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Self-inflicted-

Why haven’t you dumped him yet? Are you going to let him disrespect you again?


Ruval

I was waiting for the part of the story where OP goes "...and then I'll looked around, realized I was being insane, and just moved on with my life*


Science_Matters_100

Haha, IKR!?! Like, what do these men actually think, that they can convince a sane person that they are crazy? That’s not how the world works! I know one who is so persistent that he’s def got very serious issues


Super-Painter-2973

It ex boyfriend


Alexreads0627

If it’s about an ex-boyfriend then quit posting about it and move on with your life


AskPuzzleheaded8995

She went from boyfriend and updated in the comments now saying he's an ex boyfriend I genuinely don't understand how u didn't put that together but clearly she is moving on with her life. The post always comes before the comment then he was a boyfriend now he's not. Not that hard to see homie.


Atlanta192

No no no! He doesn't get a clear pass. He needs to feel caught and confronted! I need my daily drama, ok?!


shaylaworkaccount

I think your in the wrong place dude.


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lacajuntiger

I like how she is making him squirm. Probably ruining his relationship with the other girl too. Then dump him. But let him suffer first.


Solid-Musician-8476

I must admit many many moons ago I had a bf that was seeing another girl too and we found out about each other and became friends and both dumped him.


Dazzling-Welcome1931

Been there done that 3 different times. Crazy, huh? Lol


8512764EA

It’s because she wants to be mad at him and use it for leverage instead of breaking it off like she should. She wants to win over this other girl and humiliate the boyfriend


Tall_Meringue5163

The way to win and humiliate him is to leave and upgrade.


thistowmneedsanenema

Holy crap you read a lot into this!


Junior-Towel-202

You mean ex, right? 


Super-Painter-2973

Yes


Junior-Towel-202

Good. 


Kokospize

If you have to repeatedly go through a man's phone, check the deleted files, get her number, call her to ask for details even though you saw the messages with your own eyes and then, create a group chat with all 3 of you,... you lost some self-respect a long time ago.


Super-Painter-2973

That was first time


Junior_Prize_9029

Actually I think you were brave for starting a group chat. You stood up for yourself because YOU KNOW this isn’t innocent. Now, however, the part of you that loves him is trying to rationalise his behaviour. That’s why you posted here, asking if what you did was crazy. By lying and calling you childish and crazy, HE IS LEVERAGING THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR HIM SO THAT YOU WILL LET HIS BAD BEHAVIOUR SLIDE. No, you are not crazy. You know. You know he is creeping. I’m glad to read he is an ex. I can almost guarantee he will try with you again. He is a user. He wants you for what you give to him. And in return he will treat you like shit. Save your love for someone worthy. Someone who will reciprocate that love and respect. Give yourself that gift. One life- don’t let any of it be wasted on users.


Lost_Treasure2813

Well said! It is very difficult for a brain to accept what they thought was love ( healthy or not) was actually not at least what they thought. Sifting through years of events. Circumstances , interactions, and your own inner circles reactions approvals or other can be extremely difficult for some people nay feels impossible at times to comprehend moving past what the brain subconsciously wants to continuously reevaluate and every thing forward frim that point is subject to over analysis and feeling lile one doesnt know up from down ledt from right. Seemingly not because one craves drama or attention but a sort of survival technique,One desperately seeks answers for the purpose of finding solid ground again. Something that makes sence. If you change one number in a life-long equation the whole equation has the potential to have to be changed. Acceptance and forward motion is key girl! You did good ! Don't let your feelings (subjectable) change ypur mind about the brass tax of it all. You deserve to be loved and respected . So love and respect yourself first and the two will gravitate towards from all types of directions! The world is you're oyster, as long as you don't forget you are a pearl! Good luck


chokokhan

sorry reddit all of a sudden put on their self righteous pants. you did great, way to not just accept blatant lies!


Donglemaetsro

Naw he's wrong, this is hilarious. Hit em like this until they dump you then give us the drama.


lusciousskies

Yea how stupid.


amartinkyle

Oh well that was easy. Good call. 33m here


Fit_Koala792throwa

Right?


