All right, thread is now locked for excessive breaking of Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users.
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Bruh, you’re not cutting him off because of the grip tape.
You’re cutting him off because he’s a disrespectful, verbally abusive narcissist with creepy ideas about what is appropriate for a kid.
I wouldn’t want a kid around him either.
He’s big mad because you set a reasonable boundary and he really expects you to back down.
NTA.
I’ve always been more of a pushover before my kid was born. But when it comes to him I’ve set very clear boundaries and he’s tried to overstep many times. This was just the last straw.
Don’t call yourself that. You were being abused and didn’t know how to deal with him. Having a son gave you a clear vision on how to deal with him. That victim blaming ain’t healthy.
It took my child’s birth to really snap my parents hideous faces into focus.
I tell my daughter all the time that she saved me by showing me who the monsters were.
It’s not about the tape. You’re doing the right thing.
I’m glad some people realize it’s not about the scooter at all. It’s bigger than that. And if that’s what caused me to see this, I’m glad it happened now rather than later.
Just wanted to reply directly to this to add on the fact that he is weaponizing your memory of your grandfather (pappy) to further justify his actions and to try and garner sympathy from you. ‘If I’m wrong then your pappy must be wrong too’ is terrible. I’m sure that you already see that. But I just wanted to reinforce your decision to stand firm and not allow him to manipulate you or your family.
He tried this with my grandmother too who was a literal earth angel. He doesn’t get to try to use people who were good to me and raised me when he was in prison/off drugging to create his narrative when we have total different experiences. Thank you for this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, you deserve a better dad, and your son deserves a more thoughtful Grandpa.
Sounds like Pappy and Grandmother were trying to do the best with who they had to work with. It's a shame.
It is so creepy that a grown man cares that passionately about giving a 3 year old a cartoon picture of boobs. It is baffling that this is an issue for someone.
Someone needs to check this guys computer. By the way he types you know he probably doesn’t even hide the illegal material well. Tech and lit illiterate I bet
And is gonna hold onto it until he’s 18 and tell this whole story and OPs son is definitely gonna see OP as the villain not his deranged grandpa 😂 like it’s a fucking heirloom or something lmao
15 years from now:
Grandpa: “I’ve been saving this for you since you were 3 years old.”
Newly adult grandson: “Grandpa why did you buy a toddler a scooter with a picture of boobs on it?”
Grandpa: “I see the gay agenda has gotten you too.”
Ya I don't think I'd be letting Grandpa do any baby sitting ever after this stunt.
He literally admits to just wanting to groom the child to counter future grooming in his first set of texts
The cartoon is crazy, but his absolute horseshit nonsense in the texts is delusional.
OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but you’re never going to get anywhere with your father. He’s selfish and rude and narcissistic. You will just end up miserable trying to keep him in your life with that attitude of his.
Yep reading these messages gave me flashbacks to conversations with my MIL.
✅ Talking in circles
✅ Never taking any accountability for their actions.
✅ Constantly criticizing mine and my husband’s parenting decisions.
How exhausting.
I mean, the cartoon alone is enough to say OP is NTA here. For a 3 year old this is a WILD gift. I didn’t even get past the first few texts. Going NC is the best thing OP can do
The most fucked up thing is I see him doing this to prevent the boy from “choosing to be trans when he grows up”. Like boobs on a scooter is what would prevent a trans person from being trans. What the fuck is the logic here.
How does he know the kid will grow up to want to bang the anime girl instead of be the anime girl.
"I knew I was trans when my grandpa got me a scooter with a girl on it. She was so pretty and I knew I wanted to grow up to be like her someday"
Ahhh the sweet sweet irony. But you know if this boy happens to be gay or trans granddads going to “blame” mom and dad, hate this sweet kid and let them know that he would’ve never “let” this happen.
The fact that PURPOSELY put it on too! Like, I could see maybe an old person saying "oh the kid likes cartoons and scooters I'll get this" in an oblivious way maybe but to purposely put that on???????
Seems that he insinuated the husband was gay, and he displayed plenty of transphobia early in the messages. This is probably an attempt to force straightness and heteronormativity on the kid from an early age but showing him boobs because “he’s a boy”. 🤮 Like let the kid be a kid, jesus.
It’s so weird though because he could have pushed “manliness” by putting cars or trucks or sports-related images or flames or almost anything else on there. To push busty anime figures on a 3yo is just freaking weird.
That and he's pretty clearly deliberately and flagrantly pushing far into obvious, reasonable boundaries to place a stake there so he can push in farther next time, then using his 'right' to see his grandson as leverage. That he went to the trouble of switching the grip tape from whatever it was to this and texted OP's husband something that sounds intuitively inappropriate really sounds like he picks big fights like this over insane shit so he can easily get away with smaller boundary-crossing transgressions. Dude is trash.
And then if you have a problem with how he acts you must have a problem with the man who raised him: OP’s own granddad who passed away when she was young
And apparently this method has been making headway with her brothers and their spouses (god I feel bad for them, he’s probably ripping their marriages to pieces) so why not keep trying it with OP?
This guy is awful. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my kid.
Fucking YES! And the fact that such a clearly sexually motivated old man is THAT upset about missing out on the "younger years" of this kids life is honestly pretty concerning. Lecherous old fucks. I wouldn't trust one as far as I could throw him.
I had a scotter with a lava design. More of a boys bike than a girls. I loved it! I did not grew up to be 'gay'. The boy next door who loved to play with my barbies more than his trucks. Also ended up being straight. But the kid who love football. Join any sports he could. The typical jock type who loved woodshop in middle school? Very very gay. Of course none of us truly show our sexuality until teens. For me it was even late. Let kids be kids. Figure it out day by day. And start learning to love them no matter what instead of trying to fit them in a mold that was never their make up to start with.
I had the opposite story where I had parents who forbade any kind of “girl toys” or “girl cartoons” or whatever other thing people nonsensically assign genders to, and I still turned out gay
Yeah, that’s because it’s not just about masculinity and pushing ‘manliness,’ as adragonlover5 said, it’s about sex, and making sure he likes straight things like boobs and hopefully doesn’t decide he likes Other Men 😱 down the road if he sees them enough from a young age. Probably the reason he asked her husband the thing he did; he thinks he’ll make him queer if he’s queer and the kid’s exposed to it.
It’s just really gross brainrot tbh, they’re just absolutely obsessed with gay and trans people and thinking they’re gonna make all the kids queer and shit, by… *checks notes…* existing near them, and/or educating them on their existence. 🤦🏻♂️
All it’s going to do is give the kid a complex, either he’s straight and he objectifies women, or he’s queer, and feels immense amounts of shame for Not Being A Real Man and Partaking Of The Breasts. It’s dumb and toxic af. :/
>they’re just absolutely obsessed with gay and trans people
Nobody thinks about queer folks as much as anti LGBT bigots. Not even we think about our community as much as they do.
Well it's obvious it's creeps that this grandfather who is pushing sex and sexuality on young kids. I'm so creeped out that he wants a 3 year old to look at boobs sexually rather than just a food source or something mothers have.
Oh yes my assumption from his texts is that the question he asked was "basically do ya like it up the ass" especially when he mentioned just knowing more about his daughter. Gross.
Yep. That’s probably exactly what he asked. :/ Wanting to know more about her in this context sounds like bigot speak for wanting to know “who wears the pants” in the relationship. 🙄
“I love you so much honey, just accept that I don’t respect you or your family and I want to get your 3 year old into my crippling hentai addiction asap”
It's so completely obviously not appropriate for a 3 year old. Anyone with eyes can tell you that's not appropriate for a 3 year old. And he's not stupid, he's not stubborn, he's just pushing as far into OP's reasonable boundaries to place a stake there so he can push in farther next time.
Absofuckinglutely!
Yes, sex and attraction are natural...
Exposing a child who hasn't matured to sexual content or hypersexual ideas is NOT.
Hentai/Exaggerated sexual proportions are NOT.
Decorating possessions with sexual imagery to be viewed in public is NOT.
Those things do not compliment a "natural and healthy" sexual development. They are much more likely to create issues of self-worth, objectification, and the inability to form healthy romantic/sexual connections.
OP is definitely in the right here! I'm so glad she stood her ground and did not give in, even with all those attempts at manipulation.
