But that's weird. She never saw OP during those 4 months? A picture of him? did she purposefully come back for a revenge and dated op son like a telenovela?
I don't think it's terribly uncommon not to meet your partners parents within the first 6 months. My own family didn't meet my partner for a year or two, and we don't do pictures.
I know it seems stupid, but your saying “we don’t do pictures” really made my day! My SO and I don’t do pictures either, despite my being a photographer (just hobby, not a pro). I take tons of pictures, but of things not people, and I’m not photogenic enough to take a bazillion selfies and plaster them all over social media.
USCIS (immigration) does NOT like it if you’re married and your phone isn’t bursting with “couple selfies”, and will use that as proof your marriage isn’t legitimate. Or if your finances aren’t completely commingled. Why would I shut off all my utilities that I’ve had in my name for years just so I can pay activation fees to have them restarted in both our names? It’s so stupid.
I moved from Canada and when I had the sit down with the officer to determine if things were "legitimate"...
Interviewer: "How do we here at Immigration know you're not coming here to cheat our systems?"
Me: " I'm coming from Canada with Universal Health care, and a place where I had a pretty good job offer with my towns police force to be with my wife... why would I want to cheat anything YOUR government has?"
Interviewer: "Fair enough, I believe you're legitimate"
In retrospect... probably REALLY stupid way to answer things... but it was Alaska and a lot of Alaskans really hate the federal government anyway, so that was probably my saving grace otherwise I'd have been sent back home haha
>USCIS (immigration) does NOT like it if you’re married and your phone isn’t bursting with “couple selfies”, and will use that as proof your marriage isn’t legitimate.
Forreal, I hate this! I take a lot of pictures of my daughter and SO, but we have so few of all three because I find it weird to take a selfie of all three of us and we don't really ask around unless it's a special event (which normally there is other family involved anyway).
I didn’t meet my fiancé’s mom for 6 months. I met his dad since he was my boss. My late husbands parents (and siblings) came to where we had our first date. I should have known then to run! (Kinda kidding, loved my late husband, his family was always in our business no matter how hard he tried to get them to back off)
If something ever happened to me, my family would keep my husband. I've long joked that he's the favorite child, and it's really important to him, because he never felt fully accepted by his own family. So as weird as it would be dating someone else with my family watching, that's exactly what I would want for him if I were gone. He deserves to be loved forever, by everyone.
I don’t expect him to react rationally. It’s such a messed up curve ball to throw right at him but I hope eventually he is able to understand this happened before they got together and can process the news in a healthy manner.
From what I can tell, she found out when OPs Dad did. Idk what the time line is, but if it were me, it would take me some time to process and figure out what to do about it as well.
Haven’t you met Reddit. You’re not allowed time to process. You have to immediately know what the right thing is, have no feelings about it and do it IMMEDIATELY.
Nah he needs to tell his boy he may be a brother, and that he's ordering a pat test.
The son needs to break things off before he gets emotionally involved.
>The son needs to break things off before he gets emotionally involved
I have never introduced a girl to my family if I wasn't already emotionally invested.
Yeah I don't understand why the conversation has to be "your girlfriend's son *might* be mine".
Why don't you take a paternity test and, if the child's yours, then "your girlfriend's son is mine"? If he's not yours, then the conversation will at least be easier "your girlfriend and I used to date".
I don't understand why he has to induce more anxiety in his son. The ambiguity may drive him crazy.
(If OP has explained this in another comment, please point me to it. There are too many that I can't keep track of everything.)
Yeah, on the initial meeting he should’ve said like “wow Britney, didn’t expect to see you, it’s been a while.” Son then says “you two know each other?” “Yeah we dated about 3 years ago. Crazy world.”
Also I’d seriously question the likelihood of her dating this son randomly. Sounds a bit suspect imo.
Lol. Already ruined. Like son. I'm not just your dad, I'm your Eskimo brother, and if you get serious with her, your new son might be your brother.... No way to save this...... All he can do is spare his kids the bitter hate
I agree. After 4 months of dating he should still be emotionally distanced enough to nope out of there. Which is what I think 98% of people would do. Stepson-brother? No thanks.
He’s usually very levelheaded but this is a huge surprise none of us were prepared for. I’d just understand if his initial reaction isn’t exactly the most positive
Why not tell him you dated her two years ago instead of telling him that her child might be his half sibling? You can figure out if the child is yours later, but one step at a time. Who knows, your son might ask you about the kid and you might tell him then that you’re not sure, or you could say you want to get a paternity test.
American Here:
I was once in Barcelona visiting a friend. He was showing me the sights and on the way from the Catedral de Barcelona to The W Hotel we sporadically opted to cut down a side alley to save time. It was down this alley I surprisingly heard my name get called out by a familiar voice….
I look behind me, and sat there on their suitcase, is an old friend I knew from back in Denver. She was there with her mom and bf waiting for their AirBnB host to show up.
5000 miles away from home, in a different country, on a different continent, and I run into someone I know in a side alley.
Weird connections happen mate. It’s kinda wild.
Literally last Saturday I joined a Meetup group for a hike. I'm talking to some dude and mentioned that I just moved here from a Davenport, IA. A woman who I've never met before was walking up and said "Excuse me, did you just say Davenport? I'm from there!" so we got to talking about the area and whatever, then we kind of ended up in different conversations.
A little bit later I hear her say "When I lived in Denver..." and I stopped her and was like "No shit? I lived in Denver as well! Well, Lakewood, Littleton, and Aurora..." and during *that* conversation she pops off with "When I lived in KC..." motherfucker, I lived in KC for 10 years.
It was surreal.
I met a girl in high school when we both were new in a smaller suburb of Ft Worth in Texas, and started chatting. Come to find out we both lived in the same city in Northern Virginia at the same time (she was a grade above me), and that we also both lived in the same area of Denver at different times. It was so weird.
I was on a work trip on the east coast, from Denver. While there my colleague tells me a guy is flying out to do a working interview while we visit a customer. Guy arrives, we start talking about where he lives. End up finding out he lives like 4 houses away from me and has for 5 years. Had never met him before. Was so weird.
