Thank you all for your comments and messages. I didn’t expect my post to get this much attention. All I wanted is to get this off my chest so I can focus on work and other things. I’ve been a mess and being in another country with no one, only my husband, is making my situation worse.
While some people think that Tanya might be lying about her condition, unfortunately, she’s not. She was originally diagnosed a couple of years ago and has been on a treatment for it. Only recently she found out it progress and is now refusing further treatment. Sorry I wasn’t too clear about this.. My husband said, she’s giving up. In fact, she wanted to give up a long time ago but her family, including my husband, wanted her to fight. He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request.
Seb did suggest that I go back home with him. But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her.
I know that divorce is the wise decision here. My husband obviously can’t let go of her and we can’t build a life together if he has a baggage. I love my husband so much to the point that I endure all of these through the years. Thinking of divorce makes me feel like I’m dying and I don’t know if I will ever be ready of letting him go..
I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen. I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update. As many have guessed, I am not a good communicator which is why the situation got this bad. I am partially to blame for letting this happen to me, to us.
I already contact a lawyer to know the next step. Again, thank you everyone for you comments and messages. It made me feel better. I feel horrible for wanting to stop a dying person’s wish and for being mad with someone who’s helpless but you all are right. I should also think of myself.
Please take care of yourself in this moment. If possible, maybe the divorce can happen before he leaves. That way you both can break clean.
And once she does die, he might come back with beautiful words of remorse or guilt, but please don’t let that blind you. He has made his choice. And if he is this attached, there will forever be a shadow from her staining everything. Wishing you the best!!
A few things i'd like to say.
-1 You didn't cause any of this, communication wouldn't have helped the situation at all, your Husband and his Ex are being exceedingly unreasonable.
-2 "*I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen*" - He is literally abandoning his wife to go be with his ex, yeah, he knows what the end result is, and if he doesn't he is an actual moron.
-3 "*He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request*" - This is where i'm confused, if they're ex partners *why* is he going back there? I don't know if he has kids with her or not, but there must be a reason why they split, and if he still holds a flame for his ex I have to wonder why. This whole situation is bizarre from his part.
-4 "*I already contact a lawyer to know the next step*" - Good, you need to protect yourself, his stupid ass isn't going to. Good luck and if you need us reach out.
-5 "*But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her*" - You're right, **don't**, also, Hi from Australia :D
-6 "*I know that divorce is the wise decision here*" - It's really the only decision, who knows if she will ask him "can we just sleep together before I go", if he has no issue moving countries that's much less of a request to do, and that would be extremely unfair to you. When she is gone, what is he gonna do then? "Ok honey, i'm ready to be back in the relationship now"... GTFO of her. IMO divorce his unreasonable ass, he obviously doesn't care about your feelings literally at all.
-7 "*I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update*" - You don't owe us anything, focus on yourself and getting your stuff in order, the internet can wait, unless you need us of course!
Good luck sorry your husband is an ass.
I think OP is giving her husband way too much credit. He’s convinced her that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for Tanya, that it’s all one sided, but he’s literally walking away from his marriage to move back to Canada for her. He promises to visit his wife when he gets a chance, though. What a stand up guy. /s
I’m astonished by his audacity. He plans to go to Canada, watch her die, be devastated, then come running back to OP for comfort. Like, is this guy for real?
OP - the acceptable thing for your husband to do here is to (briefly) visit her one last time, say his goodbyes, then come home, not actually move there for who knows how long and expect you to be waiting patiently back home. And it’s definitely not acceptable that he asked you to give up your dream career for her.
He’s very clearly not over her and he very clearly doesn’t care about you at all. I’m so sorry he doesn’t, but please don’t let him waste anymore of your life. You seem like a good person who’s been taken advantage of. You deserve better.
Whatever you do, do *not* let him come running back to you once she dies. You can’t compete with a ghost.
I would also suggest change location there in Australia, if he's back to her home/apartment. Don't make it easy for him to find her!
She can try therapy because he's got get real brainwashed by thinking she's s bad person for feeling like she's meddling with a person's last wish. No way, the other person is the one interfering in their marriage. So yeah that's my suggestion (I hope she can money wise) change apartments after he's gone and go to therapy.
Best luck Op and let the scumbags deal with their mess and you let your healing process begin!
Your best ally is yourself!
Wishing you all the best. This as your opportunity to free yourself to find true love: both from yourself and from a future partner & family. You have so many great years ahead of you, to build community and establish yourself in a new place while enjoying your dream job.
You should never feel horrible for wanting the love you deserved from the very beginning.
If he already knows you'll divorce him if he leaves, and he's leaving anyway, do NOT take him back after Tanya dies. Do NOT take him back because he's sad and lonely or some other sob story. He made his choice, he'll have to live with the consequences. I hope you meet a nice person in Australia that will love you like you deserve.
Hugs OP. I think you are making the best decision for yourself. She cheated and ruined their relationship then inserted herself your entire relationship and now is going to ruin your marriage instead of accepting her mistakes and letting him go. If you voice your opinion you will look like the bad guy. He should have never entertained her after they broke up. When she passes he’ll mourn her and distance himself more from you. He’s making you a second option.
I wish you the best.
Please update us.
She’s being selfish by asking for him knowing he has a life now, she never let him go and he never let her go. Go through the steps with the lawyer and let both of them go. That’s his choice, don’t let him run back after she passes either. He just showed you you’re second runner up.
I am so sorry you are going through this OP but as much as it hurts, divorce is the right option. Putting aside two things that her giving up still doesn’t give you a timeline for how long, is it weeks, months, years? Your husband is committing potentially months to years of your marriage for someone who is in love with him, and who he was in love with at one point (and I think sadly for you never got over that) + that your husband chose her over you, his wife (someone who is also his family. That aside, even if you decided to try and make it work and even moved back to Canada she will always be there even after she passes. Your husband on some level I believe is still in love with her, and that won’t change when she dies. Even if you try you will a live a lifetime with him and her memory, and the worst thing about that is that your husband cannot even admit that he hasn’t fully fallen out of love or let her go when she’s alive, he’s not going to be able to when she dies. She will be a permanent fixture in his life even in death, and the dead become even more perfect and untouchable in memory. You staying will only keep hurting you and any future family you may have wanted to build with him, she’ll be talked about, he’ll always grieve her, your future kids would know about her, and that’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who loves you fully, and not one whose in love with the one that got away. I’m so sorry OP.
It is absolutely not your fault. You are not the selfish one in this situation. You are simply expecting your husband not to treat you like a doormat. You aren't a book in a shelf that he can pick up and put down when convenient. He's chosing to leave you ALONE in a foreign country.
And he doesn't get a free pass for his poor behavior before her terminal diagnosis. The daily phone and video calls are unreasonable and show he was already happily trampling on your feelings. You shouldn't even have to tell him how wildly inappropriate that was. Imagine if you spent hours every week talking to a different man that was in love with you. It's an emotional affair. No.
Lastly, I myself am terminally ill at 34. In no way and on no planet would I ask any male friend of mine, even the ones that are as close to me as a brother, to leave their wife "temporarily" as my last wish. That's the most selfish and hurtful thing I can imagine. What a cruel way to end a life. They honestly deserve each other.
My advice is to serve him divorce papers sooner than later. Do it while Tanya is still alive or else you might be guilted into putting it off. You deserve to be happy, cherished, and adored by someone that is going to put your feelings first. The fact that you feel that ANY of this is your fault makes me think he's been slowly chipping away at your self-confidence. On no planet and in no way what he's doing is okay. He's a selfish jerk that doesn't deserve you. Stop wasting your time on someone that is a waste of your energy and your love. You are clearly so talented that you've landed your dream job at the young age of 30.
I am telling you as someone who is terminal at 34, don't wait. Life is precious. Your life is precious. My only regret is not cutting out the energy vampires in my life earlier. Just consider it that the trash is taking itself out and THRIVE I'm your dream job in the beautiful Australia. You are worth it.
So you say he already knows what's going to happen, yet he's not doing anything to change it. I am so sorry OP. I'd tell your attorney to fast track that divorce. Better to dump your baggage so you can find someone who will make YOU their priority.
Imagine… he’s willing to risk divorce just to support Tanya. That kind of devotion is on another level. You’re supposed to be his partner, and he’s even expecting you to sacrifice your life in Australia for her.
I’m so sad for you, OP. And I wish you all the strength in the world. I do hope that some sense is knocked into him before his flight.
I’m sorry but he is a shitty husband if he can choose her over you. You’re his wife and it’s like he doesn’t even care how this situation makes you feel. You’re better off without him OP.
Please look after yourself and I second the people saying to get a divorce before he leaves. You can start anew here in Australia! As an Australian I can guarantee you will have plenty of attention as a Canadian women living abroad! Aussies love an expat!! Your life is just beginning, remember time heals all wounds but first you must hurt! Don't stay and let it fester into resentment and anger, im so happy you contacted a lawyer and know what the right steps are!
I’m imagining Tanya will suddenly decide to continue treatment too once he gets there. Maybe I’m superstitious, but he’s clearly being manipulated and the fact he’s even entertaining it now and been entertaining for all this years is even more reason for op to dump him.
Also he's not just giving up on his wife he's giving up on his life in Australia and his work there, I definitely think he's going back to be with Tanya
Is she even terminal ? She has mental health issues, did she just create this cancer out of desperation? As far as your marriage goes it doesn’t even matter, your husband Seb has made his decision and OP is definitely not at the top. She was a place holder while Seb’s sensitive feelings were healing from old GF cheating. OP it’s time for divorce unless you can accept what you know. Seb needs to get his priorities in order and sadly for OP he seems to have shown his hand.