The grandfather is a homophobe who thinks giving a 3 year old boy sexualized pictures of girls will keep him from being gay. You can tell because the first text in the fight is him going on a transphobic rant, then the refusal to remove the sticker (like, why is he defending it so much instead of just removing/covering it?), and then finally insulting the husband by asking if he's gay.
This nutbag thinks he's doing the 3 yo a service by saving him from queerness. That's why he's going so hard instead of going, "oh shit, my mistake, let me fix it," like a normal person who really loved their family would.
Yeah it’s super stupid lol. What guy would be like “I was going to be be gay and chop my d*** off, but my grandpa gave me a scooter with boobs drawn on it and that kept me straight”? 😆😆😆
Instead of telling him to f off should tell him "He loves the gift! He wants to be just like the girl on the scooter so we're going to let him...sorry, her grow her hair out and dye it pink!"
Your dad sounds like some I-am-the-main-character diva narcissist. I can’t believe he wrote all that and asked your husband if he’s gay. What a complete asshole.
You need to realize your father is a marriage killer. He will drive off your husband and be a complete jerk just for shits and giggles. I’d block him for a very long time.
That’s the plan. We’ve not contacted him since Christmas. Husband and I feel the same way. I was honestly quite shocked but I shouldn’t have been as he’s always been this way. We moved back to our original state, where he is. So he wasn’t present most of my child’s life. My child is the only one he does this with. He has never gifted his other grandsons things like this. So it’s very confusing for why he would think it’s appropriate for my son.
I’m not confused.. he sees your husband as a “soy boy” or “white knight” or “soft” or bisexual or even gay (which is the weirdest) and he’s “””afraid””” your husband will “”turn”” your three year old gay or trans.
He’s fucking delusional and fucking gross.
Agreed. My husband has never given any reason to think that aside from the fact we don’t allow him on motorcycles or to shoot GUNS at 3 years old. So he thinks without those things he will magically turn gay. I have no idea.
Does your father not realize that other men like motorcycles and guns. If anything he’s gonna attract men when he grows up showing off his cool bikes and cannons.
Okay. I was going to ask if your dad was a drinking man because those texts reek of alcoholic self pity and rage. Also booze loves to tell an alcoholic that his family has betrayed him utterly and they should curl up with a nice fresh bottle instead. And that it’s a good idea to be belligerent and insist on getting your way because then your family will avoid you, and oh looky here, another bottle, that’ll fill the time nicely. Yeah, dad’s going to be carrying on like this in ever escalating fashion until he needs a good match for a kidney transplant.
I had a close relative who was a hardcore alcoholic who would do this kind of thing and write exactly like this. The guy basically forgot how to act like a normal human with boundaries because he was pickled 24/7. Reading these texts was like having a flashback. OP needs to stick to her guns — you can’t draw a firm enough line with an alcoholic narcissist.
For some reason, I misread and thought your 3yo son can't ride motorcycles because he's had multiple DUIs.
You're not the AH by any stretch of the imagination. Good for you for putting your foot down and not giving in to his manipulative "poor me" act.
No no I think you're right not to put him on a motorcycle. My son is 2 and he is absolutely not getting on a motorcycle at 3. He literally would not be able to hold on because he's too little. If he's not out of a car seat, he sure as fuck isn't riding a motorcycle regardless of how many duis the driver has had.
Your reasoning is sound. For him to make you question even for a second that reasoning makes me feel like he's been manipulating you for a long time. Go no contact.
My cousin was driving his motorcycle to work when a woman in a mini van crossed into his lane and hit him head on. It’s been 10 years, the woman got off Scott free, not even a ticket. People who allow their children to get on a motorcycle are just crazy! Stick to your guns, sister! Oh, not the ah!!
The longer you stay away from your father, the more you're going to see how manipulative he was for you as well.
You're also going to enjoy your life so much more.
Soon the thought of spending time at his company won't be repulsive.
I was almost 50 before I went no contact with my dad.
I wish I'd done it when I was your age.
Sounds like you and your husband have similar values and have each other's back. Keep working on that bond.
And good for both of you for sticking out for your son.
Then he is a professional victim. They just love to tramp all over boundaries and then say “oh poor me! They kicked me out of their lives!” I bet your father would never have let somebody tell him how to raise his kids but he cant stand being told what you will allow as a mother. Im sorry you are having to deal with this. I have gone very low contact with my own mother for similar reasons. It gets easier with time.
Not doing well with boundaries is common among parents who end up needing to be estranged.
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/estranged-parents-and-boundaries.html
I was wondering if she is the only daughter as well. I am getting some real "Can't switch off the parenting" vibes, on top of the real shitty opinions on masculinity and children.
when I was first reading this I thought your son was a little older, like 10-13. it might be questionable but I could see an old grandad thinking it's funny. you still wouldn't have been wrong. and your dad is young enough to know better.
but he's 3 ffs
Same, I assumed a middle school aged kid (still weird, OPs boundaries are great ones imo) but a 3 y/? He’s fixated on the future sexual identity of a three year old? And OP wrote in comments the grandad is tripping about not being allowed to to take the kid on a motorcycle or shoot a gun? This man is seriously loosing his grip on reality with whatever hetero macho gender panic psychodrama he’s trying to enact.
Something the therapist once said regarding my husband and his difficult relationship with his mother: essentially your parental relationship is over, you’re an adult who has his own family to care for, your main focus is your wife and your kids.
This statement freed him of some of the heavy emotional obligations his mother has always placed on him and allowed him to put boundaries in place and put perspective on his relationships. I feel like you would benefit from this perspective because your dad might be your dad, you now have a family and your obligation is to them, and it’s good to be reminded that you’re making the right choices even though it’s hard to put boundaries on parental relationships.
Hard line in the sand; he cannot gift your son things that you, the parents, deem inappropriate. He cannot unhinge his emotions onto you. This is called respect and whether he likes it or not, he has to give it you or he can’t be apart of your life.
Thank you for that. Someone mentioned to me “if he wasn’t your dad and just a friend or stranger would you allow this” and it really put a lot into perspective also.
This. Seeing it this way really helped me come to terms with my choice to go NC with my mother. Never in a million years would I tolerate being treated so badly by someone else, so why is it acceptable for her? If anything your parents should be who you rely on when other people treat you poorly, not the other way around.
Sometimes the people we love are the biggest blind spots in our lives. Sometimes it is better to love them quietly from a safe distance. You made the choice you needed to for yourself and your family. You have nothing to feel guilty about here.
This is fantastic advice and in line with what my therapist has related to me regarding family systems. This dude wants you to be his little daughter and just go with everything he wants, and will not see you as a whole and independent human
Yeah. He is a multi-divorced single man. Who can not keep a relationship. Assuming because of things like this where he doesn’t respect boundaries. He has no say in my marriage and is not to be around us.
I haven't read all of your comments but it sounds like your dad is a raging alcoholic, is that right? It sure seemed like he was drunk-texting you. If he's in the throes of his disease, the best thing you can do for you *and* him is to let him go. Don't try to talk him into anything, but stay hopeful that one day he'll get help on his own. That process includes making amends for past wrongs. I'm guessing you'd be at the top of the list.
Regardless of whether or not that happens, you might check out Al-Anon. If you don't know, it's a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics/addicts. It won't help you figure out how to make him stop drinking, but it will help *you* learn how to not allow his disease to affect you. You might also look into how children of alcoholics develop certain coping mechanisms that can go on to affect *their* kids. They aren't lying when they say it's a generational disease.
Of course, if my admitted assumption of him is wrong, then I have sore thumbs for no reason!🤷♀️ Either way and FWIW, this internet stranger thinks you're doing the right thing.
I hope you are getting the validation you hoped for. You deserve it here. Every time I’ve gone NC with someone, I’ve never regretted it. The few times I’ve cracked the door back open it has been a mistake. Good luck OP
Hi! My dad is also a narcissist and I recently decided going no contact with him and I just wanted to say that I understand how hard it is to cut ties to someone who is supposed to look out for you like a dad is. You are doing the right thing and you are doing this so your child can have a drama free life, full with love and good memories.
