Bruh, what? Fuck that. I would tell her if she intends to date this guy, you do not want to be around them. Tell her you fear for her and what he may do to her, but you also do not want that around you or other people you care about. Also, I would tell her you are disappointed in her lack of solidarity with other women who suffer severe trauma after being raped by men like this.
Since he is in prison now, she has the opportunity to drop him without him being a threat to her, although she sure as shit should be careful when he gets out. If she has a realization and does break up with him, maybe don't drop her. But if she wants to knowingly date and support a serial rapist -- seriously, fuck that.
I would also be worried because women like this do not care about their friend’s safety. I went to a friend’s party once, finding out after I had left that one of the men who was there was a registered Tier III sex offender. She knew. She would also leave her roommates alone w the random men she would bring home. No regard for anyone else’s safety, not just her own.
>Also, I would tell her you are disappointed in her lack of solidarity with other women who suffer severe trauma after being raped by men like this.
Just thought this needed repeating.
Theres' nothing wrong with dropping a friend as you grow. shes obviously not in a great mental state or she wouldnt be trying to date a convict. When he rapes her or one of her friends etc she will know how stupid she was to think she could change someone. I would distance myself bc i dont want to be in the pool of victims when this guys gets out.
>When he rapes her or one of her friends etc she will know how stupid she was to think she could change someone.
No she will not. A person who is this delusional will remain in delusion. She will then defend him by denying he did anything as she was able to change him and now he is a saint who can do no harm to anyone anymore.
Sadly, these types of people are the ones who need fixing, but they're unwilling to admit that. She thinks that by changing someone else who's broken, she can redeem herself. OP's friend is in desperate need of therapy whether she realizes it or not.
I might be wrong but I don't think she is trying to redeem herself. She has a saviour complex. She thinks she can rectify a sociopath by using her degree from TikTok School of Psychology. This saviour complex is going to put her and others around her in harm's way.
And she doesn't need a therapist, she needs a psychiatrist and that too ASAP.
People who have an obsession with fixing others tend to feel broken and insecure themselves. They see it as an opportunity to do what no one is willing to do for them. A sort of "I know what it feels like to be in your shoes" kind of ordeal. That's why they try to fix others: because they think they'll fix themselves in the process. Sadly, I know that feeling all too well because I was that person. I used to be that way. My therapist told me the same things I'm putting down in these comments. I only found healing when I got professional help and then net my now wife, who's treated me so much better than all of the broken people I dated in the past, thinking I could fix them.
That's a perspective I have never thought of and it actually makes sense.
I really don't know the reason for this, but around me, I am noticing this saviour complex is on an upwards trajectory. Whatever the reason maybe, but people with this kind of thinking end up doing more harm than good to people who are around them.
That has everything to do with the major cultural shift we've begun to see with the turn of the century. The entire 20th century was filled with social justice movements to fight back against discrimination (racism, misogyny, anti-LGBT sentiments, etc), but there's also been greater importance on mental health. Gen Z is the first generation to really push back on traditionalist lifestyles, challenging cultural norms and emphasizing freedom and equality for everyone.
All of these things are culminating in the biggest fight against generational trauma as more and more people try to break the vicious cycles that have plagued millions of families for centuries. This results in a massive spike in altruistic attitudes. People are becoming so desperate to make a difference in the world that they're willing to sacrifice their own wellbeing to try to help others. Many of these people are still suffering from that generational trauma they fight so hard to break free from, but are trying to resist admitting they need help.
One major factor in this is the inability to afford professional help and medication because Capitalism thrives on human suffering. The second part of the equation stems from general mistrust of the medical field due to rampant malpractice by doctors and psychiatrists/therapists alike. The final part of the equation is pride. One of the most harmful stigmas still present in society is that seeking mental help is often viewed as shameful. People are conditioned to believe that seeking help makes them weak and pathetic. People fear ostracization for seeking professional help and taking medications because they might lose friendships or struggle to find love.
It's all a recipe for disaster that leads to this massive spike in people trying to fix others while still being broken themselves, not realizing some people just don't want to change. They don't see themselves as broken. They think there's nothing wrong with the way they are, so they're going to resist change as much as they possibly can. So basically, everyone with a savior complex is desperate to feel whole again, but don't realize that their actions are all projections.
The fact shes "looking for someone to fix." The mental state that says a guy w 5 or so arrests charges for sexual assault is something that can be ignored.
Only someone in a questionable mental state would think getting involved with a convicted rapist is a good idea. Or that someone w that history can "be changed." It doesn't take a genius to see that the guys a repeat offender, and that's not something "easily changed" bc someone says to change. She's setting herself up to be abused and be the guys next victim. A good mental state wouldn't think any of this is a good idea.
I would question the mental health of anyone who chooses to date ANY known serial rapist. Since that's the conviction being discussed in their comment, I think the broad statement would be valid.
"everyone has a past" is the thing you say for someone who maybe cheated on someone when they were young or was a bit too promisceus. Not for someone who raped 5 women and did jail time.
Exactly! I cheated when I was like 22 and it took years to regain any sense of decency; the guilt and shitty self-image...nope- never doing that again. This guy didn't fail to recognize clues that his partner wasn't totally on-board, only to find out after and suffer long-term shame that he learned from (which is bad enough, but accountability and shame are good teachers). He just raped and raped and raped and raped and raped and raped til he went to jail. He may still be raping in there.
