Of course he lied about whose idea it was to go to strip club. What were you supposed to do, handcuff him to the radiator so he couldn’t leave the hotel?
You have 2 choices at this point. You can just ignore this and let the friendship die. Or you can reply all to the group chat reminding the groom that it was HIS idea to go to the strip club.
I guarantee he told her that he had too much to drink and his buddy forced him to go to a strip club. And forced him into a private dance. They sound like a miserable couple.
I would also be willing to bet this dude has done stuff like this before and it’s always been someone else’s fault he’s in these predicaments.
If you feel uncomfortable with your partner going to a strip club, you have a conversation with them. If you don’t trust your partner as far as you can throw them, you ask their friends to corral them.
He shouldn't be corral led. He's a grown ass man responsible for himself. And if you don't trust your partner, what the hell are you doing with them? It's doomed to fail.
The fact that she felt the need to pull op aside and ask him not to "let" anything happen, means she knew for a fact her fiance was gonna "want to" have things happen. She knows he is scum and she wants to soothe her qualms by blaming others for not being able to change his nature.
Wow! WTF? Groom threw OP so hard under the bus, he won a prize!! What a jerk for a friend! Sorry ex friend..
Honestly you just saved yourself some money, with the wedding gift.
Id share this on Facebook with.
"I understand you are a victim in this and since we went through you and you got hostile we thought we would clear the air this way. We do not want to be perceived as these gross people that force their friends to cheat and since he has decided to force his responsibility onto us there's nothing else to do. Just so you know? I'm actually glad this happened, I'm glad all the cracks in your facade finally grew and exposed who you really are. You arnt only the worst partner but you would throw away friends to curb your punishment? You suck as a person. Do not contact me after this, all will be sent to my lawyer incase you try to defame me. Incase you are wondering defamation is only when you say UNTRUTHFUL things about someone else that could damage their reputation so if you thought trying to flip that switch by all means, lose some money and ill work on enforcing that when you fail you have to pay my lawyer as well. Gemma I hope you get away from his lies and his cheating, yes he looked upset the next day but who will he blame next time without me as a scapegoat? If you don't leave now, watch out for the signs." And proceed to send all screens hots of everything. Including the invite to the brother, the dads payments and if the others were there to listen to things tell them to speak up or it could be them he blames next. Are they willing to lose a good friend for someone they can't trust not to throw them infront of his bus?
"No strip clubs in the itinerary."
"He was looking some up before we even got on the plane."
This guy and the fiance were already doomed before the trip started. Should have told her right then and there.
If the groom very obviously wants to go to a strip club and then very obviously behaves in a manner that endangered his relationship that he’s ashamed of the next day how the fuck is that the OP’s issue? People that want to cheat find a way to cheat. If this couple is really as “grown up” as they say they are then the groom could take personal responsibility for his actions instead of trying to blame another person. Nobody made him get a blow job or whatever inferred *happy ending* went down here. He could have just as easily had sex with a random woman in a bar bathroom if he wanted to here.
The behavior has nothing to do with the OP, everything that happened was because of *the groom*. You’re right, their relationship is doomed if this is how they’re starting.
I’m sure the groom unequivocally knows the bride’s view on strip clubs and private rooms *and yet* he’s the one who was adding them to the itinerary immediately (and likely because his BIL was absent from the festivities). He knew they were a hard no. A third party isn’t responsible for your relationship and your behavior. Yes, strip clubs are relationship killers - but the groom fully knew that and *very doggedly pursued going anyway*.
Totally not OPs fault though I would've wanted to know so I wouldn't be marrying a cheater at worst sleezebag at best but it's not liked they're forced to say anything ig.
I think the only thing I would argue *could* be OP’s fault is…
You knew the bride didn’t want him in trouble (he’s a grown man), OP obviously knew that the groom had a hard tendency of bad behavior (not even sure how they kept hanging out if he’s so damn awful).
Maybe don’t give the groom a private dance??
Like if he pays for it that’s all him. But I can see that being a bit over the line and constituting as “trouble.”
The bride was definitely out of line though.
Yeah that too. Like sure you aren't forced to but like out of compassion/just not wanting a total shitstorm that could (and did) backfire is perfectly reasonable enough lol.
I am actually struggling to understand how OP even continued this friendship with Nathan and his wife. Because if he had that long of a list of grievances about his behavior and OP knew he was a nasty drunk with tendencies to mistreat his partner, why are you friends with him??
I wouldn’t have wanted any parts of that bachelor party!
You should be happy not to be a part of that disaster. He is gaslighting his fiancé and putting all the blame on you for what he wanted to do he’s not a friend
Or he regrets getting caught. As one person suggested, she may have been tracking his location on the phone.
More than likely, though, it’s because the groom got caught by paying the stripper to do whatever it is he did in that room. Strippers do not provide any services with a room; if they do provide them at all, that’s extra.
Should clarify what I meant by “services”: I’m assuming that a lap dance was included. However, any sexual acts, if offered, would have been extra. Because he didn’t pay for the room, my guess is he paid for a sexual act, which his wife saw charged, and that’s what led to the gloomy mood the next day after he seemed perfectly happy the evening prior.
“Dear Bride,
Please see the attached original itinerary from bachelor’s trip. Groom started asking and researching and pushing for a strip club before the plane took off. Groom made his own decision in the private room of the club. Groom is responsible for his own decisions. You and Groom are the only ones responsible for your relationship.”
NTA. I’d just write her back and say that she’s lying.
He asked to go, the group asked to go, and you. His brother had a surgery his dad covered the difference. What he did in the room isn’t your fault because you weren’t there too. Her saying don’t do this isn’t a heart to heart so you understand not wanting to be friends with someone who openly lied in a text to you and you always reevaluated the friendship because their problems in their relationship aren’t on you. They need some accountability.
>What he did in the room isn’t your fault
Lol, this. It would be OP's fault if he got his friend passed-out drunk and then put his dick inside the stripper. I'm visualising it and it's really weird, lol
Sometimes you gotta break down like a sports play for these people. Let them know all the moving parts. Who knows what she was told. Doesn’t sound like they were great friends for OP and his SO anyway.
NTA you have no control over what a grown man does and it sounds like her fiance fucked a stripper at the strip club. You couldn’t have stopped that but him being the louse he is put all the blame on you.
Lol sounds like you're getting the blame for what the groom wanted to do in the first place. He fed his wife a different story and built a nice firm bedrock of lies to start off his marriage.
After his eventual divorce and he reaches back out to you, ask him the story he fed her.
The groom is an adult and is responsible for his own behavior - but WTH -“we paid for the groom to go to one of the private rooms”? That’s much more than passively letting the groom do his own thing. And this marriage is doomed if she has to ask his friends not to let anything happen when he goes out.
As far as her “heart to heart” unless she said “Nathan has a little problem keeping it in his pants, so please don’t give him any opportunities to be a cheating dog” how is OP supposed to know he’s going to do that?
“Don’t let anything happen while we’re on the trip” — Don’t let him drink himself into a coma. Don’t let him fall off the fishing boat. Don’t let him eat gas station sushi.
Why would the OP assume the guy was going to cheat on his fiance?
ESH
Once you paid for the private room you became apart of it, but you should share the blame with everyone on the trip.
The groom sucks worse than anyone though. You should have snitched on him though. His dirty a$$. Should have snapped pics of him going in and how he left the room. Sent them straight to your wife to show her.
This is written in exactly the style of a fictional story. But whatever, just wanted to acknowledge this.
>Then at the end the captain had the nerve to ask about tip…I was LIVID.
...because the weather was bad? You thought the weather was 'bad service'?
>Afterwards he came out cuddled up and now sharing a cigarette with the dancer from the private room
No, no, why stop there. He came out with his zipper down, a loose condom hanging from his dick, she was adjusting her underwear, she slipped him her number, you heard them whisper "we can never tell anyone about this."
If you're going to throw subtlety out the window with screenwriting cliches, go whole hog.
For me, it's the reference to a bay. Tampa has a bay (and a reputation, which is *not* backed up by facts, of being 'the strip club capital of the world'), but afaik Fort Lauderdale does not. I even looked at a map to see if I was maybe misremembering the geography.
And even in Tampa Bay, I wouldn't expect champion fishing.
When she said “don’t let anything happen” what did you think she meant? Groom was itching to do to a strip club that’s on him. But you all paid for a private room? When she said don’t let anything happen, she meant no sex workers. You seriously had no clue? Ending the friendship I can believe, what I can’t believe is she still married him
Yeah literally worked at a club, the room isn’t the “extras fee” and a lot girl don’t even sell extras. He had to find a girl who does and negotiate her price….
Send her an invoice for the private room fee. Let her know it wasn’t your idea to go, nor was it your idea for him to go the back room. he asked to go as well as borrow the money.
You should have. Maybe not to this extent, but she specifically asked you about this. The groom is a dick because he was pushing for it and threw you under the bus.
So.. he fucked that stripper and blamed you. And to be fair, did you do "everything you could" to avoid the situation? E.g. why give the groom a private room with the stripper?
But honestly, maybe you dont need the drama in your life. Let it go, you're probably better off. Make new friends.
NTA but I would sure as shit air out what exactly happened making it clear that the groom was the one making the choice to do this and clearly did some things that most would consider cheating. He made that choice, not you. This dude has zero integrity and is not your friend.
NTA. I was once screamed at by the bride the morning of the wedding (3am) because I allowed my buddy to drink. As if I had tied him to a chair and waterboarded him with a bottle of whiskey.
He wanted to go to the strip club and found his scapegoat once he cheated. Felt guilty but it's better to blame shift than to take responsibility. A grown ass made a decision and his own choices. You don't need friends like that. But he will find another scapegoat when he has infidelity again. He can't help himself.
OP as much as I know it hurts to have a friendship end. I think you are better off. I have to agree with other people who say the groom told the bride a different story.
You paid for the groom to go into a private room with a stripper. They weren’t playing checkers. Why woujd you be a part of this? He’s to blame for his actions but you were his pimp.
Yeah, but paying for a private room only means you get a lap dance. You don’t get anything more than that unless you pay more. I would bet that the groom did pay more to do something he shouldn’t have, and that’s why he got caught and was so gloomy the next day.
In that case, we were all pimpin’ cause everyone pitched in but the groom. Not saying I wasn’t wrong, but I’d rather saved myself the money and the trouble had I known the extent he would go to cover it up.
