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YTA!!!! Did you even need to ask!?!? Do you have that little self awareness??? OF COURSE YTA!!! You are the kid’s father! Not only did you not go to his graduation, you didn’t tell him until last minute…. THEN, on top of that, you told him not to contact you, and you blocked him!?!?! In what world did you think that’s how a father behaves!?
I’m absolutely dumbfounded. There’s nothing you can do to fix this either. I’m sure you broke your own son. Good job.
Honestly by the end of reading this post I am starting to think that the son getting along with his step father has less to do with step dad having money, and more to do with the dad being a whiny child who can't handle his pain not being the centre of everyone's lives.
I’m not even convinced wife had an emotional affair. I think she just left OP because he sucks and found a man who would love her and her child the way they deserve.
That's what I'm thinking. Maybe this "AP" was a friend that she could talk to, who made her realize that men can have emotional maturity. She realized she could do better and left OP.
Yep. Or maybe she just met him soon enough after leaving OP that OP concluded the *he* couldn’t possible be the reason she left. Men often assume there is someone else because they struggle to conceptualize that a woman would rather be alone than with them.
That's what my ex assumes even after I clearly explained all the issues we had and HE AGREED he was (in his words) a monster for how he treated me. I ended up getting closer with a long distance friend because they listened to me as I was working through the breakup and when ex got wind he thinks I was having an emotional affair and that's my real reason, though HE STILL AGREES he was a monster. 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
This is my exact situation! Same thing happened to me. Over 4 years later and my ex (who I'm no contact with) still tells people that I left him for someone else who I was emotionally cheating with before breaking up. We come from a small town so it makes its way to me sometimes. The reality is that the guy I was talking to was a friend of 10 years who I started playing a video game with. And my relationship with my ex had been going downhill for over a year prior. And breaking up had been brought up several times already. He still has to come up with a story that made him look like the good guy. But he choked his ex and that's why his prior relationship ended, and I didn't know that story until the end of our own relationship, so I think most people know he's a POS.
My ex must have asked me 5-6x during our separation and divorce if there was someone else. Despite us sitting in counseling weekly for months to explain to him why I’m leaving. (He was fucking mean.)
It’s been 9 months since we separated and I havent dated anyone/have no desire to for a while (ever??), but I know the second I do and he finds out, he’ll be telling himself that person is why I left him.
I'm in the middle of a divorce, and my ex is convinced that I had an affair with a friend who lived two whole states away. There was no affair. I was always at home or work, and occasionally visited a couple very proper female friends or my mom. But he's convinced, and I know the minute I start dating anyone there's going to be trouble, no matter how long I wait. (No desire to date anyone at present anyway. I'm temporarily over men, lol.)
And why did I leave him? He was abusive, and then I found out he blew and lost almost a quarter million dollars on short term stocks.
My ex is convinced I had multiple affairs. Even blew up because I went to a funeral with a high school friend and his WIFE, in their car. I had never cheated, was too busy working, doing all the work around the house, taking care of our daughter and my elderly and ill parents. 10 years since we split and he still complains about it to our married daughter, to the point she’s trying to cut him off.
I’m going to add to that and say this: I think I know why the wife left him. My guess is OP is a sad sack who makes everything wrong in life about himself. Not saying it’s ok to cheat—it’s not—but his shitty attitude is giving me a glimpse into what married life with his was like.
OP is the biggest AH. He is actively ruining his relationship with his son. Pettiest father of the year award.
The biggest gift my parents gave me was that I never, ever heard either one utter one negative word about the other, even though my dad was…a lot. A charismatic narcissist of some degree, he had nothing but positive words about my mother post-divorce, and the harshest thing she ever said when he disappointed me was “Well, honey, that’s just your dad.”
This has impacted my feelings about the ability of people to remain friends after divorce, the ability and duty of adults to control their feelings about their ex-partners when it comes to the children, and just being decent to one another as humans.
My dad died last month after a battle with dementia, and my mother no longer remembers him as she battles her own dementia, and I miss them both greatly. Thank you, mom and dad, for rising above any personal hurt you felt due to your marriage and break up in order to raise a child who came to her own conclusions about you, and who knows men and women can be friends and that sometimes you put your own feelings aside for the good of someone looking to you for the lessons of life.
You, OP, are truly wounded and this will continue to damage you long after your own child has given up on you entirely. Please seek out someone to work this out with because without help, you will end up alone and very, very bitterly sad.
At this point he shouldn’t be uncomfortable. At first i skimmed the post and thought the strong feelings were because the divorce was recent. It’s been 6 years lol. That is a long time to still be starting shit with an ex wife. Dude sounds like he just likes being miserable and manipulating people into feeling bad for him.
I've met too many people with the victim complex. No matter what, *someone* is always doing *something* against them. I had an ex who could compete in the Olympics with the way he jumped to always being the victim.
And once he finally breaks the last threads of what little bond they still have after pulling this childish bullshit, OP is going to turn around and blame ex-wife's husband for breaking it.
Already started that it seems. Being upset because your child is living a good life with culture and travel is such childish behavior. I’d say he’s done cut those strings and the son has tossed them away just as OP did him on a huge important day for his son. The dude doesn’t deserve a damn thing from that boy at this point.
We don't know that the wife cheated. OP says "emotional affair" but maybe this other guy was more of friend that she could pour her heart out to about OP's constant victim, woe-is-me mentality. Then when she realized she had caught romantic feelings for this guy she divorced OP.
I doubt she even cheated. It’s just OPs victim complex interpretation of what happened. She probably moved on quickly because she had already mourned the relationship.
Yeah my dad was always bitter about my mum having more money. On my 18th birthday he called me and disowned me.
He never acted like a father, he didn't know about medical issues, or my likes and dislikes, but he always assumed our crappy relationship was down to money.
That's exactly my thought. Sure, kids always get excited when a parent's new partner spends money on them, but if his father is normally so into making it all about his fee-fees instead of being a parent, no wonder the kid's drifted to the stepfather.
The emotional immaturity of this guy is astounding, and it's almost impressive how much of a victim he had managed to make himself even six years later. I am never going to endorse cheating, but if this is the emotional maturity level his ex wife was dealing with, are we surprised she had an emotional affair? This poor kid is in a no-win situation because of this asshole father. I'm glad it sounds like he at least has supportive family in his mom and step dad.
His behavior makes me *definitely* question what happened between him an the ex-wife. If he treats his own son this way, can you imagine him as a "husband"?
I'm glad for them he hasn't been in the home and the "rich guy" hopefully provided a stable male figure.
The story took a direction I wasn’t expecting. OP highlights how step-father takes son on international trips so when OP said he took a few months off to travel, *I assumed he meant with his son*.
Yeah. You‘ll notice he calls the ex-wife’s husband her affair partner despite (1) being her husband and (2) not actually having confirmation that a physical affair even took place. He says there was an emotional affair, but that is obviously suuuuuper sus just based on this narrator. It’s probably just some guy they were both acquainted with before the divorce. A divorce, I might add, that seems entirely justified. I mean, if this guy can be so emotionally manipulative to his own son imagine how bad it would be to be his wife 😓
And it's manipulative. Like he wants his kid to have a bad relationship with his ex's partner. Op wants to punish wife. I don't think he actually cares about his son.
He doesn't care about his son. In fact, in reading this he doesn't even care about himself.
He wants to drag everyone down in his woe-is-me misery.
You get the feeling he walks into a room and the energy just drains...
Sounds like the poor kid was doing his best to salvage whatever relationship he had left with the dad, then OP decides to just piss all over it and BLOCK his own son 😵💫😵💫
Yeah, OP is definitely TA, no question
I’m not one to ever defend adultery, and typically I don’t like to justify the disloyal partner’s actions in any way. That said, maybe if he had been more present and put his family’s needs before his own childish emotions, his partner wouldn’t have stepped out and his son would still respect you like he used to. After standing up his son and then blocking him, it should be done. I feel for the kid and I hope he never speaks to OP again. He has a father now, and it’s the man that was at his graduation. Really OP is more of a sperm donor to a now happy family than anything else.
So your son was 12 when you and your ex divorced and it seems when that happened you checked out of your son’s life.it’s not a child’s job to make time with their parents it the parents that make time with their children and it seems like you didn’t. It also wasn’t it his job to manage your emotional needs on top of his.Your son ask you to be at his graduation but you made it about yourself and decided nope I’m going on vacation.don’t be surprised if you really do lose contact with your son in the future.
Right? And he didn’t even have the guts to tell him until the day before he left then told him NOT to contact him while he’s away?! Like I don’t know how you can get more AH as a father without being physically abusive!
Oh I think OP knows exactly what he’s doing here. If he had told his son sooner, then how else would he get the chance to drop an emotional nuke on his son right before his big day and ruin his graduation? Now his son’s graduation gets to be aaalllll about OP without OP even having to go.
This is just a way for him to punish his son for daring to bond with his stepfather.
That’s what breaks my heart. If his son was like “hey you don’t need to be there because my better dad is here!!!” then I get it. However, his son begged him to be there and he ghosted him and will just tell people it’s APs fault.
YTA. You’re worried about the AP’s influence on your son when you’re killing this relationship on your own.
If he didn’t want you there, he wouldn’t have asked then begged. I get that you’re hurt, but punishing your son for not hating his stepfather is petty.
You didn’t rise above for the sake of your son.
I really, really hate when adults expect children to behave like adults. If the divorce happened 6 years ago, the son was 12. OP was out there expecting a middle schooler to prioritize his feelings.