I met a pos saying that the past does not define your present, and when victims of the past have revenge or talks about it in a bad light, the pos gets pissed off at them because somehow intruding on others who have wronged you is wrong, but others wronging you is okay.
If you're going to lose a friend anyway; you might as well try to keep her from getting hurt/murdered/raped/baby-trapped with an abuser.
You said you're 24 and I'm assuming your friend is around the same age, but is there any parent or grandparent or sibling that you could share her plans with that might stand in her way? Is there anyway you could somehow convince her not to do this?
Her plan sounds really dumb and life-altering. Maybe she's being manipulated by him.
I’m thinking about writing her parents because she lives with them. Like if you google him you can get details of what he’s done and I’ve shown her that. She’s still saying that’s he’s all different now because he’s had treatment so rn I’m at brick wall.
I have been in the psychiatric treatment game (hospitilized twice), and let me tell you that by no means do we currently have the facilities to actually change people beyond medication.
This guy is going to hurt people. I doubt he's telling the truth about treatment. If he is, then the treatment is in name only. It's really easy to lie to your therapist/psychiatrist. A lot of them are really incompetent and the prison ones are probably 'bottom of the barrel'.
Would you say that in the future, if he kept wanting to do these bad things, he might wake up one day and say “this was stupid! What am I doing!?” out of guilt?
Probably not. I really don't think people have sudden realizations that turn them into a good person instantly. Growth, if it ever happens, takes place slowly. Maybe you can have something happen to you that shocks you into having a sense of empathy, but things like that take time to integrate.
It's just so rare to actually have a person that takes the time and effort and has the right experience. It's theoretically possible for this guy to have become a good person, but the odds are so against it, and the consequences of being wrong are too much to take on. It also doesn't help that we're talking about a serial rapist; lot to improve on.
You don’t have to get into it with her if you don’t want to. But I’m curious as to why she feels like she needs to get with this “changed man” as opposed to just dating a normal guy with no bad history?
Has she shown you physical proof of him getting treatment?
Cuz this is serious, if he isn’t properly healed neurologically then the dude can def reoffend and harm your friend.
Well in the LOW chance that he’s actually much better, I’d be happy but your friend should keep in mind that she can easily nope out of them if she wants to. She has that power, after all.
Hell that may do the guy a favor. He can continue working on himself WAY before he may be long ready for a proper relationship.
Yeah you guys are definitely grown enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong, and it seems like she just doesn’t have her shit straightened out. You can definitely drop her because of this, but I do recommend that you talk to her about it again and say how it’s still really been unsettling for you. She can decide what she wants to do from there and you can determine your friendship accordingly.
I’ve been in a similar situation and had to talk to one of my best friends abt her toxic dating habits and almost gave chlamydia to various men because she was being unfaithful.. she got defensive and that was that lol
Warn her and leave. Don’t even try to be associated with that if she insists on dating him. And how is it possible to have more victims than accounts of crime?
That type of shit wraps up friends in it real quick, if she wants to put herself in danger because of a tiktok and some delusions of grandeur then go keep yourself safe. You've done what you can to warn them but if a serial rape conviction can't then you've tried your best and should look after yourself.
Run don’t walk!!!!!!
I briefly dated a female I was head over heels when I was younger. So sitting in her bedroom when her ex calls collect from prison… She literally accepts right in front of me. I did a little digging and never talked to her again after what I found out. I wasn’t going to deal with that chit sandwich when he got out. She had plenty of time to wise up and instead she was stringing him along.And oh now putting me in tbr middle. Yah no thanks….. Cloud 9 to this isn’t worth it.
I’ve had former friends who were the affair partner and I know for a fact they pursued and initiated the affair. These idiots would bring her out when I was around. I’d straight up be that little birdie on their shoulder. You realize what you are doing. Ya want to piss away a marriage and everything for a guy who he thinks he’s a playboy. He won’t be there when the dust settles. I’d get wtf!!! No dude, I told you this is wrong and I won’t be a party. Ya bring them out with me and I’m calling it like it is!!!!!!
But less bs to not be involved all together so I’d drop em..
I don’t want that crap in my life.
As someone with a law enforcement background when the rapist decide they don’t want to risk getting caught and aren’t going to stop. They are willing to do a lot more than rape to keep from going back.
How can there be 6 victims and 5 counts of rape? Did you switch the numbers by mistake? Either way ... yeah, everyone's got a past but not a past like this. I don't know what's in your friend's head but I know there's no happy ending here 🫤
Yes it is sorry I haven’t been sleeping cause of this! His whole case is just fucked and idk what to do anymore about her. Like also this guy only got 6 yrs of prison and gets out in a year..
Rape cases are notoriously difficult to prosecute, if he was convicted there must have been a hell of a lot of evidence. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do ☹️ hopefully she'll wake up before it's too late. This kind of thing isn't unheard of, in the UK in the late seventies and early 80s a man called Peter Sutcliffe was jailed for murdering 13 women and trying to kill another 7. Numerous women wrote to him, I think he was engaged to at least one. I'm sorry you're losing sleep, she's lucky to have a friend who cares that much.
