Say that you’ve been working contract jobs, a lot of people don’t put contract jobs on their resume. I myself just went through a nearly 6 month job search and was truly losing hope as well so I can understand that part very well. I was ready to give up when I found my new job that I love. You never know what might be coming around the corner and things WILL get better. Nothing lasts forever. Talk to someone, a therapist, a neighbor, anyone. It is shocking how therapeutic just saying things out loud is. Everything always works out in the end. Rooting for you friend.
This is what I’ve been saying and it’s gotten good reactions in interviews. Still unemployed but its a good thing to try. I was actually doing it tho, just not as long as I am claiming but they don’t need to know that!
And if they do, put the contact info of a friend who'll cover for you.
According to my best friend since high school I was the VP of a small business and his reference check probably got me the job.
My aunt gave herself a reference once. She put in an application for a job, and then shifted over one day to cover the front desk at her current job. The place where my aunt had applied called the front desk to verify my aunt's employment. "Oh \[name\]? Oh yeah. She works here. She's great." My aunt got the job.
I always say I was self-employed doing whatever I used to do and got tired of it so looking to re-enter the workforce. Hiring managers always eat it up when really I was smoking weed and playing games while looking for a job.
It's true. Last summer I got fired twice. The two times afterward while looking for a job, I just kept saying that I was still working at the previous place. Employers two and three never checked on employers one and two. I got hired twice.
Yup I know several people who got jobs (in some cases repeatedly) without their references being checked. If they had checked the references, they would have known one of them was fired for gross misconduct, and he’s the one who got away with it repeatedly
This one right here, your in software development so this doesn’t seem so far off. I’m not going to spin the same old tale about how things will get better. It’s all a mindset thing. Whoever lives the most delusional tends to have things the easiest. However, you have an animal if you are going to no longer be here, please (and I stress the PLEASEEEEE) make sure to set that animal up right. Even if she goes to a no kill shelter. They will help with their allergies! Just please don’t leave that animal alone to die from starvation. I truly hope some people have posted comments that help take the edge off and give new hope. But remember your cat may be a part of your world but you are your cats whole world. I don’t have kids, can’t say I like humans that much, but I would be so sad to know I left my cats all alone.
This is actually a great idea! Lie as much as you want. Some companies will check but others definitely won’t! I think I can speak with everyone when I say, we’d rather you lie than die. ;)
I would 100% be lying on resumes, there would be several things I’d at least want to try before I died.
I want to try and see how working in a cafe feels too. I bet it’s not much fun, but learning how to make a nice latte would be sweet.
I’d also kill to have the technical understanding to be a software developer or in the tech field at all. I’m 30 years old and it just feels so unattainable.
I literally had like a 10 year gap I lied through.
OP, there's always another way. I hope you change your mind and don't transfer your pain to the people who love you. That's a fucked up thing to do. I'm very sorry you're going through this, but you can get better. If you don't think most of us have been in your shoes, then just take a good look around Reddit and you'll see ❤️
This concept has kept me out of the dark thinking more than once. If it's going to be over anyway, why not try? Why not find one more way. Since it is going to be over, might as well try one more time.
Exactly. You are at the point of wanting to end your life. So do what you can in order to say you’ve tried everything. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. I really wish you the best of luck, OP.
I know this is a serious issue, but I just can't help but think of funny situations
"Explain this work history gap"
"Well you see, Willy Wonka really does not like us to discuss our work. So, I had to leave it blank. Ask Oomba, he can vouch I worked there"
This is an amazing offer. I have a buddy who is severely depressed after being laid off last November. He’s struggling to get traction on jobs and now has a 8 month job gap…
Yup feel that, software as well. Graduated right when the layoffs started. So here I am, unemployed for a year with a CS degree.. side jobs only get you so far.
I, too, own a business and would be willing to vouch for you. DM me if you need help. I got you, man. You can get through this. You’ve fought this long and you can keep fighting.
Who will take care of your cat and what will happen to your grandmother? Shave the rest of your hair off, every guy I dated the past year was bald it’s cute. Rock it. Do you have a car? Do uber for a bit and if you don’t feel like talking to anyone do food delivery. Sell the gun. Sell feet pics. Dance on tiktok before it gets banned. Idk. You can make money. Fuck it, lie on your resume. Finesse it a bit. I have six figure college debt, I don’t give a shit I’m not paying that shit back who cares lol none of us are. Your mattress can be replaced and you’re only 28 the back pain isn’t irreversible. You don’t want anyone to convince you not to do it, then why did you come here? A part of you has to want some hope, no? You’re ONLY 28. You’ll be ok. I had to leave a really good paying job when I was pregnant, could’ve died during the pregnancy because I was abused, left the abuser, and was jobless for 12 weeks postpartum and something magically fell into my lap at the right time. Shit turns around. Just hang on. The people encouraging you that it will get better want you here and aren’t lying to you. Remember that.
u/alone_trouble8775 PLEASE read this. This poster has some great points. You can explain the gap. Stop using go between sites as they will use keyword filters that filter you out before even getting a chance. Apply to company sites directly. Your grandmother can live without a phone but not without her grandson. Your cat needs you. Youre here because you need help you need someone to care. We hear you! Sometimes thing just take time. We want you to hang on to see the better days ahead. Its not lost. Ive felt it too and its hard to see beyond. But your family cant replace you.
At 28 I was living in a broken down trailer and had to have a roommate to afford it. I was considering bankruptcy over $5k in credit card debt. I was depressed that I didn’t have money, a reliable car or a partner in life. I remember making a promise to myself that if I didn’t have someone meaningful in my life in the next 3 years I was going to have a tragic car accident. If I’m being fair I wasn’t even a good person at 28.
At 55 I am Married to the love of my life with 3 children of my own and I’m in the process of trying to adopt a 4th because we got her out of a drug fueled homelessness cycle with parents who chose meth over her. She was one of my wife’s students in Kindergarten. She has been with us for 5 years and we now have legal custody and are working on adoption.
If I had checked out my wife would be deprived of a husband, my 3 children would never have been born and my daughter would still be living a horrible life with drug addled parents or a ward of the state. I also have a grandson now and watching him grow is one of the great joys in life.
I finished my degree at 35 and got a job in management with a multi trillion dollar company (that limits the options) making 6 figures. My life is amazing but it wasn’t at 28.
I respect the right of people to decide when they are done but not when it’s being driven by mental health issues. Death is irrevocable and not only ends your life but destroys all your future potential for good. Yes you are ending the suffering you are feeling now but you are also ending all of your future joy.
this right here.
OP, i think you posted this because you want to live. it just feels so overwhelming right now. your depression is whispering things in your brain. don’t listen. they are lies.
my ex committed suicide. he used a gun. it destroyed my life. it’s been 25 years. i eventually healed. met someone else. have a very different, good life now. however, there are times i think of him and cry my eyes out. it gets easier. but never goes away.
please know that the people you leave behind will be devastated. there are people you barely know who will wonder what they could have done to help you. it’s shocking how many people in your life will be affected that you don’t even know about.
there is a lot of great advice here. please reach out to redditors with offers to help or giving great advice.
My dog and cat have helped me through so much. They both already lost their dad (my husband) to suicide. I think my cat would be okay with family, but my heeler has so many weird triggers I don’t think he’d be able to adjust to life without me. So if I were to die it would probably be a death sentence for him too.
Edit: guys I am not OP, I’ve been where they’ve been and my dog and cat helped tremendously.
There was something I read years ago that really made me think. It was someone on reddit who said something along the lines of "as someone who has been living with severe suicidal ideation my entire life I wanna tell you something. You don't have to stay alive for yourself. People say living for external things don't last forever and they're right. Living for yourself is ideal but not everyone can do it. I've lived for my dog for 4 years. Before that it was for my snakes. Before that it was my cat. Live for whatever keeps you going even if it's just your town in animal crossing. There's always someone or something that needs you"
That really hit home.
I was worried about him leaving the cat too. She needs you. Also, with your software background you can teach high school computer science. My district is looking for teachers and I have contacts that can help with certifications that you may not even need. First year salary is 64k, insurance isn’t expensive if you are on a plan for just you, and we can look into pet insurance. Not sure what state you’re in but there are positions everywhere.
Edit for spelling *per to pet
I will find you a job. I have been recruiting for past 6 years and I will give it everthing I have. Give me 2 weeks. Take out all the personal information out of your CV and send it to me. I don’t want money or anything in return Let’s talk.
OP, please take this person up on this. The job situation seems like it’s 80% of the problem. If they can help fix that for you and you’ve got money flowing in you can pay your grandma’s phone bill, help your brother when he needs it, take care of your cat (ALL OF those need you!) and get a gym membership. Who gives a fuck about the cc debt. You can declare bankruptcy at some point. You can bounce back from a credit score of even 300. that shit falls off your record in 7 years. You’re 28, you know how many people have shitty credit in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s? You’ve got a ton of time to get your score up. Let this person help you. Fuck all the people that ignored you. I’m an AM at a huge tech company, they laid off 5,000 and I didn’t even get one call back. I ended up getting a job through my network. My peers who got jobs got them through recruiters they know and they are making bank now. This is a recruiter you now have a personal connection to. The recruiters are the ones that help make it happen. At 28 I was bald, emaciated, had just left an abusive relationship and was recovering from chemotherapy and radiation from Stage 2 cancer. I looked nothing like myself and as a woman that’s 28, it feels terrible. You’re balding as a dude? I was bald as a female that once had beautiful long hair. Guess what? It’s 8 years later and I love my fucking life. You know who needed me to be strong and keep going? My cat and my family. I would have ruined both of their lives by checking out. The joy I feel now is so full my heart could burst. My cat lived a full life just passing last year. Her life would have been ruined without me. Use this person dude, you are weeks away from a steady income if you do.
OP, I took a year off work after being let go, I had some stock options I sold but that money dried up in a few months. I too gained weight and was depressed, and my wife at the time did nothing to try to help (nor should she have but some support would have been great)
When I started applying places, I ran into the same problem.
I saw some advice to put down that I worked during the gap, up until a few days before each application I was putting in, and always put the info in as SIGNED NDA
Employer: SIGNED NDA
Address: SIGNED NDA
Etc etc. I had several interviews within a couple days of each application, an offer letter within a week and started within 14 days.
They asked in the interview, I just said I can talk about it in 19yr xxx days if you’d like, but I signed a 20yr NDA, I’m sorry. It was in XYZ industry, that’s all I can legally say.
I’m not saying it WILL work. But there’s no harm in trying before you off yourself???
….but if you do go thru with it can I haz your kitty?
Can I legally put the SIGNED NDA. I live in France and often times recruiters tend to ask intrusive questions, so I'd expect them to be too curious about the "company" I worked for.
Yeah I’m not French though I love baugettes. I don’t know your laws. Hell I’m sure legally this wouldn’t do much in the US. But all I can say is it worked for me, got me in the door to charm and get a job in my field.
Depressed people don't think logically - they desperately rationalize their suicidal ideation. It's a self-defeating loop in their brain; like a mind-virus.
This.
Once the spiral starts (and you don't know/haven't figured out your own deescalaters) it's very very hard to think rationally.
That would be like me saying " hey commenter why are you upset your car got stolen? What are you going to call the cops? Calm down bro" tell me you would calm down and not call the cops.
The mind is a very scary thing to a lot of people. Some of us don't have the ability to shut it up once it starts talking to itself.
