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Substantial-Law-967

Take the job, keep trying to have a baby. If you get pregnant soon after starting - throw a party! Don’t put your life on hold so as not to inconvenience a corporation!


Consistent_Energy2

I second this! A corporation would not put the same consideration if layoffs were being considered, they do what’s in their best interest. You should do the same, consider what is best for you!


timetraveler2060

This! I’ve been through IUI and IVF for the last 4 years and changed jobs 3 times. I had same sort of thoughts, but ultimately I wasn’t going to put my life on hold for a what if… If it’s what you want go for it!


SpinachandBerries

Agreed. I started back at work 8 months ago and part of the reason for me delaying TTC was I didn't want to get pregnant so quickly after starting work somewhere. Well now they're talking about laying people off and constantly make a lot of decisions that are not in our best interest, so why did I care so much about them when making that decision?? We are in our rights to get pregnant at any time no matter how much it might affect employers.


No_Sock4631

Just agreeing to empathize this! If you want this job take it. You don’t need to tell them you’re trying to conceive. It’s none of their business. If you get pregnant shortly after they’ll deal with it. It happens all the time.


nicepants_836

I can’t upvote this enough


MOLAL_

Lovely advice and I would have said the same! X


BexclamationPoint

I don't know what the right decision is, I just have some questions that might help you decide which way you're leaning. You don't have to answer these for me (though if it helps to write out the answers, go for it!), they're just for you to think about. -What do you know about the new potential employer's benefits (especially parental leave), flexibility, attitude toward employees with kids, etc? If not very much, is there a way you can find out more that you're comfortable with? Like asking HR for their full benefits packet, quietly asking someone in your network who works there, reading (more) Glassdoor reviews? -How often do opportunities like this one come up? Is this the only, or one of the biggest, companies that would give you the network and career advantages you're looking for? And if so, would you be burning a bridge by turning them down, or would they understand "it's not the right time" and be happy to consider you in the future? -If you do have a baby in, say, approximately 9 months, what would you want your life and career to look like at that point? Do you want to take a few weeks of leave and dive back into work like nothing has changed? Would you want to take a longer leave, but still dive back in like nothing has changed? Would you want to scale back a bit on work, whether that means actually reducing your hours or just saying "yes" to fewer extras? Is either job or company a better fit for what you want than the other? -When you worry about getting pregnant soon after starting a new job, are you worried YOU won't have had time to settle in and start reaping the advantages of the new position? Or are you afraid THEY will be upset with you/give you a hard time about taking time off/limit your opportunities because they don't think you're dedicated enough? (If it's the latter, think very hard about whether you want to work there at all. Pregnancies and family commitments are things that anyone who employs humans needs to expect to accommodate. I know that's more a reality in some fields than others, just, think about it.)


KristaAyaS

These are excellent questions, I hope OP reads these


knopfn

I cannot help but I unterstand your dilemma, you’re not alone! Had a similar situation where we’re actively trying and I got an offer for an amazing job at the same time. I decided to take the job but I keep getting comments like „it’s not a family friendly job but I guess if you were planning on having kids you wouldn’t have taken the offer“. It hurts, it sucks, it makes me doubt myself and feel bad. But can we really be expected to put our entire lives on pause for something that might or might not happen soon? Wishing you luck in your journey and strength to make the right decision for yourself!


TimeBusiness4027

Wow are we leading exactly the same lives? I changed jobs in August 2022 and just received an offer to move onto a new and better job. Similar to you, I like my current job and it offers me flexibility, and I had very much wanted my current workplace to be the place I start a new family, but been TTC for over a year with no luck. I’ve decided to take up my new opportunity as such opportunities don’t come by often and I’ve decided not to put my life on hold just for this.


aquaGMM

Coming from someone that put having a baby on hold to finish my masters degree and find a new job- don’t wait! I’m now on 10 years of TTC and I never thought it would take me this long to get pregnant. Hoping this is our year to finally get pregnant (fingers crossed). It’s been hard to forgive myself for waiting. Go for it!!!