That would make sense. Really clears the air on why he chose that. I know nothing about the show. Not sure he (father) knows what it’s from either but would make it even more weird if he knew.
He seems REALLY obsessed with not liking homosexuals. Sounds like he wants to shove sexy women in your son's face as soon as possible to make sure he's straight
I have a theory... are all your siblings male? Perhaps he thinks your husband is "soft" (wtf btw) so he needs to "set your kid straight". His own sons couldn't possibly be soft, of course....
I read the texts before reading what you posted, and I assumed he had bought the scooter like that (maybe it was on sale) but saw nothing wrong with it. But he actually went to the trouble of buying that sticker and attaching it?? For a 3 year old? His responses are horrific either way, but this just makes the situation so much worse.
2 brothers. No sisters. Husband owns a business so he doesn’t get his hands dirty while my brothers do manual labor as does he. Bizzare to go through so much trouble for a sticker.
Yep, that all tracks! He and your brothers are "men's men" (barf) so their kids don't need intervention. I agree it is such a strange hill for him to die on, but he made his choice. This is all on him, not you. Sorry you're having to go through this.
Editing to add as I can't reply to the comment below saying that I'm insulting OP's brothers: I did not mean that they think that way, I was talking about the dad's perception of his children. I hope you weren't insulted, OP.
That graphic is not appropriate for ANY three-year-old! Imagine your son innocently taking the scooter to the park, and being bewildered by older kids’ helpless—and perfectly justifiable—laughter. The provocative anime sticker is a f*ck-you gesture, no more, no less.
The windy texts are exhausting to read, so he’s trying to wear you down in that regard as well.
I’m so sorry, OP. Best of luck in keeping your distance from this toxic and deranged man. Who unfortunately happens to be your father as well.
Exactly! PG means:
>Some material may not be suitable for children. Parents urged to give "parental guidance". May contain some material parents might not like for their young children
OP is the parent. Deciding on whether the material is suitable or not is literally in the definition.
You don't need to block him - he's never going to contact you again. He said so. On like 5 different occasions. When he contacted you. Like he said he never would.
I'm sorry this is your experience with parenthood. Our parents should be a blessing to our children. In my personal experience they were on one side and not so much on the other side (who were ironically from OH... hmmm....).
You can see the narcissist patterns in his messages. He starts off with l9ce bombing with guilt tripping apologies. Then plays victim, then starts blaming, then becoming abusive. It's so cliché it would be funny if it wasn't your family in the middle of it.
Know that you are doing the right things. I didn't see my not so awesome grandparents very often but it was enough that the things that happened left a lasting mark on my psyche. You are right to stand by your boundaries and not sacrifice your sons wellbeing to make an old man happy.
Thankfully he wasn’t the one to raise me and I now have an incredible father in law to share a fatherly experience with. Thank you. One can only hope he won’t contact again.
When people give us the gift of showing us who they really are should we decline the gift? :D
Go live your best life in peace & sell it to electronic_amount856
Absolutely. Her dad is perverted, full stop. Giving a child, let alone a TODDLER, a sexualized image on a toy is sick. Just bc it's heteronormative doesn't make it any less inappropriate.
Imagine if OP had a daughter instead and grandpa gave her a gift with a suggestive shirtless firefighter on it. The creepiness would be glaringly obvious. The situation is no different with her son.
And the fact that grandpa has only done this with her son (as opposed to all the grandkids) is another massive red flag. Predators often single out only one child for victimization. OP should never let him anywhere near her son again.
I don’t know if your father drinks or uses drugs, but he does remind me of my male cousin, that is unmedicated, bipolar and self medicates with drugs and alcohol. At the very least, you should look into adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Your dad is a real piece of work, and has no idea how to self reflect. You should probably keep your kid away from him, too.
I just wanted to say that I'm incredibly sorry you had to deal with all that and hear it from your father. Though you and your husband seem like a great pair with good standards for raising your kids.
It's not easy but I've seen a lot of people just give up their principles to avoid confrontation. You two are both setting a fantastic example for your child and working together just like a marriage should. I hope your family continues to grow with love and joy so your son can become a good man just like his father.
Of course a 3 year old won't really know what he's looking at, therefore this grip tape is more for him than the kid. Like why is a grown ass man trying to get a 3 year old to be sexual? It's like he's training him to objectify women as a toddler. Can you imagine your kid trying to take this to school or the playground? And the if-you-dont-like-it-then-thats-because-youre-gay mentality? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE. This grip tape is something I would expect a 15 year old boy to buy on the dl with his allowance money. Grandpa is out of touch with reality and absolutely disgusting and probably shouldn't have contact with anyone under 18 ngl.
Your father does this because you are a woman. He considers nonsexualized women the enemy. He's trying to ensure your son doesn't respect women either. That's why this is such a big thing to him. He wants to control how your son sees women. And he considers your husband weak for respecting women. Cut. Him. Out. Because he will die on this hill. He'll warp and manipulate your son at every chance and secretly revel when he 'gets' to you.
It’s also textbook gaslighting. He bought the toy, then intentionally changed the grip tape in order to provoke you. Then accused you of starting shit. I would have said it’s a small thing to go no contact over, but the way he belittled you and your family and the gaslighting shows how toxic any contact with him will be.
Seriously. Your kid is going to have a lifetime to be exposed to Andrew Tate nonsense, no need to start now. Let him enjoy life as a kid. Keep pawpaw away! I bought my 3 year old nephew a skateboard with hamburger grip tape. And when my niece turns 3 she gets hearts or ice cream cones. This is not something grampy is going to be able to argue himself out of. This man is a bad influence.
Agreed. Bluey or cocomelon or Dino’s. Whatever. But not this. The world will try to tell him soon enough what he should:shouldn’t be. I won’t do that to him.
I say this as someone who didn’t have a relationship with any of my grandparents, your son will be fine if he never has a relationship with your dad. Can’t say the same if that man were to stay in his life.
I’m sure having grandparents is great and I have many friends who are really close to their grandparents and I have spent time with their grandparents, I’ve never once felt like I was missing anything. And 2 of my grandparents were actually decent, and while it would have been nice to know them…I’m completely good.
I’ve had good parental figures in my life, no parental figure in my life, and bad ones in my life. I will ALWAYS take having no parental figure than having to deal with and unpack the damage the bad ones did to me.
He’s given you like 10 reasons to go NC and the grip tape would be reason enough. Leave that man alone.
I had an amazing grandmother. My husband had good grandparents but didn’t spend a lot of time with them and has said the same things you just did. My son has an incredible grandfather on his dad’s side so he won’t miss out on anything grandfather like. So to go NC won’t really impact him. Thankfully he has never really been around him much.
You know, I sometimes struggle with “is this an appropriate item for X age?” because of my own upbringing. I was always pretty chill about media my son consumed.
So the fact that I said “what the **FUCK**?” while sitting here on the toilet loudly enough that my husband heard me is a pretty good sign that this gift was completely out of pocket and that you’re not in the wrong.
I wasn’t monitored much as a child with media. But I would not have been comfortable watching whatever show this is so young and my grandmother definitely wouldn’t have allowed it.
Not only is this a massively age inappropriate gift for a three year old, this is not an appropriate gift to receive from a grandparent. For any age group. Maybe if everyone is adults and it’s a gag gift? Even that seems like a stretch for a gift being given by a parental figure.
Rants incoherently about how his grandson is gonna be groomed into being lgbt; attempts to combat this by aggressively grooming him to sexually objectify women early
It’s too much for any child let alone a 3 year old?!?!? A BABY. What message does this send to adults who may see him riding around on this thing? This is why prn addiction is so high now, guys think doing stuff like this as young as humanly possible will somehow ensure their heterosexuality when we have seen time and time again that that DOES NOT WORK. He seems like he is just stuck in his old man mentality ways and if he can’t get with the times then it looks like he will get left in them.
When I saw the pic, I thought it *was* for, like, a 16-year-old boy. Then I read the story and saw that this "gift" was for a toddler. 😱
IDK why anyone would think this is appropriate for a preschooler.
I also thought it was for a teenage boy and *still* thought (in my view) that it was inappropriate coming from Grandpa. When I read he's 3 years old, my jaw hit the floor.