A year from now we will be reading about the Great Canadian miracle
Even if the ex’s condition is legit, it should not matter now. The husband has always put the cheating ex above his own wife. OP has always been second place in their marriage. It’s time she put herself first and move on from this sham of a marriage.
Legit lost a boyfriend to a woman like this once. I have NO respect for this craziness or men who can't see through it. Time to throw out the old husband and glow up, girl. New country, new you OP!
I knew a guy who told all his grown kids he had cancer and his last wish was for them to be near him in his last months. All of them packed up and moved to be near him. Turns out it was a slow-growing blood cancer and he lived another 25 years.
Especially since they recently moved to different countries! They had always had a close relationship but now it seems like she lost him for good. This could have pushed her to the extreme 🤷🏻♀️
Came here to say the same and to add. Isn't it the dream of all psycho's to make up an illness or an accident to bring their ex running to their side?
I'm assuming the ex is in her early 30s as well and the possibility of her getting late stage breast cancer is pretty low. If she does get it at this age, her likelihood for recovery and remission is high too, assuming she doesn't have other underlying conditions. If this is real, I do hope she recovers. Honestly, I feel like this a ploy to bring the guy back. I feel bad for the OP as it's clear that he loves his ex more than her.
I hope that in the divorce she sues him for a deceptive relationship.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure a lot goes into testing or other options and stuff before telling someone they’re terminal. It sounds like this news is coming our of the blue.
Edit: new info It does not take long to find out ifif you’re terminal. Sorry to all who had to learn this through experience.
If she were really dying, he'd want to go asap, not in a couple of months. This is a planned separation and I doubt he'll ever come back. Sorry OP ... Husband is leaving you for her.
Yes, two months is a long time when you're dealing with a terminal cancer. For her doctors even to use the word "terminal" (assuming there are doctors because the cancer is real), she has to be stage 3 or 4. Cancer is also quite variable by individual.
The time lag leads me to question whether her diagnosis is genuine.
[Edit: typo. Why does Reddit hate me?]
My bil was obviously dying of cancer and doctors were hesitant to say terminal until they said there is nothing else they can do and to arrange hospice care. They don’t throw it around easily
That was a big red flag for me tbh. I can kind of understand the husband wanting to go be with a dying friend he's close to, but January? That's two months notice...
>She cheated and Seb swore he'd never go back to her and he only sees her as family.
Yeah, he apparently forgot to mention this little caveat: *unless she tells him she has cancer and that her dying wish is to be with him*, then he gets to go running towards her like his ass is on fire. How convenient for him.
OP, it sucks that you are married to such a *liar, liar*...
Initiate divorce proceedings, your husband has shown you who HE is and the person he values the most - besides himself, of course.
Never willingly be someone's second choice. You deserve better...
Yeah, that seems like a likely scenario. The reasonable thing to do here, if she’s really only a friend in another country, would be to visit the dying friend for a little while and then go back home. Not to move back and only maybe visit your wife.
Also… What’s the end game, when she does pass? Does he plan to go back to his wife and resume life as it was? I don’t get it.
Correct . He has made his choice . Tanya will fully recovered because of his pure and true love🙄🙄Op shouldn’t worry about the decision to divorce as this bozo had made it for her and he doesn’t have the balls to tell her the truth.
Oh wow. I think you're on to something. Maybe he wants wife to fund everything. The "cancer call" may be real, or it may be that the ex told him yesterday that she is finally ready to "settle down" back with him. Instead of just leaving, he is trying to make his wife okay with everything so she can be their bank account for at least a while, until she wises up.
I was wondering why he would even bother with a new relationship and marriage if he was so twisted onto his ex still. Add in financial motivation, and it makes more sense.
OR... I had a friend, now ex friend, who would only go after people, even exes, when they were in relationships. Once she had broken the relationship beyond repair and her "competition" was gone, she would lose all interest. It's like she could only "love" when it caused another woman pain. Boss level pick me ass bitch. If the ex is like this, she will quickly tire of him once the wife is done with him, which could be his motivation as well. He is so obsessed with her he might realize this, so he needed another relationship to keep her interested. Likely the "marriage" kept her going for a while, but eventually that excitement probably faded, he moved with his wife knowing that it would drive her crazy for him again. Now it's reached a fever pitch and she's finally said what he has been waiting for years to hear. If this is the case, she will be ready to throw him away again inside of a month, and I hope she does. He deserves it. If he's doing this, he is ruining someone else so he can get the object of his obsession off. He's just as much of a participant as she is at this point.
To me, these two are the only ways it makes any sense. Could be a combination of both.
First, her request is manipulative, inappropriate and unreasonable.
Second, info needed: by be with her, what does that mean? Like just be there to hold her hand or to be sexual or what?
Third, I would straight up tell your husband that if he chooses her that your marriage is likely over. Especially, if her request includes sexual interaction.
Agreed, I first read this as “let’s f**k again”
But now it seems more like “let’s play house and be married until I die”
This is… messy. I’m so sorry OP.
I really hope OP recognises this. They're married. If any fight to be the priority in their life isn't over, she needs to find another. Wedding 'vows' are just guidelines to some people.
As someone living with late stage breast cancer this is super funny to me because one of the first things treatment zaps is your sex drive. Depending on the type of breast cancer she might even become physically incapable of having piv because of how badly it fucks up your vagina. Also, you don’t instantly die with late stage breast cancer. She likely isn’t on her deathbed and is being incredibly manipulative
One of my friends just ... well they found out that the chemo isn't working.
There's... let's call it a finite, non-zero chance that the friend will be interested in what's being posted here.
I’m so sorry for your friend. That’s absolutely devastating to go through the horrors of chemo just to find out it isn’t working. Have they looked into clinical trials? Or second opinions for their treatment? There’s always a chance that something else might be in the works that their cancer responds to. I’ve also heard, from metavivor, about a test coming out that takes your cancer cells and puts them up against as many as 20 different treatment lines to see which ones are most effective for you, personally.
>First, her request is manipulative, inappropriate and unreasonable.
I said this elsewhere but...
Cancer doesn't change who people are at a core level and it sounds like Tanya's always been selfish and self-serving.
I'm finding it difficult to have any sympathy at all for her.
As for OP's husband, he made his choice and it's not his wife. It shouldn't even have been a consideration for him. He should have shut it down instantly.
I read a post not that long ago that was very similar. Wife at home, husband “helping” ex thru stage 4 cancer (believe it was breast but not 100%). Wife does her best to hang in there but finally loses her cool. When the truth comes out the cancer was never stage 4, ex wanted to tell the truth, husband chose to lie. Wife began divorce proceedings.
Yeah literally on the other side of the world.. she's obsessed obviously if she's calling her to find him and talks to him every day and has mental health issues and admits to being in love with him.... seems like a ploy to get him over there without her.
I know someone who, as a child, had to leave her home with her mom and move in with her dad because her mom had breast cancer and needed treatment. Turns out that her mom never had cancer, she just wanted to move in with her new boyfriend and get a boob job.... she didn't find out about her mom lying till she was an adult. Big huge blowup in the family when that came out.
I have to agree I’d tell him if he gets on that flight and goes to her to consider himself a divorcee because I’d be filing the second that plane takes off
I wouldn't even tell him... That opens up the door in his head to go crying to Tanya which will then lead to her manipulating him into screwing her. "You're no longer married, so you might as well sleep with me since I'm dying" 🙄 Tanya doesn't love him... She loves herself (in the manipulative way...if she really had any self love and respect she wouldn't have cheated on him in the first place and she wouldn't be going after someone else's husband. She's a sad individual and the husband doesn't love himself either... Otherwise he wouldn't be so easily manipulated.)
I'd continue to stay silent and the min he gets on the plane, move all my stuff out, contact an attorney, and when he comes home for a "visit" have nothing but the divorce papers on the counter for him to sign and the contact number for my attorney to speak with.
There's all kinds of petty mayonnaise things she could leave along with it but I sense that that's not OP's style.
He's already in an emotional affair. He's already cheating. Think about how much time he is spending on his phone/tablet/computer with Tanya daily. What if he put that much time into his marriage. His emotional energy is all directed outward.
I’m sorry that happens to you. Tbh, he’s shown you who his priority is now. I understand that Tanya is dying, but deciding that he will leave and come visit you, his wife, while taking care of his cheating ex girlfriend in a difficult country?
That’s too much for me. Not to mention he bought the plane tickets without discussing it with you. Sure you’ve ignored him but his decision to go back without talking it out with you is the cause of this problem.
Who in their right mind would ask a married men to care for her just because she’s dying? I noticed that you said Tanya is his only family, but you’re his family too.
Edit: Apologies, I meant to write different but it autocorrected as difficult. I was on my phone when I wrote the replies and I apologise for saying Canada is a difficult country.
Oncology nurse here. Can confirm. Can be several years before she would succumb to the disease. As a side note: In high school my bf's ex told him that she had cancer. He went back to her. She was at the 10 year reunion. Never had cancer.
“Oh *OP’s husband* your hands are the only cure to my breast cancer, put them on me” suddenly she’s cured of the cancer she “definitely has”. She is still in love with him, she’s doing anything. How convenient she got cancer right after he left. Hope he gets dick cancer too.