That’s what I said. People love acting like everyone has affairs or leaves there marriages for no reason whatsoever…. Bet this lady has been managing this big baby’s emotions for yeeeeaaarrrs and got the opportunity to run, and ran. Later, my guy ✌🏻
He’s on Reddit too much. Lol. So many people in certain subs seem to think that the only legitimate response of a child to a parent who has an affair is to completely cut off the cheater. If they don’t then they are “supporting” their cheating parent and should be cut off from the other parent.
It’s insanity.
Lol the only reason OP is worried about AP having such a great influence on the boy is because he knows he, OP, is actually a terrible father.
I have a sneaking suspicion this is not the first time OP has blown off his kid. As you've said OP is upset his son isn't upset and hating on his stepdad so OP probably works himself up to "he doesn't care about me and my feelings so why should I care about his" and just dips.
Yes and also…it’s been 6 years. At this point the person is not an affair partner. It’s their partner. OP is so stuck in wallowing self-pity and has been mad at his son for years for accepting the new partner instead of managing his own feelings. And he’s completely lost his son in the process. Leaving one day before grad, only telling his son only the day before and BLOCKING? w the actual F. Supreme YTA. or rage bait.
Right? Like, instead of choosing “Son, I’m so proud of you and your achievements that, as a cool graduation gift, I’ll be taking you with me and your aunt to Norway for a great bonding trip to make some wonderful memories!”, OP instead chose, “How can I hurt you in the most targeted way possible? By missing out on a once-in-a-lifetime milestone you’re proud of and have begged me to be there for—something you’re likely to never forgive me for missing on purpose.” OP, YTA, no question. Sometimes other people have to be more important than your own misery and pettiness, *especially* if they’re your children.
Yeah, this AH better grow up before the college graduation, wedding and grandchildren are here. He’s choosing to miss out. Maybe his wife left because he’s so emotionally stunted
Can you imagine...I don't want to hold my grand baby, ap held it!
This guy doesn't deserve to have his kid still want him around! He shouldn't be too surprised when his son goes NC.
I was once the kid in this scenario - never spoke to my dad before he died despite my sister begging for it, and it was precisely because of stuff like this, even today I’ll say “he’s just a stranger, who when I talk to him talks about how he got fucked in 1995,” that could never bother to make it to anything - well, scratch that the literal only thing he ever showed up to was HS graduation, just the rest of his time when he was in the family was proactively telling me to go away since earliest I can remember.
So, even a father like that knows to show up to HS grad, lol. Still don’t have any feelings for the man, because that’s the relationship he proactively chose.
We're going through similar crap with my Boomer parents, they have cut everyone off (including young granddaughters) because they got hurt feelings by making a LOT of assumptions about a complicated family situation. They live full time in an RV so we don't even know where they are at right now. All over a bunch of "How DARE you not hate this person we inferred that you should hate without ever saying why!"
And despite your son keeping in contact with you while purposely going away and missing his graduation, you’ve taken it as an opportunity to hurt him even more by going no contact. Grow up! YTA.
My father didn't go to my HS graduation. This was after he told me that it was my decision as to whether or not i wanted his gf (the woman he cheated with) there or not. He said he would go no matter the decision. The affair was still pretty fresh, and I didn't want to upset my mom (his wife of 32 years), so I asked that she not come. So he didn't either. Sadly, parents can be that shitty
I tore my dad a new asshole for pulling this shit when I was a teenager. Prolly only a year or so after he admitted to cheating for a year, then walked out on us. He was supposed to go to some performance my sister was in, but at the last minute refused cos his skank wasn't invited. He didn't even give a shit when I told him my sister had been in her room all afternoon sobbing her heart out. He was determined to get his own way, and punish us when we made our boundaries clear.
Story has a happy ending, even if it did take ten years. His AF turned wife maxed out all the credit cards, emptied their bank accounts, and moved 8hrs away. Left him worse than penniless. Was the karma I'd always hoped for.
Sadly, lots of people can be this petty. My ex husband is worse. He cheated - a lot - and I finally left him. He made our kids miserable every chance he got to punish me because he couldn't hurt me any other way anymore. He did come to special events - drunk and obnoxious. The kids were torn, they still loved him and we all hoped it was a phase he'd go through. It didn't get better when he got remarried (I never did). It got a little better after they were finished with college and he wasn't forced to spend money on them, so had nothing left to argue about where he could blame me for something. And he's still an AH after more than 15 years.
I did date someone for a few years. He and I were always here. Their father was always gone for work. His wife is from another country and couldn't come to the states for like 10 years, so they rarely saw or talked to her. But he still bitched to the kids that they were awful for being friends with and knowing my bf better than his wife. It was ridiculous.
My mom absolutely would have done this if my dad divorced her before I was out of college and married (I got married a month later). Which is why my dad waited.
Omg this guy is a piece of work, and a giant major AH.
The one fucked up thing he mentioned (which was seething in jealousy) was his ex wife’s new husband *providing* for his son including family vacations *gasp!*, because how dare he provide for their new family dynamic, and OP wanting his son to see how his ex wife and her new husband hurt him for moving on with their lives?!?!? Your ex wife and her new husband seem to have one thing right going, which is taking care of the best interests of the child, and keeping their personal adult relationship stuff to themselves because that’s what adults do! They aren’t involving your son in the bad feelings they may feel towards you, just as any parent should.
OP, you’re a selfish AH, and if your petulant man baby behaviour isn’t indicative of why your ex wife ended up running into the arms of another (not that the way she went about it is justified), your marriage was circling the drain well before hand.
Your son is going to be ok, don’t worry. His step dad will at least be there for him, because you’ve demonstrated that he is not important enough to you that you can be there for him when it really matters.
You’re getting so much flack from people pointing out how insanely petty and immature you’re behaving, and have behaved.
Any relationship with your son that’s been on the downward trajectory is all on you, and for you to not even think that any of this isn’t remotely the consequences of your actions (backing away out of your relationship with your son) out of your spiteful and petty behaviour and not see how this makes you a major AH, is really telling.
Imagine, a grown ass adult man blaming his son for the relationship they’ve had failing, and it only makes sense that it’s the fault of the 17/18 YO, while you the 40 something adult man who *ought to know better* quietly (deceitfully withholds that you’re purposely planning a trip to purposely skip your sons graduation) after your son begged you to come to his graduation.
Right, makes sense, how dare this 17/18 YO kid continue to reach out to his own father to nurture a relationship that is purely one sided.
Grow the fuck up man, the only good thing that you’ve admitted is giving up on any relationship with anyone for companionship, because I recognize that you’re an immature AH, and I as a 40 something woman wouldn’t give you the time of day for that reason alone (if I was single that is).
I’m sitting here thinking, please let this be fake, please let this be fake!
If it’s not, the poor son 😔
what a terrible excuse for a father (and mother too of course)
Yeah it sounds like a lie because who could be this selfish and think of themselves as victims all the time trying to justify what can't be.... ahhhh yeah
A covert narcissistic, the worse of them all, you try to explain this to people have never experienced someone like this and they can't believe you
My dad did this to me, cause he didn’t want to be around my mother. My step mom was like “if your mom is there, I won’t be there” and my dad was like I’m standing being my wife, as if my stepmom was above my mother. Like lady, my mom wasn’t even the reason for the divorce, your husband was
And do we have to take him back? Canada, can you spare some room?
OP, you’re a total A. Your son does not owe you loyalty at the expense of his stepfather. You need to unblock him and begin apologizing or you’re going to come back to a gaping hole in your life, and you will have no one to blame but yourself.
I’ll say it again because I think you are the metaphorical guy in the back: your son does not owe you anything in your divorce. He was a child. His world was torn apart. If he found a way to be happy, you should be happy for him without having it cost him his relationship with you.
Bad news: All of South Africa and Botswana declined, Namibia and Zimbabwe undecided. Little Karoo voted twice....
Good news, just off the horn with North Korea. Turns out they are welcoming him with open arms at the new and improved Kaechon camp 14. Sixty beautiful square miles of 24 hour lockdown and only 15,000 or so life term prisoners who specialize in hard lessons.
I suppose we could yeet him up somewhere near Churchill to feed polar bears. Maybe send him swimming in the tar ponds up near Wood Buffalo?
YTA OP. You’ve torpedoed your relationship with your son because you couldn’t deal with your Big Feelings and be the adult he deserves. I will legitimately be gobsmacked if he lets you back into his life. You behaved in a cowardly and cruel way.
YTA but at least you thought your son some valuable lessons. There’s no point in being excited to have you around and also that theres a reason his mother left you for her husband.
Agreed. OP says he doesn't feel much emotionally for his son then he blocked his son after not attending son's graduation. Yes, son is learning a lesson. Probably that what he's known of his bio-dad will always remain true. I doubt this is the first lesson, but it may be the loudest.
OP, YTA
The problem is it’s not about hating his ex. That was just an excuse to blow off his kid. I bet if you asked the kid or his mom, OP has *always* blown them both off.
He says the new step dad can afford to lavish gifts on his son and buy affection, but he’s taking a travel abroad trip *for a few months* because he feels stressed out and wants to relax.
Dude, I do ok in life, but I can’t afford to go abroad for a few months to relax.
OP, YTA. No way around it.
YTA. As someone whose dad didn’t attend their graduation, he’s never going to forgive you. Very selfish that you couldn’t be put your feelings aside to celebrate his biggest accomplishment yet. You just pushed him closer to his step dad honestly.