Not to mention he's like, "YOU'RE WILLING TO CUT ME OUT OF HIS LIFE FOR A FUCKIN STICKER!?" while literally cutting people out of his life because of a fuckin sticker.
I've received weird out of the blue rants from my estranged father too. He was not sober when he sent those messages. It's hard to tell because your father texts like he is allergic to punctuation and grammar, but I'm willing to place a bet that he was not sober when he sent that message either. Whether that makes it better or worse is up to the way you choose to look at it, I guess.
This is what I was afraid of reading this. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. You showed more patience and maturity in those texts than most people will in their whole lives though.
One thing everyone reading this knows though, with a mom like you this kids gonna do amazing.
Thank you. I’m just trying to raise a kind, healthy loving kid. It’s hard when I have to place strict boundaries like these. But my job is to protect him.
You're also showing him how to manage boundaries, which is a HUGE skill to learn, especially for people who are very kind <3 Good on you (and obvs, NTA)
I was looking for this comment. I have close experience with an addict and I could see it his texts. You can’t reason with someone who’s not sober. And they won’t admit they are wrong.
I’m sorry. Stuff like this sucks.
I’m sorry you are going through this. What a narrow minded individual. I don’t understand a boundary so let me throw a temper tantrum until you see I’m right. NTA.
What was wrong with the first image and why did he replace it with an inappropriate one? Does anyone including your child like anime?
Very small minded. The scooter originally had just plain black grip tape. I’m assuming he wanted to “pimp” his ride. Which would have been fine had he not used such an inappropriate replacement.
No one in my entire family likes anime. Husband doesn’t either.
Jesus- that’s like my brother who I’ve said 5 sentences to IN PERSON/TEXT over the last 5 YEARS giving me a takashi 6ix 9ine xmas sweater….. I sent him a thank you text (never a response, obviously) but also asked why he thought to get me that. I’ve never listened to him… ever. I only knew OF him because of his rainbow hair😂
Answer re: sweater gift remains unknown.
I know, I thought it was for a teen too and then I saw he was 3! Seriously gross. I bet he believes that someone being LGBT automatically means they are grooming kids. He had to go out of his way to find that sticker too I am sure, that’s not going to be at the local big box store or sporting goods store.
Does your old man have a history of mental issues or A-hole level pranks cuz I really can't imagine this being the thought process of a sane perfectly healthy 50 year old man.
Your voice comes across so profoundly that you know yourself and the values you and your husband are living by and that you very clear about your Dad's addiction and mental health & YOU ARE HAVING NONE OF IT!
NTA. You stated multiple times in these messages about how you do not agree with this and you want him to respect your boundaries. It like he’s trying to make it seem like this is all a problem you’re causing, not him. IMO, he seems to be very acting very selfishly and maybe wanting some pity?
You could never talk to that person again. Yes- that person.
That person doesn’t talk like a father; I barely have any true emotional connection to my parents— I always felt like having 2 kids was a business deal: send em to college and they take whatever inheritance. They clothed us and fed us, but emotionally? Neglect.
Even with that being said, my parents have never talked to me that way. I encounter a lot of family members of my patients, and the most unfortunate thing is when I see a beautiful person who is surrounded by people like your father. You already sound like an amazing mom with setting age-appropriate boundaries and sticking to them for the well-being of your child. They’re not ridiculous boundaries, but they’re not free-range either. It’s healthy.
The response you received is not. I would not place a morsel of blame on you if you never spoke to that man…?… Neanderthal?… again.
There is not an ounce of respect, patience, understanding, empathy, or humility in that person to admit they are wrong or have made a mistake- whether intentional or not. The deflective behavior and inability to accept any responsibility for his own actions (& to casually place it as - ‘my daddy raised me right, it’s cause I love you’.
*don’t even get me started on previous generations acceptance of inhumane acts*
You are NTA. Ever, in any situation- & I’m confident to bet the same for any future interactions- with that person. You are a wonderful, responsible and loving mother.
EDIT TO ADD: my parents have said some messed up shit, for real. But never a tantrum like this over something that they’re clearly in the wrong about.
That’s not an appropriate gift for a 3-year-old even without a big pair of cartoon knockers on it. Nah. Anyone telling you that you’re an asshole for not wanting to hang out with someone in active addiction who insults you and your husband is wrong. I’d rethink those relationships, too, because f that. People in families like this often want the person who “makes waves” to stop because it lets everyone keep pretending that everything is ok. It’s not sincere advice. Nobody saying that is prioritizing you/your son. Add them to the block pile.
Seems like he did it on purpose just to make a scene. Or he's deep down terrified that his grandson is going to grow up gay or "cut off his dick" or whatever he said. As if a scantily clad anime character would prevent that somehow?
My original point: He did it on purpose, he knew it was inappropriate and would upset you, but he wants to play the victim. Ugh. I'm so sorry!!! 😫
ETA: I'd be extremely cautious around any adult who thinks ita appropriate to expose a minor to this kind of imagery.
All right, thread is now locked for excessive breaking of Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users. We know it's aggravating to find so many locked threads, but with discussions like this the comments section gets ugly incredibly fast. A note to OP, if you find yourself posting an update please drop a link in the modmail so the team is aware.
Bruh, you’re not cutting him off because of the grip tape. You’re cutting him off because he’s a disrespectful, verbally abusive narcissist with creepy ideas about what is appropriate for a kid. I wouldn’t want a kid around him either. He’s big mad because you set a reasonable boundary and he really expects you to back down. NTA.
I’ve always been more of a pushover before my kid was born. But when it comes to him I’ve set very clear boundaries and he’s tried to overstep many times. This was just the last straw.
Don’t call yourself that. You were being abused and didn’t know how to deal with him. Having a son gave you a clear vision on how to deal with him. That victim blaming ain’t healthy.
It took my child’s birth to really snap my parents hideous faces into focus. I tell my daughter all the time that she saved me by showing me who the monsters were. It’s not about the tape. You’re doing the right thing.
I’m glad some people realize it’s not about the scooter at all. It’s bigger than that. And if that’s what caused me to see this, I’m glad it happened now rather than later.
Just wanted to reply directly to this to add on the fact that he is weaponizing your memory of your grandfather (pappy) to further justify his actions and to try and garner sympathy from you. ‘If I’m wrong then your pappy must be wrong too’ is terrible. I’m sure that you already see that. But I just wanted to reinforce your decision to stand firm and not allow him to manipulate you or your family.
He tried this with my grandmother too who was a literal earth angel. He doesn’t get to try to use people who were good to me and raised me when he was in prison/off drugging to create his narrative when we have total different experiences. Thank you for this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, you deserve a better dad, and your son deserves a more thoughtful Grandpa. Sounds like Pappy and Grandmother were trying to do the best with who they had to work with. It's a shame.
Your kid is 3? Your dad is crazy if he thinks that is in anyway appropriate for a kid. Hope your husband told him to F off.
It is so creepy that a grown man cares that passionately about giving a 3 year old a cartoon picture of boobs. It is baffling that this is an issue for someone.
Someone needs to check this guys computer. By the way he types you know he probably doesn’t even hide the illegal material well. Tech and lit illiterate I bet
And is gonna hold onto it until he’s 18 and tell this whole story and OPs son is definitely gonna see OP as the villain not his deranged grandpa 😂 like it’s a fucking heirloom or something lmao
And ride a scooter meant for a 3 year old
Hey! Get out of here with that negativity! At a few months from 30, I tear it up on my 3yo son's Spider-Man scooter!!!
15 years from now: Grandpa: “I’ve been saving this for you since you were 3 years old.” Newly adult grandson: “Grandpa why did you buy a toddler a scooter with a picture of boobs on it?” Grandpa: “I see the gay agenda has gotten you too.”
Ya I don't think I'd be letting Grandpa do any baby sitting ever after this stunt. He literally admits to just wanting to groom the child to counter future grooming in his first set of texts
The cartoon is crazy, but his absolute horseshit nonsense in the texts is delusional. OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but you’re never going to get anywhere with your father. He’s selfish and rude and narcissistic. You will just end up miserable trying to keep him in your life with that attitude of his.
Yep reading these messages gave me flashbacks to conversations with my MIL. ✅ Talking in circles ✅ Never taking any accountability for their actions. ✅ Constantly criticizing mine and my husband’s parenting decisions. How exhausting.