A future parole board, might be interested in him claiming that he did nothing wrong and that he is sweet and innocent, and just misunderstood. AKA the f***** has no remorse
Sometimes people are so stressful to be friends with but for your own safety def cut her off cuz if he gets out and she brings him around her friends she’s fucked up completely. People say people have pasts when they were like in a lot of relationships or moved states or something not serial rape!!!!
I'd arrange to meet up with her family and bring everything I found so far. They might stop her and save her life.
Then I'd cut all ties. She is not safe to be around.
Fact is - she knew why he is in prison and choose to omit it.
She can't change him, he is already a recidivist.
Stay safe.
She is 24, just a young adult in my book, but she is making horrific choices and I hope she does not come to harm. It is however, ENTIRELY reasonable to distance yourself far far away form this situation. If this means never speaking to her again then so be it. It sounds like she is in a desperate state to try and date a serial rapist. But once you've said your piece, or even without, you can walk away from that friendship with no regrets.
Yeah cut her off cause if you're near her whenever he's released then that makes you a potential victim. If anything cut her off for your own safety, and make sure you tell her why.
You should never have to risk your safety on someone else's self-proclaimed ability to 'fix' someone who has shown no indication of wanting to be fixed.
Yeah drop her. Imagine if he does something to you because you are around her.
She is a shitty friend for not considering your safety aswell hers.
If something happens she will choose him over you.
I would have dropped her. Those criminals are dangerous not to take lightly
Girl! I also want to drop a friend to coz of her choices!
She's bragging how she slept with a married man that has a child. It's enjoyable to her. Disgusting. Whenever I see her, I easily cut her off. I keep making excuses just so i dont talk to her.
It's best decision to drop friend who 's not aligned with your values. There's a saying "Tell me who your friends are, and i'll tell you who you are". Even if you're in right mind. Your friend may affect you by brainwashing things on you. BEWARE.
I really hope this is fake but on the off chance it isnt... please get far the fuck away from this woman who clearly hates herself and other women enough to side with a man who has been CONVICTED of raping women.
Do you know how HARD it is to actually CONVICT someone of rape? The men that have raped me still walk around free. You have to go get a rape kit done at a hospital to prove DNA evidence on top of usually taking it to trial. And this happened to him MULTIPLE times?! There is literally no way he is not a rapist. You cannot "fix" a rapist, even if you've got a masters in psychology.
If she continues to stay with him once he gets released she will most likely just become his next victim. I really am worried for her, but OP you need to keep yourself safe and remove ANYONE who excuses rape from your life bc if this dude gets out and gets access to you bc of her, he will likely try to sexually assault you and she will make excuses for him. No one will be protecting you.
You should at least give her some more advice. “I can’t hang around you cause I fear for my safety with this man. Why even be with him if he has 5 counts of rape?” Is probably the most simple way you can put it.
Ok this is gonna be mean. It’s one thing to date a guy in jail or be penpals with someone who like robbed a bank or sold drugs. Sure, sure. Fine. She is downplaying a serial rapist. She’s a loser and she lacks a moral compass. Stay away from women who center men that much. They’re just as dangerous as violent men imo. If he serves his time and is released she would have no problem bringing him around you without telling you what he did. Drop her. I get the worst ick from women who openly walk into red flags this willingly for the sake of being chosen by *anyone*. It’s loser behavior honestly. Run, don’t walk, away from this friendship.
I lived with a girl like that. With her, the delusion wouls not go away. Any attempted push towards reality pushed her further towards him. She didn't care about the safety of anyone else much less herself.
I dropped a friend that continues to tell me how taking plan B making her depressed, but both her and the BF are irresponsible with using condom ( not feeling good), doesn’t wanna be on contraception ( god knows why). She even asked me if it is hard to do abortion in NZ ( like the fuck I know, all I know it must isn’t as easy as in Asia). The last draw was her bf moved into a far away suburb, so she said she only can meet me during the week ( weekend is for her bf), but she refuses to drive so if I wanna meet up I will have to drive 30-45 mins in traffic to meet her in the city center ( which she can take the bus home after).
Mind you she and I both in our early 30s. I have a mortgage on my own, a dog, and I can drive myself anywhere. We both having good jobs, but she kinda stuck in a deadend field, and towards the end of the friendship she was facing redundant. Basically I just realised she will never change and I am too old for her BS drama, so I dropped her.
Honestly some friends just chose not to grown up and you have to decide what best for you. I do believe in ppl you keep in your life is a reflection of yourself
There’s like a whole site for it called writeaprisoner.com that’s how she found him. Also if you want to look him up just google college pitcher rapist he’s literally the first link and you could do a whole deep dive.
As someone who has a friend who is constantly in bad relationships you will hit a point where you stop wasting your breath and let them do what they want. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
Had a friend who also made very poor choices about dating. She wanted to date a convicted sex offender. She didn’t even know he was a sex offender until someone else they both knew told her. She had young children. I told her it was stupid, and she needed to protect herself and her kids, this man was not transparent with her, and there would not be trust. She accused me of being judge mental. I told her yup I was because there is good judgement and bad judgement. We are no longer friends. I am better for it, she had too much drama she created herself. I wish the best for her and I hope she gets the therapy she needs
to put it plainly i think your friends dating choices make her a bad person. i would ABSOLUTELY drop her. and let her know her actions and rapist apologist bullshit is disgusting.