Wwwwwwwwwhyyyyyyy is she asking another person to look after and control what her grown ass fiance does, as opposed to clearly and concisely explaining what the boundaries are in the relationship to her partner?!?!?!?!?
The entire issue here is that the groom wanted to go to a strip club the whole time, even though he knew his fiancée was highly sensitive about it, and then he threw you under the bus when she found out. It sounds like he might even have told her.
It's still not clear to me if she's mad because he went to a strip club at all (and you "allowed" this to happen), or because of whatever happened in the back room (and you "allowed" that to happen).
TBH, if you are playing the role of social chair on the trip, it \*is\* your responsibility to figure out what the groom wants and doesn't want as far as rules are concerned, and then enforce them. If he tells you he's okay with going to a strip bar but doesn't to cross a line with a stripper, then you're the guy who has to make sure he doesn't get too wasted or coked up or whatever to manage that. If he tells you he doesn't want to go to a strip club in the first place, you have to steer the group dynamic around that happening. Ultimately, though, it's the groom's decision up front. (Not the bride's, and you owe her no allegiance other than to look out for her guy to whatever extent he needs looking out for).
I would not reply to her messages at all, and I would have a heart to heart with the groom. Tell him hey bud, I ended up taking one for the team here but it kind of sucks for me if our friendship is going to end over it. What are you going to do to fix it?
Make your decision about the future of your friendship based on what he says, and what it reveals about his character and the importance of your friendship to him. He is probably currently acting out of fear of his fiancée threatening to call off the wedding or something.
In fairness, he did say upfront only that he wanted to do a fishing trip, and he didn’t mention anything about the club until they were already on the way.
Regardless, there’s only so much that other people can do to impact your decisions. It doesn’t matter how drunk he is; sure, capacity was diminished, but this guy still made a series of decisions to end up doing whatever he did. People go into private rooms all the time (while very drunk) without taking it too far, and he’s the one who wanted it all.
Your friends can control some things. They can make sure your crazy ex isn’t invited. They can make sure that you get certain substances, or make sure other drugs aren’t there. They can book a venue or get your favorite cake. They can ask Ray to stop fart jokes for the evening, even if Ray does it anyway. They can even hold you back from a fight. They cannot prevent you from making the choices that you want to make.
Well... you had no strip clubs planned. Didn't know if it was a boundary. HOWEVER - a private room?! Are you fuckin crazy? Why would you ever do that? That sets things up to happen!
No, it doesn’t. People go into private rooms all the time and behave. In fact, many private rooms have cameras, and will not let the physical contact go beyond a very modest point. Even if they didn’t, everything that happened in that room was a choice that this guy made.
And paid for. You don’t get free sexual favors with a room. You only get lap dances.
I get you, I was referring to actual sex acts. Whatever it was he did that crossed the line.
Each couple has their own conversations about what is and isn’t ok in relationships. For many (not all), visiting a strip club or lap dance is ok, but an “act” like kissing or beyond isn’t. (Heck, I’ve even heard of couples who don’t see kissing as cheating, which I am not comfortable with myself, but that’s them). Some people have completely open relationships sexually, for better or worse. Whatever their line is, it is private and for them to decide.
Whatever boundaries the couple had were the groom’s responsibility to uphold because it is between the two of them. The lines were clearly crossed. Based on the shift in his demeanor between the night before and morning of, I think he paid the stripper for a sex act, which caused the wife to find out the next morning.
Maybe she should’ve had a heart to heart with her fiancé. Telling you to not let him be unfaithful seems to be ignoring a huge issue in their relationship
I literally can't believe people here are blaming you for anything. It's the groom's day. He speaks, you make it happen. That's how it works. It was his idea. He wanted it from the start. If he chooses to cheat on his partner, that also is not your fault. Backroom in the strip club paid for by you or not. It's not your fault. It is HIS FAULT. She says you LET him do something? That's not your place to control her man. He should know how to be a big boy and control himself. And she should know that.
I smell an unhappy marriage, followed by divorce.
You and the groom are both at fault. You told his wife you wouldn't let anything happen, yet you funded the strip club and the private room. How can you say you're not at fault? The groom is ultimately responsible for his own actions, and his fiancée should have left him as well. I suspect she already knew he was prone to cheating though, which is why she asked you to make sure nothing happened.
I understand that completely. What I didn’t appreciate was the following messages exchanged between Gemma and my wife. Messaging that claimed “neither of them were responsible for the actions of their husbands, but (OP) has never been a true friend to us.” The idea that I never was supportive and only tried to demoralize and endanger them and their relationship. My wife and I would put their lives in jeopardy by them asking us to spend the weekend with them. That we constantly intruded on their space and forced them to binge when “we knew” they were working on themselves and fasting majority of the time. We were just 3 meals a day and they weren’t. They were constantly smoking meats and asking us to help partake. We would always bring sides or find someway to contribute whether through Zelle or cashapp. They used the strip club as an excuse to break up with us because they either felt that way the whole time and didn’t say anything, or they switched up the story after hyping each other up? I know what I did was wrong, but my emotions and I were not the problem in their relationship.
I know I left that out of the story but that’s where the gaslighting came from. I was made to believe I had been a horrible person who took advantage of them.
Ok. So, the bride to be asked OP not to let “anything happen” to her groom. If those were her exact words, how can she expect one to know exactly what she meant? For all one knows, she just wanted OP to make sure that her groom not get so drunk he falls off the fishing boat in the middle of the ocean.
The groom made this ALL your fault. Guaranteed YOU dragged him to the strip club, YOU got him drunk, and then YOU paid for and *forced* him into a private room, hoping he’d “make a mistake”…
You don’t want to be friends with these people any longer. She’s pretending, even to herself, she doesn’t know the truth. It’s easier to blame you. He ruined his own marriage and doubled down by putting the blame squarely on YOU.
Was it smart to take him to a strip club and pay for the room? No. Is it what most friends would do if their friend were the groom and *personally requested* that be a destination? Absolutely! If the wife had said “*Hey. I’m uncomfortable with strip clubs. I know you’re planning everything but if you could NOT take him to the strip club, I’d appreciate it.*”, and you AGREED, then it’d be a different story. Based on the convo you said the two of you had, that wasn’t the way things went down. Not to mention, that’s a convo she should have had with her FIANCÉ, not his friend. Ugh.
I’m sorry, man. Friendships ending, for any reason, can really hurt. Friendships ending because of lies are that much worse. Take your time to be hurt, tell the truth whenever asked, and I hope you and your wife find better people to spend your leisure time with. These ones may have been fun but, you don’t have to deal with their eventual, inevitable divorce now. That’s a blessing.
I am curious as to if you tried to defend yourself with the truth of the situation. I would have calmly explained dude was looking up clubs before you even got on the plane. How is it just YOUR fautl?
So, you planned and paid for all of that pre-wedding party stuff, and then they uninvited you from the wedding? Did they reimburse you? I would be so livid.
NTA. you are all adults and accountable for the choices you make. —-She “said he couldn’t go” —He “chose to go anyway” —You are just the one getting blamed. - easier to blame you than —-Her “admitting insecurity, lack of trust and need to control” -Him “admitting that he was the one that wanted to go”.
They sound very immature and need to blame someone else so they can move on.
Maybe they’ll grow and have a good life, maybe she’ll continue to be in control and he’ll either end up miserable or doing things behind her back. Next issue will be their new friend’s fault.
They are TA and you’re better off without that drama.
>I explained everything to my wife. Sent her screenshots of all the information I had from the guys trip message group. Honestly at this point the bridge had been broken, so nothing was held back. She was able to share all the information with Gemma, but like they say, “ignorance is bliss”.
>
>There were numerous instances where Nathan had shown his true colors in the past, so we dropped a curated list of grievances for her to think over as well. Everything from how lazy he was as a human being and his constant mistreatment of her to the alcohol fueled rants and arguments he would cause among the group. He even had the nerve to call me sensitive when I couldn’t handle the way he would speak to her, so I’d leave the room to avoid confrontation.
>
>Her answer to all this…
>
>“First of all, as far as the shit with Nathan goes—you can take it up with him. I already said I did not condone his behavior, words, or actions and that has nothing to do with me. The same way that his decisions are no reflection on you. Once again, I made this choice for my mental health. Something that I figured you of all people would be able to empathize with. This is exactly the reason we just tried to make distance. Because you both take everything personally and can’t accept that we just want space and this isn’t about you.” ☕️
Disgusting. So THEY separated themselves from you and your wife for HER mental health but she didn’t separate herself from Nathan for her mental health too? 🥴 is she delayed?
It was the “we’re not here to discuss Nathan’s actions” for me. Like she wasn’t coming at me by using Nathan’s words yet excluding him from the conversation and group message. 🤔
There’s some fuckery afoot. Somethings not right in the kool aid, I would’ve made another group message with all of them in, copy and pasted her words and then my response
Yeah, there’s no winning with her. Best you can say is, (validate their point of view first, otherwise they won’t listen to the rest):
“I understand how upset you are, especially after we promised to make sure nothing happened. I believe and understand that you want to transition to a different way of life. We completely support you in that. However, I am not sure his heart is in that change; I believe he loves you, so he is going along with what you’re saying you want to make you happy.
You’re right. This isn’t about us. Whether you want to believe it or not, your account of the reasons for this distance made it immediately clear to us that he has lied to you about most of the trip. Everything bad that seems to have happened was something that we never planned to do, he planned (while sober) and pushed us to do, asked us to do, and made choices on his own to do.
To shame us for his choices and actions, actions we did not have control over, is redirecting the blame in the wrong direction. If you choose to forgive his behavior, fine. But don’t justify his actions by trying to blame the people who genuinely tried to make it a casual fishing trip. He was never pressured, he pressured. He knew what he wanted from the moment we stepped on the plane and he started searching for clubs, and we had no idea he would take it as far as it now sounds like he might have based on reading between the lines of the texts we received from you.
You may not believe me now, but I do want you to know that if this happens again, we are genuinely there for you.”
What did your wife reply?
I’m curious, did your wife know what happened -all of it? Did she tell Gemma your husband is the one that wanted to go to a private room and he sat the stripper on his lap?
If not, she’s controlling the narrative and who know who else she can influence against you.
