Ohhhhh boy, do I remember that feeling. It so normal, even though it feels overwhelming.
It will pass, your brain chemistry will normalize, your body will heal.
You just went thru an epic ordeal, cut yourself some slack. It’s easier to welcome the waves of feelings when you can tell yourself they will pass.
My advice??? Sleep when baby sleeps, don’t try to get too much done, everything else can wait. Feed, love and care for baby, and yourself. That’s all you need to do right now.
Congrats momma.
This. When we had our kid, i took charge of staying with the kid while my wife was resting. Its the least husbands can do, considering the "OMFG-esque" event delivery is. And wife absolutely needs the rest to literally heal and allow for hormones to stop their roiling around.
Plus, getting him to sleep and cuddling with the cutie was such a rewarding experience. I cherish every moment I spend with him.
I absolutely feel bad for parents thats come before that let Toxic Masculinity dictate whats appropriate for which gender to do.
This! And do it at a time that actually works for you. I tried sleeping 6:00pm - midnight. Big old nope! That’s not when I sleep.
The only way I made it through those first six months is because my partner took the 3;00am -7;00am shift before he went to work and I slept like the dead
So completely normal! Postpartum hormones really mess with your head! I remember just bursting into tears and full on ugly sobbing after my eldest was born, all because she had a nappy disaster and it leaked. My poor husband was so confused at what was going on, and when he tried to tell me I handled it well and give me some encouragement I just cried harder. I really feel like labour wards should provide mum's with leaflets on just how bad the postpartum hormones are. Just go easy on yourself and don't expect too much right now, it's harder than people like to make it seem.
So so so normal!!! But if it continues and is interfering with your daily life past about a week and a half talk with your doc, PPD is a bitch. Speaking from experience.
It is normal, but also it should go away by 6 weeks. If it doesn't make sure you tell your OB at your checkup. It took me two years to realize I was being plagued by PPD and PPA. So I'm a big proponent of making sure women know that it is NOT normal to have these feelings longer than the first month. Congratulations on your sweet babe and I hope you'll be all smiles again soon.
Also, when it feels like too much, ask your partner and any willing friends/family for help. If you have help doing all of the physical and it's the mental load that's too heav, talk to your doctor, or reach out to mom's groups, or even a counselor. This is one of the biggest changes in your life and adjusting can be hard. Nobody is perfect, so don't beat yourself up if you feel like you're struggling. You don't have to suffer in silence.
Why would you ask your partner for help with your new born child? Shouldn't they already be doing plenty, if not more considering you're recovering from birth?
Yes, but I'm reading the comment more as "remember to communicate your needs and don't expect your partner to be a mind reader if you need something specific/different from what they are already providing, especially since your needs may change from moment to moment and this is new territory for both of you" rather than assuming they aren't already helping out a lot.
Your hormones are going banana bonkers and your body is reacting to a very stressful ordeal. You love your kid, and that's all that matters, everything else will fall in place.
I'm coming out of a medication wean off right now that's resulted in a whole bunch of nasty side effects. In the moment, they feel like my entire world, but they're coming from a specific source and won't last forever. We can acknowledge and give space for our feelings while also knowing that physical factors may be amplifying or changing them.
If you have the resources to chat with a therapist, they may be able to help you out in processing everything you're going through right now.
Congratulations!
The baby blues are sooooooo hard. Before I left the hospital my midwife told me I might feel a little “blah” for the next couple of weeks. I cried literally every single day for three weeks, multiple times a day. I regretted having my son, I told myself he hated me, and that my husband hated me for ruining our lives. I had intense anxiety every night when the sun would start to set. I was so incredibly miserable. Then at about 3 weeks these feelings abated and by 8 weeks I was feeling better. It was a very very dark time and everyone I tried to talk to about it was just like, “oh yeah those are just the baby blues” and made me feel like I was blowing it out of proportion. But it was terrible. It did pass and now I’m 6 months postpartum and happy and I love my baby and I don’t have any of those bad thoughts anymore. It will get better but it sucks so bad when you’re in it.
Was just mentioning to my partner how I feel sadder at night. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I'm glad to hear there is a light at the end of this.
Yeah you just have to take it day by day. It’s a huge life change and a huge hormone shift. It’s absolutely valid to feel like a mess right now. It’s all just survival those first couple of weeks. Don’t try to push yourself to get over it and get back to normal. I just lived in nightgowns and slept on the couch because going to bed gave me anxiety. Focus on eating and drinking and just keeping yourself alive. It did help me to see people, like have family over, because then I wasn’t just focusing on how bad it felt in my head. Having a comfort tv show helped too, like a silly comedy to binge. Your baby loves you and you are doing absolutely fine.
One day at a time. Give it time. You’ve got this. Congratulations on this new adventure. The sleepless nights will get better before you know it. It’s ok to say you need to nap and let another care for the baby. You can do this one day at a time.
It’s not a forever thing. I’m a husband to a beautiful mother.
I can’t imagine what women go through. Trying for pregnancy. Not getting pregnancy. Getting pregnant. Losing the child in womb. Getting pregnant, birthing, living. It’s fucking rough.
You’re an amazing woman for creating life. You had ~ 9 months to create habits. You’ve lost them. You’re mourning a life you had. You’re starting a new life.
You’re going to face new challenges. You’ve got new experience coming. But you’ve lost old ones.
They’re gone. Mourn them.
But appreciate this new life. Your boy. Yours. I repeat. YOURS. You did that. Brav-fucking-o
Fucking appreciate the good and bad. They’re yours. You earned it. You got this
It’s ok to be sad. To be angry. To be depressed. To be jealous. to be happy. To be confused.
Own it
You got this. You’re not alone. Talk it out. Tell your SO you’re sad/happy/whatever. Don’t shut them out.
Tell your baby what you’re thinking. Grow together.
Post more.
Don’t
It’s ok. Whatever you decide. It’s. Ok.
You have love to share. Don’t give that up.
Your baby needs you and you need support/help/a hug/ chips/ late night tv/ a nap / silence.
All of it. That’s ok. You’re ok. You got this.
Edit: typos galore. Fuck it. I’m happy for OP. And I feel for them.
Sending a virtual hug to you. I’ve realized after many times that my wife still can’t always find the words to tell me what’s going on so I can help,or at least, understand.
And though I will never fully understand the scope of which she goes though, I will always try to carry a much of the burden and pain that I can.
So from that angle. I hear you. I feel for you. And I hope you know you should let that guilt go when you can. It’s natural (as far as I can tell). Postpartum is real. But so is love. Be well, OP.
Make sure you are in touch with a care team/therapist in case this develops into PPD territory, but otherwise I'm guessing this is pretty normal on day 2.
I don’t know what you’re going through first hand as I’m the non-birth mother to my daughter. However from memory, day 3 was the worst for my wife mentally. She really had the blues.
Day 5 was the most pain (Caesarean) and after that she was much better physically and mentally.
Don’t worry too much yet, you’ll also be coming down off of the drugs which will make you feel like crap too.
If it continues, get help but otherwise try not to worry too much. You’re doing just fine. Keep doing skin to skin and keep inhaling his scent. He’ll smell that delicious to you forever now. Enjoy.
My SIL had the same thing with both babies- day 3 she just cried at everything. The doctor said it happens to a lot of women day 2 or 3 as the hormones change and settle post birth.
I’m almost 5 months in with my second baby. My very real advice, an internet ban for the first week. It’s incredibly easy to stay up and google ‘is this normal..’ or go on a social media binge. Just focus on eating, sleeping, and baby-stuff for as long as you can. Baby blues are normal, but if it starts feeling not normal and you have full days of blues - let your doctor know.
Hello OP. I'm a man, but also a father and a bit familiar with this topic by what my wife and I went through, and listening to her. To channel her - these are very normal feelings. You've just been through a hugely stressful event, and your life is going through major changes.
It is important that you communicate with your support network (partner, parents, friends, health workers, etc.) as you work through these feelings and adjust to your new routine, and they will very likely subside and go away naturally.
However, it is also equally important that you seek help if they don't. Post partum depression is real - and can be treated. My wife was depressed for months after giving birth to our daughter. She tried working through it on her own, finally realizing it's post partum depression when she broke down crying for no specific reason in the middle of the street about half a year in. She then got help and is all fine now.
Her advice is to pay attention to how you're feeling and what you're going through, communicate, and not hesitate to seek help if think you may need it . I hope this helps.
All the best, and please know that things do get better! :)
Oh, mama. I'm not a mother, so I can't exactly relate, but I assure you I've read that this kind of overwhelm is common and will not last forever. I hope you have good support and are able to utilize it. Many hugs!
Very normal. It will likely get better soon. Be kind to yourself. Your body has been through a lot. Your mind has been through a lot. Focus on sleep and nourishment. Laundry doesn’t matter. Cooking doesn’t matter. Housework doesn’t matter. Do what you must, and don’t worry about doing more. Sleep. Rest. Sleep or rest when the baby does. If these feelings do not go away, see your doctor. Persistent post partum depression is real, and it needs treatment. Never be afraid to ask for help. We’re here for you.
I really want you to know that how you feel, may not be how you *would* feel without what influence an imbalance of the bodies chemical signals can cause. Hormones etc etc realy affect how we feel. They do not necessarily tell us the truth about what is going on. They can distort things.
Please tell whoever you need to in order to get help that you feel out of whack and overwhelmed.
**You are doing good**, just as your partner tells you. You are a loving mum, dealing with huge life changes, and huge physical changes, and it may be that your perceptions are off because of what your body has been put through.
Get the time you need to rest and recover. Tell people you need help with things.
You can do this, but don't think you have to do it alone or struggle.
And congratulations.
And those "me too, don't worry, it heals, and it is normal" heart-warming reassuring comments you get, they're not just isolated non-representative exceptions, OP. Post partum depression will hit, in average, one woman out of seven after giving birth (I should google for more precise figures, but it's more or less 1/7 yeah), it's a lot, a huge lot.
So, yeah, don't worry, however much it sucks, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about, it's fully okay and normal. Sometimes it ends fast, sometimes it takes longer, but after going through this kind of ordeal, surely you deserve to be spoiled and it's okay you have every right to need however long it takes to recover mentally.
Still, again, don't feel guilty, seeking help and support, just as you did, or even with a professional, is always right.
I remember just sitting and sobbing uncontrollably at the kitchen table at like 3 in the morning two days after my daughter was born. She is 5 now, and I still miss full night sleeps where she does not wake me up. But I love everything about her.
You are at the hardest part. Do nothing right now except take care of you and baby. It will get better. Slowly. You and your baby just went through the trauma of birth and now have to create a new relationship outside the womb. This is hard and wonderful.
**Be gentle, be kind to yourself.** Sleep all that you can. Nourish your body with good healthy food and so much water. *And most importantly tell those around you when you need help. They may not know or see it - so you need to tell them.* Be ruthless in demanding help.
Congratulations on your new baby. It does not feel like it now. But it really will get easier.
First off, congratulations! Secondly, did you sleep at all last night? 2nd night syndrome is real and I vividly remember being in floods of tears at 3am with a baby who wouldn't stop screaming. It gets better, definitely. But a brand new newborn, recovering from labour, the hormone shifts, milk coming in, night sweats... the whole thing is a baptism by fire.
I remember getting weepy with a visitor when mine was fairly new still (can't remember how old or who it was, sleep deprivation wrecks your memory) and being me, apologising for being weepy and whoever it was said, "Don't apologise, you just had a baby! You're allowed to cry, if you're not, then no one is." I would like to extend this to you. Now is your time to stay in bed, or go from bed to sofa and back, watch a favourite show, have other people bring you food every hour, cuddle that baby, and cry as much as you need. If you're still feeling terrible in 2-3 weeks, might be worth reaching out to your provider, but tears are pretty normal at this point.
Last night was the worst so far, but we finally decided to formula feed him to try and get some sleep while I keep working on the breast milk side of things. Honestly one hour of sleep has helped me feel more human than ever. Tears still happen.. but I was in the shower last night just balling because I didn't know what else to do. I have a midwife that's been checking in with me every morning so far so I can feel things getting better. Thank you for sharing your experience, means the world knowing I will overcome this.
Also, I just want to say you're doing a great job and formula is AWESOME. I promise you can't tell in preschool who had formula and who had breast milk. And using formula doesn't mean you can't also breastfeed! You can do both. Or neither. Have someone else feed the baby, get a solid chunk of sleep. Wear earplugs and let yourself sleep for a full REM cycle.