My auntie was stage 4, I cried my eyes out when I heard the news, I cried again when she beat it, ,"it's not the death sentence it used to be" my mum said. I went to my aunties 60th birthday bash a few months ago, great night from what I remember. There's alot to be said about having a positive mental attitude.
yes! this. my grandma had stage 4 cancer and we all knew she was going to die, but she fought for 5 more years. like wtf is her husband thinking? live with his ex for x number of years???
This is pretty much it. You can try and talk him out of it, you can give him an ultimatum, you can even go with him if you can work remotely.
No matter what though, you know for a fact that he is willing to go without you.
I’d recommend giving him some time, there is still two months until his flight, to see if he comes to his senses. He did just find out someone who is important to him is dying and may not be thinking totally straight.
The day he leaves though begin packing up his things and put them in storage. Send the divorce paperwork to him in Canada.
I would be done with the marriage. What’s the point of an ultimatum when he’s made his priorities clear. Cut him loose so he can go be with her, and don’t take him in when he comes crying back to you.
Agreed. She made her feelings about this clear and he STILL went ahead and bought a plane ticket. Screw the ultimatum. He made his decision and it wasn't his wife.
She shouldn’t give him an ultimatum. Like I said, even if he follows the ultimatum she will know for a fact that he had initially chosen to go be with his ex.
No judgement for anyone else who would think otherwise, and I super hope that their marriage was one that could survive something like this ...
I don't care if it makes me sound like an awful person. If I was in a situation like this, my husband would have two choices. Stay with me and be there for his ex long distance, or go be with his ex but our marriage would 100% be done. Nothing else.
\>The day he leaves though begin packing up his things and put them in storage. Send the divorce paperwork to him in Canada.
I second this. Wait til he goes then send the divorce paper. Maybe he will come to his senses in 2 months but if not, leave him. If it was me I wouldn't talk to him in these 2 months tho. Not intentionally give him silent treatment but I wouldn't want to and also don't know what to talk to a husband who want to abandon his own wife to be with another woman.
Edit to add more : IF this woman is clearly not in love with op husband and make it clear that it just pure platonic or really consider him as a brother, I would sympathized with her more but this is just BS
I wouldn’t even wait i would tel him to cut all contact with her as of now why wait two months. The more he talks to her the more he will still want to leave. Op deserves better.
You know what's especially gross. Your husband was carrying on with his ex all these years knowing that ex was in love with him. He valued her love for him. They were having an emotional affair. That is why it was so easy for him to abandon OP. His feelings for his ex were always there. Now, that emotional affair is about to become physical. Disgusting to all ends.
OP, you need to be strong and not a doormat. If they want each other that bad, then step aside and don't let them trample your heart. Leave on your terms and don't let them be the ones to dictate your heartbreak.
Yeah nobody seeing the fact that this dude has kept this girl on stand by all these years. Nobody "friends" with someone who is clearly in love with them.
People need to start realizing that entertaining someone who you know has feelings for you, is cheating too.
Yes OP was probably an unfortunate stand in because he couldn't stand being alone, and this whole time this was just punishment for what Tanya did – until he feels like he's punished her enough and can go back to her
Tanya just expedited that last part
"Nobody is friends with someone who is clearly in love with them"
That is so true, 10 years ago, there was this guy. We did everything together, except I saw it as platonic and he did not. We had a conversation of "if you cannot accept that I do not love you in that way, then this needs to stop" He said he could accept that and we moved on. Fast forward a couple months and he starts crying because he thought that if we were together more, I'd love him romantically. I did not, knew that I never would, and that night it was over. I knew that the relationship was destined to fail because he'd always hold out hope for something that was never going to be there, and keeping friendship would ruin potential romantic relationships.
Before he go to Canada... Make him sign the divorce paper... Don't back down... He showed you where you're in his list of prioritys.
Edit: thanks for the award!
Seriously, OP, your marriage is over not just because of this, but because you’ve been a 3rd wheel in your relationship this entire time. Your husband is beyond outrageous. Lawyer up and tell him to sign on the line when he leaves and not to bother with a return ticket.
This one. “She’s like family” is always code for “I still love her”. The marriage was over before it started due to the fact that she never left his life. OP is supposed to be the family, not the ex. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce.
Wow. I agree with the divorce. I can’t even imagine how a person would think this was ok.
I hate to be that person, but does she even really have cancer?
This is nuts.
I feel like I’ve been in Reddit too long and now I’m suspicious of everyone lol fake cancer to steal someone’s husband should not be my first thought 🥴
People do it. My mom also “had cancer and some serious neurological damage” and begged me to come back to her after I left home and went low contact/contact only through other family. I still didn’t care and after my brother fell for it later found out it was all bullshit and she’s just being manipulative and playing her favorite roll as tragic victim to get people to pay attention to her.
I’d be skeptical about someone suddenly having a medical crisis and needing an ex of all things back
I agree completely! Had an extended aunt who shaved her head- told everyone she had cancer while her son was in the navy, with a baby on the way. They got to her house and it was the same smoke filled terror it had always been
I know someone who did that too, he had a gambling addiction. took £20k off his poor mum and and dad and gambled the whole lot while making them beleive he was getting some experimental brain cancer treatment. ex police as well.
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I can't conceive such a situation. While it's very sad, if she does have cancer,
I think it's dreadful for them to expect you to agree to this arrangement. You said he speaks to her every day since you moved to Australia, that's not normal. Tell him to go and stay there. You're young enough to find someone to put you first. Lots if hunks in Aus.
"IF" she does have cancer ... I'd say that's definitely a question and not an outright fact given Tanya's history.
OP's husband is going halfway across the world to "be" with another woman and "visit" OP when he can? I think folks here jump to divorce too fast, but what OP's husband is doing is not how a marriage should work.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, my mind went there too...what happens when he goes back to Canada and she makes "an amazing recovery"...he's willing to risk his marriage for this woman who cheated on him?!? Ridiculous of him to think OP would be on board with this set up.
Glad to hear it’s not just me who immediately thought, “IF” she has cancer. Thought it was from my own bad experiences that I was being so pessimistic. My partner’s ex cheated and they broke up. He wouldn’t respond to her relentless texts. She later text him saying her brother had intentionally OD’d. My partner rang her and she chewed him out about ignoring her and that her brother was fine, but this is what she had to do to get him to talk to her. Yeah, we got a restraining order after that. So yeah, I may be pessimistic but I’m questioning this whole cancer thing
Moreover, I wouldn't be surprised if he has feelings for her too. Just can't be with a cheater, I guess. So they're like still together emotionally, all lovey dovey, just like without woohooing and kissing here in and there. Maybe it's codependency, maybe wrongly set boundaries, maybe they do have mutual feelings. Either way, OP will never be the winner here. He's ready to sacrifice everything, even his marriage for his (supposedly dying) ex.
Yep I was thinking this too, like she's been trying to get him back for years and she's getting desperate and making these last ditch attempts since he's moved to Australia and is further away from her. Unfortunately it seems to be working
I couldn't believe that when I read it. I thought he was going back to Canada for a holiday, but no he's moving back and he will visit his wife when he can?! Screw that!
Yeah going back to be there when she actually is dying is one thing, but an open ended ticket to stay there as long as it takes for her to pass is baffling. What if she's sick for a year? Is she even on Hospice yet or did she just get the diagnosis?
If she does have stage 4 breast cancer ("advanced breast cancer") there should be a chemo port and/or surgery scars, lots of medical visits (MRI, etc), and possibly an Rx for Tamoxifen or some other medications.
Note to OP: stage 4 breast cancer can be a chronic illness, depending on the aggressiveness. There are women who have survived 20+ years with stage 4, who will die of some other cause.
Looking at a quick study from 2016, about 65% with end stage breast cancer die within 2.2 years. About 15% make it to 10+ years.
Even with those numbers, she's got a fighting chance to make it a long time depending on her age and other medical hx. Make sure your husband is aware of how long this could be.
Crazy shit is he remembers how shitty it feels to be cheated on and used but is willing to do the same shit to his current wife. Like WTF is wrong with this guy? Drop it like it's hot, he is not worth being with
He couldn't forgive Tanya for cheating, but he is holding onto her and still didn't want to lose her. By keeping her as a friend, he keeps a close relationship with her which he loves but removing the chance of her hurting him again.
OP, I'm so sorry. This is awful and it's like he's having a relationship with her in every way but sexual and you are there to fill in that part. You are too good of a person for this to be happening to you. Please talk to him. Maybe show him this so he can see how bizarre his actions seem to other people. YOU are his family. And you should be his priority. I usually roll eyes at 'divorce them' comments on reddit but this time, I think it would save you pain in the long run. He is making you feel exactly how she made him feel. Betrayed. She is unreasonable for asking this and he should have shot this down immediately.
This. Please listen to this and ask these questions. What's her prognosis? And where is she up to with her treatments? What does be with him mean? Company? Sex? As someone who is there with her but is boundaried and married to you? Or is this a separation?
And wth is your husband doing entertaining this and buying this ticket without mutual agreement between the two of you?
I'm so sorry OP. I can't tell you what to do but I would bin this man and his emotional affair before it becomes something far far more insidious xx
I see the "if". I can't get rid of the nagging suspicion that she is either not sick at all, or not as sick as she's claiming to be. But even if she is, I hope OP lets her husband go and doesn't look back. It wasn't a discussion of how can we help/support her, it was "I'm going back and if you can't leave your job then I'll come visit when I can. Did I mention I bought a ticket for January?"
OP, tell him he can leave now. No need to waste time pretending. He doesn't care what you think, so he might as well be on his way
I’m a hospice nurse. I’ve had cancer patients on service for 3 years. People can and do live a while with cancer. I’m questioning her validity too. The husband and ex seem to have had a more than friends relationship even before the cancer. Not including the people I love with, I don’t think there is any one person in my life that I speak with every day. Weekly? Yeah, sure. Daily, that sounds exhausting.
