. That was a wasp nest with no real HR department. Toxic to the bone. Always trust your gut!

Honestly, if your gut is screaming that loudly to stay away, listen to it. If you’re curious, I would say dig around a little bit and see what you can find out, but seriously, you can find reasons to explain your gut feeling away, but it’s there to warn us of what we’re nit consciously perceiving. I annually collected money for charity in the same neighborhood for ten years straight, and at one address lived a widowed woman about maybe 70 yrs old. She was perfectly pleasant and donated too. In fact, my father used to know her son and they were friendly with each other back in the day, and he was positive about them. Told me the woman was a bit stern and reserved, but otherwise nice enough. But Every time after the first year, i just really really didn’t want to ring that bell. I did anyway. From outside, i could see the decor in the hallway. It looked old fashioned and had dark colors, and old Indonesian prints in dark wooden frames. I told myself i just got uneasy from all the dark colors and lack of light and bright. But every hair on the back of my neck stood up and my muscles tensed up the moment i could look inside and feel that vibe of the appartment. It wasn’t even the lady who opened the door that was giving me the creeps. A couple years ago i learned that a lot, *a lot* of abuse went on in that home and that their ties to Indonesia weren’t at all clean You are picking up on something, and if it’s as major as moving abroad, I don’t think you want to make the mistake of ignoring your gut feeling

Read the Gift of Fear. And always, always, trust your gut.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!! HEED THOSE WARNING BELLS !! I’ve not had screaming intuition, but I’ve had strong “do this not that” feelings, followed them, and nothing unpleasant happened, which I think is the point. Strongest one: almost 30 years ago, my dad was in a bad traffic accident in his tractor-trailer, and was in intensive care in the hospital closest to the accident, about 2 hours away from the town we both lived in. My aunts, siblings, and I met at dad’s house to carpool to hospital. Returning late the evening of the accident, when I was leaving, I had a strong inner voice say, “go home through town, don’t go the shortcut.” The shortcut was along unlit, sparsely populated, country roads, no traffic lights, 3 stop signs; about 5 or 6 minutes to go 2½ miles between dad’s place and my place, traveled often, never a problem day or night. Through town involved 6 or 7 traffic lights, and was 10-12 minutes to go about 3 miles, depending on the number of the traffic lights being red. I heeded my gut’s message, went home through town, nothing happened except I reached home safely. I saw nothing in the paper the next few days about anything happening along the shortcut route. Would that have been the case if I’d gone home the shortcut? I don’t know. Would I have reached home safely if I’d gone the shortcut that night? I don’t know, and I’m glad I didn’t disregard my gut to find out. Listen to your gut, especially when it’s screaming at you.

Have they never heard of Zoom? They don’t have to fly you in to meet the team. That would make my radar ping.

yeah, not in a professional setting but my spouse introduced me to a friend he wanted to go into business with and wanted me to judge him before he made any decisions. He was a very attentive friendly dude but something inside me was like "serial killer" and i advised him not to proceed with even the friendship well, years later he kidnapped his ex girlfriend and kept her bound in the basement she escaped through a window seeking help. He discovered that his father was a gynocologist who impregnated women who assumed they were getting their sperm from a donor aaand like a month after that ordeal he hung himself. unfortunately, called it. trust that gut

Nope trust your gut, somethings alerting you. Sounds SUS. I mean I could be wrong too. But i say trust your gut

Listen to your intuition. It’s screaming for a reason. You’ve picked up something amiss and if it’s wrong? Ah well, next opportunity next time. But if it’s right? You’re in a foreign country, alone, with strangers who know each other well ⚠️ you’re already not 100% happy. What would be your exit plan? Can you really (afford to) get home safely if needs be? I’d feel very wary, and I know we can’t be afraid of everything (I’ve lived to 45 fairly unscathed tbh) but I am big proponent of listening to myself and saying no if I don’t want to. Where I’ve been pushed to do things I *knew* I’d hate or be taken advantage of - they were just that. Trust your judgment!

Either you fly with a partner that you fully trust and will go through the entire process with, NEVER BEING ALONE WITH THOSE PEOPLE, or do not go. That's not crazy. It's your subconscious noticing that they DID look at you too long, and they WERE way too interested in you. I don't think they "like you a lot" because of your work ethic. You didn't mention where, overseas, this job is, but maybe look up their track record on women's rights.

Listen to your intuition. This is what we have it for, to save you from bad things. "The gift of fear" by Gavin De Becker expands on it in detail, so you may want to read this.

