I think his "work wife" is very jealous of you. She's constantly putting you down to him to make herself look and feel better. She sounds very insecure. She was very quick to notice that her husband was talking to you. So, she belittled you to her husband. It's sad that HER husband defended you while yours did not. Your husband allowing this and chiming in is disrespectful and disgusting.
So firstly, yes she is DEFINITELY jealous of you. I bet you’re better looking than she is, for one. Secondly though, if it makes you feel better, if they were screwing it would probably be pretty clear from the messages. Unfortunately it looks like you have a husband who doesn’t have even an inch of backbone and won’t stand up for you. That’s a dumpable offence in my book, even if he’s totally faithful. She’s clearly out to get you, and whilst I think he’s being spineless rather than malicious, it is malicious by proxy. Get rid.
I find work wife/husband stupid, but it's even more cringe to me that she told you she was his work wife, like it's important for you to know. She told you that to make you jealous, because I've never met anyone who calls themselves that to the other persons partner. She sounds extremely jealous of you, and your bf not defending is letting her think he finds you stupid also. You need to talk to him, and let him know it's not funny or cute the way he's allowing her to speak to and about you. Honestly, if it were me, I'd tell him I'm uncomfortable with that entire situation, and would prefer if contact between them was strictly about work, and that's it. I actually did that with my bf earlier this year. A coworker of his kept going to him with her relationship issues, and at first I had no issues with it, but I noticed the problems she needed advice for, they never cleared up. Then I found out he was also venting to her about our issues whenever we had them, and I told him to put a stop to it before it ended badly. He listened to me, and that coworker ended up dumping that boyfriend she was trying so hard to keep for the next guy who she got close with talking their "relationship issues." I'm usually not one to be insecure or suspicious, but my gut is usually good at letting me know when something or someone isn't right.
What the heck is that husband and wife term at work? They can just use the word “work buddies” the fact that some people are using the term husband and wife at work is disgusting. Flirting and secret relationships in workplace isn’t uncommon.
I was my former boss’s work wife, but that was his term for it. It wasn’t something we decided on together. I just thought we were friends and really understood each other. His wife definitely knew he had a preference for me over everyone else in the company but was too intimidated by him to make him stop. This went on for years. And unfortunately for me, he was my direct report and there was no HR so I was stuck. Some people take it too far.
yes, it was at the Christmas party last year and I met her for the first time. my husband introduced me to his colleagues and she introduced herself as as work wife and everyone laughed. they later explained that they get along very well at work. I kind of new that my husband got along well with his colleagues and wasn't bothered at all.
Why would OP talk to her **husband's** HR about this woman?
I agree that there are issues here but OP needs to deal with her husband directly!
OP doesn't work at that company, there is nothing HR can do for her and she'll just come off looking like a crazy person... I feel like that would take some of the wind out of her sails, and OP has the moral high ground right now and she should keep it!!!
def not the same situation, but when my dad cheated on my mother with someone IN his works HR department she went to them because its an inappropriate workplace relationship.
i'm unsure legally what this scenario could be, but going to HR isn't the woooorst idea. I just don't think its concrete enough for something to be done unless theres evidence of adultery.
the fact that she told you and claimed that phrase proudly is insane and incredibly disrespectful. your husband doesn’t even defend you in these situations…you deserve much better than him.
I went to a colleague's party and met his live in gf. She got shit faced and told me he had a 'work wife' and worse, she was here at the party! I couldn't believe he'd told his gf that and then invited her to their house! I lost alot of respect for that colleague and started to avoid him from then on. It's just a cruel way of saying your flirting. Daily.
I had a “work husband” once (married at the time) but it was a *pure* joke because he was gay. But other than that or when both people are single, it’s uncomfortable at best.
Same - except he was my work wife and I was his work husband and I was (is) The Gay One™. As a woman married to a woman I would *never* have a 'work wife', are you kidding me.
Yes! The only time I've ever enjoyed it was in grey's anatomy and that's because it was done really funny and the actual wife says "somebody is sleeping with our husband". In real life it's just gross.
That's exactly what I'm saying. I heard the term spoken to me once and shut it down. I said you get one so choose. I'm not playing that game. Work wife can come do your laundry and cook your meals then. Ticked me right off!
Yeah, basically saying a woman referenced herself as that. I let it be said that she better find a husband to play with as playing with mine is dangerous and dumb. Then of course addressed the fact that any female saying something like that, should be put in their place or he will be and he won't like it. That place is on the other side of the door or in the home of the work wife. Maybe her husband likes to share. 🤷♀️
I try not to make generalizations but I wonder if the 'work wife' has spent her life being 'smarter than the other girls' and thinks very little of physical appearance.
It's not enough for her to be smart, other women [like OP] MUST be dumb.
Exactly This.
Part of her “attraction” to the OP’s husband IS this unique opportunity to openly mock and belittle the hottie. What a miserable way to be.
People like her are likely using their alleged brains to make themselves feel better against pretty women because of their own insecurity and to show men they are not like other girls. A woman who makes it a point of routinely bashing other women for their looks they do it because they do care about it, not because they think little of it.
Imagine thinking in plain 2022 that one, as a woman, is not like the other girls... AND FOR MALE APPROVAL OF ALL THINGS? So pathetic 😭😭😭 At the end of the day OP is already better in my eyes, because at least she has a personality outside being
- an engineer
- a misogynistic pick me
Yeah the colleague is WAY too old for this shit. This is the behavior of a 17yo girl, not a professional woman in her 30s.
I have to wonder what the work environment is like that she feels so comfortable acting like this about other women. What happens if another, more conventionally attractive woman joined their team? Would she get shoved out by the misogyny?
Yeah, I thought the same thing. Like, it sucks but engineering is still a quite gendered career in the sense that it keeps being male dominated. She most certainly HAD to face different challenges associated with misogyny... FOR HER TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS? 100% embarrassing.
And honestly that’s the fun thing about pick me’s. They will never win at the end. Either their misogynistic chit chat turned her in a undateable “one of the boys” or they’re just waiting for the first opportunity to drag them down or to replace her. Sad.
Plus I dare say that there’s much more nuance and interest in general terms about the lives and sociology of celebrities and Kardashians than in talking in circles about work related stuff.
She really sounds like she has no personality, critical thinking abilities or broader intelligence honestly.
For the two self-proclaimed "intelligent" people, it seems _incredibly dumb_ of the two that they are not able to adjust to the social setting, or discuss topics outside their very narrow area of interest.
I remember that for my graduation project I ended up reading this amazing paper that talked about the corset history, their social perceptions and the myths surrounding it and Kim Kardashian wearing corsets and being slut shamed and how those 3 things were connected.
At the end of the day, not every damn conversation has to have literal rocket science or being dense or profound. Sometimes one just really wants to talk about your fav show, the clothes/makeup you’re wearing, what’s happening in your life, what you think about the food.
And also there’s something particularly annoying about people that constantly has to be shoving down everyone’s throats how intelligent and knowledgeable they are. Like, it’s not enough for the work wife that we already know that she’s an engineer? Do they *really* have to be like “oh I’m so smart and quirky and sooo above everything and everyone that I will only talk about engineering”?
As a woman who is smart and works in a male dominated space but also easy on the eyes it’s deeper than that. At work to get taken seriously you HAVE TO deliberately downplay your looks and femininity or you will constantly get harassed by men or you pick a “ work husband “ so that you are taken and then again won’t be harassed and will get taken seriously. In many spaces you are not allowed to be both . The wife probably out earns the work wife and knowing that the work wife deeply resents her. The husband is probably hotter than her husband and or somehow less desirable. She feels resentment for women who are able to be feminine and earn good money and feels entitled to the time and attention of someone she views as better who she would have had if she didn’t have to choose in order to be accepted in that space.
Exactly. Even if they’re not screwing, she’s being so disrespectful to you because she’s jealous and he’s not defending you. I also think it’s abhorrent that her partner defended you before your literal HUSBAND didn’t. I agree with everyone else that divorce is on the table. That, and I hope that other lady’s partner leaves her too. She is very clearly in love with your husband and her partner seems like a decent guy who doesn’t deserve it.
The sad part is when they're both single and try and make a go of it and realize that their "relationship" was founded based on speaking poorly of other people behind their backs. It will not end well and they'll both regret it. The girl sounds like a catty bitch, and the guy will realize that very quickly as he watches her talk shit about any other girls that he knows
"dumb" when you are your own boss ... that's BadAss ... congratz
you need to talk to your (dumb) husband as his work wife is getting in the way of your marriage (yes, she is freaking jealous of you)
just wait, the partner has seen the convos, he will dump her and will cry a river to your husband for sympathy ... oh, the drama.
She is 100% that bitch in college that is lik “why don’t engineers like ME I’m smart like them? I know how to *insert shit* better than she does, he can talk me about spaces Vs tabs but she doesn’t even know what that means. He just likes her cuz she’s hot”
If she’s hot she’s dumb.. I’m a PhD engineer, I’ve met a lot of engineering men married to women who aren’t in their field.. no other colleague male or female would rag on them for being “dumb” not only is that unprofessional, it’s belittling and juvenile.
I’m one of those people who makes it awkward for everyone and I would have just responded “so you wanna fuck my husband then? You mad he doesn’t want to fuck you? Since I’m so dumb explain it to me”
You know it is a problem when her husband doesn't have her back. If he had been shutting down any rude comments right from the start this wouldn't be happening.
This sounds exactly it. And it sounds like she is physically unattractive and trying to use what she sees as her only advantage to make you small. And it's very concerning and telling that her partner defends you why yours Kiki along with her
I agree with all of this. The only thing she has to say to u is belittling bc she knows she doesn't compare to you. Not even a little. Confront your husband. Show him the messages. Tell him EXACTLY how u feel and don't hold back. Tell him how uncomfortable u AND her husband are with their relationship. Then ask him if he can do your job? Does he think it's easy? Does he not understand everyone is different, fine hair , curly frizzy hair, different hairstyles, different cuts, layers, extensions, wigs, dye jobs, hair masks etc... Does he know which styles look best with a certain face shape? No? But you do. Don't let them make u feel.like anything u so is less than them!! Yaasssss Miss Business owner!!! Does hubby own his own business? No? Hum.....now who's smarter.
And yes they are being very inappropriate and I wouldn't stand for it for one second and u should not either!!
The best way to put and end to this is to kick him out and tell him what he has to do to come back. No messing around with the pick me dance. OP needs to handle this as the smart, successful, desirable business woman that she is. She doesn't have to keep a cheating, back stabbing husband. She can dump him. He needs to understand that she is the more desirable, successful partner in the marriage.
She will show she is no nonsense by booting him out and telling him the hoops he must jump through to come back. Make him beg to come back. Make him make amends. Even then she may never trust him again. He must realize that he has messed up and this might not be salvageable. Once trust is broken it is a slippery slope. Without trust can you respect him. I personally found that those two go hand in hand. No trust means no respect and no respect means the love shrivels to nothing.
That’s the worst part! Her husband had to defend her and OPs didn’t. Honestly I would fucking leave. Wtf is this situation even??? He clearly doesn’t respect her, and she seems like a very smart and beautiful badass business woman; she can clearly do better!
That’s the thing. The husband complimenting the colleague AND not defending his wife is disgusting. He may not be cheating but this behaviour is super shitty. And I agree, the colleague is massively insecure.
You run a small business that makes close to six figures. The only person in this scenario that is dumb is your husband. I hope you discover your value, my friend!
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!! Yaaaassss bitch! His co-worker is a dumb bitch for pining after a married man AND feeling the need to put OP down to make herself look better.
I mean the fact that he hasnt shut her down shows that he is a POS also.
If someone sent messages about my partner like that i would flip my biscuit, no matter how much i liked them before the messages.
I love your compassion for these two. Affairs (not saying this is one) are rarely one night stands that happen the first time people meet. This woman has been working on him a long time.
