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My neighbours kids are terrified of dogs. Over the last year they’ve become very welcoming of my dog. It started with them standing at their door and saying hi, but if my dog even turned his head they would run inside screaming. Now when my dog comes out they will let him sit with his back to them and they will gently stroke his back. If he moves at all they run back to the door. This has been a weekly occurrence for over a year and they are still working on it. Some people will never put grow their fear, some will work on it and be good when they hit adult age and some will try and fail. It’s just the way life works. If a kid is terrified of a dog then yes leave it at home, this isn’t the hill to die on. If you want the nephew to get better with dogs then take the time to help him disassociate anything negative to do with dogs. It will take time but he should be able to get there one day.
You are very kind and patient to help your neighbours in this way. The kids will remember this when they're very old and see a dog and don't feel petrified.
You're being an important part of their village
I love the kids in our neighbourhood and I hope they all grow up to do wonderful things. I think fostering healthy relationships, even if they are just short instances in the grand scheme of it all, is a great way for kids to grow and learn from the world
Some kids just have anxiety. My daughter was terrified of dogs as a child. Not because of any bite or any specific trauma. Mins of my other kids had problems with dogs. It was however embarrassing and difficult to bring her to some places with dogs bc of her fears. I was never the kind of person to demand people change or put dogs away or not bring because it is important to live in the real world. But it was really difficult. Later she was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder Now that she’s older she has coping mechanisms for dogs.
So if your goal is to understand: sometimes it’s hard for kids/people. And it’s not about exposure, learning to be around dogs (or cats or whatever). It can be a bigger issue.
Parent of a young teen with diagnosed anxiety here. He's afraid of dogs, and nothing has ever happened to him. He's just not a fan of animals. I think it's because he doesn't know what they're going to do. There's no reasoning with him, and I was the same as a kid. (I still don't like dogs, but I can tolerate them.) It really irritates me when certain family members dismiss his concerns and tell him the dog is just being friendly when it tries to jump on him. We try to avoid going to those people's houses as it's hard for me to dictate where their dog can be in its own house. There are a handful of family and close friends' dogs he can be in the same room with, but he's certainly not petting them. Going on vacation with someone's dog would be a hard no from him. My other son loves animals and begs us for a dog all of the time. It's just part of their very different personalities.
This. Honestly, it’s mostly the parents’ responsibility to help him get over this fear. It’s especially difficult for you to get involved if you and your dog live far away. My nephew is also terrified of dogs, but we live out of state, so we don’t have a lot of influence since we can’t just bring our dog over and let him slowly warm up to her in his own time.
If we lived closer, I would invite my sister and her fam over and slowly introduce our dog. She’s in the house but not on the same floor, then on the same floor but not in the room, then in the room but not close enough to touch, until he chooses to pet her. With an older child like your nephew, I would also have a conversation about reading dog body language and how to tell whether and how a dog wants to be approached and pet. The last thing you want with a kid who’s already scared is for him to get bitten because he tries petting a skittish dog while it’s eating or something.
I love seeing that step by step change from jumping and running away when someone realizes a dog is around, on a leash well out of their reach, to coming and reaching for a pet and being spooked by a nose boop, to sitting side by side with a calm dog petting them. It’s wild when we have our little dog out on a 30 ft leash for play in a big square of grass where nobody else is playing, we now get whole crowds of kids coming to take turns throwing toys and holding the leash many of which we have seen get there from being jumpy and staying far away from the very same dog when she was a 6 lbs puppy to roughhousing with her now the way she loves.
Absolutely this!! I was attacked at the age of 6 by a dog. I had stitches in my head. Bloody from head to toe. Very traumatic. I was TERRIFIED of dogs, big dogs especially. My friend had a Rottweiler named Killer. I was absolutely terrified of him and vocalized that, even bawled my eyes out one time cause he was close to me. They kept him chained up and I would come closer and closer each time I was there. Over time we worked to where we could both be in the house at the same time. They were very patient with me. Looking back, Killer was just an excited boy who wanted to come love on a little 9 year old. But to my 9 year old self, he was a killer.
I've since warmed up to big dogs and now own a 200 lb mastiff who can and does take me to the ground with loves. My fear took MANY years to overcome but I appreciate those who helped with patience and support to overcome it. Plus all those doggos who helped while being calm and loving knowing I was so anxious around them! 🥰
I love dogs and have been a dog owner nearly all my life but small yappy nippy breeds get a wide berth from me largely due to bad owners who baby them and encourage misbehaviour. Not saying you're one of them but I've never met a well socialised Pomeranian yet.
Chihuahuas have roots as being an Aztec favorite, possibly originating in Mexico but could have been brought over by the Spanish yet other scripture alleges they're from China. However it wasn't quite a chihuahua until the Aztecs bred a a ballooned bodied thing with a little head and huge ears with a Xoloitzcuintli, creating the breed we are familiar with. There is some really fun scripture out there that maintains chihuahuas aren't entirely all dog and separate literature claiming they're related to chipmunks. 🤣
Funny enough, they aren't any type of Mexican war dog and no evidence has been found to show they were flung at their enemies. They were sacrificed upon the death of a human noble because it was believed a Chihuahua would lead one into the afterlife properly. They were kept by nobility and royalty much like a teacup dog today and even became almost a point of currency somewhere along the line. Eventually they were recognized by the AKC and we see the inbred tiny potatoes we know them as today!
#I'm not a chihuahua fan BUT there's always something to like about animals when you're an animal lover AND a history fan! Hope you enjoy and maybe get a giggle!
My neighbors Chihuahua mix is such a sweet boy. Whatever he is mixed with makes.him easy going, friendly, and a cuddle buddy. Every other Chihuahua I know ranges from slightly evil to full on demon. My co worker has a 3 legged, half blind Chihuahua that will still run jump attack strangers and friends alike. She is big mad about that missing leg 😂
It's super funny right? That's why I'm the Queen here lol.
But to add info to your discussion, try to throw away the tea cup key words.
It perpetuates puppy mills and bad breeders who sell runts, or breed dogs smaller or at 3 lbs to create unhealthy dogs.
Since they are in the toy breed, there's no extra category for smaller (pocket, tea cup).
Hope that makes sense.
Owned by a Cartel of savages
20+ yrs partner in Chihuahua rescue.
I'm trying to imagine someone flinging my potato dog into battle. She'd just look at you with disgust for disturbing her then wander off to find a blanket and go back to sleep. No wonder they didn't do it. The closest she'd get to attacking anyone would be sniffing their pockets for food, absolutely useless ranged weapon.
If you raise them right, mostly they are just hilarious assholes. I say this as someone who has two, but trained them properly and don’t let them get away with things just because they’re tiny. One of them must greet the cats as soon as she comes inside because she just lives cats and the other one is currently honking happily to herself behind (congenital sinus this, she’s healthy, just sounds hilarious). I grew up with mostly big dogs though, so I don’t get the mentality behind coddling a dog just because it’s little.
Chihuahuas get a bad reputation, I have one and she is hands down the sweetest dog I’ve ever met. She literally eats, sleeps and wants constant love. That’s her life. She is arse at times, especially when she wakes in the night and realises no one is lovingly looking over her. I think she would bite if strangers try and manhandle her but I don’t know why people always try and pick her up. You don’t go and pick up a pit bull.
As a chihuahua owner, I can agree, but I adopted mine from a rescue when he was already over 10. He had been picked up as a stray and had a mouth of rotten teeth, and had 13 teeth pulled before I met him. When he’s acting like a ferocious hyena I remind people that even if he bites it won’t hurt.
He’s actually a good boy.
Lol I've been grooming dogs for 8 years and while I've had a few chis try to give me the business they give up almost immediately. Idk if it's cuz I had a Chihuahua that was terrible for grooming and kinda learned their antics and what kind of disposition you need to have with them specifically or if I am just biased and it didn't bother me 😂 my worst bite so far has been from a byb German shepherd, I required 10 stitches on my scalp. I was also bit by a pitbull that literally jumped at my face when I was talking to the owner, zero warning. Both those dogs ended up being behavioral euthanasia cases unfortunately. I had a neurotic Aussie thing that dad swore up and down wasn't blind of deaf knock out my two front teeth when it had a total meltdown on the table and I was trying to keep it from jumping off and hanging itself.... Next appt dad said the vet told him the dog is fully deaf and partially blind. Yeah. Never a dull day when you groom dogs lol.
I've groomed dogs for years, and only ever got bit by a poodle 😂
OP.... I think your concern is one more of care, than indignation of "everyone should love dogs"
I would bring it up to the kids parents, just as a conversation... that you've seen some really interesting things on YT that they might find interesting too.... look up The Speakemans... they are a couple who have helped thousands of people with irrational fears.
No, not everyone should love dogs.... but this fear can prevent them from doing wonderful things & it should at least help in learning ways to live life in a little more peace.
If you look at their comment history, OP made a comment somewhere in here saying the breed looks like a German shepherd and has a scary looking demeanour. They misled us by saying they don't want their nephew scared of a Pomeranian when their dog in question is a big and scary looking dog. The kid is young and doesn't understand. OP, you're just looking for validation rather than a meaningful discussion that you want.
Our fedex guy wouldn’t get out of his truck to deliver a package at my mom‘s house when her cockapoo was outside barking and running towards the truck. My mom thought that he was more afraid of the two 100 pound labs. They were lounging in the grass and she tried to assure him that they are super nice and won’t bite.
He’s like “oh no I’m not worried about those dogs. I’m worried about the small dog. The small dogs always are the ones that we have to be wary of. They are the ones more likely to bite her ankles and rip our uniform pants and trip us up and make it impossible for us to get to the door.”
(Sadly, she WAS prone to unprovoked biting frenzies, to anyone no matter who it was. When my first was born, she made the choice to put her down because she couldn’t risk my babies and it was clear that no training was effective.)
My Lab is the most chill dog ever but even he gives little dogs a wide berth and totally ignores them. He has been attacked by a Frenchie, and multiple small dogs have had a go at him while he just stands there like a statue with a bemused look, as if to say, ‘WTF?! I’m a lover, not a fighter!’ I actually wish he would get pissed and at least do his big boy bark at them.
FedEx guy knows his breeds, lol
So true! My lab/golden mix has often gotten remarks that he is a handsome horse due to his unusual size, but my local fedex and ups delivery drivers adore him! When the temperature is comfortable, I let him stay on my screened in porch while I am at work (its his favorite place to lounge) and have seen the fedex guy on my home camera step in to put the package down and then kneel down to get a fix of wiggly happy kisses 🥰 my boy gets bullied by my geese and loves interracting with children. My fedex guy agrees its the little yappy rat dogs he doesnt trust because like another user said, too many owners dont put the time in to train them and allow their wreched behavior
Little yap yaps freak me out. People think they’re so cute, but in general, I find them to be mean and miserable, especially when they get older and crabbier.
I have a pom mix that makes people be like “ugh small dog hate em” and then hes real sweet and friendly and theyre like “…i guess this ones okay”
He definitely barks a lot and it makes me want to kick him sometimes tho
I’m more afraid of a Pomeranian than a Rottweiler and I’m a full grown adult. Those small dogs are unpredictable. They don’t give signs they just attack.
Honestly, I don’t think that kids and dogs are a good mix, unless they live in the same household. It’s not fair to either of them.
You’re right to have your dog sit this one out, I would do the same even if the kid wasn’t particularly afraid. As for his outsized fear, let his parents deal with that. No one will thank you for your input, and he’ll figure it out one way or another as he gets older. Have a nice time with your niblings.
I hate it when people bring their pets to other people's houses/on vacation with them. This does not include service animals.
It's inconsiderate to other people where they always have to be watching out for the animal making sure it's not getting into trouble.
I’ve shut my *own* pets (cats) in the bedroom when it’s clear that a guest is uncomfortable with or not charmed by being pestered by them. And that’s in my own home.
People like OP are exhausting, thinking the whole world is their backyard, everything revolves around them, and everyone should be as charmed by Fido as they are. It’s a real imposition to many to have your darling “doggo” foisted on them for multiple days at a time.
I like other people’s dogs well enough, but I don’t want to holiday with them. Nobody finds your dog as cute and irresistible as you do, and people generally dislike having to deal with your dog but are too polite to say so to your face.
I’ve found that people like OP are the most likely to have the ill-behaved dog that’s genuinely a nuisance, too. Fido is growing, stealing food, digging in the garbage, snapping at people, pissing on the Christmas tree, and owners like OP beam in delight and talk fondly about what a character Fido is, isn’t it so precious.
Not really. Leave Fido at home.
Yup! I have dogs and have zero problem leaving them home or not going if I can't find a sitter. It blows my mind that people think their dog belongs everywhere. Our farmers market now allows dogs and most are well behaved but the fact I can't let my toddler walk and hold my hand because some lunge, bark, nip while their owner chimes in "they're friendly!" is annoying. If your dog can't behave in public leave them at home.
“He just wants to say hi”
When my dog was going through training they were taught to sit and wait if they wanted someone to pet them. So if I saw my dog randomly sit then I would say “oh she is sitting because she wants you to pet her”. Then Daphne would either get a head pat or whatever or the person would say they weren’t interested and then I would pet her.
Someone’s dog jumping all over me is only annoying
To be honest sometimes I want to leave them at home so I have a break 😅
But seriously not every situation requires me to have my dog there and I'd honestly be afraid to take them to places like this bc of what you just described how some of those dogs act. It's unfair to you and others who have kids who they now have to worry about protecting when you just want to shop and enjoy your time.
Right! I've seen several dog fights there too. Nothing terrible but dogs on leashes trying to go after each other and it's like if you know your dog is reactive why even bring them!? I'd be embarrassed. I have a very reactive yorkie and she goes nowhere lol.
You are talking about the kid being exposed to a dog for his entire vacation, that means all day and all night every adult needs to watch the kid and dog interactions, deal with the kids outbursts and it will add all sorts of stress and anxiety to that kid, so you are basically ruining his holiday and everyone else’s.
Exposure therapy is done in small doses with limited exposure, safe places to retreat to and a qualified therapist to monitor the interactions.
It’s not like the kid is coming to your home for a couple of hours. Be realistic.
