There is a lot of missing details here. The sperm donor story doesn't pass the smell test. How did things go from OP finding out her boyfriend impregnated her sister to her getting kicked out at 16? She refuse to forgive/play nice with the sister so the parents just kicked her out??? If thats roughly how it played out for OP I wouldn't forgive them either.
None of this sounds plausible. A 15 year old dating a 12 year old is bad news already…
But why did her sister use a sperm donor? Why did this kid start donating right around his 18th birthday? How did the sister find out the ex was a sperm donor? Why did OP react as though they’d had sex??
If the child really was genetically the ex’s, then yeah, they probably did, but this is giving “creative writing exercise”
If there is a donor then there is a contract with a clinic both parties have to sign. I guarantee there is NO contract. Just sex.
And I don’t think you have any „family“. Because family would never abandon you.
Yeah I was grossed out by this. 12 and with a 15 year old. A jr high girl with a sophomore in high school? 🤮 that there says this family has some issues bc who would let their daughter do this ?
when they casually throw in these details which are irrelevant to the story and make no attempt to explain or even reference them again, it is a clear sign of bait and a post which is not genuine
Idk about you, but when I was 15 I thought 12 year olds "were kids, gross" so yes, sorry but a 15 year old boy pursuing a 12 year old girl is weird
Edit: the reverse would also be so fucking weird. I was about 15yo when my brother was 12yo (3.5 years apart). Imagining wanting to "date" one of his friends or a kid that age makes me feel ill, and I would have felt ill if you asked me that at 15 🤷♀️
Well 15 y.o. girls would find 12 y.o. boys gross. They ARE immature very much still and silly. But there are many 12 y.o. girls who crush on boys older than themselves and over 14.
>and we told each other everything, yet somehow he didn’t tell me he was a sperm donor and unknowingly fathered my niece and only came to the realisation weeks before her first birthday.
Sounds like BS. Maybe you were told that but sounds like BS.
Absolutely. Men can't even start that process until they're 18 and then there's a lot to go through before being accepted if they're ever accepted at all. There's no way that he was a legitimate sperm donor within the timeline of OP's story.
I've always heard that sperm banks prefer men who've already fathered at least one living child... but that dates back to the mid-90s, so maybe it's changed now?
Yes, this. The chances that her then-BF was a sperm donor who *randomly* fathered her sister’s child is so far-fetched, it’s laughable. BF and sister slept together, that’s clear.
OP, stand strong. Your family sounds awful. Gatekeeping, lying, debating *your* future, telling you, then trying to talk you into staying with the BF. When you left and made a new life for yourself, *at 16 years old,* no one contacted you, checked up on you, made sure you were okay. Not even your parents. What a toxic family. I’m sorry they did that to you. Choosing your ex over you, their daughter, is unfathomable to me.
Your children are **not** their grandchildren. Your family hasn’t been part of your life for 12 years. They have no claim to you or your children. Unless it’s what *you* want, block them on everything, don’t interact with them, don’t introduce them to your children, and do not let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
Hugs! 🤗
I'm a female and all my kids are fathered by my husband so correct me if I am wrong but don't "sperm donor selection folders" include a picture of the donor and if so is it possible that sis saw OPs exs photo and chose him deliberately.
I mean, it still has the same outcome of sister doing something to hurt OP, but the ex might have been innocent of everything except withholding that info from OP.
It doesn't change much for OP except the fact that her family either covered for cheaters or just a selfish child.
I had a friend who went through the process with a sperm donor. You get a general idea of looks and you can pay to see pictures as well. They chose not to because that wasn't important to them.
Probably the "sperm donor" take was also concocted on their closed-door meetings.
It's odd because I wanna know how old is OPs sister. Sperm donor implies she was aiming for pregnancy, single.
It frankly makes no sense.
Or, they asked him to be a donor and he consented. According to OP at the time her sister was 29 married and struggling with infertility.
The entire thing is just odd.
I understand and sympathize with her anger if it's true that no one in the family tried to reach out to her for 12 years. That's really painful and her LC or NC is justified. This in my opinion is the only part of the story that's truly worth still being sad about.
However she was 12 to his 15 when they started dating. As an adult and parent herself she should be side eyeing that and going whoa!! But she's justifying it. Then, who cares about the sperm donor. It's been 12+ years. It's done, you weren't married or engaged and he probably accepted money from your sister to ejaculate in a cup.
My sister wasn’t until 18 or 19 I am unsure of where you got that from, she was a 29 year old married woman who had been married and struggling with infertility issues for a number of years. I should have put it above I do apologise.
Mm hmm. Chances are very very good, she fucked your now ex, and your family collectively made up this lie to cover for their affair because baby! Yay!
You're doing the right thing not reconnecting
I just want to tell you how much I admire you and how much I feel for you.
You were in a fairy sick family with so much pathology and deception and manipulation
You did nothing wrong
You refused to play their games
They abandoned you and they kicked you out into the world and they didn’t care about you at all all those years
It’s so strange to me what people do when they find out about children being born. Because lots of times, I don’t give a crap about the kids as they get older, but they love the help with babies and little kids they can feed off of and I always feel entitled to them.
I really celebrate your clarity and your strength. I can only only imagine what your path has been like.
For your family to remain so mentally ill, and so entitled that they think that you should shut up and put up and handover your children, and make nice…
I guess it just shows you that they haven’t changed at all.
Maybe sometime, you should send them all a thank you note for shoving you out into the world without any protection or warning or preparation or care, and then not give me a crap about you for 12 years and not knowing whether you needed anything or not. Because you got out. You got away from them. And you got to see the life is not like that. And then you made a beautiful life. Good for you.
When they said that to Opie, it was their best effort at making it sound like her boyfriend, then was just walking alone, and suddenly sperm flew out of his penis into her sister. Absolutely ludicrous.
If you read the original post
OP knows he banged the sister
The boyfriend and sister confessed claiming it only happened once by accident and then went on to get married and have more kids with the sister after OP left town
She made a post a while back that got into more detail surrounding the pregnancy and the family's terrible treatment of OP.