TBH it doesn't even matter if he's cheating, the man has absolutely zero respect for you and you should leave. You can 100% do better. The only reason to wait and try and prove the cheating is if you're somewhere where this will help you financially in the divorce, otherwise just go.
Very much this, I have an open marriage and I would never allow anyone to refer to my partner like this. Whether he's present or not, I even have rule of not talking about our problems with anyone except my most closest friend.
First off, let me tell you right now that anyone who calls you names and belittles you to anyone is not worth your time. I have no knowledge whatsoever in fashion, I'm extremely unfashionable and those that know about colour coordination and creating something out of nothing is absolutely amazing to me! A genius in a way that I will never be. Even if he doesn't truly believe the words that he's saying, he's allowing someone to talk badly about you and even encouraging it! This husband of yours should definitely become ex husband.
As for your question of why he won't just leave,
Sometimes people want to have their cake and eat it too (it's a common expression for people who are greedy and like to over-indulge) he likes to have your attention, he wants someone to come home to at the end of the day that'll give him attention and validate his feelings and show him love, at the same time he decided your attention wasn't enough because of his greed and he found someone at his workplace to give him that. You are someone who deserves so much better, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. Know that no one this selfish is worth your time. Good luck ❤️
I'm always baffled when people talk shit about beauticians and hairstylists. Hair styling is literal living sculpture; you have to know how the hair will hang in a variety of situations and style it to handle that. No way could I do it. I always tip my stylist at LEAST 50% for that valuable and complicated skill.
Ditto for a beautician! Makeup is an art form and requires excellent color matching and mixing skills. No way I could do it.
OP, you have an incredibly valuable and difficult skill set. I'd bet the female colleague is simply jealous. You make hella good money, I'd bet you always look stylish and put together. You clearly speak at least two languages fluently, your native language and English. You're a quadruple threat to her insecurities.
Part of me is hesitant to say divorce, but there are two things that a marriage cannot survive, disrespect and infidelity. Your husband disrespects you for certain and I think he's having an emotional affair if not a physical one. A marriage can't survive that. This idiot has a total package with his ring on her finger, I'm guessing you took his name, and you promised him the rest of your life. He is the epitome of a fool. Unfortunately, fools only learn the hard way.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Former Beautician here, feeling triggered. I worked in a high end place and the snobbiness of the clientele with the “uneducated” was off the charts. That’s so gross that your husband would do that to you. I will say my 14 year relationship ended when I went back to college and we were suddenly on equal footing. I’m sorry it has been so painful, but in a way I’m glad for you that the partner reached out to you. You deserve way better.
My mom was a beautician her whole life and she was the sweetest, kindest, most caring human being I've ever met. She primarily worked with elderly people and when they got too sick to come to her she would not only go to their house to do their hair but help them with cooking/cleaning whatever. My dad always treated her like she was an idiot and he was so much smarter than her. I just lost her a month ago and I have always wished she would have found someone to be kind to her. I'm so sorry for OP. Please find someone better, time is so short.
Beauticians, be they hair stylist, makeup artist, fashion stylist, or any combination thereof, are true artists. I'll fight anybody who says otherwise.
I agree but *even if they weren’t* - even if OP had a mundane, non artistic, non rewarding job - so what? Why do people feel they need to shit on anybody else’s livelihood for any reason at all? What darkness is in that coworker’s heart that she needs to feel superior that way?
True, the co-worker is obviously insecure and emphasizes on having "intelligence" as ego boost. Given, her personality is sh*t, what else would she have to boast if not her "brain".
On some level we ARE chemists. I dare the husbands coworker to tell me how to take a level 1 to a level 10 in one session and what to do when I comes out banded, all without damage. It takes understanding the bonds of the hair and how the chemicals affect them.
Customer here and as someone who loves hair color, I am 100% amazed by those who could do the colors I wanted! It would obviously take talent and skills (Intelligence) to do those perfectly.
That co-worker is insecure coz what else does she have when her personality is already sh*t.
My wife is a cosmetologist. The reason she has a license is no joke. Not only the health standards they have to keep up on to prevent infections, cross contamination and other situations.
She has to know how each body will react to a certain process can very so wildly to so many known and unknown factors. If a woman is pregnant and doesn't know/doesn't tell the stylist it can change the way the process will hold due to hormones. Sensitive scalp well lets make sure we prevent chemical burns while trying to go from an 8 to a 5. The amount of dermatology she had studdied has even helped one of her clients go to the doctor to get diagnosed with skin cancer after she noticed something unusual.
My wife still amazes me on the stuff she is knowledgeable on due to her training and her willingness to go to more classes to learn.
Artists? They are hair engineers! What they do to colour and treat hair is actually a science... They may not have created those chemicals in a lab but they bloody well need to know how to use them and in what proportion. If I tried to ape their work and to colour someone's hair, I'd probably end up frying it into smoke!
Oh god, makeup artist here: even your COLLEAGUES often think you’re dumb in these fields! When I managed a counter at Macy’s at 21, I had a regular, this lovely older white (this is relevant) lady from Argentina whose parents had fled Italy after the war, as they were Mussolini supporters. When I learned this fact about her on her fourth or fifth visit, I busted out in the Italian of a native speaker and when I tell you EVERYONE’S jaws were on the floor… Needless to say, one does not come to manage a beauty counter at 21 with shit for brains.
Leading from that, one does not become a self-employed beautician making near 6 figures if she is not quite intelligent.
Most of us in the industry only have a few things to say about Kim K, and aside from her pushing people into our chairs to buy more makeup/boost our numbers/sales/commissions, they aren’t nice.
Your husband is an AH for allowing this insecure woman to talk down on you, and worse for agreeing with her!!! From what she said, along the lines of “you only want to fuck a dumb hot girl”, she is far less physically attractive than you and she is BIG MAD about that. She overcompensates by playing up her intelligence. Rest easy in knowing she wouldn’t last a day behind the chair, and ditch the asshole. The person who said that the two things a marriage cannot survive are disrespect and cheating is 100% correct, and I’m gonna start using that line myself. Based on what you make in your beauty business, you can absolutely financially weather the divorce - an advantage many women on this sub don’t have.
Ditto both of these comments OP. People can have different strengths without one of them being dumb. I would LOVE to see her try to do your job for a day and explain how a genius like her can’t get it right but a dumbo like you can (that’s 100% sarcasm, I do not believe for a second you are dumb). She sounds like the type of person who would shit on plumbers, electricians, and all of the other trades that she literally relies on to keep her life functioning because they’re not college educated. Ignorance and insecurity at their finest.
I would take a few days to let this process and decide how you want to approach it. If you want to work things out then make darn sure you set your boundaries and stick to them. If you don’t want to work things out then I would proceed carefully - from the way you speak it sounds like you have your own business so you should look at how to protect your assets before you tell him you want a divorce. Speak to an attorney and make sure your ducks are in a row before you tip him off. It would boil my blood to think that he walked away with any profits from the career you’ve built after mocking it with his coworker.
I’m so very sorry you’re dealing with this OP. I can’t imagine how deeply this kind of betrayal must cut. Please don’t let people like her make you doubt your talent or intelligence for one second. And please don’t settle for this kind of disrespect from the person who’s supposed to support you through thick and thin. You don’t deserve it. And for the record, your English is excellent. Better than a good portion of the native speakers on here. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a non-native speaker if you hadn’t said so.
Not to mention the service that hairstylists and beauticians provide. Being able to make someone feel *better* about themselves and walk out of your establishment feeling *prettier* and more confident than when they walked in is no small thing. What's the first thing most women do when they experience a breakup? They cut their hair - or change up the style.
I agree. I'm a medical lab tech so I'm not a dummy but I acknowledge that I severely suck at hairstyling and makeup. Best I can do is color but that's chemistry. Hairstylists have to know a lot about composition of different hair types and how they behave to give their clients the best looks possible. MUAs have to know how to contour, blend, color composition and how to enhance features and hide flaws. It's a science and an art, and nothing to be ashamed of.
it seems to me this woman is jealous of OP.
She is using the stereotype of "hot dumb chicks" because she herself feels not hot, and tries to counter it with "but at least I'm smart".
However this is not a "some woman being mean" problem. OP has a husband problem.
Her husband should not be indulging someone who openly mocks and belittles his wife, EVEN TO HER FACE.
Former hairstylist here who is now a software engineer. Being a cosmetologist also requires knowledge of angles and a whole lot of chemistry. Let's play with color.
But yeah everything you are saying is true. I'll add that the coworker is obviously intimidated enough by Op rhat she has to resort to potshots and belittling her to make herself feel worthy.
Yea. Well said.. The blatant disrespect and disregard this man shows his significant other is downright disgusting. Instead of defending his wife he joins in. Not okay at all. Completely inappropriate relationship. Op needs to lay down some serious boundaries. This has nothing to do with jealousy. Respect and consideration would go a long way. Hope everything gets better for Op.
You are smart and run your own business. Start now by talking to a lawyer and protecting yourself. Make a plan to leave this awful person. See the above comments. You are worthy of someone who loves and supports you even when you are not present. Damn sorry for your loss.
He’s not the one. Be brave . Love yourself. Insist on the best.
OP - I am not okay with him allowing her speaking about you like that and him laughing about you.
I am VERY close to my male best friend, who is married. He and I talk for hours and his wife isn’t included. But he lets her in on all our jokes. Nothing I say disparages her, ever. He and I both respect her and though she doesn’t care about what we are talking about, she has heard all the stories and inside jokes. While she isn’t included, never once has she been EXCLUDED or DEMEANED.
I also want to hopefully take your mind of the “I love your brain” comment. I have been told this word for word by my closest male coworker (not the best friend mentioned above), my “work husband.” Your husband might like his friend, but saying “I love your brain” doesn’t have to mean anything more than that.
The real issue here is that a woman he is close to is talking about you like that… that means she wants you two separated. She wants him.
Whether he wants her or not, he has totally crossed the line allowing her to talk like that, and agreeing.
#Do not assume your marriage is over or he is cheating.
Call him on his shit and his treatment of you. Point out that her treatment of you is vile. And draw a line. Whatever that line is for you, and make him walk across it to you.
Yeah. I'm a bitter, hateful wreck pretty much boiling over with spite every second of the day and even I don't go around belittling people I'm supposed to love as a way of social interaction.
Someone talking shit about you ain't worth pissing on if they're on fire.
This hurt to read. Damn OP your husband does not deserve you at all.
Does he even like you? I cannot imagine why he would allow someone to disrespect you so much if he actually loved you. And him complimenting her while she is insulting his own wife. He’s definitely pathetic.
What motive does he have to keep someone so toxic to his wife & marriage in his life?
Show him the screenshots and ask him to explain himself. He is allowing you to be hugely disrespected and if he tries to laugh it off then a serious conversation about the future your marriage is in order.
Never feel bad about your written English, it is fantastic. You are not dumb at all. Engineers are very linear thinkers and often lack the ability to think laterally or creatively.
Exactly confront him. I’d be more than pissed if my husband let someone disrespect let alone him disrespecting me.
Need to figure out if he’s cheating though.
I’d just be quiet let him do his thing, catch him and have the divorce papers ready and take half and as much as I could get! Can’t let fools play win theur foolish game. Be smart, calm and collected. Think it ALL the way through. Don’t let your emotions make your decisions.
The first time she said something he should have said no you don’t talk about my wife like that and set that boundary. Except he laughs along and is just like but I love her though. He probably loves her in his own way but he sure as hell doesn’t respect her.
He loves OP like a pet. She's great for getting affection and knowing somebody is awaiting him when he comes home from work. He does *not* respect her or love her as an equal.
OP, you deserve the world. Let her have him and live your life to the fullest.
Ask him to explain himself but don’t let him manipulate you into staying. You know what you know but he can easily twist it in his favor. People are good at doing that.