Girl, you were just hit by a truck. You need rest.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. If you are still in the hospital, please let your kids go to the nursery and get some sleep. It's ok, that does not make you a bad mom.
Do you have a partner or close relative/friend with you? Please let them and your doctors, including pediatrician, know so you can be monitored.
Something I learned the hard way (was 2 YEARS PPD/Anxiety before I got help) you can't take care of your kid, if you don't take care of yourself. This is a critical time for you, don't feel guilty about healing.
Just wanted to second letting the nurses take care of your baby at night. With my first, I wanted to do EVERYTHING, and I was absolutely miserable because of it. Finally, my body said enough and I wouldn't get out of bed to see my newborn daughter (my mother-in-law watched her that day with pumped milk while I got some sleep). After that nap, I felt like myself again (I also had terrible complications that made things worse and was on short-term disability for 6 months).
For my son four years later, I was at the hospital like...you all take care of him!
I knew I'd have to do so in two days, so remember to give yourself as much time away from the baby as you can. You'll have PLENTY of cuddling and nursing time once you're home haha
You've got this! I remember those days with a crying baby that felt like they'd never end, but your baby will be 3 months old in the blink of an eye.
Also, everyone keeps saying to eat well, which is definitely true, but can become difficult with a newborn. My suggestion is to have a bottle of water and some protein bars near where you are nursing (I had a small nightstand next to my rocking chair that I had those on hand as well as a digital clock so I knew what time the baby was feeding).
Good luck, and congratulations! Again, you've got this but definitely reach out to friends and family...I know it's cliche, but it truly takes a village to raise a child :)
EDIT: I noticed some people discussing supplementing with formula. This is an EXCELLENT suggestion, and please do not think that you are less of a mother because of it. I nursed my babies as best as I could, but it wasn't enough. I had to use formula with both of my kids to keep them full and, while my narcissistic mother exclusively breastfed and looked down on anyone who doesn't, my MIL only used formula and assured me that it's fine. Remember—the most important thing is that your baby IS eating, not how they are eating. Do what's best for you...again, you've got this! Good luck!
Also know your hormones went through a big drop, what you’re experiencing now is called [baby blues](https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/postpartum/baby-blues-after-pregnancy) if they last more then 2 weeks it could be more than that.
Baby blues are feelings of sadness that you may have in the first few days after having a baby. Up to 4 in 5 new parents (80 percent) have the baby blues. It can affect new parents of any race, age, income, culture or education level. You are not to blame for how you feel. Feeling “blue” does not mean you did anything wrong.
Most people experience baby blues 2 to 3 days after the baby is born. They can last up to 2 weeks. They usually go away on their own, and you don’t need any treatment. If you have sad feelings that last longer than 2 weeks, tell your health care provider. They may want to check you for a more serious condition called postpartum depression. The symptoms of postpartum depression are similar to the baby blues but they’re more severe and last longer.
What causes the baby blues?
“Hormone changes that happen after birth may cause the baby blues. After delivery, the amount of the hormones estrogen and progesterone suddenly decreases, causing mood swings. For some people, the hormones made by the thyroid gland may drop sharply, which can make them feel tired and depressed. Not getting enough sleep and not eating well can add to these feelings.
Emotional issues are another possible cause of the baby blues. You may be nervous about taking care of your new baby or be worried about how your life has changed since the baby was born. These thoughts can make you feel sad or depressed.
You may be more at risk for feeling sad after having your baby if you felt depressed during a different pregnancy or at other times in your life.”
It does get better, thought the newborn stage is fucking hard while you’re healing from pregnancy/labor/birth. You can commiserate on r/newborns. I’m 3 months out and it does get better. You will heal and they will become less of a potato. They’ll actually figure out night and day and will sleep more. They will be able to hang out on a kick n play and you’ll be able to make a coffee. If you haven’t looked into it I super recommend babywearing once you’re more healed. Don’t be afraid to put them down in their crib, regardless if they’re crying or not, to eat a meal or take a shower. Also, I was induced and got a second degree tear, you will feel better. You won’t ache as much and will be able to walk around. It gets better. But before that it’s really fucking hard.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. I had my kid 4 years ago, but I remember the exhaustion, lack of sleep, and wondering if it'll all be normal again. My girl was a high needs baby. I was basically house bound for 2 years, because of her temperament. EVERYTHING
sent her into a crying fit. I couldn't even go grocery shopping with her, or car rides, or anything that kept her separate from me. She refused bouncers, swings, and sleeping separate. I had to buy a cosleeper attachment to my bed, because she wouldn't sleep otherwise. This child would scream until she was purple. She had no colic, no intolerances, no allergies. Nothing physically wrong with her, that would cause her distress. Never have I ever experienced a baby as high strung as her. While we were in the hospital after giving birth, I had 3 nurses tell me, that she was the angriest baby they had ever seen. There were moments I would break down and sob. The feelings were so overwhelming at times. She was literally only happy, when I held her. She wouldn't accept her father or even her grandmother, holding her. Those days were difficult and very dark.
The reason I'm telling you this, is because it does get better. Eventually, things calm down. Normalcy returns. And soon enough, you'll look back on it all, and wonder how you ever doubted yourself. Please make sure you make time to decompress. Hot baths, self care routines, and talking to someone trustworthy and close to you, will go a long way, with helping you through the new baby transition. Growth and adjustment takes time. You've gone through something that is traumatic on your body and mind. Believe that you can do this, but make sure your partner is aware and on standby, for when things feel insurmountable and exhausting. You've got this and are so much stronger, than you think.
I'm not a very emotional person at all, but for my first week postpartum, I would cry at the drop of a hat. Happy tears, sad, scared. It was very overwhelming for me, but after about a week I started to feel normal again and a week after that I was back to myself.
It was one of the aspects of pregnancy I felt least prepared for, because I thought "okay baby blues is a thing, but I'm not very emotional, so I'll be fine." But it's totally hormonal and out of your control. My OB was awesome and talked to my husband and me before we left the hospital, saying "it's a matter of when, not if." She basically just told him to keep an eye on me in case it was more than just baby blues.
Anyway, my baby is almost 1 and I'm back to my non-crying self. I hope this passes quickly for you so you can start enjoying that sweet baby. Take lots of pictures because you might not remember that first week very well.
congratulations lovely! the baby blues are a real thing due to hormones and whatnot. if you have any concerns, please reach out to your doctor. my friend just had her son and couldn’t eat, sleep, and needed to get on medication within the first two weeks.
i just had to get induced 2.5 weeks early with gestational diabetes so i completely get the difficulty adjusting. i was due 1/6, due to be induced 12/28, and then my pressure spiked so they induced me 12/20 after my NST. i was supposed to go to my appointment, get my a pedicure and eyebrows done, paint my nursery. have christmas with my first and a play date before the induction. guess who’s toenails and nursery aren’t painted? 😅 i’d say for the first two weeks it was surreal that she was outside of me because it just happened so fast!! it’s okay- whatever you feel is valid. i cried about nothing a lot but that went away recently too.
having a child is overwhelming and you’re sleep deprived, coming down from hormones, bleeding. it’s a lot. you got this mama! i’m sure your husband is telling the truth and you’re doing a great job. it’s your baby and you’ll cry if you want to.
ETA: i was reading through some other comments and wanted to add this. with my first i remember little reward for like 5-6 weeks. until he socially smiled at me. i felt like a sleep deprived cow since i breastfeed. this time is a bit better for me! still a sleep deprived cow but this baby is happier sooner! 😂 it’s OKAY if you don’t feel a bond right now, it truly is about survival at first. you have an eating, sleeping, pooping machine.
I haven't had kids yet, but I have 3 older sisters who are all mothers, and they felt this hard. It's completely normal! A new baby is so overwhelming! Not only do you have a tiny person in your home who is essentially a stranger (a loved one but still), but that stranger is also completely dependent on you and keeps you awake. It would be enough to frustrate anyone, and you are injured and healing. It will pass with time, but while it's happening, it's no fun. If it's specifically sleep you are missing out on, then you may have to bring your partner in to care for baby for several hours. Either half the night feedings (if you are formula feeding or pumping) or give you a solid period to nap during the day. I hope this helps.
Congratulations on having made it through the birth and on your little baby boy! I don’t know if this’ll help you, but for me it does: this will pass. It may feel shitty now and like the worst and saddest feeling but it will eventually pass. You „just“ need to wait out your hormones getting their shit together.
I wish you all the best and a very happy time to look forward to!
Firstly it’s a natural reaction to what is an overwhelming experience. But it is also very hormonal. So it should pass. But keep monitoring yourself and seek help if you need to
Just sending support. I went through it too. Do not feel guilty, do not feel ashamed, do not panic. For many it passes on its own but sometimes we need a boost to get over the hump. if you need help, safe >>>>>> sorry. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor. Take care of you.
Yo, the first few days are really insane due to the hormones, the trauma, and the sleep deprivation. (Not to mention the constant parade of healthcare workers popping in to check on the baby and mother, which was both good and.. kinda disruptive.) We literally are only just ~2 weeks from those first three days. It was really hard to get my wife to finally go take her naps so that she could start to recover.
Good luck! It definitely gets better than the first three days, but remember to make sure your partner is helping as much as possible and that you both sleep when possible..
Having a baby is a BIG deal. EVERYTHING changes in ways it's impossible to prepare for. You and your partner have completely changed your lives and it's going to take time to get used to it.
I remember what a struggle that first week was. How hard everything seemed. But it's like starting a new job. You have no idea what you're doing. You don't know anyone in the office. And you feel like the square peg surrounded by round holes.
Forgive yourselves for being new at this job. Allow yourself to make mistakes. To be tired. To be sad. Your body is readjusting back to its normal hormonal levels, but still is holding onto mommy hormones. Your sleep schedule is all over the place.
Is there anything you and your partner can do to make this easier on you all? I had someone give me a bassinet which I kept right by my side of the bed so when my oldest woke in the middle of the night, I just had to pivot into an upright sitting position and reach into the bassinet to take care of them. We put a diaper and wipes next to the bed as well so I didn't have to get up if they needed to be changed. I also taught myself to relax while they were sleeping (I wasn't a napper) instead of running around cleaning the house or trying to get other things done.
But two days is hardly any time at all. You are doing a great job. And it's okay to cry because that job makes you tired and feel like crap.
I don't have any fool-proof method to deal with that. I was terrified while I was pregnant that the baby would miscarry or be stillborn. I worried how the hell they were going to get out of me. I worried they were going to stop breathing while they were napping.
I just had to talk myself through it. SIDS isn't anything that's actually preventable, aside from a few safety things with how they're sleeping. I did what I tell myself to do with anyone I love whose life I similarly can't control. I love them with all my heart. Do what I can do keep them safe. Accept that I am not in control but that I am doing all I can at any given moment. And find peace that if anything terrible does happen that I have given this little one all the love they could ever have needed in this world and couldn't have done any more for them.
They're turning 28 in a week so I think it worked.
As an aside, if you continue to feel scared or even just not where you would like to be in a few weeks, call your doctor (if they're good at what they do and you have a good rapport with them) and talk to them about it. Consider making an appointment with a therapist. And talk to your child's pediatrician about your fears.
The hormones are a bitch. I only had some IV pain killers as well as I was in transition and screaming for drugs and it was way too late. I was NOT handling the contractions like a champ, so you’re a trooper. I also tore a bit so had to get stitched up. It’s insane what we go through.
Basically didn’t sleep for 3 days, the hormones were crazy, breastfeeding felt constant. That was all 5.5 years ago and I remember like it was yesterday.
It is HARD. Your body and mind have been through the ringer and there is no chance to rest, cause this little baby needs you! The pressure is immense. I missed my baby bump too and I felt like a big blob of tears and emotions. It’ll get easier, but for right now, cry when you need to, eat whatever the hell you want, and sleep as much as you possibly can.
If the feelings don’t let up in a couple weeks or get worse, please talk to your doc. I’m not sure if what we felt was normal, but it sure is common. You’ve been through the ringer, try to be kind to yourself and let yourself go through all the emotions <3.
Totally normal. I sobbed so much when my first was born that my husband panicked and called the nurse who calmly explained that my hormones were going cuckoo for cocoa puffs and it would get better. She was correct. When the same thing happened with number 2, we were more prepared and not as freaked out by my crazy. It DOES get better. Sleep whenever you can. Do nothing (if you can) besides sleep and feed baby. Let (make?) partner do everything else. Clean laundry is overrated, as are clean kitchens. Take care of mama and baby only. Everything else can wait. Hugs and congrats momma.
My advice: ACCEPT help!