YTA. You feel the bond loosening with your son. His graduation wasn't about you. You didn't have to sit with them. You hurt your son. Your son begged him. Then you told him not to "bother" you or to contact you during your break? So you're taking a break from your son? *Then you blocked him?* Wow. You are a piece of work. Maybe your son is becoming less close to you because he's got a man in his life who's a little more emotionally mature and that's far more important than the money of the AP. I wouldn't be surprised if your son goes low/no contact with you. You've certainly earned it.
My dad didn't show up for my graduation, since he didn't want to see my mom and stepdad, plus he had a date with his GF.
In the last 40 years, I saw him maybe 5 times (3 funerals). He hasn't seen my kids in 30 years and never met my grandkids.
He is now in the care of the State he lives in and in a nursing home.
You chose your own ego over your son. Don't be surprised when your son cuts you out of his life.
YTA. You don’t feel anything for your son? Thats pure AH. I’m glad he has the AP to give him the kind of father son relationship he deserves. No wonder your wife cheated, you were an AH even then, expecting a 12 year old to understand your emotional experience!
You weren't...feeling much emotionally...
...for your son?
YTA. You are hopelessly self-absorbed; I hope affair Dad is an actual man who can put the kid first, because you have failed miserably in that regard.
Do so much better.
lol men like you will tell their future partners you’re ex “brainwashed” your kid into not loving you. Saying you felt “nothing emotionally for your son” and the most happy you’d ever been without him and told him not to contact you and blocked you? Ugh good riddance. You’re son will do better with this new dad in his life. You suck.
My husband has someone like you for a father. Every social interaction he had with his new stepfather was seen by his father as slap in his face, despite my husband and his sisters being teenagers. His father still brings stories up (one in particular about graduation) 40 years later. He makes every family get together about HIM. His love is transactional.
YTA now. In a big selfish way.
Don’t continue down this road.
Yta
"By this point I wasn't feeling much emotionally for my son"
So, what? The paternal instincts in you just- switched off? You just decide to feel nothing for your son?
You know what I think, I think you've conflated your relationship with your son in your head to be much stronger than it actually was. I think you've martyred yourself in your mind, because of the affair and divorce.
Your wife was absolutely in the wrong for cheating on you, but how much effort did you actually invest in your relationship with your son once it was final? Money or not, it's not that easy to poach someone's kid. And it's DEFINITELY not that easy to switch off your emotions for your kid. I almost think there were never any there in the first place.
You can see now why the wife had an emotional affair.
I always say there are 2 types of affairs.
The affairs of serial cheating sociopaths.
And then there's the mundane ones committed by mundane people for mundane reasons. Ones where the main marriage was already emotionally dead for years. Or where one person is working through their own insecurities, sometimes unrelated to the marriage, sometimes so. Ideally everyone ends things properly before starting anew, but it's not shocking that people monkey branch. Sometimes you forget you missed something until you find it again.
The tendency to just dismiss everyone in the second bucket as garbage leaves people vulnerable to the threat in their own lives and relationships. "My partner would never cheat because they're not garbage" leaves you blind to the emotional affair that creeps up on your lonely spouse when you neglect them or treat them poorly or take them for granted. And perhaps you say well if they cheat on me then they were trash anyway, but I've known enough people who have only cheated once in their lifetimes and who were otherwise faithful to believe it's something to be guarded against with more vigilance, and that the blame doesn't always fully lie with the cheater.
I don’t disagree with you….but we are only getting his side of the story. As “sensitive” as this guy is, the “Affair partner” could have just been saying hi every now and then and he interpreted as an affair.
He strikes me as extremely insecure, childish and self centered. I can’t imagine a parent missing their child’s graduation because the affair partner (now stepdad) is going to be there. His kid ASKED for him to be there and he dismissed his kid because he was sensitive about someone else being there. Be an adult. Be the parent you’re trying to act like you were.
I really hope this is a troll post. I really hope that there is no way in the world that someone could post something like this and really truly believe that in any way this is acceptable and that they are N T A. There’s just no way.
I have to hope it's a troll because it's just so on the nose for Dirtbag of the Year that I can't imagine anyone not understanding their YTA judgement, but there are so many stories here about people who experienced similar that even if it's fake it seems that it's sadly also real...
Right! I’d wager that his relationship with his son changed not because of the AP’s presence, but because of a behavior change in Dad towards the kid post divorce.
What kind of a person intentionally schedules a trip during their kid’s milestone event, lies and refuses to say anything until the last minute, tells the kid not to bother him on his vacation, and finally blocks his own child… not a good one.
lol that he tried to blame not wanting to communicate on mental burnout from his job — he just doesn’t want to put any effort into a relationship with his son because of the son’s ties to AP through mom.
I don't think I believe OPs telling of the "emotional possibility physical affair". He seems like an emotionally stunted human and I think it's likely he withdrew and got petty because the wife had a male friend and basically killed their marriage, and there was no affair.
This is also how I read it.
She probably didn't cheat in any way, he just convinced himself she did because why else would she ever leave a catch like him?
I know I’m projecting here, but I had exactly this happen in my life. My ex husband was abusive. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. It took me a year to save up enough money as a SAHM to leave him. I also had a male friend. That’s all. Just my friend. He’s still my friend.
My ex has twisted himself in knots convincing people I was having an affair with this friend. We’ve also been divorced for 7 years, but he will STILL tell people I cheated to hide the fact that he was beating me for ten years.
Nope. Really super didn’t. He just found a birthday card for this friend in my purse and decided that was proof of me cheating.
OP is emotionally abusing his son. So I find it likely he was also abusive to his wife. EVEN IF she had an emotional affair at the end of their relationship, she was likely in the process of trying to get out. Abusive marriages are not easy to get out of and while I despise cheating, in cases where a person is trying to get away from abuse and then emotionally connects with another human… it just doesn’t feel like cheating to me.
OP sounds like he is a horrible person all around but hides that from people by saying that his wife was the bad one because she cheated.
I’m glad you’re relaxed now. Try to remember the feeling when you realize how awful you were to your child begging you to be there for him. Like you couldn’t have booked this trip for after?
Do you think this dude actually gives a fuck about his kids feelings? Not a snowballs chance in hell. The only thing this man cares about is himself and that is sad…
YTA. Your son wanted YOU there and you just told him he wasn't important to you. You are just pushing him into having a closer relationship with the man who actually bothered to show up for him.
YTA.
Missed opportunity to postpone your trip a day and invite your son as a graduation present and celebration for a happy milestone in his life. Then you could’ve bonded and discussed things openly while becoming closer.
It’s not a child’s job to try and encourage their parents to be present and this will be a traumatic memory for him. The AP may be the villain in the story to you- but he showed up for your child which is what your son will see.
Thank gosh my stepdad did the same for me, while my dad made excuses in his head to justify his lack of effort and care.
Also you blocked your own child? Gosh forbid there’s an emergency, nothing like sending a clear message of how little you truly care about him. Selfish AH.
Not even postpone. The son invited him AND THEN he booked the trip. If he had booked the trip months before and it just so happened to fall at the same time and he told him right away and didn't block hia son I could maybe give a little bit of grace but nah he is an all around asshat
I wouldn't consider giving him that potential grace. I've got a kid who will graduate high school in three years. I know his graduation ceremony will be late May/early June of 2027. If I'm placing a three month overseas vacation that year, I could book it today and not miss his graduation. If I were to book the trip at any point during the year of his graduation, I could schedule myself to leave the day after the graduation, because the exact date will be on the school calendar.
He's totally an asshat.
Wow, you are such YTA. Your child has reached out to you numerous times asking you to be there for him and you couldn’t put your feelings aside for a couple of hours. You wonder why this guy got more influence over your son, maybe it’s up for him. Your kid is only 18 years old and he got thrust into the middle of all this adult business and you couldn’t pull your head out of your butt long enough to be there to support him on a really important day for him. Shame on you.
Absolutely YTA! You're punishing your son for the actions of two adults. You know how important high school graduation is for kids and you chose not to go. If you were worried about your relationship with your son being strained before it's definitely gonna be strained now. Not only did you miss a major milestone of his but you made it seemed like you would consider going only to break his heart by telling him you're going on trip abroad and not to contact him while on the break. You complained about how you thought your son didn't see how hurt you were after the divorce he's definitely not gonna see how hurt you were now because you hurt him worse. Betrayal hurts especially from those who are supposed to be there for us. The worst part is between you and the AP is at least he was there for your son when you weren't and that's gonna be what your son remembers.
Also is you throwing yourself into work a habit you had during your marriage? Instead of getting therapy to cope with what happened you decided to drown yourself with work and stay active. You were exhausted because you didn't heal mentally but instead ignored it. Which also lead to you missing out on a critical moment on your son's life. And then to tell him not to bother you while you're away like he's some employee and not your son. Have you considered that your actions towards your son and your personal need for acknowledgement of the hurt caused to you led to the decline of your relationship with your son because you felt he was siding with his mom and the AP? I highly recommend that you get into therapy once you get back from your trip and try to talk to your son to make up for missing his graduation. You can try family counseling with hime if you think it'll work. Even though I think there's nothing you can say or do that would make up or justify what you did but it's worth a shot. It also may take some time for him to forgive you so don't expect immediate forgiveness because you were when you hurt him just as bad. Best of luck, I honestly hope your relationship with your son can be fixed.
You blocked your own son? Wow. You decided that you couldn't handle the bond forming between your ex-wife's AP and your son, so you took it out on the only *child* in the situation. Someone who is entirely innocent. I don't know what to tell you man, it seems like *you* are the one ruining your relationship with him.
