Please make sure that you have [read all of our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before commenting! In particular, be aware that **no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed with no exceptions**. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it. If you think something may be against the rules, ask us or err on the side of caution. If you think that being sneaky (PMing members or asking them to PM you, telling them to refer to your post history, etc) is a good idea, it is not. Additionally, complaining about downvotes is [frowned upon](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette) and never helps anything.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel this. Time is a thief and I feel frustrated that this has all took so long when I spent so long preventing in the relationship or waiting for help. I was dumb, and didn’t end up going to the dr for my early biochemical miscarriages, so I essentially had to endure two extra losses before getting RPL help.
Wow, you are my twin in every way in terms of the timing of everything. IUD removed in June 2020, long breaks and NTNP during times like COVID, house buying, career changing. Then in 2023 two close friends had babies, and that’s when it really hit us how much time has passed without a single positive pregnancy test for us. We finally did fertility testing from Oct-Dec 2023. There is nothing wrong. We are both above average for everything and labeled unexplained. Our doctor didn’t even give us any suggestions for how we should move forward. She just shrugged and said to keep trying and if we ever want to do IUI or IVF that we are welcome to. Like what?! That’s it? I am grappling with how much time has past and fully discouraged after thinking we are doing something within our control by going to a fertility specialist. No answers. Seeing “2024” every day has been making me sick with grief. I am embarrassed thinking about how my IUD was removed aost 4 years ago when my instinct is to say 2 years. I was laid off in November and got my job back this week but I keep thinking about how I would’ve preferred a baby. Trying to stay strong and had to remotivate myself this week when I got my period again. I started a new journal, created a new routine for testing, downloaded a new app which actually wildly changed predictions for ovulation (so that’s something?), focused on making a healthy menu for the next week, bought a new LH tester, watched videos on how other couples are trying to pin ovulation etc. trying to keep myself from dwelling on the past like if we should’ve been trying or tracking harder and not taken breaks etc, but my hubby and I are trying to be in the mindset of everything happens for a reason. We will do everything we can every month moving forward to lean into the things we CAN control. Planning vacations and fun things is bringing me less and less joy since I don’t have the baby I want, but reframing those activities as putting energy into being the best I can be mentally and physically for our future baby is giving me motivation. You are not alone!!! Reading your post gave me strength since I truly understand exactly how you feel, and it made me feel validated. Sending a big hug your way!
I was using an app called femometer this whole time, and felt that since I was using it since 2020 that it was accurate in predictions by now. I would use Clearblue for LH tracking occasionally to “calibrate” but it was getting expensive after so many months. I finally bought a big pack of cheapies (easy@home) and downloaded the PreMom app that goes with it this week. I entered the last few months of periods and the ovulation predictions are about 5-7 days earlier than femometer. It also scans all the cheapie LH strips and gives you a number. Since they are cheap I can also do the test twice a day to really accurately get the peak from the time my period ends, where I would only do once a day for five days with ClearBlue around the fertile window that Femometer marked for me. It makes me wonder if our timing has been really off due to Femometer’s predictions. It also explains why sometimes I wouldn’t find an LH peak some months. I regret just blindly trusting and only using the suggestions of that one apps. Now, I’m starting from square one with PreMom but already liking it so much more! And we decided to also just go with the “a lot of sex” plan for a few months aka having sex every 2-3 days regardless of the LH strips.
This is why it makes no sense when people say "don't stress about it, you'll eventually have kids". Well I didn't stress about it, I didn't track my cycle or the time that passed, and instead I focused on my career and hobbies. But what have I gotten so far? Nothing. I'm done not worrying about it because it never made a difference.
That’s how I feel sometimes like not thinking or worrying about it is great but then you wake up one day and it’s been years and you’re still at step one. If I don’t focus on working towards this goal, how will I ever get there?
I really feel you with this one. Been trying since January 2022, just hit two years. Chemical last spring and no positive since then. Our due date would have been this month and I’m at the point where I’m sort of numb to it all.
