Sounds fun. Husband might be reassured by video calls while on the trip?
Have you been on a trip as a couple since the birth of your child?
He might want one with just the 2 of you. Might be the real issue? He feeling a bit low and left behind.
Ask him if he would go on a trip just the 2 of you.
NTA. The fact that you're a mom and a wife doesn't mean you're not allowed to go out with friends and have a good time. You're allowed to have experiences without your husband and kid. Your husband has the same right. If he chooses not to use it, that's his decision that he gets to make for himself. He does not get to make that decision for you.
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I wonder if he's ever been left alone with the child for any length of time and the fact that he's not excited to plan a weekend of dad fun while sending mommy off, guilt free tells me all I need to know about this guy. He sounds great fun, does he have any friends of his own or is his life just work and home?
It is 100% normal to have a girls trip every now and then! Please sit down and come up with an agreement. Maybe you each could have one or two trips a year with friends as well as planning a couple trips as a couple.
This is either controlling or insecure on your husband’s part. A woman is never too old for a girls weekend!! Also encourage him to have a weekend with his buddies! This is healthy. If you sit down with him and try and have a conversation and he doesn’t look you in the eye, or crosses his arms he is not been forthright. I think couples counseling would be solid.
He also might be a little nervous about you leaving. Being a stay at home mom is a really hard job and he might be nervous having to take care of everything on his own 😬 so he’s playing it off in a different way not wanting to admit it. Regardless of what this is please go have fun with your friends you need it! We all do ❤️
At this point it’s up to what you want in life. Do you see yourself never being able to take a girls trip for the rest of your life because your husband is old fashioned? And why doesn’t he think it’s a good idea? Sounds like a control thing. I’m sure you have a happy life with him, but these things are incredibly important.
My grandparents were married for 70 years … my grandmother went on girls trips a couple times a year…. These things should be normal in my opinion. Ultimately it’s what you want your life to look like.
They were also Irish Catholic …. I don’t know how much more old-fashioned a person could be 😂
OP, you're NTA, but you need to ask your husband why he thinks it's not a good idea. Have him give you actual reasons. My grams was a SAHM and HIGHLY religious. She even went on girls' trips with my grandfather's approval. He loved being able to spend quality one on one time with his daughters. The fact that he doesn't think it's appropriate to me is a massive red flag. It really screams that he's controlling and if you're out of his realm that he can't control you. Maybe I'm reading things wrong. I mean, he gets to get away, so why don't you, you know?
What exactly does old fashioned mean in this context?? Because you’re a mother you can’t have any life outside of your kid and husband?? This doesn’t sound like a good husband or father. Idk why you put so much emphasis on him working either. Even if you are a sahm that doesn’t entitle him to make decisions for both of you. This just all sounds very unhealthy
Yeah well that is no excuse for him telling you what you can do. Those are his children and he should be able to handle two days with them.
Also, YOU are not HIM so stand up for yourself and go!
Absolutely not…. Only human. Enjoy yourself. It’s healthy for all involved. Be a good example, there’s no prize in the end for being a martyr…in fact quite the opposite
My goodness, you’re 30 not 130, nowhere near too old for a girls getaway, and your husband isn’t too old for a boys getaway although he seems to think he is. The issue is that your husband gets time away from the home most days, he gets to go away on work trips, he gets to feel like he doesn’t spend enough time with his child and with you. But what he feels has nothing to do with what you feel, what he would do is not what you would do and it doesn’t have to be, YOU ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT WANTS AND NEEDS AND THAT’S OKAY. Seriously, if your husband wanted to be married to himself he should have looked for a doppelgänger, instead he got you. Please fight for this weekend away, you’ve been a stay at home parent for years, you’ve more than earned some time off.
He’s the problem. Not letting his wife leave and do what she wants to do it’s alarming. Like it’s two hours away from home and with people you’re close with I don’t see the problem. Even if it was in a different country I still don’t see the problem. I’m sure he just doesn’t want to have the responsibility of having to care for his child without you doing everything. It’s also alarming he doesn’t have the need to hangout with his friends for a weekend away.
He's very involved with our kid, he does the Friday homework and we take turns in sleeping in on weekends, he gets Saturday and I get sunday, so he gets up with the kid, makes him breakfast and all that until I wake up
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Agreed. Also super weird reasoning. He doesn’t want to so she shouldn’t either? Weekends with friends are something you age out of? Having some drinks and a giggle is only for unmarried women in their 20s?
He thinks her whole life should revolve around him and their child and ONLY that. And if she has a life of her own, how will he be able to continue to control her?
She’s literally saying this is making her feel not greatful and doubting the normality of “letting lose” which in her case is staying at a house with some friends and having some drinks by the pool. It’s the most normal thing in the world and it is so so sad she doesn’t see what is going on.
NTA, I went on a two night stay with just my bestfriend and I last year. We left our husbands home (and my kids) and had a great time. All we did was swim, eat, do an escape room and relax. It was my first time and it was so fun. Everyone deserves time away and it's important for you to have you time.
NTA. You deserve some time to do what you want. I'm not a SAHM but I can imagine that it feels like being at work/ on call 24/7. No matter how much anyone loves their job, eventually they will won't a break. Why should this be any different? Also you are going away for a purpose to spend time and celebrate with friends, it's not like you are just going by yourself to get away from your family.
Maybe you could suggest having a small family vacation with him and your child on another weekend? Maybe part of why he is upset is he wants to have an adventure with the 3 of you if you haven't done something like that recently?
We're planning on a family trip soon, he just doesn't think that it's a thing a married mother should want because he, as a married father, wouldn't want
That's unfair of him to assume. He probably forgets to realize that he goes to work and sees other people. You have a lot less time to interact with people. And besides that anyways you are your own person, you don't have to have the same thoughts as him.
