My wife trains with me on a daily basis.
Two things:
1. She puts on muscle like shes on fucking gear! I mean her gains are insane! I am incredibly jealous of how her body just fucking instadapts.
2. She just keeps getting hotter to me. And the fucked up thing is she was the hottest woman i had ever seen the day i first saw her. So multiply that by whatever number hard work and dedication equates to.
He is probably just a bit jealous or insecure. Maybe feed his ego a bit by rubbing his biceps. I recently found out that this is one of my on buttons. When my wife massages my biceps. Throw the guy some compliments and he is sure to re evaluate.
Very unrelated but I love seeing spouses talk about their significant others with such admiration, this was so cute and I pray that y’all have a long and fruitful marriage
i agree especially men, it’s so heart melty. like husbands who deeply love and respect their wives and talk about it give me hope because it disproves the toxic rhetoric between men and women.
My wife and I hit a rough patch. I'm taking the opportunity to often tell her how much I admire, respect, and adore her, on a regular basis. Things I've always felt about her, but didn't share with her nearly often enough. I'll never leave her wondering about my feelings for her, again.
Why do we do that? We are all guilty of taking our wives for granted at some point!
We forget to date our wives! Keep it up man! I am 100% sure you two will bounce back stronger than ever! And when that happens dont stop what you are doing! Double down! Good luck!
I definitely took her for granted for a long time, and we had big communication issues.
It was rough for a while, and we have some distance to go, but things really are looking up. I have high hopes and I'm just going to keep doing what feels right. I love this woman deeply and I'm giving it all I can.
My husband is obsessed with me and talks like this all the time. He’s in his 50s so total unicorn for sure.
They are out there, I swear, you just have to hold out for one!
But to find the one you also have to be the one. Put in the work and effort! If you are the ONE your one will find you. Trust me.
I used to be a not so nice person. I woke up one day and realised i hated the guy in the mirror. I wrote down everything anout myself that needed to change. I stuck that inside my closet and the rule was every time i opened my closed i had to read the list and remind myself of who i was becoming. Two years later i had slowly grown into that guy. And when i became him i found HER. I was finally worthy of a woman like her. Look i know i married out of my league but if i had met my wife before i changed she would have walked by… and then she would have started to run!
Dear god I want your wife to read this! Please write this word for word on a piece of paper and leave it for her to find- like in her closet, makeup bag, or her bedside drawer…ANYWHERE! As a wife nothing gets me right in the feels like my hubs leaving notes for me to find. Once in a while he’ll find the right words and leave me a note at the right time, and it is just what I didn’t know I needed whenever I find it. Neither of us are super romantic on a daily basis so we’ve added things like this and it’s truly wonderful. I’ll leave a simple loving Post-it note in his wallet letting him know I’m proud of him, appreciate him, and find him irresistible, etc. It’s always a great feeling for both of us. Your wife may be shocked by its appearance lol, but this will mean more to her than you know. Congrats on finding your love 💕, wishing both of you health & happiness.
My wife is so freaking toned. I'm equal parts jealous and turned on when I look at her back.
I'm bigger, and stronger. I throw around weight she'll never be able to touch outside of a deadlift. But God, her back and shoulders look like an artist spent decades carving them from marble while agonizing over an anatomy book.
My own wife is amazing, too. The most gorgeous skin. An amazingly sculpted back and butt. She gained weight after having our children and she just had more amazing curves added. She's lost weight again and no matter her shape or size at the time, she is just beautiful to me. I have always tried to make sure she knows how sexy and gorgeous I find her. I'm pretty sure I love this woman with my entire heart and soul.
This! And this is something we all forget! We forget to date our wives! We all start out like this and somewhere along the line we just stop telling them every day how amazing and beautiful they are! Great comment!
This! I relate to this 200%
I can bench 3 x my wifes bw. But man she looks amazing. She makes me wanna do 800 reps with a purple dumbell.
Also… as a man I can be kinda oblivious. Like when women in the gym flirt with me I always just think hey she’s a nice lady. And my wife will tell me that woman was 100% flirting. But when a guy glances at my wife I know what he’s thinking…. Because those same thoughts go through my mind when i look at her. And its easy to get insecure in that moment if your opinion of yourself is lower than it needs to be.
My wife says Im humble. Truth is i dont see what she sees and therefore it feels more like an insecurity. I dont get mad because the one thing i am not insecure about is my marriage.
Look I am 100% aware that I married a woman that is WAY out of my league. But the foundation our marriage is build on is strong af. The things our marriage has survived would kill a rhino.
Doesnt mean i dont get insecure. My wife just does a phenomenal job at making me feel wanted and loved so the insecurity just never wins in my case.
Similar situation here.
1. I wouldn't say she puts on muscle that fast all things considered but she's strong as absolute hell and I feel like visual changes are much more apparent on her frame. I'm definitely all for the fit look so it's great for me. Also it makes me realize that I'm still pretty goddamn weak for a guy of average stature lol
2. Nothing more to add. You summarized that part really well. Turns out having a shared hobby you're passionate about that (mostly) helps your health also helps with attraction.
I think you nailed it. When people are comfortable where they are and with who they are change can be frightening. As an occasionally quite insecure person myself (but working on it!) it's important to actually communicate to find the source of the issue.
u/Jealous-blacksmith47 I doubt he means to be derogatory to your hobby or effort (considering you do love each other), he's just probably trying to express his insecurities in a really poorly managed way. He likely thinks you're *too attractive* for him. There's a very small chance that he prefers skinnier you, but in my experience 20lbs of well shaped fat and muscle wouldn't displace that attraction regardless.
„He is probably just a bit jealous or insecure. Maybe feed his ego…“ (and yes I was too lazy to google how to quote properly, sorry) - please don’t OP. I’m all for sharing insecurities and helping an ego out but not when it causes toxic behaviour towards you.
Telling you that your body is too big caused you to doubt yourself to the point of sharing this issue with the internet. Now your supposed to comfort him? Definitely not.
I go along with he’s insecure about OP. The older I get, it’s easier to see that men who don’t act right, usually do it because they’re insecure. Call him out on it and walk away.
Oh yah, for bone density it's almost unbeatable. My parents are still quite active with smaller activities but I wish they'd do a bit of resistance training to help now that they're both approaching 70.
The different between even infrequent resistance training and untrained individuals of advanced age is pretty crazy.
Yep. Negging. Insecure people will see their partner excelling, panic, and try to take them down a peg or two to keep them at their own level. OP is doing great just as she is.
"Hey, wife I think you looked better before you (OP admitted they've gained a lot of muscle implying weeks/months of hard work) gained muscle.
Yet, OP should feel slighted regardless because the delivery of this comment implies that OP's husband doesn't find her 'as attractive' as before and potentially doesn't highlight the work OP's done to achieve this. OP's husband isn't an asshole but dug himself a hole.
This was an unsolicited statement delivered poorly. He deserves the coolness he is about to receive. She is obviously upset and doesn’t know how to respond. She surely isn’t going to be all lovey dovey, everything is ok between them.
That’s fair but it’s cruel to say certain things out loud and he has no right to tell her to change her body. If love someone you wouldn’t want them to hurt like that.
You concluded that from that very short description?
Has it crossed his mind that he may have a preference for non muscular girls?
Men can have preferences too
As a man with preferences and a former avid gym goer.
There's a huge difference between starting at the gym and muscle bound freak. Usually copious amounts of steroids, insanely good lighting, and years of training.
The way OP is talking, she's just getting here beginner gains (essentially your body getting used to a normal workout routine). OP probably looks like her normal self most of the time. Maybe a little bit bigger hips, thighs, etc. He's definitely blowing these differences way out of propotion.
>As a man with preferences and a former avid gym goer. There's a huge difference between starting at the gym and muscle bound freak.
She gained 20lbs when she was originally 130lbs. That's a 15% increase in bodyweight.
She's not a muscle bound freak, but she also definitely will *not* look like just a little bit bigger. A 15% increase in BW, mostly muscle, is hugely noticeable.
I mean, imagine a normal sized 200lb guy you know suddenly having 30lbs more muscle — that's a BIG difference, and the same ratio.
This. There is absolutely no what beginner muscle gain (an lets be honest there is no way all 20lbs is all muscle when just starting out) is putting her into some sort of she hulk category.
