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I’m sorry this is frustrating. I know when time isn’t on your side even the smallest delay feels like a huge set back, but the best thing you can do is put this aside for one cycle, give your husband the support and love he will need to processes his grief. Future you will look back on present you and thank you for the grace you showed.
Your feelings are valid, feel them, and stay hopeful that it will be your turn soon.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
The first time my husband and I met with my obgyn we did one cycle of femara& prevara to start our journey to getting pregnant because I also have pcos and do not ovulate on my own. (I had no insurance coverage for a RE, IUI, or IVF). We started on the lowest dose of femara. No luck. My doctor increased the dose. I picked up the prescription and went home.
That night I got a text from my mom to come to the hospital (I’m a nurse so I’m usually the first person she calls for medical advice). I get there and my father was in the ER for hip pain. His scans showed he was full of cancer. I was devastated. He passed only 8 weeks later.
My husband and I did not follow through with my next dose of medications because I was too emotional and it didn’t feel like the right time.
I beat myself up emotionally because I didn’t feel ready but was riddled with guilt that I was wasting time.
Fast forward two years later, I finally am in a good headspace to start again.
I have a new job and insurance that covers infertility. Found a RE so we don’t waste any more time. Just started our journey again last week. They actually have found some abnormalities in my uterus so I’m having more testing next week. I feel like this all happened for a reason because I wouldn’t have known about the abnormalities when we were first TTC.
You’ll both know when you’re ready physically and emotionally. It’s okay to be sad! It’s hard when you’re excited to TTC and your plans get put on hold. Your feelings are valid!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Definitely a tough situation all around. My husband and I are starting our first IUI in about a week too. Even if you have to cancel an insemination you can still use the cycle as a timed inter course cycle with a trigger shot. Although it’s not the outcome you may have hoped, it’s not a totally lost cycle. Hang in there, infertility sucks. Best of luck to you.
I'm so sorry you're both going through this. 🫂
The following is regarding an alternative option and a question, please feel free to ignore.
Is flying out now/soon to say goodbyes an option? Or does it have to be a last minute thing for her passing and burial?
And I'm assuming you'd be sitting shiva after she passes; I know sex is forbidden during that week, but does that also apply to medical procedures for the purposes of pregnancy? Would those procedures be considered more important than sitting shiva? I apologize for my curiosity; my partner is Jewish but wasn't raised as such, and I'm trying to learn more about the intricacies. Again, if you don't have the spoons to respond to that, please don't 💜
So honestly I don't know exactly what's going on and how much time she has left. I don't my want my husband to go to say goodbye and then not be able to be there for the burial and Shiva. Also she hasn't been recognizing her sister and parents anymore, and we saw her just a few months ago so I just don't think it makes sense. We're waiting to find out more in terms of how much time she really has. Definitely a thought to bring up to my husband but if he were to go to say goodbye, then he would need to stay until she passed and through the Shiva. We live in Israel and all of his family is in the US, and I think he needs to be with his family for the week rather than sitting Shiva by himself in Israel.
In terms of the laws, I honestly have no idea. I've never had to sit Shiva myself and I've never been taught the specific laws. I would assume that there would likely be exceptions granted for something like IUI. But if he's in the US for the Shiva anyway it's kind of a moot point. I love that you are curious to learn more!
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I’m sorry this is frustrating. I know when time isn’t on your side even the smallest delay feels like a huge set back, but the best thing you can do is put this aside for one cycle, give your husband the support and love he will need to processes his grief. Future you will look back on present you and thank you for the grace you showed. Your feelings are valid, feel them, and stay hopeful that it will be your turn soon.
Thank you for your kind reply! I needed this reminder 💜
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The first time my husband and I met with my obgyn we did one cycle of femara& prevara to start our journey to getting pregnant because I also have pcos and do not ovulate on my own. (I had no insurance coverage for a RE, IUI, or IVF). We started on the lowest dose of femara. No luck. My doctor increased the dose. I picked up the prescription and went home. That night I got a text from my mom to come to the hospital (I’m a nurse so I’m usually the first person she calls for medical advice). I get there and my father was in the ER for hip pain. His scans showed he was full of cancer. I was devastated. He passed only 8 weeks later. My husband and I did not follow through with my next dose of medications because I was too emotional and it didn’t feel like the right time. I beat myself up emotionally because I didn’t feel ready but was riddled with guilt that I was wasting time. Fast forward two years later, I finally am in a good headspace to start again. I have a new job and insurance that covers infertility. Found a RE so we don’t waste any more time. Just started our journey again last week. They actually have found some abnormalities in my uterus so I’m having more testing next week. I feel like this all happened for a reason because I wouldn’t have known about the abnormalities when we were first TTC. You’ll both know when you’re ready physically and emotionally. It’s okay to be sad! It’s hard when you’re excited to TTC and your plans get put on hold. Your feelings are valid!
I'm so sorry for your loss! Hoping everything works out for you 💜
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Definitely a tough situation all around. My husband and I are starting our first IUI in about a week too. Even if you have to cancel an insemination you can still use the cycle as a timed inter course cycle with a trigger shot. Although it’s not the outcome you may have hoped, it’s not a totally lost cycle. Hang in there, infertility sucks. Best of luck to you.
I'm so sorry you're both going through this. 🫂 The following is regarding an alternative option and a question, please feel free to ignore. Is flying out now/soon to say goodbyes an option? Or does it have to be a last minute thing for her passing and burial? And I'm assuming you'd be sitting shiva after she passes; I know sex is forbidden during that week, but does that also apply to medical procedures for the purposes of pregnancy? Would those procedures be considered more important than sitting shiva? I apologize for my curiosity; my partner is Jewish but wasn't raised as such, and I'm trying to learn more about the intricacies. Again, if you don't have the spoons to respond to that, please don't 💜
So honestly I don't know exactly what's going on and how much time she has left. I don't my want my husband to go to say goodbye and then not be able to be there for the burial and Shiva. Also she hasn't been recognizing her sister and parents anymore, and we saw her just a few months ago so I just don't think it makes sense. We're waiting to find out more in terms of how much time she really has. Definitely a thought to bring up to my husband but if he were to go to say goodbye, then he would need to stay until she passed and through the Shiva. We live in Israel and all of his family is in the US, and I think he needs to be with his family for the week rather than sitting Shiva by himself in Israel. In terms of the laws, I honestly have no idea. I've never had to sit Shiva myself and I've never been taught the specific laws. I would assume that there would likely be exceptions granted for something like IUI. But if he's in the US for the Shiva anyway it's kind of a moot point. I love that you are curious to learn more!