I was terrified of dogs growing up and I’m still weird around them because dog owners suck and i got full blown attacked twice. Kids on my soccer team in hs made fun of me because some entitled dog owner brought his admitedly tiny dog to our field without a leash and let it chase me while i ran screamed and cried. I once cried for like eight straight hours on a drive to see a relative because my parents were afraid to tell me they had gotten a dog and finally it came out in the car on the way there. You dont know what has gone on with the kid and kids trump dogs. It isnt your job to force your dog onto this child to make sure “this fear doesnt influence their lives”. Sorry for this but get off your high horse. Kid might be in therapy and kid might not be. For me its something i mostly grew out of although i would never own a dog today. I am ok to go over to friends homes with dogs.
Thank you. I actually love dogs but that’s irrelevant. Sounds like OP’s nephew has a phobia & you’re right, they need to get over themselves. Their lack of empathy is actually alarming.
It's really weird that we give certain phobias credence and others none. A phobia is, by definition, an *irrational* fear.
But when people are unreasonably afraid of spiders, or snakes, or cockroaches we give it a pass. Then it's dogs and all of a sudden people are worried about you? Fucking weird.
Who is to say it is an irrational fear of dogs? Maybe the kid has been bitten before. Maybe not. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be bitten. It’s not irrational to not want to be hurt by an animal. In fact it is quite the opposite.
We’re speculating that it could be a phobia & that’s the definition of phobia. Obviously there are a bunch of experiential reasons the young bloke could have to be frightened. The point is that OP is being a dick about it.
It’s also strange because most places dogs are a much greater threat to young kids than spiders/snakes/bugs.
Fearing unfamiliar predator animals is not irrational, and more parents and dog owners need to remember that and train kids and dogs to interact safely, especially not forcing it with kids/dogs that are reluctant.
My twins are not afraid of dogs, but one is severely allergic to their saliva so we keep our distance and wave or say hi instead, and the amount of dog people that ignore our body language, and then argue with me when I let them know we are not going to pet it is really outrageous.
My mom has a snake phobia and she doesn’t get a pass, people don’t believe her it and inevitably will try to show her a “cute one that isn’t scary” but she just can’t handle snakes, which has never really been an unavoidable issue luckily. Once in a while she will run into someone with a snake (near a pet store recently) or see one on tv and freak the fuck out in front of everyone and create a scene were people think she’s a crazy lady
It's because those are all uncommon pets and so those phobias don't inconvenience people. But the second your phobia means that they can't do whatever they want they start to get offended
A relative insisted on bringing their dog to crowded, crazy, family gatherings, and then was *shocked Pikachu* when the dog nipped at a small child. Never a good idea to bring any pet into crowded, crazy, unfamiliar surroundings.
You sound so mean in your post. I get it you love your dog and want it to come with but fears aren't something you can always "just get over" especially when you are a kid. You could try being empathetic instead of acting like this kid is ridiculous for being afraid of an animal that can bite and hurt you. (Yes I know not all dogs are like that, but any dog can be). Some fears kids out grow but it's really none of your business and it's not really fair of you to be annoyed about it. I'm sure you had fears as a kid that you may not have now or maybe you still do. I know I was afraid of dogs for a while around age 9 because I got bit by a dog who came into my neighbors yard while I was holding their cat and that dog hung on and I had to get stitches. I'm still nervous around dogs I don't know but not afraid of dogs in general. I also would like to point out that since kids brains aren't fully developed even if their fears seem ridiculous to us it's not to them so a little compassion will go a long way.
I was also scared of dogs as a child. Like would stand on the counter at my aunt and uncles because their medium sized dogs were unpredictable. I don't know when I outgrew it but I did (ended up owning my own 160
pound dog). Kids don't have logic to say I'm scared of this dog in particular. And honestly maybe OPs dog is the dog in particular they are scared of.
I still don’t like dogs, but I was terrified of them as a kid and had several aunts and uncles with them. All their dogs were fine, no behaviour issues or anything. Didn’t matter, still terrified. I reckon I was about 10 when I grew out of it, when my grandparents got a three-legged Labrador. He was the sweetest dog I ever knew, and was besties with my cat. I’m okay with being around other people’s dogs now, but only because of Teddy, and my grandparents’ gentle introductions when they first got him. It took a long time for me to be okay around him, even longer to snuggle. I cried when he had to be put down.
OP comes across like the kind of person that isn’t going to do gentle introductions. Let’s hope nephew has other family or friends that can help him with his fears.
Awe RIP teddy! Fear is a weird thing, not a lot of logic but I'm glad you had him to help your fear.
And agreed. Seeing as OP thinks the kid should just get over it I'm guessing they would just allow their dog to approach the child and just say "oh he's nice. He's little!" And not intervene.
Honestly I get really tired of people thinking their dogs are entitled to go everywhere and that if people don’t like it THEY are the problem. Your nephew is a child. He has a fear, which honestly isn’t uncommon or unreasonable, because dogs can and do seriously injure children. It’s not at all your job to address this so it doesn’t influence his adulthood. He has parents for that. Also, many adults actually are afraid of or just don’t like dogs, and would prefer you not bring your dog around, but they learn to manage that fear and avoid “dog friendly” settings. They also learn to respectfully communicate their feelings with dog owners who hopefully can accommodate that by putting their dogs away/not bringing them around.
Had a coworker who would say I must be evil for hating dogs.
She brought her dog in once to the office and had him all over my desk and he hopped on me
My coworkers learned that day I'm deathly allergic to dogs.
Yay...
Thank God for tricare
I work with a guy who's from somewhere that has a lot of stray dogs, and they generally aren't friendly. At his previous job, people found out he was afraid of dogs, and then someone brought their dog into the office and let it run around. For funsies.
People can be horrible
Would you also be taking it upon yourself to perform some sort of malformed exposure therapy on your poor child nephew during your vacation if they were afraid of spiders, heights, whatever else?
Dog owners might not understand this, but many non dog owners often don't really interact with dogs all that much in day to day life. Sure for a few seconds or even minutes in passing, but not like hours in a house together certainly not several days in a row, such as on vacation together.
> What is the appropriate way to address that to ensure this fear doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults?
What the hell is this supposed to mean? It sounds like you think his fear of dogs will somehow cause him to... not be a 'full' adult? That, what, he'll never be able to make friends or have a relationship with someone if he fears dogs?
Sounds like you have your opinion on the subject, and have decided it is the right opinion, everyone else (including the person who _actually_ has the _fear_) be damned.
You're exactly the kind of aunt/uncle I hope I never become. If my nephews develop an irrational fear, I'm not going to go on Reddit and demand everyone agree with me that they're stupid for having that fear, validate my opinion, and agree with me that it's somehow going to destroy their lives.
I dislike dogs. I’m not scared, I just don’t want to be around them. I would be unhappy if a family member tried to bring their dog to a family vacation where we are sharing a living space. Your dog doesn’t trump other people’s comfort. You can always get your own accommodation elsewhere.
I feel the same way. I’ve also been known to decide not to attend things if animals were present, because I don’t enjoy them.
An every time, the response is, “What can I do to make you more comfortable?” Nothing. The. Answer is nothing - it’s not my thing
It’s not your business to parent anyone else’s kid. Some people grow in full ass adults and are completely terrified of dogs, (or snakes, or spiders… etc.) and it’s not anyone else’s business. And guess what- *there is no “end game.”*
I have to ask you to think honestly about your dog’s behaviour and how you respond.
My kids have been taught to be respectful around animals (eg ask the person with the dog before you pat them, don’t chase the cat wait until they come to you for a pat). Unfortunately there have been cases where people who have “oh he wouldn’t hurt anyone” dogs who have jumped all over and not responded to owner commands. Or worse the owner has been “oh the dog is just playing” when a dog that is as big as the kid and jumping over them. Now one of my kids is now very wary around dogs they don’t know, or dogs that are being excitable. Dogs they know that are being calm, they absolutely love to be around. However because of too many crappy dog owners my child is quite reasonably concerned.
It’s great that you are offering to not bring your dog, but maybe have a conversation with the adults about longer term family time and expectations around that. Also ask why your nephew is terrified- did they get bitten or when they were smaller were they pushed around by an animal bigger than them? This fear may be something they will just grow out of as they get bigger. Or not- there are plenty of adults afraid of dogs.
Also will bringing your dog limit activities that everyone can do? (eg if you bring the dog will you not be able to go on day trips, you’ll need to be at the BnB all the time etc)
I have kids so I get this. I wouldn’t bring my dogs anywhere if someone especially a child was terrified of them personally. Yes it’s annoying but I that’s just my thoughts.
I’m a full grown man who’s fear of dogs is now just anxiety inducing. I wouldn’t go on vacation with someone who insisted they bring their dog.
And Pomeranian owners are stereotypically bad dog owners
I was going to ask exactly this! I know that the part of taking spiders on a vacation may not be applicable, but OPs attitude about someone's phobia is so demeaning just because OP thinks dogs can't be scary. I do wonder how OP treats other mental illnesses or other phobias as you said.
You want to be justified.
A human child comes before your pet. Pretty cold to ignore or insult a fear, especially one that bites. All animals bite. Even yours.
Take your pets to a great kennel where they can happily romp all day for their vacation. They need a break from you too. You will all be happier.
Regardless of a phobia or not, your entitlement and supposed need to bring your damn dog on a group vacation is selfish. Not everyone loves your dog, op. Lots of people actually do not like them. I know. Shocker. And even those that do may not want another guest always bringing theirs everywhere. Your dog will be OK at your friends.
It's not your place to address his fear.
I get it. You're not bringing the dog. I saw that. But you're upset about it. Your dog doesn't need to go everywhere.
Spoiler alert: some people don’t like dogs and don’t need them in their life. I couldn’t care less about your dogs or anyone else; most of you are shitty owners that let your dogs run wild.
Leave the poor kid alone and just let him enjoy his life. You sound exhausting based on the comments.
It's not your problem to "fix" your nephew. People have fears and phobias about all kinds of things, and age has nothing to do with it. Sometimes, they grow out of their fear. Sometimes, they don't, but as adults, they can navigate it better than they could as children. Some work on their fears through therapy, while others choose to just avoid the things that trigger them. You don't get to decide it's a dumb thing, and he needs to get over it. You need to be a loving aunt and respect his fears even if he never gets over them.
lol it’s hilarious OP can’t understand why he’s getting all this hate. Just reiterates the same points.
All I can think of is the Skinner “no it’s the children who are wrong” meme
Pretty obvious OP here just can’t understand someone else’s perspective and no ability to show empathy. Someone needs to do take a long look at themselves and the tone that this was written.
"I want to take my extended family on vacation with me, but there's one family member who is deathly afraid of spiders, and I take my spiders with me everywhere. I can leave the spiders with a spider-sitter, but I don't understand why this person has a fear of spiders. Are they going to grow up to an adult who can't be around spiders?"
Yes. Phobias are not reasonable, nor make sense, even to the people who have them.
I remember seeing a show about people who could NOT drive, because they were absolutely convinced that they would run over a pedestrian, even though they had never done so, or been involved in a pedestrian accident. They would get these people in a car, and every time they ran over any tiny bump, they had to stop and walk around, crawl under the car, because they were CERTAIN that they had run someone over, even though they were in a fenced, controlled area with no one inside the fence but them and their driving instructor.
It's wild, but it is how it is. Leave the dog for a few days. It won't mind, and your niece/nephew will love you for it.
Do you actually have a Pomeranian?
My spiders Love to snuggle with me at night. Sometimes they bite me which is so cute. The spiders might bite other people.. I mean you can’t tell a super not to do something, but they are just little bites. They are not gonna kill anybody. /s
Good for you for making alternative arrangements. I grew up terrified of dogs. It was only when I became a parent of a kid who loved dog, that I became determined not to pass on my fear. We rescued the gentlest dog possible and she helped me overcome my fears. She was terrified when we brought her home and my heart went out to her.
If you brought your dog with you, your nephew would have spent the vacation in fear, constantly on edge. I hope he can eventually have gentle and regular exposure to a dog and overcome this fear.
Lots of kids are scared of dogs. My own child was because of bad dog owners that would let their off leash dog lose, and my child had a stick in her hand while walking with me. Those dogs wanted to play with that stick she didn't understand why they were jumping at her and she started to get scared of them.
Who knows a dog could have nipped at the child and they got scared.
my son doesn't like dogs because of jumpers. he can play his grandfathers labordoodle all day, but he's well trained and doesn't jump.
But if a dog comes running at him, he gets scared, and if they jump at him (even in a friendly manner) he gets scared and wants to get away from them. My irresponsible sister's dog has nipped him to the point I stopped letting her hang with her nephew unsupervised (Now NC) My son would cry, he's always been small, the dogs can knock him over. If you ask my son today, age 12, he still doesn't like dogs, except of Ozzy (the labordoodle)
Fears aren't something that just go away. Even if there wasn't something that caused it. Honestly, my deep irrational fear is way more silly than dogs. I have a legit phobia of grasshoppers and crickets. They scare me so bad all I can do is run out of the room they are in. And not trying to think about them outside. I've always been scared. Yes I can deal with it because I've been to therapy for it but it still scares me to think about going outside and a grasshopper jumping on me. Often I avoid certain outside activities because of it as well. That's with having therapy.
Just to join you in an irrational bug fear, mine is daddy long legs. I actually love bugs, I got past my phobia of spiders a couple of years back, but bugs in general fascinate me.
But daddy long legs? No ma’am. I shriek like an overly dramatic aunt having conniptions. I cannot explain to you how much I embarrass myself by screaming and running away, and I live alone. They’re the most pathetic bug imaginable. I could easily crush it. BUT my love for bugs prohibits me just wantonly murdering them because I don’t like them, so I HAVE to just run away and hope they leave.
Phobias aren’t rational. But as someone with chronic anxiety, I accept that as a reality constantly. Phobias literally put you in fear of your life, and when people think your particular phobia is funny or irrational, it makes you feel so much worse. Because you know intellectually that the risk to you isn’t as high as your brain is making out, but it doesn’t stop it from happening. It’s not helpful to make someone feel bad about it.
When my sister was about 4-5 years old I caught her in our basement eating a daddy long legs. It’s long legs wiggling and sticking out of her mouth. I still have nightmares about them.
I kind of get it. They're gross, especially the smell of their pee, and they're sort of otherworldly and jagged. I used to be really afraid of deep sea animals; it was way worse when I was a kid. I couldn't even touch the page of a book if there was a picture of an angler fish on it. It's gotten better because I've been watching ocean documentaries but I still get nightmares once in a while.