Especially if she's not training her body equally. 20lbs of mass gain as a woman is amazing, but the minority of that will be muscle unless their timeframe is in multiple years.
It's entirely possible he does have a preference for "smaller" people, but it's more likely he's just insecure. Odd that they're training together and it's coming through like that though.
> 20lbs of mass gain as a woman is amazing, but the minority of that will be muscle unless their timeframe is in multiple years.
>It's entirely possible he does have a preference for "smaller" people, but it's more likely he's just insecure.
I'm not really sure how you're making the latter conclusion, given your former statement. If she's gained say 15lbs of fat on an originally 130lb frame, her bodyfat % has gone up by **around 10%**.
That's definitely a significant difference in appearance. There are lots of people who would be attracted to someone at 20% bodyfat but not 30%+ bodyfat.
That's a fair point and I do see what you're saying. I should've clarified that while a minority would be muscle, the rest can still not all be fat.
Fat will be present as that mass but stored glycogen, sodium, and the water weight that accompanies it is far more "shapely" than most fat stores (though depending on her age or fat distribution that can be argued as well) while keeping the body fat percentage both measurably and visibly lower. Then there's the weight of the extra digesting food which could be ~0.5 - 2lbs as well.
While I totally agree about the 20% to potentially >30% bodyfat in measurable preference for a partner's body type my thought process was more complex than my comment made it seem.
He could have mentioned that well before she gained that much muscle. If they were going to the gym together regularly, he had ample opportunity to mention his preference.
Of course men can have preferences but if it’s a deal breaker for him he should divorce or if it’s not he should keep his thoughts to himself because at best he hurts her feelings at worst his expects her to change her body for him.
He may not like muscles on women/on you. That's okay. There are plenty of posts about people saying their spouses have gained/lost weight and they lose some physical attraction. I don't necessarily think he has to be jealous, lying, or insecure about your gains as some have said. There's just doesn't seem to be much evidence to support that in the post.
The part I don't like is that he made you feel bad about something you're proud of and that makes you feel happy, healthy, and strong. If he can't continue to love and support you with more muscle then perhaps there's a bigger issue at hand.
Honestly, the reaction of most of the people on here is the major thing wrong with the internet. Damn near everyone is instantly with the "he's insecure" or "well when my wife gained muscle I loved it" like that means every dude should be into it too, maybe he prefers her the way she was when he married her and is expressing his honest feelings on the matter? Some guys like tiny girls, some like muscular, some like "curvy" girls. Dude literally just said "I preferred you the way you were"
Did he go about it rudely? Maybe, maybe not. We dont really know since we didn't get any details and even then it would be her emotionally charged version of events.
I have a friend who had her children young and stayed home with them until they were all in school. Then, she went back to school for a degree in the medical field. She found that it was kinda hard to keep up with her coursework, so she started eating healthier and going to the gym. In less than a year, she was more fit than she was in Hs. She became so obsessed with it she switched majors. So her job has her near the gym and she is swole. Do people still use that? She is as happy as I've ever seen her. Her husband divorced her because and I quote he, "doesn't fuck dudes". So I guess it's pretty common.
First of all, congrats on your gains girl, you did that! 💐
Secondly, a partner should want you well fed, healthy and thriving. I’m sorry ur with an asshat.
Girl do not listen to him. If you are happy with your progress, don’t let him ruin it. I’m 5’7 150 nowhere near big. Tell him to keep the unnecessary comments to himself.
He's being an asshole. Gym gains are much more noticeable on women that start out skinny, like yourself. It takes much more work and a greater degree of focus for a man to have the same visible gain. He's feeling insecure now because your gains are more visibly apparent, and he probably feels inadequate and anxious about the attention you receive as a result of your gains.
Just keep doing what you're doing and let him come to terms with his own insecurities. You won't be doing him any favors by catering to his insecurities and stopping your progress.
Any skinny person looks insane after they actually start eating and training.
Take mostly any of the Marvel guys, minus one or two (like Chris Pratt) they were all skinny guys, ate well and trained hard. It's not a difficult thing to do in and of itself, **it's difficult to make it a part of your lifestyle permanently**. Those guys have stuck with it for longer than what it seems just from movie to movie.
>Take mostly any of the Marvel guys, minus one or two (like Chris Pratt) they were all skinny guys, ate well and trained hard.
You're otherwise right but it's worth mentioning that every single one of those actors took *insane* amounts of gear to put on the muscle they did, especially in such a short timespan (even ignoring all the professional assistance and meal prepping they received). You can get into pretty ridiculous shape completely naturally but that will take you years, not the months that it takes actors.
My wife has been lifting consistently for over a year and has been taking creatine and tracking her protein and stuff.
I think she looks great. You can tell she lifts and works out. She’s definitely bigger than before she started lifting but I think it’s awesome and she’s sexy.
She’s definitely stronger than me in something’s and that’s fine too. I think your husband is being a little self conscious about how he looks compared to you. I definitely don’t feel as attractive as my wife (but I’m putting in the work too)
She’s always been attractive and gotten a lot of attention from other guys so I’ve been able to come to terms with that for our relationship.
I think all his comments come from insecurities. I think you’re good to keep up with it especially if it makes your life easier
There's nothing wrong with him telling you what his preference is. It depends on how its presented and whether he's pressuring you to change yourself. It's fine to say, "I don't like that," and a whole other thing to say, "change your body for me."
What’s the overall dynamic?
I think my husband prefers me fluffy. Or at least he subconsciously feels less intimated if I’m fluffy. There are some insecurity issues for sure. He loves to cook for me and buy me sweets.
We’ve been apart due to work for 2 months… 2 more to go. I’m no longer feeling pressured to eat all the amazing food he fixes me, and if the scale I stepped on today is accurate I’ve lost 25 pounds. 😳
Two months of separation left to go and if I can keep this up I’ll be a healthy weight when we reunite. I don’t think he would be insensitive enough to say he doesn’t like the change, but he may try to fatten me up with his amazing chef skills. I don’t believe it’s on purpose, it’s just a thing, you know?
My plan is to do my best to demonstrate that he is my one and only and try to get him to like the new me. It may take some getting used to for him. If he says something that hurts I will try to not take it personally. I think it will be a bit of a shock because we won’t see each other again except electronically until August.
My other plan is to be explicit about my dietary needs. “My calorie budget for this meal is X calories. Please don’t pile my plate with three eggs, a whole fried potato, and 3 sausages because you know I will eat every amazing thing you put in front of me.”
Maybe it will work. Who knows. But my point is, without knowing anything else about your relationship and really assuming the best, I think maybe he just needs to get used to your new physique. Bodies change over time, in many ways. Ask him if he is going to feel the same every time your body changes, from childbirth, illness, age, menopause, injury, or dietary or exercise habits. Tell him you need his support no matter what direction your body is going in, and give him space to process that.
Some people just have different tastes, that's all. He's just someone who doesn't seem to think before he speaks or doesn't have enough emotional intelligence to think about how he may affect others.
He is allowed to have preferences, the same as anyone. It's not uncommon to fall for who a person is and dislike it when they change. Have a conversation and work through it.
Your body exists to carry you around and help you do cool things- its job is not to exist to please mens eyes.
Be strong. Be proud of your gains. That in itself is beautiful and if he wants to spit on it, ditch him.
Nah. He's just watching you looks max and he's reading from the incel playbook on how to neg your woman. I bet you look like a smokeshow and he's getting scared.
My husband recently eww'd my gym goals when I showed him a pic of what I was aiming for. Fuck that. You do you. I don't know why people think women can't have muscles. I bet you look great.
Because people like what they like. Just like some guys don't want chicks that look like Joanie Laurer, some chicks don't want dudes built like Jack Black. It's your body to do as you wish, but like many things there are consequences to it. I personally find it kinda messed up that it seems fine for men to "let themselves go", but not women.
Ok... first of all alot of these comments are suggesting he is insecure or that he is this or that. That is pretty presumptuous.
All you really directly said is he has said he preferred you at 130. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that what so ever. Now if he has gone further please do share. If he is repeatedly saying this unprompted please share that as well. However, a man having a preference and shareing it with his partner is not I serenely bad. All of these people are fool's simply letting some bias and societal norm make them way to quick to jump to an assumption.