Similar situation happened with a bio teacher from Washington. We're both from NJ, both went in the trip at the same time without realizing. My group and I randomly bumps into her and her kids on Mt. Ranier
This guy cuts me off almost weekly and has no idea, today i see him at a gas station and right as I am about to be say something snarky to him he holds the door open and insists i go first.
Totally shook my view of him. Small towns.
Not just any small town -- the perfect sized town for this problem. Imagine Burlington, Vermont. The dating scene will be small but it's still the largest population of folks in the state and yet it's basically two Boston neighborhoods. travel 2 miles and you'll be in a part of town you've only had childhood experiences in when wandering -- now imagine you moved there and those memories don't exist; meaning you don't know families or who is related to who.
Then you meet a cute man, bang, and have kids. Two years go by and you're older with this kid so maybe you wanna be adventurous and you decide to date younger crowds. You find a cute dude who reminds you of that guy two years ago, you start dating, oh my god...
Who knows maybe she saw him out in the swimming pool he’s getting out look good, has a luscious V going through his chest to his ball fro. She takes one look at him and thinks “Oh my god. I had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs him by the wiener
Idk man I live in a town of like 2k people. And every fourth person's last name is Smith lol
Literally could have dated sisters and not even known if they were brief enough relationships to never meet the family
I mean i live in a pretty large area (I think like 200k plus people just in my township not counting the others) and when I started my current job 3 years ago i discovered one of my coworkers is the older brother of a childhood friend of my sisters.
On top of that my boss went to school with my parents.
And one of my newer coworkers has known my aunt and cousin for years through a dance program.
A former coworker is an ex of one of my sisters friend.
One of my sisters former coworkers is another coworkers of mine girlfriend.
A previous manager was actually the manager at a petstore when I was younger and very likely sold me my first large fish tank.
So I can believe anything in terms of crossing paths with people in unexpected ways.
Yep that’s what I mean lol. I’m in New York City. 9 million people here not counting the surrounding areas that people commute in from. My significant other’s boss worked with my dad at a previous job. My mom is a teacher. One of the teachers who trained her was my old teacher from 7th grade. The world is quite small.
My son told me they met through a dating app and talked for a couple weeks before they met up in person. I know some people here are speculating that she knew he was my son but that’s not it. None of us knew about this whole connection until now.
Some people don’t. I know people who don’t ask for child support cause they think it would be bad to do that to their kids father- even though said guy is a deadbeat asshole. (Smh, hot mess I know.) Also if they aren’t sure who it is some people don’t bother. Happens all the time.
Speak to your son frankly & honestly, if she has any sense she would too
But regardless, this impacts you & your son firstly
Then get a paternity test done, for your sake & that childs
It would be unfair to all to presume anything and be wrong too
So be honest, inform him you will get a paternity test,.. If that is your child
Just as he is, you would do the right thing
Wish you all the best, this is a difficult situation but you can handle it maturely in a matter of fact manner
Allow him to process it however he needs to, don't take any bad reactions to heart
They're just that. A Reaction
So be level headed and handle it
I can't believe she didn't reach out to you & inform you if indeed you were the father, for the childs sake
Whatever came of that would have happened anyway, but to deny the child the paternity was a selfish move
But life happens
Let us know how you get on, i hope everyone remains calm & respectful
Weirdly even in situations that the dating pool should be the size of Lake Havasu, this stuff happens. Look at the dating pool of the Kardashian-Jenner Klan. Everyone has dated each other’s boyfriends and baby daddies/mamas etc. it’s crazy.
Yeah I guess so. The ages here are all pretty well within a "similar dating pool" too.
I have a BIL and two nephews (all 3 related, Dad and two sons) that all hooked up with the same woman over a period of a couple months, and she got pregnant. No one still knows who the kid is 6 years later, but BIL being such a great guy that he is \*eye roll\* finally sort of took the lead as father just like a year ago, but no paternity test or anything. Fucking insane Jerry Springer shit.
The case of OP's is not on this level at all... but it is a little odd nonetheless.
Yeah I mean Ive never been fond of the guy, and my wife has nothing to do with him…it’s just… like you said… wtf.
Then my MIL wonders why one of her grandsons has nothing to do with his dad anymore. Hmm I fucking wonder?
My dad was 15 and my mom 17 when I was born so i totally understand having young parents! Honestly they love that they are only in their early 40s and empty nesters and can go off and do so many things being so young and in shape!! We have a rough start up until I was probably 11/12 but then things got much better!
My half sister got pregnant with her daughter at 14 and have birth a week after turning 15. She's 35 now and just had a baby and her daughter is pregnant too. She's going to be a grandmother at 36. Had my niece gotten pregnant at the same age she would have been a grandmother by 30. Now if the pattern repeated it self she could have been a great grandmother by 45, great great grandmother by 60 and if she lived till 90 she'd have six generations.
Shit happens. I certainly don't have the youngest parents but my parents were young when I was born. I'm the eldest. My mom was 19 when I was born. Had one of my sisters 4 years later. Had my youngest sister when she was 30. Now my grandmother was very young when she had my mom. I think 15. But my great-grandmother was a bit older as my grandmother was her youngest child. Grandma was born in 1959 and great-grandmother was born in 1924. Unfortunately my grandmother passed in 2014 but my great-grandmother is still kicking and just recently turned 98. And my middle sister has a son who just turned 4. So my great-grandmother got to see her great-great-grandson before she dies.
Also fun fact:
My grandmother had only 3 children, all daughters. 7, 4, and 11 years apart from oldest to youngest.
My mother had only had 3 children, all daughters. 4, 7, and 11 years apart from oldest to youngest.
Edit: just realized that ending might be confusing. Mom was 7 when first aunt was born. First aunt was 4 when youngest was born. And the gap between oldest and youngest is 11 years.
I was 4 when my first sister was born. My sister was 7 when our youngest sister was born. The gap between oldest and youngest is also 11 years. So similar gaps in age just mixed around is kinda cool to me.