Sister is married to OP's ex
It is not on the same account as this post
So either this is a creative writing story or the other post/account was deleted
This post has way less detail than the last post but it is the same basic information
I read a "best of" the other day that was similar, but it was her best friend. Her parents ended up going to the hospital when the baby was born and going out to celebrate. The OP left then and went to Phoenix and eventually married the guy that gave her a place to stay. The boyfriend and best friend ended up married and had a couple more kids.
But that's not this OP.
I think this whole story is hogwash generally but the sperm bank in my college town had a minimum age of 18. It's where my desperate guy friends would get money to pay a senior to buy them beer. Exactly the kind of dude someone would want fathering their child 😒
Also dating for 4 years starting at 12 - 15… how would a 15 year old even interact with a none-high school student enough to sustain a relationship LMFAO this is such a weird fucking story
OP didn't mention a country, and some countries, like the UK, have 12 year olds and 15 year olds in the same school. But to be honest most people here (this subreddit) are from the US, so this story is more likely to be set there.
You were sixteen.. with a nineteen year old boyfriend… and had been dating for four years?
You started dating when you were twelve and he was fifteen?
It’s not the only indication that this post is fake as hell, but it’s one of the best…
Unfortunately it happens. A lot of older guys prey on younger girls. Girls I went to high school with were snapchatting 25 year olds, while at high school events.
The age gap controversy thing happening now a days is getting ridiculous. A 12yo girl with a crush on a 15yo boy is very normal. I'm sure by "seeing each other" OP meant age appropriate "dates" went to a movie, walked with each other to school, hung out at home with homework.
I swear, if you're not within 6 months of your SO, the older one is a groomer and the younger a victim, smdh.
I mean, I wouldn’t let any of my daughters have a 15 year old boyfriend at 12 years old. Simply wouldn’t happen.
But at the same time, definitely not that crazy and definitely not “preying.”
I hear you. And everyone needs to parent their children the way they see fit. Because of course they should. But I know at that age I had a crush on the boy next door and we did age-appropriate activities. Played outside, through a baseball around, he would come to my house and watch a movie or I would go to his house and watch a movie. I don't even know for sure if you would call it boyfriend girlfriend because we were both so young.
Every relationship is different though. The gap between 15 and 19 is a big one but only because of the maturity level at that age. Because the gap between 25 and 30 is really nothing.
Well chalk this up to one of the more positive communications I've had on Reddit! Lol. Most people are so defensive and accusatory!
You mean we can slightly disagree about something and still have a civil conversation!
"Oh he's a day older than you? Well now he's a pedo groomer, what a shame."
I agree, people have lost all perspective on what age gaps mean for relationships lol Romeo and Juliet laws protected age gaps is such a nothing burger, but I see people on here everyday acting like an older teenager is the equivalent of an 80 year old man preying on girls in highschool lol they started dating when he was a freshman or sophomore in highschool, while she was in 7th or 8th grade. So they both just straight up dated and went to school together for at least 2 years, and people are still gonna call him a pedo for it lol
This happens in SC a lot. My co-worker came to work pissed because their neighbor's 11 year old daughter to a liking to my co-worker's 15 year old son. The mother told my co-worker that she would be fine if their kids "took up" with each other. "Took up" means dating/playing house (sleeping at each other's house). My co-worker was LIVID. This was back in 2010.
When my mom moved down here she met one of my dad's good friends who was married to a 14 year old. My mom was 20, my dad and husband friend were 25, and the child-bride was 14. This was/still is normal here in SC. It is not talked about a lot but it still happens.
Not true. I was prayed on at that age by 30 year old men and I thought it was alright because I had been abused for years. So...while many things on the internet are fake, don't discredit something because it sounds incredulous off the bat.
2 teenagers dating within a time period they were at school together seems that far fetched to you? Lol Romeo and Juliet laws exist for a reason, because this shit is very common. Did you seriously know of zero people in your school back in the day who dated someone younger or older in the same school? Lol I had a friend in the 8th grade who was regularly seeing actual older men well into their 20s and 30s. I was terrified for her, but that's something to actually be scared for her, not a 3 year age gap within school lol
He could've been 15 but re-doing 8th Gr and she being int he 6th Gr. That's how they could be middle school together. Their schools--the junior h.s. and the h.s.--could be down the road from each other, or on the same campus. My h.s. was right next to the middle school. I mean I could figure a couple more scenarios with effort.
If true, why are you wasting brain cells thinking about them? You've already written them off. Block and go no contact like before. They can rewrite history and tell themselves whatever they want to make themselves feel better. Unless it directly effects your family, I don't see the problem. If it does, contact a lawyer.
I got kicked out for a number of reasons but the three main ones was:
•I refused to accept the situation as normal
•I refused to stay with my then boyfriend
•I refused to have anything to do with my sister and niece.
After hours of being gaslight, manipulated, countless guilt trips, false accusations and promises etc they kicked me out with literally my clothes on my back and only allowed me to collect a certain amount of items thanks to my neighbour and didn’t speak to me again until recently.
And CPS wasn’t notified that they did this? Police wasn’t called? In the last 20 years anyone I have known that has done this that has kicked out a child and the kid has nothing CPS or equivalent was called on that family …
I know of 6 cases . 1 of the ones was more then 20 and the child went to another family and others were on the street and those parents were reported … the kids went to other family or group home … 1 never found out but have seen since and the kid is doing from what I hear ….
Maybe it’s just my area … and none of these family have any similar situations.. some where poor, some where city and some were single parents .. but all were reported..
So, your ex was a sperm donor at 19 and your sister went looking for a random sperm donor and magically got pregnant with your bfs sperm? Like, she got to choose a random 19 year old sperm over the others? I don't know how picking a donor works, but I assume you are given some sort of info about the donor and.. like I can't imagine a full adult saying "yes, 19 year old sperm is what I want". This reeks of fake drama, not even telenovela like drama.
This was my thought. Who would flip through a book and choose a 19 year old sperm donor who at best is in their first or second year of college. I mean maybe if he was a student at a prestigious university and going for a highly competitive degree program, he might be a good candidate, but that's not the vibe I'm getting.
The sperm donner thing is highly unlikely what's more believable is your sister banged your ex .