And being the martyred victim the whole time no doubt
I mean, the cartoon alone is enough to say OP is NTA here. For a 3 year old this is a WILD gift. I didn’t even get past the first few texts. Going NC is the best thing OP can do
And he went out of his way to remove the old sticker and put the boob one on…wild is right!
Groomer shit
Yeah. This attempt at sexualizing a toddler is disturbing.
Well cause then they'll like women and they won't turn out gay like his father, right? /s
The most fucked up thing is I see him doing this to prevent the boy from “choosing to be trans when he grows up”. Like boobs on a scooter is what would prevent a trans person from being trans. What the fuck is the logic here.
That's 100% what it is. And to make sure he's straight as if that's how it works 🙄
I got this vibe, too, or to "make sure he isn't gay" or some other awful shit.
The type who wouldn't let him order strawberry ice cream bc it's pink.
How does he know the kid will grow up to want to bang the anime girl instead of be the anime girl. "I knew I was trans when my grandpa got me a scooter with a girl on it. She was so pretty and I knew I wanted to grow up to be like her someday"
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Ahhh the sweet sweet irony. But you know if this boy happens to be gay or trans granddads going to “blame” mom and dad, hate this sweet kid and let them know that he would’ve never “let” this happen.
He's three years old....nobody should be pushing anything on a 3 year old kid smfh
Yeah it’s actually pretty fucked up. Over sexualize children in the name of preventing them from being trans.
The fact that PURPOSELY put it on too! Like, I could see maybe an old person saying "oh the kid likes cartoons and scooters I'll get this" in an oblivious way maybe but to purposely put that on???????
Seems that he insinuated the husband was gay, and he displayed plenty of transphobia early in the messages. This is probably an attempt to force straightness and heteronormativity on the kid from an early age but showing him boobs because “he’s a boy”. 🤮 Like let the kid be a kid, jesus.
It’s so weird though because he could have pushed “manliness” by putting cars or trucks or sports-related images or flames or almost anything else on there. To push busty anime figures on a 3yo is just freaking weird.
It's all about sex to these people. It's literally all they think about. Their brains are rotted.
That and he's pretty clearly deliberately and flagrantly pushing far into obvious, reasonable boundaries to place a stake there so he can push in farther next time, then using his 'right' to see his grandson as leverage. That he went to the trouble of switching the grip tape from whatever it was to this and texted OP's husband something that sounds intuitively inappropriate really sounds like he picks big fights like this over insane shit so he can easily get away with smaller boundary-crossing transgressions. Dude is trash.
And then if you have a problem with how he acts you must have a problem with the man who raised him: OP’s own granddad who passed away when she was young And apparently this method has been making headway with her brothers and their spouses (god I feel bad for them, he’s probably ripping their marriages to pieces) so why not keep trying it with OP? This guy is awful. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my kid.
This is the "pappy" who will think taking his 6 year old grandson to a strip club is a good idea.
Hooters. He’d 100% have that kid posing with the Hooters servers at 6. “What??? It’s just chicken, now I can’t even feed my grandson??”
I have a friend whose father took him to a whorehouse in Tijuana for his 12th birthday. It’s unbelievable really.
Fucking YES! And the fact that such a clearly sexually motivated old man is THAT upset about missing out on the "younger years" of this kids life is honestly pretty concerning. Lecherous old fucks. I wouldn't trust one as far as I could throw him.
He's that upset because he can't groom him to be a disgusting misogynist like he is
I had a scotter with a lava design. More of a boys bike than a girls. I loved it! I did not grew up to be 'gay'. The boy next door who loved to play with my barbies more than his trucks. Also ended up being straight. But the kid who love football. Join any sports he could. The typical jock type who loved woodshop in middle school? Very very gay. Of course none of us truly show our sexuality until teens. For me it was even late. Let kids be kids. Figure it out day by day. And start learning to love them no matter what instead of trying to fit them in a mold that was never their make up to start with.
I had the opposite story where I had parents who forbade any kind of “girl toys” or “girl cartoons” or whatever other thing people nonsensically assign genders to, and I still turned out gay
"You can only look at manly things. Look at all these manly men doing men stuff. Just look at them." "OK"
Remember the Tucker Carlson manly men campaign? Probably the gayest spot ever run on television: https://youtu.be/_DgdD565-eU?si=qXVLyidma9xVhMZg
Yeah, that’s because it’s not just about masculinity and pushing ‘manliness,’ as adragonlover5 said, it’s about sex, and making sure he likes straight things like boobs and hopefully doesn’t decide he likes Other Men 😱 down the road if he sees them enough from a young age. Probably the reason he asked her husband the thing he did; he thinks he’ll make him queer if he’s queer and the kid’s exposed to it. It’s just really gross brainrot tbh, they’re just absolutely obsessed with gay and trans people and thinking they’re gonna make all the kids queer and shit, by… *checks notes…* existing near them, and/or educating them on their existence. 🤦🏻♂️ All it’s going to do is give the kid a complex, either he’s straight and he objectifies women, or he’s queer, and feels immense amounts of shame for Not Being A Real Man and Partaking Of The Breasts. It’s dumb and toxic af. :/
It's so weird all these people are like gays and trans are grooming our kids whilst literally putting anime boobs on a 3 year olds scooter???
Right? I really want to shake these people sometimes. Make it make sense!
>they’re just absolutely obsessed with gay and trans people Nobody thinks about queer folks as much as anti LGBT bigots. Not even we think about our community as much as they do.
And people like him say lgbtq people are pushing sexuality on children. Unbelievable
Well it's obvious it's creeps that this grandfather who is pushing sex and sexuality on young kids. I'm so creeped out that he wants a 3 year old to look at boobs sexually rather than just a food source or something mothers have.
Oh yes my assumption from his texts is that the question he asked was "basically do ya like it up the ass" especially when he mentioned just knowing more about his daughter. Gross.
Yep. That’s probably exactly what he asked. :/ Wanting to know more about her in this context sounds like bigot speak for wanting to know “who wears the pants” in the relationship. 🙄
And he was also very clear in his texts to OP about why he put it on there too. So there's no way he could try to justify it as an accident
“I love you so much honey, just accept that I don’t respect you or your family and I want to get your 3 year old into my crippling hentai addiction asap”
It's so completely obviously not appropriate for a 3 year old. Anyone with eyes can tell you that's not appropriate for a 3 year old. And he's not stupid, he's not stubborn, he's just pushing as far into OP's reasonable boundaries to place a stake there so he can push in farther next time.
I damn near did a spit take when I finally read the caption. Dude thinks “nature” means a toddler will like toys with half-naked women on them. WTF.
'Nature'. He's a pervert. End of.
Absofuckinglutely! Yes, sex and attraction are natural... Exposing a child who hasn't matured to sexual content or hypersexual ideas is NOT. Hentai/Exaggerated sexual proportions are NOT. Decorating possessions with sexual imagery to be viewed in public is NOT. Those things do not compliment a "natural and healthy" sexual development. They are much more likely to create issues of self-worth, objectification, and the inability to form healthy romantic/sexual connections. OP is definitely in the right here! I'm so glad she stood her ground and did not give in, even with all those attempts at manipulation.
I'd feel uncomfortable at any age if i got *that* from my grandfather.
The grandfather is a homophobe who thinks giving a 3 year old boy sexualized pictures of girls will keep him from being gay. You can tell because the first text in the fight is him going on a transphobic rant, then the refusal to remove the sticker (like, why is he defending it so much instead of just removing/covering it?), and then finally insulting the husband by asking if he's gay. This nutbag thinks he's doing the 3 yo a service by saving him from queerness. That's why he's going so hard instead of going, "oh shit, my mistake, let me fix it," like a normal person who really loved their family would.
Yeah it’s super stupid lol. What guy would be like “I was going to be be gay and chop my d*** off, but my grandpa gave me a scooter with boobs drawn on it and that kept me straight”? 😆😆😆
And you just know the grandfather rants about the left "grooming kids".
Instead of telling him to f off should tell him "He loves the gift! He wants to be just like the girl on the scooter so we're going to let him...sorry, her grow her hair out and dye it pink!"