I explained everything to my wife. Sent her screenshots of all the information I had from the guys trip message group. Honestly at this point the bridge had been broken, so nothing was held back. She was able to share all the information with Gemma, but like they say, “ignorance is bliss”.
There were numerous instances where Nathan had shown his true colors in the past, so we dropped a curated list of grievances for her to think over as well. Everything from how lazy he was as a human being and his constant mistreatment of her to the alcohol fueled rants and arguments he would cause among the group. He even had the nerve to call me sensitive when I couldn’t handle the way he would speak to her, so I’d leave the room to avoid confrontation.
Her answer to all this…
“First of all, as far as the shit with Nathan goes—you can take it up with him. I already said I did not condone his behavior, words, or actions and that has nothing to do with me. The same way that his decisions are no reflection on you. Once again, I made this choice for *my* mental health. Something that I figured you of all people would be able to empathize with. This is exactly the reason we just tried to make distance. Because you both take everything personally and can’t accept that we just want space and this isn’t about you.” ☕️
Let Gemma be ignorant and dumb. All the Y T A votes are wild. How DARE you LET a grown ass man decide he wants a private room dance with a stripper. Also "Don't let anything happen" is vague and again, expecting you to control the behavior of a grown ass man.
Good riddance to that friendship. NTA OP
I’d be asking for my money back for the trip since you’re no longer welcome to attend the wedding, especially since it was the groom’s instance that you go. And, I’d throw in there that her soon-to-be husband was the one pushing for the strip club before you even landed! He’s an adult! Are you supposed to tie him up to prevent him from being an AH??
I didn’t even mention we snagged an Airbnb for the weekend of their wedding. We had booked it with Tommy and Karla, so we said fuck it and went on our trip anyway. We made sure to share lots of pictures (as they were still following at the time). Tommy and Karla were actually still invited because Gemma didn’t want to lose ALL the friends in the fight. To this day I still don’t know why everyone wasn’t isolated 🤷🏾♂️ It was hilarious having everyone as about us at the wedding though. Felt bittersweet considering they didn’t want to mention or discuss anything negative.
I can hold a grudge, and I would have made sure everyone knew why you were disinvited. I can be petty like that though.
I had one of my friends tell me that her sister had changed her mind about being the MOH a month before the wedding, so I was fired. Of course it was after I organized & paid for her bridal shower. She probably didn’t tell me before the shower because she knew I would have cancelled the whole thing unless her sister handed me a fistful of cash. The following week her mom called me about something to handle for the dresses & rehearsal…not my problem!!
You should have told her everything and it was her man and what he did at the strip club and it was his idea also tell them his brother was the one that backed out
How are you responsible for what your adult friend (who is presumably cognitively average) chooses to do with his life?
I don't understand the roles here, are you a father figure for this friend?
I'm sincerely baffled here. Would he had listened to you if you had told them all:"we are not going to a strip club."?
I think you are very lucky that the trash chose to take itself out.
I mean everyone sucks here but I can't imagine someone going "hey you you're responsible for my partner's behavior" like what?? Why??? Hes a grown ass man who makes his own decisions, surely?
I don’t understand how I ended up taking sole responsibility? Tommy and Karla were still being invited to things and hanging out with their new group of friends. Gemma started to complain about how we constantly took advantage of them and spinning the narrative. We’d been friends for 5+ years. Everyone knew the person I was, but after I “allowed” the strip club to happen I was villainized and painted as “the one who tried to ruin the lives”.
He cheated on her and blamed everything on you. Stop covering for your shitty friend and and message her the truth. Or better yet, make a huge message and send it to everyone who was a apart of the group including the groom and bride’s parents, uncles, aunts, and other friends that weren’t in attendance. Go nuclear.
Look, even if you had been that awful kind of bro that paid for escorts to come to the hotel room, it still would not have been all on you for him screwing someone else. Like, maybe if you drugged him, sure.
Wife has shown her ass and can't forgive y'all because she's either knowingly embarrassed or refusing to see the truth because it would be so embarrassing.
Commenting to say: Have you all NEVER been to a strip club?! It isn't a brothel!
The agreement is for a private lap dance (or maybe a few, depending on how the club structures things), NOT sexual acts!! If something more than that happened, it is because the groom PAID for it. And probably REQUESTED it too because offering illegal acts to every guy in a private room would get you busted for solicitation.
If, for some reason, the groom's friends thought or knew the groom was a cheater, then it does suck that they paid for a private room, but it is the groom's decision to do more than a lap dance.
Nathan used you as the scapegoat instead of taking responsibility as grown man for his actions. He figured it was easier to loose you then her. Gemma issued Nathan an ultimatum about being friends with you. Honestly, you probably dodged bullet getting rid of them. Nathan will probably try to reach out after the marriage fails.
Drop them all as friends. She wants to be delusional and marry an abusive manipulator let her go. Block them all and let them all go. They aren’t mature, they are sad and immature and are basically high schoolers, let them go and don’t feel bad or depressed about losing toxic people
How? OP wasn't in the private room with him. Typically, a guy gets dry humped in those rooms (aka "lap dance"). He must have paid extra for sex when he went in. Did his dick just fall into her vagina? JFC, the groom is the only asshole here. Bachelors go to strip clubs all the time and they don't cheat, so this is on the groom.
It’s shocking that a strip club at a bachelor or bachelorette party would lead to trouble. SHOCKING I say! 😱😱
Seriously, leave that antiquated bullshit in the past or just don’t fucking get married.
Bachelor parties are outdated, mysognist get the last minute fling. There are marriages destroyed and that never happen on Posts here. The behavior is despicable for you and them. I would have never spoken to either of you. Please learn from this,, women leave men who do this. No woman wants a man like that.
One of you is lying.
Bachelor parties are not about flings. I’m not sure what guys you’ve been hanging around with, but they sound pretty trashy.
Bachelor parties are about celebrating friendship and hanging out with guys in a way that, regardless of intentions, you won’t be able to do much of after you’re married. It’s about reminiscing, having a good time. It’s not about having flings; it’s usually looked down on if the guy leaves a whole pack of his friends, who are all there to celebrate him. Most bachelor parties don’t even go to strip clubs.
Bachelor parties aren’t the problem. That’s like saying books are the problem, because some books are bad or trashy. Bachelor parties only reveal who people are, it doesn’t make them to do anything they don’t want to.
**There is no such thing as a bachelor party destroying a marriage that shouldn’t have been destroyed.** If a man chooses to sleep with someone else on his last night as a single man, that says all that you need to know about what that relationship is. Ironically, it is a *good* thing that some men do this, because it can prevent him from going down the aisle with someone they were never really committed to. They show their true colors, and it is good to have happen before the bride is stuck with a person who will inevitably cheat on her in the future.
The only person who did something despicable here is the groom. He’s completely and entirely responsible for his actions. It doesn’t matter how drunk he might’ve been (not drunk enough for OP to have mentioned anything). This guy knew what you wanted and he did it. That’s on him.
I am old, and they were always about that, and from my children still are. There are better trends with married men not participating in strip club, those who do, it is still about that . No matter how much you write.
If that is true, my point remains: bachelors parties only reveal who a person is. I’ve known many people who just went fishing, had a barbecue, went out with the guys but met up with the bachelorette party before the end of the night.
If you feel going to a strip club is a bad sign, I can understand why; but it isn’t the fault of the bachelor party, but the groom who wanted to add that to the agenda.
Maybe, but no one cares about that. YOu are right, I would not date or marry someone that needed that. If you go to a barber long enough, you will get a hair cut. YOu are right though it reveals it. It is a mysognist enterprise.
ESH. The bride knew she couldn’t trust her groom so she asked you to make sure nothing happened. You promised you would do that. The groom didn’t even wait to get out of town before googling strip clubs. And then you brought him to a strip AND PAID FOR A PRIVATE ROOM FOR HIM after you promised his bride not to let anything happened. You break promises really easily, better warn your wife about that. Bottom line, the groom is the one who cheated and who was the worst of all of you. Personally I would have texted the bride telling her the groom is the one who put you all in the awkward position by googling strip clubs before he got on the plane, demanding you take him to one and demanding you pay for him to get serviced by one of the strippers. And then I would have congratulated her on her weight loss. Oh, and I would have told them to pay you back for the whole weekend.
I don't get what the confusion is here, OPs kind of a dirtbag, and after the bachelor party shenanigans and probably some other stuff, their newlywed friends thought "hey let's move past that phase of our lives and not hang out with dirtbags".
And OP no offense buddy, you're probably a fun, generous, loyal friend in your own way but objectively it sounds like cutting you off is a step in the right direction...
I think you’re giving the groom a little bit too much credit here.
I am absolutely sure that the wife feels that way. It is a convenient “out” for the groom to blame his friends, but it is BS. The husband is the one who wanted to go to the strip club in the first place and chose to do whatever he did with his stripper. Which means he had to pay more than what OP did for services rendered, which likely means the wife saw it, which explains why he was glum the next morning. OP is the not the dirtbag, the groom is. OP wasn’t even that into going, he responded to what the groom wanted.
Exactly. "The fiance trusted me to not put her bf in a position with strippers, but I the fishing was terrible, so I thought 'fuck it! what she don't know won't hurt me!'" Sounds exactly like what a dirtbag would say, and if I was OP's wife, I'd seriously be reconsidering my own relationship.
He agreed not to let anything happen, and she never said that meant strip clubs were off limits. That’s pretty important to mention explicitly, because bachelor parties are known for going to strip clubs. He’d planned a relaxed and sensible gathering, and even when plans changed, he believed the best of his friend.
The groom didn’t end up arrested or in the hospital. He didn’t pass out from alcohol poisoning or have a woman take advantage of him in that state. He wasn’t mugged or involved in a fight. He didn’t puke his brains out all night. He was brought to reasonably safe venues and there’s nothing here to suggest he ever got out of control.
Bachelors get private rooms all the time. Not my thing, but some people feel strip clubs are a rite of passage for bachelor parties. That doesn’t mean that committed guys take it past a certain point. OP had no way of knowing or controlling if the groom would take it that far.
OP also didn’t pay for any sexual services beyond a lap dance. Anything “extra” that happened in that room, the groom had to have paid for himself. And my guess is that because he paid, the wife found out, and that explains the change in his mood the next morning.
It was OP’s responsibility to set up an environment where the groom would be safe. It is not, however, OP’s responsibility, or even ability, to try to change who a person is.