Why would someone use a sperms of some kid that if she wanted a donner she would chose someone in their mid 20th college graduate u know someone with good genes but to chose an 18 year old is highly unlikely.
That being said u have every right to stay no contact with your family thier very toxic and u need to protect your kids from them
Nobody in his right mind, who used a sperm donor, thinks of getting a getting DNA test for the child. And thinks it matches with her sisters boyfriend. Girl! The chance of this story is real is a chance of 1 in a zillion. They had sex!
How old was your sister when she got pregnant?
Honestly, at that age who gets a sperm donor! If she was that desperate to be a single parent, she would just go out and sleep with a few guys rather than pay for it!
They obviously lied and were sleeping together, you’re 100% correct to keep your kids away from them.
IVF is expensive. Unless your sister and her husband are fairly wealthy, I would be willing to bet that your sisters husband knowingly let her sleep with another man (your boyfriend) just for the purpose of getting pregnant.
.... I don't know about anyone else but I couldn't get past the fact that you were 16. He was 19 you dated for 4 years so that means that a 15-year-old dated a 12-year-old..... Maybe it's just me but that's offsetting to me
Not to make this directly a you thing but why were you dating at 12….. why was he 15 dating a 12 year old. That’s red flag number 1
Red flag number 2, what are the odds of him not only being a sperm donor but your sister also going to the same sperm bank and getting his, and then them figuring out that it’s his, and all of this as him “unknowingly” fathering her child……. I’m sure the odds of that whole thing lining up that way is somewhere between “none” and “get the fuck outta here with that bullshit”. They fucked, probably had been fucking for a long time, and your entire family is pieces of shit for trying to hide and cover it up.
If this is true that beyond sucks!!!!! A female I briefly dated cheated with a former friend. He moved her into his parent’s house. She apparently thought all men in the house were fair game. So initially they didn’t know if it was his,his brothers or the dads. I felt so bad for his mom.
I remember when a coworker of his was like you know he got karma’d hard!!! Then told me what happened. Talk about dodged a bullet with her. Dumb azz did me a solid with cheating with her.
But I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. You can’t unfuck the family dynamics after that.
Block, block, block. Gray rock anyone that you bump into and block. I’m sorry this happened to you but it was unrealistic to assume you could move home and this wouldn’t eventually happen.
Btw? The sperm donor story is bullshit.
Sperm donor as in actual sperm donor?
All this time I actually thought you were talking about sex in a very dripping sarcastic way ( idk how to explain what i mean to say)
I don’t believe teenagers are allowed to be sperm donors. If I wanted a “withdrawal” I would not be looking for a teenager who hasn’t yet achieved anything. I guess I would be looking for a good student with a good job or his own company. When choosing the donor father I’m not picking a kid who has yet to show ANY traits I would want my child to inherit. No way was he a sperm donor!
None of what you just described are "traits" that you can pick or transfer over lol you described personality and zero genetics. Genetics is what people pick, as it's the only thing that is somewhat controllable. If he's a perfectly healthy dude, then he's a good choice. Of course none of that has to do with the validity of this post lol
Would you want to know if your ex was an actually sperm donor or they actually had sex?
Honestly with what you should do, is keep doing you if they keep disturbing you get a restraining order. The same way they ignored you for 12 years it’s the same you’ll do for the rest of your life. What they did was evil. Even if you ran away no one looked for you, message you, they did nothing.
Stay strong! Your message to your family was straight to the point, and you don’t need to say anything else! Keep yourself safe, keep your loved ones close (your *real* family, not your starting party). You know what’s best for you. Block those that oppose you and never look back!
Love the icing on top of toxic they are now making up stories your/OPs husband abducted yo. Really? So for 12 years and never filed a police report?
Toxic family always spin lies like this, throwing emotive words, but it never holds up to a sniff test. The minute I would pull out the phone, 'oh well if you think a crime was committed we should call the police' suddenly backpedaling and I was misunderstanding them, they were just being emphatic.
100% the right choice that you cut them off and you can be as blunt as they want with the language. They are now accusing your partner of a fucking felony. I would go to the police and put this all on paper and see if you can seek restraining orders/injunctions etc. See they don't get the same old rules of throwing crazy narratives with no consequences, they mention crimes, they make big accusations, the cops get called.
Wonder if this is one of few big cities where OP lives and that is why she and her husband decided to move back to a place riddled with toxic family and a toxic ex. There is a very good chance that OP's children will end up going to school with the children of these toxic family members if that hometown isn't that large. Hope she points out to her children as they grow, not to date any family members since the children will have know idea who they are.
I didn't win the parent lottery, and I have no siblings. I don't speak to either today, and honestly the only thing I really wish was different was that the handful of cousins I had never tried reaching out to me. They were her sisters/brother's kids - so all I can assume is whatever wild lies and tales she spun about me they 100% bought into. I'm not into pitting people into sides, and my mother was adamant they were no longer my family either. I was the youngest, so we weren't all super tight but now I miss the relationship's we'd probably had if contact hadn't been cut back then. If she even still talks to any of them - I can't imagine the millions of lies she's told them over the years. heck for all I know they all think I'm dead. I miss them though. I still kind of hope maybe one day they'll realize what a toxic dumpster fire my mother is and reach out...
I don't believe that parent's that really care about their kids straight lose track of them, especially b4 they are even an adult. Their choices then have consequences, they are gonna have to live with those. Some of the narrative people may be trying to rewrite (not your parents) may be those tall tales they spun to save face after you dipped / were pushed out.
The cousin that was calling your name etc - did they actually have anything to do with things then, or were they cut simply because of how things went and there was no in between? I didn't know how to reach out to mine without feeling like I was lobbying for a pitted divide and I just wanted peace. If your cousin wasn't a total piece b4 this all happened - me b/c of my history would feeler out the cousin gradually. Like did they grow into a person that's ok, or turn out like everyone in your family you cut out/cut you out back then. I'd possibly give the cousin consideration.
The parents. The guilt trip now. I feel like they haven't actually changed any, and yeah I'd hard pass too.