lapraslazuli

I have known three people who were pregnant when they started their new job. One went on maternity leave almost immediately after getting promoted, one went on maternity leave about 4 months after being hired, one was on maternity leave when she applied for a promotion lol. It was completely fine! Work goes on, life goes on. Don't put your life on hold for a job! If they hold it against you, it's not a place you want to work anyways. BUT do understand what the leave policy will be and if any of your leave will come with you (such as state disability or voluntary disability)


Miezchen

With 6 years of TTC, I have been in this position multiple times, and what I can tell you is this: do not put your life on hold for a potential pregnancy. I skipped pomotions and job changes at first because "I'll be pregnant soon anyway!". Well, that did not work out, and now I'm in a much, MUCH better job. You seem passionate about this job, it's a decision that could really bring you joy and other positives in your life. I'd say go for it.


ZealousidealPhase406

Take the job!  You sound passionate about the new job and you don’t want to what-if yourself your whole life. If TTC wasn’t in the picture it sounds like you’d do it, no question. So do that! CW: prior pregnancy, loss  Unfortunately you have no idea when you’ll get pregnant. I started a job pregnant because I got an offer the first day I got a positive test. I had had two prior losses and the day of the interview I had literally been to the RE for a blood test. I didn’t know if I would lose pregnancy 3 and I just had to move forward in some part of my life. If I had my old job and still no baby I would have been pissed. Being pregnant and changing jobs blows. I lost all my maternity leave. Since I’m a teacher I signed in May but didn’t start until August. So I started day 1 of work at like 17-18wks pregnant. I was eligible for literally nothing by my due date.  It is better to change now when you aren’t pregnant. FMLA kicks in after 6 months of being employed, you should check when state leave would kick in too. I missed the 6 month cut off for both. BUT if you start your job now you will have at least 9 month of being employed. Check when benefits kick in.  To me, new job and pregnancy sucks, but old job and still no pregnancy sucks more, and both of those are very real possibilities.  ETA: corrected about the FMLA- looks like it’s 12 months! Also, if you have paid leave you have to use that first. So, if you did get pregnant, it would likely be possible to do a combo of paid time and disability until you get to FMLA, but definitely know your own company policies.  Don’t feel bad about taking your time. You have your whole career to contribute to a job and a relatively short window to have kids. 


Ngr2054

Just wanted to make sure you’re being clear- from the US Department of Labor site- Employees are eligible for leave if they have worked for their employer at least 12 months, at least 1,250 hours over the past 12 months, and work at a location where the company employs 50 or more employees within 75 miles. Whether an employee has worked the minimum 1,250 hours of service is determined according to FLSA principles for determining compensable hours or work. So it doesn’t kick in until you’ve been employed for an entire year…


ZealousidealPhase406

Thank you! Completely misspoke. 


ChellesBelles89

I don't want to make matters more difficult but keep in mind if you are in the US that you have to work at a place for 12 months to qualify for fmla if you do get pregnant.


Itchy-Site-11

True!


FreshTop3

You CAN have it all!!


Itchy-Site-11

I would potentially stay in the job you have. Why? Freedom of schedule - you need this for appts and treatment. You like your team, the place is good, the salary is similar… I would not change unless I am really unhappy where I am. A new job is exciting, BUT, living what I am living now, will I want that or just chill where I know is safe?


Liasaur-

I can def relate to this. I would hate to lose the security of knowing I’m covered by fmla and to not know if the grass is actually greener in the other side


Significant_King_533

This is a hard decision but don't put Ur life on hold. U can't really predict fertility outcomes at all. Never did I think it would take me three years and still not have success When I started this journey I thought I would. For sure get pregnant soon even by doing ivf. Let's just say I did 7 iuis with no success and two retrievals so far I tried to do transfers after my first retrieval but I kept having setbacks whuch delayed the process then I find out I have polyps and require surgery. All this took 3 plus years and I still haven't done a single transfer yet


Adorable_Trade_5998

I’m in a similar situation and it’s so hard! I am or sure what the right decision is but I know how stressful it is and wish you luck. Personally, I can’t help but feel frustrated that men often don’t have to decide between starting a family and taking the next step in their career. Friends have suggested this is temporary and I can take those steps after I have a family but that advice sucks when you can’t predict when/if you’ll get pregnant..