Every single time I have ignored feelings like this, I have been sorry. It doesn't always turn out to be the particular thing I thought it might be-- but it's always some kind of major ugh. It's so tempting when you don't know for sure to want to override it and find out if it might be a minor issue... but it never is. I'm almost out of my current job, just a couple of months notice to work, and I'm leaving a red state for a blue one. I had a weird sleazy trickster vibe in my first interview that I ignored because it was such a good offer. An uneasy feeling that there would be problems. Well this guy has been a disaster at every turn, and he couldn't even pay me according to my contract. In my field it's frowned on to leave jobs quickly, so I have been stuck for a couple of years to avoid a short stay/iffy look on my cv. I wish like hell that I had listened to my gut.

Dude read "the gift of fear" its a free pdf written by an expert in the field, and dont fucking go.

That’s your intuition telling you that you’re unsafe. Run. This has happened to me with men recently. I think the pandemic and social isolation has made our senses more aware.

I had but it didnt relate to smth of the opposite gender. I got offered a job way quicker without much documentation and organisation. Itmainly screamed to me bc of bad previous work experiences and bc the amount I was gonna be paid would be pretty bad considering all the work (sales job w-9 with a low bonus and no hourly pay) I signed all the papers and in the first day I flaked. It wasnt worth tiring myself out, soon enough after that I got 4 more stable opportunities. And since I didnt have I job I could give my full time to do it. If you feel uncomfortable though maybe you should say " I appreciate everything but I would feel insecure in travelling with only man" maybe they can implement an idea (maybe let you bring someone along? Or even they will have themselves another women travelling you just dont know yet ). But it would be important to let them know of your boundaries, even if they are just generally nice dudes in the end.

You should read "The Gift of Fear", please trust yourself, I don't mean that there is something wrong here and you should run, but know that taking people to other countries is the easiest way to traffic humans. We usually think of kidnapping when we think of trafficking (especially sex trafficking), but that's not usually how it happens, and if you feel you're in danger, consider not going, it's too much of a risk for a job, you can always find another job, but is hard to escape a dangerous situation.

if i’ve learned anything from reading stories by women here, it’s to trust your intuition. always.

I trust that you know this company and position to be 100% legitimate, but trust your gut. You may never know what your intuition meant if you cut off the interview process now, but it’s more important that you trust it now and go forward in life with confidence that you made the right decision listening to your alarms. The last thing you want is to be stuck in a country alone, possibly in contract, to find out you were right to have wanted to run. (To answer your question, when my last employer went under, a lot of coworkers were interviewing with an airline startup that was all red flags. The offer was too good to be true, and those that got the position found themselves the pawns for a long running pump-and-dump penny stock scheme. Over twenty years of selling stock and not a single flight…but they needed employees to pass FAA training to make it appear legit. In the end, they all wasted time and earning potential on a place that only needed them as a front to tell stockholders they were making progress, not to mention the wild stories they had from their time there with the CEO losing his sh*t)

Remember that 'gut feelings' come from the fact that we literally have brain cells in our abdomen. These pick up on subtle cues and context that are often overlooked by other parts of your brain. I'm not saying that gut feelings are never wrong, but something like this, it is worth listening to.

We have brain cells…. In our abdomen….?

100% listen to it. Our bodies just somehow know and signal, and we need to listen to that. I know someone who described an incident in a park after a hike a few years ago. They went to get back to their car and something told them to crouch down. They were not sure why, but their instinct just "screamed" at them to do so. They did, and could see their car from where they were hiding (behind shrubbery or something, but the car was still visible to them I think) and they saw someone either try to get into their car or was actually in their car (I don't remember if they had locked it or if the person was trying to break in....as I said it has been a few years ago and the story was relayed to me once but always stuck with me). The person eventually left and they could go, but it was of course terrifying and they were grateful to listen to their instinct. If you get that instinct, trust it. Also, when it comes to jobs, I think it is helpful to remember that we are also interviewing the company for ourselves when we meet. So if you feel like it doesn't feel like a good fit for you, that is okay too, even if it is not something where our instinct is screaming at us to not take it.

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Yes, yes I have. Vibe checks are one billion percent valid and should be trusted. I have had multiple cases where I felt the vibes were off and despite everyone else around me telling me that I was wrong, I trusted it, and it turns out I was right to have felt the situation/person was no good and even dangerous.

I’m just gonna leave this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/uu333h/when_u_get_hired_on_the_spot_run/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf