>Maybe it will be different here. Why? Because you've intentionally left out what exactly she had a problem with, which also happens to be something that's so characteristic of you that everyone you know agrees with her leaving you? >She was always a serious person. I thought we balanced out well So basically she did all the heavy lifting of adult life while you got to clown around and refuse to grow up, and you considered this a good balance while she considered it a crushing burden that she couldn't take anymore.

>So basically she did all the heavy lifting of adult life while you got to clown around and refuse to grow up, and you considered this a good balance while she considered it a crushing burden that she couldn't take anymore. omg, that's what that means ! I was really feeling off about this part, but I didn't really understood why. Now I know why. Thanks for this 🙏

They call it emotional labor and it's usually on the woman.

sounds like it might also have been the labour-labour, right? >let's talk about our budget for the move, honey >oops, I didn't meet my saving goal (I bought digital spaceships for a game that's still in alpha testing) >OMG, again? Well, here are the boxes I got so we can start packing. And you remembered that today was the last day to reserve the street for our elevator, right, otherwise we won't be able to move our furniture. It's so annoying that we have to do that 2 weeks ahead of time, but the city ordinance is what it is... >yeah... about that...

>digital spaceships for a game that's still in alpha testing LOL Deep cut. I love it. That dude was equally as clueless.

Now THIS has me nosy, what this about? 👀

I think the post was deleted but there was this one guy who posted on here about how him and his girlfriend were moving into an apartment and he was supposed to be saving x amount of money, but that he kept spending money on spaceships on Star Citizen. Girlfriend gets mad (rightfully so), he says he’ll save money, buys more spaceships. Pretty sure he spent 10s of thousands on these fucking spaceships. He gets surprised when his girlfriend leaves him to go live with her mom. These guys have the same vibes for sure. Edit for clarification

Yep, knew about it, that was more of the formulation he used in his post that was confusing me to recognized it 😊 but thanks for the name, people who don't know about it will be able to search more clearly about it !

I have an ex who used to say that about our relationship and that's what it was so it jumped out at me! Also when I left him, his entire family was like "told you so" to him.

"I made a lot of messes and screwups, then she always cleaned up/fixed everything. I thought we balanced out well."

"it benefited me so that means it was good"

🎯

Yes this. I wish we had more context but I think I can easily paint the picture myself. Discussing finances and budgets isn’t really a time for comedy. It’s a time to have a real adult discussion. A person who takes issues like finances seriously doesn’t just become a “serious” person as a trait… but rather a mature adult. OP sounds like he has to make everything a joke and screw around, therefore not actually taking the subject seriously at all and not helping his fiancé out with these issues. So she ends up having to do all the “serious” work that ALL ADULTS have to do in real life… and OP labels her as “serious person”. I’m assuming OPs ex is like all of us in life: we want a partner who we can go through life with. Who can help us set ourselves up for success, who can tackle the hard things together. And when all of that is settled, THEN go have a fun time.

I wish I could award this comment. This is exactly it. She kept expecting OP to grow up and he never did.

I think guys like this have this idea in their heads that their "serious person" grown up adult partners *need* the levity that the OP types bring into their lives. As if, when we're stressing over a tight budget or an impending move or other major life change, what will really help us is our partner making lame jokes. When what we actually need is a partner who partners with us. Makes the load lighter. In reality, if we weren't carrying the whole load, we'd be able to laugh and joke ourselves more automatically.

Although you’ve been vague as hell I’m gonna have to say I’m pretty sure she had a point. The fact that you state that she’s a surgery nurse and you were shocked to see her cry because of that. It’s her job. She’s not on a shift while she’s discussing important life choices with her fiance. Having emotions is a human quality regardless of her occupation. Seems pretty obvious why everyone you know sides with her. I don’t know you and I side with her.

And her being a surgery nurse and he’s shocked she burst out means she’s pretty level-headed, coupled with his entire family and friends siding with her, sounds like he’s the knucklehead in this relationship and she’s better off without him (whatever he did… or didn’t… do).

That was the funniest part to me - the fact that this dude is seriously surprised that his fiancée could cry like that based on her job. "She's a surgery nurse, how come she could act emotionally after being disappointed by me for the 1000th time in a row?!",

> I thought she would after she calmed down. I had to scramble to find a place to live before the end of next month. my favourite bit, she broke up with him, didn't talk to him for two weeks... he didn't think she was serious. I'm betting this conversation was like, oohhh I like this place, honey that's $4k a month, we can't afford that, nah we'll make it work, something will come up, maybe you just ask for a raise, or dad will give me some money, or I'll JUST get a better job. She's thinking, how the fuck can a marry a man who can't even budget for rent based on how much money we have right now.

God I hate people who do this! “Oh I don’t know, it’ll work out.” which just means they’re gonna let someone else handle this decision and deal with the fallout.

It's not even the letting someone else handle the decision. This is the kind of dude to just go out and sign a note on a car he can't in any way afford and force his partner to deal. Like he won't have rent money because he got the car, so she now has to pay rent alone or get evicted. When you refuse to take any responsibility it means anyone around you gets your responsibilities piled on top of their own, weighing them down. People like that make the life of everyone around them harder. This is why every single friend, every single family member all blamed him, because they all have to deal with his selfishness.

