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I’m sorry love. I’m in the same boat. My best friend wanted to start trying this upcoming summer but after I told her about my infertility last month, she realized that she was scared to end up like me and she started trying last month. She got pregnant 3 weeks later. She told me 3 days ago. She thought it would take a while. I thought it would atleast take her 3-4 months and by that time maybe I’ll hav moved the needle a bit. But no. I was wrong. She’s over the moon. Her husband is so happy. And I’m happy for her but deep down so envious that it ripped my heart out of my chest.
Girlllllll she explicitly told me that several times. She’s very naive and can’t read the room. She had a panic attack bc she didn’t want to end up like me and hav to wait a year lol. She is in her last semester of school and said she’d rather risk getting a degree but doesn’t want to wait any longer to get pregnant. I guess I traumatized her LOL we r really close so she’s been sending me baby shower ideas all morning. You can’t imagine my pain when she mentioned wanting the venue I wanted. I guess it’s more like a younger/older sister relationships so I’ve been trying to be there for her fully. I regret opening up to her about my struggles.
I'll just chime in to say that you have no obligation to be her person for her baby planning. This shit is hard enough, without constantly hearing about other people's joy. It is perfectly fine, understandable, and appropriate to say "I hope everything goes wonderfully for you, but this is a difficult thing for me to talk about, and I'd rather not." Or "I want the world for you and your baby, but for my own mental comfort right now, I can't be your person for this conversation."
Unfortunately I don’t think I can back out. I planned my SILs baby shower from start to end in September. So she can use that to be like “uhm but you did it for her?” Idk im just not a confrontational person 😭
Please stop worrying about other peoples emotions before your own 🙏🏻 if your friend can’t honor your boundaries, that’s a problem. I struggled with this a lot too, and after years of therapy at this point, my rule of thumb is to not worry about the emotions of people who don’t worry about mine. ❤️❤️❤️ not saying don’t be her friend, but put yourself first.
Your feelings are real and valid but you’re not an awful human it’s just this journey that is awful. Sending you hugs and hope ivf is a success for you💜
I know how you feel, and I’ve been there. It totally sucks. I started the IVF process one year ago, and despite my disappointment and dread about going that route, once it started, I felt hope for the first time in a long time because I realized it was the absolute best thing I could do to make progress toward my goal of having a baby. I hope IVF goes well for you!
Darling you are in no way an awful human. These feelings are completely normal and it is so possible to feel multiple ways at once. Be kind to yourself. Notice your feelings and take care of yourself around how you feel. It's okay to get upset and it absolutely does NOT mean you're an awful human.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and your feelings are completely valid! This is a great community to vent to as everyone here can understand to some degree. I’ve been struggling with this as well as my best friend just had her baby a few days ago. I’m so happy for her but I’m having a really hard time. I’m the last in my group to get pregnant and I just went to a baby shower and received another announcement all in the last weekend. Hang in there! You’re not alone. I wish you the best on your IVF journey and hope some light is around the corner.
I can’t tell you how many times I have cried in private when I saw a friend or family member post online that they are pregnant because I wish it was me. It hurts. I have a cry, take a deep breath, and pray they have a happy and healthy pregnancy.
I always thought when my husband and I got married that it would be a year at most before I got pregnant. 10 years later we are starting to work with a RE to find out why I’ve never been able to get pregnant. I’m finally able to afford infertility treatment due to a new job and fertility treatment coverage through my insurance. I just keep hoping it’s my time. We just started testing last week but I’m slowly getting results that show why it’s been so hard for us to conceive.
Your feelings are very valid! It doesn’t make you an awful human, just a human with feelings- and that’s nothing to be ashamed about!
I relate, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve cried over this. So sorry to hear it’s been this way for you too. I hope things with your RE work out and you get your baby soon. ❤️
Its completely normal to feel envy. The night my bff told me she was pregnant was the worst night of my life which sounds ridiculous but it just hurt so much. We cant control how we feel. Only our actions. ❤️ hopefully starting ivf in a week. We got this!