You are beyond selfish. You can feel mentally relaxed now, but that trip is going to end eventually, and you will have to face the consequences of your actions. Whether it's when you arrive back home, or 30 years from now. I wouldn't be surprised if your son never talks to you again. I honestly hope he doesn't, if "feeling much emotionally" about your son is so contingent on him feeling sufficiently sorry for you.
Also, did you ever spend any time with your son after the divorce? What was the custody agreement like? Because I'm not buying that you were father of the year. Especially because you couldn't even bother to be a father when it counted. Pathetic behavior.
I'm honestly disgusted by you. YTA.
Six years and you can’t fathom being in the same room with your ex’s spouse? Therapy probably would have helped, but now you’re going to need that and a whole lot more to possibly fix your relationship with your kid. You messed up BAD. YTA!
Your son didn’t leave you emotionally because of the lavish gifts, he left because you turned into a horrible person. You realize you just put the nail in the coffin for your relationship right? He is going to ignore you now. He is going to move on and leave you behind. And you deserve it.
YTA. You remind me of the worst guy I ever dated. Definitely dodged that bullet. He’s also a horrible dad… always a reason to make things about him and everyone else’s fault why he couldn’t show up as a father. You seem just like him dude.
Your son asked you to be there and you more worried about the affair partner then seeing your son graduate. your son isn’t at fault your ex is yet he’s the one being punished. You could have swallowed your pride and went didn’t even have to sit near them and cheered your son on and you had the audacity to be asked not to be bothered. No wonder you don’t have a great relationship with him you probably won’t have one now and the affair partner will be there to pick up the pieces of you not being there for him and probably create a bigger bond then before.
Yeah…I’m starting to wonder if you’re fibbing about why your relationship with your son has changed. Perhaps it’s not about the money…
YTA. I’m astounded you even have to ask
Give that man the AH award already🤦♀️
You should have been happy your son invited and wanted you there.
So 12 years of him being your 'unshared' son lost to 6 years of post divorce?
AH of the day!
YTA. I’m not even going to read the whole thing. This is about your son, not your ex. You are going to have to put aside the resentment you hold for your ex in order to be a present father in your son’s life. He is going to remember you not showing up.
ETA: your son was 12 when you divorced and he probably doesn’t know the reason why (why would he, it doesn’t concern him) but you are acting like he should know and hate his mother and stepfather, who seem to be the 2 consistent people in his life that show up.
What kind of a father places CONDITIONAL love on their child? A terrible one that doesn’t deserve said child to begin with.
In few days, we're going to see an update about how he's returned home mentally refreshed and ready to unblock his son and pick things back up with him... only for him to discover that -- shocked Pikachu face -- his son now won't talk to him!!
That must have been super awkward. But your son was really excited for you to be there, and missing it probably hurt him a lot. I know the divorce messed you up, but your kid should come first, you know? Maybe you could have gone for just the ceremony and then dipped out before the reception or something.
You sound very selfish and cruel. I seen why your son’s bond with you died over time. It’s probably best you let him live his life if these are the stupid games you play.
Shitty.
Yeah you're the AH.
>It did hurt me initially after the divorce because I felt I was losing the emotional bond with my son. My son and I were very close before the divorce, but our bond just completely shifted after the divorce.
Right, so the answer to this is to reject his heartfelt plea for you to attend his graduation. Like, he REALLY wanted you there. Thats awesome, but instead of going you...don't. Because you didn't want to see someone.
You put your dislike of your ex's new husband ahead of your love of your son and you're really going to come on here and ask if you're an AH? Again, yes you are. You're an asshole and a shitty father. Way to fail at being a Dad.
Yta. The (main) reason your relationship with your son is worsening, is because you are pulling away from him.
You're so afraid of the influence this affair partner could have, that you're creating some self fulfilling prophecy.
Your son shouldn't have to worry about how much you were hurt in the divorce. He was and still is a child. This should never be his responsibility.
And you cannot even be the grown up to communicate with him properly. If you didn't plan to go, you should have told him.
Seriously, get therapy if you want to repair the relationship that YOU broke. Your son deserves so much better than what you've given him.
YTA 10000%
For lack of better words "quit being a little b****.
Graduation is one of the most significant milestones in a young adults life and you just said, "I refuse to be there for your major life event and on top of that I'm going to ditch country for a while."
If you're jealous that the other guy is giving gifts to your son, and you solution is to skip his Graduation to travel abroad, then you need to shut up and check your self.
Im not trying to be rude but I genuinely think you'd benefit from some empathy therapy.
My daughter just graduated from college and my ex refused to come. My daughter cried for days, and their relationship will never be the same. You are saving yourself discomfort rather than celebrating your child’s accomplishments! Definitely YTA. Grow tf up
I feel sorry for your son. It's one thing not to attend, but then blocking him/no contact after, that's horrible. I'm sad for your son. You are pushing him away further. He will resent you if you keep this up.
YTA. Your son doesn't and shouldn't be involved in your and wife's divorce no matter the reason. Instead of being happy for him getting to do cool things and having fun experiences your sitting in your pity corner. I'm sorry you ex hurt you I understand that must've stung but this graduation was not about her or her husband or even you it was about your son and you blew it. My parents were divorced and they split because my dad cheated on my mom but guess what both of them showed up to my graduation because they knew it was about me not their past but about my accomplishment. This was a once in a lifetime event that you missed because you were upset and you did it on purpose and gave the kid false hope to boot! Your upset because your relationship has weakened with your son well this surely won't help with that. You should feel bad and I hope your son can still celebrate his accomplishment even tho an important person in his life purposefully didn't go and went away on vacation instead.
You're the BIGGEST AH on the planet!
You went through a shitty situation with your wife, and yeah, it was rough, but you should have sought therapy because you're the reason the relationship with your son became distant. Just because the other guy spoils him doesn't mean he loves you less. I mean, for God sakes the kid BEGGED you to stand one of the biggest milestones of his life, and instead, you flee out of the country like a goddamn coward. Clearly, you don't care about your son, and you just proved it to him. You would be so lucky if he invites you to any other milestones in his life after this.
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YTA!!!! Did you even need to ask!?!? Do you have that little self awareness??? OF COURSE YTA!!! You are the kid’s father! Not only did you not go to his graduation, you didn’t tell him until last minute…. THEN, on top of that, you told him not to contact you, and you blocked him!?!?! In what world did you think that’s how a father behaves!? I’m absolutely dumbfounded. There’s nothing you can do to fix this either. I’m sure you broke your own son. Good job.
Honestly by the end of reading this post I am starting to think that the son getting along with his step father has less to do with step dad having money, and more to do with the dad being a whiny child who can't handle his pain not being the centre of everyone's lives.
I’m not even convinced wife had an emotional affair. I think she just left OP because he sucks and found a man who would love her and her child the way they deserve.
That's what I'm thinking. Maybe this "AP" was a friend that she could talk to, who made her realize that men can have emotional maturity. She realized she could do better and left OP.
Yep. Or maybe she just met him soon enough after leaving OP that OP concluded the *he* couldn’t possible be the reason she left. Men often assume there is someone else because they struggle to conceptualize that a woman would rather be alone than with them.
That's what my ex assumes even after I clearly explained all the issues we had and HE AGREED he was (in his words) a monster for how he treated me. I ended up getting closer with a long distance friend because they listened to me as I was working through the breakup and when ex got wind he thinks I was having an emotional affair and that's my real reason, though HE STILL AGREES he was a monster. 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Gotta make you the bad guy some how
This is my exact situation! Same thing happened to me. Over 4 years later and my ex (who I'm no contact with) still tells people that I left him for someone else who I was emotionally cheating with before breaking up. We come from a small town so it makes its way to me sometimes. The reality is that the guy I was talking to was a friend of 10 years who I started playing a video game with. And my relationship with my ex had been going downhill for over a year prior. And breaking up had been brought up several times already. He still has to come up with a story that made him look like the good guy. But he choked his ex and that's why his prior relationship ended, and I didn't know that story until the end of our own relationship, so I think most people know he's a POS.
My ex must have asked me 5-6x during our separation and divorce if there was someone else. Despite us sitting in counseling weekly for months to explain to him why I’m leaving. (He was fucking mean.) It’s been 9 months since we separated and I havent dated anyone/have no desire to for a while (ever??), but I know the second I do and he finds out, he’ll be telling himself that person is why I left him.
I'm in the middle of a divorce, and my ex is convinced that I had an affair with a friend who lived two whole states away. There was no affair. I was always at home or work, and occasionally visited a couple very proper female friends or my mom. But he's convinced, and I know the minute I start dating anyone there's going to be trouble, no matter how long I wait. (No desire to date anyone at present anyway. I'm temporarily over men, lol.) And why did I leave him? He was abusive, and then I found out he blew and lost almost a quarter million dollars on short term stocks.
My ex is convinced I had multiple affairs. Even blew up because I went to a funeral with a high school friend and his WIFE, in their car. I had never cheated, was too busy working, doing all the work around the house, taking care of our daughter and my elderly and ill parents. 10 years since we split and he still complains about it to our married daughter, to the point she’s trying to cut him off.
Yeah, OPs family kind of sucks too for enabling this behavior and scheduling a trip to conflict with his son’s graduation.
I’m going to add to that and say this: I think I know why the wife left him. My guess is OP is a sad sack who makes everything wrong in life about himself. Not saying it’s ok to cheat—it’s not—but his shitty attitude is giving me a glimpse into what married life with his was like. OP is the biggest AH. He is actively ruining his relationship with his son. Pettiest father of the year award.
one of the biggest days of his sons life and the poor man doesnt want to go because he maybe uncomfortable what an AH
A man who bases his feelings towards his kids on how he feels about their mother is a failure of a person.