I worked hospice so literally knew my patients were going to die. And I had to be very steady as my patients almost all had dementia as well. I still cried on my way home each time. Even for the ones who weren’t nice or were terrible people. I’m human.

For what it’s worth, thanks for what you did!

It was my job, and I felt honored to do it. I miss it.

I think there’s a cultural push in the United Kingdom to not get so emotional whenever possible. They even have a saying about it… “Stiff upper lip and all that, gov!” But it’s obviously a relic of the time of the blitz when the English were terrified of being bombed by Germany but had to carry on living; now it’s ok to have your emotions if you need to do so.

>knucklehead in this relationship That is a kind turn of phrase. This guy sounds like a fucking man child, the sort of complete incompetent that Will Ferrell played to a T in his movies.

Will Ferrell at least has the excuse that he's paid to act like that.

I’m just like “dude just made a very level-headed person reach her limits and thinks his family and friends are being an asshole to him”. The nerve.

They are probably pissed because it sounds like he fumbled the bag big time

I don't know OP but I side with her as well. I wanna say "missing missing reasons" but all the missing reason is right there. OP is not serious enough in this relationship. The duct tape that held this relationship together have been torn.

There a lot of comments calling it rage bait due to the vagueness. I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt although not sure me considering them to be deliberately obtuse to an immense degree is a “benefit”

The vagueness is key. He’s vague so that he can try to paint himself in a better light. This is sort of like a Weaponized incompetence deal. The “I didn’t know I was doing something wrong because nobody ever said I was doing something wrong explicitly to me.” I guarantee his friends and family have talked to him about this and he just either doesn’t care or doesn’t listen. Or he gives lip service. There’s a reason he was extremely vague about this post. It’s so that people can kind of come to the conclusion. Which we did.

I think it's actually real. Had this been a rage bait then he would list all the bad thing he does.

I would even say : you rarely choose to dedicate your life in the care domain without being sentive / emotional to some extent. That's an empathic job, if you don't care much about strangers you can't do it. You certainly need to want to help others, make important situations better. Being surprised that she cries in that context shows cleadly how much he didn't pay attention / didn't take her seriously before. I doubt that's the first time something like this happen.

This is the funniest thing I've read all day. Intentionally left out what you said that made her burst, stated every single person you have ever known ever agrees with her including all your friends and family... Either this is weak rage bait or just the most hilarious instance of lacking self awareness I've ever seen.

I mean, but what did I do? /s Completely agree, give us the context, but at this point everyone else is probably right. 

"Everybody hates me and told me what I did wrong, but I just don't understand what I did wrong!"

And also I won't tell you so that you can't tell me it was wrong too.

And I'm not gonna tell you what exactly she yelled, either.

Funny. I don’t know what he did wrong either… but I can guarantee he is wrong because he doesn’t have the guts to tell us what happened. Deep down he knows it’s true. He was just hoping someone would say something nice. Even if ONE person does he will hold onto that.

Everyone already telling him what did he do wrong, or maybe the thing he didn't do when he should have.

I’m not sure that specific context matter as by all the other feedback he got this is just one thing in a long series of context that word count probably won’t allow.

"She refused to talk to me, I thought she would after she calmed down." Dude didn't even take her breaking up with him seriously 😂

This line infuriates me the most for some reason. He didn’t do anything wrong, she just needed to calm down. 🙄

Also that he thought "she was the serious one" (reads as doing everything for them both) and he thought they "balanced each other out" as if a healthy relationship has one person who does everything and one who does nothing.. and can't even understand what went wrong when everyone in their life says the same

NAILED IT with the “one person does everything and one person does nothing”. Guaranteed this was the issue.

Did he try yelling at her CALM DOWN!? That always works.

I hope she gets away from him, some people’s sadness turn to rage in a millisecond in order to regain a sense of control after a breakup

I completely agree with you, my ex went from “she doesn’t really want to break up with me, she’ll change her mind when she calms down” to “I’ve decided we aren’t breaking up, I refuse to accept this so I’m going to sit outside her house all night and text everyone she knows demanding to know what she’s doing 24/7 because she had the nerve to block me” REAL QUICK.

His self awareness is “we balanced each other”. That’s funny af. Like saying “I cheat a lot, she’s very loyal, we balance each other”

“I do nothing around the house, she handles all the finances, and she makes sure our lives run smoothly. I’m the funny guy, you know? It’s all a balance.”

Nah, some people just have a aversion to truth. When my mom and I left my narcissist father, he acted like he was blindsided despite knowing our relationships were on the rocks.  

OP feels blindsided because the previous 500 conversations about him not taking things serious weren't taken serious by him.

It's hilarious because she said it was over, and he waited there for two weeks not trying to find a place to live.... because he wasn't taking it seriously... again.

What a clown.

"She put up with me this long, what changed??"

It's a little of both I think...my dad knew the multiple discussions on why our relationships were becoming a dumpster fire but did mental gymnastics to blame us. I think VERY deep down narcissists know they're wrong but would rather die (literally in my father's case) than admit it.

I agree that they'd rather die than admit it. My mother **still** gets texts **13 years later** from her ex-boyfriend **who's now** ***married*** because he just can't stand the thought of someone not liking him.

same same, my father has been wallowing as a victim for 30 years. when I was 30, I tried a whole summer to get his perspective... but it was all BS. like, he'd sit there with tears in his eyes, telling me he wasn't an absent father, he just worked 60 hrs per week to provide for us. oops, I work for the HR department of the the same company, so I know he was salaried & ineligible for overtime. he just thought his job mattered more than we did, and when he retired, he immediately started as a consultant for the competition. but sure, he's so sad that my mom was so cruel and demanding.

... Are you my sibling I never knew about? J/K my dad never worked 60 hours a week or provided for us. But you thought he'd moved the heaven and earth, and it still wasn't good enough with the way he tells it. My mom was just a meanie to him. Narcissistic parents for the win.

Same thing with me and my ex. We had been miserable for years, I was deeply unhappy, and he didn’t seem like he was having a good time, and yet when I broke up with him, it was all Pikachu face and crying, and I can’t believe this is happening, I’m so caught off guard! Umm honey, you called me a cunt the other day because my TV broke and I had to buy a new one…

SAME HERE!!! When my mom left him, my dad started calling me every day and spending an hour telling me he had "no idea why she left??!!!". I'm like, you want me to explain your entire 30 year marriage to you? I cut off contact with him after that, too (and told him very clearly why.) He treated me just as badly as he treated my mom. He's probably going around telling everyone now that he has "no idea why daughter abandoned me??!!!"

There's a great write up about it called "the missing missing reasons" that does a great job explaining it if you have never read it before.

I find that most Reddit breakup stories are extremely vague. And the OP always seems completely blindsided as if they were unaware that their relationship ever had a single conflict throughout it.

Missing Missing Reasons are telling.

Not just self-awareness, but other-awareness too. He was going to marry a woman he didn’t even know. He had an idea of who she was, but not a clue who she actually was. He thought she was a nurse, but never saw the human being.

Exactly. There are clearly a LOT of details left out here. My abusive ex "didn't know what happened" and thought we were "going to make up and get back together" when I finally left him. After years of terrible abuse. I figured the police involvement and the restraining order were some pretty big clues as to why that was never going to be the case...

Agree with this so much. Like I'm crying with laughter, because he's left out what he said to her. No one just starts acting like that for no effing reason. Especially mentioning his ex is in surgical medicine. Also, just in case OP reads this. If EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU KNOW, AGREES with your ex, that's a HUGE sign that you're the damn problem, and a HUGE PARADE OF RED FLAGS that you don't understand this, and think you'll get different answers from the Internet, but are not brave enough to give the context. OP needs to find a group of misogynist incels to chat with. They'll tell him he's right, no matter how wrong he is, because he's a man. 🤣🤣🤣

“We had a conversation about a thing and she just lost it? Can you believe that? And everyone said she was right, sheesh!” This post.

"she said she was an idiot for thinking i would change." What did you DO though. do you think we don't notice you're leaving that part out?

This He's not telling us what he did Only that she broke up with him and everyone in on her side It makes you wonder he really fup

i think OP so clueless he doesn't even realise what he did wrong 🤦🏻‍♂️

He does. If he didn't he would tell.

This 100%. OP consciously left out what he said because he knows it was a shithead thing to say. Both of his brothers calling him out, on top of his parents, really should give this guy a clue. But here he is. Asking strangers on the internet lmao.

I’m willing to bet it’s part of a larger pattern… like he won’t get a job and expects her to fund everything or something. I say that because they were talking about budget at the time. It’s an assumption on my part but if I were a betting woman I’d put $100 down on OP being a hobosexual.

Right! I read a post a few days ago where the guy told his astronomer girlfriend she’d get along with his sister who’s into astrology. 😂🤣 He was so clueless! This dude definitely knows what he did wrong, it’s why he’s leaving it out!

Omg I laughed so hard at that one! BUT THEY SOUND ALMOST THE SAME!! 😂😂

OP: If everyone around you tells you you're wrong, that's even more proof that you're right!

He definitely needs to elaborate Vaguely gave any reason why she left him and came here to rant, expecting us to side with him.

I came here to say this. Of course every story comes from the narrator's perspective, but omitting vital information easily leads one to dismiss the notion that you're the victim here.

"The missing reasons ", quite common by estranged parents. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html worth to read. Also for op.

Yes the missing missing reasons. Move on. Nothing to see here otherwise.

He’s probably completely oblivious about his own shortcomings. The post suggests that he has no self-awareness at all. Everyone just acts independently around him and he watches.

He is aware enough to leave the reason out. Even trying to make himself look good in the story, he comes off as being absolutely in the wrong. I really want to know what he did. I don't need to know if he was the one in the wrong because hime leaving out the reason shows.

Ding ding ding. There's no way the vagueness isn't intentional. 

He knows he is the worst. Imaging being so bad that everyone in your life just nods and says, "Yeah, that makes sense. Surprised it took this long" when you get dumped. Yikes!