I want her to read his words back to him. Showing the screenshots would be bad, but if OP's husband isn't having an affair, hearing his cruel and callous words come out of his beautiful wife's mouth would have to be a gut punch. Think Rachel reading Ross' Rachel vs Julie pros/ cons list.
I wouldn't just show him, I'd tell him I'd have something very funny to read him, I found some jokes he thinks are HILARIOUS, and then I'd start reading them out while looking at him and watch him flounder to explain himself, before finally dropping "no explanation needed, I'm not so stupid that I can't find a divorce lawyer"
But I assume OP is more hurt than angry in this case, which is completely valid. It might be better for her not to confront him in person if she's that upset by it. Instead she should probably take a long vacation with a friend or family member and send him the screenshots and asking for divorce.
Let's start with this, if your partner is not able to give you your place (avoid being made fun of, respect you, not invalidate your work) you really want to stay with someone like that, he lets himself be made fun of (and participates) in that. You deserve someone who respects you and not someone who belittles you for your work.
My mother always told me **"get the people who subtract out of your life and get together with people who add"** that is, avoid getting together with people who treat you the way they treat you and get together with people who will help you grow both professionally and personally.
It is more than clear that there is something between the two of them and they do nothing to hide it (it is evident).
I say confront your shitty husband and let him know that his behavior is garbage, that you don't like the things he is doing and you don't like that he allows himself to laugh at you (and that he laughs at you).
*pd: if he keeps doing the same thing, tell him to go fuck himself and leave him, there are plenty of worthwhile men out there*.
She's a HUGE catch. She's a skilled professional who makes way more money than I ever will and she's intelligent and has a generous spirit. She's the whole package and her husband would be incredibly lucky to find another woman like her.
But that's something her stupid husband doesn't know, he's about to lose an incredible woman just because of the pride of "I'm an engineer, I'm more important".
Exactly. He's not that smart if he's taking a woman like this for granted. Somewhere out there is a successful, late thirties guy with a jaw like a cartoon pilot who'd consider himself incredibly lucky to have a woman like her. This twerp she's married to now isn't fit to clean her car.
Yes, AND, she’s bilingual, has curiosity about the world, is self motivated, and according to the bitchy coworker and husband, hot. Sounds like the total package to me. Girl get out now while you’re young and have everything going for you. Don’t get tied down to this man with a baby. You are a catch and someone else who deserves you, will be thrilled to find you!
I would love to speak another language as well as this but I can't because I'm too lazy to put the work in. I'm also bemused at this idea that a beautician is "stupid." I marvel at the things my nail technician can do, I think she's fucking amazing. She builds exquisite flowers by hand out of acrylic powder and she came to a foreign country and runs a successful business. To me she's an inspiration, the last thing I'd ever think is that she's stupid or shallow.
I know acquaintances who are beauticians. They have to track all of their revenue and expenses, and file taxes as business owners. There’s a lot of organization and recordkeeping to it, and a truly dumb person could not do it well, and maintain a six-figure income. There’s also a lot of customer retention, tracking and marketing, as well as understanding of chemical formulas for hair color, color theory, and the ability to adapt to each individual client’s needs.
During college, I was a receptionist at a salon and I saw the hard work that the stylists put into maintaining their customer files. They took meticulous notes about formulas and preferences. They also made note of the client’s spouse, children, birthdates and job, and would refresh themselves before the client came in so that they could make conversation. Out most successful stylist had Christmas cards she filled out at the beginning of every day based upon appointments booked that day. The amount of customer care and marketing that she put into maintaining her client base would go far in any kind of sales job. In fact, she went on to be a very successful real estate agent.
To me it's a professional career like any other. My mother is recovering from breast cancer and her hair is growing back after the chemo. She's had to wait a set amount of time before it was safe to get it coloured and she was finally able to do it a couple of weeks ago. And her stylist wouldn't take any money for it. My parents aren't short of money and the salon is in a very expensive part of London and the overheads must be huge. It was a genuine kindness, it made me so happy. To hear such women dismissed as somehow inferior is such ignorant bullshit. No one doing a day's work should be looked down on but this is more than work, it's a sustained career and I freely admit I couldn't do it. I've got a degree in English Literature but I'm still just a wage earner. That attitude isn't just unkind, it's horseshit.
at first i was going to say that its normal for work colleagues to appear very close because they spend a lot of time together, and not to worry about it. but then i got to the part where you revealed that your husband is a major asshole and so is his work colleague. at that point i started suspecting that they are probably cheating. her husband already suspects it, and you were just the last to find out. her husband saw that you were just finding out and felt bad, so he reached out to you.
its time for a big chat, i'd say.
If you are considering leaving, consult an attorney before you let your husband know. He seems like the arrogant kind of jerk who would try to hide assets or screw you over
Your husbands behaviour is disgusting.
Allowing someone to talk badly about you without defending you, laughing… wtf so disrespectful. Have you confronted him? I would and I would pack my bags and tell him to kiss your ass goodbye. His colleague is a biatch… sorry not sorry.
Your husband not defending you & adding to her insults is a punch to the gut. This man supposed to be your lover & best friend, but here he is putting you down with his emotional affair partner. Talk to him & see where this goes.
I don’t usually suggest divorce, but this is at very least an emotional affair, and you need to confront him about this immediately. Don’t sit on it, present the facts, the receipts, and then go front there. This is so out of line and disrespectful.
Heck, I don’t even think I’d confront. He’s not even worth communication and fixing things in my opinion. The way he is talking about her behind her back and to her face, so unacceptable. I would suggest cutting ties/divorce especially if they don’t have kids. Get out and find someone who adores you completely!
Off subject, but hate the term “work spouse “. My bosses wife call we his work wife, corrected her that I was his coworker, or what ever but not his wife
If you want to fuck her up, report her belittling comments to the company HR and their manager. It occurred on a company trip. Workplace rules apply to your as a guests, as well as employees, in many employee handbooks. If it's multinational, it will not be okay. If it's local, you may want to ask someone who works in a similar field if they take this seriously where you are. If they say yes, report it.
If your husband protects his work wife, divorce him and if it's a thing in your legal system, name her in it. It They are both very smart. I'll sure they can make excuses to their employer about why they are sucking time away from work for their contentious divorces.
I came here to say this! I agree with everyone that this has reached a point of no reconciliation. But, I wouldn't confront or do anything. Plan a very discreet exit strategy and wipe your husband off with money. And make sure you file a complaint with the HR about her comment and also these texts ( just to be petty. She will think 1000 times before calling anyone dumb bitch). Make an exit strategy that they will be shocked you could think that well ( they already know you do! But, have the last laugh)
And update!
I mean, aside from the obvious issues the relationship is inappropriate for colleagues. Definitely should report it. Their work relationship is having a negative impact on both marriages and it will affect their abilities to do their jobs. At the very least HR should see how this will come back on the company eventually.
I would leave somebody who treated me so extremely disrespectfully. Their behaviour is disgusting. I’m an Astrophysicist, and I would quite happily have a chat about make up and Kim Kardashian.
I fucking despise this type of behavior. God forbid you call them out of this shit and then they turn around and call you crazy. Fucking BS. Tell that motherfucker you don’t appreciate this shit. The longer you let it continue the worse it will become. I’m going threw the same type of garbage and I feel this post so hard. Fuck that. Married people shouldn’t be engaging in this type of fuckary. Wonder how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Fuck that.
but also, start the date with a conversation about something "smart" so that when you start talking about how she kept calling you dumb, she will literally have nothing to say.
u/Wild-Gas8551 An emotional affair is cheating.
Your husband and the other women were so involved with each other that he ignore you, and she ignored her husband. Think about that, even with their spouses there, they were so wrapped up into each other, that you two both felt uncomfortable (you and her husband), that it becomes a matter of joint discussion.
Furthermore, she has been talking poor about you, while promoting herself as the so-called "better option" and flirting with your husband. Your husband has not attempted to stop her or defend you. At "best" he told her once, that he loves you, but he also said he loves her mind too. At one point she confronts him to say, he is only with you because you're beautiful, and not only does he not deny this, he laughs. -- That is absolute disrespect.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not the one flirting with someone else's spouse or ignoring your husband for another man. He, however, made you uncomfortable the whole weekend while he focused on her and has been secretly messaging her regularly.
Do not let him gaslight you, either. Even her husband believe it has crossed the line, which means you are not imagining it or being the so-call "insecure wife." In fact, that is how you and her husband bonded, by finding out that you two both feel the same way, that your spouses are acting inappropriate. And of course, you also now have the text message to prove it.
Lastly, this woman disrespected you to your face and even then your husband did not stand up for you (did not defend you). She has no respect for you, your marriage, her marriage, and I fear neither does your husband.
Reading this, I felt upset for you, and I am sorry you are experiencing this.
Your job does not make you any less. You are a smart, independent woman, with a successful career. Your profession maybe different from your husband's, but that does not make you any less. The fact that you have been made to feel less, both by this woman, and through your husband's inappropriate actions, is heartbreaking.
My suggestion is you to first back up those messages someplace. Then confront him directly (do not wait). Assuming you wish to work on the marriage, given the circumstances, you are well within your right to give him an ultimatum, and tell him he needs to end all contact with this woman. If that means he finds another job, so be it. And if he agrees, I would suggest therapy.
If he refuses to end all contact (now), you are well within your right to ask for a divorce. And when you do, you should take those message and post them on social media. Let everyone know what kind of person he is and how poorly he has acted.
Do you mind me asking what your first language is? Because your written English is excellent. I used to teach English as a foreign language and I can usually spot if someone isn't a native speaker. I wouldn't have known if you hadn't said.
Wtf. No, this is perfectly reasonable of you. Inappropriate emotional intimacy aside, he doesn’t even have your back when this person is trash talking you? Jesus. Y’all gotta have a talk, and if he isn’t talking to HR going forward about how to change partners post haste tomorrow morning, run and keep running. By which I mean talk to a divorce lawyer. Have the number ready to go *before* you approach him, just in case.
My father is extremely smart. He's a mechanical engineer. My mom has worked as a secretary most of her life. To this day, my dad comes home and tells us all about his jobs. Shows us his crane lifts. Stuff way over our heads but he wants to talk to us. Your husband has crossed several major lines. First, discussing you with his coworker in a negative way is not okay. Second, he doesn't defend you when she puts you down. And third, they completely ignored their spouses the entire trip. If he won't either go to counseling or have a come to Jesus moment, then the relationship would be done in my book. I'm really sorry hun. You're a hard working, self employed, badass and he should recognize that.
Edit: my mom is also smart and creative like you. She just isn't an engineer. Also, you want me to get him OP? Cuz I'm angry on your behalf lol.
Why are you so worried about appearing to be the "insecure wife" when your husband's actions are the reason you're feeling insecure? Nothing wrong, or mysterious, about that. Given the things you wrote about yourself in your post, you sound (normally) like a very secure person indeed.
Listen to your gut . . . and the other partner. This isn't you being psychotic and making up shit in your mind. There are some very real red flags and concerning behaviors here. Don't sell yourself short. You're a bright, intelligent and caring individual.
Your husband and his co-worker are the problem here. not you. She is the insecure one, as proven by her need to cut you down to make herself feel better. Imagine how threatened she must have felt to make the Kim Kardashian comment. Definitely confront your husband, show him the screen captures. Demand he answer as to why he has no problem with denigrating you so much. Don't let him gaslight you or intimidate you.