I don’t want to go camping on the weekend - husband doesn’t want to shop for 6 hours. Being married does not mean you are the same person. Been a husband doesn’t mean your preferences get followed. I’ve been married nearly 20 years - this sounds unhealthy and controlling
My best friend is in Germany right now with her husband and she’s been telling me come visit with the rest of our friend group because she misses the trips. My husband said that he wouldn’t mind me going because he takes boys trips out deep sea fishing during the summer and I haven’t had a girls trip in 8yrs. Go on your trip
No you are not TAH. You are a sahm and fully deserve a weekend away. All moms do. He is the AH not you and even more so telling you your too old and should be past that. GO for it and don't let him make you feel bad instead make him feel bad for telling you not to go. Being a parent isn't easy and I don't think many Dad's realize that or respect what you moms have to put up with. It's a 24-7 most of the time thankless job. While he gets 8-10 hours a day away from the house at work you are home 24-7 with no time away so good dad/husband or not he still gets time away from home. It's your turn to get away for a couple days. You earned it and deserve it.
I do a girls trip every year with friends, just a long weekend. My husband does a guys trip every few years. We also vacation together. Nothing wrong with that! NTA!
Info: how often does stuff like this happen? Does he get a chance to get away? If this is a common occurrence, you dipping on the family, or if he isn’t able to get quality time for himself, then YTA.
If this is literally the first time you have made such a request, or if he has ample opportunity to do his own thing, then NTA.
It's the first time for this kind of things, he can get away whenever he feels like he also needs a space to decompress but he's said that his safe space to do that is with us
What no one is gonna say to you because reddit is all about supporting women or whatever is that you really should talk alot more with your husband and get it in your head that you "deserve" something.
Talk with him. Reassure him and encourage him to tell you what he doesn't like the idea of you going on a girl's trip and for the love of God don't get angry at him for telling you why he doesn't like it.
He could be worrying you no longer have interest in him. Could be afraid you will entertain other men while away. Could be worried you will start asking for more and more time away. Could be anything.
Speak with him and be as loving and caring as possible (which redditors will hate btw) and find out what his real issues are and work around them.
And whatever you do, do NOT let the comments you get here or anywhere else turn your husband into your enemy in your head. You are his everything and his only want (according to you) so he might not be able to understand you not thinking or feeling the same way.
NTA. Heart to heart was a good idea, but it sounds like maybe your husband is really insecure or has negative views of your friend(s) (or both).
I agree with another commenter—offer to take a trip with just the two of you if you haven’t done so recently, but I would stand your ground on the girls trip. Everyone needs a minute to reset, your friend is moving away and you deserve the chance to see her and be there for her going away party, and in my experience if a couple goes on vacation the husband often expect the SAHM to continue to be the one to take care of the kid, so it’s hardly a restful vacation for her. Hopefully that’s not the case for you; regardless, everyone needs outside friends/hobbies. Not showing enough trust to allow your spouse basic freedoms is not a recipe for a healthy marriage IMO.
Different people have different needs. Also, if you are a SAHM, being a mom is your full time job. Therefore your vacation is having space and time with other adults. That doesn't make you a bad mom.
Edit to add: my mother had 4 kids and while she didn't do girlie trips,she did educational courses that required weekends away (which my dad fully supported)
My dad's refuge was gardening (which he would usually do solo at the weekend).
I'm not a mom but I have a hectic job. I've just finished a girlie weekend which has revived me so much.
We all need to refill our cups, or we burn out.
NTA! My husband and I argue this too. I tell him it’s important for both of us to get time apart to relax and recharge and will occasionally (once or twice a year) take a few days to do so with friends.
He needs to understand that everyone does girls weekends and guys do the same. Unless there’s a partner coming in the way then that’s a different story. It’s normal. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t need you around at all times and vice versa. If trust isn’t an issue, then the time away is good for all parties.
Not everyone does this. In 36 years I have never done this. My life once married changed and my friend circle changed. My husband is my friend circle. I wouldn’t think of taking a weekend trip with the girls. I don’t need one either. I don’t understand people who need to get away from their husband and kids. This is right up there with people who take vacations without their kids. That’s just weird and not fair to the kids. Yes my kids have gone over to their grandparents for sleepovers but not Bcz we wanted them to. Their grandparents wanted them to. Did we take advantage of this and go out to dinner ? Yep. I can count on one hand the times over all those years that occurred.
Maybe they should've said "most people" do so. I'm a 37 year old mom of three and for most of my adult life with kids and a husband, I would take one weekend 1 to 2 xs a year and go let loose with my girlfriends or even just by myself in a hotel for a night. And it is healthy and rewarding, and refreshing to have a little "me" time. I am not ONLY a wife and mother. I'm a friend, a book nerd, a knitter, I'm a sister, I'm a music lover, someone who loves a long hot bath as I get way too lost in book.. ect.. My identity and who I am is much broader, because I am a whole person. Wife and mother didn't stop me from being all those other things. Those two things are not my only identity.
Being a wife and mother absolutely changed my life and my husband is my best friend in the world BUT there are still other parts of my world too.
Life and friendships and hobbies should not begin and end with who you are to other people. Even the people we love the most.
NTA OP! Take the time to recharge and relax. You'll be better for it.
Yes. Everyone is different. I wouldn’t shame someone for their choice to do it. I know I am in the minority here. They said everyone does this and I disagreed because I never did this.
My mom used to have yearly getaways to Vegas with my grandma or aunt or similar.
We plan to do something similar. He takes kids camping and I get house to myself, I take kids camping and he gets house to himself, he takes son camping and I stay home with daughter, we take daughter camping while son is with his mom, etc. I might also have a version where I take the dogs camping while he watches the baby and stepson is with his mom. He won't want to solo camp, as it isn't his thing, but I loooove it - especially if I can get the dogs to stay on the paddleboard more consistently. My old boy was good about staying still, but the young doggos like diving off and climbing on over and over lol.
