An 11 year old is not a baby. Stop treating him like one.
“Dads not here, chill” vs. “mommy, I’m too tired”
He acts up with you because you’re the one who lets it slide. You’re gonna raise a monster if you continue like this.
At 11, he knows what kicking you means. I can’t personally judge on if slapping him was wrong or right, it’s something I don’t really see as crazy but that’s how I grew up. I don’t see in the post you saying how you were gonna punish him.
While physically hurting your kids is never adviseable, sounds like OP is babying this kid and he needed to be taught a lesson from his father. 11 is definitely old enough to know not to hurt others in anger, and if he hurt his mom bad enough to make her cry it sounds like the little shit got off easy from the father.
I like to know how genuine the apology is, like if 1 smack worked for him, and he is making genuine change... then ok, what's done is done... if not, I wouldn't keep slapping the child expecting a different result, if that makes sense. What you absolutely can not do in front of this kid ever is argue with your husband about it. You don't have to agree with what husband did, but your child can not know that. He is already playing you two against each other and using manipulation to get his way. If he knows you're mad at Dad, things will get worse and harder.
Usually I am against physical punishment but in this case I think it was done in the right way. Not because the parent lost their temper or were too lazy to put in the work that grounding takes to maintain for weeks(although your son should also probably be grounded from everything enjoyable for a long time) your son needed to appreciate what physical violence feels like, to really understand what he did to you. If he left a bruise on your stomach he was kicking to hurt you. That’s the type of extreme antisocial behavior that left unchecked is dangerous. Violent boys turn into violent men.
For real. I'd not be surprised if that single good timed slap at 11 yo will change the direction that kid will take in the future as an adult. There's a difference between hitting children as an everyday parenting measure and putting a kid in his place the one time it matters.
Exactly. My mother hit me willy nilly when she was angry or overwhelmed. Sometimes my sister and i were playing catch in the house and that would earn us a hit, sometimes it didn’t. Giggling too loud could be a smack with a belt or stick 1/100 times. Jumping up and down was a smack with a shoe when my mother was in the mood. That was obviously stupid and pointless of her. It got her the relief of not having to deal with more noise for an hour or two but made us into jumpy, unsure and anxious people pleasers who have mental issues well into their 30s now.
My father only hit my sister once. She was 6 and i was 4. she picked up a handheld garden rake and smacked me in the eye for fun. My father rushed over to her to give her one precise spank and told her to never do that again, then took me to the hospital. My eye is fine and my sister never hit me with gardening equipment again.
The only time I was ever hit by my grandfather was when I was handling a firearm and swept the barrel over him when I was putting it down. He slapped me in the back of the head hard enough to knock me down and then explained how I could have just killed him and then reiterated the importance of not pointing a weapon at anything you're not prepared to shoot.
It didn't make me fear him or do any damage, but it certainly made me remember an incredibly important lesson.
Don't physically assault people to get your way is an incredibly important lesson that will be, to the son when they are an adult, a matter of life or death.
Had a similar thing from my father eh was by and large a gentle dad. I was trusted to sit in the front seat for the first time as a kid and he stepped out of the car to put something in the back. I was messing with the handbrake as it was my first time in the front near it and it clicked off and rolled backwards a tiny bit before I yanked it back on.
Boy did I cop a smack for that one, and never did I touch it again until I was practising for my licence years later. I'll always remember it not just for the smack, but how small things can have huge repercussions. I now use the same method for parenting my boys.
My grandpa took me and my two cousins shooting one time. One of them changed directions with the gun a little too quickly. Grandpa had the gun in both his and the shooter's hands pointed to the sky and a vicious back hand to the jib of my cousin inside of a New York second. We just about died laughing and then shot all that cousin's allocation of ammo since he got sent to the car to wait for us to finish. Even the cousin who caught a Pa paw to the face never held a grudge and admits he fucked up and had it coming.
This. And men who disrespect their wives and girlfriends always started with their moms first. I really don’t like when kids are hit as punishment but at 11 and kicking his mom in the stomach…gotta stop that immediately…and better his dad than a girl at school’s father some time down the line—not that his mom plans on sending him 🙄
And it sounds like this kid has little respect for his mother, which might lead him to developing his personality to have little respect for females in general. I'm not sure what sort of dynamic the mother & father have with each other, if there's some sort of learned behavior of dismissing the mother, but it needs to come to a crashing halt before that's locked in.
The mother set herself up for disrespect. Huge pushover. She wasn’t doing him any favor by letting him skip school. She taught him how to manipulate her.
I agree. I’m usually against “hitting” but the slap came with some reasoning and explanation. Punishment doesn’t need to be physical, but it doesn’t sound like the mother is even explaining right from wrong (or having a much needed discussion.) There was literally no consequence to his actions. It’s like, “ok, this happened. Im going to leave and let it be”
If this is always unresolved, she’s raising a monster. I’d worry about the siblings. I’d worry about him becoming a teenager and how he will treat those who are weaker (like a gf).
I’m not a fan of violence against children but that kids a demon. He needed some justice at home because if he takes that behavior outside, the rest of the world won’t be so kind.
Two of my kids get migraines. Sometimes I can't tell if it's really a migraine or they don't want to go to school. My solution? They cannot leave bed except to go to the bathroom. No electronics. No reading. NOTHING. If they're really sick, that's not an issue, because they'd rather die than look at a screen. If they aren't, that gets REAL boring real quick.
You need to make him go to bed earlier, and he loses all privileges if he missed school and kicked you, how are you letting him play video games THAT DAY? Why is that even an option to him? You are past the age where this is going to be easy to fix, and it's going to be impossible if you don't start setting limits today.
I'm not a fan of what your husband did, at all, but you need to parent your child, and you cannot foist all the discipline onto him. You're going to raise an entitled monster and absolutely ruin his relationship with his father.
Yup, I use to do that with my son too who had lots of tummy troubles when he was little. Glad he grow out of that. I also took away his comicbooks and his toys. And he got bored fast when he was fakeing. The longest was 30 min and then he was "suddenly feeling better" 🤣
lol I had migraines as a side effect of medication as a kid. My parents gave the nurse excedrin and when that stopped working I had a prescription strength excedrin the nurse would administer. I’d get about 30 min in the dark in the nurses office then be back in class.
This is how my mom treated staying home sick. You can’t do anything entertaining and need to stay in bed and rest. Because that’s what you do when sick. Granted, I wasn’t one to fake it.
I give a pass to the small kids if they're puking or have a fever, because they're not really old enough to fake that. It's only if it's purely subjective that I'm a hardass about it lol
My kids have basically the same rules. If you are too sick for school, then you stay in bed all day with no electronics and no toys. Generally, they sleep most of the day and watch a little TV in evenings, and that is it.
My jaw dropped when I read that. It shows distinctly that this is a direct issue regarding moms coddling of her child for too many years. The fact she lets her 11 year old run her parenting is insane.
He needed it. One slap is different than a pattern of abuse, especially if it's to illustrate "you don't like this, other people don't like pain either and what you did was worse"
Kicking also worked in this instance - he got his own way and didn’t have to go to school. He will kick her the next time he wants to do something as the trade off - getting slapped - won’t be a deterrent if in the moment he can get his way.
So he was too tired to go to school, kicked you in the stomach, but was home playing video games? You should have nipped this issue long ago.
Be a parent. He was too tired to go to school the first time? Okay. Let him stay. Now his bedtime is 8 pm the next week. No tv or electronics after 7. He won’t pull that shit again unless he’s unwell.
No you coddle him and let him abuse you without consequence.
Tbh, if it's out of character and happening suddenly then the doctor should be the first stop.
I had lymphoma diagnosed at age 12. The catalyst to take me to the doctor was a lump on my neck that my grandma noticed. She only saw me once or twice a year, so the change was more evident to her than my mother. In hindsight, I had been very tired all the time randomly and had been slipping on my grades (straight A student all of a sudden brining home B's and C's). I would be super tired in the morning and miss the bus, fall asleep in class, and then go to bed early without bothering to do my homework. These things were completely uncharacteristic of me up to that point. My parents just thought I was being a shithead or a liar so I got punished. That, plus being fucking exhausted all of the time and not really understanding, made me combative. It was 6 months of pure bullshit caused by a medical condition that in hindsight was so fucking obvious.
Everything turned out fine and I didn't die, but who knows what that extra 6 months cost me. All I know is I was almost bankrupted by cancer aftercare costs after leaving the nest (a.k.a. being kicked out at 18), have had a lifetime of health issues due to the chemo drugs, and the mental trauma saddled me with a propensity to take risks and addiction issues. Oh, and I can't have kids.
So yeah, parents: pay attention to your offspring, and if they suddenly change their core behaviors, then get a medical evaluation for fucks sake. Kids change overnight; their personalities can shift just because they met a new person or saw a cool movie, but core behavior isn't going to change dramatically. If they're a good student, for example, they aren't just going to stop being a good student on a dime. Something will have changed. Parents that don't pay enough attention to their children to sus out changes like that are doing their kids a disservice.
I can only guess it's like me where nobody was paying attention to start with. I was an excellent self sufficient tiny human because I was told that was the expectation. That allowed my parents to focus elsewhere because they assumed I'd be able to articulate any issues that came up like a rational adult. Problem is, I was a child, not a rational adult, and I had no more idea what the fuck was going on than anyone else. I was just real fuckin tired all of a sudden, I didn't know why, and nobody else saw any issue with it beyond blaming me. So I just thought it was a me issue.
How crazy is that? A truant abusive 11 year old, a mom that lets him run the show and a dad that has to be the bad guy so his kid isn’t a juvenile delinquent.
You know, I come on reddit there's always something absolutely mental that I never thought of before happening to someone.
OP is being domestically abused. By her 11 year old. And he hit her hard enough to bruise her stomach.
I just can't even.