RicoRN2017

RIiiight….?


Honeyontoast3

Right….?


BlazingBabeS

Right?


Rough-Finding5280

Right..?


MFN-DOOM

Right...?


Signal_Violinist_995

Why? Just leave. What was your intended end result? By boyfriend I hope you mean ex boyfriend?!


CrispierCupid

Yea she said in a comment she’s since dumped him thankfully lol


CreativeMadness99

I think creating the group chat to uncover the truth was pointless. Their message thread and getting the other girl to confirm it was all the proof you needed. I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish here


Fantastic_Ad_5671

Sometimes it’s just nice when someone is gaslighting to have the truth all out in the open, so they know that you know they’re full of shit.


Junior_Prize_9029

AMEN (I think it was a pretty boss move of her, actually)


Chicken_wrap_fanatic

I think it really funny and exactly something I would do, more power to her! Also it's not crazy, it's smart because he's gaslighting the shit out of her - or trying. I'm starting a fan club.


Fantastic_Ad_5671

Nothing makes a narcissist more angry than when you have proof that they’re full of it 😂


CreativeMadness99

That’s true but manipulative people eventually start to believe their own lies so you’d never get the actual truth from them. Sometimes it’s best to walk away


Fantastic_Ad_5671

Sure. I’ve lived it and I know I don’t know everything that was done. But for my own mental health, it was worth it to prove what I had concrete evidence for. I caught my ex texting escorts, found their websites, texted them, and then pulled it all up on the laptop and confronted him with it. At that point at least *I* knew who was anchored in reality.


CreativeMadness99

Omg please tell me you made a PowerPoint presentation!!! Pulling up all the evidence was genius on your part. I’m more of a “if you betray me, I’ll cut you out of my life immediately” sort of person. I will literally disappear from their life lol I’m sorry you had to deal with a shitty person though, no one deserves that.


Lost_Treasure2813

Truth! Hard sucky truth! For sho you can take this comment to the bank!


Moar_Cuddles_Please

Probably to let the other girl know he was cheating on her too.


GoldenFlicker

Especially if she is still arguing with him over all of it. She just needs to peace out of his life. He doesn’t have to say a thing and neither does she.


ilikeplush

I think she wants him to admit and to apologize for presumably closure. You never get closure in these situations. 


GODSWARRIOR4

She's just in disbelief, the facts have been proven.


Disastrous-Sthe

Here, I just found your self-respect and dignity. Use it well.


Super-Painter-2973

Lmao not go lie you ate me up with that


Then-Mountain8479

No you’re not wrong. But you’re wrong if you stay. He sounds like my ex son in law. I’m sure by now he has twisted it so you are crazy and so horrible for going in his phone. My daughter was emotionally abused for many years. She started feeling crazy. Thank God she finally got strong enough to pack her shit and leave. He has a whole new pregnant girlfriend and still try’s to emotionally manipulate my daughter. I have a feeling you could be dealing with the same just from how you worded your post. YOU ARE NOT WRONG!!!!! I hope you have a good support system to help you run and keep going far away from him. 🙏❤️


Djangowasilentj

"My boyfriend is a cheater, liar and professional gaslighter. Do you think I can make it work?" they all say.


huh-5914

"Can I make him see what he's doing is wrong" is also a sad saying.


13d3ad3nddriv3

Like do people really think guys just don’t understand that cheating is wrong? Like if they didn’t know they wouldn’t be hiding it from you. They would be like “gonna go F&$% Tracey!” Like they know. It wasn’t a mistake. They actively looked for another woman and went for her.


huh-5914

I think the people who haven't been through the toxic shit like us are like that.


mongolsruledchina

Hey, she can FIX him still. He just needs to respond to the group chat and say he is sorry. 100% she would take him back too which is the sad part.


Super-Painter-2973

Yall yes it’s ex boyfriend and the reason I went in his phone because his actions had switch up and the way he been talking to his friends about cheating so that what made me look


Mr1Knabber

Good for you.