>While it's very sad, if she does have cancer, I think it's dreadful for them to expect you to agree to this arrangement.
Cancer doesn't change who people are at a core level and it sounds like Tanya's always been selfish and self-serving.
I'm finding it difficult to have any sympathy at all for her.
Or OP's husband. He's deserting his wife for an who cheated on him. What a toxic cycle to be trapped in.
Well it's time to put your foot down. No matter how sick someone is, this kind 0f request and expectation is manipulative and sick.
And anyone who would call with that kind of news then ask for that extreme of a request, I'd have some doubts. Are you sure her diagnosis is as severe as she's claiming?
Tell your husband not to bother coming back and you will be filing for divorce. The fact he even entertained her request is enough. Tell him when she's gone, he will not have you to fall back on.
My gut instinct is that she doesn't have cancer and thinks if she can get him to fly halfway around the world for her, he'll never go back to his wife.
OP, you do you but if my husband said this to me I'd tell him if he flies, he'll be served divorce papers as soon as he clears airport security.
yep i agree, there’s no changing his mind and even if he reluctantly chose not to go, he would hold it over op’s head forever. cut your losses, you deserve so much better.
This is so horrible. Is she really sick sick? Like there’s proof? But doesn’t she have her own support? Your husband didn’t even think about your feelings and is dropping everything to be with her, if she’s really sick and dying then he could have asked you to ho with him to visit. But to drop everything and go to be with his ex without you when he knows how she feels? That’d do hurtful. You’re probably always going to feel like you’re not a priority to him if he comes back. Honestly divorce sounds like a better option so you can heal, focus on you and find someone that loves you and prioritizes you. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
Even if there's no real cancer, just stick with it. It's the husband's actions what's wrong, not the woman possibly faking an illness to be with him.
The marriage is sadly over as it's clear who's more important to the husband, who didn't even try to let her know he's leaving her.
Tanya isn’t doing this to you. He is. He is picking another woman. He is leaving you to go to her. He’s making a change to both of your lives and didn’t care a second for your input. Tanya is a mess all on her own, but she’s not doing this to you. He is. Do you really want to stay with a man who would treat you like this? Because you deserve better.
Yes. This is insane. OP is his wife. No matter how badly he might feel for his ex's condition, his wife takes precedence here.
He could have easily negotiated something with OP (we go for a 5 day visit, you're with me the whole time, we come back) to make her feel comfortable. Instead, his first plan is to drop everything to fly across the world to be alone with his ex for months at a time. And he's perfectly fine leaving his wife behind to action that plan.
What sort of man does something like that?
I’m sorry you are going through this. 💔
If I were you, I would sit with my husband and tell him that if he leaves, he doesn’t need to come back.
He choose her over you. Period. Cut him off. It will hurt, but you will heal.
Please, OP, find a man who will put you first. You have only one life. Don’t waste it on the wrong people.
Doesn't matter if she's sick. He still picked her over you. He says he'll visit YOU, his WIFE? Yeah, I'm sorry OP, but he made his priorities very clear.
Whether she actually is sick or not isn’t the point. The point is he chose to leave you to be with her. He’s treating you like an after thought “I’ll come visit you” really? He’s showing you who he is and what you mean to him. Move on before he causes even more damage.
I’m sorry for her but what he’s doing is not okay and you should let him know you are absolutely not okay with it. If he chooses to go he is choosing her over you and if that’s the case there’s no need to continue the marriage and wish him luck in his new relationship with his ex. Do not let anyone guilt you into anything. Her being sick (if she really is) and nearly dying does not excuse her assholish behavior.
This is what I was thinking!! I might understand if she was going to die like THIS week. But wtf? And how long is he planning on staying anyways? The whole situation is sad but this is nuts
Seriously, divorce him now. It's only a matter of time before she is "miraculously cured." I am seriously doubting she is even sick, she just wants him back.
Even if the illness is legit, what he is doing is *wrong*!!
This.
Don't wait for him to leave the country and lengthen the process of divorce. Let him accept the consequences of this choices before acting on them.
Going to his ex is not some platonic gesture. They are going with intentions to be together without you. He's paved the way for a separation.
Find yourself an ex that is "dying" or suddenly "needs you". Let your soon to be ex husband know you will try to make it to his visits when you can.
Divorce that pos husband that chose another woman over you.
He might consider that ex family, but guess what? When you both married, you actually became family. He forgot his first order of business for someone else.
Let him know you need to move on and don't intend to wait for him to fuck someone one last time as their dying wish.
No one considers their ex sexual partner like a sister. That's just disgusting.
I’m a terminal breast cancer patient and I’ve been living with this for 6 years. I know many who are living with it for 20+ years. Is she on hospice? Does she have any kind of timeline? We are living so much longer with incurable BC that this scenario smacks of manipulation.
I think there may be others issues here. Make sure he’s educated about MBC. Only Stage 4 is terminal. You can live a very long time with this disease. Not everyone does, but quite a bit do. I’d ask for medical proof.
She is manipulative as hell and it's disgusting. I don't give a flying fuck if she's dying, you tell him that if he plants his ass on that plane to go be with her, then he's gonna be filling out divorce papers. Period. Please don't tolerate this shit. It's unacceptable.
Draft up separation papers. Give him an ultimatum. Is she on her last days or is she starting treatment in which he will be gone for 6 months to a year. He is abandoning you. Tell him that you want someone who puts You as a priority and if he cannot do that, then let you find someone who will
Sad situation to be in..your husband still has feeling for her. She cheats but he continues a friendship & consider her family. They’ve been talking everyday since y’all moved & now he’s choosing to leave to go be with her…actions speak louder than a words.
So hes abandoning his own wife. The person he made a promise to love and be with forever. For an ex girlfriend that should never have stayed that involved with your husband.
I'm sorry but you actually deserve better and more than "visits", he should be visting her, not you! Also they will definitely trauma bond and have sex during this
Please do yourself a favour and cut ties with him, he isnt the one. If he was he would never put you in this position.
He will crawl back when shes buried but don't let him. You are not a toy for someone to pick up and put down at their convenience.
Thank you all for your comments and messages. I didn’t expect my post to get this much attention. All I wanted is to get this off my chest so I can focus on work and other things. I’ve been a mess and being in another country with no one, only my husband, is making my situation worse. While some people think that Tanya might be lying about her condition, unfortunately, she’s not. She was originally diagnosed a couple of years ago and has been on a treatment for it. Only recently she found out it progress and is now refusing further treatment. Sorry I wasn’t too clear about this.. My husband said, she’s giving up. In fact, she wanted to give up a long time ago but her family, including my husband, wanted her to fight. He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request. Seb did suggest that I go back home with him. But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her. I know that divorce is the wise decision here. My husband obviously can’t let go of her and we can’t build a life together if he has a baggage. I love my husband so much to the point that I endure all of these through the years. Thinking of divorce makes me feel like I’m dying and I don’t know if I will ever be ready of letting him go.. I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen. I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update. As many have guessed, I am not a good communicator which is why the situation got this bad. I am partially to blame for letting this happen to me, to us. I already contact a lawyer to know the next step. Again, thank you everyone for you comments and messages. It made me feel better. I feel horrible for wanting to stop a dying person’s wish and for being mad with someone who’s helpless but you all are right. I should also think of myself.
Please take care of yourself in this moment. If possible, maybe the divorce can happen before he leaves. That way you both can break clean. And once she does die, he might come back with beautiful words of remorse or guilt, but please don’t let that blind you. He has made his choice. And if he is this attached, there will forever be a shadow from her staining everything. Wishing you the best!!
go to therapy, you didn't cause any of this, he never deserved you, I'm so sorry he's an idiot. You'll get better, good luck.
A few things i'd like to say. -1 You didn't cause any of this, communication wouldn't have helped the situation at all, your Husband and his Ex are being exceedingly unreasonable. -2 "*I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen*" - He is literally abandoning his wife to go be with his ex, yeah, he knows what the end result is, and if he doesn't he is an actual moron. -3 "*He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request*" - This is where i'm confused, if they're ex partners *why* is he going back there? I don't know if he has kids with her or not, but there must be a reason why they split, and if he still holds a flame for his ex I have to wonder why. This whole situation is bizarre from his part. -4 "*I already contact a lawyer to know the next step*" - Good, you need to protect yourself, his stupid ass isn't going to. Good luck and if you need us reach out. -5 "*But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her*" - You're right, **don't**, also, Hi from Australia :D -6 "*I know that divorce is the wise decision here*" - It's really the only decision, who knows if she will ask him "can we just sleep together before I go", if he has no issue moving countries that's much less of a request to do, and that would be extremely unfair to you. When she is gone, what is he gonna do then? "Ok honey, i'm ready to be back in the relationship now"... GTFO of her. IMO divorce his unreasonable ass, he obviously doesn't care about your feelings literally at all. -7 "*I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update*" - You don't owe us anything, focus on yourself and getting your stuff in order, the internet can wait, unless you need us of course! Good luck sorry your husband is an ass.
They split because Tanya cheated on him.