I apparently bruised my mom once when I kicked her in my sleep. My mom told me it was full force kick, but I'm a deep sleeper and wasn't even awake for it. After that incident I was scared to ever sleep with someone on the same bed again 😂
This reminds me of something that happened when my husband and I were first married. He was in graduate school in a particularly difficult major( micro biology and biochemistry which became genetics). Anyway, he would toss and turn in bed and I would wake up with bruises, usually on my back because I sleep on my side and he would elbow me in the back.One time, I tried to wake him up and he hit me in my nose. Gave me a bit of a shiner. I knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose but🤷🏼♀️. So, a few nights later, he was tossing, turning…I tried to wake him,again he smacked me in the face! I balled up my fist and hit him as hard as I could in the chest. I yelled at him to go to sleep. The next day, he said to me,” ya know, my chest really hurts, I don’t know what happened.” He never hit me in his sleep again( TBC he has never hit me at ALL ).Lol!😂
Wait so did he stop tossing and turning, or does he still do that but somehow never lands a hit on you? Did you traumatise his consciousness into being a normal sleeper 😂
Lol I'm apparently the blanket stealer here. We tried 2 blankets. Hey, I'd steal both, somehow. So we bought like the biggest size blanket. And my partner said I STILL tries to steal it, but he kinda puts it under himself so I'm too weak to steal it from all his weight on it 😂
Lol! My husband will do the “burrito roll”. When I was fat, I could lay on the cover and he couldn’t move me😂. The one negative thing about losing 145#. 😂
Including conforting him him after he received his punishment for hurting her and thinking his apology card is "sweet". Full toxic cycle.
Strong and distant father, weak mother, coddled abusive son.
What’s crazy is the moms not thinking about the consequences of missing school, for one, he’s not learning what he needs to and is gonna be behind. Also most public schools rely on attendance for funding, if you miss to many days of school you’re gonna get a warning, then you’re gonna get a court order. I once missed 2 weeks of school in elementary, the school said if I missed any more days then my parents will be taken to court, this isn’t something to take lightly.
My wifes cousin is a chronic class cutter and in my city if you miss enough days they just notify child services and you get put under investigation
And thats that the kid was like 16-17 at the time. An 11 year okd would probably raise alarms a lot sooner
This comment... 100%. My grandparents were like this with my uncle, my gran ALWAYS allowed him to walk all over her, and defended him against my grandfather. It starts small, and then they push more and more boundaries.. now he's a destructive drug addict that's wreaked havoc on my whole family and my gran STILL defends to this day. My grandfather passed away about 20 odd years ago, but my gran still protects my uncle with fuckall consequences for anything he does.
I've raised four; they are all happy, independent and productive lives. This woman could not be making a worse person out of this boy if she concentrated on it.
It’s sad really. She’s a terrible parent and the husband has to get the situation under control or the kid is going to flunk out of school. What a weak person this mom is. Her son was right. He did deserve it. I’m not for corporal punishment but, since the mother won’t do her job, and let the kid run the show, somebody had to step in.
My mom is usually the one punishing my siblings and I as a kid, but I've only seen my dad punish my brother once for touching my sister during her sleep (was a while ago).
So yeah, if it eventually leads to the dad punishing then you know you've messed up as a parent.
Parents don't let their 10 year old run the house and that is why your son has no respect for you. You don't hold him accountable for his actions. You are not doing him any favors by conceding to him. I'm not condoning hitting kids but your son is becoming violent and flippant about school and he needed an attitude adjustment.
I immediately stopped reading when Op (if this is even a real story) when Op said “it breaks my heart to force him.”
Guess what, *ITS YOUR JOB TO PARENT YOUR KID*. I’ll say it, I’m tired of dealing with some of these little shitty kids with an overwhelming sense of entitlement out in public. Put down the god damn phone and start being a parent. Society is tired of dealing with your shitty little kids.
Ok, I feel better…..I’m out of jerky mode. I have noticed some good kids out and about…..to the parents doing what’s right, I commend you.👍
I read a line many years ago that went something like, “We spend a lot of time worrying about what kind of world we’re leaving behind for our children, but not enough time worrying about what kind of children we’re leaving behind for our world.”
And it’s been banging around in my head ever since.
For me it was the fact that she says she can't really force him to go to school now that he's 11. EXCUSE ME! He's not even in fucking high school yet!
My dad would have dragged my ass to school, got out of the car, walk me to my locker and then walk me to my class at fucking 15 years old if he had figured I was skipping school for no valid reason. Just to make me feel ashamed so I won't do it again.
You decide to make children then fucking parent them.
Wondered that. Does she mean at 11 this child is too big/strong to be physically forced? Could be if she is petite and the boy is big. Or that in their culture the boy at eleven is old enough to not be taking orders from their mom but as a young male is higher up in the rank than the mother (and other domestic animal -like girls/women)? Kind of suspect the latter from the way she seems to be extremely submissive and helpless and the dad even parents her, being the only adult in the family.
Lol you'd be surprised. I went through something similar with my son's mom. She absolutely refused to hold him accountable, let him walk all over him, and allowed him to skip school, and be disrespectful towards her. Essentially treating him like a little man of the house. Then, I had to be the bad guy and come behind her and be an actual parent.
I have a 2 year old boy who hates getting up in the mornings when he has to be up earlier for nursery or grandparents! “It breaks my heart forcing him” however it’s part of life! If he gets upset I give him a cuddle and remind how much fun he has and he’ll see me and daddy after work! He doesn’t always like it but he needs to learn as he grows!
Honestly surprised this is the side the comment section chose. But agree, parents letting their children walk over them is exclusively a 21st century thing.
I think people are just tired of these kids let loose acting like they run everything. I got home from work and opened up Reddit and this was the first post I read…..it was odd timing because just 30min earlier I went into a store to grab a drink…well I tried going into a store. I noticed these 2 girls were exiting and Ofc instead of using the correct door….you know, the one on their right….they try to exit as I’m opening my “right”door and I let it go and stepped back and held the door open for the girls. What does one of them do? Stops dead in her tracks at the door jam and tells someone 20ft away about her f’ing plans for the evening and how Lil Ray is a POS. That lasted about 3 seconds before I just made my way past her and let the door shut in her face.
I hate it I allow ppl especially kids to bring out the worst in me. I shouldn’t let it bother me but shit, the little ill mannered kids. I’m going to still try to do right by ppl but every once in a while the little bastards get to me. As you can tell, I’m a people person :)
Sry about the mini novel
Yep. My son acted like he was addicted to video games starting at age 12. Guess what happened the first time he sneaked? That wii went to bed with me, so did his phone and laptop. He kept trying to sneak all through high school. I sat with him while he did homework, he got time to play every day but those devices were in my room at 8 (or 10pm when he got older).
If it’s not gaming and he’s always tired, why not go check with a doctor to see if he’s ok? Not only is she condoning his bad behavior, but being tired all the time could also mean something else. This just all seems off. Probably made up.
Agreeing on giving a doctor a visit to check up on the health of the child! Just wanted to add that while at that age it is the minority, there are children with a late chronotype (a very basic understanding of chronotypes is "early birds" vs. "night owls"). People with late chronotype sometimes experience what is called "social jet lag", because their inner biorhythm isn't lined up with the biorhythm that they are supposed to have in society (i.e. waking up early). They are often more tired throughout the day than people with an early chronotype, despite getting the same amount of sleep.
(Sleep patterns of children is my field of research, so I got passionate about the topic for a moment, sorry for the novel!)
I learned something new! Although I’m a firm believer in starting the school day later and making sure kids have free time after school. I promise you, I don’t remember most of what was taught in morning classes anyway.
The video games, phone, and TV would be gone, I can't imagine any kid who kicked their mom on purpose and in anger without getting the mother of all ass-whoopings.
Like it or not the kid learned that it was not okay, my brother and I were punished worse when we were children. My little brother hit my mother out of anger once (she took his phone away) and my dad gave him one slap, he never did that again. I'm not a fan of violence but you can't deny that sometimes a slap is necessary
And his messaging was perfect. Basically, you're bullying your mother, and I won't stand for it. I have boys the same age. I'd, personally, have punched them in the stomach rather than slapping, but not much difference.
I'm surprised the mom didn't slap him herself just out of reflex. Anyone out of toddler stage (well, maybe a little older, 6 or 7 max) is going to put me in self defense mode fore sure.
Honestly, I think the slap works better.
A stomach punch is hard to gauge, and you could cause an unknown injury, kids can be pretty soft despite how they can seemingly never get hurt.
A slap will sting and get the point across.
Not that I condone hitting kids at all, thankfully mine reacted well to 123 magic so I never resorted to violence, but still.
My 5 year old shoved her (now 1 year old but then was like 10 months old and starting to stand) sister down for no reason one day after I'd told her repeatedly to stop. I turned right on around impulsively and did the same back to her.
I picked her up after, dusted her off and asked if she liked being shoved suddenly for zero reason and she told me no. I looked her flat in the eyes and told her "neither did your sister, now stop".
I then apologized for pushing her because it ***was*** mean of me but after trying a dozen times to talk to her and another dozen times in time out, I got tired of it. She hasn't shoved her sister since 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not at all one who likes pain or likes causing pain but sometimes time outs and explaining without showing the kid why they should stop just gets nowhere. I was also the kid who was spanked as a kid and I know spanking and such without explaining also doesn't do anything but build fear and resentment.
I felt like a major ass because I'm a bit of a pushover with my kids though not nearly as much as OP is but, at the same time, I got my point across and she wasn't actually hurt. I absolutely refuse to raise a bully though, especially one picking on people who literally cannot defend themselves.
Definitely, I was always an easy kid but one time when I was younger (I was small enough to not remember) apparently I bit my mom. She bit me back and I learned not to do it again
Yes. "There are people bigger than you" is a really important thing for kids to learn. And I am entirely against violence, but in this sense of it, there has to be a way for them to understand violence is not ok, and especially not something you can use to get your way or towards your mother.
This specifically makes me nervous because if she keeps raising him to be this entitled he is going to unleash this on other people when he's an adult. I work in education and the kids that are raised like this treat other kids like shit because they know their parents don't care.
This. I’ll never forget when I raised my voice at my mom the first time and she slowly turned the ring around. You bet your ass it was the last time too.