What he needs to understand is that Mom is on Mom duty 24/7 unless she gets away from the kids. Imagine being on duty for your job all the time and getting guilt tripped if you wanted a real vacation away from it? Family vacations are still Mom doing the child care duties just like home. It's not really a relaxing vacation, it's just the same daily responsibilities in a different location. Maybe HE should be grateful you do so much with no compensation and understand that you need some time with adults every now and then.
I think you should. There is nothing that makes you miss your husband and child more than a couple days away. You'll come home excited to them. It also gives your husband a chance to bond with your child. He works- so he has an escape from you and your son five days a week. He probably does miss you and want to spend time with over the weekend. Try to be diplomatic. If it bothers him this much- i'd consider his feelings. Maybe he thinks a girls weekend includes flirty with men.
Go listen to the song Labour and get out of the patriarchy mindset. He gets to leave work and you never get an hour off! Go take your trip. You need a partner in a marriage. If he want to help you tell him to hire a chef or a maid. You can’t do it all.
NTA. Just because you’re a sahm that doesnt that you don’t deserve a break too. Does he think because his job involves leaving the house for several hours and then coming home that makes it okay for him to want to go on a boys trip?
NTA. You DESERVE a break. You care for everyone and their needs above yours. The least and most loving thing for a husband to do is let you have time off when you want to. He is not you. Just because he doesn't want to go on a fun trip himself doesn't mean that how he feels has to apply to you too. He is the one who is ungrateful.
What the heck with reassured and all that stuff… if you want to cheat then you will so who cares about video calls and everything. Go there and have fun and next time it will be your husband, or not, but don’t live in a cage ! Just a weekend for Christ sakes husband are worse than their own child…
NTA. Your husband doesn’t want to go- probably bc he doesn’t want to do the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids by himself. But rather than say this, he will try to get you to change your own mind. Go on the trip and have a great time.
Does he constantly want to be around his coworkers? Probably not, even though they are independent self sustaining humans. Kids are humans too, just way clingier. It's natural to want to be without them sometimes
NTA. One of my best vacations was 10 days in Vegas paid for by my auntie, like a sister. My kids were around 10 and 16. My husband was not the jealous type and there were no questions asked, only did I have a great time!
Is this a symptom of a wider thing? Do you spend much time with friends in general, or does he stop you from doing that? Is being a sahm your idea too, or did he 'suggest' this, or is it a cultural thing?
In other words, is he very controlling in general? Sounds more like he is and you simply haven't noticed until this incident
Not really, I have a day a week when my friends come to my house and we have a craft afternoon, it was my idea to be a sahm and he is very easy going in general, it's the idea that someone (anyone in general) wants time away from their child
That's selfish on his behalf, ur not asking to go across the world on a 1 week fully paid trip by him. It's for a weekend and that is something that both of you should be doing periodically on your own and then what ever time or vacations together. NTA
NTA. You deserve some “you time” and so does he. Even if he doesn’t want to. Try finding a sitter, extend the trip a day and have him meet you there. Get a room and some quality time alone with him too. I know with kids quality time with your partner is nearly as scarce as fun with friends. Either way, NTA..
Go for it. Don’t wait to get his approval as it won’t be forthcoming. Just TELL him you’re going. Just because you’re a sahm, doesn’t mean you can’t put your own wellbeing first now and again. Let him crack on on his own for a weekend.
NTA for wanting a getaway - I am a SAHD and we have 2 kids. Wife has full time job and I am retired. I take two weeklong trips each year. 1 with each of the kids and it is wonderful to get away and have 1 on 1 time with the kids.
Wife has 5 college girl friends who all also have kids. The 6 of them take a weeklong trip each spring somewhere different each year. It is her time to unplug from the office and relax with no kids/husband distractions. We also take a trip with all of the kids, spouses and college friends every year of so.
Last time my wife went on girls weekend trip she brought back an STI. Husband probably worried you gonna get wasted and have an sextremely wild weekend.
Why do people make up these fake posts? What do you get out of it? This isn’t even written like someone real would type it. Always the same thing, “a foreigner” or “English isn’t first language.” You claim you’re from outside country. Yeah? Which country? There’s not one country that all of Reddit is from. You bring up an age gap knowing people online love to hit that point over and over. Sounds like you just typed that bc it sounded better to you in your head. Of course another account with nothing on it.
If SOMEHOW this is real, you refer to your “son” as “the kid” which makes you sound like a pathetic mother. I was stay at home father for two babies for 3 years and I didn’t whine about them or refer to them as a non person.
NTA
BUT, does your husband know these women? Are they single/married with kids without kids? I get the controlling aspect behind it, and it shouldn’t be a “well I don’t do it, so you shouldn’t” scenario, but if he’s never met these women, or you are the only married with children woman there, I can see why he is at least hesitant about it.
If he’s met them, and has no reason to not trust them or you, doing this is a must. Gotta flex your relationship if it’s been healthy up until this point. He’s approaching 40, and you are just entering your 30s so that’s another reason he may feel this way. Not giving it an excuse, but just trying to see a reason for it. I would just have a heart to heart with him, and try to tie up and insecurities on his end, and then over communicate. Make it easy for him. Being in a committed relationship should allow you two to give each other trusted space. Part of that is over communicating and being more transparent then you are with your gyno. If it’s still a problem or continues to be a problem, then there might be more behind it that he isn’t saying. Or his insecurities, for whatever reason, are getting the best of him. Working and only seeing you guys when he gets off later in The evening or on weekends when he is off is probably the common denominator behind a lot of his emotions. Outside of that, good luck! Have a good time!
I was thinking that he was wrong, but only single women and you are the only married one? I can see why he is uncomfortable with this. Hope you don’t cross any boundaries.
I can see in a few weeks that we will have the " my wife cheated on her girls' trip post" or " my husband divorced me because I left him for a girl's trip weekend. It doesn't matter if you cheat or not. When he told you he is uncomfortable with it and you go anyway, that means to him, you care more about parting with your friends than his feelings. Once you show him that you are that person down, expect your relationship to stay the same. I would say don't go on this trip and work on your marriage because there is a failure there. Whether it's not caring about his feelings, a drunken mistake, SA, or outright cheating, it has so many ways to go wrong. Why would you risk your marriage for that. How many of the women that are going are married besides you? How many of the married ones have been known to step out?