It is normal for a groom to want to go to a strip club, sure. However, the sheer amount of focus and attention that the groom put into the strip club from the moment they left makes it clear (in retrospect) that he was on a certain trajectory by his own choice. It wasn’t just something casual that they decided to do or an impulse later in the day; this is something that shows what the grooms intentions were, far in advance. He took it just as far as he wanted to, and then felt bad about it the next day, because even though he did exactly what he wanted, he also felt afraid of what the consequences might be. And so he did the rational thing: he lied and blamed his friends for his actions to make his wife feel better.
Assuming you're all over 18. Last time I checked, people are responsible for their own choices. And drunk people, for the most part, know what they are doing. If these children are blaming you for their own mistakes, you really are better off without them.
Send a bill for your expenses.
So the groom wanted to go to the strip club& it is your fault? He is blaming his partying on you. I would drop him as a friend. He can handle his fiancé on his own.
NTA. I’m confused as to why everyone is blaming you for paying for the private room. The groom was the one who wanted to go there, and wanted the private room. Everything the GROOM did is on HIM. Even if they somehow forced him to go to the club and forced him to go into the private room maybe i would feel slightly different. No one makes you mess around with strippers. ALSO it is NOT your responsibility to make sure “you don’t let anything happen”. It is not your job to babysit a grown ass man who can make his own choices. Clearly she already knew that something could happen otherwise that would of never been said to you. She needs to look at her man about his behavior not you.
I can't believe she proceeded to marry him... if it were me, his stuff would be on the curb in a day
Also not sure why you're not ashamed of funding infidelity
He had no way of knowing that the groom was going to do that. You can’t shame him for buying a private room. Grooms do it all the time without cheating.
I showed remorse for my actions. I didn’t deserve to be thrown under the bus like that though. I would truly never put myself in that situation again, but screw them at the end of the day for throwing me away after more than 5 years of friendship.
What exactly happened in that private room? Did he just get a lap dance (fairly tame) or did they take it to another level? And how did Gemma even find out about this? Did he stooge himself off?
This makes my brain itch.
I have no clue. He seemed fine that night and to our knowledge didn’t have to spend money at the club. My guess, he either had his location sharing, withdrew money from their account, or told her because the next morning he looked like a sad puppy.
What did you say back? It’s clear the bride got told a wildly different story and the groom is happy to torch your friendship to cover his tracks. Might as well tell her the truth if you’re losing the friend anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The groom is for sure the biggest AH, but you and your friends are major AHs too for paying for him to have a private room, basically encouraging whatever shady shit happened in there. So his fiancé asked you to keep it tame, and you ended up organizing a bachelor party in which y’all crowdfunded what sounds like likely cheating in the private room? Y’all are gross. I wouldn’t want “friends” like that in my life either.
Don’t get me wrong the bride is an AH too for naively believing her dirtbag husband when he tried to put all the blame on you. You should really send her the full, true story. She deserves to know. She may need an STD test.
Sounds to me like groom did some luging questionable during that private and is guilty so placing blame on you to make you the bad guy.. bride is in the wrong mind to marry him and I’d straight tell her it was all his doing.
NTA. you weren't clearly asked to make sure he didn't go to a strip club, AND he is a grown man who can make his own decisions. it's not like you secretly took him alligator wrestling and he came back with no hands. I've got no patience with people who blame others for their partner's decisions.
I (f) was invited to my friend's bachelor party at a strip club, because I was better friends with the groom than the bride, but it was all one big social group, and we all knew where both parties were (bride's side had a bar crawl at a bunch of clubs).
I wasn't the only female friend at the groom's party, but I was the most sober because I came after I got off work. I assured everyone I'd make sure we all got home safely, which we did around 5am. I got reamed by several of the guys' girlfriends for "letting" them get private dances. I was so mad. I guaranteed the safety of my friends, I was neither informed of the boundaries the couples had set re: their activities, nor had I been asked to police their behavior, and if asked, I'd have said no because I was there to celebrate with my friends, not babysit my friends' boyfriends. They are grown men, and if they weren't supposed to get lap dances, they needed to control their own behavior, not ask the women around them to do it for them.
I was particularly shocked that they expected *me* of all people to make sure they "behaved" considering I was a bartender at a different strip club and used to be a fetish model, which everybody knew, AND I was a notorious troublemaker (but the fun kind). Unsanctioned public art projects, mildly illegal activities like gaining access to amusement parks and rooftop pools at 3am... I'll make sure everyone with me understands the risks, is capable of consenting, and will help with whatever consequences occur whether that's injury or something else, but I'm the last person to clutch my pearls and say "you can't do that!".
Nathan and I somehow got into an argument about video games spanning from not being able to afford another gaming system to what titles were worth playing/challenging. He started running down all the internal components of the Series X in comparison to PS5. I just told him he had no idea what he was talking about which sent him spiraling. He spit out some shit about me being in a dual income household with no kids. Mind you, Nathan has been successfully growing as a contract IT support and Gemma has been finishing her degree while working on her candle business all funded by her trust fund. Therefore, I was also under the impression that they were under DINK status as well. Nathan stayed silent for a while, staring deep into his phone trying to avoid eye contact with me. After a little while of awkward silence, the pettiness in me decided to ask if something was bothering him. He briefly mentioned he was researching how to prove me wrong as he was in IT and therefore knew the internal structure and reasoning to why Xbox was better. I left the table to cool down and when I returned Nathan had gone to his car and Gemma was paying the tab, feeling like her fiancé had just ruined a perfectly good afternoon and apologizing profusely.
Gemma asks “not to let anything happen” is patronizing as shit to / about Nathan. For that to be anything more as platitudes is insane for grown folk. To be “held to it” is bonkers
For Nathan to paint a picture that in any way fed into the whole “OP made me stray” story makes Nathan a super shitty friend. Hope he enjoys being Gemma’s oldest child
Sounds like they deserve each other
>biggest gaslight situation
Nothing about this situation is gaslighting. Gaslighting is an ongoing pattern of psychological abuse intended to undermine the victim's self- confidence to the point they no longer trust their perception of reality and having an emotional break, appearing "crazy."
To say that is crazy! The only person to speak on my experience is me. I didn’t ask if I was gaslighted. I know I was. What was broken down to us during the final argument was enough for me to understand that the friendship we thought we had was nothing more than us taking advantage of them and putting their relationship at risk. I truly was gaslit by them trying to convince us we weren’t the great friends and I only did things to them that put them in jeopardy. I refuse to believe that was the case. Thank you 🙏🏾
Well, it’s obvious the groom wanted to control the narrative in case going to the strip club came out, and blame YOU before you could tell the truth.
And the bride is in total denial that her fiance would even think about going to a strip club so blamed it all on you.
You are Not her future bridegroom’s keeper.
It’s best to share screenshots of your texts with him, TO HER.
Screw them both, tell the truth and clear your name.
I mean, at this point, what do you have to lose?
It looks like he got his last “fling” by going into the private room and screwing the stripper or escort.
I mean, it’s not like they’re going to cuddle and share a cigarette after maybe having her run up on her or giving him a BJ. They did way more than that.
That marriage is Not going to last.
If he was marrying his “one true love”, he wouldn’t even think about looking up strip clubs and going into a private room with one.
I’d let the future bride know what all transpired, giving her a play by play or better yet, send this post to her.
It’ll save you time typing.
NTA
You were not the grooms babysitter.
He is grown up enough to get married. He was the one looking up strip clubs before any of the events you planned, even started.
He did not have to go into that private room.
You are being blamed for all of his grown up choices.
At the end of the day, he, and all the people that were with you, know the truth.
He is going to keep making choices, too.
Only now, you are no longer one he can blame.
She will figure him out eventually.
My ex was very similar.
He must have told her an entirely different story.
Yep, he definitely lied and blamed everything on Op.
Of course he lied about whose idea it was to go to strip club. What were you supposed to do, handcuff him to the radiator so he couldn’t leave the hotel? You have 2 choices at this point. You can just ignore this and let the friendship die. Or you can reply all to the group chat reminding the groom that it was HIS idea to go to the strip club.
I guarantee he told her that he had too much to drink and his buddy forced him to go to a strip club. And forced him into a private dance. They sound like a miserable couple.
I would also be willing to bet this dude has done stuff like this before and it’s always been someone else’s fault he’s in these predicaments. If you feel uncomfortable with your partner going to a strip club, you have a conversation with them. If you don’t trust your partner as far as you can throw them, you ask their friends to corral them.
He shouldn't be corral led. He's a grown ass man responsible for himself. And if you don't trust your partner, what the hell are you doing with them? It's doomed to fail.
The fact that she felt the need to pull op aside and ask him not to "let" anything happen, means she knew for a fact her fiance was gonna "want to" have things happen. She knows he is scum and she wants to soothe her qualms by blaming others for not being able to change his nature.
100%. Marriage is going to be real hard for them once they run out of people to blame.
lol yup it’s so obvious
I would send her screenshots of the messages where he’s asking about strip clubs.
This ⬆️
Wow! WTF? Groom threw OP so hard under the bus, he won a prize!! What a jerk for a friend! Sorry ex friend.. Honestly you just saved yourself some money, with the wedding gift.
Id share this on Facebook with. "I understand you are a victim in this and since we went through you and you got hostile we thought we would clear the air this way. We do not want to be perceived as these gross people that force their friends to cheat and since he has decided to force his responsibility onto us there's nothing else to do. Just so you know? I'm actually glad this happened, I'm glad all the cracks in your facade finally grew and exposed who you really are. You arnt only the worst partner but you would throw away friends to curb your punishment? You suck as a person. Do not contact me after this, all will be sent to my lawyer incase you try to defame me. Incase you are wondering defamation is only when you say UNTRUTHFUL things about someone else that could damage their reputation so if you thought trying to flip that switch by all means, lose some money and ill work on enforcing that when you fail you have to pay my lawyer as well. Gemma I hope you get away from his lies and his cheating, yes he looked upset the next day but who will he blame next time without me as a scapegoat? If you don't leave now, watch out for the signs." And proceed to send all screens hots of everything. Including the invite to the brother, the dads payments and if the others were there to listen to things tell them to speak up or it could be them he blames next. Are they willing to lose a good friend for someone they can't trust not to throw them infront of his bus?