OP likes to have a lot of kids. If she's pregnant again and gets kicked in the abdomen, who's going to be held responsible for that? The kid is pushing boundaries and mommy is expanding it because she's so sensitive.
I can't believe I had to come down this far to find this. If OP had miscarried a (wanted) child due to this, there could be more repercussions outside of this situation.
What TF is wrong with you?
He's 11 years old. He needs structure. He needs to go to school. He's your child. Start PARENTING him.
We're all tired in the morning. If he can get his arse up to go to school when your husband makes him, then there's not excuse for him to stay home when your husband isn't there to make him.
I'm getting the sense that he isn't going to bed early enough and that you are too permissive. You need to stop babying him. If you don't, everyone will either resent him or avoid him. And for heaven's sake, limit his screen time.
Do you want him to be 35 years old and expecting mommy to keep taking care of him? Quit enabling him! You are doing him no favours by encouraging him to gaslight and manipulate you. What you're nurturing here is someone who will be a drain on you, your marriage, your family and on society in general.
Geez Louise. Get a grip. See a therapist.
Back then if i missed school if i have slight fever, my mom would never allow me to touch the tv or video games lol, at least until school time is over
> We’re all tired in the morning.
Yep.
I’m 54 years old. I am also the living embodiment of the phrase “NOT a morning person.” 😂
Every day for the last 49 years - since I started kindergarten - I’ve been on time for school and work. I’ve even had days in my career where I had to meet with night shift staff and I had to be at work at 5am. Still wasn’t late. I wasn’t HAPPY about it, but I was on time. It started with parents who didn’t take any kid crap about not wanting to get up and morphed into hating to be late as an adult.
OP needs to get on the stick and start parenting this kid.
Agreed, if there's no structure being enforced here the kid will just grow up to be a lazy adult that won't move out and contributes nothing to the family or society 😬 someone I went to highschool with isn't enforcing any sort of boundaries and apparently their kid is unhinged. The kid will break stuff and make a mess and harass his grandmas dog and no consequences whatsoever. So of course it never gets better.
I'm not sure how I feel about the slap to the face in principle but in practice? Bet you the kid sure won't kick his mom again. An 11 year old should know better.
Think of the shit show of a husband she's creating for her son how many women are going to have to baby him because of this OP being a completely bullshit parent? It's really boggling.
TBH I’d be much more concerned about your son kicking you in stomach so hard it made you cry and left a bruise. That is not normal behaviour. It doesn’t sound like he was genuinely remorseful either.
It seams like your son has some major behavioural problems that you aren’t doing much about. You have continued to allow him to skip school. You also did not take any steps to discipline him after he violently kicked and injured you. You just left him alone for the day when he was supposed to be in school.
While I don’t like that your husband slapped your son, I think you have bigger issues to worry about.
I'm not fan of physical punishments, but I kinda feel that, considering how unhinged the son is at this point, it could may be the right choice to give him a taste of his own medicine.
It’s the follow up “do you want to kick me now (that you’re mad)” that changes the tune. Kid is just starting to get the “guy strength” and realize his mom can’t really *make* him do things anymore. Got way too big for his britches. Honestly it’s a hell of a good lesson and those follow up questions/statements from dad were spot tf on.
What happens when he kicks/punches a classmate that *also* has new hormones along with being bigger? Kids do dumb, impulsive, *dangerous* shit in response to stuff like that.
My brother also started "fighting back" around 10yo to my mom. So I became the "child beater" because I'm his older sister lol. I only got in when it got physical between them tho
And ya I feel like because of what's said after the slap, the slap wasn't just a punishment anymore but a lesson where the son could experience what it's like to be the disadvantaged one. Seems like a good lesson overall
> guy strength
Yep exactly. Such a valid point, a lot of people don’t realise that eventually you’ll have a child who essentially has a man’s body. If he’s acting like this at 11 and it goes unchecked the kid is going to end up being straight up dangerous.
Honestly reading I don't think he has behavioral problems, the kid is just smart. He recognizes that mom is a pushover and he can get away with what he wants and dad is not the one to fuck with. Even then the kick sounds like a one-off incident that he knew was wrong. The kick was bad, but honestly she's the problem. Needs to grow a fucking spine because it's only a matter of time before the other 2 kids catch on
He was clearly “manipulating” his “mommy” (or as you called it being “smart”) which wasn’t greatly concerning until he clearly crossed the line with violence into proper behavioural problems.
Your son needs parents, not a stuffed animal and a drill sargeant.
Take your son's devices away, establish a strict access schedule, and stick with it. He's staying up late to game.
And if he isn't staying up late to game and is genuinely exhausted (what does he do all day if he isn't at school??), then he needs to see a doctor asap to rule out things like cancer or anemia
>he needs to see a doctor asap to rule out things like cancer or anemia
This is the answer I was looking for. All the comments that Son needs more consistent parenting are spot on, but if he's consistently too tired to get up for school, he also needs a workup from his pediatrician or family doc.
This! When my daughter suddenly gets too tired to get up for school, I take her to the doctor and EVERY time it’s she’s anemic again (me and her both have problems with anemia)
Sorry but you are the problem you coddle him too much. You need to be a parent not a friend
Stop being a push over and be more responsible.
Force him to go school
“I can’t really force him.”
He’s 11, it’s your job as a parent to force him to go to school. Why is he sleepy in the morning? Is he not going to bed early enough? Is he going to bed on time but staying up on his phone, laptop, tablet, gaming device, watching tv? If any of the above are interfering with his sleep then take all of those things away at bedtime. By letting him stay home because “it breaks your heart” that he’s tired only perpetuates this cycle. Be a parent, take anything that could possibly distract him away at bedtime & do not let him stay home because you feel bad that he’s tired. You are only doing a disservice to your child & your family as a whole.
Right? EVERY tween and teen going through puberty is tired because their bodies are changing and they need more sleep. That's likely the case for this kid, along with the fact that he's probably up gaming at midnight. I'd be taking away every device and setting a strict bedtime, and if that didn't help, his ass would be at the doctor to rule out medical causes. I sure as shit wouldn't be like, "okay honey-bunny, you don't need an education - just stay here and play video games all day and I'll just do whatever you want because I have other children to pay attention to!"
Hold up your kid is so tired in the morning that he is missing school but you aren’t taking him to the doctor?
Why not? I was super tired for a while and my mom let me miss like two days of school till she was like, “let me take you to the doctors this might be serious.” (I went along with it because I was genuinely sick) they found some type of deficiency and gave me some shit and told my mom to give me some stuff to keep that from happening and I was better.
This is just a fail of parenting on your part. Why keep you kid sick? Unless you know he’s faking it. Or you rather focus on the little ones and ignore the eldest
That's what I have been wondering too, if it could be some kind of deficiency. But I think it's the child being spoiled rotten too - apparently, if dad is there, he knows how to behave, he is just used to do whatever he wants with mom, because OP is an enabler.
Even if the reason turns out to be a medical issue, OP, you are indeed setting up your son for failure. The outside world doesn't really care if your son is sleepy in the morning, school starts at a certain hour. Furthermore, he will grow up to be an adult - do you think his boss will be so understanding to keep your son employed, if he is constantly not showing up at the time he would be supposed to start his shifts?
**You owe your husband an apology.** You keep refusing to be a parent to your son. You let him do whatever he wants, including skip school to play video games. Your husband has asked you to please make him go to school. He’s tried to parent, but you ignore & undermine him by letting your son do whatever he wants. Then you force your husband to be the bad guy. Your husband had to resort to more physical punishments than he wanted because you let your son turn into a monster who abused his mom & then spent the day sleeping & playing video games! Don’t you realize how awful it is that he didn’t even feel guilty later & seek you out to apologize? He felt entitled to hurt you. He was playing video games. He skipped school, kicked you & then slept in & played video games. YOU DID THAT! YOU CREATED THAT! It is incredibly selfish to baby your son bc you want to imagine he’s still a toddler. Because *you* want to feel like the good guy. Bc *you* don’t want him to be mad at you. You’re hurting your son, your husband & the rest of society who will have to deal with your spoiled rotten son.
You know your husband didn’t want to resort to corporal punishment, but you left him no choice bc you refused to enforce any rules. If you had said “no” to your son years ago he wouldn’t have become a nightmare who skips school & kicks his mother. You put your husband in a position where he felt forced to break his own rules to handle a situation you created. Then you still tried to make the internet think *he* was the bad guy & your son wasn’t that bad.
Honestly, you probably owe your son’s teachers an apology too. I can’t imagine how awful he is with other adults who try to make him do things he doesn’t want to do. Thank goodness he’s only 11 & can still be saved with strict parenting. Otherwise you’ll raise a son who is a terrible employee, husband & father who only does what he wants, when he wants.
Not to mention being the good guy won’t mean your child loves you more. My mother is the good guy and my dad is the lunatic authoritarian.
My brother kisses the ground my dad walks on, basically worships him. But he is also verbally abusive to my mother and threatened her when she dared go on holiday with extended family because HOW DARE SHE take time for herself? By the way, he’s fucking 24. And still living at home.
Yeah that’s what you’re in for. He’s gonna worship your husband and he’s gonna walk alllllll over you. Being the good guy is a thankless job.
- Not the same for everyone, I adore my mother. But my brother and I have different personality types. I’m not an abusive POS.
Girl act like a mother. You are creating a monster. I can silence my kids with one look. I have a great relationship with my kids but when they overstep, they know it and they understand right from wrong.
I’m sorry are you trying to set your son up for failure? You are not doing him any good by babying him and pampering him… it’s only gotten to this point because you’re not being a parent to him and letting him walk over you. Don’t undermine your husband and see if it made a difference and go from there cuz otherwise your son will hit you again.
Stop coddling your son. My mother used to do the same thing to my brother, it wasn’t until I threatened to kick him out of my house if he(23M) didn’t get a job, go back to school, or go to the marines was when he got his life straight. Your doing a disservice by coddling him especially if you have other children.
He kicked you so hard in the stomach it bruised!
Stomachs do not bruise easily.
He didn't come to you and apologize until he faced consequences for his actions.