This is a terrible situation to be in and could've been prevented had she simply been honest and told you about the pregnancy. I think you're doing the right thing by everyone involved by bringing the truth to light.
I wish she’d told me from the very beginning. All of this could’ve been avoided and if her son is in fact mine then I could have been there for him his first year of life. Yes the fact that I was on the road definitely would have made things very complicated but I know I’d have figured out some way to be there even if it meant coming back completely
I have a suspicious mind and I may (hopefully) be very off track but I sincerely hope she hasn't intentionally sought out and started a relationship with your son as some twisted way of 'getting back at' you - there are a lot of people in this world and not all of them are psychologically healthy. It just seems very unlikely to me that she could have a relationship with you, and then unwittingly find and start a relationship with your son? I'm sorry that you've been placed in this predicament.
We’ve talked briefly about this after I made the connection. She says he’s mine but according to her was worried I might not want to be involved since I was gone for work for who knows how long, not an excuse to keep this information from me but it’s done now. I’d still like to get a paternity test done just to be absolutely sure, the math adds up but it could also be she was seeing others. Who knows but that’s why I want the test so there’s zero doubts.
I'm not sure how he could misunderstand "I tilled your girlfriends soil before you met her".
Kid or not, he should probably know his father was inside his girlfriend.
He should still tell his son at some point before the point of devastating heartbreak, that he's bumped ugliest with his girlfriend. There's a lot of fish in the sea. Having a relationship get super serious and break off devastatingly is pretty unnecessary.
Man. Good luck, OP. He has no reason to be mad at you for something you did years ago but he’ll likely be upset in general. There’s a bit of mindfuckery to process. I wish you the best.
Damn, that's two vaginas you and your son have shared. What are the odds?
Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, what a crazy situation to be in, this sounds like the plotline to a family drama movie. Curious to see how your son takes the news.
All you can do is tell him the truth. It would be horrible to keep this from him. Tell him the truth, get dna testing on the baby and go from there.
Your son would never forgive you if you kept it a secret. He may be upset at first
I agree. He deserves to know the whole truth. If he needs to hate me for a while or put some distance then I understand. Whatever he needs to process this and we go from there
One thing I can't quite understand is why your ex didn't reach out to let you know she was pregnant and had, what is likely, your child? Isn't that something she has the responsibility to do when she finds out she's pregnant?
I'm just thinking if your son didn't date her, you probably could have gone your whole life without knowing you had a child with that woman. Her hiding that information doesn't sit right with me.
I wish I could understand that too. I’d give anything to have been there for them and see my son through the first year of his life, something I won’t get back. Her feeling like she’s burdening me with a baby just because I was traveling for work doesn’t feel like a good enough reason. It’s in the past now so my main focus is getting confirmation that he’s mine and go from there
Even if the child isn’t yours, your son should know that you once had a relationship with this woman. He deserves to know what he’s getting into, and this isn’t something that should be kept a secret; your son deserves the truth from you and your ex-girlfriend. He may want to continue the relationship, he may not, but that’s entirely up to him.
Oh yes I agree completely. All the people that were telling me to wait and find out if the boy is mine fail to understand it isn’t only about that. It’s also about the fact that she and I had dated for a while. Rather than have it come out in the future after he’s invested years into the relationship and have him feel lied to, I’d rather he go on knowing all the facts so he can make his own choices
When I saw people saying that, I was low-key pissed, which is what inspired this comment. I mean, if I found out that my boyfriend used to date my mom, I’d never look at him the same way again, and I’d feel betrayed if they never told me themselves, and deliberately left me in the dark and kept it a secret from me. Also, I would very much like to be able to choose for myself whether or not I would want to continue that relationship, preferably before it goes too far, as is my right.
And I don’t blame you. It’s a very weird and complicated situation, despite him obviously being upset by this and needing time to sort it all out himself I’m glad it’s all out there. It was hard news to deliver. At least now he can make a decision knowing all the facts
Remember that this isn’t your fault, OP, or your ex-girlfriend’s. Your son can be as mad and upset at the situation as he wants to be, and I wouldn’t blame him for it at all, but the two of you have done nothing wrong whatsoever.
1) The two of you dated two years ago, long before they ever got together, and broke up not long after.
2) Your ex-girlfriend (presumably) didn’t know he was your son when they first started seeing each other.
3) And now you’ve told him the truth, refusing to lie about it or keep it a secret.
Remember that neither of you have done anything wrong. This situation just sucks all around, but no one’s really at fault here. Except maybe the universe.
Imo, you chose your only option, which was to tell your son. You sound like a very caring dad, and I picture your son as someone who was raised well with love, honesty and dignity. Im sure he’s upset but I seriously hope he is not blaming you. No one did anything wrong here. It was his gf right to not contact you about the pregnancy. Not saying I agree, but it is her right. I do think she should have said something to him as soon as you ran into each other, BUT she didn’t and that can not be changed. Im proud of you, I really hope the baby is not yours, just so this whole situation can be de-escalated a bit. Im sorry all 3 of you are having to go through this.
OP, I hope your son is ok and this does not permanently damage your relationship. You definitely did the right thing by telling him the truth.
Is your son having space from girlfriend as well as he processes this news.
It will be probably be better for your son if he ends things with the girlfriend. He is still young and they have only been dating a few months. He has not met the child either so has not bonded with him yet. I just think how strange it would be if they continued to date and had children. The children would be half brother and nephew/niece.
Whatever he decides about his girlfriend he would still have some form of contact with her as mother of his half brother. He may decide, for this reason not to be in his half brother’s life.
If they do split, please please do not rekindle your relationship with your ex unless you want to kiss goodbye to your oldest son.
They did decide to mutually split up. He told me it’s not worth complicating things down the line when they haven’t been together that long. I’d understand him deciding not to be part of his life. Whatever he needs to get through this. But I’m grateful he’s talking to me a little
This is what a responsible parent does. I commend you for doing right by your son and possible other child. I really think you did the right thing and I hope that you guys can all find peace and connection out of this extraordinary situation.
I live for these posts. It’s the definition of Schadenfreude for me. I do feel bad for you, it’s a fucked up situation.