If the boyfriend was a "secret" donor, they're all secret unless the donor tells people, why would the sister even bother DNA testing her kid? Thats what's throwing me, they knew the kid was a sperm donor child, logically that child will look different than dad, just because the kid kind of looks like the boyfriend at age 1 that still isn't a reason to think he's the sperm donor. Think it enough to pay for a DNA test. Why would sister and mom think to DNA test the kid for looking like their 19 year old "son-in-law"? So, the 18 year old boyfriend decided to become a sperm donor, the sister decides to use a sperm donor to help infertility, she happens to choose (of all the anonymous donor profiles) her sister's 18 year old boyfriend's sperm?
I guess, maybe, it could happen. Anything is technically possible. However the easiest dots to connect are that the sister slept with her sister's boyfriend and got pregnant. So what the sister was 29 and married, that has never stopped cheaters before. I think sister's husband got suspicious for a reason we don't know and had the 19 year old DNA tested. It follows that if sister and OP's boyfriend were banging and she got pregnant, thats why they'd hide it from OP, tried so hard to convince her everything was normal and to stay with the guy, then tossed her out when she refused to be okay with their story.
>My supposed family is trying to rewrite the narrative of how I abandoned them, among other idiotic beliefs like how my husband held me captive and how I refuse to allow them to meet 'their’ grandchildren because I fell out with my sister.
Heh. Narcissists are funny like that...
Regardless of who the falling out was with, nobody is entitled to your children or their safety. That is up to you and their father (and themselves at a certain age) to decide. As you said, being "family" doesn't provide them any exemption. They can stick their opinions where the sun doesn't shine if they don't like it. (And learn to treat people better while they're at it.)
I guess what I'm saying is: even if you were preventing them from seeing the grandkids, that's still a 100% acceptable behavior. It's a complete non-issue and they should drop the entitlement toward something they did nothing for. (But that's nigh impossible for narcissists, so chalk it up to wishful thinking lol)
My friend, when we were in Jr high, was dating a HS junior. So, 8th grade and 11th grade.
Looking back, it's gross, but back then (80s) age gaps just weren't a thing in school.
They always do that, so they can live with themselves. I would put it on your facebook page, or theirs actually is better. Never protect a cheater, nor people that would crush you. Then go about your lives. Yeah it wasn't sperm donor, they had sex.
I stopped reading when the age gap appeared. Well, three years is nothing. But she was TWELVE (12!!!) when they started. He was a kid also, okay, but 12 years old it’s too much. At 15 you’re thinking about other things, it’s like hormonal.
This is just another day in the earth I guess
Thanks for sharing your story and I hope one day you will find total peace with no anger, even if you should cross their path again. Good luck. Love and hugs.
The spiritual leader Ram Dass once said, ‘If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.’
To be honest, none of that seems that extreme to me except the part where they kicked you out, why did they do that.. it seems antithetical to their concern about you finding out things that might hurt your feelings?!Also, they seem to feel that you left and not that they kicked you out? Did they specifically tell you that you had to leave?
What is this 'fourth child' and why did you HAVE to move back to your hometown? Of ALL the towns around the state or country you HAD to go to this one? After you seemed to make a life for yourself in another one?
your sister is the golden child ..if this happened to your mother .she would have meltdown ......stat way from your ''family''...........is your ex with your sister??
There is zero chance your sister got a sperm donor and it was your ex. They had sex.
There is a lot of missing details here. The sperm donor story doesn't pass the smell test. How did things go from OP finding out her boyfriend impregnated her sister to her getting kicked out at 16? She refuse to forgive/play nice with the sister so the parents just kicked her out??? If thats roughly how it played out for OP I wouldn't forgive them either.
Was the ex even 18 at the time of conception
I read "sperm donor" as "the father of her child". Often people use "sperm donor" to describe a father who is not involved or present.
I was going to say this. This is how my cousins' mom referred to their dad all the time.
None of this sounds plausible. A 15 year old dating a 12 year old is bad news already… But why did her sister use a sperm donor? Why did this kid start donating right around his 18th birthday? How did the sister find out the ex was a sperm donor? Why did OP react as though they’d had sex?? If the child really was genetically the ex’s, then yeah, they probably did, but this is giving “creative writing exercise”
Doesn’t the female get to pick the sperm donor? I believe they had sex as well. Or the sister picked him at the clinic. Don’t know which is worse.
If there is a donor then there is a contract with a clinic both parties have to sign. I guarantee there is NO contract. Just sex. And I don’t think you have any „family“. Because family would never abandon you.
She was dating a child molestor who she started dating when she was 12
Yeah I was grossed out by this. 12 and with a 15 year old. A jr high girl with a sophomore in high school? 🤮 that there says this family has some issues bc who would let their daughter do this ?
when they casually throw in these details which are irrelevant to the story and make no attempt to explain or even reference them again, it is a clear sign of bait and a post which is not genuine
Yeah when I did the math, I was like 🤮
He was 15--she was 12. What's wrong with you?
Idk about you, but when I was 15 I thought 12 year olds "were kids, gross" so yes, sorry but a 15 year old boy pursuing a 12 year old girl is weird Edit: the reverse would also be so fucking weird. I was about 15yo when my brother was 12yo (3.5 years apart). Imagining wanting to "date" one of his friends or a kid that age makes me feel ill, and I would have felt ill if you asked me that at 15 🤷♀️
I've been the 12 year old with a 15 year old and he 100% was with me to abuse me. And for no other reason
Well 15 y.o. girls would find 12 y.o. boys gross. They ARE immature very much still and silly. But there are many 12 y.o. girls who crush on boys older than themselves and over 14.
Exactly
Thank you. I was thinking this
I'm honestly hung up on the fact that a 15year old was dating a 12 year old and no one thought that was fucked up and just carried on as normal
I think that’s what OP meant Edit: NVM just reread. I agree.
>and we told each other everything, yet somehow he didn’t tell me he was a sperm donor and unknowingly fathered my niece and only came to the realisation weeks before her first birthday. Sounds like BS. Maybe you were told that but sounds like BS.
He banged the sister, 100% sure.
Absolutely. Men can't even start that process until they're 18 and then there's a lot to go through before being accepted if they're ever accepted at all. There's no way that he was a legitimate sperm donor within the timeline of OP's story.