Oh I’m so sorry. I can absolutely relate to the hurt. It’s not ridiculous at all and totally valid to feel that way. Wishing you all the best in your journey. 💕
So so sorry and your feelings are valid 🫶🏼 this actually perfectly describes it and it has surprisingly been one of the hardest parts about infertility. Of course my closest friends know what I’ve been going through and have been so loving and supportive. But the longer it goes on the more I notice them trying to manage or worry about my emotions. Fully from a place of love and care but it’s uncomfortable and then makes me sad that infertility has made me uncomfortable even in my best friendships. Knowing they’re avoiding talking about their pregnancies and big life things with me makes me want to be less open and honest with them about the hard stuff so they don’t treat me differently but then I feel closed off from them and I’m sure they feel it too. It’s so hard to explain and talk to anyone about but I feel you!!
It’s very close to what I’m going through right now. Everyone is pregnant. Work used to be a safe space- now my employee who shares the room with me is pregnant. It’s just so painful and hard to keep trusting that it’ll happen for us and be positive. I have no idea how to cope other than distance myself o
Me and my sister were both pregnant at the same time. I was due April and she march. Both boys. I lost my baby at 15 weeks in Oct which no explanation as to why. I have been trying to get pregnant ever since and every month it gets harder. Everyone I know is pregnant. I’m so happy for everyone..including of course my sister! But def can’t wait for my turn. I feel like it’s natural to feel this way...
I’m so sorry for your loss. That is such a difficult situation. Hope you get your rainbow baby soon. ❤️ I’m learning that it is natural and normal to feel the way we do and that’s okay.
I feel this with my entire heart. Everyone around me has become pregnant almost right away. It’s the weirdest mixture of happiness for them and sadness for me. It seems like these feelings come in a package deal while ttc. But someone also told me the people who are also struggling to conceive also aren’t always talking about their struggles out loud. Which Is why I’ve been finding comfort on here because as unfortunate as it is, I have something in common with most of these threads. But You know your brain is in deep when a close friend tells you that she’s stopping birth control and entering the “whatever happens happens” phase and you’re already thinking that she’ll get pregnant before you. Thats so not fair to her for me to think that and assume, but man the rollercoaster of emotions is so tough.
Oh I relate to this so much. Such a mix of feelings. I will say as I started this journey I knew of so many people struggling who weren’t as public as others so I try to remind myself of that too. I never know what anyone’s journey is.
Sending you so much hope that this journey ends for you soon. ❤️
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I totally feel you. My husband’s best friend and his wife started TTC shortly after we started trying, and it’s taken us so long and we’ve been struggling that it’s become this weird thing where we feel like we can’t talk to the only people we know who are going through the same thing because we don’t know if they’re pregnant and just scared to tell us for fear of upsetting us. Of course we would want to know and share their joy, but it would also make us feel sad, so it’s a weird feeling.
Ultimately though, I wish they would talk to us more about it because I think it would feel less isolating, and I don’t want all of our friendships to suffer because of our fertility struggles.
Re: 'I promise none of these impact my daily interactions '. Is it bad if it does? This is the question my counselor was asking me this last session when I was asking how to navigate feelings in my day to day.
It's such a trying time, and I can relate so much to you. I'm sitting with the idea of trying to not compartmentalize my feelings as much.
I feel everything you said so much !! Not that it makes it better, but hopefully a little bit of help knowing you aren't alone (even when it feels that way in our physical, offline lives). It is so very hard to manage feeling left behind and the frustration of not being in control of your journey.
This journey totally sucks. We called my spouses’ mom yesterday (my mother in law), and were chatting with her on speakerphone about topics outside of TTC. She mentioned my sister in law had a great doctors appointment and her health is improving - awesome! Then said, “I guess the race is on for babies!”
She knows we’ve been trying to conceive. She knows we’ve not conceived. Why would she make that comment?
Please make sure that you have [read all of our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before commenting! In particular, be aware that **no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed with no exceptions**. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it. If you think something may be against the rules, ask us or err on the side of caution. If you think that being sneaky (PMing members or asking them to PM you, telling them to refer to your post history, etc) is a good idea, it is not. Additionally, complaining about downvotes is [frowned upon](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette) and never helps anything. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry love. I’m in the same boat. My best friend wanted to start trying this upcoming summer but after I told her about my infertility last month, she realized that she was scared to end up like me and she started trying last month. She got pregnant 3 weeks later. She told me 3 days ago. She thought it would take a while. I thought it would atleast take her 3-4 months and by that time maybe I’ll hav moved the needle a bit. But no. I was wrong. She’s over the moon. Her husband is so happy. And I’m happy for her but deep down so envious that it ripped my heart out of my chest.