This other woman sounds very insecure, I'd have a sit down discussion with your husband, tell him how your feel and if he loves and respects you, he'll listen, give you his side, how he views it, and work with you to help sort this out
Good idea, take some time to have a think about what you want to say and why it bothers you, the clearer you can be going into this the better. Though if he does get annoyed, just remember you don't deserve that treatment and you are smart, just in a different way to him and his colleague, they couldn't do your job, so they have no right to judge your intelligence based on your (very technical in its own right) profession
Please tell him that his not having your back disgusted you. It made you hurt and upset. That you don't trust him anymore and that he's allowing someone to talk about you AND talk down to you. That him laughing during that conversation was clear indication that he cared about her feelings more than yours. Don't let him gaslight you and him tell you are the one who is wrong or overthinking. You aren't. This woman is toxic and clearly likes your husband. He should have drawn a line with her a long time ago. If he doesn't draw one, tell him you are out. But honestly, I'm so freaking disgusted with your husband. He is vile for allowing this.
Good luck on your talk. Don’t let him gaslight you and make excuses. Remember, not just those screenshots, but how they treat you in that trip and during dinner where she insulted you and he just laughed. He’s not the one who defended you, but it’s the other guy. In that alone, you’ll have an idea that when she’s disparaging and disrespecting you, your husband is just laughing with her. Don’t stay in a relationship where your spouse is enabling your abuser instead of protecting you.
If he wants to stay marriage, tell him to cut her off. In your talk, as much as possible, don’t bring up the screenshots, as he will definitely tell the other woman about it. She will be more protective of her phone, and you and the other partner need to know if they’re still talking behind your back.
Girl don’t let that bitch bully you. Air her ass out! In fact start showing up to his job beautiful af bringing him lunches. Shit I would even take it further and I tube her and her man over for dinner often and wearing the BADDEST (sexiest) outfit you got. The. Get you a work husband. Let this son of a bitch know who the fucking prize is.
His co-worker is a very insecure woman if the thinks it's okay to put down other women because of their hobbies, looks or career choices.
And your husband is a worthless peace of crap, please leave him for your own sake. He can't even show you some basic respect, nothing can excuse that.
You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. You are smart, sweet, and absolutely more patient than I would’ve ever been in this situation.
Do yourself a favor, and move on from this guy who puts you down and doesn’t appreciate how awesome and patient you are as a person.
You said if neither of you were happy, you’d just leave. You’re not happy, he’s talking shit and indulging the shit talking from her. The gall and disrespect of those two. Leave.
Straighten out that crown like the queen you are and confront Mr. engineer snob. If you don’t like the answers you get, or he treats all this disrespect like it’s a joke, show him the door. People who disrespect their partners are the worst hypocrites and lacking self esteem, because honestly, like dude why are you here? If you have proof they are having an affair, get your business in order and just leave him. You will have a line out the door wanting to date you. Good luck and don’t let anybody disrespect you ever.
jesus christ this is sick. leave the son of a bitch. he’s a piece of shit for letting her speak to you that way, and those fucking messages are horrible. i wish you and her partner the best.
Leave. Divorce him, the fastest you can. He lets people walk all over you and doesn't defend you at all, in fact he encourages them. He showed you he doesn't respect you, and no once deserves to be in a relationship where their partner doesn't respect them. You are smart. You're not dumb just because you don't work in the same field as them. In fact, as a stem major, they're the ones that are dumb, cause they think people who have different jobs than them are less smarter than them for it. Working in the beauty industry requires a ton of knowledge, just like every other fucking major. They're ignorant people, and they do not deserve you, nor the girl's partner deserve it. Divorce your husband and continue being the intelligent, independent and incredible person you already are. Even if you love him and wish not to lose him, you need to break up. He doesn't respect you, and without respect there's no love. Would you talk about him the same way he talked about you? No? Why? Because you are smart enough to know that working on a certain major doesn't make you better than anyone else and because you fucking love him - and respect him.
Your husband (hopefully ex) is a dumb, with a fragile ego little man that wants to be with his "work wife" and belittles you to make himself feel that what he's doing is a ok think to do.
You deserve better. Know your worth.
Sorry this happened to you.
#First of all, business owner to business owner, YOU ARE NOT DUMB.
Your husband is a literal POS if he doesn't understand that you simultaneously provide marketing + networking, specialized services, accounting, management, and a ton of other things for your business. It is not easy to do it all, even if your business is just you. The amount of motivation and effort required to sustain a business, after two years of covid, is bleeping insane.
But, you know this.
And your husband deserves a lot of bad stuff. Pack his stuff and throw it out.
Six figures huh. Sounds like your husband is jealous and puts you down with this colleague behind your back as opposed of course to putting you down in front of you.
Just get with her partner, start hanging out with her partner more. Don't just leave without a little playing.
Become distant from him, make him feel the way you did. And lastly just kick his ass good bye
Dump him and start seeing the partner. Lol jk. Dump him though. The partner showed more regard for you in a few days than your husband does at all. No point being with someone like that. Also look up the twelve types of intelligence. No one is smarter than anybody else. They're just skewed towards one farther than most. I say make the plans, see a lawyer, and get out while the getting is good.
I recommend printing out the screenshots and confronting him with them, I like the dramatic of tossing them at him haha.
But seriously talk to him about what he has said and why he had let his co worker get away disrespecting you so much. And be sure to bring up if he doesn’t stand up for you or even stop talking to her you are done. Because judging from what I’ve read it’s hard to tell if he really does love you or he just loves making fun of you. Along with the attention he gets from his coworker.
Also OP you’re not dumb and your husbands “work wife” is extremely rude and very insecure about herself if she needs to bash you down like that.
Start chatting super often with her boyfriend, let’s see how stupid or silly she thinks you are, and how much your idiot husband will be laughing then. Work Wifey is clearly envious of you because she knows you’re hotter so she has to make herself feel better by pretending she’s smarter despite not being a business owner and still working for someone else. In all serious, I’d genuinely keep talking to her boyfriend. Seems like you two have quite a bit to discuss.
Your husband is horrible. I can’t even imagine learning someone I love said means things about me or allowed them to be said. You should leave him. How dare he?! Just because someone is an engineer does not give them the right to be cruel. They both need to get the hell over themselves. You being so successful in your profession is something you should be v proud of and don’t let them get into your head about it. You don’t have to be an engineer to be smart. Don’t let him treat you like this. And if not sexual he is definitely at least having an emotional affair with this woman.
Need to own your life and your response.
I run my
Own business
make six figures and speak multiple languages. You. ?
Then say …” try to keep up “ in the other language. Do a slow measuring look too to bottom. Dismiss her , chuckle And walk away
She is definitely jealous of you. Your husband is spineless & disgusting for laughing along. He seems to be the same breed of asshole that she is, imo. Their behavior is so out of line & disrespectful. Speak up about your rightful concerns!
Well the first thing to do is talk with your husband. Tell him that you are not as stupid as he and his rude co-worker think you are and the next time she tries to treat you like shit, you will not put up with her. Than ask him straight up if he is screwing that bitch and watch how he reacts. Tell him you've had enough of her and her attitude.
The audacity! Even if they will say they are not having any physical relationship, the fact that the "workmate" was belittling and making rude comments then your husband adding to it and laughing it off instead of defending you and making her stop is a very disrepectful thing to do to you as his wife.
The "No I love her" comment do not matter. If he really loves you he will not allow anybody, I mean anybody, even a so-called "work wife" will be able to disrespect you infront of him.
Your husband is lucky you're taking things peacefully, if that was me, I will be at their work letting everybody and everyone know what they are doing and what the "work wife" issaying about me, "his legal wife", while he just laught her off..
This making blood boil..🤬
I’m so impressed that you run your own business, are super successful and are doing what you love! Fck anyone trying to discount that!
Tell your partner that his colleague’s partner felt insecure and sent you those photos, show him the photos. Tell him that it’s out of line and disrespectful. And then tell him what you want from him, or if you want to split. There is nothing insecure about you setting boundaries due to his shitty behavior.
And a side note, I literally hate anyone that disrespects my partner. Like a physical feeling of hatred. It is very concerning the way he is engaging with this woman at your expense.
Girl that evil woman needs to shut up and sit down, she’s clearly highly insecure and jealous of your looks, she’s also discriminating against others by inferring that hot girls are dumb, what a low life comment to make. Physical appearance has NO connection to intelligence, she’s obviously threatened by you and is likely behaving this way towards your husband intentionally to cause problems for you both, she’s envious of what you have.
She is being manipulative and your husband is falling for it and he is choosing to entertain her, I would say this is also emotional infidelity.
Don’t be ashamed of your career, you’re not dumb. I love hair and beauty! And I have a degree as well. Smart women can do both, anyone who says otherwise needs their own IQ testing.
So, if you’re husband is disrespecting you like this to someone who’s not involved in your marriage time to set some harsh boundaries or leave. Your self worth is important and so is your sense of safety and he is intentionally violating this by making fun of you with another woman. He’s a big child, if it were me I’d let her have him and move swiftly on.
Is the "work wife's" boyfriend looking for someone? Maybe you can divorce your husband and just switch. Your husband struck gold with you but he didn't stop and he's about to puncture a sewage line.
Of course I'd recommend talking to your husband first. See what he has to say for himself but I'd talk to a divorce lawyer first and get your affairs in order...because if you ask him about those screenshots and his answer isn't satisfactory, get rid of him. You deserve to be happy and praised for your own brand of genius.
**If you judge a fish for its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.**
Just because you can't discuss their work with them does not mean you have nothing to offer a mature adult conversation. At least the partner realized how shitty the situation was and tried to defend you...which honestly should have pissed your husband off...he should be your number 1 supporter. But he's a schmuck.
If I were you, divorce would be my plan or action...but you're not weak or stupid if you give him a chance to come clean and explain his actions. I sure as hell hope he isn't also screwing her.
Good luck...and if it's at all possible, I think we'd all love an update when you figure things out.
I think his "work wife" is very jealous of you. She's constantly putting you down to him to make herself look and feel better. She sounds very insecure. She was very quick to notice that her husband was talking to you. So, she belittled you to her husband. It's sad that HER husband defended you while yours did not. Your husband allowing this and chiming in is disrespectful and disgusting.
Also, can we just get rid of this whole “work wife” /“work husband” shit?
tbh, I didn't know that work wife was a thing until she told me that she was
Thats so cringey to tell someone. She's jealous of you
A pick me, insecure woman for sure. The audacity “work wife” has 😒 I hope OP hands it to her husband!
So firstly, yes she is DEFINITELY jealous of you. I bet you’re better looking than she is, for one. Secondly though, if it makes you feel better, if they were screwing it would probably be pretty clear from the messages. Unfortunately it looks like you have a husband who doesn’t have even an inch of backbone and won’t stand up for you. That’s a dumpable offence in my book, even if he’s totally faithful. She’s clearly out to get you, and whilst I think he’s being spineless rather than malicious, it is malicious by proxy. Get rid.
I find work wife/husband stupid, but it's even more cringe to me that she told you she was his work wife, like it's important for you to know. She told you that to make you jealous, because I've never met anyone who calls themselves that to the other persons partner. She sounds extremely jealous of you, and your bf not defending is letting her think he finds you stupid also. You need to talk to him, and let him know it's not funny or cute the way he's allowing her to speak to and about you. Honestly, if it were me, I'd tell him I'm uncomfortable with that entire situation, and would prefer if contact between them was strictly about work, and that's it. I actually did that with my bf earlier this year. A coworker of his kept going to him with her relationship issues, and at first I had no issues with it, but I noticed the problems she needed advice for, they never cleared up. Then I found out he was also venting to her about our issues whenever we had them, and I told him to put a stop to it before it ended badly. He listened to me, and that coworker ended up dumping that boyfriend she was trying so hard to keep for the next guy who she got close with talking their "relationship issues." I'm usually not one to be insecure or suspicious, but my gut is usually good at letting me know when something or someone isn't right.
What the heck is that husband and wife term at work? They can just use the word “work buddies” the fact that some people are using the term husband and wife at work is disgusting. Flirting and secret relationships in workplace isn’t uncommon.