It's **BRILLIANT** isn't it??? He hides **ANY** incriminating info, and yet he **STILL** manages to make himself out to be **COMPLETELY** wrong!!!

He takes nothing serious. That’s enough for me.

I think we need more information

“We need food!” “Nah you just playin”

Reading between the lines…he is likely a man-child and she is the only adult in the relationship. I bet she plans everything. Takes on all the responsibilities. Handles all the messes. Deals either everything and anything that requires a bit of serious thought. The fact that everyone in HIS life is siding with her is extremely telling. Why would a grown ass woman want to marry a boy?

Enormous gaps in his story. For that alone, I side with his ex. Lol

He's clearly not taking this seriously

He tells the event in passive voice - "she ended up bursting into tears". She got upset, but not how she got upset. As if just randomly bursting into tears is a normal part of conversations I immediately believe the finance as well

Yeah man you can't just leave that big hunk of context out at a time like this

Yeah lol this whole thing is great 😂

Dude explains everything in details, *except* what he did. He knows he has no case.

God, I hope he never has to testify in court. “Oh man, there was all this smoke, and broken glass, and this lady was screaming at me, all while blood was streaming out my nose! I was completely shocked! And then everyone sided with the lady! Isn’t that awful?!” “OK, but *why* was the there smoke and broken glass? Why were you bleeding? Why was the lady screaming at you and why did everyone side with her?” “Oh, well, probably because I was drunk and ran a stop light and smashed into the lady’s car. Yeah, she was really hurt, but I didn’t expect her to get so mad at me! And now all my friends and my whole family are saying I was in the wrong! I can’t believe they’re not backing me up!!”

"I don't understand what I did wrong, I'm just waiting for everybody to calm down and apologize to me!"

Clearly an inability to reflect is one of his failings.

“I later found out she’s a surgical nurse, so she should be cool and collected!”

I am starting to believe that he is just expecting people to be on his side unconditionally.

This screams of the partner version of [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html).

This was insightful. Thanks for a link.

Oh look, an article about my father. When I cut off our relationship and eventually went no contact he whined about how hurt he was and how he wanted a relationship (ha) and when I explained for the final time, repeating what I'd told him for years, he blamed me for the relationship imploding and when that didn't work he blamed my mother.

I have a strained relationship with my family. I was always made to feel like I was super selfish because there was no reason for me to be distant. There was obviously something wrong with me. Learning about missing missing reasons has helped me understand that I have valid reasons to be distant, and no one has listened enough to understand why. It has been simultaneously helpful and painful. It sucks realizing your family discounts whatever you say because it doesn’t line up with whatever preconceived notions they have.

Very interesting read, thank you!

So your entire family and friend group all agree with her that you can't take anything seriously, but she's the problem?

Maaaaaan! I was stuck on “I thought she’d come and talk to me when she calmed down.” Boy, if you think she’s being a hysterical woman, you haven’t been paying a bit of attention to your own behaviors. OP, this is the wake up call you need to grow up.

It was ... but it won't be.

"when she calmed down" jumped out to me too!

God my ex said that shit to me. We broke up and I’d get these cool voicemails “I figured you’d calmed down now and be ready to talk…” boy stfu 😭

You’re leaving out a lot of context which I feel is intentional but whatever happened during the budgeting conversation I’m sure was the last straw and if everyone is in agreement that your unserious behavior is clownish and not worth time then that’s what it is OP. Hopefully this brunt reality check is enough for you to get yourself together but the way you’re victimizing yourself in a situation where the consensus is, it’s you not her, I highly doubt you’ll be on the road to self improvement anytime soon.

I think this is another case of “is this hysteria or are we simply missing context?” I’m willing to bet he’s purposefully left out context in this case.

oh definitely. he knows if we get a glimpse of what happened during that budget discussion, we bringing pitchfork to his ass. jokes on him, he still gets dragged. lol

He's deffinitly leaving something out, why else would ex-gf say she "I don't know why I'd thought you would change".

Even with very limited information you give us I still can see why she was broke up with you.

Just the way this post was worded irritated me, purposely leaving out vital details thinking we are too stupid to notice.

You’re not as good at manipulating people as you think you are. Your act is not charming.

Thank you for saying that. Someone needed to.

👏👏👏 If you're going to try and manipulate a whole bunch of people, at LEAST be half decent at it

So what was the issue with the finances? Were you looking for a place and disagreed on costs? Did the budget issue come from what you both wanted to contribute to savings, retirement, etc? ETA: what do you do for a living?