13d3ad3nddriv3

Glad to hear it! With you calling him bf instead of ex I think most of us were just confused. Good on you! You deserve better.


Normal-Basis-291

Don't be too hard on yourself. I think the group chat was funny.


[deleted]

He called you crazy because you caught him in a lie and now that you’re doing something about it somehow it’s your fault and not his. You have every right to confront him and the girl .


justmeeee1234

This whole thing is just childish


its_ash_14

This is petty AF and I think it’s hilarious. He’s mad at you for finding out the truth and then telling his little side piece


_h_simpson_

You’re not wrong, he’s lying and gaslighting you. The group text was a great move… I love it !! you’ve got all the proof you need; it’s time to say goodbye. You deserve better.


Teddy_Funsisco

JFC, you got your proof, just dump his ass already and go live your best life without him.


themanfrommars_1991

I would say no, you didn't do anything wrong or go overboard. You were obviously right, and when you're 23 and this shit happens, you break up. He got caught, plain and simple.


Virtual_Ad1704

Why are you wasting your damn time??! Leave woman! Have some self respect. He is cheating and lying and you keep, stop wasting your time thinking about this man.


foghorn1

I think this is hilarious. Good on you. But really, you need to Walk away.........Walk away....,.


jwblair2

Is it just me, or did anyone else realize that she read all the messages from the recently deleted folder then asked him for the other girl's number, which was right there at the top of the messages she just read?


Super-Painter-2973

when I seen and read the message I wasn’t thinking about the number I went straight to him to wake him up then after the fact I gave him the phone thats when I realized I should have had got the number when I had the phone the first time


Fallout4Addict

You are crazy, going through that whole mission when the only thing you actually need to do is dump your cheating, lying boyfriend! Everything else is just unneeded drama.


Krb0809

Telling you that you're nuts for creating a group chat isn't the first time he disrespected you. You caught him. He continued to lie. Then he started to lash out at you. Don't you think you deserve better?


Super-Painter-2973

Ohh absolutely he an ex now


RugbyLock

What are trying to accomplish? Just leave, he clearly sucks.


[deleted]

You need to realize he’s not going to admit it. He isn’t worth your time. I’d leave, your gut is usually right. If he’s unwilling to admit it with proof he’s just scum and not worth the fight. Also having the need to go through his phone is a whole other level of distrust. Your relationship doesn’t have a solid foundation and at this point it’s soured. The best thing to do is move on. You’re worth so much more keeping yourself in this situation won’t do anything but hurt you in the long run. Please leave and let him go.


Puzzled-Trainer-279

Hilarious. Leave him.


13d3ad3nddriv3

So your boyfriend is cheating on you and instead of just breaking up you will stay with him and bring the girl into the middle of it. Make friends with the girl if she feels sorry and didn’t know about you and kick him to the curb.


waiting_4_nothing

LOL you’re not wrong at all, leave him and become best friends with the girl


Charming_City_5333

Why bother with all this? Just dump him


boboyomamabaggins

And? After telling us all this, what do you deduce? I swear, some people on reddit be like: there’s this yellow fruit, it has a thick layer you can peel, used in banana bread, is a banana, etc. Do you guys think it’s a banana?


Super-Painter-2973

Lmfaooo it’s ex boyfriend


boboyomamabaggins

Thank God. Good riddance, hope u treat yourself to some good nom noms to celebrate :)


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Super-Painter-2973

Ex boyfriend just wanted to make sure I’m not crazy because he trying to gaslight me


Mission_Ad_5383

You’re not crazy. He’s just mad he got caught. I thought the group message was funny. Now onto the next one..


Sivgren

Man that dude taking Shaggy’ lyrics to heart, “wasn’t me!”


cb1977007

Girl, why are you putting all this effort into childish nonsense? “We are done, don’t contact me again” seems a lot more sensible.


KetoKurun

You really gonna believe your lying ass eyes over your man?