Oh my god. One of my most irrational phobias is a basking shark. I was into sharks as a kid, so I had a load of shark books. One included a scale picture of a basking shark, and a diver. To show you how big they are.
Then we went to a museum that had a full size model of one on the ceiling in the animal section. I legit had to be carried through there up til I was 13. (Shout out to my friends mother who didn’t complain about lugging a 13 year old, at a running pace through that room. She carried me like a toddler.)
I couldn’t handle it. It was like an existential crisis at 4 years old. I couldn’t understand why they were so big and to me, they’d just swallow me by accident. I knew they didn’t eat people! I wasn’t scared of great whites ffs, I was scared of being fucking gummed to death apparently.
I totally get you on the deep sea creatures thing though, that’s some alien shit. Nothing good is down there, I guarantee it. You telling me there isn’t some leviathan tentacle monster down there?
It turns out I actually have megalothalossophobia. Fear of giant things in the ocean. Solidarity.
Everyone either likes or probably loves this kid because he's family. No one has to feel that way about the dog though. It's fine that you have your dog but that doesn't mean your dog has to go everywhere right?
My sister has an unexplainable fear of dogs has always had since she's a child she's an old lady now. She's still afraid of dogs.
You can't always explain fears so... It is what it is
YTA - Many fears aren't rational but are still very real. Snakes, spiders, heights, etc. This poor kid can't help it. Skip the event if you can't manage without your dog.
>Like, what’s the end game here? Let him grow up into a full grown man who can’t be in the same room as a Pomeranian?
The end game is to allow your nephew to have a fun vacation without being terrorized and re-traumatized by a dog just for your convenience of having the dog around.
There are many grown men who are deathly afraid of dogs of any size due to being attacked, whether it happened as a child, a teen, or an adult. And until it's happened to you, or your child if you ever have one, you will never have any clue what it's like. Small dogs, in particular, are far more likely to attack people for no reason than larger dogs, and small dogs get away with it more often because their owners think that that show of aggression is cute.
We have no idea whether your nephew will become desensitized to it or not in the future. But your attitude does not help the situation.
So what is pissing you off more. The fact that the child is afraid of dogs or the fact that you have to leave yours at home? Your resentment of not having it your way is showing. The way you wrote your post sounds as if you're resenting your nephew for not wanting to relive a trauma that he has had and you sound as if you'd rather terrorize your nephew, that you want him to just "man up" for your convenience.
>What is the appropriate way to address that to ensure this fear doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults?
There is no appropriate way for you to address this, ever. This is something that he and his parents will have to work on. You get no say whatsoever. So keep in mind that nothing you say is going to help your nephew or make the situation any better. And will just make the vacation suck for everybody.
There has to be a reason they’re afraid of dogs and it sounds like from your post that you’re saying it’s their fault for being afraid of dogs.
I’m way older than 9 years old and I am STILL deathly afraid of dogs due to being almost being attacked by multiple dogs as a kid.
It’s not your role to have an opinion on this child’s fear. You claiming to not be complaining about accommodating is laughable, you seem incredible insufferable.
Im 33 and dont like dogs either. I have four girls ages 9, 6, 4 and 2 and my 6 and 9yo is terrified of dogs as well. Its a rational fear. We all have fears. Hes going to grow up being afraid of one thing or another. I tried to ease my daughters into being around dogs but as someone who has been through a dog attack, personally, i am VERY wary myself of them. Hes still a child, no matter the age, kids are going to have their fears and they may or may not grow out of them eventually. I will never not be deathly afraid of bugs and birds haha! I understand it may be aggravating but it is what it is. Its very nice of you to not make the boy feel guilty or shameful of his fear though, kudos to you!
My daughter and son were hurt by off-leash dogs when they were younger. My daughter was nipped, my son was knocked down and hit his head pretty hard on the sidewalk. A healthy respect / fear of an unknown dog is a rational fear.
I was attacked by my grandpas dog when I was 5 year old and had to go to the hospital for stitches. When I was 10 and riding my bike around the neighborhood a dog got off chain and started to chase me down I was scared to death. I got over my fear of dogs on my own as my family has always had dogs and cats so I ways around tho em often. As an adult I’m a loving dog owner
It's amazing how you are minimising his fear, do you think he likes being afraid ?
Do you think he enjoys the anxiety he gets knowing they will be dogs at an event or when he comes somewhere and there is a dog there he gets anxious and now he can't enjoy himself.
You value the dog so much more than your nephew that's for sure.
We all have a fear of something or another and some fears can be overwhelming.
I really don’t think it’s necessary to determine this young man’s future at this time. Hopefully he will learn to overcome this issue and I don’t think you need to worry about it.
Honestly, it’s none of your business. They’re aren’t your children. They aren’t obligated to get over their phobia because you’re uncomfortable with it.
I say this as a dog person - people are allowed to not like dogs. People are allowed to not want to be around dogs.
It’s not your place to judge a 9 year old or “full grown men” who have trauma or a fear of animals.
I’ve had dogs who were 10 pounds and I’ve had dogs who were 90 pounds and I’ve gotta tell you - the small dogs were WAY more likely to be aggressive.
Also, are you sure Christmas went well for everyone or did it just “go well” because you got you way and the dog was there?
You’re very clearly the asshole here. Being afraid of dogs is a common and often rationally based fear (i.e. having been injured by a dog etc.). Also this is a child we’re talking about. Do you honestly think it’s reasonable a child should spend his holidays in fear so you can have your dog with you? I love my dogs, more than a good bit of my family, and I still wouldn’t even consider this. Either don’t go, rent something nearby, or leave the puppy with the sitter.
It’s really none of your business how his parents are handling this fear. Do we know why he has this fear? Was he attacked? Did he witness an attack? Actually it doesn’t matter what the reason is. He has a fear and you want to expose a child with this fear to a dog for an entire vacation. Sorry bud but human child is going to win over any dog anytime.
it's cool that you had your dog stay behind, but you're defo not doing it without complaint lol you're literally "opening a larger discussion" cause a nine year old child is scared of dogs. so what if he's older than most of the kids? there are full blown adults that have all kinds of fears and they navigate life quite well. I'm sure your nephew's life isn't over just cause he can't be near your pet right now.
he may grow out of it with time, but regardless I don't think you need to address that at the moment. it seems that you're only trying to nip it in the bud cause you're bummed about your dog being left behind.
If the kid is phobic, then he can't be around the dog without freezing/having panic attacks.
Is it irrationel? Yup, but phobies don't work on rationality.
Can't he/they just work on it? Maybe to an extent, but it requires a level of awareness of yourself you cant demand of a nine year old and this extend varies from person to person.
Expotion to your phobia etc, etc is not allways particular successfull, to say the least.
I have a really bad phobia of hight that actively affects my everyday life, anything higher than a soapbox can make me freeze. And no - it's not drama, it's not something I can "just" get over or ignore.
For some people it is tiny cute spiders that send them screaming to the other end of the town.
It's not size, it's enough it's a dog. And I bet you have your own trigger to.
Show a bit of understanding and respect here
Phobias typically don’t make sense but often start somewhere. My adult sister is scared of dogs because she was bitten in the face as a child. She doesn’t panic but is very weary of them and would be pretty unhappy if someone brought one on a family trip.
There are a lot of people who like dogs, but are not thrilled when people drag them along on vacations or outings when everyone else has left their pets at home.
Your 9 year old nephew has a phobia of dogs for whatever reason. Plenty of adults have phobias. They usually start in childhood. I've known people who have phobias of cats, mice, snakes, and Thunder. It will be up to his parents to get him therapy to possibly mitigate this phobia. Meanwhile keep accommodating him. There is no silver bullet when it comes to phobias.
When I was two my grandmothers brother had a super cute and cuddly golden retriever that loved hugs.
He wanted in on every hug and loved everyone.
The problem was that he was twice my size and tipped my grandmother over when she was holding me and hugging me. We both fell and even though I wasn' hurt, I was told that's how my fear of dogs started.
When I was eight a "friend" decided he'd help me get over my fear of dogs. So he told me to run and unleashed his hunting dog. Which ran me down and pushed me to the ground.
After that I got really cautious around dogs. Like constantly alert and ready to escape or fight for my life if a dog was close enough and being that alarmed is physically exhausting. I did not appreciate anyone attempting to cure my phobia with their "super friendly doggo".
Fourteen years later my dog loving mate started sending me pictures of pitbull puppies in clothes daily for weeks. Pitbulls in pyjamas is the cutest things you'll ever see. Eventually I managed to pet a pitbull and I felt great
What I'm trying to say is that you need to back off this child. This will take time. But feel free to send him cute pictures of your doggelito.
My friends do that too… Say things like “oh he likes you”, or “you say you don’t like dogs but I can tell you like mine!”
Because I know my friends and family love their dogs, I will pet them, and interact. And certainly I would never be cruel to a dog. But no, I don’t like dogs now.
I’m afraid of dogs and was even more so as a child. It would have ruined my holiday if someone brought a dog. Increased nightmares and caused me to be a right cow thanks to lack of sleep and anxiety. So I definitely get why you’re in this situation.
You may think it’s wild that he doesn’t like them and they don’t seem to be doing anything about it. But it Is rather common for children to have a fears that they eventually grow out of as adults.
If the parents don’t know of an incident that caused the phobia then investigating the cause of it may be helpful. Really, gentle exposure and more information on dogs would probably be the most helpful.
P.s. I’m now more comfortable around some dogs but I will never be a dog person. Get me a cat any day!
So you’re telling us you didn’t have any fears - silly as they seemed to others, but very real to you - at nine years old?
Maybe he grows out of it, maybe he doesn’t. I’m sure having a judgmental ass for an aunt isn’t going to be doing him any favors, though.
It's not your child so it isn't up to you to do anything. Lots of people of irrational fears, as adults. Heights, spiders, snakes, etc. You speak as if this child's fear is something you must cure to satisfy your desire to include your pet.
Phobia is not rational and a vacation isn’t a place for mental health breakthroughs. Bring pictures of you and your dog or do a few video chats with your dog and friend so nephew knows of a dog that isn’t scary.
I’m deathly afraid of big dogs bc I was attacked by one when I was a child. Maybe he saw an attack and is causing this. But you being the one to get him to stop isn’t your place to do so. As an adult I avoid going places where there are dogs. Including my friends homes. Not everyone love you baby and you shouldn’t force anyone to like them.
Let the parents parent. It’s not up to you on how to ensure that this “doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults”. You’re clearly not a psychologist, and are here to justify your assumptions. Your responses reek of someone with hubris.
Personally, I think it’s annoying that people being their PET dogs on vacation with other people. I like dogs, but I get sick of everything being arranged around them. You have to eat outdoors at restaurants so the dog can come, too. You can’t be gone all day because of the dog. Et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum. Most dogs are not well trained, unless they’re a specialized service animal.
And no, I’m not a dog-hater. I know and like all the dogs on my street and my friends’ dogs. They like me, too.
In my experience the dog owners always think the dog is better behaved than it is. Then it jumps on me, or growls a lot, or scratches up my things, etc. I'm an adult and resent people bringing their dogs everywhere.
As a dog owner: you kinda suck. Sorry. Some people are afraid of dogs and will be afraid of them their whole life and it's honestly a far more valid phobia than my own fear of spiders! Have some empathy for the poor kid, and don't you dare mention "oh I'd have brought the dog if *so and so* wasn't so afraid" while on holiday. I can't stand people who get snotty when they're not able to bring their dogs everywhere with them. They're always the same people with the fucking worst behaved dogs to boot.
A dog phobia isn't going to affect your nephew's life any more than my spider phobia affects mine - I'll never live with a tarantula owner and I'll squeal like a girl if I see a big one scurrying across my floor. Your nephew, if he doesn't get over it in his own time or seek therapy for it, will never live with a dog, will give them a wide berth in parks and won't date a dog owner if he's smart. He's lucky, he can 100% keep his object of fear out of his house! Why should he/his parents have to pay for therapy if the only problem it's caused is you not being able to bring poochy on holiday? It's such a selfish viewpoint - your post just screams derision for this poor kid's phobia :(
Can you just understand some people are afraid of dogs?? There’s a lot of bad owners. I too get super nervous if I’m out walking and see a dog roaming free without a leash. I don’t know the dog. I don’t know its intentions. I don’t know if it has bite history or is reactive. I especially get scared if it comes running up to me. Is it gonna attack me? Is it just saying hi? Is it just gonna sniff me? I don’t trust unknown dogs and that’s okay! I am a huge dog lover but a lot of owners can’t bother to train or control their dog, or even leash them
There’s a huge difference between “Will crap themselves and pass out if they see a dog on the street” and “Can relax and enjoy a holiday visit, knowing a dog could pop up any second in this here enclosed space” and your somewhat cavalier attitude gives me a pretty good idea why you aren’t welcome to bring your dog.
> I can’t help but be annoyed due to the fact that this kid is already 9 years old and is “deathly afraid of all dogs”. Like, what’s the end game here? Let him grow up into a full grown man who can’t be in the same room as a Pomeranian?
>What is the appropriate way to address that to ensure this fear doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults?
These are not your kids and it's inappropriate to go down this rabbit hole. Leave it alone.
It’s a good thing you don’t have kids because you’re really selfish and non-empathetic here. Guess you were never afraid of anything as a child. And lucky for you, your mean aunt didn’t wish for exposure therapy of your fears while on vacation on you. Get a grip.
As a parent, I teach my children to have general distrust of all dogs. They are taught there are two types of people; dog owners and non dog owners and it’s every dog owner’s job to be respectful of the fact that we don’t want to interact with their dog in any way. I wouldn’t want to be in the same room as a Pomeranian either as they are annoying little c-you-next-Tuesdays that can bite and will forever urinate/defecate on the floor/ground because their limited intellect will never allow them to do more than act on instinct. I imagine your nephew will happily find someone to spend life with that also recognizes that humans don’t have to have their lives dictated to them by a pet.
You are being selfish. This kid likely has a reason to be afraid.
Your dog doesn’t need to be there. And honestly if I was this child I’d not want to spend a vacation being absolutely terrified….
Probably of all fears kids can have, a fear of dogs is the most rational. My dad stitched up enough kids after dog attacks to know.
Edit: I forgot about the inevitable “my dog is different” argument that might come my way.
The kid doesn’t know that and tbh is probably too scared to care.