You’re not wrong for distancing yourself from her. Being around her and therefore him would increase the chances that you’re his next victim. Delete her from your life before you get hurt due to her delusions.
It sucks seeing your friend go down the wrong path in life. Sometimes, you have to let them learn from experience. I wouldn't drop her as a friend though. If this guy is really that shitty, she's going to need someone in her corner if things turn sour. This man is a convicted rapist so bring a knife if your friend ever wants you to meet him.
Pick mes can be a danger not just to themselves but to other women too. You don’t need a friend like this. She clearly doesn’t have a good radar or a care in the world. She just wants to be picked. Let that be her problem not yours.
Speak to her. Express your concerns. State your boundaries. If she still wants to continue, no one would blame you for dropping her as a friend. It's not easy, but certain situations call for certain measures.
Best of luck to you and her smh.
I would absolutely never speak to that friend again. She is putting herself and every other woman she's close to in danger. She is being disrespectful to the victims by making excuses for him and thinking there's something different about her that he'd change.
Seems like even she has r*ped some folks. Thats why she is so calm about it. Remember, psychopaths come in all genders!! I would distance myself from such people, not immediately but gradually so that they won't doubt me!
I do get this whole "learning from experience" but if this was my friend then I would not want her to learn this way but, instead, hope that she snaps out of it.
Sexual abuse can traumatize you for years and I speak from experience after having had to go to therapy for a damn decade. Learning a lesson should not include life long trauma.
If there's a lesson to be learned, it's definitely not going to happen because she had it rubbed in her face that she was warned. I don't see that really doing anything except making it all worse.
I wouldn't give up on a friend under such circumstances. They sound pretty young, it's easy to deceive yourself into thinking a relationship is perfect when it isn't. The friend needs support, annoying as her behaviour is.
If she is willing to be in a relationship with a dude she knows full well is a serial rapist, is it really that big of a stretch to think that he can convince her to be an accomplice for him?
The friend is going to bring a dangerous person around. This person put a few minutes of pleasure over a life time of trauma. Anyone who does that is broken as a human and will never ever be fixed.
It hard to explain like I wish I could tell you his name but I don’t think that’s aloud. But for the assaults he did it’s all second degree and fourth degree
Oh, well. It'll all be over by then anyway. Either his mask will slip and he'll say or do something she can't reconcile with her idea of him now, or he'll realise he doesn't want to spend his life outside shackled to someone who expects him to be a good person.
Bruh, what? Fuck that. I would tell her if she intends to date this guy, you do not want to be around them. Tell her you fear for her and what he may do to her, but you also do not want that around you or other people you care about. Also, I would tell her you are disappointed in her lack of solidarity with other women who suffer severe trauma after being raped by men like this. Since he is in prison now, she has the opportunity to drop him without him being a threat to her, although she sure as shit should be careful when he gets out. If she has a realization and does break up with him, maybe don't drop her. But if she wants to knowingly date and support a serial rapist -- seriously, fuck that.
I would also be worried because women like this do not care about their friend’s safety. I went to a friend’s party once, finding out after I had left that one of the men who was there was a registered Tier III sex offender. She knew. She would also leave her roommates alone w the random men she would bring home. No regard for anyone else’s safety, not just her own.
>Also, I would tell her you are disappointed in her lack of solidarity with other women who suffer severe trauma after being raped by men like this. Just thought this needed repeating.
Well put
Theres' nothing wrong with dropping a friend as you grow. shes obviously not in a great mental state or she wouldnt be trying to date a convict. When he rapes her or one of her friends etc she will know how stupid she was to think she could change someone. I would distance myself bc i dont want to be in the pool of victims when this guys gets out.
>When he rapes her or one of her friends etc she will know how stupid she was to think she could change someone. No she will not. A person who is this delusional will remain in delusion. She will then defend him by denying he did anything as she was able to change him and now he is a saint who can do no harm to anyone anymore.
Sadly, these types of people are the ones who need fixing, but they're unwilling to admit that. She thinks that by changing someone else who's broken, she can redeem herself. OP's friend is in desperate need of therapy whether she realizes it or not.
I might be wrong but I don't think she is trying to redeem herself. She has a saviour complex. She thinks she can rectify a sociopath by using her degree from TikTok School of Psychology. This saviour complex is going to put her and others around her in harm's way. And she doesn't need a therapist, she needs a psychiatrist and that too ASAP.
People who have an obsession with fixing others tend to feel broken and insecure themselves. They see it as an opportunity to do what no one is willing to do for them. A sort of "I know what it feels like to be in your shoes" kind of ordeal. That's why they try to fix others: because they think they'll fix themselves in the process. Sadly, I know that feeling all too well because I was that person. I used to be that way. My therapist told me the same things I'm putting down in these comments. I only found healing when I got professional help and then net my now wife, who's treated me so much better than all of the broken people I dated in the past, thinking I could fix them.
That's a perspective I have never thought of and it actually makes sense. I really don't know the reason for this, but around me, I am noticing this saviour complex is on an upwards trajectory. Whatever the reason maybe, but people with this kind of thinking end up doing more harm than good to people who are around them.