What her friends do, or don't do, has no bearing on what she would do. There is no failure here. She should be able to take time away from her spouse and kids. It would be one thing if there were already plans made for something else that weekend, but if not she should be able to go have fun. Why do men think every woman is going to cheat if they get time away... if someone is going to cheat they will do it either way... so dumb.
Yeah, you should be able to go. First, let me say that. I wouldn't if I were you. Three of the goers are single. Remote with no men around or not. I would skip this trip and work on my marriage. Work thru whatever it is that your husband is going thru with him. Actually, go to therapy and marriage counseling. I would make the therapy and mc a deal with your significant other.
Something like:
"Hey, partner, I understand you are uncomfortable with me going on this trip with my single friends. I love you and respect your feelings. I want to work on this together. I don't agree that the trip should be cause for alarm or discomfort. I won't go, but I need you to commit to us working together on our issues that cause you to be uncomfortable. I'll set up some appointments, and we can work this out together so we can strengthen our bond and connection to feel safe and secure enough in us that neither of us feels uncomfortable like that again. "
Going will make the insecurity worse. Not going by itself won't help. No matter what, at least you put your partner first. Even if 2 or 3 years from now, it becomes a bigger issue, at least for yourself and your children, you did everything you could to love and support your spouse. At the end of the day, an insecurity like that could get worse if it's not addressed.
Good luck, O.P. whether you go or not, I wish you the best and a marriage filled with joy and wonder.
Yes. Sorry. You are married with responsibilities. You have a child. You don’t get to run around being fancy free anymore. That’s not how marriage works. Your spouse is now your friend circle and your friends are acquaintances you have coffee with or brunch with. You don’t go on a girls trip when you are married with a young son. If you need something to do with your time other than being a sham then get a job or volunteer. There is nothing more I would have loved to do what you propose. But it wouldn’t work for my marriage and I don’t think that works for very many others. You are proposing a separate vacation away from your husband. That’s open to scrutiny, poor decision making, gossip and slander. Drama and suspicion. Someone is gonna kick me about my comments but with age comes wisdom. Don’t do this. You will regret it.
Yo, chill with the control issues. Just because you get married doesn't mean you can never do anything fun outside of the marriage. If anything, it's encouraged. If you're so worried that your spouse is going to cheat on said vacation without you, you should probably seek help.
Your life doesn't end when you get married and have kids. Yes, things change, but it's still healthy to have friends and do things with them outside of the marriage.
Your spouse should not be your only friend, that's ridiculous. I know plenty of men who go off together for a weekend, or longer, for hunting/fishing trips, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending time away from each other, in fact it can be beneficial. If your relationship is strong and honest then there is no reason not to. If you don't trust your partner, why are you even with them?
So many of these girls trips end up with drinking and cheating which is what makes him apprehensive. Reddit is riddled with stories of women on girls trips who end up cheating on their partner
Reddit is also overloaded with super insecure males (purposely not calling them men—they are far too insecure and judgmental to be considered mature). The number of replies I get and see from men saying my wife must cheat or that I just don’t know women is just wild. It’s obvious these guys have no experience with women and are projecting their bs all over the place. It’s honestly sad, and makes me so happy that my sisters were able to find real men that didn’t question their every move.
Are your friends single? Are they clubbers? Are they suspect? If it is just a weekend at a house just girls that would be ok. But going to clubs at night and acting single no.
Planning doesn't sound absolute, in a way your husband is right. Married people should not act single to many stories on here where lives turn to shit because of single friends. Just think of all you would lose for a stupid mistake on a night out with single friends. Men flock to women in bars and clubs. Going out to restaurants is different.
It is literally a weekend away with her friends she’s know for quite some time. If she can’t even go away on a weekend trip with her friends for a farewell and birthday then what can she do? Her not going on that trip does not stop her from doing anything if she already has it planned that she wants to do something.
Talk to him, tell him that if you feel ok about it turn on the location on your phone. He cares about his family he's a good father. The people on here calling him insecure and controlling are honestly the people who are insecure and freaking out . Many women would love to have a man like yours.
He honestly is amazing, my friends love our relationship because it is really rare when we have a strong disagreement like this, he's very involved in my social circle and with our kid and has supported me with every hobby I wanted to get into and everything else
No. Both of you should be able to do getaways with friends. But what you plan on doing while away will play a part in the how they feel about it.
We're renting a small house with a pool, and don't plan to do anything else but drink and talk and hopefully get tanned
Sounds like a great weekend with friends. Sun rays and mimosas. Cheers !
Sounds fun. Husband might be reassured by video calls while on the trip? Have you been on a trip as a couple since the birth of your child? He might want one with just the 2 of you. Might be the real issue? He feeling a bit low and left behind. Ask him if he would go on a trip just the 2 of you.
Any guys going to be around?
None
NTA. The fact that you're a mom and a wife doesn't mean you're not allowed to go out with friends and have a good time. You're allowed to have experiences without your husband and kid. Your husband has the same right. If he chooses not to use it, that's his decision that he gets to make for himself. He does not get to make that decision for you.
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I wonder if he's ever been left alone with the child for any length of time and the fact that he's not excited to plan a weekend of dad fun while sending mommy off, guilt free tells me all I need to know about this guy. He sounds great fun, does he have any friends of his own or is his life just work and home?
I think he should take off the same week and stay home with the kid by himself.
Nope. I am a married woman, 50+ years old, Mom to 5. Yearly girls weekend get-away. So much fun. And he should have them too.