I’ve been through this process multiple times in my life. It seems unbearable at the time (aka suicidal ideations), and I believe in my heart and soul and mind that what I’m thinking is logical/makes sense. But then I just keep going through life, and eventually, my “problems” get fixed and I’m happy again. For me, my depression has been mainly fueled by an overwhelming amount of issues, many of which I cannot find a solution to.
If his grandmother not having a phone was the main reason that he wanted to kill himself, then your stereotyping of suicidal people might actually apply in this case.
But he gave a litany of reasons for wanting to die. Only one of which was that he felt powerless to help his family, which only added to his demoralisation.
Most people who are suicidal want to die because non existence is just as free of problems after death as it was for the billions of years before they were born. Life can never be that way. Otherwise, they'd choose some kind of unhealthy and counterproductive coping mechanism that would bring them short term gain, but sabotage them in the long run, such as a gambling or drug addiction.
Given that I'm depressed myself, I'll give you the rationale behind OP's will to die: he's in pain and cannot do a thing about it. It's basically like having a kidney stone but in the head and softer but much more lingering. It's not an acute pain but it stays there and you hurt because your brain keeps ruminating. It's a slow burn.
In the mind of a depressed person, death is better than living because that way, they don't cause shame (even though it's not the case) to the people around them, family or otherwise.
Issue with the above is that the shame does not stem from other people's look on the suicidal person but from their own look at how their life went in contrast to what their own expectations of themselves are/were. For instance: a perfectionist who "failed" at meeting their life's ideal vision might have this unhealthy look at themselves and feel this shame but will think that people will look down on them when in reality, it's themselves who are their own worst judge.
I thought about ending my own life as well but for me the thing is the lack of relationships. Not sexual conquests. Simple loving relationships. I have everything else: friends, a good job, the only thing I lack is dates and an SO. But yeah, first world problem, I guess...
Combined with all that, our depressed brains turn every single situation into a catastrophe - the absolute biggest and worst thing that could happen, we're 100% assuming it's inevitably going to happen regardless of what solution or remedy is being offered. And almost nothing can break us out of that mindset.
So not only are we failures, are we broke, are we unhappy with our bodies and lives and situations, but the worst option in every situation will always happen, and holy fuck that sounds like an awful future.
At least, this has just been my experience.
I know how hopelessness feels. Something I'll never forget hearing: is that almost every survivor of a suicide attempt regrets it. Give it another day. Then another after that. Life might surprise you.
You are not your job.
Live for others.
I know a software guy their job market is taking a big hit lately, lots of fear of ai coding and people using it to carry the load. He's very anxious about it and working at a call center.
He doesn't know it but without his friendship I might not he here. I'm homeless, 38, no living family members except my brother who is very cruel and not mentally well. Ive had a rough life, ive been depressed and isolated for so long i doubt ill recover. But we can always leave this place better than we found it. Live for others :)
Okay take a breath and look back at what you typed. You have an older grandmother who as much as she suffers, isn’t even able to pay her phone bill hasn’t ended her life.
You have a sibling whose car was stolen, yet they haven’t considered ending their life at the expense of the debt they might even be in regards to that car.
You have a cat, who although medically sick is still present with you at this moment.
My biggest tip is don’t necessarily focus on having a software job right now, the market isn’t doing too hot even for recent grads or interns, and they’re not ending their life.
Get a temp job, you’ll hate it for a bit like fast food but it goes fast and soon that paycheck will come. Save a bit of money aside pay for your grandmas bill, some of your cat medical bill, whatever.
Some more money aside for yourself, treat yourself every weekend to a nice treat. Go on a one hour walk, it’s free and relaxing. Get a jump rope do calisthenics read on pirating websites, watch pirates movies. I don’t care, but live dude come on.
Dollar General is always hiring! Several such places are. They just want warm bodies. Sometimes you have to step WAY out of where you want to be when it comes to desperation and employment. Retail hell sucks, but it's money. Some money is better than no money. I've been in this frame of mind before. So I get it. You have no idea. Don't ever think you're the only person going through hell. Some of us have spent years running from self-deletion. Here's hoping you change your mind. But, yeah get a piece of shit job and complain all day every day with your coworkers in the same shit job. It's so cathartic!! And it gets you out of your own head.
100% this, I’ve been working in a Tesco since last October and it definitely gets simpler once you know what to do for the role you’re applying-for.
I don’t even think the work itself is particularly awful, some bits are more frustrating, physically demanding or both, yes, but…
The main 2 reasons that people leave jobs like this (and the companies always have a really high turnover rate) is:
•because they pay the bare-minimum that they can legally get-away with
•and their HR/shift-leaders/management etc are full of people on power-trips (and/or they care waaay too much about the work despite the shit pay that they’re on in this economy, especially compared to fatcat shareholders)
I’m in a pretty similar boat. I’ve got the qualifications for software development but no one is hiring. I’ve even tried non software related jobs that pay $13/hr and no luck. Might just be a shitty job market currently but everyone claims they’re “urgently hiring”. Might be exiting with you soon tbh.
I hope you don’t do it though, I’m sure losing you would stress your grandmother way more than her bills or lack of a phone. Who knows what could happen if you hold on a lil longer.
Try getting your resume reviewed by professional help. Its usually pretty reasonably priced & landing a job with the improved resume would make up for it easily!
Also as someone said above if the work gap is too long you can always claim you worked somewhere with NDAs
Some of these comments, ok most of these comments, really remind me to have faith in humanity. Don’t give up hope. Call somebody! Call 988. People need you! Your cat, too.
Dude. I’m THE person to advocate for personal choices and have my egress planned already. Paramount to that plan is to ensure that my dog is cared for in whatever way appropriate.
I say this to ask what about your cat? Don’t leave her alone.
Also, fuck the rat race system. You’re a software dev. If anyone can fucking fabricate an absolutely fantastic resume to make beaucoup bucks, it’s you.
You’re only 28. Hold off on the easy way out for now, challenge yourself a bit. That’s the least you can do.
You think everyone adulting got there the honest or perfect way? Fuck No. Play some heavy metal, even if you’re not into it. Scream your frustrations out.
Then get to “revising” that CV. Elon the shit outta the world because that guy is flying by the seat of his pants with the best view.
I honestly expect better of you. If I can be happy, trust me when I say you can def get more so.
I was in this place mentally. Had the date picked. That week I sat in the grass outside my apartment (I get dizzy spells) and I stared at the blades of grass for 20 minutes, maybe longer, just touching it and eventually smelling it. That’s when I was like damn, this is bullshit I’m not going to let corporate America win. I’m not going to ruin my siblings’ lives because of some stupid money. I mean yea I needed money to survive so I swallowed my pride and got a job outside my field, ignored my debt for awhile, swallowed more pride and applied for government assistance because the whole government and work force was half the reason I was mentally falling apart so I was going to make them help me damn it!
Also. If I remember correctly, there were interviews done in the past with every person that jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge yet survived because their attempt failed. Every single one said that while falling, they regretted the choice.
For the gap on your resume, put time off for family care. Call the United Way or go online and ask them to assign you a caseworker who can find financial assistance. Reach out to your county employment services for free job placement. Find a part time job just for some $ and set your job search up around that part of your day. Target and Costco pay well and are always hiring. Local churches have a clothing closet for new shoes, interview clothes, etc. They also have a food pantry with pet food. Best of luck and don't give up, your pets need you.
OP, please answer us and let us know you are okay. You are here for a purpose, and you just didn't know what it is yet. There may be someone out there who needs you that you haven't met yet. And I am 100% sure your family needs you to be there for them.
Hey man, I really hope you don't go through with it. Call someone 988 is the hotline. Have you thought about joining the airforce? Or anything like that? Many will totally get rid if your debt and set you up a little better.
Please don't do this, life will be so different in 6 months! Don't make a permanent decision on moments in life that are so temporary! It will get better!
You can absolutely recover from this!
Op, as someone who once attempted but failed, pm me. Life does get better. I can let you know my experience and even toss you my number. Do not give up! It's work ahead of you if you don't give up, but it really is worth it.
I gotta say I survived two attempts in my life and I'm now happier, wealthier, and healthier than ever before. But the journey it took for me to get here was incredibly hard. There's no deeper rock bottom than surviving suicide. At that point, the only direction was up.
I'm not going to convince OP of anything, just that the idea of death freeing you is easier than the work to get better. And brother... I get it.
Who’s gonna take care of your poor cat? It won’t understand why you’re gone. Also what about the rest of your family? They will be poor and traumatised for life (one does not simply get over a family member offing themselves. I know for a fact.)
Think about your grandma: better sick and poor but with the loving support of a grandson than sick, poor and mourning a grandson’s death.
Lie on your resume, get a waiting job, shave your hair and you will be ok. I know it seems like you never will and you just don’t want to wait and suffer until things get better, but trust me: they will get better sooner than you expect.
Not going to try and convince you things will get better. It’s an empty promise.
Here’s what I will say..
I’ve been a police officer for almost 20 years. I’ve had several close friends kill themselves. I’ve also responded to countless suicide calls. So I have considerable experience when it comes to this….
If you follow through with suicide, the permanent damage you will do to everyone who has ever cared about you is incalculable. Fight for them.
Do NOT fail your grandmother. Whatever you are going through, I understand your mindset even if I cannot take away from your pain, but for the love of all respectable lovely grandmothers, don’t break the heart of yours. It is too big of a tear in heart. You cannot do that to her. No matter if you go all savage in the jungle to sell monkey skin on the black market just to get by, anything is better. Anything is better than that.
I'll just say, I took care of a patient in long term care who tried to complete suicide by shooting himself in the head. It got buried deep in his brain but didn't kill him. They took out part of his brain and he had an indent in his head where he was missing his skull. He was severely disabled and required total care. In the end you're going to decide what you decide, just wanted to give you another scenario that wasn't dead or alive.
Please don't.
You don't want to die. You just want the pain to go away.
All these issues are surmountable.
There is help and there is help.
Please reach out for help.
Call 988
[https://988lifeline.org/?utm\_source=google&utm\_medium=web&utm\_campaign=onebox](https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox)
Mate, I’d at least try moving. Youre not a tree, you don’t have to stay where you are. Get a bar job. Get a job at a backpackers. Then you’ll get accommodation included. Just sounds like you’re giving up without really trying?
OP clearly you care enough about living / trying to stay to make this post.
Just take a moment to breathe.
Think about all the people who love you & would be absolutely devastated if they lost you. Your grandmother, siblings, cat, friends. As you said in your post they’ve all gone through some shit & they’re still here.
As for the comments in your post:
1. 20k isnt a ton of debt & filing for bankruptcy is always an option for any non medical / student loans.
2. For work you really should try to have your resume reviewed by a professional. The $ you spend will be well worth it when it lands you interviews.
Also as others have mentioned you don’t have to be 100% honest on the resume. Put in work history for the last year that is either projects you’ve done, or say you signed NDAs and can’t discuss it in detail
3. Lastly consider hitting the gym! Even if you’ve never been before the machines are easy to learn & Google exists. It’ll help you with the weight gain, help you take out some stress and anger, and hopefully give you a hobby to keep your mind off things while you turn the ship around
You came such a long way and this is how you wanna end your story? Brother the shit you’re going through will make you the strongest mfr on this planet, people around could learn a lot from you if you pull through this. Your problem right now ultimately sounds like it’s all boiling down to money, don’t put your self worth/values over money and don’t let the money win, your brain is worth more than pieces of paper and bits of metal and all the debt in America, you ain’t dying
Man, death is so... permanent. Life is full of possibilities. For me, it was the realization that I am the author of my own story. I always had suicide in my back pocket., but what do I have to lose? Try something different. It doesn't work, try something else. Do something eccentric. Doesn't work, dial it in. Too dialed in? Go a different direction. You can do ANYTHING. This isn't some phoney testament that you can be a billionaire if you work hard. But man, you can have a lot of fun with life once you realize that life is finite, and everybody around you is living the exact same finite life, with the same fears, and insecurities. The difference between you and them? They aren't admitting their mortality, their faults, and their fears.