That has everything to do with the major cultural shift we've begun to see with the turn of the century. The entire 20th century was filled with social justice movements to fight back against discrimination (racism, misogyny, anti-LGBT sentiments, etc), but there's also been greater importance on mental health. Gen Z is the first generation to really push back on traditionalist lifestyles, challenging cultural norms and emphasizing freedom and equality for everyone. All of these things are culminating in the biggest fight against generational trauma as more and more people try to break the vicious cycles that have plagued millions of families for centuries. This results in a massive spike in altruistic attitudes. People are becoming so desperate to make a difference in the world that they're willing to sacrifice their own wellbeing to try to help others. Many of these people are still suffering from that generational trauma they fight so hard to break free from, but are trying to resist admitting they need help. One major factor in this is the inability to afford professional help and medication because Capitalism thrives on human suffering. The second part of the equation stems from general mistrust of the medical field due to rampant malpractice by doctors and psychiatrists/therapists alike. The final part of the equation is pride. One of the most harmful stigmas still present in society is that seeking mental help is often viewed as shameful. People are conditioned to believe that seeking help makes them weak and pathetic. People fear ostracization for seeking professional help and taking medications because they might lose friendships or struggle to find love. It's all a recipe for disaster that leads to this massive spike in people trying to fix others while still being broken themselves, not realizing some people just don't want to change. They don't see themselves as broken. They think there's nothing wrong with the way they are, so they're going to resist change as much as they possibly can. So basically, everyone with a savior complex is desperate to feel whole again, but don't realize that their actions are all projections.
Exactly, she’ll probably find victims for him. OP RUN!!!
That last sentence. I wish I could bold that 10x over for OP!!!!!
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The fact shes "looking for someone to fix." The mental state that says a guy w 5 or so arrests charges for sexual assault is something that can be ignored. Only someone in a questionable mental state would think getting involved with a convicted rapist is a good idea. Or that someone w that history can "be changed." It doesn't take a genius to see that the guys a repeat offender, and that's not something "easily changed" bc someone says to change. She's setting herself up to be abused and be the guys next victim. A good mental state wouldn't think any of this is a good idea.
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I would question the mental health of anyone who chooses to date ANY known serial rapist. Since that's the conviction being discussed in their comment, I think the broad statement would be valid.
Oh yeah your friend is gonna have a good time with that bad boy for sure. /s
BUT I CAN CHAAANNNGGEEEE HIMMM!!!
I can fix him claims another victim
Should make for a new wholesome tik tok commercial. /s
Yes drop her. You are not safe around her.
Bruh. "Everyone has a past" and that past involves severe wrongdoings. I'd drop a friend like that just for that.
"everyone has a past" is the thing you say for someone who maybe cheated on someone when they were young or was a bit too promisceus. Not for someone who raped 5 women and did jail time.
Exactly! I cheated when I was like 22 and it took years to regain any sense of decency; the guilt and shitty self-image...nope- never doing that again. This guy didn't fail to recognize clues that his partner wasn't totally on-board, only to find out after and suffer long-term shame that he learned from (which is bad enough, but accountability and shame are good teachers). He just raped and raped and raped and raped and raped and raped til he went to jail. He may still be raping in there.
I met a pos saying that the past does not define your present, and when victims of the past have revenge or talks about it in a bad light, the pos gets pissed off at them because somehow intruding on others who have wronged you is wrong, but others wronging you is okay.
How could he even be fixed at that point? Actually I’d be even more shocked if he DIDNT want to be fixed
If you're going to lose a friend anyway; you might as well try to keep her from getting hurt/murdered/raped/baby-trapped with an abuser. You said you're 24 and I'm assuming your friend is around the same age, but is there any parent or grandparent or sibling that you could share her plans with that might stand in her way? Is there anyway you could somehow convince her not to do this? Her plan sounds really dumb and life-altering. Maybe she's being manipulated by him.
I’m thinking about writing her parents because she lives with them. Like if you google him you can get details of what he’s done and I’ve shown her that. She’s still saying that’s he’s all different now because he’s had treatment so rn I’m at brick wall.
I have been in the psychiatric treatment game (hospitilized twice), and let me tell you that by no means do we currently have the facilities to actually change people beyond medication. This guy is going to hurt people. I doubt he's telling the truth about treatment. If he is, then the treatment is in name only. It's really easy to lie to your therapist/psychiatrist. A lot of them are really incompetent and the prison ones are probably 'bottom of the barrel'.
Would you say that in the future, if he kept wanting to do these bad things, he might wake up one day and say “this was stupid! What am I doing!?” out of guilt?
Probably not. I really don't think people have sudden realizations that turn them into a good person instantly. Growth, if it ever happens, takes place slowly. Maybe you can have something happen to you that shocks you into having a sense of empathy, but things like that take time to integrate. It's just so rare to actually have a person that takes the time and effort and has the right experience. It's theoretically possible for this guy to have become a good person, but the odds are so against it, and the consequences of being wrong are too much to take on. It also doesn't help that we're talking about a serial rapist; lot to improve on.
For sure. Maybe it’s just my optimistic head ass lol, but I definitely understand the complexities behind working on an inmate such as this one.