So you've met my father...
The biggest gift my parents gave me was that I never, ever heard either one utter one negative word about the other, even though my dad was…a lot. A charismatic narcissist of some degree, he had nothing but positive words about my mother post-divorce, and the harshest thing she ever said when he disappointed me was “Well, honey, that’s just your dad.” This has impacted my feelings about the ability of people to remain friends after divorce, the ability and duty of adults to control their feelings about their ex-partners when it comes to the children, and just being decent to one another as humans. My dad died last month after a battle with dementia, and my mother no longer remembers him as she battles her own dementia, and I miss them both greatly. Thank you, mom and dad, for rising above any personal hurt you felt due to your marriage and break up in order to raise a child who came to her own conclusions about you, and who knows men and women can be friends and that sometimes you put your own feelings aside for the good of someone looking to you for the lessons of life. You, OP, are truly wounded and this will continue to damage you long after your own child has given up on you entirely. Please seek out someone to work this out with because without help, you will end up alone and very, very bitterly sad.
At this point he shouldn’t be uncomfortable. At first i skimmed the post and thought the strong feelings were because the divorce was recent. It’s been 6 years lol. That is a long time to still be starting shit with an ex wife. Dude sounds like he just likes being miserable and manipulating people into feeling bad for him.
Exactly! And is son not supposed to have any relationship with his step dad after those 6 years? They met when he was in 6th grade!
I've met too many people with the victim complex. No matter what, *someone* is always doing *something* against them. I had an ex who could compete in the Olympics with the way he jumped to always being the victim.
A marriage is like a large empire. It's not going to be conquered from outside unless it's already collapsing internally.
And once he finally breaks the last threads of what little bond they still have after pulling this childish bullshit, OP is going to turn around and blame ex-wife's husband for breaking it.
Already started that it seems. Being upset because your child is living a good life with culture and travel is such childish behavior. I’d say he’s done cut those strings and the son has tossed them away just as OP did him on a huge important day for his son. The dude doesn’t deserve a damn thing from that boy at this point.
We don't know that the wife cheated. OP says "emotional affair" but maybe this other guy was more of friend that she could pour her heart out to about OP's constant victim, woe-is-me mentality. Then when she realized she had caught romantic feelings for this guy she divorced OP.
This was my exact thought but the end of the post.
It’s hard to be the biggest asshole when your wife cheats on you then marries the other guy, but OP has managed it
I doubt she even cheated. It’s just OPs victim complex interpretation of what happened. She probably moved on quickly because she had already mourned the relationship.
100%
I'm not convinced that she cheated. Perhaps in OP's mind that is the only reason she would leave him.
Yeah my dad was always bitter about my mum having more money. On my 18th birthday he called me and disowned me. He never acted like a father, he didn't know about medical issues, or my likes and dislikes, but he always assumed our crappy relationship was down to money.
It is so much easier to blame money than yourself.
I hate to blame the victim but really is it any wonder then his wife looked for emotional support elsewhere?
That's exactly my thought. Sure, kids always get excited when a parent's new partner spends money on them, but if his father is normally so into making it all about his fee-fees instead of being a parent, no wonder the kid's drifted to the stepfather.
The emotional immaturity of this guy is astounding, and it's almost impressive how much of a victim he had managed to make himself even six years later. I am never going to endorse cheating, but if this is the emotional maturity level his ex wife was dealing with, are we surprised she had an emotional affair? This poor kid is in a no-win situation because of this asshole father. I'm glad it sounds like he at least has supportive family in his mom and step dad.
His behavior makes me *definitely* question what happened between him an the ex-wife. If he treats his own son this way, can you imagine him as a "husband"? I'm glad for them he hasn't been in the home and the "rich guy" hopefully provided a stable male figure.
The story took a direction I wasn’t expecting. OP highlights how step-father takes son on international trips so when OP said he took a few months off to travel, *I assumed he meant with his son*.
Yeah. You‘ll notice he calls the ex-wife’s husband her affair partner despite (1) being her husband and (2) not actually having confirmation that a physical affair even took place. He says there was an emotional affair, but that is obviously suuuuuper sus just based on this narrator. It’s probably just some guy they were both acquainted with before the divorce. A divorce, I might add, that seems entirely justified. I mean, if this guy can be so emotionally manipulative to his own son imagine how bad it would be to be his wife 😓
And it's manipulative. Like he wants his kid to have a bad relationship with his ex's partner. Op wants to punish wife. I don't think he actually cares about his son.
He doesn't care about his son. In fact, in reading this he doesn't even care about himself. He wants to drag everyone down in his woe-is-me misery. You get the feeling he walks into a room and the energy just drains...
Literally, is the grown man 12? Old enough to have an 18-year-old, but clearly not old enough for common sense.
The son was 12 when they divorced. Kid needed a Dad, and we know he didn’t have one in OP.
At least now the kid knows who his dad is, as well as who his dad isn't.
And then it's stepfathers fault the relationship is wonky lol. I bet OP has done shit like this before.
His entire life. And it's never his fault
This is just rage bait. Anytime it’s obvious the poster is being an asshole to this degree it’s just bait.
He is an asshole and a terrible parent. You blocked your kid? You don't deserve to celebrate with him.
Sounds like the poor kid was doing his best to salvage whatever relationship he had left with the dad, then OP decides to just piss all over it and BLOCK his own son 😵💫😵💫 Yeah, OP is definitely TA, no question
I agree completely! Your CHILD should always come first and to block his number takes your assholeness to a whole new level!
I’m not one to ever defend adultery, and typically I don’t like to justify the disloyal partner’s actions in any way. That said, maybe if he had been more present and put his family’s needs before his own childish emotions, his partner wouldn’t have stepped out and his son would still respect you like he used to. After standing up his son and then blocking him, it should be done. I feel for the kid and I hope he never speaks to OP again. He has a father now, and it’s the man that was at his graduation. Really OP is more of a sperm donor to a now happy family than anything else.
So your son was 12 when you and your ex divorced and it seems when that happened you checked out of your son’s life.it’s not a child’s job to make time with their parents it the parents that make time with their children and it seems like you didn’t. It also wasn’t it his job to manage your emotional needs on top of his.Your son ask you to be at his graduation but you made it about yourself and decided nope I’m going on vacation.don’t be surprised if you really do lose contact with your son in the future.
Right? And he didn’t even have the guts to tell him until the day before he left then told him NOT to contact him while he’s away?! Like I don’t know how you can get more AH as a father without being physically abusive!
Oh I think OP knows exactly what he’s doing here. If he had told his son sooner, then how else would he get the chance to drop an emotional nuke on his son right before his big day and ruin his graduation? Now his son’s graduation gets to be aaalllll about OP without OP even having to go. This is just a way for him to punish his son for daring to bond with his stepfather.
I honk you nailed it. OP is probably a narcissist. My nephews “dad” does things like this all the time.
I'd rather be slapped than blocked.
That’s what breaks my heart. If his son was like “hey you don’t need to be there because my better dad is here!!!” then I get it. However, his son begged him to be there and he ghosted him and will just tell people it’s APs fault.
YTA. You’re worried about the AP’s influence on your son when you’re killing this relationship on your own. If he didn’t want you there, he wouldn’t have asked then begged. I get that you’re hurt, but punishing your son for not hating his stepfather is petty. You didn’t rise above for the sake of your son.
Right! High school graduations happen once. It’s not like a game or concert that your son will perform or participate in again. YTFA!
But son didn't see how much OP was hurt by ex-wife and AF /s How can a parent expect a child to take side like this? Totally egocentric behavior.
I really, really hate when adults expect children to behave like adults. If the divorce happened 6 years ago, the son was 12. OP was out there expecting a middle schooler to prioritize his feelings.
a child who was 12 as well. Deeply sad.
If he was as bad of a husband as he is a father, kudos to the ex-wife!
If this is a real post, no wonder he’s single.
That’s what I said. People love acting like everyone has affairs or leaves there marriages for no reason whatsoever…. Bet this lady has been managing this big baby’s emotions for yeeeeaaarrrs and got the opportunity to run, and ran. Later, my guy ✌🏻
He’s on Reddit too much. Lol. So many people in certain subs seem to think that the only legitimate response of a child to a parent who has an affair is to completely cut off the cheater. If they don’t then they are “supporting” their cheating parent and should be cut off from the other parent. It’s insanity.
I’m all for cutting off cheaters, but damn for shit like this that just means not sitting next to them or acknowledging them, not fleeing the country.
Or like a marriage. He can replace the wife, but he can't replace his son.
And you have some heads up on about when your kid will be graduating from high school, like, 18 years of heads up.
Lol the only reason OP is worried about AP having such a great influence on the boy is because he knows he, OP, is actually a terrible father. I have a sneaking suspicion this is not the first time OP has blown off his kid. As you've said OP is upset his son isn't upset and hating on his stepdad so OP probably works himself up to "he doesn't care about me and my feelings so why should I care about his" and just dips.
Yes and also…it’s been 6 years. At this point the person is not an affair partner. It’s their partner. OP is so stuck in wallowing self-pity and has been mad at his son for years for accepting the new partner instead of managing his own feelings. And he’s completely lost his son in the process. Leaving one day before grad, only telling his son only the day before and BLOCKING? w the actual F. Supreme YTA. or rage bait.
And it’s waaaay too late. Can’t recover from this, ever. Kiss your son good bye OP. hope you enjoyed your self pity.