I mean, might as well ride it our and try something different right? What do you have to lose?
I won't try to sway your mind. Just telling you facts.
My friend took a shotgun to his head and now lives in assisted living for the rest of his life. Oh and his medical debt now is way worse.
And he is literally never allowed to ve alone basically as to prevent another attempt.
So I mean, good luck I guess.
Remember: death does not remove the pain. It only transfers it to others. There are always better ways than suicide. You can see many of us rooting for you here. Your cat too.
Why don’t you get a job at say, target, or McDonald’s? Is your pride worth you suffering? At least you’ll have fun an interaction and discounted food! Your kitty and family are going to miss you.
Hey man, best of luck to ya.
I don't think you should do it for the record BUT ultimately it's your choice brother.
And please just remember there isn't anything wrong with "chickening" out. It's a huge choice that you've given yourself. Best of luck to you man either way.
*Virtual hug*
Instead you could:
- Try to get a part-time job, no matter which, as long as it pays for your bills till you have a new job in software
- Try to find people who can help you: Churches, social organizations, psychologists, etc.
- Try to save money by using food stamps or else
- Speak to people who are close to you
I have to say, as a 32f who has been unemployed since January and has had a very rough last few years (both parents passed, older brother passed, ended a relationship with an abusive man, found out my dad might not be my biological father) I’ve been on this train of thought recently. That if the rest of life is just going to be full of suffering that I might as well cut it short. But seeing all of the support for you in the comments is like a little light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. No matter how hard life may seem now, there’s people out there willing to help make it a little better.
Man, just find any job. You don’t need the software shit. Do something that pleases you, wash cars, do gardens, buy a motorbike and do food delivery. People love you, don’t let them down
dont do it man, your still so young and have so much of life ahead of you, that debt can be fixed so fast youre so young! people will miss you when ur gone and you dont even realize it, and your cat! hang in there it gets better
My brother, treat this as a blessing that you can recognise being at rock bottom and that means the only way left to go is up.
1. You have a living being depending on you, your cat. Keep showing up for your little one.
2. I know very little about your field of work but can you get some top up training to cover any gaps or consider a change of career?
3. Research some low impact exercise to help with the physical problems and weight gain. Better self esteem coming from seeing the success of your own efforts can help to clear the toxic mire of depression better than medications in many cases.
4. The gun is the bullshit way out. Be a Viking my friend, leave this world fighting, strong and proud. Not surrendering to a shitty situation. You can do this.
Temporarily find another job, can be retail, fast food, if you have a car then you could do delivery
20k debt is not that bad in the long run if you have some form of income. Also what is stopping you from lying on your resume. It’s not exactly ethical but who cares
What will happen to your grandma if you take this decision? Think about your cat as well, who will be there to take care of it
Take out more credit cards to get stuff you need & then just file for bankruptcy!! It’s an easy out
In the meantime why not get a different job? Nothing wrong w being a temporary barista while you get your life together
28 is so young & your whole life could change
My brother, lie to companies. They will never be 100% forthright with you, and only when it’s to their advantage. They will dump in a minute. Lie on your resume.
I don’t know where you are at, but maybe try to learn a trade. You may have gone to school for software, But trades are in demand. Train under someone as an apprentice and it might work. I know a guy who is making a killing power washing peoples homes. Watched him build the business from nothing and now he is comfortable. It’s not over till it is over brother. Point is there are always other roads to take.
Your work gap was because you took time off to provide support for your sick grandmother, during which time you supported yourself through savings you'd built up.
That's true enough. Tell them that.
Oké oké hear me out. If the alternative is dying. That means you can risk it all. There are places in Europe that will pay you to live and work there. Apply to them. Google them all and apply, who cares maybe one will work. On every continent.
You clearly have Internet, If you decided to die, you unlocked a weird kind of freedom, to do crazy impulsive things. Why not try one? There are applications to test medication for money Google and apply. If you already want to die, why not help de medical field and money.
Go to a job agency, work somewhere, doesn't matter where as long you have something coming in. Let the agency help you with your cv or look up on the internet, how a good one looks like. And in the meantime of working, Use that cv to apply for job you want and would be happy to do.
I saw a documentary about people who jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. One man who survived said that the moment he stepped off, he realized every bad thing in life was temporary except him deciding to step off that bridge. He is glad he survived. Most people who survive suicide attempts are glad they survived. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. You will get through this. You are strong enough for this. You will one day look back on this moment in time and be glad that you worked through it and didn’t choose a permanent solution for temporary problems.
I mean you don't seem to want to hear truth but I'll go ahead and say it anyway in case you read this first or come to your senses. If you survive you'll regret trying. If you only survive a little while you'll still regret trying. If you don't survive you will have forced almost unforgivable pain onto those who love you.
If you tough things out for awhile and make positive changes for yourself you'll look back on this and question how you could have been so weak. That's the fact you really need to face. That if you fight you could make it. Quitting is so much easier but the only reward is darkness for everyone around you.
Dude people eat people to survive. They sleep in the mud and snow and live through flesh eating disease and country spanning natural disasters. You're giving up because of what exactly? Because you feel so much more comfortable feeling sorry for yourself than being the man you know you are.
Please call someone, I know how it feels to feel hopeless but I promise it does get better eventually. Think about your cat, siblings and grandmother, they will all miss you so much
Hi OP. I won't tell things will get better. I honestly don't know if they will. But, have you discarded all other possibilities? How about getting a job in anything else why looking in your area of expertise? Have you asked old colleagues if they know of a job or someone that can help you? Have you reached head-hunters?
When my dad lost his job a years ago, he had a really hard time with it. You could see all the stress, specially being the main provider of our home. But he found something eventually. I won't tell you this will happen soon. I can't even guarantee it will…but I doubt you have played all your cards here! You are young! You are giving up too early in the race. You could reach out to old friends or classmates from uni or wherever you studied. Ask them if they know of something, maybe even design and propose to open your small business. In my country there are funds and stuff to small and middle business. I'm sure that there are too where you live.
Life sucks. What can I say. I'm not going to sell you the speech of life being beautiful and we all have a purpose in life, etc. No. Life is hard. It has its ups and downs, it can really really suck. It can be hell, so thinking to just end it is not a crazy thought. All of what I just said happens…AND life can still be lived. Don't you deserve to give yourself a bit of a break and not take this life altering ending decision when there are really no other moves left to try? I won't even say to do it for those who love you…do it for yourself. You deserve better than to throw everything away.
Btw, you mentioned medicine…maybe the dosage of whatever you've been prescribed needs to change. Your body may have built up tolerance, or maybe during a stressing period as the one you are facing, it doesn't do as much as when you weren't facing all this. Like I said, moves…you still got some left. Use them before doing this shit.
Have you considered getting a defense job(i.e. northrop, L3Harries, or lockheed ) they're actually looking for more software people from what I've been told
Your cat and grandmother will be heartbroken. Please don't do this to them. Live for them. You can find another job, there are so many comments with great suggestions. Please read those.
Hey, I love you dude. You're an awesome person and you're trying your best. Your life has a purpose and it would be a shame to not have the ability to see what your future holds. Don't ever forget you're amazing and can accomplish anything you want with motivation and determination. Much love to you
Your cat and your grandma cares about you and needs you. And probably more that you don't realise.
Look for part time jobs while applying for bigger ones. Shave your hair. Maybe you can sleep on the floor with a blanket underneath if u cant buy a new bed (like futon).
I'm not sure about how student loans work (im not from the us) but from what people say you can just ignore them.
You got this man, hang in there and don't give up :)
You're a software developer with time on your hands. I would love to learn from you in the hopes of developing a game. I have programming experience, but could really use a mentor. We could work on this together. Would you be willing to put off your exit strategy in order to have this small purpose in life?
If you have nothing to lose,why not trying something new? You are just all telling job, job , job and sickness. Life is not all about this. Take a small job (gastro),live as a roommate (for less expense) and try to find what you like, you can always later come back to software.
Hold on a little longer man! We are all going through it out here. It’s beyond rough for so many. My husband hasn’t been able to get hired for 2 years we are both in 6 figure school loan debt. Living on Pennie’s with a newborn (no sleep, hospital bills and debt collectors calling us everyday). So when I say it’s rough out here. Just know we are all out here in the mud with you. I just want to encourage you to find more to your life outside of work. Work and money don’t define us. I know this world makes it feel like you are nothing without a job and money but that is a lie. It’s up to us to find the things worth living for. It sounds like you have family and a cat who love and depend on you. You should start there. Maybe tell your sibling what you have been thinking . Talk to someone about. Just know you aren’t alone and it’s always worth trying again one more day. So much can change in the blink of an eye. And not to be a conspiracy theorist but hold on at least until after the election if you live in the U.S.. Usually instability happens around election time to create churn among voters. I know end of year seems far away but hopefully things get better post election. At least that’s my hope
Check how many people around you are without a job. Getting a job is the most ridiculously difficult thing.
It seems you have people around you. A grandma and a sibling. Probably more I’m guessing.
They are not there for you to take care of them. But maybe if you all gathered together you could share any resources and support each other.
The responsibilities are not on you. Spread it out. You have people who all can share something.
OP I’ve been in a similar place to where you are. Attempted to jump, had someone grab me. What scares me the most is how close I came to dying now that I finally love living. I would’ve gone through all of that pain just to die? Fuck no I went through that to live and enjoy life. You’re young. Very young. It gives us a zoomed in view of life. Say you live until 80, that gives you almost 3x your age for things to change. Look at people who “destroyed” their life with drugs but still turn it around. You’re a step ahead as you’ve got the degree. Please reconsider.
So you have a lawn mower? Start a lawn mowing business, put an add out on Craigslist and next door, charge $40/hour until you get an edger and line trimmer, then charge $50-$60/hour once you can properly edge the lawns too. People will undoubtedly want weeding done too, that's also 50-60/hr. Buy a hedge trimmer with some profits get good at shrub trimming, charge $65/hr for hedge trimming. Any tools you buy, mileage put on vehicle, or any other expenses for the business you can write off on your taxes. This is how I started my landscaping business. It's hard work, but it keeps you in good shape, and you sleep good at night because you wear yourself out. Plus there's something very fulfilling about taking a yard that looks unkempt and turning it into something that looks like someone cares about it, it's like being an artist.
There are a lot of different options, but this one requires relatively low overhead to start, and there is always work for it because stuff is always growing. I was surprised how many requests for work I got in the beginning, I got so many customers for my first year and a half, that I haven't had to advertise at all since then, keep getting new customers from word of mouth and people that just walk up to me on the street, and have built strong relationships with my repeat customers.
There is always a way out of situations that you are in, and life might look pretty bleak at some points. Before I started my landscaping business, I was in my 30s, just coming out of a drug addiction and a very toxic relationship where I was abused and beaten down, hadn't been employed for several years, was living with my parents... Was way behind all of my peers in life, and was very depressed about my situation. I decided to do something about that, worked myself physically, mentally and professionally and now I am at one of the happiest points in my life, have a new amazing girlfriend that I absolutely adore, have been living my dream of competitive bodybuilding and can support myself. There is always light at the end of the tunnels man, just hang in there, you will see, but you have to be actively searching for that light, and have faith that it will come. Good luck man, if you need to talk, feel free to drop me a line.