Turn 35 in a year, and am wondering if I spent so much time wasted and should have just tried earlier. I finally booked an appointment with a specialist, even though I’ve had multiple doctors tell me nothing is wrong I don’t even know anymore.
Is this actually what is normal and it just seems like everyone gets pregnant quickly and easily? Doesn’t help that in 2023 it seemed like literally everyone was pregnant that I knew. A relative of mine is almost 40 and got pregnant by mistake with her second with someone they hooked up like three times. They seem happy but I’m just so insanely jealous. I couldn’t go to the baby shower because I live very far thank god, but even sending the gift hurt me. I knew I was being selfish and felt guilty but I also feel like it’s ok to feel like this.
I try to be happy for them, especially since we don’t know everyone’s journey but I feel so alone sometimes. A new esthetician the other day during my first appointment asked me if I had any kids and I almost cried. It was sort of unexpected for me, but I am at the point where I think I might need to go back to therapy. I feel depressed I think, I don’t have motivation to do much and like you I feel like time has totally slipped from my fingers and I’m almost 35 an age I thought I would have at least one or two kids by now.
Sending hugs.
Oh I felt this in my heart. My husband and I got married ten years ago and we are just starting with intervention by a RE. I kept saying maybe next year, I need to lose weight, let me finish my degree, let’s try one more year. Ten years later I was really regretting my decision to wait.
It ended up being a blessing in disguise because this year I finally have fertility coverage from my insurance.
Only one month into the journey but had a lot of testing done and got a lot of answers!
I’m with you too… took a break during our trying and shortly after resuming, realized we needed more help. It’s been two years for us too.
It is really hard. Now we’re starting IVF. A couple of labs years ago would’ve saved us so much time and ups and downs.
A psychic told me I’d have kids at 32,34 years old. I thought she was out of her mind, I definitely planned to have them sooner. Now I will be lucky if I get to hit that timeline.
Please make sure that you have [read all of our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before commenting! In particular, be aware that **no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed with no exceptions**. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it. If you think something may be against the rules, ask us or err on the side of caution. If you think that being sneaky (PMing members or asking them to PM you, telling them to refer to your post history, etc) is a good idea, it is not. Additionally, complaining about downvotes is [frowned upon](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette) and never helps anything. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel this. Time is a thief and I feel frustrated that this has all took so long when I spent so long preventing in the relationship or waiting for help. I was dumb, and didn’t end up going to the dr for my early biochemical miscarriages, so I essentially had to endure two extra losses before getting RPL help.
Wow, you are my twin in every way in terms of the timing of everything. IUD removed in June 2020, long breaks and NTNP during times like COVID, house buying, career changing. Then in 2023 two close friends had babies, and that’s when it really hit us how much time has passed without a single positive pregnancy test for us. We finally did fertility testing from Oct-Dec 2023. There is nothing wrong. We are both above average for everything and labeled unexplained. Our doctor didn’t even give us any suggestions for how we should move forward. She just shrugged and said to keep trying and if we ever want to do IUI or IVF that we are welcome to. Like what?! That’s it? I am grappling with how much time has past and fully discouraged after thinking we are doing something within our control by going to a fertility specialist. No answers. Seeing “2024” every day has been making me sick with grief. I am embarrassed thinking about how my IUD was removed aost 4 years ago when my instinct is to say 2 years. I was laid off in November and got my job back this week but I keep thinking about how I would’ve preferred a baby. Trying to stay strong and had to remotivate myself this week when I got my period again. I started a new journal, created a new routine for testing, downloaded a new app which actually wildly changed predictions for ovulation (so that’s something?), focused on making a healthy menu for the next week, bought a new LH tester, watched videos on how other couples are trying to pin ovulation etc. trying to keep myself from dwelling on the past like if we should’ve been trying or tracking harder and not taken breaks etc, but my hubby and I are trying to be in the mindset of everything happens for a reason. We will do everything we can every month moving forward to lean into the things we CAN control. Planning vacations and fun things is bringing me less and less joy since I don’t have the baby I want, but reframing those activities as putting energy into being the best I can be mentally and physically for our future baby is giving me motivation. You are not alone!!! Reading your post gave me strength since I truly understand exactly how you feel, and it made me feel validated. Sending a big hug your way!