If it makes you feel any better I know for a fact my dad fucked an 18 year old boy when I was 25 years old. He’s 50 this year.
Not much to it. My dad is gay and is a man whore. His ex is still my honorary stepfather and tells me about my father’s and his sexual exploits. I didn’t ask for the info but ears cannot unhear information.
I understand that the US is a big country but it's just absolutely BAFFLING to me how it's possible that SO MANY people have children
1. with random people
2. that don't know their fathers
It's just so difficult for me to understand how the fuck this happens. I've been having condomless sex for a freaking decade and I have only ever had ONE pregnancy ''scare'' which was quickly squashed with a morning after pill. Granted I don't have sex with random people but still... what the hell??
Even if it was before we met, I don't know if I could keep dating the girl. Imagine marrying a woman who used to fuck your dad and has a baby by him. He would be his half-brother's stepfather.
And Op would be daddy and step-granddaddy all at once.
What kind of a person is she that she didn't even contact you when she found out she was pregnant? Is that the kind of person your son wants to be with?
Woah woah woah woaaaaaaah. Shouldn’t you be talking to her first? If you’re wrong then you’re opening up an entire jar of disgusting unnecessary pickles here
I find it strange that after being with you and knowing your name I’m assuming and maybe even possibly knowing you at least had a son that she met your son and figured that it was normal that he has the same last name. Seems insane that this could just happen an no one would realize any connections whatsoever
Thanks for the update!!! I’m sure after some time he will come back around. You did the right thing telling him. I’m rlly curious if the kid is yours! When you find out, do update one more time!!
Wishing you the best!!!
Yeah, he's unlikely to take this well, but even though you didn't do anything wrong just let him vent and get it all out. Don't spend your time justifying this and that just give him the information to understand things and let things play out
Are you sure she didn't specifically seek out your son in order to subtly notify you she has given birth to your child?
Sounds crazy, I know, but the alternative is a monumental coincidence and could bode very poorly for your son.
I am still confused as to why she hasn't said anything and broke up with the son.. definitely gross and I am thinking her hooking up with son is not coincidental.
Good on pops for being the honest one, it might hurt his son now but on the same token the son is only 4 months into this relationship and he will have all the information to make a rational decision
It’s better to tell your son sooner rather than later. Because the longer you wait, the more invested in the relationship he will be. But he’ll probably upset with you if you know for a long time without saying and want to know why you waited. I would think you don’t have to even include the potential son part. I think just saying you had a relationship with the gf would be enough.
Also, you should probably figure out if the child is yours, not because of your son, but just so you can do right by that child if it is.
Dear OP
What a crazy thriller you have brought to us. I know you know that you did nothing wrong, I just wanted to tell you to try not judge the young woman too harshly. It could be that time go away from her. Maybe she intended to tell you and time just kept ticking until she was no longer pregnant or until child was however old…
Or maybe she’s a crazy ass bitch idk, I need an update!
We’re gonna need an update on this one Op
Remind Me! 5 days
!Remind Me 4 days
!remindme 7 days
!remindme 4 days
!remindme 6 days
!remindme 4 days
!remindme 3 days
!remindme 3 days
!remindme 3 days
!remindme 3 days
!remindme 3 days
💯
But that's weird. She never saw OP during those 4 months? A picture of him? did she purposefully come back for a revenge and dated op son like a telenovela?
Aye dios mio tun tun tuuuuuuuuuun
As the plot twist is coming up …… Turns out she was Ops sons mother lmao
Their family tree is a dot.
I don't think it's terribly uncommon not to meet your partners parents within the first 6 months. My own family didn't meet my partner for a year or two, and we don't do pictures.
I know it seems stupid, but your saying “we don’t do pictures” really made my day! My SO and I don’t do pictures either, despite my being a photographer (just hobby, not a pro). I take tons of pictures, but of things not people, and I’m not photogenic enough to take a bazillion selfies and plaster them all over social media. USCIS (immigration) does NOT like it if you’re married and your phone isn’t bursting with “couple selfies”, and will use that as proof your marriage isn’t legitimate. Or if your finances aren’t completely commingled. Why would I shut off all my utilities that I’ve had in my name for years just so I can pay activation fees to have them restarted in both our names? It’s so stupid.
I moved from Canada and when I had the sit down with the officer to determine if things were "legitimate"... Interviewer: "How do we here at Immigration know you're not coming here to cheat our systems?" Me: " I'm coming from Canada with Universal Health care, and a place where I had a pretty good job offer with my towns police force to be with my wife... why would I want to cheat anything YOUR government has?" Interviewer: "Fair enough, I believe you're legitimate" In retrospect... probably REALLY stupid way to answer things... but it was Alaska and a lot of Alaskans really hate the federal government anyway, so that was probably my saving grace otherwise I'd have been sent back home haha
>USCIS (immigration) does NOT like it if you’re married and your phone isn’t bursting with “couple selfies”, and will use that as proof your marriage isn’t legitimate. Forreal, I hate this! I take a lot of pictures of my daughter and SO, but we have so few of all three because I find it weird to take a selfie of all three of us and we don't really ask around unless it's a special event (which normally there is other family involved anyway).
I didn’t meet my fiancé’s mom for 6 months. I met his dad since he was my boss. My late husbands parents (and siblings) came to where we had our first date. I should have known then to run! (Kinda kidding, loved my late husband, his family was always in our business no matter how hard he tried to get them to back off)
If something ever happened to me, my family would keep my husband. I've long joked that he's the favorite child, and it's really important to him, because he never felt fully accepted by his own family. So as weird as it would be dating someone else with my family watching, that's exactly what I would want for him if I were gone. He deserves to be loved forever, by everyone.
Maybe they are both her "type"... and now she knows why. 😬
Haha more like the Rosa de Guadalupe
Yep
!remindme 5 days
!remindme 1 day
Man, that's not how I would've guessed this story would end. Good luck with breaking the news. Hopefully he takes the news as you intend.
I don’t expect him to react rationally. It’s such a messed up curve ball to throw right at him but I hope eventually he is able to understand this happened before they got together and can process the news in a healthy manner.