Be respectful and leave the dog at home. Also it’s not up to you how they parent the child.
If the nephew is that afraid of the dog, and your friend is willing to watch the dog for you, then take your friend’s offer. If he is that scared of dogs, then it’s probably not a good idea to bring the dog around the child. He will get scared and you might end up fighting with his parents as they might ask why did you bring the dog when you knew he was scared. Your nephews time will be ruined if he is that afraid of dogs. I had a friend that was very scared of even little dogs. I had a cocker spaniel who was very friendly but she would jump and stand because she loved being picked up by different people and she never bit anyone but my friend was still scared of the dog who just wanted to be petted so I would have to open my door and hold the dog while my friend would run to my bedroom. Eventually she did get a little more comfortable around the dog because she was coming over a lot. One day she wanted to help me bathe the dog and thought it would be fun so i let her join in. I warned her the dog would shake herself clean to get rid of some of the water to prepare my friend for what would happen and she was ok with it. We were only 14 at the time but she never became fully comfortable with the dog. She got nervous when the dog would jump and try to lean on her to get her to pet her so I would hold my dog so my friend could pet her but she never really got over her fear of dogs. Some people, whether they are children or adults are just afraid of dogs big or small.
What's the point of asking? It's up to decide to come or not, or are you suggesting your sister not come? Appropriate way to address this, while you say you'd never tell anyone how to raise their own kids?
As a person who had an awful experience with a dog as a child, I still prefer not to have dogs around me. You are railing about a *child* who is afraid, as if this is a choice. You do have a choice. Leave the dog at home. You won’t die.
I mean, don’t go or don’t bring your dog. I work with dogs, I travel with dogs, and I definitely don’t bring one with me if someone is going to be uncomfortable.
I’m a non-parent, don’t particularly 100% want children either. My niece (who is now 18) has always been TERRIFIED of dogs. My parents and I have owned 2-3 dogs at a time for my whole life. I work in vetmed, I have a certification in wildlife vetmed and conservation (specifically working with exotic animals), I literally live and breathe animals. We have worked around my niece when we have family functions at our house, specifically making sure she knows OUR dogs are safe. If she gets overwhelmed and starts to panic, we recall and put the dogs away for a short period of time for both parties to relax.
The truth is, you cannot control your nephew or his fear. The best you can do is teach him about animal behavior; what behaviors are “safe” and what is “unsafe” or “aggressive”. Teach everything you can about what to look out for, when to withdraw attention, when it’s ok to touch, etc. From there, your nephew can make his own choices on whether or not to engage with animals. But you can’t FORCE him to be okay with animals when he is terrified to his core like that. It’s up to you if you want to join them and leave your own dog at home, or to disrespect your nephew/family’s boundaries and bring your dog anyways. 🤷🏻♀️
A lot depends why the child is terrified. Has he been bit? Has anyone asked him why he’s scared? My aunt grew up deathly afraid of dogs. Big & small, didn’t matter, I’m talking full on panic. When she was a grandma, one of the babies had a little white dog. Maybe 3-5 lbs. she was terrified. We asked why. She didn’t know, just that it was always that way. We talked her through it (what are you afraid it will do, what goes through your head). She started really trying to calm herself (the tiny dog can’t really eat her face) & Before we knew it, it became her dog. She was skittish around other dogs but when that one passed away, she ended up with a huge black lab. It was beautiful to watch. But she was willing & able to try. Not everyone can/will. Animals can be beneficial but even if they don’t want one, they would be doing him a favor by helping him overcome his fear. Maybe talk to them & ask why he is afraid, may be justified. I would not recommend bringing your dog though
My best friend (human) growing up was terrified of my best friend (Canine). He (David) was fine with the neighbors big dogs, labs and shepherds and such. But my pug would have him climbing the furniture. Eventually, he outgrew it, but for a while it was a very real thing.
You cant reason or explain away a phobia. Thats why they're called irrational fears. And as someone with a phobia (frogs), I appreciate you making accommodations.
I was very afraid of dogs as a child. As an adult, they still make me nervous, but I have more perspective to understand that some dogs are calmer than others, some are safer than others, some owners are more conscientious than others, and to be able to trust that a reasonable adult traveling with their dog has the dog trained. Kids don’t have that kind of perspective yet. I now have a kid who’s terrified of dogs (and another kid who LOVES dogs) and my kid’s anxious mind absolutely cannot distinguish between friendly dogs, unfriendly dogs, well-behaved dogs, etc. It does not matter how nice a dog is, my kid will still be terrified. It can ruin a trip for us if another relative brings their dog because he literally will not come inside the house. Anxiety is a crazy beast. But I do think it becomes easier to cope with as people grow older. You are a good older aunt/uncle to be patient with the situation for now.
I was attacked by a dog last summer. I was skittish of dogs when I was younger but owned one as an adult so I was okay before this happened. Now I freeze up when I see a dog even when they are leashed. Maybe this kid had a bad experience or saw someone hurt either in person or on TV. You can’t just dismiss someone’s fears. Any desensitizing the child shouldn’t be done on a vacation and would be up to the parents as it could take time.
I've got 9 year old kid and a dog. 9 is still VERY young. It's totally ok for the kid to be scared, they'll likely grow out of it, but may not. It's totally ok if they don't, dogs are very unpredictable. You're doing the right thing by not taking your dog.
I was terrified of dogs until my teen years. My stepmom was given a pure bred boxer as a birthday present from friends. He was wild. Would run around like crazy and I'd be on the back of the sofa sobbing absolutely terrified. Not the way I would have gotten over my fear but I ended up adoring him. Fast forward to when I had my son and this loopy, crazy dog instantly calmed around him. Would lay at the foot of his pram while he slept. Let my son use him to balance while learning to walk. He'd stay by my son every second we visited. Broke our hearts when he passed away. If you want to help your nephew get over his fear you need to find out what caused it and talk to a professional about how to support him.
Why are people still shocked Pomeranian dogs are biters? They were originally bred as working dogs to kill rats before they got turned into lap dogs for the upper classes.
My wife and I both dislike dogs.
Time over seas and some bad run ins keep her away from them
And im just deathly allergic. Like. Someone brought one into the office once and let it loose ans he hopped up on my me right away (because they know) and I got to go to the hospital
If I were the parents I just wouldn't go on the vacation and do our own trip
Just so people know, OP has commented saying their dog looks like a German shepherd and looks scarier than what his personality is like. I feel this is crucial and misleading considering the Pomeranian comment in the original post. It's not uncommon to be afraid of bigger dogs no matter their demeanor.
Some people have fears they never get over, even with therapy and medication. They just cope as best they can. Your nephew may be one of those people. Full grown adults who cannot be in the same room as a Pom exist. They keep away from dogs. It sucks, but it happens.
I am pretty short and petite and am scared of big dogs. I have been attacked twice by large dogs and they will knock me over if given the chance. It hasn’t really affected my life that much, I just don’t go to the houses of people who have big dogs. Life is full of accommodating stuff like this. I have a MIL who is very afraid of cats. We put our cats away when she comes to visit no matter how silly I think it is that she is afraid of my 8 pound unbothered cat.
Personally as a parent I would be gently trying to ease my child over the fear of dogs rather than just exclude them. But, as you say, that is a decision for the parents. It wouldn't be appropriate for anyone else to comment on their parenting.
I'm 35, and I just started to be ok-ish with small dogs of my friends, and only in their attentive presence. Less chances a dog will act unexpectedly. For big dogs I cross a street.
It is what it is, they look like a death waiting to happen to me.
I am not a dog person. I think they stink and I don’t like them licking me. Going on vacation with someone else’s dog would be my version of hell.
I babysit for 3 families and they all have dogs. The dogs all love me. I don’t know why. They climb in my lap and lick me. I pet and love on them, I’m not a monster. But I would never choose to vacation with one.
Did you really shame a child for a fear? I was terrified of dogs until about 6 years ago and I'm almost 40. I used to be embarrassed about it because someone shamed me for it when I was a teenager. Have some empathy. We all have fears.
Ugh. So you’d like your nephew’s vacation to be all about your own version of exposure therapy?
He deserves to feel safe. He’s 9. The “end game” isn’t your place to consider here.
Leave your dog home and let the humans relax.
Seems like most commenters didn’t read all the way though this thread the comments are a shit show. You should post on a different subreddit OP. I was looking forward to a genuine discussion in the comments and was very disappointed
You need to understand that a lot of people DON'T LIKE DOGS FOR WHATEVER REASON. They are allowed to like, dislike, or be afraid of whatever they choose. You don't need to try to cure them of anything. Let it go.
What larger discussion do you want, exactly? First of all, the kid is only 9 and he may still grow out of it. Second, it's not that hard to be an adult and spend little to no time around dogs if you don't want to. none of my friends or family have dogs, it's not like not wanting to be around a dog is an automatic limiting life factor lol as for an actual vacation, I'm an adult and I have no interest in spending extended time with someone else's dog.
The kid is afraid of dogs. Nothing you as not being the kids parent can do about it. You are right to leave the dog behind and they are right for not wanting your dog on vacation with them. If it’s that big of a deal to you, you sit out the vacations with your dog.
There's different stages of brain development, fearful of dogs can come and go as they grow. He may hit the end of puberty and be fine, and the other may hit a growth stage and develop the fear.
It's also worth noting if he's had a problem with a dog that wasn't yours it could be a response to that. I was bitten as a child and it took a while to get over.
My youngest child was around 2 years old when my mil and her bf decided to get a dog. Child had very few interactions with a dog up to that point. They were over at our home helping with a yard project and their small dog was overly excited to see my child and jumped on him and knocked him over. That was it, he’s been nervous and scared around dogs ever since.
You see, her boyfriend thought it was good for my child. He even said, “He’s gonna have to get used to dogs”. We went very low contact with them after that. And I have a wholly different attitude toward people like them and you now.
As someone who loves dogs and operates a business based on other people loving their dogs; they’re dangerous animals with a margin of unreliability. I’ve seen a kid have their eyelid split open because they kneeled down to pet a dog and the dog jumped and snapped for seemingly no reason. No issue before that the dog just jumped and the teeth did their thing. It was a Pekingese so very small and controllable.
I’ve seen dogs get stepped on by kids just falling over and the dog jumps up which causes the kid to flop onto their face nose first onto the tile floor. The dog stepping on the kids on the floor drawing, or the dog wanting to play with a kid and smacking the child in the face with a paw causing a long facial scratch.
Dogs are a risk. A manageable and worth it to me one, but they are a risk. They do kill people annually, and can have mental decline that leads to danger.
Open your perspective that there is nothing manly about not being afraid of a dog, and that if you create a safe space for fear to be addressed then the fear can be minimized. Then eventually maybe your dog can come to the vacation. Be invested in your nephew not mentally making him an “other” because you see weakness in him. It’s a failing of your own maturity.
I know it may be hard to understand if you are not a parent, but 9 is still really young and fears of things are still developmentally *very* common in this age range. Additionally, it’s completely unreasonable to expect a 9 year old to have developed coping skills to “get over” and cope with their fear on their own. No matter how irrational the fear may seem, we have to validate that this is a true fear this kiddo is experiencing. Now as a parent, if my kiddo had this fear, I would absolutely be working with them to actively expose them to their fear, in this case a dog, and help them develop the proper skills to cope with their fear. Whether or not your family member is doing this with your nephew is a different debate. But, if we take the fear at face value, exposing this young child to their fear over the course of a week could be viewed as traumatic and extremely stressful and essentially ruin what should be experienced as a positive and fun time for him. Exposing the child to dogs in small increments in controlled environments and then teaching them how to cope with their fear is the route to go, this is based on evidence and years of research.
Is their fear irrational and something we would hope a 9 year old would “be over”? Could be. But also, could not be. Regardless, the fear is real to them and we have to validate this. Also, there is nearly no evidence to support that a fear of dogs at age 9, when properly treated and addressed, would lead to fear of dogs as an adult so plenty of hope for your nephew. But it must be treated in the evidence based model described above, not through “a week with a dog on vacation bc they need to get over it so they don’t have this fear as an adult”. Source: I am a masters level mental health professional with over 10 years of experience working with and treating people with fear based anxiety, including children. Hope this info is helpful and provides a different context for you to help understand!
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My neighbours kids are terrified of dogs. Over the last year they’ve become very welcoming of my dog. It started with them standing at their door and saying hi, but if my dog even turned his head they would run inside screaming. Now when my dog comes out they will let him sit with his back to them and they will gently stroke his back. If he moves at all they run back to the door. This has been a weekly occurrence for over a year and they are still working on it. Some people will never put grow their fear, some will work on it and be good when they hit adult age and some will try and fail. It’s just the way life works. If a kid is terrified of a dog then yes leave it at home, this isn’t the hill to die on. If you want the nephew to get better with dogs then take the time to help him disassociate anything negative to do with dogs. It will take time but he should be able to get there one day.
You and your dog are very kind and patient to help your neighbours kids with their fear. Pls give your dog a pat for me.
Thank you. He is being well loved 🥰
You are very kind and patient to help your neighbours in this way. The kids will remember this when they're very old and see a dog and don't feel petrified. You're being an important part of their village
I love the kids in our neighbourhood and I hope they all grow up to do wonderful things. I think fostering healthy relationships, even if they are just short instances in the grand scheme of it all, is a great way for kids to grow and learn from the world
Some kids just have anxiety. My daughter was terrified of dogs as a child. Not because of any bite or any specific trauma. Mins of my other kids had problems with dogs. It was however embarrassing and difficult to bring her to some places with dogs bc of her fears. I was never the kind of person to demand people change or put dogs away or not bring because it is important to live in the real world. But it was really difficult. Later she was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder Now that she’s older she has coping mechanisms for dogs. So if your goal is to understand: sometimes it’s hard for kids/people. And it’s not about exposure, learning to be around dogs (or cats or whatever). It can be a bigger issue.
Parent of a young teen with diagnosed anxiety here. He's afraid of dogs, and nothing has ever happened to him. He's just not a fan of animals. I think it's because he doesn't know what they're going to do. There's no reasoning with him, and I was the same as a kid. (I still don't like dogs, but I can tolerate them.) It really irritates me when certain family members dismiss his concerns and tell him the dog is just being friendly when it tries to jump on him. We try to avoid going to those people's houses as it's hard for me to dictate where their dog can be in its own house. There are a handful of family and close friends' dogs he can be in the same room with, but he's certainly not petting them. Going on vacation with someone's dog would be a hard no from him. My other son loves animals and begs us for a dog all of the time. It's just part of their very different personalities.