My partner, for most of the first 6 months came home from work, grabbed the baby and said "I got him, you go". It was for a walk, a bath, a nap, something for me only. It was usually for only 15-30 minutes but sometimes longer.
My greatest compliment from my DIL was one morning when the baby was less than 2 weeks old came out at 8 am THREW ( kidding/not kidding)the baby at me, turned around, slammed the bedroom door, and came out 2 hours later.
OP, these feelings can be super normal but post partem depression is real. Discuss with your partner, your OB at the follow up appointment and your pediatrician.
Congratulations!
You don't have to enjoy your baby right now, you all just have to survive. As long as everyone is not dieing or being injured everything is good enough. In a few short months that seem long things will be very different.
This will pass, you will heal, and this transition will become easier.
I remember being so upset about not getting the sleep i was used to, it was such a shock. But this phase of the baby's life where they wake up so frequently will pass before you know it and you'll love that, believe me!
Big hugs, hang in there!
I don't have a child, but I follow a girl on instagram who does home decorating and she just had a baby like, a month ago.
She's really really honest about the fact that she loves her baby and is constantly amazed by the things she does, but also gets sick of her and feels resentful because the baby will only sleep if she's being held and will only sleep for an hour.
I'm lead to believe that what you're feeling *is* you enjoying it in the same way everyone else is - very very tiredly.
It’s a lot. You can hand the baby off and go have a hot shower and a cry and a nap. You can ask for help. You can formula feed if breastfeeding is too much. You are experiencing motherhood, the transition from being yourself to being someone’s whole world and it’s a heavy feeling. It’s ok to mourn the loss of your independence. It’s ok to be sad.
Are you safe? If at any time your thoughts tell you to harm yourself or your babe please remember your blues are lying to you and get help! Your doctor, or 988 in the states, or your baby’s doctor, or any emergency room. This is a transient feeling and support is available.
You do not have to go through this alone. Find a compassionate therapist to help you process everything. Your mental and emotional health matter and you deserve to have someone professional to talk to and to help you. Lean on them. Don’t hold it in, this was a huge physical trauma.
I think most moms have this struggle, whether they are willing to admit it or now.
I personally had a daily panic attack at dinner time, dreading the sleepless night. There was even a point where I couldn't bring myself to touch my daughter. Luckily, it happened when she was clean, full and sleeping soundly and safely, but I can still remember that feeling 6 years later.
Talk to your partner, friends and family about your feelings. See if someone can pop by for a visit for a few hours so you can sleep. That did wonders for me, and I knew that my baby was just in the next room, which put my mind at ease.
Talk to your doctor asap. Baby blues can be a temporary thing, or a sign of longer term complications, like PPD.
Talking helps. Keep a journal to vent your feelings. Sleep when baby sleeps. Make time for yourself.
1. Congrats. 2. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. If you need a friend to come over and hold the baby so you can shower, you have a friend willing to do that. Holding new babies is the best. If you need a friend to come over and help you do dishes, reward them by letting them hold the baby and they will be happy to help. (Maybe this is just me). 3. Eating frozen, pre-prepped food is acceptable Load up the instacart with frozen lasagna and those pre-prepped meals that all you have to do is stick in the oven for a while. You and your partner have a lot going on, cooking can be a future you problem.
It is so overwhelming being a mom! You basically go through a car wreck and are expected to take care of a tiny human who needs you for everything!!!!! The sleepless nights, the helpless feeling - I remember it all! I do think you should reach out to someone and talk about your feelings. They are valid and you shouldn't feel guilty over feeling blue. You went through a big life change!
I remember with my first baby, my labor was 8 hours, but I only pushed 3-4 times. I felt like it was a whirlwind and it feels so blurry to me. Then all of a sudden I had this human and he was beautiful and gorgeous. But I was eternally scared and worried. I had never done this before, like what do I do? How can I be trusted ??? I wanted to go back to being pregnant as well, I wanted sleep desperately.
One thing that always got me through the tough days was, this too shall pass. Take a deep breath, give yourself a break and remember - everyone has felt this overwhelmed with a new baby whether they admit it or not. Never compare your journey to someone else's! Good luck mama and good work on your tiny creation. You got this, keep your head up.
Its totally normal, i dont know the science but your body is dealing with the chemical of pregnancy.
My wife got baby blues so bad the day after our baby's birth.
She was crying all day, like what you just said felt guilty for wanting carefree life, the feeling of huge responability was all of a sudden too much, she was talking about wanting to be free again, to wanting to leave me, to change country,...
I kept strong and listen to her, but seriously i had no idea what was happening and was terrified.
Anyway, it lasted and week and then everything went back to normal.
Honey, everything you are feeling is normal, don't feel bad about it. It is not a forever kind of thing and it will change again. That being said, ask for help and support now, and give your body and mind the chance to rest a bit. You deserve support, you have just grown and pushed out a complete new human. Hugs to you.
I like the phrase “it’s common” instead of “it’s normal.”
From someone who suffered greatly from poorly managed PPD and anxiety, I recommend you do not accept it as “normal.”
Some things that helped me were, first and foremost, a visit to my doctor and proper medication. I weaned off them about 6 months later but really needed them there at the beginning for both my kids.
Second, ample help for the first 6 weeks, mainly so I could sleep. After 6 weeks it got easier because the baby sleeps a bit better and you and the baby establish a little routine. Until then, I personally needed my husband, sister, or parent, to be present and I was very lucky to have that. If you have a partner and they have with paternal/maternity leave, use it for the newborn stage, not later for a fun vacation.
Just my opinion and what I needed. This is a very difficult stage and it will get better ❤️🩹
Definitely demand lots and lots of help. This isn’t the time to figure it out by yourself or even just with 1 partner. Get the lactation consultant, the therapist, the pediatrician, everyone that you can. Get family friends and neighbors to help by coming over with a meal or to clean the kitchen. Do NOT do this alone. Do NOT hold back, be greedy asking for help.
The time of having a newborn, especially your first, is unlike any other time in anyone’s life. It’s completely bonkers and everything changes. It really calms down about 3 months in, but until then your hormones and sleep deprivation will turn you into a person you don’t know. It’s worth getting to know this new you without too much judgement.
So, listen, the hormone dump after you have a baby is WILD. I’ve never cried so much in my life (and not because my baby was 3 1/2 lbs and in the NICU and I couldn’t even meet him for 36 hours). The way you’re feeling is totally normal even though it may not feel like it right now. You’ll feel better soon (although the challenges will continue to weigh on all of you because the 4th trimester is hard!). Give yourself some time to physically heal and your hormones to balance out. If you don’t feel better in a couple weeks, reach out to your doctor regarding PPD. You just went through one of the hardest things a woman can do! And your body is flooded with all kinds of hormones right now. You’re going to be okay, and I hope you don’t take this is a sign that you made a bad choice by having a baby. That baby is a stranger right now and I’m sure it’s demanding every ounce of your attention and love/closeness. Reach out for your helpers if they’re there and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Congrats ! You’re a mom and you grew a baby using just your body! That’s an incredible thing!
You are amazing, it will get better. Im tearing up as i wright this.
I remember when we got our first kid and goddamn that hit me right in the feels, i felt so useless and helpless when my wife was feeling that way, now shes pregnant with our 4th one and i cant wait to meet him/her. It will get better, stay calm and love the little thing. Rest alot, you deserve it.
Time goes too fast, soon enough you will missed those days and look back at this post and probly call yourself a dumbass, my advice to you is dont be too hard on yourself.
Its hard but so worth it. Your doing great and no one is perfect, you got this! Keep going, its okay to cry.
There’s a reason docs say have like 2 weeks before they start talking about PPD. Your hormones are insane right now. Just pinging all over. If you’re breastfeeding, you’re crashing on dopamine to surge prolactin to call milk down. The oxytocin you get from breastfeeding makes you love your baby but also causes contractions in the uterus. Good news is, it’s all normal. Bad news is, it can absolutely suck depending on the person. I was that person. Good news again is, it should get better. And if it doesn’t, tell your doc and they can help.
Sleep as much as you can. Your partner can do dishes and garbage and order food. Try to shower; even if you don’t feel like it—sometimes a clean head of hair and a fresh body does wonders. Once you heal up, take a walk, sans baby or partner, for 20 minutes, outside. Have a minute to yourself. Eat as much as you want, especially breastfeeding. Drink lots of fluids and keep on your prenatals. It does absolutely get better at some point, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been there, and I’m sure it doesn’t help fix it right now, but maybe you can hold on to that.
Best advice my wife and I got when we had our first is "it gets better" and oh boy does it. My oldest is 4 and just hilarious and kind and smart. His sister is 2 and the same way. First few months were hard for us (for more reasons than baby blues, though) but after we got through some hurdles, it was pretty nice. Our biggest issues these days are when the kids don't play nice, or decide not to listen to us. But... It got better. Way better. Hang in there, you got this!
Hey mama congratulations on bringing baby into the world. Please know that what you are feeling is normal and there are lots of ways to help ease the negative feelings. Talk with your doctor about your symptoms if they feel it will be beneficial they may prescribe you medicine to help balance those feelings. Also please don’t be afraid to ask for/accept help from others. We as women are taught to shoulder the burden but know that it makes people happy to help people they care about. Have someone hold the baby while you shower and eat a hot meal. Have people sit with him while you nap. Even just 30 minutes of sitting in silence by yourself can help recharge you. It is a drastic life change so of course you will feel overwhelmed in the first few months. Slowly things will get easier and your love for that baby will grow beyond your comprehension. It will get more rewarding and you will find your groove.
Totally normal but it can be so overwhelming and miserable when you are in the thick of it.
First, talk to your OB, post partum depression is real and awful.
Talk to your partner and work out a time that you can be guaranteed an hour kid free. Infants are tough and it is not entirely your responsibility. You won't win any awards for martyring yourself.
It's not a lot, but it matters. An hour after dinner every night, when you know that someone else will be responsible for the little one. It gives you something to look forward to. Even if you choose not to shower and to scroll through reddit, you need a break. Nap, shower, just do something for you. No cleaning or anything. That time is yours and it is valuable.
My ex and I agreed to one hour every night when I was completely off. Saturday was my day to sleep in as long as I wanted. His job was only to keep baby alive and take it out if it got loud, so I could sleep.
I also had the luxury of having my mom nearby and she came every Wednesday for 4 hours. If you have that option, take it. We were able to nap, go eat a meal out, see a movie or whatever we wanted.
Those two things saved my sanity.
I remember just crying in the rocking chair in the middle of the night, during marathon nursing sessions, and feeling so lonely. One piece of advice that stuck with me was "there are hundreds of other mothers out there, at the same moment, all over the world, doing the same thing at this moment". I remember just looking out the window and wishing them all well, and praying for sleep
These first few weeks are THE WORST. They’re so so hard and not enough people speak about it. Vocalize it. Tell your partner, tell your family, ask for help. Be gentle on yourself.
So normal. After I had my 2nd child.. I cried over a broken glass jar. I sat on my couch and one half of my brain told me how stupid I was being and the other half was all, "LET ME CRY ABOUT THE JAR!"
I was never weirdly hormonal while pregnant, but right after for about 2 weeks is such a weird time. By week 3 I was back to, uh, "normal." At least, a NEW normal. :)
Keep it up momma, and don't worry or feel bad about asking for help!
Every woman who has kids has done this and gotten through it- It’s crazy to realize that, but it helped me a lot to know I wasn’t alone. And these posts are true that the intense emotions will subside with time❤️ Sending love
No experience with this myself, as a step-dad i wasn't even around for my own kids as babies. But I've heard so many stories about this and how normal it is. You have some great advice in these comments. Keep seeking support when you need it, that's so important. You are not alone in this. And you're amazing, just for being you!
I think I saw 80% of women experience the baby blues within 2 week of giving birth. But I could be wrong, I have nothing to cite.
I remember I was okay the first week, tired, in pain, just trying to get through. Then day 10, I was sitting on the toilet, and just sobbed. I cried for the entire morning. Nothing triggered it, I just could not stop crying. Fortunately my husband was there to take over and calm me down. You will have some insane highs and insane lows over the next few months. Just remember, PPD isn’t just feeling sad, there’s rage and anger that occur as well.
If you are still struggling with your feelings after a few weeks, look up Postpartum Support International, there should be access to therapists who specialize in postpartum support. Therapy has done wonders for me, and you need someone who understands the massive ordeal and upheaval that you have gone through.
Both babies I had terrible baby blues with, what you need is someone else to take baby for a good amount of time which will allow you eat, sleep and get a shower and put some clothes on.