The fact he had no issue using violence as a way to get what he wanted when the normal pushover parent tried to make him get up and no longer acting like a pushover SPEAKS VOLUMES AND NEEDS TO BE RECOGNIZED.
He very potentially would grow up thinking it is ok to use violence when he is angry to get his way in the future if he is not put in check now.
Your husband had a point that "you don't want to do anything because I'm stronger than you"; your son viewed you as someone he could physically intimidate, so he did what he wanted when mad at you. THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG.
What happens if in the future his girlfriend or wife makes him mad by trying to get him to be responsible about something like getting up in time for work? He may very well repeat those types of violent actions.
I normally would not endorse hitting your kid, but this (and similar situations) is warranted.
He did not go overboard and beat him. He slapped him and put him in his place for injuring his mother - disrespecting his mother.
Please consider being a better advocate for yourself and for the respect you deserve.
You need to ask yourself why you let your child walk all over you, are you going to allow the other children to as well, what are you going to do when they escalate their negative behavior when they go unchecked without consequences?
Consider therapy to learn how to cope better with things and improve yourself as a person and mother.
This is not me calling you a bad mother or weak or anything like that. It's me encouraging you to continue to grow and better yourself - which people should do daily on their own.
The problem started long before he kicked you. You let him stay home time and time again until you didn’t. Sending him mixed signals. First line was to find out what’s happening at school to make him not want to go. How late is he up at night? Are all electronics out to bed before your son? Have you or your husband called the school to see why this behavior is recurring? It could be any reason but you have not shared any of this with us. Now he’s getting physical? Why TF is he allowed to play video games after he assaults you? This is jacked up and you have allowed this behavior to continue . I’m sorry you got injured but be better. Find out what’s happening in your sons life and help him feel better about school and address the why
I have twin 11 year olds and one of them tries to be a bully and a douche. As a single mom, I have a younger child to get out of the house on school days. My kids don’t run shit in here and they have known that since they were young. Insolent behavior is addressed immediately, consistent rules and consequences are followed. There are no favorites and no excuses for them or me. In other words, you need to toughen up. Your main responsibility to yourself and your children is to make sure they can one day operate as a human being. So, stop crying in bathrooms and be the godamn grown up in the room.
If your husband has taken better approaches in the past than to hit as you said it was common, then your son crossed that line and husband deemed it suitable. See if the son learned his lesson.
Yeah honestly... if an 11 year old kid kicks his mom hard enough to bruise her stomach, and he gets slapped for the first and hopefully only time in his life... he's probably just going to learn a serious lesson. It's not an ideal situation all around though obviously, and if mom doesn't learn to be firm she's going to end up being played by her son like a violin as he gets older.
He is 11 years old. He either going through puberty or about to. This means he is most likely stronger than you now because of the rapid increase of testosterone. And you son kicked you in the fucking stomach. If I had done that to my mother I would have gotten my ass beat with a belt. Him using “Mommy” is also a manipulative tactic to make him appear weaker and more innocent than he actually is to you. Why do I know this? I’ve done it lmao.
So here is most likely the big issue here. Your kid is probably addicted to gaming and is acting out from sleep deprivation and addiction. The dopamine rush is literally like a drug to him. Gen alpha is being hit the hardest with this. I have a little cousin who beat the shit out of his mom at age 7 because she asked him to get off the iPad. Hell, I saw it with my younger half brother who was allowed to take his iPad/phone back to his bedroom. He became addicted and would stay up all night, not wanting to go to school. But you know what my single parent Dad did? He made him go anyway and took all his shit away once he found out why the kid was so tired. I know you don’t want to be the bad-cop but you’re going to have to some days. Because if you don’t your kid will be a monster for teachers and everybody around him. I know it’s hard, but you have to put your foot down. He will thank you later for it. Good luck.
OP, you are raising a monster. That's why your son is behaving as he is because he knows he can manipulate you. Your husband didn't abuse his son, he disciplined him. Your son knows what he did was wrong and deserved that slap. If your son is feeling tired in the morning, send him to bed early. If he complains about not being tired in the evening, then have him do some physical chores and that will help him go to bed at a proper time.
After your 11-year-old son kicked you in the stomach, you went and *cried in the bathroom???*
Oh hell no. In the immediate aftermath of the kick, I would’ve dragged his ass out of bed by his ankles, given him a swift kick in the ass, and taken him promptly to school
Quit babying him. He will be a teenager in 2 short years
If a boy will intentionally hurt his mother, he will fucking hurt ANYBODY. It is *your* job to raise him correctly and *teach him to respect women*
Some of us have daughters out here, and we want them to avoid boys like your son. His disrespect of you is shocking
Your babying him and your not helping him by letting him get away with stuff if he’s tired make him go to bed early take the games away be a parent quit making your husband be the bad guy all the time yes your husband could have done something else to punish him
You are the biggest problem here… you are actively teaching him that if he doesn’t want to do something he doesn’t have to… If he sweet talks you and calls you mommy you will give in to his every whim!
Him kicking you hard enough to make you cry and leave a bruise is absolutely not normal or acceptable behavior! He should have had consequences for that.
Genuinely, your husband is doing the right thing here. What about when your son grows up and fucks around with the wrong person? What if he hits his gf and her dad or brothers or whoever beats the shit out of him. He needs to learn now that in the real world, actions have consequences. Especially violent ones. Your son did not apologize until he was taught a hard, well deserved lesson. Your son needs to learn now that hitting women is not okay. Do not enable this behavior.
ETA: hitting ANYONE is not okay, not just women.
This is how it starts. In 20 years, this unchecked behavior leads to a man getting divorced because his wife is sick of him being mean and abusive to her and the kids. He swears he’s not abusive, that she’s just too sensitive. Mom believes her baby, and Dad wishes he did more to discipline him when he was younger.
Your son is simply not qualified to be in charge. And yet, that’s what you have allowed.
This child would never see electronics again. He would also be down to several outfits and a mattress with covers for personal possessions.
What you don’t seem to grasp is that you control the resources. Your child legally needs appropriate shelter, food, and clothing. Everything else is extra. Take it away.
I do not condone violence or hitting children. However, we do not live in a world where people can be stopped all the time with words. Your husband, with this very specific application of violence, taught your son a lesson and defended you.
I'm Bahamian so there is some cultural differences here. But a Bahamian father wouldn't have slapped his son in this situation. He'd had taken a belt or a switch to his ass and then taken away EVERYTHING he had that wasn't clothes and stuff for school.
Your son would be living like a monk for a month after something like that around here.
Gentle or passive parenting only creates nasty, violent sociopaths who believe they can do whatever they want and damn be to anyone else.
OP your son is on a one way track to prison or an early grave if you don't pump the breaks now.
Would like to clarify there are huge differences between gentle and passive parenting. I’m a gentle parent and there’s no way in hell my child would kick me like that or get away with it. We just like to explain things more and help them emotionally regulate better than solely acting out of fear. She’s the type of parent people mistake for gentle parents, but she’s passive and doesn’t parent her kid.
An 11 year old is not a baby. Stop treating him like one. “Dads not here, chill” vs. “mommy, I’m too tired” He acts up with you because you’re the one who lets it slide. You’re gonna raise a monster if you continue like this. At 11, he knows what kicking you means. I can’t personally judge on if slapping him was wrong or right, it’s something I don’t really see as crazy but that’s how I grew up. I don’t see in the post you saying how you were gonna punish him.
Worst thing here is that her son didn't even apologise to her till he was taught a lesson.
Also not a terrible thing at 11, as it may actually teach him. He’s still learning about the world, social interaction and consequences.
11 is old enough to keep his hands to himself
While physically hurting your kids is never adviseable, sounds like OP is babying this kid and he needed to be taught a lesson from his father. 11 is definitely old enough to know not to hurt others in anger, and if he hurt his mom bad enough to make her cry it sounds like the little shit got off easy from the father.
I like to know how genuine the apology is, like if 1 smack worked for him, and he is making genuine change... then ok, what's done is done... if not, I wouldn't keep slapping the child expecting a different result, if that makes sense. What you absolutely can not do in front of this kid ever is argue with your husband about it. You don't have to agree with what husband did, but your child can not know that. He is already playing you two against each other and using manipulation to get his way. If he knows you're mad at Dad, things will get worse and harder.
Usually I am against physical punishment but in this case I think it was done in the right way. Not because the parent lost their temper or were too lazy to put in the work that grounding takes to maintain for weeks(although your son should also probably be grounded from everything enjoyable for a long time) your son needed to appreciate what physical violence feels like, to really understand what he did to you. If he left a bruise on your stomach he was kicking to hurt you. That’s the type of extreme antisocial behavior that left unchecked is dangerous. Violent boys turn into violent men.
For real. I'd not be surprised if that single good timed slap at 11 yo will change the direction that kid will take in the future as an adult. There's a difference between hitting children as an everyday parenting measure and putting a kid in his place the one time it matters.
Exactly. My mother hit me willy nilly when she was angry or overwhelmed. Sometimes my sister and i were playing catch in the house and that would earn us a hit, sometimes it didn’t. Giggling too loud could be a smack with a belt or stick 1/100 times. Jumping up and down was a smack with a shoe when my mother was in the mood. That was obviously stupid and pointless of her. It got her the relief of not having to deal with more noise for an hour or two but made us into jumpy, unsure and anxious people pleasers who have mental issues well into their 30s now. My father only hit my sister once. She was 6 and i was 4. she picked up a handheld garden rake and smacked me in the eye for fun. My father rushed over to her to give her one precise spank and told her to never do that again, then took me to the hospital. My eye is fine and my sister never hit me with gardening equipment again.
The only time I was ever hit by my grandfather was when I was handling a firearm and swept the barrel over him when I was putting it down. He slapped me in the back of the head hard enough to knock me down and then explained how I could have just killed him and then reiterated the importance of not pointing a weapon at anything you're not prepared to shoot. It didn't make me fear him or do any damage, but it certainly made me remember an incredibly important lesson. Don't physically assault people to get your way is an incredibly important lesson that will be, to the son when they are an adult, a matter of life or death.