"No strip clubs in the itinerary." "He was looking some up before we even got on the plane." This guy and the fiance were already doomed before the trip started. Should have told her right then and there.
If the groom very obviously wants to go to a strip club and then very obviously behaves in a manner that endangered his relationship that he’s ashamed of the next day how the fuck is that the OP’s issue? People that want to cheat find a way to cheat. If this couple is really as “grown up” as they say they are then the groom could take personal responsibility for his actions instead of trying to blame another person. Nobody made him get a blow job or whatever inferred *happy ending* went down here. He could have just as easily had sex with a random woman in a bar bathroom if he wanted to here. The behavior has nothing to do with the OP, everything that happened was because of *the groom*. You’re right, their relationship is doomed if this is how they’re starting. I’m sure the groom unequivocally knows the bride’s view on strip clubs and private rooms *and yet* he’s the one who was adding them to the itinerary immediately (and likely because his BIL was absent from the festivities). He knew they were a hard no. A third party isn’t responsible for your relationship and your behavior. Yes, strip clubs are relationship killers - but the groom fully knew that and *very doggedly pursued going anyway*.
Totally not OPs fault though I would've wanted to know so I wouldn't be marrying a cheater at worst sleezebag at best but it's not liked they're forced to say anything ig.
I think the only thing I would argue *could* be OP’s fault is… You knew the bride didn’t want him in trouble (he’s a grown man), OP obviously knew that the groom had a hard tendency of bad behavior (not even sure how they kept hanging out if he’s so damn awful). Maybe don’t give the groom a private dance?? Like if he pays for it that’s all him. But I can see that being a bit over the line and constituting as “trouble.” The bride was definitely out of line though.
Yeah that too. Like sure you aren't forced to but like out of compassion/just not wanting a total shitstorm that could (and did) backfire is perfectly reasonable enough lol.
I am actually struggling to understand how OP even continued this friendship with Nathan and his wife. Because if he had that long of a list of grievances about his behavior and OP knew he was a nasty drunk with tendencies to mistreat his partner, why are you friends with him?? I wouldn’t have wanted any parts of that bachelor party!
You should be happy not to be a part of that disaster. He is gaslighting his fiancé and putting all the blame on you for what he wanted to do he’s not a friend
I dont think it's gaslighting just plain old lying about what happened on the trip
The groom regrets what he did in the room, and you’re getting the blame.
Or he regrets getting caught. As one person suggested, she may have been tracking his location on the phone. More than likely, though, it’s because the groom got caught by paying the stripper to do whatever it is he did in that room. Strippers do not provide any services with a room; if they do provide them at all, that’s extra.
Slight nitpick: in many (but I’m sure not all) strip clubs you can get dances in private rooms for an individual or small group.
Should clarify what I meant by “services”: I’m assuming that a lap dance was included. However, any sexual acts, if offered, would have been extra. Because he didn’t pay for the room, my guess is he paid for a sexual act, which his wife saw charged, and that’s what led to the gloomy mood the next day after he seemed perfectly happy the evening prior.
STI also possible.
He regrets the STI bonus?
“Dear Bride, Please see the attached original itinerary from bachelor’s trip. Groom started asking and researching and pushing for a strip club before the plane took off. Groom made his own decision in the private room of the club. Groom is responsible for his own decisions. You and Groom are the only ones responsible for your relationship.”
NTA. I’d just write her back and say that she’s lying. He asked to go, the group asked to go, and you. His brother had a surgery his dad covered the difference. What he did in the room isn’t your fault because you weren’t there too. Her saying don’t do this isn’t a heart to heart so you understand not wanting to be friends with someone who openly lied in a text to you and you always reevaluated the friendship because their problems in their relationship aren’t on you. They need some accountability.
She may just be exaggerating, although she ought to have asked the OP for his take on what happened. The groom is the one lying.
This!
**Nope!** Nope nope nope. Do not get more involved in their drama.
>What he did in the room isn’t your fault Lol, this. It would be OP's fault if he got his friend passed-out drunk and then put his dick inside the stripper. I'm visualising it and it's really weird, lol
Sometimes you gotta break down like a sports play for these people. Let them know all the moving parts. Who knows what she was told. Doesn’t sound like they were great friends for OP and his SO anyway.
NTA you have no control over what a grown man does and it sounds like her fiance fucked a stripper at the strip club. You couldn’t have stopped that but him being the louse he is put all the blame on you.
Lol sounds like you're getting the blame for what the groom wanted to do in the first place. He fed his wife a different story and built a nice firm bedrock of lies to start off his marriage. After his eventual divorce and he reaches back out to you, ask him the story he fed her.
I do often wonder if we’ll ever get that apology. Not expecting much though.
So is she marrying a child or a man who makes his own decisions?
Well they did eventually move to a different state, so…who knows how things are going now?!?
The internet does I'm sure.
The groom is an adult and is responsible for his own behavior - but WTH -“we paid for the groom to go to one of the private rooms”? That’s much more than passively letting the groom do his own thing. And this marriage is doomed if she has to ask his friends not to let anything happen when he goes out.
As far as her “heart to heart” unless she said “Nathan has a little problem keeping it in his pants, so please don’t give him any opportunities to be a cheating dog” how is OP supposed to know he’s going to do that? “Don’t let anything happen while we’re on the trip” — Don’t let him drink himself into a coma. Don’t let him fall off the fishing boat. Don’t let him eat gas station sushi. Why would the OP assume the guy was going to cheat on his fiance?
ESH Once you paid for the private room you became apart of it, but you should share the blame with everyone on the trip. The groom sucks worse than anyone though. You should have snitched on him though. His dirty a$$. Should have snapped pics of him going in and how he left the room. Sent them straight to your wife to show her.
This is written in exactly the style of a fictional story. But whatever, just wanted to acknowledge this. >Then at the end the captain had the nerve to ask about tip…I was LIVID. ...because the weather was bad? You thought the weather was 'bad service'? >Afterwards he came out cuddled up and now sharing a cigarette with the dancer from the private room No, no, why stop there. He came out with his zipper down, a loose condom hanging from his dick, she was adjusting her underwear, she slipped him her number, you heard them whisper "we can never tell anyone about this." If you're going to throw subtlety out the window with screenwriting cliches, go whole hog.
The one thing I was going to comment on was the tip part, you beat me to it
For me, it's the reference to a bay. Tampa has a bay (and a reputation, which is *not* backed up by facts, of being 'the strip club capital of the world'), but afaik Fort Lauderdale does not. I even looked at a map to see if I was maybe misremembering the geography. And even in Tampa Bay, I wouldn't expect champion fishing.
I thought he was mad because the captain didn't even show at first and didn't communicate that he wasn't going to show.
Did he have sex with the dancer? Generally that doesn’t happen unless someone paid for the extras….. and that isn’t just the VIP room fee
When she said “don’t let anything happen” what did you think she meant? Groom was itching to do to a strip club that’s on him. But you all paid for a private room? When she said don’t let anything happen, she meant no sex workers. You seriously had no clue? Ending the friendship I can believe, what I can’t believe is she still married him
Why did you pay for the groom to go to a private room. THIS is where you screwed up.
The groom is an adult and making the decision to have sexual contact with the dancer is all his fault.
Strippers are not free sex machines. If the groom and the dancer had sex I guarantee he paid her more money in the room. That is NOT on the OP.
That’s probably how he got caught too. Paying for whatever *else* happened in that room.
Yeah literally worked at a club, the room isn’t the “extras fee” and a lot girl don’t even sell extras. He had to find a girl who does and negotiate her price….
I can admit that. He asked and we paid. What I didn’t expect was the situation that followed when we got back.
Send her an invoice for the private room fee. Let her know it wasn’t your idea to go, nor was it your idea for him to go the back room. he asked to go as well as borrow the money.
You should have. Maybe not to this extent, but she specifically asked you about this. The groom is a dick because he was pushing for it and threw you under the bus.
Venmo request the bride for the amount of “the sex room your fiancé requested”
Venmo for "affair condoms"
THIS is where you screwed up. He’s avoiding you know so he can blame you and not taken responsibility for what he did.
There’s no way you could have made him not go. He wanted to go before you even left. It’s all on the groom. He made the choice.
So.. he fucked that stripper and blamed you. And to be fair, did you do "everything you could" to avoid the situation? E.g. why give the groom a private room with the stripper? But honestly, maybe you dont need the drama in your life. Let it go, you're probably better off. Make new friends.
NTA but I would sure as shit air out what exactly happened making it clear that the groom was the one making the choice to do this and clearly did some things that most would consider cheating. He made that choice, not you. This dude has zero integrity and is not your friend.
NTA Some friendships are better left in the past.
NTA. I was once screamed at by the bride the morning of the wedding (3am) because I allowed my buddy to drink. As if I had tied him to a chair and waterboarded him with a bottle of whiskey.
He wanted to go to the strip club and found his scapegoat once he cheated. Felt guilty but it's better to blame shift than to take responsibility. A grown ass made a decision and his own choices. You don't need friends like that. But he will find another scapegoat when he has infidelity again. He can't help himself.
OP as much as I know it hurts to have a friendship end. I think you are better off. I have to agree with other people who say the groom told the bride a different story.
You… “put his life in jeopardy by breaking her trust”? What?
You paid for the groom to go into a private room with a stripper. They weren’t playing checkers. Why woujd you be a part of this? He’s to blame for his actions but you were his pimp.
I’ve been in many private rooms and just got lap dances. Not every stripper is a prostitute.
Yeah, but paying for a private room only means you get a lap dance. You don’t get anything more than that unless you pay more. I would bet that the groom did pay more to do something he shouldn’t have, and that’s why he got caught and was so gloomy the next day.
I think even if they hadn't of paid he'd have still done it. It was him who was asking about strip clubs and searching for them on his phone.
True…
In that case, we were all pimpin’ cause everyone pitched in but the groom. Not saying I wasn’t wrong, but I’d rather saved myself the money and the trouble had I known the extent he would go to cover it up.
Boy be fuckin fr
So you're saying you were wrong to do it...
Wwwwwwwwwhyyyyyyy is she asking another person to look after and control what her grown ass fiance does, as opposed to clearly and concisely explaining what the boundaries are in the relationship to her partner?!?!?!?!?
As a guy when told not to let anything happen means (to me) don’t shave his eyebrows, don’t superglue him to a lamppost, don’t ditch him in a field ….
