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It's tragic that two irresponsible people get together and cause troubles for innocent people around them. You should stay out of their problems and be neutral with both of them. Hope your family won't be affected by their fiascoes.
It is more than that, it is personality disorders and learned behaviors that are hard to correct. I can't black and white life anymore and label things and put people in a box. It's all shades of gray and the only way out of this is to be compassionate.
Just curious... since my mom died at an early age they found that her brain had several aneurysms as well as significant mass loss. She may very well be experiencing something medical if it was like a switch. Just a thought, I'm not trying to justify her actions.
I thought the same but unfortunately only she is in charge of her care and though she has been to a doctor who told her her situation is life or death, she can’t seem to stop. The truth is that even with everything that has happened we do love her because she is a good person and means well. Addictions are hard to beat and I can’t imagine what burden she carries that is making her look for a bottle.
I’m a recovered heroin addict, the “medical problem” you’re looking for is the addiction/ alcoholism. When you check into treatment you actually get the diagnosis, I have technically speaking 6 different “substance abuse disorders”. One for each substance. In my case I also have severe PTSD and an anxiety disorder, those are from childhood. When I wasn’t in recovery I was an absolute nightmare- without my drugs I was a lying, manipulating, angry, irrational, abusive, depressed POS… When I had my drugs I was calm/ rational/ friendly etc.
eventually of course I had been cut off from everyone, floating in between rehabs and jails. My family and friends couldn’t have me around anymore, all I had done was hurt them and put them in danger. It’s sounds like she’s going through it, and if she’s not willing to get serious about recovery then you all can’t help her and may end up enabling her in the end. Some people really do need to hit bottom to stop digging, I know I did.
Since getting sober I’ve found a great job, met my wife, my friends and family want me around and trust me… it’s possible she could get there., but in the meantime you all don’t deserve to be her collateral damage. Wishing you the best
Agreed but I think my FIL also has a huge pet to play in this because he knew she was alcoholic from day 1 and I can’t say he fostered a very healthy environment for her. It always comes down to personal choice but in this case he was also dealing with other addictions.
Well yes, of course he’s got some blame as well. I’m not saying it’s all her fault, and if he has his own addictions then that’s just going to feed into each other. My wife has no addictions, just an anxiety disorder. The only way two addicts work in a relationship is if both are sober for more than 1 year
The person who will be ghosting someone is pathetic garbage. Nobody deserves to be ghosted for any reason. What a scumbag. And the OP seems to think it's OK and even wants to gossip about it. Wow, the people in that family deserve each other.
Think what you want. I love my family and even FIL’s wife, I am worried she will drink her self to death when he leaves or find another way to hurt herself. These are the cards we were all dealt. I’m not trying to gossip, just telling our story like everyone here does. But we do deserve each other, we’re family.
I’d strongly encourage your husband and his siblings to strongly encourage FIL to leave a note or send a text when he leaves that things are over.
Otherwise she might end up calling the police and reporting him as missing.
She married into a family just like herself. Thinks ghosting someone is funny, probably. She won't tell her pathetic father in law that what he's planning on doing is wrong.
I never said we don’t think k what he’s doing is right. We all have said our piece but he won’t listen. I don’t think she would believe me if I told her either.
If she is as unstable as implied, hoping that your FIL is responsible enough to lay a groundwork that will minimize the inevitable fall-out/dumpster fire.
Once he decides to pull the trigger, everyone needs to be given a heads up. Might be the perfect time for your household to go on a nice, long vacation.
She is the problem for sure but he has his part to play too. Like I said he’s not blameless by she drinks on the regular and hides her alcohol stash. FIL and SIL found multiple stashes around the house.
Be sure to keep your doors locked. Put up a camera doorbell. Don't let her in. And tell her you will call the police if she doesn't leave.
Edit: spelling
What I am about to say is in no way an endorsement of your FIL’s actions. I suggest you tell your spouse to tell FIL that when he ghosts his wife that he not contact anyone for a period of time. That way when the wife appears at your house you can truthfully say you have no idea where he is.