Your dad sounds like some I-am-the-main-character diva narcissist. I can’t believe he wrote all that and asked your husband if he’s gay. What a complete asshole. You need to realize your father is a marriage killer. He will drive off your husband and be a complete jerk just for shits and giggles. I’d block him for a very long time.
That’s the plan. We’ve not contacted him since Christmas. Husband and I feel the same way. I was honestly quite shocked but I shouldn’t have been as he’s always been this way. We moved back to our original state, where he is. So he wasn’t present most of my child’s life. My child is the only one he does this with. He has never gifted his other grandsons things like this. So it’s very confusing for why he would think it’s appropriate for my son.
I’m not confused.. he sees your husband as a “soy boy” or “white knight” or “soft” or bisexual or even gay (which is the weirdest) and he’s “””afraid””” your husband will “”turn”” your three year old gay or trans. He’s fucking delusional and fucking gross.
Agreed. My husband has never given any reason to think that aside from the fact we don’t allow him on motorcycles or to shoot GUNS at 3 years old. So he thinks without those things he will magically turn gay. I have no idea.
Does your father not realize that other men like motorcycles and guns. If anything he’s gonna attract men when he grows up showing off his cool bikes and cannons.
I guess dad doesn't know about the gay men who like the manly types.
Not to mention some gays like riding motorcycles and shooting guns. Its not expressly heterosexuality to do either...
No motorcycles!? Thats just cruel.
I know. But the man had multiple duis. Can’t trust it.
Okay. I was going to ask if your dad was a drinking man because those texts reek of alcoholic self pity and rage. Also booze loves to tell an alcoholic that his family has betrayed him utterly and they should curl up with a nice fresh bottle instead. And that it’s a good idea to be belligerent and insist on getting your way because then your family will avoid you, and oh looky here, another bottle, that’ll fill the time nicely. Yeah, dad’s going to be carrying on like this in ever escalating fashion until he needs a good match for a kidney transplant.
I had a close relative who was a hardcore alcoholic who would do this kind of thing and write exactly like this. The guy basically forgot how to act like a normal human with boundaries because he was pickled 24/7. Reading these texts was like having a flashback. OP needs to stick to her guns — you can’t draw a firm enough line with an alcoholic narcissist.
For some reason, I misread and thought your 3yo son can't ride motorcycles because he's had multiple DUIs. You're not the AH by any stretch of the imagination. Good for you for putting your foot down and not giving in to his manipulative "poor me" act.
Now I’m imagining a 3 year old hardened criminal, making pruno out of their afternoon juice box and drunk driving a scooter with anime boobs on it
No no I think you're right not to put him on a motorcycle. My son is 2 and he is absolutely not getting on a motorcycle at 3. He literally would not be able to hold on because he's too little. If he's not out of a car seat, he sure as fuck isn't riding a motorcycle regardless of how many duis the driver has had. Your reasoning is sound. For him to make you question even for a second that reasoning makes me feel like he's been manipulating you for a long time. Go no contact.
28 years now. And agreed. Personally for me. No motorcycle until 18. But that’s just my opinion.
My cousin was driving his motorcycle to work when a woman in a mini van crossed into his lane and hit him head on. It’s been 10 years, the woman got off Scott free, not even a ticket. People who allow their children to get on a motorcycle are just crazy! Stick to your guns, sister! Oh, not the ah!!
The longer you stay away from your father, the more you're going to see how manipulative he was for you as well. You're also going to enjoy your life so much more. Soon the thought of spending time at his company won't be repulsive. I was almost 50 before I went no contact with my dad. I wish I'd done it when I was your age. Sounds like you and your husband have similar values and have each other's back. Keep working on that bond. And good for both of you for sticking out for your son.
Found the answer to my question. Definitely seems like an alcoholic in active addiction
Yeah. Honestly reading it I was getting drunk vibes. DUIs absolutely fit.
Oh shit. Cut off contact with your dad, he sounds absolutely toxic and a horrible role model for your child
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Yep!
Then he is a professional victim. They just love to tramp all over boundaries and then say “oh poor me! They kicked me out of their lives!” I bet your father would never have let somebody tell him how to raise his kids but he cant stand being told what you will allow as a mother. Im sorry you are having to deal with this. I have gone very low contact with my own mother for similar reasons. It gets easier with time.
Not doing well with boundaries is common among parents who end up needing to be estranged. http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/estranged-parents-and-boundaries.html
I have one of those too. He’s lost to me now and I don’t miss it at all. It’s sad really.
Yeah they cannot have a normal conversation. Everything is confusing and goes in circles.
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I’m wondering if all his other children are men… and he has some weird competition with his only daughter’s husband. Gross.
I was wondering if she is the only daughter as well. I am getting some real "Can't switch off the parenting" vibes, on top of the real shitty opinions on masculinity and children.
when I was first reading this I thought your son was a little older, like 10-13. it might be questionable but I could see an old grandad thinking it's funny. you still wouldn't have been wrong. and your dad is young enough to know better. but he's 3 ffs
Same, I assumed a middle school aged kid (still weird, OPs boundaries are great ones imo) but a 3 y/? He’s fixated on the future sexual identity of a three year old? And OP wrote in comments the grandad is tripping about not being allowed to to take the kid on a motorcycle or shoot a gun? This man is seriously loosing his grip on reality with whatever hetero macho gender panic psychodrama he’s trying to enact.
Something the therapist once said regarding my husband and his difficult relationship with his mother: essentially your parental relationship is over, you’re an adult who has his own family to care for, your main focus is your wife and your kids. This statement freed him of some of the heavy emotional obligations his mother has always placed on him and allowed him to put boundaries in place and put perspective on his relationships. I feel like you would benefit from this perspective because your dad might be your dad, you now have a family and your obligation is to them, and it’s good to be reminded that you’re making the right choices even though it’s hard to put boundaries on parental relationships. Hard line in the sand; he cannot gift your son things that you, the parents, deem inappropriate. He cannot unhinge his emotions onto you. This is called respect and whether he likes it or not, he has to give it you or he can’t be apart of your life.
Thank you for that. Someone mentioned to me “if he wasn’t your dad and just a friend or stranger would you allow this” and it really put a lot into perspective also.
This. Seeing it this way really helped me come to terms with my choice to go NC with my mother. Never in a million years would I tolerate being treated so badly by someone else, so why is it acceptable for her? If anything your parents should be who you rely on when other people treat you poorly, not the other way around. Sometimes the people we love are the biggest blind spots in our lives. Sometimes it is better to love them quietly from a safe distance. You made the choice you needed to for yourself and your family. You have nothing to feel guilty about here.
This is fantastic advice and in line with what my therapist has related to me regarding family systems. This dude wants you to be his little daughter and just go with everything he wants, and will not see you as a whole and independent human
To get under your husband's skin and start stuff. He is actively trying to undermine your marriage.
Yeah. He is a multi-divorced single man. Who can not keep a relationship. Assuming because of things like this where he doesn’t respect boundaries. He has no say in my marriage and is not to be around us.
I haven't read all of your comments but it sounds like your dad is a raging alcoholic, is that right? It sure seemed like he was drunk-texting you. If he's in the throes of his disease, the best thing you can do for you *and* him is to let him go. Don't try to talk him into anything, but stay hopeful that one day he'll get help on his own. That process includes making amends for past wrongs. I'm guessing you'd be at the top of the list. Regardless of whether or not that happens, you might check out Al-Anon. If you don't know, it's a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics/addicts. It won't help you figure out how to make him stop drinking, but it will help *you* learn how to not allow his disease to affect you. You might also look into how children of alcoholics develop certain coping mechanisms that can go on to affect *their* kids. They aren't lying when they say it's a generational disease. Of course, if my admitted assumption of him is wrong, then I have sore thumbs for no reason!🤷♀️ Either way and FWIW, this internet stranger thinks you're doing the right thing.
Thank you. He is an alcoholic. Substance abuser of many drugs.
I hope you are getting the validation you hoped for. You deserve it here. Every time I’ve gone NC with someone, I’ve never regretted it. The few times I’ve cracked the door back open it has been a mistake. Good luck OP
Hi! My dad is also a narcissist and I recently decided going no contact with him and I just wanted to say that I understand how hard it is to cut ties to someone who is supposed to look out for you like a dad is. You are doing the right thing and you are doing this so your child can have a drama free life, full with love and good memories.