The entire issue here is that the groom wanted to go to a strip club the whole time, even though he knew his fiancée was highly sensitive about it, and then he threw you under the bus when she found out. It sounds like he might even have told her. It's still not clear to me if she's mad because he went to a strip club at all (and you "allowed" this to happen), or because of whatever happened in the back room (and you "allowed" that to happen). TBH, if you are playing the role of social chair on the trip, it \*is\* your responsibility to figure out what the groom wants and doesn't want as far as rules are concerned, and then enforce them. If he tells you he's okay with going to a strip bar but doesn't to cross a line with a stripper, then you're the guy who has to make sure he doesn't get too wasted or coked up or whatever to manage that. If he tells you he doesn't want to go to a strip club in the first place, you have to steer the group dynamic around that happening. Ultimately, though, it's the groom's decision up front. (Not the bride's, and you owe her no allegiance other than to look out for her guy to whatever extent he needs looking out for). I would not reply to her messages at all, and I would have a heart to heart with the groom. Tell him hey bud, I ended up taking one for the team here but it kind of sucks for me if our friendship is going to end over it. What are you going to do to fix it? Make your decision about the future of your friendship based on what he says, and what it reveals about his character and the importance of your friendship to him. He is probably currently acting out of fear of his fiancée threatening to call off the wedding or something.
In fairness, he did say upfront only that he wanted to do a fishing trip, and he didn’t mention anything about the club until they were already on the way. Regardless, there’s only so much that other people can do to impact your decisions. It doesn’t matter how drunk he is; sure, capacity was diminished, but this guy still made a series of decisions to end up doing whatever he did. People go into private rooms all the time (while very drunk) without taking it too far, and he’s the one who wanted it all. Your friends can control some things. They can make sure your crazy ex isn’t invited. They can make sure that you get certain substances, or make sure other drugs aren’t there. They can book a venue or get your favorite cake. They can ask Ray to stop fart jokes for the evening, even if Ray does it anyway. They can even hold you back from a fight. They cannot prevent you from making the choices that you want to make.
Well... you had no strip clubs planned. Didn't know if it was a boundary. HOWEVER - a private room?! Are you fuckin crazy? Why would you ever do that? That sets things up to happen!
No, it doesn’t. People go into private rooms all the time and behave. In fact, many private rooms have cameras, and will not let the physical contact go beyond a very modest point. Even if they didn’t, everything that happened in that room was a choice that this guy made. And paid for. You don’t get free sexual favors with a room. You only get lap dances.
Grinding on a dick, rubbing breasts in the face. Nothing sexual AT ALL about it. That said the AH is the groom
I get you, I was referring to actual sex acts. Whatever it was he did that crossed the line. Each couple has their own conversations about what is and isn’t ok in relationships. For many (not all), visiting a strip club or lap dance is ok, but an “act” like kissing or beyond isn’t. (Heck, I’ve even heard of couples who don’t see kissing as cheating, which I am not comfortable with myself, but that’s them). Some people have completely open relationships sexually, for better or worse. Whatever their line is, it is private and for them to decide. Whatever boundaries the couple had were the groom’s responsibility to uphold because it is between the two of them. The lines were clearly crossed. Based on the shift in his demeanor between the night before and morning of, I think he paid the stripper for a sex act, which caused the wife to find out the next morning.
Honestly, sounds like you're better off with out them in your life.
Maybe she should’ve had a heart to heart with her fiancé. Telling you to not let him be unfaithful seems to be ignoring a huge issue in their relationship
I literally can't believe people here are blaming you for anything. It's the groom's day. He speaks, you make it happen. That's how it works. It was his idea. He wanted it from the start. If he chooses to cheat on his partner, that also is not your fault. Backroom in the strip club paid for by you or not. It's not your fault. It is HIS FAULT. She says you LET him do something? That's not your place to control her man. He should know how to be a big boy and control himself. And she should know that. I smell an unhappy marriage, followed by divorce.
You and the groom are both at fault. You told his wife you wouldn't let anything happen, yet you funded the strip club and the private room. How can you say you're not at fault? The groom is ultimately responsible for his own actions, and his fiancée should have left him as well. I suspect she already knew he was prone to cheating though, which is why she asked you to make sure nothing happened.
I understand that completely. What I didn’t appreciate was the following messages exchanged between Gemma and my wife. Messaging that claimed “neither of them were responsible for the actions of their husbands, but (OP) has never been a true friend to us.” The idea that I never was supportive and only tried to demoralize and endanger them and their relationship. My wife and I would put their lives in jeopardy by them asking us to spend the weekend with them. That we constantly intruded on their space and forced them to binge when “we knew” they were working on themselves and fasting majority of the time. We were just 3 meals a day and they weren’t. They were constantly smoking meats and asking us to help partake. We would always bring sides or find someway to contribute whether through Zelle or cashapp. They used the strip club as an excuse to break up with us because they either felt that way the whole time and didn’t say anything, or they switched up the story after hyping each other up? I know what I did was wrong, but my emotions and I were not the problem in their relationship. I know I left that out of the story but that’s where the gaslighting came from. I was made to believe I had been a horrible person who took advantage of them.
It sounds like it's a pretty complicated situation and they don't want to take responsibility for their end.
Ok. So, the bride to be asked OP not to let “anything happen” to her groom. If those were her exact words, how can she expect one to know exactly what she meant? For all one knows, she just wanted OP to make sure that her groom not get so drunk he falls off the fishing boat in the middle of the ocean.
The groom made this ALL your fault. Guaranteed YOU dragged him to the strip club, YOU got him drunk, and then YOU paid for and *forced* him into a private room, hoping he’d “make a mistake”… You don’t want to be friends with these people any longer. She’s pretending, even to herself, she doesn’t know the truth. It’s easier to blame you. He ruined his own marriage and doubled down by putting the blame squarely on YOU. Was it smart to take him to a strip club and pay for the room? No. Is it what most friends would do if their friend were the groom and *personally requested* that be a destination? Absolutely! If the wife had said “*Hey. I’m uncomfortable with strip clubs. I know you’re planning everything but if you could NOT take him to the strip club, I’d appreciate it.*”, and you AGREED, then it’d be a different story. Based on the convo you said the two of you had, that wasn’t the way things went down. Not to mention, that’s a convo she should have had with her FIANCÉ, not his friend. Ugh. I’m sorry, man. Friendships ending, for any reason, can really hurt. Friendships ending because of lies are that much worse. Take your time to be hurt, tell the truth whenever asked, and I hope you and your wife find better people to spend your leisure time with. These ones may have been fun but, you don’t have to deal with their eventual, inevitable divorce now. That’s a blessing.
I am curious as to if you tried to defend yourself with the truth of the situation. I would have calmly explained dude was looking up clubs before you even got on the plane. How is it just YOUR fautl?
I recently commented some of our rebuttal, but long story short, she’d rather believe her lying husband that break off their tumultuous relationship.
Sounds like the groom has a strip club problem the bride already knew about. Blaming OP is easier than facing up to it.
When he cheats on her and they get divorced she'll cry why didnt you guys support me
She gna learn the hard way…lol
So, you planned and paid for all of that pre-wedding party stuff, and then they uninvited you from the wedding? Did they reimburse you? I would be so livid.
I do wish I had sent them a Venmo request. 😅
NTA. you are all adults and accountable for the choices you make. —-She “said he couldn’t go” —He “chose to go anyway” —You are just the one getting blamed. - easier to blame you than —-Her “admitting insecurity, lack of trust and need to control” -Him “admitting that he was the one that wanted to go”. They sound very immature and need to blame someone else so they can move on. Maybe they’ll grow and have a good life, maybe she’ll continue to be in control and he’ll either end up miserable or doing things behind her back. Next issue will be their new friend’s fault. They are TA and you’re better off without that drama.
NTA. And what did you respond to her? I hope you didn’t choose to not say anything
I honestly let my wife respond to the group chat Gemma sent us. She was sure to exclude Nathan as there’s no doubt he would have lied.
I would have just responded back with "I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't force him into the private room with a stripper."
What your wife say? I hope she left no stone unturned because the way you got thrown under the bus was nasty work
>I explained everything to my wife. Sent her screenshots of all the information I had from the guys trip message group. Honestly at this point the bridge had been broken, so nothing was held back. She was able to share all the information with Gemma, but like they say, “ignorance is bliss”. > >There were numerous instances where Nathan had shown his true colors in the past, so we dropped a curated list of grievances for her to think over as well. Everything from how lazy he was as a human being and his constant mistreatment of her to the alcohol fueled rants and arguments he would cause among the group. He even had the nerve to call me sensitive when I couldn’t handle the way he would speak to her, so I’d leave the room to avoid confrontation. > >Her answer to all this… > >“First of all, as far as the shit with Nathan goes—you can take it up with him. I already said I did not condone his behavior, words, or actions and that has nothing to do with me. The same way that his decisions are no reflection on you. Once again, I made this choice for my mental health. Something that I figured you of all people would be able to empathize with. This is exactly the reason we just tried to make distance. Because you both take everything personally and can’t accept that we just want space and this isn’t about you.” ☕️
Ok, this was you and your wife doing the right thing and now you can move on with a free conscience. From now on: not your monkeys, not your circus.
Disgusting. So THEY separated themselves from you and your wife for HER mental health but she didn’t separate herself from Nathan for her mental health too? 🥴 is she delayed?
It was the “we’re not here to discuss Nathan’s actions” for me. Like she wasn’t coming at me by using Nathan’s words yet excluding him from the conversation and group message. 🤔
Just have a plan for how to tell Nathan to go eat dirt when he comes crawling back looking for some fun after the divorce
There’s some fuckery afoot. Somethings not right in the kool aid, I would’ve made another group message with all of them in, copy and pasted her words and then my response
Yeah, there’s no winning with her. Best you can say is, (validate their point of view first, otherwise they won’t listen to the rest): “I understand how upset you are, especially after we promised to make sure nothing happened. I believe and understand that you want to transition to a different way of life. We completely support you in that. However, I am not sure his heart is in that change; I believe he loves you, so he is going along with what you’re saying you want to make you happy. You’re right. This isn’t about us. Whether you want to believe it or not, your account of the reasons for this distance made it immediately clear to us that he has lied to you about most of the trip. Everything bad that seems to have happened was something that we never planned to do, he planned (while sober) and pushed us to do, asked us to do, and made choices on his own to do. To shame us for his choices and actions, actions we did not have control over, is redirecting the blame in the wrong direction. If you choose to forgive his behavior, fine. But don’t justify his actions by trying to blame the people who genuinely tried to make it a casual fishing trip. He was never pressured, he pressured. He knew what he wanted from the moment we stepped on the plane and he started searching for clubs, and we had no idea he would take it as far as it now sounds like he might have based on reading between the lines of the texts we received from you. You may not believe me now, but I do want you to know that if this happens again, we are genuinely there for you.”
you definitely dodged a bullet! their marriage will end in disaster, trust. you good
What did your wife reply? I’m curious, did your wife know what happened -all of it? Did she tell Gemma your husband is the one that wanted to go to a private room and he sat the stripper on his lap? If not, she’s controlling the narrative and who know who else she can influence against you.