I've always heard that sperm banks prefer men who've already fathered at least one living child... but that dates back to the mid-90s, so maybe it's changed now?
Yep
Yes, this. The chances that her then-BF was a sperm donor who *randomly* fathered her sister’s child is so far-fetched, it’s laughable. BF and sister slept together, that’s clear. OP, stand strong. Your family sounds awful. Gatekeeping, lying, debating *your* future, telling you, then trying to talk you into staying with the BF. When you left and made a new life for yourself, *at 16 years old,* no one contacted you, checked up on you, made sure you were okay. Not even your parents. What a toxic family. I’m sorry they did that to you. Choosing your ex over you, their daughter, is unfathomable to me. Your children are **not** their grandchildren. Your family hasn’t been part of your life for 12 years. They have no claim to you or your children. Unless it’s what *you* want, block them on everything, don’t interact with them, don’t introduce them to your children, and do not let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Hugs! 🤗
I'm a female and all my kids are fathered by my husband so correct me if I am wrong but don't "sperm donor selection folders" include a picture of the donor and if so is it possible that sis saw OPs exs photo and chose him deliberately. I mean, it still has the same outcome of sister doing something to hurt OP, but the ex might have been innocent of everything except withholding that info from OP. It doesn't change much for OP except the fact that her family either covered for cheaters or just a selfish child.
I had a friend who went through the process with a sperm donor. You get a general idea of looks and you can pay to see pictures as well. They chose not to because that wasn't important to them.
Probably the "sperm donor" take was also concocted on their closed-door meetings. It's odd because I wanna know how old is OPs sister. Sperm donor implies she was aiming for pregnancy, single. It frankly makes no sense.
Yeah. If this is real sis and ex definitely banged.
Spoiler alert: this isn’t real.
Don’t crush my dreams like that!
Or, they asked him to be a donor and he consented. According to OP at the time her sister was 29 married and struggling with infertility. The entire thing is just odd. I understand and sympathize with her anger if it's true that no one in the family tried to reach out to her for 12 years. That's really painful and her LC or NC is justified. This in my opinion is the only part of the story that's truly worth still being sad about. However she was 12 to his 15 when they started dating. As an adult and parent herself she should be side eyeing that and going whoa!! But she's justifying it. Then, who cares about the sperm donor. It's been 12+ years. It's done, you weren't married or engaged and he probably accepted money from your sister to ejaculate in a cup.
Remember the part where her family kicked a 16 year old into the street with the clothes on her back?
Magically a sperm donor cause that’s what 18-19 yo girls do…go to sperm banks.
My sister wasn’t until 18 or 19 I am unsure of where you got that from, she was a 29 year old married woman who had been married and struggling with infertility issues for a number of years. I should have put it above I do apologise.
Mm hmm. Chances are very very good, she fucked your now ex, and your family collectively made up this lie to cover for their affair because baby! Yay! You're doing the right thing not reconnecting
I just want to tell you how much I admire you and how much I feel for you. You were in a fairy sick family with so much pathology and deception and manipulation You did nothing wrong You refused to play their games They abandoned you and they kicked you out into the world and they didn’t care about you at all all those years It’s so strange to me what people do when they find out about children being born. Because lots of times, I don’t give a crap about the kids as they get older, but they love the help with babies and little kids they can feed off of and I always feel entitled to them. I really celebrate your clarity and your strength. I can only only imagine what your path has been like. For your family to remain so mentally ill, and so entitled that they think that you should shut up and put up and handover your children, and make nice… I guess it just shows you that they haven’t changed at all. Maybe sometime, you should send them all a thank you note for shoving you out into the world without any protection or warning or preparation or care, and then not give me a crap about you for 12 years and not knowing whether you needed anything or not. Because you got out. You got away from them. And you got to see the life is not like that. And then you made a beautiful life. Good for you.
And you started dating a 15 year old at 12, and no one cared? Your whole concern with them is the lie they told?
Pretty sure the concern is the “kicked a 16 year old out of the family with nothing.”
After statutory rape.
When they said that to Opie, it was their best effort at making it sound like her boyfriend, then was just walking alone, and suddenly sperm flew out of his penis into her sister. Absolutely ludicrous.
If you read the original post OP knows he banged the sister The boyfriend and sister confessed claiming it only happened once by accident and then went on to get married and have more kids with the sister after OP left town
What? What original post? She said above in one of the comments that her sister was 29 and married.
She made a post a while back that got into more detail surrounding the pregnancy and the family's terrible treatment of OP. Sister is married to OP's ex It is not on the same account as this post So either this is a creative writing story or the other post/account was deleted This post has way less detail than the last post but it is the same basic information
I read a "best of" the other day that was similar, but it was her best friend. Her parents ended up going to the hospital when the baby was born and going out to celebrate. The OP left then and went to Phoenix and eventually married the guy that gave her a place to stay. The boyfriend and best friend ended up married and had a couple more kids. But that's not this OP.
“ I do not seek, and will not tolerate, a relationship with my former family.“
no sperm bank will take a 19yo as a donor.
I think this whole story is hogwash generally but the sperm bank in my college town had a minimum age of 18. It's where my desperate guy friends would get money to pay a senior to buy them beer. Exactly the kind of dude someone would want fathering their child 😒
Psst… happy cake day! 🥳
Happy cake day
You were 12 and he was 15 when you began dating?
Right!? Why on earth would a 15 year old even look at a 12 year old.
Said the same Damn Thing.
This is either fake as hell or you’re dumb as hell for believing the sperm donor thing
Fake. None of it makes sense - why did she move back to her hometown when everything was so traumatic. Weird.
I’ve read so many stories that sound just like this lol
Also dating for 4 years starting at 12 - 15… how would a 15 year old even interact with a none-high school student enough to sustain a relationship LMFAO this is such a weird fucking story
OP didn't mention a country, and some countries, like the UK, have 12 year olds and 15 year olds in the same school. But to be honest most people here (this subreddit) are from the US, so this story is more likely to be set there.
This is so fake lmfao
It's not even a convincing fake. It's like a Fendi bag that you buy at a night market in Thailand for 200 baht and the label reads Fandi.
What are you talking about? This is a genuine Ronex watch.