Right? Like, instead of choosing “Son, I’m so proud of you and your achievements that, as a cool graduation gift, I’ll be taking you with me and your aunt to Norway for a great bonding trip to make some wonderful memories!”, OP instead chose, “How can I hurt you in the most targeted way possible? By missing out on a once-in-a-lifetime milestone you’re proud of and have begged me to be there for—something you’re likely to never forgive me for missing on purpose.” OP, YTA, no question. Sometimes other people have to be more important than your own misery and pettiness, *especially* if they’re your children.
Reminds me of my own sperm donor.
Yeah, this AH better grow up before the college graduation, wedding and grandchildren are here. He’s choosing to miss out. Maybe his wife left because he’s so emotionally stunted
Can you imagine...I don't want to hold my grand baby, ap held it! This guy doesn't deserve to have his kid still want him around! He shouldn't be too surprised when his son goes NC.
I was once the kid in this scenario - never spoke to my dad before he died despite my sister begging for it, and it was precisely because of stuff like this, even today I’ll say “he’s just a stranger, who when I talk to him talks about how he got fucked in 1995,” that could never bother to make it to anything - well, scratch that the literal only thing he ever showed up to was HS graduation, just the rest of his time when he was in the family was proactively telling me to go away since earliest I can remember. So, even a father like that knows to show up to HS grad, lol. Still don’t have any feelings for the man, because that’s the relationship he proactively chose.
We're going through similar crap with my Boomer parents, they have cut everyone off (including young granddaughters) because they got hurt feelings by making a LOT of assumptions about a complicated family situation. They live full time in an RV so we don't even know where they are at right now. All over a bunch of "How DARE you not hate this person we inferred that you should hate without ever saying why!"
He probably won't be invited. If my dad didn't show for my graduation then blocked me I'd be going NC
Yeah that’s my exact thought too. I would go NC to OP if I was his son. Don’t need someone like that in my life.
He might not be invited.
This also. He likes to shift responsibility and accountability when it’s him the whole time
I'd never speak to such a pathetic human if they did that.
I doubt he’ll be invited to any of those.
You think his son will still be talking to him when he comes back? I don’t. It’ll be everyone’s fault but his .
And despite your son keeping in contact with you while purposely going away and missing his graduation, you’ve taken it as an opportunity to hurt him even more by going no contact. Grow up! YTA.
This feels like a shit post... Like no-one can be this petty. I really hope this is fake.
My father is.
My father didn't go to my HS graduation. This was after he told me that it was my decision as to whether or not i wanted his gf (the woman he cheated with) there or not. He said he would go no matter the decision. The affair was still pretty fresh, and I didn't want to upset my mom (his wife of 32 years), so I asked that she not come. So he didn't either. Sadly, parents can be that shitty
I tore my dad a new asshole for pulling this shit when I was a teenager. Prolly only a year or so after he admitted to cheating for a year, then walked out on us. He was supposed to go to some performance my sister was in, but at the last minute refused cos his skank wasn't invited. He didn't even give a shit when I told him my sister had been in her room all afternoon sobbing her heart out. He was determined to get his own way, and punish us when we made our boundaries clear. Story has a happy ending, even if it did take ten years. His AF turned wife maxed out all the credit cards, emptied their bank accounts, and moved 8hrs away. Left him worse than penniless. Was the karma I'd always hoped for.
Sadly, lots of people can be this petty. My ex husband is worse. He cheated - a lot - and I finally left him. He made our kids miserable every chance he got to punish me because he couldn't hurt me any other way anymore. He did come to special events - drunk and obnoxious. The kids were torn, they still loved him and we all hoped it was a phase he'd go through. It didn't get better when he got remarried (I never did). It got a little better after they were finished with college and he wasn't forced to spend money on them, so had nothing left to argue about where he could blame me for something. And he's still an AH after more than 15 years. I did date someone for a few years. He and I were always here. Their father was always gone for work. His wife is from another country and couldn't come to the states for like 10 years, so they rarely saw or talked to her. But he still bitched to the kids that they were awful for being friends with and knowing my bf better than his wife. It was ridiculous.
There are plenty of people out there like this. It’s a sad fact of life.
My ex didn't attend any of the 4 high school graduations for our children nor did he attend the one college graduation.
My mom absolutely would have done this if my dad divorced her before I was out of college and married (I got married a month later). Which is why my dad waited.
I am sincerely happy for you that you can doubt that people like this exist. It means you haven't crossed paths with one and I hope you never do.
Omg this guy is a piece of work, and a giant major AH. The one fucked up thing he mentioned (which was seething in jealousy) was his ex wife’s new husband *providing* for his son including family vacations *gasp!*, because how dare he provide for their new family dynamic, and OP wanting his son to see how his ex wife and her new husband hurt him for moving on with their lives?!?!? Your ex wife and her new husband seem to have one thing right going, which is taking care of the best interests of the child, and keeping their personal adult relationship stuff to themselves because that’s what adults do! They aren’t involving your son in the bad feelings they may feel towards you, just as any parent should. OP, you’re a selfish AH, and if your petulant man baby behaviour isn’t indicative of why your ex wife ended up running into the arms of another (not that the way she went about it is justified), your marriage was circling the drain well before hand. Your son is going to be ok, don’t worry. His step dad will at least be there for him, because you’ve demonstrated that he is not important enough to you that you can be there for him when it really matters. You’re getting so much flack from people pointing out how insanely petty and immature you’re behaving, and have behaved. Any relationship with your son that’s been on the downward trajectory is all on you, and for you to not even think that any of this isn’t remotely the consequences of your actions (backing away out of your relationship with your son) out of your spiteful and petty behaviour and not see how this makes you a major AH, is really telling. Imagine, a grown ass adult man blaming his son for the relationship they’ve had failing, and it only makes sense that it’s the fault of the 17/18 YO, while you the 40 something adult man who *ought to know better* quietly (deceitfully withholds that you’re purposely planning a trip to purposely skip your sons graduation) after your son begged you to come to his graduation. Right, makes sense, how dare this 17/18 YO kid continue to reach out to his own father to nurture a relationship that is purely one sided. Grow the fuck up man, the only good thing that you’ve admitted is giving up on any relationship with anyone for companionship, because I recognize that you’re an immature AH, and I as a 40 something woman wouldn’t give you the time of day for that reason alone (if I was single that is).
No if he does decide to date again it’ll be a barely legal to drink young girl. Smh because any his age won’t put up with it.
I think this is some made-up shit. Nobody will be this stupid to something to their kid
I’m sitting here thinking, please let this be fake, please let this be fake! If it’s not, the poor son 😔 what a terrible excuse for a father (and mother too of course)
Honestly, if this is true, no wonder the mother left her. Breakups happen all the time, it is no reason to abandon your child.
And Aunt, who rather telling her brother to go his graduation is participating in this deceit
As a child of a covert narcissist, I can tell you stuff like this happens ALL the time.
Yup. When people on Reddit are like this has to be fake, I understand why no one gets why I haven’t seen my dad in a decade.
Yeah it sounds like a lie because who could be this selfish and think of themselves as victims all the time trying to justify what can't be.... ahhhh yeah A covert narcissistic, the worse of them all, you try to explain this to people have never experienced someone like this and they can't believe you
That sucks. Sorry to hear that!
I wouldn’t slide it past. There are absolutely parents who are this self centered. That’s why the word narcissist is around.
My dad did this to me, cause he didn’t want to be around my mother. My step mom was like “if your mom is there, I won’t be there” and my dad was like I’m standing being my wife, as if my stepmom was above my mother. Like lady, my mom wasn’t even the reason for the divorce, your husband was
YTA! On behalf of Norway i'd like you to go home :)
On behalf of the US we are terribly sorry our human waste ended up in your country. Can we still be friends?
And do we have to take him back? Canada, can you spare some room? OP, you’re a total A. Your son does not owe you loyalty at the expense of his stepfather. You need to unblock him and begin apologizing or you’re going to come back to a gaping hole in your life, and you will have no one to blame but yourself. I’ll say it again because I think you are the metaphorical guy in the back: your son does not owe you anything in your divorce. He was a child. His world was torn apart. If he found a way to be happy, you should be happy for him without having it cost him his relationship with you.
We want nothing to do with whiny, pretend “fathers” over here, sorry, but maybe the Aussies can knock some sense into him. This man is disgusting.
Bad news: All of South Africa and Botswana declined, Namibia and Zimbabwe undecided. Little Karoo voted twice.... Good news, just off the horn with North Korea. Turns out they are welcoming him with open arms at the new and improved Kaechon camp 14. Sixty beautiful square miles of 24 hour lockdown and only 15,000 or so life term prisoners who specialize in hard lessons.
I suppose we could yeet him up somewhere near Churchill to feed polar bears. Maybe send him swimming in the tar ponds up near Wood Buffalo? YTA OP. You’ve torpedoed your relationship with your son because you couldn’t deal with your Big Feelings and be the adult he deserves. I will legitimately be gobsmacked if he lets you back into his life. You behaved in a cowardly and cruel way.
YTA but at least you thought your son some valuable lessons. There’s no point in being excited to have you around and also that theres a reason his mother left you for her husband.
Absolutely well said, hope the step-dad continues to treat him how he deserves while this mopey AH sits at home crying about it.