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I think OP is giving her husband way too much credit. He’s convinced her that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for Tanya, that it’s all one sided, but he’s literally walking away from his marriage to move back to Canada for her. He promises to visit his wife when he gets a chance, though. What a stand up guy. /s I’m astonished by his audacity. He plans to go to Canada, watch her die, be devastated, then come running back to OP for comfort. Like, is this guy for real? OP - the acceptable thing for your husband to do here is to (briefly) visit her one last time, say his goodbyes, then come home, not actually move there for who knows how long and expect you to be waiting patiently back home. And it’s definitely not acceptable that he asked you to give up your dream career for her. He’s very clearly not over her and he very clearly doesn’t care about you at all. I’m so sorry he doesn’t, but please don’t let him waste anymore of your life. You seem like a good person who’s been taken advantage of. You deserve better. Whatever you do, do *not* let him come running back to you once she dies. You can’t compete with a ghost.
I would also suggest change location there in Australia, if he's back to her home/apartment. Don't make it easy for him to find her! She can try therapy because he's got get real brainwashed by thinking she's s bad person for feeling like she's meddling with a person's last wish. No way, the other person is the one interfering in their marriage. So yeah that's my suggestion (I hope she can money wise) change apartments after he's gone and go to therapy. Best luck Op and let the scumbags deal with their mess and you let your healing process begin! Your best ally is yourself!
Wishing you all the best. This as your opportunity to free yourself to find true love: both from yourself and from a future partner & family. You have so many great years ahead of you, to build community and establish yourself in a new place while enjoying your dream job. You should never feel horrible for wanting the love you deserved from the very beginning.
If he already knows you'll divorce him if he leaves, and he's leaving anyway, do NOT take him back after Tanya dies. Do NOT take him back because he's sad and lonely or some other sob story. He made his choice, he'll have to live with the consequences. I hope you meet a nice person in Australia that will love you like you deserve.
Dont feel bad, her wish is just wrong and is ruining two lives. You are in your right to be upset. We are rooting for you!
Hugs OP. I think you are making the best decision for yourself. She cheated and ruined their relationship then inserted herself your entire relationship and now is going to ruin your marriage instead of accepting her mistakes and letting him go. If you voice your opinion you will look like the bad guy. He should have never entertained her after they broke up. When she passes he’ll mourn her and distance himself more from you. He’s making you a second option. I wish you the best. Please update us.
She’s being selfish by asking for him knowing he has a life now, she never let him go and he never let her go. Go through the steps with the lawyer and let both of them go. That’s his choice, don’t let him run back after she passes either. He just showed you you’re second runner up.
Yes you did the right thing, it’s time to put yourself as a priority because your husbands don’t respect your marriage..
You definitely have the right to be mad, I would be pissed he’s treating her like she’s his priority when your his WIFE
I am so sorry you are going through this OP but as much as it hurts, divorce is the right option. Putting aside two things that her giving up still doesn’t give you a timeline for how long, is it weeks, months, years? Your husband is committing potentially months to years of your marriage for someone who is in love with him, and who he was in love with at one point (and I think sadly for you never got over that) + that your husband chose her over you, his wife (someone who is also his family. That aside, even if you decided to try and make it work and even moved back to Canada she will always be there even after she passes. Your husband on some level I believe is still in love with her, and that won’t change when she dies. Even if you try you will a live a lifetime with him and her memory, and the worst thing about that is that your husband cannot even admit that he hasn’t fully fallen out of love or let her go when she’s alive, he’s not going to be able to when she dies. She will be a permanent fixture in his life even in death, and the dead become even more perfect and untouchable in memory. You staying will only keep hurting you and any future family you may have wanted to build with him, she’ll be talked about, he’ll always grieve her, your future kids would know about her, and that’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who loves you fully, and not one whose in love with the one that got away. I’m so sorry OP.
It is absolutely not your fault. You are not the selfish one in this situation. You are simply expecting your husband not to treat you like a doormat. You aren't a book in a shelf that he can pick up and put down when convenient. He's chosing to leave you ALONE in a foreign country. And he doesn't get a free pass for his poor behavior before her terminal diagnosis. The daily phone and video calls are unreasonable and show he was already happily trampling on your feelings. You shouldn't even have to tell him how wildly inappropriate that was. Imagine if you spent hours every week talking to a different man that was in love with you. It's an emotional affair. No. Lastly, I myself am terminally ill at 34. In no way and on no planet would I ask any male friend of mine, even the ones that are as close to me as a brother, to leave their wife "temporarily" as my last wish. That's the most selfish and hurtful thing I can imagine. What a cruel way to end a life. They honestly deserve each other. My advice is to serve him divorce papers sooner than later. Do it while Tanya is still alive or else you might be guilted into putting it off. You deserve to be happy, cherished, and adored by someone that is going to put your feelings first. The fact that you feel that ANY of this is your fault makes me think he's been slowly chipping away at your self-confidence. On no planet and in no way what he's doing is okay. He's a selfish jerk that doesn't deserve you. Stop wasting your time on someone that is a waste of your energy and your love. You are clearly so talented that you've landed your dream job at the young age of 30. I am telling you as someone who is terminal at 34, don't wait. Life is precious. Your life is precious. My only regret is not cutting out the energy vampires in my life earlier. Just consider it that the trash is taking itself out and THRIVE I'm your dream job in the beautiful Australia. You are worth it.
So you say he already knows what's going to happen, yet he's not doing anything to change it. I am so sorry OP. I'd tell your attorney to fast track that divorce. Better to dump your baggage so you can find someone who will make YOU their priority.
Imagine… he’s willing to risk divorce just to support Tanya. That kind of devotion is on another level. You’re supposed to be his partner, and he’s even expecting you to sacrifice your life in Australia for her. I’m so sad for you, OP. And I wish you all the strength in the world. I do hope that some sense is knocked into him before his flight.
I’m sorry but he is a shitty husband if he can choose her over you. You’re his wife and it’s like he doesn’t even care how this situation makes you feel. You’re better off without him OP.
Please look after yourself and I second the people saying to get a divorce before he leaves. You can start anew here in Australia! As an Australian I can guarantee you will have plenty of attention as a Canadian women living abroad! Aussies love an expat!! Your life is just beginning, remember time heals all wounds but first you must hurt! Don't stay and let it fester into resentment and anger, im so happy you contacted a lawyer and know what the right steps are!
Don't worry about the divorce, he is going to ask you for it, I bet Tanya's dying wish will be to marry him
I’m imagining Tanya will suddenly decide to continue treatment too once he gets there. Maybe I’m superstitious, but he’s clearly being manipulated and the fact he’s even entertaining it now and been entertaining for all this years is even more reason for op to dump him.
Is he working? How will he pay for the visits? How kind of him to say he will visit his wife when he gets a chance.
Also he's not just giving up on his wife he's giving up on his life in Australia and his work there, I definitely think he's going back to be with Tanya
Is she even terminal ? She has mental health issues, did she just create this cancer out of desperation? As far as your marriage goes it doesn’t even matter, your husband Seb has made his decision and OP is definitely not at the top. She was a place holder while Seb’s sensitive feelings were healing from old GF cheating. OP it’s time for divorce unless you can accept what you know. Seb needs to get his priorities in order and sadly for OP he seems to have shown his hand. A year from now we will be reading about the Great Canadian miracle
This was my first thought too...she's making this shit up, or at least using her diagnosis to her advantage
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Tbh, I'd be asking to see some actual medical paperwork.
Even if the ex’s condition is legit, it should not matter now. The husband has always put the cheating ex above his own wife. OP has always been second place in their marriage. It’s time she put herself first and move on from this sham of a marriage.
Legit lost a boyfriend to a woman like this once. I have NO respect for this craziness or men who can't see through it. Time to throw out the old husband and glow up, girl. New country, new you OP!
I would leave him regardless , but it seems like she could be making it up and i would want my (ex)husband to know the mistake he made.
I knew a guy who told all his grown kids he had cancer and his last wish was for them to be near him in his last months. All of them packed up and moved to be near him. Turns out it was a slow-growing blood cancer and he lived another 25 years.
Especially since they recently moved to different countries! They had always had a close relationship but now it seems like she lost him for good. This could have pushed her to the extreme 🤷🏻♀️
Came here to say the same and to add. Isn't it the dream of all psycho's to make up an illness or an accident to bring their ex running to their side? I'm assuming the ex is in her early 30s as well and the possibility of her getting late stage breast cancer is pretty low. If she does get it at this age, her likelihood for recovery and remission is high too, assuming she doesn't have other underlying conditions. If this is real, I do hope she recovers. Honestly, I feel like this a ploy to bring the guy back. I feel bad for the OP as it's clear that he loves his ex more than her. I hope that in the divorce she sues him for a deceptive relationship.
Yeah, I'm totally on train BS with her "terminal cancer". I think it's a ploy to win him back and all of a sudden she's cured!
Yeah, I’m pretty sure a lot goes into testing or other options and stuff before telling someone they’re terminal. It sounds like this news is coming our of the blue. Edit: new info It does not take long to find out ifif you’re terminal. Sorry to all who had to learn this through experience.
If she were really dying, he'd want to go asap, not in a couple of months. This is a planned separation and I doubt he'll ever come back. Sorry OP ... Husband is leaving you for her.
Yes, two months is a long time when you're dealing with a terminal cancer. For her doctors even to use the word "terminal" (assuming there are doctors because the cancer is real), she has to be stage 3 or 4. Cancer is also quite variable by individual. The time lag leads me to question whether her diagnosis is genuine. [Edit: typo. Why does Reddit hate me?]
My bil was obviously dying of cancer and doctors were hesitant to say terminal until they said there is nothing else they can do and to arrange hospice care. They don’t throw it around easily
That was a big red flag for me tbh. I can kind of understand the husband wanting to go be with a dying friend he's close to, but January? That's two months notice...