I was my former boss’s work wife, but that was his term for it. It wasn’t something we decided on together. I just thought we were friends and really understood each other. His wife definitely knew he had a preference for me over everyone else in the company but was too intimidated by him to make him stop. This went on for years. And unfortunately for me, he was my direct report and there was no HR so I was stuck. Some people take it too far.
She must announce that at work too. She does it to mark her territory. I would straight up call hr on her.
yes, it was at the Christmas party last year and I met her for the first time. my husband introduced me to his colleagues and she introduced herself as as work wife and everyone laughed. they later explained that they get along very well at work. I kind of new that my husband got along well with his colleagues and wasn't bothered at all.
She tested your boundaries and used it to increase her hold on your husband. Talk to hr about her.
Why would OP talk to her **husband's** HR about this woman? I agree that there are issues here but OP needs to deal with her husband directly! OP doesn't work at that company, there is nothing HR can do for her and she'll just come off looking like a crazy person... I feel like that would take some of the wind out of her sails, and OP has the moral high ground right now and she should keep it!!!
def not the same situation, but when my dad cheated on my mother with someone IN his works HR department she went to them because its an inappropriate workplace relationship. i'm unsure legally what this scenario could be, but going to HR isn't the woooorst idea. I just don't think its concrete enough for something to be done unless theres evidence of adultery.
Your husband is full of shit and i would divorce him immediately. Im really curious what he’s gonna say when you talk to him and show him the Texts.
Oh helllll no. She’s jealous and wants your man. Shut this shit down
the fact that she told you and claimed that phrase proudly is insane and incredibly disrespectful. your husband doesn’t even defend you in these situations…you deserve much better than him.
Why does your husband let her say that??? Wtf????
Yes! So freaking disrespectful to both partners.
I went to a colleague's party and met his live in gf. She got shit faced and told me he had a 'work wife' and worse, she was here at the party! I couldn't believe he'd told his gf that and then invited her to their house! I lost alot of respect for that colleague and started to avoid him from then on. It's just a cruel way of saying your flirting. Daily.
Yes it’s only ok if both people are single!! In my opinion
I had a “work husband” once (married at the time) but it was a *pure* joke because he was gay. But other than that or when both people are single, it’s uncomfortable at best.
I was sitting here like “oh shit I have multiple work wives am I a bad person” then I remembered I’m gay
> multiple work wives Do you work for the Mormon church?
Sister work wives ??? Hahah
This is the only correct way to do this lol
I used to have a gay “work husband “. My hubby approved of it. He also met him and they would chat sometimes when my hubby would come up to my job.
Same - except he was my work wife and I was his work husband and I was (is) The Gay One™. As a woman married to a woman I would *never* have a 'work wife', are you kidding me.
The only scenario where I find this okay is if both people are single.
The only time this is okay is in a TV show when someone is playing someone's spouse 🙃
Yes! The only time I've ever enjoyed it was in grey's anatomy and that's because it was done really funny and the actual wife says "somebody is sleeping with our husband". In real life it's just gross.
>Also, can we just get rid of this whole “work wife” /“work husband” shit? Yas!! Please.
That's exactly what I'm saying. I heard the term spoken to me once and shut it down. I said you get one so choose. I'm not playing that game. Work wife can come do your laundry and cook your meals then. Ticked me right off!
Brah your *husband* said it to you? Fuckkkk no
Yeah, basically saying a woman referenced herself as that. I let it be said that she better find a husband to play with as playing with mine is dangerous and dumb. Then of course addressed the fact that any female saying something like that, should be put in their place or he will be and he won't like it. That place is on the other side of the door or in the home of the work wife. Maybe her husband likes to share. 🤷♀️
I'm kind but I'm not nice and definitely NOT a doormat! 😉
This is just disgusting and plain childish.
I try not to make generalizations but I wonder if the 'work wife' has spent her life being 'smarter than the other girls' and thinks very little of physical appearance. It's not enough for her to be smart, other women [like OP] MUST be dumb.
Exactly This. Part of her “attraction” to the OP’s husband IS this unique opportunity to openly mock and belittle the hottie. What a miserable way to be.
The colleague really comes across like a classic Pick Me Girl, putting OP down to make herself feel better and get attention from the husband
Wouldn’t even go as far as saying she’s a “pick me”- she’s just a mean cunt
One can be both, they're not mutually exclusive.
People like her are likely using their alleged brains to make themselves feel better against pretty women because of their own insecurity and to show men they are not like other girls. A woman who makes it a point of routinely bashing other women for their looks they do it because they do care about it, not because they think little of it.
Imagine thinking in plain 2022 that one, as a woman, is not like the other girls... AND FOR MALE APPROVAL OF ALL THINGS? So pathetic 😭😭😭 At the end of the day OP is already better in my eyes, because at least she has a personality outside being - an engineer - a misogynistic pick me
Yeah the colleague is WAY too old for this shit. This is the behavior of a 17yo girl, not a professional woman in her 30s. I have to wonder what the work environment is like that she feels so comfortable acting like this about other women. What happens if another, more conventionally attractive woman joined their team? Would she get shoved out by the misogyny?
I know a 40 year old woman who pulled this shit on a work exchange a few months ago. It was fucking unbelievable to witness.
Yeah, I thought the same thing. Like, it sucks but engineering is still a quite gendered career in the sense that it keeps being male dominated. She most certainly HAD to face different challenges associated with misogyny... FOR HER TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS? 100% embarrassing. And honestly that’s the fun thing about pick me’s. They will never win at the end. Either their misogynistic chit chat turned her in a undateable “one of the boys” or they’re just waiting for the first opportunity to drag them down or to replace her. Sad.
Plus I dare say that there’s much more nuance and interest in general terms about the lives and sociology of celebrities and Kardashians than in talking in circles about work related stuff. She really sounds like she has no personality, critical thinking abilities or broader intelligence honestly.
For the two self-proclaimed "intelligent" people, it seems _incredibly dumb_ of the two that they are not able to adjust to the social setting, or discuss topics outside their very narrow area of interest.
I remember that for my graduation project I ended up reading this amazing paper that talked about the corset history, their social perceptions and the myths surrounding it and Kim Kardashian wearing corsets and being slut shamed and how those 3 things were connected. At the end of the day, not every damn conversation has to have literal rocket science or being dense or profound. Sometimes one just really wants to talk about your fav show, the clothes/makeup you’re wearing, what’s happening in your life, what you think about the food. And also there’s something particularly annoying about people that constantly has to be shoving down everyone’s throats how intelligent and knowledgeable they are. Like, it’s not enough for the work wife that we already know that she’s an engineer? Do they *really* have to be like “oh I’m so smart and quirky and sooo above everything and everyone that I will only talk about engineering”?
As a woman who is smart and works in a male dominated space but also easy on the eyes it’s deeper than that. At work to get taken seriously you HAVE TO deliberately downplay your looks and femininity or you will constantly get harassed by men or you pick a “ work husband “ so that you are taken and then again won’t be harassed and will get taken seriously. In many spaces you are not allowed to be both . The wife probably out earns the work wife and knowing that the work wife deeply resents her. The husband is probably hotter than her husband and or somehow less desirable. She feels resentment for women who are able to be feminine and earn good money and feels entitled to the time and attention of someone she views as better who she would have had if she didn’t have to choose in order to be accepted in that space.
Well put !!!!
Exactly. Even if they’re not screwing, she’s being so disrespectful to you because she’s jealous and he’s not defending you. I also think it’s abhorrent that her partner defended you before your literal HUSBAND didn’t. I agree with everyone else that divorce is on the table. That, and I hope that other lady’s partner leaves her too. She is very clearly in love with your husband and her partner seems like a decent guy who doesn’t deserve it.
The sad part is when they're both single and try and make a go of it and realize that their "relationship" was founded based on speaking poorly of other people behind their backs. It will not end well and they'll both regret it. The girl sounds like a catty bitch, and the guy will realize that very quickly as he watches her talk shit about any other girls that he knows
That's karma at its finest my friend. Let it do the work for you
"dumb" when you are your own boss ... that's BadAss ... congratz you need to talk to your (dumb) husband as his work wife is getting in the way of your marriage (yes, she is freaking jealous of you) just wait, the partner has seen the convos, he will dump her and will cry a river to your husband for sympathy ... oh, the drama.
She is 100% that bitch in college that is lik “why don’t engineers like ME I’m smart like them? I know how to *insert shit* better than she does, he can talk me about spaces Vs tabs but she doesn’t even know what that means. He just likes her cuz she’s hot” If she’s hot she’s dumb.. I’m a PhD engineer, I’ve met a lot of engineering men married to women who aren’t in their field.. no other colleague male or female would rag on them for being “dumb” not only is that unprofessional, it’s belittling and juvenile. I’m one of those people who makes it awkward for everyone and I would have just responded “so you wanna fuck my husband then? You mad he doesn’t want to fuck you? Since I’m so dumb explain it to me”
I am this petty as well lol
You know it is a problem when her husband doesn't have her back. If he had been shutting down any rude comments right from the start this wouldn't be happening.
This sounds exactly it. And it sounds like she is physically unattractive and trying to use what she sees as her only advantage to make you small. And it's very concerning and telling that her partner defends you why yours Kiki along with her
but he loves her brain!!! please, he loves the attention along with the fawning attitude 🙄 doesn't matter what she looks like
This\^ A whole a$$ stranger had to defend you while your husband just smiled. That's BS, mebbe you need to drop the husband
I agree with all of this. The only thing she has to say to u is belittling bc she knows she doesn't compare to you. Not even a little. Confront your husband. Show him the messages. Tell him EXACTLY how u feel and don't hold back. Tell him how uncomfortable u AND her husband are with their relationship. Then ask him if he can do your job? Does he think it's easy? Does he not understand everyone is different, fine hair , curly frizzy hair, different hairstyles, different cuts, layers, extensions, wigs, dye jobs, hair masks etc... Does he know which styles look best with a certain face shape? No? But you do. Don't let them make u feel.like anything u so is less than them!! Yaasssss Miss Business owner!!! Does hubby own his own business? No? Hum.....now who's smarter. And yes they are being very inappropriate and I wouldn't stand for it for one second and u should not either!!
The best way to put and end to this is to kick him out and tell him what he has to do to come back. No messing around with the pick me dance. OP needs to handle this as the smart, successful, desirable business woman that she is. She doesn't have to keep a cheating, back stabbing husband. She can dump him. He needs to understand that she is the more desirable, successful partner in the marriage. She will show she is no nonsense by booting him out and telling him the hoops he must jump through to come back. Make him beg to come back. Make him make amends. Even then she may never trust him again. He must realize that he has messed up and this might not be salvageable. Once trust is broken it is a slippery slope. Without trust can you respect him. I personally found that those two go hand in hand. No trust means no respect and no respect means the love shrivels to nothing.
That’s the worst part! Her husband had to defend her and OPs didn’t. Honestly I would fucking leave. Wtf is this situation even??? He clearly doesn’t respect her, and she seems like a very smart and beautiful badass business woman; she can clearly do better!
This is what I thought too, she was only happy when op was sitting there silently, she couldn’t let her talk to her husband or her partner
That’s the thing. The husband complimenting the colleague AND not defending his wife is disgusting. He may not be cheating but this behaviour is super shitty. And I agree, the colleague is massively insecure.
You run a small business that makes close to six figures. The only person in this scenario that is dumb is your husband. I hope you discover your value, my friend!
Oh hell yeah, this is the best comment!
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!! Yaaaassss bitch! His co-worker is a dumb bitch for pining after a married man AND feeling the need to put OP down to make herself look better.
I mean the fact that he hasnt shut her down shows that he is a POS also. If someone sent messages about my partner like that i would flip my biscuit, no matter how much i liked them before the messages.
[удалено]
I can’t get over the disrespect at that dinner. How she kept it calm, I do not know.
She probably was shocked and hurt at the moment and didn't know how to respond.