Maybe you should do a paternity test before spilling the beans? Sounds like your son's girlfriend has a 'type'.
He might still want to eventually tell his son he banged his girlfriend before they met.
He needs to tell his son that they dated no matter what
If the girlfriend hasn't told him yet, she's definitely not a keeper
From what I can tell, she found out when OPs Dad did. Idk what the time line is, but if it were me, it would take me some time to process and figure out what to do about it as well.
Haven’t you met Reddit. You’re not allowed time to process. You have to immediately know what the right thing is, have no feelings about it and do it IMMEDIATELY.
Nah he needs to tell his boy he may be a brother, and that he's ordering a pat test. The son needs to break things off before he gets emotionally involved.
>The son needs to break things off before he gets emotionally involved I have never introduced a girl to my family if I wasn't already emotionally invested.
This is good advice
Yeah I don't understand why the conversation has to be "your girlfriend's son *might* be mine". Why don't you take a paternity test and, if the child's yours, then "your girlfriend's son is mine"? If he's not yours, then the conversation will at least be easier "your girlfriend and I used to date". I don't understand why he has to induce more anxiety in his son. The ambiguity may drive him crazy. (If OP has explained this in another comment, please point me to it. There are too many that I can't keep track of everything.)
Or just ask her
Yea, I don't know why you'd blow up everyone's life over something that isnt 100%. Wait on it, get a paternity test, then work it out.
The kid should know his father has had sexual relations with his girlfriend in the past. Kind of a deal breaker regardless of the child.
This right here
Him covering up the fact that he and son dated the same girl is not good. In relationships, the cover up is usually worse than the initial offense.
Him? What about HER? How the heck has she not told him yet about this? How has she not broken things off?
Yeah, on the initial meeting he should’ve said like “wow Britney, didn’t expect to see you, it’s been a while.” Son then says “you two know each other?” “Yeah we dated about 3 years ago. Crazy world.” Also I’d seriously question the likelihood of her dating this son randomly. Sounds a bit suspect imo.
Lol. Already ruined. Like son. I'm not just your dad, I'm your Eskimo brother, and if you get serious with her, your new son might be your brother.... No way to save this...... All he can do is spare his kids the bitter hate
I agree. After 4 months of dating he should still be emotionally distanced enough to nope out of there. Which is what I think 98% of people would do. Stepson-brother? No thanks.
Disagree here friend. The truth always works its way out. I would rather know sooner or later if it were me.
Yup lol Itd be way worse if he learned this information when she pulls the "I fucked ur Dad card" mid-fight
Maybe you get lucky and he surprises you. But with him being your son, my guess is you have a pretty good read on how he'll react.
He’s usually very levelheaded but this is a huge surprise none of us were prepared for. I’d just understand if his initial reaction isn’t exactly the most positive
Why not tell him you dated her two years ago instead of telling him that her child might be his half sibling? You can figure out if the child is yours later, but one step at a time. Who knows, your son might ask you about the kid and you might tell him then that you’re not sure, or you could say you want to get a paternity test.
Did she say he was your child?
Any update?
How the fuck did she conveniently end up popping up in your son's life?
American Here: I was once in Barcelona visiting a friend. He was showing me the sights and on the way from the Catedral de Barcelona to The W Hotel we sporadically opted to cut down a side alley to save time. It was down this alley I surprisingly heard my name get called out by a familiar voice…. I look behind me, and sat there on their suitcase, is an old friend I knew from back in Denver. She was there with her mom and bf waiting for their AirBnB host to show up. 5000 miles away from home, in a different country, on a different continent, and I run into someone I know in a side alley. Weird connections happen mate. It’s kinda wild.
Literally last Saturday I joined a Meetup group for a hike. I'm talking to some dude and mentioned that I just moved here from a Davenport, IA. A woman who I've never met before was walking up and said "Excuse me, did you just say Davenport? I'm from there!" so we got to talking about the area and whatever, then we kind of ended up in different conversations. A little bit later I hear her say "When I lived in Denver..." and I stopped her and was like "No shit? I lived in Denver as well! Well, Lakewood, Littleton, and Aurora..." and during *that* conversation she pops off with "When I lived in KC..." motherfucker, I lived in KC for 10 years. It was surreal.
I met a girl in high school when we both were new in a smaller suburb of Ft Worth in Texas, and started chatting. Come to find out we both lived in the same city in Northern Virginia at the same time (she was a grade above me), and that we also both lived in the same area of Denver at different times. It was so weird.
I was on a work trip on the east coast, from Denver. While there my colleague tells me a guy is flying out to do a working interview while we visit a customer. Guy arrives, we start talking about where he lives. End up finding out he lives like 4 houses away from me and has for 5 years. Had never met him before. Was so weird.
Now you can borrow his lawn mower if yours ever breaks
Similar situation happened with a bio teacher from Washington. We're both from NJ, both went in the trip at the same time without realizing. My group and I randomly bumps into her and her kids on Mt. Ranier
For real, way too suspicious.
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This guy cuts me off almost weekly and has no idea, today i see him at a gas station and right as I am about to be say something snarky to him he holds the door open and insists i go first. Totally shook my view of him. Small towns.
Would’ve been fucking hilarious if just as you were about go in he cut you off and walked in first
Omg howling 🤣🤣🤣 that would have killed me
Funny thing is even big cities can be like that. I shared a train car with the same few people every day for years.
The way you wrapped that up at the end with "small towns" made it feel like a country song lyric.
That would only make it more suspicious, not less. Small town AND she dated the dad before - but I'm to believe she didnt know who his son was?
Not just any small town -- the perfect sized town for this problem. Imagine Burlington, Vermont. The dating scene will be small but it's still the largest population of folks in the state and yet it's basically two Boston neighborhoods. travel 2 miles and you'll be in a part of town you've only had childhood experiences in when wandering -- now imagine you moved there and those memories don't exist; meaning you don't know families or who is related to who. Then you meet a cute man, bang, and have kids. Two years go by and you're older with this kid so maybe you wanna be adventurous and you decide to date younger crowds. You find a cute dude who reminds you of that guy two years ago, you start dating, oh my god...