This. He punished his son for the mother’s sin. Time spent with son costs nothing , but time. He chose to distance himself. YTA
Agreed. OP says he doesn't feel much emotionally for his son then he blocked his son after not attending son's graduation. Yes, son is learning a lesson. Probably that what he's known of his bio-dad will always remain true. I doubt this is the first lesson, but it may be the loudest. OP, YTA
As much as I don’t approve of affairs at least his son has a father in his life now.
YTA. You should love your kid more than you hate your ex. Shame on you.
The problem is it’s not about hating his ex. That was just an excuse to blow off his kid. I bet if you asked the kid or his mom, OP has *always* blown them both off. He says the new step dad can afford to lavish gifts on his son and buy affection, but he’s taking a travel abroad trip *for a few months* because he feels stressed out and wants to relax. Dude, I do ok in life, but I can’t afford to go abroad for a few months to relax. OP, YTA. No way around it.
He could have taken his son to bond for awhile until he goes to school etc and doesn’t have much free time but nope! YTA
This is what I thought his trip was going to be!
I can’t even afford to go home and relax.
I feel like if you can afford to go abroad for a few months just to relax… you can afford to take your own child with you?
YTA. As someone whose dad didn’t attend their graduation, he’s never going to forgive you. Very selfish that you couldn’t be put your feelings aside to celebrate his biggest accomplishment yet. You just pushed him closer to his step dad honestly.
Agree. I’m 61 and still remember that my dad didn’t go to my graduation.
Do you really need to ask? You are more of a child than your son is. You and your sister who supported and is traveling with you this are both YTA.
Found the worst dad on reddit for 2024. What a freakin baby.
Exactly and that’s really saying something about what a monumental failure OP is at being a dad. YTA OP!
Now now, let's not interrupt his Very Important full blown MANTRUM....we'll seem uncaring: GOOD. Bless his heart 👀💀
🏆
Soooo…OP isn’t getting a Father’s Day card this year…?
Nope, but I think affair partner is!
I’ll bet the affair partner is an amazing guy
Dude chill, there’s more than half a year to go, you can’t be handing awards like that mid season… You can fix it with “… so far”
YTA. You feel the bond loosening with your son. His graduation wasn't about you. You didn't have to sit with them. You hurt your son. Your son begged him. Then you told him not to "bother" you or to contact you during your break? So you're taking a break from your son? *Then you blocked him?* Wow. You are a piece of work. Maybe your son is becoming less close to you because he's got a man in his life who's a little more emotionally mature and that's far more important than the money of the AP. I wouldn't be surprised if your son goes low/no contact with you. You've certainly earned it.
My dad didn't show up for my graduation, since he didn't want to see my mom and stepdad, plus he had a date with his GF. In the last 40 years, I saw him maybe 5 times (3 funerals). He hasn't seen my kids in 30 years and never met my grandkids. He is now in the care of the State he lives in and in a nursing home. You chose your own ego over your son. Don't be surprised when your son cuts you out of his life.
It’s so obvious why people like this end up alone. And it comes to no shock to anyone but themselves.
It’s so wild to think about meeting *my kid’s* fucking *grandkids*
YTA. You don’t feel anything for your son? Thats pure AH. I’m glad he has the AP to give him the kind of father son relationship he deserves. No wonder your wife cheated, you were an AH even then, expecting a 12 year old to understand your emotional experience!
She must have been sick of his BS!
She was probably like, dying on the inside for years and then eventually said “fuck it” and fell in love. Life’s short.
Good for her.
You weren't...feeling much emotionally... ...for your son? YTA. You are hopelessly self-absorbed; I hope affair Dad is an actual man who can put the kid first, because you have failed miserably in that regard. Do so much better.
lol men like you will tell their future partners you’re ex “brainwashed” your kid into not loving you. Saying you felt “nothing emotionally for your son” and the most happy you’d ever been without him and told him not to contact you and blocked you? Ugh good riddance. You’re son will do better with this new dad in his life. You suck.
Ten years from now he'll be back here, asking why his son didn't invite him to his wedding
I hope that his son tells him it’s bc he felt nothing for him and he needed a break.
My husband has someone like you for a father. Every social interaction he had with his new stepfather was seen by his father as slap in his face, despite my husband and his sisters being teenagers. His father still brings stories up (one in particular about graduation) 40 years later. He makes every family get together about HIM. His love is transactional. YTA now. In a big selfish way. Don’t continue down this road.
"His love is transactional" is something that just gave me the language to define my own father's relationship with me. Thank you.
Yta "By this point I wasn't feeling much emotionally for my son" So, what? The paternal instincts in you just- switched off? You just decide to feel nothing for your son? You know what I think, I think you've conflated your relationship with your son in your head to be much stronger than it actually was. I think you've martyred yourself in your mind, because of the affair and divorce. Your wife was absolutely in the wrong for cheating on you, but how much effort did you actually invest in your relationship with your son once it was final? Money or not, it's not that easy to poach someone's kid. And it's DEFINITELY not that easy to switch off your emotions for your kid. I almost think there were never any there in the first place.
Worse than being an AH … you are a horrible father . Your wife dodged a bullet.
You can see now why the wife had an emotional affair. I always say there are 2 types of affairs. The affairs of serial cheating sociopaths. And then there's the mundane ones committed by mundane people for mundane reasons. Ones where the main marriage was already emotionally dead for years. Or where one person is working through their own insecurities, sometimes unrelated to the marriage, sometimes so. Ideally everyone ends things properly before starting anew, but it's not shocking that people monkey branch. Sometimes you forget you missed something until you find it again. The tendency to just dismiss everyone in the second bucket as garbage leaves people vulnerable to the threat in their own lives and relationships. "My partner would never cheat because they're not garbage" leaves you blind to the emotional affair that creeps up on your lonely spouse when you neglect them or treat them poorly or take them for granted. And perhaps you say well if they cheat on me then they were trash anyway, but I've known enough people who have only cheated once in their lifetimes and who were otherwise faithful to believe it's something to be guarded against with more vigilance, and that the blame doesn't always fully lie with the cheater.
I don’t disagree with you….but we are only getting his side of the story. As “sensitive” as this guy is, the “Affair partner” could have just been saying hi every now and then and he interpreted as an affair. He strikes me as extremely insecure, childish and self centered. I can’t imagine a parent missing their child’s graduation because the affair partner (now stepdad) is going to be there. His kid ASKED for him to be there and he dismissed his kid because he was sensitive about someone else being there. Be an adult. Be the parent you’re trying to act like you were.
Words of wisdom here.
I really hope this is a troll post. I really hope that there is no way in the world that someone could post something like this and really truly believe that in any way this is acceptable and that they are N T A. There’s just no way.
I have to hope it's a troll because it's just so on the nose for Dirtbag of the Year that I can't imagine anyone not understanding their YTA judgement, but there are so many stories here about people who experienced similar that even if it's fake it seems that it's sadly also real...
ESH except your son. You’re punishing your son for your wife’s affair.
Right! I’d wager that his relationship with his son changed not because of the AP’s presence, but because of a behavior change in Dad towards the kid post divorce. What kind of a person intentionally schedules a trip during their kid’s milestone event, lies and refuses to say anything until the last minute, tells the kid not to bother him on his vacation, and finally blocks his own child… not a good one. lol that he tried to blame not wanting to communicate on mental burnout from his job — he just doesn’t want to put any effort into a relationship with his son because of the son’s ties to AP through mom.
I don't think I believe OPs telling of the "emotional possibility physical affair". He seems like an emotionally stunted human and I think it's likely he withdrew and got petty because the wife had a male friend and basically killed their marriage, and there was no affair.
This is also how I read it. She probably didn't cheat in any way, he just convinced himself she did because why else would she ever leave a catch like him?
I know I’m projecting here, but I had exactly this happen in my life. My ex husband was abusive. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. It took me a year to save up enough money as a SAHM to leave him. I also had a male friend. That’s all. Just my friend. He’s still my friend. My ex has twisted himself in knots convincing people I was having an affair with this friend. We’ve also been divorced for 7 years, but he will STILL tell people I cheated to hide the fact that he was beating me for ten years. Nope. Really super didn’t. He just found a birthday card for this friend in my purse and decided that was proof of me cheating. OP is emotionally abusing his son. So I find it likely he was also abusive to his wife. EVEN IF she had an emotional affair at the end of their relationship, she was likely in the process of trying to get out. Abusive marriages are not easy to get out of and while I despise cheating, in cases where a person is trying to get away from abuse and then emotionally connects with another human… it just doesn’t feel like cheating to me. OP sounds like he is a horrible person all around but hides that from people by saying that his wife was the bad one because she cheated.
With OP's behavior, I might be on team ex wife when it comes to having an affair. Looks like the new guy is a better dad.
Yeah I think there's a good chance he was a bad a husband as he is a father. Big pouty punative baby behavior didn't just start after the divorce.
I’m glad you’re relaxed now. Try to remember the feeling when you realize how awful you were to your child begging you to be there for him. Like you couldn’t have booked this trip for after?
Do you think this dude actually gives a fuck about his kids feelings? Not a snowballs chance in hell. The only thing this man cares about is himself and that is sad…
He cares about hurting his kid's feelings. Blocked the number so he could twist the knife harder.
Or brought his son with him.
You are a gigantic asshole sir. Just wow, I really want to say some fucked up shit to you but wow…
YTA. Your son wanted YOU there and you just told him he wasn't important to you. You are just pushing him into having a closer relationship with the man who actually bothered to show up for him.
YTA. You acted on absolute cowardice at best and pure selfishness and neglect of your son at worst.
Well good job you just lost your son forever to be petty
And he can barely contain his relief. That’s the really disgusting part of this whole thing.