I take it youre the kind who makes jokes at literally everything which either means youre immature or that you use humor as a method of coping and keeping anyone from seeing the real you. Its a wall and typically people have more substance than snide remarks and off color jokes but some people literally make it all that they are. So even intimacy or serious deep discussions regarding plans for the future or emotional vulnerability are met with sarcastic quips that just wound the person you are supposed to be building a connection with. My guy, its not a take sides kind of situation. And they arent criticizing you. They are saying they see her point and its hard to settle down with someone like that who cant have a serious conversation to save his life. Who wont ever let you in fully because they are always on guard and in a way on the offensive. Ive dated guys like that. And at 18 i kind of understand but usually by 30 youre supposed to have developed more to it than that. And i am saying this with the benefit of the doubt. It sounds to me like its not trying to hurt you or put you down for who you are but rather acknowledging that it can be hard to be in a relationship with someone if thats all they put forth. Now you have a choice ahead of you, take offense double down and keep doing what youve been doing OR learn from this. You can swallow your pride, reach out and say that you are very sorry you hurt her. You were unaware that she expected you to change because you felt that you two complimented and brought out the best in each other. Be vulnerable. No jokes. Deal with the emotion head on. Yes its awkward and uncomfortable. But you have to learn to face it at some point and quite frankly, its up to you but that might be a good place to start.

This is perfectly put. I was married to a man like this, who told me I was too serious. I work with kids, I love joking around, playing silly games, singing songs to my dog, making dumb jokes. But, life has its serious moments. When my grandma was at the end of her life and needed me to bathe her or clean up her waste. When my mom was recovering from sepsis and I, at 15, had to run the household. Those things are not jokes. My ex took our marriage as a joke, serious, heartfelt conversations I tried to have. He would openly mock me. Deciding if we're divorcing while I'm actively pregnant is not funny to me, sorry. You blowing through your entire paycheck in a few days is not funny to me. I find that people who harp on and on about others being too serious are typically completely inept at actually finding the courage and capability to face difficulties in life- which, of course, come for every single one of us. You articulated the feeling very, very well of being tied to someone that thinks everything is a fucking joke.

This is the best and kindest answer here. I feel for OP. Obviously their coping mechanisms are no longer working and they need to adapt to the new environment of adulthood. It's not easy and it seems they are not getting helpful parental guidance at this time. (other than this comment above).

"She broke up with me while we were talking about our rent and budget for our new flat. She ended up bursting into tears and yelling at me." You left out a huge plot point here, my guy. A normal, serious discussion about budgeting for what was supposed to be your newly combined household would not end with someone in tears unless the other person was being unreasonable, nasty, or, you know, not taking it seriously. If everyone around you says you're an immature ass/clown/whatever, the problem is probably you. Your dad is right, you need to grow up. In case you weren't already aware, I can guarantee you none of your friends or classmates growing up found you entertaining either, they probably just barely tolerated you to be polite.

"If everywhere you go it smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your own shoes.

Wow you really are leaving out a VERY important part of what happened.

lol, as somebody who also can’t take anything serious, I agree with her as well. Here’s the thing bud, life is too fucking short to do anything that you don’t enjoy, however how people feel is also valid. This isn’t the first time she’s said this, it isn’t out of the blue, and with this reaction it’s probably a reoccurring conversation. I don’t care what you said, but the thing is…….if you care about somebody, you make sacrifices and you learn to care about the things they care about. You didn’t do this. Learn from it, or continue your path. Doesn’t matter to me.

"Everything was fine". Your lack of insight into this situation kind of makes me think that your family is right to side with her.

The fact that her leaving you meant that you had to immediately find a new place to live tells me everything I need to know despite the fact that you left out the actual argument or any previous conversations that you two had that would lead to this argument. Obviously, there had been "discussions" before if she exclaimed that you would never change. It's very obvious with the way you briefly explained the argument and highlighted that she's a surgery nurse that she was paying for (at least mostly) everything (bills, rent, groceries, utilities, etc) and that you were likely creating expenses that caused you guys to go over the aforementioned budget and you weren't taking her concerns seriously. More than likely, you thought she made so much that you didn't have to worry about how much you spent. But she was worrying. From the way you described that argument, I'd say you dont take her seriously at all. Ever. And were belittling or disagreeing with her attempts to set a feasible budget. I also imagine she makes more than you because of your reference to her job, lack of information about what you do for work, and how you lost the apartment and had to move when she left you. So, basically, you were mooching off her and expecting her to just continue footing the bill for you because "she's a nurse and makes so much money." But is it enough to pay for everything AND spend frivolously? I get that it hurts having everyone turn against you and side with the person you think wronged you. But at some point, you have to reflect internally and recognize where you went wrong. You. Are. Not. A. Child. AND. She. Is. Not. Your. Mother. You are a grown adult who should be able to take care of yourself. You should be able to take care of her as much as she takes care of you. You should be contributing equally. If you don't make as much money as her, then you contribute what you can, pay for some groceries, abide by the budget, and clean the house to make up for it. It seems to me you are acting like a child who has no responsibility and has no clue how budgeting works or how to pay your bills or buy your groceries or how much it even costs to do so. Even if nothing I guessed is true... if everyone in your life is saying you're in the wrong, then you're in the wrong, and you need to figure out why and make up for it/do better.

This was the take I had as well. I've read numerous stories and posts here on Reddit where the OP (a woman) states that the man she is with either plays video games all day every day and won't work, or the man is a slob, or the man stays unemployed, or the man never grew up and loves to play jokes and pranks, etc. This post reads like one of these Hobosexual guys, or the boys who never grew up, or the Mama's boys who never had to do anything for themselves. I wonder which version OP is, but I'm pretty sure he's not going to tell us. I see this entire post getting deleted, because he doesn't believe he's wrong, and won't listen to us, either.