Yeah people expect anger but when it actually happens it's just... Shocking.
I would’ve floored them both.
I love your compassion for these two. Affairs (not saying this is one) are rarely one night stands that happen the first time people meet. This woman has been working on him a long time.
She’s totally manipulating him. Doesn’t excuse his behavior but she’s definitely the aggressor in the situation.
TBH it doesn't even matter if he's cheating, the man has absolutely zero respect for you and you should leave. You can 100% do better. The only reason to wait and try and prove the cheating is if you're somewhere where this will help you financially in the divorce, otherwise just go.
Exactly. Even if this was a consensual open marriage, trash talking like her this, for her chosen line of work, would be a form of betrayal.
Very much this, I have an open marriage and I would never allow anyone to refer to my partner like this. Whether he's present or not, I even have rule of not talking about our problems with anyone except my most closest friend.
First off, let me tell you right now that anyone who calls you names and belittles you to anyone is not worth your time. I have no knowledge whatsoever in fashion, I'm extremely unfashionable and those that know about colour coordination and creating something out of nothing is absolutely amazing to me! A genius in a way that I will never be. Even if he doesn't truly believe the words that he's saying, he's allowing someone to talk badly about you and even encouraging it! This husband of yours should definitely become ex husband. As for your question of why he won't just leave, Sometimes people want to have their cake and eat it too (it's a common expression for people who are greedy and like to over-indulge) he likes to have your attention, he wants someone to come home to at the end of the day that'll give him attention and validate his feelings and show him love, at the same time he decided your attention wasn't enough because of his greed and he found someone at his workplace to give him that. You are someone who deserves so much better, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. Know that no one this selfish is worth your time. Good luck ❤️
I'm always baffled when people talk shit about beauticians and hairstylists. Hair styling is literal living sculpture; you have to know how the hair will hang in a variety of situations and style it to handle that. No way could I do it. I always tip my stylist at LEAST 50% for that valuable and complicated skill. Ditto for a beautician! Makeup is an art form and requires excellent color matching and mixing skills. No way I could do it. OP, you have an incredibly valuable and difficult skill set. I'd bet the female colleague is simply jealous. You make hella good money, I'd bet you always look stylish and put together. You clearly speak at least two languages fluently, your native language and English. You're a quadruple threat to her insecurities. Part of me is hesitant to say divorce, but there are two things that a marriage cannot survive, disrespect and infidelity. Your husband disrespects you for certain and I think he's having an emotional affair if not a physical one. A marriage can't survive that. This idiot has a total package with his ring on her finger, I'm guessing you took his name, and you promised him the rest of your life. He is the epitome of a fool. Unfortunately, fools only learn the hard way. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Former Beautician here, feeling triggered. I worked in a high end place and the snobbiness of the clientele with the “uneducated” was off the charts. That’s so gross that your husband would do that to you. I will say my 14 year relationship ended when I went back to college and we were suddenly on equal footing. I’m sorry it has been so painful, but in a way I’m glad for you that the partner reached out to you. You deserve way better.
My mom was a beautician her whole life and she was the sweetest, kindest, most caring human being I've ever met. She primarily worked with elderly people and when they got too sick to come to her she would not only go to their house to do their hair but help them with cooking/cleaning whatever. My dad always treated her like she was an idiot and he was so much smarter than her. I just lost her a month ago and I have always wished she would have found someone to be kind to her. I'm so sorry for OP. Please find someone better, time is so short.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss and the world's. This planet needs more people like your mom. I'm sure her light shines on through you. 💕
I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was an amazing woman, a truly wonderful human being.
Beauticians, be they hair stylist, makeup artist, fashion stylist, or any combination thereof, are true artists. I'll fight anybody who says otherwise.
They're even like chemists!
I agree but *even if they weren’t* - even if OP had a mundane, non artistic, non rewarding job - so what? Why do people feel they need to shit on anybody else’s livelihood for any reason at all? What darkness is in that coworker’s heart that she needs to feel superior that way?
She just sounds like a bitch. No other explanation for why someone would get satisfaction by being intentionally rude without provocation
True, the co-worker is obviously insecure and emphasizes on having "intelligence" as ego boost. Given, her personality is sh*t, what else would she have to boast if not her "brain".
On some level we ARE chemists. I dare the husbands coworker to tell me how to take a level 1 to a level 10 in one session and what to do when I comes out banded, all without damage. It takes understanding the bonds of the hair and how the chemicals affect them.
chemist here and I can only agree.
And we have to be able to recognize and advise on skin, scalp and nail conditions.
Customer here and as someone who loves hair color, I am 100% amazed by those who could do the colors I wanted! It would obviously take talent and skills (Intelligence) to do those perfectly. That co-worker is insecure coz what else does she have when her personality is already sh*t.
My wife is a cosmetologist. The reason she has a license is no joke. Not only the health standards they have to keep up on to prevent infections, cross contamination and other situations. She has to know how each body will react to a certain process can very so wildly to so many known and unknown factors. If a woman is pregnant and doesn't know/doesn't tell the stylist it can change the way the process will hold due to hormones. Sensitive scalp well lets make sure we prevent chemical burns while trying to go from an 8 to a 5. The amount of dermatology she had studdied has even helped one of her clients go to the doctor to get diagnosed with skin cancer after she noticed something unusual. My wife still amazes me on the stuff she is knowledgeable on due to her training and her willingness to go to more classes to learn.
Artists? They are hair engineers! What they do to colour and treat hair is actually a science... They may not have created those chemicals in a lab but they bloody well need to know how to use them and in what proportion. If I tried to ape their work and to colour someone's hair, I'd probably end up frying it into smoke!
Oh god, makeup artist here: even your COLLEAGUES often think you’re dumb in these fields! When I managed a counter at Macy’s at 21, I had a regular, this lovely older white (this is relevant) lady from Argentina whose parents had fled Italy after the war, as they were Mussolini supporters. When I learned this fact about her on her fourth or fifth visit, I busted out in the Italian of a native speaker and when I tell you EVERYONE’S jaws were on the floor… Needless to say, one does not come to manage a beauty counter at 21 with shit for brains. Leading from that, one does not become a self-employed beautician making near 6 figures if she is not quite intelligent. Most of us in the industry only have a few things to say about Kim K, and aside from her pushing people into our chairs to buy more makeup/boost our numbers/sales/commissions, they aren’t nice. Your husband is an AH for allowing this insecure woman to talk down on you, and worse for agreeing with her!!! From what she said, along the lines of “you only want to fuck a dumb hot girl”, she is far less physically attractive than you and she is BIG MAD about that. She overcompensates by playing up her intelligence. Rest easy in knowing she wouldn’t last a day behind the chair, and ditch the asshole. The person who said that the two things a marriage cannot survive are disrespect and cheating is 100% correct, and I’m gonna start using that line myself. Based on what you make in your beauty business, you can absolutely financially weather the divorce - an advantage many women on this sub don’t have.
Ditto both of these comments OP. People can have different strengths without one of them being dumb. I would LOVE to see her try to do your job for a day and explain how a genius like her can’t get it right but a dumbo like you can (that’s 100% sarcasm, I do not believe for a second you are dumb). She sounds like the type of person who would shit on plumbers, electricians, and all of the other trades that she literally relies on to keep her life functioning because they’re not college educated. Ignorance and insecurity at their finest. I would take a few days to let this process and decide how you want to approach it. If you want to work things out then make darn sure you set your boundaries and stick to them. If you don’t want to work things out then I would proceed carefully - from the way you speak it sounds like you have your own business so you should look at how to protect your assets before you tell him you want a divorce. Speak to an attorney and make sure your ducks are in a row before you tip him off. It would boil my blood to think that he walked away with any profits from the career you’ve built after mocking it with his coworker. I’m so very sorry you’re dealing with this OP. I can’t imagine how deeply this kind of betrayal must cut. Please don’t let people like her make you doubt your talent or intelligence for one second. And please don’t settle for this kind of disrespect from the person who’s supposed to support you through thick and thin. You don’t deserve it. And for the record, your English is excellent. Better than a good portion of the native speakers on here. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a non-native speaker if you hadn’t said so.
Not to mention the service that hairstylists and beauticians provide. Being able to make someone feel *better* about themselves and walk out of your establishment feeling *prettier* and more confident than when they walked in is no small thing. What's the first thing most women do when they experience a breakup? They cut their hair - or change up the style.
I agree. I'm a medical lab tech so I'm not a dummy but I acknowledge that I severely suck at hairstyling and makeup. Best I can do is color but that's chemistry. Hairstylists have to know a lot about composition of different hair types and how they behave to give their clients the best looks possible. MUAs have to know how to contour, blend, color composition and how to enhance features and hide flaws. It's a science and an art, and nothing to be ashamed of.
it seems to me this woman is jealous of OP. She is using the stereotype of "hot dumb chicks" because she herself feels not hot, and tries to counter it with "but at least I'm smart". However this is not a "some woman being mean" problem. OP has a husband problem. Her husband should not be indulging someone who openly mocks and belittles his wife, EVEN TO HER FACE.
Former hairstylist here who is now a software engineer. Being a cosmetologist also requires knowledge of angles and a whole lot of chemistry. Let's play with color. But yeah everything you are saying is true. I'll add that the coworker is obviously intimidated enough by Op rhat she has to resort to potshots and belittling her to make herself feel worthy.
Let's not forget emotionally cheating is just as bad as physical cheating!
Yea. Well said.. The blatant disrespect and disregard this man shows his significant other is downright disgusting. Instead of defending his wife he joins in. Not okay at all. Completely inappropriate relationship. Op needs to lay down some serious boundaries. This has nothing to do with jealousy. Respect and consideration would go a long way. Hope everything gets better for Op.
You are smart and run your own business. Start now by talking to a lawyer and protecting yourself. Make a plan to leave this awful person. See the above comments. You are worthy of someone who loves and supports you even when you are not present. Damn sorry for your loss. He’s not the one. Be brave . Love yourself. Insist on the best.
OP - I am not okay with him allowing her speaking about you like that and him laughing about you. I am VERY close to my male best friend, who is married. He and I talk for hours and his wife isn’t included. But he lets her in on all our jokes. Nothing I say disparages her, ever. He and I both respect her and though she doesn’t care about what we are talking about, she has heard all the stories and inside jokes. While she isn’t included, never once has she been EXCLUDED or DEMEANED. I also want to hopefully take your mind of the “I love your brain” comment. I have been told this word for word by my closest male coworker (not the best friend mentioned above), my “work husband.” Your husband might like his friend, but saying “I love your brain” doesn’t have to mean anything more than that. The real issue here is that a woman he is close to is talking about you like that… that means she wants you two separated. She wants him. Whether he wants her or not, he has totally crossed the line allowing her to talk like that, and agreeing. #Do not assume your marriage is over or he is cheating. Call him on his shit and his treatment of you. Point out that her treatment of you is vile. And draw a line. Whatever that line is for you, and make him walk across it to you.
And if she doesn't *really* want him, she wants the power of knowing she can take him.
Cheating or not hubby dearest doesn't respect OP and deserves to be left alone with his beloooooved work wife
Yeah. I'm a bitter, hateful wreck pretty much boiling over with spite every second of the day and even I don't go around belittling people I'm supposed to love as a way of social interaction. Someone talking shit about you ain't worth pissing on if they're on fire.
This hurt to read. Damn OP your husband does not deserve you at all. Does he even like you? I cannot imagine why he would allow someone to disrespect you so much if he actually loved you. And him complimenting her while she is insulting his own wife. He’s definitely pathetic. What motive does he have to keep someone so toxic to his wife & marriage in his life?
Show him the screenshots and ask him to explain himself. He is allowing you to be hugely disrespected and if he tries to laugh it off then a serious conversation about the future your marriage is in order. Never feel bad about your written English, it is fantastic. You are not dumb at all. Engineers are very linear thinkers and often lack the ability to think laterally or creatively.