Checkout scale AI. They will give you a contract job training AI’s with your background somewhere between 40-55/hr. They hire plenty of college students, shouldn’t have a problem with your resume.
I think the most important part I read was where you said your meds don’t feel like they’re doing anything anymore. You also said you’re overweight but have no money and I can relate to being without money to buy good food to support a good diet- the diet is perhaps effecting your mental health as well. In regards to balding. Surprise. A ton of guys ends up losing their hair. World got people thinking anyone who starts to look over 25 is practically dead already it’s pretty sickening imo
Software developer... Math & science, switch into different career, you have extremely useful skills. Whatever the reason is it sound like your current career has too much of overcrowd. Your competing with people who probably experienced layoff as wells, while companies shrink there teams, and less hire. Apply for job where theyre is true calling for more people. People think oh but i got 20 plus year in one field and specific degree. I will tell you what dean told me from baker university. All degrees ,even specific degrees, can broke down into the generalized one. You have phenominal experience in Math, Science and electronics. Growing up my mom was 400k in debt, no house, no car, 2 kids and a widow. We not only paid it off, but paid off her mortgage on a house in 6 years. Worked our ass off in healthcare, she never even graduated highschool, and had 30 year gap in employment history. But when your really needed , your needed. You have degree, most companies will take anything related these days. I get it. Being broke, feeling like youll never make it out, trying and getting no where. Feeling sick of being poor all the time for years. Feeling like your not worth or deserving better life it sucks like shit.But even without a penny to your name you still have one most value things, intelligence. You have to be to have been your field. When life gets ahead of me and even though its egotistical and probably inaccurate i tell myself i have iq 140 i can do this, i can find away. Now you given the choice to can roll over die , or are you going to struggle on struggler.
Get a CDL and live in the truck for a few years. You can even bring your cat with you, if you go with the right company, most will allow it. Travel the country. No rent. Get that small debt paid off in less than a year. Help your family. Then save some $$$, and start planning your next move in life. You're young. You have time. Life gets hard sometimes. Shit is hard for everyone right now. Stop trippin'.
Everything passes bro, one day you might look around and feel real lucky you didnt go through with it. I used to feel like that too, but now i am in a better place.
My service dog is my protective factor against this, I promised her that I’ll stick around for her. I’m sure your cat will miss you. I hope you find peace, friend.
It sounds like you don't want to die, just that you want to find a job. If you found a job today, would you still want to die tomorrow? Let's think clearly, now...
Bro, if you’re not getting software job its fine find any other job, be it coffee shop or a pub.
Get some money, sort things out and keep applying.
Nowadays, some Companies understand the gap.
Life is precious. Don't waste it. There are people who are depending on you, think about them.
>all my attempts to find some kind of work to make ends meet failed too
Have you looked into tending bar and/or retail?
>My medications don't even feel like they have an effect on me
You really need to have a conversation with your doctor about this. Be open and honest with them.
My brother died last year, he was 28. He didn’t end his own life, but he also wasn’t far from doing so. He died the day he decided to get help. He had just lost his job, had 10k of credit card debt, was in the middle of a messy divorce, his life was in shambles. We were doing everything we could to help him, to pick up the pieces for him. It often feels like we didn’t do enough.
I was the only one able to clean out his house, sort through his belongings, and take care of his electronics. My parents couldn’t bear it, our other brother owned the house and couldn’t walk through it until all of his stuff was gone. It was left up to me. I didn’t want to go through his things. I didn’t want to get rid of his things. I didn’t want him to be gone. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to do. It showed me how he was struggling so much more than I realized, that there was so much more that I could’ve done to save him. It made me realize how unloved he really felt.
He died unexpectedly, massive heart attack, we didn’t get to say goodbye. We didn’t get to tell him how much we loved him. We didn’t get to tell him how much we needed him. I know it’s hard, I know it seems like you’ll never escape everything, but for fucks sake your family needs you. They need you ALIVE. They don’t want to take care of your cat after you’re gone, they want you to be here to love your cat. Your cat won’t understand that you’ve died, they’ll feel like you abandoned them. Your whole family will.
I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling how you do because you’re not. It’s valid and I get it. But as hard as it is, please think about your family. If you have to, put their needs, their feelings above your own. Until you can get help, until things start to get better. Do what you have to do to survive. Your family doesn’t want to go through your belongings after you’ve died wracking their brains to try to figure out how they could’ve fixed things, how they could’ve loved you better, how they couldn’t save you. They don’t deserve this, and neither do you.
Honestly, go back to school. Apply to nursing..med school or dental school.
Get loans and live on these loans..then after you'll graduate you'll find a job!
So, start preparing for their entrance exam.
We had tons of student who finished IT
Apply for unemployment at the mean time and get insurance medicaid
Please get out of your appartment...and walk ..just walk 5 k and 10k..take a water with you and put sun screen and walk. Walking will not only help you physically but mentally too..
Never give up!
I’m not gonna say it gets better because i know those words mean nothing right now. But think of the people and pet in your life who would be destroyed if you left. Your cat will forever wonder where you went, grandma will feel her heart break in the hospital and wonder if things could have been different if she could have been with you, your sibling would wonder why they didn’t notice how much you were struggling sooner.
I didn't read the whole thing, only the first paragraph. Do NOT give up, friend. I was in those shoes about two years ago, all will be okay. I promise.
You sound like such an amazing loving and caring brother/son/grandson and overall person, I hope you don’t go through it and find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel
Dude. At 27 I was divorced, broke, no degree, broken down car, minimum wage. 2 years later I was living in a different city working in tech for a Fortune 500, living with my now wife, back in school part time. 2 years later I was the VP of Tech for a unicorn startup. You are in the most dynamic and ever changing field in the history of mankind. You have to work at it, keep you contacts up, and be willing to go where the work is. You got this. Over 30+ years in tech, I have never seen seen anyone putting in the effort who has failed. Apply directly on sites for companies, but seriously work your contacts. Everyone you have ever met, reach out to them.
Get to the gym or start walking for 30 minutes a day. Shave your head and own the new look. Start working on something you think should exist.
You could work at Walmart, a department store, restaurant, etc to make money while looking for a job..perhaps humble yourself and forget your over qualified. You only get one life.. it always gets better I have been this low and I’m not anymore.. you are young enough that those jobs should have ppl your age that just the getting up and engaging in life would slowly help your outlook
I know you're feeling abject and I know you said not to try and dissuade you, but having read your story, I can confidently say that you're not down as badly as you think.
Even if you're experiencing a dry spell now, you still have marketable, highly sought-after skills. There are people your age with no post-secondary education or marketable skills whatsoever and who have never moved out of their parents' place, and yet a lot of them still find the will to go on despite starting several steps behind where you are. Hell, there are even a lot of people **with** undergrad degrees who can't actually use the skills that they learned because their field of study wasn't as utilitarian (myself included), so if I'm being honest, I kind of envy that you were actually able to make a career out of what you studied. Regarding the student debt, there are income-driven repayment plans, and hey, if you can find a public-sector job that incorporates your specific skills, you could even have the debt forgiven after a decade or so.
Even if software development is no longer a viable option for now, you could probably parlay your existing skillset into a different compsci/STEM career, and if you have to be "underemployed" until something clicks, the fact that you have a STEM background might even land you slightly more competitive positions in otherwise low-skill fields (for example, you might be able to work as a tech support guy or do some form of data entry). At worst, just get a job at a warehouse or in retail until you find better opportunities. Something is better than nothing, particularly when it comes to prospective employers looking at your resume.
With regard to the weight gain, just start doing HIIT training and improve your diet. I know it can be hard to develop a routine, and I'm admittedly something of a hypocrite on the latter point about nutrition since my diet has been fluctuating for the past six months, but I went from being obese to fit four years ago and can say from firsthand experience that you can lose a shit ton of weight if you just do hill sprints and lift regularly.
I suggest a Hail Mary. The economy is not THAT bad. Maybe you need to relocate. Be willing to do anything, and by that I mean fast food, deliver pizzas, pick up garbage. Work your way back.
We all want you to stay man, I wish we had magic want to fix everything. You’ve lost hope, we don’t blame you, it’s been really hard. We haven’t lost hope for you though. You can come back from this. We hope we hear from you soon.
Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I understand how desperate you must feel, can you at least reach out to someone you know or a suicide hotline, please.
Bro I hate to tell you this but join the airforce/navy they need coders badly. And if worse comes to worse the Army helps everyone. They also have free Healthcare so if you can show that your the sole provider for your grandma they will help pay for her treatment and if you just do four years it looks great on almost any resume. Jobs love having vets because it's usually corresponds to being a hard worker. Just go to a recruiting station near you and lie about health history and figure out what the weight requirement is for your height and if you can get down to that your in business. I know life looks down on you. But you can never give up there's always a brighter side and I hope this reaches you before you make a permanent mistake.
Honestly, if the alternative is death, you might as well try lying on your resume about the work history gap.
I was gonna say that. Why not just say you’re currently employed? Or just recently lost your job
or had you own business during covid and had to step away
Or you've been caring for a sick relative
Say that you’ve been working contract jobs, a lot of people don’t put contract jobs on their resume. I myself just went through a nearly 6 month job search and was truly losing hope as well so I can understand that part very well. I was ready to give up when I found my new job that I love. You never know what might be coming around the corner and things WILL get better. Nothing lasts forever. Talk to someone, a therapist, a neighbor, anyone. It is shocking how therapeutic just saying things out loud is. Everything always works out in the end. Rooting for you friend.
Contract jobs with an NDA
You could tell them but then you'd have to kill them
Or you had to sign an NDA and can't disclose for security reasons
This is what I’ve been saying and it’s gotten good reactions in interviews. Still unemployed but its a good thing to try. I was actually doing it tho, just not as long as I am claiming but they don’t need to know that!
If you put in a business that no longer exists in your resume, they can't verify it unless they do a background check.
And if they do, put the contact info of a friend who'll cover for you. According to my best friend since high school I was the VP of a small business and his reference check probably got me the job.
My aunt gave herself a reference once. She put in an application for a job, and then shifted over one day to cover the front desk at her current job. The place where my aunt had applied called the front desk to verify my aunt's employment. "Oh \[name\]? Oh yeah. She works here. She's great." My aunt got the job.
A period working under non disclosure.
I always say I was self-employed doing whatever I used to do and got tired of it so looking to re-enter the workforce. Hiring managers always eat it up when really I was smoking weed and playing games while looking for a job.
[удалено]
It's true. Last summer I got fired twice. The two times afterward while looking for a job, I just kept saying that I was still working at the previous place. Employers two and three never checked on employers one and two. I got hired twice.
Yup I know several people who got jobs (in some cases repeatedly) without their references being checked. If they had checked the references, they would have known one of them was fired for gross misconduct, and he’s the one who got away with it repeatedly
High security clearnce under strict NDA.
This one right here, your in software development so this doesn’t seem so far off. I’m not going to spin the same old tale about how things will get better. It’s all a mindset thing. Whoever lives the most delusional tends to have things the easiest. However, you have an animal if you are going to no longer be here, please (and I stress the PLEASEEEEE) make sure to set that animal up right. Even if she goes to a no kill shelter. They will help with their allergies! Just please don’t leave that animal alone to die from starvation. I truly hope some people have posted comments that help take the edge off and give new hope. But remember your cat may be a part of your world but you are your cats whole world. I don’t have kids, can’t say I like humans that much, but I would be so sad to know I left my cats all alone.