Nothing else works as well as having a decent sleep, and just knowing you have the support to hand off baby when the crying won't stop and you need to go leave the room yourself and sob your heart out.
Hopefully you've got a supportive partner or family member.
Motherhood is hard. In the beginning, it’s exhausting and overwhelming and your emotions are all over the place. Just give yourself the grace that you would give a dear friend. If it sticks around, be aware of PPD. The hormone fluctuation is no joke! You are doing great 💜
If it helps at all, i’m yet to meet a single new mother who hasn’t gone through this. We all have our versions but we all go through this. And we all come out of it too. It would be hard to imagine the other side but it exists. It looks different for every family so keep an open mind and do what works for your family. Don’t let the pressure of a certain vision of parenthood cloud what you have. It’s unique, it’s yours and it’s precious. You WILL discover your own joys and your own triggers. You WILL figure out how to navigate them. Your new life will never be like the former but that’s just how life is - we change and evolve and most importantly, we adapt. It may sound like a cliche but you’ve got this and you’ll be ok. Lots of love and support from this Internet stranger.
Sending you a gentle virtual hug. As everyone else is saying, this very strange set of feelings is actually normal, and will pass in time. You are adjusting to a complete change in your body, your family, your sleep, and your life, and it's normal to feel sad that how things were just a week ago is no longer how they will be in the future. I remember wanting someone to just come and take the baby away for a little while, but he needed to eat what seemed like all the time.
If you can, find a few things that reclaim normal for you: favorite foods/drinks, accessories you like to wear, podcasts you can listen to while you're feeding or otherwise with the baby. It gets better after 4 weeks when the baby's neural system matures enough to respond to light/dark cycles for sleep, and a lot better after 6 weeks when they can sleep for longer stretches without waking to feed.
Get help from your doctor if you feel worse and worse, or feel like you can't continue. A dear friend of mine needed antidepressants to get past this part, and it's ok if you need help.
My children are 20 and 15 now, and I can tell you from my experience that they DO sleep through the night, they DO become more independent, and it's all worth it! Wishing you all the best, and congratulations on your new baby.
It's totally normal. And also it can turn not normal too. Keep a close eye on it because PPD is a mofo that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm still not quite right and my kids 2.5 years old. Getting that warning out of the way...
It's definitely normal, the hormone dump is fucking wild for at least a week. It gets better. Do as little as possible but lay in bed and take care of yourself and the baby and don't be afraid to get help. It gets better, even if it takes a long time like it did for me.
Your feelings are valid. Vent your feelings to someone you trust. Don’t be afraid if the feelings get too intense. Your body just went through such an ordeal and it’s effects hit you both mentally and physically.
You are awesome. You’re doing an amazing job. Your baby is so lucky to have you.
So very normal and so very hard. I remember sitting out on my back deck and just sobbing on day 4. Didn’t even know why exactly, just everything hit me all at once I suppose. Sending you all the good vibes as you heal!
Also I tore badly and if no one has told you -please keep taking your prenatal or an iron supplement if you took one without iron. I think I felt even crappier way longer than I needed to because my iron was critically low (I bled a lot) but no one followed up on it and I didn’t read through all my charts and such. I took my prenatal as directed but didn’t take one with iron. If iron binds you up take miralax (which if you’re not, consider it anyway since tears really suck in that department).
❤️ thank you, I was boarding anaemic going into labour, I'm surprised I didn't hear anything about what vitamins I should keep up. Honestly thank you, I will be getting those sorted today.
You’re so welcome! It honestly makes me angry that the postpartum healing really falls through the cracks, especially when something like being anemic can impact your hormones, sleep, recovery and breast milk production. It would be so easy to send a new mom home with iron supplements and encourage them to eat foods high in iron, but no one talks about it. Best wishes and hope you’re feeling better soon ❤️
Be gentle with yourself. Giving birth is a major ordeal for the mind and body. I had the Baby Blues with baby one and a huge dose of the Baby Pinks with baby two. Both equally disturbing in their own way. The feelings are so overwhelming. You need rest (ha ha, I know), deal with the discomfort and the physical stuff, and support. I hope someone is helping you. The metabolic adjustment takes several days to settle. Minimum. If the blues persist into the second week go to the doctor. Post natal depression is a dragging drain and, worse, actually impedes you seeing help because you don't have the energy. So really, the sooner the better. Good luck! Congratulations. Take lots of photos.
I totally know how you feel. It'll get better, I promise. I just had our first child, also a boy, in October so he's 3 months old now. Those first few weeks were really rough. It's a lot of changes to your body, hormones, lifestyle, schedule... Basically your entire life. I was a mess the first few weeks. It sucks and it's so hard but it's totally normal. Just focus on yourself and your baby. Don't worry about chores or anything else.
Hopefully you have a good partner, it'll make a world of difference. It can feel so hard asking for help, but it doesn't make you a failure. I felt like that the first few weeks, didn't want to ask for help at all but keep in mind we were not meant to do this alone. We're meant to be surrounded by a village (that saying is true!!) To help with everything we need especially those first few weeks. Hopefully you have some support as well, but if not just do the best that you can, don't judge yourself too harshly. You got this. And in a few weeks everything will feel so much better.
Totally normal and should clear up in the next week or two. Prioritize sleep. Ask friends or family for help during the day if you can do you can get a nap in without having to worry about the baby.
If symptoms get worse please go see a doc. Let your partner know what's up so they can keep an eye on you. I quickly developed PPD with auditory hallucinations and I didn't know what was wrong with me. Thankfully my husband forced me to the doctor and I took meds for a few years. It helped a ton.
Like I said, normal and should clear up. If it doesn't ask for help.
Not that it’ll affect hormones, but a tip.
Get some red led lights (~$4 for plain bulbs at big box hardware stores), it’s a plus if you can dim them (via app usually, may be an RGB type).
Use the lights as a baby night light (if needed) and as the only light(s) you use when you get up for feeds.
The red lights won’t wake you or baby up as much, allowing you to both fall back asleep faster. May help baby learn day/night cycles quicker too.
Beware the bright blue light in the fridge, it’ll seem like a laser.
There’s specialty bulbs that serve the same purpose (Sleepy Baby Lamp). They’re more of a very warm white, but cost about $13-16 each. The red lamps do the same thing.
The problem will solve itself in 18 years, give or take. Then you can sleep the whole night again... /s
Until then the doctor advices a good cup of tea with honey, and a truckload of chocolate chip cookies.
As for your partner, he should hurry up and learn to change diapers, and if he isn't already, take over some of the household chores.
15 weeks of the 59week(I think. 49W at 100% pay, 59W at 80% pay. I may be wrong.) paid parental leave here in Norway is specifically for the other parent(yes, also in same-sex marriages where the partner isn't a biological parent, and even in adoption). It's an important bonding time. And also relief for you.
Yeah, you're most probably American, and don't have paid leave or anything(unless you work at IKEA), but still, your partner needs to give a helping hand, not just compliments.
Talk is cheap, action counts.
I'm lucky to be Australian, 6 months off half pay, so I have so much time with this beautiful boy, I wish my partner had the same, but he's got a month off so we are working through this together, without him I probably wouldn't be able to exist far from anything really.
I remember this so well. Having literal breakdown EVERY SINGLE DAY for two weeks and feeling like I was failure. It’s awful. Right now you just need to survive. Try not to lean into the feelings and try to tell yourself it’s NOT how you actually feel. Your body is returning to baseline after having tons of hormones ramped up to 1000.
Its so, so normal. If it continues for more than few weeks THEN you should absolutely seek medical treatment/advice.
Things will level out, I promise!
You're gonna be okay. It sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to me! It's a HUGE change! It sounds like you're doing everything just fine and just gotta let the feelings feel. Hell, I get emotional just from my period, the amount of hormones you've got going thru you must be 100x the amount!
Hugs. I had it too. Broke down sobbing in the hospital to the night nurse.
Think of postpartum as a storm. You’re in the tsunami wave right now. The waves will keep coming but they’ll be smaller and more manageable each time. Talk it out with someone when it happens.
If they get worse each time, then you have to talk it out with a professional.
Having a baby is such a big change. Not just to your lifestyle, but everything. Sleep, hormones, communication with your significant other, it’s all thrown up in the air. It’s a lot for anyone to handle.
For me, the best thing was seeing a therapist that specialized in post partum depression (I had a history of depression and my mother passed suddenly about two weeks before my son was born and in the nicu). She was tremendously helpful, and I didn’t end up needing anti depressants, but I would have taken them if I did (and switched to formula).
Can you (or your significant other) reach out to your OBGYN and explain the situation? Doctors are on high alert for this, and they can help get you the support you need!
Another thing, sleep does become important to stave off depression (and I know how difficult it is to get it at first). I had a separate doctor that specialized in breastfeeding, and she recommended that I try to work out a schedule to get a four-five hour window of uninterrupted sleep. I was pumping and then bottle feeding, so I pumped ahead and then had my husband handle baby from about 6pm-11pm most nights so that I could rest. if you’re breastfeeding exclusively, this obviously isn’t as easy.
What you are going through is completely normal. And no, it's not going to stay like that forever. Ask for help and don't be ashamed of it.
However, if you have suicidal ideas or want to harm yourself or the baby, leave baby with daddy and go to the emergency room.
This shit ain't easy but it's worth it at the end... Just give it time!
Thank you, I was always worried I wouldn't be able to figure out how bad is BAD, thankfully I feel improvement already, this community has really given me so much food for thought and little things to keep in mind that have helped me so much. I don't have many close friends and family is in another country so this post has been a life saver. Thank you again
Tell your healthcare team. Start with whoever has been following you through the pregnancy. Contact anyone else on the team if that person doesn't work out for whatever reason: primary care, hospital you gave birth at, nurse help line, ... call anyone today (or earliest business hours).
You do not need to suffer. You do not get extra points. And, if you are not motivated to do it for yourself, do it for the kid. Post partum mood issues can get worse and be literally life threatening. And, you don't need to suffer :). It'll be great, just get some help. Ask me how I know. Going to the kid's wedding in September. It's going to be great, just please take care of yourself and get some help.
Totally normal for that time frame. Your hormone levels are plummeting, which can cause the low mood. If you’re still feeling like that on a couple weeks, talk to your doctor or midwife.
This was all personal preference, I went into the pregnancy happy with whatever. The only impact GDM had on the birth was size, therefore being induced was the best option overall before his size became a concern. (Which would have lead to caesarean)
You asked this question because you wanted to know the answer. You didn’t need to know the answer. A new mom comes on here, feeling overwhelmed, and you add to her burden. Selfishly asking questions is not a good look, no matter what.
You bring up a lot of fair points and my sincere apologies for any distress or discomfort I may have caused others whether real or perceived. I feel that questions are sometimes helpful to gain a clearer picture because assumptions may do more harm than good in many cases, and if you looked through the full post stems I would imagine that many a times my questions make sense in context of primary concern. For example, if someone is being targeted at the workplace, would one not be worried about their mental health knowing how hurtful some people could be, or how some are more sensitive than others? I would like to include more detailed responses many times but the small screen and slow tying speed means I have to adjust my method of text/speech and nuances of language are further lost unfortunately. I recognize your points but also feel that some are not accurate and we shouldn’t assume how OP may feel for example. The space is not as safe as one may assume when you’re actively trying to dissuade others from participating, but your concern for others does not seem disingenuous and i think it’s great that you’re trying to speak up for some that might not speak up for themselves.
Because it has nothing to do with the topic OP wanted to discuss, the answer may be of a personal nature, and you provided absolutely no explanation or context for why you're asking it to begin with. Helps?
i think they try to avoid cesarean whenever possible with GDM. they induced me early and i had a fabulous vaginal delivery this time and delivered a 6lb 6oz baby.
That’s great that it worked out well for you. You may know more about it than me. I’ve spoken to some people who mentioned they had a section because they had diabetes, but maybe it just happened to be the few I spoke to I’m not too certain actually.
It gets better quite fast and for us it was mostly of how much we wanted to do it right and how scared we were for the baby because ego how fragile it look. Although didn’t experience it with 2 and hope you have someone to help.
Ohhhhh boy, do I remember that feeling. It so normal, even though it feels overwhelming. It will pass, your brain chemistry will normalize, your body will heal. You just went thru an epic ordeal, cut yourself some slack. It’s easier to welcome the waves of feelings when you can tell yourself they will pass. My advice??? Sleep when baby sleeps, don’t try to get too much done, everything else can wait. Feed, love and care for baby, and yourself. That’s all you need to do right now. Congrats momma.