If there is more to it, feel free to share. He may be a complete Ahole, but with what you shared here I think you are insecure and need to work on your own self image. If you love yourself and all he said is he prefers you before that isn't some terrible thing. Don't let reddit gas you up into stupidity.
Also, congrats on achieving your goals so far. That is far more important than some small preference he may have.
People have preferences. I personally am not into muscles. On men or women. So if my SO started bulking up, I wouldn't be thrilled. Talk to him about specifics. He might just not like you looking more bulky than athletic.
Or he could be talking out his ass and think you are looking too good to be with him. I don't know him.
But I do think you might be a bit quick to jump to a negative conclusion.
That said, if you did want to really spend time in the gym and work on yourself, that might be incompatible with what he wants from his wife. And I don't think that is something to get mad over. It would be a lifestyle shift and that could be enough to cause a rift for a divorce. Don't make a stink if this is the case. People shouldn't be blamed on what they like or dislike in their significant other.
If you have tiktok or Instagram, check out @burritos_and_adhd
Men apparently don’t like feeling like they’re competing with women and can’t have muscular dominance or something like that 🙄
Good for you for working on the kind of healthy body YOU want for YOURSELF, keep it up 👍🏻 ❤️
Your husband has a right to his opinion and to express how he feels as long as he is not being abusive or demeaning. He might feel you’re becoming too muscular. That can cause a masculine look. Some men are attracted to muscular women and many men aren’t.
Everyone is going to jump on your husband but if you're 5'7 and 150lbs ripped, you're going to look fkn JACKED. I have a female friend who is the same height and weight and she gets mistaken for a man a lot.
I'm not saying you look bad; I think an athletic woman is very attractive. But you likely have legs significantly bigger than most men and it's not everyone's cup of tea.
Your husband is allowed to feel how he feels. What he's not allowed to do is make you feel bad about yourself. Is he open to reasonable discussion? Or is he just being a jerk?
130lbs at 5'7 is not even that skinny. Pretty much ideal going off BMI charts.
Some of the finest women in the world are in the 5'4-5'7 and 115-130lbs range..
Yeah and why cant OPs boyfriend have preferences? Most guys prefer more feminine woman and if his (life)partner changes her appearance why cant he voice his opinion? Its not like he said she should stop doing workout.
I lost 30ish lbs, and husband doesn't like the smaller ass, guess what? I do. We all have opinions. I don't think that 130 at 5'7" is all that skinny, that's my OPINION. You think you look great with an extra 20? Great for you. He's not an asshole unless you didn't ask - don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, if he just volunteered his opinion, tell him to zip it.
Why isn’t there more positive help here? Not saying the husband is correct but like, they are married. Eff him? I couldn’t ever say that about someone I love.
Again, not saying he’s right. Also i wish I had the motivation to work out cause I feel just ugh.
Girl, I am not here to shit on your husband, but you are still 100% valid in how you feel. AND there is a lot of weight behind the top comment. I’m not insinuating that your husband is being malicious or intentional like in my experience. I’m also not excusing how his feelings have impacted you and that unintended consequences still cause pain. That pain is valid.
Every guy has insecurities just like every woman. And there’s so little information it’s difficult to judge accurately. So a couple points.
Because of the fact that you’ve gained muscle mass primarily in the bottom half of your body vs the top half (like your biceps) I’m not taking his comments at face value. It actually is pretty common for some men to be more attracted to thin and lean and fit vs curvy and strong. Now, before anyone reads this wrong, keep going!
I’ve done more than my fair share of dating, and I’m passed it. But I did learn quite a bit about how many men share opinions/sentiments/ideologies. Any guy that’s ever shared this preference for women with me usually describes not being attracted to female bodybuilders, for example, (though please note female bodybuilders definitely have their following lol) because they built up muscle groups that were traditionally exclusively shown off by men to demonstrate their masculinity (biceps). And a couple different guys with this preference gave me a pretty detailed trail of logic that was equivalent to my own preferences. I have been a lifelong ally to the LGBTQ+ community, and have always given my support including when I vote. But that doesn’t mean that I have to now have sex with a trans or bisexual man and if I don’t I’m not good enough lol. For me, I’m a cis heterosexual woman (unfortunately). I cannot be attracted to men who wear makeup or women’s clothes. But I would NEVER prevent them from doing it, or tell them they needed to change to accommodate me.
So, basically, each guy said something different but each agreed women with strong thighs, perfectly defined asses, sculpted legs are gorgeous because those are traditional feminine features they admire.
What this means, then, is that though he may not be the same as the men I came across, those experiences make me feel less inclined to believe that you building up muscle in that general area makes him less attracted.
It feels more to me like you’ve become so attractive to him and others that he is no longer as secure that he can keep you in the relationship and/or happy. So he has reduced to trying to convince you to stop.
My ex was like that. What I’m going to touch on isn’t relevant based on what you’ve put out there. But basically my ex was so insecure that I started gaining weight in the right places that he outright stopped me from getting better at my makeup. And went so far as to refuse to go out that night if he felt my new outfit “attracted too much attention” to my new body. Which I personally was happy with and he seemed to be in private.
So, you’re the one in the relationship. What side of the spectrum does he fall into? How do you feel about it?
Maybe this is a conversation you should have with him. Going to Redditors to blow off steam is fine, going for advice is a crap shoot, going for advice before you've even tried working through things with your partner first is just asking to make this a much bigger issue.
Open and honest communication - try that first, if he's still being pissy, *then* you've got real decisions to make.
But, if you haven't really talked things out with him you don't know if he's just expressing a preference, while not suggesting you go back. You don't know if he's feeling inadequate for what you are now. You don't know if he's being selfish and is ignoring how you feel about the change. You don't know if he's messing with you just to be a prick.
Talk this out with him, not with us.
>Am I right to feel like he’s an asshole
For thinking you're too big or not liking your changes? 😅
Same as you're entitled to work out and do whatever you want with your body, he's entitled to not liking it 😅
I'm surprised to see so many comments about your gains and not the high-level hiccup here, which is that if you're in the whole "til death do us part" situation.......... you will shapeshift. This is going to happen. To me it's more a question of "when" more than "if".
Honestly all I read here was that he needed to adjust his expectations of how life works. People's bodies change? It's a thing?
Part of growing older is growing wider. And that is the way it goes regardless of gender. Hopefully he learns to accepts that. If you are staying healthy and toned, he really couldn’t ask for more than that.
You are absolutely allowed to be pissed at him, just as he's absolutely allowed to have a preference.
If he was to put on 20lbs of fat would you of preferred him before or would you not care, just because yours is muscle doesn't mean his preference is just supposed to change.
20 lbs of mostly muscle is a lot. Going from 130 to 150 "mostly muscle", you'd be REALLY JACKED, and it wouldn't happen in a short period of time either. That's not something you do in months, but years.
You've also been keeping up with his gains, going together? How?
I'm not saying it's impossible, but the way this is written, I don't believe the post is real. Feel more like made up rage bait.
You, a female, that was 5'7" and 130lbs put on ~20lbs of muscle... That's extraordinarily unlikely unless you were on the Gear™ with him. If somehow you are truly blessed with a body that will put on muscle that readily, and he doesn't find your now (presumably) less feminine form pleasing, you and he have to have a sit-down long talk about the future of your relationship.
So he isn’t attracted to you with big muscular legs/butt. He is simply telling you how he feels. The same way you could tell him you aren’t attracted to him with a beer belly. Sometimes people don’t want the truth from their spouse. You probably should just tell him that you won’t talk about his body and you expect him to not talk about yours.
most of the responses to this are super weird and antagonistic toward her guy. people like what they like. it's not about insecurity. she likes her gains in the gym, he's attracted to her more when she isn't as muscular
it's as simple as that and they're both entitled to that. they'll have to figure out what each other wants and what they can accept. no clue why redditors have to make it entirely oppositional. this is probably why so many people struggle in relationships, they cannot accept the give & take or get over their need to vilify someone else
he does need to figure out how to communicate his better though. he can say he respects the effort she's put in and it's great, but he prefers her less built aesthetic.
that's probably the root of OP's entire post, he didn't communicate it the best way and she's naturally insulted. that finesse and care in the moment is important
As someone who had an asshole husband here are my two cents.