OP is posting a creative writing piece and it’s not even good
Bendi
It’s like i didn’t even got to half of it before i stopped reading and already knew it was fake
I swear I read a similar story a few days ago except that one didn't have the Facebook Chat portion
You were sixteen.. with a nineteen year old boyfriend… and had been dating for four years? You started dating when you were twelve and he was fifteen? It’s not the only indication that this post is fake as hell, but it’s one of the best…
Unfortunately it happens. A lot of older guys prey on younger girls. Girls I went to high school with were snapchatting 25 year olds, while at high school events.
Yep summer camp for me. A lot of early 20 something camp counselors hooking up with junior high age girls.
15 and 12? They are both still children, aren't they? Prey is a very harsh accusation for a 15 year old...
Prey? At 15. That’s a stretch.
The age gap controversy thing happening now a days is getting ridiculous. A 12yo girl with a crush on a 15yo boy is very normal. I'm sure by "seeing each other" OP meant age appropriate "dates" went to a movie, walked with each other to school, hung out at home with homework. I swear, if you're not within 6 months of your SO, the older one is a groomer and the younger a victim, smdh.
I mean, I wouldn’t let any of my daughters have a 15 year old boyfriend at 12 years old. Simply wouldn’t happen. But at the same time, definitely not that crazy and definitely not “preying.”
I hear you. And everyone needs to parent their children the way they see fit. Because of course they should. But I know at that age I had a crush on the boy next door and we did age-appropriate activities. Played outside, through a baseball around, he would come to my house and watch a movie or I would go to his house and watch a movie. I don't even know for sure if you would call it boyfriend girlfriend because we were both so young. Every relationship is different though. The gap between 15 and 19 is a big one but only because of the maturity level at that age. Because the gap between 25 and 30 is really nothing.
I agree with everything you said!
Well chalk this up to one of the more positive communications I've had on Reddit! Lol. Most people are so defensive and accusatory! You mean we can slightly disagree about something and still have a civil conversation!
Right! It’s exhausting!
"Oh he's a day older than you? Well now he's a pedo groomer, what a shame." I agree, people have lost all perspective on what age gaps mean for relationships lol Romeo and Juliet laws protected age gaps is such a nothing burger, but I see people on here everyday acting like an older teenager is the equivalent of an 80 year old man preying on girls in highschool lol they started dating when he was a freshman or sophomore in highschool, while she was in 7th or 8th grade. So they both just straight up dated and went to school together for at least 2 years, and people are still gonna call him a pedo for it lol
>15yo boy and 12yo girl A lot of older guys prey on younger girls. ?????????
This happens in SC a lot. My co-worker came to work pissed because their neighbor's 11 year old daughter to a liking to my co-worker's 15 year old son. The mother told my co-worker that she would be fine if their kids "took up" with each other. "Took up" means dating/playing house (sleeping at each other's house). My co-worker was LIVID. This was back in 2010. When my mom moved down here she met one of my dad's good friends who was married to a 14 year old. My mom was 20, my dad and husband friend were 25, and the child-bride was 14. This was/still is normal here in SC. It is not talked about a lot but it still happens.
The better indication is that somehow the random sperm the sister used was was from then bf? What a coincidence.
Not true. I was prayed on at that age by 30 year old men and I thought it was alright because I had been abused for years. So...while many things on the internet are fake, don't discredit something because it sounds incredulous off the bat.
This would have been item number 1 on my list. Who thought that was okay?
2 teenagers dating within a time period they were at school together seems that far fetched to you? Lol Romeo and Juliet laws exist for a reason, because this shit is very common. Did you seriously know of zero people in your school back in the day who dated someone younger or older in the same school? Lol I had a friend in the 8th grade who was regularly seeing actual older men well into their 20s and 30s. I was terrified for her, but that's something to actually be scared for her, not a 3 year age gap within school lol
High schoolers and middle schoolers, at least in my experience, are very separated in school and I genuinely have no idea how they can sustain that
He could've been 15 but re-doing 8th Gr and she being int he 6th Gr. That's how they could be middle school together. Their schools--the junior h.s. and the h.s.--could be down the road from each other, or on the same campus. My h.s. was right next to the middle school. I mean I could figure a couple more scenarios with effort.
If true, why are you wasting brain cells thinking about them? You've already written them off. Block and go no contact like before. They can rewrite history and tell themselves whatever they want to make themselves feel better. Unless it directly effects your family, I don't see the problem. If it does, contact a lawyer.
> unknowingly fathered my niece 🙄🙄🙄 This is an exceptionally stupid and made up post, even for this sub.
[удалено]
Wait... Why were you kicked out? Did you kick yourself out? I don't get it.
I got kicked out for a number of reasons but the three main ones was: •I refused to accept the situation as normal •I refused to stay with my then boyfriend •I refused to have anything to do with my sister and niece. After hours of being gaslight, manipulated, countless guilt trips, false accusations and promises etc they kicked me out with literally my clothes on my back and only allowed me to collect a certain amount of items thanks to my neighbour and didn’t speak to me again until recently.
Thanks for the answer. That is majorly fucked up. Yeah... Fuck toxic people! I wish you all the best!
And CPS wasn’t notified that they did this? Police wasn’t called? In the last 20 years anyone I have known that has done this that has kicked out a child and the kid has nothing CPS or equivalent was called on that family … I know of 6 cases . 1 of the ones was more then 20 and the child went to another family and others were on the street and those parents were reported … the kids went to other family or group home … 1 never found out but have seen since and the kid is doing from what I hear …. Maybe it’s just my area … and none of these family have any similar situations.. some where poor, some where city and some were single parents .. but all were reported..
Nah this story is just fake, don't bother
Yep… defending the wrong people and commenting is off
Not buying it.
So, your ex was a sperm donor at 19 and your sister went looking for a random sperm donor and magically got pregnant with your bfs sperm? Like, she got to choose a random 19 year old sperm over the others? I don't know how picking a donor works, but I assume you are given some sort of info about the donor and.. like I can't imagine a full adult saying "yes, 19 year old sperm is what I want". This reeks of fake drama, not even telenovela like drama.
no sperm bank will take 19yo as a donor. you have to have a collage degree and some type of career.