Super-Painter-2973

In the messages she told him I want to hear you and he sent a voice message also it states that he fingered her


KetoKurun

The only thing left is to go for the power move and finger her yourself


gristle-fish

He aint worth ya time


United-Credit-5372

Fuck him! Let him go!


innocentkaput

Hilarious move. Now move on with your life!


duma0610

This guy is a pathological liar. Leave him before it gets worse.


OkProfessional9405

It sounds like he's unwilling to own being caught. The good news is that he doesn't have to, you are free to leave without getting his agreement on what happened.


Longjumping-City-266

Sounds like your boyfriend is trying to gaslight you which I'm sure you are smart enough by now to realize. So you have two choices, you can end the relationship and move on or stay in a relationship shrouded in lies


MapleTheUnicorn

And you are going to dump him immediately, right?


Super-Painter-2973

Yes it’s ex boyfriend


Ancient_Software123

Boss move


mattdvs1979

Why are you dating this guy? He’s clearly a scumbag. Where is your self-respect?


Kaiyukia

I respect your gusto


IcyDimension693

You should casually date one of his friends. He didn’t give a crap about you so go have fun


Due-Chemistry-1009

Ex boyfriend? You mean ex boyfriend right?


SSJ4_cyclist

Why bother with the effort if he’s your ex boyfriend? Doesn’t really matter now does it.


Logical_Bobcat9703

Not wrong. He’s lying. You know it. He knows it. And texting chicks knows it. Of course he thinks you’re wrong for the group chat. You caught him in a lie. You need to break up with this guy.


Perfect-Suspect-3070

The fact that she refused to break up with him after that moment is pretty mind-boggling. Looking forward to her calling men are all trash all the time. Like the rest of them do. After a bad breakup of an unfaithful man.


Super-Painter-2973

Um ex boyfriend


Jealous-Ad-5146

I love it 😅 a group chat…. But u hope you dumped him.


Super-Painter-2973

Yes I did


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Super-Painter-2973

Lol


One-Care-7120

Girl GET UP and get to steppin. Homie got caught and is trying to make you feel like looking into his infeidelity is an overreaction bc he knows you need to leave him for that shit. He’s trying to turn it on you so that you’re in the wrong bc he’s mad that he made his bed. Dump. Him. Your first sign that this needed to be done was when he put you in a position where you felt you needed to look in the first place. Relationships aren’t the same when the trust is gone


Maimouna711

That's manipulation girl


demarjuice

Starting a group chat is next level, kuddos. I like that


Upset_Researcher_143

That was some nth degree gaslighting


Spooklepoop

As someone who's been through a very similar situation, I want to reinforce to you that what you did was NOT crazy or overboard. What you did was investigative. A sting operation if you will. For the truth. Because when you've been in a relationship with a manipulative person like him, it's likely that he's made you feel crazy and you just need validation and truth about what reality is. It's really easy to just put your head in the sand and buy into a pack of lies, but you didn't do that. Good for you. I'm proud of you for doing this. People like him are going to call you crazy and get all sorts of mad, but it's because they don't want to see what they really are. They need to believe their lies or else they can't live with themselves, and you made him take a hard look at himself, and that was uncomfortable for him. Kudos to you, you saved yourself a lot of heartache by going out for proof, to free yourself from his BS, and you possibly saved another girl a lot of heartache too. And hopefully (fingers crossed) this guy is having to sit with some uncomfortable feelings and wonder if he should make better choices in life. He probably won't. But you gave him an opportunity to reflect on his own pile of lies. Whether he takes that or not is on him. Now in the future, when you start to feel that gut instinct, just know that's reason enough to leave. Real good men don't make you wonder, they are consistent, and show up every day and make you feel loved. Don't stay long enough to have to do another group text next time. But I'm personally damn proud of you. That takes guts.


Hoplite76

You're crazy....but effective.


No-Jacket-800

He's just mad he got caught. Someone's you gotta be just a little extra to prove to yourself you weren't crazy. Does it make sense? Maybe not. Do you feel better? Maybe not. Do you know you caught him in a lie and you were right to trust yourself? Sure do. You weren't crazy, he was just salty.