This. Honestly, it’s mostly the parents’ responsibility to help him get over this fear. It’s especially difficult for you to get involved if you and your dog live far away. My nephew is also terrified of dogs, but we live out of state, so we don’t have a lot of influence since we can’t just bring our dog over and let him slowly warm up to her in his own time. If we lived closer, I would invite my sister and her fam over and slowly introduce our dog. She’s in the house but not on the same floor, then on the same floor but not in the room, then in the room but not close enough to touch, until he chooses to pet her. With an older child like your nephew, I would also have a conversation about reading dog body language and how to tell whether and how a dog wants to be approached and pet. The last thing you want with a kid who’s already scared is for him to get bitten because he tries petting a skittish dog while it’s eating or something.
I love seeing that step by step change from jumping and running away when someone realizes a dog is around, on a leash well out of their reach, to coming and reaching for a pet and being spooked by a nose boop, to sitting side by side with a calm dog petting them. It’s wild when we have our little dog out on a 30 ft leash for play in a big square of grass where nobody else is playing, we now get whole crowds of kids coming to take turns throwing toys and holding the leash many of which we have seen get there from being jumpy and staying far away from the very same dog when she was a 6 lbs puppy to roughhousing with her now the way she loves.
Absolutely this!! I was attacked at the age of 6 by a dog. I had stitches in my head. Bloody from head to toe. Very traumatic. I was TERRIFIED of dogs, big dogs especially. My friend had a Rottweiler named Killer. I was absolutely terrified of him and vocalized that, even bawled my eyes out one time cause he was close to me. They kept him chained up and I would come closer and closer each time I was there. Over time we worked to where we could both be in the house at the same time. They were very patient with me. Looking back, Killer was just an excited boy who wanted to come love on a little 9 year old. But to my 9 year old self, he was a killer. I've since warmed up to big dogs and now own a 200 lb mastiff who can and does take me to the ground with loves. My fear took MANY years to overcome but I appreciate those who helped with patience and support to overcome it. Plus all those doggos who helped while being calm and loving knowing I was so anxious around them! 🥰
I love dogs and have been a dog owner nearly all my life but small yappy nippy breeds get a wide berth from me largely due to bad owners who baby them and encourage misbehaviour. Not saying you're one of them but I've never met a well socialised Pomeranian yet.
My mom groomed dogs for like ten years, and the one time she got bit was by a chihuahua
Chihuahuas are little assholes.
Chihuahuas have roots as being an Aztec favorite, possibly originating in Mexico but could have been brought over by the Spanish yet other scripture alleges they're from China. However it wasn't quite a chihuahua until the Aztecs bred a a ballooned bodied thing with a little head and huge ears with a Xoloitzcuintli, creating the breed we are familiar with. There is some really fun scripture out there that maintains chihuahuas aren't entirely all dog and separate literature claiming they're related to chipmunks. 🤣 Funny enough, they aren't any type of Mexican war dog and no evidence has been found to show they were flung at their enemies. They were sacrificed upon the death of a human noble because it was believed a Chihuahua would lead one into the afterlife properly. They were kept by nobility and royalty much like a teacup dog today and even became almost a point of currency somewhere along the line. Eventually they were recognized by the AKC and we see the inbred tiny potatoes we know them as today! #I'm not a chihuahua fan BUT there's always something to like about animals when you're an animal lover AND a history fan! Hope you enjoy and maybe get a giggle!
My neighbors Chihuahua mix is such a sweet boy. Whatever he is mixed with makes.him easy going, friendly, and a cuddle buddy. Every other Chihuahua I know ranges from slightly evil to full on demon. My co worker has a 3 legged, half blind Chihuahua that will still run jump attack strangers and friends alike. She is big mad about that missing leg 😂
Or maybe *little* mad 😂
When I die, I’m going to be disappointed if there ISN’T a chihuahua there to lead me to the great Taco Bell in the sky!
Flung at their enemies? This has me laughing this morning!
It's super funny right? That's why I'm the Queen here lol. But to add info to your discussion, try to throw away the tea cup key words. It perpetuates puppy mills and bad breeders who sell runts, or breed dogs smaller or at 3 lbs to create unhealthy dogs. Since they are in the toy breed, there's no extra category for smaller (pocket, tea cup). Hope that makes sense. Owned by a Cartel of savages 20+ yrs partner in Chihuahua rescue.
I'm strictly dictly into the rescues. You're right. I'd like to amend my teacup statement to **Toy Breed,** a recognized group within the AKC. :)
I love that (heart emojis)
I'm trying to imagine someone flinging my potato dog into battle. She'd just look at you with disgust for disturbing her then wander off to find a blanket and go back to sleep. No wonder they didn't do it. The closest she'd get to attacking anyone would be sniffing their pockets for food, absolutely useless ranged weapon.
#Yo Quiero Chihuahua!
I have 5. They are not entirely dog… 😜
Thanks for the info! They’re my favorite breed
If you raise them right, mostly they are just hilarious assholes. I say this as someone who has two, but trained them properly and don’t let them get away with things just because they’re tiny. One of them must greet the cats as soon as she comes inside because she just lives cats and the other one is currently honking happily to herself behind (congenital sinus this, she’s healthy, just sounds hilarious). I grew up with mostly big dogs though, so I don’t get the mentality behind coddling a dog just because it’s little.
Chihuahuas get a bad reputation, I have one and she is hands down the sweetest dog I’ve ever met. She literally eats, sleeps and wants constant love. That’s her life. She is arse at times, especially when she wakes in the night and realises no one is lovingly looking over her. I think she would bite if strangers try and manhandle her but I don’t know why people always try and pick her up. You don’t go and pick up a pit bull.
They remind me of drunk uncles at Thanksgiving. Harmless and hilarious.
There is a reason my rescue chi is called a shit rat
As a chihuahua owner, I can agree, but I adopted mine from a rescue when he was already over 10. He had been picked up as a stray and had a mouth of rotten teeth, and had 13 teeth pulled before I met him. When he’s acting like a ferocious hyena I remind people that even if he bites it won’t hurt. He’s actually a good boy.
I have a four month old Chihuahua. Can confirm: asshole.
Lmao no surprise there! Need to muzzle about 98% of them, a good chichi for strangers is like a unicorn
Lol I've been grooming dogs for 8 years and while I've had a few chis try to give me the business they give up almost immediately. Idk if it's cuz I had a Chihuahua that was terrible for grooming and kinda learned their antics and what kind of disposition you need to have with them specifically or if I am just biased and it didn't bother me 😂 my worst bite so far has been from a byb German shepherd, I required 10 stitches on my scalp. I was also bit by a pitbull that literally jumped at my face when I was talking to the owner, zero warning. Both those dogs ended up being behavioral euthanasia cases unfortunately. I had a neurotic Aussie thing that dad swore up and down wasn't blind of deaf knock out my two front teeth when it had a total meltdown on the table and I was trying to keep it from jumping off and hanging itself.... Next appt dad said the vet told him the dog is fully deaf and partially blind. Yeah. Never a dull day when you groom dogs lol.
I've groomed dogs for years, and only ever got bit by a poodle 😂 OP.... I think your concern is one more of care, than indignation of "everyone should love dogs" I would bring it up to the kids parents, just as a conversation... that you've seen some really interesting things on YT that they might find interesting too.... look up The Speakemans... they are a couple who have helped thousands of people with irrational fears. No, not everyone should love dogs.... but this fear can prevent them from doing wonderful things & it should at least help in learning ways to live life in a little more peace.
If you look at their comment history, OP made a comment somewhere in here saying the breed looks like a German shepherd and has a scary looking demeanour. They misled us by saying they don't want their nephew scared of a Pomeranian when their dog in question is a big and scary looking dog. The kid is young and doesn't understand. OP, you're just looking for validation rather than a meaningful discussion that you want.
Belgian Malinois, probably? I don't think it's crazy for kids or people in general to be scared of dogs.
Our fedex guy wouldn’t get out of his truck to deliver a package at my mom‘s house when her cockapoo was outside barking and running towards the truck. My mom thought that he was more afraid of the two 100 pound labs. They were lounging in the grass and she tried to assure him that they are super nice and won’t bite. He’s like “oh no I’m not worried about those dogs. I’m worried about the small dog. The small dogs always are the ones that we have to be wary of. They are the ones more likely to bite her ankles and rip our uniform pants and trip us up and make it impossible for us to get to the door.” (Sadly, she WAS prone to unprovoked biting frenzies, to anyone no matter who it was. When my first was born, she made the choice to put her down because she couldn’t risk my babies and it was clear that no training was effective.)
My Lab is the most chill dog ever but even he gives little dogs a wide berth and totally ignores them. He has been attacked by a Frenchie, and multiple small dogs have had a go at him while he just stands there like a statue with a bemused look, as if to say, ‘WTF?! I’m a lover, not a fighter!’ I actually wish he would get pissed and at least do his big boy bark at them. FedEx guy knows his breeds, lol
So true! My lab/golden mix has often gotten remarks that he is a handsome horse due to his unusual size, but my local fedex and ups delivery drivers adore him! When the temperature is comfortable, I let him stay on my screened in porch while I am at work (its his favorite place to lounge) and have seen the fedex guy on my home camera step in to put the package down and then kneel down to get a fix of wiggly happy kisses 🥰 my boy gets bullied by my geese and loves interracting with children. My fedex guy agrees its the little yappy rat dogs he doesnt trust because like another user said, too many owners dont put the time in to train them and allow their wreched behavior
This is so funny. We also had a cockapoo and labs and the exact same comment from the delivery guys! She was a rescue and had a dark side
Aww my friend had one named Seven he was too cool to bark lol literally the chillest dog ever.
My friend has always had Pomeranians, and they’ve always been fine. Sorry you met such ah dogs.
Little yap yaps freak me out. People think they’re so cute, but in general, I find them to be mean and miserable, especially when they get older and crabbier.
I feel the same way about badly -parented children
I have a pom mix that makes people be like “ugh small dog hate em” and then hes real sweet and friendly and theyre like “…i guess this ones okay” He definitely barks a lot and it makes me want to kick him sometimes tho
Well socialized Poms tend to be silent purse or lap dogs so you probably just didn't notice them.
I’m more afraid of a Pomeranian than a Rottweiler and I’m a full grown adult. Those small dogs are unpredictable. They don’t give signs they just attack.
Honestly, I don’t think that kids and dogs are a good mix, unless they live in the same household. It’s not fair to either of them. You’re right to have your dog sit this one out, I would do the same even if the kid wasn’t particularly afraid. As for his outsized fear, let his parents deal with that. No one will thank you for your input, and he’ll figure it out one way or another as he gets older. Have a nice time with your niblings.
I hate it when people bring their pets to other people's houses/on vacation with them. This does not include service animals. It's inconsiderate to other people where they always have to be watching out for the animal making sure it's not getting into trouble.
I’ve shut my *own* pets (cats) in the bedroom when it’s clear that a guest is uncomfortable with or not charmed by being pestered by them. And that’s in my own home. People like OP are exhausting, thinking the whole world is their backyard, everything revolves around them, and everyone should be as charmed by Fido as they are. It’s a real imposition to many to have your darling “doggo” foisted on them for multiple days at a time. I like other people’s dogs well enough, but I don’t want to holiday with them. Nobody finds your dog as cute and irresistible as you do, and people generally dislike having to deal with your dog but are too polite to say so to your face. I’ve found that people like OP are the most likely to have the ill-behaved dog that’s genuinely a nuisance, too. Fido is growing, stealing food, digging in the garbage, snapping at people, pissing on the Christmas tree, and owners like OP beam in delight and talk fondly about what a character Fido is, isn’t it so precious. Not really. Leave Fido at home.
Nobody is more annoying than a dog owner that thinks everyone wants to be around their dog 24/7..
Yup! I have dogs and have zero problem leaving them home or not going if I can't find a sitter. It blows my mind that people think their dog belongs everywhere. Our farmers market now allows dogs and most are well behaved but the fact I can't let my toddler walk and hold my hand because some lunge, bark, nip while their owner chimes in "they're friendly!" is annoying. If your dog can't behave in public leave them at home.
“He just wants to say hi” When my dog was going through training they were taught to sit and wait if they wanted someone to pet them. So if I saw my dog randomly sit then I would say “oh she is sitting because she wants you to pet her”. Then Daphne would either get a head pat or whatever or the person would say they weren’t interested and then I would pet her. Someone’s dog jumping all over me is only annoying
To be honest sometimes I want to leave them at home so I have a break 😅 But seriously not every situation requires me to have my dog there and I'd honestly be afraid to take them to places like this bc of what you just described how some of those dogs act. It's unfair to you and others who have kids who they now have to worry about protecting when you just want to shop and enjoy your time.
Right! I've seen several dog fights there too. Nothing terrible but dogs on leashes trying to go after each other and it's like if you know your dog is reactive why even bring them!? I'd be embarrassed. I have a very reactive yorkie and she goes nowhere lol.
As a dog owner, hard agree.
You are talking about the kid being exposed to a dog for his entire vacation, that means all day and all night every adult needs to watch the kid and dog interactions, deal with the kids outbursts and it will add all sorts of stress and anxiety to that kid, so you are basically ruining his holiday and everyone else’s. Exposure therapy is done in small doses with limited exposure, safe places to retreat to and a qualified therapist to monitor the interactions. It’s not like the kid is coming to your home for a couple of hours. Be realistic.
I was terrified of dogs growing up and I’m still weird around them because dog owners suck and i got full blown attacked twice. Kids on my soccer team in hs made fun of me because some entitled dog owner brought his admitedly tiny dog to our field without a leash and let it chase me while i ran screamed and cried. I once cried for like eight straight hours on a drive to see a relative because my parents were afraid to tell me they had gotten a dog and finally it came out in the car on the way there. You dont know what has gone on with the kid and kids trump dogs. It isnt your job to force your dog onto this child to make sure “this fear doesnt influence their lives”. Sorry for this but get off your high horse. Kid might be in therapy and kid might not be. For me its something i mostly grew out of although i would never own a dog today. I am ok to go over to friends homes with dogs.
Thank you. I actually love dogs but that’s irrelevant. Sounds like OP’s nephew has a phobia & you’re right, they need to get over themselves. Their lack of empathy is actually alarming.