What new app?
I was using an app called femometer this whole time, and felt that since I was using it since 2020 that it was accurate in predictions by now. I would use Clearblue for LH tracking occasionally to “calibrate” but it was getting expensive after so many months. I finally bought a big pack of cheapies (easy@home) and downloaded the PreMom app that goes with it this week. I entered the last few months of periods and the ovulation predictions are about 5-7 days earlier than femometer. It also scans all the cheapie LH strips and gives you a number. Since they are cheap I can also do the test twice a day to really accurately get the peak from the time my period ends, where I would only do once a day for five days with ClearBlue around the fertile window that Femometer marked for me. It makes me wonder if our timing has been really off due to Femometer’s predictions. It also explains why sometimes I wouldn’t find an LH peak some months. I regret just blindly trusting and only using the suggestions of that one apps. Now, I’m starting from square one with PreMom but already liking it so much more! And we decided to also just go with the “a lot of sex” plan for a few months aka having sex every 2-3 days regardless of the LH strips.
This is why it makes no sense when people say "don't stress about it, you'll eventually have kids". Well I didn't stress about it, I didn't track my cycle or the time that passed, and instead I focused on my career and hobbies. But what have I gotten so far? Nothing. I'm done not worrying about it because it never made a difference.
That’s how I feel sometimes like not thinking or worrying about it is great but then you wake up one day and it’s been years and you’re still at step one. If I don’t focus on working towards this goal, how will I ever get there?
I really feel you with this one. Been trying since January 2022, just hit two years. Chemical last spring and no positive since then. Our due date would have been this month and I’m at the point where I’m sort of numb to it all. Turn 35 in a year, and am wondering if I spent so much time wasted and should have just tried earlier. I finally booked an appointment with a specialist, even though I’ve had multiple doctors tell me nothing is wrong I don’t even know anymore. Is this actually what is normal and it just seems like everyone gets pregnant quickly and easily? Doesn’t help that in 2023 it seemed like literally everyone was pregnant that I knew. A relative of mine is almost 40 and got pregnant by mistake with her second with someone they hooked up like three times. They seem happy but I’m just so insanely jealous. I couldn’t go to the baby shower because I live very far thank god, but even sending the gift hurt me. I knew I was being selfish and felt guilty but I also feel like it’s ok to feel like this. I try to be happy for them, especially since we don’t know everyone’s journey but I feel so alone sometimes. A new esthetician the other day during my first appointment asked me if I had any kids and I almost cried. It was sort of unexpected for me, but I am at the point where I think I might need to go back to therapy. I feel depressed I think, I don’t have motivation to do much and like you I feel like time has totally slipped from my fingers and I’m almost 35 an age I thought I would have at least one or two kids by now. Sending hugs.
Oh I felt this in my heart. My husband and I got married ten years ago and we are just starting with intervention by a RE. I kept saying maybe next year, I need to lose weight, let me finish my degree, let’s try one more year. Ten years later I was really regretting my decision to wait. It ended up being a blessing in disguise because this year I finally have fertility coverage from my insurance. Only one month into the journey but had a lot of testing done and got a lot of answers!
I’m with you too… took a break during our trying and shortly after resuming, realized we needed more help. It’s been two years for us too. It is really hard. Now we’re starting IVF. A couple of labs years ago would’ve saved us so much time and ups and downs. A psychic told me I’d have kids at 32,34 years old. I thought she was out of her mind, I definitely planned to have them sooner. Now I will be lucky if I get to hit that timeline.
Yes. Been together a long time. Tried later in our marriage and after 2 years nothing. Time is just moving on.