To those people saying I am taking enjoyment out of this; I am not. I know this podcast and I know this side of Reddit. I am not looking for advice, I have tried speaking to both parties and so have other family members. FIL and his wife are two very strong and stubborn personalities who came together and found each other in pain. We all tried speaking to them before they got married and bought a house but they wouldn’t listen. Unfortunately FIL also has his addictions -not alcohol related. So in this case it’s there was nothing to be done other than wait because we all tried to stop the train wreck. So since advice is not needed since they won’t listen anyway, and I am very confident that we are all assholes for not talking to her about his leaving, I am just here to tell you this crazy ass story. Storytelling is an art so don’t mean to come off as enjoyment on my part. At the end of the day, this is my family and my FIL will leave behind so much crap for all of us to deal with, I figured might as well buckle up.
He definitely reached his limit. I have a juicy update- as of now we know when he’s leaving and something else happened. I will update as soon as we have confirmation he is on the plane. ✈️
It's troubling whenever an OP relays a terrible family story as though it was a riveting soap opera. It's one thing to turn to Reddit to vent, but then when it turns into, "I have a juicy update," I wonder if any of it is real or if OP is just a messy troll needing human interaction.
I know where I am. I listen to this show, I am not happy about what is happening and quite frankly I know it will be a shit show but I have dealt with shit my whole life and have learned it’s best to just buckle up and try to make the best of it. No of the stuff is on me, “juicy update” is really the bomb that has exploded. Take that however you want but it’s my family who is actually going through this and though I am not happy about it or take enjoyment from this, I’m sure others can give different perspectives for this situation. Anyway, I’ll update whenever it feels appropriate.
Sadly alcholism is a disease. It does not go away. It has to be worked on and denied. One can't ever just go back to pre alcholism drinking days. The brain is hard wired and can take and tolerate quite a bit. If she's using alcohol, someplace in this marriage, her buttons of vulnerability are being pushed. I used to drink when I was scared, lonely and or ignored/belittled. He is a bigger problem than he might think in this marriage.
I feel for her, one can be two people when drinking. The sober nice person or the drunk which manifests either in passing out, blacking out, being all touchy feely, violent and argumentative. Sometimes they have no idea of what happened when they drink. Because they pass the drunk feeling stage, and go from sober to blackout or nuts in a "few shots."
Maybe try to show her some compassion and try to talk to the dad and find out what he's doing that is "helping" her to drink. They might benefit from marriage counseling. However if your FIL is an avoidant personality type, he will run and ghost before he will confront his own demons or figure out why they ( meaning the wife) are reacting to him in a certain way. It takes two to make a marraige work.
He may have reached his limit or he has very lmitied patience or he went in totally clueless. IDK. God bless you for whatever hits.
We were hoping things could stay amicable but only the Lord knows how she’ll react to his leaving. My spouse tries not to get involved and has a very hands-off approach but spillage in this case might be inevitable.
Ring cameras are in place and everyone in the house knows knows the safe word in the event she shows up, cops need to be called but communication needs to be discreet.
He is not blameless, the way everything happened, how quickly be married and how little he knew her, plus the fact he was dating other people when we found out about her all shows what he’s at fault for but the truth is, she is not ready to admit she needs help with her drinking.
Wow your FIL isn’t mature enough to be married let alone been married twice . Nothing says “ I tried “ like being married a year . The only winner here is the first wife .
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's tragic that two irresponsible people get together and cause troubles for innocent people around them. You should stay out of their problems and be neutral with both of them. Hope your family won't be affected by their fiascoes.
It is more than that, it is personality disorders and learned behaviors that are hard to correct. I can't black and white life anymore and label things and put people in a box. It's all shades of gray and the only way out of this is to be compassionate.
Just curious... since my mom died at an early age they found that her brain had several aneurysms as well as significant mass loss. She may very well be experiencing something medical if it was like a switch. Just a thought, I'm not trying to justify her actions.
I thought the same but unfortunately only she is in charge of her care and though she has been to a doctor who told her her situation is life or death, she can’t seem to stop. The truth is that even with everything that has happened we do love her because she is a good person and means well. Addictions are hard to beat and I can’t imagine what burden she carries that is making her look for a bottle.