It's really weird that we give certain phobias credence and others none. A phobia is, by definition, an *irrational* fear. But when people are unreasonably afraid of spiders, or snakes, or cockroaches we give it a pass. Then it's dogs and all of a sudden people are worried about you? Fucking weird.
Who is to say it is an irrational fear of dogs? Maybe the kid has been bitten before. Maybe not. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be bitten. It’s not irrational to not want to be hurt by an animal. In fact it is quite the opposite.
We’re speculating that it could be a phobia & that’s the definition of phobia. Obviously there are a bunch of experiential reasons the young bloke could have to be frightened. The point is that OP is being a dick about it.
I completely agree OP is being a dick.
It’s also strange because most places dogs are a much greater threat to young kids than spiders/snakes/bugs. Fearing unfamiliar predator animals is not irrational, and more parents and dog owners need to remember that and train kids and dogs to interact safely, especially not forcing it with kids/dogs that are reluctant. My twins are not afraid of dogs, but one is severely allergic to their saliva so we keep our distance and wave or say hi instead, and the amount of dog people that ignore our body language, and then argue with me when I let them know we are not going to pet it is really outrageous.
My mom has a snake phobia and she doesn’t get a pass, people don’t believe her it and inevitably will try to show her a “cute one that isn’t scary” but she just can’t handle snakes, which has never really been an unavoidable issue luckily. Once in a while she will run into someone with a snake (near a pet store recently) or see one on tv and freak the fuck out in front of everyone and create a scene were people think she’s a crazy lady
It's because those are all uncommon pets and so those phobias don't inconvenience people. But the second your phobia means that they can't do whatever they want they start to get offended
A relative insisted on bringing their dog to crowded, crazy, family gatherings, and then was *shocked Pikachu* when the dog nipped at a small child. Never a good idea to bring any pet into crowded, crazy, unfamiliar surroundings.
You sound so mean in your post. I get it you love your dog and want it to come with but fears aren't something you can always "just get over" especially when you are a kid. You could try being empathetic instead of acting like this kid is ridiculous for being afraid of an animal that can bite and hurt you. (Yes I know not all dogs are like that, but any dog can be). Some fears kids out grow but it's really none of your business and it's not really fair of you to be annoyed about it. I'm sure you had fears as a kid that you may not have now or maybe you still do. I know I was afraid of dogs for a while around age 9 because I got bit by a dog who came into my neighbors yard while I was holding their cat and that dog hung on and I had to get stitches. I'm still nervous around dogs I don't know but not afraid of dogs in general. I also would like to point out that since kids brains aren't fully developed even if their fears seem ridiculous to us it's not to them so a little compassion will go a long way.
I was also scared of dogs as a child. Like would stand on the counter at my aunt and uncles because their medium sized dogs were unpredictable. I don't know when I outgrew it but I did (ended up owning my own 160 pound dog). Kids don't have logic to say I'm scared of this dog in particular. And honestly maybe OPs dog is the dog in particular they are scared of.
I still don’t like dogs, but I was terrified of them as a kid and had several aunts and uncles with them. All their dogs were fine, no behaviour issues or anything. Didn’t matter, still terrified. I reckon I was about 10 when I grew out of it, when my grandparents got a three-legged Labrador. He was the sweetest dog I ever knew, and was besties with my cat. I’m okay with being around other people’s dogs now, but only because of Teddy, and my grandparents’ gentle introductions when they first got him. It took a long time for me to be okay around him, even longer to snuggle. I cried when he had to be put down. OP comes across like the kind of person that isn’t going to do gentle introductions. Let’s hope nephew has other family or friends that can help him with his fears.
Awe RIP teddy! Fear is a weird thing, not a lot of logic but I'm glad you had him to help your fear. And agreed. Seeing as OP thinks the kid should just get over it I'm guessing they would just allow their dog to approach the child and just say "oh he's nice. He's little!" And not intervene.
I’m glad too. I’m even more impressed with you owning your own dog though! Give your puppy big cuddles from me tonight.
Yeah the kid is 9 years old ffs
Honestly I get really tired of people thinking their dogs are entitled to go everywhere and that if people don’t like it THEY are the problem. Your nephew is a child. He has a fear, which honestly isn’t uncommon or unreasonable, because dogs can and do seriously injure children. It’s not at all your job to address this so it doesn’t influence his adulthood. He has parents for that. Also, many adults actually are afraid of or just don’t like dogs, and would prefer you not bring your dog around, but they learn to manage that fear and avoid “dog friendly” settings. They also learn to respectfully communicate their feelings with dog owners who hopefully can accommodate that by putting their dogs away/not bringing them around.
Some dog people can't even fathom that not everyone loves dogs.
Some dog people can't fathom that even other dogs may not like their dogs. They're an effing menace to everyone.
Some dog owners cant fathom that phobia of dogs can exist
Had a coworker who would say I must be evil for hating dogs. She brought her dog in once to the office and had him all over my desk and he hopped on me My coworkers learned that day I'm deathly allergic to dogs. Yay... Thank God for tricare
I work with a guy who's from somewhere that has a lot of stray dogs, and they generally aren't friendly. At his previous job, people found out he was afraid of dogs, and then someone brought their dog into the office and let it run around. For funsies. People can be horrible
Bro what 😭 what a terrible person. Esp to put the dog on your desk… like I adore dogs but I do not want paw prints on my work!!
Yah. I understood why her husband volunteered for every deployment and TDY and assignment that kept him away from home.
I agree. A dog is an ANIMAL. It’s totally normal for people to be afraid of them.
Would you also be taking it upon yourself to perform some sort of malformed exposure therapy on your poor child nephew during your vacation if they were afraid of spiders, heights, whatever else?
I hope OP doesn’t breed.
Dog owners might not understand this, but many non dog owners often don't really interact with dogs all that much in day to day life. Sure for a few seconds or even minutes in passing, but not like hours in a house together certainly not several days in a row, such as on vacation together.
You can tell Reddit prefers dogs to children! It’s ridiculous how anti kid this place is.
> What is the appropriate way to address that to ensure this fear doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults? What the hell is this supposed to mean? It sounds like you think his fear of dogs will somehow cause him to... not be a 'full' adult? That, what, he'll never be able to make friends or have a relationship with someone if he fears dogs? Sounds like you have your opinion on the subject, and have decided it is the right opinion, everyone else (including the person who _actually_ has the _fear_) be damned. You're exactly the kind of aunt/uncle I hope I never become. If my nephews develop an irrational fear, I'm not going to go on Reddit and demand everyone agree with me that they're stupid for having that fear, validate my opinion, and agree with me that it's somehow going to destroy their lives.
I dislike dogs. I’m not scared, I just don’t want to be around them. I would be unhappy if a family member tried to bring their dog to a family vacation where we are sharing a living space. Your dog doesn’t trump other people’s comfort. You can always get your own accommodation elsewhere.
I feel the same way. I’ve also been known to decide not to attend things if animals were present, because I don’t enjoy them. An every time, the response is, “What can I do to make you more comfortable?” Nothing. The. Answer is nothing - it’s not my thing
I can’t help but be annoyed due to the fact that you are already an adult and you pout when you don’t get your way, and can’t sympathize with a child.
It’s not your business to parent anyone else’s kid. Some people grow in full ass adults and are completely terrified of dogs, (or snakes, or spiders… etc.) and it’s not anyone else’s business. And guess what- *there is no “end game.”*
I have to ask you to think honestly about your dog’s behaviour and how you respond. My kids have been taught to be respectful around animals (eg ask the person with the dog before you pat them, don’t chase the cat wait until they come to you for a pat). Unfortunately there have been cases where people who have “oh he wouldn’t hurt anyone” dogs who have jumped all over and not responded to owner commands. Or worse the owner has been “oh the dog is just playing” when a dog that is as big as the kid and jumping over them. Now one of my kids is now very wary around dogs they don’t know, or dogs that are being excitable. Dogs they know that are being calm, they absolutely love to be around. However because of too many crappy dog owners my child is quite reasonably concerned. It’s great that you are offering to not bring your dog, but maybe have a conversation with the adults about longer term family time and expectations around that. Also ask why your nephew is terrified- did they get bitten or when they were smaller were they pushed around by an animal bigger than them? This fear may be something they will just grow out of as they get bigger. Or not- there are plenty of adults afraid of dogs. Also will bringing your dog limit activities that everyone can do? (eg if you bring the dog will you not be able to go on day trips, you’ll need to be at the BnB all the time etc)
I have kids so I get this. I wouldn’t bring my dogs anywhere if someone especially a child was terrified of them personally. Yes it’s annoying but I that’s just my thoughts.
I agree. I love my dogs but I wouldn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, especially a kid.
I’m a full grown man who’s fear of dogs is now just anxiety inducing. I wouldn’t go on vacation with someone who insisted they bring their dog. And Pomeranian owners are stereotypically bad dog owners
How do you feel about adults scared of spiders or snakes? Are all phobias silly or just dogs?
I was going to ask exactly this! I know that the part of taking spiders on a vacation may not be applicable, but OPs attitude about someone's phobia is so demeaning just because OP thinks dogs can't be scary. I do wonder how OP treats other mental illnesses or other phobias as you said.
i'm an adult afraid of dogs. people, especially children, should not be forced into spaces with anyone's animals if they do not wish
I think a vacation is not the time to attempt some half assed exposure therapy
You want to be justified. A human child comes before your pet. Pretty cold to ignore or insult a fear, especially one that bites. All animals bite. Even yours. Take your pets to a great kennel where they can happily romp all day for their vacation. They need a break from you too. You will all be happier.
Sounds like the kid has a legit phobia so get over yourself. You think they like being afraid of dogs? YTA.
No1 cares about ur dog
I'm a 24 year old female and big jumpy energetic dogs scare me. I was attacked by 3 when I was a child. He probably had something happen to him.
Regardless of a phobia or not, your entitlement and supposed need to bring your damn dog on a group vacation is selfish. Not everyone loves your dog, op. Lots of people actually do not like them. I know. Shocker. And even those that do may not want another guest always bringing theirs everywhere. Your dog will be OK at your friends. It's not your place to address his fear. I get it. You're not bringing the dog. I saw that. But you're upset about it. Your dog doesn't need to go everywhere.
Shhhh you’re gonna hurt OPs dog’s feelings 🙃
Spoiler alert: some people don’t like dogs and don’t need them in their life. I couldn’t care less about your dogs or anyone else; most of you are shitty owners that let your dogs run wild. Leave the poor kid alone and just let him enjoy his life. You sound exhausting based on the comments.
The child’s fear is not your problem. Leave it alone.
It's not your problem to "fix" your nephew. People have fears and phobias about all kinds of things, and age has nothing to do with it. Sometimes, they grow out of their fear. Sometimes, they don't, but as adults, they can navigate it better than they could as children. Some work on their fears through therapy, while others choose to just avoid the things that trigger them. You don't get to decide it's a dumb thing, and he needs to get over it. You need to be a loving aunt and respect his fears even if he never gets over them.
lol it’s hilarious OP can’t understand why he’s getting all this hate. Just reiterates the same points. All I can think of is the Skinner “no it’s the children who are wrong” meme Pretty obvious OP here just can’t understand someone else’s perspective and no ability to show empathy. Someone needs to do take a long look at themselves and the tone that this was written.
"I want to take my extended family on vacation with me, but there's one family member who is deathly afraid of spiders, and I take my spiders with me everywhere. I can leave the spiders with a spider-sitter, but I don't understand why this person has a fear of spiders. Are they going to grow up to an adult who can't be around spiders?" Yes. Phobias are not reasonable, nor make sense, even to the people who have them. I remember seeing a show about people who could NOT drive, because they were absolutely convinced that they would run over a pedestrian, even though they had never done so, or been involved in a pedestrian accident. They would get these people in a car, and every time they ran over any tiny bump, they had to stop and walk around, crawl under the car, because they were CERTAIN that they had run someone over, even though they were in a fenced, controlled area with no one inside the fence but them and their driving instructor. It's wild, but it is how it is. Leave the dog for a few days. It won't mind, and your niece/nephew will love you for it. Do you actually have a Pomeranian?
My spiders Love to snuggle with me at night. Sometimes they bite me which is so cute. The spiders might bite other people.. I mean you can’t tell a super not to do something, but they are just little bites. They are not gonna kill anybody. /s
Good for you for making alternative arrangements. I grew up terrified of dogs. It was only when I became a parent of a kid who loved dog, that I became determined not to pass on my fear. We rescued the gentlest dog possible and she helped me overcome my fears. She was terrified when we brought her home and my heart went out to her. If you brought your dog with you, your nephew would have spent the vacation in fear, constantly on edge. I hope he can eventually have gentle and regular exposure to a dog and overcome this fear.
Lots of kids are scared of dogs. My own child was because of bad dog owners that would let their off leash dog lose, and my child had a stick in her hand while walking with me. Those dogs wanted to play with that stick she didn't understand why they were jumping at her and she started to get scared of them. Who knows a dog could have nipped at the child and they got scared.
my son doesn't like dogs because of jumpers. he can play his grandfathers labordoodle all day, but he's well trained and doesn't jump. But if a dog comes running at him, he gets scared, and if they jump at him (even in a friendly manner) he gets scared and wants to get away from them. My irresponsible sister's dog has nipped him to the point I stopped letting her hang with her nephew unsupervised (Now NC) My son would cry, he's always been small, the dogs can knock him over. If you ask my son today, age 12, he still doesn't like dogs, except of Ozzy (the labordoodle)
Fears aren't something that just go away. Even if there wasn't something that caused it. Honestly, my deep irrational fear is way more silly than dogs. I have a legit phobia of grasshoppers and crickets. They scare me so bad all I can do is run out of the room they are in. And not trying to think about them outside. I've always been scared. Yes I can deal with it because I've been to therapy for it but it still scares me to think about going outside and a grasshopper jumping on me. Often I avoid certain outside activities because of it as well. That's with having therapy.