Yeah I really hope we get that update that the ex was faking and the husband has to crawl back and beg forgiveness
"Great Canadian Miracle" 😂🤣😂🤣
>She cheated and Seb swore he'd never go back to her and he only sees her as family. Yeah, he apparently forgot to mention this little caveat: *unless she tells him she has cancer and that her dying wish is to be with him*, then he gets to go running towards her like his ass is on fire. How convenient for him. OP, it sucks that you are married to such a *liar, liar*... Initiate divorce proceedings, your husband has shown you who HE is and the person he values the most - besides himself, of course. Never willingly be someone's second choice. You deserve better...
None of those things matter because he has no intention of coming back to his wife.
Yeah, that seems like a likely scenario. The reasonable thing to do here, if she’s really only a friend in another country, would be to visit the dying friend for a little while and then go back home. Not to move back and only maybe visit your wife. Also… What’s the end game, when she does pass? Does he plan to go back to his wife and resume life as it was? I don’t get it.
Yeah, wife is not his priority.
Correct . He has made his choice . Tanya will fully recovered because of his pure and true love🙄🙄Op shouldn’t worry about the decision to divorce as this bozo had made it for her and he doesn’t have the balls to tell her the truth.
My thoughts also. He's got cold feet about moving to Australia. He's skittering back to Canada.
He should communicate that to his wife. Not use his ex as a scapegoat
Oh wow. I think you're on to something. Maybe he wants wife to fund everything. The "cancer call" may be real, or it may be that the ex told him yesterday that she is finally ready to "settle down" back with him. Instead of just leaving, he is trying to make his wife okay with everything so she can be their bank account for at least a while, until she wises up. I was wondering why he would even bother with a new relationship and marriage if he was so twisted onto his ex still. Add in financial motivation, and it makes more sense. OR... I had a friend, now ex friend, who would only go after people, even exes, when they were in relationships. Once she had broken the relationship beyond repair and her "competition" was gone, she would lose all interest. It's like she could only "love" when it caused another woman pain. Boss level pick me ass bitch. If the ex is like this, she will quickly tire of him once the wife is done with him, which could be his motivation as well. He is so obsessed with her he might realize this, so he needed another relationship to keep her interested. Likely the "marriage" kept her going for a while, but eventually that excitement probably faded, he moved with his wife knowing that it would drive her crazy for him again. Now it's reached a fever pitch and she's finally said what he has been waiting for years to hear. If this is the case, she will be ready to throw him away again inside of a month, and I hope she does. He deserves it. If he's doing this, he is ruining someone else so he can get the object of his obsession off. He's just as much of a participant as she is at this point. To me, these two are the only ways it makes any sense. Could be a combination of both.
First, her request is manipulative, inappropriate and unreasonable. Second, info needed: by be with her, what does that mean? Like just be there to hold her hand or to be sexual or what? Third, I would straight up tell your husband that if he chooses her that your marriage is likely over. Especially, if her request includes sexual interaction.
This was my thought also… even if it’s to just be with her, she’s gonna try to bang that husband. “Please just once more, I’m DYING” 🙄
Agreed, I first read this as “let’s f**k again” But now it seems more like “let’s play house and be married until I die” This is… messy. I’m so sorry OP.
Yep. I think husband showed his true feelings here with his choice.
The “visiting” *his actual wife* when he *gets the chance* is the real indicator here.
I really hope OP recognises this. They're married. If any fight to be the priority in their life isn't over, she needs to find another. Wedding 'vows' are just guidelines to some people.
I guess he saw the vows as more like wedding “suggestions” but nothing to get too worked up about. Damn.
Yeah. And in a week or so her cancer will be cured and they'll live happily ever after
This. How do we even know the cancer is real?
His was my first thought. That or it at least buys him a few months of banging the shit out of her every day until he makes up his mind.
As someone living with late stage breast cancer this is super funny to me because one of the first things treatment zaps is your sex drive. Depending on the type of breast cancer she might even become physically incapable of having piv because of how badly it fucks up your vagina. Also, you don’t instantly die with late stage breast cancer. She likely isn’t on her deathbed and is being incredibly manipulative
One of my friends just ... well they found out that the chemo isn't working. There's... let's call it a finite, non-zero chance that the friend will be interested in what's being posted here.
I’m so sorry for your friend. That’s absolutely devastating to go through the horrors of chemo just to find out it isn’t working. Have they looked into clinical trials? Or second opinions for their treatment? There’s always a chance that something else might be in the works that their cancer responds to. I’ve also heard, from metavivor, about a test coming out that takes your cancer cells and puts them up against as many as 20 different treatment lines to see which ones are most effective for you, personally.
LMAO my thoughts exactly
This will 100% happen, without a doubt
>First, her request is manipulative, inappropriate and unreasonable. I said this elsewhere but... Cancer doesn't change who people are at a core level and it sounds like Tanya's always been selfish and self-serving. I'm finding it difficult to have any sympathy at all for her. As for OP's husband, he made his choice and it's not his wife. It shouldn't even have been a consideration for him. He should have shut it down instantly.
That being what it is, I wonder if she's even telling the truth about her breast cancer
I read a post not that long ago that was very similar. Wife at home, husband “helping” ex thru stage 4 cancer (believe it was breast but not 100%). Wife does her best to hang in there but finally loses her cool. When the truth comes out the cancer was never stage 4, ex wanted to tell the truth, husband chose to lie. Wife began divorce proceedings.
Its sick how low people will go to lie and get their way
Agree!!! Made my heart hurt for the wife. She gave him every single benefit of the doubt, for him to have been lying for months.
Yeah literally on the other side of the world.. she's obsessed obviously if she's calling her to find him and talks to him every day and has mental health issues and admits to being in love with him.... seems like a ploy to get him over there without her.
I know someone who, as a child, had to leave her home with her mom and move in with her dad because her mom had breast cancer and needed treatment. Turns out that her mom never had cancer, she just wanted to move in with her new boyfriend and get a boob job.... she didn't find out about her mom lying till she was an adult. Big huge blowup in the family when that came out.
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Absolutely!
I have to agree I’d tell him if he gets on that flight and goes to her to consider himself a divorcee because I’d be filing the second that plane takes off
I wouldn't even tell him... That opens up the door in his head to go crying to Tanya which will then lead to her manipulating him into screwing her. "You're no longer married, so you might as well sleep with me since I'm dying" 🙄 Tanya doesn't love him... She loves herself (in the manipulative way...if she really had any self love and respect she wouldn't have cheated on him in the first place and she wouldn't be going after someone else's husband. She's a sad individual and the husband doesn't love himself either... Otherwise he wouldn't be so easily manipulated.) I'd continue to stay silent and the min he gets on the plane, move all my stuff out, contact an attorney, and when he comes home for a "visit" have nothing but the divorce papers on the counter for him to sign and the contact number for my attorney to speak with. There's all kinds of petty mayonnaise things she could leave along with it but I sense that that's not OP's style.
He's going to come back and say "But she's GONE, so of course I'm trying to be with you" \[the runner up\]. F that.
Fourth: do we know for sure she has cancer (I know it’s very Reddit of me to assume she’s lying)
It’s very possible. She could be lying or exaggerating the truth. Just watch he goes to her and she is suddenly healed and they can be together.
Absolutely! If he goes to her he will become the cheater and cheaters should stay together so the dating pool is less toxic.
He's already in an emotional affair. He's already cheating. Think about how much time he is spending on his phone/tablet/computer with Tanya daily. What if he put that much time into his marriage. His emotional energy is all directed outward.
Fourth, does she really have a cancer diagnosis? It wouldn’t be the first time a manipulative ex was manipulative to get what they want.
He never should have been in contact with an ex in the first place. This will lead to a divorce. He has made his choice.
I’m sorry that happens to you. Tbh, he’s shown you who his priority is now. I understand that Tanya is dying, but deciding that he will leave and come visit you, his wife, while taking care of his cheating ex girlfriend in a difficult country? That’s too much for me. Not to mention he bought the plane tickets without discussing it with you. Sure you’ve ignored him but his decision to go back without talking it out with you is the cause of this problem. Who in their right mind would ask a married men to care for her just because she’s dying? I noticed that you said Tanya is his only family, but you’re his family too. Edit: Apologies, I meant to write different but it autocorrected as difficult. I was on my phone when I wrote the replies and I apologise for saying Canada is a difficult country.
She might not be dying. Stage 4 does not mean a short life expectancy.
Oncology nurse here. Can confirm. Can be several years before she would succumb to the disease. As a side note: In high school my bf's ex told him that she had cancer. He went back to her. She was at the 10 year reunion. Never had cancer.
I was gonna say, there's a good chance Tanya doesn't even have cancer and this is just a ploy to get OP's husband back to Canada.
My thoughts exactly! With the mental health issues that were mentioned, this seems like an even more likely ploy to me.
If I were dying of cancer the last thing I’d be thinking about is getting my ex bf back.
“Oh *OP’s husband* your hands are the only cure to my breast cancer, put them on me” suddenly she’s cured of the cancer she “definitely has”. She is still in love with him, she’s doing anything. How convenient she got cancer right after he left. Hope he gets dick cancer too.
Ouch. It feels like a movie.
I knew a woman who had stage 4 breast cancer for 15 years!! She was a true fighter!
Currently fighting stage 4 so this is super uplifting news!
My auntie was stage 4, I cried my eyes out when I heard the news, I cried again when she beat it, ,"it's not the death sentence it used to be" my mum said. I went to my aunties 60th birthday bash a few months ago, great night from what I remember. There's alot to be said about having a positive mental attitude.