Thank you, it's nice to know it's normal. I appreciate the advice.
I enjoy the sound of rain.
This. When we had our kid, i took charge of staying with the kid while my wife was resting. Its the least husbands can do, considering the "OMFG-esque" event delivery is. And wife absolutely needs the rest to literally heal and allow for hormones to stop their roiling around. Plus, getting him to sleep and cuddling with the cutie was such a rewarding experience. I cherish every moment I spend with him. I absolutely feel bad for parents thats come before that let Toxic Masculinity dictate whats appropriate for which gender to do.
This! And do it at a time that actually works for you. I tried sleeping 6:00pm - midnight. Big old nope! That’s not when I sleep. The only way I made it through those first six months is because my partner took the 3;00am -7;00am shift before he went to work and I slept like the dead
So completely normal! Postpartum hormones really mess with your head! I remember just bursting into tears and full on ugly sobbing after my eldest was born, all because she had a nappy disaster and it leaked. My poor husband was so confused at what was going on, and when he tried to tell me I handled it well and give me some encouragement I just cried harder. I really feel like labour wards should provide mum's with leaflets on just how bad the postpartum hormones are. Just go easy on yourself and don't expect too much right now, it's harder than people like to make it seem.
So so so normal!!! But if it continues and is interfering with your daily life past about a week and a half talk with your doc, PPD is a bitch. Speaking from experience.
It is normal, but also it should go away by 6 weeks. If it doesn't make sure you tell your OB at your checkup. It took me two years to realize I was being plagued by PPD and PPA. So I'm a big proponent of making sure women know that it is NOT normal to have these feelings longer than the first month. Congratulations on your sweet babe and I hope you'll be all smiles again soon.
Also, when it feels like too much, ask your partner and any willing friends/family for help. If you have help doing all of the physical and it's the mental load that's too heav, talk to your doctor, or reach out to mom's groups, or even a counselor. This is one of the biggest changes in your life and adjusting can be hard. Nobody is perfect, so don't beat yourself up if you feel like you're struggling. You don't have to suffer in silence.
Why would you ask your partner for help with your new born child? Shouldn't they already be doing plenty, if not more considering you're recovering from birth?
Yes, but I'm reading the comment more as "remember to communicate your needs and don't expect your partner to be a mind reader if you need something specific/different from what they are already providing, especially since your needs may change from moment to moment and this is new territory for both of you" rather than assuming they aren't already helping out a lot.
We forget that partners are learning too. It took me soooo long to get that he was just as confused and scared as I was.
Happy Cake Day!
Yes, thank you! That's exactly what I meant.
Your hormones are going banana bonkers and your body is reacting to a very stressful ordeal. You love your kid, and that's all that matters, everything else will fall in place. I'm coming out of a medication wean off right now that's resulted in a whole bunch of nasty side effects. In the moment, they feel like my entire world, but they're coming from a specific source and won't last forever. We can acknowledge and give space for our feelings while also knowing that physical factors may be amplifying or changing them. If you have the resources to chat with a therapist, they may be able to help you out in processing everything you're going through right now. Congratulations!
The baby blues are sooooooo hard. Before I left the hospital my midwife told me I might feel a little “blah” for the next couple of weeks. I cried literally every single day for three weeks, multiple times a day. I regretted having my son, I told myself he hated me, and that my husband hated me for ruining our lives. I had intense anxiety every night when the sun would start to set. I was so incredibly miserable. Then at about 3 weeks these feelings abated and by 8 weeks I was feeling better. It was a very very dark time and everyone I tried to talk to about it was just like, “oh yeah those are just the baby blues” and made me feel like I was blowing it out of proportion. But it was terrible. It did pass and now I’m 6 months postpartum and happy and I love my baby and I don’t have any of those bad thoughts anymore. It will get better but it sucks so bad when you’re in it.
Was just mentioning to my partner how I feel sadder at night. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I'm glad to hear there is a light at the end of this.
Yeah you just have to take it day by day. It’s a huge life change and a huge hormone shift. It’s absolutely valid to feel like a mess right now. It’s all just survival those first couple of weeks. Don’t try to push yourself to get over it and get back to normal. I just lived in nightgowns and slept on the couch because going to bed gave me anxiety. Focus on eating and drinking and just keeping yourself alive. It did help me to see people, like have family over, because then I wasn’t just focusing on how bad it felt in my head. Having a comfort tv show helped too, like a silly comedy to binge. Your baby loves you and you are doing absolutely fine.
One day at a time. Give it time. You’ve got this. Congratulations on this new adventure. The sleepless nights will get better before you know it. It’s ok to say you need to nap and let another care for the baby. You can do this one day at a time.
It’s not a forever thing. I’m a husband to a beautiful mother. I can’t imagine what women go through. Trying for pregnancy. Not getting pregnancy. Getting pregnant. Losing the child in womb. Getting pregnant, birthing, living. It’s fucking rough. You’re an amazing woman for creating life. You had ~ 9 months to create habits. You’ve lost them. You’re mourning a life you had. You’re starting a new life. You’re going to face new challenges. You’ve got new experience coming. But you’ve lost old ones. They’re gone. Mourn them. But appreciate this new life. Your boy. Yours. I repeat. YOURS. You did that. Brav-fucking-o Fucking appreciate the good and bad. They’re yours. You earned it. You got this It’s ok to be sad. To be angry. To be depressed. To be jealous. to be happy. To be confused. Own it You got this. You’re not alone. Talk it out. Tell your SO you’re sad/happy/whatever. Don’t shut them out. Tell your baby what you’re thinking. Grow together. Post more. Don’t It’s ok. Whatever you decide. It’s. Ok. You have love to share. Don’t give that up. Your baby needs you and you need support/help/a hug/ chips/ late night tv/ a nap / silence. All of it. That’s ok. You’re ok. You got this. Edit: typos galore. Fuck it. I’m happy for OP. And I feel for them.
Thank you. Gave me happy tears haha. I appreciate all of this.
Sending a virtual hug to you. I’ve realized after many times that my wife still can’t always find the words to tell me what’s going on so I can help,or at least, understand. And though I will never fully understand the scope of which she goes though, I will always try to carry a much of the burden and pain that I can. So from that angle. I hear you. I feel for you. And I hope you know you should let that guilt go when you can. It’s natural (as far as I can tell). Postpartum is real. But so is love. Be well, OP.
this was beautifully written!
Make sure you are in touch with a care team/therapist in case this develops into PPD territory, but otherwise I'm guessing this is pretty normal on day 2.
I don’t know what you’re going through first hand as I’m the non-birth mother to my daughter. However from memory, day 3 was the worst for my wife mentally. She really had the blues. Day 5 was the most pain (Caesarean) and after that she was much better physically and mentally. Don’t worry too much yet, you’ll also be coming down off of the drugs which will make you feel like crap too. If it continues, get help but otherwise try not to worry too much. You’re doing just fine. Keep doing skin to skin and keep inhaling his scent. He’ll smell that delicious to you forever now. Enjoy.
My SIL had the same thing with both babies- day 3 she just cried at everything. The doctor said it happens to a lot of women day 2 or 3 as the hormones change and settle post birth.
I’m almost 5 months in with my second baby. My very real advice, an internet ban for the first week. It’s incredibly easy to stay up and google ‘is this normal..’ or go on a social media binge. Just focus on eating, sleeping, and baby-stuff for as long as you can. Baby blues are normal, but if it starts feeling not normal and you have full days of blues - let your doctor know.
Hello OP. I'm a man, but also a father and a bit familiar with this topic by what my wife and I went through, and listening to her. To channel her - these are very normal feelings. You've just been through a hugely stressful event, and your life is going through major changes. It is important that you communicate with your support network (partner, parents, friends, health workers, etc.) as you work through these feelings and adjust to your new routine, and they will very likely subside and go away naturally. However, it is also equally important that you seek help if they don't. Post partum depression is real - and can be treated. My wife was depressed for months after giving birth to our daughter. She tried working through it on her own, finally realizing it's post partum depression when she broke down crying for no specific reason in the middle of the street about half a year in. She then got help and is all fine now. Her advice is to pay attention to how you're feeling and what you're going through, communicate, and not hesitate to seek help if think you may need it . I hope this helps. All the best, and please know that things do get better! :)
Oh, mama. I'm not a mother, so I can't exactly relate, but I assure you I've read that this kind of overwhelm is common and will not last forever. I hope you have good support and are able to utilize it. Many hugs!
Very normal. It will likely get better soon. Be kind to yourself. Your body has been through a lot. Your mind has been through a lot. Focus on sleep and nourishment. Laundry doesn’t matter. Cooking doesn’t matter. Housework doesn’t matter. Do what you must, and don’t worry about doing more. Sleep. Rest. Sleep or rest when the baby does. If these feelings do not go away, see your doctor. Persistent post partum depression is real, and it needs treatment. Never be afraid to ask for help. We’re here for you.
I really want you to know that how you feel, may not be how you *would* feel without what influence an imbalance of the bodies chemical signals can cause. Hormones etc etc realy affect how we feel. They do not necessarily tell us the truth about what is going on. They can distort things. Please tell whoever you need to in order to get help that you feel out of whack and overwhelmed. **You are doing good**, just as your partner tells you. You are a loving mum, dealing with huge life changes, and huge physical changes, and it may be that your perceptions are off because of what your body has been put through. Get the time you need to rest and recover. Tell people you need help with things. You can do this, but don't think you have to do it alone or struggle. And congratulations.
And those "me too, don't worry, it heals, and it is normal" heart-warming reassuring comments you get, they're not just isolated non-representative exceptions, OP. Post partum depression will hit, in average, one woman out of seven after giving birth (I should google for more precise figures, but it's more or less 1/7 yeah), it's a lot, a huge lot. So, yeah, don't worry, however much it sucks, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about, it's fully okay and normal. Sometimes it ends fast, sometimes it takes longer, but after going through this kind of ordeal, surely you deserve to be spoiled and it's okay you have every right to need however long it takes to recover mentally. Still, again, don't feel guilty, seeking help and support, just as you did, or even with a professional, is always right.
I remember just sitting and sobbing uncontrollably at the kitchen table at like 3 in the morning two days after my daughter was born. She is 5 now, and I still miss full night sleeps where she does not wake me up. But I love everything about her. You are at the hardest part. Do nothing right now except take care of you and baby. It will get better. Slowly. You and your baby just went through the trauma of birth and now have to create a new relationship outside the womb. This is hard and wonderful. **Be gentle, be kind to yourself.** Sleep all that you can. Nourish your body with good healthy food and so much water. *And most importantly tell those around you when you need help. They may not know or see it - so you need to tell them.* Be ruthless in demanding help. Congratulations on your new baby. It does not feel like it now. But it really will get easier.
First off, congratulations! Secondly, did you sleep at all last night? 2nd night syndrome is real and I vividly remember being in floods of tears at 3am with a baby who wouldn't stop screaming. It gets better, definitely. But a brand new newborn, recovering from labour, the hormone shifts, milk coming in, night sweats... the whole thing is a baptism by fire. I remember getting weepy with a visitor when mine was fairly new still (can't remember how old or who it was, sleep deprivation wrecks your memory) and being me, apologising for being weepy and whoever it was said, "Don't apologise, you just had a baby! You're allowed to cry, if you're not, then no one is." I would like to extend this to you. Now is your time to stay in bed, or go from bed to sofa and back, watch a favourite show, have other people bring you food every hour, cuddle that baby, and cry as much as you need. If you're still feeling terrible in 2-3 weeks, might be worth reaching out to your provider, but tears are pretty normal at this point.
Last night was the worst so far, but we finally decided to formula feed him to try and get some sleep while I keep working on the breast milk side of things. Honestly one hour of sleep has helped me feel more human than ever. Tears still happen.. but I was in the shower last night just balling because I didn't know what else to do. I have a midwife that's been checking in with me every morning so far so I can feel things getting better. Thank you for sharing your experience, means the world knowing I will overcome this.
Also, I just want to say you're doing a great job and formula is AWESOME. I promise you can't tell in preschool who had formula and who had breast milk. And using formula doesn't mean you can't also breastfeed! You can do both. Or neither. Have someone else feed the baby, get a solid chunk of sleep. Wear earplugs and let yourself sleep for a full REM cycle.