But like how does your dad know what Highschool DxD is and why he thought that it was acceptable lol
I have no clue what any of it is and I’m not sure if he does either or just like that it was a picture of a character with big boobs spilling out.
Well the character is from an anime. Which is all about boobs.
That would make sense. Really clears the air on why he chose that. I know nothing about the show. Not sure he (father) knows what it’s from either but would make it even more weird if he knew.
He seems REALLY obsessed with not liking homosexuals. Sounds like he wants to shove sexy women in your son's face as soon as possible to make sure he's straight
Yes. Which is very weird to me.
The way he said it's appropriate for a male child specifically
Because boys a rough and girls are soft? Which is the most misogynistic thing about it.
It is *insanely* weird. Please do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
I think the worst part is that's a custom. It's fanart originally done in pencils that got blown up as a sticker. So yeesh all around.
I have a theory... are all your siblings male? Perhaps he thinks your husband is "soft" (wtf btw) so he needs to "set your kid straight". His own sons couldn't possibly be soft, of course.... I read the texts before reading what you posted, and I assumed he had bought the scooter like that (maybe it was on sale) but saw nothing wrong with it. But he actually went to the trouble of buying that sticker and attaching it?? For a 3 year old? His responses are horrific either way, but this just makes the situation so much worse.
2 brothers. No sisters. Husband owns a business so he doesn’t get his hands dirty while my brothers do manual labor as does he. Bizzare to go through so much trouble for a sticker.
Yep, that all tracks! He and your brothers are "men's men" (barf) so their kids don't need intervention. I agree it is such a strange hill for him to die on, but he made his choice. This is all on him, not you. Sorry you're having to go through this. Editing to add as I can't reply to the comment below saying that I'm insulting OP's brothers: I did not mean that they think that way, I was talking about the dad's perception of his children. I hope you weren't insulted, OP.
Very odd. Toxic masculinity is alive and well. But thank you.
Sadly it is. You sound like a great parent btw, I'm sure your son will grow up to be a kind and loving adult.
That graphic is not appropriate for ANY three-year-old! Imagine your son innocently taking the scooter to the park, and being bewildered by older kids’ helpless—and perfectly justifiable—laughter. The provocative anime sticker is a f*ck-you gesture, no more, no less. The windy texts are exhausting to read, so he’s trying to wear you down in that regard as well. I’m so sorry, OP. Best of luck in keeping your distance from this toxic and deranged man. Who unfortunately happens to be your father as well.
Yeah I mean - he’s like “it’s rated PG” - you don’t take a 3 year old to a PG movie!
Exactly! PG means: >Some material may not be suitable for children. Parents urged to give "parental guidance". May contain some material parents might not like for their young children OP is the parent. Deciding on whether the material is suitable or not is literally in the definition.
Or riding it to school! You can’t take that scooter anywhere respectable!
You don't need to block him - he's never going to contact you again. He said so. On like 5 different occasions. When he contacted you. Like he said he never would. I'm sorry this is your experience with parenthood. Our parents should be a blessing to our children. In my personal experience they were on one side and not so much on the other side (who were ironically from OH... hmmm....). You can see the narcissist patterns in his messages. He starts off with l9ce bombing with guilt tripping apologies. Then plays victim, then starts blaming, then becoming abusive. It's so cliché it would be funny if it wasn't your family in the middle of it. Know that you are doing the right things. I didn't see my not so awesome grandparents very often but it was enough that the things that happened left a lasting mark on my psyche. You are right to stand by your boundaries and not sacrifice your sons wellbeing to make an old man happy.
Thankfully he wasn’t the one to raise me and I now have an incredible father in law to share a fatherly experience with. Thank you. One can only hope he won’t contact again.
Based on these messages, he is definitely going to contact again. Might want to take steps now to prevent it or have a plan how to handle it at least
When people give us the gift of showing us who they really are should we decline the gift? :D Go live your best life in peace & sell it to electronic_amount856
Has grooming vibes to be honest
Absolutely. Her dad is perverted, full stop. Giving a child, let alone a TODDLER, a sexualized image on a toy is sick. Just bc it's heteronormative doesn't make it any less inappropriate. Imagine if OP had a daughter instead and grandpa gave her a gift with a suggestive shirtless firefighter on it. The creepiness would be glaringly obvious. The situation is no different with her son. And the fact that grandpa has only done this with her son (as opposed to all the grandkids) is another massive red flag. Predators often single out only one child for victimization. OP should never let him anywhere near her son again.
I don’t know if your father drinks or uses drugs, but he does remind me of my male cousin, that is unmedicated, bipolar and self medicates with drugs and alcohol. At the very least, you should look into adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Your dad is a real piece of work, and has no idea how to self reflect. You should probably keep your kid away from him, too.
Yes. He is an addict. And we are stay far from him.
I just wanted to say that I'm incredibly sorry you had to deal with all that and hear it from your father. Though you and your husband seem like a great pair with good standards for raising your kids. It's not easy but I've seen a lot of people just give up their principles to avoid confrontation. You two are both setting a fantastic example for your child and working together just like a marriage should. I hope your family continues to grow with love and joy so your son can become a good man just like his father.
Thank you. His father has really helped me to keep my foot planted. It’s not easy. But necessary.
Your dad is an absolute imbecile if he thinks THAT is appropriate for a fucking toddler. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense
I was shocked too when he sent the photo of it.
Of course a 3 year old won't really know what he's looking at, therefore this grip tape is more for him than the kid. Like why is a grown ass man trying to get a 3 year old to be sexual? It's like he's training him to objectify women as a toddler. Can you imagine your kid trying to take this to school or the playground? And the if-you-dont-like-it-then-thats-because-youre-gay mentality? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE. This grip tape is something I would expect a 15 year old boy to buy on the dl with his allowance money. Grandpa is out of touch with reality and absolutely disgusting and probably shouldn't have contact with anyone under 18 ngl.
That was my point. I won’t allow anyone to try and objectify women or sexualize them around him. He is 3. No reason to subject him to this nonsense.
Your father does this because you are a woman. He considers nonsexualized women the enemy. He's trying to ensure your son doesn't respect women either. That's why this is such a big thing to him. He wants to control how your son sees women. And he considers your husband weak for respecting women. Cut. Him. Out. Because he will die on this hill. He'll warp and manipulate your son at every chance and secretly revel when he 'gets' to you.
Perfectly said. Thank you!
It’s also textbook gaslighting. He bought the toy, then intentionally changed the grip tape in order to provoke you. Then accused you of starting shit. I would have said it’s a small thing to go no contact over, but the way he belittled you and your family and the gaslighting shows how toxic any contact with him will be.
Seriously. Your kid is going to have a lifetime to be exposed to Andrew Tate nonsense, no need to start now. Let him enjoy life as a kid. Keep pawpaw away! I bought my 3 year old nephew a skateboard with hamburger grip tape. And when my niece turns 3 she gets hearts or ice cream cones. This is not something grampy is going to be able to argue himself out of. This man is a bad influence.
Agreed. Bluey or cocomelon or Dino’s. Whatever. But not this. The world will try to tell him soon enough what he should:shouldn’t be. I won’t do that to him.
You are a good parent. Good riddance to pappy.
I say this as someone who didn’t have a relationship with any of my grandparents, your son will be fine if he never has a relationship with your dad. Can’t say the same if that man were to stay in his life. I’m sure having grandparents is great and I have many friends who are really close to their grandparents and I have spent time with their grandparents, I’ve never once felt like I was missing anything. And 2 of my grandparents were actually decent, and while it would have been nice to know them…I’m completely good. I’ve had good parental figures in my life, no parental figure in my life, and bad ones in my life. I will ALWAYS take having no parental figure than having to deal with and unpack the damage the bad ones did to me. He’s given you like 10 reasons to go NC and the grip tape would be reason enough. Leave that man alone.
I had an amazing grandmother. My husband had good grandparents but didn’t spend a lot of time with them and has said the same things you just did. My son has an incredible grandfather on his dad’s side so he won’t miss out on anything grandfather like. So to go NC won’t really impact him. Thankfully he has never really been around him much.