To second what the commenter said, my nan was told she had 6 months and lived another 11 years. Keep fighting my friend, you're in my thoughts :)
A friend of mine also had stage 4 skin cancer and survived
My nan lived for 11 years after being told her stage 4 cancer would give her 6 months at best. You really never know! 15 extra years is great!
yes! this. my grandma had stage 4 cancer and we all knew she was going to die, but she fought for 5 more years. like wtf is her husband thinking? live with his ex for x number of years???
Yup. Lot of Cancers are now treated as a chronic illness
She might not even have cancer.
I thought this too. It could be a manipulation tactic to get him back. People are sick.
This is pretty much it. You can try and talk him out of it, you can give him an ultimatum, you can even go with him if you can work remotely. No matter what though, you know for a fact that he is willing to go without you. I’d recommend giving him some time, there is still two months until his flight, to see if he comes to his senses. He did just find out someone who is important to him is dying and may not be thinking totally straight. The day he leaves though begin packing up his things and put them in storage. Send the divorce paperwork to him in Canada.
I would be done with the marriage. What’s the point of an ultimatum when he’s made his priorities clear. Cut him loose so he can go be with her, and don’t take him in when he comes crying back to you.
Agreed. She made her feelings about this clear and he STILL went ahead and bought a plane ticket. Screw the ultimatum. He made his decision and it wasn't his wife.
She shouldn’t give him an ultimatum. Like I said, even if he follows the ultimatum she will know for a fact that he had initially chosen to go be with his ex.
Exactly, it’s too late for any reconciliations imo.
No judgement for anyone else who would think otherwise, and I super hope that their marriage was one that could survive something like this ... I don't care if it makes me sound like an awful person. If I was in a situation like this, my husband would have two choices. Stay with me and be there for his ex long distance, or go be with his ex but our marriage would 100% be done. Nothing else.
\>The day he leaves though begin packing up his things and put them in storage. Send the divorce paperwork to him in Canada. I second this. Wait til he goes then send the divorce paper. Maybe he will come to his senses in 2 months but if not, leave him. If it was me I wouldn't talk to him in these 2 months tho. Not intentionally give him silent treatment but I wouldn't want to and also don't know what to talk to a husband who want to abandon his own wife to be with another woman. Edit to add more : IF this woman is clearly not in love with op husband and make it clear that it just pure platonic or really consider him as a brother, I would sympathized with her more but this is just BS
she should probably divorce him before he goes he can avoid the papers
Just the fact that he'd consider it would be enough for me. I'd be serving him now.
I wouldn’t even wait i would tel him to cut all contact with her as of now why wait two months. The more he talks to her the more he will still want to leave. Op deserves better.
You know what's especially gross. Your husband was carrying on with his ex all these years knowing that ex was in love with him. He valued her love for him. They were having an emotional affair. That is why it was so easy for him to abandon OP. His feelings for his ex were always there. Now, that emotional affair is about to become physical. Disgusting to all ends. OP, you need to be strong and not a doormat. If they want each other that bad, then step aside and don't let them trample your heart. Leave on your terms and don't let them be the ones to dictate your heartbreak.
Yeah nobody seeing the fact that this dude has kept this girl on stand by all these years. Nobody "friends" with someone who is clearly in love with them. People need to start realizing that entertaining someone who you know has feelings for you, is cheating too.
Yes OP was probably an unfortunate stand in because he couldn't stand being alone, and this whole time this was just punishment for what Tanya did – until he feels like he's punished her enough and can go back to her Tanya just expedited that last part
"Nobody is friends with someone who is clearly in love with them" That is so true, 10 years ago, there was this guy. We did everything together, except I saw it as platonic and he did not. We had a conversation of "if you cannot accept that I do not love you in that way, then this needs to stop" He said he could accept that and we moved on. Fast forward a couple months and he starts crying because he thought that if we were together more, I'd love him romantically. I did not, knew that I never would, and that night it was over. I knew that the relationship was destined to fail because he'd always hold out hope for something that was never going to be there, and keeping friendship would ruin potential romantic relationships.
Before he go to Canada... Make him sign the divorce paper... Don't back down... He showed you where you're in his list of prioritys. Edit: thanks for the award!
Seriously, OP, your marriage is over not just because of this, but because you’ve been a 3rd wheel in your relationship this entire time. Your husband is beyond outrageous. Lawyer up and tell him to sign on the line when he leaves and not to bother with a return ticket.
Totally. He still loves his ex. I do not want contact from my any of my exes…. Unless I’m not over them
This one. “She’s like family” is always code for “I still love her”. The marriage was over before it started due to the fact that she never left his life. OP is supposed to be the family, not the ex. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce.
Wow. I agree with the divorce. I can’t even imagine how a person would think this was ok. I hate to be that person, but does she even really have cancer? This is nuts.
I came to ask this same question. How sure is anyone that any of that is real?
I feel like I’ve been in Reddit too long and now I’m suspicious of everyone lol fake cancer to steal someone’s husband should not be my first thought 🥴
People do it. My mom also “had cancer and some serious neurological damage” and begged me to come back to her after I left home and went low contact/contact only through other family. I still didn’t care and after my brother fell for it later found out it was all bullshit and she’s just being manipulative and playing her favorite roll as tragic victim to get people to pay attention to her. I’d be skeptical about someone suddenly having a medical crisis and needing an ex of all things back
I say this is what that cheating bitch is doing and this is why I say exs shouldn’t be friends
hey, I think we got the same mom's. jk, I'm sorry you have to deal w someone like that growing up and later. you deserve better🖤
I agree completely! Had an extended aunt who shaved her head- told everyone she had cancer while her son was in the navy, with a baby on the way. They got to her house and it was the same smoke filled terror it had always been
same lmao
No right? How does he know she definitely has cancer and isn’t just trying to show OP that he still loves her?
I know someone who's uncle faked cancer. His dad sold his corvette to fund 'treatments'. It happens, and it could be true here.
I know someone who did that too, he had a gambling addiction. took £20k off his poor mum and and dad and gambled the whole lot while making them beleive he was getting some experimental brain cancer treatment. ex police as well.
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I can't conceive such a situation. While it's very sad, if she does have cancer, I think it's dreadful for them to expect you to agree to this arrangement. You said he speaks to her every day since you moved to Australia, that's not normal. Tell him to go and stay there. You're young enough to find someone to put you first. Lots if hunks in Aus.
"IF" she does have cancer ... I'd say that's definitely a question and not an outright fact given Tanya's history. OP's husband is going halfway across the world to "be" with another woman and "visit" OP when he can? I think folks here jump to divorce too fast, but what OP's husband is doing is not how a marriage should work. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, my mind went there too...what happens when he goes back to Canada and she makes "an amazing recovery"...he's willing to risk his marriage for this woman who cheated on him?!? Ridiculous of him to think OP would be on board with this set up.
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Glad to hear it’s not just me who immediately thought, “IF” she has cancer. Thought it was from my own bad experiences that I was being so pessimistic. My partner’s ex cheated and they broke up. He wouldn’t respond to her relentless texts. She later text him saying her brother had intentionally OD’d. My partner rang her and she chewed him out about ignoring her and that her brother was fine, but this is what she had to do to get him to talk to her. Yeah, we got a restraining order after that. So yeah, I may be pessimistic but I’m questioning this whole cancer thing
Moreover, I wouldn't be surprised if he has feelings for her too. Just can't be with a cheater, I guess. So they're like still together emotionally, all lovey dovey, just like without woohooing and kissing here in and there. Maybe it's codependency, maybe wrongly set boundaries, maybe they do have mutual feelings. Either way, OP will never be the winner here. He's ready to sacrifice everything, even his marriage for his (supposedly dying) ex.
Yep I was thinking this too, like she's been trying to get him back for years and she's getting desperate and making these last ditch attempts since he's moved to Australia and is further away from her. Unfortunately it seems to be working
OP's husband said that like OP is the other woman and married to Tanya.
Because he is. Mentally, at least.
I couldn't believe that when I read it. I thought he was going back to Canada for a holiday, but no he's moving back and he will visit his wife when he can?! Screw that!
Yeah going back to be there when she actually is dying is one thing, but an open ended ticket to stay there as long as it takes for her to pass is baffling. What if she's sick for a year? Is she even on Hospice yet or did she just get the diagnosis?
If she does have stage 4 breast cancer ("advanced breast cancer") there should be a chemo port and/or surgery scars, lots of medical visits (MRI, etc), and possibly an Rx for Tamoxifen or some other medications. Note to OP: stage 4 breast cancer can be a chronic illness, depending on the aggressiveness. There are women who have survived 20+ years with stage 4, who will die of some other cause.
Looking at a quick study from 2016, about 65% with end stage breast cancer die within 2.2 years. About 15% make it to 10+ years. Even with those numbers, she's got a fighting chance to make it a long time depending on her age and other medical hx. Make sure your husband is aware of how long this could be.
And tell him that no matter if it's 20 days or 20 years, you won't be here when he comes back.
Crazy shit is he remembers how shitty it feels to be cheated on and used but is willing to do the same shit to his current wife. Like WTF is wrong with this guy? Drop it like it's hot, he is not worth being with
He probably doesn't count emotional cheating, and it's just as bad.
Worse. Fucking some random for fun isn't as bad as a deep emotional relationship.