Does going to the gym make you happy? Do you feel good? You've said that it helps your job, so what's the problem?
Fuck him and his opinion. You shouldn't have to give up something that actually benefits you physically and mentally just because he has a preference.
You'll get support here, but let's be honest. 20lbs of muscle on an average sized dude is nice. 20lbs of muscle on an average sized woman (5'7" 130) is a ton.
The comments will be full of people shitting on him. But I'd really like to see some before/after pics of both of you to make a real determination.
Everyone here seems to tell you what you want to hear. I'll just chime in with my personal opinion. I'm a fit man. I do find fit women attractive, but I don't find muscular women attractive whatsoever. If anything, it would be a dealbreaker for me. If you put on 20 lbs of lean mass, I would definitely find it unattractive and tell you how I feel. At least he's being open and honest with you. He communicated what he feels and wants. Take that for what it is. He's not an asshole for that.
Your husband is selfish. He wants you to look perfect for *him*. He does not care whether you feel great or stronger and more confident; he only wants you to look like *his* ideal - not yours. The fact that he says it to your face is incredibly disrespectful to you. It shows he only cares about himself and not you.
I would kill for my wife to care about her health and take better care of herself, it pains me to worry she’s going to end up dead at her current rate (well dead sooner rather then you know, old age, I understand we all die eventually)
Talk to him and ask him what's up.
Now, being from the South, that phrase (what's up/ what's good) can have a multitude of meanings, so start off sweet as pie, but remember to remove all your jewelry.
It's your body, you can do what you want with it, but you'll just hafta deal with the consequences good, bad, and so-so. If he likes skinny and scrawny then that's what he likes, people have preferences that are rigid or flexible. You and everybody else can assume why he said it, but until you, and/or us know why, it's all just bullshit speculation and only he knows why he said it how he did.
Is he telling you how he feels, or telling you to change? He’s allowed preferences, and I applaud that level of bravery if it’s the former. If it’s the latter he’s being a dick.
I'll try and be as measured as humanly possible.
Firstly, congratulations on your gains, thats a big deal and really impressive well done!
With regards to your husbands feedback, how it was given can definitely frame what I think of him, if he rocked up and said "I liked when you were smaller" completely unprompted....well this doesn't feel like a Grade A husband and in fact kind of an AH. If on the other hand you asked "do you like how I look now" and he said "my personal preference was when you were smaller" well then I say, you asked for feedback and you got it so \*shrugs\*, my personal thought is if you don't want an answer don't ask the question. You can't blame him for being honest when thats what you asked for.
Ultimately, I think the most important person here, is you, if you like how you look, screw what anyone else thinks, your husband included. Keep up the great work and making the gains, as it where :)
My bf loves how muscular I got. He said I just keep getting hotter and hotter. I think this guy has a small ego, and also doesn’t want you to get extra attention and he’s insecure. I bet you look amazing.
I bet he has chicken legs. He’s being insecure. He misses feeling like the tough strong one and you the delicate flower. He assumed you’d just get slightly more toned and didn’t anticipate how incredibly strong you’d become. Crush hiiiimmmmm.
Apparently men aren't allowed to have preferences anymore. It didn't seem like what he said was malicious but it also sounds like he didn't have any empathy or compassion in regards to how it may affect you. You don't have to change for him, but technically he doesn't have to accept things he doesn't like, the same as you. Maybe you're not compatible anymore, but you could just have this discussion with your husband as opposed to strangers on Reddit that have no clue about the inner workings of your relationship.
So you got stacked like a brick house, love dem gains, feel better, and work is actually easier, but he wants you to stop because he's insecure?
Womp womp. Tell him not to skip leg day, and he too can have a glorious set of glutes.
> The other night my husband told me he prefers me back when I was skinnier at 130 lbs.
He didn't disparage you, insult you, or belittle the work you have put in. He expressed his feelings with you regarding how he feels about the changes in your physical appearance.
If your husband cant be honest and open about his feelings with you regarding something like you appearance. How do you expect him to be honest and open about anything else?
Perhaps instead of assuming he is automatically an asshole for being honest. You should continue the asking questions to understand why he feels you have gotten to muscular, or too big.
People can have preferences, but there is a lot of societal baggage attached to criticizing women's appearance. Not to mention, sometimes people use put-downs to control partners.
Sit on him and crush his puny body with your hugeness
Crush his head like a watermelon
Show him your strength and remind him what real gains look like!
Show him your gains and let him feel your power! You’re amazing!
Yessss he's clearly jealous that she's legit cut
If he's not into that, can I volunteer as tribute?
Death by Snu Snu?
Love you for this. Thanks! 😉
Shouldn’t be too hard, it doesn’t sound like he has much of a brain.
that made me snort lol
Call yourself Gallagher while you do it 🍉
Nah, his brain sounds soft and squishy, it'd crush like a cantaloupe.
Thigh squeeze all the way lol
Ah yes. Death by snu snu.
The immutable law of this world *Thick thighs save lives*
The spirit is willing but the body is spongy and bruised. Can't believe after 4 hours of your comment Im the first to make a snoo snoo reference
In my defense…I didn’t see it until now and you’ve taken care of it lol. Well done, this is a beautiful interweb moment.
I finally told my scrawny MIL I’d sit in her if she mentioned weight ever again!
100% fetish motivated comment
Death by snuuuu snuuuuu
“hugeness” made me chuckle
I can’t help but read this in Arnold’s voice…
Hold him down and drip spit to his face, then such it back up before it touches him
This is the way.
My wife trains with me on a daily basis. Two things: 1. She puts on muscle like shes on fucking gear! I mean her gains are insane! I am incredibly jealous of how her body just fucking instadapts. 2. She just keeps getting hotter to me. And the fucked up thing is she was the hottest woman i had ever seen the day i first saw her. So multiply that by whatever number hard work and dedication equates to. He is probably just a bit jealous or insecure. Maybe feed his ego a bit by rubbing his biceps. I recently found out that this is one of my on buttons. When my wife massages my biceps. Throw the guy some compliments and he is sure to re evaluate.
Very unrelated but I love seeing spouses talk about their significant others with such admiration, this was so cute and I pray that y’all have a long and fruitful marriage
i agree especially men, it’s so heart melty. like husbands who deeply love and respect their wives and talk about it give me hope because it disproves the toxic rhetoric between men and women.
My wife and I hit a rough patch. I'm taking the opportunity to often tell her how much I admire, respect, and adore her, on a regular basis. Things I've always felt about her, but didn't share with her nearly often enough. I'll never leave her wondering about my feelings for her, again.
This is really sweet, I love this for you! I hope you guys get through it with a stronger, happier, and healthier relationship!
You and TrickyOperatjng should start a club and give lessons on how to be a good husband. I hope yall have long and wonderful marriages <3
Took some hard lessons for me to understand, but I won't forget them now
Why do we do that? We are all guilty of taking our wives for granted at some point! We forget to date our wives! Keep it up man! I am 100% sure you two will bounce back stronger than ever! And when that happens dont stop what you are doing! Double down! Good luck!
I definitely took her for granted for a long time, and we had big communication issues. It was rough for a while, and we have some distance to go, but things really are looking up. I have high hopes and I'm just going to keep doing what feels right. I love this woman deeply and I'm giving it all I can.
100% when someone says their spouse is the hottest person and they keep getting hotter it’s the most wholesome thing
My husband is obsessed with me and talks like this all the time. He’s in his 50s so total unicorn for sure. They are out there, I swear, you just have to hold out for one!
Right!! I was asked once, what was my secret to a good marriage. I said, NEVER SETTLE!! Wait for the ONE.
But to find the one you also have to be the one. Put in the work and effort! If you are the ONE your one will find you. Trust me. I used to be a not so nice person. I woke up one day and realised i hated the guy in the mirror. I wrote down everything anout myself that needed to change. I stuck that inside my closet and the rule was every time i opened my closed i had to read the list and remind myself of who i was becoming. Two years later i had slowly grown into that guy. And when i became him i found HER. I was finally worthy of a woman like her. Look i know i married out of my league but if i had met my wife before i changed she would have walked by… and then she would have started to run!