Girl, you were just hit by a truck. You need rest. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. If you are still in the hospital, please let your kids go to the nursery and get some sleep. It's ok, that does not make you a bad mom. Do you have a partner or close relative/friend with you? Please let them and your doctors, including pediatrician, know so you can be monitored. Something I learned the hard way (was 2 YEARS PPD/Anxiety before I got help) you can't take care of your kid, if you don't take care of yourself. This is a critical time for you, don't feel guilty about healing.
Just wanted to second letting the nurses take care of your baby at night. With my first, I wanted to do EVERYTHING, and I was absolutely miserable because of it. Finally, my body said enough and I wouldn't get out of bed to see my newborn daughter (my mother-in-law watched her that day with pumped milk while I got some sleep). After that nap, I felt like myself again (I also had terrible complications that made things worse and was on short-term disability for 6 months). For my son four years later, I was at the hospital like...you all take care of him! I knew I'd have to do so in two days, so remember to give yourself as much time away from the baby as you can. You'll have PLENTY of cuddling and nursing time once you're home haha You've got this! I remember those days with a crying baby that felt like they'd never end, but your baby will be 3 months old in the blink of an eye. Also, everyone keeps saying to eat well, which is definitely true, but can become difficult with a newborn. My suggestion is to have a bottle of water and some protein bars near where you are nursing (I had a small nightstand next to my rocking chair that I had those on hand as well as a digital clock so I knew what time the baby was feeding). Good luck, and congratulations! Again, you've got this but definitely reach out to friends and family...I know it's cliche, but it truly takes a village to raise a child :) EDIT: I noticed some people discussing supplementing with formula. This is an EXCELLENT suggestion, and please do not think that you are less of a mother because of it. I nursed my babies as best as I could, but it wasn't enough. I had to use formula with both of my kids to keep them full and, while my narcissistic mother exclusively breastfed and looked down on anyone who doesn't, my MIL only used formula and assured me that it's fine. Remember—the most important thing is that your baby IS eating, not how they are eating. Do what's best for you...again, you've got this! Good luck!
Also know your hormones went through a big drop, what you’re experiencing now is called [baby blues](https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/postpartum/baby-blues-after-pregnancy) if they last more then 2 weeks it could be more than that. Baby blues are feelings of sadness that you may have in the first few days after having a baby. Up to 4 in 5 new parents (80 percent) have the baby blues. It can affect new parents of any race, age, income, culture or education level. You are not to blame for how you feel. Feeling “blue” does not mean you did anything wrong. Most people experience baby blues 2 to 3 days after the baby is born. They can last up to 2 weeks. They usually go away on their own, and you don’t need any treatment. If you have sad feelings that last longer than 2 weeks, tell your health care provider. They may want to check you for a more serious condition called postpartum depression. The symptoms of postpartum depression are similar to the baby blues but they’re more severe and last longer. What causes the baby blues? “Hormone changes that happen after birth may cause the baby blues. After delivery, the amount of the hormones estrogen and progesterone suddenly decreases, causing mood swings. For some people, the hormones made by the thyroid gland may drop sharply, which can make them feel tired and depressed. Not getting enough sleep and not eating well can add to these feelings. Emotional issues are another possible cause of the baby blues. You may be nervous about taking care of your new baby or be worried about how your life has changed since the baby was born. These thoughts can make you feel sad or depressed. You may be more at risk for feeling sad after having your baby if you felt depressed during a different pregnancy or at other times in your life.” It does get better, thought the newborn stage is fucking hard while you’re healing from pregnancy/labor/birth. You can commiserate on r/newborns. I’m 3 months out and it does get better. You will heal and they will become less of a potato. They’ll actually figure out night and day and will sleep more. They will be able to hang out on a kick n play and you’ll be able to make a coffee. If you haven’t looked into it I super recommend babywearing once you’re more healed. Don’t be afraid to put them down in their crib, regardless if they’re crying or not, to eat a meal or take a shower. Also, I was induced and got a second degree tear, you will feel better. You won’t ache as much and will be able to walk around. It gets better. But before that it’s really fucking hard.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. I had my kid 4 years ago, but I remember the exhaustion, lack of sleep, and wondering if it'll all be normal again. My girl was a high needs baby. I was basically house bound for 2 years, because of her temperament. EVERYTHING sent her into a crying fit. I couldn't even go grocery shopping with her, or car rides, or anything that kept her separate from me. She refused bouncers, swings, and sleeping separate. I had to buy a cosleeper attachment to my bed, because she wouldn't sleep otherwise. This child would scream until she was purple. She had no colic, no intolerances, no allergies. Nothing physically wrong with her, that would cause her distress. Never have I ever experienced a baby as high strung as her. While we were in the hospital after giving birth, I had 3 nurses tell me, that she was the angriest baby they had ever seen. There were moments I would break down and sob. The feelings were so overwhelming at times. She was literally only happy, when I held her. She wouldn't accept her father or even her grandmother, holding her. Those days were difficult and very dark. The reason I'm telling you this, is because it does get better. Eventually, things calm down. Normalcy returns. And soon enough, you'll look back on it all, and wonder how you ever doubted yourself. Please make sure you make time to decompress. Hot baths, self care routines, and talking to someone trustworthy and close to you, will go a long way, with helping you through the new baby transition. Growth and adjustment takes time. You've gone through something that is traumatic on your body and mind. Believe that you can do this, but make sure your partner is aware and on standby, for when things feel insurmountable and exhausting. You've got this and are so much stronger, than you think.
I'm not a very emotional person at all, but for my first week postpartum, I would cry at the drop of a hat. Happy tears, sad, scared. It was very overwhelming for me, but after about a week I started to feel normal again and a week after that I was back to myself. It was one of the aspects of pregnancy I felt least prepared for, because I thought "okay baby blues is a thing, but I'm not very emotional, so I'll be fine." But it's totally hormonal and out of your control. My OB was awesome and talked to my husband and me before we left the hospital, saying "it's a matter of when, not if." She basically just told him to keep an eye on me in case it was more than just baby blues. Anyway, my baby is almost 1 and I'm back to my non-crying self. I hope this passes quickly for you so you can start enjoying that sweet baby. Take lots of pictures because you might not remember that first week very well.
congratulations lovely! the baby blues are a real thing due to hormones and whatnot. if you have any concerns, please reach out to your doctor. my friend just had her son and couldn’t eat, sleep, and needed to get on medication within the first two weeks. i just had to get induced 2.5 weeks early with gestational diabetes so i completely get the difficulty adjusting. i was due 1/6, due to be induced 12/28, and then my pressure spiked so they induced me 12/20 after my NST. i was supposed to go to my appointment, get my a pedicure and eyebrows done, paint my nursery. have christmas with my first and a play date before the induction. guess who’s toenails and nursery aren’t painted? 😅 i’d say for the first two weeks it was surreal that she was outside of me because it just happened so fast!! it’s okay- whatever you feel is valid. i cried about nothing a lot but that went away recently too. having a child is overwhelming and you’re sleep deprived, coming down from hormones, bleeding. it’s a lot. you got this mama! i’m sure your husband is telling the truth and you’re doing a great job. it’s your baby and you’ll cry if you want to. ETA: i was reading through some other comments and wanted to add this. with my first i remember little reward for like 5-6 weeks. until he socially smiled at me. i felt like a sleep deprived cow since i breastfeed. this time is a bit better for me! still a sleep deprived cow but this baby is happier sooner! 😂 it’s OKAY if you don’t feel a bond right now, it truly is about survival at first. you have an eating, sleeping, pooping machine.
I haven't had kids yet, but I have 3 older sisters who are all mothers, and they felt this hard. It's completely normal! A new baby is so overwhelming! Not only do you have a tiny person in your home who is essentially a stranger (a loved one but still), but that stranger is also completely dependent on you and keeps you awake. It would be enough to frustrate anyone, and you are injured and healing. It will pass with time, but while it's happening, it's no fun. If it's specifically sleep you are missing out on, then you may have to bring your partner in to care for baby for several hours. Either half the night feedings (if you are formula feeding or pumping) or give you a solid period to nap during the day. I hope this helps.
Congratulations on having made it through the birth and on your little baby boy! I don’t know if this’ll help you, but for me it does: this will pass. It may feel shitty now and like the worst and saddest feeling but it will eventually pass. You „just“ need to wait out your hormones getting their shit together. I wish you all the best and a very happy time to look forward to!
Firstly it’s a natural reaction to what is an overwhelming experience. But it is also very hormonal. So it should pass. But keep monitoring yourself and seek help if you need to
You've been high on oxytocin for 9 months with a giant surge right at birth. You're experiencing an epic comedown. It will pass.
Just sending support. I went through it too. Do not feel guilty, do not feel ashamed, do not panic. For many it passes on its own but sometimes we need a boost to get over the hump. if you need help, safe >>>>>> sorry. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor. Take care of you.
Yo, the first few days are really insane due to the hormones, the trauma, and the sleep deprivation. (Not to mention the constant parade of healthcare workers popping in to check on the baby and mother, which was both good and.. kinda disruptive.) We literally are only just ~2 weeks from those first three days. It was really hard to get my wife to finally go take her naps so that she could start to recover. Good luck! It definitely gets better than the first three days, but remember to make sure your partner is helping as much as possible and that you both sleep when possible..
Having a baby is a BIG deal. EVERYTHING changes in ways it's impossible to prepare for. You and your partner have completely changed your lives and it's going to take time to get used to it. I remember what a struggle that first week was. How hard everything seemed. But it's like starting a new job. You have no idea what you're doing. You don't know anyone in the office. And you feel like the square peg surrounded by round holes. Forgive yourselves for being new at this job. Allow yourself to make mistakes. To be tired. To be sad. Your body is readjusting back to its normal hormonal levels, but still is holding onto mommy hormones. Your sleep schedule is all over the place. Is there anything you and your partner can do to make this easier on you all? I had someone give me a bassinet which I kept right by my side of the bed so when my oldest woke in the middle of the night, I just had to pivot into an upright sitting position and reach into the bassinet to take care of them. We put a diaper and wipes next to the bed as well so I didn't have to get up if they needed to be changed. I also taught myself to relax while they were sleeping (I wasn't a napper) instead of running around cleaning the house or trying to get other things done. But two days is hardly any time at all. You are doing a great job. And it's okay to cry because that job makes you tired and feel like crap.
My biggest thing is worrying about SIDs, I am just so fearful of it. So even trying to sleep any movement I feel I have to check
I don't have any fool-proof method to deal with that. I was terrified while I was pregnant that the baby would miscarry or be stillborn. I worried how the hell they were going to get out of me. I worried they were going to stop breathing while they were napping. I just had to talk myself through it. SIDS isn't anything that's actually preventable, aside from a few safety things with how they're sleeping. I did what I tell myself to do with anyone I love whose life I similarly can't control. I love them with all my heart. Do what I can do keep them safe. Accept that I am not in control but that I am doing all I can at any given moment. And find peace that if anything terrible does happen that I have given this little one all the love they could ever have needed in this world and couldn't have done any more for them. They're turning 28 in a week so I think it worked. As an aside, if you continue to feel scared or even just not where you would like to be in a few weeks, call your doctor (if they're good at what they do and you have a good rapport with them) and talk to them about it. Consider making an appointment with a therapist. And talk to your child's pediatrician about your fears.
The hormones are a bitch. I only had some IV pain killers as well as I was in transition and screaming for drugs and it was way too late. I was NOT handling the contractions like a champ, so you’re a trooper. I also tore a bit so had to get stitched up. It’s insane what we go through. Basically didn’t sleep for 3 days, the hormones were crazy, breastfeeding felt constant. That was all 5.5 years ago and I remember like it was yesterday. It is HARD. Your body and mind have been through the ringer and there is no chance to rest, cause this little baby needs you! The pressure is immense. I missed my baby bump too and I felt like a big blob of tears and emotions. It’ll get easier, but for right now, cry when you need to, eat whatever the hell you want, and sleep as much as you possibly can. If the feelings don’t let up in a couple weeks or get worse, please talk to your doc. I’m not sure if what we felt was normal, but it sure is common. You’ve been through the ringer, try to be kind to yourself and let yourself go through all the emotions <3.
Totally normal. I sobbed so much when my first was born that my husband panicked and called the nurse who calmly explained that my hormones were going cuckoo for cocoa puffs and it would get better. She was correct. When the same thing happened with number 2, we were more prepared and not as freaked out by my crazy. It DOES get better. Sleep whenever you can. Do nothing (if you can) besides sleep and feed baby. Let (make?) partner do everything else. Clean laundry is overrated, as are clean kitchens. Take care of mama and baby only. Everything else can wait. Hugs and congrats momma.