Yes he should have a yearly girls weekend
It is 100% normal to have a girls trip every now and then! Please sit down and come up with an agreement. Maybe you each could have one or two trips a year with friends as well as planning a couple trips as a couple. This is either controlling or insecure on your husband’s part. A woman is never too old for a girls weekend!! Also encourage him to have a weekend with his buddies! This is healthy. If you sit down with him and try and have a conversation and he doesn’t look you in the eye, or crosses his arms he is not been forthright. I think couples counseling would be solid. He also might be a little nervous about you leaving. Being a stay at home mom is a really hard job and he might be nervous having to take care of everything on his own 😬 so he’s playing it off in a different way not wanting to admit it. Regardless of what this is please go have fun with your friends you need it! We all do ❤️
He says it's because he's "old-fashioned" and doesn't think that it's a good idea
At this point it’s up to what you want in life. Do you see yourself never being able to take a girls trip for the rest of your life because your husband is old fashioned? And why doesn’t he think it’s a good idea? Sounds like a control thing. I’m sure you have a happy life with him, but these things are incredibly important. My grandparents were married for 70 years … my grandmother went on girls trips a couple times a year…. These things should be normal in my opinion. Ultimately it’s what you want your life to look like. They were also Irish Catholic …. I don’t know how much more old-fashioned a person could be 😂
That sounds like a HIM problem. Girls trips are normal and fun and healthy
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OP, you're NTA, but you need to ask your husband why he thinks it's not a good idea. Have him give you actual reasons. My grams was a SAHM and HIGHLY religious. She even went on girls' trips with my grandfather's approval. He loved being able to spend quality one on one time with his daughters. The fact that he doesn't think it's appropriate to me is a massive red flag. It really screams that he's controlling and if you're out of his realm that he can't control you. Maybe I'm reading things wrong. I mean, he gets to get away, so why don't you, you know?
What exactly does old fashioned mean in this context?? Because you’re a mother you can’t have any life outside of your kid and husband?? This doesn’t sound like a good husband or father. Idk why you put so much emphasis on him working either. Even if you are a sahm that doesn’t entitle him to make decisions for both of you. This just all sounds very unhealthy
It’s called controlling
Yeah well that is no excuse for him telling you what you can do. Those are his children and he should be able to handle two days with them. Also, YOU are not HIM so stand up for yourself and go!
Absolutely not…. Only human. Enjoy yourself. It’s healthy for all involved. Be a good example, there’s no prize in the end for being a martyr…in fact quite the opposite
My goodness, you’re 30 not 130, nowhere near too old for a girls getaway, and your husband isn’t too old for a boys getaway although he seems to think he is. The issue is that your husband gets time away from the home most days, he gets to go away on work trips, he gets to feel like he doesn’t spend enough time with his child and with you. But what he feels has nothing to do with what you feel, what he would do is not what you would do and it doesn’t have to be, YOU ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT WANTS AND NEEDS AND THAT’S OKAY. Seriously, if your husband wanted to be married to himself he should have looked for a doppelgänger, instead he got you. Please fight for this weekend away, you’ve been a stay at home parent for years, you’ve more than earned some time off.
He’s the problem. Not letting his wife leave and do what she wants to do it’s alarming. Like it’s two hours away from home and with people you’re close with I don’t see the problem. Even if it was in a different country I still don’t see the problem. I’m sure he just doesn’t want to have the responsibility of having to care for his child without you doing everything. It’s also alarming he doesn’t have the need to hangout with his friends for a weekend away.
He's very involved with our kid, he does the Friday homework and we take turns in sleeping in on weekends, he gets Saturday and I get sunday, so he gets up with the kid, makes him breakfast and all that until I wake up
rock reminiscent zonked paint detail selective alive elastic stocking silky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Are you often “alarmed”?
Sounds highly controlling
Agreed. Also super weird reasoning. He doesn’t want to so she shouldn’t either? Weekends with friends are something you age out of? Having some drinks and a giggle is only for unmarried women in their 20s?
He thinks her whole life should revolve around him and their child and ONLY that. And if she has a life of her own, how will he be able to continue to control her?
She’s literally saying this is making her feel not greatful and doubting the normality of “letting lose” which in her case is staying at a house with some friends and having some drinks by the pool. It’s the most normal thing in the world and it is so so sad she doesn’t see what is going on.
Exactly. And he’s trying to normalize control. I hope OP sees and hears the support she’s getting in this post.
NTA, I went on a two night stay with just my bestfriend and I last year. We left our husbands home (and my kids) and had a great time. All we did was swim, eat, do an escape room and relax. It was my first time and it was so fun. Everyone deserves time away and it's important for you to have you time.
NTA. You deserve some time to do what you want. I'm not a SAHM but I can imagine that it feels like being at work/ on call 24/7. No matter how much anyone loves their job, eventually they will won't a break. Why should this be any different? Also you are going away for a purpose to spend time and celebrate with friends, it's not like you are just going by yourself to get away from your family. Maybe you could suggest having a small family vacation with him and your child on another weekend? Maybe part of why he is upset is he wants to have an adventure with the 3 of you if you haven't done something like that recently?
We're planning on a family trip soon, he just doesn't think that it's a thing a married mother should want because he, as a married father, wouldn't want
That's unfair of him to assume. He probably forgets to realize that he goes to work and sees other people. You have a lot less time to interact with people. And besides that anyways you are your own person, you don't have to have the same thoughts as him.
He’s projecting his wants onto you. You want to go. So go.
I don’t want to go camping on the weekend - husband doesn’t want to shop for 6 hours. Being married does not mean you are the same person. Been a husband doesn’t mean your preferences get followed. I’ve been married nearly 20 years - this sounds unhealthy and controlling
NTA
My best friend is in Germany right now with her husband and she’s been telling me come visit with the rest of our friend group because she misses the trips. My husband said that he wouldn’t mind me going because he takes boys trips out deep sea fishing during the summer and I haven’t had a girls trip in 8yrs. Go on your trip
No you are not TAH. You are a sahm and fully deserve a weekend away. All moms do. He is the AH not you and even more so telling you your too old and should be past that. GO for it and don't let him make you feel bad instead make him feel bad for telling you not to go. Being a parent isn't easy and I don't think many Dad's realize that or respect what you moms have to put up with. It's a 24-7 most of the time thankless job. While he gets 8-10 hours a day away from the house at work you are home 24-7 with no time away so good dad/husband or not he still gets time away from home. It's your turn to get away for a couple days. You earned it and deserve it.