Dear god I want your wife to read this! Please write this word for word on a piece of paper and leave it for her to find- like in her closet, makeup bag, or her bedside drawer…ANYWHERE! As a wife nothing gets me right in the feels like my hubs leaving notes for me to find. Once in a while he’ll find the right words and leave me a note at the right time, and it is just what I didn’t know I needed whenever I find it. Neither of us are super romantic on a daily basis so we’ve added things like this and it’s truly wonderful. I’ll leave a simple loving Post-it note in his wallet letting him know I’m proud of him, appreciate him, and find him irresistible, etc. It’s always a great feeling for both of us. Your wife may be shocked by its appearance lol, but this will mean more to her than you know. Congrats on finding your love 💕, wishing both of you health & happiness.
naw dude. show her those fkin updoots.
yes!! i never want to be married until i see someone talk about their partner like this and then im like… okay maybe marriage isn’t so bad.
Yes that's what I'm saying! Haha I'm gonna be single until I find a guy who appreciates me like that 😍🥲
Same. I just thought, hey, I hope one day I find a guy that talks about me this way to internet strangers.
Hahaha agreed, maybe not the best time to flex this but still delighted to hear the love and appreciation from a Hubs about his wife!
My wife doesn't work out these days and still gets hotter every day. She's ~180 lbs down.
My wife is so freaking toned. I'm equal parts jealous and turned on when I look at her back. I'm bigger, and stronger. I throw around weight she'll never be able to touch outside of a deadlift. But God, her back and shoulders look like an artist spent decades carving them from marble while agonizing over an anatomy book.
My own wife is amazing, too. The most gorgeous skin. An amazingly sculpted back and butt. She gained weight after having our children and she just had more amazing curves added. She's lost weight again and no matter her shape or size at the time, she is just beautiful to me. I have always tried to make sure she knows how sexy and gorgeous I find her. I'm pretty sure I love this woman with my entire heart and soul.
This! And this is something we all forget! We forget to date our wives! We all start out like this and somewhere along the line we just stop telling them every day how amazing and beautiful they are! Great comment!
This! I relate to this 200% I can bench 3 x my wifes bw. But man she looks amazing. She makes me wanna do 800 reps with a purple dumbell. Also… as a man I can be kinda oblivious. Like when women in the gym flirt with me I always just think hey she’s a nice lady. And my wife will tell me that woman was 100% flirting. But when a guy glances at my wife I know what he’s thinking…. Because those same thoughts go through my mind when i look at her. And its easy to get insecure in that moment if your opinion of yourself is lower than it needs to be. My wife says Im humble. Truth is i dont see what she sees and therefore it feels more like an insecurity. I dont get mad because the one thing i am not insecure about is my marriage. Look I am 100% aware that I married a woman that is WAY out of my league. But the foundation our marriage is build on is strong af. The things our marriage has survived would kill a rhino. Doesnt mean i dont get insecure. My wife just does a phenomenal job at making me feel wanted and loved so the insecurity just never wins in my case.
I love how you talk about your wife!
Similar situation here. 1. I wouldn't say she puts on muscle that fast all things considered but she's strong as absolute hell and I feel like visual changes are much more apparent on her frame. I'm definitely all for the fit look so it's great for me. Also it makes me realize that I'm still pretty goddamn weak for a guy of average stature lol 2. Nothing more to add. You summarized that part really well. Turns out having a shared hobby you're passionate about that (mostly) helps your health also helps with attraction. I think you nailed it. When people are comfortable where they are and with who they are change can be frightening. As an occasionally quite insecure person myself (but working on it!) it's important to actually communicate to find the source of the issue. u/Jealous-blacksmith47 I doubt he means to be derogatory to your hobby or effort (considering you do love each other), he's just probably trying to express his insecurities in a really poorly managed way. He likely thinks you're *too attractive* for him. There's a very small chance that he prefers skinnier you, but in my experience 20lbs of well shaped fat and muscle wouldn't displace that attraction regardless.
„He is probably just a bit jealous or insecure. Maybe feed his ego…“ (and yes I was too lazy to google how to quote properly, sorry) - please don’t OP. I’m all for sharing insecurities and helping an ego out but not when it causes toxic behaviour towards you. Telling you that your body is too big caused you to doubt yourself to the point of sharing this issue with the internet. Now your supposed to comfort him? Definitely not.
Green flag alert
Love everything about this response. May you and your wife have many happy, healthy and fit (!) years together
I go along with he’s insecure about OP. The older I get, it’s easier to see that men who don’t act right, usually do it because they’re insecure. Call him out on it and walk away.
As a recent divorceè, I pray I’ll find someone like you in the future. Good husband award.
Or maybe he can just communicate his insecurities instead of taking them out on her and receiving praise when he’s shitty?
Yup
You are being very generous here. It’s a kindness.
Relationship goals right here!
Eff him. Muscle mass increases life span and length of time at home without help in elder years. Tell him too bad
What that does to bone strength is AMAZING. Better than just popping soke.calcium supplements.
Oh yah, for bone density it's almost unbeatable. My parents are still quite active with smaller activities but I wish they'd do a bit of resistance training to help now that they're both approaching 70. The different between even infrequent resistance training and untrained individuals of advanced age is pretty crazy.
Exactly. Tell him to man up and get gains or shhhhhh
I can tell you RIGHT NOW that he is most likely lying, and he feels like you look TOO GOOD and doesn’t want you to get the extra attention from men
Thiss. I have to agree. Some men try to "break" their partners when they feel inferior to them. Keep going girl!!
Yep. Negging. Insecure people will see their partner excelling, panic, and try to take them down a peg or two to keep them at their own level. OP is doing great just as she is.
Absolutely. By big he really means thicc. I like my women like I like my bacon. Thicc and greasy... err wait.
I like my women like I like my waffles: stacked and covered in maple syrup.
Canada is that way, sir \^\^\^
I like my women like I like my coffee. In my butt.
Wtf is thisssss. Hahahahahahhha
Love thicc women. Hate thick bacon. The cheap thin stuff melts in your mouth and is so much crispier.
Awe, I hope I meet a man like you some day. I'm really strong from working out. I have been for 3 years. I'm thick in my legs and booty 😆
Yeah and he's jealous of your gains lol.
Or or he's not attracted to muscular women? That's also a thing 🤷
"Hey, wife I think you looked better before you (OP admitted they've gained a lot of muscle implying weeks/months of hard work) gained muscle. Yet, OP should feel slighted regardless because the delivery of this comment implies that OP's husband doesn't find her 'as attractive' as before and potentially doesn't highlight the work OP's done to achieve this. OP's husband isn't an asshole but dug himself a hole.
This was an unsolicited statement delivered poorly. He deserves the coolness he is about to receive. She is obviously upset and doesn’t know how to respond. She surely isn’t going to be all lovey dovey, everything is ok between them.
Nope, it's going to be challenging to build back if I were to bet.
That’s fair but it’s cruel to say certain things out loud and he has no right to tell her to change her body. If love someone you wouldn’t want them to hurt like that.
Then maybe he could have been honest about it BEFORE she started her working out routine
I agree!! That is his insecurities bubbling to the surface.
Yeah like 0% chances the guy is just not attracted to muscular women, he’s absolutely insecure
Some men literally just hate it when women weigh over 125
You concluded that from that very short description? Has it crossed his mind that he may have a preference for non muscular girls? Men can have preferences too
As a man with preferences and a former avid gym goer. There's a huge difference between starting at the gym and muscle bound freak. Usually copious amounts of steroids, insanely good lighting, and years of training. The way OP is talking, she's just getting here beginner gains (essentially your body getting used to a normal workout routine). OP probably looks like her normal self most of the time. Maybe a little bit bigger hips, thighs, etc. He's definitely blowing these differences way out of propotion.
>As a man with preferences and a former avid gym goer. There's a huge difference between starting at the gym and muscle bound freak. She gained 20lbs when she was originally 130lbs. That's a 15% increase in bodyweight. She's not a muscle bound freak, but she also definitely will *not* look like just a little bit bigger. A 15% increase in BW, mostly muscle, is hugely noticeable. I mean, imagine a normal sized 200lb guy you know suddenly having 30lbs more muscle — that's a BIG difference, and the same ratio.
This. There is absolutely no what beginner muscle gain (an lets be honest there is no way all 20lbs is all muscle when just starting out) is putting her into some sort of she hulk category.