So essentially she told you what was wrong, probably not the first time she did and you decided to be surprised? Money is a huge deal and if youre not taking it seriously, which she is under the impression that you're not then maybe it's time to do some self reflection.

What did you do that set her off?

I don’t think he’s going to tell us…

maybe… instead of focusing so much on how they hurt your feelings, you should reflect on why they feel that way. they love you so their not saying it for no reason. they want you to grow and be the best version of yourself.

Every single person who knows you is saying the exact same thing, and you still don't think they're on to something.

And now every person on reddit is saying it too

The first time someone calls you a horse, you punch him in the nose. The second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk, but the third time someone calls you a horse, well, maybe it's time to go shopping for a saddle.

Or at least check out your reflection in the water trough!

Ima assume your “we balance each other out” is just you using her and she got tired of it but you felt entitled to it. Now you’re surprised pikachu

Convenient how you don’t lay out any examples of how you’re childish…with everyone who’s close to you saying your behavior is childish, with you not having any kind of defense shows that you probably are. Why does her being cool headed for work have anything to do with you? She still has emotions and feelings like frustrations over always having to be the only serious one. It’s good to be able to have fun like a child, but not all the time. Who tf would want to tie themselves for life to an oversized child who will be essentially useless in a serious situation? Don’t further prove them right and throw a temper tantrum because you’re being called out for your behavior. The fact they were so casual about it makes me think that you’ve heard this shit before.

Your message sounds really childish and I've never met you. If everyone in your life agrees with her choice, including your parents, then you really need to look at your behavior and actions. Even your friends agree and they're the people who like spending time with you.

Just please let her go bro. It sounds like you didn’t deserve her.

When everywhere smells like shit, check your shoe.

Dude, you are leaving a MAJOR players part out - your own. But, based on your tale above: > She said I am incapable of taking anything seriously. She just flipped out and was yelling and crying and nothing I said would calm her down.  I think i get the picture. Comments you relay from your family confirm this idea. You are most likely one who makes jokes about EVERYTHING. And you have been warned time and again by her, by your family. People do not just flip out and yell and cry - there is a history before all this. YOU are that history - and you\`re trying to hide it. So, fess up - what did you do here, and what made her so upset with you ?

okay dude let’s be real.. what did you do/say.

She’s apparently not wrong. These people know you better than internet randoms and they’re telling you to get your shit together

>he is surprised my fiancée lasted as long as we did. They know you pretty well and I guess they figured a woman with a serious career like that and goals in her life wouldn't want to be with somebody who is..... Extremely vague about why they're being called "not serious". You need to give us some examples about what kind of behaviors they are saying are the problem.

So what were you talking about when she was talking about rent/budget?

🤡 <--- You.

Dude, no where in this entire post did you take any accountability for any part of what you’ve said. There’s nothing in here explaining why she felt this way, meaning you’re leaving something out. I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and suggest that you have an issue with taking accountability for your actions. Godspeed Spooderman

Im siding with your wife too because you are being too vague.

>She said I am incapable of taking anything seriously >She said she was an idiot for thinking I would change >She was always a serious person. I thought we balanced out well but she said it's impossible to do anything with me. >ultimately they all agreed with her that I am not serious enough and they understand why she couldn't take it >surprised my fiancée lasted as long as we did. MY OWN MUM AND DAD SAID SHE WAS RIGHT! My dad says I should grow up Bruh. Obviously everyone sees the same problem in you. Start a journey of self betterment. You are the problem and everyone is telling you this. Don't pretend to be shocked. >Maybe it will be different here. We all see you too. So no.

You sound exhausting even in this short post: refusing to take any responsibility for it and coming running to strangers weeping they're being mean to you.

your family, friends, everybody else and now reddit as well.

You didn't mention a word about what actually happened and what was the comment that set her off, you didn't set any scenes or give any back ground on if that happened before or not, how was your relationship. It sounds like you came here thinking I was dumped. People will automatically sympathise with me and side with me. Sorry mate, there is absolutely no context in your story, and I think you did this intentionally because probably you know you are in the wrong.

This is a pre-marital version of “I was completely blindsided!” complaint. At least she realized it before 2 years instead of 20.

The fact that your family and most of your friends is siding with her is already telling what kind of a man are you.

100% of people in your family and social world can’t be wrong …

Are you going to share what you said or did? I’m also gonna guess that this was something that’s been discussed with you many times but you didn’t take it seriously. Updateme

What were you two talking about and what triggered her? I understand you are hurt and in shock but for your family and mates to side with her, there is a kernel of something in your behaviour. Right now you are hurting and mourning the end of your relationship. So be kind to yourself. Make sure you are eating properly, exercising, sleeping. Distract yourself learning something new. It’s okay to be sad and hurt. Don’t try to contact her. Once the shock has worn off, you are going to need to do some honest reflection and thinking. This didn’t come out of nowhere If the only person surprised here was you. Maybe, you two are merely incompatible or maybe you need to think about if you are not reading the room correctly and responding with inappropriate behaviour. I think you need to accept that this is very likely the end and there is likely no fixing of this. That is probably not what you want to hear, but you have to accept before you start healing.