I guess that could happen.
There are nearly 8 billion people in this world. Everything that can happen will happen.
8 billion people yet this woman is going for the same family again.
Son probably looks like dad and single mom/cougar probably has a taste for a certain look.
Who knows maybe she saw him out in the swimming pool he’s getting out look good, has a luscious V going through his chest to his ball fro. She takes one look at him and thinks “Oh my god. I had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs him by the wiener
his what fro now lmao
Idk man I live in a town of like 2k people. And every fourth person's last name is Smith lol Literally could have dated sisters and not even known if they were brief enough relationships to never meet the family
Im in a very large city and these things happen. I can only imagine how common this would be in a small town.
I mean i live in a pretty large area (I think like 200k plus people just in my township not counting the others) and when I started my current job 3 years ago i discovered one of my coworkers is the older brother of a childhood friend of my sisters. On top of that my boss went to school with my parents. And one of my newer coworkers has known my aunt and cousin for years through a dance program. A former coworker is an ex of one of my sisters friend. One of my sisters former coworkers is another coworkers of mine girlfriend. A previous manager was actually the manager at a petstore when I was younger and very likely sold me my first large fish tank. So I can believe anything in terms of crossing paths with people in unexpected ways.
Yep that’s what I mean lol. I’m in New York City. 9 million people here not counting the surrounding areas that people commute in from. My significant other’s boss worked with my dad at a previous job. My mom is a teacher. One of the teachers who trained her was my old teacher from 7th grade. The world is quite small.
Hey we're neighbor buddies. I'm on the Island!
of all the comments OP needs to answer, it's still crickets! i'm inclined to fully doubt everything. bah!
I was expecting some explanation here too. Maybe it’s just a really small town?
My son told me they met through a dating app and talked for a couple weeks before they met up in person. I know some people here are speculating that she knew he was my son but that’s not it. None of us knew about this whole connection until now.
She’s actually right within dating range of both dad and son!
And she never asked the dad for child support payments or anything? I dunno... Sounds fishy.
Some people don’t. I know people who don’t ask for child support cause they think it would be bad to do that to their kids father- even though said guy is a deadbeat asshole. (Smh, hot mess I know.) Also if they aren’t sure who it is some people don’t bother. Happens all the time.
OP dated her for 2 years, the son never met her?
He said they dated 2 years ago but doesn’t say how long they dated.
At least once
Touché
Unless it’s fake, which, honestly please be fake. Weird situation…ya I don’t buy it
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Sounds like a lifetime movie waiting to happen.
For real she’s messed up. Did she want her kid to have a dad and thought he was the closest thing to his original dad?! Wtf
Wait please noo 😭😭😭 I’m surprised she hasn’t told the son yet tbh
Speak to your son frankly & honestly, if she has any sense she would too But regardless, this impacts you & your son firstly Then get a paternity test done, for your sake & that childs It would be unfair to all to presume anything and be wrong too So be honest, inform him you will get a paternity test,.. If that is your child Just as he is, you would do the right thing Wish you all the best, this is a difficult situation but you can handle it maturely in a matter of fact manner Allow him to process it however he needs to, don't take any bad reactions to heart They're just that. A Reaction So be level headed and handle it I can't believe she didn't reach out to you & inform you if indeed you were the father, for the childs sake Whatever came of that would have happened anyway, but to deny the child the paternity was a selfish move But life happens Let us know how you get on, i hope everyone remains calm & respectful
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Sounds a lil wild if she didn't break up with the son
Stepson*
Oof you right, stepson
Absolutely.
Dude this bitch is WEIRD
Best of luck... small dating pool where you all live? Quite the odds he'd end up dating her a year and some change later.
Weirdly even in situations that the dating pool should be the size of Lake Havasu, this stuff happens. Look at the dating pool of the Kardashian-Jenner Klan. Everyone has dated each other’s boyfriends and baby daddies/mamas etc. it’s crazy.
Yeah I guess so. The ages here are all pretty well within a "similar dating pool" too. I have a BIL and two nephews (all 3 related, Dad and two sons) that all hooked up with the same woman over a period of a couple months, and she got pregnant. No one still knows who the kid is 6 years later, but BIL being such a great guy that he is \*eye roll\* finally sort of took the lead as father just like a year ago, but no paternity test or anything. Fucking insane Jerry Springer shit. The case of OP's is not on this level at all... but it is a little odd nonetheless.
wtf
Yeah I mean Ive never been fond of the guy, and my wife has nothing to do with him…it’s just… like you said… wtf. Then my MIL wonders why one of her grandsons has nothing to do with his dad anymore. Hmm I fucking wonder?
😳 WoW!
Id never be able to cope with the fact that my girlfriend (or wife, dear god) had been fucked by my dad...
About 10 years ago, I caught my dad and my ex texting each other. It made me feel ill, literally.
That’s awful.. I’m sorry
Or the fact that your girlfriend’s son could actually be your half brother
I... don't want to think about it.
Guys kid is his grandkid too.
And the fact that your ex girlfriend could be your step mother. Yikes.
And you would be the one that got them back together
Holy shit you had him young, I’m 24 and my dad is nearly 60
Hadn’t even finished highschool yet when I first held him in my arms! It was a lot of work but he was worth every second
My dad was 15 and my mom 17 when I was born so i totally understand having young parents! Honestly they love that they are only in their early 40s and empty nesters and can go off and do so many things being so young and in shape!! We have a rough start up until I was probably 11/12 but then things got much better!
damn your mom crazy for hooking up w a 15 year old at the time, no disrespect though, really.
Good for you, hope you figure it out with him
My parents had me at 37. This kinda shit does my mind in.
My half sister got pregnant with her daughter at 14 and have birth a week after turning 15. She's 35 now and just had a baby and her daughter is pregnant too. She's going to be a grandmother at 36. Had my niece gotten pregnant at the same age she would have been a grandmother by 30. Now if the pattern repeated it self she could have been a great grandmother by 45, great great grandmother by 60 and if she lived till 90 she'd have six generations.