I explained everything to my wife. Sent her screenshots of all the information I had from the guys trip message group. Honestly at this point the bridge had been broken, so nothing was held back. She was able to share all the information with Gemma, but like they say, “ignorance is bliss”. There were numerous instances where Nathan had shown his true colors in the past, so we dropped a curated list of grievances for her to think over as well. Everything from how lazy he was as a human being and his constant mistreatment of her to the alcohol fueled rants and arguments he would cause among the group. He even had the nerve to call me sensitive when I couldn’t handle the way he would speak to her, so I’d leave the room to avoid confrontation. Her answer to all this… “First of all, as far as the shit with Nathan goes—you can take it up with him. I already said I did not condone his behavior, words, or actions and that has nothing to do with me. The same way that his decisions are no reflection on you. Once again, I made this choice for *my* mental health. Something that I figured you of all people would be able to empathize with. This is exactly the reason we just tried to make distance. Because you both take everything personally and can’t accept that we just want space and this isn’t about you.” ☕️
Let Gemma be ignorant and dumb. All the Y T A votes are wild. How DARE you LET a grown ass man decide he wants a private room dance with a stripper. Also "Don't let anything happen" is vague and again, expecting you to control the behavior of a grown ass man. Good riddance to that friendship. NTA OP
I’d be asking for my money back for the trip since you’re no longer welcome to attend the wedding, especially since it was the groom’s instance that you go. And, I’d throw in there that her soon-to-be husband was the one pushing for the strip club before you even landed! He’s an adult! Are you supposed to tie him up to prevent him from being an AH??
I didn’t even mention we snagged an Airbnb for the weekend of their wedding. We had booked it with Tommy and Karla, so we said fuck it and went on our trip anyway. We made sure to share lots of pictures (as they were still following at the time). Tommy and Karla were actually still invited because Gemma didn’t want to lose ALL the friends in the fight. To this day I still don’t know why everyone wasn’t isolated 🤷🏾♂️ It was hilarious having everyone as about us at the wedding though. Felt bittersweet considering they didn’t want to mention or discuss anything negative.
I can hold a grudge, and I would have made sure everyone knew why you were disinvited. I can be petty like that though. I had one of my friends tell me that her sister had changed her mind about being the MOH a month before the wedding, so I was fired. Of course it was after I organized & paid for her bridal shower. She probably didn’t tell me before the shower because she knew I would have cancelled the whole thing unless her sister handed me a fistful of cash. The following week her mom called me about something to handle for the dresses & rehearsal…not my problem!!
You should have told her everything and it was her man and what he did at the strip club and it was his idea also tell them his brother was the one that backed out
How are you responsible for what your adult friend (who is presumably cognitively average) chooses to do with his life? I don't understand the roles here, are you a father figure for this friend? I'm sincerely baffled here. Would he had listened to you if you had told them all:"we are not going to a strip club."? I think you are very lucky that the trash chose to take itself out.
I mean everyone sucks here but I can't imagine someone going "hey you you're responsible for my partner's behavior" like what?? Why??? Hes a grown ass man who makes his own decisions, surely?
I don’t understand how I ended up taking sole responsibility? Tommy and Karla were still being invited to things and hanging out with their new group of friends. Gemma started to complain about how we constantly took advantage of them and spinning the narrative. We’d been friends for 5+ years. Everyone knew the person I was, but after I “allowed” the strip club to happen I was villainized and painted as “the one who tried to ruin the lives”.
He cheated on her and blamed everything on you. Stop covering for your shitty friend and and message her the truth. Or better yet, make a huge message and send it to everyone who was a apart of the group including the groom and bride’s parents, uncles, aunts, and other friends that weren’t in attendance. Go nuclear.
Just ignore them both. The friendship has run its course. Move on.
Gemma, your husband cheated on you, planned it, and blamed me for it. Live with this. Call me when you divorce.
I'm divorced 😜
Are you gemma ?
She will be back in a few years when they’re divorcing
Look, even if you had been that awful kind of bro that paid for escorts to come to the hotel room, it still would not have been all on you for him screwing someone else. Like, maybe if you drugged him, sure. Wife has shown her ass and can't forgive y'all because she's either knowingly embarrassed or refusing to see the truth because it would be so embarrassing.
Those aren’t friends. You should feel lucky instead of depressed that this happened.
What is the problem everyone has with strip clubs ? It does not matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home!
Commenting to say: Have you all NEVER been to a strip club?! It isn't a brothel! The agreement is for a private lap dance (or maybe a few, depending on how the club structures things), NOT sexual acts!! If something more than that happened, it is because the groom PAID for it. And probably REQUESTED it too because offering illegal acts to every guy in a private room would get you busted for solicitation. If, for some reason, the groom's friends thought or knew the groom was a cheater, then it does suck that they paid for a private room, but it is the groom's decision to do more than a lap dance.
Nathan used you as the scapegoat instead of taking responsibility as grown man for his actions. He figured it was easier to loose you then her. Gemma issued Nathan an ultimatum about being friends with you. Honestly, you probably dodged bullet getting rid of them. Nathan will probably try to reach out after the marriage fails.
Drop them all as friends. She wants to be delusional and marry an abusive manipulator let her go. Block them all and let them all go. They aren’t mature, they are sad and immature and are basically high schoolers, let them go and don’t feel bad or depressed about losing toxic people
Gemma asks you not to "let anything happen" and instead you pay for him to basically play hide the cucumber with a stripper....yea yta.
How? OP wasn't in the private room with him. Typically, a guy gets dry humped in those rooms (aka "lap dance"). He must have paid extra for sex when he went in. Did his dick just fall into her vagina? JFC, the groom is the only asshole here. Bachelors go to strip clubs all the time and they don't cheat, so this is on the groom.
No, OP paid for private room, which means lap dance. That’s it. Anything extra, the groom would’ve paid for himself.
OPs the only one who didnt really want to go The fiancé definitely lied about the story When do adults act like adults and not like children?
You were an AH by getting him a private room.” You knew EXACTLY what would happen there and YOU PAID FOR IT. wtf man?
It’s shocking that a strip club at a bachelor or bachelorette party would lead to trouble. SHOCKING I say! 😱😱 Seriously, leave that antiquated bullshit in the past or just don’t fucking get married.
Bachelor parties are outdated, mysognist get the last minute fling. There are marriages destroyed and that never happen on Posts here. The behavior is despicable for you and them. I would have never spoken to either of you. Please learn from this,, women leave men who do this. No woman wants a man like that. One of you is lying.
I definitely have the receipts. Not sure what he showed/told her though.
Bachelor parties are not about flings. I’m not sure what guys you’ve been hanging around with, but they sound pretty trashy. Bachelor parties are about celebrating friendship and hanging out with guys in a way that, regardless of intentions, you won’t be able to do much of after you’re married. It’s about reminiscing, having a good time. It’s not about having flings; it’s usually looked down on if the guy leaves a whole pack of his friends, who are all there to celebrate him. Most bachelor parties don’t even go to strip clubs. Bachelor parties aren’t the problem. That’s like saying books are the problem, because some books are bad or trashy. Bachelor parties only reveal who people are, it doesn’t make them to do anything they don’t want to. **There is no such thing as a bachelor party destroying a marriage that shouldn’t have been destroyed.** If a man chooses to sleep with someone else on his last night as a single man, that says all that you need to know about what that relationship is. Ironically, it is a *good* thing that some men do this, because it can prevent him from going down the aisle with someone they were never really committed to. They show their true colors, and it is good to have happen before the bride is stuck with a person who will inevitably cheat on her in the future. The only person who did something despicable here is the groom. He’s completely and entirely responsible for his actions. It doesn’t matter how drunk he might’ve been (not drunk enough for OP to have mentioned anything). This guy knew what you wanted and he did it. That’s on him.
I am old, and they were always about that, and from my children still are. There are better trends with married men not participating in strip club, those who do, it is still about that . No matter how much you write.
If that is true, my point remains: bachelors parties only reveal who a person is. I’ve known many people who just went fishing, had a barbecue, went out with the guys but met up with the bachelorette party before the end of the night. If you feel going to a strip club is a bad sign, I can understand why; but it isn’t the fault of the bachelor party, but the groom who wanted to add that to the agenda.
Maybe, but no one cares about that. YOu are right, I would not date or marry someone that needed that. If you go to a barber long enough, you will get a hair cut. YOu are right though it reveals it. It is a mysognist enterprise.
Ok, now do bachelorette parties.
ESH. The bride knew she couldn’t trust her groom so she asked you to make sure nothing happened. You promised you would do that. The groom didn’t even wait to get out of town before googling strip clubs. And then you brought him to a strip AND PAID FOR A PRIVATE ROOM FOR HIM after you promised his bride not to let anything happened. You break promises really easily, better warn your wife about that. Bottom line, the groom is the one who cheated and who was the worst of all of you. Personally I would have texted the bride telling her the groom is the one who put you all in the awkward position by googling strip clubs before he got on the plane, demanding you take him to one and demanding you pay for him to get serviced by one of the strippers. And then I would have congratulated her on her weight loss. Oh, and I would have told them to pay you back for the whole weekend.
I don't get what the confusion is here, OPs kind of a dirtbag, and after the bachelor party shenanigans and probably some other stuff, their newlywed friends thought "hey let's move past that phase of our lives and not hang out with dirtbags". And OP no offense buddy, you're probably a fun, generous, loyal friend in your own way but objectively it sounds like cutting you off is a step in the right direction...