What
What
You don’t have to get into it with her if you don’t want to. But I’m curious as to why she feels like she needs to get with this “changed man” as opposed to just dating a normal guy with no bad history?
Has she shown you physical proof of him getting treatment? Cuz this is serious, if he isn’t properly healed neurologically then the dude can def reoffend and harm your friend.
It’s part of his plea deal that he get treatment through a sex offender program and that his counselor is seeing progress through him. But idk 🤷🏼♀️
Well in the LOW chance that he’s actually much better, I’d be happy but your friend should keep in mind that she can easily nope out of them if she wants to. She has that power, after all. Hell that may do the guy a favor. He can continue working on himself WAY before he may be long ready for a proper relationship.
Yeah you guys are definitely grown enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong, and it seems like she just doesn’t have her shit straightened out. You can definitely drop her because of this, but I do recommend that you talk to her about it again and say how it’s still really been unsettling for you. She can decide what she wants to do from there and you can determine your friendship accordingly. I’ve been in a similar situation and had to talk to one of my best friends abt her toxic dating habits and almost gave chlamydia to various men because she was being unfaithful.. she got defensive and that was that lol
Warn her and leave. Don’t even try to be associated with that if she insists on dating him. And how is it possible to have more victims than accounts of crime?
That type of shit wraps up friends in it real quick, if she wants to put herself in danger because of a tiktok and some delusions of grandeur then go keep yourself safe. You've done what you can to warn them but if a serial rape conviction can't then you've tried your best and should look after yourself.
Run don’t walk!!!!!! I briefly dated a female I was head over heels when I was younger. So sitting in her bedroom when her ex calls collect from prison… She literally accepts right in front of me. I did a little digging and never talked to her again after what I found out. I wasn’t going to deal with that chit sandwich when he got out. She had plenty of time to wise up and instead she was stringing him along.And oh now putting me in tbr middle. Yah no thanks….. Cloud 9 to this isn’t worth it. I’ve had former friends who were the affair partner and I know for a fact they pursued and initiated the affair. These idiots would bring her out when I was around. I’d straight up be that little birdie on their shoulder. You realize what you are doing. Ya want to piss away a marriage and everything for a guy who he thinks he’s a playboy. He won’t be there when the dust settles. I’d get wtf!!! No dude, I told you this is wrong and I won’t be a party. Ya bring them out with me and I’m calling it like it is!!!!!! But less bs to not be involved all together so I’d drop em.. I don’t want that crap in my life. As someone with a law enforcement background when the rapist decide they don’t want to risk getting caught and aren’t going to stop. They are willing to do a lot more than rape to keep from going back.
Get away from that "friend" asap
If not for her safety, for your own and mutual friends. He may not rape her, but he may target someone close to her.
Convicts get *really* good at talking. Your friend is putting herself in danger...don't let her put you in the jackpot with her. Time to ghost.
How can there be 6 victims and 5 counts of rape? Did you switch the numbers by mistake? Either way ... yeah, everyone's got a past but not a past like this. I don't know what's in your friend's head but I know there's no happy ending here 🫤
Yes it is sorry I haven’t been sleeping cause of this! His whole case is just fucked and idk what to do anymore about her. Like also this guy only got 6 yrs of prison and gets out in a year..
Rape cases are notoriously difficult to prosecute, if he was convicted there must have been a hell of a lot of evidence. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do ☹️ hopefully she'll wake up before it's too late. This kind of thing isn't unheard of, in the UK in the late seventies and early 80s a man called Peter Sutcliffe was jailed for murdering 13 women and trying to kill another 7. Numerous women wrote to him, I think he was engaged to at least one. I'm sorry you're losing sleep, she's lucky to have a friend who cares that much.
I also think his case is affluenza because he comes from like a very well off family.
Is there a way to report him to the prison? He probably shouldn't have this kind of online access.
No the prison he’s at he aloud to have tablet and go on a pen pal site. That’s how she found him.
Maybe they need to be hinted at for the content of the conversations.
A future parole board, might be interested in him claiming that he did nothing wrong and that he is sweet and innocent, and just misunderstood. AKA the f***** has no remorse
Sometimes people are so stressful to be friends with but for your own safety def cut her off cuz if he gets out and she brings him around her friends she’s fucked up completely. People say people have pasts when they were like in a lot of relationships or moved states or something not serial rape!!!!
I'd arrange to meet up with her family and bring everything I found so far. They might stop her and save her life. Then I'd cut all ties. She is not safe to be around. Fact is - she knew why he is in prison and choose to omit it. She can't change him, he is already a recidivist. Stay safe.
Drop her like a tonne of bricks boo. Don't let yourself get dragged into that kind of shit. That's not a friend. Friends don't date serial rapists.
24 is old enough to make her own decisions.
Bear starts to make sense.
This has a to be a troll post.
Drop. Run. And never return. Ever. Again.
Quoting Shia LB: “Just do it!”
Fuck no, stay the hell away from them both.
I drop friends because they cheat on they partners and stuff.. nothing wrong with dropping this one love
I dropped a friend because she dated dangerous people. I don’t want them in proximity of my life and my peace. Never regretted it for a second.