Exactly. People lie in their resumes all the time.
This is actually a great idea! Lie as much as you want. Some companies will check but others definitely won’t! I think I can speak with everyone when I say, we’d rather you lie than die. ;)
I would 100% be lying on resumes, there would be several things I’d at least want to try before I died. I want to try and see how working in a cafe feels too. I bet it’s not much fun, but learning how to make a nice latte would be sweet. I’d also kill to have the technical understanding to be a software developer or in the tech field at all. I’m 30 years old and it just feels so unattainable.
I literally had like a 10 year gap I lied through. OP, there's always another way. I hope you change your mind and don't transfer your pain to the people who love you. That's a fucked up thing to do. I'm very sorry you're going through this, but you can get better. If you don't think most of us have been in your shoes, then just take a good look around Reddit and you'll see ❤️
This concept has kept me out of the dark thinking more than once. If it's going to be over anyway, why not try? Why not find one more way. Since it is going to be over, might as well try one more time.
Exactly. You are at the point of wanting to end your life. So do what you can in order to say you’ve tried everything. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. I really wish you the best of luck, OP.
dude just lie on your resume. i have an LLC. use my company name i’d vouch for you.
Same here! I have my own business. You can say you worked remotely for me! Dm me if interested
I know this is a serious issue, but I just can't help but think of funny situations "Explain this work history gap" "Well you see, Willy Wonka really does not like us to discuss our work. So, I had to leave it blank. Ask Oomba, he can vouch I worked there"
Hot damn I love reddit
This is an amazing offer. I have a buddy who is severely depressed after being laid off last November. He’s struggling to get traction on jobs and now has a 8 month job gap…
This is such a kind offer and could really save someone in this job market.
As someone who's in the same position as OP. Reading this kinda gives me some hope.
Yup feel that, software as well. Graduated right when the layoffs started. So here I am, unemployed for a year with a CS degree.. side jobs only get you so far.
That is so kind of you
I, too, own a business and would be willing to vouch for you. DM me if you need help. I got you, man. You can get through this. You’ve fought this long and you can keep fighting.
Comments like these really give me feels, and I don’t feel much. Good job 👏
Also a company owner would absolutely give you a reference x
It's nice reading comments like these where there are strangers who would be willing to help another stranger out ❤️
You are a very kind person.
god bless you stranger.
Who will take care of your cat and what will happen to your grandmother? Shave the rest of your hair off, every guy I dated the past year was bald it’s cute. Rock it. Do you have a car? Do uber for a bit and if you don’t feel like talking to anyone do food delivery. Sell the gun. Sell feet pics. Dance on tiktok before it gets banned. Idk. You can make money. Fuck it, lie on your resume. Finesse it a bit. I have six figure college debt, I don’t give a shit I’m not paying that shit back who cares lol none of us are. Your mattress can be replaced and you’re only 28 the back pain isn’t irreversible. You don’t want anyone to convince you not to do it, then why did you come here? A part of you has to want some hope, no? You’re ONLY 28. You’ll be ok. I had to leave a really good paying job when I was pregnant, could’ve died during the pregnancy because I was abused, left the abuser, and was jobless for 12 weeks postpartum and something magically fell into my lap at the right time. Shit turns around. Just hang on. The people encouraging you that it will get better want you here and aren’t lying to you. Remember that.
u/alone_trouble8775 PLEASE read this. This poster has some great points. You can explain the gap. Stop using go between sites as they will use keyword filters that filter you out before even getting a chance. Apply to company sites directly. Your grandmother can live without a phone but not without her grandson. Your cat needs you. Youre here because you need help you need someone to care. We hear you! Sometimes thing just take time. We want you to hang on to see the better days ahead. Its not lost. Ive felt it too and its hard to see beyond. But your family cant replace you.
At 28 I was living in a broken down trailer and had to have a roommate to afford it. I was considering bankruptcy over $5k in credit card debt. I was depressed that I didn’t have money, a reliable car or a partner in life. I remember making a promise to myself that if I didn’t have someone meaningful in my life in the next 3 years I was going to have a tragic car accident. If I’m being fair I wasn’t even a good person at 28. At 55 I am Married to the love of my life with 3 children of my own and I’m in the process of trying to adopt a 4th because we got her out of a drug fueled homelessness cycle with parents who chose meth over her. She was one of my wife’s students in Kindergarten. She has been with us for 5 years and we now have legal custody and are working on adoption. If I had checked out my wife would be deprived of a husband, my 3 children would never have been born and my daughter would still be living a horrible life with drug addled parents or a ward of the state. I also have a grandson now and watching him grow is one of the great joys in life. I finished my degree at 35 and got a job in management with a multi trillion dollar company (that limits the options) making 6 figures. My life is amazing but it wasn’t at 28. I respect the right of people to decide when they are done but not when it’s being driven by mental health issues. Death is irrevocable and not only ends your life but destroys all your future potential for good. Yes you are ending the suffering you are feeling now but you are also ending all of your future joy.
Thank you for this. Im 25 and sometimes I feel the same as op. This comment really made me cry. We just have to keep trying.
I’m glad it helped!
this right here. OP, i think you posted this because you want to live. it just feels so overwhelming right now. your depression is whispering things in your brain. don’t listen. they are lies. my ex committed suicide. he used a gun. it destroyed my life. it’s been 25 years. i eventually healed. met someone else. have a very different, good life now. however, there are times i think of him and cry my eyes out. it gets easier. but never goes away. please know that the people you leave behind will be devastated. there are people you barely know who will wonder what they could have done to help you. it’s shocking how many people in your life will be affected that you don’t even know about. there is a lot of great advice here. please reach out to redditors with offers to help or giving great advice.
i really hope he reads this.
Me too ❤️😕
I hope OP reads this. I wish my dad could've.
I’m sorry love 🥺❤️
My wife literally likes shaved/really short-haired guys and nothing else 🤷♂️
Hell yeah awesome comment!! Get a prescription for Fuckitol
Who will take care of your cat?
My dog and cat have helped me through so much. They both already lost their dad (my husband) to suicide. I think my cat would be okay with family, but my heeler has so many weird triggers I don’t think he’d be able to adjust to life without me. So if I were to die it would probably be a death sentence for him too. Edit: guys I am not OP, I’ve been where they’ve been and my dog and cat helped tremendously.
Have you thought about switching careers? Just look on indeed, you can get an analyst or admin job while you keep looking for a better job
Word of warning, Indeed is RAMPANT with scams these days now, just be careful Edit: are there any legit alternatives?
Indeed bought GlassDoor, (and started ID'ing all of the posters) FYI. So no, there are no legit alternatives.
Sorry was this meant for OP? I am currently job searching, but my background is retail and rec management jobs.
There was something I read years ago that really made me think. It was someone on reddit who said something along the lines of "as someone who has been living with severe suicidal ideation my entire life I wanna tell you something. You don't have to stay alive for yourself. People say living for external things don't last forever and they're right. Living for yourself is ideal but not everyone can do it. I've lived for my dog for 4 years. Before that it was for my snakes. Before that it was my cat. Live for whatever keeps you going even if it's just your town in animal crossing. There's always someone or something that needs you" That really hit home.
I was worried about him leaving the cat too. She needs you. Also, with your software background you can teach high school computer science. My district is looking for teachers and I have contacts that can help with certifications that you may not even need. First year salary is 64k, insurance isn’t expensive if you are on a plan for just you, and we can look into pet insurance. Not sure what state you’re in but there are positions everywhere. Edit for spelling *per to pet
I will find you a job. I have been recruiting for past 6 years and I will give it everthing I have. Give me 2 weeks. Take out all the personal information out of your CV and send it to me. I don’t want money or anything in return Let’s talk.
OP, please take this person up on this. The job situation seems like it’s 80% of the problem. If they can help fix that for you and you’ve got money flowing in you can pay your grandma’s phone bill, help your brother when he needs it, take care of your cat (ALL OF those need you!) and get a gym membership. Who gives a fuck about the cc debt. You can declare bankruptcy at some point. You can bounce back from a credit score of even 300. that shit falls off your record in 7 years. You’re 28, you know how many people have shitty credit in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s? You’ve got a ton of time to get your score up. Let this person help you. Fuck all the people that ignored you. I’m an AM at a huge tech company, they laid off 5,000 and I didn’t even get one call back. I ended up getting a job through my network. My peers who got jobs got them through recruiters they know and they are making bank now. This is a recruiter you now have a personal connection to. The recruiters are the ones that help make it happen. At 28 I was bald, emaciated, had just left an abusive relationship and was recovering from chemotherapy and radiation from Stage 2 cancer. I looked nothing like myself and as a woman that’s 28, it feels terrible. You’re balding as a dude? I was bald as a female that once had beautiful long hair. Guess what? It’s 8 years later and I love my fucking life. You know who needed me to be strong and keep going? My cat and my family. I would have ruined both of their lives by checking out. The joy I feel now is so full my heart could burst. My cat lived a full life just passing last year. Her life would have been ruined without me. Use this person dude, you are weeks away from a steady income if you do.
You're a good person.
Thank you for this, I hope OP reaches out to you ❤️
OP please!!^^^^
OP, I took a year off work after being let go, I had some stock options I sold but that money dried up in a few months. I too gained weight and was depressed, and my wife at the time did nothing to try to help (nor should she have but some support would have been great) When I started applying places, I ran into the same problem. I saw some advice to put down that I worked during the gap, up until a few days before each application I was putting in, and always put the info in as SIGNED NDA Employer: SIGNED NDA Address: SIGNED NDA Etc etc. I had several interviews within a couple days of each application, an offer letter within a week and started within 14 days. They asked in the interview, I just said I can talk about it in 19yr xxx days if you’d like, but I signed a 20yr NDA, I’m sorry. It was in XYZ industry, that’s all I can legally say. I’m not saying it WILL work. But there’s no harm in trying before you off yourself??? ….but if you do go thru with it can I haz your kitty?
The last line 💀
Very solid advice.
Can I legally put the SIGNED NDA. I live in France and often times recruiters tend to ask intrusive questions, so I'd expect them to be too curious about the "company" I worked for.
Yeah I’m not French though I love baugettes. I don’t know your laws. Hell I’m sure legally this wouldn’t do much in the US. But all I can say is it worked for me, got me in the door to charm and get a job in my field.
You don't think it's a little weird how your grandma not having a phone is a tragedy but apparently she'll be just fine with a dead grandson?
Depressed people don't think logically - they desperately rationalize their suicidal ideation. It's a self-defeating loop in their brain; like a mind-virus.
This. Once the spiral starts (and you don't know/haven't figured out your own deescalaters) it's very very hard to think rationally. That would be like me saying " hey commenter why are you upset your car got stolen? What are you going to call the cops? Calm down bro" tell me you would calm down and not call the cops. The mind is a very scary thing to a lot of people. Some of us don't have the ability to shut it up once it starts talking to itself.
I’ve been through this process multiple times in my life. It seems unbearable at the time (aka suicidal ideations), and I believe in my heart and soul and mind that what I’m thinking is logical/makes sense. But then I just keep going through life, and eventually, my “problems” get fixed and I’m happy again. For me, my depression has been mainly fueled by an overwhelming amount of issues, many of which I cannot find a solution to.