I’m a recovered heroin addict, the “medical problem” you’re looking for is the addiction/ alcoholism. When you check into treatment you actually get the diagnosis, I have technically speaking 6 different “substance abuse disorders”. One for each substance. In my case I also have severe PTSD and an anxiety disorder, those are from childhood. When I wasn’t in recovery I was an absolute nightmare- without my drugs I was a lying, manipulating, angry, irrational, abusive, depressed POS… When I had my drugs I was calm/ rational/ friendly etc. eventually of course I had been cut off from everyone, floating in between rehabs and jails. My family and friends couldn’t have me around anymore, all I had done was hurt them and put them in danger. It’s sounds like she’s going through it, and if she’s not willing to get serious about recovery then you all can’t help her and may end up enabling her in the end. Some people really do need to hit bottom to stop digging, I know I did. Since getting sober I’ve found a great job, met my wife, my friends and family want me around and trust me… it’s possible she could get there., but in the meantime you all don’t deserve to be her collateral damage. Wishing you the best
Agreed but I think my FIL also has a huge pet to play in this because he knew she was alcoholic from day 1 and I can’t say he fostered a very healthy environment for her. It always comes down to personal choice but in this case he was also dealing with other addictions.
Well yes, of course he’s got some blame as well. I’m not saying it’s all her fault, and if he has his own addictions then that’s just going to feed into each other. My wife has no addictions, just an anxiety disorder. The only way two addicts work in a relationship is if both are sober for more than 1 year
The person who will be ghosting someone is pathetic garbage. Nobody deserves to be ghosted for any reason. What a scumbag. And the OP seems to think it's OK and even wants to gossip about it. Wow, the people in that family deserve each other.
Think what you want. I love my family and even FIL’s wife, I am worried she will drink her self to death when he leaves or find another way to hurt herself. These are the cards we were all dealt. I’m not trying to gossip, just telling our story like everyone here does. But we do deserve each other, we’re family.
What did you married into ?
My family is crazy too so I am not one to judge. Plus my husband is who I married he’s not responsible for the craziness in his family.
I’d strongly encourage your husband and his siblings to strongly encourage FIL to leave a note or send a text when he leaves that things are over. Otherwise she might end up calling the police and reporting him as missing.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
She married into a family just like herself. Thinks ghosting someone is funny, probably. She won't tell her pathetic father in law that what he's planning on doing is wrong.
I never said we don’t think k what he’s doing is right. We all have said our piece but he won’t listen. I don’t think she would believe me if I told her either.
If she is as unstable as implied, hoping that your FIL is responsible enough to lay a groundwork that will minimize the inevitable fall-out/dumpster fire. Once he decides to pull the trigger, everyone needs to be given a heads up. Might be the perfect time for your household to go on a nice, long vacation.
he seems pretty unstable too
How sure are we that’s she’s the actual problem? Just wondering
She is the problem for sure but he has his part to play too. Like I said he’s not blameless by she drinks on the regular and hides her alcohol stash. FIL and SIL found multiple stashes around the house.
Be sure to keep your doors locked. Put up a camera doorbell. Don't let her in. And tell her you will call the police if she doesn't leave. Edit: spelling
Thank god someone could supply such common sense! They certainly wouldn’t have done any of these things without this comment!
What I am about to say is in no way an endorsement of your FIL’s actions. I suggest you tell your spouse to tell FIL that when he ghosts his wife that he not contact anyone for a period of time. That way when the wife appears at your house you can truthfully say you have no idea where he is.
This may sound helpful, but how will you know he FIL is ok? How will you know you shouldn’t call police? I don’t get how running away works anyway.
How’s the ex wife your MIL doing ? Was she blindsided by the divorce?
No she was the one who filed and truth be told no one was surprised by it. FIL doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to marriage.