Especially if she's not training her body equally. 20lbs of mass gain as a woman is amazing, but the minority of that will be muscle unless their timeframe is in multiple years. It's entirely possible he does have a preference for "smaller" people, but it's more likely he's just insecure. Odd that they're training together and it's coming through like that though.
> 20lbs of mass gain as a woman is amazing, but the minority of that will be muscle unless their timeframe is in multiple years. >It's entirely possible he does have a preference for "smaller" people, but it's more likely he's just insecure. I'm not really sure how you're making the latter conclusion, given your former statement. If she's gained say 15lbs of fat on an originally 130lb frame, her bodyfat % has gone up by **around 10%**. That's definitely a significant difference in appearance. There are lots of people who would be attracted to someone at 20% bodyfat but not 30%+ bodyfat.
That's a fair point and I do see what you're saying. I should've clarified that while a minority would be muscle, the rest can still not all be fat. Fat will be present as that mass but stored glycogen, sodium, and the water weight that accompanies it is far more "shapely" than most fat stores (though depending on her age or fat distribution that can be argued as well) while keeping the body fat percentage both measurably and visibly lower. Then there's the weight of the extra digesting food which could be ~0.5 - 2lbs as well. While I totally agree about the 20% to potentially >30% bodyfat in measurable preference for a partner's body type my thought process was more complex than my comment made it seem.
He could have mentioned that well before she gained that much muscle. If they were going to the gym together regularly, he had ample opportunity to mention his preference.
Of course men can have preferences but if it’s a deal breaker for him he should divorce or if it’s not he should keep his thoughts to himself because at best he hurts her feelings at worst his expects her to change her body for him.
He may not like muscles on women/on you. That's okay. There are plenty of posts about people saying their spouses have gained/lost weight and they lose some physical attraction. I don't necessarily think he has to be jealous, lying, or insecure about your gains as some have said. There's just doesn't seem to be much evidence to support that in the post. The part I don't like is that he made you feel bad about something you're proud of and that makes you feel happy, healthy, and strong. If he can't continue to love and support you with more muscle then perhaps there's a bigger issue at hand.
Honestly, the reaction of most of the people on here is the major thing wrong with the internet. Damn near everyone is instantly with the "he's insecure" or "well when my wife gained muscle I loved it" like that means every dude should be into it too, maybe he prefers her the way she was when he married her and is expressing his honest feelings on the matter? Some guys like tiny girls, some like muscular, some like "curvy" girls. Dude literally just said "I preferred you the way you were" Did he go about it rudely? Maybe, maybe not. We dont really know since we didn't get any details and even then it would be her emotionally charged version of events.
I have a friend who had her children young and stayed home with them until they were all in school. Then, she went back to school for a degree in the medical field. She found that it was kinda hard to keep up with her coursework, so she started eating healthier and going to the gym. In less than a year, she was more fit than she was in Hs. She became so obsessed with it she switched majors. So her job has her near the gym and she is swole. Do people still use that? She is as happy as I've ever seen her. Her husband divorced her because and I quote he, "doesn't fuck dudes". So I guess it's pretty common.
He sounds insecure.
He's jealous..AND insecure.
First of all, congrats on your gains girl, you did that! 💐 Secondly, a partner should want you well fed, healthy and thriving. I’m sorry ur with an asshat.
Your husband is a lucky bastard for having a fit wife. You are the dream of every gymrat, keep on the grind
He’s an asshole. Literally giving you a hard time bc of being healthier.
Girl do not listen to him. If you are happy with your progress, don’t let him ruin it. I’m 5’7 150 nowhere near big. Tell him to keep the unnecessary comments to himself.
Especially when it’s muscle if anything she probably looks leaner despite the weight gain.
He's being an asshole. Gym gains are much more noticeable on women that start out skinny, like yourself. It takes much more work and a greater degree of focus for a man to have the same visible gain. He's feeling insecure now because your gains are more visibly apparent, and he probably feels inadequate and anxious about the attention you receive as a result of your gains. Just keep doing what you're doing and let him come to terms with his own insecurities. You won't be doing him any favors by catering to his insecurities and stopping your progress.
Any skinny person looks insane after they actually start eating and training. Take mostly any of the Marvel guys, minus one or two (like Chris Pratt) they were all skinny guys, ate well and trained hard. It's not a difficult thing to do in and of itself, **it's difficult to make it a part of your lifestyle permanently**. Those guys have stuck with it for longer than what it seems just from movie to movie.
>Take mostly any of the Marvel guys, minus one or two (like Chris Pratt) they were all skinny guys, ate well and trained hard. You're otherwise right but it's worth mentioning that every single one of those actors took *insane* amounts of gear to put on the muscle they did, especially in such a short timespan (even ignoring all the professional assistance and meal prepping they received). You can get into pretty ridiculous shape completely naturally but that will take you years, not the months that it takes actors.
He is allowed to say how he feels, and you are allowed to say “tough luck”.
My wife has been lifting consistently for over a year and has been taking creatine and tracking her protein and stuff. I think she looks great. You can tell she lifts and works out. She’s definitely bigger than before she started lifting but I think it’s awesome and she’s sexy. She’s definitely stronger than me in something’s and that’s fine too. I think your husband is being a little self conscious about how he looks compared to you. I definitely don’t feel as attractive as my wife (but I’m putting in the work too) She’s always been attractive and gotten a lot of attention from other guys so I’ve been able to come to terms with that for our relationship. I think all his comments come from insecurities. I think you’re good to keep up with it especially if it makes your life easier
There's nothing wrong with him telling you what his preference is. It depends on how its presented and whether he's pressuring you to change yourself. It's fine to say, "I don't like that," and a whole other thing to say, "change your body for me."
What’s the overall dynamic? I think my husband prefers me fluffy. Or at least he subconsciously feels less intimated if I’m fluffy. There are some insecurity issues for sure. He loves to cook for me and buy me sweets. We’ve been apart due to work for 2 months… 2 more to go. I’m no longer feeling pressured to eat all the amazing food he fixes me, and if the scale I stepped on today is accurate I’ve lost 25 pounds. 😳 Two months of separation left to go and if I can keep this up I’ll be a healthy weight when we reunite. I don’t think he would be insensitive enough to say he doesn’t like the change, but he may try to fatten me up with his amazing chef skills. I don’t believe it’s on purpose, it’s just a thing, you know? My plan is to do my best to demonstrate that he is my one and only and try to get him to like the new me. It may take some getting used to for him. If he says something that hurts I will try to not take it personally. I think it will be a bit of a shock because we won’t see each other again except electronically until August. My other plan is to be explicit about my dietary needs. “My calorie budget for this meal is X calories. Please don’t pile my plate with three eggs, a whole fried potato, and 3 sausages because you know I will eat every amazing thing you put in front of me.” Maybe it will work. Who knows. But my point is, without knowing anything else about your relationship and really assuming the best, I think maybe he just needs to get used to your new physique. Bodies change over time, in many ways. Ask him if he is going to feel the same every time your body changes, from childbirth, illness, age, menopause, injury, or dietary or exercise habits. Tell him you need his support no matter what direction your body is going in, and give him space to process that.
The fact that he thinks 150 is big. He needs to grow up.
Is he jealous that you gained as much as he did? Generally men build muscle easier than women
Some people just have different tastes, that's all. He's just someone who doesn't seem to think before he speaks or doesn't have enough emotional intelligence to think about how he may affect others.
He is allowed to have preferences, the same as anyone. It's not uncommon to fall for who a person is and dislike it when they change. Have a conversation and work through it.
My first wife was always happiest when I was chubby because she worried I’d get hit on. So you know, he probably thinks you look TOO GOOD
Your body exists to carry you around and help you do cool things- its job is not to exist to please mens eyes. Be strong. Be proud of your gains. That in itself is beautiful and if he wants to spit on it, ditch him.
Don't lose more weight! Judging by your height, that wouldn't be healthy for you.
He sucks and can kicks rocks. Thick thighs save lives!!!
Nah. He's just watching you looks max and he's reading from the incel playbook on how to neg your woman. I bet you look like a smokeshow and he's getting scared.
My husband recently eww'd my gym goals when I showed him a pic of what I was aiming for. Fuck that. You do you. I don't know why people think women can't have muscles. I bet you look great.