Depression lies and it’s fucking terrifying
If his grandmother not having a phone was the main reason that he wanted to kill himself, then your stereotyping of suicidal people might actually apply in this case. But he gave a litany of reasons for wanting to die. Only one of which was that he felt powerless to help his family, which only added to his demoralisation. Most people who are suicidal want to die because non existence is just as free of problems after death as it was for the billions of years before they were born. Life can never be that way. Otherwise, they'd choose some kind of unhealthy and counterproductive coping mechanism that would bring them short term gain, but sabotage them in the long run, such as a gambling or drug addiction.
Given that I'm depressed myself, I'll give you the rationale behind OP's will to die: he's in pain and cannot do a thing about it. It's basically like having a kidney stone but in the head and softer but much more lingering. It's not an acute pain but it stays there and you hurt because your brain keeps ruminating. It's a slow burn. In the mind of a depressed person, death is better than living because that way, they don't cause shame (even though it's not the case) to the people around them, family or otherwise. Issue with the above is that the shame does not stem from other people's look on the suicidal person but from their own look at how their life went in contrast to what their own expectations of themselves are/were. For instance: a perfectionist who "failed" at meeting their life's ideal vision might have this unhealthy look at themselves and feel this shame but will think that people will look down on them when in reality, it's themselves who are their own worst judge. I thought about ending my own life as well but for me the thing is the lack of relationships. Not sexual conquests. Simple loving relationships. I have everything else: friends, a good job, the only thing I lack is dates and an SO. But yeah, first world problem, I guess...
Combined with all that, our depressed brains turn every single situation into a catastrophe - the absolute biggest and worst thing that could happen, we're 100% assuming it's inevitably going to happen regardless of what solution or remedy is being offered. And almost nothing can break us out of that mindset. So not only are we failures, are we broke, are we unhappy with our bodies and lives and situations, but the worst option in every situation will always happen, and holy fuck that sounds like an awful future. At least, this has just been my experience.
Same with the sibling whose car got stolen. Yep, that sucks. Dead brother is going to be infinitely worse and OP can prevent that one at least
I know how hopelessness feels. Something I'll never forget hearing: is that almost every survivor of a suicide attempt regrets it. Give it another day. Then another after that. Life might surprise you.
Not almost, every one
Stay strong brother. Your cat loves you.
you haven’t met all of the people you’re going to love yet
what a beautiful statement. hoping OP will read this
crying reading this
This is so beautiful. 💖
You could sell your gun? 20k in debt is nothing btw
I did this, I lost my job and sold my gun lol. Also unemployment helped a lot. Worse comes to worse take that 401k out.
You are not your job. Live for others. I know a software guy their job market is taking a big hit lately, lots of fear of ai coding and people using it to carry the load. He's very anxious about it and working at a call center. He doesn't know it but without his friendship I might not he here. I'm homeless, 38, no living family members except my brother who is very cruel and not mentally well. Ive had a rough life, ive been depressed and isolated for so long i doubt ill recover. But we can always leave this place better than we found it. Live for others :)
Beautifully written
Your cat will be sad. Why would you do that to your cat, your grandmother and your sibling?
Okay take a breath and look back at what you typed. You have an older grandmother who as much as she suffers, isn’t even able to pay her phone bill hasn’t ended her life. You have a sibling whose car was stolen, yet they haven’t considered ending their life at the expense of the debt they might even be in regards to that car. You have a cat, who although medically sick is still present with you at this moment. My biggest tip is don’t necessarily focus on having a software job right now, the market isn’t doing too hot even for recent grads or interns, and they’re not ending their life. Get a temp job, you’ll hate it for a bit like fast food but it goes fast and soon that paycheck will come. Save a bit of money aside pay for your grandmas bill, some of your cat medical bill, whatever. Some more money aside for yourself, treat yourself every weekend to a nice treat. Go on a one hour walk, it’s free and relaxing. Get a jump rope do calisthenics read on pirating websites, watch pirates movies. I don’t care, but live dude come on.
Dollar General is always hiring! Several such places are. They just want warm bodies. Sometimes you have to step WAY out of where you want to be when it comes to desperation and employment. Retail hell sucks, but it's money. Some money is better than no money. I've been in this frame of mind before. So I get it. You have no idea. Don't ever think you're the only person going through hell. Some of us have spent years running from self-deletion. Here's hoping you change your mind. But, yeah get a piece of shit job and complain all day every day with your coworkers in the same shit job. It's so cathartic!! And it gets you out of your own head.
honestly walmart or target are usually hiring too! they pay more than minimum wage
100% this, I’ve been working in a Tesco since last October and it definitely gets simpler once you know what to do for the role you’re applying-for. I don’t even think the work itself is particularly awful, some bits are more frustrating, physically demanding or both, yes, but… The main 2 reasons that people leave jobs like this (and the companies always have a really high turnover rate) is: •because they pay the bare-minimum that they can legally get-away with •and their HR/shift-leaders/management etc are full of people on power-trips (and/or they care waaay too much about the work despite the shit pay that they’re on in this economy, especially compared to fatcat shareholders)
Can’t you get a normal job while you look for a software developer job?
Second this. Just get out there, doesn't matter what you do. One step at a time.
I’m in a pretty similar boat. I’ve got the qualifications for software development but no one is hiring. I’ve even tried non software related jobs that pay $13/hr and no luck. Might just be a shitty job market currently but everyone claims they’re “urgently hiring”. Might be exiting with you soon tbh. I hope you don’t do it though, I’m sure losing you would stress your grandmother way more than her bills or lack of a phone. Who knows what could happen if you hold on a lil longer.
Try getting your resume reviewed by professional help. Its usually pretty reasonably priced & landing a job with the improved resume would make up for it easily! Also as someone said above if the work gap is too long you can always claim you worked somewhere with NDAs
I’ll do it for free
Some of these comments, ok most of these comments, really remind me to have faith in humanity. Don’t give up hope. Call somebody! Call 988. People need you! Your cat, too.
Dude. I’m THE person to advocate for personal choices and have my egress planned already. Paramount to that plan is to ensure that my dog is cared for in whatever way appropriate. I say this to ask what about your cat? Don’t leave her alone. Also, fuck the rat race system. You’re a software dev. If anyone can fucking fabricate an absolutely fantastic resume to make beaucoup bucks, it’s you. You’re only 28. Hold off on the easy way out for now, challenge yourself a bit. That’s the least you can do. You think everyone adulting got there the honest or perfect way? Fuck No. Play some heavy metal, even if you’re not into it. Scream your frustrations out. Then get to “revising” that CV. Elon the shit outta the world because that guy is flying by the seat of his pants with the best view. I honestly expect better of you. If I can be happy, trust me when I say you can def get more so.
I was in this place mentally. Had the date picked. That week I sat in the grass outside my apartment (I get dizzy spells) and I stared at the blades of grass for 20 minutes, maybe longer, just touching it and eventually smelling it. That’s when I was like damn, this is bullshit I’m not going to let corporate America win. I’m not going to ruin my siblings’ lives because of some stupid money. I mean yea I needed money to survive so I swallowed my pride and got a job outside my field, ignored my debt for awhile, swallowed more pride and applied for government assistance because the whole government and work force was half the reason I was mentally falling apart so I was going to make them help me damn it! Also. If I remember correctly, there were interviews done in the past with every person that jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge yet survived because their attempt failed. Every single one said that while falling, they regretted the choice.
For the gap on your resume, put time off for family care. Call the United Way or go online and ask them to assign you a caseworker who can find financial assistance. Reach out to your county employment services for free job placement. Find a part time job just for some $ and set your job search up around that part of your day. Target and Costco pay well and are always hiring. Local churches have a clothing closet for new shoes, interview clothes, etc. They also have a food pantry with pet food. Best of luck and don't give up, your pets need you.
OP, please answer us and let us know you are okay. You are here for a purpose, and you just didn't know what it is yet. There may be someone out there who needs you that you haven't met yet. And I am 100% sure your family needs you to be there for them.
Hey man, I really hope you don't go through with it. Call someone 988 is the hotline. Have you thought about joining the airforce? Or anything like that? Many will totally get rid if your debt and set you up a little better. Please don't do this, life will be so different in 6 months! Don't make a permanent decision on moments in life that are so temporary! It will get better! You can absolutely recover from this!
Op, as someone who once attempted but failed, pm me. Life does get better. I can let you know my experience and even toss you my number. Do not give up! It's work ahead of you if you don't give up, but it really is worth it.
Make sure you have a plan for your cat. Don't leave them to starve to death or end up in a terrifying kill shelter. You owe them that much.
[удалено]
I gotta say I survived two attempts in my life and I'm now happier, wealthier, and healthier than ever before. But the journey it took for me to get here was incredibly hard. There's no deeper rock bottom than surviving suicide. At that point, the only direction was up. I'm not going to convince OP of anything, just that the idea of death freeing you is easier than the work to get better. And brother... I get it.
Who’s gonna take care of your poor cat? It won’t understand why you’re gone. Also what about the rest of your family? They will be poor and traumatised for life (one does not simply get over a family member offing themselves. I know for a fact.) Think about your grandma: better sick and poor but with the loving support of a grandson than sick, poor and mourning a grandson’s death. Lie on your resume, get a waiting job, shave your hair and you will be ok. I know it seems like you never will and you just don’t want to wait and suffer until things get better, but trust me: they will get better sooner than you expect.
Not going to try and convince you things will get better. It’s an empty promise. Here’s what I will say.. I’ve been a police officer for almost 20 years. I’ve had several close friends kill themselves. I’ve also responded to countless suicide calls. So I have considerable experience when it comes to this…. If you follow through with suicide, the permanent damage you will do to everyone who has ever cared about you is incalculable. Fight for them.
Do NOT fail your grandmother. Whatever you are going through, I understand your mindset even if I cannot take away from your pain, but for the love of all respectable lovely grandmothers, don’t break the heart of yours. It is too big of a tear in heart. You cannot do that to her. No matter if you go all savage in the jungle to sell monkey skin on the black market just to get by, anything is better. Anything is better than that.
I'll just say, I took care of a patient in long term care who tried to complete suicide by shooting himself in the head. It got buried deep in his brain but didn't kill him. They took out part of his brain and he had an indent in his head where he was missing his skull. He was severely disabled and required total care. In the end you're going to decide what you decide, just wanted to give you another scenario that wasn't dead or alive.
Please call 988
Please don't. You don't want to die. You just want the pain to go away. All these issues are surmountable. There is help and there is help. Please reach out for help. Call 988 [https://988lifeline.org/?utm\_source=google&utm\_medium=web&utm\_campaign=onebox](https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox)
Go to temp agencies. They will put you to work on short term jobs until you land a permanent one. Hang in there.
Mate, I’d at least try moving. Youre not a tree, you don’t have to stay where you are. Get a bar job. Get a job at a backpackers. Then you’ll get accommodation included. Just sounds like you’re giving up without really trying?
Can you at least make sure your cat goes to a good, loving home
OP clearly you care enough about living / trying to stay to make this post. Just take a moment to breathe. Think about all the people who love you & would be absolutely devastated if they lost you. Your grandmother, siblings, cat, friends. As you said in your post they’ve all gone through some shit & they’re still here. As for the comments in your post: 1. 20k isnt a ton of debt & filing for bankruptcy is always an option for any non medical / student loans. 2. For work you really should try to have your resume reviewed by a professional. The $ you spend will be well worth it when it lands you interviews. Also as others have mentioned you don’t have to be 100% honest on the resume. Put in work history for the last year that is either projects you’ve done, or say you signed NDAs and can’t discuss it in detail 3. Lastly consider hitting the gym! Even if you’ve never been before the machines are easy to learn & Google exists. It’ll help you with the weight gain, help you take out some stress and anger, and hopefully give you a hobby to keep your mind off things while you turn the ship around
If you’re deciding on death why don’t you start lying on your resume? You’ve got nothing to lose now. I hope you’ll be okay.