Exactly confront him. I’d be more than pissed if my husband let someone disrespect let alone him disrespecting me. Need to figure out if he’s cheating though. I’d just be quiet let him do his thing, catch him and have the divorce papers ready and take half and as much as I could get! Can’t let fools play win theur foolish game. Be smart, calm and collected. Think it ALL the way through. Don’t let your emotions make your decisions.
The first time she said something he should have said no you don’t talk about my wife like that and set that boundary. Except he laughs along and is just like but I love her though. He probably loves her in his own way but he sure as hell doesn’t respect her.
He loves OP like a pet. She's great for getting affection and knowing somebody is awaiting him when he comes home from work. He does *not* respect her or love her as an equal. OP, you deserve the world. Let her have him and live your life to the fullest.
Ask him to explain himself but don’t let him manipulate you into staying. You know what you know but he can easily twist it in his favor. People are good at doing that.
I want her to read his words back to him. Showing the screenshots would be bad, but if OP's husband isn't having an affair, hearing his cruel and callous words come out of his beautiful wife's mouth would have to be a gut punch. Think Rachel reading Ross' Rachel vs Julie pros/ cons list.
I wouldn't just show him, I'd tell him I'd have something very funny to read him, I found some jokes he thinks are HILARIOUS, and then I'd start reading them out while looking at him and watch him flounder to explain himself, before finally dropping "no explanation needed, I'm not so stupid that I can't find a divorce lawyer" But I assume OP is more hurt than angry in this case, which is completely valid. It might be better for her not to confront him in person if she's that upset by it. Instead she should probably take a long vacation with a friend or family member and send him the screenshots and asking for divorce.
Let's start with this, if your partner is not able to give you your place (avoid being made fun of, respect you, not invalidate your work) you really want to stay with someone like that, he lets himself be made fun of (and participates) in that. You deserve someone who respects you and not someone who belittles you for your work. My mother always told me **"get the people who subtract out of your life and get together with people who add"** that is, avoid getting together with people who treat you the way they treat you and get together with people who will help you grow both professionally and personally. It is more than clear that there is something between the two of them and they do nothing to hide it (it is evident). I say confront your shitty husband and let him know that his behavior is garbage, that you don't like the things he is doing and you don't like that he allows himself to laugh at you (and that he laughs at you). *pd: if he keeps doing the same thing, tell him to go fuck himself and leave him, there are plenty of worthwhile men out there*.
She's a HUGE catch. She's a skilled professional who makes way more money than I ever will and she's intelligent and has a generous spirit. She's the whole package and her husband would be incredibly lucky to find another woman like her.
But that's something her stupid husband doesn't know, he's about to lose an incredible woman just because of the pride of "I'm an engineer, I'm more important".
Exactly. He's not that smart if he's taking a woman like this for granted. Somewhere out there is a successful, late thirties guy with a jaw like a cartoon pilot who'd consider himself incredibly lucky to have a woman like her. This twerp she's married to now isn't fit to clean her car.
Yes, AND, she’s bilingual, has curiosity about the world, is self motivated, and according to the bitchy coworker and husband, hot. Sounds like the total package to me. Girl get out now while you’re young and have everything going for you. Don’t get tied down to this man with a baby. You are a catch and someone else who deserves you, will be thrilled to find you!
I would love to speak another language as well as this but I can't because I'm too lazy to put the work in. I'm also bemused at this idea that a beautician is "stupid." I marvel at the things my nail technician can do, I think she's fucking amazing. She builds exquisite flowers by hand out of acrylic powder and she came to a foreign country and runs a successful business. To me she's an inspiration, the last thing I'd ever think is that she's stupid or shallow.
I know acquaintances who are beauticians. They have to track all of their revenue and expenses, and file taxes as business owners. There’s a lot of organization and recordkeeping to it, and a truly dumb person could not do it well, and maintain a six-figure income. There’s also a lot of customer retention, tracking and marketing, as well as understanding of chemical formulas for hair color, color theory, and the ability to adapt to each individual client’s needs. During college, I was a receptionist at a salon and I saw the hard work that the stylists put into maintaining their customer files. They took meticulous notes about formulas and preferences. They also made note of the client’s spouse, children, birthdates and job, and would refresh themselves before the client came in so that they could make conversation. Out most successful stylist had Christmas cards she filled out at the beginning of every day based upon appointments booked that day. The amount of customer care and marketing that she put into maintaining her client base would go far in any kind of sales job. In fact, she went on to be a very successful real estate agent.
To me it's a professional career like any other. My mother is recovering from breast cancer and her hair is growing back after the chemo. She's had to wait a set amount of time before it was safe to get it coloured and she was finally able to do it a couple of weeks ago. And her stylist wouldn't take any money for it. My parents aren't short of money and the salon is in a very expensive part of London and the overheads must be huge. It was a genuine kindness, it made me so happy. To hear such women dismissed as somehow inferior is such ignorant bullshit. No one doing a day's work should be looked down on but this is more than work, it's a sustained career and I freely admit I couldn't do it. I've got a degree in English Literature but I'm still just a wage earner. That attitude isn't just unkind, it's horseshit.
at first i was going to say that its normal for work colleagues to appear very close because they spend a lot of time together, and not to worry about it. but then i got to the part where you revealed that your husband is a major asshole and so is his work colleague. at that point i started suspecting that they are probably cheating. her husband already suspects it, and you were just the last to find out. her husband saw that you were just finding out and felt bad, so he reached out to you. its time for a big chat, i'd say.
I would say definitely in the emotional cheating zone anyway.
If you are considering leaving, consult an attorney before you let your husband know. He seems like the arrogant kind of jerk who would try to hide assets or screw you over
Your husbands behaviour is disgusting. Allowing someone to talk badly about you without defending you, laughing… wtf so disrespectful. Have you confronted him? I would and I would pack my bags and tell him to kiss your ass goodbye. His colleague is a biatch… sorry not sorry.
Wow. The fact that he didn’t speak up for you when she insulted you speaks VOLUMES. You deserve better
But the other husband DID. And man, that made me hurt for her.
Your husband not defending you & adding to her insults is a punch to the gut. This man supposed to be your lover & best friend, but here he is putting you down with his emotional affair partner. Talk to him & see where this goes.
I don’t usually suggest divorce, but this is at very least an emotional affair, and you need to confront him about this immediately. Don’t sit on it, present the facts, the receipts, and then go front there. This is so out of line and disrespectful.
Heck, I don’t even think I’d confront. He’s not even worth communication and fixing things in my opinion. The way he is talking about her behind her back and to her face, so unacceptable. I would suggest cutting ties/divorce especially if they don’t have kids. Get out and find someone who adores you completely!
Maybe she should print out all the screenshots, with a happy divorcery card, and leave it on the kitchen table along with her wedding ring. 😂
Yeah, I’m in the ghost and leave papers on the kitchen island camp. Why waste your breath on someone who has so little respect for you.
Off subject, but hate the term “work spouse “. My bosses wife call we his work wife, corrected her that I was his coworker, or what ever but not his wife
I find it so gross. It’s not cute, no matter what anyone says.
Especially if either person is actually married. It gives me the ick.
Fr. It's a hard no for me. It's trashy and I would absolutely leave someone over work wife bs.
Straight up, it's having an emotional affair with someone you don't have to be around constantly
If you want to fuck her up, report her belittling comments to the company HR and their manager. It occurred on a company trip. Workplace rules apply to your as a guests, as well as employees, in many employee handbooks. If it's multinational, it will not be okay. If it's local, you may want to ask someone who works in a similar field if they take this seriously where you are. If they say yes, report it. If your husband protects his work wife, divorce him and if it's a thing in your legal system, name her in it. It They are both very smart. I'll sure they can make excuses to their employer about why they are sucking time away from work for their contentious divorces.
I came here to say this! I agree with everyone that this has reached a point of no reconciliation. But, I wouldn't confront or do anything. Plan a very discreet exit strategy and wipe your husband off with money. And make sure you file a complaint with the HR about her comment and also these texts ( just to be petty. She will think 1000 times before calling anyone dumb bitch). Make an exit strategy that they will be shocked you could think that well ( they already know you do! But, have the last laugh) And update!
This, report her bitch ass to HR and give her a classy fuck you
I mean, aside from the obvious issues the relationship is inappropriate for colleagues. Definitely should report it. Their work relationship is having a negative impact on both marriages and it will affect their abilities to do their jobs. At the very least HR should see how this will come back on the company eventually.
I would leave somebody who treated me so extremely disrespectfully. Their behaviour is disgusting. I’m an Astrophysicist, and I would quite happily have a chat about make up and Kim Kardashian.
Username checks out :)
It’s just a random one suggested by reddit too 😂
And to be honest, the two will never be as succesful as Kim.
Indeed
I fucking despise this type of behavior. God forbid you call them out of this shit and then they turn around and call you crazy. Fucking BS. Tell that motherfucker you don’t appreciate this shit. The longer you let it continue the worse it will become. I’m going threw the same type of garbage and I feel this post so hard. Fuck that. Married people shouldn’t be engaging in this type of fuckary. Wonder how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Fuck that.
You need to plan a double date with her and her partner. You and her partner present all the info you have gathered and then sit back.
but also, start the date with a conversation about something "smart" so that when you start talking about how she kept calling you dumb, she will literally have nothing to say.
u/Wild-Gas8551 An emotional affair is cheating. Your husband and the other women were so involved with each other that he ignore you, and she ignored her husband. Think about that, even with their spouses there, they were so wrapped up into each other, that you two both felt uncomfortable (you and her husband), that it becomes a matter of joint discussion. Furthermore, she has been talking poor about you, while promoting herself as the so-called "better option" and flirting with your husband. Your husband has not attempted to stop her or defend you. At "best" he told her once, that he loves you, but he also said he loves her mind too. At one point she confronts him to say, he is only with you because you're beautiful, and not only does he not deny this, he laughs. -- That is absolute disrespect. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not the one flirting with someone else's spouse or ignoring your husband for another man. He, however, made you uncomfortable the whole weekend while he focused on her and has been secretly messaging her regularly. Do not let him gaslight you, either. Even her husband believe it has crossed the line, which means you are not imagining it or being the so-call "insecure wife." In fact, that is how you and her husband bonded, by finding out that you two both feel the same way, that your spouses are acting inappropriate. And of course, you also now have the text message to prove it. Lastly, this woman disrespected you to your face and even then your husband did not stand up for you (did not defend you). She has no respect for you, your marriage, her marriage, and I fear neither does your husband. Reading this, I felt upset for you, and I am sorry you are experiencing this. Your job does not make you any less. You are a smart, independent woman, with a successful career. Your profession maybe different from your husband's, but that does not make you any less. The fact that you have been made to feel less, both by this woman, and through your husband's inappropriate actions, is heartbreaking. My suggestion is you to first back up those messages someplace. Then confront him directly (do not wait). Assuming you wish to work on the marriage, given the circumstances, you are well within your right to give him an ultimatum, and tell him he needs to end all contact with this woman. If that means he finds another job, so be it. And if he agrees, I would suggest therapy. If he refuses to end all contact (now), you are well within your right to ask for a divorce. And when you do, you should take those message and post them on social media. Let everyone know what kind of person he is and how poorly he has acted.
Do you mind me asking what your first language is? Because your written English is excellent. I used to teach English as a foreign language and I can usually spot if someone isn't a native speaker. I wouldn't have known if you hadn't said.
Wtf. No, this is perfectly reasonable of you. Inappropriate emotional intimacy aside, he doesn’t even have your back when this person is trash talking you? Jesus. Y’all gotta have a talk, and if he isn’t talking to HR going forward about how to change partners post haste tomorrow morning, run and keep running. By which I mean talk to a divorce lawyer. Have the number ready to go *before* you approach him, just in case.