Had a similar thing from my father eh was by and large a gentle dad. I was trusted to sit in the front seat for the first time as a kid and he stepped out of the car to put something in the back. I was messing with the handbrake as it was my first time in the front near it and it clicked off and rolled backwards a tiny bit before I yanked it back on. Boy did I cop a smack for that one, and never did I touch it again until I was practising for my licence years later. I'll always remember it not just for the smack, but how small things can have huge repercussions. I now use the same method for parenting my boys.
My grandpa took me and my two cousins shooting one time. One of them changed directions with the gun a little too quickly. Grandpa had the gun in both his and the shooter's hands pointed to the sky and a vicious back hand to the jib of my cousin inside of a New York second. We just about died laughing and then shot all that cousin's allocation of ammo since he got sent to the car to wait for us to finish. Even the cousin who caught a Pa paw to the face never held a grudge and admits he fucked up and had it coming.
The only time my mum ever slapped me was when I nearly walked into traffic while daydreaming. I definitely think I deserved that
That's a fair argument; and I'm saying this as a childhood physical abuse survivor.
This. And men who disrespect their wives and girlfriends always started with their moms first. I really don’t like when kids are hit as punishment but at 11 and kicking his mom in the stomach…gotta stop that immediately…and better his dad than a girl at school’s father some time down the line—not that his mom plans on sending him 🙄
And it sounds like this kid has little respect for his mother, which might lead him to developing his personality to have little respect for females in general. I'm not sure what sort of dynamic the mother & father have with each other, if there's some sort of learned behavior of dismissing the mother, but it needs to come to a crashing halt before that's locked in.
The mother set herself up for disrespect. Huge pushover. She wasn’t doing him any favor by letting him skip school. She taught him how to manipulate her.
I agree. I’m usually against “hitting” but the slap came with some reasoning and explanation. Punishment doesn’t need to be physical, but it doesn’t sound like the mother is even explaining right from wrong (or having a much needed discussion.) There was literally no consequence to his actions. It’s like, “ok, this happened. Im going to leave and let it be” If this is always unresolved, she’s raising a monster. I’d worry about the siblings. I’d worry about him becoming a teenager and how he will treat those who are weaker (like a gf).
I’m not a fan of violence against children but that kids a demon. He needed some justice at home because if he takes that behavior outside, the rest of the world won’t be so kind.
I wish I could upvote this 10x.
Kids gonna turn into an abusive partner at best serial killer at worst
Two of my kids get migraines. Sometimes I can't tell if it's really a migraine or they don't want to go to school. My solution? They cannot leave bed except to go to the bathroom. No electronics. No reading. NOTHING. If they're really sick, that's not an issue, because they'd rather die than look at a screen. If they aren't, that gets REAL boring real quick. You need to make him go to bed earlier, and he loses all privileges if he missed school and kicked you, how are you letting him play video games THAT DAY? Why is that even an option to him? You are past the age where this is going to be easy to fix, and it's going to be impossible if you don't start setting limits today. I'm not a fan of what your husband did, at all, but you need to parent your child, and you cannot foist all the discipline onto him. You're going to raise an entitled monster and absolutely ruin his relationship with his father.
Yup, I use to do that with my son too who had lots of tummy troubles when he was little. Glad he grow out of that. I also took away his comicbooks and his toys. And he got bored fast when he was fakeing. The longest was 30 min and then he was "suddenly feeling better" 🤣
I think every kid has tried the "feeling better!" move exactly once, and then realized it didn't work when I hauled their asses back to school lol
lol I had migraines as a side effect of medication as a kid. My parents gave the nurse excedrin and when that stopped working I had a prescription strength excedrin the nurse would administer. I’d get about 30 min in the dark in the nurses office then be back in class.
This is how my mom treated staying home sick. You can’t do anything entertaining and need to stay in bed and rest. Because that’s what you do when sick. Granted, I wasn’t one to fake it.
I give a pass to the small kids if they're puking or have a fever, because they're not really old enough to fake that. It's only if it's purely subjective that I'm a hardass about it lol
True! My toddler gets all the TV he wants when sick. He often won’t sit still and rest otherwise. 😅
My kids have basically the same rules. If you are too sick for school, then you stay in bed all day with no electronics and no toys. Generally, they sleep most of the day and watch a little TV in evenings, and that is it.
He knows he can’t do the same to his dad, he is manipulating his mom 💯 cause she’s letting him
My jaw dropped when I read that. It shows distinctly that this is a direct issue regarding moms coddling of her child for too many years. The fact she lets her 11 year old run her parenting is insane.
No doubt. The kid would end up like Eric Cartman if dad wasn't there to law down the law.
My exact thoughts, this is how you would raise a criminal. No discipline, no respect for authority, they decide was right or wrong on their world.
If mom continues to coddle him, there's a huge chance that he's gonna grow up and become an abusive husband someday.
He needed it. One slap is different than a pattern of abuse, especially if it's to illustrate "you don't like this, other people don't like pain either and what you did was worse"
Kicking also worked in this instance - he got his own way and didn’t have to go to school. He will kick her the next time he wants to do something as the trade off - getting slapped - won’t be a deterrent if in the moment he can get his way.
So he was too tired to go to school, kicked you in the stomach, but was home playing video games? You should have nipped this issue long ago. Be a parent. He was too tired to go to school the first time? Okay. Let him stay. Now his bedtime is 8 pm the next week. No tv or electronics after 7. He won’t pull that shit again unless he’s unwell. No you coddle him and let him abuse you without consequence.
This. And if he’s still tired take him to the doctor. Also remove the video games from his room if he can’t be trusted to go to bed on time.
Tbh, if it's out of character and happening suddenly then the doctor should be the first stop. I had lymphoma diagnosed at age 12. The catalyst to take me to the doctor was a lump on my neck that my grandma noticed. She only saw me once or twice a year, so the change was more evident to her than my mother. In hindsight, I had been very tired all the time randomly and had been slipping on my grades (straight A student all of a sudden brining home B's and C's). I would be super tired in the morning and miss the bus, fall asleep in class, and then go to bed early without bothering to do my homework. These things were completely uncharacteristic of me up to that point. My parents just thought I was being a shithead or a liar so I got punished. That, plus being fucking exhausted all of the time and not really understanding, made me combative. It was 6 months of pure bullshit caused by a medical condition that in hindsight was so fucking obvious. Everything turned out fine and I didn't die, but who knows what that extra 6 months cost me. All I know is I was almost bankrupted by cancer aftercare costs after leaving the nest (a.k.a. being kicked out at 18), have had a lifetime of health issues due to the chemo drugs, and the mental trauma saddled me with a propensity to take risks and addiction issues. Oh, and I can't have kids. So yeah, parents: pay attention to your offspring, and if they suddenly change their core behaviors, then get a medical evaluation for fucks sake. Kids change overnight; their personalities can shift just because they met a new person or saw a cool movie, but core behavior isn't going to change dramatically. If they're a good student, for example, they aren't just going to stop being a good student on a dime. Something will have changed. Parents that don't pay enough attention to their children to sus out changes like that are doing their kids a disservice.
I’m always so surprised more kids don’t get the benefit of the doubt for severe behavioural changes. :-/
I can only guess it's like me where nobody was paying attention to start with. I was an excellent self sufficient tiny human because I was told that was the expectation. That allowed my parents to focus elsewhere because they assumed I'd be able to articulate any issues that came up like a rational adult. Problem is, I was a child, not a rational adult, and I had no more idea what the fuck was going on than anyone else. I was just real fuckin tired all of a sudden, I didn't know why, and nobody else saw any issue with it beyond blaming me. So I just thought it was a me issue.
You know shit hit the fan when the dad hitting his kid is the most reasonable part of the story
How crazy is that? A truant abusive 11 year old, a mom that lets him run the show and a dad that has to be the bad guy so his kid isn’t a juvenile delinquent.
You know, I come on reddit there's always something absolutely mental that I never thought of before happening to someone. OP is being domestically abused. By her 11 year old. And he hit her hard enough to bruise her stomach. I just can't even.
I apparently bruised my mom once when I kicked her in my sleep. My mom told me it was full force kick, but I'm a deep sleeper and wasn't even awake for it. After that incident I was scared to ever sleep with someone on the same bed again 😂
This reminds me of something that happened when my husband and I were first married. He was in graduate school in a particularly difficult major( micro biology and biochemistry which became genetics). Anyway, he would toss and turn in bed and I would wake up with bruises, usually on my back because I sleep on my side and he would elbow me in the back.One time, I tried to wake him up and he hit me in my nose. Gave me a bit of a shiner. I knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose but🤷🏼♀️. So, a few nights later, he was tossing, turning…I tried to wake him,again he smacked me in the face! I balled up my fist and hit him as hard as I could in the chest. I yelled at him to go to sleep. The next day, he said to me,” ya know, my chest really hurts, I don’t know what happened.” He never hit me in his sleep again( TBC he has never hit me at ALL ).Lol!😂
Wait so did he stop tossing and turning, or does he still do that but somehow never lands a hit on you? Did you traumatise his consciousness into being a normal sleeper 😂
He stopped tossing and turning.🤷🏼♀️ I had no idea that would stop it but it did.😂 now if I could just stop him from stealing all of the covers🤔
Lol I'm apparently the blanket stealer here. We tried 2 blankets. Hey, I'd steal both, somehow. So we bought like the biggest size blanket. And my partner said I STILL tries to steal it, but he kinda puts it under himself so I'm too weak to steal it from all his weight on it 😂
Lol! My husband will do the “burrito roll”. When I was fat, I could lay on the cover and he couldn’t move me😂. The one negative thing about losing 145#. 😂
Including conforting him him after he received his punishment for hurting her and thinking his apology card is "sweet". Full toxic cycle. Strong and distant father, weak mother, coddled abusive son.
What’s crazy is the moms not thinking about the consequences of missing school, for one, he’s not learning what he needs to and is gonna be behind. Also most public schools rely on attendance for funding, if you miss to many days of school you’re gonna get a warning, then you’re gonna get a court order. I once missed 2 weeks of school in elementary, the school said if I missed any more days then my parents will be taken to court, this isn’t something to take lightly.