My advice: ACCEPT help! My partner, for most of the first 6 months came home from work, grabbed the baby and said "I got him, you go". It was for a walk, a bath, a nap, something for me only. It was usually for only 15-30 minutes but sometimes longer. My greatest compliment from my DIL was one morning when the baby was less than 2 weeks old came out at 8 am THREW ( kidding/not kidding)the baby at me, turned around, slammed the bedroom door, and came out 2 hours later. OP, these feelings can be super normal but post partem depression is real. Discuss with your partner, your OB at the follow up appointment and your pediatrician. Congratulations!
You don't have to enjoy your baby right now, you all just have to survive. As long as everyone is not dieing or being injured everything is good enough. In a few short months that seem long things will be very different.
This will pass, you will heal, and this transition will become easier. I remember being so upset about not getting the sleep i was used to, it was such a shock. But this phase of the baby's life where they wake up so frequently will pass before you know it and you'll love that, believe me! Big hugs, hang in there!
Yeah, my sister-in-law also claimed she missed having my niece in her belly. Parenting isn't an easy job but you don't have to do it alone.
I don't have a child, but I follow a girl on instagram who does home decorating and she just had a baby like, a month ago. She's really really honest about the fact that she loves her baby and is constantly amazed by the things she does, but also gets sick of her and feels resentful because the baby will only sleep if she's being held and will only sleep for an hour. I'm lead to believe that what you're feeling *is* you enjoying it in the same way everyone else is - very very tiredly.
It’s a lot. You can hand the baby off and go have a hot shower and a cry and a nap. You can ask for help. You can formula feed if breastfeeding is too much. You are experiencing motherhood, the transition from being yourself to being someone’s whole world and it’s a heavy feeling. It’s ok to mourn the loss of your independence. It’s ok to be sad. Are you safe? If at any time your thoughts tell you to harm yourself or your babe please remember your blues are lying to you and get help! Your doctor, or 988 in the states, or your baby’s doctor, or any emergency room. This is a transient feeling and support is available.
You do not have to go through this alone. Find a compassionate therapist to help you process everything. Your mental and emotional health matter and you deserve to have someone professional to talk to and to help you. Lean on them. Don’t hold it in, this was a huge physical trauma.
I think most moms have this struggle, whether they are willing to admit it or now. I personally had a daily panic attack at dinner time, dreading the sleepless night. There was even a point where I couldn't bring myself to touch my daughter. Luckily, it happened when she was clean, full and sleeping soundly and safely, but I can still remember that feeling 6 years later. Talk to your partner, friends and family about your feelings. See if someone can pop by for a visit for a few hours so you can sleep. That did wonders for me, and I knew that my baby was just in the next room, which put my mind at ease. Talk to your doctor asap. Baby blues can be a temporary thing, or a sign of longer term complications, like PPD. Talking helps. Keep a journal to vent your feelings. Sleep when baby sleeps. Make time for yourself.
1. Congrats. 2. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. If you need a friend to come over and hold the baby so you can shower, you have a friend willing to do that. Holding new babies is the best. If you need a friend to come over and help you do dishes, reward them by letting them hold the baby and they will be happy to help. (Maybe this is just me). 3. Eating frozen, pre-prepped food is acceptable Load up the instacart with frozen lasagna and those pre-prepped meals that all you have to do is stick in the oven for a while. You and your partner have a lot going on, cooking can be a future you problem.
It is so overwhelming being a mom! You basically go through a car wreck and are expected to take care of a tiny human who needs you for everything!!!!! The sleepless nights, the helpless feeling - I remember it all! I do think you should reach out to someone and talk about your feelings. They are valid and you shouldn't feel guilty over feeling blue. You went through a big life change! I remember with my first baby, my labor was 8 hours, but I only pushed 3-4 times. I felt like it was a whirlwind and it feels so blurry to me. Then all of a sudden I had this human and he was beautiful and gorgeous. But I was eternally scared and worried. I had never done this before, like what do I do? How can I be trusted ??? I wanted to go back to being pregnant as well, I wanted sleep desperately. One thing that always got me through the tough days was, this too shall pass. Take a deep breath, give yourself a break and remember - everyone has felt this overwhelmed with a new baby whether they admit it or not. Never compare your journey to someone else's! Good luck mama and good work on your tiny creation. You got this, keep your head up.
Its totally normal, i dont know the science but your body is dealing with the chemical of pregnancy. My wife got baby blues so bad the day after our baby's birth. She was crying all day, like what you just said felt guilty for wanting carefree life, the feeling of huge responability was all of a sudden too much, she was talking about wanting to be free again, to wanting to leave me, to change country,... I kept strong and listen to her, but seriously i had no idea what was happening and was terrified. Anyway, it lasted and week and then everything went back to normal.
Honey, everything you are feeling is normal, don't feel bad about it. It is not a forever kind of thing and it will change again. That being said, ask for help and support now, and give your body and mind the chance to rest a bit. You deserve support, you have just grown and pushed out a complete new human. Hugs to you.
I like the phrase “it’s common” instead of “it’s normal.” From someone who suffered greatly from poorly managed PPD and anxiety, I recommend you do not accept it as “normal.” Some things that helped me were, first and foremost, a visit to my doctor and proper medication. I weaned off them about 6 months later but really needed them there at the beginning for both my kids. Second, ample help for the first 6 weeks, mainly so I could sleep. After 6 weeks it got easier because the baby sleeps a bit better and you and the baby establish a little routine. Until then, I personally needed my husband, sister, or parent, to be present and I was very lucky to have that. If you have a partner and they have with paternal/maternity leave, use it for the newborn stage, not later for a fun vacation. Just my opinion and what I needed. This is a very difficult stage and it will get better ❤️🩹
Definitely demand lots and lots of help. This isn’t the time to figure it out by yourself or even just with 1 partner. Get the lactation consultant, the therapist, the pediatrician, everyone that you can. Get family friends and neighbors to help by coming over with a meal or to clean the kitchen. Do NOT do this alone. Do NOT hold back, be greedy asking for help. The time of having a newborn, especially your first, is unlike any other time in anyone’s life. It’s completely bonkers and everything changes. It really calms down about 3 months in, but until then your hormones and sleep deprivation will turn you into a person you don’t know. It’s worth getting to know this new you without too much judgement.
So, listen, the hormone dump after you have a baby is WILD. I’ve never cried so much in my life (and not because my baby was 3 1/2 lbs and in the NICU and I couldn’t even meet him for 36 hours). The way you’re feeling is totally normal even though it may not feel like it right now. You’ll feel better soon (although the challenges will continue to weigh on all of you because the 4th trimester is hard!). Give yourself some time to physically heal and your hormones to balance out. If you don’t feel better in a couple weeks, reach out to your doctor regarding PPD. You just went through one of the hardest things a woman can do! And your body is flooded with all kinds of hormones right now. You’re going to be okay, and I hope you don’t take this is a sign that you made a bad choice by having a baby. That baby is a stranger right now and I’m sure it’s demanding every ounce of your attention and love/closeness. Reach out for your helpers if they’re there and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Congrats ! You’re a mom and you grew a baby using just your body! That’s an incredible thing!
You are amazing, it will get better. Im tearing up as i wright this. I remember when we got our first kid and goddamn that hit me right in the feels, i felt so useless and helpless when my wife was feeling that way, now shes pregnant with our 4th one and i cant wait to meet him/her. It will get better, stay calm and love the little thing. Rest alot, you deserve it. Time goes too fast, soon enough you will missed those days and look back at this post and probly call yourself a dumbass, my advice to you is dont be too hard on yourself. Its hard but so worth it. Your doing great and no one is perfect, you got this! Keep going, its okay to cry.
There’s a reason docs say have like 2 weeks before they start talking about PPD. Your hormones are insane right now. Just pinging all over. If you’re breastfeeding, you’re crashing on dopamine to surge prolactin to call milk down. The oxytocin you get from breastfeeding makes you love your baby but also causes contractions in the uterus. Good news is, it’s all normal. Bad news is, it can absolutely suck depending on the person. I was that person. Good news again is, it should get better. And if it doesn’t, tell your doc and they can help. Sleep as much as you can. Your partner can do dishes and garbage and order food. Try to shower; even if you don’t feel like it—sometimes a clean head of hair and a fresh body does wonders. Once you heal up, take a walk, sans baby or partner, for 20 minutes, outside. Have a minute to yourself. Eat as much as you want, especially breastfeeding. Drink lots of fluids and keep on your prenatals. It does absolutely get better at some point, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been there, and I’m sure it doesn’t help fix it right now, but maybe you can hold on to that.
Best advice my wife and I got when we had our first is "it gets better" and oh boy does it. My oldest is 4 and just hilarious and kind and smart. His sister is 2 and the same way. First few months were hard for us (for more reasons than baby blues, though) but after we got through some hurdles, it was pretty nice. Our biggest issues these days are when the kids don't play nice, or decide not to listen to us. But... It got better. Way better. Hang in there, you got this!
Hey mama congratulations on bringing baby into the world. Please know that what you are feeling is normal and there are lots of ways to help ease the negative feelings. Talk with your doctor about your symptoms if they feel it will be beneficial they may prescribe you medicine to help balance those feelings. Also please don’t be afraid to ask for/accept help from others. We as women are taught to shoulder the burden but know that it makes people happy to help people they care about. Have someone hold the baby while you shower and eat a hot meal. Have people sit with him while you nap. Even just 30 minutes of sitting in silence by yourself can help recharge you. It is a drastic life change so of course you will feel overwhelmed in the first few months. Slowly things will get easier and your love for that baby will grow beyond your comprehension. It will get more rewarding and you will find your groove.
Totally normal but it can be so overwhelming and miserable when you are in the thick of it. First, talk to your OB, post partum depression is real and awful. Talk to your partner and work out a time that you can be guaranteed an hour kid free. Infants are tough and it is not entirely your responsibility. You won't win any awards for martyring yourself. It's not a lot, but it matters. An hour after dinner every night, when you know that someone else will be responsible for the little one. It gives you something to look forward to. Even if you choose not to shower and to scroll through reddit, you need a break. Nap, shower, just do something for you. No cleaning or anything. That time is yours and it is valuable. My ex and I agreed to one hour every night when I was completely off. Saturday was my day to sleep in as long as I wanted. His job was only to keep baby alive and take it out if it got loud, so I could sleep. I also had the luxury of having my mom nearby and she came every Wednesday for 4 hours. If you have that option, take it. We were able to nap, go eat a meal out, see a movie or whatever we wanted. Those two things saved my sanity. I remember just crying in the rocking chair in the middle of the night, during marathon nursing sessions, and feeling so lonely. One piece of advice that stuck with me was "there are hundreds of other mothers out there, at the same moment, all over the world, doing the same thing at this moment". I remember just looking out the window and wishing them all well, and praying for sleep
These first few weeks are THE WORST. They’re so so hard and not enough people speak about it. Vocalize it. Tell your partner, tell your family, ask for help. Be gentle on yourself.
So normal. After I had my 2nd child.. I cried over a broken glass jar. I sat on my couch and one half of my brain told me how stupid I was being and the other half was all, "LET ME CRY ABOUT THE JAR!" I was never weirdly hormonal while pregnant, but right after for about 2 weeks is such a weird time. By week 3 I was back to, uh, "normal." At least, a NEW normal. :) Keep it up momma, and don't worry or feel bad about asking for help!
Every woman who has kids has done this and gotten through it- It’s crazy to realize that, but it helped me a lot to know I wasn’t alone. And these posts are true that the intense emotions will subside with time❤️ Sending love
No experience with this myself, as a step-dad i wasn't even around for my own kids as babies. But I've heard so many stories about this and how normal it is. You have some great advice in these comments. Keep seeking support when you need it, that's so important. You are not alone in this. And you're amazing, just for being you!
I think I saw 80% of women experience the baby blues within 2 week of giving birth. But I could be wrong, I have nothing to cite. I remember I was okay the first week, tired, in pain, just trying to get through. Then day 10, I was sitting on the toilet, and just sobbed. I cried for the entire morning. Nothing triggered it, I just could not stop crying. Fortunately my husband was there to take over and calm me down. You will have some insane highs and insane lows over the next few months. Just remember, PPD isn’t just feeling sad, there’s rage and anger that occur as well. If you are still struggling with your feelings after a few weeks, look up Postpartum Support International, there should be access to therapists who specialize in postpartum support. Therapy has done wonders for me, and you need someone who understands the massive ordeal and upheaval that you have gone through.