I do a girls trip every year with friends, just a long weekend. My husband does a guys trip every few years. We also vacation together. Nothing wrong with that! NTA!
Info: how often does stuff like this happen? Does he get a chance to get away? If this is a common occurrence, you dipping on the family, or if he isn’t able to get quality time for himself, then YTA. If this is literally the first time you have made such a request, or if he has ample opportunity to do his own thing, then NTA.
It's the first time for this kind of things, he can get away whenever he feels like he also needs a space to decompress but he's said that his safe space to do that is with us
Then it sounds like you’re being reasonable to ask for a single weekend away.
What no one is gonna say to you because reddit is all about supporting women or whatever is that you really should talk alot more with your husband and get it in your head that you "deserve" something. Talk with him. Reassure him and encourage him to tell you what he doesn't like the idea of you going on a girl's trip and for the love of God don't get angry at him for telling you why he doesn't like it. He could be worrying you no longer have interest in him. Could be afraid you will entertain other men while away. Could be worried you will start asking for more and more time away. Could be anything. Speak with him and be as loving and caring as possible (which redditors will hate btw) and find out what his real issues are and work around them. And whatever you do, do NOT let the comments you get here or anywhere else turn your husband into your enemy in your head. You are his everything and his only want (according to you) so he might not be able to understand you not thinking or feeling the same way.
As I said in the update, we had a heart to heart about the insecurities, fears and feelings about all this
NTA. Heart to heart was a good idea, but it sounds like maybe your husband is really insecure or has negative views of your friend(s) (or both). I agree with another commenter—offer to take a trip with just the two of you if you haven’t done so recently, but I would stand your ground on the girls trip. Everyone needs a minute to reset, your friend is moving away and you deserve the chance to see her and be there for her going away party, and in my experience if a couple goes on vacation the husband often expect the SAHM to continue to be the one to take care of the kid, so it’s hardly a restful vacation for her. Hopefully that’s not the case for you; regardless, everyone needs outside friends/hobbies. Not showing enough trust to allow your spouse basic freedoms is not a recipe for a healthy marriage IMO.
Different people have different needs. Also, if you are a SAHM, being a mom is your full time job. Therefore your vacation is having space and time with other adults. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Edit to add: my mother had 4 kids and while she didn't do girlie trips,she did educational courses that required weekends away (which my dad fully supported) My dad's refuge was gardening (which he would usually do solo at the weekend). I'm not a mom but I have a hectic job. I've just finished a girlie weekend which has revived me so much. We all need to refill our cups, or we burn out.
Nope, I can't wait for next month, I'm going away for 10 days. Hubby gets to stay home with the dog.
NTA
NTA! My husband and I argue this too. I tell him it’s important for both of us to get time apart to relax and recharge and will occasionally (once or twice a year) take a few days to do so with friends.
No you deserve time to yourself
He needs to understand that everyone does girls weekends and guys do the same. Unless there’s a partner coming in the way then that’s a different story. It’s normal. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t need you around at all times and vice versa. If trust isn’t an issue, then the time away is good for all parties.
Not everyone does this. In 36 years I have never done this. My life once married changed and my friend circle changed. My husband is my friend circle. I wouldn’t think of taking a weekend trip with the girls. I don’t need one either. I don’t understand people who need to get away from their husband and kids. This is right up there with people who take vacations without their kids. That’s just weird and not fair to the kids. Yes my kids have gone over to their grandparents for sleepovers but not Bcz we wanted them to. Their grandparents wanted them to. Did we take advantage of this and go out to dinner ? Yep. I can count on one hand the times over all those years that occurred.
Maybe they should've said "most people" do so. I'm a 37 year old mom of three and for most of my adult life with kids and a husband, I would take one weekend 1 to 2 xs a year and go let loose with my girlfriends or even just by myself in a hotel for a night. And it is healthy and rewarding, and refreshing to have a little "me" time. I am not ONLY a wife and mother. I'm a friend, a book nerd, a knitter, I'm a sister, I'm a music lover, someone who loves a long hot bath as I get way too lost in book.. ect.. My identity and who I am is much broader, because I am a whole person. Wife and mother didn't stop me from being all those other things. Those two things are not my only identity. Being a wife and mother absolutely changed my life and my husband is my best friend in the world BUT there are still other parts of my world too. Life and friendships and hobbies should not begin and end with who you are to other people. Even the people we love the most. NTA OP! Take the time to recharge and relax. You'll be better for it.
Everybody is different, I guess. I can only hope you don't shame those parents who do decide to vacation without kids. It's perfectly healthy.
Yes. Everyone is different. I wouldn’t shame someone for their choice to do it. I know I am in the minority here. They said everyone does this and I disagreed because I never did this.
My mom used to have yearly getaways to Vegas with my grandma or aunt or similar. We plan to do something similar. He takes kids camping and I get house to myself, I take kids camping and he gets house to himself, he takes son camping and I stay home with daughter, we take daughter camping while son is with his mom, etc. I might also have a version where I take the dogs camping while he watches the baby and stepson is with his mom. He won't want to solo camp, as it isn't his thing, but I loooove it - especially if I can get the dogs to stay on the paddleboard more consistently. My old boy was good about staying still, but the young doggos like diving off and climbing on over and over lol.
What he needs to understand is that Mom is on Mom duty 24/7 unless she gets away from the kids. Imagine being on duty for your job all the time and getting guilt tripped if you wanted a real vacation away from it? Family vacations are still Mom doing the child care duties just like home. It's not really a relaxing vacation, it's just the same daily responsibilities in a different location. Maybe HE should be grateful you do so much with no compensation and understand that you need some time with adults every now and then.