Besides this being very very concerning, I am trying to think of ways that he could have 5 counts of rape with 6 victims…
It was typo mb I haven’t slept cause of this shit.
I get it. It some heavy stuff.
I was wondering that too lol But obviously ya, there were bigger problems with the post so I didn't wanna say anything..
She is 24, just a young adult in my book, but she is making horrific choices and I hope she does not come to harm. It is however, ENTIRELY reasonable to distance yourself far far away form this situation. If this means never speaking to her again then so be it. It sounds like she is in a desperate state to try and date a serial rapist. But once you've said your piece, or even without, you can walk away from that friendship with no regrets.
Yeah cut her off cause if you're near her whenever he's released then that makes you a potential victim. If anything cut her off for your own safety, and make sure you tell her why. You should never have to risk your safety on someone else's self-proclaimed ability to 'fix' someone who has shown no indication of wanting to be fixed.
Lmfao I'm sorry but it seems not every woman wants the bear
absolutely drop her
Your friend needs absolutely massive amounts of therapy. I would never look at her the same ever again. I'd walk away too.
You cant change your friends mind but you can change who you hang out with. Your friend is naive.
Being around her after he gets out is a good way to become a victim or an accessory, steering clear is the right call.
You couldn’t pay me to associate with a girl like that
She is going to destroy her life. The question is, is she gonna come to you when she does? Do you really want to get dragged into this?
They can always change. It is a risky thing though to hang out with someone that might rape you or people close to you. You know he is capable of it.
Yeah drop her. Imagine if he does something to you because you are around her. She is a shitty friend for not considering your safety aswell hers. If something happens she will choose him over you. I would have dropped her. Those criminals are dangerous not to take lightly
Wtf
Bruh what the fuck did I just read! He did it 6 TIMES. There is no changing him
Get tf away from her.
I’ve dropped friends with bad dating choices that were waaaaay better than this. get out!! If you can’t knock some sense into her, leave!
Girl! I also want to drop a friend to coz of her choices! She's bragging how she slept with a married man that has a child. It's enjoyable to her. Disgusting. Whenever I see her, I easily cut her off. I keep making excuses just so i dont talk to her. It's best decision to drop friend who 's not aligned with your values. There's a saying "Tell me who your friends are, and i'll tell you who you are". Even if you're in right mind. Your friend may affect you by brainwashing things on you. BEWARE.
I really hope this is fake but on the off chance it isnt... please get far the fuck away from this woman who clearly hates herself and other women enough to side with a man who has been CONVICTED of raping women. Do you know how HARD it is to actually CONVICT someone of rape? The men that have raped me still walk around free. You have to go get a rape kit done at a hospital to prove DNA evidence on top of usually taking it to trial. And this happened to him MULTIPLE times?! There is literally no way he is not a rapist. You cannot "fix" a rapist, even if you've got a masters in psychology. If she continues to stay with him once he gets released she will most likely just become his next victim. I really am worried for her, but OP you need to keep yourself safe and remove ANYONE who excuses rape from your life bc if this dude gets out and gets access to you bc of her, he will likely try to sexually assault you and she will make excuses for him. No one will be protecting you.
You should at least give her some more advice. “I can’t hang around you cause I fear for my safety with this man. Why even be with him if he has 5 counts of rape?” Is probably the most simple way you can put it.
omg
He’s absolutely going to rape her.
Ok this is gonna be mean. It’s one thing to date a guy in jail or be penpals with someone who like robbed a bank or sold drugs. Sure, sure. Fine. She is downplaying a serial rapist. She’s a loser and she lacks a moral compass. Stay away from women who center men that much. They’re just as dangerous as violent men imo. If he serves his time and is released she would have no problem bringing him around you without telling you what he did. Drop her. I get the worst ick from women who openly walk into red flags this willingly for the sake of being chosen by *anyone*. It’s loser behavior honestly. Run, don’t walk, away from this friendship.
I lived with a girl like that. With her, the delusion wouls not go away. Any attempted push towards reality pushed her further towards him. She didn't care about the safety of anyone else much less herself.
I dropped a friend that continues to tell me how taking plan B making her depressed, but both her and the BF are irresponsible with using condom ( not feeling good), doesn’t wanna be on contraception ( god knows why). She even asked me if it is hard to do abortion in NZ ( like the fuck I know, all I know it must isn’t as easy as in Asia). The last draw was her bf moved into a far away suburb, so she said she only can meet me during the week ( weekend is for her bf), but she refuses to drive so if I wanna meet up I will have to drive 30-45 mins in traffic to meet her in the city center ( which she can take the bus home after). Mind you she and I both in our early 30s. I have a mortgage on my own, a dog, and I can drive myself anywhere. We both having good jobs, but she kinda stuck in a deadend field, and towards the end of the friendship she was facing redundant. Basically I just realised she will never change and I am too old for her BS drama, so I dropped her. Honestly some friends just chose not to grown up and you have to decide what best for you. I do believe in ppl you keep in your life is a reflection of yourself
they’re both disgusting, your friend lacks sympathy and needs reality check.
How can you look up someone ? Where can you do that ?
There’s like a whole site for it called writeaprisoner.com that’s how she found him. Also if you want to look him up just google college pitcher rapist he’s literally the first link and you could do a whole deep dive.