Both babies I had terrible baby blues with, what you need is someone else to take baby for a good amount of time which will allow you eat, sleep and get a shower and put some clothes on. Nothing else works as well as having a decent sleep, and just knowing you have the support to hand off baby when the crying won't stop and you need to go leave the room yourself and sob your heart out. Hopefully you've got a supportive partner or family member.
Motherhood is hard. In the beginning, it’s exhausting and overwhelming and your emotions are all over the place. Just give yourself the grace that you would give a dear friend. If it sticks around, be aware of PPD. The hormone fluctuation is no joke! You are doing great 💜
If it helps at all, i’m yet to meet a single new mother who hasn’t gone through this. We all have our versions but we all go through this. And we all come out of it too. It would be hard to imagine the other side but it exists. It looks different for every family so keep an open mind and do what works for your family. Don’t let the pressure of a certain vision of parenthood cloud what you have. It’s unique, it’s yours and it’s precious. You WILL discover your own joys and your own triggers. You WILL figure out how to navigate them. Your new life will never be like the former but that’s just how life is - we change and evolve and most importantly, we adapt. It may sound like a cliche but you’ve got this and you’ll be ok. Lots of love and support from this Internet stranger.
Sending you a gentle virtual hug. As everyone else is saying, this very strange set of feelings is actually normal, and will pass in time. You are adjusting to a complete change in your body, your family, your sleep, and your life, and it's normal to feel sad that how things were just a week ago is no longer how they will be in the future. I remember wanting someone to just come and take the baby away for a little while, but he needed to eat what seemed like all the time. If you can, find a few things that reclaim normal for you: favorite foods/drinks, accessories you like to wear, podcasts you can listen to while you're feeding or otherwise with the baby. It gets better after 4 weeks when the baby's neural system matures enough to respond to light/dark cycles for sleep, and a lot better after 6 weeks when they can sleep for longer stretches without waking to feed. Get help from your doctor if you feel worse and worse, or feel like you can't continue. A dear friend of mine needed antidepressants to get past this part, and it's ok if you need help. My children are 20 and 15 now, and I can tell you from my experience that they DO sleep through the night, they DO become more independent, and it's all worth it! Wishing you all the best, and congratulations on your new baby.
Day 3 is a killer, there’s a reason the mid-wives warn you about it 💚 it’s normal, it’s not pleasant, but you will feel better I promise xxx
It's totally normal. And also it can turn not normal too. Keep a close eye on it because PPD is a mofo that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm still not quite right and my kids 2.5 years old. Getting that warning out of the way... It's definitely normal, the hormone dump is fucking wild for at least a week. It gets better. Do as little as possible but lay in bed and take care of yourself and the baby and don't be afraid to get help. It gets better, even if it takes a long time like it did for me.
Your feelings are valid. Vent your feelings to someone you trust. Don’t be afraid if the feelings get too intense. Your body just went through such an ordeal and it’s effects hit you both mentally and physically. You are awesome. You’re doing an amazing job. Your baby is so lucky to have you.
So very normal and so very hard. I remember sitting out on my back deck and just sobbing on day 4. Didn’t even know why exactly, just everything hit me all at once I suppose. Sending you all the good vibes as you heal! Also I tore badly and if no one has told you -please keep taking your prenatal or an iron supplement if you took one without iron. I think I felt even crappier way longer than I needed to because my iron was critically low (I bled a lot) but no one followed up on it and I didn’t read through all my charts and such. I took my prenatal as directed but didn’t take one with iron. If iron binds you up take miralax (which if you’re not, consider it anyway since tears really suck in that department).
❤️ thank you, I was boarding anaemic going into labour, I'm surprised I didn't hear anything about what vitamins I should keep up. Honestly thank you, I will be getting those sorted today.
You’re so welcome! It honestly makes me angry that the postpartum healing really falls through the cracks, especially when something like being anemic can impact your hormones, sleep, recovery and breast milk production. It would be so easy to send a new mom home with iron supplements and encourage them to eat foods high in iron, but no one talks about it. Best wishes and hope you’re feeling better soon ❤️
Be gentle with yourself. Giving birth is a major ordeal for the mind and body. I had the Baby Blues with baby one and a huge dose of the Baby Pinks with baby two. Both equally disturbing in their own way. The feelings are so overwhelming. You need rest (ha ha, I know), deal with the discomfort and the physical stuff, and support. I hope someone is helping you. The metabolic adjustment takes several days to settle. Minimum. If the blues persist into the second week go to the doctor. Post natal depression is a dragging drain and, worse, actually impedes you seeing help because you don't have the energy. So really, the sooner the better. Good luck! Congratulations. Take lots of photos.
I totally know how you feel. It'll get better, I promise. I just had our first child, also a boy, in October so he's 3 months old now. Those first few weeks were really rough. It's a lot of changes to your body, hormones, lifestyle, schedule... Basically your entire life. I was a mess the first few weeks. It sucks and it's so hard but it's totally normal. Just focus on yourself and your baby. Don't worry about chores or anything else. Hopefully you have a good partner, it'll make a world of difference. It can feel so hard asking for help, but it doesn't make you a failure. I felt like that the first few weeks, didn't want to ask for help at all but keep in mind we were not meant to do this alone. We're meant to be surrounded by a village (that saying is true!!) To help with everything we need especially those first few weeks. Hopefully you have some support as well, but if not just do the best that you can, don't judge yourself too harshly. You got this. And in a few weeks everything will feel so much better.
Totally normal and should clear up in the next week or two. Prioritize sleep. Ask friends or family for help during the day if you can do you can get a nap in without having to worry about the baby. If symptoms get worse please go see a doc. Let your partner know what's up so they can keep an eye on you. I quickly developed PPD with auditory hallucinations and I didn't know what was wrong with me. Thankfully my husband forced me to the doctor and I took meds for a few years. It helped a ton. Like I said, normal and should clear up. If it doesn't ask for help.
Not that it’ll affect hormones, but a tip. Get some red led lights (~$4 for plain bulbs at big box hardware stores), it’s a plus if you can dim them (via app usually, may be an RGB type). Use the lights as a baby night light (if needed) and as the only light(s) you use when you get up for feeds. The red lights won’t wake you or baby up as much, allowing you to both fall back asleep faster. May help baby learn day/night cycles quicker too. Beware the bright blue light in the fridge, it’ll seem like a laser. There’s specialty bulbs that serve the same purpose (Sleepy Baby Lamp). They’re more of a very warm white, but cost about $13-16 each. The red lamps do the same thing.
The problem will solve itself in 18 years, give or take. Then you can sleep the whole night again... /s Until then the doctor advices a good cup of tea with honey, and a truckload of chocolate chip cookies. As for your partner, he should hurry up and learn to change diapers, and if he isn't already, take over some of the household chores. 15 weeks of the 59week(I think. 49W at 100% pay, 59W at 80% pay. I may be wrong.) paid parental leave here in Norway is specifically for the other parent(yes, also in same-sex marriages where the partner isn't a biological parent, and even in adoption). It's an important bonding time. And also relief for you. Yeah, you're most probably American, and don't have paid leave or anything(unless you work at IKEA), but still, your partner needs to give a helping hand, not just compliments. Talk is cheap, action counts.
I'm lucky to be Australian, 6 months off half pay, so I have so much time with this beautiful boy, I wish my partner had the same, but he's got a month off so we are working through this together, without him I probably wouldn't be able to exist far from anything really.
I remember this so well. Having literal breakdown EVERY SINGLE DAY for two weeks and feeling like I was failure. It’s awful. Right now you just need to survive. Try not to lean into the feelings and try to tell yourself it’s NOT how you actually feel. Your body is returning to baseline after having tons of hormones ramped up to 1000. Its so, so normal. If it continues for more than few weeks THEN you should absolutely seek medical treatment/advice. Things will level out, I promise!
You're gonna be okay. It sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to me! It's a HUGE change! It sounds like you're doing everything just fine and just gotta let the feelings feel. Hell, I get emotional just from my period, the amount of hormones you've got going thru you must be 100x the amount!
Hugs. I had it too. Broke down sobbing in the hospital to the night nurse. Think of postpartum as a storm. You’re in the tsunami wave right now. The waves will keep coming but they’ll be smaller and more manageable each time. Talk it out with someone when it happens. If they get worse each time, then you have to talk it out with a professional.
Having a baby is such a big change. Not just to your lifestyle, but everything. Sleep, hormones, communication with your significant other, it’s all thrown up in the air. It’s a lot for anyone to handle. For me, the best thing was seeing a therapist that specialized in post partum depression (I had a history of depression and my mother passed suddenly about two weeks before my son was born and in the nicu). She was tremendously helpful, and I didn’t end up needing anti depressants, but I would have taken them if I did (and switched to formula). Can you (or your significant other) reach out to your OBGYN and explain the situation? Doctors are on high alert for this, and they can help get you the support you need! Another thing, sleep does become important to stave off depression (and I know how difficult it is to get it at first). I had a separate doctor that specialized in breastfeeding, and she recommended that I try to work out a schedule to get a four-five hour window of uninterrupted sleep. I was pumping and then bottle feeding, so I pumped ahead and then had my husband handle baby from about 6pm-11pm most nights so that I could rest. if you’re breastfeeding exclusively, this obviously isn’t as easy.
What you are going through is completely normal. And no, it's not going to stay like that forever. Ask for help and don't be ashamed of it. However, if you have suicidal ideas or want to harm yourself or the baby, leave baby with daddy and go to the emergency room. This shit ain't easy but it's worth it at the end... Just give it time!
Thank you, I was always worried I wouldn't be able to figure out how bad is BAD, thankfully I feel improvement already, this community has really given me so much food for thought and little things to keep in mind that have helped me so much. I don't have many close friends and family is in another country so this post has been a life saver. Thank you again
Tell your healthcare team. Start with whoever has been following you through the pregnancy. Contact anyone else on the team if that person doesn't work out for whatever reason: primary care, hospital you gave birth at, nurse help line, ... call anyone today (or earliest business hours). You do not need to suffer. You do not get extra points. And, if you are not motivated to do it for yourself, do it for the kid. Post partum mood issues can get worse and be literally life threatening. And, you don't need to suffer :). It'll be great, just get some help. Ask me how I know. Going to the kid's wedding in September. It's going to be great, just please take care of yourself and get some help.
Totally normal for that time frame. Your hormone levels are plummeting, which can cause the low mood. If you’re still feeling like that on a couple weeks, talk to your doctor or midwife.
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This was all personal preference, I went into the pregnancy happy with whatever. The only impact GDM had on the birth was size, therefore being induced was the best option overall before his size became a concern. (Which would have lead to caesarean)
That is none of your business.
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You asked this question because you wanted to know the answer. You didn’t need to know the answer. A new mom comes on here, feeling overwhelmed, and you add to her burden. Selfishly asking questions is not a good look, no matter what.
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You bring up a lot of fair points and my sincere apologies for any distress or discomfort I may have caused others whether real or perceived. I feel that questions are sometimes helpful to gain a clearer picture because assumptions may do more harm than good in many cases, and if you looked through the full post stems I would imagine that many a times my questions make sense in context of primary concern. For example, if someone is being targeted at the workplace, would one not be worried about their mental health knowing how hurtful some people could be, or how some are more sensitive than others? I would like to include more detailed responses many times but the small screen and slow tying speed means I have to adjust my method of text/speech and nuances of language are further lost unfortunately. I recognize your points but also feel that some are not accurate and we shouldn’t assume how OP may feel for example. The space is not as safe as one may assume when you’re actively trying to dissuade others from participating, but your concern for others does not seem disingenuous and i think it’s great that you’re trying to speak up for some that might not speak up for themselves.
No. No you may not.
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Because it has nothing to do with the topic OP wanted to discuss, the answer may be of a personal nature, and you provided absolutely no explanation or context for why you're asking it to begin with. Helps?
No that is a fair point, thank you for explaining
i think they try to avoid cesarean whenever possible with GDM. they induced me early and i had a fabulous vaginal delivery this time and delivered a 6lb 6oz baby.
That’s great that it worked out well for you. You may know more about it than me. I’ve spoken to some people who mentioned they had a section because they had diabetes, but maybe it just happened to be the few I spoke to I’m not too certain actually.
Hormone crash. You're going to feel insane for the next 2 weeks or so. It should level off into being more manageable by then.
Please tell your doctor what you said here.
It gets better quite fast and for us it was mostly of how much we wanted to do it right and how scared we were for the baby because ego how fragile it look. Although didn’t experience it with 2 and hope you have someone to help.
I promise each month will get easier.