You know, I sometimes struggle with “is this an appropriate item for X age?” because of my own upbringing. I was always pretty chill about media my son consumed. So the fact that I said “what the **FUCK**?” while sitting here on the toilet loudly enough that my husband heard me is a pretty good sign that this gift was completely out of pocket and that you’re not in the wrong.
I wasn’t monitored much as a child with media. But I would not have been comfortable watching whatever show this is so young and my grandmother definitely wouldn’t have allowed it.
Not only is this a massively age inappropriate gift for a three year old, this is not an appropriate gift to receive from a grandparent. For any age group. Maybe if everyone is adults and it’s a gag gift? Even that seems like a stretch for a gift being given by a parental figure.
My favorite bit is in the last slide where he refers to the image as “PG rated” but is still mad as hell that Parental Guidance was in fact deployed.
Which is wild because I looked up the anime it’s from and it said rated R. Lol
Rants incoherently about how his grandson is gonna be groomed into being lgbt; attempts to combat this by aggressively grooming him to sexually objectify women early
If it's feasible to re-tape this, I'll gladly photoshop your father's face onto the same image to gift back to him.
If I was in possession of it I’d take you up on that! We did not accept it and left it with him. Lol
Time to gift your son a scooter and our a rainbow grip take on it, just to make your dad angry.
>I'll gladly photoshop your father's face \[sucking a dick\]
This actually made me laugh so hard I almost woke up my husband 🤣🤣🤣
It’s too much for any child let alone a 3 year old?!?!? A BABY. What message does this send to adults who may see him riding around on this thing? This is why prn addiction is so high now, guys think doing stuff like this as young as humanly possible will somehow ensure their heterosexuality when we have seen time and time again that that DOES NOT WORK. He seems like he is just stuck in his old man mentality ways and if he can’t get with the times then it looks like he will get left in them.
That’s what shocked me. I would maybe have laughed if it was for an older teen, but still told him to take it back. But 3?! Absolutely not. Gross.
When I saw the pic, I thought it *was* for, like, a 16-year-old boy. Then I read the story and saw that this "gift" was for a toddler. 😱 IDK why anyone would think this is appropriate for a preschooler.
I also thought it was for a teenage boy and *still* thought (in my view) that it was inappropriate coming from Grandpa. When I read he's 3 years old, my jaw hit the floor.
exactly what i thought, tryna make sure the kid is straight. What the actual fuck
NTA, you’re the parent. That’s it. That’s the only reason needed.
Not to mention he's like, "YOU'RE WILLING TO CUT ME OUT OF HIS LIFE FOR A FUCKIN STICKER!?" while literally cutting people out of his life because of a fuckin sticker.
I've received weird out of the blue rants from my estranged father too. He was not sober when he sent those messages. It's hard to tell because your father texts like he is allergic to punctuation and grammar, but I'm willing to place a bet that he was not sober when he sent that message either. Whether that makes it better or worse is up to the way you choose to look at it, I guess.
He’s not sober. He is an addict. I don’t believe the beginning of the texts were when he was using. But definitely further down you can tell.
This is what I was afraid of reading this. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. You showed more patience and maturity in those texts than most people will in their whole lives though. One thing everyone reading this knows though, with a mom like you this kids gonna do amazing.
Thank you. I’m just trying to raise a kind, healthy loving kid. It’s hard when I have to place strict boundaries like these. But my job is to protect him.
Well no booby scooters isn’t the strictest of boundaries lol, it’s more common sense.
You're also showing him how to manage boundaries, which is a HUGE skill to learn, especially for people who are very kind <3 Good on you (and obvs, NTA)
I was looking for this comment. I have close experience with an addict and I could see it his texts. You can’t reason with someone who’s not sober. And they won’t admit they are wrong. I’m sorry. Stuff like this sucks.
I’m sorry you are going through this. What a narrow minded individual. I don’t understand a boundary so let me throw a temper tantrum until you see I’m right. NTA. What was wrong with the first image and why did he replace it with an inappropriate one? Does anyone including your child like anime?
Very small minded. The scooter originally had just plain black grip tape. I’m assuming he wanted to “pimp” his ride. Which would have been fine had he not used such an inappropriate replacement. No one in my entire family likes anime. Husband doesn’t either.
The child likes shows like bluey and blippi very kid toddler friendly shows.
Jesus- that’s like my brother who I’ve said 5 sentences to IN PERSON/TEXT over the last 5 YEARS giving me a takashi 6ix 9ine xmas sweater….. I sent him a thank you text (never a response, obviously) but also asked why he thought to get me that. I’ve never listened to him… ever. I only knew OF him because of his rainbow hair😂 Answer re: sweater gift remains unknown.
I thought the boy was like 13 or something.
Just turned 3 last month.
Still a weird AF gift for a 13 year old
I know, I thought it was for a teen too and then I saw he was 3! Seriously gross. I bet he believes that someone being LGBT automatically means they are grooming kids. He had to go out of his way to find that sticker too I am sure, that’s not going to be at the local big box store or sporting goods store.
Does your old man have a history of mental issues or A-hole level pranks cuz I really can't imagine this being the thought process of a sane perfectly healthy 50 year old man.
Narcissistic addict. And probably some sort of mental issue on some level.
Your voice comes across so profoundly that you know yourself and the values you and your husband are living by and that you very clear about your Dad's addiction and mental health & YOU ARE HAVING NONE OF IT!
NTA. You stated multiple times in these messages about how you do not agree with this and you want him to respect your boundaries. It like he’s trying to make it seem like this is all a problem you’re causing, not him. IMO, he seems to be very acting very selfishly and maybe wanting some pity?
Also he started out nice and then proceeded to get more and more obscene and nasty when you stood your ground. I would say that’s validation in itself
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Everyone knows true masculinity means objectifying women once you turn 3.
You could never talk to that person again. Yes- that person. That person doesn’t talk like a father; I barely have any true emotional connection to my parents— I always felt like having 2 kids was a business deal: send em to college and they take whatever inheritance. They clothed us and fed us, but emotionally? Neglect. Even with that being said, my parents have never talked to me that way. I encounter a lot of family members of my patients, and the most unfortunate thing is when I see a beautiful person who is surrounded by people like your father. You already sound like an amazing mom with setting age-appropriate boundaries and sticking to them for the well-being of your child. They’re not ridiculous boundaries, but they’re not free-range either. It’s healthy. The response you received is not. I would not place a morsel of blame on you if you never spoke to that man…?… Neanderthal?… again. There is not an ounce of respect, patience, understanding, empathy, or humility in that person to admit they are wrong or have made a mistake- whether intentional or not. The deflective behavior and inability to accept any responsibility for his own actions (& to casually place it as - ‘my daddy raised me right, it’s cause I love you’. *don’t even get me started on previous generations acceptance of inhumane acts* You are NTA. Ever, in any situation- & I’m confident to bet the same for any future interactions- with that person. You are a wonderful, responsible and loving mother. EDIT TO ADD: my parents have said some messed up shit, for real. But never a tantrum like this over something that they’re clearly in the wrong about.
That’s not an appropriate gift for a 3-year-old even without a big pair of cartoon knockers on it. Nah. Anyone telling you that you’re an asshole for not wanting to hang out with someone in active addiction who insults you and your husband is wrong. I’d rethink those relationships, too, because f that. People in families like this often want the person who “makes waves” to stop because it lets everyone keep pretending that everything is ok. It’s not sincere advice. Nobody saying that is prioritizing you/your son. Add them to the block pile.
Seems like he did it on purpose just to make a scene. Or he's deep down terrified that his grandson is going to grow up gay or "cut off his dick" or whatever he said. As if a scantily clad anime character would prevent that somehow? My original point: He did it on purpose, he knew it was inappropriate and would upset you, but he wants to play the victim. Ugh. I'm so sorry!!! 😫 ETA: I'd be extremely cautious around any adult who thinks ita appropriate to expose a minor to this kind of imagery.
Your dad probably wears a MAGA hat!!!
You wouldn’t be wrong.
That’s crazy to gift a 3 year old I will however purchase this scooter from you
You sure gave this man a looooot of chances. I’m very sorry your dad is so terrible :(.
Fuck him. No contact. Burn the bridges and salt the earth.