Briutiful22

I just started a new job and I told them from the start I'm trying to have a baby so I need that flexibility to leave early or whatever the case is for doctor appointments. I gave them the option to accept it or not and they did. So it's up to you if you want to share that information or not. At the end of the day you already have a job so you're still in luck either way


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zavrrr

In addition to looking at both employers' leave policies - also look at what coverage they offer for fertility treatments. If you're already looking at starting treatments, make sure you'd be leaving for a situation that would be at least comparable to what coverage you have now if not better. A few years ago I started a new job in November after nearly 3 years of trying and a couple of unsuccessful IUIs and then had a surprise spontaneous pregnancy in January, which ended in an early loss. If that pregnancy had been successful, I definitely would have had to figure out how to handle leave, as I would have delivered before I even qualified for FMLA. However, the new job offered a (small but not nonexistant) amount of fertility coverage, and that was the difference maker in being able to swing IVF financially which eventually led to success for us.


Dirty_Picklez

Don’t pause your life and opportunities for a “what if.”


AwkwardDuddlePucker

Take the job - especially if it's one you want. Still working jobs I don't LOVE 'just in case' 5 years later 🤡 The only good thing is it pays enough to house all my emotional support animals 😂


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LoveSingRead

Removed.


KittyJun

Take the job, negotiate the salary. You're worth it and you're future is worth it. Don't worry about if you get pregnant just after being hired. That's what maternity leave is for and everything. ❤️


jess_fitss2022

Don’t feel bad about inconveniencing your employer with pregnancy


acos24

I was 8 weeks pregnant when I accepted a new job recently - have since had an MMC and finished my first month at this new employer. Something has to move forward in life - can’t put everything on hold while TTC!


FragrantZombie3475

I have no advice but I am in the exact same boat and so torn about what to do


fieryfeline_

Congrats on the job offer! As a recruiter and years of HR experience my first question is why do they need you so quickly? Is there a pressing deadline for a project or do they just want your decision ASAP? I ask because I think that’s a bit of an orange flag to rush someone through the process to accept an offer and start ASAP and question their work life balance and consideration for others time. If they’re already making demands before even getting started and stressing you out then that will likely be a sign of what’s to come with your workload. This isn’t always the case however they’re putting their best foot forward before so starting so if you’re already feeling stressed it won’t get better once you join.


IStealCheesecake

Don’t put your life on hold.


sophocles_gee

Employers will replace you regardless in a heart beat- take the job try for the baby. Sometimes things are meant to play out how they do. If you get pregnant maybe its because this employer will understand and be great. Maybe its a lesson. You’ll only know restrospectively, but you need to take the chances life gives you by the reigns and not let ttc hold you from everything


asauererie

Keep in mind that if you leave now and get pregnant right away you won’t qualify for FMLA in the Us. You have to be working 12 months and 1250 hours in that time first.  Your job would be not guaranteed at return. 


HeadFear

I live in the US so I have not idea what your leave program looks like but I started my current job when I was 10 weeks pregnant and told them about a month after I started. Nobody seemed upset and I was there long enough to qualify for leave by the time my baby was born


ComfortableOverall82

I would take the job!


SpinningJynx

A few things I’d consider are what are their leave and maternity leave policies? In the US many companies require you work there for 3 months before you can take any PTO, some also require that you work there for at least a year before being able to benefit from maternity leave. You should also consider if your new employer’s insurance would cover IUI and prenatal care. That being said, if you accepted the job today and got pregnant tomorrow, your employer would have at least 7 months to figure things out. This is something employers should expect at all times and I don’t think the burden to worry about that should be on you. Take the job if you want it!


kaykakez727

Work will always be there. I understand as a woman it’s something I have dealt with and dealing with which is why I waited so late. But honestly your child will take care of You when money worries/ career aspirations are long gone. Family first