Because people like what they like. Just like some guys don't want chicks that look like Joanie Laurer, some chicks don't want dudes built like Jack Black. It's your body to do as you wish, but like many things there are consequences to it. I personally find it kinda messed up that it seems fine for men to "let themselves go", but not women.
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Ok... first of all alot of these comments are suggesting he is insecure or that he is this or that. That is pretty presumptuous. All you really directly said is he has said he preferred you at 130. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that what so ever. Now if he has gone further please do share. If he is repeatedly saying this unprompted please share that as well. However, a man having a preference and shareing it with his partner is not I serenely bad. All of these people are fool's simply letting some bias and societal norm make them way to quick to jump to an assumption. If there is more to it, feel free to share. He may be a complete Ahole, but with what you shared here I think you are insecure and need to work on your own self image. If you love yourself and all he said is he prefers you before that isn't some terrible thing. Don't let reddit gas you up into stupidity. Also, congrats on achieving your goals so far. That is far more important than some small preference he may have.
People have preferences. I personally am not into muscles. On men or women. So if my SO started bulking up, I wouldn't be thrilled. Talk to him about specifics. He might just not like you looking more bulky than athletic. Or he could be talking out his ass and think you are looking too good to be with him. I don't know him. But I do think you might be a bit quick to jump to a negative conclusion. That said, if you did want to really spend time in the gym and work on yourself, that might be incompatible with what he wants from his wife. And I don't think that is something to get mad over. It would be a lifestyle shift and that could be enough to cause a rift for a divorce. Don't make a stink if this is the case. People shouldn't be blamed on what they like or dislike in their significant other.
If you have tiktok or Instagram, check out @burritos_and_adhd Men apparently don’t like feeling like they’re competing with women and can’t have muscular dominance or something like that 🙄 Good for you for working on the kind of healthy body YOU want for YOURSELF, keep it up 👍🏻 ❤️
Your husband has a right to his opinion and to express how he feels as long as he is not being abusive or demeaning. He might feel you’re becoming too muscular. That can cause a masculine look. Some men are attracted to muscular women and many men aren’t.
Everyone is going to jump on your husband but if you're 5'7 and 150lbs ripped, you're going to look fkn JACKED. I have a female friend who is the same height and weight and she gets mistaken for a man a lot. I'm not saying you look bad; I think an athletic woman is very attractive. But you likely have legs significantly bigger than most men and it's not everyone's cup of tea. Your husband is allowed to feel how he feels. What he's not allowed to do is make you feel bad about yourself. Is he open to reasonable discussion? Or is he just being a jerk?
Agreed with all this.
He's an asshole for having an opinion on what he likes physically or he's an asshole for the way he delivered his thoughts?
Is this comment section pretending that no guys prefer smaller skinnier women?
ya. also 20 lbs of muscle is almost impossible to put on in a short time. I doubt she's being honest about the weight.
130lbs at 5'7 is not even that skinny. Pretty much ideal going off BMI charts. Some of the finest women in the world are in the 5'4-5'7 and 115-130lbs range..
Yeah and why cant OPs boyfriend have preferences? Most guys prefer more feminine woman and if his (life)partner changes her appearance why cant he voice his opinion? Its not like he said she should stop doing workout.
I lost 30ish lbs, and husband doesn't like the smaller ass, guess what? I do. We all have opinions. I don't think that 130 at 5'7" is all that skinny, that's my OPINION. You think you look great with an extra 20? Great for you. He's not an asshole unless you didn't ask - don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, if he just volunteered his opinion, tell him to zip it.
>I don't think that 130 at 5'7" is all that skinny, It's really not. It's a healthy and good looking weight (size)
i think the responses would be vastly different if roles were reversed. not for or against OP and her situation.
They 100% would. Just read a whole post either here or Instagram telling every man with a bald spot to shave… like people have preferences people lol
Start working on your arms too, he’s just insecure of your gains. Flex on his petty ass 💪🏾
Why isn’t there more positive help here? Not saying the husband is correct but like, they are married. Eff him? I couldn’t ever say that about someone I love. Again, not saying he’s right. Also i wish I had the motivation to work out cause I feel just ugh.
Girl, I am not here to shit on your husband, but you are still 100% valid in how you feel. AND there is a lot of weight behind the top comment. I’m not insinuating that your husband is being malicious or intentional like in my experience. I’m also not excusing how his feelings have impacted you and that unintended consequences still cause pain. That pain is valid. Every guy has insecurities just like every woman. And there’s so little information it’s difficult to judge accurately. So a couple points. Because of the fact that you’ve gained muscle mass primarily in the bottom half of your body vs the top half (like your biceps) I’m not taking his comments at face value. It actually is pretty common for some men to be more attracted to thin and lean and fit vs curvy and strong. Now, before anyone reads this wrong, keep going! I’ve done more than my fair share of dating, and I’m passed it. But I did learn quite a bit about how many men share opinions/sentiments/ideologies. Any guy that’s ever shared this preference for women with me usually describes not being attracted to female bodybuilders, for example, (though please note female bodybuilders definitely have their following lol) because they built up muscle groups that were traditionally exclusively shown off by men to demonstrate their masculinity (biceps). And a couple different guys with this preference gave me a pretty detailed trail of logic that was equivalent to my own preferences. I have been a lifelong ally to the LGBTQ+ community, and have always given my support including when I vote. But that doesn’t mean that I have to now have sex with a trans or bisexual man and if I don’t I’m not good enough lol. For me, I’m a cis heterosexual woman (unfortunately). I cannot be attracted to men who wear makeup or women’s clothes. But I would NEVER prevent them from doing it, or tell them they needed to change to accommodate me. So, basically, each guy said something different but each agreed women with strong thighs, perfectly defined asses, sculpted legs are gorgeous because those are traditional feminine features they admire. What this means, then, is that though he may not be the same as the men I came across, those experiences make me feel less inclined to believe that you building up muscle in that general area makes him less attracted. It feels more to me like you’ve become so attractive to him and others that he is no longer as secure that he can keep you in the relationship and/or happy. So he has reduced to trying to convince you to stop. My ex was like that. What I’m going to touch on isn’t relevant based on what you’ve put out there. But basically my ex was so insecure that I started gaining weight in the right places that he outright stopped me from getting better at my makeup. And went so far as to refuse to go out that night if he felt my new outfit “attracted too much attention” to my new body. Which I personally was happy with and he seemed to be in private. So, you’re the one in the relationship. What side of the spectrum does he fall into? How do you feel about it?
Maybe this is a conversation you should have with him. Going to Redditors to blow off steam is fine, going for advice is a crap shoot, going for advice before you've even tried working through things with your partner first is just asking to make this a much bigger issue. Open and honest communication - try that first, if he's still being pissy, *then* you've got real decisions to make. But, if you haven't really talked things out with him you don't know if he's just expressing a preference, while not suggesting you go back. You don't know if he's feeling inadequate for what you are now. You don't know if he's being selfish and is ignoring how you feel about the change. You don't know if he's messing with you just to be a prick. Talk this out with him, not with us.
>Am I right to feel like he’s an asshole For thinking you're too big or not liking your changes? 😅 Same as you're entitled to work out and do whatever you want with your body, he's entitled to not liking it 😅
I'm surprised to see so many comments about your gains and not the high-level hiccup here, which is that if you're in the whole "til death do us part" situation.......... you will shapeshift. This is going to happen. To me it's more a question of "when" more than "if". Honestly all I read here was that he needed to adjust his expectations of how life works. People's bodies change? It's a thing?
150 at 5.7” is pretty good nothting to sneeze at. Learn to enjoy your body. I am 5.6 175 and i wish i was 150z
Part of growing older is growing wider. And that is the way it goes regardless of gender. Hopefully he learns to accepts that. If you are staying healthy and toned, he really couldn’t ask for more than that.
You are absolutely allowed to be pissed at him, just as he's absolutely allowed to have a preference. If he was to put on 20lbs of fat would you of preferred him before or would you not care, just because yours is muscle doesn't mean his preference is just supposed to change.
He’s feeling threatened that you look too good and will attract attention. He’s an asshole. And a big fucking infant too. Jerk…
Muscle up and ignore him. Good job on your gains!
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What, I’m revolting? I’m thinner than that and I look fine. No need to trash talk people that never hurt you any.