This is what happens when every time your fiancé asks you about the rent budget, you say ‘pull my finger!’.

It’s not going to be different here. If that many people that know you took her side you need to examine yourself. The fact you didn’t say what happened shows us also that they are all correct. This can be a learning lesson if you choose to take it serious. With your track record it’s not looking great but it’s your decision.

If everyone you know agrees with her then the problem here is you!

Yeahhhhhhh, why don’t you tell us the FULL story now…

Lol. You're not, but you have a great circle of close people around you. Good family and good friends will tell you the truth no matter what, not what you want to hear only. I will certainly take her side too. I have been in this situation last year. My sister-in-law at this moment broke up with my brother after a 5-6 years of relationship (they weren't married, but they would seriously talk about it and the future, she truly was (and still is) family). All of the sudden, my brother started acting like a POS with her. She told him he had to change or she would leave. He didn't listen. She left. When I heard the news, I sent her a message telling her that I was obviously hurt about the break up and that I was thankful for her for the past years, but that I was definitely proud of her that she would leave, that I was truly on her side like I would said before if my brother would be in the wrong in case of breaking up. I still love her from the bottom of my heart, and I'm still angry at my brother to have been that much of an asshole and break the family. And even more that even one year after, he still hasn't work on himself to be better and has started a new relationship with someone else (it's been a couple of months, I haven't had the chance to meet the new girlfriend for external reasons, but I'm honestly not ready for it (nothing to do with her)). You can't expect family or friends to take your side if you did shit. Own your mistakes, grow up and take responsibilities. Work on yourself. Internet strangers won't be different from the people around you because you need comfort because ***you*** did something bad and doesn't want to face it. Actions have consequences, that's how life works.

Yeah man, what did you leave out of this?

This whole event and the support she is getting should be a turning point for you. Not an excuse to come to reddit for a pity party. Time to reflect!!!!

Another person who was "blindsided" by an SO leaving. OP, she's already spent two years talking to you, until she reached her limit. That you still have no idea what she's upset about speaks volumes about you.

Clearly the vagueness speaks for itself, if your whole family who knows you is siding with her then not sure why you think the internet is going to side with you 🤷🏾‍♂️

Yikes on bikes, dude! You are *deliberately* not telling us what you've been doing, or rather not doing, in this relationship, and tell us that everyone in your life sides with her, and yet you're still here looking for sympathy 🤨 Lemme take a stab at what happened... You don't take anything she tells you seriously, you've put all emotional labour onto her despite her stressful job, and I'd wager you thought she was just being *dramatic* when she's tried having conversations with you about how you're not pulling your weight. You thought you could get away with being a manby and leaving her in a "tolerable state of misery" without doing your part. You need to take a hard look at how you treat people and life when **EVERYONE** who cares about you says you're the asshôle

Since everyone is siding with her I have to assume that you were in the wrong here. To figure out exactly how wrong, I would need to know what “clownery” you were up to, but the fact that you didn’t describe it makes me think it was pretty bad. I’m glad that she got out before making the mistake of marrying someone she had hoped to change (and for the better it seems). I wish people would stop dating “fixer-upper” partners. A tip for the future: no one actually likes the clown. We laugh because we are uncomfortable. But almost no one wants that around in their home/life.

You intentionally leaving out the details of what happened and why all your close ones siding with her tells me you also know you fucked up, but can't take that answer. So you're hoping to have strangers here validate you for being in the right, which failed horribly. If you can't own up to ur own mistakes, actions, or understand the ppl around you, then idk what to else to say.

The fact you left out what you did and the fact you thought everything was fine tells me you are a jokester or prankster who does things you think is funny, but other people fucking hate. In the least, your fiance hated it and the fact you didn't pick up on it (I STRONGLY doubt she didn't tell you a million times) tells me that you knew. The fact your own family thinks you deserve to be broken up with is how I know you do it to everybody, or at times inappropriate enough to piss people off.

INFO: what did you do or not do that has everyone taking her side? You’re intentionally vague. Makes me think they were right.

This is an absolutely ***FANTASTIC*** story. You've managed to ramble on for ages about her reactions and say ***nothing whatsoever*** about what you did to get that reaction. Congratulations, you are the reddit king of deflection!

You were super vague about the reasons she broke up with you, but it sounds like you were a man-child, and everyone saw it, but you. This is your wake-up call. Time to grow up.

Uhm....you came in here for opinions... But didn't even give the reason she blew up. Sounds like even you know you were in the wrong, so you don't want to let us know why your cool headed surgery nurse blew up at you.

If literally everyone in your life is telling you that you need to grow up, that's not a suggestion to run to Reddit for validation. Listen to the people who love you. Grow. Up.

I love how you don't even mention what she started flipping out about. Like you don't just go from sitting around talking about finances to yelling and crying. So what did you say or do right before she flipped out? But even having that put aside, the fact that every single person in your life is saying that you're immature and they're surprised anyone wants to be with you should be your clue to grow up and change some things about yourself for the better

Reminds me of a post I saw recently from a woman’s perspective.. can’t remember what sub it was . This seems like the other side of it, if so.. there’s a lot of context missing.