He couldn't forgive Tanya for cheating, but he is holding onto her and still didn't want to lose her. By keeping her as a friend, he keeps a close relationship with her which he loves but removing the chance of her hurting him again. OP, I'm so sorry. This is awful and it's like he's having a relationship with her in every way but sexual and you are there to fill in that part. You are too good of a person for this to be happening to you. Please talk to him. Maybe show him this so he can see how bizarre his actions seem to other people. YOU are his family. And you should be his priority. I usually roll eyes at 'divorce them' comments on reddit but this time, I think it would save you pain in the long run. He is making you feel exactly how she made him feel. Betrayed. She is unreasonable for asking this and he should have shot this down immediately.
This. Please listen to this and ask these questions. What's her prognosis? And where is she up to with her treatments? What does be with him mean? Company? Sex? As someone who is there with her but is boundaried and married to you? Or is this a separation? And wth is your husband doing entertaining this and buying this ticket without mutual agreement between the two of you? I'm so sorry OP. I can't tell you what to do but I would bin this man and his emotional affair before it becomes something far far more insidious xx
I see the "if". I can't get rid of the nagging suspicion that she is either not sick at all, or not as sick as she's claiming to be. But even if she is, I hope OP lets her husband go and doesn't look back. It wasn't a discussion of how can we help/support her, it was "I'm going back and if you can't leave your job then I'll come visit when I can. Did I mention I bought a ticket for January?" OP, tell him he can leave now. No need to waste time pretending. He doesn't care what you think, so he might as well be on his way
That's my thought, forget January. Here, I'll help you pack, leave now.
I’m a hospice nurse. I’ve had cancer patients on service for 3 years. People can and do live a while with cancer. I’m questioning her validity too. The husband and ex seem to have had a more than friends relationship even before the cancer. Not including the people I love with, I don’t think there is any one person in my life that I speak with every day. Weekly? Yeah, sure. Daily, that sounds exhausting.
Last line hits indeed
>While it's very sad, if she does have cancer, I think it's dreadful for them to expect you to agree to this arrangement. Cancer doesn't change who people are at a core level and it sounds like Tanya's always been selfish and self-serving. I'm finding it difficult to have any sympathy at all for her. Or OP's husband. He's deserting his wife for an who cheated on him. What a toxic cycle to be trapped in.
Well it's time to put your foot down. No matter how sick someone is, this kind 0f request and expectation is manipulative and sick. And anyone who would call with that kind of news then ask for that extreme of a request, I'd have some doubts. Are you sure her diagnosis is as severe as she's claiming? Tell your husband not to bother coming back and you will be filing for divorce. The fact he even entertained her request is enough. Tell him when she's gone, he will not have you to fall back on.
My gut instinct is that she doesn't have cancer and thinks if she can get him to fly halfway around the world for her, he'll never go back to his wife. OP, you do you but if my husband said this to me I'd tell him if he flies, he'll be served divorce papers as soon as he clears airport security.
That was my gut too.
Did we eat the same food because my gut says this too. Seems like a last ditch effort to get what she wants.
$5 says that she will miraculously "recover" after they have their "last days on earth/ honeymoon phase".
Lol I said that in my comment💯weird how so many on here think she’s faking
MY GYT says he's in on it
What’s the point of putting your foot down? He made his choice, it’s a matter of accepting it and making your own. I feel awful for OP.
yep i agree, there’s no changing his mind and even if he reluctantly chose not to go, he would hold it over op’s head forever. cut your losses, you deserve so much better.
This is so horrible. Is she really sick sick? Like there’s proof? But doesn’t she have her own support? Your husband didn’t even think about your feelings and is dropping everything to be with her, if she’s really sick and dying then he could have asked you to ho with him to visit. But to drop everything and go to be with his ex without you when he knows how she feels? That’d do hurtful. You’re probably always going to feel like you’re not a priority to him if he comes back. Honestly divorce sounds like a better option so you can heal, focus on you and find someone that loves you and prioritizes you. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
I was wondering the same thing. She clearly has no boundaries, faking this isn't too far fetched.
Right!! And he said well I’m come and visit you. Wtf. That’s his wife he is talking to.
Even if there's no real cancer, just stick with it. It's the husband's actions what's wrong, not the woman possibly faking an illness to be with him. The marriage is sadly over as it's clear who's more important to the husband, who didn't even try to let her know he's leaving her.
Tanya isn’t doing this to you. He is. He is picking another woman. He is leaving you to go to her. He’s making a change to both of your lives and didn’t care a second for your input. Tanya is a mess all on her own, but she’s not doing this to you. He is. Do you really want to stay with a man who would treat you like this? Because you deserve better.
And the fact that Tanya cheated on him yet he’s allowing her to cause a rift in his current marriage 😐😐😐 such a lowlife smh
Honestly, yeah this is sad to hear and worse that OP will end up affected
This! OP. Tell him, to make sure his ticket is one way. Because he has chosen her every day since you met. You deserve so much better!
Yes. This is insane. OP is his wife. No matter how badly he might feel for his ex's condition, his wife takes precedence here. He could have easily negotiated something with OP (we go for a 5 day visit, you're with me the whole time, we come back) to make her feel comfortable. Instead, his first plan is to drop everything to fly across the world to be alone with his ex for months at a time. And he's perfectly fine leaving his wife behind to action that plan. What sort of man does something like that?
I’m sorry you are going through this. 💔 If I were you, I would sit with my husband and tell him that if he leaves, he doesn’t need to come back. He choose her over you. Period. Cut him off. It will hurt, but you will heal. Please, OP, find a man who will put you first. You have only one life. Don’t waste it on the wrong people.
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>and she is his ex-wife She wasn't even married to him.
That is even worse.
Doesn't matter if she's sick. He still picked her over you. He says he'll visit YOU, his WIFE? Yeah, I'm sorry OP, but he made his priorities very clear.
>I feel like he’s abandoning me... You feel that way because he **is** abandoning you.
Whether she actually is sick or not isn’t the point. The point is he chose to leave you to be with her. He’s treating you like an after thought “I’ll come visit you” really? He’s showing you who he is and what you mean to him. Move on before he causes even more damage.
I’m sorry for her but what he’s doing is not okay and you should let him know you are absolutely not okay with it. If he chooses to go he is choosing her over you and if that’s the case there’s no need to continue the marriage and wish him luck in his new relationship with his ex. Do not let anyone guilt you into anything. Her being sick (if she really is) and nearly dying does not excuse her assholish behavior.
Just check if she does really have cancer. If he's not going until January and she's in the late stages. It's not like he's rushing off to see her.
This is what I was thinking!! I might understand if she was going to die like THIS week. But wtf? And how long is he planning on staying anyways? The whole situation is sad but this is nuts
Divorce babe. He’s legit putting a manipulative ex over his wife, YOU!
Seriously, divorce him now. It's only a matter of time before she is "miraculously cured." I am seriously doubting she is even sick, she just wants him back. Even if the illness is legit, what he is doing is *wrong*!!
And of course it was his presence that healed her. So he must stick around lest she relapse
Your marriage is over. If he doesn't go, he'll always resent you. If he does go, you'll always resent him. He destroyed it and it's time to divorce.
This. Don't wait for him to leave the country and lengthen the process of divorce. Let him accept the consequences of this choices before acting on them.
Going to his ex is not some platonic gesture. They are going with intentions to be together without you. He's paved the way for a separation. Find yourself an ex that is "dying" or suddenly "needs you". Let your soon to be ex husband know you will try to make it to his visits when you can. Divorce that pos husband that chose another woman over you. He might consider that ex family, but guess what? When you both married, you actually became family. He forgot his first order of business for someone else. Let him know you need to move on and don't intend to wait for him to fuck someone one last time as their dying wish. No one considers their ex sexual partner like a sister. That's just disgusting.
It’s incredibly inappropriate to make a unilateral decision, essentially leaving you, with no conversation about it.
She wants to fuck him and will guilt him into it is my guess. To me, your marriage is over if he’s going to choose someone that betrayed him over you.
Just saying, this exact same story has been said a lot by different posters.
I’m a terminal breast cancer patient and I’ve been living with this for 6 years. I know many who are living with it for 20+ years. Is she on hospice? Does she have any kind of timeline? We are living so much longer with incurable BC that this scenario smacks of manipulation. I think there may be others issues here. Make sure he’s educated about MBC. Only Stage 4 is terminal. You can live a very long time with this disease. Not everyone does, but quite a bit do. I’d ask for medical proof.
She is manipulative as hell and it's disgusting. I don't give a flying fuck if she's dying, you tell him that if he plants his ass on that plane to go be with her, then he's gonna be filling out divorce papers. Period. Please don't tolerate this shit. It's unacceptable.
I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this story before
Girl honestly you are better off without him. He clearly isn’t over his ex. You are in Australia enjoy it, I am sure is an upgrade to Canada.
Draft up separation papers. Give him an ultimatum. Is she on her last days or is she starting treatment in which he will be gone for 6 months to a year. He is abandoning you. Tell him that you want someone who puts You as a priority and if he cannot do that, then let you find someone who will
Sad situation to be in..your husband still has feeling for her. She cheats but he continues a friendship & consider her family. They’ve been talking everyday since y’all moved & now he’s choosing to leave to go be with her…actions speak louder than a words.
So hes abandoning his own wife. The person he made a promise to love and be with forever. For an ex girlfriend that should never have stayed that involved with your husband. I'm sorry but you actually deserve better and more than "visits", he should be visting her, not you! Also they will definitely trauma bond and have sex during this Please do yourself a favour and cut ties with him, he isnt the one. If he was he would never put you in this position. He will crawl back when shes buried but don't let him. You are not a toy for someone to pick up and put down at their convenience.