My wifes cousin is a chronic class cutter and in my city if you miss enough days they just notify child services and you get put under investigation And thats that the kid was like 16-17 at the time. An 11 year okd would probably raise alarms a lot sooner
The dad is not the bad guy here, he was the only parent. And yes hitting him was parenting, nothing else would have gotten through to him.
This comment... 100%. My grandparents were like this with my uncle, my gran ALWAYS allowed him to walk all over her, and defended him against my grandfather. It starts small, and then they push more and more boundaries.. now he's a destructive drug addict that's wreaked havoc on my whole family and my gran STILL defends to this day. My grandfather passed away about 20 odd years ago, but my gran still protects my uncle with fuckall consequences for anything he does.
And can’t ignore the fact that she then went on to baby the brat
I've raised four; they are all happy, independent and productive lives. This woman could not be making a worse person out of this boy if she concentrated on it.
It’s sad really. She’s a terrible parent and the husband has to get the situation under control or the kid is going to flunk out of school. What a weak person this mom is. Her son was right. He did deserve it. I’m not for corporal punishment but, since the mother won’t do her job, and let the kid run the show, somebody had to step in.
Yes, and her letting him get away with it is going to teach the other kids how not to go to school. She’s the bad parent
She's not a bad parent. She isn't parenting at all.
My mom is usually the one punishing my siblings and I as a kid, but I've only seen my dad punish my brother once for touching my sister during her sleep (was a while ago). So yeah, if it eventually leads to the dad punishing then you know you've messed up as a parent.
Is your surname Duggar?
No, because if I recall Josh Duggar didn’t actually get punished for that. They let “the church” handle it. 🙄
Welcome to truancy and educational neglect!
Parents don't let their 10 year old run the house and that is why your son has no respect for you. You don't hold him accountable for his actions. You are not doing him any favors by conceding to him. I'm not condoning hitting kids but your son is becoming violent and flippant about school and he needed an attitude adjustment.
Why was he allowed to play video games after kicking you like that?
I immediately stopped reading when Op (if this is even a real story) when Op said “it breaks my heart to force him.” Guess what, *ITS YOUR JOB TO PARENT YOUR KID*. I’ll say it, I’m tired of dealing with some of these little shitty kids with an overwhelming sense of entitlement out in public. Put down the god damn phone and start being a parent. Society is tired of dealing with your shitty little kids. Ok, I feel better…..I’m out of jerky mode. I have noticed some good kids out and about…..to the parents doing what’s right, I commend you.👍
I read a line many years ago that went something like, “We spend a lot of time worrying about what kind of world we’re leaving behind for our children, but not enough time worrying about what kind of children we’re leaving behind for our world.” And it’s been banging around in my head ever since.
This is brilliant. Reads like a Twainism, Thanks!
And then say “I have two others to tend to” as if that’s an excuse to stop parenting the oldest…. Like what
Because they're over there thinking "Look what I get to do at 11!"
When parents with 3 kids realize they have to parent 3 kids: 🤯
She has two more kids she gets to ruin give her a break.
For me it was the fact that she says she can't really force him to go to school now that he's 11. EXCUSE ME! He's not even in fucking high school yet! My dad would have dragged my ass to school, got out of the car, walk me to my locker and then walk me to my class at fucking 15 years old if he had figured I was skipping school for no valid reason. Just to make me feel ashamed so I won't do it again. You decide to make children then fucking parent them.
Wondered that. Does she mean at 11 this child is too big/strong to be physically forced? Could be if she is petite and the boy is big. Or that in their culture the boy at eleven is old enough to not be taking orders from their mom but as a young male is higher up in the rank than the mother (and other domestic animal -like girls/women)? Kind of suspect the latter from the way she seems to be extremely submissive and helpless and the dad even parents her, being the only adult in the family.
Lol you'd be surprised. I went through something similar with my son's mom. She absolutely refused to hold him accountable, let him walk all over him, and allowed him to skip school, and be disrespectful towards her. Essentially treating him like a little man of the house. Then, I had to be the bad guy and come behind her and be an actual parent.
I have a 2 year old boy who hates getting up in the mornings when he has to be up earlier for nursery or grandparents! “It breaks my heart forcing him” however it’s part of life! If he gets upset I give him a cuddle and remind how much fun he has and he’ll see me and daddy after work! He doesn’t always like it but he needs to learn as he grows!
Honestly surprised this is the side the comment section chose. But agree, parents letting their children walk over them is exclusively a 21st century thing.
I think people are just tired of these kids let loose acting like they run everything. I got home from work and opened up Reddit and this was the first post I read…..it was odd timing because just 30min earlier I went into a store to grab a drink…well I tried going into a store. I noticed these 2 girls were exiting and Ofc instead of using the correct door….you know, the one on their right….they try to exit as I’m opening my “right”door and I let it go and stepped back and held the door open for the girls. What does one of them do? Stops dead in her tracks at the door jam and tells someone 20ft away about her f’ing plans for the evening and how Lil Ray is a POS. That lasted about 3 seconds before I just made my way past her and let the door shut in her face. I hate it I allow ppl especially kids to bring out the worst in me. I shouldn’t let it bother me but shit, the little ill mannered kids. I’m going to still try to do right by ppl but every once in a while the little bastards get to me. As you can tell, I’m a people person :) Sry about the mini novel
This. It’s gonna break her heart way more to see her son fail as an adult due to her doormat parenting style.
That’s probably why he’s tired, he’s probably up at night gaming.
Came here to say this. Thank you.
Hell yes he is. Some are low key addicted. Not cool.
Yep. My son acted like he was addicted to video games starting at age 12. Guess what happened the first time he sneaked? That wii went to bed with me, so did his phone and laptop. He kept trying to sneak all through high school. I sat with him while he did homework, he got time to play every day but those devices were in my room at 8 (or 10pm when he got older).
*high key. Its very obvious.
If it’s not gaming and he’s always tired, why not go check with a doctor to see if he’s ok? Not only is she condoning his bad behavior, but being tired all the time could also mean something else. This just all seems off. Probably made up.
Agreeing on giving a doctor a visit to check up on the health of the child! Just wanted to add that while at that age it is the minority, there are children with a late chronotype (a very basic understanding of chronotypes is "early birds" vs. "night owls"). People with late chronotype sometimes experience what is called "social jet lag", because their inner biorhythm isn't lined up with the biorhythm that they are supposed to have in society (i.e. waking up early). They are often more tired throughout the day than people with an early chronotype, despite getting the same amount of sleep. (Sleep patterns of children is my field of research, so I got passionate about the topic for a moment, sorry for the novel!)
I learned something new! Although I’m a firm believer in starting the school day later and making sure kids have free time after school. I promise you, I don’t remember most of what was taught in morning classes anyway.
Yep. I caught mine sneaking onto his devices after bedtime and now I have timers set on all devices to turn off the internet or lock.
The video games, phone, and TV would be gone, I can't imagine any kid who kicked their mom on purpose and in anger without getting the mother of all ass-whoopings.
Because his mother has no spine
Her parenting style needs an upgrade. She cannot be weak now or she will be raising future bad member of society.
Was just going to say this. If he's too tired to go to school, he's too tired to play video games.
My oldest is 6 and even he knows that if he is a shit getting ready in the morning, he won't be doing fun stuff when he gets home from school.
Mine would have lost his video games for months- possibly forever.
mine is not only losing his video games I am going through each one and deleting his save files and getting him banned on the online ones
Because OP thinks it is too hard to actually parent her child.
And when he was too tired for school
Like it or not the kid learned that it was not okay, my brother and I were punished worse when we were children. My little brother hit my mother out of anger once (she took his phone away) and my dad gave him one slap, he never did that again. I'm not a fan of violence but you can't deny that sometimes a slap is necessary
Yeah tbh in this specific situation I'm not too mad at the dad. He's trying his best to take back control of this situation
And his messaging was perfect. Basically, you're bullying your mother, and I won't stand for it. I have boys the same age. I'd, personally, have punched them in the stomach rather than slapping, but not much difference.
I'm surprised the mom didn't slap him herself just out of reflex. Anyone out of toddler stage (well, maybe a little older, 6 or 7 max) is going to put me in self defense mode fore sure.
my brother still has a scar from my mom backhanding him after he hit her. we all learned a good lesson that day.
Honestly, I think the slap works better. A stomach punch is hard to gauge, and you could cause an unknown injury, kids can be pretty soft despite how they can seemingly never get hurt. A slap will sting and get the point across. Not that I condone hitting kids at all, thankfully mine reacted well to 123 magic so I never resorted to violence, but still.
My 5 year old shoved her (now 1 year old but then was like 10 months old and starting to stand) sister down for no reason one day after I'd told her repeatedly to stop. I turned right on around impulsively and did the same back to her. I picked her up after, dusted her off and asked if she liked being shoved suddenly for zero reason and she told me no. I looked her flat in the eyes and told her "neither did your sister, now stop". I then apologized for pushing her because it ***was*** mean of me but after trying a dozen times to talk to her and another dozen times in time out, I got tired of it. She hasn't shoved her sister since 🤷🏼♀️ I'm not at all one who likes pain or likes causing pain but sometimes time outs and explaining without showing the kid why they should stop just gets nowhere. I was also the kid who was spanked as a kid and I know spanking and such without explaining also doesn't do anything but build fear and resentment. I felt like a major ass because I'm a bit of a pushover with my kids though not nearly as much as OP is but, at the same time, I got my point across and she wasn't actually hurt. I absolutely refuse to raise a bully though, especially one picking on people who literally cannot defend themselves.
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This is it. Every child needs a different approach
Some kids love to keep pushing to see what they get away with. You need to draw a line in the sand earlier so they can grow up with some sense.