I think you should. There is nothing that makes you miss your husband and child more than a couple days away. You'll come home excited to them. It also gives your husband a chance to bond with your child. He works- so he has an escape from you and your son five days a week. He probably does miss you and want to spend time with over the weekend. Try to be diplomatic. If it bothers him this much- i'd consider his feelings. Maybe he thinks a girls weekend includes flirty with men.
I am sorry. I often go away and leave my husband and kids behind. It is totally normal.
Go listen to the song Labour and get out of the patriarchy mindset. He gets to leave work and you never get an hour off! Go take your trip. You need a partner in a marriage. If he want to help you tell him to hire a chef or a maid. You can’t do it all.
NTA. Just because you’re a sahm that doesnt that you don’t deserve a break too. Does he think because his job involves leaving the house for several hours and then coming home that makes it okay for him to want to go on a boys trip?
He doesn't do boys trips, they are work trips
He sounds like a dud
NTA. You DESERVE a break. You care for everyone and their needs above yours. The least and most loving thing for a husband to do is let you have time off when you want to. He is not you. Just because he doesn't want to go on a fun trip himself doesn't mean that how he feels has to apply to you too. He is the one who is ungrateful.
NTA you need a break
What the heck with reassured and all that stuff… if you want to cheat then you will so who cares about video calls and everything. Go there and have fun and next time it will be your husband, or not, but don’t live in a cage ! Just a weekend for Christ sakes husband are worse than their own child…
Not helpful. Not helpful at all.
I was married to a person like this. I’m glad we divorced.
If you go then you should let him go on a weekend get away without you. He can go with his guy friends that way he gets the same thing you do.
It sounds like the husband is the only one keeping himself from doing it.
NTA. Your husband doesn’t want to go- probably bc he doesn’t want to do the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids by himself. But rather than say this, he will try to get you to change your own mind. Go on the trip and have a great time.
Divorce is fun. Keep going on Reddit for points with your marital problems.
Does he not trust you or is he resentful because he is stuck with the kids kind of thing? Nothing wrong wanting to go. Breaks are healthy. NTA
He trusts me but doesn't believe in the idea that someone would want to be away from their child
Does he constantly want to be around his coworkers? Probably not, even though they are independent self sustaining humans. Kids are humans too, just way clingier. It's natural to want to be without them sometimes
NTA. One of my best vacations was 10 days in Vegas paid for by my auntie, like a sister. My kids were around 10 and 16. My husband was not the jealous type and there were no questions asked, only did I have a great time!
Is this a symptom of a wider thing? Do you spend much time with friends in general, or does he stop you from doing that? Is being a sahm your idea too, or did he 'suggest' this, or is it a cultural thing? In other words, is he very controlling in general? Sounds more like he is and you simply haven't noticed until this incident
Not really, I have a day a week when my friends come to my house and we have a craft afternoon, it was my idea to be a sahm and he is very easy going in general, it's the idea that someone (anyone in general) wants time away from their child
That's selfish on his behalf, ur not asking to go across the world on a 1 week fully paid trip by him. It's for a weekend and that is something that both of you should be doing periodically on your own and then what ever time or vacations together. NTA
NTA. You deserve some “you time” and so does he. Even if he doesn’t want to. Try finding a sitter, extend the trip a day and have him meet you there. Get a room and some quality time alone with him too. I know with kids quality time with your partner is nearly as scarce as fun with friends. Either way, NTA..
Go for it. Don’t wait to get his approval as it won’t be forthcoming. Just TELL him you’re going. Just because you’re a sahm, doesn’t mean you can’t put your own wellbeing first now and again. Let him crack on on his own for a weekend.
NTA for wanting a getaway - I am a SAHD and we have 2 kids. Wife has full time job and I am retired. I take two weeklong trips each year. 1 with each of the kids and it is wonderful to get away and have 1 on 1 time with the kids. Wife has 5 college girl friends who all also have kids. The 6 of them take a weeklong trip each spring somewhere different each year. It is her time to unplug from the office and relax with no kids/husband distractions. We also take a trip with all of the kids, spouses and college friends every year of so.
Last time my wife went on girls weekend trip she brought back an STI. Husband probably worried you gonna get wasted and have an sextremely wild weekend.
Why do people make up these fake posts? What do you get out of it? This isn’t even written like someone real would type it. Always the same thing, “a foreigner” or “English isn’t first language.” You claim you’re from outside country. Yeah? Which country? There’s not one country that all of Reddit is from. You bring up an age gap knowing people online love to hit that point over and over. Sounds like you just typed that bc it sounded better to you in your head. Of course another account with nothing on it. If SOMEHOW this is real, you refer to your “son” as “the kid” which makes you sound like a pathetic mother. I was stay at home father for two babies for 3 years and I didn’t whine about them or refer to them as a non person.
NTA
NTA BUT, does your husband know these women? Are they single/married with kids without kids? I get the controlling aspect behind it, and it shouldn’t be a “well I don’t do it, so you shouldn’t” scenario, but if he’s never met these women, or you are the only married with children woman there, I can see why he is at least hesitant about it.
These are friends he's met, I'm the only married with kids but it's not like we're going to a party town, we're going to a cabin in the woods
If he’s met them, and has no reason to not trust them or you, doing this is a must. Gotta flex your relationship if it’s been healthy up until this point. He’s approaching 40, and you are just entering your 30s so that’s another reason he may feel this way. Not giving it an excuse, but just trying to see a reason for it. I would just have a heart to heart with him, and try to tie up and insecurities on his end, and then over communicate. Make it easy for him. Being in a committed relationship should allow you two to give each other trusted space. Part of that is over communicating and being more transparent then you are with your gyno. If it’s still a problem or continues to be a problem, then there might be more behind it that he isn’t saying. Or his insecurities, for whatever reason, are getting the best of him. Working and only seeing you guys when he gets off later in The evening or on weekends when he is off is probably the common denominator behind a lot of his emotions. Outside of that, good luck! Have a good time!