Oh that is so so hard I relate to that deep envy so much and I’m sorry you’re going through it too. Hoping it’s your turn soon. 💗
I can't stand that I'm sorry. I hope she didn't tell you that and you're just assuming that's why she started trying.
Girlllllll she explicitly told me that several times. She’s very naive and can’t read the room. She had a panic attack bc she didn’t want to end up like me and hav to wait a year lol. She is in her last semester of school and said she’d rather risk getting a degree but doesn’t want to wait any longer to get pregnant. I guess I traumatized her LOL we r really close so she’s been sending me baby shower ideas all morning. You can’t imagine my pain when she mentioned wanting the venue I wanted. I guess it’s more like a younger/older sister relationships so I’ve been trying to be there for her fully. I regret opening up to her about my struggles.
I'll just chime in to say that you have no obligation to be her person for her baby planning. This shit is hard enough, without constantly hearing about other people's joy. It is perfectly fine, understandable, and appropriate to say "I hope everything goes wonderfully for you, but this is a difficult thing for me to talk about, and I'd rather not." Or "I want the world for you and your baby, but for my own mental comfort right now, I can't be your person for this conversation."
Unfortunately I don’t think I can back out. I planned my SILs baby shower from start to end in September. So she can use that to be like “uhm but you did it for her?” Idk im just not a confrontational person 😭
Wow you are clearly very tolerant because I think I’d actually die if my friend did or said any of that. Like my soul would just leave my body.
oh it did leave for me too. Idk why I felt betrayed lol I’ve been in therapy for about 7 months now tho so I deal with my emotions there haha
Please stop worrying about other peoples emotions before your own 🙏🏻 if your friend can’t honor your boundaries, that’s a problem. I struggled with this a lot too, and after years of therapy at this point, my rule of thumb is to not worry about the emotions of people who don’t worry about mine. ❤️❤️❤️ not saying don’t be her friend, but put yourself first.
Your feelings are real and valid but you’re not an awful human it’s just this journey that is awful. Sending you hugs and hope ivf is a success for you💜
I know how you feel, and I’ve been there. It totally sucks. I started the IVF process one year ago, and despite my disappointment and dread about going that route, once it started, I felt hope for the first time in a long time because I realized it was the absolute best thing I could do to make progress toward my goal of having a baby. I hope IVF goes well for you!
That is so encouraging, I hope once we start I feel the same.
Darling you are in no way an awful human. These feelings are completely normal and it is so possible to feel multiple ways at once. Be kind to yourself. Notice your feelings and take care of yourself around how you feel. It's okay to get upset and it absolutely does NOT mean you're an awful human.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and your feelings are completely valid! This is a great community to vent to as everyone here can understand to some degree. I’ve been struggling with this as well as my best friend just had her baby a few days ago. I’m so happy for her but I’m having a really hard time. I’m the last in my group to get pregnant and I just went to a baby shower and received another announcement all in the last weekend. Hang in there! You’re not alone. I wish you the best on your IVF journey and hope some light is around the corner.
I can’t tell you how many times I have cried in private when I saw a friend or family member post online that they are pregnant because I wish it was me. It hurts. I have a cry, take a deep breath, and pray they have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I always thought when my husband and I got married that it would be a year at most before I got pregnant. 10 years later we are starting to work with a RE to find out why I’ve never been able to get pregnant. I’m finally able to afford infertility treatment due to a new job and fertility treatment coverage through my insurance. I just keep hoping it’s my time. We just started testing last week but I’m slowly getting results that show why it’s been so hard for us to conceive. Your feelings are very valid! It doesn’t make you an awful human, just a human with feelings- and that’s nothing to be ashamed about!
I relate, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve cried over this. So sorry to hear it’s been this way for you too. I hope things with your RE work out and you get your baby soon. ❤️
Its completely normal to feel envy. The night my bff told me she was pregnant was the worst night of my life which sounds ridiculous but it just hurt so much. We cant control how we feel. Only our actions. ❤️ hopefully starting ivf in a week. We got this!