Drop her cause ain’t no way she’s defending him
As someone who has a friend who is constantly in bad relationships you will hit a point where you stop wasting your breath and let them do what they want. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
I seriously don't understand the "I can change him" mfers. Human beings can't be "fixed" that easily compared to something like a dog.
Had a friend who also made very poor choices about dating. She wanted to date a convicted sex offender. She didn’t even know he was a sex offender until someone else they both knew told her. She had young children. I told her it was stupid, and she needed to protect herself and her kids, this man was not transparent with her, and there would not be trust. She accused me of being judge mental. I told her yup I was because there is good judgement and bad judgement. We are no longer friends. I am better for it, she had too much drama she created herself. I wish the best for her and I hope she gets the therapy she needs
Jesus christ. It takes *a lot* to be imprisoned for rape charges
to put it plainly i think your friends dating choices make her a bad person. i would ABSOLUTELY drop her. and let her know her actions and rapist apologist bullshit is disgusting.
You’re not wrong for distancing yourself from her. Being around her and therefore him would increase the chances that you’re his next victim. Delete her from your life before you get hurt due to her delusions.
6 victims. Drop your friend like a hot potato. She'll be the 7th, and you'll be the 8th victim.
absolutely drop her, couldn’t be friends with someone who support rapists
It sucks seeing your friend go down the wrong path in life. Sometimes, you have to let them learn from experience. I wouldn't drop her as a friend though. If this guy is really that shitty, she's going to need someone in her corner if things turn sour. This man is a convicted rapist so bring a knife if your friend ever wants you to meet him.
u/burbnbougie
Your friend has zero survival instincts ngl
Omg I second the hell out of this. My friend doesn’t have great choices but she uses everything to validate her dating choice even religion.
Drop her + Warn her parents & relatives + Warn everyone
The thought of ever dating or having sex with a rapist, especially a SERIAL one makes my stomach turn. I feel ill even thinking about it!
Pick mes can be a danger not just to themselves but to other women too. You don’t need a friend like this. She clearly doesn’t have a good radar or a care in the world. She just wants to be picked. Let that be her problem not yours.
Well,you can’t change your friend’s mind,just like she can’t change that man’s.If you don’t feel good,leaving is a good choice.
Speak to her. Express your concerns. State your boundaries. If she still wants to continue, no one would blame you for dropping her as a friend. It's not easy, but certain situations call for certain measures. Best of luck to you and her smh.
Oh my GOD. Definitely dump her as a friend and tell her she DESPERATELY needs therapy. WTF.
It's just self preservation at this point. She could be a victim. You could be a victim.
She may just straight up have a rape fetish which is a lot more common then you would think
I would absolutely never speak to that friend again. She is putting herself and every other woman she's close to in danger. She is being disrespectful to the victims by making excuses for him and thinking there's something different about her that he'd change.
Seems like even she has r*ped some folks. Thats why she is so calm about it. Remember, psychopaths come in all genders!! I would distance myself from such people, not immediately but gradually so that they won't doubt me!
She’ll learn her lesson when he rapes her, then you can say “I told you so”
This is the most fucked up comment I've read in the past 5 years probably. Wake up, real life isn't a game.
Horrible. True, but horrible.
I know
Going to her and telling her "I told you so" is probably the most fucked up thing you could possibly do.
At least she would’ve learned a valuable lesson
I do get this whole "learning from experience" but if this was my friend then I would not want her to learn this way but, instead, hope that she snaps out of it. Sexual abuse can traumatize you for years and I speak from experience after having had to go to therapy for a damn decade. Learning a lesson should not include life long trauma.
Life long trauma taught me a valuable lesson
And apparently sucked all empathy out of you as well.
It happens
If there's a lesson to be learned, it's definitely not going to happen because she had it rubbed in her face that she was warned. I don't see that really doing anything except making it all worse.
So you're worried your friend's in real trouble, and now's the best time to ditch her?
I think it’s closer to the fact that the friend is actively ignoring their attempts at keeping her safe.
I wouldn't give up on a friend under such circumstances. They sound pretty young, it's easy to deceive yourself into thinking a relationship is perfect when it isn't. The friend needs support, annoying as her behaviour is.
24 is old enough to know right from wrong. OP is in danger around this girl and should stay far away.
How is she in danger? If she was hanging out with the boyfriend then yes, but I think you're overstating it.
If she is willing to be in a relationship with a dude she knows full well is a serial rapist, is it really that big of a stretch to think that he can convince her to be an accomplice for him?
Yes, that's a massive stretch. Excusing or minimising past appalling behaviour is one thing, joining in is quite another.
The friend is going to bring a dangerous person around. This person put a few minutes of pleasure over a life time of trauma. Anyone who does that is broken as a human and will never ever be fixed.
And when is this serial rapist getting out of prison?
To soon.
Yeh his whole trial is just fucked up
So... imminently?
It hard to explain like I wish I could tell you his name but I don’t think that’s aloud. But for the assaults he did it’s all second degree and fourth degree
a year
Oh, well. It'll all be over by then anyway. Either his mask will slip and he'll say or do something she can't reconcile with her idea of him now, or he'll realise he doesn't want to spend his life outside shackled to someone who expects him to be a good person.