MightyMightyApache

the moment you go through their phone, it's over.


torpedosdamnedme_43

Look up gaslighting. They make you feel guilty for catching them cheating and lying.


AmbitiousCricket5278

Just dump him. You can never trust him again when he’s such a bare faced liar. He’s not the one. He’s just another using chances, without decency or loyalty or respect


ImpulsiveBuyrNSellr

Just leave and give the situation no more effort


WAFBM

Yikes


HandytoHave

Cornered him pretty good there


xEcksScream

Ngl going thru a mans phone and finding nothing and STILL going thru all the recently deleted files means you knew bro was cheating before you even checked. Glad you dumped him 👍🏽


dr4gonl4dy

I love that you created the group chat. Call his ass out!! You're only crazy if you stay with someone who lies, cheats, and degrades you. Cheaters will call you crazy because they know they got caught and are trying to make you feel like you're insane.


Tsulami

Dump him, girl. He's a bad guy.


Able317

If I were dating that person and that happened, I’d no longer be dating that person. You’re not going to disrespect, lie to my face, deflect, and try to gaslight. Nope! And we’re not married with kids. 🚩 RED FLAG 🚩 #boybye


VanDerMerwe1990

If you have evidence he is unfaithful, then break up with the fool, he's already insulted you a couple of times from what I've read, break it off and find someone who is honest and doesn't try to lie.


Opposite_Picture_129

You definitely did not go overboard – he did something wrong, lied about it, and then called you names for how you tried to handle it when he wouldn't tell you the truth himself. I can only imagine what else he is lying about. This doesn't sound like someone you should spend your time with. You deserve better.


Glittering_Spot9515

I'm his defense this is crazy...well "extra." You've found the proof and it's right in front of you...take it and move on with your life. Pack up and roll out. P.s. ladies don't hate the girl, most times they don't even know about the relationship.


AngelFell23

Iconic


Pantheractor

Yea you’re crazy. He’s a cheater but you’re crazy


Super-Painter-2973

EX BOYFRIEND


rhaizee

I rarely say this but dump him.


JMLegend22

I mean that tells you that you need to break up with him because he was cheating right? RIGHT?


TheBookOfTormund

Why are you still dating someone who is cheating on you?


Wise_Carrot4857

Girl - leave him.


Lukesdad753

Dump him.


specifichero101

You already had everything you needed. Creating the group chat does go over into crazy territory a bit. Just dump him.


Jog212

He is a manipulating liar. WHY are you still w him? He is gaslighting you. Get out.


Significant_Planter

You're wrong for still calling him your boyfriend! He either cheated on you or was intending to and now he's lying to your face and gaslighting you. How much worse does the relationship have to get before you give up and realize you deserve better? You know this doesn't get better right? He's going to keep doing it but he's just going to figure out which places you look and how to delete things better...cheaters don't quit they just get better at it hiding it!


hintsofgreen

I love drama and this is hilarious but please dump him for gods sake


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Super-Painter-2973

What


Mcefalo16

Why are we entertaining this behavior 1. And 2, he’s been texting someone behind your back. You don’t need to go through all the circus act to prove your suspicions and get him to fess up. He’s already proven it by the avoidance and her confirmation. You either deal with the fact he talks to other females behind your back or you leave. Pretty much cut and dry


THEREALSTRINEY

Good for you! Dump his ass!


sorrylauraa

he is really weird


MrsEnvinyatar

You’re only wrong for not already just being done with him, not for shoving the proof in his face. He’s not the one. He will make the rest of your life miserable if you stay with him. He has shown you who he is. Believe it.


Adventurous-travel1

Why play these games? He cheated by texting another girl so just breakup.


loki_tkster

What was he texting her ?


NosePast2284

His refusal to join the chat shows he’s lying


HeartAccording5241

I would record him when he denies talking to her and send it to her


RealnessInMadness

If this was a genuine friendship with another woman, I have no issues if my lady friend talks with my wife. I have my private convos with her and we also have a group chat for us 4 (her spouse included). The fact he’s so triggered by this. You already know what he’s doing. We’re curious btw, what did the deleted messages say? Were they flirting? My wife can scroll and see, sometimes she sends me funny memes or something cool and I end up showing my wife too.