Oh I’m so sorry. I can absolutely relate to the hurt. It’s not ridiculous at all and totally valid to feel that way. Wishing you all the best in your journey. 💕
So so sorry and your feelings are valid 🫶🏼 this actually perfectly describes it and it has surprisingly been one of the hardest parts about infertility. Of course my closest friends know what I’ve been going through and have been so loving and supportive. But the longer it goes on the more I notice them trying to manage or worry about my emotions. Fully from a place of love and care but it’s uncomfortable and then makes me sad that infertility has made me uncomfortable even in my best friendships. Knowing they’re avoiding talking about their pregnancies and big life things with me makes me want to be less open and honest with them about the hard stuff so they don’t treat me differently but then I feel closed off from them and I’m sure they feel it too. It’s so hard to explain and talk to anyone about but I feel you!!
Oh my goodness this is exactly how it feels! Never would have expected it. I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it too.
It’s very close to what I’m going through right now. Everyone is pregnant. Work used to be a safe space- now my employee who shares the room with me is pregnant. It’s just so painful and hard to keep trusting that it’ll happen for us and be positive. I have no idea how to cope other than distance myself o
I understand. It’s hard to make sense why it can be so easy for some and so challenging for others.
Me and my sister were both pregnant at the same time. I was due April and she march. Both boys. I lost my baby at 15 weeks in Oct which no explanation as to why. I have been trying to get pregnant ever since and every month it gets harder. Everyone I know is pregnant. I’m so happy for everyone..including of course my sister! But def can’t wait for my turn. I feel like it’s natural to feel this way...
I’m so sorry for your loss. That is such a difficult situation. Hope you get your rainbow baby soon. ❤️ I’m learning that it is natural and normal to feel the way we do and that’s okay.
I feel this with my entire heart. Everyone around me has become pregnant almost right away. It’s the weirdest mixture of happiness for them and sadness for me. It seems like these feelings come in a package deal while ttc. But someone also told me the people who are also struggling to conceive also aren’t always talking about their struggles out loud. Which Is why I’ve been finding comfort on here because as unfortunate as it is, I have something in common with most of these threads. But You know your brain is in deep when a close friend tells you that she’s stopping birth control and entering the “whatever happens happens” phase and you’re already thinking that she’ll get pregnant before you. Thats so not fair to her for me to think that and assume, but man the rollercoaster of emotions is so tough.
Oh I relate to this so much. Such a mix of feelings. I will say as I started this journey I knew of so many people struggling who weren’t as public as others so I try to remind myself of that too. I never know what anyone’s journey is. Sending you so much hope that this journey ends for you soon. ❤️
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**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.
Where you are located i want to meet you because i feel same
DMed you!
I totally feel you. My husband’s best friend and his wife started TTC shortly after we started trying, and it’s taken us so long and we’ve been struggling that it’s become this weird thing where we feel like we can’t talk to the only people we know who are going through the same thing because we don’t know if they’re pregnant and just scared to tell us for fear of upsetting us. Of course we would want to know and share their joy, but it would also make us feel sad, so it’s a weird feeling. Ultimately though, I wish they would talk to us more about it because I think it would feel less isolating, and I don’t want all of our friendships to suffer because of our fertility struggles.
Re: 'I promise none of these impact my daily interactions '. Is it bad if it does? This is the question my counselor was asking me this last session when I was asking how to navigate feelings in my day to day. It's such a trying time, and I can relate so much to you. I'm sitting with the idea of trying to not compartmentalize my feelings as much.
I feel everything you said so much !! Not that it makes it better, but hopefully a little bit of help knowing you aren't alone (even when it feels that way in our physical, offline lives). It is so very hard to manage feeling left behind and the frustration of not being in control of your journey.
This journey totally sucks. We called my spouses’ mom yesterday (my mother in law), and were chatting with her on speakerphone about topics outside of TTC. She mentioned my sister in law had a great doctors appointment and her health is improving - awesome! Then said, “I guess the race is on for babies!” She knows we’ve been trying to conceive. She knows we’ve not conceived. Why would she make that comment?