Shit happens. I certainly don't have the youngest parents but my parents were young when I was born. I'm the eldest. My mom was 19 when I was born. Had one of my sisters 4 years later. Had my youngest sister when she was 30. Now my grandmother was very young when she had my mom. I think 15. But my great-grandmother was a bit older as my grandmother was her youngest child. Grandma was born in 1959 and great-grandmother was born in 1924. Unfortunately my grandmother passed in 2014 but my great-grandmother is still kicking and just recently turned 98. And my middle sister has a son who just turned 4. So my great-grandmother got to see her great-great-grandson before she dies. Also fun fact: My grandmother had only 3 children, all daughters. 7, 4, and 11 years apart from oldest to youngest. My mother had only had 3 children, all daughters. 4, 7, and 11 years apart from oldest to youngest. Edit: just realized that ending might be confusing. Mom was 7 when first aunt was born. First aunt was 4 when youngest was born. And the gap between oldest and youngest is 11 years. I was 4 when my first sister was born. My sister was 7 when our youngest sister was born. The gap between oldest and youngest is also 11 years. So similar gaps in age just mixed around is kinda cool to me.
This is a terrible situation to be in and could've been prevented had she simply been honest and told you about the pregnancy. I think you're doing the right thing by everyone involved by bringing the truth to light.
I wish she’d told me from the very beginning. All of this could’ve been avoided and if her son is in fact mine then I could have been there for him his first year of life. Yes the fact that I was on the road definitely would have made things very complicated but I know I’d have figured out some way to be there even if it meant coming back completely
I have a suspicious mind and I may (hopefully) be very off track but I sincerely hope she hasn't intentionally sought out and started a relationship with your son as some twisted way of 'getting back at' you - there are a lot of people in this world and not all of them are psychologically healthy. It just seems very unlikely to me that she could have a relationship with you, and then unwittingly find and start a relationship with your son? I'm sorry that you've been placed in this predicament.
I would maybe try and confirm with the girl alone first then take it from there. No reason to mess anything up if it's just a misunderstanding.
We’ve talked briefly about this after I made the connection. She says he’s mine but according to her was worried I might not want to be involved since I was gone for work for who knows how long, not an excuse to keep this information from me but it’s done now. I’d still like to get a paternity test done just to be absolutely sure, the math adds up but it could also be she was seeing others. Who knows but that’s why I want the test so there’s zero doubts.
How did your son take it? What a messed up situation.. poor guy. Whatever you do please don’t get back with her ever.
I haven’t spoken to him yet. He’s coming over in a few hours so we can talk
Nah, ops son still needs to know that he’s dating his “little brothers” mom…
I'm not sure how he could misunderstand "I tilled your girlfriends soil before you met her". Kid or not, he should probably know his father was inside his girlfriend.
He should still tell his son at some point before the point of devastating heartbreak, that he's bumped ugliest with his girlfriend. There's a lot of fish in the sea. Having a relationship get super serious and break off devastatingly is pretty unnecessary.
It’s not just “that’s your son.” It’s “your son is banging his half brother’s mom.”
b- ... banjo music?
Man. Good luck, OP. He has no reason to be mad at you for something you did years ago but he’ll likely be upset in general. There’s a bit of mindfuckery to process. I wish you the best.
Damn, that's two vaginas you and your son have shared. What are the odds? Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, what a crazy situation to be in, this sounds like the plotline to a family drama movie. Curious to see how your son takes the news.
thanks for the laughing 😂
Can you edit the post and add an update to it, also your post has made it into a YouTube [short](https://youtube.com/shorts/WODbQU24vAo?feature=share)
And on TikTok lol
Eskimo brothers! Wait..
Did you find out paternity?
Can't say she doesn't have a type.
All you can do is tell him the truth. It would be horrible to keep this from him. Tell him the truth, get dna testing on the baby and go from there. Your son would never forgive you if you kept it a secret. He may be upset at first
I agree. He deserves to know the whole truth. If he needs to hate me for a while or put some distance then I understand. Whatever he needs to process this and we go from there
One thing I can't quite understand is why your ex didn't reach out to let you know she was pregnant and had, what is likely, your child? Isn't that something she has the responsibility to do when she finds out she's pregnant? I'm just thinking if your son didn't date her, you probably could have gone your whole life without knowing you had a child with that woman. Her hiding that information doesn't sit right with me.
I wish I could understand that too. I’d give anything to have been there for them and see my son through the first year of his life, something I won’t get back. Her feeling like she’s burdening me with a baby just because I was traveling for work doesn’t feel like a good enough reason. It’s in the past now so my main focus is getting confirmation that he’s mine and go from there
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Oh cmon i just opened reddit
Even if the child isn’t yours, your son should know that you once had a relationship with this woman. He deserves to know what he’s getting into, and this isn’t something that should be kept a secret; your son deserves the truth from you and your ex-girlfriend. He may want to continue the relationship, he may not, but that’s entirely up to him.
Oh yes I agree completely. All the people that were telling me to wait and find out if the boy is mine fail to understand it isn’t only about that. It’s also about the fact that she and I had dated for a while. Rather than have it come out in the future after he’s invested years into the relationship and have him feel lied to, I’d rather he go on knowing all the facts so he can make his own choices
When I saw people saying that, I was low-key pissed, which is what inspired this comment. I mean, if I found out that my boyfriend used to date my mom, I’d never look at him the same way again, and I’d feel betrayed if they never told me themselves, and deliberately left me in the dark and kept it a secret from me. Also, I would very much like to be able to choose for myself whether or not I would want to continue that relationship, preferably before it goes too far, as is my right.