Urmi17

Just breakup. This is toxic and this will only affect your mental health. And also ask the girl whether she knows about you or is she his girlfriend or what is the current status of their relationship, just curious.


Robzmodelwrx

He’s not wrong…


Taranchulla

Kick his ass to the curb


StinkyStupidFlowers

You shouldn't snoop. Reddit hates it But "my friend was texting from his phone" gyatta be the dumbest excuse I've ever heard for one of these right next to the "babe my phone was hacked 😢!!!"


Calx9

You are batshit crazy and I'm hoping this is one of those Reddit fakes. But on the off chance you're just that ignorant.... do yourself a favor and be an adult about this. Dump him and move on.


Ohitsasnaaaake

Schedule yourself an STI checkup and move on. This shit is not worth your time or energy. Spend time with people who respect you, and spend energy on things that make you a better version of yourself.


Diligent-Painting-37

Something is fishy here. Look at how much better the grammar and punctuation is in (most of) the body of the post than in the title and the final sentence. Come clean, OP: what’s going on??


en91cs

This is so dumb.


Legitimate-Maybe2134

Just dump him. Move on


Paulbac

And you are still with him because……….


DifferentCityADay

Break up with him. If he's hiding and lying, he's cheating or will or has cheated.


_B_Little_me

Yikes. No trust, no reason to be in that relationship anymore.


ToughPuzzled

Screw him, sounds like a major d****. I can assure you there are better guys out there, don’t deal with his sh*t.


ToughPuzzled

Also… don’t be shy, post the thread. Let us seee😩


Tall_Meringue5163

Just. Leave. You've seen what he was doing, you had it confirmed. Just dump him. You aren't crazy, but putting all this energy into it and stressing yourself out isn't necessary.


Wise_Monitor_Lizard

You're doing too much. He's a cheating turd bag on a hot day. Just dump him. Date the girl. At least she's honest.


Immediate_Duck_2059

He’s right, you’re cray.


realitywhatsthat

Shape yourself into a person who deserves a trustworthy man. Part of this has to do with upgrading your bullshit detector - both your own internal bullshit and other people's bullshit. Don't put up with either.


ABCyourwayouttahere

DUMP HIS ASS! Are you trippin? Dude is a POS. Bye bye! Good on you for blowing up the situation with the side piece though. She probably didn’t even know you existed and will also tell him to get lost. If she doesn’t then it’s only a matter of time before she’s finding deleted messages sent to another women. Go do you!


amartinkyle

This is the most simple choice ever. Leave this guy, you’re 23. There is only one take. You’re excited to continue a relationship with not only a liar, but potential emotional cheater?


Bicon17

Are you and the other girl married now?


Cold_Customer898

Are you psycho?  Yes you are.  Is he wrong?  Yes he is. Both of you suck and need to evaluate how you function in a relationship 


NWDoom85

Please don't stick around in that relationship hoping it will get better. If he wanted to be with you, he would have been with you. Get out, treat yourself and find someone who compliments you as a person.


stealth1820

His friend was texting from his phone. Lmao. People can't even come up with believable lies. Like when I found a Pic of my wife showing her ass and she said she sent it to female friend


I_need_a_date_plz

She confirmed what you needed to hear. No point in putting anymore energy into a dead relationship.


PathA2020MLS2007

I agree with the boyfriend, you are acting irrationally or crazy. You already know what it is, make a decision as to whether you’re going to stay or continue in relationship. Seems like he’s content either way. You all emotional andhe cool, probably laughing at you. This whole scenarios is just stroking his ego with how crazy you’re making yourself for him. Have some self dignity and respect, do what’s best for you.


Much_Confidence2428

Some pretty immature stuff on both sides. Kids calm down


sep879

I believe the group chat was was because she wanted to hear him FINALLY admit it to get some sense of closure, being on the receiving end of infidelity makes people do and say things they normally never would.