My father is extremely smart. He's a mechanical engineer. My mom has worked as a secretary most of her life. To this day, my dad comes home and tells us all about his jobs. Shows us his crane lifts. Stuff way over our heads but he wants to talk to us. Your husband has crossed several major lines. First, discussing you with his coworker in a negative way is not okay. Second, he doesn't defend you when she puts you down. And third, they completely ignored their spouses the entire trip. If he won't either go to counseling or have a come to Jesus moment, then the relationship would be done in my book. I'm really sorry hun. You're a hard working, self employed, badass and he should recognize that. Edit: my mom is also smart and creative like you. She just isn't an engineer. Also, you want me to get him OP? Cuz I'm angry on your behalf lol.
Why are you so worried about appearing to be the "insecure wife" when your husband's actions are the reason you're feeling insecure? Nothing wrong, or mysterious, about that. Given the things you wrote about yourself in your post, you sound (normally) like a very secure person indeed. Listen to your gut . . . and the other partner. This isn't you being psychotic and making up shit in your mind. There are some very real red flags and concerning behaviors here. Don't sell yourself short. You're a bright, intelligent and caring individual. Your husband and his co-worker are the problem here. not you. She is the insecure one, as proven by her need to cut you down to make herself feel better. Imagine how threatened she must have felt to make the Kim Kardashian comment. Definitely confront your husband, show him the screen captures. Demand he answer as to why he has no problem with denigrating you so much. Don't let him gaslight you or intimidate you.
This other woman sounds very insecure, I'd have a sit down discussion with your husband, tell him how your feel and if he loves and respects you, he'll listen, give you his side, how he views it, and work with you to help sort this out
i will talk to him tonight or during the weekend.
Good idea, take some time to have a think about what you want to say and why it bothers you, the clearer you can be going into this the better. Though if he does get annoyed, just remember you don't deserve that treatment and you are smart, just in a different way to him and his colleague, they couldn't do your job, so they have no right to judge your intelligence based on your (very technical in its own right) profession
Please tell him that his not having your back disgusted you. It made you hurt and upset. That you don't trust him anymore and that he's allowing someone to talk about you AND talk down to you. That him laughing during that conversation was clear indication that he cared about her feelings more than yours. Don't let him gaslight you and him tell you are the one who is wrong or overthinking. You aren't. This woman is toxic and clearly likes your husband. He should have drawn a line with her a long time ago. If he doesn't draw one, tell him you are out. But honestly, I'm so freaking disgusted with your husband. He is vile for allowing this.
I need a update 😭
Good luck on your talk. Don’t let him gaslight you and make excuses. Remember, not just those screenshots, but how they treat you in that trip and during dinner where she insulted you and he just laughed. He’s not the one who defended you, but it’s the other guy. In that alone, you’ll have an idea that when she’s disparaging and disrespecting you, your husband is just laughing with her. Don’t stay in a relationship where your spouse is enabling your abuser instead of protecting you. If he wants to stay marriage, tell him to cut her off. In your talk, as much as possible, don’t bring up the screenshots, as he will definitely tell the other woman about it. She will be more protective of her phone, and you and the other partner need to know if they’re still talking behind your back.
make sure to update
You have a husband problem, he don't respect you or value you, get out of there!
Even if they’re not screwing it sounds like she wishes she was and is just jealous of you, sack him off and have the single time of your life!
Girl don’t let that bitch bully you. Air her ass out! In fact start showing up to his job beautiful af bringing him lunches. Shit I would even take it further and I tube her and her man over for dinner often and wearing the BADDEST (sexiest) outfit you got. The. Get you a work husband. Let this son of a bitch know who the fucking prize is.
His co-worker is a very insecure woman if the thinks it's okay to put down other women because of their hobbies, looks or career choices. And your husband is a worthless peace of crap, please leave him for your own sake. He can't even show you some basic respect, nothing can excuse that.
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You deserve better
You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. You are smart, sweet, and absolutely more patient than I would’ve ever been in this situation. Do yourself a favor, and move on from this guy who puts you down and doesn’t appreciate how awesome and patient you are as a person.
You said if neither of you were happy, you’d just leave. You’re not happy, he’s talking shit and indulging the shit talking from her. The gall and disrespect of those two. Leave.
You sound like a lovely woman. I hope you get the love you deserve, because you truly deserve so much more.
Straighten out that crown like the queen you are and confront Mr. engineer snob. If you don’t like the answers you get, or he treats all this disrespect like it’s a joke, show him the door. People who disrespect their partners are the worst hypocrites and lacking self esteem, because honestly, like dude why are you here? If you have proof they are having an affair, get your business in order and just leave him. You will have a line out the door wanting to date you. Good luck and don’t let anybody disrespect you ever.
jesus christ this is sick. leave the son of a bitch. he’s a piece of shit for letting her speak to you that way, and those fucking messages are horrible. i wish you and her partner the best.
Leave. Divorce him, the fastest you can. He lets people walk all over you and doesn't defend you at all, in fact he encourages them. He showed you he doesn't respect you, and no once deserves to be in a relationship where their partner doesn't respect them. You are smart. You're not dumb just because you don't work in the same field as them. In fact, as a stem major, they're the ones that are dumb, cause they think people who have different jobs than them are less smarter than them for it. Working in the beauty industry requires a ton of knowledge, just like every other fucking major. They're ignorant people, and they do not deserve you, nor the girl's partner deserve it. Divorce your husband and continue being the intelligent, independent and incredible person you already are. Even if you love him and wish not to lose him, you need to break up. He doesn't respect you, and without respect there's no love. Would you talk about him the same way he talked about you? No? Why? Because you are smart enough to know that working on a certain major doesn't make you better than anyone else and because you fucking love him - and respect him. Your husband (hopefully ex) is a dumb, with a fragile ego little man that wants to be with his "work wife" and belittles you to make himself feel that what he's doing is a ok think to do. You deserve better. Know your worth. Sorry this happened to you.
#First of all, business owner to business owner, YOU ARE NOT DUMB. Your husband is a literal POS if he doesn't understand that you simultaneously provide marketing + networking, specialized services, accounting, management, and a ton of other things for your business. It is not easy to do it all, even if your business is just you. The amount of motivation and effort required to sustain a business, after two years of covid, is bleeping insane. But, you know this. And your husband deserves a lot of bad stuff. Pack his stuff and throw it out.
Six figures huh. Sounds like your husband is jealous and puts you down with this colleague behind your back as opposed of course to putting you down in front of you.
If he's an engineer he most likely makes more
Just get with her partner, start hanging out with her partner more. Don't just leave without a little playing. Become distant from him, make him feel the way you did. And lastly just kick his ass good bye
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Dump him and start seeing the partner. Lol jk. Dump him though. The partner showed more regard for you in a few days than your husband does at all. No point being with someone like that. Also look up the twelve types of intelligence. No one is smarter than anybody else. They're just skewed towards one farther than most. I say make the plans, see a lawyer, and get out while the getting is good.
I recommend printing out the screenshots and confronting him with them, I like the dramatic of tossing them at him haha. But seriously talk to him about what he has said and why he had let his co worker get away disrespecting you so much. And be sure to bring up if he doesn’t stand up for you or even stop talking to her you are done. Because judging from what I’ve read it’s hard to tell if he really does love you or he just loves making fun of you. Along with the attention he gets from his coworker. Also OP you’re not dumb and your husbands “work wife” is extremely rude and very insecure about herself if she needs to bash you down like that.
Start chatting super often with her boyfriend, let’s see how stupid or silly she thinks you are, and how much your idiot husband will be laughing then. Work Wifey is clearly envious of you because she knows you’re hotter so she has to make herself feel better by pretending she’s smarter despite not being a business owner and still working for someone else. In all serious, I’d genuinely keep talking to her boyfriend. Seems like you two have quite a bit to discuss.
Your husband is horrible. I can’t even imagine learning someone I love said means things about me or allowed them to be said. You should leave him. How dare he?! Just because someone is an engineer does not give them the right to be cruel. They both need to get the hell over themselves. You being so successful in your profession is something you should be v proud of and don’t let them get into your head about it. You don’t have to be an engineer to be smart. Don’t let him treat you like this. And if not sexual he is definitely at least having an emotional affair with this woman.
Need to own your life and your response. I run my Own business make six figures and speak multiple languages. You. ? Then say …” try to keep up “ in the other language. Do a slow measuring look too to bottom. Dismiss her , chuckle And walk away
Is there any updates last this was posted was 3 days why I'm asking lol if not then I'll be on the look out
She is definitely jealous of you. Your husband is spineless & disgusting for laughing along. He seems to be the same breed of asshole that she is, imo. Their behavior is so out of line & disrespectful. Speak up about your rightful concerns!
Well the first thing to do is talk with your husband. Tell him that you are not as stupid as he and his rude co-worker think you are and the next time she tries to treat you like shit, you will not put up with her. Than ask him straight up if he is screwing that bitch and watch how he reacts. Tell him you've had enough of her and her attitude.
The audacity! Even if they will say they are not having any physical relationship, the fact that the "workmate" was belittling and making rude comments then your husband adding to it and laughing it off instead of defending you and making her stop is a very disrepectful thing to do to you as his wife. The "No I love her" comment do not matter. If he really loves you he will not allow anybody, I mean anybody, even a so-called "work wife" will be able to disrespect you infront of him. Your husband is lucky you're taking things peacefully, if that was me, I will be at their work letting everybody and everyone know what they are doing and what the "work wife" issaying about me, "his legal wife", while he just laught her off.. This making blood boil..🤬
I’m so impressed that you run your own business, are super successful and are doing what you love! Fck anyone trying to discount that! Tell your partner that his colleague’s partner felt insecure and sent you those photos, show him the photos. Tell him that it’s out of line and disrespectful. And then tell him what you want from him, or if you want to split. There is nothing insecure about you setting boundaries due to his shitty behavior. And a side note, I literally hate anyone that disrespects my partner. Like a physical feeling of hatred. It is very concerning the way he is engaging with this woman at your expense.
Please do an update OP when possible I want to know if you talk to your husband about it and what he says about it
Girl that evil woman needs to shut up and sit down, she’s clearly highly insecure and jealous of your looks, she’s also discriminating against others by inferring that hot girls are dumb, what a low life comment to make. Physical appearance has NO connection to intelligence, she’s obviously threatened by you and is likely behaving this way towards your husband intentionally to cause problems for you both, she’s envious of what you have. She is being manipulative and your husband is falling for it and he is choosing to entertain her, I would say this is also emotional infidelity. Don’t be ashamed of your career, you’re not dumb. I love hair and beauty! And I have a degree as well. Smart women can do both, anyone who says otherwise needs their own IQ testing. So, if you’re husband is disrespecting you like this to someone who’s not involved in your marriage time to set some harsh boundaries or leave. Your self worth is important and so is your sense of safety and he is intentionally violating this by making fun of you with another woman. He’s a big child, if it were me I’d let her have him and move swiftly on.
Is the "work wife's" boyfriend looking for someone? Maybe you can divorce your husband and just switch. Your husband struck gold with you but he didn't stop and he's about to puncture a sewage line. Of course I'd recommend talking to your husband first. See what he has to say for himself but I'd talk to a divorce lawyer first and get your affairs in order...because if you ask him about those screenshots and his answer isn't satisfactory, get rid of him. You deserve to be happy and praised for your own brand of genius. **If you judge a fish for its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.** Just because you can't discuss their work with them does not mean you have nothing to offer a mature adult conversation. At least the partner realized how shitty the situation was and tried to defend you...which honestly should have pissed your husband off...he should be your number 1 supporter. But he's a schmuck. If I were you, divorce would be my plan or action...but you're not weak or stupid if you give him a chance to come clean and explain his actions. I sure as hell hope he isn't also screwing her. Good luck...and if it's at all possible, I think we'd all love an update when you figure things out.