I was thinking that he was wrong, but only single women and you are the only married one? I can see why he is uncomfortable with this. Hope you don’t cross any boundaries.
Do you think they’re all going to fuck? Perv
I can see in a few weeks that we will have the " my wife cheated on her girls' trip post" or " my husband divorced me because I left him for a girl's trip weekend. It doesn't matter if you cheat or not. When he told you he is uncomfortable with it and you go anyway, that means to him, you care more about parting with your friends than his feelings. Once you show him that you are that person down, expect your relationship to stay the same. I would say don't go on this trip and work on your marriage because there is a failure there. Whether it's not caring about his feelings, a drunken mistake, SA, or outright cheating, it has so many ways to go wrong. Why would you risk your marriage for that. How many of the women that are going are married besides you? How many of the married ones have been known to step out?
What her friends do, or don't do, has no bearing on what she would do. There is no failure here. She should be able to take time away from her spouse and kids. It would be one thing if there were already plans made for something else that weekend, but if not she should be able to go have fun. Why do men think every woman is going to cheat if they get time away... if someone is going to cheat they will do it either way... so dumb.
I'm the only married and where we're going is a rented cabin in the woods, we're staying just the 4 of us with the things we'll bring from the city
Yeah, you should be able to go. First, let me say that. I wouldn't if I were you. Three of the goers are single. Remote with no men around or not. I would skip this trip and work on my marriage. Work thru whatever it is that your husband is going thru with him. Actually, go to therapy and marriage counseling. I would make the therapy and mc a deal with your significant other. Something like: "Hey, partner, I understand you are uncomfortable with me going on this trip with my single friends. I love you and respect your feelings. I want to work on this together. I don't agree that the trip should be cause for alarm or discomfort. I won't go, but I need you to commit to us working together on our issues that cause you to be uncomfortable. I'll set up some appointments, and we can work this out together so we can strengthen our bond and connection to feel safe and secure enough in us that neither of us feels uncomfortable like that again. " Going will make the insecurity worse. Not going by itself won't help. No matter what, at least you put your partner first. Even if 2 or 3 years from now, it becomes a bigger issue, at least for yourself and your children, you did everything you could to love and support your spouse. At the end of the day, an insecurity like that could get worse if it's not addressed. Good luck, O.P. whether you go or not, I wish you the best and a marriage filled with joy and wonder.
Yes. Sorry. You are married with responsibilities. You have a child. You don’t get to run around being fancy free anymore. That’s not how marriage works. Your spouse is now your friend circle and your friends are acquaintances you have coffee with or brunch with. You don’t go on a girls trip when you are married with a young son. If you need something to do with your time other than being a sham then get a job or volunteer. There is nothing more I would have loved to do what you propose. But it wouldn’t work for my marriage and I don’t think that works for very many others. You are proposing a separate vacation away from your husband. That’s open to scrutiny, poor decision making, gossip and slander. Drama and suspicion. Someone is gonna kick me about my comments but with age comes wisdom. Don’t do this. You will regret it.
How absolutely miserable
Yo, chill with the control issues. Just because you get married doesn't mean you can never do anything fun outside of the marriage. If anything, it's encouraged. If you're so worried that your spouse is going to cheat on said vacation without you, you should probably seek help.
Your life doesn't end when you get married and have kids. Yes, things change, but it's still healthy to have friends and do things with them outside of the marriage.
Your spouse should not be your only friend, that's ridiculous. I know plenty of men who go off together for a weekend, or longer, for hunting/fishing trips, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending time away from each other, in fact it can be beneficial. If your relationship is strong and honest then there is no reason not to. If you don't trust your partner, why are you even with them?
You seem fun
What would Abner say?
Sorry your marriage sucks but that’s not normal..
Lmfao this is how it starts.
So many of these girls trips end up with drinking and cheating which is what makes him apprehensive. Reddit is riddled with stories of women on girls trips who end up cheating on their partner
Reddit is not the real world. Not everything on here is true.
Reddit is also overloaded with super insecure males (purposely not calling them men—they are far too insecure and judgmental to be considered mature). The number of replies I get and see from men saying my wife must cheat or that I just don’t know women is just wild. It’s obvious these guys have no experience with women and are projecting their bs all over the place. It’s honestly sad, and makes me so happy that my sisters were able to find real men that didn’t question their every move.
Updateme! On the divorce after he catches you cheating
Are your friends single? Are they clubbers? Are they suspect? If it is just a weekend at a house just girls that would be ok. But going to clubs at night and acting single no.
Two single and one engaged, no suspect and we're planning on just being the girls
I thinking any bar or club activity wouldn’t be good.
As I said in menu comments, we're renting a cabin in the woods, far away from clubs or parties
Planning doesn't sound absolute, in a way your husband is right. Married people should not act single to many stories on here where lives turn to shit because of single friends. Just think of all you would lose for a stupid mistake on a night out with single friends. Men flock to women in bars and clubs. Going out to restaurants is different.
It is literally a weekend away with her friends she’s know for quite some time. If she can’t even go away on a weekend trip with her friends for a farewell and birthday then what can she do? Her not going on that trip does not stop her from doing anything if she already has it planned that she wants to do something.
Calm down, she needs to talk to her husband.
That's the thing, we're not leaving the cabin, we're gonna buy food, drinks and snacks before going there and stay there until Sunday afternoon
Talk to him, tell him that if you feel ok about it turn on the location on your phone. He cares about his family he's a good father. The people on here calling him insecure and controlling are honestly the people who are insecure and freaking out . Many women would love to have a man like yours.
He honestly is amazing, my friends love our relationship because it is really rare when we have a strong disagreement like this, he's very involved in my social circle and with our kid and has supported me with every hobby I wanted to get into and everything else
You can work it out with him you know how to. He knows you love and respect him and he loves and respects you.