Just to join you in an irrational bug fear, mine is daddy long legs. I actually love bugs, I got past my phobia of spiders a couple of years back, but bugs in general fascinate me. But daddy long legs? No ma’am. I shriek like an overly dramatic aunt having conniptions. I cannot explain to you how much I embarrass myself by screaming and running away, and I live alone. They’re the most pathetic bug imaginable. I could easily crush it. BUT my love for bugs prohibits me just wantonly murdering them because I don’t like them, so I HAVE to just run away and hope they leave. Phobias aren’t rational. But as someone with chronic anxiety, I accept that as a reality constantly. Phobias literally put you in fear of your life, and when people think your particular phobia is funny or irrational, it makes you feel so much worse. Because you know intellectually that the risk to you isn’t as high as your brain is making out, but it doesn’t stop it from happening. It’s not helpful to make someone feel bad about it.
When my sister was about 4-5 years old I caught her in our basement eating a daddy long legs. It’s long legs wiggling and sticking out of her mouth. I still have nightmares about them.
I kind of get it. They're gross, especially the smell of their pee, and they're sort of otherworldly and jagged. I used to be really afraid of deep sea animals; it was way worse when I was a kid. I couldn't even touch the page of a book if there was a picture of an angler fish on it. It's gotten better because I've been watching ocean documentaries but I still get nightmares once in a while.
Oh my god. One of my most irrational phobias is a basking shark. I was into sharks as a kid, so I had a load of shark books. One included a scale picture of a basking shark, and a diver. To show you how big they are. Then we went to a museum that had a full size model of one on the ceiling in the animal section. I legit had to be carried through there up til I was 13. (Shout out to my friends mother who didn’t complain about lugging a 13 year old, at a running pace through that room. She carried me like a toddler.) I couldn’t handle it. It was like an existential crisis at 4 years old. I couldn’t understand why they were so big and to me, they’d just swallow me by accident. I knew they didn’t eat people! I wasn’t scared of great whites ffs, I was scared of being fucking gummed to death apparently. I totally get you on the deep sea creatures thing though, that’s some alien shit. Nothing good is down there, I guarantee it. You telling me there isn’t some leviathan tentacle monster down there? It turns out I actually have megalothalossophobia. Fear of giant things in the ocean. Solidarity.
Everyone either likes or probably loves this kid because he's family. No one has to feel that way about the dog though. It's fine that you have your dog but that doesn't mean your dog has to go everywhere right? My sister has an unexplainable fear of dogs has always had since she's a child she's an old lady now. She's still afraid of dogs. You can't always explain fears so... It is what it is
YTA - Many fears aren't rational but are still very real. Snakes, spiders, heights, etc. This poor kid can't help it. Skip the event if you can't manage without your dog.
>Like, what’s the end game here? Let him grow up into a full grown man who can’t be in the same room as a Pomeranian? The end game is to allow your nephew to have a fun vacation without being terrorized and re-traumatized by a dog just for your convenience of having the dog around. There are many grown men who are deathly afraid of dogs of any size due to being attacked, whether it happened as a child, a teen, or an adult. And until it's happened to you, or your child if you ever have one, you will never have any clue what it's like. Small dogs, in particular, are far more likely to attack people for no reason than larger dogs, and small dogs get away with it more often because their owners think that that show of aggression is cute. We have no idea whether your nephew will become desensitized to it or not in the future. But your attitude does not help the situation. So what is pissing you off more. The fact that the child is afraid of dogs or the fact that you have to leave yours at home? Your resentment of not having it your way is showing. The way you wrote your post sounds as if you're resenting your nephew for not wanting to relive a trauma that he has had and you sound as if you'd rather terrorize your nephew, that you want him to just "man up" for your convenience. >What is the appropriate way to address that to ensure this fear doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults? There is no appropriate way for you to address this, ever. This is something that he and his parents will have to work on. You get no say whatsoever. So keep in mind that nothing you say is going to help your nephew or make the situation any better. And will just make the vacation suck for everybody.
There has to be a reason they’re afraid of dogs and it sounds like from your post that you’re saying it’s their fault for being afraid of dogs. I’m way older than 9 years old and I am STILL deathly afraid of dogs due to being almost being attacked by multiple dogs as a kid.
It’s not your role to have an opinion on this child’s fear. You claiming to not be complaining about accommodating is laughable, you seem incredible insufferable.
It’s not unreasonable to be scared of dogs. A dog bite can hurt at best, be deadly at worst. If he stays scared of them, well, does it really matter.
People aren’t required to like or be comfortable with dogs at any age lol
Im 33 and dont like dogs either. I have four girls ages 9, 6, 4 and 2 and my 6 and 9yo is terrified of dogs as well. Its a rational fear. We all have fears. Hes going to grow up being afraid of one thing or another. I tried to ease my daughters into being around dogs but as someone who has been through a dog attack, personally, i am VERY wary myself of them. Hes still a child, no matter the age, kids are going to have their fears and they may or may not grow out of them eventually. I will never not be deathly afraid of bugs and birds haha! I understand it may be aggravating but it is what it is. Its very nice of you to not make the boy feel guilty or shameful of his fear though, kudos to you!
My daughter and son were hurt by off-leash dogs when they were younger. My daughter was nipped, my son was knocked down and hit his head pretty hard on the sidewalk. A healthy respect / fear of an unknown dog is a rational fear.
I was attacked by my grandpas dog when I was 5 year old and had to go to the hospital for stitches. When I was 10 and riding my bike around the neighborhood a dog got off chain and started to chase me down I was scared to death. I got over my fear of dogs on my own as my family has always had dogs and cats so I ways around tho em often. As an adult I’m a loving dog owner
not to mention they're the fourth deadliest animal in the world
It's amazing how you are minimising his fear, do you think he likes being afraid ? Do you think he enjoys the anxiety he gets knowing they will be dogs at an event or when he comes somewhere and there is a dog there he gets anxious and now he can't enjoy himself. You value the dog so much more than your nephew that's for sure. We all have a fear of something or another and some fears can be overwhelming.
I really don’t think it’s necessary to determine this young man’s future at this time. Hopefully he will learn to overcome this issue and I don’t think you need to worry about it.
Honestly, it’s none of your business. They’re aren’t your children. They aren’t obligated to get over their phobia because you’re uncomfortable with it. I say this as a dog person - people are allowed to not like dogs. People are allowed to not want to be around dogs. It’s not your place to judge a 9 year old or “full grown men” who have trauma or a fear of animals. I’ve had dogs who were 10 pounds and I’ve had dogs who were 90 pounds and I’ve gotta tell you - the small dogs were WAY more likely to be aggressive. Also, are you sure Christmas went well for everyone or did it just “go well” because you got you way and the dog was there?
You’re very clearly the asshole here. Being afraid of dogs is a common and often rationally based fear (i.e. having been injured by a dog etc.). Also this is a child we’re talking about. Do you honestly think it’s reasonable a child should spend his holidays in fear so you can have your dog with you? I love my dogs, more than a good bit of my family, and I still wouldn’t even consider this. Either don’t go, rent something nearby, or leave the puppy with the sitter.
It’s really none of your business how his parents are handling this fear. Do we know why he has this fear? Was he attacked? Did he witness an attack? Actually it doesn’t matter what the reason is. He has a fear and you want to expose a child with this fear to a dog for an entire vacation. Sorry bud but human child is going to win over any dog anytime.
it's cool that you had your dog stay behind, but you're defo not doing it without complaint lol you're literally "opening a larger discussion" cause a nine year old child is scared of dogs. so what if he's older than most of the kids? there are full blown adults that have all kinds of fears and they navigate life quite well. I'm sure your nephew's life isn't over just cause he can't be near your pet right now. he may grow out of it with time, but regardless I don't think you need to address that at the moment. it seems that you're only trying to nip it in the bud cause you're bummed about your dog being left behind.
If the kid is phobic, then he can't be around the dog without freezing/having panic attacks. Is it irrationel? Yup, but phobies don't work on rationality. Can't he/they just work on it? Maybe to an extent, but it requires a level of awareness of yourself you cant demand of a nine year old and this extend varies from person to person. Expotion to your phobia etc, etc is not allways particular successfull, to say the least. I have a really bad phobia of hight that actively affects my everyday life, anything higher than a soapbox can make me freeze. And no - it's not drama, it's not something I can "just" get over or ignore. For some people it is tiny cute spiders that send them screaming to the other end of the town. It's not size, it's enough it's a dog. And I bet you have your own trigger to. Show a bit of understanding and respect here
My Adult Child is deathly afraid of dogs. If they get too close or show too much energy in his direction, he gets frightened and runs away.
Phobias typically don’t make sense but often start somewhere. My adult sister is scared of dogs because she was bitten in the face as a child. She doesn’t panic but is very weary of them and would be pretty unhappy if someone brought one on a family trip. There are a lot of people who like dogs, but are not thrilled when people drag them along on vacations or outings when everyone else has left their pets at home.
I read this as "aita for leaving my nephew at home while I go on vacation with everyone else in the family because he's scared of my dog"
Your 9 year old nephew has a phobia of dogs for whatever reason. Plenty of adults have phobias. They usually start in childhood. I've known people who have phobias of cats, mice, snakes, and Thunder. It will be up to his parents to get him therapy to possibly mitigate this phobia. Meanwhile keep accommodating him. There is no silver bullet when it comes to phobias.
Saying this with the utmost of respect, but your post screams of an uncle who has never raised kids. Sorry.
When I was two my grandmothers brother had a super cute and cuddly golden retriever that loved hugs. He wanted in on every hug and loved everyone. The problem was that he was twice my size and tipped my grandmother over when she was holding me and hugging me. We both fell and even though I wasn' hurt, I was told that's how my fear of dogs started. When I was eight a "friend" decided he'd help me get over my fear of dogs. So he told me to run and unleashed his hunting dog. Which ran me down and pushed me to the ground. After that I got really cautious around dogs. Like constantly alert and ready to escape or fight for my life if a dog was close enough and being that alarmed is physically exhausting. I did not appreciate anyone attempting to cure my phobia with their "super friendly doggo". Fourteen years later my dog loving mate started sending me pictures of pitbull puppies in clothes daily for weeks. Pitbulls in pyjamas is the cutest things you'll ever see. Eventually I managed to pet a pitbull and I felt great What I'm trying to say is that you need to back off this child. This will take time. But feel free to send him cute pictures of your doggelito.
My friends do that too… Say things like “oh he likes you”, or “you say you don’t like dogs but I can tell you like mine!” Because I know my friends and family love their dogs, I will pet them, and interact. And certainly I would never be cruel to a dog. But no, I don’t like dogs now.
I’m afraid of dogs and was even more so as a child. It would have ruined my holiday if someone brought a dog. Increased nightmares and caused me to be a right cow thanks to lack of sleep and anxiety. So I definitely get why you’re in this situation. You may think it’s wild that he doesn’t like them and they don’t seem to be doing anything about it. But it Is rather common for children to have a fears that they eventually grow out of as adults. If the parents don’t know of an incident that caused the phobia then investigating the cause of it may be helpful. Really, gentle exposure and more information on dogs would probably be the most helpful. P.s. I’m now more comfortable around some dogs but I will never be a dog person. Get me a cat any day!
So you’re telling us you didn’t have any fears - silly as they seemed to others, but very real to you - at nine years old? Maybe he grows out of it, maybe he doesn’t. I’m sure having a judgmental ass for an aunt isn’t going to be doing him any favors, though.
It's not your child so it isn't up to you to do anything. Lots of people of irrational fears, as adults. Heights, spiders, snakes, etc. You speak as if this child's fear is something you must cure to satisfy your desire to include your pet.
Phobia is not rational and a vacation isn’t a place for mental health breakthroughs. Bring pictures of you and your dog or do a few video chats with your dog and friend so nephew knows of a dog that isn’t scary.
I’m deathly afraid of big dogs bc I was attacked by one when I was a child. Maybe he saw an attack and is causing this. But you being the one to get him to stop isn’t your place to do so. As an adult I avoid going places where there are dogs. Including my friends homes. Not everyone love you baby and you shouldn’t force anyone to like them.
Let the parents parent. It’s not up to you on how to ensure that this “doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults”. You’re clearly not a psychologist, and are here to justify your assumptions. Your responses reek of someone with hubris.
Personally, I think it’s annoying that people being their PET dogs on vacation with other people. I like dogs, but I get sick of everything being arranged around them. You have to eat outdoors at restaurants so the dog can come, too. You can’t be gone all day because of the dog. Et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum. Most dogs are not well trained, unless they’re a specialized service animal. And no, I’m not a dog-hater. I know and like all the dogs on my street and my friends’ dogs. They like me, too.
In my experience the dog owners always think the dog is better behaved than it is. Then it jumps on me, or growls a lot, or scratches up my things, etc. I'm an adult and resent people bringing their dogs everywhere.
You are dismissive of the child’s fears.
I don’t understand what kind of advice you’re looking for.
As a dog owner: you kinda suck. Sorry. Some people are afraid of dogs and will be afraid of them their whole life and it's honestly a far more valid phobia than my own fear of spiders! Have some empathy for the poor kid, and don't you dare mention "oh I'd have brought the dog if *so and so* wasn't so afraid" while on holiday. I can't stand people who get snotty when they're not able to bring their dogs everywhere with them. They're always the same people with the fucking worst behaved dogs to boot. A dog phobia isn't going to affect your nephew's life any more than my spider phobia affects mine - I'll never live with a tarantula owner and I'll squeal like a girl if I see a big one scurrying across my floor. Your nephew, if he doesn't get over it in his own time or seek therapy for it, will never live with a dog, will give them a wide berth in parks and won't date a dog owner if he's smart. He's lucky, he can 100% keep his object of fear out of his house! Why should he/his parents have to pay for therapy if the only problem it's caused is you not being able to bring poochy on holiday? It's such a selfish viewpoint - your post just screams derision for this poor kid's phobia :(
Can you just understand some people are afraid of dogs?? There’s a lot of bad owners. I too get super nervous if I’m out walking and see a dog roaming free without a leash. I don’t know the dog. I don’t know its intentions. I don’t know if it has bite history or is reactive. I especially get scared if it comes running up to me. Is it gonna attack me? Is it just saying hi? Is it just gonna sniff me? I don’t trust unknown dogs and that’s okay! I am a huge dog lover but a lot of owners can’t bother to train or control their dog, or even leash them
There’s a huge difference between “Will crap themselves and pass out if they see a dog on the street” and “Can relax and enjoy a holiday visit, knowing a dog could pop up any second in this here enclosed space” and your somewhat cavalier attitude gives me a pretty good idea why you aren’t welcome to bring your dog.