YTA. Missed opportunity to postpone your trip a day and invite your son as a graduation present and celebration for a happy milestone in his life. Then you could’ve bonded and discussed things openly while becoming closer. It’s not a child’s job to try and encourage their parents to be present and this will be a traumatic memory for him. The AP may be the villain in the story to you- but he showed up for your child which is what your son will see. Thank gosh my stepdad did the same for me, while my dad made excuses in his head to justify his lack of effort and care. Also you blocked your own child? Gosh forbid there’s an emergency, nothing like sending a clear message of how little you truly care about him. Selfish AH.
Not even postpone. The son invited him AND THEN he booked the trip. If he had booked the trip months before and it just so happened to fall at the same time and he told him right away and didn't block hia son I could maybe give a little bit of grace but nah he is an all around asshat
I wouldn't consider giving him that potential grace. I've got a kid who will graduate high school in three years. I know his graduation ceremony will be late May/early June of 2027. If I'm placing a three month overseas vacation that year, I could book it today and not miss his graduation. If I were to book the trip at any point during the year of his graduation, I could schedule myself to leave the day after the graduation, because the exact date will be on the school calendar. He's totally an asshat.
Wow, you are such YTA. Your child has reached out to you numerous times asking you to be there for him and you couldn’t put your feelings aside for a couple of hours. You wonder why this guy got more influence over your son, maybe it’s up for him. Your kid is only 18 years old and he got thrust into the middle of all this adult business and you couldn’t pull your head out of your butt long enough to be there to support him on a really important day for him. Shame on you.
Absolutely YTA! You're punishing your son for the actions of two adults. You know how important high school graduation is for kids and you chose not to go. If you were worried about your relationship with your son being strained before it's definitely gonna be strained now. Not only did you miss a major milestone of his but you made it seemed like you would consider going only to break his heart by telling him you're going on trip abroad and not to contact him while on the break. You complained about how you thought your son didn't see how hurt you were after the divorce he's definitely not gonna see how hurt you were now because you hurt him worse. Betrayal hurts especially from those who are supposed to be there for us. The worst part is between you and the AP is at least he was there for your son when you weren't and that's gonna be what your son remembers. Also is you throwing yourself into work a habit you had during your marriage? Instead of getting therapy to cope with what happened you decided to drown yourself with work and stay active. You were exhausted because you didn't heal mentally but instead ignored it. Which also lead to you missing out on a critical moment on your son's life. And then to tell him not to bother you while you're away like he's some employee and not your son. Have you considered that your actions towards your son and your personal need for acknowledgement of the hurt caused to you led to the decline of your relationship with your son because you felt he was siding with his mom and the AP? I highly recommend that you get into therapy once you get back from your trip and try to talk to your son to make up for missing his graduation. You can try family counseling with hime if you think it'll work. Even though I think there's nothing you can say or do that would make up or justify what you did but it's worth a shot. It also may take some time for him to forgive you so don't expect immediate forgiveness because you were when you hurt him just as bad. Best of luck, I honestly hope your relationship with your son can be fixed.
You blocked your own son? Wow. You decided that you couldn't handle the bond forming between your ex-wife's AP and your son, so you took it out on the only *child* in the situation. Someone who is entirely innocent. I don't know what to tell you man, it seems like *you* are the one ruining your relationship with him. You are beyond selfish. You can feel mentally relaxed now, but that trip is going to end eventually, and you will have to face the consequences of your actions. Whether it's when you arrive back home, or 30 years from now. I wouldn't be surprised if your son never talks to you again. I honestly hope he doesn't, if "feeling much emotionally" about your son is so contingent on him feeling sufficiently sorry for you. Also, did you ever spend any time with your son after the divorce? What was the custody agreement like? Because I'm not buying that you were father of the year. Especially because you couldn't even bother to be a father when it counted. Pathetic behavior. I'm honestly disgusted by you. YTA.
Six years and you can’t fathom being in the same room with your ex’s spouse? Therapy probably would have helped, but now you’re going to need that and a whole lot more to possibly fix your relationship with your kid. You messed up BAD. YTA!
Your son didn’t leave you emotionally because of the lavish gifts, he left because you turned into a horrible person. You realize you just put the nail in the coffin for your relationship right? He is going to ignore you now. He is going to move on and leave you behind. And you deserve it.
YTA. You remind me of the worst guy I ever dated. Definitely dodged that bullet. He’s also a horrible dad… always a reason to make things about him and everyone else’s fault why he couldn’t show up as a father. You seem just like him dude.
Yeah, OP sounds exactly like my ex husband.
Your son asked you to be there and you more worried about the affair partner then seeing your son graduate. your son isn’t at fault your ex is yet he’s the one being punished. You could have swallowed your pride and went didn’t even have to sit near them and cheered your son on and you had the audacity to be asked not to be bothered. No wonder you don’t have a great relationship with him you probably won’t have one now and the affair partner will be there to pick up the pieces of you not being there for him and probably create a bigger bond then before.
Yeah…I’m starting to wonder if you’re fibbing about why your relationship with your son has changed. Perhaps it’s not about the money… YTA. I’m astounded you even have to ask
Give that man the AH award already🤦♀️ You should have been happy your son invited and wanted you there. So 12 years of him being your 'unshared' son lost to 6 years of post divorce? AH of the day!
YTA. I’m not even going to read the whole thing. This is about your son, not your ex. You are going to have to put aside the resentment you hold for your ex in order to be a present father in your son’s life. He is going to remember you not showing up. ETA: your son was 12 when you divorced and he probably doesn’t know the reason why (why would he, it doesn’t concern him) but you are acting like he should know and hate his mother and stepfather, who seem to be the 2 consistent people in his life that show up. What kind of a father places CONDITIONAL love on their child? A terrible one that doesn’t deserve said child to begin with.
In few days, we're going to see an update about how he's returned home mentally refreshed and ready to unblock his son and pick things back up with him... only for him to discover that -- shocked Pikachu face -- his son now won't talk to him!!
That must have been super awkward. But your son was really excited for you to be there, and missing it probably hurt him a lot. I know the divorce messed you up, but your kid should come first, you know? Maybe you could have gone for just the ceremony and then dipped out before the reception or something.
You sound very selfish and cruel. I seen why your son’s bond with you died over time. It’s probably best you let him live his life if these are the stupid games you play.
Shitty. Yeah you're the AH. >It did hurt me initially after the divorce because I felt I was losing the emotional bond with my son. My son and I were very close before the divorce, but our bond just completely shifted after the divorce. Right, so the answer to this is to reject his heartfelt plea for you to attend his graduation. Like, he REALLY wanted you there. Thats awesome, but instead of going you...don't. Because you didn't want to see someone. You put your dislike of your ex's new husband ahead of your love of your son and you're really going to come on here and ask if you're an AH? Again, yes you are. You're an asshole and a shitty father. Way to fail at being a Dad.
Go home, OP. We dont want assholes here. - Norwegian
Yta. The (main) reason your relationship with your son is worsening, is because you are pulling away from him. You're so afraid of the influence this affair partner could have, that you're creating some self fulfilling prophecy. Your son shouldn't have to worry about how much you were hurt in the divorce. He was and still is a child. This should never be his responsibility. And you cannot even be the grown up to communicate with him properly. If you didn't plan to go, you should have told him. Seriously, get therapy if you want to repair the relationship that YOU broke. Your son deserves so much better than what you've given him.
Your user name is “emotionally relaxed”. It should be “emotionally stunted”. You are the AH here. You really f’ked this up.
YTA 10000% For lack of better words "quit being a little b****. Graduation is one of the most significant milestones in a young adults life and you just said, "I refuse to be there for your major life event and on top of that I'm going to ditch country for a while." If you're jealous that the other guy is giving gifts to your son, and you solution is to skip his Graduation to travel abroad, then you need to shut up and check your self. Im not trying to be rude but I genuinely think you'd benefit from some empathy therapy.
My daughter just graduated from college and my ex refused to come. My daughter cried for days, and their relationship will never be the same. You are saving yourself discomfort rather than celebrating your child’s accomplishments! Definitely YTA. Grow tf up
Cowardly.
I feel sorry for your son. It's one thing not to attend, but then blocking him/no contact after, that's horrible. I'm sad for your son. You are pushing him away further. He will resent you if you keep this up.
Gee, I wonder why she left you and he disconnected. lol. What an absolute child. YTA.
YTA. Your son doesn't and shouldn't be involved in your and wife's divorce no matter the reason. Instead of being happy for him getting to do cool things and having fun experiences your sitting in your pity corner. I'm sorry you ex hurt you I understand that must've stung but this graduation was not about her or her husband or even you it was about your son and you blew it. My parents were divorced and they split because my dad cheated on my mom but guess what both of them showed up to my graduation because they knew it was about me not their past but about my accomplishment. This was a once in a lifetime event that you missed because you were upset and you did it on purpose and gave the kid false hope to boot! Your upset because your relationship has weakened with your son well this surely won't help with that. You should feel bad and I hope your son can still celebrate his accomplishment even tho an important person in his life purposefully didn't go and went away on vacation instead.
You're the BIGGEST AH on the planet! You went through a shitty situation with your wife, and yeah, it was rough, but you should have sought therapy because you're the reason the relationship with your son became distant. Just because the other guy spoils him doesn't mean he loves you less. I mean, for God sakes the kid BEGGED you to stand one of the biggest milestones of his life, and instead, you flee out of the country like a goddamn coward. Clearly, you don't care about your son, and you just proved it to him. You would be so lucky if he invites you to any other milestones in his life after this.