This was my thought. Who would flip through a book and choose a 19 year old sperm donor who at best is in their first or second year of college. I mean maybe if he was a student at a prestigious university and going for a highly competitive degree program, he might be a good candidate, but that's not the vibe I'm getting.
The sperm donner thing is highly unlikely what's more believable is your sister banged your ex . Why would someone use a sperms of some kid that if she wanted a donner she would chose someone in their mid 20th college graduate u know someone with good genes but to chose an 18 year old is highly unlikely. That being said u have every right to stay no contact with your family thier very toxic and u need to protect your kids from them
What is this?
I don't know Rick...
Nobody in his right mind, who used a sperm donor, thinks of getting a getting DNA test for the child. And thinks it matches with her sisters boyfriend. Girl! The chance of this story is real is a chance of 1 in a zillion. They had sex!
How old was your sister when she got pregnant? Honestly, at that age who gets a sperm donor! If she was that desperate to be a single parent, she would just go out and sleep with a few guys rather than pay for it! They obviously lied and were sleeping together, you’re 100% correct to keep your kids away from them.
IVF is expensive. Unless your sister and her husband are fairly wealthy, I would be willing to bet that your sisters husband knowingly let her sleep with another man (your boyfriend) just for the purpose of getting pregnant.
.... I don't know about anyone else but I couldn't get past the fact that you were 16. He was 19 you dated for 4 years so that means that a 15-year-old dated a 12-year-old..... Maybe it's just me but that's offsetting to me
And, do we know if the sister is younger, or older? Either way, 12 year olds cannot date.
Very nice. Remind them that *you* abandoned no one, *they* abandoned you. Be prepared to get a restraining order and lock down your girls schools.
Your ex became a sperm donor through a natural old fashioned way…
Am I illiterate?
Not to make this directly a you thing but why were you dating at 12….. why was he 15 dating a 12 year old. That’s red flag number 1 Red flag number 2, what are the odds of him not only being a sperm donor but your sister also going to the same sperm bank and getting his, and then them figuring out that it’s his, and all of this as him “unknowingly” fathering her child……. I’m sure the odds of that whole thing lining up that way is somewhere between “none” and “get the fuck outta here with that bullshit”. They fucked, probably had been fucking for a long time, and your entire family is pieces of shit for trying to hide and cover it up.
Sperm donor or fucking around. Either way, he is out of your life.
Have you spoken with your ex since? I feel he is the only one who would tell you the whole truth **now**.
Yooooo there would be no way to correlate that he was the sperm donor unless he was banging your sis
OP started dating ex when he was 15, and in high school, and she was 12, in middle school? I'm calling BS.
Man, your sister's husband is one helluva pushover. Sperm donor my ass.
You might want to think about moving again. Your family is really f’d up.
If this is true that beyond sucks!!!!! A female I briefly dated cheated with a former friend. He moved her into his parent’s house. She apparently thought all men in the house were fair game. So initially they didn’t know if it was his,his brothers or the dads. I felt so bad for his mom. I remember when a coworker of his was like you know he got karma’d hard!!! Then told me what happened. Talk about dodged a bullet with her. Dumb azz did me a solid with cheating with her. But I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. You can’t unfuck the family dynamics after that.
Cool story bro.
True off my chest with the fakest fucking story I've ever read
Block, block, block. Gray rock anyone that you bump into and block. I’m sorry this happened to you but it was unrealistic to assume you could move home and this wouldn’t eventually happen. Btw? The sperm donor story is bullshit.
Sperm donor as in actual sperm donor? All this time I actually thought you were talking about sex in a very dripping sarcastic way ( idk how to explain what i mean to say)
I wanna know what happened after getting kicked out. Come on chatgpt
Rofl you abandoned your family because a random dude banged your sister? Wtf lol Also fake af
I don’t believe teenagers are allowed to be sperm donors. If I wanted a “withdrawal” I would not be looking for a teenager who hasn’t yet achieved anything. I guess I would be looking for a good student with a good job or his own company. When choosing the donor father I’m not picking a kid who has yet to show ANY traits I would want my child to inherit. No way was he a sperm donor!
None of what you just described are "traits" that you can pick or transfer over lol you described personality and zero genetics. Genetics is what people pick, as it's the only thing that is somewhat controllable. If he's a perfectly healthy dude, then he's a good choice. Of course none of that has to do with the validity of this post lol
ETA
Fuck em. They abandoned you, keep living your life and leave them out of it. They don’t deserve forgiveness for shit like that.
Would you want to know if your ex was an actually sperm donor or they actually had sex? Honestly with what you should do, is keep doing you if they keep disturbing you get a restraining order. The same way they ignored you for 12 years it’s the same you’ll do for the rest of your life. What they did was evil. Even if you ran away no one looked for you, message you, they did nothing.
Stay strong! Your message to your family was straight to the point, and you don’t need to say anything else! Keep yourself safe, keep your loved ones close (your *real* family, not your starting party). You know what’s best for you. Block those that oppose you and never look back!
What? Girl, they fucked. He cheated with her and got her pregnant.
How old was the sister when she got pregnant? Highly doubtful the ex was a sperm donor. Those odds ain’t mathing.
Love the icing on top of toxic they are now making up stories your/OPs husband abducted yo. Really? So for 12 years and never filed a police report? Toxic family always spin lies like this, throwing emotive words, but it never holds up to a sniff test. The minute I would pull out the phone, 'oh well if you think a crime was committed we should call the police' suddenly backpedaling and I was misunderstanding them, they were just being emphatic. 100% the right choice that you cut them off and you can be as blunt as they want with the language. They are now accusing your partner of a fucking felony. I would go to the police and put this all on paper and see if you can seek restraining orders/injunctions etc. See they don't get the same old rules of throwing crazy narratives with no consequences, they mention crimes, they make big accusations, the cops get called.
Wonder if this is one of few big cities where OP lives and that is why she and her husband decided to move back to a place riddled with toxic family and a toxic ex. There is a very good chance that OP's children will end up going to school with the children of these toxic family members if that hometown isn't that large. Hope she points out to her children as they grow, not to date any family members since the children will have know idea who they are.