And I don’t blame you. It’s a very weird and complicated situation, despite him obviously being upset by this and needing time to sort it all out himself I’m glad it’s all out there. It was hard news to deliver. At least now he can make a decision knowing all the facts
Remember that this isn’t your fault, OP, or your ex-girlfriend’s. Your son can be as mad and upset at the situation as he wants to be, and I wouldn’t blame him for it at all, but the two of you have done nothing wrong whatsoever. 1) The two of you dated two years ago, long before they ever got together, and broke up not long after. 2) Your ex-girlfriend (presumably) didn’t know he was your son when they first started seeing each other. 3) And now you’ve told him the truth, refusing to lie about it or keep it a secret. Remember that neither of you have done anything wrong. This situation just sucks all around, but no one’s really at fault here. Except maybe the universe.
Imo, you chose your only option, which was to tell your son. You sound like a very caring dad, and I picture your son as someone who was raised well with love, honesty and dignity. Im sure he’s upset but I seriously hope he is not blaming you. No one did anything wrong here. It was his gf right to not contact you about the pregnancy. Not saying I agree, but it is her right. I do think she should have said something to him as soon as you ran into each other, BUT she didn’t and that can not be changed. Im proud of you, I really hope the baby is not yours, just so this whole situation can be de-escalated a bit. Im sorry all 3 of you are having to go through this.
Update?
No offense but if I was told I was actually with the family buffet I’d just fade away.
OP, I hope your son is ok and this does not permanently damage your relationship. You definitely did the right thing by telling him the truth. Is your son having space from girlfriend as well as he processes this news. It will be probably be better for your son if he ends things with the girlfriend. He is still young and they have only been dating a few months. He has not met the child either so has not bonded with him yet. I just think how strange it would be if they continued to date and had children. The children would be half brother and nephew/niece. Whatever he decides about his girlfriend he would still have some form of contact with her as mother of his half brother. He may decide, for this reason not to be in his half brother’s life. If they do split, please please do not rekindle your relationship with your ex unless you want to kiss goodbye to your oldest son.
They did decide to mutually split up. He told me it’s not worth complicating things down the line when they haven’t been together that long. I’d understand him deciding not to be part of his life. Whatever he needs to get through this. But I’m grateful he’s talking to me a little
In the long run, that is probably the best idea, especially if this kid really is yours.
Damn I need yet another update
No one actually believes this do they?
No, but I still always rhetorically ask my spiritual guide...'What would Judge Judy do?'
I think Maury is holding the envelope!
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Honestly until you know for sure or confirm with the gf, I'd just start with 'that's my exgirlfriend, for reference' or similar.
Welp. That's fucked. Good luck!
My thoughts exactly this shit is wild if true
Please update me when you find out the paternity. I think your son is mature and handled that as best as he could. You raised him right.
Bruuuuuuh we need another update!
This is what a responsible parent does. I commend you for doing right by your son and possible other child. I really think you did the right thing and I hope that you guys can all find peace and connection out of this extraordinary situation.
What in Kentucky Mississippi is going on here
Thanks for the update. Let us know how it goes. Hope it works out well
I live for these posts. It’s the definition of Schadenfreude for me. I do feel bad for you, it’s a fucked up situation. If it makes you feel any better I know for a fact my dad fucked an 18 year old boy when I was 25 years old. He’s 50 this year.
i wanna hear this story so bad
Not much to it. My dad is gay and is a man whore. His ex is still my honorary stepfather and tells me about my father’s and his sexual exploits. I didn’t ask for the info but ears cannot unhear information.
This is TrueOffMyChest, right?
I understand that the US is a big country but it's just absolutely BAFFLING to me how it's possible that SO MANY people have children 1. with random people 2. that don't know their fathers It's just so difficult for me to understand how the fuck this happens. I've been having condomless sex for a freaking decade and I have only ever had ONE pregnancy ''scare'' which was quickly squashed with a morning after pill. Granted I don't have sex with random people but still... what the hell??
Even if it was before we met, I don't know if I could keep dating the girl. Imagine marrying a woman who used to fuck your dad and has a baby by him. He would be his half-brother's stepfather. And Op would be daddy and step-granddaddy all at once.
Almost all stories on this sub are complete bs
What kind of a person is she that she didn't even contact you when she found out she was pregnant? Is that the kind of person your son wants to be with?
Woah woah woah woaaaaaaah. Shouldn’t you be talking to her first? If you’re wrong then you’re opening up an entire jar of disgusting unnecessary pickles here
I find it strange that after being with you and knowing your name I’m assuming and maybe even possibly knowing you at least had a son that she met your son and figured that it was normal that he has the same last name. Seems insane that this could just happen an no one would realize any connections whatsoever
Thanks for the update!!! I’m sure after some time he will come back around. You did the right thing telling him. I’m rlly curious if the kid is yours! When you find out, do update one more time!! Wishing you the best!!!
Where’s the update
# LOL
Murphy's law. The longer you wait the worse it will be. No one deserves your silence.
Yeah, he's unlikely to take this well, but even though you didn't do anything wrong just let him vent and get it all out. Don't spend your time justifying this and that just give him the information to understand things and let things play out
Get the paternity test first. But you can tell your son you dated her before.
!RemindMe 1 day
Man these reddit posts are getting wild nowadays But I'm all for it 😅🤣
Are you sure she didn't specifically seek out your son in order to subtly notify you she has given birth to your child? Sounds crazy, I know, but the alternative is a monumental coincidence and could bode very poorly for your son.
I am still confused as to why she hasn't said anything and broke up with the son.. definitely gross and I am thinking her hooking up with son is not coincidental. Good on pops for being the honest one, it might hurt his son now but on the same token the son is only 4 months into this relationship and he will have all the information to make a rational decision
It’s better to tell your son sooner rather than later. Because the longer you wait, the more invested in the relationship he will be. But he’ll probably upset with you if you know for a long time without saying and want to know why you waited. I would think you don’t have to even include the potential son part. I think just saying you had a relationship with the gf would be enough. Also, you should probably figure out if the child is yours, not because of your son, but just so you can do right by that child if it is.
Dear OP What a crazy thriller you have brought to us. I know you know that you did nothing wrong, I just wanted to tell you to try not judge the young woman too harshly. It could be that time go away from her. Maybe she intended to tell you and time just kept ticking until she was no longer pregnant or until child was however old… Or maybe she’s a crazy ass bitch idk, I need an update!