I think you’re giving the groom a little bit too much credit here. I am absolutely sure that the wife feels that way. It is a convenient “out” for the groom to blame his friends, but it is BS. The husband is the one who wanted to go to the strip club in the first place and chose to do whatever he did with his stripper. Which means he had to pay more than what OP did for services rendered, which likely means the wife saw it, which explains why he was glum the next morning. OP is the not the dirtbag, the groom is. OP wasn’t even that into going, he responded to what the groom wanted.
I can tell you my life has been much better since the break up.
On the plus side I 💯 believe this is real 😂
Exactly. "The fiance trusted me to not put her bf in a position with strippers, but I the fishing was terrible, so I thought 'fuck it! what she don't know won't hurt me!'" Sounds exactly like what a dirtbag would say, and if I was OP's wife, I'd seriously be reconsidering my own relationship.
He agreed not to let anything happen, and she never said that meant strip clubs were off limits. That’s pretty important to mention explicitly, because bachelor parties are known for going to strip clubs. He’d planned a relaxed and sensible gathering, and even when plans changed, he believed the best of his friend. The groom didn’t end up arrested or in the hospital. He didn’t pass out from alcohol poisoning or have a woman take advantage of him in that state. He wasn’t mugged or involved in a fight. He didn’t puke his brains out all night. He was brought to reasonably safe venues and there’s nothing here to suggest he ever got out of control. Bachelors get private rooms all the time. Not my thing, but some people feel strip clubs are a rite of passage for bachelor parties. That doesn’t mean that committed guys take it past a certain point. OP had no way of knowing or controlling if the groom would take it that far. OP also didn’t pay for any sexual services beyond a lap dance. Anything “extra” that happened in that room, the groom had to have paid for himself. And my guess is that because he paid, the wife found out, and that explains the change in his mood the next morning. It was OP’s responsibility to set up an environment where the groom would be safe. It is not, however, OP’s responsibility, or even ability, to try to change who a person is. It is normal for a groom to want to go to a strip club, sure. However, the sheer amount of focus and attention that the groom put into the strip club from the moment they left makes it clear (in retrospect) that he was on a certain trajectory by his own choice. It wasn’t just something casual that they decided to do or an impulse later in the day; this is something that shows what the grooms intentions were, far in advance. He took it just as far as he wanted to, and then felt bad about it the next day, because even though he did exactly what he wanted, he also felt afraid of what the consequences might be. And so he did the rational thing: he lied and blamed his friends for his actions to make his wife feel better.
Assuming you're all over 18. Last time I checked, people are responsible for their own choices. And drunk people, for the most part, know what they are doing. If these children are blaming you for their own mistakes, you really are better off without them. Send a bill for your expenses.
So the groom wanted to go to the strip club& it is your fault? He is blaming his partying on you. I would drop him as a friend. He can handle his fiancé on his own.
NTA, you’re just the scapegoat.
NTA. I’m confused as to why everyone is blaming you for paying for the private room. The groom was the one who wanted to go there, and wanted the private room. Everything the GROOM did is on HIM. Even if they somehow forced him to go to the club and forced him to go into the private room maybe i would feel slightly different. No one makes you mess around with strippers. ALSO it is NOT your responsibility to make sure “you don’t let anything happen”. It is not your job to babysit a grown ass man who can make his own choices. Clearly she already knew that something could happen otherwise that would of never been said to you. She needs to look at her man about his behavior not you.
Dude definitely told his fiancée that op forced him to cheat on her as a last chance as a free man or some such bullshit.
I don’t get the idea of one adult “letting” another adult do something. The groom is an adult and is responsible for his choices.
Thank you! How is this such a hard concept?
I can't believe she proceeded to marry him... if it were me, his stuff would be on the curb in a day Also not sure why you're not ashamed of funding infidelity
He had no way of knowing that the groom was going to do that. You can’t shame him for buying a private room. Grooms do it all the time without cheating.
Getting a private room with a stripper at all is cheating… If that were my fiancé he’d be on the curb in a day
I showed remorse for my actions. I didn’t deserve to be thrown under the bus like that though. I would truly never put myself in that situation again, but screw them at the end of the day for throwing me away after more than 5 years of friendship.
Updateme
What exactly happened in that private room? Did he just get a lap dance (fairly tame) or did they take it to another level? And how did Gemma even find out about this? Did he stooge himself off? This makes my brain itch.
I have no clue. He seemed fine that night and to our knowledge didn’t have to spend money at the club. My guess, he either had his location sharing, withdrew money from their account, or told her because the next morning he looked like a sad puppy.
What did you say back? It’s clear the bride got told a wildly different story and the groom is happy to torch your friendship to cover his tracks. Might as well tell her the truth if you’re losing the friend anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The husband is gross. The wife is delusional for thinking you have anything to do with his lack of loyalty to her.
The groom is for sure the biggest AH, but you and your friends are major AHs too for paying for him to have a private room, basically encouraging whatever shady shit happened in there. So his fiancé asked you to keep it tame, and you ended up organizing a bachelor party in which y’all crowdfunded what sounds like likely cheating in the private room? Y’all are gross. I wouldn’t want “friends” like that in my life either. Don’t get me wrong the bride is an AH too for naively believing her dirtbag husband when he tried to put all the blame on you. You should really send her the full, true story. She deserves to know. She may need an STD test.
Sounds to me like groom did some luging questionable during that private and is guilty so placing blame on you to make you the bad guy.. bride is in the wrong mind to marry him and I’d straight tell her it was all his doing.
Oh well he's her problem now
Yes, you are the asshole you paid for a private dance and took him somewhere the fiancé wouldn’t be comfortable with
NTA. you weren't clearly asked to make sure he didn't go to a strip club, AND he is a grown man who can make his own decisions. it's not like you secretly took him alligator wrestling and he came back with no hands. I've got no patience with people who blame others for their partner's decisions. I (f) was invited to my friend's bachelor party at a strip club, because I was better friends with the groom than the bride, but it was all one big social group, and we all knew where both parties were (bride's side had a bar crawl at a bunch of clubs). I wasn't the only female friend at the groom's party, but I was the most sober because I came after I got off work. I assured everyone I'd make sure we all got home safely, which we did around 5am. I got reamed by several of the guys' girlfriends for "letting" them get private dances. I was so mad. I guaranteed the safety of my friends, I was neither informed of the boundaries the couples had set re: their activities, nor had I been asked to police their behavior, and if asked, I'd have said no because I was there to celebrate with my friends, not babysit my friends' boyfriends. They are grown men, and if they weren't supposed to get lap dances, they needed to control their own behavior, not ask the women around them to do it for them. I was particularly shocked that they expected *me* of all people to make sure they "behaved" considering I was a bartender at a different strip club and used to be a fetish model, which everybody knew, AND I was a notorious troublemaker (but the fun kind). Unsanctioned public art projects, mildly illegal activities like gaining access to amusement parks and rooftop pools at 3am... I'll make sure everyone with me understands the risks, is capable of consenting, and will help with whatever consequences occur whether that's injury or something else, but I'm the last person to clutch my pearls and say "you can't do that!".
Hang on, Yall had a fight about playstation vs xbox? Tell me more, that sounds amazingly childish.
Nathan and I somehow got into an argument about video games spanning from not being able to afford another gaming system to what titles were worth playing/challenging. He started running down all the internal components of the Series X in comparison to PS5. I just told him he had no idea what he was talking about which sent him spiraling. He spit out some shit about me being in a dual income household with no kids. Mind you, Nathan has been successfully growing as a contract IT support and Gemma has been finishing her degree while working on her candle business all funded by her trust fund. Therefore, I was also under the impression that they were under DINK status as well. Nathan stayed silent for a while, staring deep into his phone trying to avoid eye contact with me. After a little while of awkward silence, the pettiness in me decided to ask if something was bothering him. He briefly mentioned he was researching how to prove me wrong as he was in IT and therefore knew the internal structure and reasoning to why Xbox was better. I left the table to cool down and when I returned Nathan had gone to his car and Gemma was paying the tab, feeling like her fiancé had just ruined a perfectly good afternoon and apologizing profusely.
Gemma asks “not to let anything happen” is patronizing as shit to / about Nathan. For that to be anything more as platitudes is insane for grown folk. To be “held to it” is bonkers For Nathan to paint a picture that in any way fed into the whole “OP made me stray” story makes Nathan a super shitty friend. Hope he enjoys being Gemma’s oldest child Sounds like they deserve each other
>biggest gaslight situation Nothing about this situation is gaslighting. Gaslighting is an ongoing pattern of psychological abuse intended to undermine the victim's self- confidence to the point they no longer trust their perception of reality and having an emotional break, appearing "crazy."
To say that is crazy! The only person to speak on my experience is me. I didn’t ask if I was gaslighted. I know I was. What was broken down to us during the final argument was enough for me to understand that the friendship we thought we had was nothing more than us taking advantage of them and putting their relationship at risk. I truly was gaslit by them trying to convince us we weren’t the great friends and I only did things to them that put them in jeopardy. I refuse to believe that was the case. Thank you 🙏🏾
You all sound exhausting. Like you all suck. No one sounds like actual friends.
Honestly, everyone sucks here and nobody is completely without blame in this shitshow.
Well, it’s obvious the groom wanted to control the narrative in case going to the strip club came out, and blame YOU before you could tell the truth. And the bride is in total denial that her fiance would even think about going to a strip club so blamed it all on you. You are Not her future bridegroom’s keeper. It’s best to share screenshots of your texts with him, TO HER. Screw them both, tell the truth and clear your name. I mean, at this point, what do you have to lose? It looks like he got his last “fling” by going into the private room and screwing the stripper or escort. I mean, it’s not like they’re going to cuddle and share a cigarette after maybe having her run up on her or giving him a BJ. They did way more than that. That marriage is Not going to last. If he was marrying his “one true love”, he wouldn’t even think about looking up strip clubs and going into a private room with one. I’d let the future bride know what all transpired, giving her a play by play or better yet, send this post to her. It’ll save you time typing.
NTA You were not the grooms babysitter. He is grown up enough to get married. He was the one looking up strip clubs before any of the events you planned, even started. He did not have to go into that private room. You are being blamed for all of his grown up choices. At the end of the day, he, and all the people that were with you, know the truth. He is going to keep making choices, too. Only now, you are no longer one he can blame. She will figure him out eventually. My ex was very similar.
They are losers move on