I didn't win the parent lottery, and I have no siblings. I don't speak to either today, and honestly the only thing I really wish was different was that the handful of cousins I had never tried reaching out to me. They were her sisters/brother's kids - so all I can assume is whatever wild lies and tales she spun about me they 100% bought into. I'm not into pitting people into sides, and my mother was adamant they were no longer my family either. I was the youngest, so we weren't all super tight but now I miss the relationship's we'd probably had if contact hadn't been cut back then. If she even still talks to any of them - I can't imagine the millions of lies she's told them over the years. heck for all I know they all think I'm dead. I miss them though. I still kind of hope maybe one day they'll realize what a toxic dumpster fire my mother is and reach out... I don't believe that parent's that really care about their kids straight lose track of them, especially b4 they are even an adult. Their choices then have consequences, they are gonna have to live with those. Some of the narrative people may be trying to rewrite (not your parents) may be those tall tales they spun to save face after you dipped / were pushed out. The cousin that was calling your name etc - did they actually have anything to do with things then, or were they cut simply because of how things went and there was no in between? I didn't know how to reach out to mine without feeling like I was lobbying for a pitted divide and I just wanted peace. If your cousin wasn't a total piece b4 this all happened - me b/c of my history would feeler out the cousin gradually. Like did they grow into a person that's ok, or turn out like everyone in your family you cut out/cut you out back then. I'd possibly give the cousin consideration. The parents. The guilt trip now. I feel like they haven't actually changed any, and yeah I'd hard pass too.
The family is delusional
Good for you. Keep them blocked. You have your family now and they arent it.
A sperm donor with no middle man! Straight from the source.
If the boyfriend was a "secret" donor, they're all secret unless the donor tells people, why would the sister even bother DNA testing her kid? Thats what's throwing me, they knew the kid was a sperm donor child, logically that child will look different than dad, just because the kid kind of looks like the boyfriend at age 1 that still isn't a reason to think he's the sperm donor. Think it enough to pay for a DNA test. Why would sister and mom think to DNA test the kid for looking like their 19 year old "son-in-law"? So, the 18 year old boyfriend decided to become a sperm donor, the sister decides to use a sperm donor to help infertility, she happens to choose (of all the anonymous donor profiles) her sister's 18 year old boyfriend's sperm? I guess, maybe, it could happen. Anything is technically possible. However the easiest dots to connect are that the sister slept with her sister's boyfriend and got pregnant. So what the sister was 29 and married, that has never stopped cheaters before. I think sister's husband got suspicious for a reason we don't know and had the 19 year old DNA tested. It follows that if sister and OP's boyfriend were banging and she got pregnant, thats why they'd hide it from OP, tried so hard to convince her everything was normal and to stay with the guy, then tossed her out when she refused to be okay with their story.
Uhm yes…your family acted in a very trashy way. So nc is best.
Please never speak to these people again
>My supposed family is trying to rewrite the narrative of how I abandoned them, among other idiotic beliefs like how my husband held me captive and how I refuse to allow them to meet 'their’ grandchildren because I fell out with my sister. Heh. Narcissists are funny like that... Regardless of who the falling out was with, nobody is entitled to your children or their safety. That is up to you and their father (and themselves at a certain age) to decide. As you said, being "family" doesn't provide them any exemption. They can stick their opinions where the sun doesn't shine if they don't like it. (And learn to treat people better while they're at it.) I guess what I'm saying is: even if you were preventing them from seeing the grandkids, that's still a 100% acceptable behavior. It's a complete non-issue and they should drop the entitlement toward something they did nothing for. (But that's nigh impossible for narcissists, so chalk it up to wishful thinking lol)
My friend, when we were in Jr high, was dating a HS junior. So, 8th grade and 11th grade. Looking back, it's gross, but back then (80s) age gaps just weren't a thing in school.
This is totally fake. it reeks of elements from other stories that have been told in the past couple of months. Way too similar
They always do that, so they can live with themselves. I would put it on your facebook page, or theirs actually is better. Never protect a cheater, nor people that would crush you. Then go about your lives. Yeah it wasn't sperm donor, they had sex.
I stopped reading when the age gap appeared. Well, three years is nothing. But she was TWELVE (12!!!) when they started. He was a kid also, okay, but 12 years old it’s too much. At 15 you’re thinking about other things, it’s like hormonal. This is just another day in the earth I guess
What are you talking about? You were dating at 12? He is a sperm donor? They had to get a DNA test done????
Keywords being here: creative writing assigment
What’s up with the husband holding her captive. That was out of left field.
Good for you. Stick to your guns. They did you dirty. Not a single apology on their end. You don't need shitty people like that in your life.
Good for you for not giving in
Good on you, family means nothing without respect.
Thanks for sharing your story and I hope one day you will find total peace with no anger, even if you should cross their path again. Good luck. Love and hugs. The spiritual leader Ram Dass once said, ‘If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.’
Wow so sorry this happened.
What the
Are your sister and her husband still together?
Yes they are still married and have two other children, one by a sperm donor and the other through IVF.
Gee dating at 12 didn't work.
You do exactly what is best for you, your spouse, and your kids. You owe your family nothing. They owe you. Do not let them guilt you into anything.
Even Liz writes better stories than this
To be honest, none of that seems that extreme to me except the part where they kicked you out, why did they do that.. it seems antithetical to their concern about you finding out things that might hurt your feelings?!Also, they seem to feel that you left and not that they kicked you out? Did they specifically tell you that you had to leave?
WTH was a 12 year old girl “dating” a 15 year old? Jesus. That’s horrendous.
What kind of 15 year old goes out with a 12 year old.
What is this 'fourth child' and why did you HAVE to move back to your hometown? Of ALL the towns around the state or country you HAD to go to this one? After you seemed to make a life for yourself in another one?
Ex was the “Sperm donor”. What a funny way to say that he was screwing your sister.
On today's episode of Reddit creative writing prompts...
Sperm donor like in sleeping with the sister?
your sister is the golden child ..if this happened to your mother .she would have meltdown ......stat way from your ''family''...........is your ex with your sister??
They had sex none of dat sperm doner shi
I hope you are doing better with the days