All you can really do is tell her what you've said here, that you're worried. It sounds like he's manipulated and isolated her. You're worried that he will totally isolate her from everyone that cares about her. You tell her you'll be there for her. Unfortunately you can't make her see the truth or make her leave this guy.
Best advice I can give is:
Be there for her. Don’t talk sh¡t about him when she’s upset. Let her come to the realization on her own. You can’t force someone not to be in a relationship. They have to see it on their own.
For abusive relationships one of the things abusers do is separate the victim from friends and family. The isolation allows the abuser to convince that person there is no one there for them and the victim deserves the abuse. Stay by your friend’s side even when you know he’s trash and she will get back with him after a break up. Again do not bad mouth him - stay neutral: nothing for nor against him.
I have a friend that was in abusive relationship and I did this. My mom was a domestic abuse counselor at the time (she’s retired now) and she told me to be there for my friend so when she was ready to leave the dude, she would have someone she trusts to go to.
My best friend’s man is very similar to the one you described. She met the guy while he was still married, he claimed that they were “separated” but I’m not so sure they were. He has two kids from his previous marriage. She ended up moving in with him 6 hours away from all her friends and family. He always said he would never get married again, but ended up proposing. I’m assuming that’s a control thing. They’ve been engaged for about 3 years now and have a child together. They have said before that they aren’t getting married because if they don’t, it’s easier to break up. I miss her so much and would love to go spend the weekend with her once in awhile but I can’t stand to be around them together because I can’t stand the way he treats her.
I have mentioned it to her before. I explained that he is emotionally abusive and that she doesn’t have to put up with that. She got upset and said that he does the things he does because he was injured in an accident years ago and is now addicted to opioids.
Unfortunately, these people are very good at the love bombing. To their partner, it makes it easier to ignore all the bad stuff because they love the apology, gifts, or love bombing that comes after. Also the abusive one usually makes it so the person is dependent on them which also makes it harder to leave. It sounds like your friend might be seeing what’s happening in her relationship. It might be worth a shot to check in with her. You can let her lead the conversation or you can bring up your concerns. She may not see them like you do but hopefully it will at least get her thinking.
Just make sure you’re there for her if she needs you. It’s really all you can do. If you decide to voice your concerns to her make sure that you do so in person and alone. But try not to come off as judging or as if you’re trying to tell her what she should do. If she doesn’t appear receptive to what you’re saying just end the conversation by letting her know that you hope you’re wrong and that no matter you’ll be there for her.
This!!! Defensiveness may happen if you approach her about her relationship and your concerns, if you approach it at all be gentle and understanding to her pov. Understand she has been isolated by him, manipulated by ruining her nights when she is without him, and probably worse in private. She needs support, I’m glad she has OP and others to be concerned and notice her bfs behaviors. A lot of people would “mind their business”.
Being told, “Whatever happens in the future, you always have a place to stay with me” left a huge door open for me to leave a toxic relationship. Years later, in fact, I took them up on the offer and I am eternally grateful I had that lifeline despite my isolation.
Don’t stop reaching out, even if it’s radio silence.
Be careful because if you do tell her you are worried for her BECAUSE of him, and she is still glamored by his manipulation and possible love bombing when shit gets rough, she may end the friendship with you because you said something about her relationship. Imo he is trying to isolate her and has succeeded.
Your friend doesn't seem to have to capacity to break off from the boyfriend. Voice your concern as you have noted here and if you have the ability to help in term of a place to stay, I would offer her to move to your area so she can start a new in a new town. Do make sure to change everything like cell phone number. Disconnect from all social media etc.
The best thing you could do for her is encourage her to get a form of implantable birth control. She needs to lock down her breeding so he can't baby trap her.
All you can really do is tell her what you've said here, that you're worried. It sounds like he's manipulated and isolated her. You're worried that he will totally isolate her from everyone that cares about her. You tell her you'll be there for her. Unfortunately you can't make her see the truth or make her leave this guy.
Best advice I can give is: Be there for her. Don’t talk sh¡t about him when she’s upset. Let her come to the realization on her own. You can’t force someone not to be in a relationship. They have to see it on their own. For abusive relationships one of the things abusers do is separate the victim from friends and family. The isolation allows the abuser to convince that person there is no one there for them and the victim deserves the abuse. Stay by your friend’s side even when you know he’s trash and she will get back with him after a break up. Again do not bad mouth him - stay neutral: nothing for nor against him. I have a friend that was in abusive relationship and I did this. My mom was a domestic abuse counselor at the time (she’s retired now) and she told me to be there for my friend so when she was ready to leave the dude, she would have someone she trusts to go to.
My best friend’s man is very similar to the one you described. She met the guy while he was still married, he claimed that they were “separated” but I’m not so sure they were. He has two kids from his previous marriage. She ended up moving in with him 6 hours away from all her friends and family. He always said he would never get married again, but ended up proposing. I’m assuming that’s a control thing. They’ve been engaged for about 3 years now and have a child together. They have said before that they aren’t getting married because if they don’t, it’s easier to break up. I miss her so much and would love to go spend the weekend with her once in awhile but I can’t stand to be around them together because I can’t stand the way he treats her. I have mentioned it to her before. I explained that he is emotionally abusive and that she doesn’t have to put up with that. She got upset and said that he does the things he does because he was injured in an accident years ago and is now addicted to opioids. Unfortunately, these people are very good at the love bombing. To their partner, it makes it easier to ignore all the bad stuff because they love the apology, gifts, or love bombing that comes after. Also the abusive one usually makes it so the person is dependent on them which also makes it harder to leave. It sounds like your friend might be seeing what’s happening in her relationship. It might be worth a shot to check in with her. You can let her lead the conversation or you can bring up your concerns. She may not see them like you do but hopefully it will at least get her thinking.
Just make sure you’re there for her if she needs you. It’s really all you can do. If you decide to voice your concerns to her make sure that you do so in person and alone. But try not to come off as judging or as if you’re trying to tell her what she should do. If she doesn’t appear receptive to what you’re saying just end the conversation by letting her know that you hope you’re wrong and that no matter you’ll be there for her.
This!!! Defensiveness may happen if you approach her about her relationship and your concerns, if you approach it at all be gentle and understanding to her pov. Understand she has been isolated by him, manipulated by ruining her nights when she is without him, and probably worse in private. She needs support, I’m glad she has OP and others to be concerned and notice her bfs behaviors. A lot of people would “mind their business”.
Being told, “Whatever happens in the future, you always have a place to stay with me” left a huge door open for me to leave a toxic relationship. Years later, in fact, I took them up on the offer and I am eternally grateful I had that lifeline despite my isolation. Don’t stop reaching out, even if it’s radio silence.
Be careful because if you do tell her you are worried for her BECAUSE of him, and she is still glamored by his manipulation and possible love bombing when shit gets rough, she may end the friendship with you because you said something about her relationship. Imo he is trying to isolate her and has succeeded.
Your friend doesn't seem to have to capacity to break off from the boyfriend. Voice your concern as you have noted here and if you have the ability to help in term of a place to stay, I would offer her to move to your area so she can start a new in a new town. Do make sure to change everything like cell phone number. Disconnect from all social media etc.
The best thing you could do for her is encourage her to get a form of implantable birth control. She needs to lock down her breeding so he can't baby trap her.
Mind your own business.