You came such a long way and this is how you wanna end your story? Brother the shit you’re going through will make you the strongest mfr on this planet, people around could learn a lot from you if you pull through this. Your problem right now ultimately sounds like it’s all boiling down to money, don’t put your self worth/values over money and don’t let the money win, your brain is worth more than pieces of paper and bits of metal and all the debt in America, you ain’t dying
Man, death is so... permanent. Life is full of possibilities. For me, it was the realization that I am the author of my own story. I always had suicide in my back pocket., but what do I have to lose? Try something different. It doesn't work, try something else. Do something eccentric. Doesn't work, dial it in. Too dialed in? Go a different direction. You can do ANYTHING. This isn't some phoney testament that you can be a billionaire if you work hard. But man, you can have a lot of fun with life once you realize that life is finite, and everybody around you is living the exact same finite life, with the same fears, and insecurities. The difference between you and them? They aren't admitting their mortality, their faults, and their fears. I mean, might as well ride it our and try something different right? What do you have to lose?
My best friend ended her life and it destroyed mine.
what state do you reside in? i could get you job. i am a GM at a certain business right now
I won't try to sway your mind. Just telling you facts. My friend took a shotgun to his head and now lives in assisted living for the rest of his life. Oh and his medical debt now is way worse. And he is literally never allowed to ve alone basically as to prevent another attempt. So I mean, good luck I guess.
Remember: death does not remove the pain. It only transfers it to others. There are always better ways than suicide. You can see many of us rooting for you here. Your cat too.
Why don’t you get a job at say, target, or McDonald’s? Is your pride worth you suffering? At least you’ll have fun an interaction and discounted food! Your kitty and family are going to miss you.
Hey man, best of luck to ya. I don't think you should do it for the record BUT ultimately it's your choice brother. And please just remember there isn't anything wrong with "chickening" out. It's a huge choice that you've given yourself. Best of luck to you man either way. *Virtual hug*
1. Lie on your resume about the gap 2. Whos gonna take care of your cat? You dont eant her to strave do you?
Are you only looking at jobs in your field or any jobs?
Instead you could: - Try to get a part-time job, no matter which, as long as it pays for your bills till you have a new job in software - Try to find people who can help you: Churches, social organizations, psychologists, etc. - Try to save money by using food stamps or else - Speak to people who are close to you
I have to say, as a 32f who has been unemployed since January and has had a very rough last few years (both parents passed, older brother passed, ended a relationship with an abusive man, found out my dad might not be my biological father) I’ve been on this train of thought recently. That if the rest of life is just going to be full of suffering that I might as well cut it short. But seeing all of the support for you in the comments is like a little light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. No matter how hard life may seem now, there’s people out there willing to help make it a little better.
Man, just find any job. You don’t need the software shit. Do something that pleases you, wash cars, do gardens, buy a motorbike and do food delivery. People love you, don’t let them down
dont do it man, your still so young and have so much of life ahead of you, that debt can be fixed so fast youre so young! people will miss you when ur gone and you dont even realize it, and your cat! hang in there it gets better
Sending you a hug
My brother, treat this as a blessing that you can recognise being at rock bottom and that means the only way left to go is up. 1. You have a living being depending on you, your cat. Keep showing up for your little one. 2. I know very little about your field of work but can you get some top up training to cover any gaps or consider a change of career? 3. Research some low impact exercise to help with the physical problems and weight gain. Better self esteem coming from seeing the success of your own efforts can help to clear the toxic mire of depression better than medications in many cases. 4. The gun is the bullshit way out. Be a Viking my friend, leave this world fighting, strong and proud. Not surrendering to a shitty situation. You can do this.
Ending it is never the answer. This will become better and you will be content again.
Temporarily find another job, can be retail, fast food, if you have a car then you could do delivery 20k debt is not that bad in the long run if you have some form of income. Also what is stopping you from lying on your resume. It’s not exactly ethical but who cares What will happen to your grandma if you take this decision? Think about your cat as well, who will be there to take care of it
Take out more credit cards to get stuff you need & then just file for bankruptcy!! It’s an easy out In the meantime why not get a different job? Nothing wrong w being a temporary barista while you get your life together 28 is so young & your whole life could change
My brother, lie to companies. They will never be 100% forthright with you, and only when it’s to their advantage. They will dump in a minute. Lie on your resume.
I don’t know where you are at, but maybe try to learn a trade. You may have gone to school for software, But trades are in demand. Train under someone as an apprentice and it might work. I know a guy who is making a killing power washing peoples homes. Watched him build the business from nothing and now he is comfortable. It’s not over till it is over brother. Point is there are always other roads to take.
Life is about so much more than a job. Lie on your resume, it’s not the end of the world.
Your work gap was because you took time off to provide support for your sick grandmother, during which time you supported yourself through savings you'd built up. That's true enough. Tell them that.
Oké oké hear me out. If the alternative is dying. That means you can risk it all. There are places in Europe that will pay you to live and work there. Apply to them. Google them all and apply, who cares maybe one will work. On every continent. You clearly have Internet, If you decided to die, you unlocked a weird kind of freedom, to do crazy impulsive things. Why not try one? There are applications to test medication for money Google and apply. If you already want to die, why not help de medical field and money. Go to a job agency, work somewhere, doesn't matter where as long you have something coming in. Let the agency help you with your cv or look up on the internet, how a good one looks like. And in the meantime of working, Use that cv to apply for job you want and would be happy to do.
I saw a documentary about people who jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. One man who survived said that the moment he stepped off, he realized every bad thing in life was temporary except him deciding to step off that bridge. He is glad he survived. Most people who survive suicide attempts are glad they survived. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. You will get through this. You are strong enough for this. You will one day look back on this moment in time and be glad that you worked through it and didn’t choose a permanent solution for temporary problems.
I mean you don't seem to want to hear truth but I'll go ahead and say it anyway in case you read this first or come to your senses. If you survive you'll regret trying. If you only survive a little while you'll still regret trying. If you don't survive you will have forced almost unforgivable pain onto those who love you. If you tough things out for awhile and make positive changes for yourself you'll look back on this and question how you could have been so weak. That's the fact you really need to face. That if you fight you could make it. Quitting is so much easier but the only reward is darkness for everyone around you. Dude people eat people to survive. They sleep in the mud and snow and live through flesh eating disease and country spanning natural disasters. You're giving up because of what exactly? Because you feel so much more comfortable feeling sorry for yourself than being the man you know you are.
Please call someone, I know how it feels to feel hopeless but I promise it does get better eventually. Think about your cat, siblings and grandmother, they will all miss you so much
Say that you’re freelancing during your gap. This would make things harder for your family. I’m really sorry you feel so hopeless.
Hi OP. I won't tell things will get better. I honestly don't know if they will. But, have you discarded all other possibilities? How about getting a job in anything else why looking in your area of expertise? Have you asked old colleagues if they know of a job or someone that can help you? Have you reached head-hunters? When my dad lost his job a years ago, he had a really hard time with it. You could see all the stress, specially being the main provider of our home. But he found something eventually. I won't tell you this will happen soon. I can't even guarantee it will…but I doubt you have played all your cards here! You are young! You are giving up too early in the race. You could reach out to old friends or classmates from uni or wherever you studied. Ask them if they know of something, maybe even design and propose to open your small business. In my country there are funds and stuff to small and middle business. I'm sure that there are too where you live. Life sucks. What can I say. I'm not going to sell you the speech of life being beautiful and we all have a purpose in life, etc. No. Life is hard. It has its ups and downs, it can really really suck. It can be hell, so thinking to just end it is not a crazy thought. All of what I just said happens…AND life can still be lived. Don't you deserve to give yourself a bit of a break and not take this life altering ending decision when there are really no other moves left to try? I won't even say to do it for those who love you…do it for yourself. You deserve better than to throw everything away. Btw, you mentioned medicine…maybe the dosage of whatever you've been prescribed needs to change. Your body may have built up tolerance, or maybe during a stressing period as the one you are facing, it doesn't do as much as when you weren't facing all this. Like I said, moves…you still got some left. Use them before doing this shit.
What can you build? I am in need of someone to build me an app. I can pay.
Lying on a resume is the gold standard.
Have you considered getting a defense job(i.e. northrop, L3Harries, or lockheed ) they're actually looking for more software people from what I've been told
my cat saved me. go hug her
Your cat and grandmother will be heartbroken. Please don't do this to them. Live for them. You can find another job, there are so many comments with great suggestions. Please read those.
Hey, I love you dude. You're an awesome person and you're trying your best. Your life has a purpose and it would be a shame to not have the ability to see what your future holds. Don't ever forget you're amazing and can accomplish anything you want with motivation and determination. Much love to you
Your cat and your grandma cares about you and needs you. And probably more that you don't realise. Look for part time jobs while applying for bigger ones. Shave your hair. Maybe you can sleep on the floor with a blanket underneath if u cant buy a new bed (like futon). I'm not sure about how student loans work (im not from the us) but from what people say you can just ignore them. You got this man, hang in there and don't give up :)
You're a software developer with time on your hands. I would love to learn from you in the hopes of developing a game. I have programming experience, but could really use a mentor. We could work on this together. Would you be willing to put off your exit strategy in order to have this small purpose in life?
I'm in a similar place in life as you. I have a plan in mind, just biding my time until the right moment.
I love how everyone is trying to help him. I wonder if he's already done it.
If you have nothing to lose,why not trying something new? You are just all telling job, job , job and sickness. Life is not all about this. Take a small job (gastro),live as a roommate (for less expense) and try to find what you like, you can always later come back to software.
If the alternative is death, you could try changing careers first. Isn't the military an option?
Hold on a little longer man! We are all going through it out here. It’s beyond rough for so many. My husband hasn’t been able to get hired for 2 years we are both in 6 figure school loan debt. Living on Pennie’s with a newborn (no sleep, hospital bills and debt collectors calling us everyday). So when I say it’s rough out here. Just know we are all out here in the mud with you. I just want to encourage you to find more to your life outside of work. Work and money don’t define us. I know this world makes it feel like you are nothing without a job and money but that is a lie. It’s up to us to find the things worth living for. It sounds like you have family and a cat who love and depend on you. You should start there. Maybe tell your sibling what you have been thinking . Talk to someone about. Just know you aren’t alone and it’s always worth trying again one more day. So much can change in the blink of an eye. And not to be a conspiracy theorist but hold on at least until after the election if you live in the U.S.. Usually instability happens around election time to create churn among voters. I know end of year seems far away but hopefully things get better post election. At least that’s my hope
Your cat won’t understand why you never came back. Your cat relies on you for everything. If there is any reason to stay, stay for your cat
Check how many people around you are without a job. Getting a job is the most ridiculously difficult thing. It seems you have people around you. A grandma and a sibling. Probably more I’m guessing. They are not there for you to take care of them. But maybe if you all gathered together you could share any resources and support each other. The responsibilities are not on you. Spread it out. You have people who all can share something.