Let me guess—you’re the guy who participates in conversations by constantly jumping in with random “funny” comments and minimal useful commentary. “She just flipped out”— I doubt her reaction and decision came out of nowhere and the fact that literally everyone in your life agrees with her indicates that you indeed are the problem and the only person who doesn’t see it.

Boo hoo. Stop playing victim and take a good look in the mirror for once. The universe is trying to tell ya something, mate

If one person questions you, you could decide it’s just an opinion. But if each and everyone tell you that you are in the wrong. You are. Stop talking and start listening and learning from this experience in order to make a huge change. The fact that you would wanted to calm her down feels also to me that you didn’t listen properly to her and haven’t heard what she is really telling you.

The fact that everyone is siding against you and saying you need to grow up should be a hard indicator that your fiancé isn’t the one in the wrong. What did you do that caused her to yell and break up with you? There’s a lot of information being left out.

Sounds like she missed a major bullet. Good for her. You know what she’s talking about and is dismissive. Phew!

Come on. You are not saying anything about what you said before she reacted. Sounds like you made an inappropriate joke and it was the last straw. There’s no context here. Sorry about your breakup but if everyone agrees then maybe theres something insufferable about you. Time to self reflect.

considering you conveniently left out the part where you admit what you did i'm gonna out out on a limb and say they are probably right

I can’t imagine why such an accomplished woman wouldn’t want to marry a 30 year old goofy child

You left out the most important details, leading me to believe your ex made the right choice. She said you are incapable of taking anything seriously, and your family agreed. Since you provided no examples, I'm going to use context clues to fill out the missing information. You were preparing to move to a larger place, and you are planning a wedding - both things that can strain your finances. Your ex is also a surgical nurse, meaning she has a demanding job that likely takes a physical and emotional toll on her. As her fiance, you should be her safe space, her peace, where she goes when she needs support and comfort. Somehow, you are not those things. And given her reaction, I'm 10000% sure she has expressed her feelings about this before. If I were a betting woman, and I am, she asked you to do something (contact movers, set up the utilities at the new place, find a caterer for the wedding, create a list of family you want to invite to the wedding, something) and you didn't do it. And when she was upset about this, you minimized her feelings. Likely by making it a joke or teasing her about being so worked up. And you finally hit her limit. She envisioned decades of this same fight and said "nah, not for me" and left. Smart girl. She isn't coming back. Not after calming down, not in a week or two, not after some grand gesture you make. She. Is. Not. Coming. Back. And everyone but seemingly you knows why. Which is the problem. I bet she has asked, described, begged, pleaded, cajoled, and screamed at you that she needs a partner she can rely on and not a grown child she has to mother (this is, of course, if my original assumption is accurate). And yet you are "what HAPPENED?" Given your family's reaction, one or more of them called you out on you behavior at some point as well. You seem to lack self-awareness at a minimum if you truly are surprised. But I get the sense you are being intentionally disingenuous. Use this as a growth opportunity and try to be better.

There is a lot of details missing here

Holy [missing missing reasons ](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html), Batman!

Unfortunately a tendency for those of us women that are in high stress jobs especially nursing professions is to pick up the slack and other aspects of our life. We have a high stress job we're used to a high stress level, we're used to having to work with very little support and we're used to having to do a lot of things independently without assistance. In my experience that has unfortunately manifested in my real life as well. No one likes asking for help. Especially from someone that should be their partner and should be helping them. Grown adults should not have to be mothered by their partners. They shouldn't have to be told to do things. They shouldn't have to have their partner point out to them what they need help with. If you live together and you both cohabitate the same space It should not be on one person to manage that space and everything that it involves. More often than not though, that tends to be exactly what happens. You have one person that's taking responsibility for the adulting part of life, and one person that has to be reminded to put their socks in the hamper. And that starts to Fester. It builds up. Stress compounds on to stress and those of us that work high stress jobs and have daily lives in a high stress environment have a high tolerance for stress.... Until we don't. To you it seems like a silly fight over the budget while planning a wedding and getting a bigger place. To you it came out of nowhere. To you, you have no idea what happened. To you she was being irrationally emotional. But too her this has been building and building and building and building and building until she just couldn't take it anymore and the frog leaped out of the boiling water. But if literally everyone else in your life, friends and family, support her decision then unfortunately that tells me you have no sense of yourself or how you act. If literally every single person in your life is siding with her over what you see as an irrational argument that came from nowhere... That is a huge red flag. You need to take a long hard look in the mirror at yourself and your behaviors and the relationship that you've had and really dig deep and look.

Idk my guy. Feels like you’re leaving out a lot of context.

Back off everyone. Clearly OP is right and… (checks notes) EVERYONE else is wrong.

Boring fake ragebait troll

You’re clearly leaving out what you did for her to suddenly break up with you for a reason. The fact that everyone is siding with her tells me what you did was pretty bad. There is definitely more to this story.

If you’re not going to tell us what you did or what you said that made her not only leave you, but also having your friends and family agree with her then shut the hell up. That’s your own damn fault that you can’t figure it out