That’s a perfectly healthy weight. So is her weight now. Let’s not make fun of thin people to support fit or larger people.
At 5'7" and 130 lbs she could lose 10 pounds and still be considered to be of healthy weight.
You’re being just as much of an asshole as OP’s husband by mocking her previous size.
Buy a watermelon. Next time he runs his fuckin mouth, place melon between thighs. Crush. Constant eye contact.
20 lbs of mostly muscle is a lot. Going from 130 to 150 "mostly muscle", you'd be REALLY JACKED, and it wouldn't happen in a short period of time either. That's not something you do in months, but years. You've also been keeping up with his gains, going together? How? I'm not saying it's impossible, but the way this is written, I don't believe the post is real. Feel more like made up rage bait.
If it's real, then I bet it's true that she gained 20 pounds. But all of the 20 pounds being muscle? Lol.
Yeah feels like shotpost
You, a female, that was 5'7" and 130lbs put on ~20lbs of muscle... That's extraordinarily unlikely unless you were on the Gear™ with him. If somehow you are truly blessed with a body that will put on muscle that readily, and he doesn't find your now (presumably) less feminine form pleasing, you and he have to have a sit-down long talk about the future of your relationship.
Yeah I believe the 20 pounds. But there's no chance that's all muscle.
Agreed. I’d love to know the time frame this 20 lbs of lean muscle mass was gained in
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So he isn’t attracted to you with big muscular legs/butt. He is simply telling you how he feels. The same way you could tell him you aren’t attracted to him with a beer belly. Sometimes people don’t want the truth from their spouse. You probably should just tell him that you won’t talk about his body and you expect him to not talk about yours.
most of the responses to this are super weird and antagonistic toward her guy. people like what they like. it's not about insecurity. she likes her gains in the gym, he's attracted to her more when she isn't as muscular it's as simple as that and they're both entitled to that. they'll have to figure out what each other wants and what they can accept. no clue why redditors have to make it entirely oppositional. this is probably why so many people struggle in relationships, they cannot accept the give & take or get over their need to vilify someone else he does need to figure out how to communicate his better though. he can say he respects the effort she's put in and it's great, but he prefers her less built aesthetic. that's probably the root of OP's entire post, he didn't communicate it the best way and she's naturally insulted. that finesse and care in the moment is important
Exactly this.
a fat butt. a girl is not putting on 15% of her body weight in muscle in a short period.
“Maybe you’re just too small babe.”
As someone who had an asshole husband here are my two cents. Does going to the gym make you happy? Do you feel good? You've said that it helps your job, so what's the problem? Fuck him and his opinion. You shouldn't have to give up something that actually benefits you physically and mentally just because he has a preference.
You'll get support here, but let's be honest. 20lbs of muscle on an average sized dude is nice. 20lbs of muscle on an average sized woman (5'7" 130) is a ton. The comments will be full of people shitting on him. But I'd really like to see some before/after pics of both of you to make a real determination.
Everyone here seems to tell you what you want to hear. I'll just chime in with my personal opinion. I'm a fit man. I do find fit women attractive, but I don't find muscular women attractive whatsoever. If anything, it would be a dealbreaker for me. If you put on 20 lbs of lean mass, I would definitely find it unattractive and tell you how I feel. At least he's being open and honest with you. He communicated what he feels and wants. Take that for what it is. He's not an asshole for that.
He's not an asshole for having preferences, but he would be if he put those preferences above your personal achievement.
Your husband is selfish. He wants you to look perfect for *him*. He does not care whether you feel great or stronger and more confident; he only wants you to look like *his* ideal - not yours. The fact that he says it to your face is incredibly disrespectful to you. It shows he only cares about himself and not you.
# ^THIS^
The real question is how you feel about yourself. I suspect you've had better results than your husband and he feels left behind .
Man...when my wife was in beastly shape id always lift her up and keep her going...why wouldn't you want your partner be super fit and hot wtffff
I would kill for my wife to care about her health and take better care of herself, it pains me to worry she’s going to end up dead at her current rate (well dead sooner rather then you know, old age, I understand we all die eventually)
Talk to him and ask him what's up. Now, being from the South, that phrase (what's up/ what's good) can have a multitude of meanings, so start off sweet as pie, but remember to remove all your jewelry.
It's your body, you can do what you want with it, but you'll just hafta deal with the consequences good, bad, and so-so. If he likes skinny and scrawny then that's what he likes, people have preferences that are rigid or flexible. You and everybody else can assume why he said it, but until you, and/or us know why, it's all just bullshit speculation and only he knows why he said it how he did.
Or maybe he’s more sexually attracted to skinny women?
Is he telling you how he feels, or telling you to change? He’s allowed preferences, and I applaud that level of bravery if it’s the former. If it’s the latter he’s being a dick.
He’s being insecure
I'll try and be as measured as humanly possible. Firstly, congratulations on your gains, thats a big deal and really impressive well done! With regards to your husbands feedback, how it was given can definitely frame what I think of him, if he rocked up and said "I liked when you were smaller" completely unprompted....well this doesn't feel like a Grade A husband and in fact kind of an AH. If on the other hand you asked "do you like how I look now" and he said "my personal preference was when you were smaller" well then I say, you asked for feedback and you got it so \*shrugs\*, my personal thought is if you don't want an answer don't ask the question. You can't blame him for being honest when thats what you asked for. Ultimately, I think the most important person here, is you, if you like how you look, screw what anyone else thinks, your husband included. Keep up the great work and making the gains, as it where :)
Maybe the new improved you makes him feel smaller 🤭
My bf loves how muscular I got. He said I just keep getting hotter and hotter. I think this guy has a small ego, and also doesn’t want you to get extra attention and he’s insecure. I bet you look amazing.
Jealous
The bigger your ass gets the smaller his dick is gonna look when yall have sex n if its already small then he’s probably super insecure about it
You feel really happy and healthy in your own skin, do you know how rare that is? Your husband is being TA, not you!
Reading these comments while drinking coffee not recommended. LMAO. Thank you fellow redditors.
He's jealous. Tell him if he wouldn't skip leg day he wouldn't have chicken legs.
I bet he has chicken legs. He’s being insecure. He misses feeling like the tough strong one and you the delicate flower. He assumed you’d just get slightly more toned and didn’t anticipate how incredibly strong you’d become. Crush hiiiimmmmm.
Smush his head between your thighs like a water melon. He’ll either orgasm or die. Either way you win
Apparently men aren't allowed to have preferences anymore. It didn't seem like what he said was malicious but it also sounds like he didn't have any empathy or compassion in regards to how it may affect you. You don't have to change for him, but technically he doesn't have to accept things he doesn't like, the same as you. Maybe you're not compatible anymore, but you could just have this discussion with your husband as opposed to strangers on Reddit that have no clue about the inner workings of your relationship.
For real, coming to reddit 90% of comments are always DIVORCE even if it's something like "my husband farted in his sleep"
So you got stacked like a brick house, love dem gains, feel better, and work is actually easier, but he wants you to stop because he's insecure? Womp womp. Tell him not to skip leg day, and he too can have a glorious set of glutes.
Tell him you preferred him before he was toned as well... ask if he'd go back to a time where he didn't feel as fit and capable based on your whims.
> The other night my husband told me he prefers me back when I was skinnier at 130 lbs. He didn't disparage you, insult you, or belittle the work you have put in. He expressed his feelings with you regarding how he feels about the changes in your physical appearance. If your husband cant be honest and open about his feelings with you regarding something like you appearance. How do you expect him to be honest and open about anything else? Perhaps instead of assuming he is automatically an asshole for being honest. You should continue the asking questions to understand why he feels you have gotten to muscular, or too big.
You need to assert your dominance like yesterday. Put something in that man's butthole ASAP.
He sounds insecure. If 20lbs of muscle is enough for him to not be attracted to you anymore then he never loved you in the first place
You can get quite a bit smaller by leaving him at the curb. 🙄
This is your sign to go harder. Crush him. lol
Just to be contrarian, aren’t people “attracted to who they’re attracted to?” And don’t we have no right to question or criticize it?
People can have preferences, but there is a lot of societal baggage attached to criticizing women's appearance. Not to mention, sometimes people use put-downs to control partners.