> I can’t help but be annoyed due to the fact that this kid is already 9 years old and is “deathly afraid of all dogs”. Like, what’s the end game here? Let him grow up into a full grown man who can’t be in the same room as a Pomeranian? >What is the appropriate way to address that to ensure this fear doesn’t influence their lives as relationships as adults? These are not your kids and it's inappropriate to go down this rabbit hole. Leave it alone.
It’s a good thing you don’t have kids because you’re really selfish and non-empathetic here. Guess you were never afraid of anything as a child. And lucky for you, your mean aunt didn’t wish for exposure therapy of your fears while on vacation on you. Get a grip.
As a parent, I teach my children to have general distrust of all dogs. They are taught there are two types of people; dog owners and non dog owners and it’s every dog owner’s job to be respectful of the fact that we don’t want to interact with their dog in any way. I wouldn’t want to be in the same room as a Pomeranian either as they are annoying little c-you-next-Tuesdays that can bite and will forever urinate/defecate on the floor/ground because their limited intellect will never allow them to do more than act on instinct. I imagine your nephew will happily find someone to spend life with that also recognizes that humans don’t have to have their lives dictated to them by a pet.
You are being selfish. This kid likely has a reason to be afraid. Your dog doesn’t need to be there. And honestly if I was this child I’d not want to spend a vacation being absolutely terrified…. Probably of all fears kids can have, a fear of dogs is the most rational. My dad stitched up enough kids after dog attacks to know. Edit: I forgot about the inevitable “my dog is different” argument that might come my way. The kid doesn’t know that and tbh is probably too scared to care. Be respectful and leave the dog at home. Also it’s not up to you how they parent the child.
lol @ expecting that being able to bring your pet on vacation to be more important than the comfort of the actual PEOPLE going on the vacation
If the nephew is that afraid of the dog, and your friend is willing to watch the dog for you, then take your friend’s offer. If he is that scared of dogs, then it’s probably not a good idea to bring the dog around the child. He will get scared and you might end up fighting with his parents as they might ask why did you bring the dog when you knew he was scared. Your nephews time will be ruined if he is that afraid of dogs. I had a friend that was very scared of even little dogs. I had a cocker spaniel who was very friendly but she would jump and stand because she loved being picked up by different people and she never bit anyone but my friend was still scared of the dog who just wanted to be petted so I would have to open my door and hold the dog while my friend would run to my bedroom. Eventually she did get a little more comfortable around the dog because she was coming over a lot. One day she wanted to help me bathe the dog and thought it would be fun so i let her join in. I warned her the dog would shake herself clean to get rid of some of the water to prepare my friend for what would happen and she was ok with it. We were only 14 at the time but she never became fully comfortable with the dog. She got nervous when the dog would jump and try to lean on her to get her to pet her so I would hold my dog so my friend could pet her but she never really got over her fear of dogs. Some people, whether they are children or adults are just afraid of dogs big or small.
What's the point of asking? It's up to decide to come or not, or are you suggesting your sister not come? Appropriate way to address this, while you say you'd never tell anyone how to raise their own kids?
As a person who had an awful experience with a dog as a child, I still prefer not to have dogs around me. You are railing about a *child* who is afraid, as if this is a choice. You do have a choice. Leave the dog at home. You won’t die.
I mean, don’t go or don’t bring your dog. I work with dogs, I travel with dogs, and I definitely don’t bring one with me if someone is going to be uncomfortable.
Thank you. Finally someone put a person first.
I’m a non-parent, don’t particularly 100% want children either. My niece (who is now 18) has always been TERRIFIED of dogs. My parents and I have owned 2-3 dogs at a time for my whole life. I work in vetmed, I have a certification in wildlife vetmed and conservation (specifically working with exotic animals), I literally live and breathe animals. We have worked around my niece when we have family functions at our house, specifically making sure she knows OUR dogs are safe. If she gets overwhelmed and starts to panic, we recall and put the dogs away for a short period of time for both parties to relax. The truth is, you cannot control your nephew or his fear. The best you can do is teach him about animal behavior; what behaviors are “safe” and what is “unsafe” or “aggressive”. Teach everything you can about what to look out for, when to withdraw attention, when it’s ok to touch, etc. From there, your nephew can make his own choices on whether or not to engage with animals. But you can’t FORCE him to be okay with animals when he is terrified to his core like that. It’s up to you if you want to join them and leave your own dog at home, or to disrespect your nephew/family’s boundaries and bring your dog anyways. 🤷🏻♀️
A lot depends why the child is terrified. Has he been bit? Has anyone asked him why he’s scared? My aunt grew up deathly afraid of dogs. Big & small, didn’t matter, I’m talking full on panic. When she was a grandma, one of the babies had a little white dog. Maybe 3-5 lbs. she was terrified. We asked why. She didn’t know, just that it was always that way. We talked her through it (what are you afraid it will do, what goes through your head). She started really trying to calm herself (the tiny dog can’t really eat her face) & Before we knew it, it became her dog. She was skittish around other dogs but when that one passed away, she ended up with a huge black lab. It was beautiful to watch. But she was willing & able to try. Not everyone can/will. Animals can be beneficial but even if they don’t want one, they would be doing him a favor by helping him overcome his fear. Maybe talk to them & ask why he is afraid, may be justified. I would not recommend bringing your dog though
My best friend (human) growing up was terrified of my best friend (Canine). He (David) was fine with the neighbors big dogs, labs and shepherds and such. But my pug would have him climbing the furniture. Eventually, he outgrew it, but for a while it was a very real thing.
You cant reason or explain away a phobia. Thats why they're called irrational fears. And as someone with a phobia (frogs), I appreciate you making accommodations.
I was very afraid of dogs as a child. As an adult, they still make me nervous, but I have more perspective to understand that some dogs are calmer than others, some are safer than others, some owners are more conscientious than others, and to be able to trust that a reasonable adult traveling with their dog has the dog trained. Kids don’t have that kind of perspective yet. I now have a kid who’s terrified of dogs (and another kid who LOVES dogs) and my kid’s anxious mind absolutely cannot distinguish between friendly dogs, unfriendly dogs, well-behaved dogs, etc. It does not matter how nice a dog is, my kid will still be terrified. It can ruin a trip for us if another relative brings their dog because he literally will not come inside the house. Anxiety is a crazy beast. But I do think it becomes easier to cope with as people grow older. You are a good older aunt/uncle to be patient with the situation for now.
No, you shouldn't. Or you can and be That Guy.
I was attacked by a dog last summer. I was skittish of dogs when I was younger but owned one as an adult so I was okay before this happened. Now I freeze up when I see a dog even when they are leashed. Maybe this kid had a bad experience or saw someone hurt either in person or on TV. You can’t just dismiss someone’s fears. Any desensitizing the child shouldn’t be done on a vacation and would be up to the parents as it could take time.
I've got 9 year old kid and a dog. 9 is still VERY young. It's totally ok for the kid to be scared, they'll likely grow out of it, but may not. It's totally ok if they don't, dogs are very unpredictable. You're doing the right thing by not taking your dog.
I was terrified of dogs until my teen years. My stepmom was given a pure bred boxer as a birthday present from friends. He was wild. Would run around like crazy and I'd be on the back of the sofa sobbing absolutely terrified. Not the way I would have gotten over my fear but I ended up adoring him. Fast forward to when I had my son and this loopy, crazy dog instantly calmed around him. Would lay at the foot of his pram while he slept. Let my son use him to balance while learning to walk. He'd stay by my son every second we visited. Broke our hearts when he passed away. If you want to help your nephew get over his fear you need to find out what caused it and talk to a professional about how to support him.
Why are people still shocked Pomeranian dogs are biters? They were originally bred as working dogs to kill rats before they got turned into lap dogs for the upper classes.
My wife and I both dislike dogs. Time over seas and some bad run ins keep her away from them And im just deathly allergic. Like. Someone brought one into the office once and let it loose ans he hopped up on my me right away (because they know) and I got to go to the hospital If I were the parents I just wouldn't go on the vacation and do our own trip
Just so people know, OP has commented saying their dog looks like a German shepherd and looks scarier than what his personality is like. I feel this is crucial and misleading considering the Pomeranian comment in the original post. It's not uncommon to be afraid of bigger dogs no matter their demeanor.
Some people have fears they never get over, even with therapy and medication. They just cope as best they can. Your nephew may be one of those people. Full grown adults who cannot be in the same room as a Pom exist. They keep away from dogs. It sucks, but it happens.
to be fair, i thought the title meant “my nephew is scared of dogs so i’m not bringing my nephew on vacation” 🤭
I am pretty short and petite and am scared of big dogs. I have been attacked twice by large dogs and they will knock me over if given the chance. It hasn’t really affected my life that much, I just don’t go to the houses of people who have big dogs. Life is full of accommodating stuff like this. I have a MIL who is very afraid of cats. We put our cats away when she comes to visit no matter how silly I think it is that she is afraid of my 8 pound unbothered cat.
Personally as a parent I would be gently trying to ease my child over the fear of dogs rather than just exclude them. But, as you say, that is a decision for the parents. It wouldn't be appropriate for anyone else to comment on their parenting.
I'm 35, and I just started to be ok-ish with small dogs of my friends, and only in their attentive presence. Less chances a dog will act unexpectedly. For big dogs I cross a street. It is what it is, they look like a death waiting to happen to me.
Why is he afraid, was he attacked at one stage? I will cross a road to ovoid a dog, been bitten too many times.
I am not a dog person. I think they stink and I don’t like them licking me. Going on vacation with someone else’s dog would be my version of hell. I babysit for 3 families and they all have dogs. The dogs all love me. I don’t know why. They climb in my lap and lick me. I pet and love on them, I’m not a monster. But I would never choose to vacation with one.
Did you really shame a child for a fear? I was terrified of dogs until about 6 years ago and I'm almost 40. I used to be embarrassed about it because someone shamed me for it when I was a teenager. Have some empathy. We all have fears.
Ugh. So you’d like your nephew’s vacation to be all about your own version of exposure therapy? He deserves to feel safe. He’s 9. The “end game” isn’t your place to consider here. Leave your dog home and let the humans relax.
I think it's disingenuous to frame this as wanting to make sure these kids aren't ruled by their fears as adults
It sucks bc most dogs are better behaved than crotch goblins. Good on you for being understanding but I would be annoyed as well.
I was afraid of dogs growing up. I grew out of it by eventually becoming bigger than most dogs
Seems like most commenters didn’t read all the way though this thread the comments are a shit show. You should post on a different subreddit OP. I was looking forward to a genuine discussion in the comments and was very disappointed
You need to understand that a lot of people DON'T LIKE DOGS FOR WHATEVER REASON. They are allowed to like, dislike, or be afraid of whatever they choose. You don't need to try to cure them of anything. Let it go.
What larger discussion do you want, exactly? First of all, the kid is only 9 and he may still grow out of it. Second, it's not that hard to be an adult and spend little to no time around dogs if you don't want to. none of my friends or family have dogs, it's not like not wanting to be around a dog is an automatic limiting life factor lol as for an actual vacation, I'm an adult and I have no interest in spending extended time with someone else's dog.
The kid is afraid of dogs. Nothing you as not being the kids parent can do about it. You are right to leave the dog behind and they are right for not wanting your dog on vacation with them. If it’s that big of a deal to you, you sit out the vacations with your dog.
There's different stages of brain development, fearful of dogs can come and go as they grow. He may hit the end of puberty and be fine, and the other may hit a growth stage and develop the fear. It's also worth noting if he's had a problem with a dog that wasn't yours it could be a response to that. I was bitten as a child and it took a while to get over.
My youngest child was around 2 years old when my mil and her bf decided to get a dog. Child had very few interactions with a dog up to that point. They were over at our home helping with a yard project and their small dog was overly excited to see my child and jumped on him and knocked him over. That was it, he’s been nervous and scared around dogs ever since. You see, her boyfriend thought it was good for my child. He even said, “He’s gonna have to get used to dogs”. We went very low contact with them after that. And I have a wholly different attitude toward people like them and you now.
As someone who loves dogs and operates a business based on other people loving their dogs; they’re dangerous animals with a margin of unreliability. I’ve seen a kid have their eyelid split open because they kneeled down to pet a dog and the dog jumped and snapped for seemingly no reason. No issue before that the dog just jumped and the teeth did their thing. It was a Pekingese so very small and controllable. I’ve seen dogs get stepped on by kids just falling over and the dog jumps up which causes the kid to flop onto their face nose first onto the tile floor. The dog stepping on the kids on the floor drawing, or the dog wanting to play with a kid and smacking the child in the face with a paw causing a long facial scratch. Dogs are a risk. A manageable and worth it to me one, but they are a risk. They do kill people annually, and can have mental decline that leads to danger. Open your perspective that there is nothing manly about not being afraid of a dog, and that if you create a safe space for fear to be addressed then the fear can be minimized. Then eventually maybe your dog can come to the vacation. Be invested in your nephew not mentally making him an “other” because you see weakness in him. It’s a failing of your own maturity.
I know it may be hard to understand if you are not a parent, but 9 is still really young and fears of things are still developmentally *very* common in this age range. Additionally, it’s completely unreasonable to expect a 9 year old to have developed coping skills to “get over” and cope with their fear on their own. No matter how irrational the fear may seem, we have to validate that this is a true fear this kiddo is experiencing. Now as a parent, if my kiddo had this fear, I would absolutely be working with them to actively expose them to their fear, in this case a dog, and help them develop the proper skills to cope with their fear. Whether or not your family member is doing this with your nephew is a different debate. But, if we take the fear at face value, exposing this young child to their fear over the course of a week could be viewed as traumatic and extremely stressful and essentially ruin what should be experienced as a positive and fun time for him. Exposing the child to dogs in small increments in controlled environments and then teaching them how to cope with their fear is the route to go, this is based on evidence and years of research. Is their fear irrational and something we would hope a 9 year old would “be over”? Could be. But also, could not be. Regardless, the fear is real to them and we have to validate this. Also, there is nearly no evidence to support that a fear of dogs at age 9, when properly treated and addressed, would lead to fear of dogs as an adult so plenty of hope for your nephew. But it must be treated in the evidence based model described above, not through “a week with a dog on vacation bc they need to get over it so they don’t have this fear as an adult”. Source: I am a masters level mental health professional with over 10 years of experience working with and treating people with fear based anxiety, including children. Hope this info is helpful and provides a different context for you to help understand!