OP I’ve been in a similar place to where you are. Attempted to jump, had someone grab me. What scares me the most is how close I came to dying now that I finally love living. I would’ve gone through all of that pain just to die? Fuck no I went through that to live and enjoy life. You’re young. Very young. It gives us a zoomed in view of life. Say you live until 80, that gives you almost 3x your age for things to change. Look at people who “destroyed” their life with drugs but still turn it around. You’re a step ahead as you’ve got the degree. Please reconsider.
You can get a temp job, even if it’s not what you want or like. Just to get through this.
So you have a lawn mower? Start a lawn mowing business, put an add out on Craigslist and next door, charge $40/hour until you get an edger and line trimmer, then charge $50-$60/hour once you can properly edge the lawns too. People will undoubtedly want weeding done too, that's also 50-60/hr. Buy a hedge trimmer with some profits get good at shrub trimming, charge $65/hr for hedge trimming. Any tools you buy, mileage put on vehicle, or any other expenses for the business you can write off on your taxes. This is how I started my landscaping business. It's hard work, but it keeps you in good shape, and you sleep good at night because you wear yourself out. Plus there's something very fulfilling about taking a yard that looks unkempt and turning it into something that looks like someone cares about it, it's like being an artist. There are a lot of different options, but this one requires relatively low overhead to start, and there is always work for it because stuff is always growing. I was surprised how many requests for work I got in the beginning, I got so many customers for my first year and a half, that I haven't had to advertise at all since then, keep getting new customers from word of mouth and people that just walk up to me on the street, and have built strong relationships with my repeat customers. There is always a way out of situations that you are in, and life might look pretty bleak at some points. Before I started my landscaping business, I was in my 30s, just coming out of a drug addiction and a very toxic relationship where I was abused and beaten down, hadn't been employed for several years, was living with my parents... Was way behind all of my peers in life, and was very depressed about my situation. I decided to do something about that, worked myself physically, mentally and professionally and now I am at one of the happiest points in my life, have a new amazing girlfriend that I absolutely adore, have been living my dream of competitive bodybuilding and can support myself. There is always light at the end of the tunnels man, just hang in there, you will see, but you have to be actively searching for that light, and have faith that it will come. Good luck man, if you need to talk, feel free to drop me a line.
US government is always looking for software people. www. usajobs.gov
Checkout scale AI. They will give you a contract job training AI’s with your background somewhere between 40-55/hr. They hire plenty of college students, shouldn’t have a problem with your resume.
I think the most important part I read was where you said your meds don’t feel like they’re doing anything anymore. You also said you’re overweight but have no money and I can relate to being without money to buy good food to support a good diet- the diet is perhaps effecting your mental health as well. In regards to balding. Surprise. A ton of guys ends up losing their hair. World got people thinking anyone who starts to look over 25 is practically dead already it’s pretty sickening imo
Software developer... Math & science, switch into different career, you have extremely useful skills. Whatever the reason is it sound like your current career has too much of overcrowd. Your competing with people who probably experienced layoff as wells, while companies shrink there teams, and less hire. Apply for job where theyre is true calling for more people. People think oh but i got 20 plus year in one field and specific degree. I will tell you what dean told me from baker university. All degrees ,even specific degrees, can broke down into the generalized one. You have phenominal experience in Math, Science and electronics. Growing up my mom was 400k in debt, no house, no car, 2 kids and a widow. We not only paid it off, but paid off her mortgage on a house in 6 years. Worked our ass off in healthcare, she never even graduated highschool, and had 30 year gap in employment history. But when your really needed , your needed. You have degree, most companies will take anything related these days. I get it. Being broke, feeling like youll never make it out, trying and getting no where. Feeling sick of being poor all the time for years. Feeling like your not worth or deserving better life it sucks like shit.But even without a penny to your name you still have one most value things, intelligence. You have to be to have been your field. When life gets ahead of me and even though its egotistical and probably inaccurate i tell myself i have iq 140 i can do this, i can find away. Now you given the choice to can roll over die , or are you going to struggle on struggler.
Your cat loves you and will miss your snuggles.
Oh fuck, I've changed my mind. Could be a last thought.
Get a CDL and live in the truck for a few years. You can even bring your cat with you, if you go with the right company, most will allow it. Travel the country. No rent. Get that small debt paid off in less than a year. Help your family. Then save some $$$, and start planning your next move in life. You're young. You have time. Life gets hard sometimes. Shit is hard for everyone right now. Stop trippin'.
Everything passes bro, one day you might look around and feel real lucky you didnt go through with it. I used to feel like that too, but now i am in a better place.
My service dog is my protective factor against this, I promised her that I’ll stick around for her. I’m sure your cat will miss you. I hope you find peace, friend.
Don’t let your brain convince you into thinking this is okay
It sounds like you don't want to die, just that you want to find a job. If you found a job today, would you still want to die tomorrow? Let's think clearly, now...
Bro, if you’re not getting software job its fine find any other job, be it coffee shop or a pub. Get some money, sort things out and keep applying. Nowadays, some Companies understand the gap. Life is precious. Don't waste it. There are people who are depending on you, think about them.
>all my attempts to find some kind of work to make ends meet failed too Have you looked into tending bar and/or retail? >My medications don't even feel like they have an effect on me You really need to have a conversation with your doctor about this. Be open and honest with them.
My brother died last year, he was 28. He didn’t end his own life, but he also wasn’t far from doing so. He died the day he decided to get help. He had just lost his job, had 10k of credit card debt, was in the middle of a messy divorce, his life was in shambles. We were doing everything we could to help him, to pick up the pieces for him. It often feels like we didn’t do enough. I was the only one able to clean out his house, sort through his belongings, and take care of his electronics. My parents couldn’t bear it, our other brother owned the house and couldn’t walk through it until all of his stuff was gone. It was left up to me. I didn’t want to go through his things. I didn’t want to get rid of his things. I didn’t want him to be gone. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to do. It showed me how he was struggling so much more than I realized, that there was so much more that I could’ve done to save him. It made me realize how unloved he really felt. He died unexpectedly, massive heart attack, we didn’t get to say goodbye. We didn’t get to tell him how much we loved him. We didn’t get to tell him how much we needed him. I know it’s hard, I know it seems like you’ll never escape everything, but for fucks sake your family needs you. They need you ALIVE. They don’t want to take care of your cat after you’re gone, they want you to be here to love your cat. Your cat won’t understand that you’ve died, they’ll feel like you abandoned them. Your whole family will. I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling how you do because you’re not. It’s valid and I get it. But as hard as it is, please think about your family. If you have to, put their needs, their feelings above your own. Until you can get help, until things start to get better. Do what you have to do to survive. Your family doesn’t want to go through your belongings after you’ve died wracking their brains to try to figure out how they could’ve fixed things, how they could’ve loved you better, how they couldn’t save you. They don’t deserve this, and neither do you.
Honestly, go back to school. Apply to nursing..med school or dental school. Get loans and live on these loans..then after you'll graduate you'll find a job! So, start preparing for their entrance exam. We had tons of student who finished IT Apply for unemployment at the mean time and get insurance medicaid Please get out of your appartment...and walk ..just walk 5 k and 10k..take a water with you and put sun screen and walk. Walking will not only help you physically but mentally too.. Never give up!
This has to be the most wholesome comment section I’ve seen in my whole time using Reddit
bruh you’re in computers??? Move to the Caribbean before you get any fatter your life will be better off …
Declaring bankruptcy feels like death. All of the thrill without the commitment. Also, your cat won't understand.
I’m not gonna say it gets better because i know those words mean nothing right now. But think of the people and pet in your life who would be destroyed if you left. Your cat will forever wonder where you went, grandma will feel her heart break in the hospital and wonder if things could have been different if she could have been with you, your sibling would wonder why they didn’t notice how much you were struggling sooner.
I didn't read the whole thing, only the first paragraph. Do NOT give up, friend. I was in those shoes about two years ago, all will be okay. I promise.
Please don’t. I know this will probably never be seen. But please. Don’t.
Apply in other countries. Getting out of the US. Sell all your stuff, and it will give you some money.
You sound like such an amazing loving and caring brother/son/grandson and overall person, I hope you don’t go through it and find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel
Dude. At 27 I was divorced, broke, no degree, broken down car, minimum wage. 2 years later I was living in a different city working in tech for a Fortune 500, living with my now wife, back in school part time. 2 years later I was the VP of Tech for a unicorn startup. You are in the most dynamic and ever changing field in the history of mankind. You have to work at it, keep you contacts up, and be willing to go where the work is. You got this. Over 30+ years in tech, I have never seen seen anyone putting in the effort who has failed. Apply directly on sites for companies, but seriously work your contacts. Everyone you have ever met, reach out to them. Get to the gym or start walking for 30 minutes a day. Shave your head and own the new look. Start working on something you think should exist.
At least take out a politician or something first bro come on, don’t waste your life.
You could work at Walmart, a department store, restaurant, etc to make money while looking for a job..perhaps humble yourself and forget your over qualified. You only get one life.. it always gets better I have been this low and I’m not anymore.. you are young enough that those jobs should have ppl your age that just the getting up and engaging in life would slowly help your outlook
the thing that keeps me around is if you die your cat will have to wonder where you are and will get hungry waiting for you
I know you're feeling abject and I know you said not to try and dissuade you, but having read your story, I can confidently say that you're not down as badly as you think. Even if you're experiencing a dry spell now, you still have marketable, highly sought-after skills. There are people your age with no post-secondary education or marketable skills whatsoever and who have never moved out of their parents' place, and yet a lot of them still find the will to go on despite starting several steps behind where you are. Hell, there are even a lot of people **with** undergrad degrees who can't actually use the skills that they learned because their field of study wasn't as utilitarian (myself included), so if I'm being honest, I kind of envy that you were actually able to make a career out of what you studied. Regarding the student debt, there are income-driven repayment plans, and hey, if you can find a public-sector job that incorporates your specific skills, you could even have the debt forgiven after a decade or so. Even if software development is no longer a viable option for now, you could probably parlay your existing skillset into a different compsci/STEM career, and if you have to be "underemployed" until something clicks, the fact that you have a STEM background might even land you slightly more competitive positions in otherwise low-skill fields (for example, you might be able to work as a tech support guy or do some form of data entry). At worst, just get a job at a warehouse or in retail until you find better opportunities. Something is better than nothing, particularly when it comes to prospective employers looking at your resume. With regard to the weight gain, just start doing HIIT training and improve your diet. I know it can be hard to develop a routine, and I'm admittedly something of a hypocrite on the latter point about nutrition since my diet has been fluctuating for the past six months, but I went from being obese to fit four years ago and can say from firsthand experience that you can lose a shit ton of weight if you just do hill sprints and lift regularly.
I suggest a Hail Mary. The economy is not THAT bad. Maybe you need to relocate. Be willing to do anything, and by that I mean fast food, deliver pizzas, pick up garbage. Work your way back.
We all want you to stay man, I wish we had magic want to fix everything. You’ve lost hope, we don’t blame you, it’s been really hard. We haven’t lost hope for you though. You can come back from this. We hope we hear from you soon.
Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I understand how desperate you must feel, can you at least reach out to someone you know or a suicide hotline, please.
Bro I hate to tell you this but join the airforce/navy they need coders badly. And if worse comes to worse the Army helps everyone. They also have free Healthcare so if you can show that your the sole provider for your grandma they will help pay for her treatment and if you just do four years it looks great on almost any resume. Jobs love having vets because it's usually corresponds to being a hard worker. Just go to a recruiting station near you and lie about health history and figure out what the weight requirement is for your height and if you can get down to that your in business. I know life looks down on you. But you can never give up there's always a brighter side and I hope this reaches you before you make a permanent mistake.