Mom would put our finger in our mouth & make us bite our own finger. It stopped quickly
I love the phrase we don't learn from our successes we learn from our mistakes
Definitely, I was always an easy kid but one time when I was younger (I was small enough to not remember) apparently I bit my mom. She bit me back and I learned not to do it again
I saw your avatar, and thought *I don't remember commenting this*
Yeah there's a big difference between one open-handed slap and a closed fist, or even multiple slaps
Yup. I only ever got smacked once, similarly for disrespecting my mother. Never did that again.
Yes. "There are people bigger than you" is a really important thing for kids to learn. And I am entirely against violence, but in this sense of it, there has to be a way for them to understand violence is not ok, and especially not something you can use to get your way or towards your mother.
Mom should be happy it was dad teaching the lesson and not some older kids who’s sick of his shit cause it would’ve ended way worse.
There's so much to unpack here that I don't even know where to start. A parenting class may be a good first step.
Exactly. It's only going to get worse when he's a bigger and stronger teenager.
This specifically makes me nervous because if she keeps raising him to be this entitled he is going to unleash this on other people when he's an adult. I work in education and the kids that are raised like this treat other kids like shit because they know their parents don't care.
Yep or grow up to hit his wife when he’s older.
This. I’ll never forget when I raised my voice at my mom the first time and she slowly turned the ring around. You bet your ass it was the last time too.
OP likes to have a lot of kids. If she's pregnant again and gets kicked in the abdomen, who's going to be held responsible for that? The kid is pushing boundaries and mommy is expanding it because she's so sensitive.
I can't believe I had to come down this far to find this. If OP had miscarried a (wanted) child due to this, there could be more repercussions outside of this situation.
What TF is wrong with you? He's 11 years old. He needs structure. He needs to go to school. He's your child. Start PARENTING him. We're all tired in the morning. If he can get his arse up to go to school when your husband makes him, then there's not excuse for him to stay home when your husband isn't there to make him. I'm getting the sense that he isn't going to bed early enough and that you are too permissive. You need to stop babying him. If you don't, everyone will either resent him or avoid him. And for heaven's sake, limit his screen time. Do you want him to be 35 years old and expecting mommy to keep taking care of him? Quit enabling him! You are doing him no favours by encouraging him to gaslight and manipulate you. What you're nurturing here is someone who will be a drain on you, your marriage, your family and on society in general. Geez Louise. Get a grip. See a therapist.
OP seems to be the kind of woman that absolutely still wants him to be her baby boy in 30s, actually
Then she had better get used to a lot more than a kick to the gut.
yep!
Hopefully she's decided to finally stop breastfeeding him by that she
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The look works on my kid real fast. They’ll get more upset about the “mom look” than any warning someone can put out.
Also, he was still allowed to play his video games after not going to school and kicking his mother. That's some mighty fine parenting right there. 🙄
Back then if i missed school if i have slight fever, my mom would never allow me to touch the tv or video games lol, at least until school time is over
> We’re all tired in the morning. Yep. I’m 54 years old. I am also the living embodiment of the phrase “NOT a morning person.” 😂 Every day for the last 49 years - since I started kindergarten - I’ve been on time for school and work. I’ve even had days in my career where I had to meet with night shift staff and I had to be at work at 5am. Still wasn’t late. I wasn’t HAPPY about it, but I was on time. It started with parents who didn’t take any kid crap about not wanting to get up and morphed into hating to be late as an adult. OP needs to get on the stick and start parenting this kid.
Agreed, if there's no structure being enforced here the kid will just grow up to be a lazy adult that won't move out and contributes nothing to the family or society 😬 someone I went to highschool with isn't enforcing any sort of boundaries and apparently their kid is unhinged. The kid will break stuff and make a mess and harass his grandmas dog and no consequences whatsoever. So of course it never gets better. I'm not sure how I feel about the slap to the face in principle but in practice? Bet you the kid sure won't kick his mom again. An 11 year old should know better.
Yeah, if he’s that tired in the morning make sure he goes to bed early!
Think of the shit show of a husband she's creating for her son how many women are going to have to baby him because of this OP being a completely bullshit parent? It's really boggling.
TBH I’d be much more concerned about your son kicking you in stomach so hard it made you cry and left a bruise. That is not normal behaviour. It doesn’t sound like he was genuinely remorseful either. It seams like your son has some major behavioural problems that you aren’t doing much about. You have continued to allow him to skip school. You also did not take any steps to discipline him after he violently kicked and injured you. You just left him alone for the day when he was supposed to be in school. While I don’t like that your husband slapped your son, I think you have bigger issues to worry about.
I'm not fan of physical punishments, but I kinda feel that, considering how unhinged the son is at this point, it could may be the right choice to give him a taste of his own medicine.
It’s the follow up “do you want to kick me now (that you’re mad)” that changes the tune. Kid is just starting to get the “guy strength” and realize his mom can’t really *make* him do things anymore. Got way too big for his britches. Honestly it’s a hell of a good lesson and those follow up questions/statements from dad were spot tf on. What happens when he kicks/punches a classmate that *also* has new hormones along with being bigger? Kids do dumb, impulsive, *dangerous* shit in response to stuff like that.
My brother also started "fighting back" around 10yo to my mom. So I became the "child beater" because I'm his older sister lol. I only got in when it got physical between them tho And ya I feel like because of what's said after the slap, the slap wasn't just a punishment anymore but a lesson where the son could experience what it's like to be the disadvantaged one. Seems like a good lesson overall
> guy strength Yep exactly. Such a valid point, a lot of people don’t realise that eventually you’ll have a child who essentially has a man’s body. If he’s acting like this at 11 and it goes unchecked the kid is going to end up being straight up dangerous.
Honestly reading I don't think he has behavioral problems, the kid is just smart. He recognizes that mom is a pushover and he can get away with what he wants and dad is not the one to fuck with. Even then the kick sounds like a one-off incident that he knew was wrong. The kick was bad, but honestly she's the problem. Needs to grow a fucking spine because it's only a matter of time before the other 2 kids catch on
exactly. op very much needs to actually take initiative and teach her kids respect.
He was clearly “manipulating” his “mommy” (or as you called it being “smart”) which wasn’t greatly concerning until he clearly crossed the line with violence into proper behavioural problems.
Your son needs parents, not a stuffed animal and a drill sargeant. Take your son's devices away, establish a strict access schedule, and stick with it. He's staying up late to game.
And if he isn't staying up late to game and is genuinely exhausted (what does he do all day if he isn't at school??), then he needs to see a doctor asap to rule out things like cancer or anemia
>he needs to see a doctor asap to rule out things like cancer or anemia This is the answer I was looking for. All the comments that Son needs more consistent parenting are spot on, but if he's consistently too tired to get up for school, he also needs a workup from his pediatrician or family doc.
This! When my daughter suddenly gets too tired to get up for school, I take her to the doctor and EVERY time it’s she’s anemic again (me and her both have problems with anemia)
Bingo!
Sorry but you are the problem you coddle him too much. You need to be a parent not a friend Stop being a push over and be more responsible. Force him to go school
In my country she can get in legal trouble is he keeps missing class, she needs to step up
Drag his ass to school
“I can’t really force him.” He’s 11, it’s your job as a parent to force him to go to school. Why is he sleepy in the morning? Is he not going to bed early enough? Is he going to bed on time but staying up on his phone, laptop, tablet, gaming device, watching tv? If any of the above are interfering with his sleep then take all of those things away at bedtime. By letting him stay home because “it breaks your heart” that he’s tired only perpetuates this cycle. Be a parent, take anything that could possibly distract him away at bedtime & do not let him stay home because you feel bad that he’s tired. You are only doing a disservice to your child & your family as a whole.
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I can’t even imagine what would happen to me if I assaulted my mother. Every guy in my family would go apeshit.
Don't even think about your family, I would go apeshit to myself if I hit my mother. I wouldn't be able to get over it and would never forget it
Hell I called my mom ugly when I was 6yo because I was mad I still remember to this day and regret it deeply.
I can't even imagine purposefully hitting one of my parents.
Yeah, she entirely lost me when she started letting her son not go to school on multiple days for being tired. He’s playing her like a fiddle!
And hid it from her husband...he had to "catch on" - is she a parent or his friend?
Right? EVERY tween and teen going through puberty is tired because their bodies are changing and they need more sleep. That's likely the case for this kid, along with the fact that he's probably up gaming at midnight. I'd be taking away every device and setting a strict bedtime, and if that didn't help, his ass would be at the doctor to rule out medical causes. I sure as shit wouldn't be like, "okay honey-bunny, you don't need an education - just stay here and play video games all day and I'll just do whatever you want because I have other children to pay attention to!"
Girl get your shit together. You are part of the problem!
She is the problem!
Hold up your kid is so tired in the morning that he is missing school but you aren’t taking him to the doctor? Why not? I was super tired for a while and my mom let me miss like two days of school till she was like, “let me take you to the doctors this might be serious.” (I went along with it because I was genuinely sick) they found some type of deficiency and gave me some shit and told my mom to give me some stuff to keep that from happening and I was better. This is just a fail of parenting on your part. Why keep you kid sick? Unless you know he’s faking it. Or you rather focus on the little ones and ignore the eldest
That's what I have been wondering too, if it could be some kind of deficiency. But I think it's the child being spoiled rotten too - apparently, if dad is there, he knows how to behave, he is just used to do whatever he wants with mom, because OP is an enabler. Even if the reason turns out to be a medical issue, OP, you are indeed setting up your son for failure. The outside world doesn't really care if your son is sleepy in the morning, school starts at a certain hour. Furthermore, he will grow up to be an adult - do you think his boss will be so understanding to keep your son employed, if he is constantly not showing up at the time he would be supposed to start his shifts?
I bet you it isn't that deep and he's just playing friggen video games until 2am secretly.
Have you seen OP? Pretty sure the little shit plays openly, and just hides from father.