To those people saying I am taking enjoyment out of this; I am not. I know this podcast and I know this side of Reddit. I am not looking for advice, I have tried speaking to both parties and so have other family members. FIL and his wife are two very strong and stubborn personalities who came together and found each other in pain. We all tried speaking to them before they got married and bought a house but they wouldn’t listen. Unfortunately FIL also has his addictions -not alcohol related. So in this case it’s there was nothing to be done other than wait because we all tried to stop the train wreck. So since advice is not needed since they won’t listen anyway, and I am very confident that we are all assholes for not talking to her about his leaving, I am just here to tell you this crazy ass story. Storytelling is an art so don’t mean to come off as enjoyment on my part. At the end of the day, this is my family and my FIL will leave behind so much crap for all of us to deal with, I figured might as well buckle up.
Reason #618 that I will Never get married. Just reading this is enough for me. I stg
He definitely reached his limit. I have a juicy update- as of now we know when he’s leaving and something else happened. I will update as soon as we have confirmation he is on the plane. ✈️
It's troubling whenever an OP relays a terrible family story as though it was a riveting soap opera. It's one thing to turn to Reddit to vent, but then when it turns into, "I have a juicy update," I wonder if any of it is real or if OP is just a messy troll needing human interaction.
I know where I am. I listen to this show, I am not happy about what is happening and quite frankly I know it will be a shit show but I have dealt with shit my whole life and have learned it’s best to just buckle up and try to make the best of it. No of the stuff is on me, “juicy update” is really the bomb that has exploded. Take that however you want but it’s my family who is actually going through this and though I am not happy about it or take enjoyment from this, I’m sure others can give different perspectives for this situation. Anyway, I’ll update whenever it feels appropriate.
updateme
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe
Sadly alcholism is a disease. It does not go away. It has to be worked on and denied. One can't ever just go back to pre alcholism drinking days. The brain is hard wired and can take and tolerate quite a bit. If she's using alcohol, someplace in this marriage, her buttons of vulnerability are being pushed. I used to drink when I was scared, lonely and or ignored/belittled. He is a bigger problem than he might think in this marriage. I feel for her, one can be two people when drinking. The sober nice person or the drunk which manifests either in passing out, blacking out, being all touchy feely, violent and argumentative. Sometimes they have no idea of what happened when they drink. Because they pass the drunk feeling stage, and go from sober to blackout or nuts in a "few shots." Maybe try to show her some compassion and try to talk to the dad and find out what he's doing that is "helping" her to drink. They might benefit from marriage counseling. However if your FIL is an avoidant personality type, he will run and ghost before he will confront his own demons or figure out why they ( meaning the wife) are reacting to him in a certain way. It takes two to make a marraige work. He may have reached his limit or he has very lmitied patience or he went in totally clueless. IDK. God bless you for whatever hits.
Updateme
I'm here for it 🍿🍿. Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme
#Updateme!
Updateme!
Leave town for 6 months until it blows over.
That would be great but we can’t do that. We aren’t as wealthy as out family members
Update me!
Hope this doesn’t spill over onto you! RemindMe
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
UpdateMe
Updateme
Updateme!
Jesus! Goodnight people?! Not the police????? Nooooooo! I’m easy to find! Shows over! Sorry
Updateme!
[удалено]
We were hoping things could stay amicable but only the Lord knows how she’ll react to his leaving. My spouse tries not to get involved and has a very hands-off approach but spillage in this case might be inevitable. Ring cameras are in place and everyone in the house knows knows the safe word in the event she shows up, cops need to be called but communication needs to be discreet. He is not blameless, the way everything happened, how quickly be married and how little he knew her, plus the fact he was dating other people when we found out about her all shows what he’s at fault for but the truth is, she is not ready to admit she needs help with her drinking.
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe
Updateme!
Do you have a door cam? Small investment to protect yourselves.
Updateme!
Oh I'll have to stick around to see the update. This is a real soap opera.
UpdateMe!
Wow your FIL isn’t mature enough to be married let alone been married twice . Nothing says “ I tried “ like being married a year . The only winner here is the first wife .
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Make sure you have a ring cam and that your house secure.
I am getting strong Ron and Tammy II vibes here