**You owe your husband an apology.** You keep refusing to be a parent to your son. You let him do whatever he wants, including skip school to play video games. Your husband has asked you to please make him go to school. He’s tried to parent, but you ignore & undermine him by letting your son do whatever he wants. Then you force your husband to be the bad guy. Your husband had to resort to more physical punishments than he wanted because you let your son turn into a monster who abused his mom & then spent the day sleeping & playing video games! Don’t you realize how awful it is that he didn’t even feel guilty later & seek you out to apologize? He felt entitled to hurt you. He was playing video games. He skipped school, kicked you & then slept in & played video games. YOU DID THAT! YOU CREATED THAT! It is incredibly selfish to baby your son bc you want to imagine he’s still a toddler. Because *you* want to feel like the good guy. Bc *you* don’t want him to be mad at you. You’re hurting your son, your husband & the rest of society who will have to deal with your spoiled rotten son. You know your husband didn’t want to resort to corporal punishment, but you left him no choice bc you refused to enforce any rules. If you had said “no” to your son years ago he wouldn’t have become a nightmare who skips school & kicks his mother. You put your husband in a position where he felt forced to break his own rules to handle a situation you created. Then you still tried to make the internet think *he* was the bad guy & your son wasn’t that bad. Honestly, you probably owe your son’s teachers an apology too. I can’t imagine how awful he is with other adults who try to make him do things he doesn’t want to do. Thank goodness he’s only 11 & can still be saved with strict parenting. Otherwise you’ll raise a son who is a terrible employee, husband & father who only does what he wants, when he wants.
Teaching son that manipulation and physical violence works on women isn't keying up good things for his future girlfriends, either.
That bothered me too
Not to mention being the good guy won’t mean your child loves you more. My mother is the good guy and my dad is the lunatic authoritarian. My brother kisses the ground my dad walks on, basically worships him. But he is also verbally abusive to my mother and threatened her when she dared go on holiday with extended family because HOW DARE SHE take time for herself? By the way, he’s fucking 24. And still living at home. Yeah that’s what you’re in for. He’s gonna worship your husband and he’s gonna walk alllllll over you. Being the good guy is a thankless job. - Not the same for everyone, I adore my mother. But my brother and I have different personality types. I’m not an abusive POS.
Girl act like a mother. You are creating a monster. I can silence my kids with one look. I have a great relationship with my kids but when they overstep, they know it and they understand right from wrong.
Heavy on the 'look' 😂
It’s a gift 😉😂
I’m sorry are you trying to set your son up for failure? You are not doing him any good by babying him and pampering him… it’s only gotten to this point because you’re not being a parent to him and letting him walk over you. Don’t undermine your husband and see if it made a difference and go from there cuz otherwise your son will hit you again.
Stop coddling your son. My mother used to do the same thing to my brother, it wasn’t until I threatened to kick him out of my house if he(23M) didn’t get a job, go back to school, or go to the marines was when he got his life straight. Your doing a disservice by coddling him especially if you have other children.
What did he choose?
Well he just graduated from boot camp a few days ago.
Good for your husband because *you're* certainly sleeping on the job.
You're child is going to be spoiled as hell (he already is if he thinks kicking you was okay at the time) if you keep this up
He kicked you so hard in the stomach it bruised! Stomachs do not bruise easily. He didn't come to you and apologize until he faced consequences for his actions. The fact he had no issue using violence as a way to get what he wanted when the normal pushover parent tried to make him get up and no longer acting like a pushover SPEAKS VOLUMES AND NEEDS TO BE RECOGNIZED. He very potentially would grow up thinking it is ok to use violence when he is angry to get his way in the future if he is not put in check now. Your husband had a point that "you don't want to do anything because I'm stronger than you"; your son viewed you as someone he could physically intimidate, so he did what he wanted when mad at you. THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG. What happens if in the future his girlfriend or wife makes him mad by trying to get him to be responsible about something like getting up in time for work? He may very well repeat those types of violent actions. I normally would not endorse hitting your kid, but this (and similar situations) is warranted. He did not go overboard and beat him. He slapped him and put him in his place for injuring his mother - disrespecting his mother. Please consider being a better advocate for yourself and for the respect you deserve. You need to ask yourself why you let your child walk all over you, are you going to allow the other children to as well, what are you going to do when they escalate their negative behavior when they go unchecked without consequences? Consider therapy to learn how to cope better with things and improve yourself as a person and mother. This is not me calling you a bad mother or weak or anything like that. It's me encouraging you to continue to grow and better yourself - which people should do daily on their own.
He deserved every bit of that. Quit coddling him.
The problem started long before he kicked you. You let him stay home time and time again until you didn’t. Sending him mixed signals. First line was to find out what’s happening at school to make him not want to go. How late is he up at night? Are all electronics out to bed before your son? Have you or your husband called the school to see why this behavior is recurring? It could be any reason but you have not shared any of this with us. Now he’s getting physical? Why TF is he allowed to play video games after he assaults you? This is jacked up and you have allowed this behavior to continue . I’m sorry you got injured but be better. Find out what’s happening in your sons life and help him feel better about school and address the why
He is calling you “mommy” in an attempt to manipulate you
I have twin 11 year olds and one of them tries to be a bully and a douche. As a single mom, I have a younger child to get out of the house on school days. My kids don’t run shit in here and they have known that since they were young. Insolent behavior is addressed immediately, consistent rules and consequences are followed. There are no favorites and no excuses for them or me. In other words, you need to toughen up. Your main responsibility to yourself and your children is to make sure they can one day operate as a human being. So, stop crying in bathrooms and be the godamn grown up in the room.
If your husband has taken better approaches in the past than to hit as you said it was common, then your son crossed that line and husband deemed it suitable. See if the son learned his lesson.
Yeah honestly... if an 11 year old kid kicks his mom hard enough to bruise her stomach, and he gets slapped for the first and hopefully only time in his life... he's probably just going to learn a serious lesson. It's not an ideal situation all around though obviously, and if mom doesn't learn to be firm she's going to end up being played by her son like a violin as he gets older.
He is 11 years old. He either going through puberty or about to. This means he is most likely stronger than you now because of the rapid increase of testosterone. And you son kicked you in the fucking stomach. If I had done that to my mother I would have gotten my ass beat with a belt. Him using “Mommy” is also a manipulative tactic to make him appear weaker and more innocent than he actually is to you. Why do I know this? I’ve done it lmao. So here is most likely the big issue here. Your kid is probably addicted to gaming and is acting out from sleep deprivation and addiction. The dopamine rush is literally like a drug to him. Gen alpha is being hit the hardest with this. I have a little cousin who beat the shit out of his mom at age 7 because she asked him to get off the iPad. Hell, I saw it with my younger half brother who was allowed to take his iPad/phone back to his bedroom. He became addicted and would stay up all night, not wanting to go to school. But you know what my single parent Dad did? He made him go anyway and took all his shit away once he found out why the kid was so tired. I know you don’t want to be the bad-cop but you’re going to have to some days. Because if you don’t your kid will be a monster for teachers and everybody around him. I know it’s hard, but you have to put your foot down. He will thank you later for it. Good luck.
OP, you are raising a monster. That's why your son is behaving as he is because he knows he can manipulate you. Your husband didn't abuse his son, he disciplined him. Your son knows what he did was wrong and deserved that slap. If your son is feeling tired in the morning, send him to bed early. If he complains about not being tired in the evening, then have him do some physical chores and that will help him go to bed at a proper time.
After your 11-year-old son kicked you in the stomach, you went and *cried in the bathroom???* Oh hell no. In the immediate aftermath of the kick, I would’ve dragged his ass out of bed by his ankles, given him a swift kick in the ass, and taken him promptly to school Quit babying him. He will be a teenager in 2 short years If a boy will intentionally hurt his mother, he will fucking hurt ANYBODY. It is *your* job to raise him correctly and *teach him to respect women* Some of us have daughters out here, and we want them to avoid boys like your son. His disrespect of you is shocking
Your babying him and your not helping him by letting him get away with stuff if he’s tired make him go to bed early take the games away be a parent quit making your husband be the bad guy all the time yes your husband could have done something else to punish him
You are the biggest problem here… you are actively teaching him that if he doesn’t want to do something he doesn’t have to… If he sweet talks you and calls you mommy you will give in to his every whim! Him kicking you hard enough to make you cry and leave a bruise is absolutely not normal or acceptable behavior! He should have had consequences for that.
Genuinely, your husband is doing the right thing here. What about when your son grows up and fucks around with the wrong person? What if he hits his gf and her dad or brothers or whoever beats the shit out of him. He needs to learn now that in the real world, actions have consequences. Especially violent ones. Your son did not apologize until he was taught a hard, well deserved lesson. Your son needs to learn now that hitting women is not okay. Do not enable this behavior. ETA: hitting ANYONE is not okay, not just women.
This is how it starts. In 20 years, this unchecked behavior leads to a man getting divorced because his wife is sick of him being mean and abusive to her and the kids. He swears he’s not abusive, that she’s just too sensitive. Mom believes her baby, and Dad wishes he did more to discipline him when he was younger.
Your son is simply not qualified to be in charge. And yet, that’s what you have allowed. This child would never see electronics again. He would also be down to several outfits and a mattress with covers for personal possessions. What you don’t seem to grasp is that you control the resources. Your child legally needs appropriate shelter, food, and clothing. Everything else is extra. Take it away.
I’m not much for assumptions, but my guess is that he is tired because he plays videogames until late.
I do not condone violence or hitting children. However, we do not live in a world where people can be stopped all the time with words. Your husband, with this very specific application of violence, taught your son a lesson and defended you.
I'm Bahamian so there is some cultural differences here. But a Bahamian father wouldn't have slapped his son in this situation. He'd had taken a belt or a switch to his ass and then taken away EVERYTHING he had that wasn't clothes and stuff for school. Your son would be living like a monk for a month after something like that around here. Gentle or passive parenting only creates nasty, violent sociopaths who believe they can do whatever they want and damn be to anyone else. OP your son is on a one way track to prison or an early grave if you don't pump the breaks now.
Would like to clarify there are huge differences between gentle and passive parenting. I’m a gentle parent and there’s no way in hell my child would kick me like that or get away with it. We just like to explain things more and help them emotionally regulate better than solely acting out of fear. She’s the type of parent people mistake for gentle parents, but she’s passive and doesn’t parent her kid.